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So, I'm gonna have to ask you a question.

Are you a serial killer?

...the whereabouts of the Velvet Emerald Cult.

Although skeptics don't believe it's a real thing,

it is.

But that's for another broadcast.

Today we're gonna talk about

the chilling uncovering of a Bigfoot family

in the forest near his property

and what Mitchell is doing about it.

Pretty serious subject.

Let's jump right in.

Mitchell W. Mahoney, everybody.

- Mitchell, are you there? - I am. I am.

Listening with both ears.

I ain't taking no goddamn...

Oh! Oh! I must stop you there, sir.

As you know, our number-one rule is no bad language.

Oh, shit. Yeah, that's right. I'm sorry.

- Didn't mean it. - No harm, no foul.

It's an emotional subject. I understand. Carry on, sir.

So I take a quick shot of Old Grand-Dad

and I go out there.

Shotgun cocked.

And the whole time I hear the dogs

but when I opened the door to go outside,

it stops. Real quick like, wild.

Hey. Hey!

Can you help me? Please?

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Which really upset me

because we were gonna butcher it next month.

Now the whole thing's gone away.

I can't hear that.

But the worst part was,

the grizzly nature of the whole thing.

Yeah. There you go. It's nomenclature.

What if it attacked me?

All her innards were taken out and eaten.

Whatever it was, it's a loose sack of flesh and fur.

At first I thought it would be gray.

We've had them here before too.

Just to clarify for our listeners,

Mitchell was just referring to extra-terrestrial entities.

Yeah. Yeah, thanks, Art.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

...went to Nova Scotia in 1972,

down in Breckenridge, Colorado in 1987.

Yet again, Moran County back in 2013.

I'm very familiar with the anatomy of those things.

And even just seeing the outline in the moonlight,

I knew immediately what it was.

Of course. Of course.

And was that the extent of it, or have you continued to be...

pestered, for lack of a better word?

No. No. They keep coming.

They've been eating my hens one by one...

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!

Fuck!

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

These aren't the same.

Mmm-mmm. Probably better for you, though.

Mmm... Doubt that.

I even smoked one of yours tonight.

But first...

A-plus.

- That's a relief. - Yes, it is.

Do you still want to, um,

get a room?

Can we just, uh,

make out a little bit?

Yeah.

Okay.

Look, we can just...

We can just swap numbers if you don't wanna...

Well, okay. You wanna get...

You wanna get digits?

Nobody gets digits anymore. It's about the Insta.

I guess I'm just getting old.

Well, you are.

I guess that's what I'm into.

This is gonna sound like bullshit, but, uh...

I don't really do this.

I mean, I have no problem doing it.

I...

I just have to really want it.

Do you want it?

Or are you, like, about to

tell me to go fuck myself?

No, no, I really want it.

I just... I... I like...

sobered up a little bit on the ride over

and started judging myself, I guess.

Look, my groceries are on one shelf.

Hers are on the other. You know what I mean?

If I cared, I would've said something at the bar.

And if she cared, I wouldn't fucking be here.

Your...

Your business is not my business.

What this is here, it's recreation.

And I fucking deserve it.

Hell, yeah.

Okay.

Mmm.

It's garbage.

Mmm.

Yeah.

Ooh.

You know...

The real issue is safety.

Once I'm alone with you in that room,

it's just us, no witnesses.

Do you have any idea the kind of risks

a woman like me takes every time

she agrees to have a little bit of fun?

It's a goddamn tragedy.

Men think that we're these prudes

who don't like casual sex.

Most of us fucking love casual sex.

We just want to know that murder

isn't gonna be served on the side.

Jesus.

Never thought about it that way.

Of course you haven't.

You're not a woman.

Then there's, you know,

plain old risk of disappointment,

which is the most common, but...

violence...

That's no joke.

That's life or death.

I think I, um...

I think I want one of those now.

Mmm.

You seem like a nice guy.

You do.

But you never really know.

So, I'm gonna have to ask you a question.

Are you a serial killer?

What?

I'm gonna need you to look me in the eyes

and give me a serious answer.

No.

- No... - No.

What?

No, I'm not...

a serial killer.

Okay.

Okay.

Now can we talk about all the things

I want you to do to me?

Harder.

Harder.

Stop.

Can you take these off me?

I don't know why this isn't working.

It's your idea.

Maybe it's you.

What did you just say?

Maybe I just don't need it with you.

Well...

Well, look, maybe it's better that we don't need that

in the beginning.

"The beginning."

If I didn't know any better,

I'd think you were on the verge of asking for digits.

What are they?

Hmm.

Stop.

- Or social media? - I'm not on social media.

See...

That makes me really want that number.

This just got really fucking complicated.

Well, aren't you eager?

