Original subtitles

♪- It was so clean when I got back.

♪ I felt like you hadn't been home once all weekend.

♪- I'm Theo. I'm a doctor here.

I'm Theo. I'm a doctor here.

Hey Theo Doctor Here, I'm Siobhan, patient here.

Siobhan Carlyle, 14-year-old lupus patient,

she's waiting on an experimental bone marrow transplant.

I found a way to get you to Ottawa.

Just have a good time up there, okay?

- I'm going to Turkey. - What's gonna happen

while you're gone? - Rotating attendings to cover

and then you figure out all the rest.

- You're dropping out. - No! No, I-I don't...

I don't know! - So, that's going well.

Our FX board approval says anything that develops

during the course of our study has to be included.

I don't like being backed into a corner.

What if I just... I don't know how to feel anymore.

I want us rethinking our entire approach

to patient interaction. I'm sorry, Bashir, but for you,

that means not training as a surgeon.

I'm serious, Saleh, say yes!

Amira wants to sing at my wedding.

You should be lucky to get this kind of entertainment.

What are you? Her manager?

- Good workout? - Hey.

Amira and I made plans to walk her to school.

So I brought Timbits.

Thank you. Good thing I worked up an appetite.

I told Saleh I'd perform at his wedding.

The Worst Pies in London.

If he moves it to Turkey,

we'll be citizens and can travel.

We can't do that!

Yeah, you can't sing about cutting up people

and putting them into pies at a wedding, Amira.

Oh, come on! It's a crowd-pleaser.

And it's my school audition song.

Oh, yeah, Amira thinks that if she keeps saying

"audition" it will actually happen. Here, I'll take that.

You see my life?

- Yeah. Okay, say bye! - We'll work on him together.

What, you're leaving?

Now, after all this time?

But the border with your work,

it will be dangerous. You need to think this through.

I am. We are.

Like you did, Bashir.

The only reason I'm where I am

is because a truck crashed and I saved a man's life.

Okay, right place, right time. I was lucky, Saleh.

Do you hear yourself? Lucky?

You've just always been lucky?

Tell me you don't actually believe that.

Bashir...

That's not why I told you.

You know why I have to leave.

Tell Amira I'll, uh, meet her outside.

Wait, you can wait in the house.

No, I'm good.

I'm gonna spare you the lecture on her school,

but if she asks...

- I'll tell her you tried. - Thanks.

Hey, Rania.

Amira told Saleh that we're becoming citizens?

Yeah?

That's why he doesn't want me sending money,

because it would violate sanctions.

I know it's hard, being here while he's there.

But he wouldn't want you hiding your good news, Bashir.

Which is why I, uh...

I should tell you.

I'm seeing someone new.

Yeah! - Rania, that's great!

I'm seeing someone too, so...

Wow.

I'm happy for you.

And you're allowed to be happy for yourself too.

How many patients do they have you balancing

at once in cardiology?

As many as I can carry. Actually, could you--

- Yeah. - Thank you.

So uh, this thing with Bash,

how are you managing to fit him into your usual metric

of giving 200 percent?

By downgrading to a 75-75 split?

You? As if.

Shut up.

- Theo? - Siobhan?

What happened to your face?

Uh, I see they're letting you charter your own flights now.

For business, not pleasure.

Theo, my foster mom, Gloria. Gloria, this is--

- The famous Dr. Hunter. - Oh. Hello.

I'm guessing you're not here

just to visit me. - Transplant surgery.

I thought you already had a bone marrow transplant.

- She did. It went well, but-- - My kidney didn't get the memo.

Nine lives currently down to one.

And we have a kidney here for you?

Uh, my colleague, Dr. Leblanc.

On its way, so we'd better motor. Nice meeting you.

I'll see you before the surgery.

How are you, Theo?

John's memorial go okay? I was still home recovering.

It was rough.

Glad you're on your feet.

His widow was hoping to meet you.

Maybe give her a call?

John's the pilot who died in the crash?

Are you gonna reach out? - You think I should?

I mean, you're the last one who saw him alive

and she's gonna want closure.

You know, you've always known how to take care

of people like that.

Yeah except lately, my radar's been a little off,

I just wouldn't wanna make her uncomfortable.

I'm sure that's not true with you.

