Original subtitles

Morning, Festus.

Matthew.

Sure hope you're not gonna be too busy for the next couple of days.

Onliest thing on my mind's this here blamed tooth.

- Is that still bothering you? - Oh.

Why don't you go see Doc?

Matthew, have you ever saw that thingamajig

old Doc jobs down your goober?

Doesn't look to me like you got much choice.

It's either that or live with a toothache, you know.

I'm kind of affeared to ask old Doc again, Matthew.

Four times he's had me in that chair and four times I've squiggled out of it.

Well, do you think you can get along with doing things here till Friday?

Oh, course. That ain't no problem.

All right. Well, I'm gonna be heading up to Garden City, you know.

They had a strange robbery took place up there.

The safe and the freight office were locked up tight,

and yet $3,000 wound up missing.

I'm going up there and check on it.

You better get on over to Doc's and have him fix that tooth.

All right, Matthew.

Doc.

Maybe you and me could talk about this here tooth again. Do you...

Sorry. I kind of mistook you.

It's all right.

I'm just glad it wasn't old Doc.

I know just what that old scudder's gonna say the minute I walk in there.

He'll say, "Well, I've tried to pull it three or four times

and you wouldn't let me do it.

Now you can just go on and scratch for yourself."

Oh, I can hear that old scamp. Now, you get...

- Hello. - Yes, sir.

I'd like to have a room, please. Second floor. It looks on the street.

Street side...

All full except one, and that's reserved for Mr. O'Leary.

This Mr. O'Leary, he would be unhappy with another room?

Oh, very unhappy, sir. He wired ahead.

He always likes this particular room whenever he comes into Dodge.

I see. I see. Well, that's too bad.

I do have a very nice room facing the side.

Catches the night breezes.

That's an attractive watch, sir.

Oh, well, thank you. I'm glad that you appreciate.

- Quite unusual. - Yes.

Like little stars in the heaven,

they twinkle, twinkle... Sleepy.

Sleepy.

Sleep.

Mr. O'Leary, he will like this other room.

He has a sudden fondness for night breezes.

You will not remember my words.

You said you had a nice room for me facing the street, please.

Yes, it was reserved for Mr. O'Leary,

but I recall him saying something about night breezes.

I'm sure he'd much prefer the side.

All right. I thank you very much.

Number four, sir. And I hope you enjoy your stay in Dodge.

Oh, I certainly will. The people in Dodge is most cooperative.

Whoa, whoa. Whoa, here.

- Doc, how you doing? - Newly. What in thunder is that?

It looks like a lot of promising to me, painless healing.

"Only a small charge made

to those willing to partake in new medical experiments."

I'm getting sick and tired of these fakers around... Where's Matt?

Well, sir, he left a while ago. He's over in Garden City.

But Festus, he's down the Long Branch.

Well, have you seen this miracle worker?

I saw him headed over to the Dodge House,

a little man carrying a medical bag.

I'll straighten him out.

Doc can't blame me none if my tooth quits hurtin'

every time he jobs that who's-he-what's-it in my mouth.

Festus, you're just imagining that Doc won't help you.

Now, when he gets back to town, you just up and ask him.

I know better than that, Miss Kitty.

He'll say I ain't got no more sense than my mule's got

and that he ain't gonna mess around with that tooth no more.

He'll twist and turn them words

and jabber away with everything he can think of tryin' to hurrah me.

- I know him. - Here, try some of that.

- See if it won't help the tooth. - Much obliged, Miss Kitty.

He'll start off with mutton-head. He'll call me a mutton-head.

And then he'll build up to where I ain't got enough brains

to fill up a thimble with.

And then he'll start to insult me. I can hear him.

Fine thing, deputy marshal here in the saloon this early in the morning

drinking hard liquor.

All right, you ornery old scudder.

Just never you mind a-callin' me a mutton-head and stuff like that.

I haven't called you anything yet.

The way it appears to me, a doctor is supposed to be patient with his patients

expectin' him to have patience.

And you're just a-gonna wind up to where you ain't got no patients

if you don't start to havin' some patience, I'll tell you that.

- Can you translate that for me? - I think he has a toothache.

Well, for heaven's sakes, all you gotta do is go up in my office

and wait for me like you always do.

