Original subtitles

Phone's ringing.

What time is it?

5:30.

It's a wrong number.

Might be something important.

Oh, it's woken Amy.

Oh. I'll get her.

There, there, there.

Hello.

It's about bloody time.

Who is this?

Who do you think it is?

Toni?

How are you, you old bastard?

Bloody hell!

Do you know what bloody time it is?

What? Shit, no.

No, I don't, mate. No. Sorry.

It's not even 6:00.

Shit, I should be in bed.

I was.

Where are you?

Buggered if I know, mate.

Uh, are you in England?

Yeah, it's definitely England. Yeah, yeah.

-Without a doubt. Yeah. -This is a surprise.

What's it been? Like, five years?

Yeah, yeah. Something like that.

Listen. So, what, what? Are we going to meet?

-Yeah. -Yeah? What, tomorrow? Lunch?

Lunch. Yeah. Yeah, sure.

Right, right. Well, I'll-- I'll come over at about 1:00.

-Okay. -Yeah?

Alright, then. Ciao for now.

Can only be bad news at this time of the morning.

That was Toni.

He's not gone vegetarian, has he?

Nah.

Well, he didn't say. I doubt it.

Knowing Toni, he could have aligned himself

with some vegan terrorist faction.

The Popular Front for the Liberation of the Frozen Pea.

Look, I'm sorry. I should have asked you first.

For God's sakes, stop apologizing.

It's only Sunday lunch.

not moving in... is he?

He really likes you, you know.

Oh, gosh.

I feel somehow validated.

It's just....

-What? -I never understood

why he had to be so angry all the time.

He was always angry.

We both were.

We were part of the Anger Generation.

You, angry? Come on.

Petulant, perhaps.

Anyway, he's a writer.

He believes in telling the truth.

He's not a very good writer.

He's not-- he's not successful.

That doesn't mean he's not good.

Doesn't make him Proust, either.

You always defend him.

Of course I do. He's my best friend.

Stop now.

Do not move.

Like that.

Don't look at me like that.

Oh! Oh! Oh, Chris!

Chris.

Oh, Chris! Oh! Oh!

♪

I know you want to sleep with other women,

Chris, and I understand.

There's nothing to feel guilty about.

In fact,

I want you to have affairs.

It'll be good for our marriage.

And, of course,

I'll still cook your dinner

and do your washing and ironing.

Mmm.

I'm quite tired, Chris.

It's the weekend, love.

Sunday tomorrow.

I'm not really in the mood.

We never make love anymore.

We make love constantly.

I can't even remember the last time.

Yesterday morning.

Yeah? We used to do it three times a day.

Well, that was when we were new to each other.

Anyway, it only happened once and you complained

about being sore for a week afterwards.

Sore, but very smug.

Ha, ha, ha!

Lloydy!

Come here!

You're ruined! You're ruined!

Now, Africa, Chris.

You must get yourself to Africa.

Black women... ah!

I was in Italy. I went to Spain.

Spun me around, really.

Ended up in New York.

I kept meaning to send a postcard.

You know how it is.

Why did you come back?

Oh, it's-- it's difficult to talk about.

Not bad news, I hope?

No, it's okay. It's....

What's up, mate?

This is really hard.

Do you want me to leave you two alone for a minute?

No.

No, you stay. It concerns both of you.

You can hide from the truth for only so long

before it all gets too much.

Time I faced up to the way things really are.

You see, Chris...

I had to come back because...

I love you.

I always have.

You're the only person in the world for me.

I'm sorry, Marion.

I know this must come as a bit of a blow...

...but Chris and I were meant to be together.

Oh, very funny!

Your faces!

What's her name?

Her name's Kali, as in California.

It's where her folks were born, only she's spelled with a "K".

Oh, you should have brought her along.

Nah, we believe in having separate friends.

I met her...

in a creative writing course in Pasadena.

Yeah? What the hell were you doing there?

I was teaching it.

I didn't know you went in for that sort of thing.

Which? Teaching or seducing students?

Huh?

No, no, I don't if I can avoid it, you know.

But you got to subsidize the old poetry somehow.

I mean, come on, if poetry's going to mean anything

you got to take it directly to the people.

That is pure paranoia.

Anybody who wants to can read poetry.

Yeah, but they don't want to, do they?

'Cause they're told what?

It's... it's a minority taste.

Late night slot.

You know, pigeon fancying,

goat fucking.

Whatever it is they fucking get up to.

I see-- I see loads of poetry in the shops.

Yeah, but-- but you don't see poetry

-in the shops, Marion. -Yes, I do.

You see golfing limericks and jolly historical ballads.

Dead, unthreatening stuff.

There's nothing vital!

-There's nothing... -Oi, hey! Hey!

Nothing about what's happening now.

Sorry, baby.

What you actually mean is nobody stocks your books.

Exactly.

Bastards.

Chris?

Hmm?

What do you get up to on your walks?

Nothing.

Think a bit.

What about?

I don't know, serious shit.

The past, future,

meaning-of-life stuff, you know.

Um, I make a few...

mental lists.

What kind of lists?

You know, some people count sheep.

Uh, I make lists.

Chris Lloyd...

the story so far.

Healthy.

Not poor, not...

deformed, not...

starving.

-Not asleep. -Not asleep.

Married: Yes.

Children: One.

Job: One. House: Yes.

Mortgage: Yes. Car... arguably.

So on, so on.

'Til the panic subsides.

What have you got to panic about?

Nothing.

That's what worries me.

Love you.

Love you back.

And your friend.

Toni hasn't changed, has he?

Toni's incapable of change.

Like the dinosaurs, and look what happened to them.

