All language subtitles for Shelved.S01E02.Things.Fall.Apart.FICTION.ACH.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

Excuse me. Could
you help me find a book?

- Ah.
- "Virginia's Bacchanal"

by Elodie Goldblatt.

Yeah. That should be under
Adult Fiction in the Gs.

- I'm happy to walk you over.
- No. It's not there.

Oh. Well, that means
it's misfiled,

and if that's the case,
it'll take some time to--

Uh, check the tables behind
the Caribbean

and Black
Studies section.

Oh. Thanks.

Mm.

- Um...
- It's the hot new shame-read,

and there's a quiet
table back there

where you can read
without any judgment.

Right. Things
work differently here.

Uh, excuse me!

Please don't
run in the library!

My God. You're
such a kid-hater.

I don't hate kids. I'd hate them
if they ran at any age.

Yeah.

Hmm. Having a bit
of a morning?

Yeah, well, between a system
that I don't fully understand,

patrons I can't seem
to connect with,

and an infrastructure I can
only describe as hostile,

yeah, I seem to be having some
trouble fitting in.

Mm. When I was new, I had
trouble adjusting, too.

- So, you know what I did?
- You requested a transfer

- to Midtown.
- No. I found the thing

that made me fit in
here. Like, Jaq's thing

is working the
library's socials,

and Bryce's thing
is enforcing the rules.

And mine thing is finding
new ways to build community.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
That's a good idea.

Um, I'll
think on it.

Yeah.

My thing.
What is my--

Oh! Thing! Oh!

So, yeah. We should get

a branch
hamster. Hmm?

- Huh.
- Yeah.

Huh?

Well, you are in a better mood
today there, Big Library.

What, did you
overhear somebody

correctly conjugate the
word "alumni"?

Well, that's actually to
decline, not conjugate, and no.

I just had a talk
with Wendy, and now,

I think I
know my thing.

You going to write sexy fanfic
about Heritage Minutes?

I'm going to help this place
run more smoothly

by making some
much-needed fixes.

Huh. Not a bad idea. I can
think of two or three things.

Oh, well, why don't you add
them to the list of 27 things?

Okay.

What can I say?
I love making lists.

Would you be okay with me
using the library's socials

to document this
disas-- uh, project?

Oh, yes, of course. In fact,
it's the list I could do.

You should use the "at"
symbol for Midtown on this.

Yeah, I will.
- Who's Patt.
- Truth?

And why have they tagged
us eight times today?

Patton Jefferson
tagged us.

Who's that?

You really-- He's a speaker
of uncomfortable truths,

a prober of
hard questions.

A host of
a bad podcast.

It's called
Lamestream Bias,

and it's just misinformation
and ads for testosterone cereal.

- Cereal bars, young lady.
- Why is he tagging us?

It looks like he's been slagging
public institutions all week.

"The biggest waste of taxpayer
money-- lie-bar-aries."

Clever. And he's gone on to
tag every Toronto branch.

Sorry I'm
late, everyone.

I got carried
away designing a flyer

- for our exciting new project.
- Oh.

We're starting
a human library.

What the bleep is a
human library?

It's a community-building
initiative

where people can volunteer to be
borrowed from the library.

- Borrow people?
- What I mean by "borrow"

is that you would have
an eye-opening conversation

with an interesting Parkdalian

about their exciting
life story.

Could we maybe
change the name?

To what?

I don't know. Uh...
Peopliothèque.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry.

- Bit of a mouthful.
- That's perfect.

- You're good, Howard.
- Peopliothèque.

- Howard.
- Sheila.

- Hi.
- What-- what are you

doing here? Why aren't you
at the Settlement Desk?

Oh, I'm only there 10 hours
a week. The rest of the time,

I'm trying to get
my law degree.

Law degree. My goodness.

Objection. Sustained.
Overruled.

- Cool. You have a TV.
- Uh...

My parents own this place, and
I cover the changeover,

because they're
divorced.

Like, pending restraining
order divorced.

- My dad.
- So good to meet you.

- I'm Howard.
- You have a job?

- Yeah, at the library.
- Nice to meet

Sheila's handsome friend
with a job.

Oh, seems like my dad
has a crush on you.

- Oh.
- What can I get for you?

I'll get it. You two catch
up, nah. What would you like?

Oh, I'll take a mostly-damp
matcha latte cappuccino

with oat milk, and I say "mostly
damp" because, of course,

I prefer it just a centimetre
more wet than dry.

So, what's with the
cheery mood?