But you know as well as I do that your toothache'll completely disappear

the very second you hear my footsteps on the stairs.

Now, I wanna talk to you about something.

You're a deputy. You got a badge.

Now, you know how Matt and I feel about quacks coming into this town.

Well, right at this very minute

one of them's parked his rig down at the livery stable

and he's registered over in the Dodge House.

Now, why do you allow a thing like that?

Well, why do you?

Well, maybe Dodge is gettin' big enough for two quacks.

You... That's...

Don't you get smart with me.

Here, you take that bag and you get up to my office and you wait for me.

- Where are you goin'? - None of your business.

I don't know which tooth is bothering you, but I know one thing,

it certainly is not a... a wisdom tooth.

650.

1,500.

2,875.

Total... 8,625.

Dodge City is last.

If I could only get 2,000 more.

- It is? - Dr. Adams. I wanna talk to you.

I don't hear so good, please. Who is it?

My name's Dr. Adams, and I wanna talk to you. Now, open the door.

I do not need a doctor because I am a doctor.

Well, that's exactly what I wanna talk to you about. Now, open up.

You may go away, but... but, for heaven's sake, I'll open up.

What do you think, that I am someone what you...?

I am the physi... Hey... Galen?

Galen Adams?

- Herman? - Yes.

- Herman Schultz. - Oh, for heaven's sake!

Well, you old son of a gun.

Galen Adams here in Dodge City.

How long? 30 years?

Oh, Herman, 35, must be. 35 years at least.

Whatever the years, a drink we must have, huh?

- You know... - Oh, my Galen.

You have no idea seeing you, what you... You're a sight for sore eyes.

- Yeah, where was we last together? - Well, I don't remember that.

But the last I recall about you

was you were on your way to Austria to do medical research.

- I went, I went. - You did?

Mm-hm. And... Here's the drink.

- Herman? - Yeah?

- What I came up here about. - Yeah.

- That buggy, the painless healing. - Oh, now.

Then the good town doctor was coming up here

to throw the charlatan out of this town.

Well, now, just a minute.

I'm confident that you would not be involved in anything unethical.

But you have no idea how many charlatans, as you say,

prey on these little western Kansas towns.

- Now, you know how I feel about that. - Yes.

I lecture and I give demonstrations.

Well, then, you do promise painless healing?

I lecture in little towns on my way to a symposium in Denver.

I leave behind me a word of hope for those who would not have the strength

to bear the pain of an operation.

I don't think I understand you.

Mesmerizing, Galen. Mesmer...

Have you heard of this, mesmerizing?

Well, yes, of course, but, well, certainly not applied to surgery.

It is an entirely new field, new, but it needs much research.

Well, now, let me understand.

You mean that you... you can mesmerize a patient

so that he... he won't feel any pain under surgery?

Unfortunately only one out of twenty respond.

But those few, they will not feel pain under suggestion.

To be successfully used in medicine, of course,

the science of mesmerizing must be exact.

Oh, we can do little things, you know, for most people.

Like having a hotel clerk give you a room

what was reserved for somebody else.

- You worked it on Howie downstairs? - Yeah.

Well, keep in practice. I have a little fun.

- Well, I'll declare. - Yeah.

Well, I can certainly understand

how it could be a great, great boon to medicine, of course,

if... if you... if...

You say you need a special type of patient for this to work on?

Generally they are most unusual in their thinking processes.

I think I have exactly the patient that you need

waiting for me in my office right now.

Well, good.

He's waiting up there for me to pull a tooth for him now.

This fella is not one out of 20, as you say.

He's one in a million.

Howdy, Doc. You know that toothache I had?

It just clean went away all by its own self.

Ain't that good?

It don't hardly hurt none at all no more.

Festus, I want you to meet Dr. Schultz, an old and dear friend of mine.

Doctor, this is Festus Haggen.

- It is a pleasure. - Mine too.

Doc, I got a whole heap of business to be tended to,

so I'll see you all directly.

No, now, nonsense. You just wait right here.

I've heard that song before.

You know as well as I do that ten minutes after you leave here,

why, that tooth'll start rarin' on you again and you'll start...

Just sit down.

Well, the thing is, Doc, I don't wanna take up your time,

'cause you got a whole mess of sick folks to be took care of.

Festus, you are absolutely my sole concern at the moment.