Oh, my chart! Thank you. Sorry.

I need help!

I could use a little help!

If you could, uh, hold these.

Excuse me, are you alright?

So I can figure out what hurts.

Is someone with you?

Ari. Arianna.

Now she's gone.

Take these.

I told security to stand down.

Okay. Um...

Can you go find a gown or a... - Blanket.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Hi, I'm Bashir, I'm a doctor.

Uh, can you tell me your name and maybe why you're here?

Well, I...

I think I was wondering if it's okay

that my heart is beating so fast? And um...

why it hurts my stomach?

Well, I'd have to listen to be sure.

Well, then listen.

Okay. Deep breath.

Ari would love this book. Can we keep it?

Uh, may I?

I am a bit frosty.

Her pupils are dilated.

Is there something in her system?

- Let's do a tox screen. - Yeah.

Um, what's Ari's last name?

We can get someone to page-- - It's the same as mine.

Actually...

I have her phone in here somewhere.

Um, maybe you can tell me

what you've taken that's making you feel this good?

Maybe I could.

Oh.

Battery's dead.

Maybe you could resuscitate it.

So you said you passed out?

Yeah. On my way to the bathroom at two AM.

Which also makes no sense

because I had my last tea at eight PM.

And them bam, the thing in my chest shook me awake.

You're sure it wasn't just the fluttering

from your Long QT syndrome we talked about last time?

Uh, more like an earthquake.

If I wanted one of those, I'd live on the west coast.

Oh so we move directly to crazy lady imagining things.

No, no, of course not. It's just...

Part of the ICD study is data feedback and we didn't--

The system shows no indication it went off.

Or that you had any change in your rhythm at all.

Then your system doesn't work. I know what I felt.

Okay well, we'll run a few labs and confirm what happened.

You do that.

Long QT can cause fainting.

But almost always with an accompanying arrhythmia

which would've been logged. - You think she's lying?

I believe she felt something. Do an echo.

But don't let her suck you in.

Lily's been my patient for years and she's a malingerer.

I'll also run diagnostics on her ICD

to make sure it's still working.

Yes, let's log it as a potential glitch either way.

I thought we shared a preference for texting?

It's harder to say no to a face.

What's the ask?

I went to pay tuition with the cheque you gave me.

But financial services says I need a fancy bank draft.

Even if I knew what that was, she says I can't do it online.

So you're saying that YouTube doesn't teach you

how to do that? That's weird.

Ha. Since you're Dad's executor,

you need to do it.

But I was hoping you could show me how.

Why is it that every time you call,

you have some kind of jam I need to pull you out of?

Why is it no matter what I do, you're disappointed in me?

It is my fault they use ancient technology?

Might as well ask for an IOU on a stone tablet.

Shay. When do you need it by?

Today or I lose courses.

I can meet you at the bank whenever's good.

No, it's just easier if I do it myself.

At least tell me something I can do in return.

Make us dinner? I saw a video about deep-frying chickpeas.

No, the last thing I need is my kitchen on fire.

I gotta go.

- Isn't Novak back from Turkey? - Next week.

Which means a random surgeon correcting me at every turn.

You're half-right.

Dr. Singh, are you covering today?

Don't look so excited.

Okay well I, uh, will page you if there's any action.

I cleared my schedule.

Thought I'd go take a look and make sure

we're properly set up.

Dr. Singh. I'll walk with you.

You weren't at the staff meeting this morning.

I thought that was tomorrow.

Last minute a change.

The e-mails sometime go to spam.

Gave everyone a chance to talk about me behind my back?

Uh, general consensus is,

they don't know what to make of you.

Thank you for covering in Trauma OR today.

There's been some uh, growing pains...

- Ha! - And I'd like to get another

surgeon's take.

Someone less opaque than Mark Novak, you mean?

That. Plus, I understand that you've been a critic

of the incentive from the start.

Your sources are correct.

Good. Then you won't pull any punches with your feedback.

Hello?

Make any sense of that teenaged brain

you've living with?

I think I'm starting to get what you're balancing.

Oh, that wasn't about Amira.

Oh. So it's just me then.

No. I'm sorry, it's just... remember my friend Saleh?

Yeah, the white helmet guy from Syria. Is he okay?

