Original subtitles

Starring James Arness as Matt Dillon.

Well, I'll be a son of a ring-tailed badger.

How are you, Festus?

Tolerable, Matthew. How 'bout yourself?

Fine.

Well, you don't need to be fleeing out of town

just 'cause I've come back.

No, as a matter of fact,

I'm on my way up to Kiowa Flats.

I'm taking back a cash box

that somebody stole out of the Dodge House.

Just the box, or ain't you gonna bring back

the feller who stole it?

Oh, I'm gonna leave him right where the sheriff buried him.

Well, that sheriff's a good man up there.

I-I recollect the...

well, uh, the time he took a shot at me,

but that's a long time ago.

You wouldn't be interested in that.

What do you think of that

for six weeks of trapping in them foothills?

Looks like a good bunch of pelts.

Well, loaded myself right out of the saddle with 'em.

And all prime furs, too...

Fox, beaver, bear, muskrat, skunk.

Sk... That reminds me.

You been a-hearin' any stories about April?

April? No. What kind of stories?

Well, a feller I met on the trail was telling me

that she's been a-sashayin' around with old Quint.

Oh. Quint's a good friend of yours, isn't he?

Well, of course he's a friend of mine,

but, golly Bill, he ain't that good of a friend.

I may just have to thrash her a little bit

for the good of her soul.

Well, you know, Festus,

I wouldn't worry about those stories.

You know how that kind of thing travels around.

I'll see you in a day or two.

Matt, uh, who'd you deputize

to look after the store for you while you're away?

Well, nobody, but I got somebody looking out after the jail

for a night or two.

It's your old friend Quint.

Five gross of tin cups.

Five gross... hold it... tin cups.

Uh, open that one up.

Put it handy where I can get at it, will you?

The Injuns like shiny things.

Them tin cups always gets their attention.

Anything you say, Mr. Asher.

These sure ain't first quality.

Not in very good condition, a lot of them.

Well, Argus, the beast ain't never been born yet

that grows better fur than that.

I don't even need these, come right down to it.

Gonna get me plenty of pelts off the Injuns the next ten days.

What are you gonna do, trade 'em some more

of that watered-down rum?

I deal fair and square, and I don't water the trade rum.

Well, out of pure generosity,

I'll take these off your hands and give you...

sixty dollars.

Oh.

Well, what do you know?

I'm a regular soothsayer.

I was saying to myself when I was comin' in here,

I said, "Festus,

"that old skinflint is just gonna try to hornswoggle you

out of them pelts for half what they're worth."

And sure enough, there you are trying to do just that.

You ain't claiming these mangy skins is worth $120?

You bet your battered boots I am.

But I'll tell you what I'll do:

I'll take $90, just so as I won't have to deal with you

for any longer than I have to.

$75's high as I'll go.

There's nothing more to talk about.

Except, uh, two dollars for the use of that there tub.

Two dollars?

I could buy my own tub for that.

Well, buy one then... set it in the street, whistle for rain.

Bender.

Coming, Mr. Asher.

Bring me $73 in gold from the box.

Yes, sir.

And see to it none extra sticks in your fingers.

You pay him any wages,

or do you just let him bask in the sunshine of your presence?

Bender don't complain. Why should you?

50 pounds of sugar sticks.

50 pounds...

sugar sticks.

I'll tell you,

it's a everlasting cryin' shame.

A man just... goes out for six weeks

and works his heart out, a-breakin' his back,

eatin' hardtack,

for 73 puny little old dollars.

You ought to use your head the way I do.

Let the Injuns do the work.

Matter of fact, I'm going out into the hills tonight

to do a little trading.

Ten days from now when I come back,

I'll have a wagonload of furs you couldn't trap in a lifetime.

Well, cheatin' Injuns is a pretty poor way

to make a living.

So's workin' a sorry way.

$73 gold, Mr. Asher.

Well, give it to Festus.

I'll take the keys.

You know what I'm a-fixin' to do?

I'm gonna go straight to the bank and have 'em look at this.

Yeah? Look a hole through 'em if you want.

I'm an honest man.

Well, I'll be a son of a ring-tailed badger.

Quint!

Come here, you good-for-nothin' filthy, mangy horse thief!

Festus, you're the scroungiest-looking human being

I ever saw!

What would you know about human beings,

seeing you ain't one yourself?

Hey... what's been going on twixt you and April?

