Original subtitles

All right, on your feet.

Stand easy.

Well, now, good thing I didn't catch you boys playin' for real money,

seein' as you're on duty.

I'd have to lock you all up in the stockade

for impersonatin' poker players.

Oh, yeah, I got here Special Order #131.

And what it orders specially is for us to go out and meet a train

a few miles west of here.

Hey, is that the payroll train, for sure?

I ain't supposed to tell you no more, but I wouldn't be surprised

you get paid on Monday mornin'.

Oh, I just come from the telegraph office,

and that train's running about three hours late,

so we'll be leavin' here long about midnight.

Well, does that mean we got to stay in here the whole time?

It does, Steckey. Military security.

Why, folks see you sashaying around all over town, they could speculate.

First thing you know, we'd have every gulch-poppin' road agent

in lower left hand of Kansas a-followin' us out to that train

trying to rob us of our hard-won wages.

Now you just stay put and quiet,

and I'll keep my ear to the ground up at the Long Branch, huh?

Keep his ear to the ground while he's got his belly up against the bar.

How'd you like to see him do that?

That's him. If you can't see him, you can always hear him.

He is one big gringo.

Now these six bottles are for his troopers,

and this one is for Sergeant Holly.

Six bottles for six troopers?

That's because them troopers is Sergeant Emmet Holly's troopers,

and they're not his troopers for nothin'.

Now there's enough laudanum in those bottles to knock them out

and their horses. Now get goin'.

Well, howdy, Sarge.

Hey, Festus. Where's Marshal Big Fist?

If you're talking about Matthew Dillon, he ain't in town.

He's been over in Topeka for over a week.

Oh.

But if you're anti-pasting any kind of trouble now,

you can call on them horse-army fellows you got hid in the livery stable.

No trouble at all, Festus,

especially with Big Fist up in Topeka.

Maybe now I can get me a few minutes alone there with Miss Kitty.

She's always hidin' under Dillon's jawbone

like a chickadee under a toad-stool, but tonight...

Tonight she ain't a-working.

She's over yonder at the church social. This here's ladies night.

Now wouldn't that frost your non-commissioned follicles.

I finally get a chance to get next to her and she's got to go get religion.

Now you listen here to me,

you go over yonder a-trying to bust in,

and I'm going to have to take you in hand.

Now don't you worry none. I ain't gonna go around chasin' after her.

Ain't gonna have to fill your official capacity on my account.

- Fill what? - Your official capacity.

Figure mine at about four quarts, give or take a couple of fingers.

Hey! Sam!

- Sarge? - Corn whiskey without the kernels.

Hey... Jeeter, Willis P.

U.S. Fourth Cavalry. Dishonorably discharged.

- Good to see you again, Sarge. - Ha. Yeah, I'll bet.

Gentlemen, I'm opening a poker game over here at this table

for those of you who got more money than brains.

Just boots and saddles to the center table. Ho!

Gather 'round at your leisure, now. Thank you, Sam. Ah.

Mmm!

Oh, yes, that does settle the dust and sand.

Now, I want all the pew holders here to understand

that this is straight stud-horse poker,

otherwise known as "Holly Wins."

Me being the only stud-horse soldier in this gaggle of gamecocks.

Now we just riffle those times two. A nice deep cut.

Mm-hmm. Let's see what we got down here.

All right, there we go.

Here we are.

A seven for the whiskey drummer and for your humble servant, an ace.

Well, now, as ye sow so shall ye reap.

Gentlemen, the offering will be five dollars.

A king, yes.

Oh, another seven for the whiskey drummer.

Now those jacks and sevens have got to beat my aces,

unless of course this final card is...

Wouldn't that frost your eyeballs?

All the artillery hangin' out there in front of the spectators.

You catch that fourth ace?

Boy, unless you have got money in the pot, never put hand to the board.

You want in, mister? The ante's a dollar.

Yeah, I don't mind if I do.

No hard feelings on my side

for you testifyin' against me at the court martial.

No, I'll admit it. I ran.

I'm grateful to you for drummin' me out.

