Original subtitles

SAM RUBIN: In entertainment news,

over 450 million people

tuned into yesterday's broadcast of the Rose Parade,

seen in over 24 foreign countries,

where it was billed as Baywatch with blossoms.

(grunting)

I wanted to sleep till noon.

You're getting too goal-oriented, Steve.

It's the last day of vacation.

I don't know about you, I've had about enough vacation.

(car horn honks twice)

Ah, look who it is.

(car door closes)

Hey, baby, I missed you! Hi.

CLARE: Oh, I like this.

I'm gone two days, and you're ready and waiting.

What happened to your eye?

Oh, a little... (sighs)

New Year's souvenir.

I'm sure he'd be happy to tell you all about it.

Actually, Brandon's the one with the story here.

He got crunched.

Would you like me to tell her?

Would you like to tell her?

No, no, no, I think the story can...

Guys, please, just cut to the chase.

What'd I miss?

BRANDON: Sure.

It was New Year's Eve and, uh...

we were at the After Dark.

It was just after midnight,

and Susan's ex-boyfriend was back in town.

(cheering, shouting, bells jingling)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

So, who was the guy kissing Susan?

Jonathan Casten.

Susan's ex-boyfriend.

Maybe I'd better hear the whole story.

Why don't we start at the beginning?

New Year's Eve morning.

Yeah, it started off bad

and then went downhill from there.

You see, it all started when my father conned me into

taking care of my two teenage half brothers for the weekend

and that beautiful morning when I saw

the front yard had been TP'd.

(rock music playing)

♪ Lack of foresight ♪

♪ Is X-ray vision to some ♪

♪ The overplayed plans of mice and of man ♪

♪ Don't mean much to me ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm one of them ♪

♪ I am one of them ♪

(giggling)

♪ Lack of foresight ♪

♪ Is X-ray vision to some ♪

♪ The overplayed plans of mice and of man ♪

♪ Don't mean much to me ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm one of them. ♪

(music fades)

(mirthless chuckle)

Austin! Ryan!

Get down here!

What is this?

What's up, bro?

Why don't you tell me?

Oh, no, man.

Someone TP'd the house. That's horrid.

That's heinous. Hmm.

And you wouldn't know anything about it?

Well, I think someone's

trying to send you a message, Steve.

Really? And what would that message be?

Hmm, maybe you ticked a couple guys off or something.

RYAN: Yeah, you know, like,

maybe they wanted to borrow your Corvette

and, like, you said "no."

Why don't you guys get out of my sight?

Cool. No, wait.

You know what?

On second thought, I think I'd like to see

you stick around and clean up every shred

of that stuff.

You got one hour.

Whoa, he sounds mad.

You haven't seen mad!

(door opens)

You saw, huh?

I'm gonna kill them.

No, I'm gonna kill Rush.

I can't believe he made me take care

of those two baboons this weekend--

New Year's Eve weekend.

They're your brothers, dude.

They're my half brothers.

And they're the wrong half.

I'd just like to know where the monkey part is in your family,

because you do refer to them as

the flying monkey boys, isn't that... (phone ringing)

Excuse me.

Yeah, well, those monkeys are grounded.

(phone beeps on)

Hello.

Hey, you're up early.

Uh, yeah, I had to pick someone up at the airport.

Oh, yeah? Who's in?

Jonathan.

Uh, you remember, uh, last year's Condor editor?

Casten's here?

Yeah, on a, uh, layover from Tahiti.

Total surprise.

He called from the plane.

That's nice.

Yeah. Looks like he'll be

staying through New Year's.

Great.

Um, listen,

I was thinking,

would you be upset if I flaked on

Colin's New Year's thing?

Yes.

Come on, you said you weren't even

that interested in going.

No, that's not true.

I'm very interested in going to Colin's thing.

Okay, I'll be there.

I just, uh,

I might be a little late.

How late?

Never mind. I'll be on time.

(door opens)

Okay. I'll see you there.