Now, you just sit right down there and talk to Dr. Schultz.

- Yeah, but... - Mr. Festus, you are the Dodge lawman?

Just a deputy, mister... Doctor.

I just wish old Doc could get it through his head

that this here tooth of mine ain't worth all the trouble he's a-goin' to.

I give you my word of honor,

you will not feel any pain when your tooth is pulled.

Fiddle! I ain't worried about no pain.

Us Haggens, we can stand all kinds of... What's that?

Well, never mind what this is.

- Just lean back and open your... - Well, wait.

Now, just lean back and open your mouth.

- Well, wait a minute, Doc. - Oh, just...

I'm not gonna do anything, I promise you.

Just... Now, hold... hold still.

Now, hold on here.

Well, I'll declare.

This is absolutely incredible, Herman.

- What, Galen? - Galen?

Oh, shut up and keep your mouth open.

Hmm.

Medical phenomenon. You got 36 teeth, four more than a human being.

A good subject, I think.

- Why don't we start? - Yes.

Mr. Haggen, please look at my watch.

- That's a right nice watch. - Well, just look at it.

- Well, I done saw it. - Well, keep looking at his watch.

- He wants to... - Mr. Haggen, look at my watch.

See how it swings to and fro.

Look at the little jewel lights.

They shine like stars.

Twinkle, twinkle.

Sleepy. Sleepy.

Sleepy.

Sleep.

Now, Mr. Haggen, while your tooth is being pulled, you will feel no pain.

You will be so happy, you will even want to pull it yourself.

No pain. Just a tickle.

When I snap my fingers, you will be awake.

Absolutely amazing.

He's ready.

What was that you was sayin', Doc?

Well, Festus, I just said that I was gonna pull a tooth for you.

Oh, good. Right here, yeah.

Maybe I can help you, Doc. I can get hold of the grabbers and help you pull.

Thank you. I think I'm gonna be able to handle this all right all by myself.

All right, now, just... just hold still.

- What's the matter? - Tickles.

Just hold still. That's better.

I am absolutely amazed.

Ja, Galen, perhaps someday the snap of a doctor's fingers,

and a patient will be able to endure any pain necessary for any operation,

no matter how major.

All right, now.

I'm just almost finished here. Now, here's what I want... Just...

Just right there. All right, now, I want you to just bite down on that.

Not now. I'll tell you... Don't you...

All right, now, just slow there.

Just keep your jaws tight on that and... you just sit there and rest.

Herman, I never thought I'd live to see that.

Thank you.

Well, I can certainly see when you get this...

Here, let me help you with this, please.

Thank you. Herman, you wanna have some fun?

I always like to enjoy.

- He's a very good friend of mine. - Oh, I saw that, yeah.

Now, I wouldn't want to miss this opportunity for anything in the world.

Now, while you got him like this,

is it possible for you to make him think that he's an animal, a chicken or...?

I could make him a chicken, a duck, a rooster, a cow...

- Rooster. - All right. Very simple.

He doesn't even have to be mesmerized.

Oh, yeah?

No, you see, there's something we don't understand yet at all,

that when we put someone to sleep

and tell them to do something when they wake up, they do it.

Why, we don't know yet.

- Wouldn't harm him? - Oh, no, no, no, no.

All right, I'm going over to the Long Branch,

and you give me a couple of minutes

and you make him a rooster and bring him over there.

I'll see you.

Oh.

Doc leave, did he, Dr. Schultz?

Yes, he waits for us at the Long Branch.

Festus, you can remove this.

Oh, yes, sir.

Festus, you and I are going to become very good friends.

Yes, good friends, Dr. Schultz.

No, that's all right. When we are alone, you could call me Herman.

Yes, sir. Herman, I mean.

Yeah. Now, listen to me very carefully.

My Dodge House room faces the street. It's a corner room.

Tonight when you are walking on the street,

I want you to keep your eye on the window.

When the shade is pulled down,

you will come to my room without saying one word to anybody.

- Do you understand? - You betcha, Herman.

Good. Now we will go to the Long Branch

and you will walk in like you were a rooster,

a very big rooster who feels like crowing.

You will crow five times. Do you understand?

Yes, sir, Doc. Herman, I mean.

Shall we go join Doc in the Long Branch?

That's a real good idea, Her... Doc... Herman, I mean.

