Original subtitles

Ha!

Let him go.

Ho!

Hey, what's going on down there?

- What? - Your shoes. Get 'em off.

What are you doing?

Gentlemen, there's been a misunderstanding here.

It was just a little run of hard luck.

That's all it was.

- We caught us a pickpocket. - That right, mister?

Ha! Yah!

Well, you can't win 'em all.

The last time we're working blind.

Yeah, I'll go along with that.

Hey, look who's here.

Hey, mister.

It don't make good sense walking around without any shoes.

It's too hard on a man's socks.

Danny Wilson?

Yeah, I'm afraid you've made a mistake, ma'am.

Nu-uh.

No, San Francisco over 15 years ago.

Ma'am, if there's been any misunderstanding,

- I can explain everything. - I'm Kitty Russell.

I'm one of the few people you didn't try to cheat.

Oh! Kitty Russell.

Well, I'll be. And you never changed a day.

A little bit of flattery like that is gonna get you a drink on the house.

Oh, good.

Oh, Danny, your feet.

Oh.

- Got kicked off the stage, huh? - Yeah.

Well, you haven't changed a bit either.

You're a poorer thief than you are a con man.

- I'm afraid you're right. - Come on. I'll have Sam,

my bartender, get you a pair of shoes while I buy you that drink.

Oh, good.

Oh, it's been up and down, but overall, the pickings have been pretty poor.

Mr. Wilson, these may be a little large for you,

but I'm sure they'll be better than nothing.

Oh, thank you, Sam.

So I figured I'd try Tucson.

They tell me there's a big silver strike down there.

Oh. You a prospector?

Oh, not... not with a pick and shovel.

Oh, of course not. Mm-hm.

You know that a prospector

is the easiest mark in the whole world.

Oh, Danny, I don't know why you keep going on like this.

You've just spent your whole entire...

Danny.

Danny?

Danny!

Sam! Sam, go get Doc. Hurry up.

All right?

- Are you a good doctor? - Well, I'm the best in town.

- Sounds like the only one in town. - That's about it.

Well, you just give me a little something for my twinges

and I'll be all right.

Well, that's a new name for it, twinges.

Understand you're on your way to Tucson.

Yeah.

I was on my way till a little misunderstanding occurred.

I'm still going, 'cause my passage is paid.

Let me give you some advice: don't go.

You get on a stage for that long trip south,

time you get to Tucson, they just might carry you off.

So this is the end of the line, huh? Dodge City.

Well, a lot of people said Danny Wilson didn't have a heart.

I guess this proves they're wrong, eh, Doc?

Guess you've seen a few doctors, all right.

Few.

How long?

Well, if you take reasonably good care of yourself,

you could be around for a while.

"You could be around for a while."

If that's a sample of your clinical acumen, Doctor,

I don't believe you could diagnose a worm in an apple even if you ate it.

I'd say I got at the most... two weeks.

Well, you're entitled to your opinion.

Here's something for those twinges.

Pretty sure you're familiar with those.

Yeah.

- See you a little later. - I'll see you out, Doc.

- Doc? - Well, he said it. It...

- It's his heart. - Oh, what a shame.

He a good friend of yours?

Well, a long time ago he did me a kindness

when I really needed a kindness.

The funny thing is I don't think he recollects me at all.

And if he cheated me he would remember.

It's the way his mind works.

Sure a likeable cuss.

- Not much of a chance, huh? - Afraid not.

I'll see you.

You're not getting out of that bed until you've had a night's sleep.

Oh.

Well, as a matter of fact, it's been a long time

since I had a room this fancy all to myself.

Well, it's yours as long as you want it.

That's a mighty rash offer, Miss Russell.

Danny, I'm gonna give you a little job here at The Long Branch.

I know you're good with figures and...

Oh, no.

You shouldn't be doing anything, but just light work.

I don't mind being a guest, Miss Russell.

- But I don't take charity. - I'm not offering you charity.

You're gonna be here in Dodge, I just want to make...

I'm a professional man, not a bookkeeper.

- What are you doing? - I'm getting out of here.

Oh, all right, Danny, okay. You win. You win.

- You gotta win these little ones. - Why?

'Cause I don't see any big ones around.

Danny, what... what drives you?

What are you looking for?

Oh, I don't know.

I guess everybody wonders how it's gonna be for them

and when it's gonna happen.

