Original subtitles

Starring James Arness as Matt Dillon.

There we are!

We did it, folks! We did it!

We did it. Thanks. And there it is!

Congratulations, everybody.

Congratulations. We did it, huh?

Great job. Thank you.

I thank you very much.

Bye-bye. Bye, folks.

See you next Sunday.

Thanks again, everybody.

Thanks again.

Bye-bye there.

Yeah, bye, now. Bye.

Thanks again.

Bye-bye.

Mmm.

Yes?

The money.

- I'll get a doctor. - It's too late.

He's dead.

♪♪

Good afternoon, friend.

Howdy, Parson.

- Afternoon. - Uh, afternoon, Reverend.

Young man, would you be good enough

to hold this for me, please?

- Sure, mister. - Thank you.

I mean... Parson.

Are you, uh, aiming to hold a gospel meeting, Reverend?

Some folks in Dodge could sure use a little straight talk.

Ma'am, I deeply regret I must disappoint you,

but my mission here is not concerned with eternal life.

Quite the opposite.

Young man, would you be kind enough to stable my horse

after I'm finished here?

Yes, sir, Parson.

Well, good afternoon, Reverend.

- Good afternoon. - Would you like a room?

I would, indeed.

I've come a long, weary way.

But I think I'm at the end of my journey now.

Oh, well, uh, just sign the register, please.

Just Asa?

That's all I'm ever called.

It's, uh, room four upstairs.

- It's one of our better rooms. - Thank you.

You here in town on business, are you, Reverend?

Well, yes, you might call it business.

Well, now, I don't mean to be unrespectable

or nothing like that,

but we done got us a preacher here in town.

No preaching.

I heared Sarah Good and old Dan Bromley's

fixing to get hitched.

Maybe you're...?

No wedding.

About all that leaves is a funeral.

I ain't heared of nobody dying here lately.

That awesome event will take place shortly.

Very shortly.

Thank you.

How do you figure that's

- gonna take place? - My friend,

will the sun blaze its path

across the heavens tomorrow and tomorrow?

Will the blackness of the night descend upon the plains,

and the stars shine forth in all their glory?

This, too, will come to pass.

Can you tell me where I can find the sheriff?

Well, we don't have any sheriffs, Reverend,

but we got us a U.S. Marshal.

His office is up the street.

Splendid. And the doctor?

Well, the doc is in the second story

of the general store building.

Mm-hmm.

And the undertaker?

The undertaker?

He is one of the functionaries involved,

I believe, when a man is killed.

You fixing to kill somebody, are you, preacher?

I am not a man of violence.

I carry no weapons.

I am here only to watch a man die.

Did you hear that, Festus?

Well, I haven't ever saw no preacher like him.

Well, Festus, do you think he's telling the truth?

I don't know, but I'll tell you one thing.

Matthew and Doc ought to know about this. Excuse me.

Afternoon, friend.

Something wrong, brother?

No. No, uh, nothing.

- All right. You! Hey, you! - What is it?

That preacher... How long is he staying?

Well, I don't know. He didn't say.

When did he get here?!

- Just a few minutes ago. - What is he here for?

Oh, I don't think that's any of your bus...

Hey, he's come to pass judgment,

that's what, mister.

Judgment on some of us poor souls here.

What are you talking about?

Oh, it sent the chills skedaddling

up and down my spine, I can tell you that, mister,

when that preacher... stood over there.

Stood right here,

and he thundered out his message

like the voice of doom.

What message?

Somebody in this town is gonna die.

Who's gonna die?

I don't know, mister. He-he didn't say, but...

you could feel the truth of it.

You could purely feel it, mister.

He's crazy.

You're all crazy.

Have you told Matt about it?

I ain't had no chance. He ain't in town.

He's out at Herkimer's place.

Will you just move out of the way from there?

I'm getting ready to make this shot.

Well, do you have to stand there? Just...

There, you see what you went and made me do?

All right, your turn, go on.

When's he coming back?

- Who? - Who?! Matt, that's who!

I don't know. Round suppertime, I reckon.

Well, good heavens, suppertime... That's two hours.

I don't think anybody is apt to die between now and then.

Don't... don't want to get my duodenum in an uproar over that.

A what?

Your d... Never mind. Shoot, will you?

It probably don't interest you none at all

to know that the three fellas he's a-looking for

is Matthew and you and the undertaker, does it?

