Original subtitles

Oh, Santa Claus is coming round.

He's coming round tonight.

Here comes Santa Claus.

Here comes Santa Claus right down Santa Claus Lane.

Fixing and glitching and all is rain.

They're pulling on the rain.

Bells are ringing and children are singing.

And all is merry and bright.

Hang your snocking and say your prayers.

Go Santa Claus is coming tonight.

Oh, here comes Santa Claus.

Here comes Santa Claus right down Santa Claus Lane.

Oh, La La La La.

He's got a bag that's filled with toys for boys and girls again.

La La La.

Here goes sleigh bells.

Jingle jingle jingle.

Jingle jingle jingle.

Jingle jingle jingle.

Jingle jingle jingle.

Oh, Santa Claus is coming tonight.

Oh, Santa Claus is coming tonight.

Oh, sorry, Uncle Rick.

Excuse me.

What is this?

Like I said, we're being played.

Now pay up.

How'd you even find this stuff?

I can find anything or anyone.

Then why can't you find your dad?

Hilarious, Dean.

Look, I don't know what all this stuff is, but Santa is coming tonight.

Okay, can we talk about that for a minute?

Jack O'Malley.

Kids go downstairs.

Not you.

What are you doing, pal?

Look, we love having you here for the holidays.

But what are you telling your cousins?

The cold hard truth.

Cold hard truth?

Jack, these are presents, yes.

But these aren't Santa's presents.

Right, because Santa Claus hasn't been here yet.

It's Christmas Eve.

He's coming tonight.

He's coming here.

To this house.

Tonight.

That's what you're telling me.

That's what I'm telling you.

And he's also going to every other house in the world,

on the same night, using flying reindeer for transportation.

Yes, Jack.

And what fuels a flying reindeer exactly?

For carrots.

Okay, look, I don't know exactly how it works.

All I know is, when we wake up tomorrow,

Santa will have been here.

Alright, let's go.

You don't want to get on the naughty list, do you?

Honestly, Uncle Rick, I'm not that worried about it.

[music]

Christine, triple shot Americano.

[music]

Jack O'Malley. I don't believe it.

Lenny, you missed me.

Where's my money?

I'm getting you your money.

I told you I'm going to get you your money.

I'm on a job right now.

Bax, I'm planning on doubling it.

You still got Morris at plus 300?

Morris? That stiff?

Put me down for 25, K.

You got a lot of balls, O'Malley.

I know, brains too. It doesn't seem fair.

[music]

Alright.

Good.

[music]

Grab the hoe. Come on now.

Give it all you got.

Oh, gosh. Fire.

Fire.

[music]

What are you looking at?

[dog barking]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

Nicely, sir. I just got you.

Give it to her. Give it to her.

She's a geek.

[music]

Ultimate Vampire Assassin 4 for the Switch. Got it.

Are you going to write that now?

No. Steel trap.

[music]

Hey, Fred. Got a 5'11" male grown up

hovering by the scent of candles. Keep an eye out.

Copy, Chief. I got eyes on her.

Hi, Santa. We made cookies for you.

Thank you.

Chocolate chip and snickerdoodle.

I love snickerdoodle. How'd you know?

I made them myself. I helped.

You know what? I'll be meaning to talk to you guys. Come here, man.

We're live. Yo, it's your boy, Beef Stu.

And we're here at Christmas at the mall with the boy, the gold Santa.

And we're going to get him to put on Stu Crew T-shirt.

Sir, you can't cut the line.

Aw, what's the matter, big dude? You don't

want to show some Christmas love to the beef?

These kids have been waiting a long time.

Look, man, it'll take two minutes. He puts

on the shirt, and he says, "Now we beef him."

Sir.

I'm a big deal. I have over 3,000 followers. I'm going to make your boy famous.

Just got to put this shirt off.

He's already quite famous.

Don't be a toter.

Sir, you can't cut the line.

I made myself clear.

Yes, very clear.

Now I wish you a merry Christmas.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to go. Come on, yep.

Now, you guys have a very important appointment with Santa.

Man, I needed that. So important to get out and talk to the kids.

Best part of the job.

It's Santa!

Nothing like a crowded mall two days before Christmas.

Yo, Santa Man, merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, pal.

Tell me you're not going to miss this.

God! What do you mean you're sold out of essential oils?

I'm going to bash someone's skull in.

I'm not going to miss this.

I'm approaching ground floor. Let's heat up icebreaker.

Freddy, secondary array. Under an 80-degree spread. Go.

Copy that. Red 1 is on the move.

Vampire Assassin 4 is hot this year.

Thanks, Minerva.

Sure thing, Red.

Carl, you got any milk up there?

Of course, Red.

I always love coming to Philly.

You think we have time to stop her at Cheesesteak?

Won't be the same without you, Kel.

It'll be exactly the same without me.

Just stubborn pain in the butt.

General?

Red, good to see you. Successful excursion?

Yes, sir. From all the Christmas time, it's like oxygen for me.

Thank you.

Evening, ladies.

What are you so excited about?

Of course. Your boyfriend's here.

Hey, girls.

Of course I didn't forget.

Yes, I brought extra.

Who's hungry?

There we go.

Kel! Come on, man.

Clock's ticking.

Red 1, you are clear for takeoff.

All right, ladies.

Let's go home.

Thanks for the escort, fellas. See you next year.

Kavallami!

[THUNDER]

Come on, Morris.

Go ahead.

I got it. I don't know what the hell it is, but I got it.

Send the coordinates.

Well, why don't you send something my way first?

Wiring the first half now, the rest, and the day that is verified.

Pleasure doing business with you.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

No.

No.

Morris is down.

No! Oh, my God!

