Original subtitles

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

DAVID: David and Donna, still here with you all night long.

Now call us at 555-KXCU

because we're totally interactive radio,

which means, you run the show.

Now that's the crucial part.

You're the show so you call us.

Now with Rush Week kicking off tomorrow,

I would think a lot of you out there would have some advice

on scoping out the fraternities and sororities.

But if that's not your scene give us a call at 555-KXCU

and tell us why.

Now we have been getting some calls from our regulars...

And we thank you... Yes,

but we'd like to hear from some real listeners,

so please don't call if your name just happens to be...

Brandon, Brenda,

Andrea, Kelly...

Steve?!

(pop music playing)

(sighs)

This isn't working, no one is calling us, David.

Just give it some time.

It's only been three nights.

Feels more like three years.

♪ ♪

(cheering)

Hey!

Woo-hoo!

One through ten, come on.

Right here, right here.

There's your pen, you do one through three.

You do, uh, four through seven,

I'll be eight, nine and ten.

(cheering)

Yeah, come on now!

Oh, all right, all right.

Very good, yes.

Well done. You're the one.

(laughs) Hey.

Okay, who's next, who's next?

Okay, right here, right here.

Right here, right here.

Uh, yeah, that's a pretty strong...

That's good, you can work on it though.

Oh, unbelievable, yeah.

I'm taking the fun away. That's just a six for you.

Does anyone have any blush?

I look dead when I'm this tired. You do not.

Donna, I can't believe I let you talk me into Sorority Rush.

BRENDA: Neither can I.

But I hope you're right

about this keeping us from drifting apart.

You'll thank me by the end of the week.

Suddenly I feel so underdressed.

You're fine, we're all fine.

Yeah, well, I hear one sweaty palm can ruin your chances.

Great. I have two.

Just be grateful you're not exhausted, okay?

Rush Week, here we come.

GAMMA GIRLS: ♪ We are the Gammas ♪

♪ Mighty, mighty Gammas ♪

♪ Everywhere we go ♪

♪ People want to know-o ♪

♪ Who we are ♪

♪ So we tell them ♪

♪ We are the Gammas ♪

♪ Mighty, mighty Gammas ♪

♪ Everywhere we go ♪

♪ People want to know-o ♪

♪ Who we are ♪

♪ So we tell them ♪

♪ We are the Gammas ♪

♪ Mighty, mighty Gammas ♪

♪ Everywhere we go ♪

♪ People want to know-o ♪

♪ Who we are so we tell them ♪

♪ We are the Gammas ♪

♪ Mighty, mighty Gammas ♪

♪ Everywhere we go ♪

♪ People want to know-o... ♪

Somehow I doubt they do this at Yale.

♪ We are the Gammas... ♪

Let's go.

♪ People want to know-o who we are... ♪

Hut!

All right, all right,

all right...

Oh! Come on.

You're in my zone now, Walsh.

When are you gonna learn? I learned.

Keep talkin', John. Anything broken?

No, I'm fine, but thanks for caring. Guys, guys,

the sorority stampede is in progress.

Whatta you say you guys give up?

Come on, man, give us one last down.

One more down.

Blue deep, ready?

ALL: Ready.

Go, Johnny.

Come on, Brandon, come on.

Come on.

Hut!

Yeah!

(laughing)

JOHN: Don't rub it in, Walsh.

Never forget, you're a freshman.

As long as you don't forget

that a freshman just kicked your butt.

Well, it's been real, gentlemen.

Stick around, man. Watch the parade.

Ah, thanks, Charlie, but I've just got enough time

to hit the showers and get over to Student Union.

Wait, wait, w-wait a minute, you got something better to do

than hang out with us Keggers?

Sue me. I have a life.

You're breaking our hearts.

Take it easy. See you later, man.

Catch up with you in a sec. Good game, bro.

Hey, Bran? Yeah?

KEG House doesn't do a formal rush.

It's more like hanging out with who knows who.

If the president asks you

to stick around you shouldn't blow him off.