Well, nothing. Nothing that counts, anyway.

Well, that just depends on who's doing the countin'.

Well, I took her to a box social for you

in broad daylight, if that's what you're talking about.

You two been saw gallivantin' more than once, now.

Festus, if there's one thing we ain't been doing,

it's gallivantin'.

Well, I didn't believe it anyhow.

It's just what somebody said.

Tell me this... how's she look?

Pretty. Looks prettier every day.

Ah, don't she just?

Well, I got to finish gettin' curried down.

If you want to wash up or take a bath,

I got a two-dollar tub of water that's just a-going to waste.

- Well, I... - Come on!

Evening, ma'am.

- Who is it? - A travelin' man, honey,

with a pocketful of gold and a heart full of love.

Festus!

I thought you was never gonna come back.

A Haggen always comes back, honey, like it or not.

Oh, you know I like it! Oh!

April, dang you, if you get any prettier,

I'm just gonna swell up and bust.

Festus, put me down before my head comes plumb off.

What kind of a dang fool doodad

you been throwing your money away on?

It ain't no doodad, and I didn't throw no money away, neither.

It was give to me.

Oh, it was give to you?

By who, and what for?

Well, by Mr. Gripholder at the furniture store.

He gave it to me as a present.

I reckon he figured that I needed a chair.

Well, what in the name of Jeff Davis

have you been a-settin' on?

Now, Festus, there ain't no need in getting all riled up.

He was just being real nice and-and friendly and all.

I'll just bet he was, that old muskrat!

Quint, old man Gripholder, and who knows who else!

Oh, that ain't true.

I no more than turn around, and you got to start gallivantin'.

Gallivantin'? If there's one thing I ain't been doing,

it's gallivantin', and I don't call six weeks

just barely turning around.

And-and put my chair down.

Festus, what are you doing?!

Brittle! It ain't even decent built!

Festus, stop that!

Brittle, just like old man Gripholder's bones!

- I am warning you, Festus Haggen! - Huh?!

I'm a-doing this for your own benefit!

Supposin' you done went to set down on this contraption;

it could've dropped you right flat on your floor there.

- You have gone clean out of your head! - You want a chair,

I'll build you a chair,

and it'll be solid built and all padded with furry stuff

so you can just set down on it and not even know

you're settin' on nothin'!

If you think that I am gonna stay here

in this room with a stark, raving lunatic, you are crazy!

April, come back here, now!

April?

Come back here, you little ninny!

April!

Fool woman ought to know'd I was just a-pullin' her leg.

April!

Whoo! April!

Dang your hide. April!

April?

April?

♪♪

Marshal?

Quint, where is the marshal?

Well, he's gone out of town.

He'll be back tomorrow about noon. Why?

Noon tomorrow? By then, I'll be dead.

- You got to help me. - Wait a minute, April.

I'm in enough trouble with Festus already.

- What's the matter? - I just seen a murder.

You did what?

Least, I seen right after one, anyway.

Two men... they were putting a third one in a barrel.

And-and I knowed that he was dead

on account of he had a great big knife sticking out of his back.

Just calm down a minute, April.

Where do you think you saw all this at?

Over at Asher's warehouse.

I seen it through the back window.

I-I was hiding. Well, not from them.

I-I was hiding from Festus.

- You see, he was chasing me... - Mm-hmm.

And I'd run into the alleyway to hide, and...

You and Festus had a little fight, huh?

Well, yes, but what does that got to do with this?

Oh, April, how could you do this to me?

Do what to you?

Come over here with this made-up yarn,

to get me mixed up between you and Festus.

Well, I ain't made nothing up,

and I didn't even know you was here.

I came over here looking for the marshal,

and I sure wish he was here instead of you.

Why don't you just go on home and get a good night's rest?

I ain't going nowhere and wait in my bed to be murdered.

I'm gonna stay right here until you do something about this.

Well, what am I gonna do about it?

Well, I guess you could go over there and arrest them.

I can't arrest nobody. I ain't no lawman.

Then, I'm staying right here until the marshal gets back.

I told you, he ain't gonna be back till tomorrow,

so you can't stay here.

What are people gonna think?

Are you, uh, scared to go over to that warehouse?

No, I ain't scared of nothing.

Talking's a heap a lot easier than doing, ain't it?

All right, I'll call your bluff. We'll go over there.

What do you mean "we?"

Well, I'm not gonna be made a fool of by myself.