[SIGHS]

Home sweet home.

[THUNDER]

Whoa, ladies!

Red, welcome back. Thank you.

Where's the missus?

I'm right here. Deliverables was a half hour ago.

Larry, this is going to Bermuda.

Copy that. Bermuda. Garcia.

Welcome back, Chief. What did I miss?

Nothing. Everyone's working.

There's a bottleneck in Rivens.

Phil is blaming rapping. Rapping says Phil's being over-dramatic.

Everybody's feeling the heat.

All right. I'll talk to him.

Please. Phil's driving everybody nuts.

Phil in Rivens is having a total meltdown.

Maybe it's time to find a less stressful spot for Phil. I don't know. Tinsel?

Phil out of Rivens?

Just a thought.

He's got a dog named Rivens.

Yeah, thanks.

495, 496, 497, 498, 499, 500.

In five minutes. Not bad.

Yeah, getting warmed up.

All right. I'm going to run the simulation

model on Belgium and Holland again just to be safe.

Thank you, sweetie.

All right. If you need me, yell.

Hey, Allen. Jump in there. Get them ready, eh? It's almost showtime.

Yes, ma'am. Will do.

Hey, boss.

Cal?

Give me a spot, huh?

Got it.

Tell me why.

Time for a change, Nick. It's like I told you.

Yeah, I heard you. And I'll respect your decision, but I want to know why.

Let's go, Heavy.

Yep.

You're looking strong.

We work for the kids, Cal. We do it for them.

And I know you love that. You live for that.

So what's going on here?

I love the kids. It's the grown-ups that are killing me.

Go on. The list.

What about the list?

We're up almost 22% year over year.

I'm aware of the numbers, Cal. What are you getting at?

For the first time ever, more people are on the

naughty list than not. And it's like they don't even care.

So much bad behavior out there, everywhere you look.

You say it all the time, Nick.

We choose every day who we want to be, with big

decisions and little ones. And every one of them matters.

But I look around and they act like none of them matters.

If nothing matters to them, it seems to me they need us now more than ever.

That's why there's only one you. And no

one, with my doubts, should be so close to you.

You need somebody younger. Someone 300 years

old and their prime who wants to change things.

Not our job to change people, Cal. People change themselves.

We just show them that we believe in them. All of them.

Because we know who they really are. Down deep.

We know that somewhere inside every lost grown-up is the kid they once were.

Our gift is that we can see that. Even when they can't.

We work for the kids, Cal.

Even when they're not kids anymore.

I'm just having a really hard time seeing it.

And that's why.

Let's have a cookie.

They answered everything.

Got a carb up?

You know, I burn about 430 million calories every Christmas Eve. Yes, I know.

One last ride. One last ride.

One last ride.

Get to it, lads!

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

Alpha jackets drift.

Looks like a light just fried on the interior west face up around mail room 19B.

Anyone up there?

Yeah, this is Jeff and maintenance.

You don't miss a thing, Commander.

I'll check it out.

Thanks, Jeff.

[MUSIC]

Hey, Jeff, looks like we got a few more of them too.

What's going on up there?

[MUSIC] Jeff, Jeff, do you copy?

[MUSIC] Who's with Red?

Arthur, is he still with you?

Negative, Chief.

Kenny, do you have him?

Not in the gym.

[MUSIC] Who's with Red?

Norman, are you in the residence?

Finkel just took over.

Finkel, Finkel, I need eyes on Red now.

[MUSIC]

Mail room negative.

Study negative.

Mr. Toe hydroponics negative.

He's not in the gallery.

[MUSIC]

Logistics negative.

Handy room negative.

Handy cane packaging negative.

Nursery negative.

A7 negative.

Box room negative.

Library negative.

Mail room negative.

Little wrapping negative.

Negative.

Library negative.

Library negative.

Library negative.

Negative.

[MUSIC]

Nick!

Nick!

[MUSIC]

Reach!

We have a branch!

[CROSSTALK]

[MUSIC]

Come green, come green.

Full background!

[MUSIC]

Norman snow cat heading north.

Copy that.

Locating.

Here are his eyes.

Just turn right on pine.

Copy.

Containment barrier five going up.

[MUSIC]

Street unit six, deploy.

[MUSIC]

Box him in.

[MUSIC]

Agents down.

[MUSIC]

Raise barrier 72.

Raising 72.

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

Snow cat just turned left on candlestick.

[MUSIC]

There's a hole in the dome.

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

What the hell just happened?

There's been a breach, Director.

I know.

Red has been taken.

What?

Where's Cal?

I'm right here.

Cal, what happened?

Who could have done this?

Zoe, I don't know.

We have 24 hours to Christmas Eve.

We cannot--

Yes, I'm well aware.

Okay.

Okay, let's take a deep breath.

Start from the beginning.

They cut a hole in the CF dome using an atomic plasma torch.

From the footprints, I'd say there's eight to ten of them.

Human.

They rolled in on a remote armored snow

cat, which they used as a diversion before they

blasted out of here in a NORAD blind cargo jet.

Good God, Cal.

I'm going to find them, Zoe.

We're going to work together on this.

We were just told that someone hacked the

Intercontinental Seismic Surveillance System.

I don't know if it's related, but if someone

knew where to look, that's the only vulnerability

in the cloaking.

Who?

We don't know yet.

The trolls are scouring the web.

Name and address.

They're working on it.

Then tell them to work faster.

We don't have time for this.

Director, the trolls have a trace.

Pass them in.

What have you got?

We traced the relays.

Looks like the wolf.

The wolf?

Who the hell is the wolf?

Mercenary, bounty hunter, works for the highest bidder, a ghost on the dark web.