I'm not blowing him off. I've got people to meet.

You see that, that right there, that's the wrong attitude.

So watching sorority girls on parade

for the rest of the day is mandatory?

Maybe not.

But the house party tomorrow night definitely is.

Remember, this is our fraternity. Right.

And I told you, bro, I will be there, so shaa.

(hands smack)

Okay, this one right here in the blue-- very good.

Yes, well done, definitely an eight.

I'd give her more than an eight.

Are you guys crazy?

You trying to get us thrown off campus or what?

It's the '90s, gentlemen.

Try to show a little sensitivity.

(huffs) (Steve chuckles)

Killjoy.

Yo, man, I'll be right back.

Come on, we have 14 houses to see.

Hi, Kelly.

Hi, John.

It's been a long time.

Hmm, not long enough.

BRENDA: I guess you're not going to introduce us.

Huh?

You know Kelly?

Kind of.

I asked her out in the ninth grade; she turned me down.

She turned you down?

Yeah, come on.

BRANDON: So...

this is the Student Senate?

Does the faculty have it this good?

They're just the teachers.

We're the people who really run this place.

Hi. Hi.

I'm Angela Rhodes.

Hi, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

So how'd you make out with our favorite dean?

(sighing): The man is from Mars.

It went that well, huh? We'll talk about it later.

(chuckles)

So... Josh has told me a lot about you

and your famous march on the school board.

I assume that's why I'm here.

So you know that

we have an opening on our slate for freshman representative

to the Student Senate.

Does that interest you?

Yes, I'd be very interested in it.

We were hoping you would say that.

But you gotta know that a girl passing out in her prom dress

is not our kind of issue.

Well, that wasn't our issue either.

We had a school board superintendent

who was trying to sneak through

dress codes and rules about drinking

without any student input.

There was no public

debate, no notification, no nothing.

That was our issue.

Better.

But I still don't know what you're about.

All I know is that you're from, uh, Beverly Hills.

Well, I think you can tell by the way I'm dressed

that I'm not going to give up shopping on Rodeo Drive

without a big floor fight,

I'll tell ya.

Listen, guys,

I just don't want to coast through college.

This is important to me.

Okay, well, thank you for your time.

That's it?

We'll let you know.

Nice to meet you, Brandon.

Nice meeting you, too.

See ya. See ya, man.

KELLY: This house is beautiful. I could almost see myself here.

DONNA: Almost? It's the Alpha Omega House.

Their philanthropy is Downey House for Children,

their flower is fleur-de-lis and their colors are rose and buff.

Oh, I look horrible in buff.

Well, with 30 seconds left to go

I finally meet the fab four from West Beverly.

Someone's been talking about us?

Let's see, uh, summer camp counselors,

elementary school charities,

a Spring Queen, valedictorian.

You guys could start your own sorority.

(bell ringing)

Well.... this is why they call it rush.

Excuse me...

It was a sincere pleasure to meet you.

We may not see all of you again, so...

ALL: Hasta la vista, baby!

Thanks. Thanks for coming.

DONNA: Oh, it's perfect!

KELLY: Yeah, except their brother fraternity is the Keg House.

Well, that's Steve's house. And maybe Brandon's.

It's also John Sears'.

Is that the guy that you wouldn't talk to before?

Kelly, come on--

inquiring minds would really like to know.

Kelly went out with him in ninth grade.

I had a huge crush on him during my walk-all-over-me phase.

Well, who could blame you?

He turned out to be the biggest jerk.

I spent one highly regrettable night

with him and his parents' champagne.

The next day he told every senior he knew.

And he made up stuff, too.

He has a fertile imagination.

If he opens his big mouth,

I will have doors slamming in my face

all up and down Sorority Row.

Kelly, any sorority would love to have you.

Don't count on it.

A bad rep is the kiss of death.

Even past tense.

Yeah, well, I can't talk right now...

Hi. Hi.

Well, this is an Andrea Zuckerman I haven't seen before.

Why, thank you, Mr. Dan Rubin.