Okay, bye. Yeah, bye.

(door closes)

(beep)

Hey, Brandon.

Hey. You all ready for tonight?

Yeah, the club's all sold out.

Should be quite an evening.

I'm excited.

Yeah, me, too.

You know, of all the years I've been going out,

I've never been with anybody I loved

at midnight on New Year's Eve.

It's always turned out to be

quite a lonely night.

I've had a couple of those myself.

But this year, you got David.

And you've got Susan.

Yeah.

I've got Susan.

So what happened that night?

Slow down, hold on.

VALERIE: Oh, coffee.

Me. Huh.

Hi. Hey, Clare.

Welcome back. Thanks.

How was San Diego?

CLARE: Uh, I don't know. I'm kind of getting

the idea that, uh, New Year's with the chancellor

doesn't really compare to the local news.

Yes, it was memorable here.

Oh, uh, by the way, uh, Donna called

while you were taking the tree out.

Probably had something to do

with that stupid bird.

(laughs)

What about the stupid bird?

Oh, it flew the coop.

And you're being blamed for it, by the way.

Me? What are you, what are you

talking about? I wasn't even here.

Don't you remember,

a couple of hours before you left for San Diego?

When I came over to say good-bye?

CLARE: Oh, right, we were, uh, taking a nap.

(bird squawks)

BIRD: Joe loves Donna.

(squawks)

Joe loves Donna.

(squawking continues)

What's the matter?

All I can think of when we're kissing

is how I want to kill that bird.

I thought I was the only one.

(giggles)

(squawking)

You're scaring her.

Sorry.

Just give me one more second,

and I'll have this thing done.

Can I have the paper clip, please?

Mm-hmm.

You think it's gonna be okay?

Yeah, it should.

And then after the holiday, I'll take this cage back

and get you another one, okay? Cool.

Well, I'm glad you came by.

Me, too.

(knocking) CLARE: Don.

Come in.

Hi.

Hi.

Uh, any chance

we can, um, cover the birdcage

or put a muzzle on her or something?

(chuckles)

That's mean.

She's not that loud. No.

Compared to what?

A jackhammer?

Clare, look, I'm sorry,

but Joe's just fixing the cage

and then she'll settle down.

Why, what's wrong with the cage?

The latch is busted. (loud squawk)

So it would be very helpful

if you and Kelly made sure

that no one opened it.

Yeah, sure.

Wouldn't want the little birdie to fly away, would we?

BIRD: Joe loves Donna.

(chuckles)

Are you okay?

I swear, I never touched that cage.

I didn't!

I believe you, Clare.

STEVE: But that's not the end to

the bird story.

Is it, Silver?

I really don't want to hear

any more about the damn bird, if you don't mind.

Me neither.

It caused David and I enough problems that night.

DAVID: Yeah, well, if you wouldn't have started with me,

it never would have happened.

I didn't start up with you.

Yes, you did.

Okay, guys, picture this:

we're at Colin's party...

(dance music playing)

Hey.

Excuse me.

What's going on out here?

Let go of my arm. What are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing, having group sex?

No, it looks like a little gathering

of the cokeheads, if you ask me.

Well, I'm not doing any, so get off my back.

I just want to have

a great night with you, okay?

Well, just stay straight.

Yes, sir.

I'm serious, Val. So am I.

I mean, don't you have to, uh,

go meet your mother for dinner or something?

What, are you trying to get rid of me?

Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to get rid of you.

Well, at least we agree on something.

Yeah.

That's more like it.

(sighs)

I'll meet you at the club as soon as I can.

Silver, see you next year, bud.

Ah, definitely.

(laughs) I just had to try.

All right, good night.

(laughs)

No luck?

No, not yet.

Really can't think of anyone?

Uh... no.

(chuckles)

You're not even trying.

Who are you kidding?

Are you kidding me?

There's nothing I would like

more than for young Jonathan to find a date.