FBI's been trying to recruit him for years, but he's a freelancer.

He's probably the best tracker in the world.

The guy's a legend.

(grunts)

(phone vibrates)

What?

Nice.

Are you in town?

That depends.

What do you want?

I need you to do me a favor and go pick up Dylan.

I'm right in the middle of something important.

This isn't a good time for me.

Yeah, me either.

I have two mothers to be with weakening

contractions and labor that's not progressing, and Craig's

out of town.

Liv.

Dylan got in trouble at school.

I just need you to go pick him up and drop him off at my place.

Liv.

I'm stuck at work and Craig's away, so just do me a favor and go pick up your kid.

I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it.

Hey, buddy.

(door opens)

Hey, you got any aspirin?

What?

No.

I gotta get something in my stomach.

You want a churro?

No.

Shut up!

Hey, man, can I get two?

I don't want a churro.

I heard you.

They're for me.

So what are they saying you did?

I tampered with the school's attendance records, which I did.

Allegedly.

I never admit that.

Thank you, have a good day.

Yeah, yeah.

The music teacher leaves his computer open during fifth period.

Mm-hmm.

I started to ditch science so I could go in and practice guitar.

Then I changed it on the computer.

Makes sense.

There's this girl in jazz band, Piper.

She started to ditch with me.

But then Kevin...

Who's Kevin?

My best friend.

At least he was.

What'd Kevin do?

Kevin found out I wanted to ditch too.

But he's not even in jazz band.

He just wanted to hang out with Piper.

I was the one hanging out with Piper.

So I'm supposed to go in and change his

absence in a present so he can hang out with Piper?

Bullshit.

So instead, I gave him three more absints.

Good.

Send a message.

He got busted and told the vice principal.

Kevin.

So I slashed the tires on his bike.

I know. You're disappointed.

I am disappointed.

Look, if you're gonna hack a mainframe, you do it quietly.

You're going through a back door. No fingerprints.

But more importantly, the second this kid Kevin knew what you were doing,

you gotta loose-end.

Never trust anybody.

Anybody.

And never let someone get the upper hand on you.

Because they'll use it.

Oh.

All right, I gotta go practice.

I have this dumb winter pageant thing tonight for jazz band.

A pageant?

Oof.

I know.

I said it was dumb.

Good luck.

We're gonna talk when I come in.

I know.

Thought labor wasn't progressing.

Yeah, that it did.

Thanks for picking him up, though.

I don't know what's going on with him these days.

He's acting like he's a good guy. I don't know what's going on with him these days.

He's acting out.

Yeah, well, you know, growing up is tough.

Is that why you're avoiding it?

I was right into that.

Yeah.

He'd really love to see you more often, Jack.

I just picked him up.

I know.

He was really nice.

We had a good talk.

He told me about school.

He would love that to happen more often, is all I'm saying.

I gotta go to work.

Okay.

Merry Christmas, Jack.

Yeah.

Merry Christmas, Jack.

(dramatic music)

(screaming)

(panting)

(panting)

(dramatic music)

(dramatic music)

(groaning)

(dramatic music)

(panting)

(dramatic music)

Hi Jack.

(dramatic music)

(dramatic music)

We know what you did.

Huh?

I know what you did.

Okay, um,

first of all,

sorry.

Second, could you be more specific?

Honestly, you could be talking about

12 different things right now.

Who are you working for?

Lady, I don't know what you're talking about.

I work for whoever pays me.

You have about 40 seconds to become helpful

before you have a terrible accident,

so I'm gonna ask you one more time.

Who hired you to find him?

Find who?

You know who.

I promise you I don't.

If I did, I would tell you,

I'm not a scrupulous person.

You can ask anybody.

The Intercontinental Seismic Surveillance System.

Sound familiar?

Yeah, I did that.

It was a weird job.

Somebody was trying to find someone

who was running tests on some weapons systems in the Arctic

and I found the location and I walked.

For who?

I don't know.

I'm telling you, all the communication is encrypted

and untraceable.

That's how it's supposed to be.

So if someone like you shows up,

I don't have any answers.

Look, I don't ask questions.

I just find people that no one else can find.

It's what I do.

You really don't know what you did?

I guess not.

I mean, I can tell you're very upset about it though.

Box him up.

Box me up?

Wait, wait, what do you mean?

Hey!

Is this really necessary?

Ow!

Cool place.

How long you been here?

M-O-R-A?

Mora, the Mythological Oversight

and Restoration Authority.

Come again?

We are the Multilateral International Organization

responsible for securing

and protecting the mythological world.

Come with me.

Did you say the mythological world?

Yes.

Right.

So, Bigfoot, Loch Ness Monster, that kind of thing?

That kind of thing.

Okay.

So, things that don't actually exist,

you guys are responsible for.

Got it.

(screaming)

Oh, shit!

If he knows anything, he ain't talkin'.

All right, horse back to the pen, body back to area 32,

and get the pumpkin back in the cryo vault, stat.

Yes, director.

What the hell was that?

The horseman.

We're questioning all the usual suspects.

The headless horseman?

Hey, what did that taser thing do to my head?

It's not a taser, it's an acquiescer.

Just take a deep breath and have a seat, Jack.

(dramatic music)

What am I doing here?

Last night, at roughly 11 p.m. N.P.S.T.,

Red One, also known as St. Nicholas of Myra,

was abducted from the North Pole complex.

The data you retrieved from the I.S.S.S.

was used to pinpoint the location,

which has been secure and classified for several hundred years.

(footsteps)

Use your words.

Are you saying

Santa Claus has been kidnapped?

And you think I had something to do with it?

Where is he?

(thunder rumbling)

Is that him?

Jack the Wolf O'Malley, meet Callum Drift,

commander of the ELF.

