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♪ THE CLOSER YOU GET TO ME

♪ I FEEL YOU PULL AWAY

♪ AS CRAZY AS YOU SEEM TO BE, I KNOW YOU'RE JUST AFRAID ♪

♪ STOP MAKING UP EXCUSES, HONEY ♪

♪ I'VE HEARD ALL KINDS OF LIES ♪

♪ STOP TAKING A RIDE

♪ YOU'RE MEANT FOR ME

♪ HERE COMES THE BIG SURPRISE

♪ WON'T YOU GET OVER IT?

♪ I DO

♪ I KNOW THAT IT SCARES YOU A LITTLE BIT ♪

♪ GET OVER IT

♪ GET OVER IT

♪ I THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THIS

♪ HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT, TOO ♪

♪ SOMETIMES A KISS IS JUST A KISS ♪

♪ I'M NOT ASKING MUCH OF YOU

♪ AND I CAN'T TELL YOU WHY OR HOW I KNOW ♪

♪ YOU'RE TAKING ME ALL WRONG

♪ CHILL OUT, RELAX

♪ SEE HOW THIS GOES

♪ YOU'LL THANK ME LATER ON

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

♪ WON'T YOU GET OVER IT?

♪ I DO

♪ I KNOW THAT IT SCARES YOU

♪ TO HAVE TO ADMIT TO THAT YOU LOVE ME ♪

♪ LET'S FACE IT, YOU NEED ME

♪ YOU KNOW THAT YOU WANT ME

♪ GET OVER IT

♪ GET OVER IT

♪ GET OVER IT

[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]

YEAH, I'M PARKED IN THE BACK HERE.

OKAY.

WANT TO JUST LEAVE YOUR CAR?

COFFEE,

SUSAN, PLEASE.

WITH VANILLA.

GOOD DAY, MRS. MIRABEAU.

ERNIE.CAROLINA.

AND, OF COURSE, A GOOD DAY

TO THE FAIRY PRINCESS HERSELF, MISS GEORGIA.

HOW'S MARRIED LIFE TREATING YOU THIS WEEK, ERNIE?

UH, FINE.

HUH?

FINE, FINE.

MM.

IT'S ANOTHER BOOK.

YOU KNOW ME, I DIDN'T GO THROUGH THE EIGHTH GRADE.

MY GRANDBABY HERE'S READING "ANNA KARENA."

"ANNA KARENINA."

SHE JUMPED IN FRONT OF A TRAIN WHEN HER BOYFRIEND LEFT HER.

YEAH, WELL, GRANDMA'S GOTTA PEE.

I WANT COFFEE, PLEASE.

NO. YOU'RE TOO LITTLE.

YOU HAVE COFFEE.

THANK YOU.THAT'LL BE ALL, SUSAN.

OW!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE NOT A FAIRY PRINCESS.

YOU'RE A FAIRY BITCH!

YEAH? YOU'RE A SMART BITCH.AN UGLY SMART BITCH.

NO ONE WILL EVER MARRY YOU!

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU EVEN MORE!

LOOK AT MY SHOES!

SO, WHAT DO I CARE?!

YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!

NO, I DIDN'T!

YES, YOU DID! NO!

YES! NO!

I DIDN'T!

YES, YOU DID!

OH, YOU'RE A BITCH!

GO AHEAD, KILL EACH OTHER.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE MESS.

I'LL HOSE IT DOWN WHEN THE KILLING'S OVER.

FRIENDS. I NEED SOME PEACE.

BUT, MILLIE, YOU CAN'TLEAVE THEM OUTSIDE WITHTHOSE BUTCHER KNIVES.

THEY AIN'T THAT SHARP.

[ WHISTLING ]

GEORGIA...

WE ARE NOT BEING RAISED RIGHT.

[ HORN HONKING ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

DADDY.

SWEET GIRLS, DADDY'S GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

A BIG SURPRISE.

IS IT A PUPPY?

[ SIGHS ] MEET YOUR NEW BABY SISTER.

HER NAME IS MAINE.

IS HER MAMA DEAD, TOO?

NO, HER MOM'S IN A CRAZY HOUSE IN BANGOR.

THEODORE!

HI, MAMA.

THESE BETTER BE YOUR SOILED SHORTS IN HERE.

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

GIVE ME THOSE KNIVES.

[ HORN HONKS ]

DON'T YOU FAMILY-HONK ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

LEAVE ANOTHER CHILD AT MY DOORSTEP.

THINGS ARE GONNA BE DIFFERENT FOR YOU, MAINE.

I PROMISE YOU THAT.

[ COOS ]

[ SIGHS ]

THANK YOU FOR COMING IN, JOHN.

SO, YOU KNOW HOWTHE SHOW WORKS, RIGHT?

YEAH, YOU FIND ME A DATE.

[ LAUGHS ] RIGHT. THAT IS TRUE.

BUT FIRST, YOU NEED TO TELL MEWHAT YOU LOOK FOR IN A WOMAN.

WELL, IT'S LIKE THIS.

I WANT TO REENACTEVERY SCENE FROM "9 1/2 WEEKS."

YOU KNOW, THAT MOVIE WITH KIM BASINGER AND THAT GUY?

SO, WHEN I MEET MY DATE,

I DON'T WANT TO EVER KNOW HER NAME.

ARE YOU FOLLOWING THIS, CAROLINA?

LOUD AND CLEAR, DAVE.

JOHN.

JOHN.

HEY, IT'S MAINE.

CODE WORD "GRIM."

JOHN, THIS IS MY ASSISTANT, SNAKE.

HE'S GONNA TAKE OVERFOR JUST ONE SECOND, OKAY?

WAIT, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT --

JOHN, IT'S WHAT I DO.

MAINE?

[ British accent ] CAROLINA? HELLO?

GRANDMA BROKE MY RIDING CROP.

Maine, you said code word "grim."

AND WHY ARE YOU SPEAKING IN THAT PHONY BRITISH ACCENT?

GRANDMA LOCKED HERSELF IN THE DRESSING ROOM AND WON'T COME OUT.

OKAY, TELL ME. [ Normal voice ] You see...

THEY ADVERTISED A VCR IN THE PAPER FOR $89,

BUT THE SALE ENDED YESTERDAY.

SO, GRANDMA SAID, "THAT'S A CROCK OF SHIT,"

SNAPPED MY RIDING CROP IN HALF,

AND LOCKED HERSELF UP INTHE DRESSING ROOM TWO HOURS AGO.

MAINE, JUST SO YOU KNOW, YOU LOST YOUR ACCENT ON THAT LAST PART.

Is Georgia with you?

[ British accent ] WHY, YES, SHE IS.

GEORGIA, IT'S CAROLINA.

OH.

HEY, WHAT'S UP? Can't you do something

before this ends up in another police report?

MAINE!

WAIT, WE HAVE MOVEMENT.

GET ME SOME TOILET PAPER, HONEY,

'CAUSE I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!

[ GASPS ]

56.90, LADY. YOU WIN.

[ LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

I WANT TO EXPERIENCE YOU.

WHO, ME?

SORRY I'M LATE.

Daphne: [ With accent ] HA HA! DARLING!

OH, ALL MY WONDERFUL PEOPLES.

NICE TO SEE YOU.DAPHNE ST. CLAIRE IS IN THE BUILDING.

OH!

OOH. BOYCHICK.

NICE TO SEE YOU.HOW ARE YOU? NICE TO SEE YOU.

HELLO, MY DEAR. OH, YOU CAME.

WOULD YOU LOOK AT ALL THESE PEOPLE?

THEY HAVE BEEN CAMPED OUTFOR DAYS.

IT'S LIKE A PEARL JAM CONCERT.AND YOU KNOW WHY?

NO, ALBERT, ENLIGHTEN ME.

DAPHNE'S BOOKS UNLOCKTHE MYSTERIES OF LOVE.

WE'RE NEXT.

Albert: DAPHNE IS AN ORACLE.

WHAT WOULD THE ORACLE HAVE TO SAY

ABOUT THE MYSTERIES OF MY LOVE LIFE?

YOU ALWAYS PICK THE WRONG GUY.

THEY EITHER DUMP YOU OR YOU DUMP THEM.

YOU NEVER GET PAST THE THIRD DATE.

THAT'S NOT TRUE. I HAVE A FOURTH DATE TONIGHT.

HMM.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

OH, WOW.

MISS ST. CLAIRE,

I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT IT MEANS TO FINALLY MEET YOU.

WELL, HELLO, DARLING.

THAT'S THE SECOND BAD ACCENT I'VE HEARD TODAY.

SHH.

WHO SHALL I MAKE THIS OUT TO?

ALBERT MORRIS.

I LOVE ALL YOUR BOOKS.

THEY'RE JUST SO...

GLAMOROUS.

LIKE YOU.

DAPHNE, TELL ME, HOW DO YOU WRITE ABOUT LOVE SO WELL?

ARE YOU GAY?

NOT GAY. JUST A FAN.

OH!

ALL HEARTS KNOW ABOUT LOVE.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS LISTEN.

SHE WAS GOOD THIS TIME, WASN'T SHE?

SHE WAS SOBER THIS TIME.

YOUR PUBLISHER SHOULD REALLY HIRE A BETTER ACTRESS

FOR YOUR NEXT BOOK.

REMEMBER, I WANT A FULL REPORT

OF THE FOURTH DATE IN THE MORNING.

[ ANSWERING MACHINE CLICKS ]

[ Electronic voice ] You have one message.

Hi, Carolina. This is Blake.

Listen, about tonight.

Something came up.

[ BEEPS ]

[ SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE ]

MORNING.

GOOD MORNING, CAROLINA.

HOW WAS THE FOURTH DATE?

HE CANCELED.

HE DUMPED YOU?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

OF COURSE I AM.

I FORGOT ABOUT HIM ALREADY.

YOU SHOULD MOVE, ALLIE.

YOU CAN AFFORD A HOUSE IN BEVERLY HILLS ADJACENT.

AND I HEAR THEY KEEP THEIR CAR STEREOS

FOR SIX MONTHS AROUND THERE.

NO, I LIKE THE AMBIANCE HERE --

THE EVER-CHANGING GRAFFITI...

THE DISTINCT AROMA OF URINE IN THE AIR...[ HELICOPTER WHIRRING ]

WONDERING WHY THAT HELICOPTER KEEPS CIRCLING OVER MY HEAD.

I LIKE OUR MORNING RITUAL.

IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I GOT A REAL JOB.

HAVE A GREAT DAY AT WORK.

YEAH, YOU TOO. TAKE CARE.

♪ FINALLY

♪ WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

♪ YEAH

♪ OUT OF GROOVY SIGHT

♪ YEAH

HI.

♪ OUT OF GROOVY SIGHT

HI. HOW ARE YOU?HEY. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

OKAY.

GOOD MORNING.

HI.

♪ WHAT YOU WANNA DO?

♪ YEAH ♪ WHAT YOU WANNA DO?

♪ ALL RIGHT ♪ WHAT YOU WANNA DO?

♪ OUT OF GROOVY SIGHT ♪ ALL RIGHT

I DON'T NORMALLY DO THIS, UH,

BUT I DON'T THINK PEOPLE THAT DO THIS ARE FREAKS...

NECESSARILY.

UH, ANYWAY, I'M -- I'M LOOKING FOR A WOMAN.

[ FAST-FORWARDING ] Man: HI.

I'M FUNNY AND I'M FUN.

AND, UH, I'M --I'M A GOOD DANCER, GOOD KISSER,

AND I'M LOOKING FOR SOMEONEWHO IS NICE AND HAS A GOOD JOB.

Man: YOU KNOW, I GOT TO SEE SOME PEARLY WHITE TEETH.