I know it's gonna happen right here in Dodge,

so what matters now is how it's gonna be.

It would be nice to have the biggest funeral the west has ever seen.

- That's quite an ambition. - There's nothing like shooting high.

I remember when I was a little fella, about seven or eight or so.

I went to this funeral.

They threw a big wing-ding party the night before.

- A wake? - Yeah.

You could hear 'em for about ten blocks around.

And the procession the next morning.

You could hardly see the hearse, it was so covered with flowers.

And the horses, big black horses wearing fancy plumes.

And ribbons all over the place.

Buggy after buggy just full of people all crying their eyes out.

You know they gave him a stone almost ten feet tall?

Oh, it was grand.

I'm gonna leave you so you can get a good night's sleep.

Thank you, Miss Russell.

I sure appreciate everything you've done.

- Good night, Danny. - Good night.

Danny.

Well, I was just coming up to see how you are.

Oh, just fine, Miss Kitty. Just fine.

- Well, you look fine. - Thank you.

- Uh, Danny? - Hm?

Here. I want you to take this.

- Oh, no. No. - For old time's sake. Come on.

- No, I... - I want you to have it.

It's only a hundred dollars.

Well... if it's only a hundred.

And for old time's sake.

And thank you very much.

You picked any more pockets lately?

It's a new day, gentlemen.

It's a new day, all right.

I'm feeling more conspicuous every hour we spend in this town.

Yeah, I know.

Ed, if I could even make a guess who's paying for this hit,

I'd go right up to him point blank and I'd ask him for the name.

I've heard a little about this Dodge City marshal

and I'd just as soon get this over with while he's out of town.

Needs a little fattening.

Oh, I don't know. I... I thought the satin in the coffin was a little thin.

No problem, Mr. Wilson. I have another grade,

- the very finest attainable. - Oh, fine. Put it down.

As you see, I... I maintain quite a selection.

- Yeah. - Avery fine stone, sir.

Imported from the state of Vermont.

Rock of Ages, Mr. Wilson. Guaranteed to last for...

I suppose this one is taken.

As a matter of fact, it's... it's not.

- Was the deceased a military man? - No. No, not exactly.

Oh, too bad. I could have made you a very good price on it.

Oh.

You see, it was ordered by the late colonel's relatives

before the court-martial.

After the court-martial, they... they wanted something a bit more modest.

Remarkable resemblance.

But not exactly fitting for the deceased,

if as you say, he was not a military man.

Well, he could have been, Mr. Crump. He could have been.

We should think in grand terms.

Put it down.

I'll throw in 15 words of sentiment.

That's very kind of you.

Yeah... How much will this all cost?

Hearse, black horses, plumes, ribbons,

flowers, drivers, attendants,

pallbearers, outriders, buggies, 12 paid mourners...

- Twelve? - I'll get more. Plenty.

- Oh. - Casket.

Quite the most magnificent funeral I have ever catered.

Ah... Let's see... $1,479.18.

- Eighteen cents? - We'll even it out to a round figure.

Oh. Very good, Mr. Crump. Thank you.

Oh. Will you be paying by bank draft, Mr. Wilson?

Oh, yes, of course. You'll want a deposit. Well...

Well, it is customary to pay more than what might be called...

Oh.

Bad habit of mine carrying so much money around.

It's simply that I'm constantly being involved in these cash transactions.

- I quite understand, sir. - Ah, here you are, Mr. Crump.

One hundred dollars.

And the rest will be paid when you begin the arrangements.

- Good day, sir. - I beg your pardon, sir,

but what day will that be?

Day... Oh, yes, the day.

Well, that's... that's still indefinite.

Indefinite? Oh, but the... the deceased, sir.

Where are the remains at present?

I wish I could put this more delicately, Mr. Crump,

but I am the remains.

Uh...

- You got a match, friend? - What for?

I... I dropped my money here.

You see, I got a big hole in my pocket, and I was saving...

Indiana!

What are you doing here?

I... Danny... - Danny Wilson! - Yeah!

- Nice to see you! - Good seeing you!

- You know what this is? - What?

By the time the fella is burning about four or five matches

and me clutching on him and whining on him,

he's bound to give me a nickel or a dime just to break away.

I mean, it isn't much, you know,

but it keeps the body and soul together, you know.

Sure! How you been?