Besides finding a different place

to ring in the New Year than The After Dark.

Oh, come on, there's...

Brandon, there's nothing I can do about this.

He found out The Corrs are playing and, he-- I don't know--

he just gets silly for Irish bands.

I just don't understand how a guy who was

so well connected at C.U. cannot find a date.

It's New Year's Eve.

Please don't make any more out of this than there is.

Fine.

I just didn't think it was your responsibility

to be his, uh, social director, Julie McCoy.

O-Okay, point taken.

All right, ship's away.

Would you just hold it for me?

Why?

If Kelly catches me with coke...

let's just say it wouldn't be good.

Okay?

Please?

Is that for my benefit, I wonder?

(laughs)

Kel, they don't even know you're here.

My point exactly.

(clears throat)

Thanks for keeping him warm, Val.

No problem.

Isn't there some sort of, um,

repellent you can use with her?

It's New Year's.

And we need to make a New Year's resolution.

How about no more fighting about Valerie?

Fine.

You're not back into the holiday cheer, are you?

Absolutely not.

Oh, good, then you won't mind if I....

What are you doing?

I'm frisking you.

Frisk away. I'm clean.

Oh.

(laughs)

(sighs)

(music playing, indistinct conversations)

So, didn't anyone have a good New Year's Eve?

Clare, you're jumping ahead.

Yeah. If you really want to get the full impact

of what went on that night,

you really have to listen to every little detail.

Okay, fine.

I just want to hear how you got the black eye.

Yeah, Steve, how did you get that black eye?

Better pour yourself some more coffee, kiddo.

This could take a while.

STEVE: Well, the party at the After Dark

sure started out great.

(ballad playing)

♪ All alone ♪

♪ Staring on ♪

♪ Watching her life go by ♪

♪ When her days are gray ♪

♪ And her nights are black ♪

♪ Different shades of the day ♪

♪ And the one-eyed furry toy ♪

♪ That lies upon the bed ♪

♪ Has often heard her cry ♪

♪ And heard her whisper out a name long forgiven ♪

♪ But not forgotten ♪

♪ You're forgiven ♪

♪ Not forgotten ♪

♪ You're forgiven ♪

♪ Not forgotten ♪

♪ You're forgiven ♪

♪ Not forgotten ♪

♪ You're not forgotten ♪

♪ A bleeding heart torn apart ♪

♪ Left on an icy grave ♪

Sorry, guys. Sold out.

Our names are supposed to be on the guest list, man.

Sanders-- Austin and Ryan. We're Steve's brothers.

He didn't say anything to me.

Well, you better go find him.

Dude, he'll be furious if he finds out

that we couldn't get in.

All right.

Wait right here.

Hey, no problem.

♪ Whispering out a name long forgiven ♪

♪ But not forgotten ♪

♪ You're forgiven ♪

♪ Not forgotten ♪

♪ You're forgiven ♪

♪ Not forgotten ♪

♪ You're forgiven ♪

♪ Not forgotten ♪

Jonathan, you came.

Well, I couldn't let the lack

of a date keep me away.

You, uh... you remember Brandon,

right?

The ex-pres, right? Yeah, sure.

Sure.

Don't worry about it. Don't get up.

It's all right.

How you doing?

Well, to tell you the truth, I'm exhausted.

Let's see, it's, uh...

well, it's only 10:00 tomorrow in the South Pacific.

You should probably get some sleep.

JONATHAN: You're right.

There's a hotel bed waiting with my name on it.

You, uh...

you going to stay a little while, though, yeah?

Yeah. Sure. I mean, it is New Year's Eve, right?

That it is.

So, what were you doing in Tahiti?

Oh, I had a rough assignment.

I was rating Club Meds for Men's Journal.

(both laughing)

Oh, poor baby. Yeah. Well,

somebody's got to do it.

Hey, I got

to tell you, Brandon, I have really been

enjoying your columns.

My columns? Yeah. I got a subscription

to The Condor as a going away present

from the gang at the paper, and I really

like your work.