YOU CAN'T BE MISSING TEETH.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T WANT TO SEE NO YELLOW TEETH

OR NOTHING LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

OH, A SENSE OF HUMOR IS KEY,

'CAUSE A LOT OF WOMEN, THEY DON'T GET MY SENSE OF HUMOR.

THEY THINK I'M RUDE, SARCASTIC, OR ARROGANT.

IT GETS MISINTERPRETED.

Man: I LIKE TO FEEL HER SKIN, AND I LIKE TO,

YOU KNOW, SEE AND TASTE AND --

THAT'S -- I MEAN, THAT'S, YOU KNOW, IN TOUCH WITH MY SENSES.

UM, RATHER THAN ME TELL YOU, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'VE HEARD.

Heath: [ British accent ] MEN AND WOMEN SHOULD BE EQUAL PARTNERS IN LIFE.

[ REWINDS ]

MM-HMM.

MEN AND WOMEN SHOULD BE EQUAL PARTNERS IN LIFE.

HMM. ANYWAY, MY NAME'S HEATH PIERSON.

UH, I'M FRESH OFF THE VIRGIN 747 TO LOS ANGELES,

AND I'M -- I'M NEW HERE.

SO, UM --

SNAKE! YEAH?

I AM THE ONE THEY CALL SNAKE.WHO'S THAT GUY?

OH, HE WAS ONE OF THE LATE ONES AFTER YOU LEFT.

OKAY.

PUT HIM WITH, UH, THAT KATE GIRL.

KATE? ALL RIGHT.

WHY IS IT SO QUIET? WHERE IS EVERYBODY?

WELL, TOMORROW ISTHANKSGIVING.

[ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ KEYBOARD CLACKING ]

Carolina: DAPHNE? ARE YOU THERE?

I'M READY TO GO.

[ MUSIC STOPS, KNOCK ON DOOR ]

ARE YOU ALL SET?

[ KEYBOARD CLACKING ]

OH, DAPHNE, AREN'T YOU READY YET?

PRINCESS TABITHA HAS JUST BEENKIDNAPPED BY ROARK THE PIRATE,

WHO HAS SUCCESSFULLYDRAGGED HER INTO HISLAIR OF WANTON DESIRE.

ISN'T THAT THE THIRD

"PIRATE CAPTURES THE PRINCESS" STORY YOU'VE WRITTEN?

PIRATES ARE CLASSIC.

AND WHY ARE THE GIRLS ALWAYS PRINCESSES?

TELL ME THAT.ALL WOMEN ARE PRINCESSES.

GUESS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

SHE CARESSES HIS THROBBING MANHOOD.

NO. [ SCOFFS ] TOO SOON, MY PRETTY.

GUESS AGAIN. UH...

SHE REMOVES HER BODICE WITH TREMBLING HANDS.

NO, HE'LL REMOVE IT. HE'LL DO IT.

LAST GUESS. MAKE IT A GOOD ONE.

OKAY, UH, HIS HANDS SLOWLY ROAM

HIS NEWLY CONQUERED TERRITORY.

THAT, I LIKE.

PLAGIARIZING AT WARP SPEED.

OKAY, LET'S GO, THIEF.

SAVE, SAVE, SAVE!

Man on radio: THE WEATHER TODAY IN LOS ANGELES

CALLS FOR TEMPERATURES IN THE LOW TO MID-80s.

BREEZY AT TIMES,

WITH A FEW SCATTERED CLOUDS AND SMOG LEVELS...

BOY, DOES YOUR GRANDMOTHER LIVE IN A STRANGE PART

OF LOS ANGELES.

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO BEAN ADULT AROUND MY FAMILY?

AH, THAT'S WHY I LEFT MY FAMILY 3,000 MILES AWAY

AND CAME HERE.

IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME. GRANDMA WILL MAKE A SCENE.

SOMEONE WILL GET DRUNK AND TRY AND SHOOT SOMEONE.

GEORGIA WILL END UP CRYING FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON.

IT'S LIKE FAMILY VOODOO.

THAT'S WHY I LIKE 'EM.

GRANDMA LIKES YOU, TOO,

BUT IF SHE KNEW YOU WERE DAPHNE ST. CLAIRE,

SHE'D PROBABLY KILL YOU.

HEY, CHANG, HOW YA DOIN'?

HELLO!

HEY! [ LAUGHS ] OH!

HOW'S YOUR WEE THING HANGING, ALBERT?

A WEE BIT TO THE LEFT.

OH, YEAH? [ LAUGHS ]

CAROLINA, HOW ARE YOU DOING, BABY?

I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

I'M GOOD, BABY.

THESE ARE FOR YOU.

OH, THANK YOU!

BUT WHY'D YOU GO WASTEYOUR MONEY ON SOMETHINGTHAT'S GONNA DIE ANYWAY?

'CAUSE I WANTED TO.

WELL, NEXT TIME,YOU KNOW, MAKE IT PERFUME.

SO, HOW ARE YOU, GRANDMA?

I'M AS NERVOUS AS A WHORE IN CHURCH, HONEY.

GOT ALL THIS FOOD TO COOK UP FOR MY CRAZY FAMILY.

WOULD YOU LET ME HELPTHIS TIME?

NO, YOU'RE JUST GONNA GET IN THE WAY.

SAY, I HEAR YOU'RE BRINGING YOUR NEW MAN.

I BROKE UP WITH HIM.

[ WATER RUNNING ]

YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM?

MM-HMM.

CAROLINA...

LYING YOUR ASS OFF IS UNBECOMING, HONEY.

YOU GO SEE MAINE.

SHE'S BEEN HOLLERING FOR YOU ALL DAY.

I SWEAR THAT CHILD IS ONE TACO SHORT OF A COMBINATION PLATE.

ALBERT, COME IN HERE AND GET YOUR BELLY FULL.

I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU.

[ British accent ] DON'T YOU KNOCK?

MIRABEAUS DON'T KNOCK, MAINE. WE HAVE NO BOUNDARIES.

[ SMOOCHES ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

MAINE IS WINNING THE LOTTERY.

IS THAT SO?

[ Normal voice ]THE ENGLISH BOY IN"THE ROCKING-HORSE WINNER"

RODE SO HARDHE WENT INTO A TRANCE.

AND WHEN HE WAS IN A TRANCE,

HE SAW THE WINNING HORSE'SNAME BEFORE EACH RACE.

YOU'RE READING D.H. LAWRENCE NOW?

THAT BOY WON BIG MONEYON THE KENTUCKY DERBY,

AND I'M GONNA WIN BIG MONEYON THE LOTTERY.

I'VE ALREADY SEEN TWOWINNING LOTTERY NUMBERS.

4 AND 27. SEE?

4 AND 27.

[ British accent ] IF YOUINSIST ON PATRONIZING ME,

PLEASE LEAVE.

YOU'RE CLOUDING MY TRANCE.

[ REMOTE CONTROL BEEPING ]

WHAT'S THAT?

ON-SCREEN PROGRAMMING.

YOU CAN SET THE TIMER TO RECORD YOUR FAVORITE SHOWS.

SEE?

MM-HMM.

DON'T LET TECHNOLOGY SCARE YOU.

NOTHING SCARES ME, KID.

I JUST WANT YOU TO DO IT FOR ME.

HEY.

GUESS WHAT.

GRANDMA GOTA TOP-OF-THE-LINE VCR.

IT ONLY COST HER 50 BUCKS.

SO I HEARD.

SHUT.

YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO, CAROLINA.

LIFE IS SERIOUS BUSINESS.

I GOT ME MY LEATHER INTERIORS WITH THAT TOILET-PAPER TRICK.

WORKS EVERY SINGLE TIME.

NO BULLSHIT. HMM.

[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]

♪ I'M BORED OUT OF MY HEAD

♪ JUMP IN, THE MOTOR'S RUNNING ♪

♪ I'M GOING DOWN TO YOUR HOUSE ♪

[ HORN HONKING ] ♪ YOU KNOW THEY'RE COMING

♪ GIVE ME YOUR SURPRISE

Maine: GRANDMA!

OKAY, ALL YOU LAZY, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING GOLDBRICKERS,

DINNER IS SERVED.

COME AND GET IT!

♪ UNDERNEATH THE STARRY SKIES

♪ HEY, YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE

♪ I GET OFF ON YOU

IF GRANDMA OFFERS YOU JERKY OR CHITLINGS, SAY NO.

WELL, I SEE YOUR AUNT MARILYN BROUGHT HER BREASTS.

WARNING ONE, ALBERT.

HOW LONG WAS SHE IN FOR?

THREE MONTHS.

AUNT MARILYN USED HER LITTLE BLACK BOOK AGAIN.

THE POLICE CHIEF,WHO'S INTO HIGH HEELS,

LET HER OUT ON GOOD BEHAVIOR.

INSPIRING. SHE SHOULD WRITE A BOOK.

DAPHNE ST. CLAIRE COULD BE HER COWRITER.

OVER DAPHNE'S DEAD BODY.

DAPHNE COULD USE THE RESEARCH.

[ LAUGHS ]

WOULD YOU REALLY SLEEPWITH A $500-A-NIGHT HOOKER

AND PAY FOR IT?

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT PAYING FOR IT.

NO, NO, SERIOUSLY.

SERIOUSLY?

I'VE NEVER REALLY BEENA ONE-NIGHT-STAND KIND OF GUY.

SO YOU'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH ALL THE WOMEN

YOU'VE SLEPT WITH?

WELL...

WELL, HOW MANY HAVE THERE BEEN?

A FEW.

OKAY, HOW MANY?[ MICROWAVE BEEPS ]

HEY...

BACK OFF.

SO YOU REALLY THINK YOU KNOW WHAT LOVE FEELS LIKE?

[ LAUGHS ]

[ BEEPS, DINGS ]

COME ON, CAROLINA, STOP DAWDLING.

[ DINGS ]

COME ON.

YES, MA'AM.

NO, I DON'T EAT MEAT ANYMORE, REMEMBER?

AND YOU WONDER WHY YOU CAN'T FIND A MAN.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WATCH IT.

NEXT.

[ WHIMSICAL BIG-BAND MUSIC PLAYS ][ LAUGHS ]

[ HORN HONKING ]

[ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]

[ CRASH ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ LAUGHS ]

I GOT HER CLOSE, DIDN'T I?

WHAT'S THAT IN YOUR HAND?

IT'S A PARTY, ISN'T IT?

AHH.

HEY. [ LAUGHS ]

WHAT'S WITH YOU AND MY DAUGHTER, HUH?

YOU TWO HAVING SEX YET?

WHAT? [ LAUGHS ]

NO, NO,WE'RE JUST GOOD FRIENDS.

THAT'S ALL.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

SHE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?

NO! NO! HUH?

I-I MEAN YES.YES, OF COURSE SHE IS.

IT'S JUST...

FRIENDS AND SEX DON'T MIX.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ LAUGHS ]

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

WHERE'S, UM --

I'M SORRY, WHAT'S HIS NAME, YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND?

SETH.

RIGHT. SETH.

I BROKE HIS HEART.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WHY DO I KEEP DOING THAT?

WHAT HAPPENED?

[ INHALES SHARPLY ]

I TOLD HIM MY BABY WASN'T HIS.

YOU'RE PREGNANT? HOW CAN YOU BE PREGNANT?

OH, THE USUAL WAY.

DO YOU KNOW WHO THE FATHER IS?

EXCUSE ME?

I MEAN, OF COURSE -- OF COURSE YOU KNOW

WHO THE FATHER IS, RIGHT? [ LAUGHS ]

I DO!

WELL, UM...