I should be thanking you, right?

Absolutely.

You look great. What's the occasion?

I'm rushing.

As in... rushing?

Surprise, surprise.

Well, which one of the houses do you like the best?

Well, my friends and I like Alpha Omega the best.

Really?

I would have, uh,

thought you'd be zeroing in on the Jewish sororities.

Oh. And if I was Asian,

I should only look at Asian sororities?

If I was African-American,

I should only look at African-American sororities?

Some kind of resident advisor you are.

I didn't invent the system.

But I bet in the end,

you'll find yourself in a Jewish sorority.

Are you saying that there's anti-Semitism?

No, just birds of a feather flocking together.

You know what I think?

The minute someone shows a little enthusiasm,

the cynics of the world get nervous.

Have a nice day, counselor.

Hey, stranger.

Hey.

Where you hiding yourself?

Oh, over at Sorority Row,

watching everybody out-smile each other.

Yeah, well, Kelly's been telling me a lot about it.

So please, spare me.

Boy, I don't believe my luck.

This is the second school in a row

that I didn't even get the classes that I wanted.

Really? 'Cause I got everything.

English 135B. I'm in this class, too.

Poetry of the Young Romantics.

You are? Mm-hmm.

Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, Lindley Hall.

Well, great. You can help me with my homework.

Mm. You want to get some coffee?

Uh, no, I'm sorry.

I've got to go meet the girls for a Rush Week recap.

Brenda, are you really into that?

I'm trying.

(mumbles): Thanks, guys.

Hey there, Mr. Walsh. Yeah?

We were just about to call your house.

Congratulations, Mr. Senator.

Well, thank you.

You guys were a tough room.

ANGELA: Well, now we have to get you elected.

So, we should talk strategy.

And finalize the party platform.

Great. I'll be there.

You're going to be very busy.

I was hoping you'd say that.

Hey, Steve!

John!

Brand! Yo, Sanders, come on.

Uh, they must still be mad

since I trounced 'em in the football game today.

How do you know those guys?

Steve, the blonde one, is

a buddy of mine from high school.

Oh, high school buddies, huh?

Yeah.

Well, you're not in high school anymore, Brandon.

Yeah, so, we'll catch up with you.

Right.

Walsh party for four, over there.

Oh!

I'm so pleased you could join us.

I know I'm late. I'm sorry.

Really late. Really, really late.

Well, I'm really, really sorry, but I don't understand

why we have to open up

the first round of sorority invitations together.

All for one and one for all.

Well, come on, let's do it

so I can grab a nap before the radio show.

I'm so nervous. How can they make cuts

based on meeting us once?

Just relax, okay?

Ready? All together...

Go.

Alpha!

Alpha!

Alpha!

Alpha!

Yes! We are on our way.

Now I remember why I did this with you guys.

We made it through the first cut, but pace yourself, ladies,

there are two more rounds to go.

Two more rounds?

JIM: My son, the senator,

the next Jack Kennedy right here!

Dad, I said "Student Senate." Did you hear me say "Stude...?"

You heard me, didn't you, Mom?

All right, all right, but a lot of very

important people got started just this way.

How do you think future presidents of the United States

learn the ropes?

Would you tell him to get a grip, Mom?

Get a grip.

Get a grip, Dad.

Hey, hey.

Hey.

Did you hear what happened to your brother?

Yes, and I'm hoping it will lead

to a better parking spot on campus for his sister.

Ah, don't worry, my sister,

I will not forget the little people.

JIM: There you go.

(Irish accent): Now you're talkin' like a politician, son.

So what does this

Progressive Party stand for?

Uh, good stuff. Um...

You know, they take a hard line on racism,

elitism, chauvinism,

sexism.

Your basic isms.

The politically correct crowd.

Call it what you will.

What are they going to think about you partying

till you drop at the KEG House?

KEG's progressive.

Oh, right, they, uh, recycle their beer bottles.

That's right, and I'm sure it'll be just fine.

Well, you're lucky.

When we were in college, things got kinda polarized.