Oh, real good. Yeah. How about you?

How do I look?

- Awful. - Yeah.

Come on, I'll buy us a bottle.

Oh, yeah!

Gotta use a little logic.

You need $2,000. Where do you start?

First, by getting...

$2,000.

That's what I like about you, Indiana.

You always come up with the right answer.

I try, Danny. I try, you know.

The funeral and the wake...

I gotta buy a going-away gift for Miss Russell.

- You're going away? - That's right.

- I'm going away. - You're going away.

Trouble is...

I never even had half of $2,000 in my whole life.

Oh, you'll get there, Danny. You'll get there.

Half of $2,000...

Indiana, suppose you picked a pocket.

Mm, no, I was never too good at it.

Well, I mean, suppose you picked a pocket

and you found a wallet with $2,000 in it

and the bills were torn in half.

It's a bad dream.

Uh...

Uh...

That fella sitting there with a cowhide bag right beside him all the time.

A bag full of thousand dollar bills torn in half?

Wow.

That's not a bad dream. That's a nightmare.

Hm...

Where you going, Danny?

Just one time. A little luck.

Just once.

- Danny... - You stay here.

Be right here.

Never make it.

Indiana! What do you think I found?

- I don't know. - Sawed-off shotguns.

And with a thousand dollar bills torn in half.

That means somebody's gonna match 'em when the job is finished.

- You got a job? - Yeah, but... no, no, no, no.

- You ain't got a job? - No, no, no.

Well, what else do you think I found?

Somebody slipped an envelope under the door

and there was a name in that envelope.

Uh, Matt Dillon.

Hey, that's a fine fella.

- Who? - The marshal.

Oh, sure.

When the jail is empty, he lets you use it when it's cold or rainy.

Matt Dillon's the marshal?

As a matter of fact, listen.

I wouldn't get too friendly with the Long Branch woman,

or you won't get the welcome in his jail.

You mean Miss Russell and the marshal...

Real good friends.

Yep.

- Indiana, I got an idea. - Yeah.

Maybe the greatest one I ever had in my whole life.

And it's coming just in time! Just in time!

The marshal's office is right here.

Now, we head down the street,

shotguns under our coats, nobody looking.

We blast, right through the window.

Now, the alley by the jail is only a step away.

Down it we go.

- Cut through the back... - Hold it right there.

All right, Festus...

Where are you men from?

Marshal, we're... we're just passing through.

Businessmen. St. Louis.

- What kind of business? - Hardware.

- Guns. - Uh-huh.

Got any explanation for this?

Marshal, look at this.

Let's go.

Your coats, gentlemen.

Mr. Wilson. I owe you.

- I'll settle for a drink. - Fair enough.

So somebody hired some killers. Why come to me about 'em?

Heenan, you try to leave town the next 48 hours, I'll throw you in jail.

Now, Marshal, you haven't got that right.

I got every right until I get a wire about those two men.

Why would I want to hire anyone to kill you anyway?

Sure, we've had our differences but...

Yeah, "our differences" isn't the word for it.

I'm gonna tell you something else.

I hear one complaint about this place when it opens tomorrow,

I'm gonna close it up.

I intend running a straight place, Marshal. You have my word on that.

You haven't run a straight place since you been in this business.

I'll tell you something, I figure to have this place padlocked within a week.

Well, if you're so sure I hired those men to kill you,

why don't you arrest me?

That's exactly what I'm gonna do, sooner or later.

You can count on it.

We're not open.

Hey. Are you deaf or something, mister?

- I said we're not open. - And my name is Danny Wilson.

- So, who cares? - Possibly my parents,

maybe one or two others, I don't know.

Now, let's get to the point, Mr. Heenan.

I understand you want to get rid of Matt Dillon.

- Get out of here, you drunk. - Now, just a moment, Mr. Heenan.

Oh, I see you're interested.

Now, let's get to the meat of it.

A man who kills for hire

usually worries about getting away afterwards,

has to make plans and arrangements, even follow his victim around.

That makes for a lot of complications.

And there's the possibility that something could go wrong.

And something did go wrong, as I'm sure you've noticed.

Now, on the other hand,

let's suppose, just for instance,

you take a man who's dying.

He doesn't worry about getting away afterwards.

He doesn't think about anything more complicated

than putting that gun in the man's ribs and pulling the trigger.

No plans. No worries.