Well, I have identified 27
different inefficiencies

at the library, and today, I
am going to fix them all.

Wow.

Oh, can you wipe
the steamer, please?

Ah.

Yeah. I got to work on my stuff,
too, at the Settlement Desk,

you know, make it more
accessible, touch up the sign.

You know, we get so
many new Canadians in.

They can't even seem to
find the desk. They spend

half their appointment
trying to find me.

Oh, really?

Um, thank you.

Um, and sorry
for the trouble.

Mostly damp? What kind of
foolishness is that?

- I don't know, Dad.
- It wet.

And with that,
incipiat Fix-It Day.

Okay. For this one,

use a catchy hashtag,
like "better Than ever."

Okay. Just when I thought it
couldn't get cheesier

than "to-do
list duellist."

Oh, don't forget to
tag Midtown and Isla.

Right. Okay. Yeah. I'm
totally going to tag your ex

in a post that says you're
doing totally great.

You know
what? You're right.

She'll see it from
the Midtown account.

God. Oh.

This Patton
Jefferson again.

Oh. What?

"Our city's library
system is a hashtag mess.

Shame our tax dollars are
getting wasted."

The only thing
he hates more than us

is a properly placed
period! Zing! Alliteration.

You know what? I have
a witty retort of my own.

- No. Just don't feed the troll.
- No, no, no, no.

"Mr. Jefferson, why don't you
come down to our library?

I think you'll find that it's
hashtag better than ever."

- Send that.
- Okay.

And take a picture
of me over here.

Okay. Okay. Yeah.

Okay, and...

Got it.

Oh, hey, Jaq!

What do you think?

"Are you an interesting
person looking to connect?

Wendy wants to ch--
check you out.

Join me for some
one on one."

Don't you think it's
a little--

Ooh. You're
right. I hear it.

Mm-hmm.

"One on one...

and a whole lot
of fun."

Wink-y face.

- Now, it rhymes.
- Yeah.

Who's going to
tell her?

No one.

We're going to
let this play out.

Tastes like success.

And a touch of sulfur.

Bryce, I did it.

All 28 tasks
completed.

Tonight, I'm
treating myself

to a re-watch
of Julie and Julia.

Can't you just eat a block
of cheese in the bath

- like everybody else?
- Look. I found my thing,

alright? And it's being
myself. Turns out,

all this branch needed
to run smoothly

was a little
Howard after all.

I'm, like, kintsugi
personified.

That's those strips of
beef on rice, right?

It's the Japanese art of mending
cracks in broken pottery

using gold.
I'm the gold,

and this branch, well,
it's the pottery.

Sounds like
crackpot art to me.

- Ah. You see what I did there?
- Yes. Sadly.

Bryce muffled: There's a great
little kintsugi place

'round the corner if you'd like
to go grab some...

What happened?

It's an overnight water
catastrophe.

- Whew. Fixed it.
- Thank goodness, Owen.

I really appreciate you
coming in on your day off.

I would have been here
sooner if I wasn't mid-game.

I'll be back on stream
in 30, Enrique99.

Puppies in a purse.
How did this happen?

Some jerk turned on the
valve to the water fountain.

I turned on the valve, but
I didn't know about the leak.

Dude, I will snipe you
when you're not looking.

- Whoa.
- Not you, Howard.

Freakachu is low-key
grief-ing me.

Thank you so much for
taking initiative.

I so appreciate it, but,
um, here's the thing.

Now that this area is wet,
after-school tutoring

is going to need to move
near the comic books,

which means that the
tutees will be distracted,

which means noise,
which means--

I wasn't thinking. I'm
sick to my stomach.

Uh, next time, I'll make sure
to run this by you.

Yeah. Great.

Excuse me. Hi.

- I'm looking for Wendy.
- You must be here

for the Peopliothèque.
Come with me.

Alright.

I am so excited
to get this started.

Oh, me, too. I, uh, I heard
you're looking to find

that, uh...

- ...special someone.
- So, tell me about yourself.

Why should
I take you out?

Oh, wow. Right
to it. Okay.

Well, I run my dad's
grocery store.

I drive a
second-hand Lexus,

and I own not one

- but two parakeets.
- Uh--

My friends suggested that
I put myself out there more,

so here I am.

Otherwise, I'd just be
at home alone, eating soup.

Soup?

I'm the
Fantastic Kevin.

Nice to
meet you, Kevin.

The Fantastic Kevin.

Oh, sorry.
Fantastic Kevin.

The Fantastic Kevin.

