Original subtitles

Starring James Arness as Matt Dillon.

Call.

Like I said, I just...

play whatever cards is dealt me.

I'd sure admire to see what you was so proud of there.

You ever see such a run of cards all the day?

I was just sitting here thinking how smart I played 'em.

Yeah, well, you-you don't seem so smart to me.

Well, now, poker's just one of the things I'm good at, Lon.

Yeah.

Hey, wait. Wait a minute.

What's that thingamabob there?

Well, now, what's it look like?

Don't look like nothin' I've ever saw before.

What is it?

Well, any fool knows that's a level.

Well, this fool don't.

A level?

What's it for?

It shows is things level.

Well... w-wait.

Work it for me, will you?

You see that bubble?

Well, when that sets between those lines, it means...

here and here...

It means that the table... is level!

Don't set straight, I can... I can see that.

That's right.

It... dips off to the right.

Right!

Well, now.

Work it on somethin' else for me, will you?

I done enough already.

I don't owe you no favors.

Well, wait a minute.

I'll play you a hand of poker for it.

What do you put up?

Ten dollars.

Ain't worth that, Festus.

Now, you heard him. You all heard him.

Ten dollars against this here level.

Now, them's the stakes.

Come on.

I aim to win it.

All right, it's my game...

my deal.

It's the onliest thing I could do, Lon.

That's your way of sayin' I win again, ain't it?

There's a way to get to you, Festus Haggen,

and some day I'm gonna find it.

There's a lady outside to see you, Festus.

A lady? For me?

I think she's from off somewhere.

Well, uh, is she pretty?

Right pretty.

Well, like I told you,

poker's just one of the things I'm good at.

I reckon you're surprised to see me, Festus.

Reckon I am.

I ain't what you'd call flower-fresh,

but I am here.

Yes, ma'am, you-you sure are.

Should I've wrote first?

Well, uh, no, ma'am.

I-I ain't no hand to read.

Makes us even. I can't write.

Reckon you've came a long ways, huh?

Well, however far it is from Texas, that's how far I came.

Well, that's a... far piece, all right.

Well, seems like you wasn't comin' for me,

so I come for you.

Everybody was in on it.

Your pa and mine and mama.

Wasn't a Haggen around didn't have his say.

Well, golly Bill.

You're Uncle Loot's girl, ain't you?

I'm Mayblossom, Festus.

Well, ain't you, though?

Why, I ain't saw you since you was a...

Seems you could introduce us.

Well, I'd be proud to.

This here is Mayblossom Haggen.

She's my cousin once removed.

- Howdy. - Mm-hmm.

You're kind of faded, ain't you, Mayblossom?

Well, I-I reckon I-I could use a wash.

You better tell the lady you're sorry, Lon.

Well, now, I might.

If I could see a lady around.

Now you better say you're sorry while you can still talk.

Now, anybody lookin' can see that she's just...

Go on, get him. Go on.

What are you doing? Come on!

Get him!

He's p... he's plumb sorry, Mayblossom.

I just know he is.

Come on. Set down, Festus.

Some fellers just take learnin', Mayblossom.

Well, you just tell him

why I come here when he comes to, Festus.

There...

there ain't no reason to tell him nothin'.

You're here, and that's-that's plenty.

Well, I mean how our daddies shook hands

the day I was born and how we'd marry when I growed up.

Well, you... you growed up.

You... you sure did.

You're plumb pretty.

And Festus, you sure hit good.

Just like a Haggen.

Oh, Marshal, you just have to make 'em understand.

They look at me as if I'd not got good sense.

Well, I'll see what I can do, Ma.

Well, I'll tell you what you can do:

you can get them out of my boarding house.

Maybe you just misunderstood 'em somehow.

Oh, there is no way, Marshal.

No way in the world to misunderstand a mule.

Now you just tell me, Marshal,

how I can misunderstand that.

Is that a mule, or isn't it?

Yeah, well, it sure looks like a mule to me, Ma.

Well, of course it's a mule.

It's just eatin', not a-botherin' at all.

Well, I call it a bother.

Marshal, I reckon this ain't no time for howdying,

but, uh, this here's my cousin, Mayblossom Haggen.