Yeah, I'm trying to send him money but Canada

has sanctions that can make it frustrating.

So no e-transfers?

The point of these rules is to stop funds

from getting to the Regime or opposition forces,

but they cast a wide net so personal transfers

are blocked too. - Money in a birthday card?

It's a good way to get it stolen.

They open our mail. - Oh.

There are couriers who can help get cash overseas

through random networks.

- Is that dangerous? - Not for everyone.

Plenty of us still use them to help our families

back home but now, if it got connected it back to me...

You're still applying to be a citizen.

Yeah, you gotta be careful.

What if I did it?

June, uh--

I have to go out anyways. Plus, Singh is in Trauma OR

and he's just making a whole long list of grievances.

I have no idea what I've gotten myself...

...into. Sorry, I know that's a sore spot.

Just uh, let me know how to do the money thing.

- Okay. Thank you. - Yeah.

Hello?

How did you get this phone?

I'm sorry, it belongs to someone named Ari, I'm just--

Who are you?

I'm a doctor at York Memorial Hospital.

Oh god. Is it Krista? Is she okay?

She called from this number last night then didn't answer.

I've been scared to try hospitals--

I'm sorry, I can't divulge any patient information.

Is she alive?

Yes.

Thank you. What department?

Emergency. Ask for Dr. Hamed.

I think her name's Krista.

Blood came back. Full of ketamine.

That explains her high BP and heart rate...

Things people put in their body these days...

I mean, some guy came in last week after licking

a poisonous toad. So...

Well, let me know if anybody comes looking for her.

Yep.

Meet at the place by the thing in an hour?

Claire, could you find Lily a bed

until all her bloods are in? She had a rough night.

It's bedlam down here. Can you get her in upstairs?

Oh, no go. Her boss kicked me out,

but Dr. Leblanc is a renegade.

Yeah, Dr. Fisher doesn't think she suffered

from a cardiac event. - Even though I did.

Which is why I want to run a wider set of labs

and need a spot for her while we wait.

It's really a madhouse today.

Um, the best I can do is hallway gurney.

That's perfect! It's great. Stay here,

we'll get you settled.

I promise it won't be long.

Okay, and when the new labs come in,

are we looping in Dr. Fisher?

She doesn't really think they're necessary

so just me for now? - Yep.

What happened?

The transplant kidney has a bacterial infection.

My guess is someone put their lunch in the wrong cooler.

I'm so sorry, guys.

Um... another one could come up.

They said I could hold out a few more weeks on dialysis...

Definitely not enough time to finish my memoir--

I'll be right back.

Please tell me you're not gonna run off to cry

in the hallway too.

For better or worse, I am comfortably numb, so...

Apparently not.

How else can I be of use to you?

By discussing anything

but kidneys or my lack thereof?

Well, you're writing a memoir?

I'm thinking of calling it Shades of Beige...

in honour of hideous hospital walls. Thoughts?

Could use some work.

I'm scared, Theo.

I know.

But we'll think of a better title.

Right behind you, Bash.

Matt Ellis, 34!

A truck hit his motorcycle.

Skull fracture, collapsed lung,

abdo shredded. We had to pack and seal.

He was a block away from our house! Please help him!

Our surgeons have it, ma'am. What do you need, Dr. Curtis?

Uh, O-neg blood and I'll take him straight

to trauma OR. Page Singh.

June's got this, Dr. Hamed.

What's going to happen to him?

Let our surgeons do their jobs.

They'll take care of him.

Right pupil's blown. Page Neurosurg,

interventional radiology.

Chest tube's in. Dammit, his liver's exposed.

I'm gonna need suction. - I've got blood.

New porter took it to Trauma Bay instead.

Claire, prep to transfuse.

Theo since you're here, intubate?

Got it.

Massive abdominal hemorrhage.

I'm guessing from more than one spot.

- He's bleeding out. - Get a clamp in there.

- I've got it, Kelly. - Claire, there is no point.

I can't see anything. I'm suctioning and sponging

as fast as I can.

I've got a difficult airway here.

So much blood.

I'm in...

but he's hypovolemic. I don't think we're gonna be able

to transfuse fast enough.

Pressure's tanking.

Dr. Curtis what do you need?

June!

June!

