Original subtitles

VALERIE: Oh, Kelly, is, uh, Clare there?

KELLY (over phone): Hey, Valerie, hold on a second.

(knock at door)

Come in.

Ms. Malone?

Yeah, uh,

can you put that on the bed, please?

And can you put it on my tab?

I'm sorry,

I was told your account was topped off.

You were told? By Mr. Brennan,

the hotel manager.

He also asked me to give you this.

CLARE (over phone): Hello?

Clare, um, can you hold on just a second?

Yeah.

Will you tell Mr. Brennan that I will speak to him later?

Uh, certainly.

Clare, listen, uh, good news, the, uh, film company decided

to use the club tomorrow night for the premiere party.

Valerie, I told you I can't help.

I have to work on a project with David for school all weekend.

Clare, thanks.

Okay.

Uh, I gotta go, can you call me tonight?

Yeah.

Hey, where'd Kelly go?

Uh, she was late for a dentist appointment.

Oh.

Well, thank you for lunch,

but you didn't have to make

such a big deal of me moving back in.

Well, it was lonely here without you.

Oh, not that you can't still stay

with Daddy and me. Mom, I've been

cooped up at home for three weeks.

Look, I'm

not gonna let what happened paralyze me anymore.

Okay, but you

promise me you'll come home

if you don't feel safe here.

Safe? How can I not feel

safe?

New house alarm, a car alarm, a license for mace...

I drew the line at the Doberman.

(laughter) (door opens)

Hey, how's it going?

Better late than never.

I decided to stop by and say hi.

That was sweet of you.

FELICE: David, I've been meaning to thank you

for everything you did for Donna.

Ah...

It almost makes me wish

you were still living here.

(laughter)

Anyway, um, my mom has to go.

You're... Oh.

All right Bye.

Mother. What?

What are you up to?

What? I'm not up to anything.

With Ray out of the picture, I don't know,

maybe you and David will give it another chance.

Ray is not out of the picture, he's out of town.

And David, if you hadn't noticed,

he's got a girlfriend.

Well, maybe, but you're the one he cares about.

(laughs) Really?

What, he told you this or you just happened

to read his mind or something?

No, sweetheart, it's written all over his face.

(laughs)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(crowd murmuring)

GIRL: Hey, how you doing?

I'm gonna pick up some extra videotape for this weekend

so we don't have to skimp on footage, okay?

Yeah, I just hope these guys can pull this off.

Whatever we get, we'll make it work.

That's why the project's called "Real Life", right?

Hey, there's one of the guys right now-- Tuck!

Oh, great, this is the one I can't stand.

Hey, what's going on, man?

Yeah, what do you want, Silver?

Uh, you remember Clare, my partner, right?

Yeah.

Hi. Say, when did you say that, uh, thing was?

Uh, we start tomorrow.

Early.

All we're gonna do is film you and your guys

doing your normal routine for 24 hours.

TUCK: Nah-- mm-mm.

Nah, this isn't gonna fly.

Next.

Why not?

'Cause my roommates are too P.O.'d at me these days.

No, no, no, we agreed to this.

DAVID: You have tons of time to talk to them about this.

We didn't sign a contract or anything.

Find some other lab rats or blow it out your shorts.

Tuck! What can I say? The Tuckster

has his own program, and you dorks are not on it.

"Just leave the location up to me, Clare.

I'll take care of everything."

Clare, I did take care of it, all right?

He changed it. No.

Losing all six of our subjects

and the location is not taking care of it, David.

You know, maybe if you hadn't have been putting off doing this

for the last week... You know what, Clare, why don't you just stop

with the whole control freak bit, okay?

You know what, there is a reason

why I am a control freak, and that is because

everybody in this world seems to be a flake.

Well, I'm sorry.

Well, that's not good enough.

I submitted a 20-page proposal,

including character sketches,

of six people to Professor Karsky.

He is expecting a 30-minute video

Monday morning featuring Tuck and his roommates.

What are we gonna do?

We're just gonna have to go with plan B.

What plan B?

The one we, uh, have to come up with right now.

