Original subtitles

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MIRIAM: Clarence, Clarence?

Clarence!

CLARENCE: I heard you the first time.

This better be good.

I wouldn't be bothering someone

with your busy schedule

if I didn't think it was at least a Code Two.

Famines and floods are Code Two!

Tornadoes and earthquakes are Code Two.

All right, all right,

so maybe it's a Code Three.

I haven't memorized the manual yet.

Well, memorize it and get back to me.

But, by then, it'll be too late!

And a lot of people's Christmases

will be ruined forever,

and I'll never get my wings, and...

All right, all right!

Just stop talking and show me what you got.

And it better be good.

CAROLERS: ♪ Here we come caroling among the leaves so green... ♪

Miriam, where are we?

This is West Beverly High

and those kids walking down the hall

are the West Beverly High Madrigal Singers.

♪ ...Send you a happy new year ♪

♪ And God send you a happy new year ♪

♪ God bless the master of this house ♪

♪ Likewise the mistress, too ♪

That's David Silver with the video camera.

And that's his girlfriend, Donna Martin...

an angel on Earth if ever there was one.

♪ ...a happy new year ♪

♪ And God send you a happy new year... ♪

Oh, I just love the holidays.

I remember when I was a little girl,

we used to sing...

Miriam! Sorry.

Moving on.

Now here's Dylan

and Kelly and Brenda

and they are the best of friends...

Hello, guys?

Wrapping presents today?

Oh, sorry.

Oh, here comes Geraldo Junior.

Uh, Bren, you got a minute for an interview?

Sure.

DAVID: Okay, wait, wait, wait, okay, Bren...

So all the money we've raised has gone to buy these toys

for the kids at the Alvarado Street Elementary School,

and which Santa's helpers have been busy wrapping

for the past two weeks.

Oh, don't forget to say

this is a West Beverly tradition.

That's Donna Martin, our senior class liaison

for this year's adopt-a-school program.

Take it away, Donna. Um,

no, that's okay, I don't have anything else...

These kids have problems?

They're too good-looking to have problems.

Well, according

to section 16B of the manual,

"physical appearance should not be used

to determine worthiness."

Thank you for explaining that to me, Miriam.

I was just making a comment.

Sorry.

"'Twas the day before midterms

and all through the school..."

"The teachers were jammin',

the students were cool."

Who are they?

The editors of the school newspaper.

"The Blaze staff kicked butt

to put the paper to bed..."

"While visions of vacation danced

in their heads."

For the record, I just want to make it clear--

they did not learn this in Honors English.

(clears throat)

Yes, we did. We did.

Ah, a troublemaker, huh?

Well, Steve gets

into his fair share of trouble,

but he's the only one I'm not worried about.

You know, I walk into that detention,

and my watch stops; time stands still.

It's lethal in there.

Well, we finished wrapping the gifts

for the Alvarado Street kids in record time.

Now all we need is a Santa.

Hey, don't look at me.

I'm covering the event for the Blaze.

I'm taping the whole thing,

so you can count me out.

Donna, you know, I'd love to do it,

but I'm barred from all school activities till the end of time.

That leaves only one person, Don.

BRANDON: Dylan.

"Ho," like a Santa.

Ho, ho, ho. No, come on, no.

No... no... no.

Come on. No.

Nice group of kids, don't you think?

What I think is you're wasting my time.

These kids don't need any help.

Oh, sure, they look fine there,

but that was two days ago-- look at them now!

♪ ...with boughs of holly, fa-la, la, la, la... ♪

What's wrong with them?

Not them... them.

Eh, they don't look so festive.

See? I told you.

So? It's a routine example

of seasonal apathy and depression.

Happens all the time during the holidays.

The Man Upstairs doesn't have time

for a bunch of self-absorbed kids,

and neither do I. But wait!

Clarence, come on!

This is much more serious than you think.

At least give me a chance

to make a presentation.

Oh, please.

You know, I'm missing Circus of the Stars for this.

Once you see the bigger picture,

you'll be hooked, I promise.

Just give me the highlights.

Save the rest for the reunion movie.

Okay.

Well, let's go back a couple of days.

Brandon and Andrea are the editors of the newspaper...

I know who they are, Miriam.

So Andrea, what's the lead story

in your special Christmas edition?

An exclusive interview with Ms. Claus.

It is the Year of the Woman up in the North Pole.