Well, thanks.

♪ You're forgiven ♪

♪ Not forgotten ♪

♪ You're forgiven ♪

♪ Not forgotten ♪

♪ You're forgiven ♪

♪ Not forgotten ♪

♪ You're forgiven ♪

♪ Not forgotten ♪

Valerie, I can't believe it.

You really pulled this off.

Thank you.

I just wish David would get here.

He turned me on to The Corrs,

and now he's missing the whole thing.

Where is Silverado?

I don't know.

He said he'd call me right back,

and that was two hours ago.

♪ You're forgiven... ♪

Can you see her?

Yeah, move the light a little higher.

(bird squawks) Joe loves Donna.

Perfect.

Come on, baby. Come on. (squawks)

Come on.

Aw!

Joe loves Donna. Damn it.

What, she's gone? No.

She went up to a higher branch.

BIRD: Damn bird.

Look around and see if you can find a longer stick.

So, how did she get out, anyway? I don't know.

When I got home from Colin's, the cage was open,

and she was out on the deck. (groans)

Well, she's definitely enjoying her freedom.

(squawks)

BIRD: Damn bird loves Donna.

So where is Joe?

He's at some big alumni function.

He's supposed to be back soon.

Yeah, well, it's New Year's Eve, and we're up a tree, literally.

I'm sorry.

Look, David, you don't have to do this.

I know Valerie's waiting for you.

No. Don't worry about it.

As long as I'm back by midnight, she'll be fine.

Well, if I didn't say it before, thank you.

Anything for a friend.

BIRD: Damn bird.

You know you'll always be more than a friend.

Yeah, I know.

BIRD: Joe loves Donna.

Damn it!

She went to a higher branch.

Damn bird.

So, did they ever catch the damn bird?

Clare, do you always read the last page first?

Yeah. Of course. Gotta make sure it's going to be a happy ending.

It is a happy ending, isn't it?

Depends on who you talk to.

So, what happened with your brothers?

Well, where we last

left off, the boys snuck into the After Dark.

They're very lucky to be alive.

(loud dance music playing)

I don't believe it.

What's the matter?

My brothers are here.

There's a lot of KEGers here, Steve.

Not my frat brothers. My real brothers.

Rush's kids.

I'm babysitting for them while my dad's in Vegas.

Oh. I thought the doorman meant your KEG brothers.

He said to me two guys were

left off the guest list, so I told him, let them in.

You let them in? Yeah.

What's the problem?

Hey!

That's the problem.

Watch your hands, buster!

Whoa.

Austin!

Run, Ry! He's on to us!

Would you excuse me, please?

I'll be back in a couple of years.

Excuse me.

Hey, whoa, whoa! What's going on?

My brothers are on the loose. Oh.

Kelly, can you help me get them back?

Why me?

Because they like you.

They listen to you.

Okay, okay. Go.

All right. We'll be right back.

Thanks, Colin.

So, did you bring it?

You sure you want to do this with Kelly around?

She's leaving after midnight.

Well, then, I'll see you after midnight.

Valerie, stop playing games.

Give it to me now.

Fine. If it's that important to you.

Thanks.

I'll see you a little later.

Make way. Make way.

Pubescent punks being ejected.

Lay off, man!

This is child abuse. Child abuse?!

Steve, you're embarrassing them. Embarrassing them?

They're embarrassing me!

I want you home and in bed now!

I'm going to tell Dad what a jerk you are.

Oh... Duh.

Like he doesn't already know?

How does this feel, huh?

Good, huh?

I bet you like this.

What is that about?

Steve dishing out some tribal justice.

Well, speaking of tribal justice,

let me tell you what happened to me when I was on the

Lollapalooza tour last summer.

It was crazy.

Actually, if you could just put a pin in that.

The powder room calls.

I'll be right back.

You know, Jonathan,

I wasn't exactly looking forward to seeing you again,

but you're all right, man.

