Original subtitles

♪ ♪

(birds chirping)

Brandon, what did you do to my room?

Hey.

Hi, Bren.

Where are my things?

What?

How could you do this to me?

Do what?

What's going on here?

That's what I want to know.

W-Wait, how did you get here?

I walked.

Now, can you please get your stuff out of my room?

JIM: Brandon, are you all right?

Brenda?

Hi.

What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be in school.

In Minnesota.

I dropped out.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(rock intro plays)

♪ I told that girl ♪

♪ She really looked just like a movie star ♪

♪ She said the way I looked ♪

♪ Was simply not quite up to par ♪

♪ I may not be the one ♪

♪ She pictured in her fantasy ♪

♪ But I'm a work of art ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ My mother loves me ♪

♪ I tried to tell her ♪

♪ She's mine forever ♪

♪ She laughed as she pushed me ♪

♪ There goes my treasure ♪

♪ I said ♪

♪ "I want you" ♪

♪ She said ♪

♪ "Bonehead!" ♪

♪ I said, "I need you" ♪

♪ She said ♪

♪ "Bonehead!" ♪

♪ What's up with all that dissing? ♪

♪ She don't know just what ♪

♪ She's missing ♪

♪ I'm not a loser ♪

♪ And I'm not ♪

♪ What I appear to be ♪

♪ She stuck that five-inch high heel right into ♪

♪ My dignity ♪

♪ I tried to show her ♪

♪ Now that I know her ♪

♪ I wouldn't trust her ♪

♪ As far as I could throw her ♪

♪ I said ♪

♪ "I want you"... ♪

Can you believe this madhouse?

Yeah. The whole day started crazy.

What happened? Brenda came home.

What about Minnesota?

Well, you know as much as I do. WOMAN: Oh, miss?

I'm sorry, the communications theory course

you've requested's already filled up.

But I'm a journalism major.

You're also a freshman.

(sighs)

David, what happened?

I got shut out of practically every course I wanted.

You got any advice?

(chuckles): Yeah, tell them you're a sophomore.

(sighs)

Brenda's back? But I talked to her there. Mm-hmm.

She said everything was terrific.

Well, apparently not.

Wow, I got to tell Kelly.

Wait a second, hold on.

When were we told about a math placement test?

It was in your freshman orientation packet--

if you read it.

Now, please,

just pick an alternate geology course

and we're finished.

(chuckles): Geology. Oh, joy.

(sighs)

Do you have anything like "rocks for jocks"?

ANDREA: What do you mean you're not going out for the newspaper?

I've done the newspaper.

Brandon, The Condor is a real daily.

They're interviewing today; we should go there right now.

That's easy for you, Einstein-- you don't have

to take the math placement test like the rest of us.

I'll wait for you.

(laughs): Really, you don't have to.

How can you just blow this off?

We were the best at The Blaze.

Andrea, in case you haven't noticed,

the freshmen around here get the rubber end of the plunger,

if you know what I'm saying.

The Condor would just be a bunch of grunt work.

And besides, I got a lot of things on my mind right now. Yeah, like what?

Like, I have a major housing crisis-- I don't have a dorm room,

I don't have an apartment, I don't have anything.

When I agreed to live at home, Brenda was not sleeping on my futon.

What's up with her? I mean, did she really hate it there?

Your guess is as good as mine.

All I know is, she showed up at the foot of my bed this morning.

Listen, if you want to go be on The Condor, go for it.

Well, I thought I'd just give it that old college try.

Good luck, chief.

You will never believe this.

Now I've got to stand in this huge fee-payment line.

Mel really messed up-- but after my math test,

we can go straight to the radio station.

Oh. I don't know.

Donna, if we're serious about getting on-air positions here,

we have to kick in some doors.

But I have to call Brenda.

Later.

Hey. What classes did you get?

I didn't get any.

What were your backup choices?

There weren't any, Kel.

I couldn't stand in that line for another second.

So you're not gonna register at all?

I can't stand this place. What do you want from me?

It's like a zoo in there. I'm leaving.

Dylan, you got to give it a chance.

No, I don't.

I'll call you later.