DO YOU WANT ME TO GO WITH YOU?

I'M GONNA KEEP IT.

YOU'RE GONNA RAISE A BABY ALL BY YOURSELF?

YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB. YOU'VE NEVER HAD A JOB.

I TRIED TO GET A JOB ONCE.I...

I DIDN'T HAVE THE RIGHT SHOES.

DON'T TELL GRANDMA, OKAY?

I'LL TELL HER WHEN THE TIME'S RIGHT.

OKAY?

[ INSECTS BUZZING ]

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

YEAH. YEAH.

GRANDMA, I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ASK YOU.

HAVE YOU READDAPHNE ST. CLAIRE'S NEW BOOK?

Millie: OH, YOU'RE DAMNED STRAIGHT I HAVE.

THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED, GIRL.

YOU NEED A MAN LIKE ASHLEN CHANDLER

FROM "ROUGHING IT AT MIDNIGHT."

ASHLEN'S FROM "MOONLIGHT RHAPSODY."

HE'S NOT HER TYPE.

YOU READ THE ROMANCES, MARILYN?

OH, I ALREADY KNOW ALL I NEED TO KNOW.

I BET YOU DO. [ CHUCKLES ]

YOU KNOW, I LIKE YOU, ALBERT,

'CAUSE YOU'RE A MAN WHO HAS NO SHAME ABOUT READING THE ROMANCES.

DID YOU READ "LOVE'S SACRED DESIRE"?

CRAP.

YOU DIDN'T LIKE "DESIRE"?

NO. THAT DAPHNE ST. CLAIRE SHOT HER WAD ON THAT ONE.

[ LAUGHS ]

TOO MUCH TALKING, NOT ENOUGH LOVING.

WHAT SHE NEEDS TO DO IS GET DRUNK AND HOWL AT THE MOON.

I AGREE!

YOU COULD USE A LITTLE HOWLIN' AT THE MOON YOURSELF, HONEY.

I'M FOCUSING ON MY CAREER.

OKAY, BUT YOUR TITTIES

AREN'T GONNA STAY PERKY FOREVER, YOU KNOW.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT SURGERY'S FOR.

RIGHT! [ LAUGHS ]

YOU KNOW, YOU GOT ONE BIG PROBLEM, CAROLINA.

IT'S CALLED "BAD MAN-PICKING."

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT WHENYOU'VE ONLY MET ONE GUY I'VE EVER BEEN WITH?

I DON'T NEED TO MEET THE ROOSTERWHEN I GOT THE HEN RIGHT HERE.

AND THE HEN'S NOT HAPPY.

THE HEN IS, TOO, HAPPY.

[ SIGHS ]

THE HEN LOOKS DOWN ON HER GRANDMA

'CAUSE HER GRANDMA LEADS HER LIFE

EXACTLY ANY WAY SHE DAMN PLEASES.

IN FACT, THE HEN HATES HER GRANDMA 'CAUSE OF THAT.

I DO NOT.

IT'S JUST THAT I WOULDDO THINGS DIFFERENTLY.

OH, REALLY? HOW'S THAT?

EVERYBODY...

I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENTTO MAKE.

THIS YEARI'M GONNA HAVE A FORMAL

CHRISTMAS SIT-DOWN DINNER AT MY HOUSE,

AND I HOPE ALL OF YOU CAN MAKE IT.

THIS IS WHERE WE EAT, CAROLINA.

YOU KNOW THAT.

I KNOW, BUT WOULDN'T ITBE NICE IF --

IF?

IF A FROG HAD WINGS,

HE WOULDN'T BUMP HIS ASS SO MUCH.

NO.

[ SIGHS ]

WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOU GUYS?I-I...

ANYONE?

DADDY?

UH... [ COUGHS ]

LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU GIRLS JUST,YOU KNOW, FIGURE THIS OUT

AND TELL ME WHERE YOU WANT ME?

I CAN'T BELIEVE HE JUST SAT THERE AND DID NOTHING.

HE WAS DRUNK.

THAT WAS HIS EXCUSE

WHEN HE DROVE US OFF THE OVERPASS WHEN I WAS 10.

WHAT HAPPENED?

WE ALL DIED, ALBERT.

THE RESERVOIR WAS FULL OF SAND.

[ SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE ]

SHE'LL NEVER COME, WILL SHE?

SHE'LL COME.

HEY, I CAN'T EVEN WAITFOR CHRISTMAS.

[ SIGHS ]

NIGHT.

[ SIGHS ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]

WELCOME TO "THE PERFECT DATE" PRESHOW.

FIRST, TO WARM US UP, MY FRIENDS, SWAMI HEMICHANDRA.

[ Indian accent ] NAMASTE,EVERYBODY.

THE WARM-UP IS STAND-UP, EVERYBODY COLD.

ARE YOU -- ARE YOU CAROLINA?

YEAH, YES.

HI, I'M, UH, HEATH PIERSON.

UH, SNAKE SAYS YOU'RETHE ONE I SHOULD THANK

FOR CHOOSING ME AS A CONTESTANT.

YOU'RE WELCOME, HEATH.

WAS IT A SUCCESSFUL DATE?

YES. YES, IT WAS.

THE ROMANCE WASN'T THERE,BUT WE HAD A GOOD TIME.

WHAT A GREAT ATTITUDE.

MOST PEOPLE, IF IT'S NOT LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT,

THEY WISH THEY'D NEVER COME ON THE SHOW.

WHY DID YOU?

WELL...

TO BE HONEST, I LOST A BETWITH SOMEONE IN MY OFFICE,

BUT THEN I THOUGHT, "WHY NOT?"

I'M NEW TO L.A., I DON'T KNOW ANYONE,

AND IT'S A DIFFICULT CITYTO MEET PEOPLE IN, AS YOU KNOW.

CAROLINA, WE'RE ON IN 10.

MM-HMM.

OH...

UH, DON'T WANT THAT ON YOU.

HELLO, EVERYBODY.

OKAY, UM, IS ANYONE NERVOUS?

OH, DON'T BE. THE HARD PART'S OVER.

YOU'VE ALREADY HAD THE DATE.

NOW ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TELL CHUCK ALL ABOUT IT.

MY DATE HATED ME. I COULD TELL.

I'M SURE SHE DIDN'T, JOHN.

ACTUALLY, HE'S RIGHT. HE IS A COMPLETE ASSHOLE.

OKAY, UH, TARA,

YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T SAY "ASSHOLE" ON TV, RIGHT?

AT DINNER HE TOOK NOTES ON EVERYTHING I SAID AND DID.

AND MY NAME'S NOT TARA, IT'S KATE.

I'M TARA.

AND I DIDN'T HATE MY DATE. HE WAS TOTALLY HOT.

OH, I SEE.

UM, OKAY, KATE,

LET'S TRY TO STICK TO POSITIVE COMMENTS WHEN WE'RE ON THE AIR, OKAY?

I UNDERSTAND. YOU SCREWED UP.

I SHOULD HAVE HAD HIM.

HELLO, I'M THE NEW P.A., CHRISTEN.

UH, PHONE CALL FOR CAROLINA.

TAKE A MESSAGE, PLEASE.

UH, SNAKE SAID TO TELL YOU THAT GEORGIA'S BLOWING CHUNKS.

EXCUSE ME. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

CHRISTEN, CAN YOU PLEASEESCORT OUR CONTESTANTS TO THE HOLDING ROOM?

OKEYDOKEY.

YOU GOT IT. IT'S...

[ LAUGHS ]

SO...

WHO KNOWS WHERE THE HOLDING ROOM IS?

Announcer: FROM HOLLYWOOD...[ INTRO MUSIC PLAYS ]

IT'S YOUR FAVORITE GAME SHOW, "THE PERFECT DATE."

AND NOW HERE'S YOUR PERFECT HOST,

CHUCK McBRIDE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

OH! OH, KEEP IT COMING!

I CAN FEEL IT. I CAN FEEL IT.

I NEED YOUR LOVE!

I NEED IT! WHOA!

GEORGIA, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO THROW UP ALL THE TIME.

MAYBE BECAUSE THERE'S A PERSON GROWING INSIDE YOU.

WE SEND TWO CONTESTANTS OUT ON A BLIND DATE,

YOU GET TO SEE THE RESULTS RIGHT HERE,

AND THEN YOU GET TO DECIDE, WAS IT THE...

All: PERFECT DATE!

WHAT A PUTZ.

LET'S SEE THOSE FIRST TWO GUESTS RIGHT NOW.

THEY ARE HEATH PIERSON AND TARA BARNELL!

[ MUSIC PLAYS, CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

CAROLINA!

WHAT? YOU STILL HAVEN'T TOLD GRANDMA YOU'RE PREGNANT YET?

CAROLINA!

GEORGIA, I'LL CALL YOU BACK!

DO WE STILL HAVE ANYBODY WORKINGAROUND THIS PIECE-OF-CRAP SHOW?

JOB OPENING.

I AM SO SORRY.I HEARD WHAT HAPPENED.

HOW DID YOU KNOW THIS WAS MY CAR?

YOUR NAME IS ON THE FENCE.

SOUVENIR.

DO YOU WANT ME TO SIGN IT FOR YOU?

YOU'RE FUNNY.

YEAH, WELL, CHUCK OVERRULED FUNNY.

YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THERE'SSOMETHING BETTER COMING ALONG.

A-AFTER ALL,

I'M GUESSING YOU DON'TWANT TO WORK ON A GAME SHOW

FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

YOU MUST BE FROM A RICH FAMILY.

I THOUGHT SO.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WELL.

I CAN AFFORD TO BUY YOU DINNER.

YOU GET ME FIRED AND YOU WANT TO BUY ME DINNER?

Albert: [ British accent ] EXCELLENT QUESTION.

I HOPE YOU TOLD HIM TO BUGGER OFF.

UH...

[ Normal voice ] OH.

HE MUST BE REALLY, REALLY GOOD-LOOKING.

YES, BUT -- YEAH, I THOUGH SO.

OTHERWISE, YOU WOULDN'T GO OUT WITH A GUY WHO GOT YOU FIRED.

HE DIDN'T GET ME FIRED. GEORGIA DID.

GEORGIA DIDN'T GET YOU FIRED. YOU GOT YOURSELF FIRED.

YOU HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO SAY "NO,"

LIKE TO THIS... HEATH PERSON.

PIERSON. IT'S HEATH PIERSON.

I MEAN "PERSON," LIKE THIS STUPID HEATH PERSON.

WHAT? AHH! WHO CARES?! I GOT FIRED.

AND I CAME OVER TO TALK TO YOU 'CAUSE YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND,

AND ALL WE'RE DOING IS ARGUINGABOUT THIS HEATH PIERSON PERSON.

FORGET IT.

[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]

Woman on TV: I WON'T PRETEND I'M NOT DISAPPOINTED.

Woman #2: HELLO, FATHER. HAS ANYBODY...

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

Man: DON'T TELL ME HE'S DESERTED YOU ALREADY.

STATE YOUR BUSINESS.

It's Carolina.

I NEED YOU TO SAY YOU'RECOMING TO CHRISTMAS DINNER,

AND I NEED YOU TO SAY IT RIGHT NOW.

LISTEN, BABY, I GOT ME A FUR PERSON NOW.

And fur people do not understand formal sit-down dinners.

Nobody's gonna come if you don't come.

I NEED YOU TO DO THISFOR ME, PLEASE.

ARE YOU CRYING, BABY?

YES OR NO?

WHY ARE YOU CRYING, HONEY?

[ PANTS, WHIMPERS ]

BYE, GRANDMA.