No, no, no, it's all right. We are friends.

Real good friends, Herman.

- What's gotten into him? - You'll have to ask another chicken.

Festus, what in heaven's name has gotten into you?

Well, Miss Kitty, there's... there's times

when a fella just has to do what he feels like doin'.

And I just kind of felt like crowin'. What's so bad about that?

You're acting like a jackass.

All right, quiet. Quiet, in here.

Please. Please, folks, quiet. Just... Just a... Just a minute, if you please.

Now, what you have just seen, well, it was a little joke,

but it does have its practical side, and I'm gonna explain it to you.

Just a few minutes ago, Festus was up in my office

and I pulled a tooth for him and he did not experience one bit of pain.

Now, I'll tell you why.

It was because my friend Dr. Schultz here,

through the power of suggestion,

was able to convince him

that it would be a pleasant experience instead of a painful one.

Now, that's the truth. Now, it's called mesmerization.

Now, I don't... I don't profess to understand this,

but as a doctor, I can't tell you how excited it makes me,

and it just makes me so proud, I... well, let's...

I just want now you to meet my friend, Dr. Herman Schultz.

Thank you very much. But enough of me.

Do me the honor and let me buy you a drink, please.

Look, you have here a... a music man.

Mister, would you please make me a oom-pa-pa, oom-pa-pa?

He crows better than he dances.

Doc, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Why?

Having that friend of yours make a fool out of Festus like this.

I wouldn't have missed this for anything in the world.

You are incorrigible.

Quit that! I don't dance none with fellas.

Doc, I just don't like that fella.

Why not?

Well, because, for one thing, he talks funny.

Talks funny? He talks six different languages.

And he probably talks funny in all of 'em too.

- You still got it in you. - Thank you, Galen.

- Galen? - Oh, Dr. Schultz.

Miss Kitty Russell, who owns the Long Branch.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

What a beautiful necklace.

- Befitting a beautiful lady. - Well, thank you very much.

Same old Herman.

To your health, please, Miss Russell.

And to your place.

Come in!

Well, come in, Festus. Come in, come in. I'm glad to see you.

I... didn't aim to bother you none, Herman.

Now, you will come and have a drink with me?

Yes?

I don't reckon it'd hurt none.

No, no. Now, Festus, listen to me.

There is a special stage coming through Dodge tomorrow.

Oh.

You're talking about the stage that carries that money box

put up every week at the freight office?

Yes, and we have to protect that money box.

Oh, course, we always do.

You always do what?

Take good care of the money box.

But how? We must be very careful.

Marshal Dillon has entrusted you to be sure that that money is safe

and I'm here trying to help you.

Oh, I know that, Herman.

All right. What time will that stage come through Dodge?

That there's a secret.

You're getting very sleepy, Festus. Close your eyes.

Sleepy. Sleepy.

Sleep.

All right, now.

Everything that I tell you to do

you will do because your Marshal Dillon will wish you to do it.

Do you understand?

- Yes. - Good.

Very important we guard that money box.

Most importantest thing there is.

All right. What time does that stage come through Dodge?

That there's a secret.

- Burke. - Yes?

He's...

onliest one knows what time.

- Burke? - Burke.

Fella works at the freight office.

- How do you protect the gold? - Well, there's no gold tonight, sir.

- Only the cash box. - Yeah, of course, the cash box.

And you and I will protect it, Mr. Burke.

- Yes, sir. - What time does it arrive?

- At midnight. - How do you protect it?

The shotgun and the driver make sure the money's placed into the safe.

Then I lock the safe.

If you locked the safe, you could unlock it.

When money's placed into the safe, it takes more than a key.

The combination lock is turned and only Mr. Smythe can open it.

- Mr. Smythe? Where is he? - He'll be here tomorrow morning, sir.

Let me ask you, supposing the money is not put in the safe.

Sir?

Supposing you are not around here and the freight office is closed.

There must be somewhere else where the money is safe.

Yes, sir. The marshal guards it for the night.

The marshal? In this case, the deputy marshal?

Yes, sir. Festus Haggen.

Yes, I see now.

- Sir? - I tell you what.

The stage arrives at midnight and you will leave at 11 o'clock.

Yes, sir.

You will close the freight office and then go visiting.

