Original subtitles

Yes,

that's where this case should've happened.

Not London.

They just don't understand married women here.

I mean look at him, the husband in the case,

Robert Blossom Esquire.

Nice man.

Mind you, not quite what he seems.

But then as any brassiere manufacturer.

Dedicated man.

"Financial Times" called him the office of the undie world.

Takes all sorts, doesn't it?

And as for him, the other man in the case, him.

Honestly, that's your welfare state gone mad.

And how did it all start?

With a telephone call from Robert's wife, Harriet.

She'd been at hone doing some after-lunch sewing

when suddenly.

And out of all the mechanics in the factory,

who should be sent over to fix the machine?

Your friend, not mine:

him,

Ambrose Tuttle.

Mrs. Blossom?

_YeS?

- I'm the man from the factory about the sewing machine.

- Oh yes. Come in.

- What seems to be the trouble with it, Mrs. Blossom?

- I don't know.

The thread got itself all confused

and then the needle started chewing it up

and now it's all jammed.

- Wellington.

Haven't seen many of these about nowadays.

- It was my mother's.

She gave it to me.

I use it all the time. I'm never without it.

- Might take a little time to put it right.

Oh.

That was there.

There.

- Oh. It's complicated, isn't it?

- Mmh

Thank you.

- How long have you been at the factory?

'Bout two months.

- I've never seen you there.

- Oh, I saw you.

Every time you came to the factory, I saw you.

There.

- I was about to make a cup of tea.

Would you like to have one?

- Oh yes, please.

- Cakes?

- Yes, thank you very much.

What you need is a new spindle.

- Have you got one?

- Oh yes. I've got one here.

- And I could do with a new box stitch attachment too,

if you don't mind.

- I'll have a look. - Thank you.

What's your name?

- Tuttle.

Ambrose Tuttle.

- Tuttle?

- Hmm.

It sounds quite different when you say it.

More foreign.

You from Liverpool?

- Ohio, Columbus.

- Ah.

I better be getting back to the factory.

You know, you're clocked in and out like there's a war on.

- Oh, nonsense.

Come and talk with me.

I never have any visitors and I'm so bored with housework.

How do you like it?

- How do I like what?

- Your tea.

- Uh, milk and sugar please, two lumps.

- Well come and sit down, Mr. Tuttle.

I'm not going to eat you.

- I really oughta be getting back to the factory.

Thank you. - Okay.

Nonsense.

Stay, relax. There's no hurry.

Have a homemade cake.

You're not afraid of Mr. Blossom, are you?

- Thank you. Oh yes, everybody is.

Thank you. - Really?

Have another.

- Oh, thank you.

- I made them myself.

That's why they're so nice.

- Thank you.

- I'm sorry what I said about Mr. Blossom a moment ago,

but you know, he gets raving mad at times.

- That's all right.

I know. I used to model for Mr. Blossom

before we were married.

He can be a bit of a tyrant.

- Oh yeah.

- But only at work.

- Oh yeah.

- Are you married, Mr. Tuttle?

- Couldn't afford it.

- Oh, well you live with your parents then.

- I'm an orphan.

- No.

- Both sides.

- How awful.

- Never knew my father

and my motherjumped in front of a bus

when I was very young.

- Oh, that's terrible.

- S6.

Number of the bus, 36.

I was two at the time.

I've never known what it's like to have a real home.

- I think you'd better have another homemade cake,

Mr. Tuttle.

- Oh no, I couldn't do that.

- Please. Please have it.

- But it's the last one.

It's not polite.

- But I have plenty more.

Please eat it. Have another cake.

- Are you sure?

- Positive, please. - Really?

Thank you very much.

Peek Frean.

When I was very young, Peek Freans used to make biscuits.

Little animals in icing sugar, all in different colors.

The elephant was my favorite.

Very much sticks in your mind.

Don't think they make them anymore.

Everything changes, doesn't it?

Please go on talkin'.

- You were talking.

- But I love the sound of your voice.

It reminds me of another voice I knew.

- Whose?

- My mother's.

- But you said she jumped in front of a bus

when you were two.

- That's right.

- But you still remember the sound of her voice.

- As clear as

clear.

- I think you'd best mend the machine, Mr. Tuttle.

- Oh yes.

Can I help you?

- No, I'm fine.

Thank you.

- Don't you have a maid?

- Yes, me.

If I had one, I'd only be cleaning up after her anyway.

- Can I ask you a question, Mrs. Blossom?

- I don't know. Ask me and see.

- How long have you been married to Mr. Blossom?

- 12 years.

- Oh. That's a long time these days.

- Sometimes it seems long.

Robert spends so much time at the factory.

_ Who?

- Mr. Blossom.

And I'm here all day.

When we were working together, thank you, it was different.

Do you miss it?

Miss what?

Working.

- Now and then.

Pink.

Housework, shopping.

One day's just like the other.

- Does Mr. Blossom play?

- No.

- Still I suppose when Mr. Blossom does come home,

he's nice to you.

- Of course he's nice to me.

Blue.

He's always been very nice to me.

Better finish your work now, Mr. Tuttle.

- Thanks for the game.

- Mr. Blossom is a man of many talents, you know.

There's a side to him

I'll bet none of you at the factory are aware of.

Hmm?

- Did you know for instance that he's a great musician?

- No.

No, I didn't know that.

- He is.

In his spare time,

he conducts all the great symphony orchestras of the world.

- Well what's he wasting his time

manufacturing brassieres for?

- Because he's a genius.

They're acentric, you know.

- Don't you ever get jealous of him

with all those girls at the factory?

Oh, I beg your pardon?

I happen to know that my husband would be safe with anyone.

- I suppose so.

- Have you ever seen him alone

with any of those young ladies?

- Oh, not really.

Only when I've been passing his office window.

- Do you peek?

- Oh, you know when you're passin', you can't help it.

Maybe you just see in.

- Do you see in when you peek?

- Oh, he's safe.

- How 'bout you?

Do you like girls, Mr. Tuttle?

- Me? - Mm-hmm.

- Well I like lookin' at them.

Oh, excuse me.

Sorry.

But I'd never touch 'em.

- Why not?

Too scared.

- Mr. Tuttle, come here and sit down.

- O'er there?