Nothing to go wrong.

- I'm gonna die very shortly. - That's too bad.

Yeah.

On the other hand, there's a problem.

Now, how would you pay a man like this?

I mean, what would interest him?

I'm sure you've been asking yourself that question.

Well, even a dying man can use money.

Take me, for example.

I have in mind a real big party and a beautiful funeral.

How'd you come by those?

A better question would be, why didn't I turn them over to the marshal?

Well, those two clowns might have named names

to save themselves in case this evidence ever came up.

Except they haven't got no... No names?

But sometimes a thread is woven into a rug, et cetera, et cetera.

In this case, we don't have a thread... yet.

So I'll lay it to you flat, Mr. Heenan.

Nothing has to be changed.

You just match these, and I'll take over.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I'll be at the Dodge House, Mr. Heenan.

And if tonight an envelope is slipped under my door

containing two halves that match these,

well, what have you got to lose, Mr. Heenan?

I mean, after all, without these, the others are not negotiable.

So why would you want to hold on to something

when you got so much to gain by giving them up?

Good night, Mr. Heenan.

Hey! Make way!

There he is!

Hey!

All right, Sam! Drinks for everybody!

Let 'em drink till they fall down!

And then go around and pour 'em another!

Mr. Wilson... Mr. Wilson.

The stonecutter won't stay in bond forever.

Now, what sort of inscription do you want on it?

Hey! Three cheers for Danny Wilson!

Hip-hip-hooray!

Hip-hip-hooray!

- Hip-hip... - Hooray!

Indiana!

Find somebody to make me a speech.

Hm... A speech.

I'm gonna miss you!

You're the best pal I ever had!

Ah, that goes double, friend.

Hey! Hey!

Make a speech for my friend!

All right, quiet now!

Quiet! Come on!

We're gonna have a eulogy.

Friends...!

What's the name of the lamented?

Oh! Danny Wilson. My friend!

All right, all right, all right! Friends, we're gathered here

to pay homage to one of the finest men I've ever known.

And I've known some pretty fine men.

One in particular comes to my mind, Swede!

Now, I met Swede down in the Pecos, and he was one of the finest men!

He was...

Indiana, make him stick to the subject!

And he was good...

- Stick to the subject, Danny Wilson! - All right, all right.

All right, Danny Wilson!

Danny Wilson!

In my judgment, one of the finest men to ever throw a saddle over a horse.

Can ride like the wind!

Get him out of there!

Get him out of there!

Miss Russell.

There's an old saying that it's a fortunate man

who can count his friends on the fingers of one hand.

I think I can do that,

if you'll permit me to include the loveliest lady

this side of the Missouri, or this side of anywhere.

For you.

Oh, Danny...

Indiana, everybody down to Heenan's! Come on, let's go!

Indiana!

Everybody, down to Heenan's, everybody!

Where do you suppose he got that? Where's he getting all this money?

I'm afraid to ask.

Let's go, Danny!

- Say, Danny. - Yeah?

Wondering if I could talk to you for a minute.

Why, sure, Marshal.

I'll meet you down at Heenan's. Take it away.

Now, Marshal, what can I do for you?

Danny, look, I want to ask you something.

- You ever seen these before? - Why, sure.

I changed them at the bank this afternoon.

Uh-huh.

Now, Danny, how is it that two professional killers come to Dodge,

they got my name on their bullets and you know they're here?

Well, we've been over that before, Marshal.

I recognized one of those two fellas that was on the stage

and I just put two and two together.

And a lucky thing for you that I did.

Yeah. Well, you know, the thing that bothers me

is that the day after I lock them up in jail,

you show up at the bank with two one-thousand dollar bills

- pasted together. - Now, Marshal,

you insinuating that I had anything to do with those killers?

No, Danny, I'm not insinuating anything, I'm just asking a question.

Would you mind telling me where you got these?

- Anybody claim they were stolen? - No.

- Well, you... - Hey, Danny!

Hey! Come on!

Ah! Do me a favor, Marshal. Let's talk about this tomorrow.

- I really am gonna miss you! - Ah!

- You're welcome. - Thank you, friend!

Why don't you go and have another drink.

- I'll just do that! Oh! - Watch yourself.

- Good evening, Mr. Wilson. - Good evening, Mr. Heenan.

- You having a good time? - Oh, I am. I am, Mr. Heenan.