The ELF?

Turns out Jack here didn't know what he was doing.

Somebody hired him to find the complex,

and incredibly, he did.

Who? He doesn't know.

I don't know.

Yes, he does.

No, he doesn't.

They always know something.

Sometimes you just gotta shake it out of them.

I'm not gonna like you.

I can tell right away,

out of everyone here, I like you the least.

Garcia!

(suspenseful music)

What's the path?

Yeah, Chief.

This guy's not cooperating.

Oh, shall we do the thing?

I'm afraid we're gonna have to.

Cal, let's talk about this for a minute.

There's nothing to talk about.

You can't trust this guy.

He's on the list.

What list? You know damn well what list.

Look, I'm not on any watch list.

I know for a fact that...

Wait a minute.

You don't mean that list? Yes.

You're on it.

I checked.

NL4.

Are you telling me this clown?

He's a level four naughty lister.

A level four naughty lister?

Oh, is that funny to you?

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey!

What are we doing here?

Come on!

I know this is killing you,

but you have to trust me.

Dismembering this shitbag isn't gonna help.

It would feel good, but it won't help.

I'm right here.

Shut up.

What are you thinking?

We're gonna put him to work.

No, absolutely not. Excuse me?

You said you work for whoever pays you.

Today, that's me.

He's not telling us everything he knows.

Look at him.

He is telling us everything he knows.

He just doesn't know who hired him.

Well, I mean, how much are we talking here?

Garcia?

Yeah.

(growling)

God, okay, I don't know who it was,

but I can figure out where they are,

or where they were last night!

(growling)

God!

Look, it is anonymous.

I don't know who it is,

but in my line of work, I need insurance.

You know, in case of building issues.

So I Trojan horse a digital tracking bug into the VPN.

Are you saying that?

Yeah, I can track the device.

Then I suggest you do it.

Can we circle back on the whole paying me thing?

I know what they paid you, we'll double it.

Triple.

Garcia?

(growling)

Hey, hey, hey, come on!

All right, all right!

Double's fine.

It's Christmas.

Why's choice?

I need my cell phone.

(door opening)

Whoever did this is in Aruba, wearing Aruba.

I work alone.

You used to.

No offense, but I'm not rolling into Aruba

undercover with the giant elf.

It's E-L-F.

Cow!

We can't trust this guy.

That's why you're holding the leash.

And this is how I can find you anywhere on earth.

You're mine until we find him.

I suggest you get going.

Oh, god!

God!

(eerie music)

(sighing)

Well, this is unfortunate.

No, this is what needed to be done.

I sincerely doubt that.

You know, I know a guy who's gonna be very upset about this.

What are you gonna do with that?

The world is a mess because they fear nothing.

I'm going to give them something to fear.

I'm going to do in one night

what you have failed to do for centuries.

And what is that?

I'm gonna make the world a better place.

What are you doing?

Borrowing some of your energy.

(eerie music)

Now, go to sleep, Nicholas.

Go to sleep.

(tires screeching)

(dramatic music)

We doing some last minute Christmas shopping?

Gear it up.

Grab a car, something practical.

(eerie music)

Here.

Let's go.

(eerie music)

(gasping)

What the hell just happened?

Tour stars.

Toy stars what?

The supply closets are portal stations

for the North Pole Field Network transit system.

Car.

I said practical.

Like what, a minivan who wants a practical Hot Wheels?

Also, what difference does it make?

I gave you a directive.

A directive?

Oh, oh, oh.

Is that what you think is going on here?

I'm telling you now, you better listen to me

because things are about to get real.

(tense music)

How did--

I adjusted its reality.

And just that--

No, it doesn't work on everything.

No, you can't try it.

No, you can't drive.

No more questions.

Don't get in and be careful with those robots.

(tense music)

So you're like the bodyguard for Santa Claus.

And the commander of the ELF.

What's that snap for?

Enforcement, logistics, and fortification.

But as far as you're concerned,

it stands for extremely large and formidable.

And that's all you do all year?

Just protect Santa.

It's a big job.

Sure, sure.

It's one day though, right?

Like it's a big job for one day.

We work 364 days a year because on that one day,

we deliver presents to several billion individual domiciles

across 37 time zones without ever being detected

by a single human being.

We prep, we rehearse every moment, every stop,

down to the last chimney.

So yeah, it's a lot of work.

364 days?

We have boxing there, off.

Wouldn't it be easier if you broke it up, you know?

Like send different teams out different places,

just more efficient?

No, it doesn't work like that.

He's got to do it all himself.

He doesn't have to, it's his purpose.

He's a singular force in the universe.

Okay, so worst case scenario,

is there someone that can step in for him,

like a Vice Santa?

Are you listening to me?

No, no one can do what he does.

He knows when you're sleeping,

he knows when you're awake,

and he knows that about every single person on this planet.

He has a list the size of Rhode Island

and he checks it twice.

If you were to try to read that list just once,

it would take you a decade, but he does it twice.

And the reason why he's able to do any of it,

is because he is Santa Claus,

the one and only, and no one else can execute his mission.

Which is?

To spread cheer, asshole.

Good feeling.

Ready for a test.

Bring me the weapon.

(dramatic music)

(dramatic music)

Duplication complete.

Good.

Now, let's see if it works.

Who do you have in mind, Mom?

We'll start with the first name on the list.

(dramatic music)

All right, now we're talking.

Well, it was nice to meet you, Cal.

Good luck with everything.

Thank you so much.

I'm just gonna live here now.

Gonna marry her.

Why don't you focus?

We gotta find your guy.

Not a lot of fun, are you, Cal?

Oh, I'm fun.