- Yes.

Hold out your hands.

There.

Where do you live?

- Oh, different places.

Southwest London.

I usually get kicked out because I'm behind.

- Behind what?

- With the rent.

This is the first steady job I've had

since I left the orphanage.

- Oh, I didn't realize you grew up in an orphanage.

- Oh yeah.

- Oh. - Orphanages and rooms.

I've never known what it's like to have a bed of my own.

- Why, that's terrible.

But we have a bed we never use.

We don't need it any longer.

Would you like to have it?

You're welcome to it. Come. - I couldn't. I couldn't.

- Oh, please come.

It's very nice. It's just this way.

- Oh, that's the kindest, most generous thing

that's ever happened to me.

- You'll like it. It's in good condition.

It's old, but it's in good condition.

I couldn't accept it.

It wouldn't be proper.

- Oh, why not?

Maybe I'll just have a look at it.

- It's just up here in the attic.

Oh, is it?

Follow me.

- How'd you manage to get it up here?

- It is only an old one, you see.

But you're welcome to it.

How you'll get it back to your room, I don't know.

- Hey, did you see a picture caught my neck?

It's just like the one I used to sleep in

when I was a little boy and my mother used to tuck me in.

When there were animals on the biscuits

and the world you know, seemed a kinder place.

- There is a lot of unkindness in the world, isn't there?

- And loneliness.

- And sadness.

- And little boys, orphans like I was

you know, on both sides.

- Please Mr. Tuttle, don't talk about that.

I can't bear thought of those little children

with no one to look after them on their own.

I had a little boy once.

His name was Billy, but he died when he was three.

He had dark hair and eyes almost like yours.

He would've been 11 on Thursday.

- Please don't cry, Mrs. Blossom.

Please don't cry. You're beautiful when you smile.

You're an angel.

You're my mother all over again.

You even have the same hair.

- You remember her hair too?

- Voice and hair.

The two things I have a fantastic memory for.

And you're so like her in every way, so soft and warm.

I knew it the moment you walked into the factory.

So beautiful and kind, I wanted you to talk to me,

be kind to me and make me feel safe.

- Take your hand away, Mr. Tuttle.

- I don't think you even notice me.

I went home that night and I had the most marvelous dream,

you were with me.

And it wasn't at all like you were my mother.

- Please stop.

- We were in France,

in historical France.

And yQu?

You were a Great Lady and moi?

I was just a humble peasant.

Do you know you even let me kiss you?

- Ah, let 'em eat homemade cake.

- Harriet?

Harriet?

Strange.

Harriet.

Darling?

Harriet darling, I'm home.

Harriet.

Harriet?

Harriet.

Darling.

Harriet?

Harriet, where are you?

You all right?

I'm here, Robert.

- On.

Where on earth have you been?

Harriet?

- I'm here, dear.

- On.

Well, is anything. Do you know the time?

- Oh yes, dear. Sorry.

- Have you been to the doctor?

What's wrong? What's the matter with you?

- Why should I have been to the doctor?

- Well you don't look too well.

You're flush, your eyes are shining.

- Oh, Robert. I'm fine.

In fact, I've never felt better in my life.

- Well what's the idea?

And I thought I am entitled.

I mean I come home.

There are no lights on, no fire, no slippers,

no sherry, no sign of dinner and no wine.

Can you imagine what went through my mind?

I mean I thought perhaps you've been taken ill

or run over, anything.

- I was just getting your supper, dear.

That's all.

- I'm having the cold lamb.

- Having what?

- The cold lamb.

- Lamb.

Oh, I'm sorry, but you can't.

- Why not?

- Because I ate it.

- Ate it? Whole leg of lamb?

- Well I was hungry.

- Darling, you've always refused

to eat the flesh of our animal brothers.

- Well, around tea time I weakened.

And then I was terribly hungry, I ate it.

- Tea time? But that's three hours ago.

It's seven o'clock now.

- Oh, is it?

Oh, well I must've dozed off.

- Harriet.

Harriet, you know sometimes,

I really feel ljust don't understand you at all.

Oh, Robert.

- On.

Robert, I've been so wicked.

- Oh darling.

- I can't ask your forgiveness.

I'm so ashamed.

I'm terribly sorry, but it will never, never happen again.

- Oh darling, now really.

Really, it was only a leg of lamb.

Oh really, darling.

Sometimes you really are so emotional.

Now you dry your eyes

and tell me what you bought me for dinner. Hmm?

That's a good girl.

I hope it's something solid.

I'm conducting Tchaikovsky tonight, remember.

- I remember.

- Yes.

Right. Well what is it then, steak?

- No.

- Chicken?

No.

Harriet, really.

All the shops were closed.

- Fish and chips with Romeo and Juliet.

- Pass the salt?

- No, no.

Sorry, gentlemen. Sorry, gentlemen.

My fault. My fault.

I didn't bring you in clean on the um...

Oh, it is getting rather late, gentlemen.

Let's go from two bars before 5:1o.

- Bravo, Robert.

Bravo.

You were magnificent tonight.

Oh, you do get such comfort from your music. Don't you?

- Yes, I suppose I do.

- I should think you'd rather have been a musician

than a brassiere manufacturer.

- Oh no, Harriet.

Brassieres are very important,

much more important than people think.

You know, I even believe they could be of.

I was gonna say of global importance.

Ifl had money, ifl really had money,

you know what I'd do?

- What would you do?

- What was that?

- What was what?

- Well I thought I heard a noise.

- Oh no, dear. You're just tired.

Now run onto bed and I'll lock up and put out the lights.

- Oh, very well.

I could've sworn I heard something.

- Sorry about that.

Why haven't you gone?

Now listen, I've left the kitchen window open.

I want you out of here by morning.

Do you hear me?

I want you out of here by morning.

Shan't be a minute, darling.

Just brushing my teeth. - Oh, that's all right.

Take your time, dear. Take your time.

- But you said you wanted me out.

- Out? Out where?

I never said any such thing.

- Darling, I distinctly heard you say

you wanted me out and by morning.

- Robert, how many times must I remind you

to replace the toothpaste cap?

Messy, messy.

You're tired now, dear.

On to bed. On to bed.

Robert, don't go to the office today, dear.

