Original subtitles

Yeah, it's a steady, throbbing pain

just right here on my lower--

Oh, come on.

That's embarrassing.

Joyce rolled out a new Featured Employee segment

starring yours truly.

I'm something of an ambassador for St. Denis,

first face you see when you walk in the door.

You know, some people see that photo and go,

"Is that a doctor or a model?"

And I'm like, come on.

Really?

You know, that's ridiculous, a model.

But yeah, I do a little modeling.

It's, uh, even worse when I cough.

Yeah, well, it's your appendix.

Gotta come out.

But don't worry, 'cause you got that guy.

Oh, shoot.

No, hold on.

I'm usually after the lupus girl.

There.

That guy.

OK.

Candace can be in triage, and Rene and Sharice

will be in Zone A with--

Nurse Matt.

He'd be good.

No, that--that was me.

But, uh, I'd love to do Zone A.

Also, I've never worked with Rene or Sharice.

Me neither.

But they tend to work with Tal and Dolores.

Oh, yeah.

They are together a lot.

Because of the Filipino mafia.

What?

The Filipino mafia.

That's something that-- that they call themselves.

We don't just call them that.

Hospitals can feel like high school.

There's cliques and hierarchy and mean girls.

And I'd say Rene is definitely the Regina George.

But the mafia is really good,

so you just don't mess with them.

Hey.

I'm not Filipino.

He just assumed.

And it's kind of nice.

I never realized you put them together

because they're Filipino.

No, that's not--no, no.

Oh, are they not Filipino?

Yeah, no, they are.

But--just please stop saying that word.

Wait, is that a slur?

I've just been going around saying--

Just stop, OK?

The four of them work together.

That's just the way that it's always been.

Got it.

You know, my grandpa used to say, "That's the way

it's always been."

It's my cue to stay hush. - Mm-hmm.

Otherwise, I'm doing hard time in the seed closet.

OK, I--I need you to go to 114 with Dakota and Brandon.

114 with the other whites.

Who would actually write this?

It's so unhinged.

Hey.

What's going on now?

Oh, I found this crazed note on my car last night.

"Nice parking, idiot.

"You're probably too dumb to read,

"but try sounding this out--

you, moron."

Three exclamation points.

Yes, I wrote the note.

And no, I did not know it was Serena's car.

I mean, she parked this close to my door.

Who even does that?

There's no point in saying anything

because I'm sure the next outrage

will be coming any minute now.

Last week, they ran out of cold brew on the coffee cart.

Poor Janine.

They tore that woman apart.

Val, what flavor is this mint?

It's mint.

Disgusting.

OK.

Oh, no.

This is really getting to be too much.

Wait for it.

"Do no harm' simply isn't enough.

I seek to do negative harm, I.E., good."

I actually made that up. - I believe you.

- Really nice. - Thank you.

Actually, that reminds me--

I need to find a new featured employee.

I'm sorry, what's that now? Why--why would--why?

Why?

Well, it's the quarterly featured employee,

and we're going into the next quarter.

Right.

Yes, quarters.

Mm.

This quarter really just flew by.

February is a shorter month, so a little short-changed

on that one.

Well, I'm hoping to find a new featured today.

Oh, God.

Val, do you have, like, a piece of salami or something?

That was oppressively minty.

- No. - OK.

All right. - No.

- All right. - Hey, everybody.

Real quick, guys.

If you can just gather around, OK?

I have a couple of assignment changes for today.

I'm in charge now.

And who says I have to just accept the status quo?

I mean, like, maybe I can bring about

real change

with intersectionality

and inclusivity and-- and--

Renee and Sharice, I'm gonna have you two

over in Zone B. Parker--

Sorry, why are we doing this?

Oh, just, you know, mixing things up.

And it's really busy over in Zone B today,

so, you know, let's get some of our best over there.

OK.

Uh, Candace and Julian, you guys are gonna

start in Zone A, all right?

And--

Knocky, knocky.

Oh.

Joyce, hate to interrupt, but, uh--

whoa.

What do we have here?

Oh, just a bunch of people I'd like to murder.

That was a dumb joke.

I don't know why I said that.

Uh, actually, these are candidates to be

our new featured employee.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, look at that.

My usurpers.

Nah, I'm kidding.

Four more years.

Kidding. It's time. It's time.

Well, I am leaning towards Holly.

Mm.

She's very caring. She's a hard worker.

Got gorgeous skin.

Oh, yeah, I love Holly.

She's great.

Really good girl.

The skin, yeah.