You know, I really should have known better

than to tie up my grade with yours.

I really should've.

Oh, thanks.

Look, I have to tell you, Mr. Brennan,

this is not a good day to be harassing me.

Forgive me, but there never seems

to be a good day to get people

to take care of their bills.

Uh, Ms. Malone,

your tab has become rather unwieldy.

Well, I'm good for it.

Oh, I...

I'm sure you are, but uh, perhaps you'd like

to take a look at your total.

Now, this includes charges from the

restaurant, the spa, the boutique

and the daily rate for your suite, of course.

Look, I have to tell you, Mr. Brennan,

I don't understand why you're singling me out.

I don't see you knocking on the doors of other guests

around here to pay up when they're not ready.

We like to handle these matters discreetly.

That's why I asked to see you privately.

Well, I appreciate your discretion.

In fact, um, I was wondering,

since I am a hotel resident and not a short-term guest,

that maybe you could give me a special rate?

You're already receiving our special rate, Ms. Malone.

Well, I was thinking maybe you and I could, uh,

think of a new rate,

be creative.

What do you say?

I say...

We accept all major credit cards.

Or a personal check, if you prefer.

Hi, Clare.

Thought I heard you coming.

Hi, yourself.

What, are you still mad at me?

I don't know what you're smiling about, you know,

but I've decided to take an incomplete in Communications.

Well, it's not gonna be necessary.

No, I'll be going to summer school

before I take a bad grade in any class.

Clare, you're not gonna have to go to summer school.

What's going on?

It's plan B: six roommates, "24 Hours of Real Life,"

a video essay by Clare Arnold

and David Silver. KELLY: And David already

gave us our character assignments,

so we'll be ready for tomorrow.

So, we're back on?

Looks that way. DAVID: Yeah, we'll all be, uh,

pretending to be Tuck and his roommates.

Yeah, you and I will set the scenes,

and then, the rest of it, we'll just improvise.

Well, as long as I have a bed, I'm in.

You're sleeping here?

DONNA: We all are.

We're roomies, remember?

DONNA: Actually, I think I got the best character.

"Scarlett, a classical musician who hails from London,

oblivious to the crush her roommate, Andy, has on her."

And I'm Andy, "the shy but nerdy guy

in awe of Scarlett's musical talent."

Well, I definitely have

the toughest role to play.

Are you gonna play Todd?

Yeah, "a quiet country guy

with a drinking problem."

He's a real nice guy, though.

BRANDON: Talk about a stretch!

Whew.

What about you, Kel, who are you gonna play?

Uh, "Trish, party girl from the Valley.

"Loves drinking, dancing and grungy men

from Seattle."

Ooh, this I can't wait to see.

You know, I think you especially

are going to enjoy my interpretation.

Is that so? Mm-hmm.

I guess that leaves me with... Beth.

Yeah, somebody had to play her.

I know, she's just so negative and uptight.

Oh, I know, it's that whole typecasting thing.

CLARE: Hmm, so that leaves

you with, uh, Tuck, huh?

The original weasel on wheels?

Yah! And let me tell you doughheads something,

you owe me a major debt of gratitude

for this, dudes, 'kay?

Yah!

DAVID: Save it for the cameras.

CLARE: You know, I think

this just might work after all.

DAVID: I have a feeling it's gonna be a blast.

(beeping)

WOMAN: Mr. Walsh, it's your wife on line 12.

Fine. (beep)

Hey, honey, what's up?

Honey, you remember how you said you'd give Valerie

two weeks before she left that hotel?

Yeah.

It took three.

She's back?

She's unpacking right now.

Just like that?

You took her back, no questions asked?

Come on, Jim, what was I gonna do,

refuse her?

Well, you could at least lay some ground rules this time.

I thought you would do that.

Right, leave it to the bad cop, huh?

You're a softy, kid.

Honey, the thought of her living in that big, lonely hotel,

it just got to me.

Yeah, I know, I know.

Maybe if we talk to her, she'll be different this time.

Right.

And maybe Brandon will join the ministry.

Ha-ha-ha...

