Original subtitles

Starring James Arness as Matt Dillon.

That's a good one!

There ain't nobody been able to do that!

Except maybe Pa.

Well, you're gonna see somebody do it right now,

as soon as I get a little practice here.

Hey, barkeep, give us another bottle.

- You've already got one. - But this'un ain't no good.

We need a full one.

I tell you, Claudius, it just can't be did!

Well, you're gonna see somebody do it right now!

Just step back there a little bit...

You smell like the bottom of an owl's foot.

- Morning, Dave. - Morning, Miss Kitty.

Sam, give me a drink.

Coming up.

What happened? Moss Grimmick fire you?

No, ma'am. Well, I just cleaned out those stables so good,

he gave me a half hour off.

- Will you join me? - Ah, it's a little early for me.

- Uh. - I'll tell you what I will do...

- Join you at the table. - Okay.

Well...

here goes.

If I had, uh, known it was gonna be formal,

I'd have worn my tie.

Oh, this is a carriage trade saloon.

Well, you're a-fixing to do it, Claudius.

I can't believe it.

I'm not sure I do, either.

Incredible!

You done it! You done it!

Well, that makes you the big rooster, Claudius!

You got the whole... roost to yourself!

King of the roost!

Flap 'em, Claudius!

Sit down there!

Go on, flap 'em, Claudius!

The whole dang bottle

without nary a breath.

Now, tell the truth, ma'am,

you ever seen the likes of that afore?

It's incredible.

I think you'd better do the rest of your crowing

out in the street.

You got cause to lay hand on me, boy?

A man with your kind of manners, uh, needs a hand on him.

Got me a tussle, fellas.

Clear us a place.

You and me tussle; anything fair.

Well... you got kind of lucky on that'un.

Go get Matt, Sam.

Well, you knocked him plumb out, Emery.

Well, now, we don't want him to miss the fight, now, do we?

There's trouble at the Long Branch, Marshal.

- Is anybody dead, Sam? - Not yet.

Well, I'll, I'll be upstairs if you need me.

Well, now you've done it.

You made me mad!

Go, get yourself a club, boy, you got a right.

Sure. The only thing we don't allow is eye gouging.

Out of the way.

Hold it.

All right, drop it.

- You all right, Dave? - Aw, no harm done,

except the place got a little untidy.

Matt, if you don't mind, I'll be getting back to the stable.

- All right. - Way they've been drinking, Marshal,

you'd better not light a match around them.

Is that a real badge you wearing?

Yeah, that's a real badge, Emery.

Well, just didn't want any of them city fellers

trying to pull a slick'un on us.

Did you bring those green skins in here, smelling up this place?

Oh, th-them skins ain't green; they been cured good.

They don't smell none.

Well, I'll tell you one thing, you're not getting 'em back

till you've figured out a way to pay the damages on this place.

In the meantime you're going to jail.

Jail, Marshal?

We wasn't figuring on no jail tonight.

Well, that's the charge for drunk and disorderly

in this town, mister.

Well, we was kind of maybe thinking about a bath

and a... and a real bed.

Yeah. You couldn't even guess how long it's been

since we've had a bath, Marshal.

I couldn't, huh?

Sam, take 'em over and lock 'em up, will you?

- I'll be along in a minute. - Yes, sir.

Come on.

Kitty, I'm sure sorry about all this,

but don't worry, 'cause I'll see nobody takes

those skins out of here till they pay for the damages.

- Oh, thanks a lot. I appreciate that. - Yeah.

♪♪

Howdy, Dave.

- Festus. Glen. - Hi.

Matt was looking for you a while ago, Festus.

Oh, well, I'm fixin' to go right by his office now.

See you directly, Dave.

- Howdy, Matthew. - Festus.

Dave was saying you're a-faunching to see me.

Yeah. You got any plans for tonight?

Well, I always got plans, I reckon.

Well, I got three trappers locked up in jail back there.