Well, that's for sure.

Somehow the way people felt

about fraternities and sororities got all tangled up

with how they felt about the Vietnam War.

Yeah, and it wasn't always friendly.

The Greeks were perceived to be pretty conservative.

Well, I wouldn't

worry about it, guys.

And in case

you haven't heard, the war's over.

DAVID: Hello, Los Angeles.

It's 2:00 in the morning and you've guessed it,

this is David and Donna with you till dawn.

And we're totally interactive radio...

No. No, no, no, no, no!

No, we're not totally interactive.

We're not totally interactive at all.

What we are is exhausted.

Put on some music, okay?

Well, what do you want to hear?

Obviously, whatever's in the CD player.

Ah! There's nothing in the CD player.

Donna, there's nothing in the CD player

because you forgot to load up the CD player.

Now I think our audience deserves better than that.

Ah, audience, David. What audience?

There's no one out there!

That's because you're screaming at them.

What are you cueing up?

Whatever's on the turntable.

♪ Lost in your romance ♪

♪ Lost in your slow dance ♪

(phone rings)

Problems, kids.

Pronto.

Brandon, it's me.

I'm downstairs.

Downstairs where?

Downstairs your house.

I saw your light on.

I didn't want to wake everybody up by ringing the doorbell.

And what about the phone, Steve?

Isn't it possible that a ringing phone could wake someone?

Just get your butt down here and spare me the lecture, okay?!

And to what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?

I couldn't sleep.

It's probably nothing, but...

Of course.

That's why you came all the way over here

in the middle of the night.

You're coming to that party, right?

I told you I'd be there, yeah.

Keg House Rush is that party,

so be on your best behavior.

Did you come all the way over here just to tell me that?

No, I couldn't help thinking about what John Sears said.

What are you doing hanging out

with those political guys at the Student Union for?

Because they're running me for Student Senate.

Oh, great.

The KEG House is gonna flip over that.

Steve, I thought maybe you'd at least feign

a little excitement for me.

Don't expect me to be too stoked.

Those guys have it in for Greek life.

I don't think they even care about Greek life.

All I know is the KEG crew hates their guts, okay?

Sears said he doesn't even allow the pledges

to hang out with any of those campus weasels.

I really don't care, man.

I thought we were going to stick together!

We are.

I get this bad feeling,

like joining this fraternity is gonna cost me my best friend.

Come on, man, you're being stupid.

You gotta make a choice, Brandon.

Not at 2:00 in the morning, I don't.

Relax. I'll be at the party.

Now go home and get some sleep, all right?

Don't say I didn't warn you.

ANDREA: Have you ever seen

so many perfect-looking people?

What planet are we on?

KELLY: Okay, ladies,

on the count of three, mingle and impress.

So are you narrowing your choices down?

Well, I, um, I really love the feel of this place.

Thanks.

I know this is going to sound too good to be true,

but we really are a family here.

And, um, we're looking for people who might fit in.

Pretty big family.

Yeah, tell me about it. I'm an only child.

So am I!

Well, that's not all we have in common.

I was the editor of my high school newspaper, too.

Did you try out for the paper here when you were a freshman?

Yeah. Yeah, I did,

until they asked me to review a friend's play.

I had to review a friend's restaurant.

I wish I'd met you last week.

I could have used your advice.

You want some advice?

Think Alpha House.

Come on. I'll show you around.

(loud rock playing)

(music plays louder)

(door opens)

Can that be any louder?

It's metal rap. You like it?

(lowers volume)

No. I'm trying to sleep.

The sorority is having a '70s party

at the KEG House tonight and I'm exhausted.

Well, who said you had to rush a sorority in the first place?

I heard that, David. It wasn't very nice.

(music stops)

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Come here.

I'm sorry.

I got to take a nap.

Yeah, well, uh, I know what I want to do right now.

So do I... sleep.

Okay.

It is a theme party at Steve's fraternity.

Yeah, what's the theme?

One of the great ones, you know, man vs. nature?

