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1
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>> So what do you think?
2
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How we doing on time?
3
00:01:23,001 --> 00:01:26,000
>> About 15 minutes till the game starts.
4
00:01:26,001 --> 00:01:28,000
So you think the Mets
are gonna choke this year?
5
00:01:28,001 --> 00:01:29,000
I don't know.
6
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:32,000
>> Jeepers, these
towels are soft and fluffy.
7
00:01:32,001 --> 00:01:34,000
You can say that again.
8
00:01:34,001 --> 00:01:36,000
Jeepers, these towels are soft and fluffy.
9
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>> What was the question?
10
00:01:37,001 --> 00:01:41,000
[KNOCKING]
11
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I'll get it.
12
00:01:42,001 --> 00:01:44,000
No, no, no, no, don't get up.
13
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Please don't disturb yourselves.
14
00:01:45,001 --> 00:01:47,000
[MUSIC]
15
00:01:47,001 --> 00:01:49,000
>> Hey, birthday girl.
16
00:01:49,001 --> 00:01:52,000
T minus five days and counting.
17
00:01:52,001 --> 00:01:54,000
Wow, it's that time again, huh?
18
00:01:54,001 --> 00:01:57,000
Boy, they just keep coming, don't they?
19
00:01:57,001 --> 00:01:58,000
Oh yeah.
20
00:01:58,001 --> 00:02:01,000
>> Well, I came for my
son in my cappuccino maker.
21
00:02:01,001 --> 00:02:04,000
The baby prefers his milk
steamed, his rhymesome of Paris.
22
00:02:04,001 --> 00:02:05,000
>> No problem.
23
00:02:05,001 --> 00:02:08,000
So where's your Walker, grandma?
24
00:02:08,001 --> 00:02:10,000
[LAUGH]
25
00:02:10,001 --> 00:02:11,000
[MUSIC]
26
00:02:11,001 --> 00:02:13,000
>> Isn't he funny, Joe?
27
00:02:13,001 --> 00:02:15,000
>> Yeah, he's a riot.
28
00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:21,000
[LAUGH]
29
00:02:21,001 --> 00:02:22,000
>> Jude.
30
00:02:22,001 --> 00:02:23,000
>> I'm fine, I'm fine.
31
00:02:23,001 --> 00:02:27,000
>> Come on, come on, birthdays are fun.
32
00:02:27,001 --> 00:02:28,451
Presents and cake,
and I'm sure Richard
33
00:02:28,463 --> 00:02:30,000
has something
spectacular planned, right?
34
00:02:30,001 --> 00:02:32,000
What's gonna be this year, huh?
35
00:02:32,001 --> 00:02:35,000
Burgers at the Taj Mahal, maybe
square dancing with the Kennedys?
36
00:02:35,001 --> 00:02:37,000
>> He hasn't planned anything.
37
00:02:37,001 --> 00:02:38,000
>> Nice going, Dad.
38
00:02:38,001 --> 00:02:40,000
>> Why not?
39
00:02:40,001 --> 00:02:41,000
Where is he?
40
00:02:41,001 --> 00:02:45,000
>> Some Canadian snow geese,
straight off their migratory route and
41
00:02:45,001 --> 00:02:49,000
the Audubon Society
asked him to reunite the flock.
42
00:02:49,001 --> 00:02:50,000
[LAUGH]
43
00:02:50,001 --> 00:02:53,000
[SOUND]
44
00:02:53,001 --> 00:05:46,100
>> That's too bad.
45
00:02:53,001 --> 00:02:58,000
>> I'll tell you what, I'll take you out.
46
00:02:58,001 --> 00:03:01,000
>> Yeah, yeah, we'll go to the
movies or I'll take you to dinner.
47
00:03:01,001 --> 00:03:03,000
>> We figured you
spoiled our surprise party.
48
00:03:03,001 --> 00:03:09,000
>> Damn, damn, I just
remembered I have this.
49
00:03:09,001 --> 00:03:10,000
>> I'll think of something.
50
00:03:10,001 --> 00:03:13,000
>> The big book convention
and->> The big week on terror.
51
00:03:13,001 --> 00:03:15,000
>> Connecticut, the
Connecticut Book Convention.
52
00:03:15,001 --> 00:03:17,000
>> What are you talking about?
53
00:03:17,001 --> 00:03:18,000
I thought we were supposed to get together.
54
00:03:18,001 --> 00:03:20,000
>> No, no, no.