-Marion. -Mmm?

Would you still love me no matter what I did?

-Why, what have you done? -No. Nothing.

It's a... rhetorical question.

Would I still love you no matter what?

No matter what.

You must be joking.

What kind of yield are you expecting?

Oh, a good few pounds, I suppose.

Now, listen, you dig up these escapist bloody flower beds

you'll triple your output.

Yeah, well, I'm sticking a few veg on the table,

not provisioning the bloody Ukraine.

Good to see you, mate.

This is really something, this is, Chris.

What is?

All this.

I mean, you've got the lot, haven't you?

Everything a man could want.

I'm impressed.

Are you taking the piss?

Is this it?

Oh, bloody hell. If you're asking me,

am I happy with the vegetable patch,

the flower beds,

the wife and baby, the job and the mortgage,

the answer's yes,

I am, strangely enough.

I believe you.

There's nothing wrong in any of that.

Okay, no problem.

Just surprised, that's all.

Chris Lloyd,

happy ever after in Metroland.

Who'd have thought it?

They're already calling them the sexy '60s.

Sexy, saucy '60s.

Oh, it gives you a hard-on just saying it.

Yeah, Brigitte Bardot, Anna Karina, Francoise Dorleac.

Think of the sex going on in France!

If we were in Paris now...

Strolling down the Boulevard St. Germain.

Stopping, chatting with friends,

kissing on both cheeks.

Pernod and coffee with Sartre and de Beauvoir

at Les Deux Magots.

Not much point being a boulevardier

in the suburbs, is there?

No boulevards for a start,

and Acacia Avenue doesn't have quite the same appeal.

I tell you one thing to be said in favour

of nuclear war: at least this place

would go up in smoke.

Imagine that, the whole of Metroland

disappearing in one brilliant, blinding flash.

A million sand wedges melted into scrap.

Smouldering mountain of occasional tables.

Middlesex's topiary incinerated in an instant.

Could you throw us our ball back, please?

Only the bloody English.

Tennis in the rain.

Poor sods.

Pathetic, isn't it?

And what will they all end up doing?

Bank managers, the lot of them.

Oh, they can't all be bank managers.

'Course they can.

Metroland was built for bank managers.

Actual bank managers, retired bank managers.

Student bank managers, baby bank managers.

It's like "Invasion of the Body Snatchers".

Instead of aliens-- bank managers.

Yeah.

Not me.

Christ, come on.

This one.

Monsieur, that is wrong, no?

Impress the bourgeoisie?

Excuse me, sir.

My friend and I would like to sleep with your wife.

Sorry, old man?

We'll come over to fuck her this Saturday at teatime.

Do you speak English? -No.

I think I can help you.

I'll translate the question for you.

The young man wishes to know if he might come to tea

on Saturday afternoon

with a view to mowing your lawn.

-Mm. -Non.

Thank you, thank you!

Those silly games we used to play.

What's so silly about them? Huh?

I mean, I might've been childish about it,

but at least I had the right idea

sticking one up the bourgeoisie's fat,

complacent bum.

Those were great days, weren't they?

Great. Come on, man, you're talking like

it was a hundred years ago.

-It feels like it was. -Does it?

So, when am I going to meet this Kali, then?

Kali-- we're having a party.

-Why not come along? -Great.

Soon, yeah. Just don't wear that.

I haven't been to a party in ages.

You know what it's like, having a kid.

No, I don't, actually.

So, are you in love with her, then?

In love?

What?

What's wrong with that?

Oh, come on, it's just the way you say it.

I mean, what, you sound like my dad.

Yeah. I mean, yeah things are going

alright with Kali, I suppose, you know.

She's a smart girl. She's...

-You'll like her. -Yeah.

We have a non-monogamous relationship, man.

-Really? -Mm.

Christ.

Is she alright about that?

It was her idea.

I mean, neither of us wants a relationship

based on what, possessiveness, jealousy and that shit.

Mm.

What, so you just--

you just go-- off and...

I just... yeah.

Whenever I feel like it.

So...

you been unfaithful to Marion yet?

-You're serious? -Mm.

I'm very happy with my wife.

Are you?

No, I haven't been unfaithful to her.

Oh, that was interesting.

What was?

That strenuous... denial, you know.

I mean, what does that mean?

"No, but I wouldn't half mind a bit.

No, but I, you know nearly got some last week."

No, it means no, because I don't want to.

What about sex?

Plenty of sex.

Alright, I'm only asking.

I mean, I'm sure Marion sticks her heels in your ears

and drains you as dry as a loofah, but...

Kindly... kindly keep your disgusting similes

-away from my wife. -Come on, you're only human.

I mean, what, you've been together,

what, eight years now?

Don't you ever wonder what it'd be like to go

to bed with another woman?

Of course, um...

Of course, but I mean, everybody does.

That's-- that's-- that's just fantasy.

That's nothing to do with actual life. That...

I mean, I don't lie in bed thinking,

"Oh, Christ," you know, "I hope I have it away

with somebody else before I die."

-No? -No.

And I would never do anything to hurt her.

You might-- she might not mind.

Oh, we've won an award!

-Yes, I have. -"Christopher Lloyd.

Advertising Design Awards Winner, Gold Loom."

-Oh-- -Hey, now, this is it.

This is more like it.

Yeah, I thought you'd like that one.

I'm impressed.

It's not exactly, uh, Cartier-Bresson,

-though, is it? -Hey, you always were

a bloody good photographer.

Oh, not quite good enough, though.

Ah, could've been.

You could have been.

Whatever happened to that book you was always going to do?

Do you remember?

Oh, yeah.

Well, um...