You probably saved my life, Sarge.

Oh, how do you mean?

Well, I kept track of the outfit. Kind of made me feel like part of it.

I heard you fought Quanah Parker at Canon Blanco

right after my court martial.

And the way I heard it, when those Comanches charged,

well, if I had...

You'd have probably died in a cloud of dust. Hey, Sam!

Hup!

Let me pour you a drink, Sarge.

You're leanin' on my tent little heart, boy.

Why should I drink with the likes of you?

Why, because you're one of my heroes.

Well, now, that's a lie, and I'll sure drink to it.

Pour away. Pour away, my boy.

There we are. To slower Indians and faster carbines.

Oh!

Oh, Jeeter!

Jeeter, I'm gonna tell you one thing.

If you age half as bad as your whiskey, you got about one month to live.

Whew!

Let's see what the offering is here.

Buenas noches, señores.

- Hey, get out of here. - The place is closed.

I bring whiskey for you.

Compliments of Sgt. Holly.

Hey, how about that?

Good ol' Sarge.

¡Hasta luego!

Oh, yes.

You know something, Jeeter?

I ought never to have left the U.S. Fourth Cavalry.

How did it happen?

Oh, about the time I re-upped, I got myself all gee-flummoxed

over this little gal named Kitty Russell.

She runs this here place.

Oh, I tell you,

whatever boot they poured that out still got somebody's foot in it.

I'll tell you one thing, though.

First thing Monday morning, I'm...

I'm gonna tell Miss Russell

that either she can trundle her troth off to Texas with me,

or she's gonna have to get along without me.

Hm!

Oh!

Junglin' jalap, Sam.

What in the carboxylated hellfire and brimstone is that potion?

Why that tastes like essence of East Missouri stinkhorn.

I'm telling you, Sam, somebody soured the mash.

Been no complaints I've heard of, Sergeant.

Yeah, well, you just heard one now.

Ha!

Oh.

Huh. Ten after the hour.

Oh, heck, I got to ride.

Boots and saddles. Ho!

Hep!

You know, I just might have misjudged you, Jeeter.

I mean, your feeling a loyalty to the outfit and everything

just proves you can't be all bad.

I hate to see it end.

How's about if I rode out with you on that detail?

Hey, don't you presume on my good nature, boy.

What, you think I'd let you'd ride the regimental colors?

You acted dishonorably, and you are and were dishonored

and by the book and by my own cyclometer,

I wouldn't let you ride on the limber of the Fort Dodge latrine wagon.

Hey, dress right on the guidon.

Left wheel. Ho!

Hey, Jeeter. That's my horse.

- We're goin' by my horse! - Chico, bring his horse.

Have you lost what little mind you had left?

Will you stop a trundling and a pushing me?

And you tell that Aztec to stand away from my mount.

I'm just trying to keep you out of trouble.

The day I need help from the likes of you...

Get away from my horse!

Here's the orders.

Sam, I got us three uniforms.

- We need his coat for his stripes. - Yeah.

Whew!

Man: Steckey?

Huh?

Steckey? Hank, are you in there?

Hey, that... must be Corporal Tuttle.

Steckey!

Hey, Corporal Tuttle!

Corporal Tuttle, what are you doin' here?

Don't come any closer, Holly. I don't wanna have to shoot you.

Ha! What's the matter with you, Tuttle? Are you drunk?

Don't come no closer! I'll shoot!

I'm pleased to do it, after what you done.

And what was that?

I'm gonna put you under military arrest.

Robbing the payroll. Takin' the wages out of the pockets of your own men!

The payroll was robbed? What time is it?

Where's that Corporal Steckey? Hey, Steckey!

Here, you'll hurt yourself with this thing.

Who said I done the robbery?

Well, the train messenger, the one you shot.

I didn't shoot nobody. And I didn't rob nobody.

Well, the train messenger said it was you.

In uniform, with official orders from Fort Dodge.

Orders...

Jeeter! Why that dirty little skunk.

That's what he was after. Liked to have poisoned me dead.

Lieutenant Mapes got an order out for your arrest for robbery and assault.