BRANDON: Don't mind her, she's on a roll.

ANDREA: Oh, what can I say,

I lost my crutches and I regained my sense of humor.

(phone rings) Now, this phone call is from her grandma.

See, she lives with her grandmother, so she...

Shh! Let me listen. Hello.

West Beverly Blaze.

Did you open it?

No! Don't, don't open it, Grandma!

It's a letter from Yale!

Look, is it a thick envelope, or a thin envelope?

Oh.

Thanks for calling, Grandma.

Yeah, have a, um, have a good Kaluki game.

I'll see you when you get home, okay?

Okay, great.

Thin envelope, huh?

Well, at least there was a letter from Jay--

the mail's not all that bad.

Hey, you don't know what it says yet.

Look, Gil, we all know that a thick envelope means you got in,

and a thin envelope means: "We regret to inform you, but..."

Yeah, but that's what they should say

in your case, right?

No way.

They must have a different system for early admission.

Oh, I bet they just took one look at her application

and said, "Reject!"

I'll bet you she got accepted.

How much?

You want to bet me?

For money?

No.

We should let Andrea set the stakes.

We should let Andrea jump off a bridge.

I think we should go to Andrea's house right now

and check this out before you leap to any conclusions.

What do you say?

(laughing): I, I can't open it...

I can't.

Fine, I'll open it. No!

Okay! No!

You know what?

I'm gonna open Jay's letter first.

Andrea, open the letter!

Okay, okay, I'm gonna do it.

Okay.

Here goes nothing.

I can't handle this.

Phew.

(clears throat, laughs)

So, what does it say?

Congratulations.

It says congratulations!

(laughing)

That's fantastic.

What did I tell you, huh?

You see this, you're a Yalie now.

You're one of the cultural elite.

How does that feel?

I can't wait, I gotta tell Meyers.

He's gotta pay up on his bet. Good,

I'm going to make him shave his beard.

See what he looks like in the nude.

I gotta call Jay!

You know, he secretly

didn't want me to get into Yale,

he wanted me to go to Northwestern with him.

Or end up at California University with me.

Yeah, well, that was my safe school is all.

I can't believe this.

Do you realize this puts you

in like the top one percent

of all intelligent life on the planet?

This is outstanding.

So what's the Jay-man say?

Andrea?

BRANDON: Talk about having no class.

I mean, what kind of guy breaks up

with his girlfriend by sending her a letter?!

A coward.

You know, I never liked Jay.

You didn't like Jay

because he's a Young Republican.

That had nothing to do with it.

Well, maybe it had a little to do with it.

But you know, I always just knew that he was wrong for Andrea.

Of course I never said anything,

'cause I didn't want to seem like I was being...

JIM: Jealous?

Bitter? Petty?

Thank you, family,

for my warm holiday character profile.

And I'm sure you won't mind if I chop down your tree.

Oh, come on, Brandon, we're just teasing you.

We know that you and Andrea have always had a...

special relationship.

Well, in case you haven't noticed,

Nikki and I have an even more special relationship.

Yeah, we've noticed.

CLARENCE: You mean Brandon and Brenda

are brother and sister?

MIRIAM: They're twins.

Why didn't you say so?

Because you kept telling me to shut up.

(doorbell rings) In a nice way, of course.

Hi.

Can't beat Christmas at the Walsh house.

Come in.

KELLY: Wow, what a pretty tree.

(Jim, Cindy and Brandon saying "thank you")

BRENDA: Let's go study.

No, I wanna trim the tree.

Oh, come on, Bren, anything beats studying.

CINDY: Come on in.

Yo, did you guys hear that Andrea got into Yale?

Don't you just love the Walshes?

Nice family.

Good values. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tell me about the blonde.

Does she have something going

with the guy with the sideburns?

Well, not exactly.

It's more of a three-way,

triangular sort of thing.

So how come you didn't tell me

about them earlier?

'Cause I started with Brandon and Andrea!

Now, can I go on, please?

You're coming back to this triangle thing, right?

Yes, Clarence.

But first we have to go back

to the teacher who lost his bet.

West Beverly offers many exciting elective courses,

such as Shaving 103, for the hygienically inclined.

Okay, I pay my debts, but this is ridiculous.

ANDREA: Okay, I changed my mind.

You don't have to shave it off.