But what is it about Holly that just doesn't pop?

You know?

I--I don't know.

I mean, if we have to ask, maybe that's your answer?

Oh, you're right.

Maybe I can do better than Holly.

- Maybe. - Huh.

And did you see it's written on the back

of a Señor Salsa receipt?

Yeah, they ordered 18 tacos with extra inferno sauce.

This might as well have been a suicide note.

Janine ran out of cold brew again?

What is up with her?

Her husband died.

You signed the condolence card.

Right, yeah, but I mean--

Oh, Dr. Cassidy.

We need a psych opinion.

Oh, sure.

Can you tell if the person who wrote this is a psychopath?

All right.

Um, well, pressure on the pen, so there's

some aggression there. - You think?

Some grease stains on the receipt.

Little care for personal hygiene.

Oh, so we're looking for a crazy slob,

someone really gross.

They were taquitos, which are much smaller

than regular tacos, all right?

Yes, I wrote the note,

not because I'm a psycho,

but because I was frustrated because someone blocked me

from entering my vehicle.

What?

Why didn't you say something?

OK, no biggie.

Well, fine. Let's move on, then.

Who goes to Señor Salsa at 9:00 a.m.?

They were breakfast taquitos, man.

Oh, uh, hey, just to double check,

you wanted Raj working alone in Zone B

and everyone else in Zone A?

What?

Rene, sorry, just to clarify, I meant that you and Sharice

are in Zone B all day today.

Yeah, we know.

OK, so you're just gonna finish up here,

and then you're gonna head over?

Honestly, we are pretty busy over here,

so I think we'll just stay in Zone A.

What do you think, Sharice?

I agree.

She agrees.

OK, well, then, yeah, we'll just--we'll just--

we'll just keep the original assignments.

Uh, and you stay here and irrigate that hand wound.

- Yeah, that's what I'm doing. - Great.

Keep doing that, then. - I am.

Sounds good.

Mm-hmm.

Rene?

Yeah.

No, we're not friends, but I'd say

we have a respectful working relationship.

I mean, I'm not sure if he respects me,

and we don't really have a relationship,

but we definitely work together.

OK, Dakota, Brandon, can you guys go over to Zone B for me?

Do we have to?

Well, yeah.

I mean, I'm in charge, so yes.

Why did Rene and Sharice get to say no?

Do you like them better than us?

Guys, come on.

It has nothing to do with that. - Exactly.

It's because they're Filipino.

Nope, that is not what it is.

Oh, uh, sorry.

It may be clearer if I say it's because you are not Filipino.

Matt, stop.

The guy that I've been on a couple dates with,

his stepmom is Filipino.

Does that count?

Brandon, what are you doing right now?

I don't know.

But I know that I don't want to go to Zone B

because it smells like beef.

OK, this is not a discussion.

Please go to your zones.

Ugh.

OK, how about Dr. Rodriguez?

Uh, she's a good doctor, but she takes her shoes off

in the staff room.

OK.

Uh, Daniel from labs.

No, no.

He got really weird at the hospital softball game.

Told me to stop screaming, whatever that means.

Let's see.

Talks about her IBS all the time.

No, looks way too much like Mr. Bean.

It's distracting.

OK, Bruce, you've poked holes in just about

everyone in this hospital.

OK, well, not to point fingers, Joyce,

but I'm not the one who hired these people.

Uh, mm, she knows why.

OK, you know what?

I think I've got it.

I'll take it from here. - Oh, wow.

Thank you.

OK.

People lash out when they have unaddressed trauma.

This note is absolutely--

All right, enough already.

You parked so close to me

that I had to climb through the passenger side,

over the center console, past all of my beverages,

like I was a teenager doing a crab walk.

All your beverages?

Sad.

You should never talk to a woman like that.

Well, I didn't know I was talking to a woman.

I was talking to a Honda.

Guys, truly, it's not that big of a deal.

Just let it go.

Thank you.

Before I knew it was Ron who wrote the note,

my first thought was, incel.

But now that I know, I'm like, of course it's Ron.

He's like our cranky uncle who probably had diarrhea

from going nuts at Señor Salsa.

I can't stay mad at him for that.

18 taquitos would mess your butt up.

Ron had a tiny psycho moment, and it's over, OK?

We've all been there.

It wasn't a psycho moment

because I was not the aggressor.

That note was a response to an aggressive move by you.

I don't think anything justifies that response.

Yeah, OK.

- Ow! - Oh, wow, Keith.

What a psychotic response to my clearly aggressive move.

