Original subtitles

- no, it's great If you're handing out copies

At the watchtower.

Don't be nervous, Mom will never like you.

So no worries there.

And dad's just happy You're not a guy.

- oh, great, thanks.

- just don't ask too many Questions about dad

And uncle neal's business.

I'm kind of being serious now.

- what are they, Spies or criminals--

- they're not spies, uh...

Dad and uncle neil aren't

100 percent Law abiding citizens.

It's got nothing To do with me...

Or us.

Okay?

Breakfast in five.

- I've got it.

- were you Expecting somebody?

- no, I don't know Who it could be.

- shh.

- shh.

- freeze, u.S. Marshals!

- drop the bat.

Drop the bat, Come out slowly,

Let me see your hands.

- my family, are they--

Is this the guy?

- not yet, damn it. Come on.

Come on, come on!

- I don't even know What they want.

We never talked About funerals.

They probably Have wills, right?

- it'll be okay.

Your uncle neal Probably would know

What your dad Would have wanted.

- you're right, You're right,

Neal will know.

- so there's a locate here And a locate here.

But almanza really thinks

That this is the zone We should be focusing on.

I don't know if he's right.

- inspector marshall mann.

- you can just say inspector.

- well, I know you're A marshal, we're all marshals.

- no, that's my name.

- marshall.

- inspector marshal Marshall mann.

- it's, uh--

- yeah, okay, I'm sure there's

A great story there, But we're a little busy.

- so am I. I'm with witness protection.

- oh, "Wimpsec"...Whew! Right?

Listen, after you get these Mopes their fake I.D.'s

And their plane tickets, How about a coffee run?

Thanks.

- through there.

Hey, the girl Finally stopped blubbering,

Try not To set her off again.

Can't stand all the crying.

- the federal major crimes task Force has been after the man

Who killed your family For a long time.

Carson miller ran One of the most violent

Criminal gangs in the city.

Last week, Several of his associates

Betrayed him To law enforcement.

He escaped, And went after everyone

He thought Double-crossed him.

Including your family.

You've agreed to testify, So I need to get you safe.

- he claims he didn't get A clear look at the shooter.

Somewhat hard to believe.

But, if he won't testify, We can't protect him.

- one of the deputies Said that we--

- marshal marshall, Quick question--

- in a second.

- that we'd be in witness Protection

For a long time.

- given the depths of carson's Criminal ties...

- months, plus, a long--

That's what he's dancing around.

Forever.

Carson is completely insane.

If we catch him, His crew will kill you.

If we don't, He'll kill you.

So, old life done, New life starts,

It will be fine. You're welcome.

Couple things, Contact info for you, for them--

- if that's what You both want, absolutely.

- how long have They been going out?

- well, four months, But it feels like we're--

- don't say "Soul mates."

"Soul mates" was invented By crappy writers

To sell bad books To stupid people.

You're gonna break up.

You're gonna become each other's Biggest security risk

And have to go through the whole Messy moving process again,

At taxpayers' expense.

- thank you, mary sunshine.

But it's their decision.

What'll it be?

- we'll stay together.

- forget witsec, Might as well just hold hands

And go to lilith fair.

All right, So claudia and henry.

We're gonna keep it moving, Right?

Not spend a second more Than we have to?

- every once in a while, I forget how

The happiness Of others angers you.

- not everyone, Just them.

It's all that cooing, And the way he's always

Playing with her hair.

- well, they were just robbed, So maybe--

Oh, there.

- this is not Getting anything done!

- I'm done Being your mother!

- the scent of human misery, Home cooking to your soul.

- there's a researcher Who claims he can tell

If a couple's Going to break up

Based on how They talk to each other.

An ability I've had Since I was five,

Without n.I.H. Funding.

I just looked up at my parents And thought, "Nope."

It took a six-figure Gambling debt,

An alcoholic spiral And an fbi manhunt,

But they finally came To the same conclusion.

Did they get Anything valuable?

- uh, they, uh--

They didn't get the one thing That we can't replace.

The happy kitty ring.

- it can take many forms,

But the worst are the ones Who should have known better.

The ones who rushed in, Got hitched,

And now they don't Know how to get out of it.

They look like marmots Trapped in a cage.