Well, I'm not gonna lose any sleep over that.

Now, shoot!

Yeah, but the undertaker, Doc!

Oh, for heaven sakes, Festus.

You don't even know whether this reverend

is telling the truth or not. You don't know that.

Well, now, that's a fine thing to say about a preacher!

You don't even know he's a preacher.

- Well, I do, too. - How do you know that?

Well, because he's got... He's-he's...

Well, he wear...

He carries this book under his...

Well, I know, he looks like a preacher.

That don't prove a thing, because every so often,

you sort of resemble a human being.

Now, are you gonna shoot or forfeit this game to me?!

♪♪

You going somewhere, mister?

Now, don't try anything.

This scattergun can blow your head plumb off.

Well, I was only going for a ride.

Yeah, sure, you was.

Only, you owe three weeks' board on that horse,

and you ain't gonna leave here till it's paid.

You'll get paid.

Well, if I don't, I got me a new horse and saddle.

That horse is worth ten times what I owe you.

I ain't gonna argue that point with you.

He's yours soon as you pay up.

In the meantime, drop them reins.

Drop 'em!

And kind of move on out of here.

You sure called it, preacher.

What made you think he was gonna try to run?

Flight is the first refuge of the guilty.

What's the second?

Murder.

Matthew, you better put that pencil down

and listen to me now.

If these here tall tales

that this preacher's been a-blabberin' about

ain't enough to curl a old sow's tail,

I'll throw in with you,

even if Doc does pooh-pah the whole thing.

I never pooh-pahed anything.

I just said if a man's gonna commit a murder, he don't...

shout it all over town.

Yeah, you're always just...

Did he say who it was that's gonna be killed?

No, nary a word. He just...

Gentlemen.

As... Uh, Reverend Asa,

uh, this here is Marshal Dillon.

- How do you do, Marshal? - How do you do?

- And this here's Doc Adams. - Doctor. -How do?

I heard you wanted to see me, Reverend.

I do, Marshal, but you're mistaken.

I have never claimed to be a man of the cloth.

You mean you ain't no preacher?

No, I'm not.

Well, excuse me, uh, sir,

but you seem to kind of want to look like one.

There's nothing to prohibit a man from wearing a frock coat

and carrying his family Bible, I believe.

No, certainly isn't.

I understand, Reverend, that you've been spreading the word

that a man is to be killed.

Your information is correct, sir.

Well, now, who is it that's gonna do the killing?

I haven't the slightest idea.

But you're quite sure someone's gonna be killed?

Quite sure.

Where are you from?

Southern Illinois. I'm a schoolteacher.

Well, does all the schoolteachers in Illinois

- get duded up like... that? - Shh.

They do not.

This coat and this

belonged to my brother in Texas.

He was the minister.

Was?

He was murdered.

You can see where the bullets struck.

The reason I'm wearing this coat

is because my brother and I were often mistaken for twins.

Emphasizing the resemblance might be

somewhat disturbing to his killers.

Then you know who did the killing?

Two drifters were seen entering the church

before my brother was shot.

They killed him.

Well, did anyone actually see them

- commit the murder? - There were no witnesses.

Well, then how can you be sure they're the ones that did it?

I'm sure.

I have pursued them for almost seven months now.

And you think they're here in Dodge, do you?

One of them is.

Suppose you tell me his name and the town where this happened.

I'm sorry. I can't.

I have no proof of his guilt.

Well, let me worry about the proof.

If he's wanted in Texas, I can arrest him as a suspect

and get the truth out of him.

That's a long and uncertain road to justice.

I prefer a shortcut.

Now, you must understand something,

in this town, we go by the law.

We don't kill a man just because he's suspected of a crime.

Marshal, I am not a man of violence.

I promise you I will not lift a hand against him.

Now, I believe I have fulfilled my moral obligation

by telling you gentlemen what you may expect.

Good evening.

Just a minute.

Yes?

You said there were two men involved in this killing.

Where's the other one?

He was in Garden City until last week.

Where is he now?

He's dead, Marshal.

Well, what'd I tell you?

Oh, all right.

You didn't exaggerate once in your life.

You fixin' to throw him in jail, are you, Matthew?

Well, I can't very well arrest a man

for making predictions, Festus.

Don't even know if he's telling the truth or not.

Well, I don't know about you fellas, but I believe him.

I tell you what. Go on over to the telegraph office,

have Herb send a wire to the rangers down in Austin.