Well. Mayblossom.

Howdy.

You ain't gonna kill my mule, now.

No, I don't hardly think that'll be necessary.

Oh, I don't want him dead, child.

I just want him outside.

All the way outside.

Well...

But Festus, I come halfway with her already.

Well, I know you have.

Marshal, it's just a little difference in ways.

That's all it amounts to.

See, us Haggens is used to sharing

right along with our animals.

She wanted to keep that mule in the same room with her.

Well, there's room.

Best I talk most.

Livin' amongst these town folks,

I got a cleaner line on things.

Well, now, Festus, you know after all,

it is Ma's boarding house, and if she says no mule,

I-I'm afraid that's the way it'll have to be.

That's the way it has to be.

Well, lookin' at it certain ways,

a mule ain't hardly no more than a big dog.

But I don't allow big dogs, either.

Well, I declare.

See, Mayblossom?

You ain't been out amongst these people like I have.

Some folks has strange ways,

but when you're in their neck of the woods,

you just got to just oblige to go by their rules, that's all.

Well, I ain't never closed my eyes at night

without one of my own nearby,

and I ain't a-fixin' to start now.

No hard feelings, but if my mule goes,

I'm a-going right along with him.

That's the way it has to be. I'm sorry.

Well, just don't you fret none now, Mayblossom.

I'll-I'll find you a place to live.

You go on out and look after him,

and I'll fetch your things out.

I don't like you much.

She's just a little overwrought.

I don't reckon you'd know any place where she could stay.

Somebody that was a little more willing to bend than you are.

No. No, indeed I do not.

Festus, you know, it seems to me that, uh,

the way she wants to do things,

you're pretty near gonna have to get her a place of her own.

I reckon that would be the best.

Say...

did you know your bed sets downhill?

Well, no, I-I didn't, and-and I don't believe it does.

Well, yes, ma'am, it-it does for sure.

Reckon Mayblossom's just too polite to say anything.

That can be fixed easy enough.

Well, I'll say one thing for it: it's ugly as sin.

Well, I reckon Miss Mayblossom

can have that fixed up in no time.

Law, it's got a roof and sides.

I don't need much more than that.

Ain't it got no inside?

Have a look.

Festus, you'll be sure and fix a place for my mule, now.

Oh, of course I will, Mayblossom.

Lookee here.

There's boards down right on the dirt.

Well, that'll take gettin' used to.

It is roomy.

Well, there's room for a bed and a stove.

Not a lot else.

Well, now, I ain't askin' a lot for it.

I don't see how you can.

It means a lot to me to have good neighbors.

How much does it mean... in money?

Well, I'd say $50.

I was thinkin' more like $25.

Oh, no, no, no, I-I couldn't let it go that cheap.

First good wind that comes along,

you're gonna let it go for nothing.

Well, I guess it could take a little work.

All right.

$25.

You strike me as a gambling man.

Well, I'm not.

I just might be tempted into playing you

a hand of poker for this house.

Cash money, or I don't sell.

Festus, the mule could feed right through here.

Appears the lady likes it.

$25, you say?

$20.

One... 22... 23...

24... 25...

Did I mention to you that she's my cousin?

No, you didn't.

$25.

Well, I'll mention it now.

Well, now, Miss Mayblossom.

I don't live far, and, uh,

and I'm a hand to be neighborly.

Most every man I meet has that look on him, Festus.

I reckon you know you're pretty.

Mama remarked on it.

How is Aunt George?

She's nice and fine, thank you, Festus.

Mama don't know any other way to be.

Ah, she sure don't.

Yeah.

Well, I sure got a heap of work to do

settin' this place straight.

It'll be nice having a Haggen around.

Thing reads true, uh,

there ain't any place in here that don't lean.

All the way up from Texas,

I stopped in with one set of Haggens or another.

Law, we got kin, Festus.

Uh-huh. There's a bunch of 'em.

Nice folk, mostly.

You recollect Cousin Feeder?

Feeder, you say?

Clag Haggen's oldest boy.

Well, nothing comes into my head about him.

Feeder?

He's big, got a fine beard.

Appears like this whole dang end of the room

just give up in one big slump.