All right, I'll look Into the carson angle,

Make sure there's No connection to your past.

- uh...

- uh, there's a chance I might have kept some photos

In a box in the closet, Family records.

- yeah.

- oh jesus, henry.

- okay, so either we have A home invader

Who took every Valuable item in the house

And just happened To get a box

That will mean Nothing to him, or--

- someone made it look like A robbery to confirm

Your real identities.

- by the way, pack up.

- criminal coincidence, A couple days.

- anything to do With carson miller,

You're looking at new names, New life, new town,

All over again.

Guys, It shouldn't take long.

Clothes are out, Chop-chop.

Carson miller, Last spotted in bolivia.

Baltimore fbi thinks He's still the boss,

Running things From down there.

- wow, gone seven years,

Ruling by pure fear From another hemisphere.

I'd love to have Power like that some day.

- but wouldn't you rather That power

Came from love, Not from fear?

- I don't even Understand the question.

- henry's uncle neal Seems to have stayed

In the family business,

Six arrests, No convictions.

- are we-- Are we out of paper?

- you're out of both Three hole punch and regular.

- I never thought I'd say this, But I think I miss eleanor.

Fbi seriously hired her To be an analyst?

That's almost Like a real job.

Hey, do analysts get guns?

- you better hope not,

She's about as big Into forgiveness as you are.

- so henry and claudia Seemed a bit weird, huh?

- they were freaked out From the break in.

- maybe, or--

- don't sing the song. - I love me some song.

- the rule is the song Can only be invoked

When you are proven right.

- yeah, I know.

- wow, stan, Opening day at ascot?

- I have a meeting With allison pearson.

- the newly appointed U.S. Marshal for our district.

- right, right, The political hack

Who licked d.C. Butt Like a creamsicle

So she could tell actual Marshals how to do a job

She can't comprehend, Let alone be in charge of.

That allison pearson.

- you two are Gonna be gone all day, right?

- no, but it's okay.

I think your meeting With allison is tomorrow.

- oops.

- it's good.

Gives you time to buy The top hat and monocle.

- so, henry and claudia, We got a breach?

- not sure yet. We got a bet. You wanna ref?

- it's what I live for.

- I say break up Was inevitable,

Glenda the good witch here, Thinks...

- rough patch, They'll get through it,

This is a couple That goes the distance.

- oh, yeah.

- I called this pair day one. Doomed.

- your stipend will last six Months to a year.

So there's no reason

You can't have everything You dreamed of.

- but...In albuquerque.

- it's a city With a lot to offer.

- yeah, all the crystal meth A nose could want.

Have fun.

- I'm sorry.

I'm on a case.

- yes, you are.

You've been temporarily Reassigned to "Wimpsec."

- ha ha, hilarious.

- I am, and right.

Get used to both And we should be fine

For the next few days.

The next few days you're gonna Follow your career path

Into the wonderful world Of babysitting basket cases,

And I'm gonna do--

What is it That real marshals do again?

I know I read About it someplace.

Oh, yeah, Catch a fugitive.

- it has been decided,

That for reasons Of decorum,

Claudia needs A female escort.

- did you Just say decorum?

'cause I think people Who say decorum aren't allowed

To tell other people What do do.

- I'm not telling you What to do, your boss is.

Don't believe me? Call him.

I'm gonna double check This myself

Since I'm not exactly Bursting with joy.

Stan, I don't Want to overreact here,

But she's crazier Than the killer

Who's after my witnesses, And a lot less pleasant.

- yeah, I've heard she can be Overly forthright.

Aronson's tried to pawn her off On seven other officers

And no one will take her, But--

- no, they've already got A girl on this detail,

You should see this guy.

- come on, It's a short flight.

- the airport's iced in, And with carson still in play,

I can't take a direct route.

It's gonna be A three-day move.

- you have my sympathy, And your orders.

- all right, fine.

But as soon As they're in new mexico,

I'm back On the carson pursuit,

And you better pray they don't Catch him without me.

All right, look.

Maybe we can both Get what we want here.

We leak our route to carson's Associates, right?

And then we wait for them To catch up--

- were you drunk When they covered

Witness protection At the academy?

These people Are traumatized.

We're all they have.

- it shouldn't matter Why I want the money back,

I just do.

