Original subtitles

Starring James Arness as Matt Dillon.

Skeeter, you figure Uncle Argonaut'll take us into town

next time he goes to sell those hides?

Not if we's don't catch us a mess of them buffs out there.

Well, I want to get me a pair of those store-bought boots.

Like he'd give you the hard cash for that.

Well, I do my share of huntin' and skinnin'.

Well, you tell him, not me.

Now, you better get one with the first shot.

Now, what in thunder is that?

♪ Pawnee River, here I come ♪

♪ Do da, do da ♪

♪ Pawnee River ♪

♪ Here I come ♪

♪ Going to catch some fish ♪

♪ Going to catch some fish ♪

Gol' darn idiot! Hey!

♪ All the way ♪

Hey!

Hmm.

- Hey! - Dudes.

Hey! Hey!

Who in the name of tarnation was doing that singing?

Hup.

Hyah! Hyah!

Hey!

Whoa.

Put that gun away. Put it away now.

Look, mister, I was just...

We's been chasing that herd since sunup.

And you run them off from us.

Well, I'm awfully sorry about...

Those buffs were as good as our'n.

I ought to skin you alive.

- Well, I was just going fishing. - Fishing?

Yeah, I heard the bass are biting pretty good

up at the Pawnee.

The Pawnee's thataway. Now, you start for it

and start for it now, or I will skin you

and leave you standing naked in your bones.

Well, if there's some way I can

- make it up to you, I'd... - Get!

You citified, ignorant young whelp,

before I turn these two young'uns loose on you.

Uncle Argonaut, I'd...

I-I'd sure admire to have his boots.

All right, Herk, boy.

You catch 'em and they're your'n.

Yeah?

Hold it! I want them boots!

Doc, you're not your usual ornery self.

What's the matter, you been working too hard?

Oh, yes, I have been working too hard.

I've never seen anything... Everything's gone wrong.

- What's the matter? - Well, everything's the matter.

I've never seen such an epidemic of broken bones and...

I haven't had any sleep in four or five days and nights.

You know what I'm gonna do, Matt? I'll tell you.

I'm gonna get a room in the Dodge House

where nobody can find me, and I'm gonna sleep

for about four or five days.

Well, that sounds like it'll be a good sleep.

Hi, Matt, Doc.

I got something to show you that you just ain't gonna believe.

Well, uh, I've got to get this on the afternoon stage.

- I'll look at it later. - Doc?

No, Thad. No, no, no, I'm too tired.

I haven't got time to look at anything,

especially something that I...

What in the Sam Hill is that?

- It's bass. - Bass?

Well, yeah, what's left of them.

I ate the rest. Brought these back to show you.

No, those are not bass. No, Thad.

Those are carp or cat... No, they're not bass.

Well, I caught 'em myself. Down on the old Pawnee.

On the Pawnee? There's no bass in the Pawnee, Thad.

You ought to stay out of the sun.

- These might be carp if it... - All right.

- Suit yourself. - Wait a minute. Hold it here.

Look at that tail.

By thunder, that could be a bass.

Well, that's what I was trying to tell you.

Well, don't tell me anything, Thad, except how to get there.

- Well, it's not too far from here. - Really?

Except you got to watch out for the buffalo hunters.

I don't care anything about buffalo hunters.

Where'd you catch those bass, Thad?

- Sure you're not too tired? - Oh, shut up, Thad!

Now, here, honest, tell me,

where-where did you get 'em? Where did you?

Well, you know where the Pawnee bends

right up near... above there, Fort Larned?

Whew.

Got here in time, didn't I?

Time for what?

Well, to go fishin', of course.

Well, I'd say, considering the fact

that you haven't been invited,

you got here in plenty of time, yeah.

Oh, just wait a minute, now.

It ain't you a-doin' me a favor; it's me a-doin' you one.

You know, it would certainly be interesting

to know how your devious little mind arrived

at a conclusion like that.

