Original subtitles

Mr. Honegger,

I don't believe a word you've been saying.

I swear, I don't.

But if you dare stop, I'll die.

Clarissa, I'm telling you the truth.

Now, you ask Festus here.

Now, we've known each other longer than

we'd both like to admit.

He'd tell you if I wouldn't say it.

Right Festus?

Go on, tell her.

Well, no, ma'am,

there ain't too many fellers

that's got ways with words like old J.J. has here.

I just can't believe that you don't know

what a rare thing that you are.

No, I mean a woman like you is like...

Is like a soft, glowing candle in the window

on a cold dark night.

And that's the truth.

What a charming thing to say.

Oh, you poor boy.

Well, I deserve these, ma'am.

I deserve what Festus here is taking me to.

You see, I made that one misstep,

and I'm gonna pay for it,

and I'm gonna start all over again.

Of course you will.

Ya!

Whoa.

This is Elbow Creek Station.

All right, J.J., let's go.

Take good care of yourself, Clarissa.

It's been a pleasure knowing you.

Have a good trip, friend.

God go with you, Mr. Honegger.

Oh, I thank you for that, ma'am, I do.

You treat him kindly, Deputy, you hear?

Yes'm.

Hyah!

Cody, skedaddle.

Don't forget now, Clarissa,

you get one of those flowery hats,

you know, like I told ya!

I will!

Oh, I will!

I could sure use a drink.

All right, come on.

Of all the clamperated dribble I've ever heard,

you dang near reached the tops of my boots.

Oh, Festus, what's the hurt?

It was just about as sincere as a undertaker's grief

at a five-dollar funeral.

Well, like the man said,

if you can't be sincere,

the least you can be is charming.

Well, let me tell you something.

You better be saving some of that charm of yours

for old Judge Brooker.

Yeah, never did work on that old boy, did it?

Well, course it didn't work after four or five times,

it didn't.

Hey, Festus.

What do you think he'll give me this time?

I'd bet Pappy a mule you don't get no less than two years.

Two years!

Oh, come on, Festus,

for stealing a rusty old hay rake?

Two years, and I'll tell you why.

Because all them two and three and five months

he give you before never done no good.

There's pretty little songs in all this silence.

Your work, are they?

Huh?

Uh, well, I always said that people who grow flowers

have sunshine in their hearts.

Hey!

Hey there, feller.

Feller, you're sleeping your blame life away.

Yeah.

Well, I got beans, meat, hard-tack,

and rye whiskey.

Whiskey and a stage to Dodge.

Well.

Whiskey.

No stage to Dodge.

What do you mean, there ain't no stage to Dodge?

Well, Crowder Pass is closed.

For how long?

Oh, well, flash floods couple of days ago

filled it with half a hillside.

Be a week or ten days before it's clear

so the stage can get through.

Well, I got me a prisoner out yonder.

I gotta get to Dodge City.

Well, I got beans, meat, hard-tack, and rye whiskey.

And a daughter I wouldn't leave alone

with anything that wears pants.

Angel of mercy.

Pure and simple.

Simple, maybe.

Leastways, that's what Pa's always saying.

Well, I'll tell you,

it's a shame you having to live your life

out in a place like this.

I've heard sweet talk before.

Have you ever heard of Abilene?

Or Cimarron or Wichita?

You'd take me there?

No, not chained to this here pump, I won't, but I will.

Now, my deputy friend'll be coming out here pretty soon.

I always had my heart set on seeing Dodge.

Oh, no, you wouldn't like it.

Time was it was a pretty good place, but it's changed.

J.J.

Them charming ways of yourn's gonna be the death of you yet.

Well, short of costing me that, Festus,

but I'll be dang if I want to spend those two years

for stealing a rusty old hay...

Here, just unlock that.

Give me the key.

Let me hear it click.

Well, you don't need me to make your dreams come true.

You just get on any stage here coming by.

I have, and Pa's always drug me back.

Let's go.

Did it ever occur to you

that maybe he brought you back because...

That you're the light of his life?

I mean, a man's daughter, a daughter like you,

is, well, like a soft,

glowing candle in the window...

on a cold dark night.

Come on, Silver Tongue, let's go.

I'm sure ever so much obliged to you

for the borrowing of your horses and all.

Well, as long as them animals

is returned in the same conditions you got 'em.

Well, it just might be this one won't get returned.

At least, if things work out for me, it won't,

but tell you what I'll do.

I'll send ya, what, $30?

Is that fair enough?