Have 'em find out if they have any record

of a preacher being killed in Texas in the past seven months.

I'll do it, Matthew.

Doc and I will be over at Delmonico's.

Oh! Doc, order me one of them cow waddy special plates

with a double order of corn bread.

I'll order anything you want, but can you pay for it?

Smart aleck.

Let's go, Matt.

Doc?

Come on, Doc.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

- What's the matter? - Oh, this happens all the time.

Now will you leave me alone?

Good evening.

Do you mind if I join you?

There's an empty table over in the corner.

I ain't much for company.

I believe the good Lord sent me to you, friend.

Look, I ain't your friend.

I got nothing to say to you.

Now, beat it!

As you wish.

But there'll be another time.

♪♪

Did you see that, did you, Matthew?

Yeah, I saw it.

You know, a fella could just come to the idea

that he was one of the fellas that killed Asa's brother.

You know anything about him?

No, I don't know nothing about him.

He kind of stays to hisself all the time.

Calls hisself Sipes.

Of course, he's only been in town two or three weeks,

so I ain't had no time to size him up.

I do know one thing about him, though.

He rides a old Mexican saddle with a horse

with a Texas brand on his left hip.

Makes me think he comes from down in the border country.

He had him a good deal of money when he first

come to town, but I don't think he's got none left.

H-He figures he's quite a gambler, too, but,

shoot, I ain't saw him in one of them poker games

at the Long Branch for purt' near two weeks.

Ain't you fixing to talk to him, Matthew?

I don't think he'd have much left to tell me.

- Marshal, Marshal, I seen him, I seen him! - Who?

Right out there on the street, big as life!

Oh, he'll do it again. He'll do it again.

- Same as he did in Garden City. - What are you talking about?

The preacher. The preacher. I'm talkin' about the preacher.

I saw him in Garden City last week!

Oh, he has a terrible way of stirrin' up a town.

- You wouldn't believe it. - Now, Dougherty,

suppose you just tell me what you're talking about.

Well, that's what I'm trying to do.

He comes into town and tells everybody

that a man is going to get killed.

And it happens just like he said it would.

You mean this preacher has killed somebody?

Well, in one way, you could say that he did, all right.

In another way, you could say that he didn't.

Well, that doesn't make much sense.

Well, it's the only way I can put it!

He didn't have no gun, but he killed that man!

He killed him as sure as you're alive.

Uh-huh. Uh, Dougherty, sit down.

Well, he's out there on the street right now.

You've got to stop him, Marshal.

Yes, I know, but first you sit down.

Just calm yourself, take it easy.

Start from the beginning and tell me exactly what happened.

All right.

All right, the facts, the facts.

I'll give 'em to you, and you can be a judge for yourself.

It seems when he comes into town,

he lets everybody know that somebody... he don't say who...

That somebody is going to meet their maker.

It's not a threat, mind you,

just a simple statement of fact.

Now, did you see this killing?

I did, indeed.

I was sitting there in the saloon

minding me own business, of course,

and this saddle tramp, a man called Crandall, came in,

started drinkin' and playin' cards.

And all the time he was playin', he had his eyes glued

on the front door,

as if he were expecting something.

Expecting what?

The preacher, the preacher! Who else?

All of a sudden, the door flings open

and there he stands, breathing hellfire and damnation.

And then like the remorseless finger of the Almighty,

he strides across the room.

And Crandall jumps to his feet and pulls his gun

and says, "Stay away from me!

Stay away from me or I'll kill you!"

Somebody shouts, "You can't kill an unarmed man!"

But Crandall don't hear

because the preacher is comin' after him,

his eyes burnin' like two red-hot coals!

And then Crandall raises his gun.

But before he can fire, a shot rings out from the left

and two from the right!

And Crandall is down on the floor,

the blood runnin' out of him

and the light flowin' out of his eyes.

All right, all right, now, Dougherty.

Come on. Get up.

Now, suppose you tell me who it was that fired these shots.

Why, the people in the saloon. Who else?

I almost put a bullet in him myself,

him trying to shoot an unarmed man,

and he a man of the cloth.

Now, what'd this preacher do?

He didn't do nothin'.

He just opened his Bible over the deceased

and read a few comforting lines,

and then he disappeared into the night

and nobody ever saw him again

until I set eyes on him this very night here

in the streets of Dodge City.

Now, the man that was killed, you said his name was Crandall?