Well, I'll tell you how.

It's on account of old Argonaut Moonercan.

Who?

That old buffalo hunter Thad was telling you about.

Well, I know all about that. I don't want to.

Well, here's something you don't know.

Now, that Moonercan and his bunch

can get pretty raunchy

if a feller don't know how to deal with 'em.

And you know just exactly how to deal with 'em?

I hope to jump in your best pocket, I do.

My second cousin,

Alphie Hominy Haggen,

used to know the Moonercans.

He left home ten years ago and took up with that bunch.

And me and Alphie's always been just like that.

Just like that, huh?

Well, I ain't never laid a eye on the old coot myself,

but if'n I do, I'll know how to deal with him.

Well, I'm not worried about the Moonercans,

because, I'll tell you, by the time I get there,

they'll probably be way o... miles away.

Then again, they just might not be,

and if you got a Haggen with you,

you're gonna be as safe as a tick on a hound dog

- with a stiff neck. - Uh-huh.

Oh, come on, Doc.

Ever since I saw them fish bones that Thad had,

I just been a-faunchin' to glom onto one

- of them big ones and just... - You're not fooling me a bit.

You're not fooling me a bit. You've got it all figured out.

You're even figurin' on using my fishing tackle, ain't you?

Oh, golly Bill, no, Doc. I got my own hooks.

I can cut me a willow pole when I get up yonder.

I got me some beeswax saddle thread, and there's plenty

- of grasshoppers... - Beeswax saddle thread

and grasshoppers? You ought to be shot.

- Well... - That's a crime against nature.

- Y... - We're talking about bass!

Doc, us Haggens say the mainest thing

is the catchin' 'em, not how it's did.

I'm gonna fool you.

Against my better judgment, I'm gonna take you fishin'.

For one reason only:

I'm gonna show you how to catch a bass.

Well, you ain't gonna be sorry, Doc.

I'll guarantee you that. Here, let me help you.

Just don't touch anything. Just leave every...

Here, you want to do something?

Just take that down and put it in my rig.

And I'll be down there later.

What are you takin' your doctorin' bag for?

Well, you just... I al...

Well, you just might get your foot caught in a bear trap

and I'd have to amputate your leg

and that might be a lot of fun.

All right, smart aleck,

I just think I won't even go with you at all.

You can just suit yourself about whether you go with me

or not, but I'm gonna tell you something.

I'm going bass fishin', and nobody's gonna keep me from it.

Not you or the Moonercans

or nobody.

Where's everybody comin' from all at once?

Ain't you'uns got enough room in them cities of your'n?

If one of these is your friend, you better start talkin' to him.

- Fixin' to, Doc. - Well, go on.

Say, is they one of you fellers

by the name of Mr. Argonaut Moonercan?

Supposing I am, what about it?

Well, my name's Haggen.

Haggen?

Yes, sir. Festus Haggen of the Moon Creek Haggens.

I been just a-bustin' to howdy and shake.

Are you kin to Alphie Hominy Haggen?

Kin? Why, we're second cousins on my Aunt Fluter's side.

Me and Alphie's always been as close...

If I ever set eyes on him again,

I'm gonna put a bullet square through his side-winding head!

Wait a minute, I ain't done yet.

What I was fixin' to say

is me and Alphie ain't never been closed.

Why, there's something about him that I just never could stand.

Are you a Haggen?

Don't get insulting with me.

Well, you're a friend of one.

Well, I'd say, under the circumstances,

that we're hardly more than casual acquaintances.

Doc, that ain't true.

You and me's always been closed.

What's he mean by "Doc"?

Well, he means I'm a doctor.

A book-learnin' kind?

Book-learnin' kind.

I got somebody needs tending to.

Well, I'm not out here to practice medicine,

I'll tell you that. I'm going fishin'.

I never asked you what you come for!

Throw that gun over here.

Move out! Thataway!

Get going!

Hey!