Tomato, beef and barley,
Italian wedding...

One time, I
met Lionel Ritchie...

...'s Quebecois impersonator.

Instead of
singing "Hello",

he sang "Allô".

Egg drop. Oh.

Chicken.

Chicken noodle if I'm feeling
adventurous.

I'm telling you,
Gatineau is a scene.

I got sick the first day

and spent the entire
time on fluids.

It was... Ugh.

Mmm.

The best trip
of my life.

Printer's jammed.

Again?

- Howard! Printer!
- Shh.

You know, I know a guy
who could fix that, cheap.

He'll even do
it for Bitcoin.

Oh, no. We've got
it covered. Thanks.

But come see me later
about this Bitcoin guy.

Do you even
know what Bitcoin is?

- No.
- Guys, I found the jam.

That is the
third jam today.

Why do so many people have
access to the printer?

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh. I installed the plugin

on all the
computers yesterday.

You can only print from
one terminal, Howard.

Otherwise, the printer
gets overwhelmed.

Now, we are at the
mercy of our patrons.

Yeah. Speaking of,
does anyone get a weird vibe

from them today?

They look like
a barbecue of dads.

- They're Patt-ree-ots.
- Oh.

I'm sorry. Pat-tree-ots?
What, have you

only ever read
that word before?

Pattriots is what we
followers of Patton Jefferson

call ourselves. Ooh,
and there's the merch.

They got the hats and
the t-shirts,

and, oh, they got
bottle openers now!

What are they doing
at our branch?

Oh! Oh.

Yesterday, I may
have inadvertently,

accidentally invited him--

What's up, Pattriots?

Wow. So glad to see so
many of you here

for my visit to the
Jameson Library.

Today, we find out whether
it really is "better than ever"

or a complete waste of
taxpayers' money!

Ask the tough
questions, Patton!

Go back to your own
country, Patton!

Right! So, smile
for the livestream.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, what have I done?

I was born
in Parkdale.

Raised right
around the corner.

And, um, you started working
at a bank or something?

Actually, I moved to
Denmark in my early 20s.

- Oh, you did?
- Yeah. I just wanted adventure,

which explains how I
ended up in Antarctica.

Oh, it's always been my
dream to go there.

Yeah, but by then, I was
just checking off continents.

The first six were easy,
because I was on tour.

Oh. What band
did you tour with?

I wish.

I was in Cirque
Bicyclette.

The French-Canadian circus
extravaganza?

But-- but now, I just
run a small bakery

that Guillermo Del Toro
visits whenever he's in town.

Oh, my-- Brian, you're
practically perfect!

You're the exact person
I've been looking for all along.

Now... let me ask
you a question.

Mm.

How much do you know
about BDSM?

- Excuse me.
- Mm.

I left some books on the
front shelf a couple days ago,

- and now, I can't find them.
- Oh. I'm sorry.

I must have put them away.
I thought they were misfiled.

Howard!
Printer's jammed again!

Um... Oh!

Why don't you
take "Michel and Angelo"?

It's a Belgian comic
about twin boy detectives

who have adventures all over
the world. You'll love it.

Is that by
the artist who draws

people of different cultures
racist-ly?

What?

Uh, excuse me.

You know, that was really just
meant for the kids.

That was really
not meant for you.

Um, okay. So--

What
fresh hell is this?

I think those kids you told
to stop running around

needed to run around, and
I think their mom

would appreciate
them running around, too.

My mom's getting
impatient,

and I still haven't
found my book!

Howard, there's
this rowdy stranger locking me

out of my office.
He's huge and intimidating!

So, can you get rid
of him, please?

Did you flatten out
the carpet?

- Yes, I did.
- Bob uses that

- to orient himself.
- Well, of course.

- Ja-me-suck!
- Hey, hey, are you okay?

- Ja-me-suck! Ja-me-suck!
- Uh...

Ja-me-suck! Ja-me-suck!

What the labradoodle is
going on out here?

I can't believe
my eyes.

I'm sorry.
Who are you?

I am someone who cares
about this city.

- Yeah!
- You know, I came

to this lib-rary...

willing to give it
the benefit of the doubt,

but it's not
only poorly-run.

It is a den of subversive
leftist activity

and sexual depravity!

Patton! Patton! Patton! Patton!

If you need the library
to read, to print off resumes,

or to use the washroom,
you can stay.

But if you are here to vent your
misplaced frustrations,

you can get
the heck out!

Language.

Alright, Pattriots.
Let's take it to the streets.

Where can I get
one of these?