There is too much blood, we're not keeping up.

I see that. Make a plan to deal with it, or I will.

Alright, abdo's the priority. I'm gonna use a VAC, Claire.

On the backup cart.

You don't know what negative pressure

will do to the liver. - Well, Dr. Novak taught me

how to pack properly, so unless you have a better idea?

Extra hands!

Pack thoroughly.

- Pressure's ticking up. - That's a good sign.

Just about ready for the patch.

One twenty-five milli continuous.

So, is that always like this in here?

Only on days that end in Y.

We should get an ETA on Neurosurg.

There's no point in moving heaven and earth

if there's no brain function.

You think he's gonna pull through?

Krista, I was panicking! You said you're with friends

then stay out all night in some k-hole?!

That's not at all what it was!

It's therapeutic. - Oh, come...

Controlled dosage by a psychiatrist

and it's completely legal.

When I left the clinic, I was fine.

I... I've never rebounded like this before.

And how are you feeling now?

Just tired and embarrassed.

I thought I... I called you?

Yeah, in the middle of the night,

from her phone, which apparently you kept active?

And then I have to come back here,

to the place they brought her-- - She has a name, Tavi!

And you're allowed to think about her.

Our daughter Arianna died two years ago.

She was 17.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Anyway, I think that's why I came here.

To feel connected to her again.

Hmm.

I thought you came in because of your symptoms.

Symptoms? What symptoms?

A racing heart, which makes sense

considering your high blood pressure.

And stomach pain?

Yeah, uh...

Now that I'm officially back in my body,

I do feel that.

The symptoms started a few days ago.

Lie back for me, please. If they're administering

controlled substances, they should be checking vitals.

They do! Always! I was fine when--

When you took a bunch of ketamine?!

Okay, I hear you're angry, Tavi, but it helps me!

It breaks down barriers.

And Ari even talks to me. - Okay--

No, she does! And she says we're allowed to move on.

She wants us to move on! - I don't wanna hear that crap!

Um, you have a pulse here.

Isn't that a good thing?

Not when it's in your abdomen.

We can run some tests to see what's causing it.

Okay.

The fiction that we are somehow

at our best after a 12 hours on the floor.

So... all my years of pulling 12-to-16 was what?

Wasted effort?

Still four weeks on, one week off, right?

'Cause I live for that week.

This way you wouldn't have to.

Around the corner, Mags. You can't miss her!

You settled in.

I like to be comfortable.

Do we know what happened last night?

All your labs came back normal.

So maybe you were just lightheaded.

You're on team

"it's all in her head"?

Thought you were a renegade.

Lily, is there a reason you don't want to go home?

Living alone with a heart condition

means choosing between locking the deadbolt

and the paramedics being able to get to me in time.

No, I'm not asking for pity.

I like my life.

But all I have is how I feel

and I won't be made invisible.

Well... I mean, if we were going to look wider

than Long QT, any family history of stroke

or high blood pressure? - I went through all that

with your boss's previous lackey when I signed up

for this study last year. - Well, the only other thing

I can do is collect your tropes. They'd give us a definitive

answer on a coronary event.

Can I be there when you tell Dr. Fisher I was right?

If we find something.

Her insistence on the infallibility of a device

over a human being?

Must be a pretty lucrative hunk of metal.

What, does she get some kind of cut?

It's a fire hazard.

Before you say anything,

I know I lost control. It was just for a second.

A second is all it takes.

If the chaos is getting to you-- - Yeah, you know...

there's a woman out there who's going to find out

that her husband is hanging on by a thread,

so it is not just the chaos.

It's everything, and it's all on me,

so that's why I wanted you covering.

So, did I bite off more than I can chew?

You had structure and a clear path, and you left it.

I can't answer for you, June. You chose this.

June Curtis? I've been easing her into being friends

for the past two years and you reap the dividends?

That's so annoying! - She insisted.

But she can still be traced back to you though, right?

I mean, if anyone followed the money,

wouldn't she still be breaking the rule?

Saleh's like my brother, Mags. I have to help.

Even though he told you not to?

Anyway, we were talking about your conflict of interest.

Oh, so we're just done with you now? Okay.

I mean, I don't know how

it didn't occur to me that Fisher

stands to profit from the ICD.