I thought it was time to get serious about the career

when Amy came along, you know.

It's still on the back-burner, though.

Well, what's it about?

Well, it's, um...

it's really... uh...

-It's in here? -No, I'm not saying.

It's in here. I'm sitting on it.

-My God. -No, no, don't.

Christopher Lloyd's deep, dark secrets.

No, leave it. No.

You'll only laugh.

What's the matter? I won't laugh. Chris, come on.

Friends since the cradle.

It doesn't matter what it is, I promise you.

However ludicrous, trivial, obscene...

I'm not going to laugh, am I?

Yeah. Let me see.

Watch out.

I'm, uh....

What I'm planning is a, uh... a photographic...

history of travel in London.

You know, I mean, the premise being sort of the extraordinary

within the ordinary, you know, because everybody's

so familiar with, uh, you know, the trains,

and they cease to see anything special about it, really.

But this is one of the, um, ideas I've got

for the cover at the moment.

It's just a rough thing you know, but....

Fuck me.

An illustrated guide to the Metropolitan Line.

-Yeah, thanks, Toni. -What an enticing prospect.

Thanks, you bastard.

Hey, come on, I'm sorry.

Yeah, don't overdo it, you know?

You know, it's just one of a lot of ideas.

Come on, hey. It's a great idea.

I'm gonna do that one yet, you know?

I look forward to it, honestly.

-Yeah. -Alright?

What's happened to you, Chris?

What do you mean?

You know what I mean.

-Punk concert? -Yeah.

He's got a friend in the band.

-You hate punk. -No, I don't.

-Yes, you do. -No.

You know you'll hate it.

Anyway, you're only going

because Toni wants you to go.

I happen to be very interested.

They might have an age policy on the door:

"Middle-aged swingers strictly banned."

I'm not that old.

You know, you've developed this very annoying habit

of constantly telling me how I should be feeling.

What I will and won't like.

I am capable of independent thought, you know?

How long's Toni staying around this time?

I don't know.

He-- he didn't say.

What's he living on anyway?

Dole and savings, I guess.

You know, he doesn't seem to be short.

He's probably taking that Kali woman

for all she's worth.

Well, that's a very...

aggressive way of putting it.

Just an educated guess

based on what I know about Toni.

You've never liked him, have you?

No, I like him.

I just don't have a rose-tinted view

of him, that's all.

You know, you can sound

very cynical sometimes, Marion.

Don't tell me you've only just noticed.

Yeah, well, anyway, I'm gonna...

I am gonna go to this gig.

It will be, uh, it'll be an experience, you know?

It'll be something...

different.

Be fun.

♪ Destroy! Destroy!

♪ Destroy the hoi polloi!

♪ Destroy! Destroy!

♪ Destroy the hoi polloi!

Nice shirt, wanker!

♪ Destroy the hoi polloi!

♪ Destroy! Destroy!

Hey! Mwah!

Wonderful, aren't they?

Yeah, very talented.

♪ Destroy! Destroy!

♪ Destroy the hoi polloi!

Take it!

Go on, a big one!

♪ Destroy the hoi polloi!

♪ Destroy! Destroy!

♪ Destroy the hoi polloi!

♪ Destroy! Destroy!

♪ Destroy the hoi polloi!

-Hello. -Oh, look at that nonce.

Hello, there. Mr. Nonce to you.

Man with a dress on.

I saw you!

What are you doing?

-Chris, you alright? -Yeah!

This fun!

This is fun, Toni!

You-- you always knew how to have fun, didn't you?

I al-- I always...

Ugh,

I always felt a bit dull next to you.

What's the-- what's the secret?

No secret.

No, really. What is it? What's the secret? Toni?!

Your problem, Chris, is you're just busy doing

what other people want you to do.

Your parents, Marion, everyone.

The trick is to do what you want.

Sod what he wants, what about me?

Are we shagging or not?

I should know better than to try screwing old men.

Fun!

I'm having fun!

Yeah, this is it.

-Come on, then.

Up you get. Up, up, up, up.

From now on I'm going to do what I want.

-Of course, you are. Come on. -No. No, really.

-Come on, let's get you home. -I'm gonna do what I want.

-No. -Come on.

-Hey, Toni, I mean it. -That's nice, now, come on.

What's Marion going to say?

Taxi! Taxi!

Hey, stop there!

In you get, in you get.

Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, you do not want sex.

-I bloody do, yeah. -No, you don't. Come on.

You're going to bed. You're going to bed.

You are in the first stage of a three-stage hangover.

Marion.

-Oh, Toni... -I say, sir.

-Toni. -Oi!

I say, I've never seen the likes of it.

Out. I said the sofa. Go on, get out.

-Out, out.

This is private. Private!

-Chris, come on. -Yeah.

-Come on. -Sweetheart.

-Come on.

Stage one of this hangover: start feeling randy.

And stage two is pass out halfway through.

No. Feeling ran-- rubbish!

-Rubbish. -Anyway...

I want it to be you that I make love to.

-It's me! -No, it's not.

It's eight pints of lager with an erection.

-No. -Yes, it is.

-Come on, get into bed. -Stage one,

stage two... What's stage three?

Stage three, my dear, is wake up

-with a blinding headache. -Bollocks!

-I feel absolutely fine. -To bed. Bed, bed!

-Come on. -No, I feel... yeah.

Into bed. Come on.

-Go on. In, in.

I'm going to get the baby.

Oh, Chris, for God's sake.

Are you coming back?

How you feeling?

Fine, thanks.

I phoned the office and told them you were ill.

I got to-- got to get going.

Thanks for the sofa.

Everything okay?

Fine.