As a matter of fact, I won the prize

for most fun gift wrapper for 183 years in a row.

Well, I take it back.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

(dramatic music)

Want me to show you how to do this?

I would suggest you give it a shot.

I see the worst in everyone, Cal.

It's my gift.

And it's the key to my work.

I can see a person's worst qualities just by looking at him.

See, look at this guy.

He's married, but not to her.

That's why he has a tan line

where his wedding ring should be.

This guy's about to school with that guy.

(laughing) That's why he's laughing too loud.

And this guy, now he's interesting.

Why, you ask?

I didn't ask.

Well, I'll tell you.

Shoes, look around.

Anyone else at the beach wearing shoes

besides you, me and him?

We're all working something.

Ah, he's a Carmanian death mark.

So is that guy and that guy.

You can tell by the tattoos on their hands.

This is all fascinating.

How about we find the guy we're actually looking for?

That's the guy we're looking for.

The Carmanians are a security detail.

You sure?

I'm sure.

We'll have a few drinks,

paint some nails and see what the afternoon's in.

Hey, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?

Going to talk to him.

No, no, we gotta go in sideways here.

Remember when I said they're called death marks?

We'll be fine.

(dramatic music)

Keep walking.

I need to talk to him now.

Keep walking.

I'm gonna count to five.

Then what?

Then you're gonna get hurt.

Oh.

Listen, dickhead, it's Christmas.

So in the Yuletide spirit,

I'm gonna say it one more time.

(dramatic music)

(grunting)

That was so disturbing.

What's this?

What the hell, Ted?

Just give me a minute, sweetheart.

I gotta talk to these absolute morons for a second,

and then we'll go get some boba.

Okay.

Where is he?

Who?

You know who.

You really wanna do this?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

And while I'm enjoying this visit

from the Magic Mike Christmas Brigade,

I got a couple ladies waiting on Boba T's.

Come here, big boy, come on.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Before you implode this man's skull

across this heavenly beach, can I have a crack at it?

Look, I'm telling you, for your own health and wellbeing,

I suggest you leave right now.

You don't know who I know.

All right, well, you know what I know?

I know you bought some information yesterday

and you paid quite a bit for it.

Coordinates, the Arctic.

I know this, because I'm the one who sold it to you.

You're the wolf?

No.

You should not be here.

Do you know what you've done by coming here?

My client is not to be messed with.

Who's the client, New York?

Much worse.

She'll kill us.

She'll kill us all.

Who is it?

I can't say her name.

She will hear.

Write her name in the sand.

(dramatic music)

Rila?

You idiot.

Rila?

No!

Rila?

Rila?

Rila?

(dramatic music)

(thunder rumbling)

(thunder rumbling)

(thunder rumbling)

Cow, cow!

(thunder rumbling)

(thunder rumbling)

(stomach rumbling)

(thunder rumbling)

Callum Drift, storied warrior of the North Pole.

Grila, the Christmas witch.

It has been many years.

Not enough.

Where is he?

He's right here.

Fast asleep.

Signal from Commander Drift.

Grila, where are you?

The witch.

I need him back unharmed immediately.

It is not to be warrior!

I need Emwak teams in motion

to every one of her ancestral haunts.

Yes, Director.

What is it you want?

The same thing I have always wanted for hundreds of years.

To make them behave.

The time has come.

To punish the naughty.

All of them.

Everyone who is on the list.

Everyone who has ever been on the list.

From killers to chairwalkers.

Anyone who's ever lied or littered.

Anyone who's ever been rude or late.

You're talking about almost everyone.

Everyone I see fit!

Tomorrow they will all be punished.

And he is going to help.

You know he doesn't punish people.

Step away, warrior.

Let him go, witch.

I've warned you.

And I've warned you.

You can't see it yet,

but when you wake up this Christmas morning,

the world will be much, much...

Nice, sir.

What in the actual fuck?

Get those teams moving now.

What the hell was that?

What was that?

What the hell was that?

Where is she?

We've got to get out of here.

Where is she?

I don't know, I'm just a middleman.

I broke her to deal.

I'm telling you, she does not mess around.

Cal.

(suspenseful music)

( veterans screaming)

No.

Get him out of here.

He's our only lead.

Don't let him get iced.

All right.

Come on.

[gunshot]

Lot of classmates.

(grunting)

(yelling)

(yelling)

(dramatic music)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(dramatic music)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(dramatic music)

(grunting) (dramatic music)

(grunting)

Just gotta rip off their carrots.

I'll remember that next time it comes up.

Wanna give me a hand here?

You'll figure it out.

Let me tell you about Christmas magic

I'm sorry, I think you're confusing me

with someone who cares.

Tell Grandma I don't have time to pick up her meds.

She can take the bus.

Goodbye.

Asshole.

Get a life.

(gasping) On your cold

Let me show you

Christmas magic

It's the best kind of sorcery I know

(grunting)

Let me tell you

(grunting)

It's still here.

What do you mean it's still there?

It's supposed to come back to me.

The machine isn't working.

Fix it.

Now.

Or else the next test will be on one of you.

Yes, Mom.

Careful.

That's it.

She iced the broker.

She really wanted to shut him up.

By the time he thaws out, he'll be useless to us.

Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

My guy scanned all the surveillance footage

from the poll last night.

Look at this.

Is that her?

Sort of.

She's a shapeshifter.

She's actually a 900-year-old ogre

with 13 sons who kill on command.

Huh.

Tracking shapeshifters is a nightmare.

She said that she was gonna punish them all.

Every level.

I'd be more worried about what she didn't say.

She wasn't negotiating.

It's kidnapping with no demands.

Doesn't usually end well.

Unfortunately, our only lead is now an ice cube.