Appearance vs. reality?

Disco Fever.

Ah, well, I'll tell you what,

I missed Disco Fever the first time around, Kel.

What makes you think I want to catch it now?

For me? Can't you just break

your little no-frat rule just this once?

Please?

Listen, I thought we agreed we'd go our separate ways

on this party hearty stuff.

Fine. Forget I ever asked you.

Do you hate me?

Yes, I hate you, but I love you more.

Good.

I'll talk to you later.

Okay.

Good-bye.

Bye.

♪ There's no one who knows each step you take ♪

♪ Every move you make ♪

(laughs)

God, I love college!

Classes haven't even started yet.

Classes?

This is the best. It's the best!

Do me a favor and tell Brandon, that, okay?

Would you like to dance?

The best!

Donna, wake up!

Oh! Oh, we gotta keep moving or I'm gonna crash. Come on.

Yeah, she's rushing Alpha House.

Hey, are John and Leslie tight?

John and everybody are tight.

Hey, you knew him at West Beverly, right?

Why? Did he say I did?

He remembers you fondly.

Give me the gory details.

What exactly did he say?

He said he had a thing for you,

but you weren't interested.

(techno-pop playing)

I love this song.

♪ I love the way you look at me and everything disappears ♪

♪ You're all I see ♪

♪ I could stare at you for a million years ♪

♪ I found my happy ending ♪

♪ Forever worth defending ♪

♪ Your heart next to mine, there's no sense of time ♪

♪ And I know I'm eternally yours... ♪

Oh, Brandon, why am I not having any fun?

Well, for starters Bren, you're not wearing your platform shoes.

Well, if that would help I would, believe me.

I mean usually, I have fun at parties.

This isn't a party, Bren, this is a way of life.

Yeah, well, I like the idea of all of us having something together, but...

I guess I'm just not a joiner.

Substitute the word "fraternity" for "sorority"

and you've just described what's going on between me and Steve.

Could it be that we're related?

DIXON: Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, Mr. KEG man.

So, you and your girlfriend up to a little nine ball?

I'm not his girlfriend.

I'm his sister.

And thanks for the offer, but no, I'm leaving.

Bye, babe. Night, Bren.

Your sister is cute.

Is she available?

Don't even think about it, man.

Get out of here!

John is an incredible guy.

I didn't realize you knew him.

Actually, I haven't said a word to John in over three years.

Well, uh, looks like you might be able to make up for lost time.

Now's your chance. Hi.

Hi.

Let's go dance.

So, you having a good time?

Yeah, everybody is.

Wow, you look dazzling.

Must be the polyester.

I'm really glad you made it.

A bit surprised, too, actually.

I was afraid you weren't gonna show up.

I don't get it.

Aren't you the same guy who spent a year

trying to ruin my life?

No, I'm not that guy anymore.

Do you wanna go outside? It's quieter.

I owe you a big apology.

Yeah, you do.

I've really tried to grow up since then, Kelly.

Have you had any success?

You could find out for yourself.

You've changed a lot. Maybe I have, too.

DONNA: Kelly,

we're about to take off.

Uh, Donna, this is John Sears.

This is my roommate, Donna. Hi.

I know who he is.

Well, we better get going.

Actually, I think I'm gonna stick around.

John and I have some catching up to do.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, there's always 911.

I can guess what that was about.

She has a good memory.

Fair enough.

You want to dance?

Sure.

So, you always dress like Donny Osmond, man?

Only when the frat throws a Disco Fever party.

How did a comedy genius like yourself

ever become the president of Animal House?

Well, I look good in a jacket and tie

promising the disciplinary committee,

"It will never ever happen again, sir."

I've done enough of that myself.

Two Boy Scouts.

You know where Oroville is?

No, I don't think so.

In the mountains,

north of Sacramento.

We have two attractions.

The ice breaking

on Oro Lake in the spring and high school sports.

Ten kids from Oro made it to college my senior year.

I came here to play football.

So why aren't you playing?

Tore up my shoulder halfway through the sophomore season.