(sighs)

(phone rings)

Hello.

So it's true, you really are back.

Yeah.

What happened?

Um...

l-look, let me call you later, okay?

Okay. Are you all right?

Great. I just can't talk right now.

Bye.

Bye.

So, where were we?

You were telling us why you left.

I thought I already did.

No. What you said was,

"It felt all wrong."

We were hoping for a few specifics.

Honey, just talk to us. I mean, it's

very difficult for us to understand what's going on here.

What's going on is, I didn't like my classes,

I didn't like the dorm, I didn't like the people...

I didn't like anything.

Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

Brenda, if you'd just told us there was a problem,

I'm sure we could have dealt with it.

There was nothing you could do. I thought that you guys would be

happy to see me-- instead you're giving me the third degree.

I'm sorry it's such a problem for you.

Well, it's not just us-- I mean, what about Brandon?

Now with you home going to California University,

Brandon's talking about moving out.

Who said anything about me going to C.U.?

W-Wait a second, what... what are you saying?

Well, I think the one thing

that's obvious from this whole experience

is that I'm not meant for college.

Brenda, you're going to college.

Tell her that she's going to college.

CINDY (sighs): Honey,

you just panicked.

Mom, you call it panic, I call it getting in touch with myself.

Look, I knew I made a mistake. If I had waited another day,

you only would have gotten 75% of my tuition back.

At least this way you got 90.

My bank account thanks you.

Brenda, you are going to school, somewhere.

I don't think so, Dad.

Now, I have to unpack. Can we talk about this later?

Brenda, you made a commitment.

Grandma says I shouldn't be afraid to change my mind.

To me, those are words to live by.

I love your mother.

BRANDON (quietly): What are you doing?

Nothing. Shh.

Don't try to cheat off me.

I'm not trying to cheat off you.

I'm trying to cheat off him.

Why?

You know math isn't my strong suit.

Steve, you're not being graded on this--

it's a placement test.

Do you understand?

(whispers): Yeah.

My name is Josh Richland.

I'm the managing editor of The Condor,

and I've been told

I have a low threshold for stupidity.

So listen carefully.

The Condor is committed to professional standards

and professional ethics.

The weak need not apply.

Now, you may think

you're the hottest thing to walk into this newsroom,

but to me,

all you are, are freshmen,

little fish in a relatively big pond.

The cards you are receiving

contain your audition writing assignments.

Your deadline is 5:00 p.m. tomorrow.

Uh, what if we have placement tests tomorrow

and can't complete it?

(sighs)

What if a giant cow fell on your flat head?

Figure it out.

Good-bye, people.

Excuse me, Mr. Richland?

Yeah, what is it?

Uh, I can't do this particular assignment.

I think that it's a conflict of interest.

Oh, please. It's just a test to see what kind of a writer you are.

You are a writer, aren't you?

I'd like to think so.

Good. That's good.

It's so simple. It's so simple.

Bro, I hear you lost your love shack.

The news travels fast around here.

Maybe you should consider a fraternity.

Steve, the return of Brenda Walsh

is still not enough to drive me into a frat.

Wait a second, this is not just any frat, okay?

This is Kappa Epsilon Gamma House.

The KEG House.

I can make it happen for you.

Yeah, I know you can, but I'm not an up-all-night,

drinking beer out of keg, eating cold pizza for breakfast,

getting hit in the back of the head with

a cricket bat kind of guy. Oh, no, you're just some kind of soft drink sipping,

hockey puck haircut having, Bart Simpson look alike.

Without a place to live, though.

Now, when we find the station's program director,

remember the first impression may be the only chance we get.

Well, how's my hair look? It looks fine.

You didn't even look.

Donna, hair doesn't matter in radio.

Oh, would you look at this place?

This is so cool.

I am so nervous.

Just relax, let me do all the talking.

Uh, uh, Mr. Program Director,

uh...

don't touch that dial, because standing before you

is the number one morning team from WBH, Beverly Hills.

The double D's. David and Donna.

The rockin'est jocks with the most pulsating patter.

Or the most refined commentary and classical stylings,

if that's what it takes.