I swear I'm just sore as a boil all over

fixing up that house and all.

You're not used to working, that's all, Festus.

Well, I had the early conviction agin work,

and I just had it bore out all over again.

But I finally got Mayblossom all settled real fine.

And the mule, too?

Oh, they both just as happy as they can be.

'Course, Mayblossom comes by happy just natural.

I lay that to Aunt George.

Aunt George?

Uncle Loot's wife.

I've never knew a more pleasanter lady.

She's always had a...

just a great feeling for pretty.

She could make more out of the sun goin' down

and the color it kicked up

than any mortal I've ever saw.

She just plumb fierce on pretty, now.

That's all there is to it.

She sure has a pretty daughter.

Peculiar you'd say that.

Why is that? Mayblossom's a pretty girl, isn't she?

Oh, of course she is,

and it's-it's all Aunt George's doin'.

Uh, see, Aunt George had a string of eight boys

before Mayblossom come along.

And it wasn't no doubt about it

that Aunt George just plain set her head on havin' a girl.

Well, it seems like after eight boys,

she got the odd in her favor, anyway.

Well, Haggens leans to boys.

But, uh... ain't no doubt about that,

and when the time finally come,

and Aunt George come grinnin' up

out of that sorghum patch

a-totin' that young'un,

she said the minute she laid eyes on her,

she seen she is a regular May blossom.

And that little old trick just fair flowered from then on.

Well, that's quite a story.

How long since you've had yourself a mess of greens?

A good mess of greens?

Mm, it's been a good long while, Festus.

Now, I mean Texas greens.

Well, now, is there any other kind?

You come and take supper with us tonight.

I don't know about that.

I don't think Mayblossom likes me too well.

Oh, she'd be tickled to death to see you.

And her greens'll warm your belly clean up to your heart.

All right, I'll be there.

Good.

You sure you know where our house is?

Sure do.

We'll see you directly.

Mayblossom, you're a mighty good cook.

You sure did go at your food.

- You want some more? - Oh, no, thanks.

I, uh... I'm afraid I wouldn't have any more room.

Well, what's ailing you, Mayblossom?

Not nothin'.

Not nothin' my foot.

The marshal's got somethin' to do with it, ain't he?

Festus, don't act the fool.

Now, what did I do?

Only thing you done was to come over for supper.

Here she is, just a-shyin' up.

I can't hear a word, so just save your breath.

The marshal thinks you're pretty.

Can you hear that?

Thank you.

Festus, you just beat all.

It ain't you, Marshal... and it is.

I ain't used to taking food with no one but my own.

Mostly, Haggens eat together.

I understand you come from a pretty big family.

Pity none of us can't count how many.

I better bed down the mule.

Reckon you can see she's plumb sweet on you.

Well, I can see that you'd like her to be, yeah.

Well, she's sound as a dollar and a good worker.

Got her own house, too, don't forget that.

Sure, got her own mule, too.

I'll tell you one thing:

a man can't live on bread alone.

Now, if you was to come home every night

to a big mess of greens

and a pretty, accommodating woman, why, there's

just no tell...

What do you mean?

Festus, I mean no. Forget it.

Well, golly Bill, Marshal,

it's a plumb natural thing for a man to get married.

Oh, it is, huh? Well, what about you then?

Well, there is exceptions.

You could court her for a spell.

That'd be real pleasurable.

Festus, I'll tell you something.

I don't think you're gonna have to worry

about Mayblossom at all.

She'll find somebody and get married.

The mule's just as content as he can be.

Oh, here, let me give you a hand, Mayblossom.

That's a woman's work. Don't become a man.

Well, I just wanted to let you know

how much I enjoyed that meal.

If you mean to, there's a way.

Well, there is? What's that?

You being a peace officer, can you marry folks?

Mayblossom, that ain't in his line of work at all.

It ain't?

Well, not usually, no.

Our daddies... mine and Festus... They shook hands

on how we'd get married the day I was born.

And here we're not.

He ain't the least bit interested in that.

Well, I am.

Well, now... now, just a minute, here, Festus.

Maybe, uh... maybe I could make an exception in this case.

You do, and I'll get on you

like ugly on an ape.