Thanks. But you might not think so

after I tell you the real reason I'm here.

It's not the music?

I'm in love with her, Brandon.

And I've been with enough women to know

Susan's the one I want.

(chuckles)

Then why did you break up with her in the first place?

Susan didn't tell you?

No. Not really.

Well, I'm not surprised.

It was very personal.

I see.

Performance problems?

That's funny.

But I'll tell you

right now, there is a bond between Susan and me

that no one could ever come between.

And I'm supposed to...?

I don't care what you do,

Walsh.

You're irrelevant.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do for you, Jonathan.

I'm going to chalk this whole conversation up to jet lag.

All right, big guy?

SUSAN: Okay.

Enough talk. Who wants to dance?

That's me.

I can't believe you danced.

Exactly.

I was desperate.

(laughing): It was quite a sight.

That's a part of the story even I haven't heard.

You missed it because, when it was getting close to midnight,

you were too busy with your old girlfriend.

(bird squawks)

Thanks, David.

I think I can take it from here.

Sorry, I couldn't get her out of the tree.

But at least she's staying put.

Oh, Donna, can I use your car phone?

Um, I really need to call Val.

Sure, the keys are in the car. Thanks.

I have put way too much work into that damn bird

to give up without a fight.

Wish me luck.

Good luck.

(bird squawks)

Not exactly the way I thought we'd be ringing in the New Year.

Well, happy 1996.

It will be... (bird squawks)

as soon as I get that damn bird.

Yeah, well, I'm beginning to think

that's what we should have named her.

Allow me.

(line ringing) Come on...

Come on, Val, it's almost midnight.

(sighs heavily)

CROWD: Four...

three... two... one!

Happy New Year...!

(horns blowing, noisemakers rattling, cheering)

That's my New Year's resolution,

not to let you go.

I thought your New Year's resolution was to start jogging.

Jogging? Oh, yeah.

♪ Should old acquaintance be forgot ♪

♪ And never brought to mind ♪

♪ Should old acquaintance be forgot ♪

♪ And days of auld lang syne ♪

Here's to a fabulous 1996.

You've definitely made my '95 fabulous.

♪ For auld lang syne ♪

♪ We'll take a cup of... ♪

I don't mean to be a drag, but...

we have to get up for the parade soon.

Come on, it's New Year's Eve.

The band's just starting up again.

I know, I know, but I have to get up

in a few hours and help Donna get ready.

Well, maybe I should take you home now.

No, you don't have to. You sure?

Yes, I can find my way home fine.

But I will be at your house to pick you up at 6:00 a.m.,

so be ready.

I'll be up and ready to go. Good.

Walk me out.

♪ And days of auld lang syne. ♪

(people talking excitedly)

(gentle music begins playing)

Well, I, uh, I've got to get a move on.

So, um...

Happy New Year, Suse.

The happiest to you, too.

Jonathan, don't.

JONATHAN: What? Hey! Hey!

That's it. What's it?

Brandon, please. It's all right.

No, it's not all right.

Can we please just drop this?

JONATHAN: Well, I'd like to,

but, uh, I don't think Walsh wants to.

Is that an invitation, Junior?

Because we could always go outside and I could drop you.

Brandon, please.

Good night.

I'm sorry I caused

you so much trouble.

Jonathan, I don't want you leaving upset.

Hey,

he's a big boy. Let him go.

I can't.

There are some things between him and me

that you just don't...

you just don't understand.

♪ Maybe then you will see ♪

♪ That even the strong can be weak ♪

♪ Your breaking down is breaking me... ♪

I just shouldn't let that guy get to me like that.

Jealousy is a hard thing to control.

I can't believe I missed the action.

You didn't miss any action, my brother.

So, where were you at the stroke of midnight, anyway, Steve?

I was in Valerie's office...

having phone sex with Clare.

CLARE: Steve.

Disregard that, please.

So, did you talk to Susan?

No.