You tryin' to tell me somebody else did it?

That's right. And if I had the time,

I would kick your cantle from here to the orderly room

for even thinkin' such a thing.

And that shave-tail Mapes right along with you.

Steckey!

Over here. Over here.

Here, what's that?

Jalap.

Jalap. Where'd you get that?

Well, you know, the... the Mexican man.

Jeeter's Aztec.

Hey, Tuttle, you hear that?

You wait till Lieutenant Mapes hears about you resisting arrest.

Come on...

Where's the rest of them?

Oh, Steckey.

- Whoa there. - Hey.

- Sergeant Holly. - Hey, Doc!

Just the man I wanna see. Listen, I got some sick troopers in here.

Hey, take a whiff of that stuff there.

Smells kind of funny.

Why, it's got laudanum in it.

Laudanum! What?!

That runkle-eyed snipe of a Jeeter.

Jalaped the lot of us. Robbed the payroll.

Stole my orders. Here, take a look at that critter.

Here.

I got five more in there just like him.

I'd sure appreciate it if you'd take care of 'em.

All right, you come on in here too and I'll have a look at your head.

Oh, don't worry, ain't nobody can hurt this head.

Who is it?

It's First Sergeant Emmet Holly, ma'am.

I wish you'd let me in. I've got a personal... calamity.

It's a what?

It's a calamity. Now, that's the gospel truth.

Oh, evening, ma'am.

Oh. Oh, now listen,

I've been drinking, but I ain't drunk.

Is that the calamity?

Oh, no, no.

See, I been accused of robbing the Fort Dodge payroll.

That's what it is.

Come on in, Sergeant.

Mm.

Uh... g-g-get that horse out of here!

Well, no, it would be a dead giveaway if I was to leave him outside.

Besides, he's house broke.

There, just stand easy, there, Private Horse.

Pour yourself a drink and tell me all about it.

Oh, that's real smoky there.

Mmm!

No, I do not deny that I was derelict in my duty to stay sober and alert.

Let 'em try me on that. Yeah. Let 'em arrest me.

Lock me up. Take away my chevrons.

But to accuse me of turnin' on my own. That's goin' beyond the beyond.

Uh... Would you... Why the Mason jars?

Well, did you notice the reluctant manner

in which that whiskey left that there bottle?

Glug, glug, bubble glug, like...

- All you have to do is just tip it... - Wait, look.

Wait, look. Big, wide, smooth mouth like that, you get a good flow.

Mmm.

You sure do.

- Comes in very handy on a hot afternoon... - Yeah.

When them red Indians is shooting at ya.

Well, I mean, a man's sippin' time is severely limited. See?

Now I can get about a pint of that down there and workin'

before your average red Indian could thread up another arrow.

Yes, it's very useful.

You know, I don't know why

the Army has lost all that kind of faith in me.

Why don't you let Matt Dillon bring Jeeter in?

Yeah, well, I know where he is.

Blister Canyon.

Leastwise I remember he used to have a place up there somehow.

Oh, well, I know where that is.

It's about, uh, 40 miles south of here.

I still think you should let Matt bring him in.

No, see, he's not here, and Jeeter's already halfway there.

So I can't take the chance. You know how Big Fist is.

I mean, if it ain't legal, hit it.

Okay, you know better than that.

How are you fixed for cash?

When Jeeter took my jacket, he got all my money.

I mean, you got about a hundred dollars you can let me have?

Till I get back.

I mean, I'm gonna need some grub and such like.

You know, I'm not really sure I should be doing this.

Here, Private Horse, ladies first.

Oh, me.

You know I'm gonna have to tell Matt about this.

Oh, really? Why is that?

I mean, I tell you something, he ain't gonna like it at all.

Why isn't he gonna like it?

Well, I mean, you know, an eligible bachelor like me.

You know Big Fist. He's just apt to throw a jealous fit.

Come on, Private Horse. Hyah!

Sergeant Holly riding out?

He should have let me have a look at his head first.

I think you should have a look at my head, Doc.

I let him have the money so he could ride out.