I know that I've already paid For the classes,

But now I want to withdraw And get a refund.

You know, it's fine.

- I'm just trying To change my schedule

To get some Of my tuition money back.

- you know, squish, This sudden need for cash,

And the secret phone calls Behind closed doors,

The internet searches For airfare to new jersey,

It's all starting to feel A little like chuck part two.

- actually, It's my computer.

- okay, well, Figure out how much

I've used it And bill me.

- don't act like I'm being The unreasonable one here.

- no, it's completely reasonable For you to spy on me

And treat me like an idiot.

- come on, please. - for you.

I just sometimes Forget that.

- all right, look-- Hey.

- henry and claudia's dvr Is still calling

For programming updates, So we can trace

The update calls To the robber's landline.

- u.S. Marshals, we'd like To ask you a few questions.

- umm, okay, What's this about?

I have a prescription.

- yeah, I'm sure Your glaucoma's debilitating.

Sit down, don't move.

- well, here we go.

What's past is prologue.

- your turn to drive.

- thank you, jesus.

- gas 'er up, driver pays.

You know, for a marshal, You're kind of a puss.

Did you sign up for the service Just 'cause of the name thing,

Cause I'm not sure that's The best way to choose a career.

Family tradition, I'm fifth generation.

- oh, yeah, A family of marshals.

Must have been An awkward conversation

When you told them You were gay, huh?

- I'm not... Taking the bait.

What line of work Is your family in?

- alcoholism And bank robbery.

- you must be Quite the disappointment.

- mutual.

- not to get too sappy, But...

It's an opportunity

To watch people decide...

What to change About themselves,

What to keep.

Think about it, You have this whole future,

It seemed so real, All these plans.

Then suddenly, There's this big empty space

Where that future Used to be.

And you can fill it With anything you want,

Be anyone you ever dreamed.

- or, you wake up In the parched, dead hellbox

Of albuquerque Bleeding from the ears

Because you scream yourself To sleep every night.

- I do actually wonder What's wrong with you,

But I don't Actually want to know.

- that is the first Smart thing you've said.

Family photos, labeled With first and last names.

- oh look, the year and place The pics were snapped.

Great. Thanks, henry.

Derrick, come here.

Sit down.

Okay, what's the story?

- it was supposed To be a joke.

- yeah, breaking and entering,

Three to five stretch, Hilarious.

- yeah.

- no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm a friend of henry's.

- we hang out at the bar Where he works.

It's supposed to be A practical joke on his wife.

He said if I did it I could keep the dvr,

Which is pretty cool, right?

I mean, it can record, like, Four shows at once--

- okay, okay, okay, Henry said what, exactly?

That you should make it look Like a burglary?

- yeah, he gave me A list of stuff to take.

- especially the pictures.

- oh, boy.

- he said to get them, But don't look at them.

Which was weird, So, like,

I called him, like, 50 times, no answer.

Then I went by his place, He's gone.

So, you know, is he okay? Right?

I mean, I'm starting To freak out a little bit.

And...

What, what?

Wait, okay. No, I get it.

This is part of the joke, Right?

You guys aren't marshals.

This is awesome!

What? - shut up.

- okay.

- shut up now, Shut up tomorrow,

Shut up forever, You got that?

You don't tell anybody About this, ever.

Are we clear?

God.

- no, you can't shoot him.

- so stupid.

- okay, let's take a moment Here, think this through.

Henry set it all up.

Had lebowski there break in, Steal everything--

And the photos--

To intentionally create A security breach.

So that we would, what, Be forced to move them, why?

- I have no idea. Here's what I do know.

I don't care. I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of needy, crazy, Stupid liars.

Seriously, I can't take it anymore.

I grew up with them, I live With them, I work with them.

And no matter how fast I run, Or far I go,

They breed and come after me.

It's like a zombie movie,

Except the only scary part Is it never ends.

- really good.

- no, I think I hit it all.

- ready.

- thanks. - de nada.

- hello.

- little brat tricked me.

- hi, brandi, why aren't you Calling from your cell?

Wow, yeah, no, no, They are easy to lose

Over and over and over.

Listen, I gotta, um--

A-ha, well,

Chuck sounds Like a real catch.

Oh, oh, hello? Hello, hello?