Not pointing any fingers.

Cal, not helpful.

So what would you normally do?

I mean, normally I'd be running credit cards,

checking pings off cell phone towers,

trying to build a footprint.

Her or associates.

Never tracked a witch before.

Dated a few.

Right, Cal?

I've dated several witches.

What's your point?

Would you have any footprint that I wouldn't know about

because I'm like a regular human being?

Have you run a check on recent UDMs?

I've been in the house for a long time. Recent UDMs?

What's that?

Unauthorized deployments of magic.

A lot of hits.

Pretty typical stuff.

Couple of abjurations in Nairobi,

handful of divinations in Santiago and New Orleans.

No, she's a conjurer.

Got a pair of conjurations eight days ago,

a few hours apart.

Picked up the echo off the resonator in Germany.

The brother.

Who's brother?

Nix.

Santa's got a brother?

He got it, yes.

She's working with the brother.

We don't know that.

No, but can you think of a better place to hold Nick?

Think about it.

It's under a concealment dome

and Mora has no jurisdiction because of the treaty.

He doesn't leave and we don't visit.

That's the deal.

We bust in and Nick's not there.

Mora's not going, we're going.

And he's never gonna know we're there.

Cal.

Team minus 17 hours, director.

Keep me in the loop every step.

Within two hours, I brief the presidents

and prime ministers and kings and queens of everywhere

so they can prepare.

Prepare for what?

For the possibility of no Christmas.

Hey, you don't have a Wonder Woman action figure, do you?

It's not how it works, come on.

Ah, damn it.

Come on.

I'm coming.

(sighs)

(singing in foreign language)

Hey.

Dylan asked you to go to his concert tonight

and you said no?

What?

No, that's not what happened.

He actually said I shouldn't go.

He said it was gonna be lame.

If he didn't want you to go,

he wouldn't have brought it up.

An actual parent doesn't need an invitation.

They just go, whether the kid likes it or not.

That's what parents do.

Well, we both know that's not my strong suit, Olivia.

Look, if he wanted me to go, he should have just asked me.

He's vulnerable, Jack.

He's a kid and he knows you never show up.

Olivia, I'm in, I'm at work.

What am I supposed to do?

I don't wanna have to tell you what to do, Jack.

I want you to figure it out on your own.

Because it's pretty easy, the concert starts at seven.

Well, I'm not gonna be home by seven.

Just tell Dylan that I--

I'm not telling him anything.

If you wanna tell him something, do it yourself.

(sighing)

What?

I didn't say anything.

(dramatic music)

Villain, right?

Yeah.

He's a good kid.

Yeah, I know he's a good kid.

It's not what you think.

His mother and I were never together.

I mean, I'm his father, but I've never been his dad.

She's a doctor now.

She's married to a really good guy and he is a good dad.

So the last thing the kid needs is like, you know,

some spare dad who's a degenerate gambler

hanging out with the scum of the earth.

He's got nothing to offer him, so.

Honestly, the best thing I can do for the kid

is keep some distance so I don't get in the way

and he's not disappointed all the time.

Uh-huh, what?

I'm just saying, if you're trying not to disappoint him,

doesn't sound like it's working.

(dramatic music)

(dramatic music)

Okay, I can't believe I'm asking this,

but what's the deal with Santa and his brother?

They used to work together.

Back in the beginning, Red gave gifts

to well-behaved children and the brother

helped keep track of who they were.

Then the brother started making lists.

And Red was always uncomfortable with that.

He didn't like the idea of a running list

of misbehaved children,

but the brother became obsessed.

So you're saying Santa's brother started the naughty list?

Yes, and he started to punish the kids who were on it.

Red was furious, so he took the list away,

and the brother never forgave him.

He went out on his own, eventually hooking up with the witch

who was also in the punishment game,

working Iceland and several other Nordic territories.

They were together for years, but it ended badly.

Santa's brother have a name, or is it just Santa's brother?

His name is Krampus.

(ominous music)

All right, listen to me.

I don't know what's waiting for us in here,

but the brother, the witch, they're extremely dangerous

and not in the ways that you're used to.

If you see them, do not engage.

So don't pick a fight with the witch.

Got it.

If Nick is here, he's probably being held in a dungeon.

There's a door-round back that the guards use.

We're gonna have to quietly sneak through the courtyard,

pass the guillotines, break in and head down.

The guillotines?

Also, do not touch anything.

Under any circumstances, there is much in here

that is not of the natural world.

You're human.

They're full-week.

So if you need to touch anything, get me to do it.

Wait a minute.

Are you not human?

Do I look human?

(ominous music)

Hey, so listen, man.

Come on. I think if you don't need me here, I might just go back to the car

Hell hounds held house

Stand back

Oh

Ellen distract them

Oh

What you do we made what I already do anything

Oh

Hold shit

Whoa, whoa

My name is Callum Jeff commander of the ELF. We are not these

This was in his pocket. All right, I can explain that I can explain that

Told you not to touch anything. He was an innocent mistake. He tried to steal a

priceless piece of gold from the Dark Lord of Winter

not innocent and

Not a mistake. Well, who leaves our gold just lying out an

open treasure chest. It's a tribute box to Krampus guests

Come they leave him gifts you stole from it. I

Shouldn't be surprised

Is that cuz I happen to be on the list

You disappointed in me too Cal. I have no expectations of you

So I can't be disappointed

You know, I got problems in my own I owe somebody a lot

of money that I don't have I see this giant pile of gold

sitting there

If you look at it a certain way, what choice did I even have you have every choice?