I think I'm all talked out.

Brandon,

why don't you just call her?

I think it's on her to call me.

And what if she doesn't?

Well, then, she doesn't.

What's for breakfast?

Yeah, I'm really hungry.

What're you telling me for?

Why don't you talk to your keeper?

He's in the kitchen. Thanks, Val.

Oh. You look really hot today.

Yeah, scorching.

That must be quite an ego boost.

Shut up.

All right.

Ah...

Well, well, well...

11:00 and the demon seeds rise.

What productive citizens you guys are.

So, these are the famous Sanders brothers, huh?

Don't talk to them, Clare.

Get your bowls, get your gruel and get out of here, okay?

Boy, are you guys in big trouble

when Dad comes home.

Thanks a lot, bro.

You get what you deserve.

Come on, Ry.

I think there's a hooter movie on cable.

Hooters. Yes.

(lusty purring)

Steve, you're not really going to burn them, are you?

Damn right, I am.

CLARE: For what?

Crashing the party? TPing the house?

I mean... No. No, for New Year's Eve.

After I threw them out of the club,

they crossed way over the line.

(people talking excitedly)

Oh, my God!

They shaving creamed my car!

Who?

The festering boils on my butt-- Austin and Ryan.

I'm gonna kill them.

(thump, Steve cries out)

WOMAN: Ow! MAN: That's gotta hurt.

Are you okay?

Son of a...!

(door slams)

Happy New Year.

Happy New Year!

I said Happy New Year!

You guys look great!

Happy New Year.

Whoa!

Now there's a piece of work.

Who's the artist? You see this?

Colin, Colin, I told you, you're not driving.

I'm not driving.

You're driving me.

You're loaded. Come on.

Get in the car.

Val, why don't you call him a cab?

I tried, but there aren't any.

Listen, I'll be right back.

Can you hold the fort down for me?

Yeah, sure. Thanks, Nat.

Drive carefully.

SoHo, please.

And step on it.

Excuse me.

They did a good job.

They're gonna pay.

Hey, guys. This is nice.

Thank you.

Is Val inside?

You just missed her. I missed her?

Where the hell did she go? It's only 1:15.

She took Colin home.

That's just great.

I've been stuck at a sobriety checkpoint

for the past hour on Sunset.

Cops are really out in force tonight.

Give me your stash. Relax.

Colin, they're searching the cars.

Will you get rid of it?

I don't have anything. I did it all.

You're sure?

Of course I'm sure.

Good evening, ma'am. Happy New Year.

Same to you, Officer.

Have you been drinking?

No, no, I'm the designated driver,

and I'm with a very talented, but inebriated artist on board.

I'm just trying to deposit him safely at home.

OFFICER: All right.

Have a nice evening. Drive carefully.

Thank you.

What an idiot.

What?

My stash was in your ashtray the whole time.

You're sick.

You know what, you need your head examined.

(chuckling)

God, you are so lucky.

VALERIE: Tell me about it.

I screamed at Colin for the next ten blocks,

but he'd already crashed out.

I had to drag him up the stairs to his apartment.

That's what she says.

David, you know

I came right back to the club.

Well, at least the evening wasn't a total bust.

(door opens)

Hi.

Hey.

Hello, ladies.

What's going on?

Well, we're catching Clare up on New Year's.

All the dirt.

Oh, so that's why my ears were burning.

Don, I had nothing to do with the bird getting out, okay?

I'm sorry you lost her.

No, you're not.

But don't worry about it. Joe found her this morning.

CLARE: Oh, great.

Yeah, well, we decided to donate her

to the aviary at the L.A. Zoo.

So you can come on home now.

Good.

All's well that ends well.

Yeah, but it sure didn't seem that way

early New Year's morning.

The bird was still gone and Joe was a man obsessed.

Look, this is not David's fault.

He is not a bird catcher.

Yeah, well...

if he hadn't chased the bird so high up the tree,

I might have had a chance to grab her.

