Original subtitles

-Okay, we're off to the movies. -Ah.

But first, Adam,

I am gonna do something incredibly nice for you.

Well, if you can say what it is in front of the guys,

it's not what I'm secretly hoping for.

No, it is our 20th anniversary this weekend,

and I know you put a lot of pressure on yourself about these things.

So I made us a dinner reservation at La Traviata.

That's Italian for "I took care of it, honey." [chuckles]

Honey, thank you,

but I'm well aware it's our 20th anniversary,

and I've already made some very special plans.

Ooh, you're lucky.

If I don't constantly threaten Don, he doesn't plan anything.

I'm never more thoughtful than when I'm frightened out of my mind.

Don't worry, I got this.

-Aw, that is so sweet. -[chuckles]

Okay, I'll cancel our reservations.

[chuckles] I got this whole 20th anniversary thing under control.

I had no idea it was our 20th!

[groans]

I could tell. I've seen that look on my own face.

I mean, I knew we had an anniversary coming up,

but I didn't know it was such a big one.

I knew, because you and Andi were married in May of 2000,

which is exactly 16 years before we met.

This will be our fourth friendaversary

This is gonna be harder than I thought. I can't do my usual anniversary stuff.

I need something big. Twenty years is a milestone.

That's where the word came from.

"Mile." "Stone." Long and heavy, like a marriage.

We're gonna need beers for this. I do better with some thinking juice.

All right, I got something.

Andi loves theater. Everybody knows that. So I'll take her to a play.

Look at that, just one sip, I already had an idea.

That's nice, but if you really want to dazzle her,

you need to come up with something

she doesn't know you know she'd like to do.

He's right. For me and Marcy's 25th anniversary,

I took her hot-air ballooning over wine country.

The best part was she didn't know that I knew she wanted to do that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You told me a hundred times.

One balloon ride and you're Antonio Banderas.

When you surprise your wife with something you secretly noticed about her,

it says you pay attention because you care.

Yeah, but how do I know something she doesn't know I know?

If I know it, she'll know I know because she told me.

It's the only way I know things.

Don, how did you know Marcy wanted to go on a balloon ride?

Well, because I love my wife.

And I know where she keeps her diary.

Wait a minute, how about this?

Andi's got lots of pictures of owls in here.

Which means I noticed she loves owls.

So... what if I take her to the woods,

a nice bottle of wine and a couple of dead mice?

They say no idea is a bad idea, but they haven't heard that one.

[sighs] I know, it stinks. I'm choking.

All right, Lowell, I need your help. You are my most trustworthy friend.

I don't know if your anniversary surprise for Andi will be perfect,

but the one you just gave me is.

I need you to go to Andi tomorrow

and find out if there is something she has secretly always wanted to do.

Oh, look, it's 2:45.

You're not here every day, but this is when we tell each other

something we've secretly always wanted to do.

We didn't do that yesterday.

I forgot you were here yesterday.

I just want to know more about you.

Like, I don't know, uh,

how you'd like to celebrate your anniversary.

Oh, Adam's behind this, huh? He's got nothing, right?

I'm just rooting for you two kids.

[sighs] See, this is why I booked that dinner.

Adam puts too much pressure on himself,

and then he panics and comes up with some weird idea.

That checks out so far.

Like when he wanted to plan our honeymoon.

He decided it had to be something I'd never expect.

So he overthought it and rented an RV.

I don't love RVs.

It's like renting the world's worst hotel room

that follows you everywhere.

Yeah, tell me about it.

At least you weren't hunting owls.

You'd hate that, right? Just to confirm.

Well, on my honeymoon, I saw the world's largest stuffed owl.

Along with other roadside attractions,

like the world's largest paper clip and the world's largest pancake.

Sounds like it really set you off.

I just think things should be as big as they are and no bigger.

So what happened when you told Adam you didn't like the trip?

[chuckles] Oh, I never told him. I lied my ass off, like a good wife.

You two are such good communicators, I don't know why I'm here.

Okay, here's what we'll do about the anniversary, right?

I'll, uh... I'll come up with an idea,

and I'll put a hint to it in my nightstand.

You get him to find it, and then he can surprise me.

But I haven't even done the thing

-I'm supposed to do for Adam. -Forget that. You're with me now.

[theme music playing]

[knocking]

Hey, what'd you find out?

Nothing concrete, but I have an idea.

Why don't we snoop in Andi's personal stuff for a clue?

Good thinking. I'll get her laptop, and we'll look at her browser history.

Uh, maybe something more personal than that.

[scoffs] If your browser history isn't your most personal thing,

you're not doing the Internet right.

I think we have to ask ourselves

where do women keep their most personal secrets?

-Oh. -Let's think of it like a quiz.

Is the answer: A, nightstand, B, bedside table,

or C, all of the above?

I don't want to look in there. That's her private stuff.

I once reached in and thought I grabbed the remote.

It only had one button, and it did not work the TV.

Andi's going to be home soon. Open that drawer.