Just don't you fret none, mister.

He ain't fixing to run off with your horse.

I'll guarantee you that.

Festus, it's a long way across them badlands to Dodge.

It's sure gonna seem like a long ways

listening to all your perlabbering.

Let's go.

I'm glad to see you're all right, Festus.

Now, wait a minute.

I didn't mean to do that.

My horse spooked on me.

J.J., you're getting sincere again.

Your horse broke its leg.

Sorry.

You said it just right.

You're a sorry...

On your feet.

That was hard work working on them railroads, boy.

We come in the big town once in a while.

A big old fat politician come out.

He'd want to drive in the last stake.

He'd take a couple, three swings at it and miss.

We'd finally end up having to pound it in for him.

And my daddy would get up there,

he'd say the last...

Prayer, you know?

So much that he didn't...

Get up.

When are you gonna give up?

Festus, you know I'm gonna keep on trying.

Why don't you give up?

Ain't no way you're gonna take me back there.

Get on ahead of me.

Stay there.

Throw the keys right.

Now... round that tree.

J.

Hey, no, my horse!

Come back here.

Don't go!

Hey!

Get back here!

We need that horse, Festus!

Festus!

It's not over water!

Get back here!

We need a horse!

Don't you know that?

Get back.

Oh, boy.

He's got my dad's comb, his watch.

We gotta have that horse.

If you're that sure,

brung him back so you can call him, wouldn't you?

Oh, Festus, come on.

Here, here.

Take off that cuff.

Now throw that key away.

All right!

Snap it on there.

No, Festus.

I ain't shackling myself to you.

Do it, J.J.

Snap it on there.

You know, you shouldn't have let that horse go.

Festus!

Ah!

Oh, Lordy.

We're not gonna make it.

I figure... if you get there,

I'll get there, too.

We won't make it, Festus.

We're not gonna make it.

Ah!

Easy, J.J.

We're not gonna make it without that horse.

Just one of us would have made it, anyhow.

You honestly believe I'd run off and left you?

You honest believe I don't know you woulda?

I'd have sent you help.

Of course you would.

You'da hoped that they'd find me,

but you wouldn't a

lost more than a night or two of sleep if they didn't.

Yeah, so,

now neither one of us makes it.

Matthew

told me to bring you in.

That's what I'm fixin' to do.

Well.

Which way is in?

According to the sun,

east ought to be that way, Northeast.

Dodge is somewheres in that line.

Let's go.

If I'd known old Drew Naremore's hay rake

would have brought me to this place,

I'd probably still would have stole it.

Thirsty.

My daddy, he used to stand up there

in that pulpit of his and roar down

at all us sinners telling us

how we're all gonna die in the fires of perdition.

He'd be telling all of us, but...

he'd be looking right at me.

Always looking right at me.

Well, I sure am getting an early look-see

at what I'm heading for, I tell ya.

Hey.

Yep.

Go on, J.J.

Keep goin' where?

To Dodge.

Which way do you think that is?

Come on, let's try this way.

Wait, I hear some water.

Look, look.

There's water.

Come on.

Come on, get them plugs up there.

Good old cold water.

Shh.

Festus.

It's the desert bandits.

Shh.

Yeah, Judd, have all the fun you can,

'cause you're not getting any more for a while.

The comancheros, Festus, shh, shh.

I bet you was always all whiskey.

All right, come on.

Whew!

Come on, get out of there.

Come on, let's try and get out of here.

Come on, get out of here.

Ha!

Come on, get on, ha!

Come on, let's git.

Keep going.

I tore some of my innards.

Ah!

Howdy, boy.

Howdy.

You can't be from around here.

Where are you from?

Texas.

Wagon's over yonder.

Yeah?

You happen to come across a man the last couple of days?

He's a big man.

Mustache.

Brown hair.

No, we didn't see anybody.

What are you doing?

You out hunting?

Yep.

And you have any luck?

Nope.

You a pretty good shot.

Good enough.

Think you're pretty good enough

to shoot this chain in two from there?

I reckon.

This here is my prisoner.

I chained myself to him a ways back.

I didn't want him to run off and leave me.

You see, I twisted my ankle a ways.

Well.

Well, I'll tell you what I'll do.

I got a gold watch in my pocket here.

It's worth a dollar.

It's yours if you shoot this chain in two.

What'd you get arrested for?

Oh, you wouldn't believe it.

I stole a hay rake from some man I was working for.

And that's the truth.