The reason I come to see you, Miss Kitty,

is because I figured you know men.

That's pretty good figuring.

Well, have you ever knew one of 'em

that was worth a pinch of salt

outside of me and maybe the marshal?

Well, now, you've narrowed the field a lot right there.

Well, how would it set with you

if supposing I was to marry

Mayblossom off to the marshal?

It wouldn't set level.

Don't, uh, rest easy with you at all, huh?

Honest.

'Course, um, Matt might feel differently about it.

Oh, I done took it up with him,

and he didn't smart to the idea.

You know, it seems to me like, uh,

I heard someplace that you were supposed to marry Mayblossom.

- You did? - Mm-hmm.

Well, I... oh, uh...

You know, it just puzzles me

why you don't have more spillage in here.

There-there ain't a thing in this place that sets square.

That's to match the customers.

Well, I reckon we all got our troubles.

But you keep your eye peeled

for a good man for Mayblossom, will you?

I'll try.

And be sure to tell him how there ain't no care

like a Haggen woman gives her man.

- I'll do that. - Much obliged.

You got any more pretties we could play poker for?

No, I don't, but it looks like you do.

Ah, I figured your big ear was right over there

with Miss Kitty and me.

You don't want the girl, why not shove her my way?

Now, that ain't no fittin' kind of talk, and you quit it!

Married man.

You be gone long?

Day or two is all, I reckon.

There's some business that started before you come to town.

I don't mind none.

Want to ask the marshal to look in on you whilst I'm gone.

I'd rather you didn't, Festus.

Well, now, that's a mean thing to say.

Here, fill this up.

W-Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

What's the matter with you?

You went lame or what?

I just rammed a burr into my foot, is all.

Well, does it hurt bad?

Don't feel good.

It's his face, Festus.

What's his face?

The marshal's.

He's got no hair on it.

Oh.

I can't go a man with a bare face.

Did I tell you Cousin Feeder's got a fine beard?

Well, that's fine.

Now, you go fetch your mule, and I'll drop you by Doc's

so he can take a look at that foot.

I never seen a doc!

Well, it's time you did.

Ain't all of 'em that's so bad.

Now, go on.

♪♪

- Whoa. - Whoa.

You-you just go on up yonder, now, and see Doc.

Just say your name.

Just say my name?

Mayblossom Haggen.

Well?

Hello?

Hello.

Well, you gonna come all the way in?

Good-bye, Festus!

You got a sore foot.

I was just gonna tell you that.

Sit down over here.

Now, put your foot right there.

I never seen a doc before.

Well, you'll get over the shock of that.

You ain't too bad. Leastwise, you got some hair on your face.

- It's swollen. - Well, Festus says put goose grease on it.

Old Festus still practicing medicine, huh?

Well, he's right; it'll draw.

- You stepped on something. - Just a burr.

Well, it's still in there.

Well... put some goose grease on it,

and it'll fly out in no time.

Well... I'm a little shy on goose grease,

so I'm gonna have to just take it out.

I guess I know the onliest way else

you're gonna get it out of there.

Well, you'd be kind of a sick girl if I didn't.

Here, let me have that.

- I think I like you. - You do, huh?

I think so.

Well, can you think of any reason why?

Yes.

Well... your face ain't all bare.

If you let your whiskers grow,

you might be pleasant for a woman to look on.

Well... I'm gonna fix this up for you now.

Now, this...

this might hurt a little.

Oh, I don't mind.

Now, Mayblossom, I want you to stay off that foot

- just as much as you can. - But it don't hurt.

I am the doctor; you do just what I tell you.

Now, look at that mule strolling off.

Yeah, well, here, I'll get it.

Ah, you've done enough, and I thank you.

Mule knows I was going that way, I reckon.

You be sure to give a thought to them whiskers, now.

I'm gonna do that.

Oh, come here, you playful critter.

Oh, you ain't the critter I meant.

Well, I guess that's my hard luck.

What happened to your sleeves?

Well, you don't need sleeves in my work.

All you need is arms.

They look a fright all bare.

Don't they chill up?

Well, not around a forge.

I declare, I don't understand

what's happening to men around here.