- What you talking about, Harriet?

I got that chappy from the mail

coming to photograph the mini bras.

They can look after themselves.

Please stay.

- That's not possible, dear.

I'll phone you as usual just as I'm leaving the office.

- Oh, just once?

- Darling, now don't be silly.

Have a good day.

- Bye darling.

- Just a minute, sir.

Could we have word with you inside?

- It was delicious.

Good morning, Mrs. Blossom.

- I thought you'd gone.

- I overslept.

- You were supposed to take this home to eat it.

- Darling?

Harriet?

- Coming.

- Ah, she'll be right down.

Oh, darling.

- Yes. - My wife.

This is Detective Sergeant Dylan.

- Detective.

- How do you do?

Oh, sorry. How do you do, sir?

- Mmm, somebody's got a great big doggie.

- I was just about to make some soup.

- We pulled up just in time

to catch your hubby emerging.

- Mr. Dylan just wants to ask us a few questions

about that young chap Tuttle.

- Tuttle. - Yes, Tuttle.

What time did he leave here yesterday?

_ Who?

- Ambrose Tuttle.

Please think carefully and answer slowly.

They only do longhand.

- Ambrose Tuttle?

- Yes, darling.

You know, the young chap I sent over

to mend your sewing machine.

He never came back to the factory

and those tools are very valuable.

- No. Well he never arrived here.

- There. You see?

I told you.

He just ran off with the tools.

- Tinker.

Never arrived. Well well well.

One of the great unsolved mysteries of our time.

Riddlemeree in SW3.

At two o'clock yesterday afternoon,

a young man answering Tuttle's description

got off his green, brown and yellow motorbike

and asked the grocer on the corner where you lived.

There's no number on your front, you see.

Look at me telling you that.

Anyway, that was 30 yards away across the street

and you say he never arrived.

That's correct.

Brilliant thought.

Perhaps he knocked and you didn't hear him.

- Oh, I'd have heard him.

- But darling, you did say you dozed off.

- That was after.

- After what?

After 4:00.

- I hate anything mysterious.

I mean if he wanted to run away with your tools,

why would he ask the grocer where you lived?

I think you policemen are wonderful.

- Really, Harriet?

- You've got me all churning it over now.

Never returned to his lodgings, you see.

I checked.

You should see his room:

all teach yourself books and empty crisp packets.

How can people live like that?

Oh, I've really got my teeth into this one.

I've got my petty up.

So Mrs. Blossom, your machine is still wonky.

- Well I managed to fix it myself.

- Fancy.

- Bravo, darling.

Well you see, Mr. Dylan,

my wife's an extraordinary clever woman.

Wives are getting cleverer all the time.

Aren't they?

Well.

Goodbye, Mr. Blossom. - Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

- We'll be in touch.

- Sure.

Darling, phone Miss Reece, will you?

Tell her I'm on my way.

They'll be going mad.

Bye. Bye.

- We'll find him, Mr. Blossom, and your tools.

These fellows, they always slip up.

Tiny details.

Railway ticket, lock of hair, that sort of thing.

There'll be a clue and I'm really quite good at clues.

- Oh, I'm sure. Thank you.

- Bye-bye, sir.

- Right. You up there, out.

Did you hear me, Mr. Tuttle?

Ooh!

- Like it, Harriet?

- Love it, Robert.

- Now think slowly and answer carefully.

This was mailed from here three days ago.

You don't recall anything of the sender.

- Only that she was female.

That's all.

I think.

- Was she alone when she posted it?

- I think so.

I'm not sure.

Excuse me.

Thank you very much.

- Oh, Burnham-on-Sea.

I used to live there.

- Could you describe this woman?

- About 60, gray hair, well-dressed, quite an expensive fur.

Her name is Mrs. Emily Briggs.

- Not that woman.

The one that posted the parcel.

- Brown hair?

- Yes.

- Blue eyes? - Yes.

- Youngish? - Yes.

- I don't know.

- Gotta love these eyewitness accounts.

- Yes.

Yes, I think I would.

Definitely.

Very pretty she was.

Very pretty.

Ta, very much.

- George? George.

You got the pattern of the groove

on the counter on your face.

- I think.

- Continuing my investigations,

I'm proceeding to the house of the Blossoms.

Ah so?

- Not a Japanese geisha bar, sweetie.

Haskell Lane off Putney Hill.

Roger, out and

sayonara.

- Oh good morning, Sergeant.

- Good morning, Mr. Blossom.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- Good morning.

- Brought me good news I hope.

Well come on in, Sergeant.

Come on in.

Well now, what does bring you here again today?

- Dying to tell you.

Dramatic new developments and missing tools mystery.

- Oh yes, of course.

They were posted back to the factory, weren't they?

- So much for my big news.

- Anyway, the young lad didn't steal 'em and I'm glad.

- That's very nice of you to look at it that way.

Sweet.

Johnson.

- Parcel Post express delivery mail

from Main Street post office last Tuesday by a woman,

an attractive woman with brown hair and blue eyes, pretty.

- Darling.

- Oh. - Good morning Mrs. Blossom.

- Good morning

- He didn't have a mother.

- Mm-hmm.

- Poor duck.

Could've been a girlfriend, of course, or an auntie,

depending on his tastes.

- Yes. Well I'm damn relieved it's all over.

I must press on.

Now you can see yourselves out, can't you?

- She did mend her sewing machine beautifully, didn't she?

She can come and mend mine anytime.

Adrian.

- Well I must be off.

Do try and find those pajamas and dressing gown.

There it is again.

- There's what again?

- Oh, nothing.

I'll phone you as usual as I'm leaving the office.

- Yes, darling.

Have a good day, dear.

Bye. - Bye-bye.

- Breakfast in three minutes, dear.

on!

There aren't any razor blades.

Really?

- I'm sorry we don't have any razor blades,

but I'll buy some when I'm out this...

Robert.

- I didn't say anything about razor blades.

I just came.

Did I?

Well I'll get some, dear, when I go out.

- On, right.

I'll phone you as usual when I'm leaving.

- Bye dear.

- Have nice day, dear.

- Thank you.

- Can we show him in, mystery of Lynn?

You may approach, Mr. Blossom.

Come, come.

That's fine. Nowjust hold it there.