(laughs)

MEYERS: Now you tell me.

No, actually, it's a good look for you.

It goes perfectly with your split personality.

Funny.

Now, is this the kind of nutty banter that goes on at Yale?

No. All the real funny stuff is done in Latin.

Well, you better start boning up, Andrea.

E pluribus unum.

MEYERS: Quo vadis?

If you don't mind, I'll finish shaving in the bathroom.

BRANDON: Excelsis deo. See you, Gil.

ANDREA: Take care, Gil.

MEYERS: Thanks, Andrea.

David, what's wrong? You're so quiet.

I don't know; I just sort of feel out of it.

Why?

Well, Andrea's the first,

but everyone will be getting into their colleges and...

I'll be left here by myself in high school.

(Brandon sighs)

Jay's got pretty good timing, huh?

(sighs)

I used to think getting into Yale was my heart's desire.

Oh, well.

So, uh, you want to go to the movies tonight?

I can't.

Nikki's due in from San Francisco in a couple hours.

And you two want to be... alone?

Well, we got a little catching up to do.

Oh, hey, hey, don't worry.

No one's coming in.

I got 'em well-trained.

Brandon, have you s...

Oh. Uh, I'm sorry.

Mom...

(laughs) I'm really sorry...

Uh, no, it-it's okay.

No problem. Uh...

Thanks, Mom.

I...

(Brandon clears his throat)

(soft laugh)

Sorry about that.

(both laugh)

Um, Brandon...

You know... I really missed you.

(laughing): I missed you, too.

Thanks.

(laughs)

You know, you didn't call me back last weekend.

I was a little worried.

Well, I wanted to talk to you in person.

It was really intense up there.

I thought you said you were getting along with your parents.

I did.

That's the problem.

What do you mean?

Well, with Diesel out of the picture,

it was like old times.

We were really a family again.

So...?

So...

...I'm moving back home, Brandon.

Really?

When?

Tomorrow.

They want me home for the holidays,

and-and I've got a lot of school stuff

to straighten out up there.

I had to come back and get my

stuff and... see you again.

And say thank you.

(voice breaking): And wish you a Merry Christmas.

CLARENCE: I didn't see that coming.

MIRIAM: You ain't seen nothin' yet.

Well, it'll be okay.

There's a lot of fish in the sea.

He'll have plenty of girlfriends.

Not if he gets on that bus.

Brandon, do you have any pull with the yearbook editor?

'Cause I have two nominations for the Most Conniving:

Kelly Taylor and Dylan McKay.

Bren, I'm really not in the mood for this right now.

Or what about for the category

of Most Deceitful, or Most Disloyal?

Let me guess.

Are you feeling the sting of rejection?

Brandon, don't make fun of me.

I know it's been a while, but I'm sure

you know how it feels.

Oh, yeah.

It's been a while.

Like about...90 minutes.

What?

It seems Nikki just broke up with me.

(clicks tongue)

Brandon, I'm sorry.

Ah, it's better for her.

She moved back up north with her parents.

Ah, long distance relationships never work out anyway.

So, you just broke up?

Brandon, San Francisco's not that far away.

Yeah, she thought it would be best.

So, what did Dylan and Kelly do this time?

Thought you guys were like the three Musketeers these days?

CLARENCE: So did I.

They were all getting along so well.

She is talking about that pretty blonde

and the other guy, right?

It's Kelly and Dylan.

You could at least have their names straight by now.

And you could remember who you're talking to,

or you might end up doing this presentation in a black hole.

I'm sorry.

There's just a lot at stake here,

and I've never done this before, and it's complicated.

All right, slow down. You're doing fine.

Just back up a little bit.

Okay, this was a few nights ago.

They got together to talk things over.

I'm sure you're wondering why

we both wanted to meet with you.

Thought you wanted to buy me some pie.

Yeah.

Humble pie.

My favorite kind. Seriously.

I don't know about you, but for me,

these past few weeks have been a nightmare.

I mean, we're at each other's throats,

we're arguing all the time, we can't trust one another.

It hasn't been a picnic for me, either.

And that's why we've got to make a change.

Dylan, we both love you.

We both find you very attractive.

And very sexy.

And appealing.

What exactly are you two suggesting here?

This kid has seen too many French movies.

Maybe you've seen too many French movies.

I think

we should all stop trying to hide our mutual feelings.