Faces all bare, and arms, too.

I grew up with eight brothers, and more cousins and uncles

than you can count, and a daddy, too...

I never saw a bare arm once.

Well, I hear tell some women like 'em.

Nah.

Is that a fact?

That's a fact.

Well, they ain't Haggen women, that's for sure.

M-Mayblossom Haggen. That's my name.

Yeah, I know Festus.

My name's Quint.

Howdy.

I guess he could use some shoes.

I guess I could, too.

If you're gonna ride him, uh, I'll help you up.

I'm to stay off my foot, you know.

Oh, thank you.

You know...

they don't feel as bad as they look.

Well, thank you very much.

Bye-bye. Thank you very much.

Bye-bye.

♪♪

Oh, hello, Mayblossom.

Oh, howdy.

I've been meaning to stop out and see you,

like Festus told me to.

Well, thank you, Marshal, but I'm proud to fend for myself.

Well, you sure you're all right alone out there?

Oh, Marshal, it's just our way to fend for ourselves.

But you're kind, I don't mind saying that.

Kind of like that dress, huh?

I don't know.

I've been cutting my eye on it.

But it grabs in so close in the middle,

I'd be kind of a-feared to swallow hard.

You know, Cousin Feeder's 'most as tall as you are.

He is?

He's got a right fine beard.

Covers most of his face.

He's right nice, Cousin Feeder is.

I'll give you a hand.

Take care of yourself, now, Mayblossom.

♪♪

♪♪

Oh. Ladies.

Hi, Doc.

Well, where you been the last couple of days?

Well, I had to ride out to Fort Larned.

- I just got back. - Oh.

- Why? Is something wrong? - Well, no, I don't think so.

That little Mayblossom Haggen was supposed to come in town

and let me have a look at her foot,

but she hasn't showed up.

Well, I thought Festus would be back by this time.

I haven't seen him, either, but, then, I got a call out there,

and, uh, I'll just drop in and have a look at her.

Well, maybe I ought to go along with you.

Well... all right, you can if you want to,

but, uh... think I might as well tell you

that I got a better chance with her than you have.

Oh, is that so? How do you figure that?

Well, for one thing, I got a mustache, and, uh,

then I'm kind of pleasant to look on, too.

Hmm! That's a matter of opinion.

Move over. I want to ride down to the stable and get my horse.

Mayblossom, you're sure you don't have any idea who it was?

Festus'll be so hurt with me.

Oh, he won't, either, now.

He'll just be glad you're all right.

I don't mind this broth, Doc.

I'm a good cook.

Now I wished I'd let you look in on me

like you wanted to, Marshal.

So do I.

I lay it all on my gimpy foot.

Never even got a chance to get my rifle.

Just heard him ride up, and... then he was here.

I wish Festus would come.

Well, he should be along anytime.

There anything I can do for you?

Well... I know blamed well

that mule ain't seen food nor water for near two days.

Yeah, well, I'll see to him.

Haggen women do a better job

of fending for their selves most generally.

Well, Mayblossom...

don't fret about it anymore.

Just forget all about it.

I wished I was home.

Wished I'd have stayed home.

I ain't glad I come up here a bit.

Doc's with her now.

I'm much obliged your telling me, Marshal.

Now, Festus, I know how you feel.

But I want you to let me handle this.

As long as we're talkin' want, Marshal,

I want you to stay out of Haggen business.

You go gunnin' for a man, it's gonna be my business.

I can't go gunnin' for nobody

if Mayblossom don't know who done it.

♪♪

I'm glad you're back, Festus.

I've done saw the marshal.

Ever so much obliged to you, Doc.

If you don't mind, I'd like to talk to her by herself.

Thank you, Festus.

I sure am powerful sorry, girl.

Just powerful.

I know you're ashamed.

I got no right to ask forgiveness.

Well, you're... you're lookin' real pretty,

but you're sure talkin' dumb.

Well, I ain't fit for marryin' now.

You quit that.

You're gentle and fine just like your ma.

And I-I want you to keep thinkin' that.

- Nothin' else. - Well, it ain't easy.

I... never sh-should've went off

and left you at all.

Now, you-you tell me about the man, Mayblossom.