I ain't never heard such a twang-bag of pure O.D. twaddle

in all my born days.

Sounds like you got trouble.

I have, Miss Kitty.

What's the matter?

Oh, it's that gnat-headed lieutenant of them horse people out yonder.

He's got one of them corporals

that got hisself all limber like on that hooch down the livery...

He's got him a-sayin' that he seen Sergeant Holly

a-leadin' his horse in the Long Branch last night.

Now I'll tell you somethin', he better start to makin' some sense

or I'm gonna run him and that whole batch of troopers outta Dodge

on the short end of a sawed-off shotgun.

No, I wouldn't do anything...

I know you wouldn't allow no horse brang in the Long Branch, Miss Kitty,

but he's a-sayin' that you was a-hidin' Sergeant Holly here

on account of he's a shoot-on-sight deserter from the Army.

Now wait a minute, what do you mean, "shoot-on-sight"?

That's what they do to them there deserters, Miss Kitty.

They'll put a reward on him

and there will be bounty hunters after him.

Why, he ain't gonna have no more chance than a grasshopper in a hen house.

I'll guarantee you, he ain't.

Oh, Sam.

I know, Miss Kitty.

Sergeant Holly going wrong like that.

It's just hard to believe.

It's real hard to believe.

That's why I let him in last night and loaned him some money.

He needed money?

He didn't rob the train, Sam, a man by the name of Jeeter did it.

You hitch up my buggy. I'm going after him.

- Now, Miss Kitty... - I'd never forgive myself if I didn't.

What I should've done is I...

Well, I should've tried to talk him into giving himself up last night.

Well, don't you think you ought to tell Festus?

No. No, don't tell Festus.

He'll just try and stop me.

But I do want you to tell Matt when he gets in tonight.

You tell him that I've gone to a place south of here called Blister Canyon.

He'll know where it is.

Whoa!

Here, now, what is the red nations is that?

Huh? Hey, Private Horse?

Ho!

Private Horse,

looks like what we got here's a petrified red aborigine

who's pretending he ain't here.

Huh.

Private Horse, you know something?

I think maybe a little slosh of distilled spirits might get a snort out of him.

Hey listen here, Chief, why don't you try to be a little neighborly?

I mean, here I am sloshin' your apertures with liquid spirits.

Where have I seen that starin', cataleptic, stony face before?

Chow line. Regular Army O.

I tell you somethin', Private Horse,

after twenty years in this brass-bound army,

I can tell you that this pitiful red wretch

is a former U.S. horse soldier.

He got into this pathetic condition here from standing in long stupifyin' lines

that had no rational origin, didn't go no place,

and produced nothin' but sore feet.

Huh?

Prepare to mount. Boots and saddles.

Ho!

Good.

Other three bad waddies.

You catch 'em. You kick 'em elbow.

Which way did they go?

That way.

Sun... there.

Good bad-water whiskey.

Burn tooth. More?

Very doubtful. What did those three do to you?

Kicking me in elbow.

Oh.

Were you in the Army?

Corporal scout.

Third Cavalry.

Well.

Me ride, ride.

Me see.

Me point finger.

When did you leave?

When me fall off horse.

In shoot-out.

Well, what are you doing here just sitting?

Ain't no ridin' horse.

Well, that's for sure.

Listen Chief, I'd give you a ride, but I just got this one horse here.

You just gonna stay here?

All day, all night.

Who knows?

Now, listen.

Anybody comes by here, askin' which way I went...

Oh.

You tell 'em that way, huh? Yeah.

All right, Private Horse, let's go.

Whoa, whoa.

Jeeter.

Those high rocks outta town. Be there at noon sharp.

He's out of range.

Well, you know like they say, Private Horse,

we'll get the two in the bush.

You stand easy there, now.

All right, bellies down.

Arms straight out.

Well, you fellows like it down there?

No, señor.

Ah. I expect not.

Well, let's go in the shack and get acquainted.

Maybe stretch out, huh?

Four thousand nine hundred and forty dollars even.

And you boys got paid $2,500 a piece by Jeeter just an hour ago?