Or we just, uh, won't talk at all.

We'll just play music

and, and shut up.

Uh, uh...

(speaking Russian)

You're looking for the Financial Aid Department.

Da.

(speaking Russian)

It's right... it's right around the corner.

(speaking Russian)

Right, right around the corner... right, right around there.

Uh, I think the guy that we're looking for is right there.

Hey, thank you.

You're welcome.

Everybody's just worried about you.

That's all anybody's been saying.

Yeah, but I put you all through my whole Minnesota odyssey

and then I'm barely there for two weeks.

Hey, we got a great going-away party out of it.

Yeah.

And you're home now, and that's what matters.

Well, do you want to come over?

Well, I can't now. I'm going out.

Where you going?

Uh, to Dylan's.

Say hi for me.

Okay, I will.

Kel...

Oh, here come my roommates.

Well, we did it.

We got a chance for an on-air gig at KXCU!

Oh, and they're happy campers.

Howard the program director is the coolest guy, and he said

if we have an "air check" tape then he'll listen to it tomorrow.

Now I didn't even know what he meant, but David has one.

Yeah, well, I'm a professional

and all professionals have air check tapes.

It's basically a reel of all your best stuff.

Well, Brenda says congratulations.

Oh, Brenda? Let me talk to her. I'll see you later.

I'm gonna go make a sandwich.

David, don't you mess up the kitchen.

Hi. What happened?

It just didn't work out.

I'll tell you when I see you.

You have to come down to the beach

and see our apartment.

Which God forbid should my mom ask--

David does not live at, okay?

Donna, I thought you said, uh, Kelly and Dylan broke up.

Oh, that.

Well, I guess I was a little premature.

Listen, you didn't come back because of Dylan, did you?

Give me a break.

I may get a little dizzy

but my life does not revolve around Dylan McKay.

I was just checking.

Bye.

KELLY: I still haven't heard one answer that makes any sense.

What are you planning on doing if you don't go to school?

I don't know. Maybe I'll travel.

Alone?

You can go with me. Oh, no.

Going off for the summer, that was one thing,

but the first semester, that's another.

It doesn't have to be.

Dylan, I got my psych class.

I got art history with Donna. I got an apartment.

I'm actually excited about being at C.U. with my friends.

It's going to be a great year.

Why can't you just go along with the program?

The pro... the program sucks, Kel.

And I'd rather not be having this discussion right now.

Fine, you know, this is Europe all over again.

Good-bye.

(door opens and closes)

I'm sorry I screwed up your housing plans.

Are you still going to move out?

I don't know.

Well, I hope you don't.

The last thing I want is for you to be mad at me.

I'm not mad.

Yes, you are.

You're just pretending not to be because you're so damn decent.

Well, one of us has to be.

Okay, I deserved that.

All right Bren...

What happened?

No. It'll just sound like some sappy cliche to you.

Try me.

Well, I was homesick

after 24 hours there.

And I started thinking

of September in California.

Warm Santa Ana winds.

The soft nights.

California dreaming on

such a winter's day?

Something like that. Remember when people

used to ask us where we were from and we'd say Minnesota?

I guess we're not from Minnesota anymore.

Well, you're home.

Now what?

I don't know. I mean, I just feel so incredibly out of it.

You're not the only one.

I got a sociology classroom

the size of the Universal Amphitheater.

And I swear, there are

a hundred guys on campus already who do what I do

as well as I do it.

If I can even remember what it is that I do.

You can handle it.

I don't think so. I swear, if I

don't figure out where I fit in at this school

pretty soon, I might just...

You might what? Just drop out?

Unfortunately, I'm not as theatrical as you are, Bren.

So looks like we'll be sharing a bathroom in our parents' house

for the rest of our lives.

Oh, I see you finally decided to get up.

Mom, it's 8:15 in the morning.

Well, I'm going to go help out

at the recycling co-op, so if you want

breakfast, you'll have to get it yourself.

That's fine, I'll just swing by

the Peach Pit and get something to eat there.

Is that what you're planning on doing

with the rest of your life--

hanging out at the Peach Pit?

What are you so tense about?

