Original subtitles

[thumping]

[sighs]

[yelps, grunts]

[groans]

[crashes]

[groaning] Oh, my back.

[Craig] Ah, ah, please hold all questions to the end.

- [clicks] - [funky music playing]

How many times has this happened to you?

You're sitting around being old,

and you're thinking to yourself,

"How can I, Quesa Poblana,

get in on the ground floor

of this generation's next great wrestling star?"

[both] Star, star, star.

What are y'all doin' in my house?

Well, now you can

by joining Team Craig as the trainer of Accountant Girl.

[party horns blowing]

Now, I've taken the liberty of compiling all the reasons

this would be an incredibly lucrative enterprise for the Poblano brand.

Seven hundred and two, to be exact. One...

you're old.

Do you want to die taking all your secrets to the grave?

[funeral bells chiming]

- No, Craig-- - [Craig] Two...

- Money. - [cash register dings]

We'll make a lot of it when Andy gets famous.

No! Wait. Who is he?

Hey! These... Ugh. Craig!

The rest of these all just say "money."

I'm sorry, Aunt P. Give us a second.

Are you interrupting my pitch right now?

I got her right where I want her.

I can't believe this.

[Andy] It's not a pitch if you just say it over and over.

- [indistinct shouting] - [Poblana straining]

- [bell ringing] - Fine! Fine! I'll do it.

Just call an ambulance!

[theme music playing]

[ambulance sirens wailing]

Ooh. There she is.

♪ It's happening! ♪

I can't believe your pitch worked.

Yeah. That was impressive, Craig.

Of course, it worked. Come on!

You guys think I just make this stuff up?

- [Andy] Hey! - Huh?

Aunt P! When do we start?

[Poblana growls] This girl. She's... She's a menace.

I'll never get rid of her.

There has to be a way. Something, anything I can do to get her to...

Huh.

Hmm...

- [objects clattering] - [Poblana mumbling]

It's gotta be here somewhere. Where is it?

What's she doing?

Probably some kind of super-secret training.

[thuds]

Andy, was it?

Want me to train you?

Fine. I'll train you

if you can perform ten Perfect Strikes before the week is up.

The counter will track you.

Do it, I'll take you on as my pupil. No questions asked.

Fail, you leave my farm,

and you leave me alone for good.

[chuckles softly]

That's it? Punch this thing ten times?

[scoffs] A week? I'll do this in a minute.

[exhilarating music playing]

- [grunting] - [dinging]

- Go, Andy! - Come on!

- [grunting] - [dinging]

- [grunting] - [dinging]

- [grunts, growls] - [dinging]

[crickets chirping]

- Uh... - [machine clanging]

I think the thing's broken, Aunt P.

- Yeah, Aunt P. This thing's broken. - [machine beeping]

[Poblana] I'm not your aunt!

And who are you?

[Craig] Don't you, uh, need that?

Watch!

[grand music playing]

[Poblana] Not a perfect punch...

...a Perfect Strike.

[grunt echoes]

[epic music playing]

[creaking]

[all screaming]

- What's happening? - What's-- [screams]

[music fades]

[wind howling]

[crashes]

[chiming]

First one's free.

Nine more to go.

That was incredible.

[hesitates] What even was that? Magic?

I mean, the sheer concentration of force involved,

it completely defies physics.

To generate that level... [continues indistinctly]

[Andy] The Perfect Strike.

It was so fast, I could barely see it.

She wants me to do that in a week?

[wood thudding]

[Andy] Can I really do something like that?

No. Not "can I?"

I will. I will do it.

This is it.

This is my chance to show Aunt P--

- [crashes] - [alarm whistle blows]

Craig, what are you doing?

- [Craig grunts] - [crashes]

I'm gonna smash this thing till the counter gets to... [grunts]

ten!

[Mikey] Okay. So if we take 12,200 and...

- Yeah, which equals mass times acceleration... - [thoughts echoing]

measuring the force which...

No! Stop!

- Stop. - [Mikey] We start with Aunt P's height...

Stop!

[thuds]

I appreciate all... this you're trying to do,

but I wanna do this on my own.

I'm sorry.

Did you see what she did?

Yeah, Andy. I think if we just did a bit of research--

I know. I know.

But Poblana gave me this task.

I can't take a shortcut,

and I can't have someone just give me the answer.

This is my test.

Quesa Poblana, The Spicy Fist,

my idol, is giving me a shot.

I gotta show her what I'm made of.

