Original subtitles

Taking the stage oughta save me about a day,

I should be back by Sunday.

I understand Saint Louis is quite a town

for temptation these days.

Well, I suppose for those riverboat whities looking

for the bright lights.

I'm talking about cattle country marshals

who might take an interest

in the latest fashion in petticoats.

Saint Louis sounds

more interesting all the time!

What's interesting, Matthew?

I didn't aim to be a butting in,

it's just that I ain't feeling worth a hoot.

What's the matter with ya?

Well, it's them there blame argues that's came on me again, Matthew.

What's an argue, Festus?

Ms. Kitty, argue is when a certain part that a feller's got

gets to arguing with another part that a feller's got,

and then, directly, a feller gets to feeling like

every blame thing he's got is argue-fying

with everything else he's got.

Don't you see?

Oh that Doc, that blamed old scutter.

Say, "I told you so.

"What are you coming to see me now for?"

I'll say, "Well I know what you told me Doc."

What's the trouble, Festus?

Oh Newly, it's them blamed argues,

they've came on me again!

Well have you been taking that medicine Doc gave you?

Well, of course, I... Well no, I ain't.

I'll tell you why.

That blamed stuff he mixed up smells like something

that he brewed in a civet cat's nest!

I don't wanna talk to you.

Well, who's asked to talk to you?

I distinctly told you

that I didn't wanna hear any complaints

until you'd finished that bottle!

Well, it's done finished.

Finished, yes it's finished.

Poured out on the ground and don't tell me you didn't do it,

cause somebody saw you pour it out!

All right, nosey, I'll tell you what I done.

I poured that blame stuff out by a prairie dog hole.

Not in it, beside it.

Directly, here come that old prairie dog

just a sputtering and a choking

and pretty nigh keeled over dead!

And that there was downwind, mind you.

That's not funny!

Mister Buey, what are you doing in town?

When you didn't start the spring rounds, Doc,

I figured I'd best drive in those who most needed attention.

Didn't young Anderson tell ya I'd be out by noon?

Well, I guess he forgot to mention the noon.

Sounded like you didn't know.

Well...

We're gonna take care of ya.

Festus, help 'em upstairs, would you do that?

You betcha, Doc.

We'll see you, Mr. Thompson.

Sheriff.

All right old timer, here.

Let me help ya now, take it easy.

Easy now!

All right folks, come on.

- Come on this way. - Got a kind of a problem here.

Several folks in that wagon there

that I've been postponing surgery on

and I'm gonna have to take care of 'em.

That means I'm gonna have to ask you

to make my spring rounds for me.

Take you bout a week, I think.

Well Doc, you usually have 20 to 30 people

waiting for you at those points.

Well, I know but they're minor ailments, usually.

Besides, anything you can't handle,

you can just bring 'em into town.

Well I'll do the best I can, Doc,

but that's a pretty big responsibility.

Responsibility's something you're gonna face the rest of your life.

Might as well get your feet wet.

Now your first stop will be Buey's farm.

People come in there from the Garvey Foothills, you know.

There won't be too many there, though.

Enough probably to keep you busy for the day.

Now they all expect to pay something

for your services, Newly, and you can't refuse 'em.

Because, well they'd be humiliated.

Now, I generally handle it by charging ten cents.

Medication free.

Now just keep in mind they'll all be a little nervous,

some of 'em frightened.

A doctor's bag is a mysterious thing, you know?

And they'll be especially frightened of you, Newly,

because they don't know you.

Beverly!

Come back here.

I'm sure this is only a sprain.

She's been aggravating it by using it.

So, you leave this splint on for, say, week or ten days

and she'll be just fine.

How much are you charging?

Well, I think a dime would cover it.

Doc Adams only charges a nickel.

Was a dime, Ma.

Hush.

Knowed it was a nickel.

A nickel would be just fine.

Thank you.

You giving out no licorice?

I'm sorry, it almost slipped my mind.

Here you go, honey.

Ma'am.

Next, please.

Oh.

Generally nights.

My arm gets kinda cold, my toes tingle.

What might help, ma'am is to have us a hot bath

before going to bed.

It helps the circulation.

Well bath ain't gonna help my guitar.

You bring root pills?

No mam, root pills are only sold at medicine shows

and they won't help you a bit.