That's right.

Mr. Smoky Crandall, God rest his soul.

Now, Dougherty, I-I thank you. Appreciate your telling me.

It's only me duty, Marshal, only me duty.

That man had a way of stirrin' up things

that you wouldn't believe.

He could stand there,

his eyes blazin' and a...

and a Bible tucked under his arm,

and right away the whole town

would fall into a terrible state of hysteria.

If you'll excuse me, Marshal, I think I'll go have a wee drop.

Mister, why don't you get out of here.

What's that, friend?

You heard me.

Folks don't want you hanging around here like this.

- Why? - 'Cause you make 'em nervous, that's why.

Well, now, it's a free country.

It seems to me a man can stand

and enjoy the evening wherever he wants.

Mister, I don't know who you are or what you want,

but if you keep hanging around here,

you're asking for trouble.

If it'll make you feel any better, friend,

I'd gladly go inside with you and buy you a drink.

I don't want nothin' from you!

Nothin' at all!

All I want you to do is stay away from me.

You understand?!

Stay away!

Mm-hmm.

This is a real fine cedar coffin, Reverend.

It goes with a $50 funeral.

No, I don't need anything that expensive.

Just a plain decent burial will do.

Well, uh, I can give you this pine box,

uh, transportation to Boot Hill

and filling the grave in after.

- How much? - $17.

Oh, that'll be fine.

Now, if I could just have the name of the deceased?

He isn't dead yet.

He...

Well, I-I don't understand.

No, there's nothing very peculiar about that.

I'm simply paying for the funeral of a man

who is about to die.

But when will the body be arriving?

The marshal will bring him in in due time.

Uh, how will I know which is the one you paid for?

Don't worry, Mr. Crump, I'll be on hand to identify him.

- $17. - Yeah.

- Good day. - Good...

Mr. Longworth.

Good morning.

How did you know my name?

Well, I just got a telegram here

from the United States Marshal down in Austin.

It confirms the fact that a man named Aaron Longworth

was shot in the back in Clarendon a few months ago.

Now, this man was your brother?

Yes, he was.

And you feel that, uh, Sipes

was one of the men that killed him?

Mr. Longworth.

You know, I can understand how you feel.

But you're not judge, jury and executioner.

Under the law, a man is presumed innocent

till he's proven guilty.

Marshal, suppose I told you that Sipes

was one of the men and you arrested him.

He'll deny he had anything to do with the killing.

Without witnesses, there is no proof.

Even if he were brought to trial, he'd be acquitted.

But I know that he killed

- my brother. - How do you know?

First time he saw me in the hotel,

he thought he was looking at a ghost.

Last night, he tried to run.

That doesn't prove him guilty.

Marshal, that man is a cold-blooded killer.

Now, because there isn't any proof of his guilt,

you may go on presuming him innocent.

I have other plans.

Mr. Longworth, just be sure that your plans

don't include taking the law in your own hands.

♪♪

I declare, Miss Kitty, this here just beats all.

What?

Why, this here place can't lose.

Well, if folks is feeling good

and feeling like kicking up their heels and celebrating,

the first place they come's right here.

And on the other hand,

if folks gets to fretting and a-worrying,

the first place they come is right here to talk about it.

See, either way, you get all the business,

don't you see?

Yeah, well,

this kind of business I can do without.

Seems like everybody's getting a little too edgy.

That usually leads to trouble.

Take a look over there.

I don't care if he does say a man's gonna get killed.

That don't make it the gospel truth.

Even if he is a preacher.

Sure. He's loony.

We don't know nothing about him, not even his last name.

You heard him at the hotel.

I tell you, I believe him. He-he gives me the shivers.

Aw, you're crazy as a bedbug.

And anybody's crazy that listens to him, too.

Why, look at him standing out there.

They said he was crazy in Garden City, too.

How do you know?

I just got back from there last night.

And-and the preacher was there?

Big as life.

He called down on an unfortunate creature

the wrath of mysterious forces

that are beyond the powers of human understanding.

What do you mean by that?

He said a man was going to die.

And a man died.

Who? Who died?

A gentleman called Crandall.

Mr. Smoky Crandall, it was.

And the parson shot him?

Not him.

The preacher left the execution to others.

There were three or four bullets in the victim when he fell.

'Tis my belief the late Mr. Crandall

went berserk with fear and had to be shot

like a mad dog.

What is... What's your little game, mister?