Hmm?

Hmm.

What are you doing?

Do you like that?

Stop.

Okay, baby.

- Can you just wait a minute? - I don't want to wait.

I said I need a fucking minute!

What are you doing?

Take these off me now.

You don't get to decide.

Yes, I do get to decide.

Just because I asked you to cuff me at first

doesn't mean that you don't need my permission.

Wrong.

Get off of me, motherfucker!

You don't fucking hit me!

"Please don't fucking hit me, sir."

From now on, you only refer to me as sir.

Do you understand me?

Stop it!

I'm in control.

Now here's what's gonna happen.

Please don't kill me.

First, you're gonna take my foot in your mouth.

Toes first, all the way to the fucking heel.

You don't get to make noise! You just shut the fuck up!

You're a sick woman.

Carrying around shackles trying to get fucked.

You know you asked for this, right?

Yes.

Yes, what?

Yes, sir.

I'm gonna take my knife and I'm gonna cut you.

From one set of lips to the other.

Watch you bleed to death.

Mr. Snuffleupagus!

I can't believe that you're into this.

Just relax, okay.

I don't know if I'm into it, but I'm willing to try.

No, no, no. I'm gonna have to believe you,

or it's gonna be a huge, huge fucking turn off.

I mean, I did do a little bit of acting.

What?

I was in a Holiday Inn Express commercial once.

What?

So you might actually be good at this.

Look, hawking the free hot breakfast

ain't the same as slapping a woman around,

telling her you're gonna chop her up into little pieces.

But look, I'm willing to try.

No, no, I don't want any chopping.

I want something intimate.

Something romantic.

Like a slit throat.

Uh...

You know you're a little fucked up?

You know you men will do just about anything to get laid?

- Get the fuck out of here. - Huh?

Get the fuck out of here with that.

Don't sell me the car and then tell me not to drive it.

Okay, okay. But...

Don't tell me when you're gonna turn, you just do it.

And if I say no, you say yes.

And you push even harder.

If I'm, you know, scared or angry.

Even fucking crying.

I don't...

I don't like that.

Don't be a fucking pussy.

Are you serious?

I cannot imagine consent being any more clear.

Okay.

All right.

Yes.

Pop quiz.

What's "no" mean?

Yes.

And what is the only word in the entire English language

that actually means no

once we're alone together in that room?

Mr. Snuffleupagus.

Mr. Snuffleupagus!

You okay?

Not really.

Shit.

I'm so sorry.

How can you say

those awful things to me?

Fuck! You told...

You told me to say 'em. I thought...

You were fucking fantastic.

I have never been so turned on in my life.

Mmm!

Mmm.

Then why Mr. Snuffleupagus?

I just needed a break.

You know, a glass of water,

maybe a cigarette, a drink.

There's no rush, right?

Hmm...

Bon appetit.

Mmm.

Mmm-hmm.

Mmm, mmm.

What do you got?

You're three ahead of me.

Looks like you've got that one ready to go for the nose.

Stop.

I don't need you to help me win. Goddamn it.

I want this thing fair and square.

Now only two.

Oh, my...

Don't get too excited. I'm still up by one.

Not for long, fucker.

Hey, hey!

Hey, hey! Hey!

That's a crazy lady.

Get the bear spray.

Can you help me? Please?

You sure it wasn't one of 'em things done this to you?

Shh. Don't say it out loud.

What things?

It's Squatchy in those woods.

We don't go too deep in 'em.

Squatchy?

- You're sure it was a man did this to you? - Yes.

- He was chasing me in a truck. - A pickup truck?

Squatch can't drive no pickup truck.

You'd be one dead shitass if Squatch was at it.

Do you have a gun?

We have bear spray.

I thought mountain people had guns.

We ain't mountain people.

We're just old hippies.

Sweetie, do you want something for the pain? Aspirin?

How about something a little bit stronger?

- Percocet? - Yes.

We only have a few of those left.

Now, don't be selfish, Mama.

You're right, Papa.

Call the cops.

Better they're on the way.

What's that?

Oh, we ain't into Scott Baio.

They give 'em away free at the flea market.

- We take whatever they got. - No. What's that?

- That's our Sunday breakfast. - Do you mind?

Get in there.

Hold on. Let me give you a chair.

- Right here. Right here. - Okay.

Old biker.

Huh?

She said we're old hippies. I'm more of an old biker.

Got a '59 Indian sitting in the garage.

Doesn't run anymore, but doesn't matter.

I couldn't ride it anyway.

Lost it on the bike.

Whole thing? That's heavy.

Just up to the knee.

You ride one of those every day,

doesn't matter how good you are.

It doesn't matter.

Can't find the stronger stuff. Where is it?