Now, they're gonna have to be fed later on tonight,

and I was kind of hoping you could stick around

and let 'em loose in the morning.

Well, like I was saying, I have got plans.

I... I'd like to be obligin' and everything...

Festus, you don't have any plans outside of standing around

on the corner jawing to somebody, do you?

Oh, golly Bill, Matthew,

you know I ain't nobody to take charge of no jail.

Festus, you got to do this for me as a favor.

Now, I've got to head to Hays City right away,

and I don't have time to look for anybody else.

Well, if you're gonna put it like that...

I reckon I could do this.

There's a woodsy smell in here, ain't there?

Woodsy?

Well, I'm glad that's the way you think of it.

Might help you a little to get through the night.

Now, look, let 'em out first thing in the morning,

then just walk off and close up the jail.

But don't let them out before then,

because it'll take that long

for that amount of liquor to wear off.

Just don't you fret about a thing, Matthew.

Much obliged to you, Festus.

Well, hello, Glen.

See you've been doing some fishing, huh?

Yeah. Caught me a big'un, Marshal.

Yes, he's a beauty.

He's not the one I was aiming for, though.

He's a powerful big one all the same.

Well, I can see your ma'll appreciate

having that for supper tonight, but, uh, what's she gonna say

about you skipping school?

I don't intend on letting her know, Marshal.

I'm saying Festus gave me the fish.

I see.

Uh... it Festus' idea to tell stories to your ma, too?

Well, you've got to account for the fish some way, Marshal.

Well, Glen, I'll tell you, hunting and fishing with Festus

might be a lot of fun, but, uh,

I wouldn't skip too much school if I was you.

You might regret that later.

♪♪

Are you a deputy now, Festus?

That's just what I am.

Old Matthew leaves me to fill his boots every now and again.

Well, maybe someday you'll become marshal.

Can I be your deputy if you do?

Well, of course you can.

I wouldn't think of appointing anybody else.

Gee, you mean it, Festus?

You bet I do.

Say, Festus...

you think I should tell ma that...

that I wasn't in school today?

Well, why would you want to go to work and tell her that?

That'd just make your ma unhappy.

Ain't no sense in making your ma unhappy, is there?

Well, that's the way I figured it, Festus, but...

Well, maybe I'll see you after supper.

All right, Glen. I'll be right here,

just a-deputyin' away.

Should've brought a bottle.

Hey, you gonna let us...

die of thirst out there?

Hey, out there!

We get a drink if we pay for it?

Hey, out there!

Cousin Festus?

Well, dang my hide.

Cousin Claudius!

Hey, hey, hey, wake up, wake up!

- Look who's here! - Lambert! Emery!

- Festus! - Why, you old scudder, you.

- I ain't saw you since... - Golly Bill, and wearing a badge.

Hey, you a deputy in Dodge? You a lawman?

Well, just fillin' in for the marshal is all.

Uh, y-you mean you could let us out of here, huh?

Oh, of course I can. Sunup tomorrow morning,

I'm fixin' to buy you coffee and just see you right out of town.

Sunup?!

We had us kind of in mind to go to another town

and-and maybe spend the night.

Well, it's just that Matthew told me to...

I tell you what.

You let us out, and we'll get our horses,

and just ride away and won't bother you no more.

Now that's a promise.

Oh, I wished you wouldn't ask me to do that.

All the favors we done you, Festus.

What favors you done me?

Well, they was, uh...

Well, there'd ought to have been one somewheres back.

Oh... grab.

I'm a-getting all crawly being in this place.

Well, it's probably something you brung in with you, Emery.

I'm fixing to go look into your suppers.

Got no regard at all,

just no regard for your kinfolks.

Oh, golly Bill, Claudius.

I'd like to let you out and everything,

but I've done gave Matthew my word.

Well, kin blood's a lot thicker than water, Festus.

And especially your Haggen blood.

What are them Haggens gonna think when they hear

that you kept us in here,

in jail, locked up all night?