Admit how

we all feel, and agree to be friends.

Good friends.

Platonic friends.

I see.

Dylan, you don't want to be tied down

right now; you said so yourself,

and we could all use a cooling off period.

That way none of us will get hurt.

And we're all in the same boat.

So, what do you think?

I think I love you both...

and I want to keep it that way.

Good.

That was easy.

To friendship.

Wasn't that lovely?

Mm. Should've known

we'd end up with a Disney picture.

(Miriam clears her throat)

To continue...

BRENDA (laughs): No!

(Dylan mumbles)

Their arrangement worked wonderfully at first.

They really gave it the old college... uh...

(doorbell ringing) high school try.

And they all enjoyed spending time together

until that fateful night when Dylan and Kelly came over

to trim the tree.

Am I the only one who thinks Shakespeare is boring?

Yes.

Well, the language is so dated.

How can you say that?

I mean, okay, let's say, uh, you're at your local mall,

somebody's hassling you, you say to them,

"A pox on your throat,

you bawling, blasphemous, incharitable dog!"

(giggles) Yes!

Thank you, William Shakespeare.

Uh, does anybody else want a soda?

Ooh, I do.

Yes, wench, bring it forth.

KELLY: Ow.

Coming right up, my lord.

GEORGE BAILEY (on TV): If-If it'd be possible for you

to give me 24 hours to think it over?

MR. POTTER: Sure. Sure, sure, sure.

You go on home and talk about it to your wife.

I'd like to do that. Yeah. In the meantime...

It's a Wonderful Life. I love this movie.

BRANDON: How can you not? It's an American classic.

CLARENCE: It's A Wonderful Life? Never heard of it.

MIRIAM: Me, either.

I don't need 24 hours.

I don't have to talk to anybody.

I know right now, and the answer's no-- no!

Doggone it!

You sit around here...

Wow. Cary Grant is so amazing in this.

Yes.

Only it's Jimmy Stewart.

In the whole vast configuration of things, Oh.

I'd say you were nothing but a scurvy little spider.

You... And that goes for you, too.

What's that for?

Oh, it's for nothing.

It's just a friendly gesture.

Friendly?

Very friendly.

I take it this is where

their arrangement begins to unravel?

Not exactly.

Whoa. I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry I started it. (sighs)

Yeah, well, you know, it's just...

It's a habit.

Yeah, I mean, a little backsliding's probably normal.

It just takes some getting used to.

Right.

'Cause we are just friends, Dylan.

Right.

Right.

Yeah.

MIRIAM: So the next day, they all went to the Peach Pit.

(instrumental version of "Joy to the World" plays)

Donna just couldn't believe we we're all being so mature

about this whole thing, but I just told her,

our friendship's really important to us.

BRENDA: Absolutely.

So, finish telling me about David.

Uh, his mom just decided to move to Portland, Oregon.

Why Portland?

Because it's 1,000 miles away from his dad, I guess.

I'm going to go check on him.

Look, Dylan, about last night...

Hey, Bren, you don't have to say anything.

In fact, we probably shouldn't even mention it again.

Good, because it was a one-time deal.

Oh, absolutely. I just want to make sure that you know that.

Well, accidents do happen.

Right.

Right.

DONNA: Hi, guys.

BRENDA: Hi.

Hey, Dave, I'm, uh...

I'm sorry about your mom, man.

Oh, that's okay. It was just kind of sudden.

I got to her house, and all my stuff was packed up in boxes.

That's rough.

Yeah, uh, listen, I don't know

if I'm going to be up to videotaping the trip

to Alvarado Street tomorrow.

Don't worry. I'll help you.

And you are going to make a great St. Nick.

Brenda.

Come on, Dylan, you can be a jolly fat man

for a couple of hours without destroying your image.

Donna and I have to go back to school to sign off

on the final details for tomorrow,

and we'd like to put you down as Santa.

Don't do it.

We'll put you down as a maybe.

Do you want to come with us?

No, I'm going home with Kel.

I'll call you later.

And I'll call you later. Okay.

BRENDA: Work on him, Kel.

Oh, I plan on it.

So, this is where their arrangement hit the skids?

Well, no, not exactly.

Dylan, why are you being so stubborn?

Oh, Kelly, listen.

Do you really think that any of those little kids

are gonna believe that a slim young guy like me

in a red suit is Santa Claus?