Lovely. Now according to your doctor, what have I got here?

Let's see, hearing noises, voices, losing household objects.

Now about these objects that you've lost

OI"

mislaid.

_a box of cigars, theater pajamas, a gray sports jacket,

a dressing gown.

- And two dozen bottles of vintage wine.

- This is fabulous.

What does your wife say about this?

- Oh, well she says I'm imagining things.

But I mean how can you imagine a dressing gown?

- A dressing gown is very significant, Mr. Blossom.

It's all here, you know?

And it's right on the nail right here. Recorded.

I love technology.

Yes, I said that on "Frontiers of Science".

- Doctor?

Television's world of science.

- Doctor, I can't see you.

- I'm beside you at all times, Bobby.

You're not lost now.

I'm with you from now on.

Except of course, when I'm on television.

As I said then, don't gimme all this crap.

That's what I said.

I agree, there's more to love than sex.

But this is the best part.

There's also more to sex than love.

Are you with me, Bobby?

- I'm afraid I don't even begin to understand you.

- You're sparring with me.

- I have told you everything I know.

I'm hearing noises, I keep losing things

and I have this constant insomnia.

- Well insomnia's nothing to lose sleep about.

Out in the open, man, how's the physical relationship?

- The what?

- The physical relationship.

Come on, man.

- Well I'm afraid I don't quite know what you mean.

- The bedroom, Bobby.

The wife, frequency ratio, state of play.

- I say, my dear doctor, I've been married 12 years.

- So I'm talkin' about your love life, man.

Oh trust me, Bobby.

I want you to lay it on the table.

Come on now. How's the old sex drive?

In neutral, eh?

- Well after 12 years, I mean isn't that to be expected?

- Have you noticed how you always answered a question

with another question?

- Do I? - You just did it again.

Didn't you?

- Did I? - You just did it again.

- I did.

- Yes, it's quite a hang up you got there, Bobby.

But let's talk about this sexual vacuum.

It's something that nature abhors, you know.

Whenever the sex urge is displaced,

nature always substitutes something.

Sometimes it's no more than a slight nervous disorder.

But in your case,

crack up.

But not to worry, Bobby.

You cooperate with me

and I promise we will soon have you back to horizontal.

- Oh, Doctor.

I really do think you're on the wrong track, you know.

- It'll take time, of course.

A year or two years.

_ A year?

I couldn't possibly take that.

I'm sure I couldn't really.

- Fight me like this.

Fight me. That's what I want from you.

Don't want it. I demand that ya fight and gimme aggression.

That's the only way we'll get anywhere, Bobby.

Oh, you wait 'til you fall in love with me.

- Two eggs or three?

- Two, please.

It's five to 10:00.

You know, there's an awful lot of talk these days

about happiness.

But what is it?

Of what does happiness rarely consist?

The jolly good lot of us say, "Why, man. It's kicks.

Groovy, kinky capers."

Yes, we're all familiar with the current slang.

But when we look inside ourselves,

I mean deep inside right down into the places

where pop music doesn't reach,

don't we perhaps find we're covering up something?

Something called wrongdoing.

Or to come right out with it, sin.

Honest engine now,

suppose we flippin' well know that our so-ca/led happiness

is causing damage to the community

or to the sacred institution of marriage.

What then?

Shouldn't we then as our teenagers say, "Hang on a jiff",

and ask ourselves what are we doing?

Where are we going?

- Where are we going?

I didn't even have any breakfast.

- You're going away.

- But where will I go?

You're going back where you came from.

But I didn't come from anywhere. I'm an orphan.

- Can't you see that it's wrong?

Robert's going to a psychiatrist.

How can anyone?

You're depraved, you know?

How can a normal human being live in an attic

for two whole months?

- But I didn't mind. I rather enjoyed it.

Oh, I could've done with a bigger bath,

but I'm not complaining.

Oh, look at that.

Hey, that's offside, ref.

What's the matter with ya?

- You are depraved.

How did I get myself in this situation?

I have a perfectly good husband: kind, sweet, generous

and I'm deceiving him spending his money.

He's worth 1O of you, you know?

- Well, but I've never denied it.

- Well that's why it's got to finish.

It's over, Mr. Tuttle.

Happiness is more than just feeling good.

There's right and there's wrong.

Bye.

- Look on my face.

My name is might've been.

Ijust want you to know it's been wonderful.

- It has for me too, but I-

- Yes, I know.

But if we have to call a halt,

let's do it while the memory is still-

- Golden.

Goodbye Mr. Tuttle.

- Farewell, my lovely.

- A souffle should be served the moment it rises.

Ooh!

Oh.

Mr. Tuttle.

- Mrs. Blossom.

- You see, she really needs something to occupy her time.

I mean before we were married,

she used to live such an active life.

Now.

- Well I can't think of anything

that would give her more comfort

than Patriarch Royal Champ Emperor Ill.

H_im. _

- Oh, well it seems rather a lot of names

for a small amount of dog.

I mean do you think he'd mind terribly

if I just called him Dinky?

- Dinky?

- Well yes, I once had a dog called Dinky

when I was a small boy.

I mean it is easier and quicker, isn't it?

Calling him in at night and so on.

- As you prefer.

- I have an account.

Oh, we'll need your name, sir.

For breeding purposes.

- If we come across a suitable bitch.

- Yes, of course.

Thank you very much.

Well he will certainly be company for my wife.

No more being at home all day alone.

Be rather a change for her to have a man about the house.

Yes.

- Come along, Dinky.

We'll have all day at the office to get to know each other.

Seems very friendly.

- He takes to everyone.

' Bye bye.

- And takes a piece out of everyone.

- Come on, Dinky.

Come on, come on, come on.

In the lift.

That's a boy.

Attaboy.

Dinky!

I onlyjust bought him.

Harriet?

_ Hmm?

- How 'bout putting Dinky in the attic

just in case there's a rat up there?

- Tomorrow, dear. I'm tired.

- Well he could sleep in here on the end of the bed.

- What for?

- Oh, watchdog.

- What's to watch, dear?

- Shh.

Hello little doggie.

Shh.

Come on.

I bet we're hungry.

Follow me.

Slow, slow.

Quick, quick, slow.