You could have let us go.

Yeah. And how'd it gonna look to 'em when they find out

that you wouldn't take a Haggen promise?

Well, it... ain't a-gonna look good,

I'll give you that,

but this ain't something I can do without stewing on it

for a spell.

You just stew all you want to stew,

but the truth is

that no Haggen ever took the side of the law

against another Haggen ever.

Just never!

Oh.

I'll go get your suppers.

I'll be back directly, though.

You reckon he's gonna let us out?

He's a Haggen, ain't he?

Yeah.

Well, as I can see, he just ain't got no other choice.

We'll have it ready for you in about ten minutes.

Oh, it might take 15.

You want some coffee, too?

You bet. A whole gallon bucket full. Black.

Hi, Festus.

Sam.

Give me a drink, will you? Better make it a double.

Oh, evening, Miss Kitty, Doc.

How are you?

Nothing wrong, is there, Festus?

What makes you think there's anything wrong?

Well, you're drinking pretty heavy, for one thing,

for a man who's wearing a badge.

Oh, well, that ain't nothing.

I was just trying it on for size.

Well, now, am I wrong about this?

I-Isn't he supposed to be the acting U.S. Marshal?

- That's the way I heard it, yeah. - Yeah.

You know better than that.

I don't know nothing about lawing.

All I done was agreed

to take over for Matthew while he's gone.

Festus, I know you have an aversion to work, but, uh,

why would putting on that badge put you in a mood like this?

Well, it ain't necessarily the badge, Miss Kitty.

It's just that when a man takes on a big job like this,

he gets to thinking deeper than ordinary.

Festus, maybe if you told us what your problem is,

- we might be able to help you. - Yeah.

Miss Kitty, just suppose that I had a friend.

Well, now, there is a supposition for you.

Oh, go on. I... Go on.

And just supposing that this friend give me his solemn word,

kind of a blood oath, you might say?

Wouldn't I be obliged to take his word?

Well, I think I would.

I mean, uh, if you can't trust a friend,

then might as well give up.

Well, that's the way I've always saw it, too.

Much obliged, Miss Kitty.

Hang tight. What in thunder was that all about, anyway?

Well, it's as plain as the nose on your face.

He had a moral dilemma, and I solved it.

You got any problems?

Yeah. How in thunder do you get another drink around here?

Sam, bring Doc another drink.

- On the house. - On the house.

Well... made up your mind yet?

I reckon I have, but there's one other thing.

You're agreeing that you're swearing

for Emery and Lambert, too.

I wouldn't have it no other way.

And this here is a genuine Haggen oath.

Genuine Haggen.

All right, hold up your hand.

Your other hand.

And I want you to say what I'm fixing to say right after me.

- I swear... - I swear...

No, don't start till I get done to make it official.

Now, I swear on my Grandpa Hog Haggen's grave

that I'm a-fixing to just leave town

and not be no trouble to nobody.

I swear on my Grandpa Hog Haggen's grave,

and my ma's, that I'm a-fixing to just leave town

and not be no trouble to nobody.

- That's it. - That's it.

No, I mean, I'm done.

Take your hand down.

Well, that's all there is to it.

Go ahead on.

- Yeah! - You're a Haggen through and through.

- Yes, Festus, you're a good'un. - Yee-haw!

Not worth a nickel, let alone a quarter!

Now, Mr. Halligan, I told you

trying to fix that old harness was gonna be a waste of time,

and Moss told you the same thing, too.

Not the fault of the harness.

The way you overlapped them edges.

Pulled right clear.

Now, you know stitches won't hold on old leather.

Not with a mule pulling against them.

I told you to fix me a harness.

Now, you owe me a new harness for spoiling mine.

Well, that just ain't sensible, giving you a new harness.

Anyway, that's up to Moss Grimmick, not me.

Hmm. Just like all the others. Out to cheat me.

Well, I'm saying this here harness got to be new.

Oh.

Didn't mean nothing.