Right, guys?

Oh, sorry.

No, no, Keith, I was trying to prove a point.

You can't just put your hands on somebody else's body, Ron.

No, guys, I think he was right.

I messed up. - I--no, Keith.

Um, excuse me.

Matt, are you wearing earbuds on the floor?

Uh-oh. Busted.

Breaking the rules and regs.

This might seem a little silly,

but we planned a scenario where I reprimand Matt.

Imagine.

Yeah, we thought it might help as, like,

a little authority reminder.

Yeah, and I did some acting in my all boys' youth group,

so this will be easy.

I played the back half of the T-rex that Mary Magdalene rode.

You know this isn't allowed, Matt.

Now, what are we gonna do about this?

Please.

I don't want this to be like last time.

Why? What happened last time?

I can't say

because of what happened last time

I talked about what happened last time.

Which--which was a firm and fair and normal punishment.

Yeah, uh, nothing physical,

just emotional and mental.

Oh, my God, Matt.

OK, that's not actually-- listen--

He's never gonna learn if you just humiliate him

in front of everyone.

- I agree. - Thank you, Sharice.

Maybe you could actually try teaching him

instead of just yelling at him?

I--

Oh, wow.

Thank you.

Hey, before you pinch anyone else,

I just want you to know I did not mean for this

to blow up the way it did.

I appreciate that.

And, um, if I had a little more time, and if I knew it was you,

I probably would have, uh, rephrased that note.

I'll be the bigger person here and say,

it's all in the past, all is forgiven,

and we can just laugh it off.

How are you the bigger person exactly?

What do you mean?

Well, I was the victim, so only I have the power

to be the bigger person.

Well, I was the victim of your note.

You were the recipient of my note.

Ron, if anyone else left me a note like that,

I would make it my life's mission to take them down.

But I'm letting it go because it's you and I like you.

I'm willing to let it go because I like you.

I like you.

I don't know what Rene's problem is.

You know, I know we're not friends,

but I thought we at least had mutual respect.

And you did, when you stayed in your own lane.

Then you messed with the order of things.

I mean, I am in charge, so technically,

I'm allowed in all of the lanes.

I mean, really, I'm making the lanes, you know?

They're all my lanes.

Did you just move away from me?

Know that I am on your side in spirit,

but for my reputation, I need to keep my distance

and talk about you behind your back.

What the hell, Val?

It's OK. I won't really mean it.

Won't mean what?

What--what--what is that?

What--what were you doing?

Know that I'm on your side in spirit,

but I can't be seen with you either.

Conflicts escalate when two people can't understand

each other's points of view.

But experience breeds empathy.

So I'm gonna show Serena what it's like

when someone else parks the same way she did.

Then she'll know who the real psycho is.

A little closer.

A little close--oh!

Damn.

... [bleep].

Oh, Lord.

Oh, my goodness.

I was sure I could find an outstanding employee, but--

I don't know--the way Bruce shined a light on things--

what's the opposite of rose-colored glasses?

Turd goggles?

'Cause I'm seeing the staff through turd goggles.

This chicken's very spicy.

What do you call it?

Costco rotisserie chicken.

Well, hey, look.

We're all here.

Well, yeah, it's the break room,

and we're all on break.

That is perfect, Rene,

because I'm just going around

doing a little rules refresher,

a little crash course.

This can't be an email?

No, it's a meeting.

So, uh, you know what?

That leads me to my first point, which is respect.

All right, so number one, respect.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

You guys know that one.

OK, number two is shift assignments

must be followed at all times.

That's very long.

So let's just remember it like this.

This will be fun.

S-A-M-B--

S-A-M-B...F--

Let's just remember, shift assignments

must be followed at all times.

Yeah?

Number three--

I just don't want Joyce to make a decision

she's gonna regret.

She'll blow the legacy.

I miss when those TVs played "Big Bang Theory."

I don't think it should just be one employee being honored.

OK, here we go.

Here comes Keith "Everyone gets a trophy,"

um, Guy.

Hey, call me cheesy, but at the end of the day,

what makes us strong is each other.

You know, we all share in our wins and losses together.

We're all St. Denis.

Keith, if you want the documentary to use you,

you have to say things that are interesting.

OK, bud?

- Yeah. - All right.

Come on.

OK, this looks bad,

but there is a whole backstory

that you're not getting from this footage.

Well, I don't know what I could possibly be missing.

Look, if you start watching "Jaws" at the one-hour mark,

then all you see is three guys picking on a shark.