Look, can we just forget about this?

The bird is not that important.

Oh, really?

Do you know how many hours

I spent training that damn bird?

Well, do you know how many hours

I have put into the Tournament of Roses?

And in 45 minutes, they're picking me up.

I have to look good and feel good in front of

ten zillion television viewers worldwide.

Where are you going?

To get the cage.

I figure maybe if she saw it,

she'd jump in it. Yeah, well,

she flew out of the cage, do you remember that?

I've got to try something.

Hmph. Great.

You're going to go back to the park?

Oh, you're crazy.

The bird probably flew away the second we left.

Yeah, and whose fault would that be?

Joe, I have to get ready.

Joe!

We can't just forget about her.

She's our bird.

Don't you care about her?

Yes. Yes, of course I do.

No, you don't.

You go to Pasadena, I'll see you later.

You know what, forget it.

With that attitude, don't bother coming.

Fine.

(door closes)

He's crazy, Kel.

He's gonna go spend the whole night up in a tree.

He'll come down eventually.

Come on, aren't they gonna come pick you up now?

I have been up all night.

That is what they invented makeup for.

KELLY: And so, at dawn on New Year's morning,

with Donna headed for Pasadena,

I went over to Colin's to pick him up.

He wasn't exactly ready for a parade.

(door opens)

(door closes)

Come on, sleepyhead.

You're supposed to be up.

Go away.

Come on, I'll make you some coffee.

Will that help? Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

Just leave me alone.

What do you mean, leave you alone?

You're supposed to come with me.

No, you don't understand.

I can't. My head's pounding.

Did you get high last night?

Come on, Kelly, it was New Year's Eve.

Oh, I see.

So that's why you were so eager for me to leave.

Who did you get high with? Valerie?

Let me go back to sleep, all right? We can fight later.

My head's killing me.

I got a headache.

Don't ask me to get you the aspirin.

I picked up my addict mother off the floor.

I'm not gonna do the same for you.

Fine. I'm-I'm coming.

I'm coming.

Don't stop now. I still haven't heard about New Year's Day.

Oh, man, I'd rather forget about New Year's Day.

VALERIE: Yeah, you never told me what happened either.

I want to hear.

Oh, you're stuck now, boss.

Spill it. DONNA: Yeah, where were you?

You never came to Pasadena. That's because

when I got up at dawn and called over to Susan's place...

she wasn't even there.

Uh-oh.

So, what did you do?

I went over to The Condor

to throw myself into my work.

That turned out to be an even bigger mistake.

(Brandon chuckles)

Oh, boy...

Well, it looks like you two

just kept the party going last night.

What about you? Did you, uh,

find that fight you were looking for?

There's really something going on

between you two, isn't there?

No.

No more than there's something going on between you and Kelly.

(laughs)

But you didn't exactly see us

playing tonsil hockey last night, now, did you?

Look, I don't want to cause any trouble between you guys.

Brandon,

whatever I said or did

to offend you last night, I apologize. I take it back.

Great.

He's serious.

JONATHAN: Listen, Suse, Boynton's wife said

it would mean a lot to him if I'd stop by.

Then you should go. You know,

he'd love to see you, too.

Um...

Boynton used to be the, uh, paper's

old faculty advisor. Yeah, yeah.

I know who he is, and I know he's very ill.

You know, I'll...

I'll meet you outside.

Okay.

I'll, uh, see you around, Brandon.

Yeah.

Why did you two break up anyway?

You make such a cute couple.

You know, I'm really not up to having

this conversation with you right now.

I just, I really have to go.

That's great. Why don't you just, uh,

let me know when you are ready,

okay?

Have a nice day.

Or a nice life.

ANNOUNCER: And it's a winter wonderland in Pasadena.

For those of you who never thought it possible

to ice skate outdoors in Southern California...

(marching band playing)

(people talking excitedly)

That was the Fantasy Trophy float.

Three more until the Royal.

Poor Donna.