Didn't mean nothing.

Mr. Halligan?

Own fault.

Just your own fault.

Get Doc.

Own fault. That's what it was.

Uh, uh, we got to pick up our horses.

We want to get on up the road?

Well, he's been drinking.

Better whiskey than we had.

Watch him. He's pretty stout.

Yes, I told you about laying a hand on me.

He wants to tussle.

Is that what you want? Do you want to tussle?

Grab, he ain't so much.

I could have whooped him myself.

He... He's bleeding.

Must have hurt hisself.

He just fell like anybody.

He couldn't have hurt hisself.

Maybe we ought to get him to a doc.

I don't think he's a-breathing, Emery.

'Tain't your fault. He just fell.

They'll be no explaining this

after that tussle we had up yonder.

We'd better get our horses and just get on out of here.

Claudius, it ain't like a Haggen to be running.

You don't explain a dead man, neither.

You just get away from where they are.

Come on.

It was them, Festus.

Nobody else done it.

Them done what?

Killed Dave Carson. Beat him up.

Right over there in the stable.

I seen 'em, them trappers.

Nobody else done it, just them.

Beat Dave over the head.

Why would they want to do that?

Out of meanness. I watched 'em.

Beat Dave right over the head.

His pulse any stouter, is it, Doc?

Is his pulse any stouter, Doc?

No, Festus. Weaker, if anything.

Oh, if I'd have just

kept 'em locked up like Matthew said.

But they give me their solemn oath

that they'd leave town.

Isn't there any improvement at all?

Well, I'd be encouraged if he was holding his own.

What can you do?

Well, I've done all I can.

About the only thing I can do now is just...

just wait.

That's all, but wait.

Well, the whole dang thing's my fault.

But they just swore up and down to me

that they'd leave town

and wouldn't cause no trouble or anything.

Festus, don't blame yourself so much.

Ain't nobody else to blame, Miss Kitty.

Anybody could have made the same mistake.

In a way, it's my fault, too.

No, ma'am. It's all my fault.

I done the whole thing.

That's what I get for taking a kin's word.

A kin and friends.

Is he dead, Festus?

He's looking awful peaked, Glen.

He gonna die?

Looks real bad.

Them fellas sure beat him.

Nobody else done it.

Did you see the whole thing, did you, Mr. Halligan?

Well, maybe not all of it.

Just enough to see it was them?

Did you see who it was

that done the actual beating on Dave?

Well, it was... uh, kind of confusing, Festus.

They promised me they'd get right out of town.

Yeah. I heard 'em say that, promising you.

Then I heard 'em laugh.

Just laugh about it.

They done it.

Laughing?

They was laughing about it?

Terrible thing, laughing about beating a man.

You watch out for them fellas, Festus.

They're real mean!

You going after 'em?

That's what I'm fixing to do, Glen.

Well, can I come with you?

Oh, now, that wouldn't be proper.

Can I take care of the jail while you're gone?

Well, ain't nobody in jail.

Well, so there's no harm in it.

No harm, I reckon.

I don't know whether I was seeing things back there or not,

but the three of us riding together is leaving a trail

big enough for a blind man to follow.

Well, crossing the flatlands out there,

we'd sure be just spotted all in one bunch.

Well, uh, maybe we'd better split up

and all go different directions,

wait for one another at the line shack.

I don't like leaving the hills, Claudius.

I-I don't know nothing about that country out there.

Well, we can't all ride together, Lambert.

We'll get caught.

- Now, Emery. - Yeah?

You go up around that ridge there.

Lambert, you go straight on across the flatland,

and I'll cut back up through the saddle here and swing around.

Don't look like there's much water out there.

Well, you take care of what you got. It'll see you through.

Well, you'd better get going, Lambert.

♪♪

Lambert.

You catch up with a mule, Festus?

Might say I just took a little better ridin' ground

than you did.

That must've been you behind us last night.

It was me.

Now, you can just unbuckle that gun belt.