Who would be someone that you would visit?

My mother? She likes for me to visit her.

Where does she live?

Across the street from here, top floor.

- Sir? - You will not go visiting tonight.

You will go riding.

You will ride out into the night until you see the sunrise.

- Then you may come home. - Yes, sir.

When I snap my fingers, you will not remember this conversation.

Oh, before I do...

Dr. Adams told me he has a lady patient

by the name Andrews, Anderson, something?

- Mrs. Anders. - Yeah, thank you.

Now, before you leave at 11 o'clock, you will inform Dr. Adams

that Mr. Anders wants the doctor to come to his farm.

It will be very urgent.

Yes, sir. Doc Adams to come to the Anders farm. Very urgent.

Oh, yes, Doctor, as I was saying,

the wedding wagon would be your best choice if you wanna save some money.

Thank you very much, but I'll come back and tell you if I decide.

- Goodbye. - Good day, Doctor.

- Want some more? - No. No, thanks.

Well, it ain't that I don't take to Dr. Schultz, Doc.

It's just, well, it's kind of...

I mean... Well, you know what I mean.

Hmm.

The day I know what you mean the first time around

is the day I'll run the flag up the pole.

Doc, ain't you ever got yourself a kind of a slippedy, wobbledy feelin'

like you're a-slippin' and a-slidin'

and you can't understand the way you feel

of havin' that kind of a feelin'?

Those words ought to be carved in granite.

Why?

Because a thousand years from now

nobody's gonna believe you ever existed.

All right, there you go again.

- Every day you start off the same way. - Good morning.

Excuse me. Am I interrupting something?

Of course not. Certainly not.

Would you believe it, I never was before in a jail?

Well, now, that's certainly not a bad complaint to have, Herman.

You know, I was on my way to breakfast just now. Will you join me?

- No, thank you, Galen, no. - Galen?

- Shut up. - I had already breakfast.

I thought maybe I could visit with Festus, he would show me the cells.

Well, that's fine. Just don't let him lock you in one of 'em.

- Oh, he wouldn't do that. - Well, don't be too sure.

He's already locked himself in twice that I know of.

All right, you smart aleck, you old scamp.

This here's where we keep all the outlaws at, Doctor... Herman...

I don't know why it is I keep a-callin' you Herman, Herman.

It's just kind of comes natural to me somehow.

Well, that's all right, Festus. We're friends.

Festus, listen to me. We have a problem.

The money stage arrives tonight, but the freight office will be closed,

so we have to find a safe place for that money.

Safe place for the money?

What is safer than a jail?

Jail's a real safe place.

You will tell the stage driver

to bring the money box here and put it in a cell.

Then tell him the marshal gave you those orders.

Marshal give me the orders.

Then I will come back and together we will guard the money.

You and me guard the money together.

You're a good man, Festus.

Uh, like I was saying, Herman,

this here's the place where we keep all the scallywags at.

Well, Dodge City is a nice place. No scallywags today.

Good morning, my friend, Festus.

Why in the Sam Hill do I keep callin' that old coot Herman for?

Oh, Herman, Dodge City's become home to me.

I could have settled in any one of a hundred towns, I suppose...

Mrs. Anders wants you to come out to her place right away.

- What's the trouble? - Well, I don't know.

I just ran into Mr. Anders and he said to have you come right on out.

It's very... It's... It's urgent.

Well, now, just hold on a minute here. Just a minute.

I guess I'd better get on out there, Herman.

Wait a minute. Burke, you can do me a big favor.

If you'll go up to my office, Mrs. Donniger...

Doc, I can't do anybody any favors tonight.

Well, now, wait a minute. Why can't you?

- Well, I gotta go riding. - Riding?

It's somethin' I gotta do real bad. It's a personal matter.

There's another prime subject for you.

Well, I'm gonna try to get back tomorrow morning,

and if I do, we'll have breakfast together.

Nice, Galen.

Oh, excuse me. I forgot.

Well, it sure is a quiet night.

Sam, why don't you take an early break? I can handle things.

Well, thank you, Miss Kitty.

- Miss Russell. - Well, good evening, Doctor.

Could I treat you to a night cap?

I think it's time somebody else bought you a drink.

Well, thank you. Thank you very much.

Excuse me. I was looking at your beautiful necklace.