Well, some of them will.

I mean, when I was six, I went to the mall to see Santa Claus,

and I was in heaven-- and he was Chinese.

I never believed in Santa Claus.

Well, that explains everything.

What can I say?

Come on, I bet you'd look really hot in a red suit.

You're being very persistent.

Well, I promised Brenda I'd do whatever it takes.

Whatever it takes? Mm-hmm.

Uh-oh.

Now nothing might've come out of it,

if Brenda hadn't decided to surprise Dylan

by bringing the Santa costume

over to his house to try it on for size.

Surprise. Surprise.

Exactly.

I know what you're going to say.

Yeah, and you can bet it ain't "ho, ho, ho."

Merry Christmas, Dylan.

Look Bren, come on in here for a second; let's talk about it.

So you can have a real ménage à trois? Dream on.

Brenda, let's just talk about this, okay?

There is nothing to talk about.

One picture is worth a thousand words!

Please don't go away mad.

Now why would I be mad?

Bren, it just happened.

Oh, like it just happened with me yesterday?

What?!

Hey, look, I mean, we're all human--

all of us-- you said that.

What "just happened" with you yesterday?

I don't know about you guys, but it's really cold out here.

Give me that suit.

Oh, no-- you brought it over here,

I'm trying it on.

Why? So you can sit us on your lap and ask us

what we want in our stockings?

When yesterday, did this "just happen,"

I would really like to know.

Look, would you just relax, the both of you, okay?

Because nothing happened.

Okay? Nothing happened.

That did not look like nothing to me.

You told me to convince him to play Santa.

Kelly, not by any means necessary.

It was just a friendly little kiss...

at first.

Yeah, I know that routine.

He did the same thing to you?

Mm-hmm.

Whoa, hey, hold on a minute, Brenda, you started it.

Don't try to deny it.

Swell.

Look, just take that thing off.

You look ridiculous!

You know, what is ridiculous is us trying to fool ourselves

into thinking that we could ever be friends...

You can say that again.

Hey, hey, what do you want from me?

Look, you tell me you love me.

You tell me that I'm attractive.

You hug me. You kiss me.

What in heaven's name do you expect?

Seems to be a question for you, sir.

Don't look at me like that, Miriam.

I can see this is heating up.

Donna, I need to talk to you! What's up?

Look, Dylan and Kelly cannot go to the school with us.

Why not?

Because we're not speaking to each other, that's why not!

Again? What happened now?

Nothing happened, all right?

All I know is, I worked hard on this project,

I should have some say as to who gets to go.

Brenda, you know that's not the way it works.

Besides, who's going to be Santa?

Fine! If you think those two are more valuable than me,

just cross my name off the list.

Brenda!

Hey Donna, listen...

Dylan, how'd that Santa suit fit?

Well, that's just it, it didn't.

I looked like a stewed tomato.

Oh, I am sure you looked fine.

I don't think I'm going on this

little expedition of yours, Donna.

Oh, Dylan, please don't say that.

Hey, I'm sorry, we go to a school one day,

we play white knight to some underprivileged kids,

what kind of difference is that gonna make?

Well, I'm sorry you feel that way.

Donna.

Listen, Don, I'm not feeling very good, okay?

Kelly, you look fine.

Well, put me on a bus with Brenda and Dylan,

and watch me get sick to my stomach.

Well, you don't have to worry about that

because Brenda already told me

she's not going because you are.

She did?

Well, you can just give her a little message for me,

tell her that she can have that bus to herself,

'cause I won't be on it.

Kelly!

Donna.

David, I am so glad to see you.

You cannot believe what is going on!

Everyone is backing out on me.

I'm afraid I'll have to take a pass also.

David, look, I know you're upset about your mom,

and I understand that.

But you don't have to film it, if you don't want to.

The most important thing is you being there.

But if I'm not gonna tape it,

there's really no reason for me to be there.

David!

I need you.

Listen, Donna, this is a senior class thing

and I'm not a senior.

I mean, let's face it,

haven't I been tagging along

with you and your friends long enough?

Look, I'll see you later.

And, uh, I hope everything goes okay.

Hi, Donna.

Steve! Did you get permission to come with us today?

No way. They don't want a juvenile delinquent

serving as a role model.

Well, what if you went in disguise,

we could smuggle you on the bus

and they would never be the wiser.

You mean, red suit, floppy hat, white beard?