Get on out of that buggy, both of youse.

All right.

Now, who's been shot?

Shot?

Now, who would shoot a little nine-year-old gal?

Nine-year-old girl?

She's in there.

Festus, bring me my bag.

- What's the matter with her? - Addie!

Addie's been doing what she could,

but she ain't been much help.

Addie!

What do you want, Pa?

Addie, this here's a... a book-learnin' doctor.

He's gonna take a look at Piney.

But, Pa, I been treatin' her.

What do you want to go get a stranger for?

Hush up!

Well, get in there!

You heared Addie.

There any more favors you can think of?

Well, Doc, how did I know that that...

Is it kind of sore there, is it?

What are you doing that for, mister?

You don't call him "mister"... You call him "Doctor."

But you're a doctor, Aunt Addie.

Piney.

You ever seen anything like that?

Uh-uh. What is it?

Well, I'm gonna put that in my ear like this,

and I'm gonna see what makes you tick.

Now, just be quiet.

Do I tick?

Sure, you do.

All little girls tick. Do you know why they do?

'Cause they're always wound up.

- Like a clock? - Mm-hmm.

I seen a clock before. Pa took me.

Oh, he did?

What are you reading that for, mister?

Well, I want to see what's cooking inside you.

Is something cookin'?

Sure is.

Well, she's been feverin' about three, four days now.

Ow!

Oh, that hurts.

I'm sorry. We won't do that anymore.

Now, I want you to just...

get a lot of rest and don't think of anything, Piney.

That's kind of hard to do.

Oh, I know it is. I know it.

Well, you can think of some things,

but, whatever you do, Piney,

don't think of a green cow.

- Why? - Well...

I don't know. When you start thinking about green cows,

you just can't stop.

You say she's had these pains for about a week?

That's what I said.

Well, what have you been doing for her?

Well, I been laying chilled stones on her belly

and plasterin' her with midnight poultices.

Well, now, the cold stones on her stomach,

that's pretty good, but what was... what is that?

Midnight poultices.

Well, wh-what's a... What is it?

Book-learnin' doctors!

It's mashed blackberries fermented in goat's milk

and plastered on the part that's ailin'.

That's what it is.

I've used midnight poultices on more folk than you can count

on your fingers and your toes.

I won't ask you what happened to 'em.

I sure don't want to stir up no ruckus to you fellers,

but I'd sure appreciate knowing

what Cousin Alphie done to get you all so riled up.

He married up with my niece, Melanie Mae, is what he done.

You don't say so.

That little girl in there, Piney, she's his'n.

Is that a fact?

She's all Moonercan, though.

There ain't a touch of Haggen in her.

Oh, of course not.

You never seen a Haggen pretty as her.

Well, my Aunt Tansy's youngest young'un was a...

lookable little thing.

Shut up.

That no-account, low-living cousin of your'n

deserted Piney's ma before the child was born.

That's why we call her Piney.

'Cause her ma just pined away and died.

I sure hate to hear a thing like that.

Doc?

You got a mighty sick little girl there.

She's got a high fever.

She's got a lot of pain, too.

Infection.

- Can't you do nothing for her? - Yes.

I can operate on her.

- Cut on Piney? - He's a crazy man, Pa.

It's the only thing to do.

- Well, you ain't gonna cut her. - Hush up.

Ain't you got nothing in that there bag in there

that can fix her up?

Not a thing.

You know how to cut on her?

Pa!

I know how.

And cuttin' would cure her? She'd perk up?

Can't promise you that, but I can promise you something.

If I don't operate on her, she's gonna die.

Pa, don't let him do it.

Cuttin' on a person like that deliberate just ain't natural.

What do you think's natural?

In two days, I'm gonna give her a good stiff dose

of the Seven Sisters.

Well, now, Addie, is that anything like

your midnight poultice?

It's the only sure cure for the hanging-on colic,

and that's all Piney's got.