You're the one that saw it, not me.

Unless, of course, you want to admit that you're lying.

Lying!

Okay, come on, let's go.

Hey!

Wait just a dang minute there, you two.

I knew that you were gonna be trouble.

Ain't been no gallivantin', huh?

And, oh, we've only did it in the broad daylight.

Well, I don't see no sun a-shining now.

I'm just checking up on something

April told me, that's all.

Well, don't you know no more than to...?

Festus, will you quit it?

We ain't got time for lollygagging now.

- Lollygagging?! - Yeah.

Wait a minute, Festus.

Uh, April here might be in real trouble, she thinks,

and she saw a murder... maybe.

Oh, what kind of a harebrained yarn

has this flitter-headed ninny been feeding you?

If I was a man, I would p...

If you was a man, I wouldn't be a-following you right now.

And I wouldn't have just decided to go right along with you

and check up on this so-called checking up you're gonna do.

Well, you just ain't going nowhere with us!

We'll see about that.

You're as welcome as rain in August.

Somebody stirring around in there.

Bender?

Coming.

Howdy.

Oh, it's you, Quint.

And Festus.

Well, what do you fellows want?

Well, if it's all the same to you, Bender,

we'd like to come in and take a look around.

At this hour? That don't make sense.

Well, it makes about as much sense

as what that little lady said she saw through your window.

Oh, so you're the one.

You lit out so fast, I-I didn't get a real good look at you.

I couldn't figure what you was doing out there,

peering in like that.

See, you might as well come in and look around,

seeing as you're here.

Well, where would you like to look mostly?

We, uh, best ask the little lady here.

Over there, around them barrels, by the back window.

Well, then, we best go this way.

Watch your step.

Why, I-I...

I sure can't figure out what this is all about.

No, not that one. That one right there.

I seen it from the window.

That was the one he was stuffing the dead man in.

Him and that other man that looked like a bear.

What's she talking about, Festus?

Well, ask him.

I ain't got no part of this snipe hunt.

Well, you see, Miss, uh... Miss April there...

She claims that, uh...

that she thinks, uh...

You tell him.

I ain't thinking nothing, and I ain't claiming nothing, neither.

I seen it with my own eyes.

I seen you stuff a dead man in that barrel.

You and that other big man.

Oh, so that's why you lit out like a scared rabbit.

You mean she's telling the truth?

Well, now, that...

that's a matter of opinion.

You see... see that window there...

That-that ain't none too clean.

And sometimes,

especially in the dark with only candlelight...

folks eyes play tricks on 'em.

We was just packing up some barrels with these

to ship 'em back East.

Of all the nitwitted flibbertigibbets

I've ever saw in my born days, you...

I'm getting out of here!

No, wait a minute, miss. You're gonna trip over something

in the dark and fall down.

April, wait.

Sorry we bothered you, Bender.

No bother.

That gal keeps talking the way she's talking,

she could cause a might of trouble for us.

Not us. I ain't gonna be here.

I will.

It's up to you, then, ain't it?

Yeah. I reckon it is.

April?

You got to get this whole thing out of your head now

and quit acting so silly.

None of it'd have happened in the first place

if you hadn't have took that present

off old man Grabber Nabber or what...

Would you be quiet, you old braying donkey?

Quint, where you going?

Just going in here and have a drink.

You two don't need me hanging around.

Now, you listen to me, the both of you.

That mealy-mouthed murderer might have

the two of you ninnies eating out of his hand, but not me,

'cause I seen what I seen,

and it weren't no barrel of fur, neither.

Now, what are you aiming on doing about it?

Well, I'm just aiming to forget it, myself.

It was kind of dark in there, and Bender was right.

You-you might have been seeing things.

What do you mean, might have been seeing things?

I seen what I seen... Them two men murdered that man,

and then, they stuffed him in a barrel.

And will you please stop trying to make me think

I've gone stark raving crazy?!

Well, maybe you did see it just like you said,

but why don't you let Festus take you home,

and then, tomorrow, you can tell Matt all about it?

I wouldn't let Festus take me to no dog fight.

And besides, if you're gonna just let them murderers

walk around here loose, I reckon I'm not going home, either.

Well, where are you gonna go, then?

Well, I guess the only place I'd be safe would be in jail.

You can't stay in the jail. I'm the only one there.

Well, what's wrong with that? You're enough.

He's what?!