Slow, slow, slow.

Quick, quick, slow, slow.

Quick, quick, slow.

How would you like a nice jump?

- There's a burglar in the kitchen.

- Oh, don't be ridiculous.

- I distinctly heard somebody.

- Well wait, let me go.

You're tired.

Get up-

Get up!

- Oh, don't fight.

No, don't.

Pretty scared now.

Oh, not you again.

- Ha! Beatnik.

Thrill-hungry teenager.

- Well, build us more playin' field, Whiskers.

- You wanna be horsewhipped?

Come back here!

I haven't finished with you yet.

Just as well, I haven't forgotten my.

Dinky!

No!

- Hello.

How'd you find me?

- Dinky.

- Do you hear what he called me?

_ Who?

- Robert.

Thrill-hungry teenager.

Come back.

He hasn't finished with me yet.

If he hadn't have been your husband,

I'd have hung one on him.

- He was just worried and just tired.

- It's not very nice though, is it?

Thrown out of your own home.

It's all that dog's fault.

Mrs. Blossom, one of us has to go.

- Goodnight Mrs. Blossom.

Get some sleep.

- Goodnight Mr. Tuttle

- See you at breakfast.

Two eggs.

All right then.

You can stay

as long as you don't snore.

Ding dong merrily on high

In heav'n the bells are ringing

Ding dong verily the sky

ls riv'n with angels singing

Guacamoles con tacos.

- Gracias.

- Oh, de nada.

I had to make something special.

After all it is our third anniversary.

Now.

- Three years ago today to this very hour,

you came through the door.

- And all I've lived for from that day

is the sound of you coming through the trap door.

- Happy anniversary, darling.

- And you, my dove.

- Senor Tuttle, you still say the most charming things.

- Suddenly I had the most terrible thought.

- What?

- Suppose you left me for another man.

- Oh, don't be silly.

There'd never be another man

because I'd never leave either one of you.

- Yeah, I didn't like the sound

of Robert's cough this morning.

- Nor I.

I gave him the cough medicine you made up for him.

He took it to the factory.

- You make sure that he takes it three times a day.

You know, teach yourself home nursing

is most insistent on that point.

We wouldn't wanna lose him, would we?

- No, you've grown very attached to Robert. Haven't you?

- He's the finest man I've ever known.

- It's all so sweet.

- And you know, I live an ideal existence.

Plenty of time to teach myself new skills and hobbies,

no boring conversations with people

that I don't wish to speak to,

a delightful female companion

only a hop, skip and a jump away.

And the comforting knowledge that when I'm not with her,

she's in the care of a good and devoted husband.

- The damned spanners don't fit the damn nuts,

so do try and help please.

And another thing: look, the thread's completely gone.

You really must try and do something, fellas.

The whole production line's held up.

- What passes, woman?

what's the matter, darling?

Well something must be wrong.

Why are you crying?

- Because it's given to very few women in life

to make even one man happy.

But I'm making two men happy

and I'm makin' myself ecstatic at the same time.

And it must be wrong and must be wicked

because we're enjoying ourselves so much.

I wish Robert were here.

- Vivian, pull up here.

Right.

Let's hit them.

Uh-huh.

3:00 p.m. of the Tuesday.

- Wednesday. - Wednesday.

Bright sunlight.

But all the curtains drawn.

Make a note of that.

- Right, but you got my pencil!

Aren't you goin' to introduce me

to your friend, Mrs. Blossom?

- Yes, right.

My cousin Senor Jose Cordova from Guacamole.

Mexico, you know him?

- Well if we don't, we can always look it up. Can't we?

Hello.

He doesn't speak English.

- Si.

- Riot of color, isn't he?

- Yes, he always wears his native costume.

He's uncomfortable any other way.

He's come stay for a few days.

- Mm-hmm.

- Spurs and all.

Living here, is he?

- Here? Don't be silly.

Where would we put him here?

- Hmm, that is the point.

Isn't it?

Well sorry to have burst in all Dylan of the yard,

but we saw the curtains drawn and thought someone might've

passed away.

- The curtains were drawn because the carpets are new.

The sun, you know?

- Gorgeous.

But then there's always something new in your house,

isn't there?

- What did he say?

- He says you're an extremely impressive man.

- Gracias, I'm sure.

Goodbye Mrs. Blossom and take care.

And

manana to you, Senor.

And the band played.

Believe it if you like.

- Oh, for god's sake. Push, Kenneth.

Oh Lord. Give me strength.

- When I order green,

I mean green.

Bluey-green do?

- No, bluey-green will not do!

They'll just have to re-dye it.

Where's Miss Reece?

- Oh, she's dealing with the fire inspector.

- Fire inspector?

- Oh, he's arrived to check the sprinkler system.

- Sprinkler system now with water?

- Oh yes.

- But there's 10,000 pounds worth of goods on that floor.

- Mr. Blossom, brother, sir.

The union is still very dissatisfied

about the demarcation dispute

and the brothers are getting worried

over the time and a half element involved

concerning the overtime problem existing there

of as a direct result of the-

- Could you possibly please discuss it with me

at some other time?

My wife is about to have her first exhibition

and I really must try get to the gallery on time.

- As your agent, Mrs. Blossom,

I must say that that painting is a miracle,

a very similitude.

It's once funny and compassionate.

I can't find word to describe it.

- Do you really like it?

- Oh, it's absolutely bloody marvelous.

I'm gonna buy it for ya.

- On.

Mr. Tuttle, what are you doing here?

- I just had to be here.

Your first exhibition, I had to be here.

- Oh no, here. Please.

- I had to stretch my legs and I'm gonna buy that for you.

The way you've caught that. It's fantastic.

Harriet, I had to be here.

- Thank you.

Where will we put it?

- Oh, on the north wall.

- Thank you.

- Oh, Robert.

I was afraid you wouldn't make it.

- No, darling. Well of course I'd make it.

I wouldn't have missed it.

I've gotta get back to the factory though.

All sorts of crises, you know?

Well have you sold any?

- Eight.

- Eight? - Yes.

- That's wonderful.

- This painting.

- That painting, darling.

It's a miracle, a very similitude.

It's once funny and compassionate.

- Well where do we start?

- I think over there.

- Oh, darling. Me.

- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, sold. - Yes.

- Oh, what a pity.

I wanted to give me to you.

- Oh, nevermind then.

- Well do you happen to know who bought it?

- No, I don't. I don't have any idea.

- Well darling, let's find out.

There must be somebody who can help us.

Oh, do you happen to know-

- Mr. Wainwright. My husband, Mr. Blossom.

- How do you do, sir? - How do you do?

- It's great to meet you.

- Thank you. - You're wonderful.

You've got a marvelous and charming and talented wife.

Thank you. - Thank you very much.

Do you happen to know who bought that painting?

- I'm afraid so.

The buyer that wishes to remain anonymous.

Wild horses.

- Well could you perhaps tell him or her

that I'd very much like to have it?

It means a great deal to me.

- Finally to meet you, sir. - Thank you very much.

Very talented.

Wonderful first day. Terrific, absolutely.

Oh, darling. Who's that?

- That's my cousin.

- Cousin? Which cousin?

- The one from Mexico.

- I didn't know you had a cousin from Mexico.

Do you like it?

- I do. Yes.

Well I mean he's got a lot of character.

Oh, wait a minute.

I recognize him.

- Oh, him? - Yes.

- Yes.

Dinky. - Yes.

I did him from memory too.

- Poor Dinky.

Funny how he just disappeared.

Mm-hmm.

- Come along.

Yes, I'll deal with the debt.

- Mr. Blossom?

As a direct result of wearin' one of your twin-thrust bras,

my daughter's got dermatitis all over her upper chest.

- All over her what?

- Upper chest.

- I say, I'm most frightfully sorry.

You'll have to see my public relations officer,

Mr. Harcastle.

- Mr. Blossom, sir.

The bank's been on twice already today.

Mr. Angus said we'd promise to do

something about the overdraft on the loan

and he must give his head office an answer by two o'clock.

- Stall him, Miss Reece. You'll have to stall him.

- But we can't, Mr. Blossom.

What was that?

What was what?

I thought I heard a noise.

You're just tired.

Sworn I heard something.

I want you out of here by morning.

Do you hear me?

I want you out of here.

There it is again.

There's what again?

I'm hearing noises.

I keep losing things and I have this constant insomnia.

Doctor?

Doctor, I can't see you.

Beside you at all times, Bobby.

You're not lost now.

- Sir.

- He'll be all right, Mrs. Blossom.

- Maybe he won't and it's all my fault.

- Our fault.

All that money we've been spending.

- And on ourselves while he's had to work for it.

- We've got to do something for him.

How is the pain?

- Not too bad.

- You've been overdoin' somethin', Mr. Blossom.

- Yes. And I know what.

You've been taking me too literally, Bobby.

Chocolates.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Mr. Craig, Dr. Taylor.

- Hi there.

'Fraid our friend has been going from one extreme to,

if you get my drift, the other.

Bit of over enthusiasm, I'm afraid.

Still. I said it all on meeting point.

You've seen me on television.

Ah.

Well I said their excess can be a big a drag as chastity.

- No, no. That's not what caused it.

- I've seen it, Bobby.

Oh, they both have, of course.

It's one thing recharging the batteries,

it's quite another blowing your fuse.

- Money capital. That's what he needs.

Shrewd investments.

Thank you.

A broad-based portfolio of secured assets.

- Let this be a lesson to you.

There's more to life than business,

more important things than turnin' out brassieres.

- Ah but for me, Harry,

brassieres have never just been a business.

I've always been working towards

well you might call it a dream.

Pretty impossible dream

the way my finances are at the moment.

But I've always thought that if

well perhaps one day I might make

a Blossom brassiere that could benefit the world.

- May I see him?

- Yes, but just for a few minutes now, Mrs. Blossom.

- Darling.

- Oh darling.

I'm so sorry for all this.

- Oh, don't be silly.

- If there's one thing

more ludicrous than a brassiere manufacturer,

it's a failed brassiere manufacturer.

- Don't say that.

Things will improve now, I promise you.

I promise you that.

You mustn't reproach yourself, darling.

- Oh, but I do.

All the things that you've done.

You've learned how to cook all those exotic meals,

souffles, those Mexican dishes.

I mean everything.

The whole home has an atmosphere of togetherness

all because of you.

- But you've contributed too.

- No, not really.

It's you that's doing it all.

But don't think I haven't noticed.

- Noticed what?

- Sometimes you look so exhausted.

- on.

But I'm haPPV-

- I mean we never entertain.

We never go out anywhere. Life's dull because I'm dull.

I mean I'm always involved in work

just tryin' to keep the business on its feet.

- Oh, that's just what we're gonna make easier, darling.

That's just it, you and me together, the two of us

with a little help from the one above.

- I would say Alice Springs Petroleum.

- Who were you phoning, darling?

- A gentlemen who bought one of my paintings.

He's in the stock exchange now.

He's got a tip.

Alice Springs Petroleum, he says buy.

- Is he to be trusted?

- I trust him with everything I've got.

- Matter Billy-Diamond Mines.

- Matter Billy? - Matter Billy.

- Matter Billy.

Beulah, put Mr. Blossom down 5,000 Matter Billy.

- Buy Empire Airlines right away.

- Empire Airlines.

- And offer them cash.

- Of course, sir.

- I'm on my way, Dr. Zimmerman.

Well Miss Reece, today is B-Day.

Blossom Day, of course.

- Good morning, Mr. Blossom.

- Good morning, Miss Hunter.

- Thank you.

Doctor.

And they said it couldn't be done.

They said it was flying in the face of nature itself.

- Science acknowledges no barriers.

- Not after day, my friend.

But you are sure it really does work, does it?

- Perfect. We've tested it.

- On a human being.

- Dr. Krunhauser.

- Bravo, bravo.

All right?

- Nothing in the world has ever felt quite so right.

- Really?

I wonder if I may

just once.

Oh.

Yes.

- You've met the wife.

- The world will long remember

what we have brought here this day.

I think I'm beginning

To fall in love with you

I've just got the feeling

There's nothin' I can do

I think I'm beginning to fall in love

- Down periscopes.