You and Toni... you had

a row or something?

'Course not.

Saw you snapping away on the platform.

Interested in trains, are you?

Not really, just...

there's not much else to photograph around here.

It's very fancy.

Got it for my birthday.

I retired today.

They gave me a whisky decanter.

Forty-two years in the same company

and nobody's noticed I never drink.

This is the last time I'll ever make this journey.

This used to be a grand line, you know?

Used to have ambitions.

Do you know there was a Pullman car

right up until Hitler's war started.

It was called the Mayflower.

It wasn't just ambition with the Victorians, you see.

There was confidence as well.

Confidence in ambition.

I mean, can you imagine?

They wanted to join the Metropolitan Line up

with Northampton and Birmingham

and have a great link through from Yorkshire and Lancashire,

through Quainton Road, through London,

joining up with the Old Southeastern

and through a channel tunnel to the Continent.

Monumental.

Is that when they started calling it Metroland here?

Oh.

That bloody nonsense.

No, that was just a name made up to please

the estate agents during the war before Hitler's.

Catchy name to make it sound cozy.

Cozy homes for cozy heroes.

Twenty-five minutes from Baker Street

and a pension at the end of the line.

Turned it into what it is now...

bourgeois dormitory.

Aren't you bourgeois, then?

'Course I am.

So are you, I shouldn't wonder.

No, I'm not staying in Metroland.

I'm gonna live in Paris and take pictures.

French never could run a decent rail service.

You see, it doesn't matter where you go.

Metroland isn't a place.

It's a state of mind.

Oh, Amy, wha--

oh, sweetheart, what are you doing?

Marion!

There's okay, sweetheart, there's a good girl.

Marion!

There' a good girl.

Sorry, love, she's just...

-on. -...taken everything down.

Aw...

Daddy's had a bad day. Come on.

-Stop now. -Ne bouge pas.

Comme ça.

The camera...

Stop it! No more, no more.

You taught me to say what I'm feeling,

now you're blaming me when I do.

-You know... -I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I was-- I was-- yes, but I was teaching you

to be sincere, not cruel.

Chris?

If you're going to look at dirty pictures

of your old girlfriends, at least have the style

to do it openly.

Sex with me was always wonderful, Chris.

Better than it is now with Marion.

No, that's not true.

That's just nostalgia.

No... you gave me multiple orgasm every time.

Did I?

You never said.

Mmm.

You were a fantastic lover.

Marion doesn't appreciate you.

Yeah.

You might be right about that.

Face it.

You don't desire her anymore.

No, I do. Just not in the same way.

You never stopped desiring me.

Yeah.

I didn't fall in love with you either, though, did I?

Are you sure?

Maybe you were just too young to know.

Maybe you just lost your nerve and ran back

to where you felt comfortable.

What do you mean?

I thought you came to Paris to be an artist.

-I did. -So, what are you doing

ten years later living a mile from where you grew up

doing a job you despise?

Face it, Chris... you've become your parents.

-That's not true. -Alright, then.

Why didn't you stay in Paris?

You should be out in the streets with them.

You'd take good pictures.

I'm an artist, not a journalist.

How's the wife today?

Very good.

Unfortunately.

Do you have a light, please?

Thank you.

-Ciao. -Ciao.

Who's that girl?

What girl?

Leopard print, dark hair.

Leopard print, dark hair, very pretty?

Yeah.

No idea.

Chris...

Don't bother, alright?

Don't get close to girls.

They only want to get you by the balls.

Look at me.

Tell me...

Do you make good money selling pictures?

Not with mine.

Because I need help this weekend.

Unless of course...

it's too undignified for an artist of your caliber.

No! Yes.

Thanks, Henri.

"Africa's where it's happening, Chris.

Vibrant culture. Great people.

Thinking of hanging out here for a while...

or maybe heading down to Afghanistan,

'cause apparently they grow

the best pot in the world there.

You wouldn't believe the skirt out here.

The American girls.

Jesus, even you could score."

"I'm working on getting to Paris.

Just not sure when.

"Don't start the revolution without me.

Eat the rich.

Love, Toni."

You're meant to be here, you bastard.

Not bloody Afghanistan.

That's it. It's done.

What's done?

This morning, my wife told me her cocoa was cold.

I snapped.

I went down to the basement...

grabbed an axe and chopped her up into tiny pieces.

You should have seen the blood.

You killed your wife?

Not really.

But a man can dream.

- Hi. - Hi.

You took these?

- Yes. - They're brilliant.

Oh... They're not bad.

My name's Chris.

-Chris Lloyd. - Nice to meet you.

I'm Annick.

-Annick. - So you're English?

- Yes. - I can hear it.

Alexandria Quartet, huh?

-Yes. - You're reading Mountolive?

-Yes. - In English?

Uh-huh. I'm practising.

I love speaking English, but, uh...

you know, I make so many mistakes.

No. It sounds good to me.

Um, did you read the first two?

Yeah, of course.

I mean, if I started reading a quartet

on the third book, I might get a bit lost.

Yeah. Yeah, right, absolutely.

Yeah, you'd have to be really stupid to start

on the third book, wouldn't you?

Yes, of course.

Which, um, you're not, I'm sure.

Stupid, I mean.

Would you like another drink?

Yes. I'd like that.

That's how it always starts with girls.

One dry white and boom!

Your cock in the mangle.

I love to drink a little bit.

-Mm-hmm. -Makes me less inhibited.

Yeah, me, too.

Trouble is, I get so uninhibited, I pass out.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

You keep staring at me.

I'm sorry.

Have I got something on my face?

No! No, no, no, not at all, um....

It's just, you're so....