My what ain't none of your business.

Now, you go do your old heehawing someplace else.

- Come on, Quint. - April?

Uh, wait a minute, April.

Festus, this isn't my idea.

Festus, don't worry. I'll get her out of there.

Well, I'll be a low-living son of a mother duck!

Quint, will you please get me one of them blankets?

Matt didn't leave me here to run a hotel for women.

All right.

I reckon I'll just have to shimmy up and get me one myself.

Oh, wait a minute.

Hey. What if people were to come in here

and see you shinnying around, and...?

I'll get you the blanket.

Ain't gonna do you no good, though,

'cause there ain't no place for you to stay.

You got cells, ain't you?

Cells got bunks, ain't they?

Cells are for people that have done something wrong.

Well, then, I reckon I'll just have to go out on the street

and do me something wrong.

Oh, wait a minute.

You got me in enough trouble already.

Now, why don't you just stop?

Do I get me a cell?

All right, you get a cell.

Go pick one out.

Festus ain't gonna like this.

It seems to me you weren't always that concerned

about what Festus would like.

If you recollect, I told you, Festus is a friend of mine.

As I recollect, it was me who told you.

Of course, that was when Festus was out of town.

Quint, will you bring me the lamp and the key?

Right here's fine. I ain't particular.

If you was, you wouldn't be here.

Ain't very soft, is it?

Ain't supposed to be.

Well, you can lock the cell door now.

You lock the cell door to keep people in, April.

Then I reckon you can lock the cell door

to keep people out, can't you?

I want to get me a real good night's sleep.

Quint?

Good night.

Good night.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Festus.

Morning, Matthew.

Well, you're up mighty early.

Well, a man with the troubles I got

can't waste his time on plain old everyday sleepin'.

Oh, you got some troubles, huh?

- Oh, I sure have. - What kind?

Well, Matt, I... wouldn't want to sway your thinkin', but...

there's just some things that you ought to see for yourself.

Oh?

Matthew, there's been carryings-on around here

behind your back that just purely give a man

the screamin' trembles.

That sounds serious.

- Come on inside. - Well, could be.

What's this lamp doing out here?

Looks like it's just a-settin' there to me.

Isn't Quint here?

Oh, sure.

Sure, he's here.

Quint, open up!

Ah.

- Hello, Matt. - Ah.

Wasn't expecting you back so early.

Well, I got through with my business,

and morning's a good time to travel, so...

Say, what was the lamp doing outside?

Well, it was kind of dark outside,

and it seemed like a good idea,

at the time.

Uh-huh. You, uh, you have some trouble of some kind, or...?

No, no, no. Say, what do you say

we all go down the street and have a cup of coffee?

Uh, why don't you ask him about his prisoner, Matt?

Prisoner?

Well, it isn't...

not actually... actually, it's not a prisoner,

it's just a...

Can I borrow a comb off you, Quint?

Who's that?

Well, that's, uh... uh...

Quint? Honey, can't you hear me?

Quint?

Quint, maybe you, uh, better release the prisoner.

Yeah.

I'll tell you, Matt, a man gets hard-put sometimes

just a-trying to keep up his faith in human nature.

You know, Festus, I'm beginning to understand what you mean.

Oh, Marshal Dillon, I sure am glad to see you.

Yeah, well, good morning, April.

Uh, sorry, Matt, she wouldn't take no for an answer.

See, she had a pretty bad scare last night.

Yeah, I'll just bet she did.

I seen myself a murder.

'Least the same thing as.

And these two half-wits, they wouldn't even believe me.

I believe you.

And naturally, with the two killers running loose

in the streets, I wasn't about to go home, so...

You what?

I said I believe you.

Well, when did you change your mind?

Last night I heard somebody prowling around outside.

That wasn't no somebody, that was me.

Quint... why don't you take Festus here

and, uh, go have that cup of coffee you were talking about?

I suppose I could do that.

After halfway freezin' to death all night,

I'd drink coffee with the devil his self.

Thanks. What were you doing out there last night, anyway?

Just keeping a eye on things.

Just purely keeping a eye on things.

Let's go.

April...

M-Marshal, I didn't mean to cause no ruckus, and...

All right. Now, look, suppose you start from the beginning

and you tell me the whole story, huh?

Well, I tell you, Marshal, it was real simple.

Mr. Gripholder... He give me a chair,

and-and then Festus got real upset, and...