I've been taking root pills for years!

Believe me ma'am, a lot of ailments

are tied into circulation of the blood.

Well, it ain't hard to tell somebody to take a bath

and get rich on 'em.

This is gonna hurt a little bit.

Making doctors younger, eh?

What can I do for ya?

No, no thank you, sir.

Can I do something for ya?

Guess you're one of them men don't drink.

Well I do at times.

Do you have any particular ailments?

How do you feel?

It's one thing and another.

Well maybe you can tell me about it.

Kinda in a hurry.

Yes, sir.

Well...

I ain't going no place.

Guess I ain't got nothing can't wait.

Who's next, please?

Is there anybody here that has

any cuts they'd like me to look after?

Is there any children among you that have sore throats?

Wait a minute!

Come back here, I'm only trying to help ya!

Can I help ya, son?

Do you need any medication?

Old man does.

- What old man? - Yonder.

Back in the hills?

- You got Comack tonic? - Comack?

That never really was a tonic, son.

It was mostly opium mixed with other drugs.

Town store said they ain't got no more.

They used to carry it for grandpa all the time.

Well they're not allowed to sell it anymore.

You see, sometimes painkillers kill more than just pain.

Old man always needed it.

I need a quarter's worth of something.

What's the matter with this old man?

Don't know.

Well, suppose I take a look at him.

Just sell me something.

Son, a doctor just doesn't sell some things.

A drug will ease pain,

but the cause of the pain should be looked into.

How you doing, Newly?

I'm not so sure, Mr. Buey.

You sure finished early.

Old Doc Adams, he'd be going right to dark.

Do you know anything about that boy?

Probably from that canyon town set above Torrey Pass.

Some people have been up there almost six months.

Well he mentioned something about someone being very sick.

Wouldn't know.

- There are people who are mighty close. - Obliged.

Hey!

Wait up!

Is anybody home?

Just take it easy.

Just relax.

Just take it easy.

Can you hear me?

Just take it easy.

That's it.

Easy.

Relax your throat.

Relax!

He'll die if he doesn't get enough air!

Help me cut a piece of this tubing!

Come on old feller, help me. Help me!

What's going on here?

He's dead!

Cut his throat.

What'd you do that for?

To save his life!

He was in a coma.

You cut a man in the throat to save his life?

It's called a tracheotomy.

He couldn't breathe.

I'll hear anything you wanna say in the morning.

Mister...

you be charged with murder.

Miss...

I have to talk to somebody.

Who's in charge of the village?

Be Kermit.

Will you tell him I wanna see him.

There's been a mistake!

Kermit be coming now.

What kinda people are you?

Chain a man like an animal.

We don't chain animals.

That puts you a might lower, don't it?

I wanna talk to somebody

up here who's a rational human being.

You don't take much to folks without fancy clothes,

do you mister?

Clothes don't make any difference to me

one way or the other.

And I'm as sorry as anybody else about that old man dying,

but it wasn't my fault.

You used a knife on him.

To save his life!

To what?

To try to save his life!

Mister, you just save your wind

for convincing people not to hang you!

Hang me?

What are you talking about?

People would be wondering about my patience

with you after killing my pa!

But you'll get your trial.

Your father.

I didn't know that.

And I'm sorry.

Sorry?

Don't you talk to me about sorrys.

These people'd be wondering why I don't just kill ya!

And every time you open your mouth,

I'm thinking the same thing!

Get on with your work!

Mister.

Say your peace.

Ya call this a trial?

Is that your peace?

I'm a doctor.

And I come here because

that boy over there told me an old man was sick.

And I came up here to doctor him.

Ain't seen no doctor.

Well ma'am you see, actually I'm not a doctor.

You not be a doctor?

I don't think you'll understand.

I study medicine under Doctor Adams in Dodge City

and he's been busy.

Why we asking questions?

Yeah.

Saw him cutting people in the farmlands!

Asking money.

Wanted ten cents from a little gal.

Little gal's ma said it wasn't worth but five cents.

I can't believe what's going on here.

Other old farmland woman was told to take a bath!

She didn't give him no money.

I'd like to know if he's got any

of that snake oil and such.

Old lady died after one

of them traveling doctors sells her two whole bottles!

Hold on!