Some kind stranger left a little bundle all tied up real pretty yesterday.

- You don't say? - Yes, I do say.

Can we settle on the 15 words of sentiment?

Oh... let's see now, uh...

"Untimely plucked from this earth

at the tender age of 51."

And put down, uh... whatever's the date tomorrow.

Your attention, ladies and gentlemen.

Shh!

Let's drink to Danny Wilson!

Who can talk a deacon out of the collection plate

and make him mortgage the church! That's what he can do!

Can he? Yeah!

I give you the fastest talking,

the slickest con man that ever lived!

Cut off in his youth...

in the flower of his youth before he had a chance to even...

And put down, "He was widely lamented".

- Well, good morning, Danny. - Good morning, Miss Russell.

Well, you're up early, considering the night before you've had.

Ah, well, as the old saying goes, the early bird...

- Hm. How about some coffee? - That sure would hit the spot.

Oh, my, you're certainly glowing this morning.

I guess that describes the way I feel, all right. I...

Danny.

Danny, I'm gonna go get Doc.

No... no.

No, I'll be all right.

It's just a little of the night before, that's... that's all.

Danny, they're coming!

Oh. Oh.

Oh, Miss Russell, we can't miss this.

Oh, no!

Oh, it's grand. It's grand!

Danny!

Excuse me.

Come on, Danny. Look right here, right here!

Hey, that's... that's Danny Wilson!

Danny Wilson!

Danny! That's him!

That's Danny! Hi, Miss Kitty!

Danny Wilson!

Well, I think today is the day I've seen just about everything,

- but I don't believe it. - I don't, either. But there it is.

Are you gonna go down there, Danny,

or are you gonna use the buggy I got for you?

What?

Down to the church. You walking down?

I doubt if I'll be walking, Indiana.

But I'll see you there. At the church.

Well, Mr. Heenan, it's quite a day.

Let's talk about tonight.

And just what time you plan to live up to our little deal.

Deal?

Don't tell me you're the one who sent me the matching halves to those bills?

You mean you thought our little for-instance talk was serious?

Listen, Wilson, I don't like games.

Well, I don't like games either, Mr. Heenan.

Life's a very serious thing. You should consider that fact.

- Oh, are you gonna buy me a drink? - Sure.

Sure, I'll buy you a drink.

A real expensive one.

The price is $2,000.

You know, Mr. Heenan, it's a very strange thing,

a man looking at his last drink.

$2,000.

Which of course I don't have.

Hm. You know, you seem to like quotes.

Remember the one about the man paying the piper?

Oh, yes. Yes, I remember.

Mm, ah...

You know, Mr. Heenan, you're soon to become a very remarkable man.

Someone who'll have a tremendous influence on my destiny.

Yeah?

And you have just one hour to come up with that money.

Oh, one hour to live?

Very gracious, Mr. Heenan.

You have the thanks of a dying man.

One, you have given me the finest wake and funeral a man could wish for.

And two, I have taken you.

Yes, Mr. Heenan, you've been had, and in such grand style.

Why, you...

Get out!

Seems to me you're always throwing me out of your establishment.

- Well, so be it. - Wilson...

- Yes? - Remember about paying the piper.

I'll try to keep it in mind.

And oh, yes, Mr. Heenan. Basically, I'm an honest man.

I don't like people who hire killers.

So I'm gonna sit down with the marshal and have a long conversation with him

about the $2,000.

And after our little chat,

he'll have a little talk with the characters in the jail.

And that'll lead to a contact with St. Louis.

And inevitably...

Good day, Mr. Heenan.

Goodbye, Mr. Wilson.

He tried to rob my place.

Marshal...

$2,000...

he paid me to kill you.

Festus, lock him up.

All right, let's go.

I took him.

I took Heenan.

I beat you too, Doc.

I'm gonna die my way.

Gonna have the biggest gravestone you ever saw.

Bigger than anything on Boot Hill.

I measured every one to make sure.

I could...

take you for anything you got right now.

Yes, you could, Danny.

It works out real nice.

You know, Miss Russell,

it's positively indecent...

me dying such a happy man.

Hey, Danny!

Hey, Danny!

They're waiting for you at the church!

Where's Danny?!

Danny Wilson, where are you?!

Danny Wilson, where are you?!

That's the most relevant question I've ever heard.