♪♪

Well, hello, Bender.

Well, now, Marshal, uh, something I can do for you?

I'd kind of like to take a look around inside,

if you don't mind.

Why, I reckon that fool girl

finally come to you with that story.

What, are you closed today?

N-Not exactly. Uh, uh, Mr. Asher's gone away on a trip,

and I-I figured to catch up on the books today.

I... I'd open up i-if somebody came round.

But I-I can't keep my eye on things

when I'm working at my desk.

Uh, back-back there is... is where that girl thought she saw

what got her so worked up.

- When did Asher leave? - Late last night.

He-he always rides out ahead and has the Indians

gather up their stuff before the wagon gets there.

I-It saves time.

Uh, Mr. Asher's strong on saving time.

Back there's the window that she was looking in.

And, of course, it was... it was dark then,

not like it is now.

And-and there wasn't no light, except for a lantern.

And-and that wasn't up very bright.

Uh-huh. Well, I can see that'd make a difference, all right.

Uh, here it is, Marshal...

That dead body she thought she saw.

Festus and Quint saw it last night by the lantern light.

Festus like to have died laughing.

Yeah, I heard about that.

You ought to talk to them two, Marshal.

She had them halfway believing her

before they come over here.

I did talk to 'em.

I-I was figuring on shipping these out,

but I... I saved 'em just in case

somebody might want to look at 'em.

Does Asher always leave in the middle of the night

for these trips?

Yes, sir, it works out better that way.

And-and then Grody heads out with the wagon in the morning.

And he's gone, too?

Yes, sir, he-he left before dawn.

- What's in these barrels here? - Rum.

I-I'd be glad to broach either one of them for you, Marshal,

let you sample it.

No. No, thanks.

And what's this?

This looks like blood.

Uh, uh, I-I reckon there's...

there's bound to be some bloodstains around here,

what with all the green pelts we have coming in all the time.

Oh, a-and... and then there's...

Here, it might come from this.

Grody slaughtered a steer.

I-I could bring you over some steaks tomorrow, if you'd like.

No, thanks.

Does he always ride that pinto when he goes out?

Yes, sir.

M-Mr. Asher wouldn't go no place without that old horse.

He... oh, he-he figures that it's just so worthless,

why, the Indians wouldn't bother trying to steal it.

Has he ever had any Indian trouble on any of these trips?

No. N-No, sir, not in the four years he's been going out there.

But there's always a first time.

A trader was... was robbed and killed

on the Cimarron Strip a couple of months ago.

Yeah, I heard about it.

Oh, Mr. Asher's gonna laugh his head off

when he gets back and... finds out about all this.

I never heard about Asher laughing his head off

over anything, Bender.

He's a pretty tough man to work for, isn't he?

Well, he-he ain't easy.

But I got no complaints.

You know, if he should have some trouble out there,

happen to disappear this time or something,

and that girl tells her story in court,

you're gonna be in a bad spot.

Well, I-I didn't think she still believed all that,

after I showed her and all what it was.

She still believes it.

Oh... n-nobody else'd believe a story like that.

I think they might, Bender.

That'd be terrible, Marshal,

folks getting the wrong notion.

Well, I wouldn't worry about it, Bender.

After all, if he's made this many trips

without running into trouble, he probably won't run into it now.

That'd be quite a coincidence, wouldn't it?

Thanks.

♪♪

- Sam, how are you? - Doc.

- Morning, Kitty. - Ah. How are you, Doc?

- Fine. - How about a beer?

- Thanks. - Sam, bring Doc a beer.

What's the matter with him?

Oh, um...

he's wrestling a bear.

It's, uh, you know, one of those inside bears.

Oh.

Who's winning?

Well, I can't tell yet.

- He's, um, just in the middle. - Mm.

Maybe he ought to have another beer

to kind of keep up his strength.

Sam, bring Festus another beer.

Much obliged, Doc.

Oh, you heard that, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Heard everything you've said,

but I'm... just a little busy thinking.

Well, would you care to reveal your conclusion?

No, but I'll tell you what I've decided.

There just ain't no way a woman can be figured out.

And there ain't a one of 'em that can be trusted

as far as you can throw 'em.

Well, that's the same conclusion he had when he came in.

Yeah, but I got it twice as stout

since I've had time to study on it for a spell.

By golly, I think he's got something there, too.

Well, of course he has.

And he gets his opinion from the same place that all men do...