Brenda, just because

I let your father do all the talking yesterday

doesn't mean that I don't fully agree with him.

You're very bright, but it can be a pretty cruel world

out there without a higher education.

Honey, I just don't think you gave it a chance.

Mom...

Look, you don't have to say anything.

Just think about it for a few days.

Relax,

clear your head.

Look, you can always go back to school next week, right?

Yes, Mom.

Meaning "no"?

Can we just go back to the part

where I don't have to say anything?

♪ Your blue eyes tell me... ♪

NAT: Oh, Nadene...

♪ ♪

There you go, Dylan.

Hey... Breakfast Special

just as you like it.

Uh, whoa, Nat, I didn't order any home-fries.

I-I did order wheat toast,

and that's white bread.

I-I have Willie out sick.

And Nadene just nuked the coffee.

Just push the fries off of th-the plate

a-and I owe you some fruit, okay?

What about the toast?

What's wrong with the white bread?

Builds bodies 12 ways.

Oh, Nat, your coffee's killing me!

Hey. Brenda.

How's it going?

Don't ask.

What are you doing here? Don't ask.

I won't, if you tell your brother how much I miss him.

Maybe he'll take pity on me.

Doubt it.

Oh, nice to have you home.

Hey, remember me?

Vaguely, yes.

How are you?

I'm okay.

Aren't you supposed to be in school or something?

Couldn't I ask you the same question?

I'm glad you didn't.

I'm sorry you did.

Mind if I join you?

Have a seat.

One condition, no college talk.

Well, that's an easy promise to make.

Now all we need is some service.

Well, I'm in no hurry.

♪ And make this kiss last forever... ♪

Ah, what took you so long?

The bookstore was packed, sorry, man.

I spoke to the president of the KEG House.

Stop the bombing, Bro.

Brandon, in case you haven't noticed, we're sheep here.

There's 8,000 students trying to make their mark.

Now do you want to get lost in the shuffle,

or would you like the comfort

of a select brotherhood that knows the lay of the land?

Brandon, I'm asking you to come this afternoon

just to see a little preview of the house.

Why would I want to be a K.E.G.?

For the same reason everyone wants to be.

You meet people, you make connections,

you meet women, you secure liquor.

You're gonna have to do a lot better than that, bro.

It's Party, USA.

Everybody knows this.

It's the Playpen of the Western World.

Steve, I understand you have a legacy here,

that your father was part of the frat.

So, if you want it, go for it, but leave me out of it.

What runway are you on?

This has nothing to do with me, it has to do with us.

Don't you remember?

Birth to Earth.

Womb to Tomb, I got it, I got it.

All right, I'll go.

I knew you'd crumble.

Hey, by any chance did you get a message to see your counselor?

Nope.

My guy wants to see me about the math test.

Can't be good.

Eh, don't worry about it, Steve.

They can't kick you out of college

for failing a placement test.

No, but can they kick you out for cheating on one?

Then right after the science placement test,

I have to go back to the fee payment people

and work out this whole money situation.

David, don't worry, I'm perfectly capable

of getting the air check tape to the station.

But it's gotta be there by 2:00 sharp.

Are you sure you can do it?

Would you please relax? I will make sure, okay?

Okay.

Now, it's going right in the glove compartment

for safe-keeping.

So concentrate and do well on your test.

Thanks. Mm-hmm.

And remember, it's only our future.

I'm gonna kill him.

(sighs)

What's wrong?

I just keep hoping Dylan woke up

on the right side of the bed and decided not to drop out.

Well, he's probably sleeping in,

keeping that bed warm for you.

BRENDA: So there I was in the middle of the night,

crashing in the dorm hallway

because my roommate had decided that her boyfriend

should stay in our room.

And I'm thinking, "Who needs this?"

Besides, the classes I got were so incredibly boring.

Yeah, it's all so lame.

Yeah, but every single time I try

and explain it to my parents,

they just don't get it.

Same with Kelly.

It's... it's like there's only one track,

one goal... one destination.

That's just not true.

Absolutely. I mean, there are other choices.

Right.

What are you gonna do today?

Nothing. What are you doing?

Nothing.