I'm just gonna go back downstairs and look at her laptop.

Stop. Look in the drawer.

She knows you have nothing planned. She put something there, she told me.

What? When did she tell you that?

When I was supposed to find out your thing.

She turned the tables pretty quick. I see how she gets her way a lot.

[sighs] So now she knows I have nothing?

This is worse than I thought. What am I gonna do now?

Look in the G-dang drawer!

"Join us on The Spirit of Pittsburgh

for a river cruise with dinner and dancing."

I didn't know she wanted to do that.

But now you do. Go on the cruise, it'll be fun.

Ah, I-- I can't.

That's her idea. I wanted to surprise her.

You said I should plan our anniversary

around something she didn't know I knew about her.

I did say that.

But now that I know more about you, I think we should lower our expectations.

-Hey, honey. -Hey.

Andi, okay, I gotta come clean.

I tried to come up with something thoughtful

for our anniversary, and I'm nowhere.

Adam, you seem stressed.

You know what you should do?

You should go upstairs, lay down, and look in my nightstand.

I already know about that. Lowell told me everything.

He's back with me now.

That guy's the worst double agent ever.

Honey, the river cruise is a great idea,

but I wanted to surprise you with my own idea.

Something that says I know stuff about you.

Okay, come here, honey.

I'm gonna take the pressure off you. Okay, what's my favorite meal?

Brunch. Because you can drink in the morning

without anybody judging you.

See, you know me so well.

So, we'll have an anniversary brunch, problem solved.

[sighs] But it's not a surprise.

Adam, what's important

is that I have had 20 wonderful years with you.

-You're amazing. -Aw.

[both chuckle]

I feel like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders.

-Aw. -But are you sure brunch is enough?

You're not gonna be disappointed?

Disappointed? I'm having vodka and waffles.

If we had a family crest, that would be on it.

Happy anniversary, honey.

[laughs] Happy anniversary, honey.

I'm so excited about brunch.

You know, if I have enough bottomless mimosas,

you might end up with a topless wife.

Ooh. I got a lot more than brunch planned.

After you took all the pressure off me,

I started thinking clearly and came up with a surprise.

We're recreating our honeymoon RV trip.

Wow! [forced laughter]

It-- It even looks like the same RV. [laughs]

I remember 'cause I've seen it so many times in my dreams.

-And there's more. -Wow.

Look who's coming with us.

[both] Happy anniversary! [laughing]

Wow. [chuckles]

Oh, and Adam already packed your suitcase.

It's full of bikinis and tube tops, so you'll have to redo that.

So, uh, where are we headed?

Who knows? You don't tell the RV where you're going.

The RV tells you.

It's like a 25-foot wife.

Uh, you know, Adam, this could be a lot of work for you.

Are you sure you want to do this?

Andi, it's our 20th anniversary. I want to go the extra mile.

Or, in this case, the extra 1,000 miles.

[forced laughter] I'm just gonna say it again. Wow!

And you haven't heard the best part.

It's only six hours up the road to the world's largest Frisbee.

Yeah, and two hours after that is the world's largest french fry.

It used to be the world's largest potato, but it got struck by lightning.

Ooh!

Are you okay? I know RVs aren't really your thing.

You'd think Adam would know that, too.

How can he know something if I don't tell him?

That's the only way he knows things.

Well, let's make the best of it.

I've always wanted to see the country in a rolling toilet.

[Andi] Ugh.

Wait, I almost forgot.

[sighs] If it's anything like our honeymoon, we'll need this.

Marcy, someone left a half-eaten sandwich in the fridge.

Come guess what kind of meat it is with me.

Hey, slow down, save some fun for later.

[chuckles] All aboard.

[gasps] Wait.

I just remembered, we have kids.

We can't leave them alone. Ugh, too bad.

-Let's go back inside. -No, no, no, no.

You're not getting out of it that easy. [chuckles]

I'm not?

Why not?

Lowell said he'd watch the kids. Let's hit the road. Come on.

First stop, world's largest Frito, huh?

And if you get there before dark, they let you slide down it.

How great is this country? Huh?

Whoo-hoo! All right. Here we go. Okay.

[grunts] Excuse me.

Oh, sorry, oops. Excuse me.

-Okay. I'll just do this, I guess. -Okay.

-Oh! -Whoa.

-Okay, uh... -Ow.

All right, you go there.

No, not there, the other there.

There's no other there.

Where do I go?

Uh... Okay, you know what?

[chuckles] We're in the wrong order.

All right, so everybody get out, and we'll start over again.

Hey.

Do you think Andi seemed happy when she saw the RV?

I do not.

Do you think she's having a good time?

I do not.

Tell you what, let me go talk to Andi, sell her on how great this is.

Thanks, Don. You're a good brother.

Life on the road, huh? How much fun is this?

So much! I am having a blast.

Of course, nothing compares to life over the road,

like in a hot air balloon, for example.

Yeah, Don, Don, not the time.

No, no, it's a great story.