The bottom of a beer mug.

Oh-ho, Kitty, sounds to me like this must be your day

for riling up the customers, huh?

- You want a beer? - No, no, thanks.

You know, Matt, Festus has just rendered

some revealing observations on womanhood in general.

I ain't did no such a thing.

I was just telling them the pure truth about 'em.

You know how April's been acting to me, Matt,

running off mad like she's did, and then making up

that fool story about what she's supposed to have saw.

Uh-huh.

Doc, uh, April been a patient of yours?

Well, yes, from time to time. Why?

How about her eyes?

Well, they're very pretty.

Yeah, I know, but I mean, uh,

she ever had any trouble seeing?

Well, no, none that I know of.

She sure wasn't a-seein' too good yesterday evenin'.

Did you see Argus Asher when he brought those pelts over there?

Sure. He's the one that bought 'em off of me.

I doubt he's there now, though,

'cause he was supposed to leave last night on a trip.

Yeah, that's what he told the night man at the livery stable.

Said he came over and got his horse about 7:00.

Sure. That's the way he's always did... leave the night before,

and then Grody follows him the next day in the wagon.

Yeah. Grody left town this morning

with a wagonload of trade goods.

Well, there ain't nothin' out of the ordinary at all, Matt.

Well, now, there were three barrels

still over there in the back of that warehouse.

April said there was a whole lot of barrels.

Yeah, that's right.

Uh... last night there was six or eight of them there.

Did you ever hear of anybody shipping pelts in a barrel?

No, come to think of it.

No, 'course not...

They'd get moldy if you did.

Well, Bender knows that.

Well, Matt...

you mean you think April really saw what she claims she did?

That's exactly what I'm saying, Doc.

Well... then she's the only witness there are.

Where's she at? I got to find her right now.

Well, don't worry. She's all right.

She's up in her room for the day.

All right? Well, somebody could slip in there

and thump her on the head, or...

No, I took care of that; I've got Quint watching her.

Quint?

Matthew...

there's times when I swear everything and everybody

is just purely conspiring agin me.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Hold it, Bender.

I-I-I wasn't aimin' to hurt her, Marshal.

I... I-I just wanted to scare her,

make her stop telling them lies.

Put the knife on the table.

You know, a flighty-headed gal

could get a man in a lot of trouble

telling stories around like that.

Murder can get a man in a lot of trouble, too, Bender.

Oh, I-I... I told you, Marshal,

I... I-I... I was just meaning to scare her.

I'm talking about Argus Asher.

You're under arrest.

He-He's gone away on a trip; you know that, Marshal.

Uh, he's gone out west to the foothills

to trade with the Injuns.

Look, you're making a mistake, Marshal.

You... you can't arrest a man.

Why-why, you don't even have a body.

I figure I will have.

You said Asher took a trip.

I think that's just what he did.

♪♪

♪♪

What brings you out this way, Marshal?

We'll take a look in your wagon, if you don't mind.

What for?

We'll see what kind of gifts you're bringing to the Indians.

Just trade stuff, same as always.

Now, if you aim to look, I can't stop you.

You looking for something particular?

That's right.

Where's Asher?

He's up ahead... I haven't caught up with him yet.

Then what's his horse doing here?

Well, the pinto's a mite lame; he took another horse.

I'm trailing this one along to walk it out of him.

Well, looks like we found our man, all right.

How'd you figure to do it, dump him out in the prairie somewhere

and shoot a few arrows into him?

I knew that Bender would talk if he got pushed.

You're under arrest, Grody.

I know'd he was your pigeon, Matt,

but, golly Bill, he was flying my way.

Looks like old Grody shot us a rum barrel.

I know'd he is watering down that rum.

♪♪

Just a minute.

What in tarnation is that thing?

Well, what do you think it is?

It's a chair, you little ninny.

A chair? Looks more like a-a bear trap to me.

Bear trap?

It's a chair, and a dang good one.

It ain't one of them spindly,

puny little old store-bought gimcracks.

I built this myself.

Or... I and Quint did.

Well, go on, set down, try it out.

Go on, set down!

Don't reckon the glue'd had time to set yet.

Uh, April, don't... fret, now.

I'll go to work and build you another one,

twice as big and twice as stout,

with beaver pelts and muskrat...

and when you...

Thank you for your chair, Festus.

Well... let's just don't stand around.

Help me pick up the pieces.