[ BEEPS ]

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

AND REMEMBER Y-YOU'RE HAULING GEORGIA'S BUTT OVER HERE THIS WEEKEND.

I WON'T FORGET.

ALL RIGHT, THEN.

[ BEEPS ]

[ SLOW MUSIC PLAYS ][ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]

Albert: HELLO.

IT'S ME.

[ KNOCKING ]

MAY I COME IN?

I'M SORRY.

I WASN'T VERY SYMPATHETIC.

OH, WHERE'D THAT COME FROM?

[ LAUGHS ]

[ SIGHS ]

I HAVE $53 IN MY SAVINGS ACCOUNT.

I HAVE TO GO OUT AND LOOK FOR ANOTHER JOB.

AND THE MILK GOES BAD IN TWO DAYS.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO, ALBERT?

YOU...GET AN INTERVIEW WITH THE BIG BOYS.

YOU...PUT ON YOUR BLACK SUIT,

PULL YOUR HAIR INTO THAT LITTLE TWISTY THING,

AND THEY'LL FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU AND HIRE YOU ON THE SPOT.

THERE ARE 150 PEOPLE APPLYING FOR ONE JOB IN TELEVISION.

MAYBE.

BUT THERE'S ONLY ONE CAROLINA.

TOWEL.

[ SIGHS ]

DO YOU WANT TO GOTO THE MOVIES TOMORROW NIGHT?

TOMORROW NIGHT'S MY DATE WITH HEATH.

HMM.[ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ]

I KNOW WE MET UNDER UNUSUALCIRCUMSTANCES, BUT, UH,

I WANTED TO ASK YOU OUTTO DINNER THE MOMENT I MET YOU.

YOU DID?

YOU WERE BITING YOUR LOWER LIP.

I WAS?

IT WAS VERY, VERY SEXY.

ARE YOU FOR REAL?

I MEAN, ARE YOU JUST RANDOMLY THROWING OUT LINES

OR ARE YOU TELLING THE TRUTH?

[ Laughs ] UM...

I GUESS I'M RANDOMLY TELLING THE TRUTH.

SO, UM, YOU'RE FROM LONDON?

TELL ME ABOUT THAT.

OH, WELL, THERE'S...NOT MUCH TO TELL.

UM, I HAVEA YOUNGER SISTER, SARA,

MY FATHER'S A BANKER.

MY MOTHER TEACHES ENGLISH AT OXFORD,

WHICH IS WHEREI WENT TO UNIVERSITY.

AND I PLAYED ON THE CRICKET TEAM.

UM, I'M AN ACCOUNT EXECUTIVEAT AN ADVERTISING AGENCY.

AND I HAVE AN APARTMENTIN PARIS.

DO YOU A WIFE AND KIDS SOMEWHERE?

I MEAN, EVEN IF THEY ARE IN TULSA,

I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO KNOW, BECAUSE...

WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME?

UH, NO WIFE, UH, NO KIDS.

WHERE'S TULSA?

IT'S IN OKLAHOMA. IT'S A STATE.

LIKE CAROLINA THE STATE.

YES, I WAS NAMED AFTER A STATE.

MY SISTERS, GEORGIA AND MAINE, WERE ALSO NAMED AFTER STATES,

WHATEVER STATE MY FATHER HAPPENED TO BE IN

WHEN WE WERE BORN.

WE WERE NAMED AFTER POSTMARKS.

THOSE ARE ON POSTCARDS.

BUT...YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THAT.

I DON'T?

NO.

NORTH OR SOUTH?

WHAT?

CAROLINA.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ LAUGHS ]

I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME TONIGHT.

SO DID I...

CAROLINA, THE STATE.

NORTH OR SOUTH.

YEP.

SOUTH.

DEFINITELY SOUTH CAROLINA.

ARE YOU SURE...

YOU WANT TO MOVE IN WITH GRANDMA?

WELL, I CAN'T RAISE THE BABY BY MYSELF.

LOOK, YOU COULD MOVE IN WITH ME.

OH, SWEETIE.

SO SUPER SWEET, BUT, YOU KNOW,

THE BABY WILL HAVE MAINETO PLAY WITH HERE.

WELL, YOU KNOW ME, I LIKEA LOT OF ENERGY AROUND ME.

WELL, YOU HAVE TOLD GRANDMA THAT YOU'RE PREGNANT, RIGHT?

RIGHT?

WELL, I'M -- I'M STILL WAITING

FOR THE PERFECT TIME TO TELL HER.

[ SIGHS ] Millie: OKAY. BACK UP. BACK UP.

BACK IN THE CAR.

I'M BORED. WE'RE GOING TO THE MOVIES.

COME ON.WHY DON'T WE HELP GEORGIA UNLOAD THE U-HAUL FIRST?

PLEASE, I DON'T WANNA DO ANY WORK.

I WANT TO GO BE ENTERTAINED

BY SOME BLACK-AND-WHITE PIECE OF CRAP.

I'M OFF-DUTY WHEN I'M DREAMING.

HA! YOU SMILING RAT BASTARD, YOU'RE GONNA BE DEAD SOON!

GRANDMA, SHH! PUBLIC PLACE.

Woman: KEEP IT DOWN!

I WANT POPCORN.

I'M NOT SPENDING SIX BUCKS

ON 20 CENTS' WORTH OF POPCORN, HONEY.

I MADE THIS GUMBO YESTERDAY. IT'S FRESH.

YOU'RE GONNA EAT IT, AND YOU'RE GONNA BE HAPPY.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING, VINCE?I THOUGHT YOU WERE SICK.

WELL, ASK HER WHERE SHE WAS LAST NIGHT!

COME ON!

THE SHOW'S UP THERE, BUDDY.

I WANT POPCORN.

OKAY, STOP, STOP.

VINCE, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME

YOU'VE BEEN WORKING HARD AT THE BANK...

WHO'D YOU PUT OUT FOR, POPSICLE?

'CAUSE YOU SURE AS HELL CAN'T ACT WORTH A LICK.

WILL YOU SHUT UP?!

LISTEN, SONNY --

GRANDMA, I'M PREGNANT.

GEORGIA, NOW IS NOT THE TIME!

WHAT?!

[ AUDIENCE GROANING ]NO, HOLD IT.HOLD IT.

Man: YOU HOLD IT.

WELL, THANK YOU FOR REVEALING THAT LITTLE TIDBIT

OF INFORMATION BEFORE YOU UNLOADED THE U-HAUL.

'CAUSE MY CHILD-REARING DAYSARE OVER, SUNSHINE.

IT'S NOT GONNA COST A THING. I'M GONNA BREAST-FEED.

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS IN THE LOBBY, PLEASE?

MA'AM, I'M GONNA HAVE TOASK YOU TO TAKE YOUR SEATAND KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.

OH, W-WHAT ARE YOU?I'M THE MANAGER, MA'AM.

HOW OLD ARE YOU, MR. MANAGER?

20, MA'AM.

LISTEN CAREFULLY. YOU LEAVE NOW.

I CAN'T DO THAT, MA'AM.

YOU KNOW,MURDER IS A FUNNY THING.

IT HAPPENS TO ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE

IN ALL SORTS OF PLACES.

NOBODY'S SAFE ANYMORE,

EVEN LITTLE SNOT-NOSED, PUDGY, THEATER MANAGERS

RUNNING UP AND DOWNTHE AISLE WITH A FLASHLIGHT.

WE NEVER GET TO SEE THE ENDOF THE MOVIE WHEN YOU COME!

I'M GONNA GO CALM MAINE DOWN

AND THEN I'M GETTING GEORGIA'S STUFF TO MY HOUSE.

YOU THINK IT'SA GOOD IDEA, DO YOU?[ DOOR CLOSES ]

SADDLING YOURSELF WITH TWO KIDS

WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN HAVEA JOB YOURSELF.

YES, I DO.

I THOUGHT YOU'D BE ON YOUR HORSE.

I'M NOT IN THE MOOD.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOUR NUMBERS?

I'VE ONLY GOT TWO NUMBERS LEFT.

GIRLS, GET YOUR BUTTS OUT HERE

AND HELP GEORGIA UNLOAD THE DAMN U-HAUL.

SHE'S PREGNANT, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

COME ON, GET YOUR BUTTS OUT!

SO I MOVED GEORGIA IN.

AND STILL SHE'S GONNA HAVEA BABY WITH NO FATHER AROUND.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THATSHE'S GONNA LET HISTORYREPEAT ITSELF LIKE THAT.

SHE HAS HER OWN FREE WILL. SHE CAN DO WHAT SHE WANTS.

YEAH, BUT SHE'S NOT EVENTAKING IT SERIOUSLY.

I MEAN, SHE DOESN'T THINKIT'S A BIG DEAL.

SO SHE'S DOING SOMETHING UNEXPECTED.

YEAH, UNEXPECTED.YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.

YOU KNOW, THE PROBLEM ISN'T HER. IT'S YOU.

WHAT?

THINGS DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO GO ACCORDING TO PLAN...

YOUR PLAN.

NO.

LET GO.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, CAROLINA, LIVE A LITTLE!

Carolina: CAROLINA MIRABEAU...

LIVE A LITTLE.

♪ I SAW

♪ JESUS BY THE CAR WASH [ DOORBELL RINGS ]

♪ NEAR MY HOUSE THE OTHER DAY

♪ I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS REAL ♪

♪ BUT IT MADE ME FEEL OKAY

♪ EVERYONE IS LOOKING FOR A REASON ♪

♪ TO LEARN TO LIVE TODAY

♪ WHATEVER GETS YOU THROUGH THE DAY ♪

♪ WHATEVER GETS YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪

♪ WHATEVER MAKES YOU FEEL OKAY ♪

♪ WHATEVER MAKES YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT ♪

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

Albert: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CAROLINA.

It's my birthday.

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YO-O-U

[ KNOCKS ON DOOR ]

♪ HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♪

♪ WHATEVER GETS YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪

♪ WHATEVER MAKES YOU FEEL OKAY ♪

♪ WHATEVER MAKES YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT ♪

MMM.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR CHRISTMAS?

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT?

YES, YOU LOOK LOVELY, DARLING.

COME HERE.

MMM.

[ SMOOCHES ]

YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE. YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE.

WHO CARES?

I'M HAVING FUN.[ LAUGHS ]

[ KISSING ]

[ LAUGHS ]

[ LAUGHS ]

[ SMOOCHES ]

OH, ALBERT, COME OUT HERE.I WANT YOU TO MEET SOMEBODY.

HMM.

HEY.

ALBERT, HEATH.

THIS IS ALBERT MORRIS, MY NEIGHBOR...

MY NEIGHBOR AND BEST FRIEND.

HI. HEATH PIERSON.

I'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU.

YOU HAVE?

WELL, I'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU, TOO.

GOOD, OF COURSE.

DID YOU GET MY BIRTHDAY CARD?

I LEFT IT ON YOUR DOORSTEP.

YES, THANK YOU.

DID YOU READ IT?

I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A CHANCE TO OPEN IT YET.

NO, OF COURSE. YOU WERE BUSY.

WELL, READ THE CARD,AND IF YOU'RE STILL INTERESTED,

LET ME KNOW, OKAY?

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK? THUMBS UP.

HEY, LOOK, I SHOULD BE OFF. NICE TO MEET YOU, ALBERT.

YEAH.

[ CAR ALARM DEACTIVATES ]

[ ORCHESTRA PLAYS UP-TEMPO MUSIC]

[ MUSIC STOPS ]UH, CAN WE DO THAT AGAIN, PLEASE?

WHEN WE GET TO THE PIANO DYNAMIC, KEEP IT SIMPLE.

YOU THINK THE MUSICIANSEVER MISS A NOTE?