I thought I could help
that place succeed,

but I don't know. Maybe
Jameson is beyond saving.

Yeah. I'm telling
you, dude. That place

is one stabbing away from
being Winnipeg.

Come work with me at
the museum, where it's safer.

Yeah. Actually, are
you running

that exhibit on the
Punic Wars still?

Carthago
stupenda est?

You're a riot.

Um, you know what? Um,
I'll think about it,

- and I'll get back to you.
- Alright. See you.

- Hi, Howard.
- Hello.

Did you ever watch
The Muppet Show?

- Yes?
- Every episode,

they line up
a bunch of acts,

all of which
go horribly wrong.

Fozzie tells
terrible jokes.

Gonzo fails at
a stunt,

and Kermit runs around
like his head is cut off.

But at the end of the day,
that's just what the show is.

But it'd be so much
better if they rehearsed.

The Muppet Show succeeds
because it is a beautiful mess.

Jameson is our
Muppet Show.

And I guess by changing things,
I've disrupted the ecosystem.

We've had to turn
our lacks and our losses

into wins, and it's created
a really special dynamic

that is unique to
this branch.

I'm used to a certain...
standard of quality at Midtown.

Well, that's
the problem, Howard.

You were thinking
of Midtown.

And you were
thinking of Isla.

Yeah, maybe a little.

It's tough to be
at a new place

when you're still
missing your old one.

But you can't
change Jameson to serve you.

You have to
serve Jameson.

So maybe next time, don't
try to fix 27 things.

Uh, 28 things.

Maybe curate a shelf

or-- or greet everyone with
a smile, you know?

Help the
show succeed.

You know what? Yes.
I'm going to try

to embrace
its idiosyncrasies.

Like that Muppet
that throws the fish.

Sorry you had the wrong
idea about Peopliothèque.

You have to go.
The chocolates can stay.

Jaq, why are you denying
candidates access to my program?

I think they're more interested
in having access to you.

- What are you saying?
- Wendy, they're not here

for the Peopliothèque.
They're here

because they think you're
looking for a date.

Why would
they think that?

Read the poster.

"Come to Jameson for
a good time."

Sounds fine.

"Wendy wants
to check you out."

Huh.

"Let's stimulate
each other."

Oh, no.

I wrote a horny
personal ad.

Yeah. I tried to
tell you yesterday,

but then it
became funny.

Ah.

Hey.

Are you here for a
human library,

or are you here
to date me?

To date you.

Uh, Brian, I think you're
great, but--

Oh, oh, oh, no.

I'm here for the
Peopliothèque.

I was part of the original
Human Library back in Denmark.

Oh. You're so
cool.

Well, um, I'm so sorry to
disappoint the rest of you,

but, uh, I'm
not looking for love.

Oh.

That's okay.

Why don't we all
go out for a drink

and kind of see where
this thing goes?

I'll message you about the
details for the program.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Alright. Terrific.

Oh, well, sorry this
backfired.

I can help reword
the poster.

Maybe you get
some actual volunteers.

All I want is for people
to hook up with strangers.

I'll write the poster.

I hear it now. Ugh.

Uh, sir, I'm going to have
to ask you to exit the library.

Debate me.

The library is closed.

I think I win.

I'm sorry.
We're closed.

Oh. Um, don't worry.

I'm going
to fix that.

- You moved this here?
- Yes, but don't worry.

I'm going
to move it back.

- No, no, don't. It's perfect.
- It is?

It's visible from the lobby, so
people know to come here,

and the signage is very clear,
if not a little ambitious.

Jaq even said that
there were new people

looking
for resources.

Howard, this
is so thoughtful.

Thank you.

I did good.

You did good.

Well, you know, it's a
pleasure to serve the library.

Well, we're lucky
to have you.

I got to run, but I'll
see you tomorrow.

Yeah. See you.

Ooh! Ah, yes.

The beautiful mess.

Whew!

The beautiful mess.

Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes. Yes.

Oh, someone's
in a good mood.

What, did they post a new
episode of that Lamestream Bias?

Yup, and Patton Jefferson's
thinking of running for mayor.

Oh. You know, that
checks out for society.

On a positive note, you know,
I think I found my thing.

Yeah? Is it a thing for Sheila?

No. Absolutely not. No.

Well, maybe.

You know, as a friend,
if that's what you meant.

That is what you meant, right?

'Cause that's how I took it that
you meant it. Is that--

I think you'd make a nice
couple.

Hmm.

It's too bad
she's married.

She is?

You happy now?