If you've got a sure cure, why haven't you given it to her?

'Cause it don't work 'cept'n on the full moon... that's why.

Well, Piney hasn't got time for us to argue about this.

If I don't operate on her, she's gonna die.

Now, you got to make that decision.

It's a mighty powerful judgment for a man to have to make.

Piney's the sweetest thing alive.

It'd be a sorry thing if she was to die.

Well, I'll do the best I can.

So be it.

For Piney's sake and your'n,

you better see she don't die.

Well, I don't need any rifles or people starin' at me.

Now, why don't you get 'em out of here.

Don't just stand there gawkin'. Do what he says!

You better keep in mind what I says.

If anything happens to Piney, you're gonna die slow-like.

Well, maybe you better keep this in mind.

Your threats are not gonna make one bit of difference

in the success of this operation.

Now, I'm gonna need some kind of a table.

Skeeter!

Fetch some planking. We got to rig up a table for Doc.

All right, Festus, hold that lantern real steady.

Addie,

come here.

I don't like this bleeding, Addie.

I need you.

Addie, I want you to put your hand right here.

Put your hand right there, Addie.

That's it. Now this one here.

Now just press real firm there.

Whew!

How's Piney?

I ain't never going through nothing like that again,

if they was to hang me.

I asked you how Piney was.

Well, if I ever had what that young'un had, I'd shoot myself.

Answer me, Haggen, or I'll shoot you myself!

All right.

Doc said she come through the operation good.

But he ain't gonna know till tomorrow or the next day

whether she'll make it.

Ain't nothing to do but just wait.

Wait.

Wait... that's what we was doing when the doc come here.

Wait!

You catching a cold?

No, I ain't catching no cold.

Sure sounds like it.

Piney looks mighty palesome.

If you'd been through what she has,

you'd be palesome, too.

I still say it ain't natural, cuttin' on her.

Well, you done like you knowed how.

Well, hello there, young lady.

Hello, Mr. Doctor.

You decided to wake up and join us, huh?

Mm-hmm.

How do you feel?

Kind of... floaty.

Kind of floaty, huh? Well, that's the medicine did that.

Do you hurt anyplace?

No.

I guess the medicine fixed that, too.

Mm-hmm. I think so.

You may hurt a little after a while, but...

it's not gonna be like it was.

- Can I get up? - Oh, no.

No. No, you can't get up, but, I'll tell you,

you keep going like you are, in a couple or three weeks,

you'll be as frisky as a little rabbit.

Honest?

Honest.

You leaving now?

Just for a little while, Piney.

I'll be back.

You still want me not to think about a green cow?

Hmm? Oh! That's a good idea.

Don't think about green cows.

Well, Doc?

Well, Piney's gone back to sleep.

Well, how is she?

Well, she's-she's gonna be all right.

But it'll just take some time, and what I need's some sleep.

Now, could you...

I'm sure glad that young'un's gonna be fit, Doc.

Well, if I don't get some sleep pretty soon,

I'm gonna throw a fit.

I-I found a good lean-to last night.

Come on. I'll show you.

Addie, she-she really gonna perk up?

Doc done fine by her, Pa.

You sure?

I'm sure.

You can tell by lookin'?

I can tell.

Sure wished I had me some coffee to start off the day.

Oh, coffee. We're going fishin'.

Yeah, but it ain't even civilized not to have co...

Back.

Just look at those folks.

I've saw poorly-looking folks,

but that sure is the poorliest herd I've ever saw.

Well, where in thunder do you suppose they came from?

Hey, Doc.

Didn't figure you fellas to be up so early.

Who in thunder are those folks?

Well, some's kinfolks

and others from skinnin' camps roundabout.

Well, I'm going fishin'. I'm not here to practice medicine.

Now, Piney was an emergency.

Well, they need tending to, Doc. You can see that.

Yes, I can see that. I'm going fishin'.

Come on, Festus.

Doc, my young'un's gotten awful pains and crying and all.