Oh, God, sorry.

No, I'm just....

What I'm trying to say is, you're really....

Well-read?

Yeah, exactly.

-Annick. -Hmm?

Let's go, we're gonna be late.

All right, I'm coming.

It was, uh, real nice meeting you.

-Yeah. -Bye.

Annick!

Do you want to see a film on Friday?

-There's a new Bresson. -Friday, um...?

Yes, at, uh, six o'clock here?

-Yeah. -Bye.

So, what did you think?

Oh, I think it is so, so sad.

It's so true, you know?

And lots of little things.

-Lots of humour. -Humour. Maybe.

Ah, no, you mean sad humour.

You're absolutely right, yeah.

Um... not the funny sort.

No.

-The human comedy. -Yes!

No, not the kind of humour you laugh at.

God, no.

Well... so....

Let's walk.

Yeah. Yeah, where to?

I don't know.

Who cares?

-What? -Oh, no, sorry.

Ah, no, I just wish, um, my friend Toni

was here to see this, 'cause we always dreamed

about being boulevardiers.

-And now I'm about to be one. -Quite.

♪ All the boys and girls my age ♪

♪ Walk down the street in pairs ♪

♪ ll the boys and girls my age ♪

♪ Know what happiness feels like ♪

♪ Looking in each other's eyes ♪

♪ And holding each other's hand... ♪

Oh, a street gutter.

So French.

Hey, that's the Palais-Royal.

I had lunch there with my boss.

Oh, nice.

-You're very clever. -No, I'm not.

-Oh. Hmm. -You think so?

-I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

♪ Are the same in every way ♪

♪ Boring and without joy

You're mad.

♪ No one whispers "I love you" in my ear ♪

♪ All the boys and girls my age... ♪

Sorry.

Slowly. Slowly.

Slowly. Slowly.

-Is it the first time? -Huh?

-Is it the first time? -No.

No, I've slept with loads of women.

Ah. Oh, you know, a couple-- um, some.

Well, one or two.

Um...

do I-- shall I... shall I put something on?

Yes.

-Please. -Okay.

Okay. Oh, shit.

No, I can't. Um... sorry.

Let's try....

Um. Wow, shit.

Okay, give it to me.

God.

-Dear, dear. -Uh, damn. No--

No. No, I'm going to do it.

-It's okay?

Yeah.

Ah!

Did you come?

No.

Oh, God. Sorry.

Oh, no, it's okay.

I usually don't the first time.

Oh.

I like the sound of that.

Implies there's going to be a second.

Oh, I hope so.

If it's what you want.

Well, yeah, I mean,

I like to sell my women into slavery

after ravishing them usually, but, um...

-alright? -Oh, is that right?

In your case, I'm prepared to make an exception.

Mm-hmm? I'm coming back.

Look, um...

I'm sorry, I'm...

you probably noticed.

I'm not...

I'm not very experienced.

Uh... have you...

been with many men?

Oh, thousands.

Silly.

I never thought the sound of a flushing toilet

could be sexy,

but I guess it depends who's doing the flushing.

Very funny.

Well, at least I can keep you entertained

while you're not coming.

-Hmm? -Hmm?

- Take that.

Voila!

We're here.

Mmm.

-How are you feeling? -Wonderful.

You don't have to speak English if you don't want to.

No, I want to improve. I want to.

I want to-- what the word?

"Impress" on you.

You do impress on me all the time.

Your English hardly needs improving at all.

-Your English is wonderful. -Oh, liar.

Tell me what you're feeling, but not just

generally, like-- exactly.

Fine.

Normal, I suppose.

Mm-hmm, okay,

now, I want really what you're feeling.

Tell me!

Um....

Um...

uh, I don't know, um...

I don't know.

You go first.

Well, okay.

Let's try, um, well,

um, I'm amused and surprised

that I have a beautiful English boyfriend and, um...

...guilty about what my mother would say about the sex.

And, um...

anxious for her opinion of you.

And, uh...

maybe a little bit worried

that I'm not quite clever enough for you.

And that you might want a girlfriend

who's more than just a secretary.

Mm-hmm. That's it.

Now you try.

Alright, um...

well,

I'm content...

peaceful...

tranquil with, um...

...an undercurrent of turbulence.

My God, what was that, the weather forecast or...?

Please. I mean, it's not a test.

Don't look so worried.

No, it's--

It's just in England,

when, uh, you ask somebody

how they are, you know, it's--

It's words. It's just a courtesy.

The last thing in the world that you expect

is that they're going to actually tell you.

Yeah.

You're so direct.

Where did you learn to be so sincere?

What do you mean, "learn"?

I mean, either you say what's truthful or you don't.

-That's it? -Yes.

You look so scared.

How do I know if I'm in love?

You know it when you're house is on fire.

That's all.

Right arm around the wicket.

-Four balls to come. -Play.

It's a glorious run, surely the century.

Sorry.

Oh, it's a good one.

-My run! - Shit!

God. Sorry.

Are you okay?

Why are the English always so English?

I came here to get away from all that.

I think the natives are getting restless.

Why, what did he say?

Um, something unflattering about the English, I think.

All right, that's enough, go play somewhere else.

Did you get any of that?

Maybe he wants to take our picture.

Do you think he's putting on an act?

Do you think he's English himself?

Are you?

He certainly acts like the real thing.

Well, speaking for myself,

I could do with a vin rouge.

-Any takers? -Yeah.

Come on.

Are you coming?

Why not?

Your drink and the lady's.

So, why were you pretending to be French, then?

Well, you know the bloody English abroad,

they're always complaining, aren't they?

It's always something, it's either the food

or the beer or the terrible service.