It's all choices. You don't just happen to

be on the list Jack you put yourself there

You

Decide to steal gold you decide to only look

out for yourself over everyone else on this earth

Every one of those kids who are counting on us

Counting on me to do my job

Nick always says that every decision big or small is an opportunity

To be nice to be good or not. I

Was one day away from retirement and this happens

After 542 years I

Resigned yesterday it did

Why I

Couldn't see it anymore couldn't see why

Does it matter

Is that him

What are they doing

They're playing crap ish slop

Cribish love it's the official game of crap is not

Oh

Callum drift

Lord Krampus

The festivities were just beginning, but I don't remember inviting you

You shouldn't be here

You know you shouldn't be here and yet here you are and with a mortal

I'm Jack O'Malley. I didn't I'm not we didn't even I mean obviously we I

Just met him today the big one was armed with this

an ordinary embrace

Thank you

Just what I wanted for Christmas

Krampus I can explain you're trying to find him and you thought he would be here

Well guess what no dinner

Is not here

Last night he was taken from the compound by the witch

And I know that she was here not long ago

Are you accusing me of something?

You and she were partners once roaming the countryside the villages

Punishing people yes

But back then she was glorious and

Over 18 feet high the skin of an elephant

die and tear of tails

and the earth

punishing us to cruelest winter

We had some wonderful times together

But I gave up that work remember I spent 700 years

Menacing the naughty

Trying to scare them into decency. I did my part

The only punishing I do now

It's for fun

Like my good friend

Enjoying his headache on Krampus not but today is not Krampus not in this house

Northern

It is always Krampus now

(Hahaha)

Krampus

Why was she here?

Many years ago she gave me a gift

She came because she wanted it back a gift what gift the glass cafe gift

On its face a simple glass snow globe, but it's true purpose is notorious

tremendously punishing

She wants to punish them all the glass coffee

is solitude

a prison for but one

Krampus I need to find him

Let me go

And why would I do that?

Because we need him

Now more than ever we need him

And know that

Let me go

(Music)

Nordenme

You are not going anywhere

You get out and deliver this message to that morass come

There is a price for this intrusion

now and

forever

Drift belongs to me

(Laughter)

So I can just walk out of here I said just you front

You learn to love it there take him away

Wait wait wait wait wait wait um Lord mr.. Lord Krampus

Um

You and I aren't so different

We're pretty different, but I think we have some things in common. Oh

Do you know yeah? I mean you strike me as a guy that likes to have a good time

Bit of a gambler well so am I now when we came in

here my man told me that he thought he could beat you

at your game

Krampus laugh

Now initially I said no way

But the more I see him getting riled up. I'm

starting to like my odds, so just hear me out

if you win

We go to your dungeon forever if he wins

we walk

Unless you don't want to for some reason I mean I get that he's a big guy

It's no shame a lot of people watching

you

Imbeciles I love it

Smack the shit out of that goat

I

The rules are as follows the contestants will

exchange blows in turn the first to be knocked out or die

loses

First touch that's you

You

Know I really wish there was another way that we could do this

I'm sure you do you still your brother

And he never gave up on you, but what would you know about it? I know him

Take your best shlup

I

Interesting my turn

I could be merciful and kill him on the first touch

But what fun would that be?

Oh my god

Hey buddy, okay, you just slap the shit out of

me. Yeah, that's all there's I love this game

Can I can't beat him he's a winter demigod

And touch oh

Let me make it easier for you

Come on

Come

Come on

Oh

Over us

Oh

Ellen

I

Thought I had some shady friends. I

Can't believe that worked. Yeah, sorry about that.

It's all I could come up with no it was great. Oh, I

I

Misjudged you

Now we'd expect from a class for naughty lister right what's level for hey, but

that's what I'm saying you could have left

But you didn't

Thank you

All right, should we go find your guy let's save Christmas

I

Can't yes, you can say it. I don't want to

let's save Christmas. I'm not gonna say that

I'm gonna need you to say let's save Christmas

All right, God, okay

Let's save Christmas

That was terrible. Huh? Okay. All right. All right

Let's save Christmas there it is. All right

So the snow globe what's the deal with that the

glassy pig glass kafik it's German for glass cage

Well, what do you think we was trying to do is there any?

Cree was trying to

We gotta go

Mom ready for another test

Good the next name on the list no, I have a better idea

She

Said she wanted to punish them all it seems that the gloss kafik was just for one

person's possible. She can make more of them with like

Witch magic she would need billions of them. She's

immensely powerful, but that's a big lift for a conjurer

Okay, I mean honestly the only place that has that kind of manufacturing capacity

I

There's something that happens to you a lot

Unexplained player piano in the middle of a German highway. No, this is rare

I

It's for you

Just get back in the truck will drive right

around the haunted piano we have to open it

This is how it starts you're doing it

Oh

See

Dylan did you send me this stupid president instead of coming to this thing?

Wait, what because if you don't want to come I don't

care. I wanted to be there. I really did then something

Okay, you don't have to pretend because my

mom is guilt tripping you I'm not pretending

I really want to find a way never come to anything. Yeah, I I know I know whatever

Just don't send me any more stupid gifts. Okay

Wait, wait Dylan. What do you mean by that this thing?

Dylan don't touch that don't wait. Do you seriously think that there's any

Put that down because I'm here to tell you that

What is this?

What's going on?

What's happening put that down

Where'd he go where'd he go I don't know

Jack

That's my kid find me

Oh

My god, oh my god

It worked

Jack O'Malley

Level four what a perfect way to start my collection

Bring production online

Tonight I will deliver one of these to every single

deviant on the list and when they wake up and open their gift

They'll join my collection and the world will be in the hands of the righteous

finally

tonight I

make the ride

Director we have drift what happened? What do you know about the gloss kafik

mythical magic snow globe used to imprison the naughty

Krampus has it why not anymore the witch has it and I think

she's trying to punish everyone on the list wait slow down

Well, Malley just got gloved and disappeared what

his kid oh dear Lord run a Malley's tag. Yes director

Zoe I think she's trying to mass-produce the gloss

kafik. How could you possibly do that? Think about it?