Looks like he's gone through an awful lot

just to arrest you for stealing

a hay rake that wasn't yours.

Yeah?

Yeah, I'd say so.

He is a duty-bound man.

They make a mean enemy.

Name's Caleb.

Mine's J.J.

So...

What do you say, huh?

Dollar gold watch is yours.

We've got us needfuls off the wagon.

Running short, but there's enough to share.

I am pretty hungry.

I imagine old Festus is here, too.

A little more?

My, I tell you, Mrs. Cunningham,

hungry like I am,

you don't say nothing about how good these beans taste.

I tell ya, I've never been served by anybody prettier

in a long, long time.

More beans, Mr. Honegger?

Yeah, if you please.

Thank you, ma'am.

You know, Caleb,

being the son of a farmer

in a schoolhouse full of cattlemen's kids,

I tell you, it's gotta be just about as bad

as being a preacher's kid anywhere.

That ain't why we left.

Pa said there's better farmland in Nebraska.

Yeah, sure.

Better than that farmland in Texas you come from,

that's for sure.

How soon you figure your man will be back,

Mrs. Cunningham?

Should be back any time.

If you don't mind me saying so,

I think it was a mistake

him going off to look for help.

Why is that?

Well, first off, there isn't any for miles,

and, well, I mean, if he did find somebody to help him,

how would he find his way back?

I don't mean any disrespect

to your pa or anything, but...

it's big country, and...

Luke'll be back...

with help.

What's going on out here?

Just getting some water.

Figure the sooner he comes around,

the sooner I could quit having to carry him.

Would you mind giving me a hand?

I'm not gonna bite ya.

Here... we'll give him that.

Ma'am are you low on food?

We'll get by.

Would you mind telling me

how long your husband's been gone?

Three days.

Three days.

Look.

I could rig up one of them Indian carrying beds

for Festus here,

and you and the boy could ride.

In turn, we could get out of here.

Luke'll be back.

"Luke'll be back. Luke'll be back."

He's been gone three days.

I'd fret on the odds of that happening if the boy were mine.

Of course, then again, if he was mine,

I wouldn't have gone off and left him in the first...

It might interest you to know

that Luke went for help because I insisted.

He didn't want to go.

Yeah, well, I figured you'd have a good man.

Maybe not the wisest,

but you'd have a good one.

You know, Mr. Honegger?

A man like you just wouldn't understand

the importance of giving a boy

a home with roots, possessions.

Everything we own is in this wagon.

Luke will be back.

He said he would, and he will.

Morning.

Ma, he's gone!

He took the horse!

So he stolt your horse, did he?

Appears like he sweet-talked you out of a pair

of cutting tools, too.

He tried.

Blame sure believe that.

What are you doing, Deputy?

Why, you lie back here.

You just lie back.

You're gonna do yourself more harm.

Those ribs could be splintered.

Blame sure feel like it.

Well, I wish there was something I could do

to make you feel better.

Obliged.

My name's Martha Cunningham.

Festus Haggen, ma'am.

My son, Caleb.

Pa took Ulysses' S. To go fetch some help.

Your prisoner stole Mr. Grant.

What?

That's what we call our horses,

Ulysses S. and Mr. Grant.

Oh.

Well.

There's a chance ol' J.J.'ll

send somebody back to help us.

He's a whole lot of things, ol' J.J. is, but...

There's a lot of things he ain't.

He is a fair chance.

I'll get the rifle.

Go see can I shoot us a rabbit or two.

How long I been here, ma'am.

Caleb found you late yesterday.

He took the rifle and the box of shells!

What?

Oh.

Come on, brother.

Come on.

What's the matter?

What spooked you, boy?

Whoa, whoa.

What are you smelling, huh?

What's spooking you, huh?

Come on, boy.

Oh, boy.

Oh no.

You stay, boy.

Oh.

You poor dumb farmer.

Why the hell did you pick this way?

You dumb farmer.

Any way on the compass I could have come.

What'd I pick this way for?

'Bout out of vittles, ain't you?

Onliest thing I was trying to say is

it's something that ought to be thought on.

Seeing as we ain't got us no horse,

it's gonna be mighty slow going.

Luke'll be back.

Stove up like I am,

Dodge'll be five or six days off.

Why do you think you could make it?

- One of them... - Ma'am,

it's either trying or turning to dust

right where I sit.

Now, as far as I can see,

we ain't got us no druthers.

Wagon, our belongings.

We can send somebody back to fetch 'em.

Why, Luke will get here.

We'll all be gone.

Now, can your man read writing?

Well, you can leave him a letter in the wagon

telling him where we went.

It's that there boy that's to be thought of now,

don't you see?

Well.

Just the rest of the day.

Tomorrow'll be soon enough.

Give you time to get your strength back.

Yes'm.

Ma, Mr. Haggen, look!

Luke!

Riders.

Three of 'em.

I can't make out if Pa's with them.

I guarantee you he ain't.

What?

Get him over yonder in them trees.

Both of you, go over there and hide!

Don't stick your heads out. Go on.

Who are they?

Comancheros, now git.

- Hurry up. - What about you?

- Don't, no way I can run now. - Come on, Caleb, hurry up.

Hurry up!

Well, I cut that pretty close, didn't I?

Close enough.

I couldn't figure out whether to try it or not.

You been setting up there watching?

And I tell you one thing,

if they hadn't have lit out, I would have.

Thing I can't puzzle out

is why you came back in the first place.

Mr. Honegger?

I found...

Caleb, I want you to get all the food,

all the water we can carry, and get me an ax.

Now get going, we're getting out of here.

Providence is what it was.

Yes, ma'am, providence.

Festus, I'm gonna rig up one

of those Indian carrying beds for you.

You ain't gonna make me believe that you

all of a sudden got religious.

How you feeling?

Think they'll come back?

Yeah, they'll be back,

but we won't be here.

Well, I'd better write Luke a note.

There won't be no need, ma'am.

Your husband's dead.

I found him.

It had to be them comancheros.

How do you know?

I know.

You don't know it's my husband.

He was a big man, calloused hands, a farmer.

He had a mustache and brown hair.

Spitting image of the boy.

That's all the talking about it.

Give me that ax, boy.

Now, you go do what I told you.

Ma'am, I'm gonna need this canvas here.

Wait a minute, where is he?

Can't we at least bury him?

Ma'am, we take time to bury him,

we could be burying ourselves.

Now, let's go.

Wasn't really so obvious,

that old metal hay rake.

Yeah, I know.

I was just having some fun.

You see, I worked for this man named Drew Naremore,

and he had a neighbor named Otto Fry,

and Otto Fry and Drew Naremore used to argue all the time.

I mean, they been feuding seem like before creation.

They hadn't said 10 words to each other

in about twice that many years.

So, I took that hay rake

and I sold it to Otto Fry.

Boy, I tell you, you should have seen those two go at it.

Thought it was pretty funny at the time,

but it's not two years funny.

If you just tell that to the judge...

Brooker?

Judge Brooker and I, we've faced each other

a number of times before, and...

Well, I think he's just tired of looking at me, that's all.

I still don't think it was so awful.

Boy, I wish there was some way

you could sit in Judge Brooker's chair this one time.

You know, that's interesting and all,

but wouldn't it be simpler just to shoot us a rabbit?

Simpler, maybe,

but it'd be simpler for those comancheros to find us, too.

Did they shoot my pa?

Yeah, they shot him.

More?

I read in penny dreadfuls about comancheros.

Someday, they'll pay for it.

Someday, somehow,

I guess everybody pays for everything,

one way or another.

That sounds like him.

Like my pa.

Was you ever somebody's pa?

No.

No, I was never anybody's pa.

I always thought maybe I'd like to be,

but I don't know.

I'm not much of anything to anybody.

You take this down there

and set it in the rabbit run for me.

'Bout done?

Just about.

Mr. Honegger.

Yeah?

I sure do want to thank you.

There's no need.

If I had any smarts, I would have been gone a long time ago.

But it didn't happen that way,

and I'm just real grateful.

For Caleb, I'm grateful.

He'll be all right.

His pa taught him independence.

That's good.

Has such a prize.

Have you noticed

he hadn't even cried?

Yeah, I noticed.

You know, Luke was just a real good man,

and I'm gonna miss him.

I'm gonna miss him,

but like Caleb, I can't cry for him.

That's just so sad.

To be married to a man for 15 years

and to work with him side-by-side

in the heat and the cold, and...

And not to cry at his passing?

Well, some don't even know the likes of those 15 years.

That's sadder.

Is them comancheros?

Boy, it's times like right now

when you hear a old quail and the meadowlark

talking to one another,

smart folks takes a tight hold on their scalps.

Where are they?

We'll know quick as J.J. gets done scouting.

He's sure more of a man than he first seemed.

Well, like I told you, ma'am.

Ol' J.J., he's a lot of things.