"Oh, aren't the Parisians rude?"

Or something like that, I mean... and shouting.

As though that's going to make them understood or something.

Why would I want to be English?

Well, surely there must be something you like about us.

I can't think of anything.

Don't you miss home?

-No, of course not. -Oh.

What?

Don't you believe me?

'Course I believe you.

You can't catch me.

Hi. Le Monde, please.

Do you speak English?

- This one? You want this one? -No.

Mm.

What are you doing today?

-Nothing special. -Okay.

Then, see you.

Dear.

And I've-- I've started thinking

in French, you know? I feel French.

I wave my hands about when I talk, you know?

I have, uh...

sex in the afternoon.

I mean, if that's not French, I don't know what is.

I mean, I... I belong here, you know?

I feel like I'm at home.

-But? -It's....

It's not that I miss England, exactly,

but there's... one part of me that feels like

it's being disloyal to the other.

Well, maybe you're just homesick.

No.

-Lonely?

-Hardly. -Oh, yes,

you've got thing my-- what's her name?

Anyway...

what's she like, this girl that you're having

"a relationship with", as you put it?

Her name's Annick.

What's wrong with putting it like that?

You don't have to tell me about her.

It's none of my business, anyway.

No, I don't mind telling you about her.

She's, um... she's really...

direct, and, uh, emotional,

and sincere-- everything.

I mean, we've got this real connection between us.

-We never lie to each other. -What, never?

No.

Never.

Don't worry, I'm not trying to embarrass you.

I'm not embarrassed.

What are you going to do, then?

Do?

For a living.

Take photographs.

Does it pay well?

I don't know.

I haven't actually sold any yet.

Oh.

Well...

how are you going to provide for your family, then?

What family?

Oh, the one you'll have one day.

Bloody hell, give me time.

Why?

Well, 'cause I'm 21.

I'm still...

you know...

still having relationships.

What, more than one?

Well, not simultaneously, no.

Anyway, marriage is a relationship.

Yeah.

So?

Well, you said you were going to have relationships

and then get married,

as if they were two different things.

No, I didn't say I was going to get married.

Well, no, I suppose you didn't technically, no.

Too bloody right, I didn't. Might never get married.

Oh, I think you will.

Why?

You're not original enough not to.

-Chris...

...does Annick know about me?

She knows I see friends.

Does she know you see this particular friend?

Not specifically, no.

It's never come up.

It's no big deal, though, is it?

It's not as if...

...we've got anything to hide.

I thought you never lied to her.

I'm not lying.

If she asks me, I'll tell her.

Well...

if she doesn't know I exist,

how can she ask?

Fair enough.

I'll tell her then, shall I?

Don't start reading things

into these conversations, will you?

What do you mean?

Well...

if you analyze them too much

you might just get the idea that I fancy you.

Do you?

I'll see you, then.

What shall we do tonight?

I don't know.

See a movie?

How about the new, uh, Truffaut?

This English girl I met said it's pretty good.

That's settled, then.

Yeah. She really liked it.

Good.

Yeah, um... Marion,

this English girl friend of mine said it was, um,

one of her favourite films.

Are you trying to tell me something?

What do you mean?

Is this the famous English tact?

No.

Merely pointing out that apparently

the film's quite good.

Good.

Who told you that?

A friend.

An English girlfriend?

Well, not "girlfriend," y'know, I mean,

a friend who happens to be a girl.

You've got, uh, French boy friends,

-haven't you? -Yes!

But I don't mention them three times running unless

I have a very good reason.

Well, I'm just explaining that,

you know, she's a friend.

Um... we see each other from time to time and...

I've been meaning to mention her to you, that's it.

I think that you mean you've been meaning

to mention that you're sleeping with her.

No!

Of course not. I sleep with you.

Or that you want to.

No! Hold on. This is getting ridiculous.

I'm not being, um... what's the bloody word?

-I'm not being perfidious.

You know, Albion is always perfidious.

They teach you that in school.

No, I'm not-- listen, I just...

I'm trying to be honest.

I don't hide things from you.

Are you sleeping with her?!

No.

Are you in love with her?

Of course not. I...

I like you.

Thank you very much. So kind.

Of course you do.

No, I mean, I-I really do.

I love being here,

being with you and everything.

You know, I love it, I think, um...

I like... like you a lot.

How... how rational!

How... how measured!

How English you are!

You say it as if you'd known me for 20 years

rather than a few months.

Well, you taught me to say what I'm feeling,

now you're blaming me when I do.

I thought... you know....

-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. -I was-- I was...

yes, but I was teaching you to be sincere, not cruel!

I'm sorry. I mean, not 'cause I've done anything wrong.

I haven't, but I'm sorry because

you've misunderstood the situation.

No. No.

Why are you...?

Annick....

Why are you crying?

Huh?

Is it because I mentioned that girl?

I don't know. Tell me.

Is it because you think I don't love you enough,

or something?

Is it because you love me? Tell me.

Annick?

It's alright.

God save the Queen.

Oh...

Perhaps he has been malade, huh?

He looks healthy enough to me.

Perhaps he has been sulking.

But he's not the sulking type, is he?

Perhaps he work hard.

Perhaps this dog, she has given him the elbow.

Oh, perhaps that, yes.

Anyway, how could we let you spend the evening by yourself?

We thought you might be ill.

I thought you might not like me anymore.

I made a terrible mistake.

Annick...

meant everything to me, I...

I loved her. I loved her. I realize it now.

I don't want to go to bloody England!

I hate England. I'm staying here.

I'm going to stay in Paris.

I'm going to be an artist. I don't want a wife.