Por favor. We will tell you what you want to know.

Cut me down before my head blows up.

I don't understand how you boys could spend $60

between here and the front yard.

I... I... We swear, we don't know where he is.

He's with some girl someplace.

Unless of course Jeeter gave you a short count.

No, you're gettin' the truth, Sarge. Tomorrow he's meeting us near Oblivion.

Where are these so-called high rocks?

It starts the north trail entering Oblivion. What's left of it.

Well, he's got a fresh horse and I ain't. So I'll just wait for him in Oblivion.

Well... I'll see you boys.

You boys behave yourselves now, you hear me?

Please, you would not believe the pain.

Well, don't you boys know people pay good money to get hung up like that?

Does wonders for the hydraulic system.

Yeah, I'll tell the first marshal I run into about your predicament.

Say, you can't leave us hanging like this!

Suppose that marshal don't find us before them snakes do?

Oh, I wouldn't worry none about them snakes. No!

Watch out for them bobcats, though.

Whoa! Whoa!

Hello.

You there, hello.

You're not dead, are you?

Ain't no dead, squaw.

What are you sitting there for?

Wait wagon come.

Make um wheels do walkin'.

Well, I'll give you a lift. I'm going south.

Big Horse soldier, whiskey man,

him go there.

What you think?

I think you're lying. Sergeant Holly's headed south.

Squaw right.

Little Bugle bad liar.

Where there any men ahead of him?

Three bad waddies.

We go now.

Catch 'em... whiskey man.

Now!

Help!

Help us!

Anybody out there? Help us!

Oh, lady, you got a knife?

No.

Who are you?

Oh... something to cut me down.

Is your name Jeeter?

No, I never heard of him.

My name is Wilson. Now will you go get a knife?

Are these the men you saw on the trail?

Two of them. Bad waddies.

Kicking me in elbow.

Sergeant Holly's been here, look.

Whiskey horse soldier man.

Him hung them up.

I skin them. Bad waddies.

No, no!

Now, there's a U.S. Marshal on his way here.

And he'll take them to jail. I just want you to watch them until he gets here.

Lady, don't leave us here with this Injun.

Now, come on, you got a wagon. I heard it when you pulled up.

Now take us down to Oblivion with you.

Is that where Sergeant Holly is?

Yes.

Lady, that Injun will kill us.

Oh, don't be silly.

Cut 'em down.

Go on! Go.

Cut 'em down.

No, no! My head!

No, don't!

Whoa, boy.

All right, horse, blow out your belly.

Hey, where's the bartender, so's a man can get a drink around here?

Shut up! Can't you see they're wrestling?

Bring that soldier boy here.

Ah!

You beat me, you get a drink.

Well, I'd just as soon pay for it. My drinking elbow's kinda all flogged up.

Take hold, soldier boy.

And while we are wrestling, we can talk about the train robbery.

Train robbery?

That kind of news travels fast, soldier boy.

We've been sort of waiting for you.

Well, I don't know nothing in the world whatsoever about no train robbery.

Ha!

Let me have him!

Bring it here. Every last dollar.

Name is Pinero. And I'm going to hand you your arm.

So, you are $24,000 short, soldier boy.

I want to know why.

Well, you know, it's kind of expensive traveling these days.

I mean, room rents is up and all that.

Know something?

You're a dead man.

You mean, win or lose?

You're never getting up out of that chair.

You're going to die looking at me.

Well, I got to hand it to you, Pinero.

Even if it is my last handful, you sure got character.

How you figure?

Well, I mean, any man

that would kill another man just on principle,

I mean, knowing in advance he's going to give up thousands of dollars...

In this case like $24,000...

May be a little short on brains but just,

you just got to be just chock full of moral fiber.

The first next one word you say better be plain straight-on

or you are dead on the second.

Where is that money?

Jeeter.

What's a jeeter?!

It's not a what, it's who.

He's my partner.

And he's burying the other $24,000 and gonna

meet me at the north rocks tomorrow.

- North rocks? I know where that is. - I know where that is...

Shut up!