I'm attracted to such exquisite jewelry.

May I examine it, please?

Of course.

Oh, thank you so much.

Oh, it is exquisite.

Look at the lights, how they shine.

They twinkle like little stars.

Little stars that shine

and bring the warmth of a caress.

A caress that makes for sleep.

Sleepy. Sleepy.

Sleep.

Miss Russell, I wish to buy this necklace.

Name a moderate price.

Whatever gave you the idea I wanted to sell it, Dr. Schultz?

You are not only a most beautiful woman with excellent tastes,

but a most extraordinary person.

Well... thank you very much.

Good night, Miss Russell.

Good night, Dr. Schultz.

- Hold up there! - Whoa!

There's a change of plan, Stoney.

With the freight office done locked up and Burke out of town,

I want you to bring your money box to the jail.

- In the jail? - Yeah, for safekeeping.

I'm gonna lock it up, so just come on down yonder

and I'll lock her up good and tight.

- If you say so, Festus. - Hup!

Just tell me this. Is the money box here?

Oh, course. It's right there where you said we ought to put it.

Right here where nobody can get at it. See?

But, Festus, tell me this. Are you sure that it is safe in there?

Fact is I was just thinking about that when you come in, Herman,

about the money not being safe.

And I got me a idea,

'cause I don't think that money box ought to be in the cell

where some yahoo could maybe get his hands on these here keys

and open up the cell door, don't you see?

That's very good thinking. A key could open up the door.

So I have my buggy outside.

That is the last place anybody would think of looking.

So I figured out somethin' that's gonna make you so proud.

We'll just fix it where nobody ain't gonna get their hands

on these here keys.

Now we can both go get ourselves a good night's sleep

and not worry about nobody opening up this here cell door.

And I'll fix us a pot of fresh coffee

and maybe you could tell me all about the olden days, you know,

when you and Doc was in school...

when you used to do

all that dancing and singing and stuff, and when you and Doc would...

There must be other keys.

Festus. Never mind that. Never mind that.

Where is the duplicate keys what'll open that cell door?

Oh, them there's the onliest keys we got.

See, I was figuring on getting Newly,

he's our gunsmith here in town,

and he is the handiest fella you have ever saw working with...

But could you get him here tonight?

Oh, no, he ain't gonna be back till tomorrow,

but I'll get him to open it up then.

And you know one thing, Matthew, he's the marshal here,

he's gonna be a-shakin' your hand

for a-pitchin' in and helping me to protect that there money box.

Festus, there must be another way to open that cell door!

Herman, I'll guarantee you there ain't no way nobody can get that money box.

It's old Doc a-gettin' back in town.

I'll tell you something, he's gonna be mighty proud of you too, Herman,

for helping us out with...

I'll get a new pot of coffee made for when you fellas get back.

Kitty, have you seen Burke?

No, I haven't. You look mighty put out.

Well, I am upset. He sent me on a wild-goose chase.

If I hadn't have run into Bill Anders, I'd have gone all the way out to his...

Well, that's Herman's rig.

Sure seems to be leaving town in a hurry.

Well, he never said a thing to...

That's kind of strange.

You know, speaking of things that are strange,

I... I have a feeling

that he was trying to do that mesmerizing thing to me tonight.

What?

Well, you know, this... this necklace he was so crazy about,

he was trying to talk me into selling it to him.

But he was talking funny, like.

I'd better see what Festus knows about this.

Doc, wasn't that Herman's buggy a-leavin' town?

Yeah, it was, and I just can't...

Herman, you say?

Yeah, well, that there's kind of a funny thing.

You know how a fella'll start to call another fella by his first name.

Course, I ain't ever aimed to be dis-receptacle.

Hold on a minute, here. Festus, look me right in the eye.

I want to ask you a question. Do you like Herman Schultz?

Course I do.

Have you always liked Herman Schultz?

Ain't no reason why not to, Doc.

You wanna see what me and Herman done?

- I think I do. - Oh, we been...

We been protecting the... the money box.

Here I've got her locked up in the cell.

Of course, I've thrown the keys in there now. That there was my idea.

But I don't think Herman liked that too good.

Why not?

- Because he had a safer place for it. - Where?

Well, he said it'd be safer in his buggy.

You know, I feel kind of bad about that, Doc,

'cause it appeared like he got a little bit upset with me.