55
00:03:20,001 --> 00:03:22,000
That was before I remembered
the book convention.
56
00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:25,000
>> Okay, we can reschedule.
57
00:03:25,001 --> 00:03:27,000
>> Hey, don't worry about me.
58
00:03:27,001 --> 00:03:29,000
Turning 39 is no big deal.
59
00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:30,000
>> Unless you live in Latvia.
60
00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:33,000
Life expectancy's 40.
61
00:03:33,001 --> 00:03:36,000
They burn a lot of coal.
62
00:03:36,001 --> 00:03:38,000
>> If I could just have my cap,
would you know a maker now?
63
00:03:38,001 --> 00:03:40,000
Actually, could I borrow it for->> Party.
64
00:03:40,001 --> 00:03:41,000
>> The weekend?
65
00:03:41,001 --> 00:03:44,000
I promise to give you, I'd bring
it to the big book convention.
66
00:03:44,001 --> 00:03:46,000
It's our year to make cappuccino.
67
00:03:46,001 --> 00:03:48,000
>> Well, all right, but
I want it back Monday.
68
00:03:48,001 --> 00:03:49,000
>> Have a nice weekend.
69
00:03:49,001 --> 00:03:51,000
>> Jeremy. >> Take it easy.
70
00:03:51,001 --> 00:07:42,100
Bye-bye now.
71
00:03:51,001 --> 00:03:52,000
Watch that.
72
00:03:52,001 --> 00:03:53,000
[LAUGH]
73
00:03:53,001 --> 00:03:54,000
See ya.
74
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:58,000
Big surprise party Friday night.
75
00:03:58,001 --> 00:03:59,489
>> Don't worry,
Dad, like I thought you
76
00:03:59,501 --> 00:04:01,000
were gonna take the
cappuccino maker to
77
00:04:01,001 --> 00:04:02,000
Connecticut.
78
00:04:02,001 --> 00:04:04,000
>> Remember, mom's the word, okay?
79
00:04:04,001 --> 00:04:06,000
>> Just keep it under your hand.
80
00:04:06,001 --> 00:04:07,000
>> This is gonna be fantastic.
81
00:04:07,001 --> 00:04:09,000
I can't believe I thought of this.
82
00:04:09,001 --> 00:04:10,000
I'm a genius.
83
00:04:10,001 --> 00:04:11,000
>> Will you relax?
84
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,000
It's just a surprise party.
85
00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:13,000
>> No, no, no, no, it's not.
86
00:04:13,001 --> 00:04:14,000
You know why?
87
00:04:14,001 --> 00:04:16,000
Because at the end of the night,
there's gonna be a phone call.
88
00:04:16,001 --> 00:04:17,508
And it's not gonna
be Judith calling me
89
00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:19,000
about some amazing
thing Richard did .
90
00:04:19,001 --> 00:04:22,000
She's gonna be calling him
up in the Yukon someplace,
91
00:04:22,001 --> 00:04:25,000
telling him about the
amazing thing that I did.
92
00:04:25,001 --> 00:04:26,000
>> You see?
93
00:04:26,001 --> 00:04:27,000
Always thinking.
94
00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:28,000
>> Sounds great.
95
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:30,000
>> [LAUGH]
96
00:04:30,001 --> 00:04:31,000
>> But what are you gonna
do about the book convention?
97
00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:37,000
[MUSIC]
98
00:04:37,001 --> 00:04:46,000
>> What are you doing?
99
00:04:46,001 --> 00:04:47,000
>> Nothing.
100
00:04:47,001 --> 00:04:50,000
>> Look, I need these notes typed up ASAP.
101
00:04:50,001 --> 00:04:54,000
>> We have to settle for an ASAI, GBFL.
102
00:04:54,001 --> 00:09:48,100
>> What?
103
00:04:54,001 --> 00:04:58,000
>> As soon as I get back from lunch.
104
00:04:58,001 --> 00:05:00,000
WS with Sherman.
105
00:05:00,001 --> 00:05:01,000
>> Who's Sherman?
106
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:03,000
That would be me.
107
00:05:03,001 --> 00:05:04,000
>> Sherman.
108
00:05:04,001 --> 00:05:05,000
>> Hello, Toby Marie.
109
00:05:05,001 --> 00:05:12,000
>> Martin, I wanna present
Sherman McGigney, the love of my life.