But if he don't see me waiting for him alone tomorrow,

he's gonna start shooting, and you're gonna have to kill him.

Then that payroll's gonna rest in peace.

You two are in luck, just got some partners. For protection.

That's something I'm going to have to explain to Jeeter.

Now, you got to figure out some way for me to meet him alone.

- Or else he's gonna get spooked. - Meet him alone?

You expect me to trust you?

There's no way you're gonna cut out north of here.

The Army and the law waitin' for us and all such as that.

So, it figures that handin' you a third...

Half!

Oh. Yeah, half, that's what I meant.

Well, for a place to hole up, that seems like pretty fair dealin'.

I still don't trust you.

Excuse me.

Is there a Sgt. Emmet Holly here?

Ahh!

Here. Here.

Well, now, trust me, here look... Look at my security right here.

I want you to meet my brand new bride. That's Mrs. Emmet Holly right there.

She don't usually blush like this, but, oh, my. Oh, my.

Mrs. Emmet Holly.

Mrs. Emmet Holly?!

Has a nice ring to it, don't it?

Oh!

Oh, I've never been so outraged in my whole life.

Now, Miss Kitty, it ain't as though you was drug down here against your free will.

I came down here to undo a wrong,

to correct a mistake... my mistake!

Nobody's perfect.

My mistake was helping you in the first place.

And then you had to go and do it again.

Hm.

I'm gonna tell you something, Miss Kitty.

If you keep doin' this, you know, you're gonna

run into that temptation all the time

and sin's gonna get the best part of you.

Oh, you're the most impossible jackass I've ever met in my life.

And if you think I'm going to spend the night with you in this room,

you're crazy!

Here now, wait a minute. If you don't,

we're both gonna be widows inside of five minutes.

I'd rather be dead.

Wh... Here!

Let go of me, you maniac!

Well, let go of the knob.

Ah!

- Miss Kitty... - Oh, get out of my way!

- Wait! Wait! Miss Kitty... - Leave me alone.

Wait! Wait!

Oh.

I'm... I'm so sorry.

- Here, let me look. - No, you can't tell nothing by looking.

You've got to... You've got to give it the test.

- Did I do all that? - No, listen, don't worry about a thing.

People been standing in line, waiting to give me some lumps on the head.

- But I got to find out. - About what?

If I've got a fractured skull.

You see, what you do is,

you pour a little of this whiskey in the aperture,

and right away one of two things is gonna happen.

Either you go into a kind of agitated dance until it stops hurting,

or else you fall over stone cold dead like a struck ox.

Then that's the first sure sign that you've got a fractured skull.

You're drunk.

No, I remember one summer, the Mescaleros,

they comin' into my camp and thunkin' my soldier-boys on the head

like they was ripe melons.

And all them boys appreciated my whiskey test.

Those has survived it, that is.

- Don't do that! - Ahh! Ahh!

Oh, ho, Miss Kitty,

I do believe I'm gonna survive!

Ugh!

Whoo!

Hey, hey!

Holly es muy macho!

Oh!

I'm sleeping over here.

By the door.

Oh, no, no, now, Miss Kitty, I think...

I think you ought to have the bed.

Look, you may not have a cracked skull,

but you sure have a cracked brain.

And I want to get as much distance between us as can be arranged.

Well, if that's how you feel about it, but...

it does seem like a terrible waste of unavoidable circumstances.

Goodnight, Sgt. Holly.

I, um...

I suppose you...

had to tell them that I was your wife.

Oh, I don't know.

I could have said you was my mother.

Oh, you're impossible.

Festus: Oh, stand up on your feet and walk now.

Tie 'em in the saddle.

Sam, do you think you'll have any trouble

getting them back to the Englewood sheriff?

No problem at all, Marshal.

I'm too sick to travel.

I told you everything, Marshal. It will count, yes?

Maybe.

If Jeeter was going where you said he was going.

But why would he be going to the town of Oblivion?

He wanted us to ride shotgun on his money.

Promised us another thousand if we got him safe to Mexico.

Festus, does he have a horse?

Far as I can tell, he ain't even got no feet.