[grunts]

[grunts]

- [grunting] - [equipment clanking]

[grunting]

[continues grunting]

[continues grunting]

[groaning]

She's been at this for almost two days.

The stupid counter thing hasn't moved at all.

This is dumb.

Are we really gonna waste the rest of the week just doing this?

[sighs wearily] I don't know how much longer she can keep this up.

This is a scam.

Clearly, no way Aunt P thinks she can do this in seven days.

She totally set her up to fail,

which means you know what we have to do, right?

We... [gasps]

We gotta help her.

The Rustburn library has a whole section of--

No! Reading is never the answer.

I'm talking about cheating.

Look, the only way to counter a scam is with another scam.

We find a way to hack the machine.

Guys!

Tryin' to focus here.

[soft clanging]

- You're wrong. - Your plan is stupid.

- No. Listen to me. - Your plan is stupid.

- You listen to me! - Get your finger out of my...

[screaming] You know what?

We don't have time for this.

You go do whatever dumb nerd stuff you wanna do.

I'm gonna go do my cool stuff.

We'll see who actually helps Andy. Deal?

It's not a competition.

It is. Everything's a competition.

Guys!

[grunts]

[inhales] Ah!

Scammer's Alley. Home away from home.

[Mildew] Aye, hey!

Craigy baby.

Mildew, my main man. How are ya?

[laughs loftily]

Hide your wallets, people.

This guy right here? Master Haggler he is.

Uh-oh. Don't come over here.

[chuckles softly] Hide your coins.

Take it easy on us this time, will ya? [chuckles softly]

Uh, what can I say?

You get in them business waters with a shark,

sometimes you're gonna get bit. Am I right? [laughs heartily]

[laughs]

A shark! Yes. I love this guy.

I had a feeling you'd be dropping by.

[laughing cunningly]

[sinister music playing]

Look here. The Urchins, they picked this up off a BuffCorp truck.

Fresh out the factory.

Could be the new Craig Mobile Phone 2.0. [laughs loftily]

Holy... These are in perfect condition.

[straining] No. Gotta focus.

Mildew, this is of the utmost importance.

You can get anything, right?

[scoffs] My buddy, please.

Do you know who I am? You insult me.

Okay, okay, okay. Look, all right?

I got this BuffCorp training device, an old punching machine.

It's got this, like, counter thing on it.

I need a way to change the counter manually.

You know what I'm talking about?

Uh, yes. This is what you want.

Master key. Works on all BuffCorp Tech.

Stick it in the machine, machine opens.

You change the counter. Easy-peasy.

[indistinct chatter]

[clock ticking]

[sighs softly]

[keyboard clacking]

[monitor dings]

[Mikey] Hmm. How about?

[keyboard clacking]

[monitor dings]

[keyboard clacking]

[monitor chimes]

[monitor chirps]

[monitor chimes]

[clicks mouse]

[techno music playing]

[Mikey] This is it.

This is it. I did it.

- [clicks mouse] - [monitor whirring]

- [dings] - [music fades]

- [clicking] - [monitor dinging]

[Mikey] Not available to the public?

[somber music playing]

[panting]

[sighing in exhaustion]

- [creaking] - [Poblana chuckling]

Look like you probably gonna need that week after all, huh?

Now, where...

You see a wallet lying around here somewhere?

I am gonna figure it out, you know?

It's just a matter of time.

Though, it, uh...

It would really help if I could just see it again.

[Poblana laughs heartily] Help?

I didn't have help coming up with the move.

You're telling me you need help just to do it?

Hey. Here's a hint.

If you're already asking for help,

go home.

You're not cut out for this.

[door creaks, closes]

[melancholy music playing]

[sighs]

[Andy] This is just like back home.

Training in that forest, teaching myself wrestling all on my own.

That felt impossible, too.

[music turns inspirational]

But each wall I hit, I banged my head against it

over and over

until, eventually, I broke through.

[Andy] That's all you are.

Just another wall.

[groaning]

[grunting]

[bones crackling]

One more for me to break through.

Well, well, well.

Back empty-handed?

[sighing] I didn't find anything.

Ha!

As usual, it falls on old Craig to save the day

which is exactly what I'm gonna do with this bad boy.

[Andy screaming]

[gasping]

[Mikey] Andy! Oh, my. Your hand!

[Craig] Jeez. What did you do?

[distorted] Andy? Andy, can you hear me?

[distorted] Move. Hey, Andy, Accountant Girl.

You in there?

Look, look. Look at this. I got a key.