I'm no medicine man selling snake oil.

And I'm no quack trying to take advantage of you people!

I had no thought of making money when I come up here.

If you figure to be making nothing,

what'd you go to any trouble for?

I just wanted to help him.

Your father was strangling on his own breath.

He be breathing and you cut his throat!

Strangling!

Don't you understand the word?

His throat muscles were closing in

on the air he tried to breathe.

You cut him!

To save his life!

Cutting's what killed him!

My man's being buried this morning.

He was sleeping!

My man was sleeping like he always does!

Ma'am, he was in a coma!

Aw, we shoulda strung him up last night!

Maybe this fella can tell me why he's selling

this here little pill!

I don't sell anything.

Can't you people understand!

Mister,

you break open this sweet tasting covering

and what's inside?

Medication.

No that...

Well we're waiting, mister!

I don't think I can explain that kind of a pill.

Oh?

But we got good ears.

And we got good tasters.

Are you gonna tell us that this here pill is more

than dried bread?

I know it's gonna sound strange.

Don't sound strange at all!

We've been sold bread pills before.

The man that sold you that pill is a charlatan.

A bread pill is called a placebo,

and in the hands of a physician, they work.

A placebo is a, it's a...

That pill there is a bread pill.

Sometimes they're simply made of sugar.

And it's true, doctors prescribe them.

But placebo therapy works.

I mean it works for certain people.

If ailments are imaginary, and many of them are,

then imaginary drugs can cure,

especially in stress or nervousness

or with people who respond readily

to suggestion they're being treated.

All that talk, just saying

that bread pills don't do nothing!

I didn't say that!

Doc Adams don't even charge for those kind of pills.

Mister, you through talking?

Would it do any good to continue?

Cutting be killing people.

Yeah, we all be understanding that real good.

If you didn't cut my pa's throat,

wouldn't he be here now, breathing?

Anybody can recover.

Yes, could've lived.

A thousand to one against it.

Surgery only shortened the odds, but not enough!

You cut enough necks, a man buys himself a house!

Gets himself a good buggy!

With some nice horses, and pretty soon, before you know it...

Anybody thinks this man don't need hanging,

you can say your peace!

You be hung by your neck tomorrow.

Gives you a whole day for praying.

That's not gonna hurt a bit.

Oh, I ain't a fretting about your blame needle,

I'm fretting about that cold draft on my back there!

Well now, that's a sight!

Burke, shut that door and get outta here!

You fixing to do brain surgery, Doc?

You heard me now Burke, shut that door and get out!

Get out, Burke.

Are you staying, Miss Kitty?

Hold still, he's joshing you.

I'm gonna pinch that pinhead of your'n

plum off one of these days, Burke.

Doc, Mister Buey said that Newly never came back

from that visit he took up into that canyon town.

He never came back?

You reckon you fellers could do your pallabering

after my britches gets up?

Just a minute, Festus.

What is it Burke?

Well Buey said that Newly went out looking

for some sick old man he'd heard about,

but that's been two days ago.

Well thanks, Burke.

I better get up there.

Well Nance, sure is some sight!

I'm fixing to knock knots

on his head faster than he can rub 'em.

Festus, think I'd like to have you go up there with me.

You know those hill folks better than I do.

Ow!

You sure you know where you're going?

Well of course I do, Doc!

Only folks I've heard about just over that there pass.

Well I'll tell you something else,

I've heard that they ain't too friendly a bunch.

You mean they're outlaws?

No, not that, Doc, they just kinda like

to stay by their own selves.

Can't blame 'em for that!

Course you can't.

Get up a little.

Mister, you've gotta know you're doing the wrong thing.

I know you went a whole foot further

than them other fakers,

selling whatever smells like medicine.

Cutting into people.

The Bible says it.

Leviticus, chapter 19, verse 28.

"Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh."

Sure don't see anybody around.

They sure staying hid, ain't they?

Let's get it done.

You're animals!

Don't you know you're doing the wrong thing!

Whoa!

What's going on here?

- Turn him lose! - Back in that buggy!

Get outta here!

Let go of me!

I'm a doctor!

Turn me lose,

- I'm a Deputy Marshal! - Here, quit that!

What do you reckon's going on down yonder, Newly?

I don't know, Festus.