I'm afeared he's got what Piney had.

Well, looks a little bilious.

Probably got the colic.

Have you tried paregoric?

I never heared of it.

Addie.

What's wrong with him?

I took some bird shot out

of his leg about a month or so back.

About a month or so?

Take this, Festus, and get out of my sight.

Addie,

I'll see this baby first and then him and then...

you figure it out. I'll get my bag.

All right, now, that's gonna be awful sore for a while,

but you stay off that leg, you hear me?

- See you in a minute. - Thank you, Doc.

Oh, that's all right.

- Just keep the baby warm, now. - Yeah.

Let me see that, Addie.

Oh, that's fine.

Oh, that's just fine.

Here.

Put some of that on there, and then wrap it up.

Just remember, now, three times a day on that.

Yeah.

Doc? Doc, looky here.

Well, did you enjoy yourself?

Golly Bill, Doc, you have never saw a fish bite...

Oh, get 'em out of my fa...

Doc!

Doc, how's things a-going?

Just as far as they're gonna go. I'm leaving!

Well, now, Doc, now, that's something

that's got to be talked about.

Well, you're gonna be talking to yourself.

Reckon it's gonna be a spell before you see Dodge again.

What do you mean by that?

Well, we ain't never had a proper doctor.

Now that I've got one, I'm aiming to keep him.

Well, now, you talk as though

I haven't got a thing in the world to say about this.

Now, just suppose

that I hitch up my buggy and ride out of here.

What are you gonna do, shoot me?

Why, I just told you, we need you.

You try to leave, we're gonna shoot him.

That's a good idea.

Wait a minute, Doc!

He means it.

We got a lot of sick folks.

Seems to me

that, uh, things like that would interest a man like you.

Well, there are sick folks in Dodge.

Now, what about them?

Same thing we done before you come along, I reckon.

'Less they can catch theirselves a doctor of their own.

I am their own doctor!

Now, you listen to me.

They're gonna get curious about where I am,

and they're gonna come looking for me!

Yeah, I thought about that.

Well, what did you decide about it?

Well, first off, we move around quite a bit.

- Well, they'll find me! - Me, too.

They sure will.

Skeeter?

Yeah?

You take care of that little chore I give you?

Sure did.

- Herk? - Huh?

You got them things Uncle Argonaut wanted?

Yeah. Right here.

Well, them there look like...

Well, them there looks like graveyard markers.

What are you gonna do with them?

Yep.

Mighty sad thing, them stampeding buffs

stomping you like they done.

That's sheer idiocy.

My foot! What about when the law catches you?

Hello, Sam.

- Hi, Marshal. Hi. - Hi, Sam.

Well, where's Kitty?

Oh, she had some errands to run.

Can I buy anybody a beer?

No, not for me, thanks.

I just finished my lunch, Thad, but thanks anyway.

Well...

it looks like I'll just have to drink alone.

Are you sure that beer is all you really want?

Sam, did Doc say what day he's coming back?

He sure didn't.

I think he said two or three days,

although I don't know for sure.

Then he should have been back yesterday.

Well, the fishing's awful good up there.

Well, Dodge would sure be lost if Doc ever left for good.

Oh, he's having himself a fine time.

Kind of wish I was up there with him.

Well, you just got back.

Well, yeah,

but you wouldn't believe the way them fish snap at your hook.

You throw your line out there, and no sooner

than it hit the water, and, bam, you got yourself hooked.

And he starts a-jumping and a-flying all over the place,

and you've got a fight on your hands,

because he's a smart one, and if he gets

over on them rocks over there, you're out of luck.

And he starts wiggling a little bit,

and you just try to pull him a little bit out that way

and a little bit out this way to get him in the middle.

And he's jumping. Come on!

Thad, look out!

Thad, looks like you lost him.

Old Argonaut told the truth about one thing.

Got plenty good vittles in this place, ain't they?