That doesn't mean she doesn't care about her patients.

She's your cardiologist.

Yeah, and she always wants me to do less!

And I walked away from a career in Emerg

I'd been building forever because it didn't feel right.

What if cardiology is wrong too?

Um... Kind of spiralling here. - Yeah, I'm thinking.

Can I think for one second? Please.

Okay, you know your patient who's spread out in the hallway?

You do that too... morally.

That's what you came up with? My morals take too much space?

What? Do you think I'm naive because I want to be happy?

No, I think you burn things down when they don't match

your impossible standards. - And I think you're risking

your citizenship to help Saleh for the same reason

you won't fight for Trauma OR, you think you don't

deserve things.

Same time tomorrow?

Dr. Hunter, I've been paging you.

That chart you requested came back.

Thank you.

Hey!

Any updates on Matt?

Still too much swelling on the brain to see

if there's any executive function. Why?

I have a kid who lost a kidney and Matt's a partial match.

- You screened without consent? - No.

Surgeons prescreened for transfusions.

I just looked. - Okay. Well,

Matt's still alive. And his very worried wife

doesn't really need you floating this right now.

I know, it's just he's not a registered donor.

All it would take is the transplant nurse to go in

and ask if she'd be willing to put him on the list.

There are really good reasons why we don't do that,

like not wanting patients thinking that we make less

of an effort with organ donors. - I know you'll do everything

you can to save Matt. - Yeah, and if I'm unsuccessful,

then we can ask.

It won't be enough time to organize by then!

A kid's life is at stake here!

Look, I know I'm skirting the line,

but as supervising doctor, if I want us to look into this,

we look into this! - Seniority or not, doctor,

you are way over the line!

And I shouldn't have to explain that to you, Theo.

They said that the ketamine's mostly out of my system

but that my blood pressure's still high.

That's because in the part of your aorta that runs

through your abdomen, those walls have weakened.

It's an abdominal aortic aneurysm.

Ketamine raises blood pressure. I looked it up.

Did it cause this? - Not necessarily,

but it may have exacerbated the aneurysm.

Aren't aneurysms deadly?

They can be if they rupture.

But many of them remain stable for years with regular imaging.

Some patients have opted for a surgical intervention.

It's a more definitive solution but not without its own risks.

What kind of risks?

Heart attack, kidney damage, clots.

Well, I...

I'd vote for surgery.

Why go straight to the riskiest option?

We should wait and see. - Why pretend it's not there

when I can face it right now?

He said they'd monitor it,

you could be okay for a long time!

Tavi...

- Fine. Do what you want. - Don't! Don't disappear!

Stay here and fight with me!

If I do this now, I can move on!

Live my life!

Why won't you stop punishing yourself

and learn to want that too?

It's not true I never think of her.

Her body on that gurney...

it's burned in my mind.

And I will not survive if it happens to you too.

Sorry, I need some air.

Um, I can read you the options again if you like.

Yes, please.

ds)

How much time does she have left?

On the... on the machine.

Two more hours. I've arranged for transport home.

She wouldn't want to...

To go out surrounded by hospital beige?

Yeah she's uh, she's mentioned that.

Have you ever fostered before?

A few times. I've never really bought into the whole

biological imperative, you know?

You always love them. But I told myself

I could keep up the barrier,

and that I was good at saying goodbye, but...

Not like this.

Can you delay transport?

Have you found another kidney?

It's just... a lead, it's...

Don't get your hopes up.

Ah! I'm, uh...

If this works, we're gonna need a giant cardboard cutout of you

with a cape for the living room.

You guys need to get out more or find a...

Just don't tell Siobhan, okay? This could still be nothing.

- Okay. - Okay?

Okay.

- The favour has to go. - Yeah, I know,

I'm on my way to tell her her tropes are negative.

So, we were just talking about you.

We'll be right back.

There is nothing medically wrong with that woman.

Yeah, I know, Dr. Devi, but she was scared to go home

and I needed to make sure she was okay

because I tend to kind of want-- - Fear is its own sickness.

The one that our system sucks at making room for.

Okay, but we already have a four-hour backlog of patients

with physical symptoms.

Has anyone been updating her?

Because that can add to her anxiety.

Well, she's not even an Emerg patient.