We could do it together.

♪ ...dream coming true ♪

♪ Each moment I spend ♪

♪ Here with you ♪

(engine revs, tires screech)

♪ Well, Cupid's arrow ♪

♪ Hit me... ♪

(knocking on door)

Who's there?

Surprise! Surprise!

Hi! Welcome to Casa Andrea.

Hello. Hello.

Hi. For you.

We found a great little cafe right on campus.

Oh, thanks.

Croissants? Huh!

Apricot, cheese, chocolate chip?

You guys, how could you do this?

Well, 'cause we love you.

And we want you to get fat and not us.

Thanks.

Wow, this place is fabulous.

Oh, I know. I feel so guilty.

All the other freshmen have rooms the size of my desk.

Well, California University had to do something

to snatch you away from Yale.

Where I'm sure they would not have gotten me a computer.

ANDREA: Did you see this?

Oh, my God!

They gave you a laser printer, too.

DONNA: Don't let my mother

see this place, or she'll wonder

why I didn't stay in the dorms.

Well, just tell her they didn't have the right necessities--

like David.

MAN: Do I smell croissants from Cafe Delicious?

You certainly do.

Any chance I can buy one?

How about on the house?

Thanks.

Hi, I'm Andrea Zuckerman.

And this is Donna Martin and Kelly Taylor.

MAN: Hi.

Dan Rubin.

Uh, so you all live here?

No, actually, I do.

Uh... what about you?

Fellow freshman?

Perpetual grad student.

I'm also the dorm's resident advisor.

Oh, well, then, it really is a pleasure

to meet you. Likewise.

Um... well, how about an apricot?

I'm a chocolate chip kind of guy.

Better you than me.

DAN: Thanks.

Well, I'll see you around, Andrea.

Have a good day, ladies.

An R.A. with a sweet tooth.

Interesting.

Delicious.

Stop!

KELLY: Hey, we're gonna go

check out the bookstore; wanna come?

Oh, I'd love to, but I have to go and do

this restaurant review for the newspaper.

Can you believe that he's a graduate student?

Andrea...

(laughing)

Hm.

♪ Come on, baby, let's rock it all night long... ♪

It's not the coffee.

It's the cream.

It went sour.

Here, have another cup.

Use these packets...

Ron,

take all the creamers off the table.

And then go check the fridge,

okay? Hey, Nat.

Place looks busy. Must be the food.

Here I was hoping for a booth.

I just want to get through lunch

without the Board of Health closing me down.

You want your usual? No,

today I think I'm gonna look at a menu. Oh.

Oh, sir, don't use that.

♪ Come on, baby, let's rock it all night long ♪

♪ Turn the jukebox up, they're playing our favorite song ♪

♪ Take my hand and we'll dance until the dawn... ♪

If you're gonna order, better do it now.

I think I'll start with the lobster bisque

and then... You don't want the bisque.

It's milk based and you'd get food poisoning.

Have the vegetable soup.

Okay.

And then I'll have the Catalina Salad

with the sirloin tips rolled in a pita,

with spicy fries and...

Andrea, you always have the Megaburger

or the tuna melt.

Why are you getting creative on me now?

Um, I...

Oy.

(customers gasping)

WOMAN: Just stay calm.

Well, the ambience is wonderful.

(coughs)

Oh, I told you not to park here.

What?

Well, I wanted to be near the radio station.

Besides it was a good spot.

Oh, that's why it's "Faculty parking only."

Ew, it's hot in here!

Ouch! Ow, ow!

Turn that, roll down the window.

Oh, my God... Okay.

It's hot! Oh!

(sniffing)

What is that smell?

(sniffing)

Oh.

Uh-oh.

It's all right.

It's, it's fine.

I'm sure David has another copy.

DAVID: No, I don't have another copy!

How could you be so stupid!? David...

I don't believe this!

I don't believe this either. I mean...

She ruined the tape by melting it.

How do you melt a tape?

It wasn't my fault!

Then whose fault was it, Donna?

Oh, let me guess, Bill Clinton, right?

Hey, let's blame it on Bill,

everybody else does. Well,

don't you have another air check tape? No, Donna, that's it.