Oh, going through a tunnel. Sorry!

My sister has The worst taste in men.

Worse than mom, Worse than me.

Well, mom.

- so you dodge Your mom's calls too?

- yeah, right, Like she'd have my number.

What, you call your mom Every sunday or something?

- no...Dad.

I talk to mom every day.

- wait.

Are you the perfect son From the perfect family?

- that's ridiculous.

- you are. - we have problems.

- no, my family Has problems.

- actual, irresolvable, Psychotic problems

That will never, Ever change.

Your family has what, like, Cute little dilemmas?

But, no matter what,

You always stick together, Right?

I'm so right, I've seen the movie.

Smiling faces, Matching outfits,

Doing song and dance numbers As you flee the nazis.

- you have good spider sense.

- yeah, it's tuned.

- ever turn it On yourself?

No.

- so you never wonder why You chose a career path

Where you chase people Trying to run from you?

- helping people Who need it?

Because, why do that?

That might actually challenge Your view of humanity.

Prejudiced, narrow, And ignorant as it is.

That might just be All you've got.

And if that goes, Well, what then?

- I don't know, I was in the bathroom,

I thought he was with you.

- stay here. - I'll find him.

- do what you do.

Stay with her, Sing edelweiss.

Who are you calling?

- oh, having phone sex--

- your uncle, did you get him, Did you talk to him?

- no! There was no answer.

- henry, there is nothing I'd love more

Than to use you as bait To get carson,

But if I did, I'd do it smart.

You're being an idiot,

And you're gonna Get us all killed.

Carson miller Is looking for you.

Oh, come on!

You talk about this guy Like he's keyser soze.

He knows we're in witsec.

And if he's smart, Then he'll forget about us

- he is smart. He's smart, and he won't.

I know his profile. He won't stop, not ever.

- uncle neal is the only family That I have left.

I wanted to try to talk him Into coming with us,

Getting into Witness protection.

He's not safe out there.

- he is safe, And he's not coming into witsec.

- but he--

- henry, your uncle Set up the hit.

You just don't Wanna see it.

Come on.

You call him again, You'll be killing yourself,

And claudia.

Is that what you want?

- no, I would never--

I love claudia.

- then be the man That she needs.

And if you can't, Let her know now.

Commit. To this, to her, everything,

Or step off.

- I wanna ask you A question.

I was thinking, Since you're gonna be

Changing your name anyway...

Hello kitty.

Didn't your parents Buy you any toys?

- word games, Educational software.

- well, we're gonna Make up for that.

From now on,

It is all pointless, Stupid fun all the time.

Claudia, Will you marry me?

Yes.

Yes.

- congratulations.

- thank mary.

I never would have Had the guts

If she hadn't Let me have it just now.

- yeah, she was great.

She really made me See what to do here.

- we're-- We're getting married.

- after we got here, Henry really didn't wanna

Do anything Except be with me.

Which was great at first,

But then I opened The toy store,

I made friends,

And I couldn't be His whole life anymore.

I thought, maybe if He went back to law school, or--

He's so brilliant, But I think losing everything

And starting over Killed something in him.

- back then, All we had was each other.

Everything else was gone, So we held on to each other.

I never loved Anybody like that,

I never had anybody Love me like that,

And I realized, That's what matters,

'cause what else is there?

So law school turned Into business school,

And business school Turned into sociology.

That turned Into hanging out,

Bartending, partying...

With guys like derrick.

- and, uh, she started Slipping away.

Acting like I, uh, Let her down.

Like I'm not The guy that she married.

But I can't-- I can't lose her.

She's the only thing That's real.

- I love him.

I just don't know If I love him the way I did.

The way he needs.

- I thought, if it was just The two of us again,

Like it was--

- it would Bring you back together.

Bring back that intensity, That intimacy?

- so you get it then.

- I get that it was sneaky, Stupid, and self-destructive.

I get that you might have Been a nice guy once.

But now, You officially suck.

- stop. Just stop, okay?

I want a divorce.

- hey brand. - hey, um, peter.

So listen,

I'm really sorry To call and bug you with this.

But, um, there's a little Problem with my tuition,

And I'm a little short.

- for tuition At a community college?

But that's the entire year, Plus books.

Um, so...Hello?