110
00:05:12,001 --> 00:05:15,000
Sherman, this is Martin
Tuppa, the boss of my life.
111
00:05:15,001 --> 00:05:18,000
>> Nice to meet you.
112
00:05:18,001 --> 00:05:19,373
>> You know,
anthropologists believe
113
00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:21,000
the handshake started
as a way to show you
114
00:05:21,001 --> 00:05:22,000
were unarmed.
115
00:05:22,001 --> 00:05:24,000
I like to think it grows out of
our need for human contact.
116
00:05:24,001 --> 00:05:28,000
>> [LAUGH]
117
00:05:28,001 --> 00:05:30,000
He does magic tricks as well.
118
00:05:30,001 --> 00:05:31,000
>> That's terrific.
119
00:05:31,001 --> 00:05:33,000
Hey, did you do birthday parties?
120
00:05:33,001 --> 00:05:34,000
>> Actually, you've just seen half my act.
121
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,000
>> [LAUGH]
122
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,000
>> I'm gonna go freshen up.
123
00:05:37,001 --> 00:05:39,000
Try not to say anything stupid.
124
00:05:39,001 --> 00:05:45,000
>> She's really something.
125
00:05:45,001 --> 00:05:46,356
>> It's like they
took the whole sun
126
00:05:46,368 --> 00:05:48,000
and wrapped it up in
a beautiful blue- eyed
127
00:05:48,001 --> 00:05:50,000
package.
128
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:53,000
You're a lucky man to be around
so much sunshine all day long.
129
00:05:53,001 --> 00:05:56,000
>> [SOUND]
130
00:05:56,001 --> 00:05:57,000
>> I'm very fortunate.
131
00:05:57,001 --> 00:06:01,000
>> [SOUND]
132
00:06:01,001 --> 00:06:04,000
>> Is there a phone I can
use somewhere private?
133
00:06:04,001 --> 00:06:05,000
>> Use my office.
134
00:06:05,001 --> 00:06:06,000
>> You're a good man, Charlie Brown.
135
00:06:06,001 --> 00:06:08,000
>> [LAUGH]
136
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:09,000
>> It's the take of time.
137
00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:15,000
>> [SOUND]
138
00:06:15,001 --> 00:06:18,000
>> Hi, it's me, sweetheart, don't cry.
139
00:06:18,001 --> 00:06:22,000
Look, lots of people have marital
problems, but we'll work it out.
140
00:06:22,001 --> 00:06:23,000
It's going to be okay.
141
00:06:23,001 --> 00:06:26,000
We'll talk about it as soon as I get there.
142
00:06:26,001 --> 00:06:28,000
>> Take him and hang him to a tree.
143
00:06:28,001 --> 00:06:32,000
And then sow the dead
body in the skin of a pig.
144
00:06:32,001 --> 00:06:33,000
>> Where's my love monster?
145
00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:35,643
>> Your love monster
is->> Toby, I'm sorry,
146
00:06:35,655 --> 00:06:38,000
but I'm going to
have to cancel lunch.
147
00:06:38,001 --> 00:06:41,000
There's an emergency at the office.
148
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:43,000
>> You dirty liar.
149
00:06:43,001 --> 00:06:46,000
>> Okay, maybe tomorrow?
150
00:06:46,001 --> 00:06:50,000
>> I'll call you.
151
00:06:50,001 --> 00:06:54,000
Nice to meet you, Martin.
152
00:06:54,001 --> 00:06:59,000
Bye, Toby.
153
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:01,000
>> Isn't he dreamy?
154
00:07:01,001 --> 00:07:04,000
>> Well, he does seem
very- >> Mary, Mary.
155
00:07:04,001 --> 00:07:05,000
>> Nice.
156
00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:08,000
Toby, how well do you
actually know this guy?
157
00:07:08,001 --> 00:07:11,000
>> Well, not in the biblical sense,
if that's what you're getting at.
158
00:07:11,001 --> 00:07:13,338
But I want to tell
you, when I'm around
159
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:16,000
him, I feel like a baby
on a roller coaster.
160
00:07:16,001 --> 00:07:25,000
My heart goes, here feel it.
161
00:07:25,001 --> 00:07:26,000
>> That's okay, it's okay, I believe you.
162
00:07:26,001 --> 00:07:33,000
It's just, I think he's->>
Funny, charming, sexy.
163
00:07:33,001 --> 00:07:34,000
>> Married.
164
00:07:34,001 --> 00:07:36,000
>> Married, I think he's married, Toby.