OF COURSE. NOBODY'S PERFECT.

THAT'S WHY THERE'S SO MANY OF THEM UP THERE.[ MUSIC RESUMES ]

ENJOY YOUR PRESENT NOW.

THEY'RE ALL PLAYING FOR YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU LIKE HIM, ALBERT?YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM.

I KNOW HIM.

NOW, HE ISPERFECT.

HE'S FLAWLESS-MAN.

FLAWLESS BODY WITHOUT WORKING OUT,

FLAWLESS SMILE.

NEVER RUNS OUT OF GAS, NEVER BREAKS A SWEAT.

NEVER SAYS THE WRONG THING.

MAKES US ORDINARY GUYS FEEL INVISIBLE.

YOU GOT ALL THAT FROM ONE "HELLO"?

I'M A WRITER, REMEMBER?

I JUDGE CHARACTER FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET.

I THOUGHT WE DIDN'T JUDGE.

WE JUDGE, WHEN THE RULES ARE BROKEN.

YOU SLEPT WITH HIM LAST NIGHTON A SECOND DATE AT YOUR HOUSE.

IT BREAKS EVERY CAROLINA RULE I KNOW.

BUT I LIVED A LITTLE, ALBERT.I...

I WANT A NORMAL, AVAILABLE GUY,

AND I THINK I FOUND ONE, AND HE MAKES ME HAPPY.

ANYONE NAMED HEATH PIERSON IS NOT A NORMAL GUY.

I SAW HIS CAR...

A JAGUAR.

AGAIN, NOT A NORMAL GUY.

I INVITED HIM TO CHRISTMAS DINNER.

YOU DID WHAT?

CHRISTMAS DINNER'S FOR FAMILY.

AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, ANYWAY?

I MEAN, YOU WRITE ABOUTALL THIS PASSION AND ROMANCE,

AND "MY LOVE FOR YOU IS ENDLESS."

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIMEYOU WENT ON A DATE?

AS IT SO HAPPENS, I DO HAVE A DATE.

COME ON. YOU DO NOT, ALBERT.

I DO, TOO. WHY IS THAT SO SURPRISING?

A FOURTH DATE, IN FACT. SHE'S A WRITER.

AND NOT ANOTHER "DAPHNE" WRITER,

BUT A "NEW YORK TIMES" BESTSELLER WRITER.

[ MUSIC STOPS ]

WE MET AT MY PUBLISHER'S HOLIDAY PARTY TWO WEEKS AGO.

ENJOY THE CONCERT.

AGAIN. NICE AND LYRICAL.

FOUR-BAR PHRASES THERE. JOIN IN THE FUN.

A LITTLE MORE SOUND.

SO YOU'RE TELLING ME

YOU HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?

NO, IT'S JUST NOT LIKE ALBERT.

MM-HMM.

IS IT HARD WORK BEING SO DENSE, CAROLINA?

WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A RIDE ON MAINE'S HORSE

AND SEE WHAT COMES UP?

[ SIGHS ]

AND YOU BE CAREFUL. THAT'S MY WEDDING CHINA.

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SAYWHAT YOU MEAN?

ALL RIGHT.

HERE'S A THOUGHT.

FORGET ABOUT ALBERT, FORGET ABOUT MAINE,

AND FORGET ABOUT ME, FOR THAT MATTER.

WHAT ABOUT YOU, CAROLINA?

WHY IS YOUR LIFE SO HARD?

MAKES ME THINK YOU'RE LIVING SOMEBODY ELSE'S INSTEAD.

OKAY.

OKAY, FINE.

TOMORROW IS CHRISTMAS DINNER,

AND I WANT YOU THEREMORE THAN ANYONE ELSE.

WELL, SHIT!

WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO IN THE FIRST PLACE?

AAH!

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HI, YOU LOOK NICE.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

CAROLINA.

LOOK AT THESE PLATES.

GRANDMA LENT THEM TO MEFOR CHRISTMAS.

ALL THIS TIME WE'VE BEENUSING PAPER PLATES,

AND HERE SHE HADAN ENTIRE SET OF CHINA

STACKED AWAY IN THE CUPBOARD.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

CAROLINA?

ANYWAY, LISTEN,I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE

FOR THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL THING YESTERDAY.

CAROLINA --

YOU CAN DATE WHOEVER.OR IS IT WHOMEVER?

WHATEVER, ANYWAY, DATE WHO YOU WANT TO DATE.

IT'S REALLY NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

I'M JUST GLAD YOU'RE GETTING OUT THERE AND TAKING CHANCES.

AND SHE'S A WRITER, A REAL WRITER.

WOW.

CAROLINA, SHE'S HERE. [ LAUGHS ]

DEBBIE, THIS IS CAROLINA, MY FRIEND.

CAROLINA, THIS IS DEBBIE.

HI, IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

ALBERT'S TOLD ME A LOT ABOUT YOU.

ALBERT'S TOLD ME A LOT ABOUT YOU, TOO.

I MEAN, HE WAS JUST ABOUT TO TELL ME MORE THAN HE HAS.

LIKE THAT YOU'RE... PRETTY AND SMART,

WHICH YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY.

YOU LOOK GREAT. YOU TWO LOOK GREAT...

TOGETHER.

A COUPLE.

SO WHERE YOU GUYS GOING, ANYWAY?

TO A CHRISTMAS EVE SERVICE.

MY MOM AND DAD AND I GO EVERY YEAR.

IT'S KIND OF A FAMILY TRADITION.

WOW. HUH.

THAT'S LOVELY.

[ INTRODUCTION TO "JOY TO THE WORLD" PLAYS ]

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

[ SIGHS ]

ALL YOU LAZY, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING GOLDBRICKERS, DINNER IS SERVED.

[ LAUGHTER ]

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

All: MERRY CHRISTMAS.

GRANDMA!

Woman: DOESN'T IT LOOK GREAT?

THAT BIRD LOOKS GOOD!

WOW!

GRANDMA, I TOLD YOUNOT TO BRING ANYTHING.

HOW YOU GONNA FEED ALL THESE PEOPLE WITH ONE PIDDLY BIRD?

NOW, NOBODY EAT. GRANDMA'S GOTTA PEE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SHE BROUGHT HER OWN TURKEY.

I KNOW.

I SAW.

ALBERT. ARE YOU STAYING?

OF COURSE.

WHAT ABOUT DEBBIE?

SHE'S WITH HER PARENTS.I'M GONNA MEET HER AFTER DINNER.

I DON'T HAVE A NAME CARD FOR YOU.

THAT'S OKAY.

I CAN REMEMBER MY OWN NAME.

OH, HERE, SIT THERE.

AUNT MARILYN GOT ARRESTED AGAIN.

Woman: TODD, PASS ME THE PEAS.

AAH!

[ TOILET FLUSHES ]

CAROLINA, HONEY, YOU'RE OUT OF TOILET PAPER.

OKAY,WHO WANTS TO SAY GRACE?

I DO.

OH, ALBERT, I LOVE YOU LIKE A SON, HONEY,

BUT YOU JEWISH PEOPLE, YOU CAN'T GO AND KILL CHRIST

AND THEN EXPECT TO HAVE A SIT-DOWN CONVERSATION WITH HIM LATER.

[ LAUGHTER ]

FINE.

HE'S ALL YOURS.

I'LL CHAT WITH HIM OVER DESSERT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

I'LL GET IT. I'LL GET IT.

OH, GO AHEAD. CARRY ON.

WHO'S MISSING?

IT WAS THIS BIG!

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

[ SNIFFS ]

EVERYBODY, THIS IS HEATH.

HEATH, EVERYBODY.

[ SILENCE ]

MY FAMILY.

[ CHUCKLES ] SORRY I'M LATE, EVERYONE.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS.

WINE! HOW LOVELY.

I-I THINK I HAVE AN OPENERIN THE KITCHEN.

[ British accent ] WHO THE HELL IS THAT?LANGUAGE, GIRL.

NO ONE KNOWSWHO THE HELL IT IS.

A LOT OF PEOPLE.

YEAH.

MMM.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

YOUR LIPSTICK'S SMEARED.

THANK YOU, MAINE.

GRANDMA, WILL YOU PLEASE SAY GRACE?

MM-HMM. CERTAINLY.

EVERYONE BOW THEIR HEADS, PLEASE.

LORD, BLESS MY FAMILY.

FILL THEIR BELLIES AND KEEP THEM WARM AND SAFE.

AND NOW, LORD, LET'S GET PERSONAL.

PLEASE FIND GEORGIA A MAN

TO DADDY THAT YOUNG 'UN THAT SHE'S CARRYING.

GRANDMA. GIVE MAINE THOSE LOTTERY NUMBERS

BEFORE SHE LOSES HER VIRGINITY ON THAT ROCKING HORSE.

LORD, LET MY TEDDY SETTLE DOWN AND PLANT SOME ROOTS.

LOOK OVER MY SISTER, MARILYN,

WHO, BLESS HER IGNORANT SOUL, IS BACK IN JAIL AGAIN.

ENLIGHTEN HER ABOUT CELLULAR TELEPHONES

AND CREDIT-CARD TRANSACTIONS, BOTH OF WHICH ARE TRACEABLE.

AND FINALLY, LORD...

...BLESS MY CAROLINA'S HEART,FOR SHE IS THE BEST PART OF ME.

AMEN.

All: AMEN.

DADDY, I THINK YOU SHOULD CARVE THE TURKEY.

OKAY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE GOT YOURSELFA DILEMMA, SON.

I GOT...

TWO FINE-LOOKING TURKEYS IN FRONT OF ME HERE.

AND I'M JUST ONE MAN.

I'D LIKE TO ASK AL TO GIVE ME A HAND.

Woman: AW, THERE YOU GO!

AL?

SHOW 'EM HOW TO DO IT, AL!

I'LL GO GET ANOTHER KNIFE.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S MOVE THIS MARTHA STEWART SHIT OUT OF THE WAY

AND TAKE THIS TURKEY DOWNIN FRONT OF YOU THEN, THEODORE.

SO, MAINE, WHAT KINDOF HORSES DO YOU RIDE?

DEAD ONES.

RIGHT. S-SO YOU WERE RAISED IN BRITAIN?

[ Normal voice ] I WAS RAISED RIGHT GODDAMN HERE.

SHH! LANGUAGE.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ACCENT?

I'M OVER IT.

[ Laughs ] RIGHT.

NO, NO, EVERYONE HAS TO PASS TO THE RIGHT.

THIS WAY.

Man: OVER TO THE RIGHT.

OH, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BABY.

WHERE'S THE FATHER-TO-BE?

OH, ONE-NIGHT STAND.

DADDY, UM, HEATH WORKS IN ADVERTISING.

Ted: OH, THAT'S GOOD WORK.

HAVE YOU, UM, YOU DONE ANYTHINGTHAT I MIGHT KNOW?

WELL, MY FIRM DID THOSE,UH, ABSOLUT VODKA-THEMED ADS.

YOU KNOW, THE... [ Imitating Sean Connery ] BOND, ABSOLUT BOND.

[ LAUGHS ]

OH, YEAH!

THAT WAS YOU?

[ LAUGHS ]

SO, UM, WHAT KIND OF WORKDO YOU DO, SIR?

[ CUTLERY CLATTERS ]

I'M A DRUNK.

[ LAUGHING ]

IT'S BEEN 30 DAYS SINCE MY LAST DRINK.

Carolina: DADDY, REALLY?

BIG LOVE, DADDY!

[ APPLAUSE ]

[ WHIMPERS ]

[ BARKS ]

IT'S ONLY 30 DAYS.

[ BARKING ]

OH!