Where you goin', Doc?

I'll upset him.

One man in a million.

Where could you find such a empty head?

Who would think to throw a key in a cell?

Nobody.

Hah!

Come on!

- Hold up! - Go away!

- Are you gonna stop or not? - No!

Hold on there!

Stop! Now!

Get off me!

Get away from me, Galen!

- I'll Galen you! - Stop it!

Look what you're doing!

Pull over, Herman!

Will you stop with your sparks?

Galen, no, no.

You was lucky you didn't hurt me.

- You're gonna be hurt! - No, no. No.

Galen, it is... It is not dignified.

- Doctors do not fight. - You are no... You're no doctor.

- You're a crook. - You forget one thing.

When we was in college, who, when we had a fight, who won?

I'll never forget it.

Galen. Galen, please.

We are getting a little too old for this foolishness.

Please, can we settle it another way?

I'll tell you how we'll settle this.

You're going back into Dodge with me

and you'll take Festus out of that... that state you left him in.

I thought the state I left him in was... was an improvement.

I liked him that way!

Galen, listen, listen.

I'll give you the money. I'll give you all the... the money.

What money?

I give you all... all the money.

What I took from Garden City,

from Wichita and from Three Forks.

$8,000.

Not... Not for me. For research.

If I had gotten lucky in Dodge City, I would have had a beginning.

I don't know anything about that.

- Herman... - What?

I know this.

You are coming back into Dodge with me right now,

or I'm gonna break every bone in your carcass!

All right, I'll go with you.

And when I snap my fingers, you will be yourself again.

One, two, three.

Doc.

- Matthew. - Festus.

Festus, Dr. Herman Schultz you know.

I met Dr. Schultz.

Well, his first name's Herman, you know.

I know that.

I just call my friends by their first name.

I'm satisfied, Matt, he's all right.

Well, that's good enough for me.

I suppose now I have to be locked up?

- I'm afraid so, Doctor. - Let me do it, Matthew.

You know, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

We could find a judge who's sick

and will appreciate some medical research, Galen.

Galen?

Herman.

I wish you the best of everything.

- I mean it. - Thank you.

From now on, just use that watch the way it was intended, will you?

Mr. Festus.

- Thanks, Sam. - Much obliged, Sam.

You're welcome.

- I'll just have some coffee, Sam. - Yes, ma'am.

- Thank you. - Mm-hm.

- Matthew. - Hello, Matt.

- Matt, any news yet? - No, not yet, Doc.

Judge Berger's still got the case under advisement,

but, you know, the fact that... of Doc Schultz' age

and there's, well, the fact that he returned the money and all,

I don't think they're gonna be too tough on him.

Well, I certainly hope not because, well, no matter how Herman turned out,

he... he still is a fine, fine medical man.

Now, there's something I wanna say here.

Thank you.

I owe everybody here an apology, and I guess a lot of other folks too.

- I really do. - Oh, Doc, it's not your fault.

You meet an old friend and you take him for what you knew him to be.

No, I do, Kitty. I... I... I owe that apology.

Well, I owe... I owe you an apology, Festus, most of all.

Oh, fiddle, Doc.

I do, I do, because you, right from the start,

instinctively knew that there was something wrong with Herman, and...

and... well, that's more than I knew.

You were smarter than I was about it.

Well, if you're gonna be a-pattin' folks on the back,

I'll tell you, now,

the way that you whomped that old coot and brung him back to Dodge,

well, maybe you ought to be the Dodge deputy.

Don't you think so, Matthew?

Well, yeah, but then what would you do for a living?

Well, maybe I could kind of do the town doctorin'.

Course, you'd have to tell me a couple of doctorin' things.

Well, I could fill you in on that in a couple of hours.

There's one thing that's a-fuddlin' me somethin' terrible, Doc.

What?

Well, now, when a doctor doctors another doctor...

Yeah?

Well, does the doctor that's a-doin' the doctorin'

doctor the doctor that's a-gettin' doctored

the way that the doctor that's a-doin' the doctorin'

wants to doctor the doctor that's a-gettin' doctored?

Or does the doctor that's a-gettin' doctored

tell the doctor that's a-doin' the doctorin'

to doctor the doctor that's gettin' doctored

the way that the doctor that's...