Yeah, I would if I could, but I'm sorry.

Yeah, I, uh, I gotta go. See ya.

Andrea, hi.

Uh, hi, Donna.

Uh, have you seen Brandon?

No, not recently.

Oh, well, I was hoping you could help me

talk him into being Santa.

I don't think I'd carry much weight on that score today.

In fact, I was going to tell you...

I can't go.

Come on, Andrea, you are the last person

I would expect to flake out on me.

Look, I'm not flaking out on you, okay?

It's for charity, for heaven sakes!

Look, I happen to do a lot of work with volunteer causes.

Oh, I see, so now that you got into Yale,

you don't really care what goes on your record?

That's a nice thing to say.

You're right; I'm sorry.

I am just getting desperate here,

can you please, please, help me out, Andrea!

The truth is

that I just think Brandon and I

need a little time apart, okay?

Brandon and you?

Donna, you're gonna have to do this without me-- sorry.

Is someone trying to tell me something here?

BRANDON: Donna.

Brandon, I cannot take any more bad news

so please don't tell me you're not coming with us.

Okay, so who do I tell?

How can you do this to me?

I know it's last minute; I'm sorry.

Brandon, please, you're the only friend I have left.

Donna, the last couple days have been really tough for me, okay?

And I'm really not in a festive holiday sort of mood.

I'd just be a downer.

So fake it.

It will not kill you.

Donna, get ahold of yourself.

Brandon, the bus is leaving in half an hour.

How come everyone thinks

they can just drop out at the last minute?

I can't speak for anyone else.

But Gil Meyers is the faculty sponsor.

He'll let me off the hook.

Well, Gil Meyers is not in charge of this event.

Oh, yeah? So who is?

If you had given us sufficient notice,

perhaps your spaces on the bus could have been filled

from the long waiting list of students

who would've been happy to join us

at the Alvarado Street School today.

But at this point,

unless you have a note from your doctor

saying that you have pneumonia,

and I want to see that chest X-ray,

I expect to see each and every one

of your smiling faces on that bus.

And I mean immediately, if not sooner.

Move.

♪ Dashing through the snow on a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ O'er the fields we go, laughing all the way ♪

♪ Bells on bobtail ring, making spirits bright... ♪

So now that I've brought you up to date...

Not! Excuse me?

This Brandon and Andrea situation, I don't understand.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You see, you were so interested

in that Kelly- Dylan-Brenda affair,

I left out a whole section.

Last night, after Nikki dropped her bombshell,

Brandon went over to the Peach Pit.

What is it with me, Nat?

Every time I get involved with a woman, it just falls apart.

I must have bad relationship karma or something.

Aw, come on, Brandon,

girls throw themselves at you all the time.

Another one'll come along soon enough.

Ha-ha.

Hi, Nat.

Andrea, how are you? Andrea.

NAT: I'll bag your order in a minute.

Thanks.

Brandon, where's Nikki?

Uh, we had a little change of plans.

I'm on my own tonight.

(taps grill, clears throat)

Hey, you uh...

still want to catch a flick tonight?

I'd love to; I have to baby-sit.

That's too bad.

You can keep me company if you want.

Nice house, big-screen TV...

Sure, what the hell.

Hey, watch your mouth, kid.

Heck. I mean, what the heck.

Maxine's asleep right on schedule.

Oh.

They're cheering us! We must be good!

I love this movie.

Yeah, me too.

I just saw it last night.

Oh, we can watch something else.

No, that's fine.

I can watch this movie a hundred times,

it'd still get to me.

This is a Christmas present from a very dear friend of mine.

(bell ringing) Look, Daddy.

Teacher says every time a bell rings,

an angel gets his wings.

That's right. That's right.

Attaboy, Clarence.

♪ For Auld Lang Syne, my dear... ♪

(sniffling): I needed a good cry.

Yeah, me too.

You know, that's what I love about you.

You're just a sentimentalist at heart.

And what else do you love about me?

You know, I don't know

what my life would've been like

if you guys hadn't moved here.

Well, you'd be editor of the paper,

and, uh, you'd be going to Yale.

Yes, but would I have been happy?

Or would I have just been some social outcast

with calluses on the brain?

That's entirely possible.

(laughing)

You know when I was dating Jay,

I-I couldn't help but remember that day

last summer when I just started seeing him

and you were trying to convince me

to stay at the Beach Club.