If Joe doesn't show up, I'm gonna punch him.

Excuse us.

(marching band playing)

Hey. Hey.

It's about time you guys showed up.

KELLY: You know, it's a new year.

I made a resolution not to even talk to you.

All right, don't talk,

but you better listen.

I'm surprised you're even up, Val.

Your little coke buddy's down for the count.

Oh, is that what this little snit is about?

He was fine when I left him.

Look, if you want to shoot the messenger, that's fine,

but I had nothing to do with it.

Oh. Like you didn't get him high at Christmas.

Whatever you may think of me, I don't do cocaine.

I'm supposed to believe that, right?

I don't really care one way or the other.

All I care about is Colin.

What is this?

It's Colin's.

I confiscated it last night.

Now it's yours.

Why?

You're his girlfriend-- you deal with it.

Or break up with him. I don't care.

I'm washing my hands of the whole thing.

Why didn't you just dump it, Valerie?

Because I wanted you to believe me.

Let him deny it's not his.

Hey, here comes Donna's float.

ANNOUNCER: And there they are at last,

the gorgeous young ladies of the Royal Court, on this,

the 106th anniversary

of the Pasadena Tournament of Roses.

(marching band playing)

Oh, look at her. She looks beautiful.

JOE: Donna!

Donna! He made it.

Well, I hope she can see him.

JOE: Donna!

Donna!

Donna!

Donna!

Joe.

(marching band playing, crowd cheering)

Well, nothing like a happy ending.

It was for Donna.

Yeah, Joe was so sweet about everything.

All that fuss over a bird.

Like you didn't fuss over that bird?

I waited three hours for you.

Kids, it's over.

We survived New Year's.

Some of us did.

Beavis and Butthead are, like, so played out already.

Well, excuse me, master tube-watcher.

George of the Jungle-- now that rules.

Hey!

Rinse the bowl out before you put it

in the dishwasher, okay?

CLARE: Oh, please.

Like you've ever done that in your life.

Honey, not in front of the kids.

(phone ringing)

Excuse me.

Hello?

Oh, hi. Happy New Year.

Yeah. Yeah, he's right here.

It's Rush.

STEVE: Rush...

(imitates cutting) You guys are dead. Dead!

Come on, man, please don't say anything.

Ryan'll be your slave. Man, what are you talking about?

All right, we'll both be your slaves. Please.

You don't know what he's gonna do.

He's gonna tell us how we always screw up.

Don't ever do anything right.

How we're so stupid.

You have no idea how that feels.

Hi, Dad.

Oh, yeah.

No, they were, uh... great.

Actually, I was hoping

they could spend another evening with us.

We're having a fantastic time.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay. You, too.

Bye-bye.

We're not worthy.

Your wish is our command.

Okay, in that case,

there's a lawn mower and a rake in the shed.

Get busy. BOTH: Yes, sir!

Why'd you let them off the hook so easy?

They're family.

And I like George of the Jungle.

(hooting, laughing)

(lawn mower running)

I thought you had a gardener.

Just don't tell them that.

(laughing)

Excuse me for a second, guys.

Hi.

Hi.

You're, uh... not gonna invite me back?

There's a lot of people back there.

I don't want there to be a scene.

I missed you.

I missed you, too.

Look, Jonathan's flown back home to Seattle,

if that's what you're wondering.

Nothing happened.

That must have been quite a fight,

seeing what a studly guy he is.

Please.

Don't make me sorry I came here.

What's he got over you?

Nothing I can ever change.

But I love you...

and that's what I told him.

He's not gonna give you up.

Well, then that's his problem, isn't it?

Can't you take "yes" for an answer?

You know, uh...

a long time ago someone told me that, uh,

when you strike oil, you should stop drilling.

So, um... are you stopping?

I don't know, I think maybe

I'm just kinda getting started.

CLARE: Well, it looks like we can close the book

on this New Year's tale.

"The End."

ALL: Happy New Year.