- no, yeah...Sorry.

It's just, This year's been a little dicey,

And people really aren't Rushing to buy cars.

Cashwise, I'm a little--

- I know, I'm really sorry To even have to ask.

- no, no, let me just talk To my accountant, okay?

- okay.

- so...Should I still Come over later?

- sure, yeah, of course.

- okay, I'll see you In a little bit.

- see ya.

- chicago's no good For claudia.

It's too likely she'll run Into someone from her old life.

She did three summers At northwestern.

- good to go.

Twin cities for claudia, Capital of california for henry,

And they never See each other again.

- no running into each other At the mall,

No awkward interest In the new spouse,

No break up booty calls.

Just a neat, clean,

Federally funded Soul mate amputation.

- stan, I need your okay

On the henry and claudia Relocation.

- wow! So...

Big day, huh?

Allison pearson Finally arrives.

- oh, gosh, actually I had sort of forgotten.

- well, that's very sad.

- technically mine.

Initial there.

- and, as you do, I will begin the song,

Unless your welshing.

- no. The bet is, The song is sung

When they are Officially put asunder.

This just gives them funds, Permission,

And a movement plan.

I choose optimism.

- marshall's in bounds.

- play on.

- stan.

Welcome, marshall pearson. - allison.

That's a lovely suit. - oh!

- where did you Have it made?

No, I just, uh, Bought it in a store.

- must be why it Doesn't quite fit

In the shoulders, Easy fix.

- wow, hate her.

- you must be mary shannon. Heard a lot about you.

- your name's Come up quite a lot.

- huh. - you must be marshall.

- only in The very nicest way.

- hmm.

- so if you'll just clip on That security badge.

It's crepe.

The teeth in this little claw Will just tear it.

I'm just gonna hold it.

I do the same thing At the white house.

The president Sort of teases me about it.

- oh, first minute, Name drops potus.

It's gotta be A land speed record.

Is she a bat?

- I don't know. Let's walk away.

- so, allison, any headlines On what you'd like to cover?

- just one.

The witness protection budget In this office

Is grotesquely huge.

And given the fact You safeguard as many criminals

As ordinary citizens, It's hardly worth

The kind of money you spend, Is it?

So where do we start?

- I like driving at night.

- me too.

- I remember being with my dad When I was six or seven.

He'd bundle us all up At bedtime,

We'd take off For someplace.

My brother's nine, Back, half asleep,

Mom and dad up front, Nobody talking.

Just the sound of the road In the dark.

Aren't you gonna Say something

Funny and mean That'll blow holes in me?

- no, it sounds nice.

My dad had This sweet tooth.

Kicked in Sometimes late at night.

When my mom Would be getting sloshed

Gearing up for a fight, And we'd slip out,

Go to this all-night place For ice cream.

Mostly to get away From her.

That, and I think He liked being with me.

Just the two of us.

Driving around in the dark, Singing along to the radio.

- I bet he did.

I cannot imagine you Were a dull child.

No, no, no.

No, facial recognition program At sunport caught

Carson miller moving through Security two hours ago.

What is the point Of airport security?

What's the 20 On henry and claudia?

- she went home to pack a few Things, god damn it.

- he's still at the hotel.

Here's a printout Of the security cam.

- you grab him, I'll get her.

- come on, henry.

- claudia, claudia!

- it's gonna be okay, hide.

- mary, I'm scared. - just hide until I get there!

- henry.

- claudia.

- hey.

- it's all right, It's all right, all right.

I gotcha. It's okay.

- henry's en route With s.O.G.

- same, meet me.

- henry and claudia should be There in three minutes.

- any evidence Carson killed derrick?

- yeah, marshall accessed Derrick's phone records.

When the idiot Couldn't find henry,

He opened the box and started Calling henry's family.

Including-- - uncle neal.

- asshole still Selling out family.

- alert the fugitive task force, Derrick probably gave up

Everything he knew About henry and claudia,

Where they worked, Where they hung out.

That's where Carson's gonna be.

- got it.

- what if we give him What he wants?

Put me out there, You know, bait?

- no.

- catching carson is somebody Else's job,

Not yours, not mine. Got it?

- I feel like This is all my fault.

I wanna do something.

- live. Trust me, that's something.