I-I can't let you take me in, Festus.

They'll hang me for sure.

Now, you figurin' on dyin' right there where you are?

Now, Festus,

I'm just a hill boy like yourself.

And that's where I'm going back to.

Reckon you got a second chance to take off that gun belt.

Well, you run off my horse, Festus.

Oh, I hadn't ought to have did that.

What I'd ought to have did is shoot you.

Wh-What you fixin' to do, Festus?

I'm fixin' to leave you right where you are.

No horse and no water?

And no "mossacins."

Now take 'em off.

Man can't go no place

without no horse and... and no water and...

no "mossacins."

Then I reckon you won't be too far from here when I get back.

Hand 'em here.

You ain't giving me much of a fair chance, Festus.

I figure you got more of a chance than Dave's got.

♪♪

You combing out that blamed scalp there

sure don't whet my craving for these vittles none.

Well, now, you ain't doing too bad from what I see.

Paid me a dollar for it.

Real pretty.

Paying for scalps just encourages renegades...

You ought to know that.

Well, one way of looking at it.

Another is, I know the wagon family that lost this scalp.

Mailin' it to 'em, give 'em something to bury.

Ain't chargin' 'em neither.

What'll it be, Marshal?

Little something to cut the dust, friend.

Well, beer would be better, but, uh, red-eye in the keg's

about best we can do.

Now, Emery, you can go ahead and make out your meal,

but the first thing you'd better do is stand up

and unbuckle that gun belt.

Maybe you ain't noticed it, Festus,

but you're below the Kansas border.

If you don't stand up right quick,

that's where you're fixin' to get buried.

Outlaw, is he?

Never guess it. Sure squeamish about a little old scalp.

Just stand up and drop that belt.

Sure, Festus, sure.

I just don't know what's got into you.

Ain't a very efficient outlaw, I'll say that.

You got a sheriff in this town, mister?

After a fashion.

We each take turns unlocking the jail.

I'll be ever so much obliged to you if you'll unlock it for me.

Might need a doc first. You got... There any one of them?

Jake Dunn. Real good vet.

Fetch him and meet you at the jail.

Much obliged.

Now, Emery, where's Cousin Claudius at?

Festus, we didn't do nothing.

Claudius, he just... he just pushed that fella a little.

Oh. Well, that's what I'm fixin' to do to Claudius

when I catch up with him, just push him a little.

Now, where's he at?

Well, now, you don't expect one hill boy to rattle his tongue

on another, do you?

Well, this hill boy better start to rattlin' his tongue

or I'm gonna shoot him right where I'm aimin'.

You bluffin', are you?

You callin', are you?

Why, you need a dad-blamed good story, boy, shootin' me again.

I'll just say I mistook you for a polecat.

No, you're just loony enough to do it, too.

I'm just riled up enough to do it. Now, where is he?

Uh, there's an old shack down by the Red Rock Divide.

That's where he's at.

Much obliged to you, Emery.

Now, let's you and me go to jail.

Would you have shot me again, Festus?

You don't call, you don't see the other feller's hand.

Don't believe I'd do that, Cousin Claudius.

You might try it again,

except a little slower and lettin' her drop.

That's it.

I was, uh...

uh, just fixin' to...

cut some kindling wood and make up a cup of coffee.

Sure would appreciate you joining me.

I hear you was the one that done the thumpin' on Dave Carson.

Why, it weren't no thumpin'.

It's just... pushed him off me, that's all.

I know a feller that seen it,

and he said it was a heap more than just a push.

Dave Carson was my friend.

- Now, wait a minute... - Why don't you just hold up your hand

and say this after me?

I swear on my Grandpa Hog Haggen's grave

that I'll just leave town.

- Oh, now... - Say it!

I swear on my Grandpa Hog Haggen's grave

I'll just leave town.

- And on my ma's grave. - And on my ma's grave.

Well, you fixin' to get up

or you want to take your whuppin' right where you are?