I'll talk to her. And um, maybe we can move her

to the waiting room until she's ready to go?

Great.

Hey. Your courier called.

He asked a lot of questions. - Like what?

Like where I work, how I know Saleh,

what the money's for... I didn't say anything about you

but are you sure you wanna do this?

Hey! Hey! Something's wrong with Krista!

She started wailing in pain then passed out!

- Wanna catch me up? - Low-grade triple A.

Pressure's 60 systolic.

She's not low-grade anymore, she's full of fluid.

- Maybe it's dissected? - Whoa does that mean ruptured?

You said that was unlikely! - Okay, we need to act now.

We need to stop the bleeding.

- Is she gonna be okay? - Move aside, Tavi.

We've been packing all month.

I took a job in Denver, and Matt dropped everything else

just to come. Just to support me.

Now it's my turn to be there.

To get him healthy.

There are resources here to help you, Jenny.

But I came to ask...

Matt isn't a registered organ donor.

Oh my god, did you come to tell me that he died?!

No. No. Um...

But if he did,

if you, on his behalf, would like to donate an organ

to a patient in need, we can bypass the list.

Are you trying to harvest one of Matt's organs?

He is still alive! - And his surgeons are doing

everything they can to keep it that way.

But if you thought he had a chance, you...

wouldn't be asking me this, right?

I am not on Matt's team, okay?

I can't tell you what's going to happen.

All I know is that there is a young girl

who is clinging to life right now, just like Matt.

No! No!

No! It is my turn to be there,

and Matt is gonna live no matter what you say!

Continue MTP.

Call the blood bank. - I'm gonna need suction.

Ah, good thing this happened here.

Eight times out of ten a rupture will kill you

before you get to the hospital.

She's in hemorrhagic shock.

Go higher, June.

We need superphilia control.

He's not wrong.

Thanks for the sign-off, Dr. Hamed.

I'm gonna compress the aorta and stop the bleed.

In a more orderly fashion this time?

Crossed clamp. I'm gonna need retraction.

Dr. Hamed can retract.

You've lost interest?

As per Dr. Devi, I'm not meant to assist

on trauma surgeries. - As per Dr. Curtis,

we need help and I agree, so...

Up to you. In or out?

Retracting.

That's it.

Yeah.

Need me to hire movers for that woman?

Oh, Lily? No, that's okay, I'll take care of it.

Um, what you said about fear being a sickness,

I completely agree.

Also I read all your academic papers, so...

Always nice to meet a fan.

...is something a person who publishes

medical research papers says, never.

Can I ask some advice?

I mean, I'm not your supervising doctor,

but... shoot.

Is it a conflict of interest

if a physician stands to personally gain

financially from her research?

Yes.

That happens all the time.

But I do think it's wrong.

My advice, however, is ask to yourself

why you're not asking the physician the question.

We heard from Neuro on Matt Ellis.

Cognitive function are negative. Nothing more they can do.

I'm sorry to hear that.

If your patient still needs a kidney,

I'm about to inform the wife.

Don't tell us the girl didn't make it?

Uh, no, um...

Jenny already said no.

You spoke to her after I asked you not to?

- Dr. Hunter! - I know!

It was a stupid mistake.

One Siobhan's gonna pay for.

Look, just... Where are the donor forms?

- June. - Well, I doubt she's gonna

change her mind, but I'll ask again.

Hey. Not for you, for your patient.

- Right. Thank you. - Yeah.

Tell me what else you need.

To make Trauma OR work for you.

Okay. But earlier you said that I made the wrong choice.

You did. But I still want you to succeed, June.

And this shouldn't be all on you.

Plus I look bad if you fail.

Personally, I think you should start

with your surgical cart workflow, but think about

what else you need.

Hey, I can ask someone from janitorial to do this.

Oh, so a patient waits another 20 minutes

when it takes me five?

You've heard I'm looking to change nursing shift hours?

Mm-hmm.

I was hoping I could count on you

to sell it to your team. - Mm...

Then why don't you tell me what's behind it?

To improve overall patient experience,

we're revamping waiting times and communication.

I'm aware that a lot of that burden will fall on nurses.

And, uh...

you think shorter shifts will make up for that?

I know. Change is anarchic.