Yeah, you're beginning to like it here, huh?

Well, the vittles is good.

The folks is friendly,

a good soft pallet to sleep on

and plenty of time for fishing and...

Oh, sure.

Yeah, lot of time for fishing.

Well, did you have some good patients today, Doc?

Patients? Good heavens.

I never saw so many patients in my life.

I tell you, I feel...

I feel about a hundred years old.

You don't look like you're over 75 or 80.

Suppose you could keep quiet a little while, while I think?

Now, there's just...

there's just something that Argonaut hasn't figured out yet.

What's that?

What's he gonna do for medicine when I run out?

Oh, I was supposed to tell you.

Argonaut said for you

to write down everything you need in the way of medicine,

and he'd have the boys pick it up for you

when they go into town.

Wasn't that thoughty of him?

You got to get up early to beat these Moonercans.

Wait a minute.

What'd you say?

Oh, I said you got to get up early to beat...

Wait. That's it.

It's exactly what we'll do.

We'll tell old Argonaut we're going fishing,

and that I won't see a patient until afternoon tomorrow...

Well, the fish do bite that early.

Oh, hush. Shh.

We're not going fishing.

We're just gonna tell him that now.

Where do they keep the horses?

Where do they keep 'em? You know that?

In the corral down yonder in them trees.

Depending on how sound they sleep around here,

I'm figuring on getting us into Dodge or getting us both shot.

- Is that all right? - Shh.

Is that all right, Doc?

Oh, now, here.

Here. Why don't you...

carry that?

Doc, I don't think it's gonna work.

Why not?

Well, because it... it's too easy.

Oh, hush. Just come on, now, follow me.

Well,

- good morning. - Howdy, Skeeter.

We just thought we'd, uh, go fishing this morning.

Y-Yeah. Say, we're ever so much obliged to you

for protecting us like... that.

Now, don't you forget, Festus.

Whoever catches the smallest one's got

to clean every one of 'em.

Well, that's bound to be you, 'cause nothing but them

big'uns climb onto my bait.

You get it.

Ain't here, Doc.

What?

Well, now, would you looky here.

Appears like I catched me a couple of varmints.

- All right, quit. - Oh.

Why, you fellas sure do get up early.

Sure hope you slept well.

This fresh air out here makes folks sleep like babies.

Well, it don't do nothing for old hooty owl here.

Skeeter? Oh, he gets restless at nights.

Doc, there's some folks that want to see you.

I don't want to see anybody.

Ah, you won't feel like that

after you've had some of Addie's corn pone.

Go fetch it, Addie. Fetch some for all of us.

Oh, Grandpa told me to tell you

that his leg ain't paining him no more.

Of course not. I took that bird shot out of there.

Well, I thought I had it all out.

I guess I didn't cut deep enough.

Well, the deep ones... they're the ones that cause the trouble.

Thought there was gonna be some corn pone.

Oh. I made some for Piney this morning.

Just as well as to have got caught in a bear trap.

Now, go on, get in there.

I said get!

Well, you know, that gun may go off.

It just might if you don't get.

All right.

Will you looky there.

Thad!

The one that run off our buffs.

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

Well, I got worried about you.

Hey, look what I got here, Uncle Argonaut.

Why in thunder did you let him see these here two?

Oh, I didn't think.

What you doing back up here, boy?

I like to fish.

Now we got three of 'em.

You want me to make another grave mark, Uncle Argonaut?

Nah. We can't bury everybody that comes by here.

You bet you can't!

And there's gonna be others coming here, too.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Too bad you ain't kin to us, Doc, like Haggen here.

Then you'd feel obligated to do our doctoring for us.

I ain't no kin to you, excepting by marrying, that's all.

Well, that's kin enough.

You married, Doc?

Course not.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Pa, here you are.

Addie,

see if you and Daisy Lou can fetch out that marrying dress.

Pa?