You fixin' to tussle with me?

I'm fixin'.

But, uh, you ain't half as big as I am.

I'm figurin' on cuttin' you down a foot or two, Cousin Claudius.

And the best man just walks away, huh?

Except I don't even figure you're gonna crawl away.

I always wanted me a set of dried ears for my belt.

I think I'll just cut yours.

Had enough, Cousin Claudius?

♪♪

Well, got all three of 'em, Matthew.

So I noticed. Uh, what are you charging 'em with?

Chargin' em?

Well, for pert near killing Dave Carson,

if he ain't already dead.

Well, he's far from dead, Festus.

Doc just sent him down to Hays City, the hospital there,

for a few days' rest.

I'm real glad to hear that, Matthew.

Real glad.

Now, uh, would you mind telling me

what you charged these three men with?

Of course. For beatin' up on Dave.

Well, they didn't beat up Dave.

Now, he says he doesn't remember everything that happened,

but he remembers enough to know that it wasn't these three men.

Wasn't them that done it?

No. Now, suppose you men

pick up those guns and get on out about your business.

Well, now just a minute.

We was fixin' to get up some charges agin him.

Well, I've got a few charges I can get up myself

for wrecking the Long Branch.

Now I suggest you pick up your pelts and get on out of town.

And I want to see you in the office.

We sure owe you somethin', Cousin Festus.

I reckon you do, at that.

Yeah. Maybe you could come a-visiting

up in the hills sometimes.

We'd sure like to pay you back for all the hospitality

you showed us.

That's mighty thoughty of you, Emery.

We, uh, got some finishing up to do,

you get up our way.

Get over, Buck.

Appears like I made a bigger mess

than a sow's bed, Matthew.

Festus, I just don't see how it's possible

for one man to get in so much trouble in 48 hours.

Well, you got every right to be unsettled.

All you had to do

was keep those three men locked up in jail till they were sober

the next morning, like I told you.

And we wouldn't be the laughingstock

of every town for 50 miles around.

Well, all I done was to take a Haggen's word.

I'd ought to have knowed it'd been good.

Festus, what if you had killed one of those men?

That's just what I was thinkin'.

There's such a thing as responsibility!

I just ain't got no excuse, I...

Well, I'm not asking for any excuses.

You know, the thing that made me maddest

was you bringing this boy in here...

And his mother and half the town out looking for him.

Glen?

Yeah.

Now, you put him in charge of the jail here

and you went off and left him.

He stayed here, nobody knowing he was here.

Well, I didn't aim for him to stay nights, Matthew.

Well, that's what he did.

Oh, Festus, look, I...

I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful. I...

I asked you to be in charge here, and,

well, you did it for me as a favor.

I'm thanking you.

♪♪

Maybe just a beer, Sam.

Mm-hmm.

How's the rootin', tootin' marshal tonight?

Just a plain, dang fool, Doc.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

I wish I'd had a dollar for every mistake I made, Festus.

Dave gonna be all right, is he, Doc?

Mm, certainly. Couple of weeks in bed,

he'll be as spry as ever.

Memory won't be gone or anything like that?

Of course not. He's got all his faculties right now.

Just because he... can't recollect what happened

in the stable... That don't mean anything.

- Evening, Doc. - Kitty.

- Festus. - Miss Kitty.

That was a mighty fine job you did, rounding up those trappers.

They didn't deserve roundin' up, Miss Kitty.

Well, it was still a good job.

I'll buy you a drink on it.

No, ma'am. Much obliged, anyhow.

Well, I'll...

I'll owe you one when you want it.

Festus.

Now just let me give you some advice.

You got to quit being so doggone hard on yourself.

A man can't do anything but follow his convictions.

You know, when you see somebody riding away from somebody

that's been injured, what-what would you naturally think?

Well, I'd think he'd been up to some mischief.

Of course.

Well, it's more'n just riding away, Doc.

When somebody says that they've saw somebo...