At one point, a bald eagle landed on the basket.

It was beautiful. Here, let me show you a picture.

[tires screech]

Brakes are good.

-Ooh. -Oh.

Look, if you're not gonna tell Adam how you feel about this trip, I will.

Absolutely not.

He's doing the best he can.

I'd rather have a husband who's thoughtful 364 days a year

than some guy who isn't but tries to make up for it in one day.

You are an incredibly nice person.

Sometimes I don't get you at all.

[laughs]

Hey, how's dinner coming? Those steaks smell fantastic.

Ugh, bad news.

Some kind of animal ran off with our rib eyes.

It was either a bear or a large, naked, hairy person.

Oh, God, I hope it was a bear.

Whatever it was, he knew what he was doing.

He held the tray above his head like a waiter.

At least he didn't get the beans, so we'll eat these for dinner.

Sound good, Andi?

Does it?

Andi, if you want to say something, say it.

Well, I've been keeping quiet about this,

but I was just telling Marcy that, um...

What?

[chuckles]

I love beans!

I do. And you know what? I don't care who knows about it.

I love them so much, I just want to run out there

and scream it to the world.

Oh, whoa, whoa. I wouldn't go outside with that man-bear around. No, no, no.

I think he just let us have the beans to fatten us up.

[crickets chirping]

-You okay? -Yeah, great. [sighs]

It's a little hot.

Well, I could start the engine and turn on the AC,

but there could be some fumes.

We'll be cooler, but we might not wake up.

Yeah, I wouldn't want that, 'cause then this would be over.

Having a great time. This is adventurous.

Adventurous, but safe.

If whatever took our steaks comes back, we got walls to protect us.

Do you think he'll come back?

Oh, they always come back,

but don't-- don't worry, we'll be fine.

It's not like we're in a tent that a claw can slash open.

It'll take two, three swipes to get through this tin can.

Sweet dreams, honey.

Marcy, Marcy, Marcy.

They're asleep.

You know, we've never done it in an RV.

[Marcy] Don, they can hear us.

[Don] No, they can't.

Yes, we can.

Okay, I think they're really asleep now.

[both] We're not.

Good morning, camper.

Good news, I got up early while everyone was still sleeping

and drove us to our next campsite.

We're just down the road from the world's largest felt-tip pen.

[chuckles] That's exciting,

'cause mostly you just see regular-size pens.

Uh, where are you going?

To the bathroom.

Uh, in what sense? Can you put a number on it?

I will not.

The only reason I ask is because there's certain numbers you can do in there

and certain numbers you have to do outside.

The higher the number, the more outside.

This conversation is making me very uncomfortable.

Oh, say no more. Your comfort is my priority,

which is why I splurged on the ultrasoft.

Huh? Always thinking of you.

Adam.

You're right, you can't go out there like that.

-Thank you. -[both chuckle]

Once you're done digging,

you hold on to that for self-defense in case that man-bear shows up.

They migrate.

That's it.

I can't take anymore. I'm sorry, Adam, but I hate this.

I love you, but I hate this, okay?

I hate camping and digging and eating beans for dinner

and then sleeping with other people who ate beans in an airtight box.

Marcy, I believe you owe Andi an apology on that one.

I didn't say anything before

because I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

Look, I love you. I am gonna spend the rest of my life with you,

but we should never, ever do this again.

Oh.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry. Are you upset?

I got you!

You got me?

I got you. [chuckles]

Hating RVs and camping

is something I knew about you that you didn't know I knew.

Which is why we are here.

I brought you to the world's largest anniversary surprise.

[gasps]

That's right. We're at the Chateau Du Lac Resort.

That's French for "I took care of it, honey." [chuckles]

Oh, my God, I've always wanted to stay here.

I didn't even know you knew that.

Well, once you took the pressure off,

I remembered you talking about this place back when we were dating,

so I thought I'd surprise you.

And what better way to surprise you

than by making you think that I blew it? Huh?

[both chuckle]

That made it even better.

-Aw, honey. -I had no idea.

I just thought you planned a terrible anniversary.

Oh, uh, I do have one favor to ask you guys.

Can you drive this rig home?

We did a big loop, we're only about an hour away.

Normally, I don't like doing nice things for people,

but you have inspired me.

That was a great anniversary surprise, Adam.

No one will top this.

Hey, what about our anniversary?

He just had to remember something.

To figure out what you wanted, I had to read your diary.

You read my diary?

Enjoy the drive home.

That was fun, huh?

You should've seen the look on your face when I handed you that shovel. [laughs]

So the bad stuff was all made up?

Even the man-bear steak thief? [chuckles]

No, that was the scariest thing that's ever happened to me.

-Hey, Lowell. -Welcome home, lovebirds.

How'd it go with the kids?

Great. They were little angels.

They couldn't get enough of me.

Every time I woke up, one of them was in my room.

Well, I've got a date. Better head out.

[door closes]

Should we have told him what the kids did?

I think his date will tell him soon enough.

[upbeat music playing]