I just wish they'd give us some word on Doc.

I sure figured he's a goner.

Somebody's coming now.

How is he?

The old man be alive.

How bad is the wound?

He's in the Almighty's hands.

I didn't ask you that.

How bad is he wounded?

Be the women tending him.

What do you do if one of your men is wounded?

You've gotta let me see him!

I told you the women be tending him.

I'm begging you to let me see him!

What for?

To see if I can help him!

Got some more of them bread pills you be feeding him?

Newly, just hold on now.

Mister, my name's Festus Haggen.

Could I be asking you your'n?

Kermit'd be good enough.

Well Mister Kermit, now I know

that was a pure ol' dee accident,

Doc a getting his self shot.

Cause they was a whole heap a guns being shoved

and pulled around there.

And old Doc, he'd be the first one to tell you

that nobody done nothing on purpose.

We don't shoot old men.

That's what I'm trying to say, don't you see?

Now Mister Kermit, we're bad in need of a powerful favor,

and seeing's it ain't gonna cost you nothing,

I'd be ever so much obliged to ye

if you'd let Newly here go down and see old Doc.

You see, for one thing, they're real good friends.

Course, we ain't got no way of rate paying you

or nothing like that, you see.

You can't reason with a man like that, Festus!

Newly, you hadn't oughta be

a squawling at these folks like that?

Now, I know they roughed you up a good deal

and it ain't gonna be easy for ya,

but you're gonna have to learn how to talk to these folks.

See, they got their way a doing things

and course you figure you know the way things oughta be did

but maybe you're both a little bit right.

They just people with women and youngin's and such as that.

Festus, I know I don't have the patience

to talk to these kind of people.

I've run outta patience!

He's got it in his mind that cutting

into a body means you're trying to kill somebody!

He says it goes against the scriptures

and he's not changing his mind.

Wouldn't look right to his people.

You can seem him.

You not be raised in no town.

No, I sure ain't.

In town, one of us would be hung quick enough

if we cut a man to death.

Now you just hold on.

Newly done that cutting

cause he figured what he is doing had to be did!

The law says you don't hang a feller for trying to do right!

Well we say as there weren't no trying for right.

Doc.

- Newly. - Doc.

How are ya, Doc?

I'm bleeding inside, Newly.

You gotta help me.

Sure Doc, just tell me how.

Take the bullet, then tie off the ruptured vessel.

I ain't allowing no more cutting.

Mister, I need help,

and I have a right to say what'll be done.

It's pointless Doc, I wouldn't know what I was doing.

I'll be awake.

I'll tell ya.

You mean take that bullet out while you're conscious?

Ice.

I saw an ice house.

Ice, oldest anesthetic known.

We got ice.

Pack me in ice, Newly.

Lower the body temperature.

Bring the area close to freezing.

I can't Doc.

I'd be killing ya.

Then I'll die.

That's not a guess.

That's a fact.

All right.

Put her right there.

Okay.

Okay.

All right, get it outta there.

Newly, come here and see what you think about this.

It looks pretty good, Fetus.

All right.

Get them slickers over that ice there, will ya?

Let's get Doc up over on there.

All right now.

Easy with him.

Here we go, everybody together now.

All together, here we go.

- Easy. - All right,

- bring him over here. - Easy.

Just put him down this way.

There, there.

Easy.

Festus.

Let's get that sheet over there for his wound.

And pack in some of that ice.

All right.

- Doc? - Huh?

How long do you think it will take for the freezing?

Not long, I... I'll tell ya.

Festus, get me a piece of cloth so I can clean this up.

All right.

Want him wet, don't ya?

- Yeah. - Here ya are.

What's the matter?

Newly...

just calm down.

You're too tense.

Just calm down, now.

I can't.

Don't ask me to do this, Doc.

I'm not a doctor!

And I never will be.

Yes, you're a doctor.

You made that choice yourself,

at your wife's graveside.

Patricia's.

Now, go on.

Start.

Just probe.

Find it.

Then what do I do?

I'll tell ya.

Some men have a special gift, Newly.

It's kind of an instinct for healing.

I think you have it.

Give me the probe.

Clean that out around here.

All right.

Easy.

Cold.

Mighty cold.

There it is. Found it.

It's awfully deep.