That's the only one I had.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure. You know,

maybe you're not quite as professional

as you thought you were.

Let's leave.

DYLAN: Europe has sort of a timeless quality to it.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

When I was there I got really caught up

in the old world mystique.

It really sort of takes you over.

Yeah.

I know I wanted to write poetry, the great novel.

Did you?

No, I just bummed around.

But, I got the feeling, you know,

walking through all those old villages

that every stone I stepped on

could have been stepped on by Rimbaud, or Baudelaire,

'cause they were bums, too, you know.

They knew you gotta live it before you can write it.

You're the only guy I know

who knows who Rimbaud and Baudelaire are.

Who?

Well, I loved Paris.

And it must be incredible

when you're there with someone you love.

Ha, I don't know about that.

I knew we were in trouble on the Left Bank.

Kelly had dragged me

into like the 20th shoe store of the day

and I just snuck out to find Balzac's house.

I went to Balzac's house!

How long did it take you to find it?

I will never tell.

Well, the looking's the fun part.

There's not much to it once you get there.

You know, I really missed you, Dylan.

I missed you, too, Bren.

I called you in Minnesota to wish you good luck.

I could have used it.

Well, this is it.

You wanna keep walking?

What, right off the pier?

Yeah, maybe.

What's the alternatives?

I'm thinking.

FISHERMAN: ¡Arriba, arriba! ¡Muchachos, aqui!

¡Arriba!

(laughs)

Whoa, look out now.

So, what do you think?

Go fish?

Yeah. Yeah.

Donna...

David, it was an accident. It could have

happened to anyone. Donna, please.

You have no idea how embarrassing

this is for me. And for me.

Can I please explain what happened? No, not if you're gonna sit there

and blame me.

Donna, you're making it worse.

Excuse me, David. I have the right

to tell my side of the story.

I mean, it wasn't like I had any idea what was gonna happen.

It's not like there was a warning label that says,

"If left in sun, tape will melt".

I mean, I would never do that with brie cheese,

because brie has a label.

Donna, we're trying

to get another chance to audition,

not argue whether audio tape

has any similarity to brie...

which it doesn't. Oh, please,

like you're the big cheese expert.

Oh, you know what, maybe not even brie.

Maybe like a, a semi-soft cambert

left on a buffet.

A camembert. Whatever.

Or a gorgonzola, which gets really sweaty

when left in the heat.

Like someone else that I know.

I mean, a proper label indicating

a product be stored in a cool place

is not too much to ask,

is it?

It was an honest mistake.

It's a total tank.

Listen, don't pay any attention to her, okay?

I'm sorry, this will never happen again.

I like you guys.

BRANDON: "...Therefore it is very probable

"you'll receive your food semi-warm.

"In conclusion, despite its pleasant setting

"and try-to-please style, food lovers beware.

The Peach Pit is more of a pit than a peach."

What's the matter with you?

Brandon, you don't know this Richland character.

I mean, he eats freshmen alive.

He's not going to care that Nat and I are buddies.

Hey, do what you gotta do.

What's wrong with you? Nothing's wrong with me.

But maybe now you see why I didn't want to go out for the paper.

Oh, wait a minute, now you're not gonna go

to the Condor office with me?

Brandon, please, show some support.

No, I'm not going.

I told Steve that I'd go on this tour with him

of Kappa Epsilon Gamma House.

Wait a minute, you, a K.E.G.?

(laughs) Believe me,

I don't know what's going on with me at this school.

Don't worry about it.

None of us know what's going on.

But the writing style's okay?

Oh, the writing style is fine.

I just wish for Nat's sake you would've written a puff piece

instead of a hatchet job.

Look, Brandon, I have to approach this

as an objective journalist, okay?

I mean, it's a matter of professional integrity,

you understand that. Andrea, I understand it

and I understand how much you wanna be on the Condor but...

what about your integrity?

This from a man who's considering joining

the "Animal House" on campus.

And we believe that a membership in K.E.G.

is an outstanding opportunity.

Our goal is to organize our brothers' social lives

in order to promote their educational objectives.