Upstairs bathroom.

Police on the way?

Yes, honey.

No.

Don't you worry one bit.

You're gonna feel real nice soon.

I meant no police.

No, no. It's better that we call them. Genevieve's right.

Come on, man. Just give it a minute, please.

It's best we let them know.

Please, man, do me this favor. No fucking cops.

Genevieve. Genevieve.

Genevieve.

Percocet...

Genevieve...

I didn't wanna do that. I had to.

Can you just... Can you put your hands up, please?

Just to make us both feel more relaxed.

This is gonna be a really tough one for you to believe,

but I'm not gonna kill you.

I promise.

Sure.

I am gonna have to tie you up, though. All right?

All right.

What do you recommend that's fastest?

You have some... some cuffs?

Or is there a rope or... Or is there something

that I can put you in and lock it from the outside?

Whatever is most comfortable for you is fine

as long as it's fast.

Well, that's thoughtful of you.

I'm not trying to fuck up your day

any more than I already have.

There's a storm shelter outside. There's...

There's some, um, chain

you can use on the handles once I'm in.

And we even got food and such that'll last a while.

We aren't just old hippies.

We're...

Doomsdayers.

Okay, let's go.

Fuck!

What?

What? Something on my face?

Like, what?

I was just looking at you

and you are so handsome.

It went straight to my head.

How did I get so lucky tonight?

Do you like to party?

Oh, fuck.

It's going to be light soon.

Mmm. Come on.

Checkout's not until noon and this stuff

gets me really fucking horny.

It's been a long time since I touched that stuff.

Me too.

But it's my birthday.

And...

a friend got it for me.

It's, you know, like a special occasion sort of thing.

Birthday, huh?

Yeah.

All right.

Well, I can't let a lady down on her birthday now, can I?

Oh, yeah.

Come on.

Come on.

Shit.

Are we...

Are we...

Are we gonna fuck?

Okay.

Is that what you were gonna say?

You know what, I'll tell you what.

If you still can fuck in five minutes...

Sure.

I thought you said this stuff made you horny.

Seems like it just puts you in a bad mood.

Maybe I lied.

What is this, part of your game?

- I'm done. - You know what?

We're done when I say we're done,

do you understand that?

No, I don't.

I'm out of here.

Bullshit. Find your own way home.

Cocaine. Cocaine. Cocaine.

Huh?

Cocaine.

No. No.

That is cocaine.

This is ketamine.

No.

I'll only use this if I have to, so don't make me.

I didn't wanna fucking do this, man.

I was...

just trying to have a good time.

Oh, my God!

I fucking love that song.

♪ Love hurts

♪ Love scars

♪ Love wounds

♪ And marks

♪ Any heart

♪ Not tough

♪ Or strong enough

♪ To take a lot of pain

♪ Take a lot of pain

♪ Love is like a cloud

♪ Holds a lot of rain

♪ Love hurts

♪ Ooh, ooh love hurts

Hey!

Shh! Just stop.

I've never put it there before.

Now sleep.

What the fuck?

He's got a gun!

So do I!

- What is wrong with you? - I'm sorry.

Can... Can you help me, please?

Jesus!

Oh, my God.

How do I lock this door?

Just hold on, darling.

It needs a key, even from the inside.

Can you unlock the door? I think I'd better leave.

No, no, don't go out there! He's gonna fucking kill you!

Do you have a gun?

No, only a baseball bat.

Fuck!

Call 911, will you?

I... I'm not sure I wanna get involved.

You already are, sweetheart.

Okay.

I know that was fucking awful, but I had to do it.

Okay?

What's your name?

T... Tanya.

Tanya...

Okay, Tan...

Do you have a bandage big enough for this in that bag?

Yes.

Okay. I'm gonna need to borrow your car.

Come on.

- Which fucking key is it? - It's... It's that one.

- It's that one. - Okay. What car?

It's the '78 Pinto, right outside.

- Seriously? - Yeah.

Okay.

Now take off your fucking clothes.

Hey, Pete.

It's, um... It's RC. Um...

Listen, I'm out here near, uh, near SR 78

and the old Wilton Bridge.

There's a farmhouse

on the south edge near the fire road. I, um...

I need you to get out here.

I, uh...

I got myself into a little bit of trouble.

Got you, you fucking cunt!

I fucking got you.

That's true.

It's like checkmate.

Yeah.

And then some.

There's nothing more than checkmate.

It either is or it isn't,

you fucking philistine.

Why am I still alive?

You couldn't do it.

After all that.

Oh.

You're gonna be in trouble.

Yeah, well...

I'll take a little bit of trouble

over a life sentence any day.

You want me to call your sponsor?

Are you really The Electric Lady?

I don't care about jail.