What did that shark ever do to anyone?

In fact, a lot.

OK, this is not the kind of behavior

I expect from one of my all-stars.

You were on a very short list

to become my next featured employee.

OK, I don't know what that is.

Sereen-bean, it's up to you whether or not you

want to file a report on Ron.

You know what?

It's all good.

We all have our psycho moments.

Rule number five is have fun.

Yeah, I think we can all handle that one.

OK?

Guys, do we need to revisit rule number one, respect?

...Looney Tunes.

Matt, did you understand that?

No.

New rule, number six is no mocking people

in other languages. So number six--

Wait, I'm sorry.

Are you saying we can't speak Tagalog?

No, I'm not saying that.

I'm saying that when you're making fun of someone--

or when you're talking about somebody,

like I know you guys are talking about me, then,

you know--then English only.

Sorry. No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I didn't mean English only.

I just-- - Alex!

Alex, we would like our Filipino brothers and sisters

to feel safe here

and to be able to speak Tagalog,

which is a gorgeous and snappy language.

Salamat.

Salamat you, too.

OK, I wasn't trying to offend anybody.

Yeah, but you did.

You split us up just to mess with us.

No, I didn't. I just--

it was pointed out that certain groups are grouped together,

and so in an effort to cultivate more inclusivity,

I--I just mixed things up a bit.

Mm, and did you ask this group

if we wanted to be mixed up?

No.

Because if you did, we would have told you

we were just fine.

I know. I just--

OK, so Matt was asking about the Filipino mafia--

Oh!

Alex, you cannot say those words.

My God.

No, that's the nickname they gave themselves.

Uh, what?

Since when?

Rene, on behalf of St. Denis,

I truly apologize for Alex's behavior.

Alex, I am definitely gonna need you

to attend unconscious bias training.

Yep, OK.

And unfortunately, you are now

out of the running to become our featured employee.

OK, that's fine, too.

Hey, so I'm taking my break now since your tirade

took over my entire lunch.

Is that OK with you?

You know, for what it's worth, I was just trying to--

Go on a power trip?

No.

But I did overstep, and I--and I should

have just talked to you first.

That's right. You should have.

Well, that is what I will be doing because, trust me,

none of this is worth the extra $3 an hour.

Wait, wait, I'm sorry.

That's how much you're getting for being head nurse?

Mm-hmm.

That is not a lot.

Yes, I know.

So, what, your husband's rich?

No.

He sells grass seed.

Grass? Who's buying grass?

Like schools, I think.

Sharice.

...grass seed farmer.

I'm just telling them what your husband does.

Yeah, no, I got that part.

There's just no word for it in Tagalog

because why would there be?

Right.

...workaholic. - Mm.

- ...financially struggling. - Oh.

It just seems like you're saying really

specific words in English.

Tut-tut-tut, shh, shh, shh.

Uh, but yes, it is-- it is really tough,

especially in the winters.

Oh, my God.

I mean, nobody's buying grass then.

I know.

You know what?

Sharice and I will go to Zone B.

Oh.

You have enough problems to deal with, OK?

OK.

Mm-hmm.

You said it.

Haven't landed on anyone yet, huh?

You know, I always knew Ron ran hot,

but Alex being a racist?

That one hurts.

Look, I wouldn't beat yourself up

about finding the one right person, you know?

Well, you're the one that put so much pressure on it.

I know. I know.

I've just been thinking, and call it cheesy,

but at the end of the day, I think what

makes us strong is each other.

We all share in our wins and our losses together.

I guess you could say we're all St. Denis.

Q2, baby!

Ooh.

And I learned that on the surface,

it seems like a race thing,

but it's more about their shared cultural experiences--

Matt, maybe no more talking.

Oh, uh, for sure.

Hey. So,

sorry I was such a huge bitch earlier.

Here's a little peace offering from me and the girls.

Oh, thanks.

Wow, that's--

Oh.

Canned goods.

Save it for the grassless winter.

OK.

Man, that guy is so nice--

or...

Rene taught me that.

Also a bunch of swear words, but don't worry--

deleted.

You know, I'm still getting used to being a boss,

but I am learning a few things,

like, you know,

maybe I should be less concerned

with how I'm perceived and more concerned

with being a good communicator.

And don't fix what's not broken.

Good night, Alex.

Oh, good night, guys.

And don't listen to Matt.

That's really the main thing, I think, is don't listen to Matt.

What the hell?

Oh, no.

Now you have three more insane notes to write.

Bye!

You guys got a pen?