The second the doctors gave up,

the coaches, players, and cheerleaders

they all disappeared.

But my fraternity brothers...

They made you president.

The best people in this whole school

are right here at Kappa Epsilon Gamma.

Including Steve Sanders.

Well, he's no model citizen, but he is a good friend, man.

You know, he talks about you all the time.

He thinks of you as a brother.

I feel the same way about him.

He also says you might be running for Student Senate.

Yeah, with the Progressives.

What do you think about that?

Well, I think that nobody here is trying to pressure you

into anything one way or the other.

But you can't have both, Brandon.

And I hope you appreciate what you might be passing up.

I can't believe that you have one of these every week.

Friday nights at the KEG House.

The one thing around here that you can count on.

And one of the advantages to being an Alpha.

And there seems to be the right mix of, uh...

Cute guys?

Yeah, that's right.

You know, I should probably warn you

that you're not going to find a lot of Jewish guys here.

Is that a problem?

Why would it be?

No reason.

Oh there's the head of the Inter-Greek Council.

I've got to go catch her before she leaves.

Hey, I see somebody bailed from the party early.

Did you have a good time?

I OD'd.

Over discoed. Yeah.

Was Kelly having a good time?

Yeah, everybody was.

Not everybody, 'cause you're sitting here.

Hey, you weren't even brave enough to give it a try.

I just wasn't that stupid, Bren.

I just thought that if there was anything

Kelly, Donna and Andrea and I could do together

it would be join a sorority.

But I just can't.

So, don't.

I guess I'm afraid

that I'm going to lose my friends.

Hmm.

Well, to tell you the truth, Bren, I couldn't really

see myself with the sorority girl type either.

But Kelly seems to enjoy it. It's...

It's probably harmless.

I mean it, really, it's fine.

So what're you saying? I should just join the sorority

with the others? No.

I'm saying that you should do what is right for you

and the rest of it will take care of itself.

DAVID: This is David and Donna...

All by ourselves.

Give us a call.

We're waiting.

Oh, please.

No one's gonna call.

See? Look.

No calls, nothing, zippo, less than zippo.

I mean, what do guys know about waiting for someone to call?

You're losing it.

Oh, sure, you would think so.

But all you girls out there, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

I mean, you can sit and wait forever for a guy to call you,

but then when he wants you, he's all over you.

Like David here.

This afternoon he couldn't leave me alone, could you?

I was happy to see you.

Well, gals, here's a little riddle for you.

What starts pawing you the second you get home 'cause they're happy to see you?

You give up?

Bow wow. Woof, woof. D-O-G. Dog!

Are you calling me a dog?

Honey, if the fur fits, wear it.

Ooh!

Ah...

Cool bit, huh?

Yeah, yeah, you're a major talent.

It's a real honor to share a booth with you.

DONNA: David, don't be mad at me.

I thought the dog bit was funny.

DAVID: Donna, your mic is on.

JOHN: I can't believe you actually know these two.

Donna hasn't slept all week.

She's usually not this bad.

Or maybe she is.

Yeah, she's pretty wacky.

You don't have to live with them.

Well, I'd trade places with them in a minute to be closer to you.

What kind of line is that? You haven't changed at all.

John, I have a boyfriend.

Well, where is he?

'Cause if you were my girlfriend I'd be with you at every party

just to keep guys like me from crawling all over you.

Well, Dylan's not that big on parties.

Maybe Dylan's not that big on you.

He is.

You don't know anything about him.

I better go.

Can I call you?

It's been really good to see you again,

but I'd rather you didn't.

I might anyway.

Surprise. Surprise.

Is something wrong?

The party was over and I didn't have anybody to go home with.

Well, you're home now.

I missed you.

I missed you, too.

Dylan, I was wondering something.

What?

Why can't you be more like everybody else?

Is that really what you want?

No.

Not really.

I didn't think so.

I don't want to talk about it.

I'm sure no one was even listening.

(Brandon and Steve barking)

Yeah, except our closest friends.