Doc.

I'm afraid it's lodged in the pleura.

Well go on, get it out.

I can't. It's too risky, Festus.

He's bleeding bad.

Doc.

Doc, you gotta tell me what to do.

I don't believe he can hear ya, Newly.

I don't believe he can say anything.

Doc!

You told me you're gonna tell me what to do.

You get me in the middle of this and...

and quit on me!

Now Newly, you just simmer down.

You've did this before

now you're blame sure gonna do it again.

This is Doc! This is not anybody.

Oh hush, would ya?

You ain't a talking like you know old Doc very good.

If you did you'd know blame well what he'd say.

He'd say "Well what in the thunder you waiting for,

"go ahead on!"

Ain't that what he'd say?

Festus, I never sutured a blood vessel in my life.

Go on and do it.

I'm gonna have to open it up, hand me a scalpel.

Give me the bullet forceps.

These here pinchers?

- She got rings on it? - M-hmm.

Cold.

Ma'am, some more water please.

Thank you.

You feel it?

Not yet.

How's he doing?

Appears to be breathing all right.

Now you stay in the buggy, Doc. You hear me?

You stay in the buggy.

Found it.

Can you get ahold of it?

I got it.

Give me the sutures.

Good boy, Newly.

Soak some of that gauze.

Soak it in that jar of salve over there,

I'm gonna pack the wound.

I know you be good friends.

He got hurt trying to help you.

Ask you to cut him because he thought you could save him.

But you can't.

Can't nobody cut without killing.

But he believed that you could.

You both got old and crazy notions,

but you ain't evil.

Newly, you ain't saying a whole lot.

I don't know what to say, Festus.

Old man's still living.

You done wrong.

But I believe that you thought you's doing right.

Now a man tries to do right,

and there ain't no mortal soul be his proper judge.

Took a big man to say that.

Newly!

Man hold a certain beliefs all his life,

hard for him to change overnight.

You ornery old scutter.

How long been awake anyhow?

How do you feel, Doc?

Like I had an operation, Newly.

Any chest pains?

No more than expected.

I even feel good enough to argue with Festus about his argues.

You know something, Doc?

I ain't got me airy a twinge or a ache noplace.

You will have.

My luck ain't that good.

Kinda figured to leave it up a day or two.

People tend to forget their foolishness too quick.

A little reminder won't be hurting us.

Your warmer day, I expect.

Bout planting time.

Water won't be no problem.

Plenty of run-off, expect.

You know, I seen some of your cattle down

in the lower pastures.

They look like prime beef to me.

Hope to be getting some cash money for 'em this year.

I sure hope you do.

You know...

I've been talking all around

what I'm really trying to say to you.

And what I'm trying to...

I figure you been saying it.

Now I say, just let me off right here, Newly,

I wanna walk up the street.

Right here.

Doc, you're gonna be getting all the exercise you need

just climbing those stairs.

Well.

All right, maybe you're right,

just take me up there.

You have no idea how good this feels

to just kinda look up and down the street.

- Yes I do. - Really?

You bet.

Just a second I'll give you a hand.

All right.

- Howdy, Doc! - Wait a minute!

Just a minute here.

Newly.

Come back here!

What's the matter?

Is that all you've got to say to me, "Howdy, Doc"?

Well what else is there to say?

Well good heavens, I've been gone all this time.

Is that all you've gotta say to me?

Well fiddle, I ain't missed you none.

Nobody in town has, I don't recon.

Everybody's still sick,

just like they was when you was here a doctorin 'em.

Well, I can't stand around here and jaw with you all day,

I got more importanter things to do than that.

Oh sure, I know you have you bet...

- Doc... - Someday I'm gonna get him...

- Doc, just calm down. - Well I'm...

Calm down.

Doc, I could sure use a beer

and I think you could use one too. Don't you?

Doctor O'Brien.

Since you've called me in on this consultation,

it's my considered opinion that you have just prescribed

for me the perfect prescription!

Doc, for you!

Doc, somebody said,

"Tough old turkey buzzard."

I say more lovable.

It was me called you the buzzard, Doc.

We missed you, Doc.

I've been here saving a toe twinge for ya, Doc.

Here's to Doc's health.

Fella gone a little while and you...

This is a lot of nonsense.