He ain't moved two inches in no direction since we been here.

Oh, he's got feet all right.

He was kicking me and Chico in the elbow half the night.

Well, then it's clearly understood.

I come back with $12,000

and then me and Jeeter and my bride, we get the keys to the city, hm?

I'll see you in about an hour, love.

Oh, yeah, my gun.

You don't need a gun.

Well, now, wait a minute, Jeeter's gonna get all upset

he sees me without some backup artillery.

I mean, he might even think that you boys are not altogether trustworthy.

You ain't back in that hour, listen hard to the south here.

You won't get so far you won't be able to hear this redhead yelling.

Ha. Thank you.

Oh, look, why don't you do my laundry whilst I'm gone?

You know, busy hands and all that.

Don't trust him.

I don't trust him.

Not a penny's worth.

Bodine, you and Lomax follow behind.

The minute they start to dig for that money,

bury him and his partner.

Holly! Holly!

Private Horse, time for a little refreshment here.

I haven't got any for you, boy.

Go on down there. Get down there, Private Horse.

Trust old Holly here.

Get your sweaty hands off those reins.

Now, get down off there nice and easy

before this piece makes jerky strips out of you.

Sergeant, maybe we can work out a deal.

Maybe.

You listen.

Quick.

Supposing that Jeeter don't buy the deal?

Get ready to move in fast.

But make sure we take him alive.

Partners?

Yeah. I told Pinero you'd buried the money,

we'd have to go dig it up.

Why, sure.

I buried it. That's what we'll do. We'll ride there, dig it up.

Well, that was good thinking, Jeeter.

Now we're gonna have to trust each other

if we're gonna get Miss Kitty Russel out of this.

Now, as a contribution to our new bond of faith,

here, take that.

Well, Sarge, that's real...

Sergeant, you're on the wrong horse.

Oh, I thought I'd just spell old Private Horse for a while

with a little lighter load.

Whoa!

It's your turn now, Sergeant.

You get down, nice and easy.

Why, Jeeter, you wouldn't double-cross a friend.

Let's get 'em!

Boots and saddles, horse.

He's ridin' off with the money.

Nothing like the sound of a busy battle.

Let's get 'em!

You arrived just in time, Mr. Big Fist.

Treat 'em gentle.

Ho!

Hey, that means "go," civilian horse.

Hyah! Hyah!

Relax, Red.

It can be fun being a widow.

Hm?

Let's talk about you and me. Hm?

This is a hard world for a woman to travel alone. Hm?

¡Ay!

Now... now there, Miss Kitty,

don't you worry about a thing.

Got Marshal Big Fist up there in the rocks stompin' out them badbellies

and Pinero's comeuppance is about to come up.

And finally, old Holly got you in his arms. Huh?

Yeah.

Say, listen, tell me, did you have time to do my laundry?

Oh...

$618... $619... $620.

Yes, sir, $23,620...

which along with this stack of Pinero's over here

comes out just about exactly to the amount of the payroll.

Shouldn't you take the apple out of his mouth?

Oh, not till I roast him.

You know, Kitty baby,

if old Holly had any sense, what's on this table here

would represent henceforth what would be known as

Sergeant Emmet Holly's Retirement and Pension Fund, Limited.

And you and I could go down and enjoy

about a 140-year vacation in Mexico.

You're not serious.

Well, now, are you not dazzled by the thought

of accompanying old Holly and all this money to Mexico?

No, and you stop talking nonsense.

Oh.

Still mooning after old Big Fist, huh?

Well, can't blame a man for trying, can you?

Okay, then. I guess it's back to flag and country.

Yeah, being underfed, underpaid, and...

Well, they're all here.

Matt and Festus and Newly.

Underfed, underpaid and undercut by some slouch-hatted marshal

that just takes a fancy to a man's girl

when he was about to marry her and sweep her off to Mexico

for a honeymoon.

Sergeant Holly.

You're a dear.

Ha.

What's going on around here?

Nothing to worry your head about.

Hey, it gets better all the time, Big Fist.

You best watch yourself.

Gets better all the time.