David!

(barking) Thanks, guys.

What are friends for?

(chuckling)

Come on, admit it, brother.

All right, all right, all right,

the brothers know how to party.

You happy now?

I'm getting there.

Well, I like that Charlie Dixon.

He's a classy guy.

The whole fraternity is classy, Brandon.

From what my sources tell me,

to pledge all we have to do is show up on Saturday.

Brandon, you got the word on the meeting tonight?

Yeah, 8:00 sharp. Student Senate room.

Right, we'll be going over the fine print

in the platform, so be ready for a long night.

Cool. Oh, uh, Steve Sanders.

Josh Richland. Josh. Steve.

Hello. A pleasure.

Right.

Anyway,

there's some other stuff we should talk about,

but we can do it later.

Sure.

Ooh, finalize the fine print.

Now that sounds like a party, man.

There is no way a fraternity can compete with that.

Yeah, right.

It's not like my being Jewish is a secret.

I mean, how many Zuckermans have you met who aren't Jewish?

Told you so.

See, but maybe she didn't mean anything by it.

Maybe.

Could be there's a bounty for the Alpha

that bags the most Jewish girls.

Yeah, but then why would she care

if I dated only Jewish guys?

Do you only date Jewish guys?

(sighs): After this, maybe I will.

Good.

Then I have a chance.

Dan, please.

No, really, I'm trying to understand what happened.

I mean, she gave me this pitch

that was supposed to be one big family.

Everyone's supposed to fit in.

That's the basic Greek attitude.

Yeah, but I thought she meant that I'd fit in.

This could be her way of asking if being Jewish

is something you're willing to check at the door.

Well, if that's the question, I know how to get an answer.

Shouldn't we at least consider how we're gonna pay

for all the additional security we're demanding?

No, we shouldn't.

Are you done?

Almost.

What I'm really concerned with is priority nine:

"The removal of all Pan-Hellenic sororities and fraternities

from the university campus."

What? You think it should read

"all fraternity and sorority types"?

Look, we know it's ambitious,

but this could be a real rallying point.

Wait a minute, 90% of the incoming freshmen

couldn't get the classes they needed.

The library closes early four days a week.

How can one of our priorities be to bash other students?

You know how much of your student activities fee

goes to floats and candlelight ceremonies?

And that money can go to the Chicano Cultural Project

or to daycare for single mothers.

JOSH: Okay, wait, let me make it simple.

The Greeks are elitist and they're racist.

If you have some thoughts on how

to get rid of them, we're all ears.

Let's hold on a second.

Some of my best friends are pledging

sororities and fraternities at this very moment

and they are neither elitist nor racist.

The Greeks are more inclusive than half the groups

you want to increase funding for. ANGELA: Brandon,

are you going to hold us up on every issue?

There's a lot more in here I disagree with

if that's what you're asking.

You're being a pain. We are moving on.

I'm not finished.

Yes, you are.

Well, I can't run this platform, ladies and gentlemen.

Find yourself another fair-haired boy.

(knocking on door)

Hi, Andrea.

What are you doing here?

Uh, can I come in?

Sure.

The candlelight ceremony was really moving.

I... I loved it.

What got into you, huh?

What'd you have to wear the star for?

I pulled for you all week long.

The girls were all ready to accept you.

But not if I'm Jewish.

Are you crazy?

I'm Jewish.

I had no idea.

Yeah, well, everybody in the sorority knows

and everybody is fine with it.

They are?

Of course.

Because I don't flaunt it, that's the trick.

So there's a trick.

You've got a real problem, you know that?

I have a problem?

When you go to

synagogue on the High Holy Days,

what do you tell your sorority sisters?

That you're off to the mall?

If you want to join a temple, join one.

But Alpha-O is a sorority.

You're right, it is.

And I would like you to withdraw my name

because I don't want to be a part of it.

(smooth jazz playing)

Donna, what are you doing with that dog?

It's my aunt's.

Well, lose it. In a minute.

I don't want to hold it. Would you please take it?