Mr. Halligan.

Halligan?

What about Halligan?

Well, it's more'n just

being a plain fool, Doc.

It's more like being 14 different kinds of fools.

Mr. Halligan?

I'm asking you to surrender.

Now, I know that you done it, Mr. Halligan.

You said you seen it done.

That kind of shows that you had reason

to blame it on somebody else.

Now, I don't want to hurt you none, Mr. Halligan.

I just want you to come on out

and give up to the law.

Now, I'm gonna give you one more chance.

If you don't come out,

I'm a-fixing to rush up and get you.

Festus.

What do you think you're doing?

I got the guilty man, Matthew.

What makes you think you got the guilty man this time?

Well, he said he seen Dave get beat up.

A-lyin' to protect hisself.

Mr. Halligan.

This is Matt Dillon. Come on out.

My hands are raised, Marshal.

It's all right, Mr. Halligan, you can put your hands down.

Oh, thank you, Marshal.

I was scared to give up to Festus.

I was scared he might be... mad at me.

Did you hurt Dave, Mr. Halligan?

Not a'purpose, Marshal.

You know that I wouldn't hurt nobody a'purpose.

All right, look, if I let you stay out here tonight,

will you promise me to come in to the office tomorrow

so we can talk about this?

Oh, I'll be there, Marshal.

You can just depend on me.

Well, I came the long way around, Matthew,

but I got my man.

It was the long way around, all right.

Festus, I tell you what... I got a new pot of coffee brewing

on the stove back in the office.

Well, much obliged, Matthew, but I got me a idea.

Uh, taking over for Dave at the stable

while he's a-getting well.

So's he won't lose his job for not being around.

Well, now, that's a real kindness.

Well, I figure I owe a heap o' that, Matthew.

He'll appreciate that, too.

Morning, Cousin Festus.

Morning, Cousin Claudius.

Emery.

Festus.

Lambert.

Festus.

Right pretty morning, ain't it?

Passable.

Uh, we come to have a kind of talk with you, Festus.

Well, I'm powerful busy right now, Lambert.

We was, uh, wondering could we sit and jaw a spell?

Of course.

Come on in.

Go for it and sit down.

We, uh...

been kind of wettin' our whistle a little.

Maybe we got ahead of you. Help yourself.

Much obliged to you.

You know, Emery and Lambert and me,

we been a-thinking.

You have?

Sure have.

We's proud.

Proud?

Sure, Festus.

A-real proud.

Take a drink.

Much obliged.

I'm real proud to be drinkin' with you fellers, too.

Festus?

Hold that. I'll be back directly.

Howdy, Glen.

Well, I'm all ready.

Well, I reckon you are at that.

Well, ain't you going fishing?

Well, I... figure about Sunday next, Glen.

We'll go down there and we'll catch us

the biggest mess of catfish that you've ever saw,

but I expect you got just time to make her to school,

if you get started right now.

School?

Yeah, you know,

that little old house down yonder

with the bell a-goin' this way and that.

So you run on to school now.

When you get home tonight,

tell your ma where you been.

See, I got a feeling she-she knows

that you've been a-storyin' to her all along.

So tonight when you get home

and tell her where you been,

well, you watch her grin.

Now, I don't mean just her mouth.

But watch her eyes grin, too.

Ain't nothing prettier than that, Glen.

Now, you go on, scoot.

Festus, you gonna stand there and gape

or help us with this wonderful stuff?

You fellers ain't drank it all up, have you?

You should've seen Claudius.

He drank a whole bottle without nary a breath.

Oh, faw.

I've never even saw nobody could do that but your pa,

- Uncle Ben. - He did it!

I done it.

- Yeah. - You done it?

Ah, I don't believe it.

Well, we'll just go down to that Long Branch,

and I'll do her again.

Wait a minute now!

Wait a minute, fellas.

We'd ought to drink here, we...

I hadn't ought to go back down to the Long Branch.

The whole thing in one drink.