Yeah.

You know, you were expressing your feelings.

Yes, and I can still recall the sting of your response.

Well, you know what they say...

timing is everything.

I can't believe you!

What? What'd I do?

You were thinking of Nikki!

You don't think I knew that?

So, you were thinking about Jay.

Oh, so what, now we're even?

No, that doesn't make us even,

because I never even liked Jay.

In fact, I am not only insulted,

I'm disgusted!

Why'd you stop it?

Well, from there on it gets, uh... ugly.

So, now that you've gotten all the background...

Yeah, I see the dilemma--

they got sidetracked with their personal problems.

No, excuse me, but you don't know the real danger.

Their bus is on a collision course with a truck.

I fixed that already. I got that truck rerouted.

But I didn't even tell you about it yet.

I took the liberty of skipping ahead a few pages.

But how did you fix it?

It wasn't easy.

It's a complicated move,

and you can only use it one time per catastrophe.

Craig Clemons is on the 405 to Long Beach as we speak.

Craig Clemons?

Who cares about Craig Clemons?

Greg Clemons is the guy driving that other truck!

Which other truck?

That other truck!

Oh, so this guy, Greg Clemons, is still...

On the road to eternity.

And so are those kids.

Gil.

Steve.

Welcome to the Alvarado Street Elementary School.

What's the matter?

Bus ain't good enough for you?

Ha, ha, ha.

Hey, Mrs. Teasley's not around, is she?

Oh, yeah.

Aren't you violating some West Beverly penal code

just by being here? Yeah, big-time.

But I was hoping the spirit of charity would move Mrs. Teasley

and she'd let me stay.

Hey, what the heck, she can't give me any more detention

than she already has, right?

Are you from the high school?

Are you? Yeah, are you?

Yeah, I'm from the high school.

They'll be here in a little while with lots of presents.

Shouldn't they be here by now?

I mean, I raced over from a teachers' meeting.

I guess. I don't know.

They must have left late.

What's up, man?

Can't you make the truck stop

or turn left or something?

Hey, I'm good, but I'm not a miracle worker.

Well, then don't you think it's time to call upstairs?

Absolutely not.

Well, why?

You don't want any of them

to know how badly you botched this up?

Don't blame me. It's their own fault the bus left late.

Oh, but, Clarence, look at that guy.

We have to do something.

I'm sorry, Miriam; I know how badly you want your wings,

but I'm afraid we have to let destiny run its course.

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Fill the mead-cup, drain the barrel... ♪

Are those people ever gonna quit singing?

I happen to like the singing.

You would.

Why are you

always picking on her?

Why don't you stay out of it?

There is such a thing as over-rehearsing, Kel.

Oh, yes, and you are

the music critic, right?

He's allowed to have an opinion.

Yeah, and if he doesn't have one,

he can get one from you,

huh, Bren?

Hey, relax, will you?

Who died and left you boss?

♪ While I sing of beauty's treasure ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la. ♪

So you guys mellowed out

back here? Look, this is not gonna work out.

BRENDA: Donna, we tried to warn you.

Yeah. This group is not cut out

to be the ambassadors of good will.

So the only thing you can agree on

is that you don't want to be here?

That's just great.

So what do you propose to do

when we get there, just sit on the bus and sulk?

None of us wanted to be on this bus, remember?

How could I forget?

Look, we will pass out the presents.

But that doesn't mean we have to enjoy it.

Yeah, and I'm not gonna wear a red suit.

You know what, you guys?

That is not good enough.

If there's one day out of this whole year

to stop thinking about ourselves, then this is it.

And regardless of

who gets to wear the red suit,

this is a time to be jolly and loving and generous,

not cynical and moody and petty.

And if you guys can't stop and appreciate

all of the positive things you have in your life,

and just how lucky that you are to be here,

you might as well get off the bus right now.

CLARENCE: Way to go, Donna.

MIRIAM: Not a bad idea there, kids.

You could get off the bus anytime now.

So, how did Donna get so profound all of a sudden?

Anybody?

Well, I think Christmas brings out the best in her.

And the worst in us.

Not necessarily.

You never, uh...

really liked Jay, huh?

Nah, I guess I was jealous.

And I guess I was jealous of

Nikki, Brooke and Emily, right?

(laughs)

Yeah, I got the picture.