What's the one place that's capable of something like that the North Pole?

But Nick's not there the complex runs on his power. That can't be it

Unless unless you never left, but the snow cat the jet drones diversions

Nick is still there director. I am NOT picking up a signal for O'Malley's tracker

Because he's under the dome, but I've been talking to your team all night. Yeah

Try partridge connect to partridge. Yes director

Hi Cal hey, how you holding up MC? Oh, I can't

sleep. I'm just keeping myself busy baking cookies for him

For when he comes home. Well, he's gonna love that. What

do you got bacon? Just pulled out a fresh batch of macaroons

He'll love that hang in I'll keep you posted

Thanks

That's not her what do you mean Nick hates macaroons?

They're shapeshifters the witch the lads they're

all shapeshifters the North Pole has been taken

You're on to us, where are we okay? Okay? Okay? Okay now listen

Now I know what this is gonna sound like

Basically

Santa is

Missing and that giant lady is a witch and she

got the snow globes from a giant demonic Christmas

Goat man, and now they're gonna make

millions of them with that magical photocopier thing

Look I don't have all the technical details, but basically

these globes are meant to imprison the naughty people forever

forever

Not forever I didn't scratch that last part

Remember can't trust anyone

I've got a signal. Oh, Malia's here somewhere

We're close hey chief

Fred

I'll let the team know that you're back about you don't

Sheep shifters good tidings

It says he should be right here

The old tunnel system runs right beneath the original workshop, let's go

Is this happening because I was ditching what is it

because I slash come its tires no no no no no no no Dylan

You said it's from naughty people didn't you

well she said that but what did I do Dylan?

Look at me

You may have done some things that you shouldn't have

Everybody does everybody there is nothing wrong with you

You're only any of you

Because of me

What did you do a lot of stuff long list

But bigger than any of that it's what I didn't do you talking about

I've been a terrible father

I

It's not true. Yes, it is it is I haven't been around I told myself

I was doing you a favor which is bullshit.

It was bad for you, and it was terrible for me

I've made some mistakes pal. I know that but I also know that I can do better

And I know that's easier said than done. I know

it's a lot of work, and I hope it's not too late

Every day every decision is an opportunity

And I want to start taking some of those

So I'm not asking you to believe me. I'm just asking for you to give me a chance I

Know I may never be the greatest father in the world, but I know I can do better

And I'm telling you right now that I promise I

Will never stop trying

What just happened I

Think it's got a little bit nicer

Go get out of here. Yeah first we gotta find somebody come on

Oh

If you could make any toy in the world real right now, what would it be?

Wonder woman Tim you're right. Yeah, yeah, it's good to see ya dad

Buddy come here. I want you to meet some friends Cal Zoe. This is my son Dylan

The one and only Dylan your dad's told me so much about you

Welcome to the North Pole

I can't believe she got the old quad duplicator back online again

This thing has been out of commission since the late 1800s

This thing was cranking out snow globes like rat

turds, and it just stopped like somebody pulled the plug Cal

We saw her she said she was gonna do the ride herself

What deliver one of these snow globes to everybody on the

list? That's impossible the slave won't lift off without him

Can't let that sleigh take off

He's subterranean access point and hanger

Wait

Oh

Chief Garcia Cal

BAM where is he?

I

I

Was just leaving

Come with me Oh

Oh

Thank you, come on I got you

I

Read come back to me come back to me boss wake up

Nick Nick, it's Cal

Cal

Jack

Run

No way man

For a guy like me there's worse ways to go out than by trying to save Santa Claus

Grilla it's time for you to go

I'll go but I'm taking him with me

You're not taking him anywhere

His power has been wasted for far too long the punishing begins tonight

You're gonna have to go through me first with pleasure

You

Inbeciles have no idea how to talk to a woman like this a real woman

She's my ex

Hello

My love get out of here Krumpus. I can't do that

And lovely as it is to see our miserable face

my brother

somewhere to be

Just like all times

I

Haven't you heard enough

If you want to take him

You're gonna have to kill me

Bradley your sacrifice will mean nothing

Any last words for your most faithful warrior only one

Merry Christmas witch

Oh

Look at you

You Nick

Okay, yeah

What took you so long

Oh

Well, look what the cat dragged in let's not get mushy

Thank you, brother

Merry Christmas

Wow there

You want to maybe stick around a while

Hmm

Don't push it

Get to work

And you I want the rematch

Happy

Oh my god, honey, where are you mom? You're not gonna believe this

Skytrain this is partridge back in the chair

and back on track good to have you back, ma'am

We are currently six minutes behind schedule so

we're gonna run this brief like our hair's on fire

Oh Dylan Jack. Hi. Thanks for your help today. He hoped to I

know

All systems are go 30 seconds to lunch

Hey drift

Have a great ride

Merry Christmas director

Dylan Jack

You guys coming

All right, let's go we got a roll

Red one you are cleared for takeoff

Oh

Copy that we're coming at you

Oh Really does it doesn't he goes everywhere in the entire world in one night?

More than I thought he was

And a lot more athletic. Yeah guys a beast the guy is a beast

You

Seeing it aren't you I knew you'd get it back. I

Lost it there for a while Nick. It's easy to lose it Cal

Important thing is to keep trying

Nick

I'd like to stay on

If you'll have me

You

Got it commander

Did we just save Christmas I think we just save Christmas

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh