Original subtitles

All right, Snelling, that's enough outta you.

Now, get inside!

You ain't near had all of me you're gonna get, Dillon.

Over there.

Get in there.

Hey, what about these things here?

How long you figure on keeping me here?

I'll let you know that tomorrow.

Oh, thanks, Hank.

- Can you get him put away for me? - Sure.

Matthew?

What is it Festus?

When did you get back?

About five minutes ago.

Well, where you been at the last couple of days.

We got to fretting about you.

I've been trailing Job Snelling.

Job Snelling?

Where did you run acrosst him at?

Festus, I'll tell you about it later.

Right now, I haven't had sleep in 36 hours.

Of course, Matthew.

You go ahead on, and get yourself some sleep.

You blame sure need it.

Matthew?

Matthew, you asleep yet?

What is it Festus?

Did you get Snelling?

Yes, I got him.

He's in the back.

You go ahead on, go back to sleep.

You blame sure need it if anybody does.

Festus!

What is it, Matthew?

Do you have to do that in here?

- Do what? - Clean those fish?

Of course, Matthew.

Catfish has gotta be cleaned quick.

Else wise they're liable to sour on you.

Anybody knows that.

Can't you take them outside and do it out there?

Oh, that's a good idea, Matthew, I'll do that.

Matthew, what you fixing to do with Snelling?

I'm gonna take him over to Judge Brooker this afternoon,

- after I get some sleep! - Oh... yeah.

Oh, Matthew?

I plum forgot to tell you, Judge Brooker,

he ain't gonna be here later on today.

I heard him say it, he's a fixing

to take that half past six stage up to Hayes.

So, if you're fixing to see him, it better be mucho pronto.

Ah.

Maybe I can get a little sleep, anyway, for a few minutes.

Yeah, goodnight Matthew.

Festus, wake me up at a quarter to six will you?

You bet ya, and I'm gonna fix you the best

catfish breakfast that you ever slapped a lip over.

I'll guarantee ya.

Ludlow, will you hush up.

Matthew just got in.

He's trying to get himself some sleep.

Well, I gotta get the milk delivered.

Hush, hush up now.

He ain't had a lick of sleep in two days.

S'pose you tell me how I can make my rounds

if I can't push my cart.

Why don't you get them blame wheels greased?

Why don't you tell me how I can do it

if I can't move the wagon?

I don't mean now, Ludlow, I don't mean now.

- Festus? - Now you seen what

you went and done, you woke him up.

Here I been a pussyfooting around,

trying to keep still, and you come along

with your blame sour milk and squeaky wheels.

- Festus! - All right, Matthew,

we're hushing up.

Well, since he's awake anyway,

it won't make any difference if I go ahead with my route.

- Now will it? - Well, go ahead on

you blame stubborn knot head.

Marshall?

Marshall, wake up, I have urgent business

to discuss with you.

Miss Pry, what is it?

While you have been sleeping,

I have been doing your job for you.

I have caught us a thief.

What happened?

As you know, I always bake on Thursdays.

Well, I had two chocolate meringues,

and one lemon meringue sitting on my window ledge to cool.

While my back was turned,

this urchin ate one of the chocolate,

gave the other chocolate to my dog,

and hit me with the lemon meringue.

I want him arrested for stealing and for assault,

and locked up in jail.

What's your name, son?

I have questioned him until I'm blue in the face.

I have reasoned, I have cajoled,

I have been more than patient.

And he refuses to say anything, not one word.

All he does is to stick out

that dreadful looking tongue of his.

I think maybe you can let go of his ear now.

Hold on there, son.

A jail cell is the only safe place for the likes of him.

You have no idea where he belongs?

Down by that Wallow Creek, no doubt. That trash.

Anyway, marshal, he's yours now,

and if you take my advice, you'll lock him up

and throw away the key.

You look terrible, Marshal,

you should take better care of yourself.

Morning, Miss Pry.

Hold it!

Well, what's going on here?

Festus, I've got to get Snelling over

to see Judge Brooker before he leaves.

I'll figure out what to do with him when I get back.

Oh where'd he come from?

I don't know.

Maybe you can get something out of him while I'm gone.

You better clean up that mess here young fellow,

or I'll tan your hide when I get back.

And you better do what he tells you to, too.

All right, Snelling, on your feet.

Hey Matthew, I'll give you some room while you fight.

Argh!

- Argh! - Aah!

Are you all right, Matthew?

Oh, wait a minute.

Get this around you.

You better get over and see old Doc

'cause he jabbed you pretty deep there.

- Yeah. - Do you want me

to take Snelling over for you.

No, stay here with that kid.

And get the handcuffs will you.

All right, Snelling, on your feet here.

Don't be thrashing around now

or I'll whack you on the other side.

All right then, come on.

All right, boy, you don't have to be scared no more.

Come on, it's all over.

My name's Festus Haggen, what's yours?

Do you wanna draw some pictures, or something like that?

Lookie here, I've got me some of them wax coloring pencils

in here someplace.

Well, where do you reckon them got off to.

I was just using them the other... Oh, here's a green one.

Now, lookie here what I'm fixing to do for you here.

See that right there? Look at that right there, like that...

It's clear cut, Matt.

He's still in the Army and we have

to return him to Fort Dodge.

What about all those people he killed in Mertilla?

He's an escaped prisoner

and under the government's jurisdiction.

Now now, we have no choice but to return him

and let the higher courts decide.

I suggest you take him back to prison

just as soon as possible.

It's a long way back to the Fort, Dillon.

Shut up, Snelling.

He's right, Matt.

That arm doesn't look very good.

Maybe you ought to let Festus and Newly do it.

No, no I'm all right, Judge.

The court requests that you assign deputies to it.

And get yourself some sleep, will you, you look terrible.

Let's go, Snelling.

The onliest thing I was trying to do, Matthew,

is keep him out of trouble. That's all.

We was playing a little game of outlaws and Indians.

And I just was trying to show him, argh,

how to use these here handcuffs, that's all I was doing.

You know what that ornery little rat done?

He wasn't playing no game at all.

Shoot, I thought we was just having a friendly little game

but the little bugger tied me to the blamed chair.

Festus, this is a receipt for the prisoner.

Have Commander Kelly sign it, will you.

All right, Matthew.

We ought to be back sometime tonight, Marshal.

- Yeah. - You take care of yourself, Matthew.

Better have old Doc take a look at that there arm.

- Yeah, I'll do that. - Here we go.

Oh, Matthew, if you should see that little old ornery brat...

Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean.

Oh, good morning, Marshal.

- Burke. - Hey, you look...

Yeah, yeah, I know. Look, I want you to do me a favor.

Sure, how'd you hurt your arm?

Oh, prisoner.

Look, there's a little boy running around town here.

I want you to see if you can find him for me.

Oh, what prisoner's that?

Job Snelling.

Ah, he's about nine years old, about that high, or so.

He's got light hair and freckles.

Job Snelling?

No, it's a little boy.

- Oh. - And he's wearing old

raggedy clothes.

- Where is he now? - Burke, if I knew that

I wouldn't need your help.

Just see if you can find him for me.

- Sure. - Oh, Burke...

when you find him, keep him a while.

I've got to get some sleep.

Sure, sure, you can count on me, Marshal.

Hello, Kitty.

Hmm, you think her behavior's very strange.

And I think it's very strange.

But she doesn't think it's strange.

- Ooh! - Oh hold still for heaven's sakes.

Oh, that hurts, Doc.

Well, I'm sorry.

But Job Snelling cut you pretty good here.

Just has to be cleaned out.

There, I think that's pretty good.

It was only a picnic, Doc.

Let me tell you something, Matt.

There is no such thing as only a picnic

where there's a woman concerned.

Well, I was trailing Job Snelling.

Now, I couldn't very well stop in the middle of that

to go to a picnic.

Well, she'd gone to an awful lot of trouble for that.

Why, good heavens, she had fried chicken,

she had potato salad, she had apple pie...

She had, oh hey hey, it was delicious.

You mean, you went?

Well, somebody had to,

after she waited for you all day.

Somebody had to.

She wasn't in a very good mood, I'll tell you that.

Well, I'm sorry.

Well, don't tell me you're sorry. Tell her!

All right, that's got it.

How about a cup of coffee?

Ah, no thanks, Doc.

One other thing, Matt.

Before you go see Kitty,

I think you ought to go get some sleep.

- Because you... - I know, I look terrible.

Doc, do you think she was really mad.

Oh, what, oh.

I want you out of here now!

That's enough!

- I'll go get the marshal. - No.

I'm not talking to him.

But I am.

Not and work for me, you aren't.

But they're gonna wreck the place, Miss Kitty.

I'll rebuild.

Stop it, or I'll blast you out of here.

Ah, Miss Kitty.

I'll go, but I'll hate it.

Long Branch, fight.

All right, hold on here, both of you.

Break out of it now.

Get up.

Hey, get up here.

- Hmm hmm. - All right now.

What's going on here, who started this?

What's going on, you got eyes ain't you.

He and me's fighting.

Let me go and I'll rip him apart.

You better keep me away from him, Marshal,

I'm gonna cross his eyes permanent.

Who started this?

It's on account of a difference of opinion, Marshal.

Nah, it weren't on account of a difference of no opinion.

She's gonna marry me.

She said so, in so many words.

You better learn to read better.

Ah, who' you talking about?

Priscilla Pruitt, that's who.

Don't you way her name out loud, you sump hole.

We've been corresponding with a heart and hand woman, Marshal.

Miss Drusilla Pruitt, of Sweetwater.

Even where she lives sounds kind of romantic, don't it?

We seen her name and picture in The Register.

Ain't she pretty?

Yeah, we both wrote her and she wrote us both back,

and we've been wroting to each other

for about four months now.

What's this got to do with breaking up the Long Branch?

He thinks she's gonna marry him

when it's me she's coming for.

She ain't not such a thing.

Now hold it just a minute here.

You mean to tell me that you've both been writing to her,

and she's coming here?

On the evening stage.

To make up her mind.

She done made it up.

Read this.

"My dear Mr. Dobie Crimps, it was so very nice

"to hear from you again, and I do so thank you

"for sending me the passage money to Dodge City."

What do you mean, you sent the money?

I'm the one who sent the money!

You wasn't either.

You mean to tell me, she got passage money out of both of you?

It was me!

Let me ask you something,

how long have you two known each other?

Oh, about 30 years, I guess.

Well, don't you think it's a little bit early then

for the two of you to be fighting

over somebody you've never even met yet.

We showed you her picture.

I doubt that anybody named Drusilla Pruitt is gonna be

on that stage tonight.

Marshal, you're a good two feet taller than me.

More than likely you could just stomp me

into a little greasy speck right here on the floorboards.

But I just want you to know that I don't take kindly

to you saying bad things about our Drusilla.

Alright, just forget it.

We accept your apology, Marshal.

Can we buy you a drink?

Not in here, you can't.

I guess we owe you one too, young lady,

for busting up the place.

But we can pay for the damage.

We made a strike about a month ago

and that's why we figured we could afford to get married.

Here, that take care of it?

It's a great plenty, thank you very much.

Now you two, I want you to promise me

that you're not gonna do anymore fighting

while you're in Dodge.

All right Marshal, I promise.

Crimps?

Yes, sir.

All right, and you better stick with it too.

Or you two are liable to be in jail

when that stage gets here.

What are we gonna do for the rest of the day?

I have a suggestion.

What's that?

Why don't you go down to the barber's shop

and get yourselves a bath.

Bath, what for?

Well, just for the new experience, if nothing else.

Keep you out of trouble, for a while too.

Guess it would pass the time.

Come on, Dobie.

How long is it since you had a bath?

Oh, I forgot.

When I fell in the creek.

And you still smell the same.

- Kitty I er... - I know,

I'm sure you had a good reason,

but I don't care to hear it.

I was out chasing Job Snelling.

Is he the one who killed that family in Mertilla?

That's the one.

He do that to your arm?

Yeah but, it's er, it's not as bad as it looks.

Well, I suppose that means you'll be leaving right away

to take him to Hayes or someplace.

No, Newly and Festus are gonna take him

over to Fort Dodge for me.

Well, does that mean you're actually gonna stay

in town for an hour or two?

Look, Kitty look, let's start the whole thing all over again.

How about dinner tonight?

I'll think about it.

All right, but not at Delmonico's.

I'll fix dinner here.

Good.

Well I, I better go get some sleep.

I know, I look terrible.

Seven o'clock all right?

I'll be here.

Well, I found him, Marshal.

He was riding one of Hank's horses.

What's your name, son?

Did he tell you anything?

No, he came along real peaceful like.

Huh, maybe he's taken a liking to you or something.

Well, you just have to know

how to handle kids, that's all.

Maybe you could keep an eye on him for a while,

while I try to get some sleep.

I sure will.

Come along, son.

Hey, what's this?

Oh, that's my new safe.

I just got it in yesterday.

Real beauty, isn't it?

Well, what do you use it for?

Oh, put things in, money,

valuable papers, things like that.

Yah, oh oh oh oh, ooh!

Hey hey, what in the thunder's the matter with you, Burke?

If you felt you had to have a bath,

why didn't you go home?

Why take it out here in the middle of the street?

That's not funny doc.

It was that little heathen.

What? Wait 'til I get my hands on him.

- What little heathen? - That little monster

the marshal palmed off on me.

When I get my hands on him.

- Oh. - Hey look.

When I get my hands on him.

Help, help, help.

Help, help, help.

Someone's in there.

He's locked himself in.

Well, open it.

I can't, Doc.

- Why? - Well, it's a new safe.

- I just got it in yesterday. - So?

Well, I don't have the combination.

The Home Office hasn't sent it yet.

Marshal!

Marshal Dillon!

- Marshal, marshal. - Hmm.

That little boy you told me to look out after

just locked himself in my new safe

that the Home Office just sent me,

and I don't have the combination,

and, well, he's gonna suffocate

if something isn't done real quick.

What?

I said that little boy you told me to look out after

- just locked himself... - I heard you!

Ah, oh.

How long can last in there?

Well, not long without oxygen.

Alex is at my work, that's what it was.

Put us through here.

Coming through here, folks.

Matt, you gotta do something.

All right, tell me about this safe.

Well, the Home Office had it shipped yesterday

but they forgot to send the combination.

Well, how did you get it open in the first place?

Well, it wasn't locked.

Well then how did he get in there and lock it.

I don't know.

Matt, we've got to do something.

We can't let him suffocate in there.

Where's the Home Office of this place?

Chicago.

All right then, get over there and get a telegram off to them.

Tell them there's a kid locked up in here,

and we've got to have the combination immediately.

I can't hear anything.

I got it, I got the telegram.

Excuse me, folks.

Try it again, Matt.

- Miss Pry. - Miss Pry.

How'd you get in there?

Marshal Dillon... in this life,

everyone must suffer some small indignities.

But never, may I say never, have I been pushed

into a safe and locked up.

And never do I wish to be so again.

- Miss Pry... - I have not finished.

This morning I brought you a thief,

and suggested you put him in jail,

away from decent people.

Well, you chose to ignore my advice,

and release that freckled-faced disaster on society.

That was your choice and your decision.

And I just want you to know that I intend to write

about you to my very good friend, the Attorney General.

And I hope he abrogates your prerogatives.

Matt, if Miss Pry was locked in the safe,

where's the little boy?

- Ah, get him. - Ah, there he is now.

Now you stop that and bring it back.

- Get up out of... - Right, get him.

- Come with me. - Come here, ah.

- Catch him, I tell you. - Ah ah, oh no you don't.

Oh no you don't.

Come here, you're gonna go see the Marshal.

Yes sir, you will too.

- There's your scallywag. - You're gonna have to do...

I intend to.

All right little fella, you come with me.

Hey, I can't stay in here.

Sure, you can.

You'd better not touch me.

You just better not.

Son, I've been patient with you up to now.

In fact, I've been more than patient with you.

But now, you and I are gonna come to a little understanding.

Let me go.

Ow, ow, ow, ow

You cause any more trouble, I'm gonna tan your hide

until you can't sit down for a week.

Now, do we understand each other?

- Yes. - Yes what?

- Yes sir. - That's better.

You're gonna stay in here, and you're gonna be quiet

- while I get some sleep. - Yes sir.

Mister, are you the marshal?

What can I do for you?

You ain't seen a boy round these parts have you?

About seven.

He was nine last month, Odem.

Least-wise he was more than seven.

Er, this here's the misses, Marshal.

Ma'am.

This er, boy of yours, was he sort of

light-headed and freckled-faced?

Well, that sounds like him. Don't it, Seva?

The name of Andy Ballou.

Excuse me.

Marilyn, why don't you sit back

and read your picture book?

I think I have your boy for you, ma'am.

- He's locked up in the back. - Locked up?

He ain't be a bad boy, has he?

He always was a good one, wasn't he Odem?

So quiet, we never even know'd he was around, Seva,

that's for certain.

That's how we lost him.

Picked up camp early this morning, and got 12 miles away

before we even know'd he weren't with us.

Ah huh, well I have him locked up

for his own protection.

All right, son, your folks are here for you.

Where'd you get off to, Andy?

Answer your father, son?

I went into the woods digging for worms,

and when I came back you was gone.

I told you a hundred times, Andy,

not to go digging for worms in the woods.

A bear might get you.

Thank-you kindly for taking care of him for us, marshal.

Well, I guess we better be getting on our way.

Come on.

All right, quiet down up there.

Now, you just leave that right there.

Come on, come on, leave that there.

- Let me help you. - Thank-you.

Hush up back there, I can't hear myself think.

Andy, you better climb up.

We've got a long ways to go until nightfall.

Yes, sir.

- Goodbye, Andy. - Goodbye, sir.

Marshal, you been ailing?

Not so as you'd notice.

Never heard him call nobody sir,

not even Parson Wemes in Iola.

You know, Mr. Ballou, it's none of my business,

but kids are a whole lot easier

to get along with when they're behaved.

Couldn't agree more, Marshal.

But these are beyond helping.

Ah, we yell at them all the time. Don't do no good.

Did you ever think of taking a firm hand

to a firm behind?

You mean spanking?

That's what I'm saying.

We ain't never raised a hand to one of them.

Well, it shows Mr. Ballou, it shows.

Is that what you did to Andy, to make him respectful like?

Ida May, stop tugging on Annie Jean's braids,

you're making her cry.

Jimmy, if I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times,

put that butcher knife away before you cut yourself.

All right, all you kids,

get down out of that wagon and make a line.

You hear me, get down at once

and make a line right in front of me.

Marshal, do you wanna help with one or two of them?

No, no thank you Mr. Ballou, that's the father's job.

Me?

What you gonna do, Odem?

Better turn your head, Seva, you ain't gonna like it.

- Odem, you ain't gonna... - Oh yes I am.

Jimmy, your mother told you a hundred times

not to hack at that wagon.

I'm only telling you once.

Oh oh oh!

Here she comes.

I can almost smell her perfume.

Dobie, I just want you to know that,

if you're the one she wants, well we've been friends

for too many years to fight about it.

Well, it's good of you, Buck.

Same goes for me, you know that.

Ah yep yep, get one.

- Oh. - Ah ah hey,

er, was there a lady on the stage with you?

Been riding alone since Lawrence.

You sure?

Here's a picture.

Anyone looking like that being on the stage,

I'd have been engaged by now.

It's just like the marshal said,

we've been took by a lying female.

Ah, I got hopes and dreams all built up.

Just goes to show you, we ought to have stayed

in the hills where we belong.

Mail order lady friend was supposed to meet you, was she?

You send her money, did you?

Well, gentlemen, why don't you just step over here.

Now gentlemen, I represent a new mail order company

that puts out the most interesting,

illustrated catalog you have ever seen.

Now, you can spend hours looking at pictures,

trying to decide what you should buy

for a lady friend of your acquaintance.

- Er. - Now, I also

have at the back here, a list of very eligible young ladies

who would like to change their way of life.

Now, just look down here.

Kitty, that's the best meal I ever ate.

Well, thank you very much.

Now to top it off, how about a little brandy?

Napoleon, 1837.

- Huh. - Well, here's

to a quiet evening with no interruptions.

Erm, no you don't, you're just gonna stay right here.

If it's anything short of murder, I'll take care of it.

Oh, don't worry about that. When the chips are down.

- Hold on. - Ha ha, come on, Dobie.

Come on Dobie, hey, can, well, there you go bud.

Get it on, Dobie!

Let it go!

Well, it wasn't anything, Matt.

They were just having...

A little fun.

Buy you a drink, Miss Kitty?

Here, have mine.

Oh oh oh.

- Miss Kitty. - What?

Where you going?

- Why? - Well, it's getting late,

and you could be molested.

Really?