Do you know how much

Whenever you're away

I long to hold you and kiss you

Every night and day

And I know

Yes, I know in my heart

I'm beginning to fall in love

Yes, in love

I think I'm beginning

To fall in love with you

I've just got the feeling

There's nothin' I can do

I think I'm beginning to fall in love

- Good evening, madam.

Have you got an invitation?

What I mean is are you with anybody?

- Yes, I'm with those two gentlemen there.

You done this before, Bobby.

- Only in the mess, you know.

One.

Two, three, four.

- Whoa, steady.

Five, six, seven.

Eight.

- What do you think you're doing here?

Get upstairs in the attic where you belong.

It is ridiculous please.

- It was lonely up there.

- What was that? - How do you do?

- To you, my darling.

Surprised, huh?

- I'm surprised.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.

This is Mr. Farr, isn't it?

- Fi. Jimson Fi.

Forjust television commercials.

- Commercials? - Commercials.

- Oh, this is my wife, Harriet.

- Oh really? - Yes.

- How do you do? Love your house.

Love it, love it, love it.

- I'm so sorry.

Could I borrow my husband for a moment?

- Love to shoot here sometime. That's all.

- It's tremendous fun, isn't it?

We ought to do it more often, you know darling?

- You are pleased, aren't you?

- Yes, of course I'm pleased, Robert.

But what's it all about?

What's it in aid of?

- Oh, we're celebrating.

- Celebrating what?

- Financial independence.

The dream of a lifetime about to come true.

- Well when you talk like that, Bob.

I could listen to you all night.

Love, love, love is a wonderful game

Mother Nature taught us to play

Yeah

Oh boys and girls aren't made quite the same

Vive la difference

Let's live for love

Let's give everything for love

Let's live for love

For love is the only way to live

Will young love spring

That's how it should always be

Let's live for love

- Goodnight.

Goodnight everybody.

Goodnight.

Goodnight everybody!

Goodnight.

Goodnight. - Goodnight.

Thank you so much.

- Mr. Farr.

Run upstairs, Mr. Farr.

Keeps here on the right here first.

- Thank you both for a lovely evening.

- Pleasure, my dear fellow.

One for the road.

- I love you.

You're not driving.

- He really must go, Robert.

Yes, you must.

- Must l? - Yes.

- Right. Well I'll let you get him out.

See yourself out.

The mall's down the hall.

- Thank you.

- Thanks for coming.

Safe home. Don't enter the box till the exit's clear.

Be good. And if you can't be good,

do anything I wouldn't do.

Jolly good.

- Oh, this isn't like him.

Robert, please.

Please come and help me get him into the room.

Ah.

- Please take him.

- Look at him sleeping like a little baby.

- Mr. Tuttle, wake up and get to bed immediately.

- Give us a kiss. - No.

- You know, I like him.

We've got a lot in common.

- Yes, I know, Mr. Tuttle.

UP YOu go.

- On.

Hey, you didn't tell me you had the key all the time.

After you, madam.

- No, I won't bother to come up.

I'll just say goodnight here.

- Thank you for bringin' me home.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

- Goodnight.

- You know, I like him.

- Me too.

For he's a jolly good fellow

- A dream of a lifetime about to come true.

- Yes, dear.

Good morning to you and you and you

on this happening day.

And here is Dan Henry's latest wax scene.

An oldie but a goodie rising fast in the charts.

Here's the latest time check for all you good people.

It's 8:30 a.m. on Friday the 13th of May.

- Friday?

What happened to Thursday?

Don't hang up. I'm comin'.

Hold on.

Hello.

Oh, Mrs. Blossom.

Where are you?

- Ethiopia.

Well of course I'm with Robert.

It's that idea of his, his dream.

- Dream? What dream?

- You know, the dream he's always been dreaming.

Well now he's got the money, he's doing it.

Mr. Tuttle, I'm trying to explain, but it's so complicated.

He has the heads of every one

of the underdeveloped countries in the world here.

- No, no, no, no, no, my friends.

No, not sell 'em to your country.

Give them, donate them as my contribution.

- Well he calls it the universal brassiere

and he had it developed at his research laboratory

and he wants to give it to every one of the poorer nations.

- But they used to say that civilization followed the flag.

I firmly believe with all my heart

that civilization follows the brassiere.

- Mrs. Blossom, where are you going to next?

_ l-lQng Kong.

- He may be right, darling.

He may be right.

Just think of it, 600 million over there.

- 750 million.

- 750. Well if we could only persuade them.

I mean listen, "lt is not hard for one to do a bit of good.

What is hard is to do good all one's life

and never do anything bad."

- Mr. Blossom, we must go.

- Right.

She'll just take me to the car

and then come right back to look after you.

I'll get him to autograph it for you.

Bye dear. - Be careful.

Oh, excuse me.

- Waiter.

_YeS?

Is he mad? Who's his friend?

- I don't know, but she'll be back here any moment.

And he's not mad, that's just the problem.

Because whenever he explains all of this in detail,

it makes sense and it just might benefit the world.

- What shall it profit man

if he gain world and lose own attic?

- It's just what's gonna happen to us too, Mr. Tuttle,

straight after the convention.

- Convention?

- Yes, the international convention.

And right after that,

we're going to live at the world headquarters in Geneva.

- We can't live in Geneva, Mrs. Blossom, sweetheart.

Have you seen photographs of the place?

- Yes, I have. I know all flat rooftops there.

- Yes, yes. - But what are we gonna do?

I've seen this brassiere of his and it works.

- Do you happen to have one around anywhere?

- Yes, I'm wearing one.

- Oh. - Yes.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you, my friends.

Thank you very much.

Your excellencies,

my lords.

Iadies,

dear ladies and gentlemen.

In the beginning

was the brassiere.

- That's three dozen Blossom brassieres, you know?

That's the last consignment, Squire.

Can I have your signature please?

You know.

All right?

- Just there? - Yeah.

Thanks a lot.

- There ya are then.

- But let us never forget

the only really underprivileged group of mankind

is woman

kind.

- Girls, girls, girls. Aren't you ready?

Mr. Blossom's already started his speech.

- It's not our fault. We were held up.

- The man's already just delivered the bras.

- Sorry, ladies. Just a slight technical itch.

- Well come on. Hustle, all of you.

- It's from her brassiere

that your roads, your schools,

your hospitals, your social services

and your plumbing sanitation will flow.