But I'm willing to be unpopular if it improves things long term.

I think this will, Claire.

Well, doctors make decisions

and the nurses eat the consequences.

That's always the way it's been.

Tavi.

Hi. How is she?

So we clamped the bleed but Krista needs another surgery

to repair her artery.

This is my fault.

I said no to surgery before.

This is not your fault. Okay?

We would've had to deal with this before we started anyway.

Krista's right, you know.

I haven't let myself move on.

Even the little things we used to do as a couple...

Watching dumb TV, going for walks, I...

I can't.

She believes she can beat it one day, you know, the grief.

She talks about moving on like there's a finish line.

If she works hard enough...

Arianna's.

Krista's called it a thousand times.

Leaving messages, uh...

"Hey, I baked your favourite cookies today."

"I read this book, you would've loved it."

Things about her day.

I found the text message Ari sent me that night.

"See you tomorrow, old man."

I forgot she used to call me that.

It used to make me laugh, but when I read now, I...

It hurts.

It's torture.

Even letting the good memories in, I...

Krista's still here and she... she needs to me try.

You should go be with her.

Today's trauma log for your review.

Thanks again for stepping in. If you've got any feedback...

Novak isn't your problem. You are.

You've got big ideas and that's why they hired you.

But... if you also want allies,

I've got a suggestion.

I want to hear it.

Hey.

Go straight there,

if you lose this, I can't get another until Monday.

- What's this? - That fancy pressed sushi

you like. You don't want me to cook, so...

Hey, you were right. I should've brought you with me

and showed you how to do it, but I...

Whoa! It's supposed to be a cheque!

No, no, that's not for you. This is for you.

You're not moonlighting as some backdoor

Craigslist doctor, are you?

Thanks for the sushi!

Uh...

I have the cash...

Ms. Tang is out of a-fib, and we can probably discharge

Mr. Londra in the morning.

Good. Mr. Coel in four?

Dilated cardiomyopathy?

He fills an age gap we're light on.

Do an intake and see if he's interested in the study.

Also, you should know that I kept Lily Jameson

in Emerg until all her tests came back negative.

I understand you wanted her discharged but did you know

that her father had a fatal coronary embolism

when she was 15?

Lily came back from school and found him.

- She told you that? - It was in her intake form.

extended patient history.

Anyway, she needed to stay long enough to feel safe, so...

Well, I'm glad she's okay. Thanks for letting me know.

She looks so happy here.

You'll have to do two rounds of plasmapheresis

because it's a half-match.

They'll clean your blood so your antigens

don't do Battle Royale against the donor's.

It's okay to be optimistic, Siobhan.

This kind of transplant has good odds.

Odds someone else had to die to give me.

That's true.

But you didn't cause that to happen.

But I was happy.

When you told me. Doesn't that make me

some kind of monster?

It makes you human.

We are wired for survival.

You get to be happy this is happening. You hear me?

What about next week?

Or next year? How will I feel about it then?

I don't know.

But you're gonna be around to figure it all out.

Don't tell Gloria I cried.

'Cause I'd hate to have to write you out of my memoir.

I swear on hospital beige.

If you're gonna tell me to leave, we've done that dance.

No, I'm not.

But there's a decent chance that someone might.

Let them try.

I was 50-50 on whether you'd order and camp out.

I'm trying to take some advice and moderate.

Just a little.

Why do I still feel like you gave her your cell phone number?

- 'Cause I'm still me. - I did the thing.

With the money.

And you're still you too.

Everything okay?

I think so. It's easier than doing a bank draft.

But the woman didn't give me a receipt so how do I know

if it went through? - You just hope for the best

and wait. Thank you so much, June.

I really owe you one. - No, we're even, okay?

You clamping that bleed in Trauma OR

was the only sane part of my day,

but you should know, though...

There were some consequences to that.

Hi. I'm sorry to interrupt

but um, I heard Dr. Singh

wants me training as a trauma surgeon?

To support Dr. Curtis.

As long as you're willing to start from the bottom. Again.

He also said that he was the one

who pulled you into Trauma OR today?

I could tell you I was in the right place

at the right time, but I did choose to stay.

Well, I still think you should focus on other skills.

But if you want this... it's up to you.

Yes!

difuze