I don't want bloody kids.

I don't want responsibility. I don't need any of that.

Well, at least we know where we stand.

-Attagirl.

It's Mummy, Amy.

Oh, hey, hey. watch what you're doing with those hands.

Oh, that's great.

Yeah, that looks lovely.

On this beach, sun coming down

music playing, campfire, and the women--

unbelievable.

Incredible.

Do you ever think about... somebody else

when you're having sex with Kali?

Of course.

I mean, who doesn't?

Me.

Until recently, just lately.

Um...

whenever I make....

Fucking.

Yeah, uh, with Marion.

Um...

Annick keeps popping up.

You know, I mean, I--

it's not that I physically want her.

If she walked in the door right now

I might not fancy her at all, but...

I've just been thinking about the past a lot.

And I'm wondering what that says about...

me and Marion.

To be honest, we haven't been getting on that well recently.

What, are you going to leave her?

No. No. I haven't even thought about that.

It's just I feel....

Trapped. You feel trapped.

Quite frankly, Chris, I'm not surprised.

Look what you've done with your life.

No wonder you're bored.

Oh, and I suppose your life is something wonderful

by comparison.

I do what I want to do.

And I'm proud of my work.

Can you say the same?

I'm your oldest friend, Chris.

I know what's going on in your head.

I can read you like a book.

You keep thinking to yourself, "Did I make the right choice?"

Well, did you?

Toni did ask you, you know.

Of course he did.

"Come to Toni's party.

Dress informal.

-Wives optional." -Rubbish.

He wanted you to come.

Well, someone's got to look after Amy.

We could have got a babysitter.

We never go out together.

We haven't been at a party in decades.

You always say you hate parties.

Yeah, well, I want us to have fun.

You mean you want you to have fun.

Well, go on, I'm not stopping you.

You know what I really hate is that you feel this need

to drive a wedge between me and Toni.

Like you've got something against there being anybody

who knew me before you.

I think you'd better go.

I hope it's fun.

♪ Strolling along, minding my own business ♪

♪ Well, there goes a girl and a half ♪

♪ She's got me goin' up and down ♪

♪ She's got me goin' up and down ♪

♪ Walking on the beaches, looking at the peaches ♪

♪ Well, I've got the notion, girl ♪

♪ That you've got some suntan lotion ♪

♪ In that bottle of yours

♪ Spread it all over my peeling skin, baby ♪

♪ That feels real good

♪ All the skirts lappin' up the sun, lap me up ♪

Lloydy!

Hey, hey, how you doin'?

What did you do, raid an art gallery?

What are you doing with your trousers still on?

-Huh? -Where's Kali?

Downstairs, I think.

Bit of a sausage roll crisis going.

Listen, go down and cheer her up,

she's a bit depressed.

She just had an abortion.

It was her decision, you know, I mean, but I agree.

I mean, who wants to bring another little bastard

into this shit heap, huh?

Except budding bourgeois fat cats, of course.

Enjoy yourself, for fuck's sake.

♪ Walking on the beaches, looking at the peaches ♪

♪ Well, you just take a look over there ♪

♪ Where?

♪ Is she trying to get out of that clitares? ♪

That's good.

♪ So you win again, you win again ♪

♪ Here I stand again, the loser ♪

Prawn vol-au-vent?

They're, uh,

part-raw, part-incinerated,

barbecued-sushi-effect sort of thing.

I know you.

You were staring at me in the hall.

Well, not staring, exactly.

-You were checking me out.

Oh, it's alright, I was doing the same to you.

-I'm Joanna, by the way. -Chris.

Are you a friend of Toni's?

Mm, that's one way of describing it.

Has anyone ever told you you have a nice face?

"Nice"?

Ugh. I--

I suppose my mother might have mentioned that.

You can get me a drink, if you want.

Oh, can I?

Mind if I get myself one?

♪ Oh, it's so funny to see you after so long ♪

♪ And with the way you look I understand ♪

♪ That you were not impressed ♪

♪ But I heard you and that little friend of mine ♪

Hello again.

Hello.

I was wondering where you'd gone.

I was looking for you.

So, now that you found me, what are you going to do?

Do?

Well, you're interested, aren't you?

I know I am, so I assume we're going to fuck.

Oh, I... don't know about that.

I'm married.

I'm not prejudiced.

No, it's not that easy.

If you're worried about getting involved...

don't.

I'm not into that shit.

You're a married man.

You've got it all out in the open.

Well, good for you-- on both counts.

Can we go to bed now?

Well, that wasn't so difficult, was it?

I want you to have affairs.

It'll be good for our marriage.

It'll be good for our marriage.

I'll still cook your dinner,

and do your washing and ironing.

It's a little more practical if you're within reach.

Have you got any Durex?

I'm not on the pill.

No...

It's, um...

not the kind of thing you carry around with you

when you're married, really.

You'd be surprised.

Toni keeps them in the bathroom cabinet,

just under the sink.

Right.

Marion! No!

I'm sorry!

No!

Chris?

-You okay? -Good old Joanna.

Go on, Joanna.

You go for it, man, alright?

What are you doing?

I'm going home.

Why?

Because Toni put you up to this.

You sleeping with him?

Sometimes.

I'm not a whore.

I decide who I sleep with, not Toni.

But he suggested it might be a good idea

provided you didn't find me too repulsive, right?

He just wanted you to be happy.

-He really cares about you. -I'm really touched.

Chris, what difference does it make?

Whatever Toni did,

the point is you still wanted to sleep with me.

I wanted to, but I didn't.

'Cause you were scared.

Possibly, yes!

Isn't that as good a reason as any?