So... we'll, uh, see you at dinner?

Yeah, table for four-- see you.

Bye.

(sighs)

You know, it's really good to be home.

It feels like I never left.

COMPUTER VOICE: 1:38

David.

What?

We can't do this. Won't Karsky

recognize us in the video?

Clare, there's hundreds of people in his class.

By the time we're in character,

Karsky's never going to know it's us.

Yeah, you're right.

He's clued out half the time anyway.

Okay, so this is what I thought we'd do.

Uh, we'll start with the breakfast vignette...

the roommates arguing about

the fight in the kitchen, and then...

Can't we do something a little more original?

That's the number one fight roommates have.

It's classic. Trust me, it'll be great.

(sighs) How come we never go with any of my ideas?

We do.

When they're good.

Which to you is almost never.

I just want it to be better than good.

What's wrong with aspiring to make it great?

(sighs): Okay, fine, fine.

I'm too tired to argue. You win.

Well, I still think you should have played "Tuck."

Get back at that jerk.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, whose idea was it for you to play the guy

who has a crush on Donna anyway?

Good night, David.

Good night, Donna.

Donna?

What, what's wrong?

You just called me Donna, that's what's wrong.

Well, I, uh, I must have been dreaming.

Oh.

Thanks a lot.

Clare...

Clare...

Clare... Clare, what did I do?

Hey, geezer, what are you doing up with the birds?

What did you call me?

Geezer. I'm just trying out my new act on you, Dad.

I mean, I'm no Brenda Walsh,

but I think I'm getting the hang of playing someone obnoxious.

I'll say.

Just don't make it a habit.

Someone get up on the wrong side?

No. Just trying to figure out what's behind

Valerie's sudden return to the nest.

Well, she said she missed the family atmosphere.

But I think it has more to do with the size of her hotel bill.

Mm.

Speaking of atmosphere, I smelled something familiar

coming out of her room last night,

and it was not incense.

Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies, geeze.

Gotta go! Smell you later!

It frightens me how good you are at that.

Yah!

(door closes)

DAVID: Okay. We're gonna start

with you three talking about the party tonight,

then you're gonna find the mess in the kitchen,

and then Todd's gonna enter.

Now remember, do not come in until Trish mentions Tuck, okay?

Don't worry. I'm up on this, okay?

I wish we had a script. I know.

No, improvising will make it more realistic. Trust me.

Okay, where's Brandon?

He's becoming his character. He's late.

STEVE: So what do I do before I enter?

Just hang out behind the monitor,

and make sure the camera doesn't see you.

DAVID (sighs): Okay, you guys ready?

Mm-hmm.

And we are... rolling.

So, Beth, are we gonna party down

for your birthday or what?

I don't really think anyone is gonna wanna come.

Well, I'm sure Todd will be there with bells on.

I think he fancies you, Beth.

No, I don't think so.

Oh, blast!

Who's left our kitchen such a sty?

Oh, somebody majorly skanked this joint out.

Yeah, and drank my orange juice, too.

Mm, I bet it was Tuck.

(huffs)

I bet it was Tuck.

I can't tell a lie; i-it was me.

A thousand apologies.

Aw, shucks. I was just trying to prepare

some watermelon slices for Beth here's party.

Cut!

Steve, you're totally overacting.

I thought you said he has a crush on her.

Steve, this is a documentary. I think Todd

would be a little more...

I don't know, natural, not quite so obvious.

But how's he going to get anywhere that way?

Steve, that's not the point.

You've got to start thinking like Todd, not like Steve.

(phone rings)

Excuse me. "Todd" needs five.

I'll be in my trailer, ladies and gentlemen.

Hello.

All right, guys. I guess we're gonna move on

to the point where you guys find the vodka

in Todd's orange juice.

Now, remember, the vodka's only water,

so you're gonna have to pretend.

Ooh, good direction.

Don't act so surprised, okay?

You okay? You ready to go?

Yeah, I'm all right. Yeah.

And we're rolling!

Hey, I wonder if Todd wants the rest of his OJ.

Hey, this smells like a screwdriver.

(sniffs)

Indeed! Hmm!

(sniffs)

It's 10:00 in the morning, you guys.

I'm kind of worried about Steve.

DAVID: Todd.

What?

You're worried about "Todd," not Steve.

Oh, sorry. This is so hard.

STEVE: That's great. You know what? Actually,

let me get back to you...

Well, look, here comes the chap now.

So, um, how goes it, Todd?

I can't believe my life sometimes.

My ex-girlfriend and I haven't been apart

for a year and already she's getting married.

Steve, you're overacting again.

How can I be overacting?! This is my life!

What?

Not "Todd," Steve! This is me, Steve!

DONNA: Celeste is getting married?!

KELLY: To the guy she met in Hawaii?

No, some naval officer she's just met

in the last three months.

They're gonna tie the knot

before he leaves on his next assignment.

It's the Sanders curse.

Are you filming this?

Do you mind?

No, no. I...

(voice breaks): I... I-I just...

(Southern accent): I just don't know

how much more of this I can take.

When is this pattern of losing and loving gonna end?

(sobbing and laughing)

Cut it. Okay?

(sobbing continues)

Take five, guys. This is stupid.

(laughs)

Hey, sweetie, I'm home.

Um, good.

I was hoping we could talk before, uh...

What did the cat drag in?

Isn't this great?

I found it by the curb while I was jogging.

I can't believe somebody threw this thing out.

Somebody probably threw it out because it's broken.

Oh, come on, it's just some minor stuff.

Look, we can replace a few columns,

re-sand it, refinish it.

Hannah's going to love it.

What? Didn't you take wood shop in junior high?

Yeah, it's the only class I ever got a "C" in.

Well, I passed with honors.

I will supervise the handiwork.

Aw, come on, look. It's gonna look great

in the corner of Hannah's room, just like that.

Huh?

Okay, well, we'll try it.

Yes!

So, what do we have to talk about?

You know, nothing that can't wait.

You sure? Mm.

Sure.

Okay.

Look at this.

Daisies, roses...

Think we need a whole new rocking chair.

CLARE: "Real Life," scene four, take 20.

Action!

(playing "Moonlight Sonata")

(blowing)

♪ ♪

Scarlett's music is so great.

She's just so, so talented.

I know somewhere under that cool veneer,

she's just got a heart of gold.

A little practical joke on Trish tonight.

Come around here.

This here particular watermelon

has a tasteless, odorless surprise. Ooh-wee!

Hey, Todd. Hi.

Can I have some?

Help yourself. Thanks.

Yo, dudes!

Whoa! Hey!

Watch it!

Huh! Why don't you get out of the way, bimbette,

and then I won't have to watch it, will I?

You know, you are puke; you reek.

Oh, yeah? Well, get a good whiff, baby,

'cause my own personal hygiene is my own business.

I am my own man. I am Tuck.

Now why don't you just chill out

before I cut the cheese right in your face, man.

♪ ♪

(music stops)

What the hell is this?! (chuckles)

Uh, Tuck. What are you doing here?

TUCK: I came over

to tell you, I got my roommates to okay your project.

Yeah, well, we kind of had a change in the plans.

What is this doughhead doing?

Spoofing me?

I got rights, man!

This is a total invasion of privacy!

Yeah, well, you kind of left us hanging here.

This is way too uncool! Un-cool!

You're not getting away with this.

You're dead, Silver!

You're dead!

(Brandon chuckling)

(stops chuckling)

(chuckling)

You're dead, Silver.

I knew something like this was going to trip us up.

(sighs) I'll work it out.

Yeah, I've heard that before.

Kell, I got to tell you, this is, uh, it's spiked.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I know, Steve.

I get the gig.

No. I'm not talking about prop vodka.

I'm talking about the real stuff.

Hmm... Mmm!

Well, Trish is a party girl.

It'll get me into character.

Ooh...

(chuckles)

I should've used the Everclear.

(rock song plays)

Hey. You two look like you're studying for an exam.

Well, actually, we're doing a little research

for a parapsychological screenplay.

Oh.

And I take it, uh, this is the writer?

Yeah, you know it's not me.

Charley, Nat... Nat, Charley.

Hey. I hope you don't mind us

camping out in your place here while we work.

Nah, not at all.

Just give me a "special thanks" in the credits.

That's a deal.

No deals.

(sighs) Nat. Can I ask a favor?

Valerie.

Ask away.

Well, the caterers want to use the kitchen...

Valerie?

This is the Valerie that I've been hearing about?

Yeah, one and the same.

(lustful grunt)

Okay.

Hi. Haven't seen you lately.

Ah, lucky me.

Who's your friend?

I'm Charley.

Hi.

Hey.

So, um...

What kind of party are you throwing?

Um, a sci-fi movie premiere,

Touch of the Swami.

Oh, Leo Tanner!

You know him?

I know his work.

He's a great director.

VALERIE: Well, you guys should come by tonight.

Oh, I would love to.

But you can't,

'cause we're working on this screenplay right now.

Yeah, but we'll be there.

Hey, there's nothing wrong

with a little showbiz networking.

Well, I'll see you guys tonight.

Nice meeting you.

Good to meet you.

♪ Baby, you know I can. ♪

(door opens, bell rings)

(in British accent): I wasn't going to go to Beth's party.

I've got tickets to the symphony.

But I thought it might be

a bit educational to spend a night among the proletariat.

(snorts)

(in regular voice): Was that okay?

(chuckling): That was perfect.

(chuckling): You know,

I don't think I've ever used the word "proletariat"

in my life.

Yeah, that was a pretty good ad-lib.

Thank you.

So, uh, did you and Tuck make peace?

Well, let me put it this way.

In order to keep Tuck from suing us,

I had to promise that my next project would be

a documentary on mountain biking,

which of course he'll star in.

(chuckles)

Drives a hard bargain, huh?

Yeah.

(chuckles)

What's wrong?

I was... I was just thinking about the last time

that you and I were in this room.

I mean, I thought I'd gotten over it.

Don't worry.

It's going to take some time.

(Donna sighing)

(whispering): It's okay.

Hey, do you guys want watermelon for dessert?

Hey, save some of that stuff for the scenes later, Kelly.

Trish, my name's Trish, remember?

Yeah, Method actress.

Okay, guys, I'm going to grab some mics.

Okay? I'll be right back.

You okay?

Yeah.

We'd better stop, though.

Wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea.

(rock music playing)

♪ You say I shoulda, woulda, coulda for you ♪

♪ Tellin' big ol' tales like you always do ♪

♪ Like the one where you said you're gonna be a star ♪

♪ And set me up in a big, nice, fancy car ♪

♪ Just like the one where you said I love you so... ♪

Hey!

(laughs)

Tuck, Tuck, Tuck, Tuck, Tuck!

Does that bother you?

(groaning)

Back off, man.

STEVE: Anybody want some more of this?

BRANDON: No, I think Trish has had

quite enough. Yeah, of you.

Yeah.

(laughing sarcastically): You're funny.

David, here, take over for me.

Hey, Todd,

come here.

Me? Yeah.

You want to dance with me, stud?

♪ You said I wish I might have done you wrong... ♪

STEVE: Boy, you sure do loosen up

at parties.

(sighs)

During the day I'm just a neurotic, insecure mess,

but at night when the glasses come off, look out.

(grunts)

(phone ringing)

♪ I would turn back time ♪

♪ I would turn back time ♪

♪ Turn it back at the speed of sound ♪

♪ I would turn back time ♪

♪ Yeah, turn back time... ♪

If no one's going to get the phone, I will.

Well, I didn't see that coming, huh?

(sighs)

I'm sure glad it did, though.

(in regular voice): Sorry.

Well, I guess Beth

has a wild side, huh?

(Donna and Kelly giggling)

KELLY: Did you get that on tape?

'Cause I would really love to see it again.

It's for you.

For me?

(singsongy): Thank you.

Hello.

Hi, Mom.

Uh, Silver, Silver, Silver, do me a favor.

No more watermelon parties for "Trish," huh?

Okay. KELLY: What?

I don't believe it.

How pathetic can you be? (music stops)

No, I'm not going to--

no, I'm not going to stop,

not till you show a little dignity.

What's going on? My mother--

my spineless, insecure mother--

has asked your father to move back in with her again.

You're kidding. How could Mel take

Jackie back? I mean he, he cheated on her, he lied to her,

he totally humiliated her.

Kelly, look, no one's forcing her

to do anything.

KELLY: No, that's exactly it.

That makes it worse; she has no pride.

I mean... I don't get it.

What is with you guys?

What is it--

why are you always letting us down?

Why is it so impossible to be faithful?

I mean, Mel cheated on Jackie.

Right? You had Emily.

Now, hold on a s... No, shh.

David,

being like his father, had Ariel.

The examples

are endless.

Well, Ray has not cheated on me.

No, not that you know of,

but he probably has a little side dish

out on tour with him.

STEVE: I never cheated

on you, Kelly. No, you didn't.

But you did cheat on Celeste

and that's probably why she's marrying a frogman.

I mean,

every member of the male species

has a lousy track record in this area

and it makes me sick.

You all make me so sick.

You make me sick.

Sick!

Sick.

Ugh.

Well, thanks for such a great time, Silver.

(door closes)

You know what, guys, let's take a break,

all right? (Kelly gagging)

(sighs)

What do you like-- the orange or the pink flowers better?

(chuckles)

Don't ask me, Rembrandt. (laughs)

I don't have an artistic bone in my body.

Ah, neither do I.

I'm just winging it.

Well, you sure got a lot of raw talent.

Yeah, right.

Jess, this is fun.

Yeah. (chuckles)

Sort of therapeutic, huh?

Yeah.

You know, it's been too long

since we've done something like this,

you know, I mean, just for fun.

Yeah,

I guess our marriage has become a bit of a routine.

Sometimes I forget how good it is,

you know, just to feel like this.

(chuckles)

Me, too. Yeah?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah?

Oh, that's sharp.

(laughing) That's real sharp.

(pop song plays)

Well, you can bring out the grilled veggies now,

and fill any empty wine glasses.

Okay?

Oh, including mine.

A woman of authority.

I like that.

(sighs) Me, too.

Now, once I get the band going, um, I'll be all yours.

I know you have your doubts about this, Dylan,

but, uh... that Valerie, she's not half bad.

Yeah, she makes a good first impression.

Her second impression's pretty sweet, too.

Charley?

Oh, hey, hey, hey, that's Evan Ames.

Oh, man, he would be perfect to score the film.

So why don't you stroll on over there

and score a meeting, eh?

Good idea, good idea.

Charley?

Hi.

Dr. Campbell.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I was a consultant on this film.

Oh, that's great.

Oh, uh, Dylan, this is Dr. Molly Campbell.

Hi.

She's my old hyponotherapist.

She gave me the inspiration for the script.

Oh.

You're finally doing that?

Yeah, and Dylan's helping me. Well, great.

Look, if there's anything I can do

to help, give me a call, huh?

DYLAN: We may do that.

Good.

Nice to meet you.

Yeah. And great to see you.

Oh.

I'm so proud of you.

Thanks.

(mimicking): I'm so proud of you.

Excuse me, um, do you mind?

Oh.

Listen, uh... do me a favor, will you?

What? Don't leave tonight

without seeing me.

(laughter)

You know what, guys?

Guys, it's already two minutes past midnight.

I think it's safe to say this, uh, Real Life thing can go down

as a complete and utter disaster.

(in Southern accent): Oh, Davey,

our scenes turned out to be pretty bogus, huh?

Yeah, especially that scene, Steve.

The problem is that we tried to keep up these characters,

but our real personalities just kept on coming through.

Oh, is that what happened?

You're cut off.

I think so.

So, when David was so convincingly looking

at you with those puppy dog eyes...

DAVID: Clare.

CLARE: What?

Come on, let's get it out there.

You still love Donna, right?

(sighs)

DAVID: You know, I think it's pretty normal

to still care about somebody you had a relationship with.

CLARE: David, answer the question.

Yeah.

Yeah, I still love Donna.

And you?

Do I love Donna?

No, Clare, do you have feelings for anyone else--

I don't know, Brandon maybe?

I was never with Brandon, all right?

Yeah, but you wanted to be and I, I think you still do.

All right, if you must know...

yeah, I still have feelings for Brandon.

Okay?

Oh, please, make the room stop spinning.

I would if I could.

Brandon?

Yeah, I'm here.

I'm here.

You weren't, right when I needed you most.

(whimpers)

What are you talking about?

You know what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about fire night.

Kelly, I already said I'm sorry for that.

Why?

What did you do that you have to be sorry for?

Honey, you're talking in non-sequiturs again.

No, I'm talking about cheating.

I think you're just drunk

and you need to get a little sleep.

N-No, no, I know I may be a little wasted,

but I remember I started a conversation

in that living room about cheating,

and I didn't hear a peep out of you.

Hey, no one could get a word in edgewise

while you were going off on that.

I'd like to know what you were doing with Emily

when I was trapped in that house.

What do you mean?

I mean,

were you sleeping with her?

(sighs)

Tell me, Brandon.

No, I didn't sleep with her.

We kissed good-bye, that's it.

Well, I want to believe you.

Kelly,

Emily is in France and I'm here with you.

That's all that matters.

Good.

Because I-I love you

and I think about you and me in the future and all that.

You do?

Mm-hmm.

I'd have to stop thinking that way,

if I couldn't trust you.

Well, you can.

Good.

You know, Kelly,

there aren't many people

that you can imagine spending your whole life with.

To me, you're that person.

I mean, I know we're still young and everything, but I...

(sighs)

(sighs)

Well, Val, thanks for the lift.

Well, if you ever need my services again,

you, uh, let me know.

I'll do that.

You know, it's nice

to be on fairly decent terms with you.

Oh, hell, we just have a little problem

letting drugs and money come between us, that's all.

Despite all that's happened,

you're still one of my best friends.

(chuckles) Best friends?

I was thinking, uh,

I've missed you.

And I was thinking how this is pretty good

with this thing being platonic.

Well, I could live with that.

Good.

Even though I'd rather not.

Bad.

That's real bad.

CLARE: No, I think

if you are the one to get broken up with, you forever

have a thing for that person.

STEVE: Oh, yeah? Uh-huh.

Even if breaking up was the best thing to do?

Mm-hmm. I don't know,

maybe it's, uh, pride,

or the intrigue of the road never traveled,

but I think if you get deserted,

somewhere in your head you'll always want them back.

Is that the way it was with you and Emily Valentine?

Not quite.

No.

CLARE: Come on, Brandon,

fess up.

Was it something more?

Okay, I guess...

there was something more

than just an old flame coming into town.

Well, what is it, then?

Let me put it to you this way:

Emily came to town, she, uh...

she got under my skin.

DONNA: So, Kelly

had a right to be worried.

BRANDON: No, but,

until that time, I didn't know it was possible

to love two people at the same time.

CLARE: Sure.

When you go from relationship to relationship

there's overlap time.

I guess that means Kelly still loves Dylan, huh?

DAVID: Well, according to Clare's theory,

he probably still loves her.

Yeah, kinda like the way I still care about Celeste,

and though I hate to admit it, Valerie.

Geez, when you add up all

the women I still pine for, it ranks

right up there with all the other L.A. disasters, huh?

(all laugh)

Would you put Kelly on that list?

If Kelly would take me back,

I'd go in a second.

(Donna clears throat)

I can't believe we're telling each other these things.

Blame it on the watermelon.

Yes!

Hey!

You haven't told us anything yet.

Come on. Yeah.

Spill your guts, blondie.

What?

What do you want me to say? We want

to know about your demons.

Okay. Um...

I guess my biggest fear

is that being a virgin

will cost me every relationship that I have.

The way it did with David.

DAVID: Look, Donna, if I haven't said it

in so many words before, I, uh...

DONNA: David,

you don't have to say it.

I know.

(clears throat)

(alarm buzzing)

(buzzing stops)

(moaning)

I've got a headache.

No surprise there.

Why?

Maybe it's a hangover?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Don't tell me you don't remember last night?

I remember...

filming Clare and David's thing

and having a few of Steve's watermelon cubes.

A few too many.

Really?

(sighs)

Fill me in on the details.

Well, let me see, what can I tell you?

You were the typical life-of-the-party drunk, Kel.

Lampshade on the head, dancing on the tables.

Then all these sailors showed up

and you did a striptease, it was great.

Was that right before

or right after you told me the truth about Emily?

I think I better go get you some aspirin.

One other thing.

Did I happen to go on and on

about how much I love you?

You did kind of let that slip.

I thought so.

Yeah.

Sorry.

JESSE: Morning, beautiful.

Mmm.

How you doing?

Good.

Oh, I feel like it's the morning

after my wedding. (sighs)

Well, I feel even better than that.

Ah.

Jesse, um...

Jesse, I have to, uh,

talk to you about something.

What's up?

I've been seeing a therapist about our marriage.

She's helped me see

how essential honesty is to our relationship.

I guess, uh, I guess we haven't had that, have we?

No, we haven't.

I guess I haven't been hiding it very well, have I?

Hiding what?

I've been climbing the walls about this,

and right now more than anything,

I wish I could erase the whole thing.

Jesse, what are you talking about?

Do you remember my trip to Kansas City,

and I told you I'd stayed out late playing poker

with some of the guys from Judge Costello's office?

Yeah.

Well, the truth is, I was having dinner

with a law clerk I met that afternoon at the interview.

I-I didn't plan on anything more than that,

that was it.

Then after dinner, I walked her back to her apartment.

She asked me in.

We ended up in bed.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Hey.

Where's everyone?

Well, Brandon and Kelly went over to the boardwalk.

David and Clare, they're editing last night's masterpiece.

I wonder how that'll turn out.

Things got pretty funky last night.

I don't know, I kinda dug it.

I like the fact that reality got a little warped.

All the facades came down.

Well, we did learn some revealing things.

Juicy stuff.

I just hope no permanent damage was done.

Ah, quite the contrary, Donna.

I think it opened up a whole world of possibilities.

Like what?

Like how about you and I play house this afternoon?

Steve!

What?

The party's over.

Can't blame a guy for asking, right?

STEVE (on video): I can't believe my life sometimes.

My ex-girlfriend and I haven't been... CLARE: Oh, okay,

this was great stuff. We've got to use this.

Yeah, but that's not "Todd", that's really Steve.

The name of the essay is "Real Life".

The best material we have is

when people stepped out of their roles.

Like this.

My spineless... We're gonna get marked down

for not using the original characters.

No, we won't, we'll just explain

that the project took on a life of its own,

and developed into something even better.

It's fine by me.

I'm not the grade junkie.

Is there a problem with that?

Look out.

No.

But there's something wrong with that.

What?

I was just playing a role.

It wasn't in the script.

Really?

Well, guess what, David?

Neither was

this...

You know what?

You're way out of line.

I'm out of line?

You didn't even try to disguise this

behind the roles you were playing!

Excuse me, for your information,

Donna and I were talking about the fact

she was almost raped a few weeks ago.

Please, David, don't insult my intelligence here, all right?

You admitted in front of everybody

you're still in love with her.

Oh, well, gee, you sure didn't hesitate

to tell everyone that you still want Brandon.

Of course you really didn't have to say anything about it,

it's kind of obvious with the way you flirt.

I do not!

What do you think I am, stupid?

You do it right underneath my nose.

Yeah,

I do think you're pretty stupid sometimes.

Yeah, well, uh, I guess anyone who's not

a rocket scientist is stupid to you.

Well, I expect a lot from people.

You know what, Clare?

Why don't we just do something really smart here?

Let's just end this.

Just like that?

Yeah.

Yeah, just like that.

Fine by me.

Me, too.