[in normal voice] I'm gonna fix all this.

- [Mikey] What are you talking about? - [metal clangs]

[Craig] It's just like I said.

[straining] I'm saving the... the day... with this.

Andy won't have... to worry about...

[grunting]

[machine beeps]

[automated voice speaking] Counterfeit key detected.

Initiating factory reset.

[counter trilling]

Craig, what did you do?

[stuttering] I mean... I...

[gasping]

[high-pitched ringing]

[thuds]

[bandage rustling]

[Craig] I can't believe it.

I got scammed.

I! Me!

What?

I don't want to sound harsh,

but this is all your fault.

She would have let us help if you weren't always trying to cut corners.

Now look what happened.

I'm sorry.

You're the guy who wanted to waste her time with all your...

homework.

I'm trying to help her become a great wrestler.

Well, I'm trying to help her become a great wrestler, too.

Huh.

Yeah.

Well, whatever. Fine.

So we both want Andy to be great.

[growls] Now what?

We both tried to help her on our own,

and we failed.

So maybe there's something that we could do to help her together?

[both chuckle]

[suspenseful music playing]

Hey, Craigy baby!

No! No "Craigy baby."

A counterfeit. Hmm?

A fake key?

Does our friendship and years of business

mean that little to you?

Uh, didn't we meet, like, six months ago?

Be that as it may, you're busted.

You're busted, and I want my money back.

[laughs heartily]

Oh, Craigy baby.

Surely a business shark like yourself

knows the first rule of Scammer's Alley. [laughs]

- [snaps fingers] - [Urchins grunt maliciously]

[eerie music playing]

All scams are final.

- [impact tremors] - [Urchins gasping]

- [impact tremors] - [objects clattering]

[Urchins gasping] Whoa!

- [impact tremors] - [Mildew gasps]

Uh...

[stuttering] Buddy, uh, can I help you?

He's with me.

You know the second rule of Scammer's Alley, right, Mildew?

Always bring muscle.

This is Markey, the killer.

He kills stuff for a living.

- Markey, kill something right now. - [whistle blowing]

- [Mikey growling] - [shattering]

- [all screaming] - [alarm bell ringing]

Okay, okay. Please. I don't want any trouble.

Call off your goon. Call him off.

Good. 'Cause not only do I want my money back,

but there's something else I need you to get for me.

This?

What could you possibly want with...

You can get anything, right?

- [Mikey] I know. You totally called that. - You could've seen his...

Uh...

Hey. What's with the...

Oh, uh... nothing.

[laughs nervously]

Um... what are you doing?

Just thinking,

wondering if maybe there could be another teacher out there for me.

What?

[Andy] This thing she wants me to do.

I... I'm just not sure I can do it.

Besides, she even said she doesn't think I'm cut out for this.

When you fought for my dream against my brother,

it didn't make sense to me.

I couldn't understand why you would take this thing,

this thing that was my burden and put it on yourself.

But you did it anyway.

And you agreed to let me be your manager.

The first thing I did

was purchase every available "Accountant Girl" related domain name.

I got it copy-written. I got it trademarked.

Heck, I even made an LLC.

That's how confident I was, that you'd make me

disgustingly, obscenely,

just obnoxiously rich.

[comical popping]

[clears throat]

The point is, Andy, you don't have to take this on alone.

We believe in you. We wanna help.

[Andy] Could you imagine if she saw me do it?

She would lose it.

Okay. What kind of help are you guys talking?

- [Andy] Why can't you just tell me? - [Mikey] Shh.

- [Andy] What? Is it illegal? - [static crackles]

- [Mikey] Shh. - [screen whooping]

[rock 'n' roll music playing]

[energy whooshing, crashing]

Huh?

[energy whooshing]

[screen beeps]

[Mikey] Do you see it? Look, it's the Perfect Strike.

She's doing it all throughout this.

[Craig] And this is just one. Show her.

We can literally study how she does it.

It's like Aunt P's here teaching you herself.

How did you guys--

So, you think we can figure it out?

[chuckles softly]

[exhilarating music playing]

[music ends]

[birds chirping]

[exhales]

Every wall I broke through to get to this point,

you're just like each and every one of them.

Just one more wall for me to break through.

Perfect Strike!

But that one... it felt different.

Uh... Guys!

[screen chirping]

What was that? Did it move?

I think it moved.

I think it moved! It moved!

[all cheering] It moved! It moved! It moved! It moved! It moved!

[theme music playing]