-Hi. -Hi.

Joanna found this in the spare bedroom.

Joanna?

Friend of Kali's?

Want to watch this husband of yours, Marion.

Right little raver on the dance floor

when they put the oldies on.

It was his wild streak that I married him for.

What the hell are you doing here?

I know what you did.

About what?

That whole bloody little adolescent game with Joanna.

It wasn't a game.

I was giving you what you said you wanted,

helping save you from yourself.

If you've said anything to Marion....

What are you frightened of, Chris?

Upsetting the whole cozy little middle-class apple cart?

Losing your perfect wife and your neat little flower bed?

Have you said anything?

What's happened to you, man?

You've just given up.

Down the line. Come on.

What went wrong? Paris wasn't that long ago.

It's been nearly bloody ten years since Paris!

Most of my adult life!

New definition of the word "adult":

"Time in which you've sold out."

A few years of freedom,

then back to the safe job and the tennis club.

Yeah, and yet another triumph

for the bourgeoisie steamroller!

What are you doing here?!

What the fuck were you doing with Marion?

-Why don't you ask her? -I'm asking you!

Well, let's just say Marion

doesn't share some of your inhibitions.

For Christ's sake, Chris, stop it!

Stop it, Chris!

Stop it! Stop it!

Get off!

Stop it! Stop it!

Did you sleep with Toni?

Is that what he said?

Not precisely.

And what do you think?

I want you to tell me you haven't.

Does it really matter if I have?

The way you've been behaving recently I wouldn't have

-thought you cared. -Of course I care.

He made a pass at me.

More than once.

I turned him down.

But...

I nearly said yes.

Oh, I was tempted.

He happens to be rather attractive.

I really don't know what's going through him.

I don't understand him.

Oh, Chris...

you're such an innocent sometimes.

Don't you see?

He's jealous of you.

Jealous?

Toni's jealous of me?

Yes.

And if you can't see why...

...then we really have got a problem.

Hello, darling.

Hello, sweetheart.

Good girl.

You alright?

Marion...

...you know Toni's party?

Mm?

Something happened there.

There was this girl.

Well, what's important is she, um...

tried to get off with me.

I'm glad I'm not the only person in the world

who finds you attractive.

She really tried quite hard.

I can't say that I blame her.

Just thought you ought to know.

-Is this a confession? -No.

'Course not.

-You didn't sleep with her? -No.

I just want to get everything out in the open,

well, with the circumstances.

But I was wondering...

how would you feel if I had?

Well, I suppose that depends on the circumstances.

I expect we'll find out one day.

What?

Well, you'll probably sleep with someone else

sooner or later.

-It's too interesting not to. -No.

I don't see why.

I don't think either of us went into this marriage

with ridiculous expectations, I mean...

...I do know what it is to be sexually bored.

Do you?

Are you?

Sometimes...

but mostly not.

The thing is, Chris, it--

it isn't what you think it is.

It doesn't prove anything and it doesn't

-disprove anything. -Yeah.

Well, you know, it's...

a hypothetical situation, anyway, so...

Well, not entirely, I--

Since we're discussing it, I might as well tell you that

yes, I have been unfaithful to you once.

And yes, it was only the once.

And no,

I haven't been tempted to since.

And I don't think I will be now.

Fuck!

Was that better?

Better than what?

You did sleep with her, didn't you?

That girl at Toni's party?

I told you.

Well, she was alright, I suppose.

But who wants fast food when you can eat at the Ritz?

Listen, I just came to say good-bye.

-Yeah. -Yeah,

back to the States, I think.

What are you going to do?

I don't know,

maybe some screenwriting.

Kali's people are in the film game.

I might, you know...

Going to stay at their place in Malibu.

It's lovely, yeah.

So, when you coming back?

Oh, I don't know. I'm leaving it open-ended.

Listen, Chris...

...why don't you come?

You're serious?

Yeah, of course I'm bloody serious.

Why don't you just let it all go, huh?

I mean, come on.

Doesn't your heart just sink at the thought of it all?

Knowing what, you're going to spend

the rest of your life here?

Knowing how every day is going to begin and end

day after monotonous day until what?

You keel over with a heart attack

well before your time?

The thing you don't understand, Toni.

The thing I didn't understand...

is that I like it here.

I like my life.

I'm content.

-Making lists again? -Yeah.

What about "happy"?

What about it?

When you're drawing up your lists,

what do you put in the column next to "happy"?

"Happy:

If not now...

never."

♪ Yearning, we were yearning

♪ Green light blinding on the rail ♪

♪ Burning, we were burning

♪ And the line unwinding to the Holy Grail ♪

♪ To the future gleaming on a blue horizon ♪

♪ And a golden girl on golden sand ♪

♪ Dreaming, fantasizing

♪ In another world from Metroland ♪

♪ I've danced in rain, and I've been Django ♪

♪ And I've got laid, I've been a rollin' stone ♪

♪ I've been Verlaine, and I've been Rimbaud ♪

♪ Not afraid to walk alone

♪ And now I take my midnight ramble ♪

♪ Do I fold or play what's in my hand? ♪

♪ Oh, what's at stake, and what's the gamble? ♪

♪ Do I stay in Metroland?

♪ Dreams, yesterday's laughter ♪

♪ Ghosts and lovers come back to play ♪

♪ But dreams have a morning after ♪

♪ And run for cover in the light of day ♪

♪ I got something real, worth holding on to ♪

♪ I can belong to and understand ♪

♪ I've made my deal, I will go on to ♪

♪ Make my peace with Metroland ♪

♪ With Metroland

♪ Metroland

♪ Oh, Metroland

♪ In Metroland