He just can't -

make up his mind which one he...

- How many is it? - Four.

What will we do?

Why don't you get out of here, and I'll catch up with you.

Go on, move, move, move.

I'll be able to follow those tracks.

- J.J. - Go on! Get moving!

Watch out.

Come on.

Quick as you all's done eatin',

we'd ought to get to gettin',

because we got us a far piece to go.

Can't we wait a little longer?

I'm feared he'd have came by now

if he was a-comin'.

Won't hurt to wait just a little while longer.

He could of had trouble following the tracks in the dark.

Yes'm.

I reckon he could, at that.

I hope he's run off.

Well...

that's more'n likely just what he's done, boy.

Put a stopper to them comancheros

and lit out.

If he did, it was the judge's fault.

Now, now, now, hold on.

Hounding him all over the place

just because he was a-funnin'

a couple of cranky old coots.

- They hadn't spoke... - Whoa, boy, whoa now.

Ain't no sense in you getting all...

Festus, don't stop him now.

I need all the voices I can get speaking for me.

You scutter, you...

How long you been up there?

Oh, long enough to realize that

I'm not so bad as I've been led to believe all these years.

Don't stay up there fluttering your gums.

Come on.

We got us a long ways back to Dodge.

Oh, I don't know, Festus.

I mean,

not much of a future for me in Dodge.

Well, J.J.,

I reckon you're gonna have to be

the one deciding on that your own self.

What in Sam Hill?

Get that thing out of my face.

Not whilst I'm deciding to blow your head off.

Now, you just simmer down, mister.

You see this here badge?

Yeah?

Who are ya?

Who are they?

My name's Festus Haggen.

I'm a deputy for Marshal Matthew Dillon in Dodge City.

That there is Ms. Cunningham,

her boy Caleb.

That there is J.J. Honegger.

Who's J.J. Honegger?

Him right...

Oh, now where did that slippery little gunk

get off to now?

Our horse is gone, too, Festus?

That old Judge Brooker can go crow for old J.J.

He ain't ever gonna get him for taking that old

Drew Naremore's hay rake.

Let me give you a hand.

Easy, easy, that's the bad rib.

What the... Why don't you look where you're going?

You're like a blamed old wall-eyed buffalo in a henhouse.

Well... Where you been, anyway?

Busy.

Busy?

You were supposed to let me look at those ribs.

You done had your last look at them ribs,

you clammy-handed old quack.

Well, that's just fine.

I'll send you my bill.

Bill?

Well, you done got all the money in Ford County.

How much more do you want?

Just what I've earned, that's all.

Earned, the pokin' and the proddin',

and the poundin' them little old pink pink pills.

You ought to be throwed in jail...

- Well, Festus. - Ms. Cunningham.

- Doc. - Caleb.

Son.

How's everything been?

Just fine, Festus, thanks to you.

Well, you make a mighty looksome new person in our town,

I'll say that.

Well, thank you, Festus.

See you later, Festus.

Bye.

So long, Caleb.

I'll tell you, Doc.

That there is a lady with a mess

of proper class-someness.

If I was ten years...

Class-someness?

Oh, you wouldn't know what that means.

- I'll tell you to take... - Oh, Matt!

Hold it.

Say, the day before yes...

What in tarnation?

It's that Honegger feller

that got away from you, Festus.

Whoa.

Festus.

Mind if I explain later?

That there is the Cunninghams' wagon.

Yeah.

Uh, I got some things to do.

Marshal, I promise you I'll be back.

Festus.

Well, I reckon it's all right.

Oh, where's Mrs. uh...

Well, you might try looking right yonder

in the Dodge House.

I'll be back later tonight.

Oh, hold on here.

Hold on.

I've seen that white horse before.

Yeah, that's right, Doc. I stole it.

You what?

Yeah, that left wheel there on the rear, I stole it, too.

There wasn't any other way.

J.J., can't you get it through that thick head of yourn

that you can ask to borry something.

You don't have to be stealing it all the time.

Well, I...

Now, just supposing you can go up to a farm.

Say, I'd like to get me the loan of your...

Festus, you remember that farm I left you at?

Well, they didn't have the right size wheel there, you see?

So, I went looking for it, and I found it at...

Ask, J.J.

That's the onliest thing you got to do, is ask.

I couldn't, Festus.

Why not?

'Cause there was no way on God's green earth

that Drew Naremore would have believed me, that's why?

They're stolen from Drew Naremore?

I just don't believe it.