Seeing the way Addie's been favoring you of late,

I think it would be right proper

if you two were to marry up with each other.

Then we'd all be kin, wouldn't we?

Well, morning, Marshal.

Oh, hello, Sam.

Don't tell me you're heading for the Pawnee.

Well, as a matter of fact, I am, Sam.

Afraid there's something more

than fishing keeping them out there.

You really think there's something wrong?

Well, it's not like Doc to stay away this long.

Well, I find myself thinking the same thing.

Well, I'm not waiting around any longer.

I'll see you in a few days.

Addie, you're glowing like a stoked-up cook stove.

I never thought I'd be getting married.

Chance comes to us all in time.

All you got to do is hope that when it comes

that it's right and fitting and that it'll last.

Aunt Addie?

Yeah?

I don't like you no more.

Piney!

Well, I was figuring on marrying Mr. Doctor when I growed up.

By that time, Doc will really be too old for marryin'.

- Daisy Lou? - Yeah?

Do you reckon he's too old for me?

Ain't no man too old to marry up with a woman

who'll make him happy.

Now, come on, come on, now, let's-let's just see

if this dress is tooken in enough, huh?

Skeeter, put the cake on the end of the table there.

Don't you drop it.

Cynthy Ann's been up all night fixing that cake.

Yeah, looks good enough to eat, huh?

Fit for a wedding, ain't it?

Put the trestle down there.

Put the whiskey barrel on that trestle.

Dang it. Dang it!

Doc, just don't you fret.

Now, me and old Thad, we'll...

We'll think of something. Won't we?

Of course we will.

Y-You see, what this thing is,

is, it's just plum crazy's what it is.

Of course it is. In fact, it's ridiculous.

It's impossible.

It can't happen.

It's fixin' to happen.

Well, I know that. I...

- Hey, Doc. - What?

Well?

There's one thing that's kind of good, Doc.

Addie ain't so uglysome

that you just can't stand to look at her.

I recollect a cousin of mine that was so ugly that you...

Doctor?

Yes?

Is the time came?

Not just yet.

Can I talk to you?

What do you want to talk about?

Please?

Well, get out of here.

Go on, Thad, get out. Both of you.

Well, what do you want to say, Addie?

Well, I just wanted to say to you...

Well, I know I ain't all that much,

but I can cook and sew,

and I wash more'n some.

And...

And I'll do for you

all I can.

I'm obliged to be marrying up with you.

I truly mean that.

And I'll make you happy.

Leastwise I'll do my best.

I reckon that's all I want to say to you.

Addie.

It's all wrong, don't you see that?

Well, I see it some.

Well, then...

For you.

For me, marryin' up with you

is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Addie, I'm older than your father.

Oh, I don't mind that.

Now, listen to me, Addie.

Marriage is not like this at all.

No, marriage... You have to have love

and understanding

and a whole lot of things.

You don't get married just because

somebody else wants you to.

It's wrong.

Now...

I want you to go right straight to your father.

You just tell him it's wrong

and tell him that you're...

you're just not gonna do it.

Won't do no good.

Pa's made up his mind.

And once that's did,

it's did.

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here in the sight of the Almighty...

- Just a minute. - To hitch this pair in matrimony.

- Now, just hold on. - To join in matrimony.

- If anybody's got a reason... - I got a reason.

- Why this shouldn't be, - I got...

exceptin' the groom,

let him say his piece here and...

That's what I'm gonna do, here and now.

Now, listen to me, all of you.

This is the most ridiculous farce I've ever heard of.

It ain't no use.

It ain't no use to read this thing any further.

We all know what we're here for, anyhow.

It's to hitch this pair in double harness.

I reckon I'll just ask the questions.

There won't be any answers.

Addie, honey, you take this fellow for your lawful,

wedded husband, don't you?

Don't answer him. Don't answer.

If you say so, Pa.

Doc, do you take this woman...

- I do not! - Y'all heard him say yes.

- I heard him. -I heard him. - What?