Well...

I don't know his name,

but he knows you.

Um, first day I rode up,

you and him had a fistfight.

Talked about you beatin' him at poker and things.

I'll tell Doc to stay with you till I get back.

Festus...

um, I'll thank you not to be long.

It won't take long.

Reckon she's gonna be fit enough, Doc?

She'll be all right, Festus.

It's-it's gonna take a little while, though.

Well, I got me a ways to go, so...

stay with her and help her all you can, will you?

I will.

Stand up.

Festus? Well...

Well, you was away...

Get to your feet.

Huh?

I've came straight from Mayblossom.

♪♪

Well, I heard the shots.

Did you kill him?

I did.

Who was it?

Lon Harder.

♪♪

Giddap.

Doc?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Wait a minute.

Where are you going?

You were supposed to stay here till I got back.

Well, I think you'll find

she's in pretty good hands right now, Festus.

Giddap.

Whoa.

Festus.

I can't hardly believe it myself.

Well, give me something to go on, girl.

I never heard of introducing Haggens.

This here is cousin Feeder.

Oh, ain't, neither.

It is. Say it is so, Cousin Feeder.

Clag Haggen's boy, Festus.

Why, you little old scudder, you.

You-you... you ate your share right along, didn't you?

- Good seeing you, Festus. Yes. - It's good to see you.

Feel him, Festus. Feel him. Not an ounce of fat on him.

Just nice and big.

So, that's the way things stand, huh?

Yup, that's the way things stand,

but it can't be,

and you know it can't.

Well, Mayblossom remarked

how she stopped to visit you folks,

but she didn't say anything more than that.

There wasn't any more to say.

I just saw him and felt for him.

Seems like he did the same for me.

I rode clean up from Texas to tell her.

I was just a-busting inside with it.

Uh-huh. Well.

We know we ain't got the right to each other.

I'm gonna marry you, Festus, like our daddies shook on,

but I-I can't hide my true feelings from you.

Well, she was gave to me.

You-you know about that.

Yeah, I know all there is to know about Mayblossom.

I was just telling him how...

Now, you stop that, and I mean it.

If you're gonna get picky,

I'll just throw you out right now.

Mayblossom knows, what happened don't matter to me a bit,

but if you want to try throwing me out...

I'm here to oblige you, Cousin.

Well, now, that's proud Haggen talk.

I'll shake your hand on that.

You hanker for this big bush, do you, Mayblossom?

Oh, I sure do, Festus.

Well, ain't nobody's got more of a right

to give her away than I have.

Oh, Feeder!

You'll find us a parson, Festus?

Well, if you two think you can spare me,

I'll fetch one right now.

She'll-she'll take some gentling.

I'll gentle her, Festus.

Oh, I'll gentle her.

- Oh, Feeder. - Oh.

Oh, we got us a long ways to go, Mayblossom.

All right, Mr. Haggen.

Doc, you know it still ain't too late

for you to grow that beard.

Well, now I'm gonna give that

a lot of serious thought, Mayblossom.

- All right. - You folks ought to get started.

Oh, Festus,

I don't know how to thank you.

You've made me real happy.

Well, I done the best thing I could

by not marrying up with you.

So long, Festus.

Sure been good seeing you.

Been good seeing you, too, Feeder.

Come on, Mayblossom.

Why, thank you.

Be sure and say hi to-to Clag for me.

Sure will.

Marshal, be sure and take care of Festus for me.

I'll sure do that, Mayblossom.

All right.

- So long. - Bye now. -So long.

Giddap, Lou.

Well, Festus, you know,

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to keep you here with me

till the judge gets here.

Well, much obliged

for not letting Mayblossom know about it.

You know, I don't think you're gonna get a jury

in Dodge to convict you, Festus.

You, Matt?

Oh, I don't think so, Doc, under the circumstances.

But you're fixing to throw me in jail anyhow, huh?

I got to.

That don't surprise me.

Don't make a lick of sense,

but it don't surprise me none.

According to this level,

there ain't a thing in town

that sits like it ought to.

The whole blame town slopes downhill.

I reckon that's what throws the whole bunch of you

kind of out of kilter.

♪♪