Oh, why don't you be a little more friendly, okay?

Okay, dog, now you chill out.

Well, since my "guys are dogs" analogy

seemed to get the fur flying a bit,

I thought I'd put it to the test tonight

by doing a side-by-side comparison.

Now I got the guy,

David Silver, and I got the dog.

Now here's the scientific part. The dog's name is Silver, too.

Donna, please.

Silver, sit.

Aha.

My first observation--

the dog appears to be smarter than the guy.

Well, this is great, go right ahead.

Lose all three people who are listening to us right now.

Okay, now for the touch test.

I've got my left hand on the guy

and I got my right hand on the dog.

Hmm, the guy feels pretty great.

Ooh, hairy back alert for

the dog. One point for the guy.

Well, for what it's worth, I don't have fleas, either.

Could you please move on with this?

Okay. Now, let me throw this one out

to all you female listeners.

How many of you out there think that your dog

loves you more than your boyfriend? We're standing by.

I'm just trying to lighten things up a bit between us.

Well, you should have left bad enough alone. (telephone ringing)

(ringing)

Ah, David.

No way, there's people listening to us.

We have an audience.

Can you believe this? Ooh!

Well, before we handle our many calls here,

I'd just like to mention my guy

is definitely a better kisser than the dog, really.

I don't know who I'm madder at,

Alpha House, Leslie or myself

for thinking that a blue-eyed blonde couldn't be Jewish.

Listen, it sounds to me like she's the one

who doesn't want anyone to know.

If I was you, I'd give myself a break.

I don't think I'm the only one giving myself a hard time here.

All you're doing is not joining a sorority

that you probably wouldn't have joined anyway.

I, on the other hand, have to explain to my father

why I'm throwing away my future life in politics.

Brandon, this Richland guy has got a grudge against everyone.

You're probably doing the right thing.

After hearing what happened to you,

I'm not sure about any of the Greeks.

Yeah, well, that might just be Alpha House.

I mean, we know KEG House is the least

discriminating place on the planet earth.

They'll take anybody who can chug a beer. Chug a beer.

I know, and now Steve's going to assume I'm a shoo-in to join.

Well, aren't you?

Well, I like the guys and everything,

but I'm just not sure.

Andrea.

Um, look, I know I'm probably the last person you want to see,

but I need to speak to you.

In private.

Look, anything you have to say to me,

you can say in front of my friend Brandon.

Um, well, when I told the girls that you withdrew your name

they were really upset.

They didn't care about your Star of David

or your religion or anything but you.

That's what they say,

but they obviously don't make you feel that way.

It's not the Alpha House.

It's me.

Yeah, well, what do you expect from a girl whose family

changed their last name from Schulman to Sumner?

BRANDON: Listen, you two obviously

have a lot to talk about.

I'm gonna excuse myself.

Oh, how rude of me.

Um, Brandon Walsh, this is Leslie Sumner Shulman.

BRANDON: Hi.

Hi.

Gentlemen...

it says here in the Progressive Party platform

that we are the elite.

No, John, that's elitist.

Listen, I just thought you guys should know

they're trying to dismantle the whole Greek system.

Hey, looks like we've moved up

to priority number nine this year.

Can you fight it?

JOHN: They do this every year,

and then they realize that the Greek alumni

contribute 83% of CU's endowment.

We're here to stay.

Yeah, but that's not the point.

No, the point is you were willing to fight

for our right to party.

I'm so glad I burned my bridge

to the White House for you guys.

Well, look on the bright side,

you're no longer a weasel-in-training.

You're a KEG man.

Listen, Steve,

uh, you're my best friend and everything, but...

Pledge with me.

You've got 50 new brothers here. I...

I kinda feel like I want to do this

on my own for a while, you know?

You're GDI, Walsh.

That's frat speak

for...?

The "I" is for independent.

The "GD" you can guess for yourself, cowboy.

DIXON: Join or not join.

For what you did for us,

we're making you an honorary member.

That, you cannot turn down.

(chuckles)