It's an experience in living together,

sharing maintenance, self government,

personal relations,

so the entire community benefits

both socially and intellectually.

Don't believe a word of that.

Before we continue...

why don't I shut up?

You get something to drink, then we'll go inside.

Dixon, Steve Sanders.

I understand you're a good athlete,

Sanders. Oh, thanks.

We should play a little one-on-one sometime.

Anytime.

We got softball, basketball,

flag football, even hockey.

Hockey?

This guy's a killer.

Really? Well,

I can play. Oh, my man's just being modest,

believe me. He grew up in Minnesota.

Whoa, that's practically Canada.

Yeah, well, there's nine months of winter

and three months of bad skating.

All right, we'll talk.

All right.

Okay, everyone, when you follow Tom in,

please note the canisters underneath the stairs.

If you become a brother here

you'll become very familiar with them.

Hmm, is that where the Kegs keep the kegs?

No, those are the recycling bins.

Clothing, books, CD's that aren't wanted

are collected and appreciated

by the charity sponsor store

that we have in South Central.

Yes, gentlemen, K.E.G. really cares.

Hmm, I wonder when this fraternity

become so politically correct.

I'm impressed, Sanders.

All right, bro, I gotta take off.

I gotta see my counselor about that math test,

so hang in with this, okay? All right, you got it.

What's up, guys?

(girl laughing)

(girl moaning)

MAN: Uh-huh.

(laughing and moaning)

Mmm, now that's more like it.

Mmm!

DYLAN: All right, you little... Hey!

All right. I gotcha.

Okay.

Oh, you slippery little sucker!

Allow me. I am from "The Land of 10,000 Lakes."

That's right.

Okay, the trick is

to get the hook in and around

in one clean motion.

Oh!

Uhh... Bren.

Did I hook you?

Just my sweatshirt.

Don't move.

There you go.

Thanks.

I've seen that look before.

It's the same one you have.

We can't go down this road again.

Why not?

I think because I don't want

to ruin this feeling that's between us now.

Yeah. You're right.

We're probably better off as just friends.

Close friends.

The closest.

Mr. Richland.

If it's about the freshmen reviews,

the deadline hasn't changed.

It's 5:00. You still got a couple of hours to do it.

I've done it.

Good. Drop it in the hopper and we'll get back to you.

Well, I thought that I'd come here in person

to tell you that, um...

I won't be handing it in.

Why?

Well, I've thought

about it and I've come to the conclusion

that I'm not cut out to be

a little fish.

Look, I know who you are, Zuckerman.

You did great work on The Blaze.

We definitely want you here, so relax.

Well, maybe I don't want it.

I don't think that I have that, uh, killer instinct

to be a part of The Condor.

Okay.

I hear you, but let me

give you some advice. If you're not on the newspaper,

there's not much point

in being a journalism major.

Well, there's always pre-med.

Mr. Sanders...

As freshman counselor,

it's my job to keep you on the educational path

that your aptitude deserves.

Now... After reviewing

your math placement test,

I'm recommending...

STEVE: Here it comes. I'm dead meat.

...that you be enrolled in our advanced astrophysics program.

Astrophysics?

It's a junior elective

and from it, a number of our graduates

have gone on directly to NASA.

I just feel badly that someone as gifted as yourself

had to take the test in the first place.

Don't. It's... it's no big deal.

Astrophysics, huh?

Along with my other required math courses?

Oh! No, there's no need to bore you

with what you already know.

You'll never have to take them

or the sophomore ones either.

This way you'll be free for more electives.

Oh, I see.

Yes. Uh... Well, I'm honored,

but I'm just wondering if this is really

in my best interest.

What do you mean?

Well, Mr. Bardwell,

it's obvious I'm already

so far ahead of my peers in math,

I was thinking maybe now is the time to, to develop

my other aptitudes.

Maybe a... a folklore course or, uh...

history of film.

You see, I've always felt that it's the whole man

that benefits the most in the long run.

Don't you?

This is so refreshing, Steve.

Most prodigies are in such a hurry

to succeed, they don't take the time to smell the roses.

History of Film would be an excellent idea.

Hey! Uh, excuse me!