You. I could have left that

bird shot in your miserable leg, you...

Uncle Argonaut,

- there's someone arrived here. - All right,

take a couple of fellers and get out there and stop him.

Yes, sir. Pete, Riley.

- Doc, that there's Matthew. - You bet it is.

- Who's he? - I'll tell you who he is.

He's Matt Dillon, the United States Marshal from Dodge City.

You give the word, Uncle.

I can drop him with one bullet.

Ah, the trouble with shooting the law,

Herk, boy, is that they just send more law.

And if you shoot them, they send more,

and you just don't get anyplace thataway.

All right, put away your guns.

It looks like fate's against you again, don't it?

I wouldn't say so.

Doc, Addie, I now pronounce you man and wife.

- You can't do it. - I just done it.

Matt!

What's going on here, Doc?

Well, I'll tell you what's going on. This old...

Well, he's kidnapped me, that's what he's done.

And he's held me captive here, Festus and me.

Now he thinks he's married me to his daughter.

That's right, Marshal, and it's binding.

Just as binding as all the weddings

I done for everybody else here.

Who are you?

Well, Argonaut Moonercan. You heard of me, ain't you?

Oh, yeah. Yes, I think I have heard of you.

Well, Doc. So, uh, so you married him off, huh?

That's right, Marshal.

Congratulations, Doc.

Of course, you did have a license, didn't you?

License?

Marriage license?

You mean, uh, marrying ain't legal without one?

That's right. It's been the law

for some time now in this state.

I tried to tell you that.

Well, now, that does shrink the hide off'n the rack, don't it?

How's that?

Well, if folks here was to find out

about that license business, I'd be in an awful fix.

You bet you would.

You and I have got a little talking to do, Moonercan.

Why, sure, Doc.

You've made me good and mad,

and it's a good thing for you that I'm not a vindictive man.

That's mighty pleasuresome to hear, Doc.

All right, now, the first thing is:

These folks have been planning on a party,

and I want you to see that they have one.

Well, that's right. That's right.

You folks all jump in the vittles and have some fun.

You, uh, you don't mind if I join the wedding party, do you?

Why, sure, Marshal.

Uh-oh, uh-oh.

Herk. Hey, Skeeter, get over here.

Get that thing off of...

Well, you sure catch a lot of fish, ain't you, Festus?

Well, you ain't complaining about cleaning my fish?

No, no, I ain't complaining, Festus, honest, I ain't.

Doc, you ain't caught none.

You want me to put a worm on your hook?

Don't tell me how to fish. Why don't you and...

Why don't both of you go down there and see

how old Matt and Thad are doing. Get out of here.

Doc, did you see that last big'un I hooked there?

Haven't seen any bass yet.

Well, I ain't got started yet.

Now, if you'd watch me,

I could learn you a few things about fishing.

Addie, are you gonna hide behind that tree all day there?

Pa said you wanted to see me.

I do.

He sure has gentled down like a wore-out mule.

Well...

that's good.

Wonder if he's gentled down enough

so that he wouldn't mind if you came into Dodge.

- Doc... I... What do you mean? - I...

Well, I think that, maybe if you came into Dodge

and kind of hung around the office a little while,

I might be able to teach you something about medicine.

Teach me medicine?

Well, now, hold on a minute, just...

I didn't say I was gonna make a doctor out of you

or anything like that, but maybe I could teach you enough

so at least you wouldn't go around poisoning folks.

Doc, do you really think that...

Well, I think... I...

Well, Addie,

I think you got a...

a wonderful way about you with-with sick folks.

I watched you with Piney

and then all those other folks, and some of them...

some of them were pretty bad, and, Addie...

you've got a wonderful feeling for doctoring.

- Well, now, here... - I ain't never been so happy

- in all my life. - Now, quit it.

Now, Addie, here. Stop.

Stop this, now. Quit.

Good heavens, Addie.

Pa! Pa.