[ LAUGHING ]

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

OH!

[ WHIMPERS ]

WHY?!

BECAUSE IF I LEAVE HER HOME ALONE,

SHE'S ONLY GONNA PEE ON MY SHOES.

[ LAUGHTER ]

DID I TELL YOU THE ONE ABOUT THE TIME I FOUND MARILYN PLAYING LOLLIPOP

WITH THE REVEREND UNDER THE TABLE?

[ SCATTERED LAUGHTER ]

HOW ABOUT A DIFFERENT STORY, GRANDMA?

OKAY.

UM...

UM...

OH, HMM...

HOW ABOUT THE TIME MARILYN HIT ME UPSIDE THE HEAD

WITH AN AX HANDLE?

Georgia: MMM! MNH-MNH! YES, TELL THAT ONE!

YEAH, HOW'D YOU GET BACK AT HER? RIGHT.

NOW, EVEN THOUGH I'M THE OLDEST AND MARILYN IS THE YOUNGEST,

SHE WAS ALWAYS BUILT LIKE A BRICK SHITHOUSE.

WHEN SHE WAS 10,

SHE DIDN'T HAVE THOSE BIG BOOBS

LIKE SHE'S GOT NOW.

WELL, SHE WAS WORRIED ABOUT THAT.

AND THERE WAS THIS DANCE COMING UP,

AND SO I SAID, "WELL, MARILYN,

"WHAT YOU GOTTA DO IS YOU GOTTA GET SOME CHICKEN MANURE.

"CHICKEN MANURE SPREAD ON THE BOOBIES

WILL MAKE THEM GROW FASTER."

[ Laughs ] AND SO SHE DID.

SHE SPREAD THIS CHICKEN MANURE AND SHE RUBBED.

AND SHE RUBBED AND SHE RUBBED. [ LAUGHS ]

AND SHE RUBBED FOR WEEKS. [ LAUGHS ]

OH, IT COMES THE TIME FOR THE DANCE.

SHE STANK TO HIGH HEAVEN.

AND THE FLIES WERE SWARMING ALL OVER HER.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SHE NEVER HIT ME UPSIDE THE HEAD

WITH THAT AX HANDLE AGAIN.

IS THAT WHY AUNT MARILYN'SA WHORE?

[ SILENCE ]

SHE'S NOT A WHORE, HONEY. SHE'S A MADAM.

SHE'S A MADAM 'CAUSE SHE LIKES MONEY WITHOUT TAXATION.

[ LAUGHTER ]

ANYONE FOR EGGNOG?

YEAH, I'LL HAVE SOME. THANKS, HONEY.

[ LAUGHS ]

SO, HEATH, COME OVER HERE, HONEY, AND SIT DOWN

AND TELL US ALL ABOUT YOURSELF.

COME ON.

ACTUALLY, MRS. MIRABEAU,I HAVE TO LEAVE, I'M AFRAID.

ANOTHER CHRISTMAS PARTY.

ONE OF THOSE BORING OFFICE THINGS.

WELL, I DON'T THINK...

CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?

SURE.

WELL, DID I TELL YOU THE ONE ABOUT WHEN I WAS PREGNANT?

NOW, LISTEN...

IF YOU HAVE TO LEAVE, LEAVE.

BUT FIRST, CAN YOU GO BACK IN THERE

AND TELL CAROLINA HOW MUCH MEETING HER FAMILY HAS MEANT TO YOU

AND -- AND HOW SPECIAL A DAY IT WAS FOR YOU?

CAN YOU DO THAT?

YEAH, I CAN DO THAT.

CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

SHOOT.

YOU AND CAROLINA?

HAVE YOU GOT A THING GOING ON?

NO.

NO THING.

[ LAUGHING ] MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU GUYS.

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE. WE'RE OFF TO THE RACES.

I'LL CALL YOUTOMORROW.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

OH!

[ LAUGHING ]

OOH, ALBERT,YOU'RE QUITE THE DANCER.

WELL...

I HAD A GOOD TIME.

I DID.

[ SIGHS ] YOU GOT YOUR WISH.

HMM?

BUT NEXT CHRISTMAS IS GONNABE IN MY BACKYARD AGAIN.

YOU GOT IT?

I DO.

IT'S A LOT HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE.

YOU MAKE IT LOOK VERY EASY.

THANK YOU.

I LOVE YOU, YOU KNOW.

I LOVE YOU, TOO, PET.

UH, THAT HEATH PERSONOF YOURS --

NICE BOY.

ISN'T HE, THOUGH?

BUT STIFFER THAN A PREACHER'SDICK AT A WEDDING.

NIGHT, PUNKIN.

[ SIGHS ]

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

YEAH?

HEY.

HEY.

I, UM, FORGOT TO GIVE YOU MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

OKAY.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

OPEN 'EM.

Both: MERRY CHRISTMAS!

WE'RE THE CLEANING QUEENS OF WEST HOLLYWOOD.

ARE YOU READY? 5, 6, 7, 8.

♪ DUSTING AND SWEEPING AND SCRUBBING WITH COMET ♪

♪ WE'LL CLEAN YOUR MESS UP FROM BLOODSTAINS TO VOMIT ♪

♪ THE SWIFFER ♪ THE HOOVER

♪ I'M GOOD WITH A HOSE

♪ SMELLS CAN'T OUTRUN US

♪ 'CAUSE I'M GOOD WITH MY NOSE ♪

♪ GET THE STAINS OUT

♪ SCRUB THAT TILE GROUT

♪ USE DEEP-CLEANING FOAM

♪ WE'LL PASS THE RED-GLOVE TEST IN NO TIME AT ALL ♪

WE'LL EVEN FêNG SHUI YOUR HOME. MM-HMM.

♪ THE CLEANING QUEENS OH!

OH, THAT WAS GREAT. I JUST HEARD A CLASS RING FALL OUT.

SO, LEAVE THE DISHES TO THE EXPERTS

AND COME WITH ME.

WHAT IS IT?

OH, NEW "DAPHNE" GALLEYS. LET ME SEE.

YOU PUT YOUR OWN NAME ON A "DAPHNE" BOOK?

IT'S NOT A "DAPHNE" BOOK.

IT'S MY BOOK.

HERE, IF YOU...TURN THE PAGE, THERE.

"FOR CAROLINA."

ALBERT, THAT'S...

I THINK I'M GONNA CRY.

I'VE BEEN WRITING IT ON AND OFF

FOR ABOUT A YEAR NOW.

IT'S ABOUT US, REALLY.

I MEAN, SORT OF. I MEAN, IT --

IT'S INSPIRED BY US.

IS IT...BAD?

NO.

IT'S -- IT --

IT'S, UH...

IT'S A LOVE STORY, CAROLINA.

IT'S EVERYTHINGI'VE BEEN AFRAID TO SAY,

EVERYTHINGTHAT I FEEL ABOUT YOU.

ALBERT... OH, MY GOD.

I MEAN, ME AND DEBBIE,YOU AND HEATH --

T-THEY'RE GREAT PEOPLE, YEAH,BUT THEY'RE NOT OUR PEOPLE.

CAROLINA...

THIS ISN'T HARD.

WE WERE FRIENDS FIRST,

WHICH IS WHAT'S GONNA MAKE US LAST.

I THINK I BETTER GO CHECKON THE CLEANING CREW.

OH.

PLEASE DON'T WALK OUT THAT DOOR.

THIS IS ALL SO SUDDEN.

I -- YOU TELL ME THAT YOU WROTE A BOOK ABOUT US

AND THAT YOU WANT US...

THAT'S NOT FAIR, REALLY.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

THIS IS WHAT YOU DOWITH EVERY GUY THAT YOU MEET.

BUT...

THE JOKE'S ON ME, ISN'T IT?

BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS DIFFERENT.

YOU ARE DIFFERENT.

YOU CAN'T JUST SPRING THIS ON ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

YOU JUST SAID IT.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

[ PANTING ]

WHY AREN'T YOU OUT WITH HEATH ON NEW YEAR'S EVE, CAROLINA?

HE DIDN'T CALL.

WHAT ABOUT ALBERT?

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO WEAR TONIGHT?

MM-MM. YOU DECIDE.

IS ERNIE STILL MARRIED?

THE ZIPPER'S BUSTED.

OF COURSE ERNIE'S MARRIED.

HOW COME YOU'RE DATING A MARRIED MAN?

GRANDMA SKIPS THAT COMMANDMENT, MAINE.

THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

THANK YOU, HONEY.

NOW, YOU KNOW, AFTER A WHILE YOU LEARN

THAT THE RULES OF THE WORLD DON'T HAVE TO APPLY TO YOU.

YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

IT'S ALL NONSENSE.

HMM?

IT IS.

WE'RE HERE. WE DIE.

[ INHALES, EXHALES SHARPLY ]

NOW, WHEN I MET YOUR GRANDPA HERSCHEL,

WE WAS BOTH 15.

HE COULD DRINK A WHOLE, ENTIRE BOTTLE OF SODA

AND NEVER TAKE A BREATH.

[ LAUGHS ]

AND HE HAD VERY CLEAN FINGERNAILS,

SO I MARRIED HIM.

AND WHEN HE DIED, MY TRUE LOVE DIED.

SOURED ME ON MY HOME.

SO ME AND MY BOY, TEDDY, WE COME WEST.

AND...

HERE I AM, A SINGLE GRANDMA.

AND WHENEVER I NEED A MAN, I GOT ERNIE.

WE HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN US.

AND, GIRLS, THAT IS A LOT IN THIS WORLD.

MM-HMM.

OOH.

[ LAUGHS ]

THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME SO PRESENTABLE

ON NEW YEAR'S EVE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ]

EVENING, MILLIE.

EVENING, ERNIE. THANK YOU.

YEAH.

MY, YOU LOOK NICE TONIGHT.

OKAY, THANK YOU.

THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL DRESS YOU HAVE ON, MILLIE.

THANK YOU.

NOW, REMEMBER...

GOD SAID "CELEBRATE,"NOT "CELIBATE."

[ CHUCKLES ]

OH, LET ME GET THAT.

THANKS, ERNIE.

SEE YOU.BYE.

BYE![ DOOR CLOSES ]

SO, WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT TO DO ON NEW YEAR'S EVE?

GET DRUNK AND WATCH THE BALL DROP.

WHAT ELSE?

SOUNDS GOOD.

WHAT'S "CELIBATE"?

PEEKABOO!

[ BARKING ]

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

♪ AND DO, DO, DO-DO

OKAY!

AAH!

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

♪ THE NIGHT CAN SEEM TO LAST FOREVER ♪

♪ CONVINCE YOU YOU'LL NEVER SEE THE MORNING SUN ♪

♪ SHINING LIKE A LONG-LOST FRIEND ♪

♪ BUT IN TIME, THE DAWN WILL APPEAR ♪

♪ AND TAKE AWAY YOUR FEAR

♪ OPEN UP THE SKY AND OPEN UP YOUR HEART AGAIN ♪

♪ WHEN THE MORNING COMES, THE SUN'S GONNA SHINE ♪

♪ IT'LL TAKE US BACK TO A BETTER TIME ♪

♪ WHEN THE MORNING COMES

♪ WE'LL BE LOOKING AT A BRIGHTER DAY ♪

♪ I KNOW

♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT WE CAN LIVE THE DREAM ♪

♪ THE DREAM THAT'S IN OUR HEARTS ♪

♪ THAT WE THOUGHT WAS SO FAR AWAY ♪

♪ AND IF WE TRY...

A BOY, BUT I HAD A DREAMLAST NIGHT IT WAS A GIRL,

SO MAYBEI'M JUST HAVING TWINS.