You know, we could

put aside our differences for one afternoon.

Or maybe even through the weekend.

Or we could be really big about it and go for New Year's.

Uh, Donna, I brought my camera,

so if the Madrigals want to sing another chorus,

I can tape them.

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪ Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la ♪

She was too persuasive for her own good.

I can't bear to watch.

Here we go.

Simon says put your hands on your elbow.

Simon says put your hands down.

Simon says hop on one foot.

Hop on the other foot.

Ah, you all made it.

How we doing over here?

I don't know.

Simon says stop jumping.

Wait, I think I see them.

Well, it's about time.

Yeah, that's them.

♪ ...boughs of holly ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Fill the mead-cup, drain the barrel ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Troll the ancient Christmas carol ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la... ♪

Oh, dear.

Better not look, Miriam.

Just close your eyes, and it'll be

over in a minute!

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la... ♪

Hey, this truck's going the wrong way

on a one-way street!

Hey!

You're going the wrong way! You're going the wrong way!

Stop!

Ten, nine, eight,

seven, six, five, four,

three, two, one!

(sizzling, crackling)

How did you do that?

I didn't.

You mean, it was...

A higher power.

Wow.

♪ Here we come a-wandering ♪

♪ So fair to be seen ♪

♪ Love and joy come to you ♪

♪ And to you at Christmas, too ♪

♪ And God bless you and send you ♪

♪ A happy new year ♪

♪ And God send you a happy new year. ♪

♪ Bless the master of this house, likewise... ♪

Well, we sure are glad you made it.

Yeah, we almost bailed, man.

Somebody up there must really like you.

No, the one we ought to thank is right over there.

Whoa! Whoa!

Hey, slow down, man.

You're gonna hit your head on the jungle gym.

You'll get a big hematoma.

I had one when I was your age.

Hi, Mrs. Teasley.

Steven.

♪ Good King Wenceslas looked out ♪

♪ On the feast of Stephen ♪

♪ When the snow lay round about ♪

♪ Deep and crisp and even ♪

♪ Brightly shone the moon that night ♪

♪ Though the frost was cruel ♪

♪ When a poor man came in sight gathering winter fuel ♪

♪ Hither, page, and stand by me ♪

♪ If thou know'st it, telling ♪

♪ Yonder peasant, who is he? ♪

♪ Where and what his dwelling? ♪

♪ Sire, he lives a good league hence ♪

♪ Underneath the mountain... ♪

Here, this is Dylan's department.

Here, now.

It's very easy.

It's all in the wrist, okay?

Oh, my Lord.

Good job. (laughs)

She's like a pro. You probably knew that.

♪ Thou and I will see him dine ♪

♪ When we bear them hither ♪

♪ Page and monarch, forth they went... ♪

You know, Donna...

if I load up on required courses,

like I'd planned on doing last summer,

I could finish early and graduate with your class.

That's great.

But when will we ever get to see each other?

Uh... when we graduate?

♪ Mark my footsteps, my good page ♪

♪ Tread thou in them boldly ♪

♪ Thou shalt find the winter's rage ♪

♪ Freeze thy blood less coldly ♪

♪ In his master's steps he trod ♪

♪ Where the snow lay dinted ♪

♪ Heat was in the very sod ♪

♪ Which the saint had printed ♪

♪ Therefore, Christian men, be sure ♪

♪ Wealth or rank possessing ♪

♪ Ye who now will bless the poor ♪

♪ Shall yourselves find blessing. ♪

You guys never decorated my cookies that good.

Dylan, Kelly and I have been talking.

Always a dangerous trend.

You see, this Three Musketeers thing

was a bad idea.

So we've decided on a new plan.

W-W-Wait-- you've decided?

Yep. You can't have your cookie and eat it, too.

Well... So you've got to decide

which of us you want to be with on New Year's Eve.

Or else.

Now, if you'll excuse us,

we have to go tell Santa what we want for Christmas.

Good-bye.

(bells jingling)

♪ Joy to the world... ♪

Did you hear that?

You know, they say every time a bell rings,

it means an angel is getting her wings.

Oh, how cute.

It's true.

(bell ringing loudly)

♪ And heaven and heaven ♪

Oh, Clarence, are these wings for me?

You did good, Miriam.

Thank you, Clarence.

Don't thank me, thank... You-Know-Who.

(bells jingling)