- standard emergency Evac procedure.

- a helicopter. Standard?

- what do you want him to do, Catch a bus?

- mary.

You're welcome To check with washington.

- no, I've said what I need to, It's your call, stan.

- skids up in five.

- he was just here, Where is he?

When was the last time You saw him?

- uh, 10, 15 minutes ago.

- we're locked down, He couldn't get out.

- my--

- your badge, The one you wouldn't clip on

To your pretty little suit, Where is it?

It's on the street With my witness.

- oh, jesus.

- inspector shannon.

- pray to whatever god You believe in that I get henry

Before carson does, or what Happens to him happens to you.

Get away from me. Amateur.

- still on him.

He's in old town, Near the bar where he works.

- he wants carson to get him So we get carson.

- we have the fugitive Task force in the area.

Don't tell them. They want carson.

They'll be more than happy To use henry as bait, trust me.

We roll in quiet, No uniforms,

No presence, We get henry safe.

Nobody else.

Henry!

Henry.

Henry!

Henry!

Henry!

- jesus christ, lady, What are you doing?

- hi, carson.

We've never actually met, But I'm a big fan

And we go way back.

It's a good story, Tell him, marshall.

- once upon a time,

There was a very happy marshal Named marshall,

And a very unhappy marshal Named mary.

And the moral Of the story is,

All good things Come to those

Who come to albuquerque.

Except for you.

- there's a dishwasher.

- and walls and a door, It's a palace.

Okay, it's been great, Gotta jet.

- oh, before you go, I wanted to tell you something.

Both of you.

Thank you for getting us here, Together.

I don't know what would have Happened to us

If you hadn't been the people That you are.

- we know how much This means,

And we're not gonna waste The chance you gave us.

Promise.

- mary, Are you going back east?

- no, this has been Such a wonderful,

Life changing experience, I'm going to derail

My whole career and join Witsec in albuquerque.

Please.

- freud said There are no jokes.

- you were using sarcasm

To express Your true feelings.

- there's something weird About the air here.

- that's The lack of pollution.

- what, it's like this All the time?

- I don't know, Might be worth sticking around

To see these two break up.

Should be In about a week.

Unbelievable.

He does one stupid thing She wants to leave him,

He does another stupid thing, She wants to stay.

Did you pay him?

- I would have If I had thought of it,

But love triumphed Without financial incentive.

- and the winner is marshall.

- * I'm right, you're wrong

* that is why I sing this song *

* I'm right, you fool

* I rule, you drool

- I need to speak to you.

What you said to me was rude, Disrespectful, and right.

There is a lot about witsec I find appallingly wasteful,

And morally questionable.

But mainly,

There's a lot about it I just don't understand.

So from now on, I will be right here,

Every chance my schedule allows, Learning...

From you.

- jesus, god. - thank you, mary.

I think our time together Is gonna be memorable.

- hey.

- hi.

- you probably know that I don't really need to check

With my accountant About money.

I have money.

Well, $20,000 less Than I had, but--

- and, you probably know It isn't for school.

The reason I asked you On the phone was,

I didn't think I could Look at you and lie.

Uh, but the truth is,

I have to go Back east for a while,

And I can't Tell you any more.

So please don't give me The money if you need to know.

- I trust you.

- yeah.

- nobody's ever Said that to me before.

- good, then I stand out.

- yes, you do.

- don't tell mary About the money.

- sure.

- hey. - hey.

- does that mean that I can leave and avoid

Being a helpless observer?

- yes. - excellent.

- so, listen, I think, um,...

I think I need to maybe not

Watch you so close, You know?

You're a grown up, I'm a grown up,

I just--I just Want you to be safe,

That's all.

- and I really wanna try And be someone you respect.

- squish-- - don't say anything else.

Seriously, this is nice,

And we can ruin Anything with words, so...

- when are you leaving For jersey?

- tomorrow.

- well, just be sure You're gone long enough

For me to really miss you.

- will do.

- stan, I'm telling you, Snap her up.

- is this some kind Of stockholm syndrome?

- I pride myself On being able to tell

When a relationship Won't work.

And normally I love being right,

More than anything.

More than blue moon beer, Exile on main street,

Food smothered In mole sauce, and sleep.

But sometimes It's good to be wrong.

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