I just don't wanna die.

Isn't that fucking funny?

Even when we know we're gonna spend the rest of our lives

in a tiny little cage,

we will fight to stay alive.

I always used to wonder why people did that,

when I watched true crime shows.

Thought I'd be like Gary Gilmore.

Who's Gary Gilmore?

He asked for the firing squad.

I thought I'd...

I'd do that...

if it came to this.

Now I just want three hots and a cot.

I didn't plan to do it, man.

Love...

doesn't have to be something that develops.

The purest, most primal kind can hit you like a wave...

In a moment...

or over the course of one night.

I felt that for you

when you had your hand around my throat.

Did you feel it for me?

♪ Love hurts

♪ Love scars

♪ Love wounds

♪ And marks ♪

That's our song now.

You'll always think of me when you hear it.

Maybe.

Not...

maybe.

God! Fuck!

RC!

RC, are you in here?

What the fuck happened in here?

Maybe you shouldn't touch him.

- I know what I'm doing. - Okay.

It's all right. It's all right.

- He's dead. - Yeah, no shit. So is he.

It's okay.

All right? Take it easy. I'm gonna get these off.

What happened here?

What do you think happened, Pete? Look at her!

Here we go. Okay. It's okay.

- Here we go. - Goddamn it!

Take it easy. Okay, take it easy.

There's a gunshot wound to the left shoulder.

Just take it easy, honey. How tender is it?

Can I move it just a little to get the cuffs off?

Wait. We need to figure out what's going on here first.

She needs medical attention now. That's protocol.

Protocol is that we call it in.

Leave her be,

and we wait for the EMTs and Homicide to show up.

We both know medics won't be here for at least an hour.

It's okay. I'm gonna get you out.

Okay.

It was horrible.

He was coked up out of his mind.

I thought he was a nice guy.

Who was coked out of his mind?

His jacket pocket.

It's okay, honey, you don't need to do this now.

He brought me here. He thought it was deserted.

And then this guy stopped him and...

It's okay, honey.

Why is his neck like that?

She was chained to this thing the whole fucking time, Pete.

She fought for her fucking life!

What else was she supposed to do?

- Fuck! Fuck you! - Hey, hey, hey!

- Hey, it's okay. - Okay, okay. All right. Okay.

All right. Hey, calm down, lady.

We're gonna take care of it.

I'm going to the car and call it in,

and then we'll wait here for the EMTs.

The victim needs medical attention.

Our job is to do what we need to do to keep her alive.

This ain't my first jar of pickles.

And just because I have a vagina doesn't mean

you shouldn't listen to a fucking thing I have to say!

This has nothing to do with your vagina

and everything to do with the diapers you were wearing

when I cleared my first crime scene.

We don't even know if she's a victim yet.

We need to find that out first.

That's fucking protocol.

You wanna be held liable for this

or you want to help me move her?

Pete!

Okay, I'll help you move her.

It's all right, honey.

Just breathe.

What the fuck?

A lady came, she killed us.

Calm down, ma'am.

- She killed us! - Who did what?

Hand over the guns now, or the chick cop dies.

And trust me, honey,

I don't wanna fucking kill you,

especially after what you did for me.

God-fucking-damnit.

You dumb bitch.

- I oughta let her... - Oh, no, you oughtn't,

'cause if she goes, you go too, motherfucker.

I am in survival mode now.

My rules are out the window.

Honey, just turn yourself in now...

Just shut up

and give me the guns.

Put it in my lap.

Pete, you keep your hands on the wheel at all times.

If a fucking finger moves, I pull the trigger.

You got me?

- Yes, ma'am. - Okay.

- Get out of the car. - Honey...

Just turn yourself in now and stop.

It'll end better for you.

Bitch!

I am The Electric Lady.

Boo!

Get out the fucking car.

Run, honey, into the woods.

Drive, motherfucker.

Why did we stop here?

Just...

Let me think.

Okay?

Are you really The Electric Lady?

Are you gonna kill me?

I'd rather not.

Why did you kill all those folks?

Sometimes...

I don't see humans.

I see devils.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey!

Can you help me, please?

Oh, sweet girl! What happened?

Oh, God!

Here, let me help you get up.

Oh! Oh, yeah?

Yeah, come on.

Here...

Let's get you in the truck.

Easy does it.

You're gonna be fine.

Here, let me help you up.

Okay.

Hello? I just shot a person.

She pulled a gun on me

and there was nothing else I could do.

I'm bringing her in right now.

From the high desert in the majestic American West,

I bid you all good evening.

Or good morning, or good afternoon,

wherever you may be across this great land of ours.

This is the world famous, Shore to Spooky Shore AM,

dark night in the desert.

And I'm Art Pallone.