♪ TO A HAPPY-EVER-AFTER

WELL, IF YOU --IF YOU HAVE A GIRL OR A BOY,

YOU COULD STILL USE THIS, RIGHT?

WELL, IT HAS -- HERE'S WHAT I MEAN --

IT HAS, LIKE, ROCKETS AND CARS AND STUFF.

AND I'M A GIRL. I LIKE ROCKETS AND CARS.

AND IT HAS STARS.

16, 9, 4, AND 27.

16.

[ British accent ] 26!

26.

♪ A BRIGHTER DAY-AY-AY

Albert: OH, THERE ARE TONS OF JEWISH ROCK STARS.

NO, WAIT. OKAY.

NAME ONE. NAME TWO.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW BOB DYLAN'S JEWISH, RIGHT?

RIGHT. UH, TWISTED SISTER.

HE'S -- YOU KNOW, THEY HAVE THIS, LIKE, REALLY LONG HAIR

AND ALL THESE PIERCINGSAND STUFF.

THEY SOMETIMES STILL COME BY.

AND, UH...

[ DOORS CLOSE ]

[ KEYBOARD CLACKING ]

[ SLOW-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

HERE YOU GO, HON.

WHERE'S ALBERT?

WE'VE MISSED YOUR FACESAROUND HERE.

THANKS, IT'S -- IT'S NICE TO BE MISSED.

IS THIS SEAT TAKEN?

H-HOW DID YOU FIND ME?

I STOPPED BYYOUR APARTMENT YESTERDAY,

BUT YOU WEREN'T THERE.

THEN ALBERT TOLD ME YOU COME HERE

EVERY MONDAY MORNING FOR PANCAKES.

SO YOU SAW ALBERT?

MMM.

CAN I SIT DOWN?

I'M SORRY FOR NOT RETURNINGYOUR CALLS, CAROLINA.

[ Laughs ] YEAH.

WELL, WE SLEEP TOGETHER,

AND YOU DON'T CALL ME FOR FIVE MONTHS.

THAT'S PRETTY TYPICAL AROUND THESE PARTS.

I HAD TO GO BACK TO ENGLANDAND HOLD A FEW HANDS.

TO BE HONEST...I SORT OF GOT COLD FEET.

BUT LOOK, I BROUGHT YOUSOMETHING BY WAY OF ATONEMENT.

WELL, OPEN IT.

YOUR STATION IS ONE OF OUR CLIENTS

AND I MADE A FEW CALLS.

YOU GOT ME MY JOB BACK?

UH-HUH.

WOW.

THAT IS REAL... PRINCE CHARMING KIND OF STUFF.

[ LAUGHS ]

TO THE RESCUE AND ALL THAT.

BUT?

I'M SORRY.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE INVITED YOU TO CHRISTMAS DINNER.

IT WAS TOO SOON TO THROW YOU INTO THE MIRABEAUS LIKE THAT.

IT'S JUST I WAS FEELING SO SURE OF MYSELF.

THE THING IS...

I WAS TRYING TO FORCESOMEONE -- YOU -- INTO MY LIFE.

AND IT'S LIKE YOU'RE

THIS BEAUTIFUL, EXPENSIVE ITALIAN SUIT,

AND I JUST DON'T HAVE THE FAINTEST IDEA WHERE I'M GONNA WEAR YOU.

IT --

M-ME AND MY FAMILY... THEY'RE ALL THAT I HAVE.

AND...

WE'RE JUST NOT SUIT PEOPLE.

THAT'S THE FIRST TIMEI'VE EVER BEEN CALLEDAN ITALIAN SUIT.

BUT I-I THINK I KNOWWHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

IT'S FUNNY.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT OF MYSELFAS THIS, UH, GREAT COMMUNICATOR.

I MEAN, ADVERTISING AND ALL THAT, BUT, UH,

I SORT OF BLEW IT WITH YOU...

THIS TIME.

DIDN'T I?

Georgia: AAAAH!

OWWWW!

AAAAH!

BREATHE SLOW. BREATHE SLOW.

SLOW, OUT.

AAH!THAT'S THE WAY I DID IT.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'REGOING THROUGH. SLOW IN.

NOW, SWEETHEART, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PUSH HARDER.

WAIT. WAIT, WAIT, I GOT SOME HELP.

VERY GOOD. SOMETHING'S CROWNING.

HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE. OH, HERE IT COMES.

HERE. BITE! BITE HARD!

[ SPITS ]

WHAT IS THAT?!

THAT WAS THE DOGGIE TREAT.

ONE MORE GOOD PUSH.

I CAN'T!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. COME HERE.

COME HERE! NOW, LISTEN TO ME.

I'M YOUR GRANDMOTHER. YOU HEARING ME?

NOW, YOU BREATHE DEEP AND YOU PUSH HARD.

YOU PUSH AND YOU PUSH!

YOU PUSH HARDER, HARDER, HARDER, HARDER,

OR I'M GONNA GO DOWN THERE AND GET A PLUNGER

AND SUCK THAT BABY OUT OF YOU!

AAAAH!

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

OPEN UP!AAAAH!

I KNOW, I KNOW.

[ CRYING ]AW, HE'S SO CUTE.

AW!

HE'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY!

I'M GONNA NAME HIM CALIFORNIA...

CAL FOR SHORT.

GEORGIA, YOU LOOK JUST LIKE A FAIRY PRINCESS.

NOW, JUST GIVE ME A LITTLE LOOK AT THIS.

I WANT TO SEE YOU CLOSE UP.

OH!

[ CRYING ]

OH, HE'S SO PRECIOUS.

HEY, SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIS EYES.

UM...

YOU KNOW, THEY'RE CROOKED.

[ LAUGHS ]

GEORGIA PEACH... [ SNIFFS ]

YOU BEEN EATING TOO MANY EGG ROLLS?

OH, THERE YOU GO, HONEY.

[ LAUGHS ]EASY THERE.

[ CRIES ]

[ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ]

[ COOING ]

OH, I'M JUST SO GLADYOU COULD MAKE IT, SON.

I'M SORRY I'M LATE. I HAD AN A.A. MEETING.

OH, WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHOVELYOUR SORRYS ELSEWHERE,

'CAUSE WE ARE FULL.

I HAD A MEETING...

SHUT!

...MOTHER.

CALIFORNIA THEODORE MIRABEAU.

THAT'S HIS NAME, LORD HELP HIM.

YOU WERE CALLED 22 HOURS AGO,

AND THAT GIRL STILL NAMED HER BABY AFTER YOU.

NOW, HOW MUCH OF THATA.A. CRAP YOU GONNA DO

BEFORE YOU REALIZE HOW MUCHLIFE YOU ARE MISSING?

YOU WANT THE CARD, MOTHER?

Maine: AW, HE'S SO CUTE!

ALL I'VE DONE IS SCREW UP YOU GIRLS' LIVES, HAVEN'T I?

YOU COULD...TRY HARDER.

[ Thinking ] MONDAY, TUESDAY,

WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY, FRIDAY.

WHAT DAY SHOULD I BUY MY TICKET?

MONDAY, TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY, FRIDAY.

TODAY, TOMORROW, DAY AFTER TOMORROW.

MONDAY, TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY, FRIDAY.

WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY, FRIDAY.

THURSDAY, THURSDAY! FRIDAY, FRIDAY!

FRIDAY, FRIDAY... TODAY!

[ HORSE WHINNIES ]

GOING TO SCHOOL.

BYE!

[ BEEPING ]

GOOD BREASTS, GOOD BOOBS,YOU KNOW?[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

THAT'S WHAT I LIKE.

HELLO?

Millie: Carolina...

I need you to go to the bookstore.

UH, OKAY. I'LL GO TONIGHT.

MNH-MNH.YOU'LL GO TODAY, 3:00.

I'M WORKING ALL DAY, GRANDMA.

For once in your life, you do what I tell you.

My book comes in at 3:00 P.M. today

at that bookstore that you like.

THEY WON'T HOLD ITA MOMENT AFTER THAT, HONEY.

I DON'T KNOW, THERE'S SOMEKIND OF RUN GOING ON IT.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO. I'LL GET IT FOR YOU.

BYE-BYE, HONEY.

EMILY, WHAT'S THE DEALWITH THE CANDY BARS? PREGNANT?

[ LAUGHS ]

ALL RIGHT. SEE YOU.

NEXT.

ONE TICKET.

YOU GOT I.D.?

NO I.D., NO 24 MILLION.

I MUST PLAY. THIS IS THE WEEK.

THE HORSE TOLD ME SO.

[ SARCASTICALLY WHINNIES ]

YOU LISTEN TO ME, SCUMBUCKET!

THAT HORSE SHUDDERED ME. THESE ARE THE WINNING NUMBERS.

THEY'RE GOING TO WIN TODAY,

AND YOU'RE GOING TO SELL ME A TICKET.

RIGHT NOW!

NO I.D., NO TICKET.

AAAAH!

NEXT.

HI, ERNIE.

WHY AIN'T SHE IN SCHOOL?

SHE TRIED TO BUY A LOTTERYTICKET AT THE LIQUOR STORE.

THAT DIDN'T WORK, SO SHE CAME TO ME,

ASKED ME TO DO IT FOR HER.

DID YOU BUY HER THE TICKET, ERNIE?

CONSIDERING HOW SHE LOOKED,I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE BETTER

IF I BROUGHT HER HOMETO YOU FIRST,

SEE WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO DO.

THANK YOU FOR THAT.

CALL ME IF YOU NEED ME,MILLIE.

I'LL CALL YOU IF I NEED YOU, ERNIE.

MAINE!

YOU SAIDI HAD TO KNOW THE DAY!

TODAY THE HORSE'S SPIRIT ENTERED ME,

AND TODAY WAS THE DAY I WASSUPPOSED TO WIN $24 MILLION!

HONEY, THAT IS CRAZY.

[ Crying ] I'M NOT CRAZY!

WHY DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?

HONEY, OKAY.[ SOBBING ]

OKAY. OKAY, BABY. COME ON, SIT DOWN.

WHY DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?SIT DOWN.

SIT DOWN!

NOW, LISTEN TO ME.

IT'S NOT ABOUT ME BELIEVING YOU.

IT ISN'T.

IT -- IT'S ABOUT WHERE YOU PUT YOUR DREAMS, HONEY.

NOW, I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO BE A NORMAL CHILD,

'CAUSE THAT'S NOT THE MIRABEAU WAY.

I'M JUST ASKING THAT YOU BE A LITTLE BIT SMARTER

ABOUT YOUR CRAZY SIDE, OKAY?

OKAY?

YEAH?

YEAH.

OKAY.

THAT'S MY BABY.

UH-HUH.

GOOD GIRL.

HI, DO YOU HAVE A BOOKON HOLD FOR MIRABEAU?

YOU KNOW, HE'S HERE RIGHT NOW.

THE AUTHOR. HE'S GIVING A READING.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

I'M GOING TO THE MARKET, GIRLS.

YOU TAKE CARE OF MY LITTLEBABY, MY LITTLE SWEETHEART.

MAINE...

NO MORE TRIPS TO LIQUOR STORES DRESSED UP LIKE A HARLOT.

YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

I'LL KEEP AN EYE ON HER.

OKAY.

[ CAR DOOR CLOSES ]

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

"CAROLINA STOOD UP NAKED OUT OF THE TUB

"AND ASKED FOR A TOWEL.

"LOOKING AT THE FLOOR, HE HELD ONE OPEN,

"AND AS SHE MOVED INTO IT,

"HER FOREHEAD CAME TO REST ON HIS RIGHT SHOULDER.

"WATER FROM HER HAIR STAINED HIS SHIRT...