What has the world been seeking all these years?

A brassiere that will fit any woman

anywhere

at any time.

Citizens of the world,

I give you here below me

the universal brassiere.

A touch of this button, ladies and gentlemen,

liberates into the twin cups a unique gaseous substance.

Automatically and immediately,

the material then adjust itself to the shape of its wearer

and grows

onward,

outward

and upward to whatever shape,

size

or conformation she desires.

So now, my friends,

may we have a truly international welcome

for our feminine delegates from the countries of the world?

Let's live for love

Let's give everything for love

Let's live for love

For love is the only way to live

Love, love, love is a wonderful game

Mother Nature taught us to play

Oh boys and girls aren't made quite the same

Vive la difference

Will young love spring

That's how it should always be

Let's live for love

For love is the only way to live

Let's live for love

Let's live for love

- I'm sure you'll agree, ladies and gentlemen,

that they look absolutely charming.

Well now, the demonstration.

Right, girls. Now as we rehearsed, you remember.

One,

two,

three.

- Now.

- Ladies and gentlemen, the gaseous substance

that is the secret of the universal brassiere

seems to have gotten a little out of control.

This whole technical mishap.

Don't let it blind you to the great.

Put your trust in British workmanship, won't you?

Help them, ladies and gentlemen.

I can help women everywhere they go.

Harriet, get me down!

Excuse me.

- Does this article of furniture

happen to belong to you, sir?

- Yes, of course it does.

- Then that, as the old saying goes,

just about wraps it up.

- Hello.

Have you given up your old job?

- I never give up, sir.

Not once I've got my little white teeth into something

and a right little something this turned out to be.

- What are you talking about?

- Murder.

- I beg your pardon?

- Seth, bring Mrs. Blossom up here please.

Right, sir.

Murder.

Always longed to say that.

It's my first one, you see.

Never been on anything

before this big of an indecent exposure.

What's going on, dear?

- Thejig is up, Mrs. Blossom.

That's an English expression.

Not that I've ever heard anyone saying the jig is down.

But what I want to inform you, Mrs. Blossom,

is that we're now ready to prepare charges.

And I must warn you that anything you say,

et cetera, et cetera.

- Charges? What charges?

What are you talking about?

- Getting on four years ago,

a young man called Ambrose Tuttle, thank you,

left your factory and was never seen again.

When I'd discovered that his tools

had been posted back to the factory

by none other than your good lady, "Hello," I said.

Then when I found her, your same good lady,

entertaining a Mexican gentleman of some hairiness

and claiming to be her cousin, that hello became hello.

Hello.

- But this is absolute gibberish.

- Bear with me. Bear with me.

Having ascertained you knew nothing of such a cousin,

I kept careful watch and surveillance on this house.

And what did I see?

Strange chinks of light

coming from of all places, the attic.

So while you were away, haircut, boots, buttons.

Take this man's name, Johnson.

I had the forensic boys nip into the house

for a short exploration.

And when I received their report,

then and only then did the final piece of the jigsaw-

- Fall into place. - Fall into place.

- Really, Mr. Dylan. I've had a most tiring day.

- I do understand, Mr. Blossom.

But now the facts are obvious.

Ambrose Tuttle was murdered.

Murdered?

- Yes.

You see, he caught Mrs. B and her Mexican plaything in

for granted to please yourselves,

so they had to do him in.

That took care of poor Mr. Tuttle.

- Why, that's absolute nonsense.

- But you ask, "What about Mexican?"

- Exactly, what about the Mexican?

- He took up residence there.

- Oh, oh. That's nonsense too.

- But of course it's nonsense.

I mean how could anybody hide Mexican in an attic?

- Deep breath, Mr. Blossom.

Brace yourself.

Excuse me.

After you, sir.

He was cal/ed offside the field

in just a little about 15 seconds left in the second half.

With a few minutes added on for injury time,

it looked almost certain now that neither side is going.

Oh, Mackai's got the ball.

Yes, it's a goal!

- Hello.

- I'll make some tea.

- Harriet!

- Why do you now seek this divorce?

- Well because

nothing that has emerged so far

has altered the fundamental situation.

I am basically a very dull husband

and I don't suppose anything will ever alter that.

And so

if my wife loves this man

and he loves her, well then

I must return to my first love.

- Holy-

ls that lady in question present in the courtroom now?

- No, My Lord.

Music.

It has always given me a great pleasure

and a sense of fulfillment.

- So you're giving up your business.

- No, no, no, no. I'm not giving it up.

No, giving it over really to them as a wedding present.

The factory and everything.

I thought I'd have some fun for a change.

- Mr. Blossom, you shall have your divorce.

- Oh, thank you very much.

M'lord.

- With the one comment:

you're a fool to the top of your bed.

- Has he who casts the first stone

looked in his own attic recently?

- Eh?

The court's adjourned.

- Oh, they're beautifully made, you know.

Even the screen wipers work.

- I'll have them all set out for you this evening, dear.

- These are mostly bills.

I say there's one here for old Robert.

I'll get Miss Reece forwarded on, okay?

- Ambrose, listen to this.

I've been accepted by the Royal Academy of Arts.

- Harriet Tuttle.

- Isn't that so sweet?

- Congratulations, darling.

This calls a celebration.

We'll have a bottle of wine with our dinner tonight.

Put some Chablis in the fridge.

- Yes.

- Oh, golly. Look at the time.

Really must fly.

We're photographing the sub-teenage collection today.

Oh, how are the new models?

Precocious.

- Are they pretty?

_ Hmm? ' Pretty?

- Oh, hmm.

- Well I'll ring you from the office

when I'm coming home.

- Yes. - Have a good day.

- Have a good day. - Bye-bye.

- Three minutes, darling.

It's the way that I live

And I like it that way

Fall in love when I choose

Win or lose

Why refuse love

It's the way that I live

Every night, every day

Though I may break the rules

Only fools I

Never use love

With tomorrow an uncertain fact

I am using today to react

To attractions my head tells me I

Cannot deny my heart

So I'll go on this way

Makin' love night and day

Who is there to deny

This is why

We are living

Criticize if you will

I am still as contented as lovers can be

And the way that I live is the way

For

Me