Hi! Uh... aren't you Brandon Walsh?

Yeah.

I'm Josh Richland.

I'm managing editor of The Condor.

I was hoping you'd stop by.

Uh, yeah. Listen, man,

I really have no interest

in working on the paper. That's good,

'cause I got something else I wanna talk to you about.

What's that?

How'd you like to run for Student Senate

as freshman representative of the Progressive Party?

Progressive Party?

Why me?

Aren't you the Brandon Walsh

who led 600 students against the school board

and shut down West Beverly High?

Yeah.

Welcome to California University.

How you doing?

At losing bait, great.

At catching fish, lousy.

You had a nibble, though.

Yeah, well, we shoulda just have rented some scuba gear,

swam with a huge

school of fish.

Couldn't miss with that.

Reminds me of a joke

my dad used to tell me. It cracked me up.

No doubt a blonde joke?

No.

What do you call the dumbest fish in school?

Dinner.

Ha! Get it?

Dinner, school. Fish, dumb.

I get it.

So, why aren't you laughing, Bren?

Because that would make us dumber than the dumbest fish.

Right, a couple of uneducated mackerel. Hey, Bren?

Flounders without a college degree.

Ohh.

There you go. Come on.

Hey. It's fighting.

Crank it, Bren.

There you go. All right!

Whoa. Wooh!

Whoa! Hey!

Would you like it?

No. It's too small.

Needs time to grow.

Yeah, he's right, Bren. Throw it back.

All right, little fish. Be lucky you're not dinner.

Now go join your friends.

You done?

Yeah.

It was a great idea.

A great day.

It's too bad we can't spend our whole lives fishing, though.

Especially not a guy who reads Baudelaire and Rimbaud.

Or a girl who goes out of her way

to find Balzac's house.

Let's go.

Yeah.

(phone ringing)

RECORDING: Hey, this is Dylan.

You know the drill.

Dylan, if you're there, pick up.

I'm sorry I got so mad at you.

You there?

Kell!

Where have you guys been?

I thought I'd lost my roommates

and my boyfriend.

We were celebrating.

You're looking at the only two freshmen DJs on KXCU.

DONNA: Yeah, we went to explain to the program director

and he hired us on the spot.

He loved our chemistry. He loved our hostility.

Well, anyway, we're working six days a week,

and we'll be on from 2:00 to 6:00.

That's great! Everybody will be tuned in.

Well, it's not that 2:00 to 6:00.

What 2:00 to 6:00?

2:00 to 6:00 a.m.?

Well, it's still radio.

I know, but why did Howie have to call it the graveyard shift?

Well, probably because the only people listening

at that hour are zombies. DAVID: Oh, thanks...

David, if you use the kitchen again, I'm gonna...

Hi.

Having a bubble bath?

I'm glad to see you.

You're not too hard on the eyes either.

So where've you been?

I left a message for you.

Well, I've been fishing all day. With Brenda.

It was, uh, it was pretty fun.

Hey, Kel, we're just friends, remember?

Right.

So you still mad at me?

I'm going back to campus tomorrow.

You are?

Yeah. I figure with late registration and everything

I could still get in.

You're gonna love it, Dylan.

Mmm, mmm...

What do you call the dumbest fish in school?

You!

(giggles)

Brenda!

Come downstairs.

We're in the kitchen, honey.

Brenda has something to tell you.

Well, it can wait, 'cause I have something to say.

All right, you don't want to go to school. So be it.

But you will get a job and you will pay rent.

At least that'll help cover

some of Brandon's costs when he moves out.

CINDY: Jim. No, no, no.

Don't get me wrong.

I don't want Brenda to think

this is some kind of punishment,

because the fact is, she has a lot of talent

and if she sticks with her acting,

maybe she'll make it big someday

and I can retire a lot earlier.

Dad, I hate to crimp your leisure plans

but I'm going back to school at California University.

BRANDON: And I'm in no rush

to move out.

Did I miss something here?

Brenda needs to grow before charging into the cruel world,

and she wants to go to school with her friends.

I shouldn't be afraid to change my mind, should I?

God bless your mother.