Now, did the parson pay you

to come in here and stir up trouble?

Now, remove your hands from me, my man.

Nobody is gonna sit around here and listen to a pack of lies.

May the saints preserve me if I'm lying.

If that preacher is weaving another dark plan

to destroy somebody around here, I wouldn't be surprised

if that person would die like a mad dog, too.

You're a lying devil.

Now...

I'm just gonna give you

just three seconds.

Take that back and tell the truth.

Whoa, now, mister, you better back off.

There's gonna be any shooting did,

it's fixing to be me, do you understand?

Go get Matt.

I wasn't gonna do nothing.

Well, now, I'm plumb glad to hear that.

See, Willie here, he ain't wearing no gun.

If you was to have drawed on him,

why, there's a whole passel of folks

just a-waiting to load you up with lead.

Much obliged.

Now, why don't you just ease back over yonder

and finish drinking your loud mouth?

If you want to stay on top the ground, mister,

you'll not try that again.

Well, it ain't me. It's that preacher.

Making everybody jump at shadows.

Standing out there like a man's conscience.

Sure, if he knows somebody's gonna get killed,

he ought to say who it is.

Yeah, we got a right to know, too.

- Maybe he don't know who it is. - Well, let's find out.

- Let's go bring him in... - Wait a minute...

Bring him in here! Bring him in here!

That's right.

There's no need to bring him in.

Appears to me you've got a lot of explaining to do, Reverend.

Oh, I don't know why he's...

I don't think it should be done in here.

Let him talk, Miss Kitty.

Yeah, we could use a lot of laughs.

I'd like to find out what happened in Garden City.

- All right. - What?

Ma'am, may I have your permission to address these men?

I'd like to hear what he has to say.

That's right.

All right.

But just don't start anything in here.

- Gentlemen. - That's us, boys. -Shut up.

- Gentlemen. - Be quiet.

There is a man in this room tonight

who is a murderer.

He shot a preacher in the back.

- In the back? - A preacher?

If you look closely,

you can see the bullet holes in the coat he was wearing

when he was killed.

- Oh. -Yeah. - Right there, bullet holes.

What's his name, preacher? Tell us his name.

- You can see it there. - Come on, tell us who he is.

- Yeah. -Yeah. - We want to know.

Yes, I can name him.

Come on. -Come on, name him.

Who is he? -Who is he?

But I won't,

until I tell you that the man he killed

was my own brother.

You see the holes in this coat?

The bullets that made those holes

took the life of a man of God.

A man with a wife and family.

A man who was carrying with him money that was donated

by his own congregation for the building of a new church.

The man who put those bullet holes

in my brother's back stole that money.

I followed him for seven months,

and I tell you, he is in this room right now.

- His name is... - Hold it.

- What's going on here? - Marshal,

the parson said the man who killed his brother

is in this room.

We got a right to know who it is, Marshal.

Yeah, make him

- put up or shut up, Marshal. - Spit it out, preacher.

Spit it out, would you?

Yeah, make him... -Come on.

- I am going to tell them, Marshal. - You're not gonna

tell them anything. Come on, let's get out of here right now.

- Now, wait a moment... - Come on, Festus.

Get him over to my office right now.

- Wait a minute, Marshal, wait... - If the preacher

has something to say, Marshal, why can't he say it?

If he's got something to say, he'll say it to me in my office.

Now, you boys go on back to your drinking. It's all over.

Kitty, if anybody starts any more trouble here,

I want to know who it is.

- Evening. - Howdy.

Sipes.

Yeah?

I'd like to talk to you for just a minute.

What about?

Over here.

Did you ever know a man named Smoky Crandall?

Never heard of him. Why?

Well, he's one of two men that was wanted for the murder

of a preacher named Aaron Longworth

down in Clarendon, Texas, a few months back.

What about it?

Crandall was killed in Garden City about a week ago.

And what's that got to do with me?

Asa Longworth was just about to accuse you

of being the other man involved in the killing.

Oh, he's a loony.

You got no proof.

Well, that's true. But I just sent a description of you

to the sheriff down in Clarendon.

I should be getting an answer soon.

In the meantime, don't try to leave town.

All right, drop that gun, Dillon.

Or I'll kill her.

Festus, hold it.

That's right, Marshal.

Keep your friends in line.

Where are you going?

Uh, somebody's got to do something.

Do you want to see that woman get killed?