"AND CHILLED HIS SKIN.

"HER FACE WAS NOW SO CLOSE TO HIS

"THAT SHE LOOKED DISTORTED,

"AND IT CAME AS A TERRIBLE SURPRISE

THAT HE LOVED HER EVEN MORE AT THIS PROXIMITY."

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

"HE REALIZED, HOWEVER, THAT TO HER,

HE WOULD NEVER BE MORE THAN A CLOSE FRIEND..."

HELLO? "AND LATER, ALONE IN HIS APARTMENT..."

MAINE. NO, NOT NOW.

I'M -- I'M BUSY.

MAI--

MAINE, S-STOP CRYING, HONEY.

"SITTING ON A CHAIR..."

LET ME TALK TO THE POLICE.

[ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ]

EXCUSE ME, UM...

I'M CAROLINA MIRABEAU.

I-I WAS BROUGHT HERE --

I WAS TOLD THAT...

MY GRANDMOTHER DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT.

MIRABEAU.

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]

HAVE A NICE DAY.

NEXT.

HI, I'M HERE TO PICK UP

MY GRANDMOTHER'S THINGS FROM HER CAR.

IT'S THE RED CHEVELLE.

MILLICENT MIRABEAU WAS HER NAME.

HERE'S MY I.D.

THAT'LL BE $128.

WHAT?

$128.

TOW, TAX, STORAGE, RELEASE.

FINE. OKAY.

HERE.

DON'T TAKE CREDIT.

DON'T TAKE CHECKS.

CASH ONLY.

A-ALL RIGHT, I'LL BRING CASH TOMORROW.

JUST GIVE ME HER THINGS, PLEASE.

WELL, I CAN'T DO THAT.

ALL I WANT IS HER STUFF.

I -- SHE WAS KILLED YESTERDAY.

DOESN'T THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

WELL, I'M SORRYFOR YOUR LOSS, MA'AM,

BUT, UH, I'M RUNNING A BUSINESS HERE.

SIR, THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS!

THIS IS ABOUT SOMEONE'S LIFE, OKAY?

GIVE ME THAT!

WHOA!

YOU BASTARD!

[ Crying ] THIS IS NOT --

HOW DARE YOU! THOSE ARE MY GRANDMOTHER'S THINGS!

GIVE THAT TO ME! JESUS!

THOSE ARE MY GRANDMOTHER'S THINGS!

THOSE ARE NOT YOURS, THOSE ARE MINE!

[ SOBBING ]

I...NEVER GOT TO SAY GOODBYE.

THANK YOU.

[ CRYING ]

YOUR DADDY WASN'T ALWAYS A DRUNK, YOU KNOW.

HE TOOK GOOD CARE OF YOU GIRLS...

RIGHT UP UNTIL THE TIME THAT YOUR MAMA PASSED.

YEAH, I KNOW ALL THAT,AUNT MARILYN.

SHE DIED AND THEN HE STARTED DRINKING.

YEAH.

BUT, BABY...

IT'S THE PART BEFORE THAT...

THAT NOBODY EVER TOLD YOU ABOUT.

MAINLY BECAUSE...

WELL, GRANDMA TOLD ME THAT SHE'D...

TOSS ME INTO A VAT OF CHICKEN MANURE IF I DID.

[ LAUGHS ]

YOUR GRANDMA SAVED YOUR LIFE.

WHAT?

WELL, YOU SEE...

YOUR MAMA HAD RICH PARENTS.

SO WHEN THEY LEARNED THAT YOUR MAMA GOT KNOCKED UP...

THEY TOOK HER STRAIGHT TO THE ABORTION CLINIC.

SEE, YOUR GRANDMA HAD A DIFFERENT VIEW.

SHE MARCHED RIGHT INTO THAT PLACE

LIKE A FIERY-WINGED BANSHEE FROM HELL.

NOW, THAT'S MY BOY'S BABY IN THERE,

AND IT'S GONNA GET BORN

IF I HAVE TO SHOOT EVERY LAST ONE OF Y'ALL.

OUTSIDE, MISSY.

OUT.

SURE AS SHIT'S QUIET AROUND HERE WITHOUT HER,

AIN'T IT?

[ LAUGHS ]

[ CRYING ]

IT'S OKAY, CAL.

IT'S OKAY. SEE?

Man on TV: AND NOW, THE WINNING LOTTERY NUMBERS.

4.

27.

27.

7.

7.

16.

16.

9.

9.

26.

AND 26.

GOOD LUCK, EVERYONE. IT'S A BIG ONE.

Woman: HEY, HEY, HEY, CALIFORNIA,

WOW, TONIGHT'S JACKPOT IS HUGE.

I HOPE YOU GOT YOUR LUCKY PICKS HERE,

'CAUSE HERE WE GO.

THOSE WERE MY NUMBERS.

[ CRYING ]

"DEAR GRANDMA MIRABEAU, IT'S TIME TO COME CLEAN.

"I'M DAPHNE ST. CLAIRE.

Albert: "YEP, ME.

"I DIDN'T TELL YOU AT FIRST BECAUSE YOUR COMMENTS

"WERE ALWAYS SO REFRESHING.

"I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS BOOK.

"THERE'S A LOT OF TALKING,

"BUT THERE'S A LOT OF LOVING IN IT, TOO.

"TAKE CARE OF HER FOR ME.

ALBERT."

I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.

WHAT IS IT?

OPEN IT AND FIND OUT.

ARE THOSE LOTTERY TICKETS?

THEY WERE IN GRANDMA'S CAR...

IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT.

SHE WAS PLAYING MY NUMBERS?

YEP.

EVERY DAY.

WELL, DID GRANDMA PLAY THEMTHE DAY OF THE ACCIDENT?

THE DAY THAT MAINE'S NUMBERS WON?

NO.

THAT MEANS IT WAS MY FAULT.

SHE WAS DRIVING TO THE STORE TO PLAY MY NUMBERS.

IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT, MAINE.

IT WAS THE DRUNK DRIVER WHO RAN A RED LIGHT'S FAULT.

SHE BELIEVED IN YOU.

THAT'S WHY SHE PLAYED YOUR NUMBERS.

ARE YOU SAD YOU DIDN'T WINTHE MONEY?

NO.

IT PROBABLY WOULD'VE RUINED MY LIFE.

MONEY DOES THAT, YOU KNOW?

WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THAT I WAS RIGHT.

AND I'M NOT GOING CRAZY,

BECAUSE I WAS RIGHT ABOUT MY NUMBERS.

I WAS RIGHT.

[ DIALING ]

[ Ringing ]

Hello, this is Albert. I'm out of town on a book tour.

Please leave a message. [ Beep ]

ALBERT...

[ Crying ] GRANDMA DIED.

[ BEEPS ][ SIGHS ]

THANK YOU FOR COMING.

OF COURSE.

I JUST WISHTHAT I'D KNOWN EARLIER.

I'M SO SORRYI MISSED THE FUNERAL.

MAINE CUSSED OUT THE MINISTER

FOR CALLING HER MILLIE INSTEAD OF GRANDMA.

I GOT THE LETTER YOU SENT TO HER.

ALBERT --

CAROLINA --WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. LET ME FINISH.

I KNOW I HAD THIS IMAGE IN MY HEAD OF THE PERFECT GUY.

BUT IT WAS JUST AN IMAGE, IT WASN'T A FACE.

YOU ARE THE FACE.

YOUR USUAL.

MNH-MNH.NO, I'M SORRY, BUT NO.

SAVE. SAVE. SAVE.

WHERE'S YOUR HOOKERS?

OH, THEY'RE GONNA BE HERE SOON, HONEY.

WHY?

I JUST READ "LADY CHATTERLEY'S LOVER."

I THINK I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS.

OH, YOU DO, DO YOU?

[ LAUGHS ]

[ SMOOCHES ]

I THINK HE WANTS HIS DADDY.

HOW YOU DOIN'?[ CRYING ]

CHANG MOVED IN LAST WEEK.

OH, WELCOME!

[ BARKING ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

OH, WHAT A LOVELY LITTLE FUR PERSON!

Man on radio: AND IT'S A LINE DRIVE OUT...

HEY! OH!

HEY, CAL!

[ CHUCKLES ]

HELLO, BOOBY!

HEY!

HEY, YOU KNOW WHO'S PLAYING?

HUH?

YOU KNOW, I, UM, QUIT MY JOBAT "THE PERFECT DATE."

REALLY?

DO YOU, UM, DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING ELSE?

YEAH, I'M WORKINGON A NEW CABLE SHOW --

MAKING DOCUMENTARIES,DOING RESEARCH AND STUFF.

OH, WOW!

OH, THAT'S GREAT. CONGRATULATIONS, CAROLINA.

YEAH, I LIKE IT. I LIKE IT A LOT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOUR GRANDMA ALWAYSASKED ME HERE, AND...

WELL, A LITTLE LATE,BUT, UM, BUT HERE I AM.

OKAY.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

OKAY.

I THINK WE'RE READY.

[ COOING ] WHO WILL CARVE THE TURKEY?

I WILL.

WELL, WHO'S GONNA SAY GRACE?

BOW YOUR HEADS.

AS GRANDMA WOULD SAY...

LORD, BLESS THIS FAMILY.

FILL THEIR BELLIES AND KEEP THEM SAFE AND WARM.

THANK YOU FOR GIVING GEORGIA AND CHANG A PERFECT BABY,

CROOKED EYES AND ALL.[ CRIES ]

THANK YOU FOR NOT MAKING MAINE TOO NORMAL.

THANK YOU FOR TAKING CARE OF GRANDMA.

SHE CAN MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL, BUT NOBODY LOVED US BETTER.

AND NOW, LORD --

LET'S GET PERSONAL.

I'VE EATEN THANKSGIVING DINNERIN THE BACKYARD OF THIS HOUSE

FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS,

AND I PLAN ON DOING ITFOR THE NEXT 50.

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

♪ YOU MAKE MY WORDS INTO A SONG ♪

♪ YOU MAKE MY DAYLIGHT OUT OF DAWN ♪

♪ YOU'RE LIKE THE CHOIR SINGING ♪

♪ OH, LET IT BE ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME

♪ YOU'RE WHERE I END AND WHERE I START ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE POSTMARK ON MY HEART ♪

♪ YOU'RE ALL THE RIVERS FLOWING INTO THE SEA ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME

♪ WHEN ALL YOUR DREAMS

♪ AND ALL OF YOUR WISHES

♪ FINALLY TURN OUT RIGHT

♪ THE IN-BETWEENS AND ALL THE NEAR-MISSES ♪

♪ SLOWLY FADE FROM SIGHT

♪ YOU ARE THE PUZZLE PIECE I MISSED ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE PLOT WITHOUT A TWIST ♪

♪ ALL THIS AND MORE OF WHAT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME

♪ ALL OF MY LIFE NEVER SEEMED EMPTY ♪

♪ UNTIL YOU CAME INTO VIEW

♪ THAT'S WHEN I FOUND HOW LONELINESS LEFT ME ♪

♪ NOW EVERYTHING'S BRAND-NEW

♪ YOURS IS THE HAND INSIDE OF MINE ♪

♪ YOURS IS THE LOVE I SWORE I'D FIND ♪

♪ YOU ANSWERED SOFTLY MY UNSPOKEN PLEA ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE VERY BEST PART OF ME ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE VERY BEST PART OF ME ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME ♪

♪ THE VERY BEST PART OF ME

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME ♪

♪ THE VERY BEST PART OF ME

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE VERY BEST PART OF ME ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME ♪

♪ THE VERY BEST PART OF ME

♪ YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF ME ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE VERY BEST PART OF ME ♪