Now, you hear me! And you hear me good.

I want my horse up here in ten minutes!

If it ain't here,

this woman is gonna be dead.

Now, you just remember that, all of you!

'Cause I got nothin' to lose!

Thad, you hold on to that, right there.

- I'll be back to you soon as I can. - Right.

How bad is it, Doc?

Well, if he'd have been a better shot by about an inch,

you wouldn't be asking any questions.

Marshal!

Five minutes, Marshal!

Where's that horse?!

I'm comin' with him!

Keep your shirt on!

Let's don't have any tricks,

or this woman is dead!

Now, you better stand still, sister.

Well, get a move on!

Marshal, are you gonna let that man ride out of here?

There's nothing else I can do.

Marshal, that man is a murderer.

He killed my brother, and he'll kill that woman, too.

Yes, I'm well aware of that fact.

Well, I won't let him get away with it.

Asa!

Asa!

Asa, come back here!

What do you think you're doing?

I'm gonna get a shot at Sipes, Doc,

before that fella Asa blows this thing wide open.

Matt!

You're bleeding like a stuck pig! Come back here!

All right, Thad, let's have a look at this.

Come on. Where's the money?

Well, I'm trying to get it open.

You're not trying hard enough, mister!

Move!

There, it's open.

All right, never mind that other stuff... just the money.

Sure. Sure.

All right, out from behind there. Move.

Wh-What for?

Out in the street.

- Unhitch the horses. - What?

You heard me. Up and down the street.

Let them horses loose.

And if you leave one of 'em tied...

♪♪

Now, stop right there.

Now, take out that gun.

Slow.

Now, throw it up on that roof.

That's better.

Now, bring that horse over here and tie it up good.

Now, is there any other little favors I can do to help you out?

Yeah.

You can get back to that stable

and run them horses out of there.

And if there's one animal left in that place,

well, that'll be all for the young lady.

Now, move.

♪♪

♪♪

All right, spook them horses!

Spook 'em!

- Hyah! Hyah! - - Run 'em out of town!

Come on! Spook them horses!

All right, you two,

hold it right there.

Now, get on across the street. Go on!

Now, move.

Marshal!

Come on out where I can see you!

Now, that's just fine.

He didn't tell me what to do about this.

Marshal can't come out, Sipes!

Why?

Well, because you put a bullet in him, that's why!

You'd better not be lying to me, Doc.

Any tricks, and this is a dead woman!

Well, if you don't believe me, come down here

and take a look for yourself.

I'll take your word for it!

Now, that leaves just one more thing.

You got that mealy-mouthed preacher in there!

Well, send him out!

Him and me got a score to settle.

All right. I'll send him out.

What are you gonna do?

I don't know, Thad.

I just don't know.

Doc!

Doc!

I don't want to have to ask you again!

Get him out here!

I'm gonna count three!

One!

Two!

You all right, Preacher?

Well, why don't you just go on and shoot?

Will you just hold your taters?

I'm fixin' to make a shot here

that's a pearl button bangle Billy.

Well, look here. Well, Asa. Matt!

- Good afternoon, gentlemen. - Howdy, Asa.

- How are you feeling? - Oh, fine, thanks to you.

By golly, Asa, what brings you back to Dodge?

Don't worry, Marshal, I'm just passing through.

I'm on my way to Clarendon to take over my brother's parish.

Parish?

Yes, I was ordained last month.

Well, now, that's fine. Congratulations.

Yeah, me, too. That's mighty fine.

I, uh, wanted to tell you all again

how sorry I am for the trouble I caused here.

I had many a sleepless night

thinking about how close I came to being responsible

for the loss of innocent lives.

Well, Asa, don't give that any more thought.

That's water over the dam. Congratulations.

I wish you a lot of good luck in your new job.

Well, thank you, thank you.

And if any of you are ever in Clarendon,

I'd be mighty glad to see you.

Well, thank you. Thank you, Reverend.

Hey, w-wait a minute, Reverend.

Yeah?

Turn around.

I sure am glad to see you got your coat patched up.

You know something?

He is the world's greatest contortionist. You are.

What do you mean by that?

You're the only living human being who can put both

of your feet into your mouth at the same time.

Well, what did I say?

Well, you didn't have to mention to-to...

Oh, never mind. Go on and shoot. Shoot!

You ornery old scudder.

All you do is faunch and beller.

You make me so dang mad,

I could smoke a pickle.