165
00:07:36,001 --> 00:07:41,000
>> My God, you're jealous.
166
00:07:41,001 --> 00:07:42,000
>> Excuse me.
167
00:07:42,001 --> 00:07:45,000
>> You can't stand the thought
of me being with another man.
168
00:07:45,001 --> 00:07:48,000
You know, ever since your wife
dumped you, you want me all to yourself.
169
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,000
Well, I'm sorry, Martin.
170
00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:52,000
>> Toby, I just heard him
talking to his wife on the phone.
171
00:07:52,001 --> 00:07:54,000
He's on his way to meet her.
172
00:07:54,001 --> 00:07:58,000
I'm sorry, but I just
thought you should know.
173
00:07:58,001 --> 00:07:59,000
Where are you going?
174
00:07:59,001 --> 00:08:00,000
Toby, where are you going?
175
00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:01,441
>> I'm going to find out for myself.
176
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:08,000
>> This, your immediate mission, is
one upon which the very existence of our
177
00:08:08,001 --> 00:08:09,000
nation may depend.
178
00:08:09,001 --> 00:08:10,000
>> Toby, Toby!
179
00:08:10,001 --> 00:08:20,000
>> Toby, I really don't think
we should be doing this.
180
00:08:20,001 --> 00:08:21,000
You know what?
181
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,000
Why don't we just go back and
get those notes typed up, okay?
182
00:08:23,001 --> 00:08:24,000
>> This is true.
183
00:08:24,001 --> 00:08:25,000
I'm going to kill myself.
184
00:08:25,001 --> 00:08:26,000
I'm going to put a bullet to my head.
185
00:08:26,001 --> 00:08:29,000
I'm going to drink poison
and throw myself off a bridge.
186
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:33,000
>> I tell you, there are
certain necessary lies.
187
00:08:33,001 --> 00:08:35,000
>> I was probably wrong, Rammy.
188
00:08:35,001 --> 00:08:36,000
You know me.
189
00:08:36,001 --> 00:08:37,000
Gav, gav, gav, gav.
190
00:08:37,001 --> 00:08:39,000
After time, I don't even
know what I'm saying.
191
00:08:39,001 --> 00:08:40,000
Oh!
192
00:08:40,001 --> 00:08:41,000
Sss!
193
00:08:41,001 --> 00:08:43,000
He's over here.
194
00:08:43,001 --> 00:08:51,000
See?
195
00:08:51,001 --> 00:08:52,000
Did you see that?
196
00:08:52,001 --> 00:08:53,000
One apple.
197
00:08:53,001 --> 00:08:54,000
Just one.
198
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:59,000
If he were married,
he'd finally... Two.
199
00:08:59,001 --> 00:09:00,000
Wait.
200
00:09:00,001 --> 00:09:02,000
Who are those folks?
201
00:09:02,001 --> 00:09:09,000
Toby?
202
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,000
Where is he?
203
00:09:26,001 --> 00:09:27,000
I don't know.
204
00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:28,000
Come on, Toby.
205
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:29,000
Let's go back to the office.
206
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:30,000
Wait, wait, wait.
207
00:09:30,001 --> 00:09:31,000
I'm trying to prove a point here.
208
00:09:31,001 --> 00:09:35,000
Now, why would a man come to a
church in the middle of the afternoon if he
209
00:09:35,001 --> 00:09:37,000
wasn't a perfectly
good Catholic man?
210
00:09:37,001 --> 00:09:38,000
You're right.
211
00:09:38,001 --> 00:09:39,000
I'm sure he's a Saint.
212
00:09:39,001 --> 00:09:40,000
A single Saint.
213
00:09:40,001 --> 00:09:41,000
Exactly.
214
00:09:41,001 --> 00:09:45,000
That'll teach you to spread rumors
about a perfectly innocent priest.
215
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:48,000
>> Hello, Margaret.
216
00:09:48,001 --> 00:09:50,000
I got here as soon as I could.
217
00:09:50,001 --> 00:09:53,000
Let's go to my office and talk about
what's going on with you and Frank.
218
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:57,000
I told you he wasn't married.
219
00:09:57,001 --> 00:10:00,000
Toby, I'm sorry.
220
00:10:00,001 --> 00:10:01,000
You should be.
221
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:04,000
I was going to have a nice
lunch with my boyfriend.
222
00:10:04,001 --> 00:10:07,000
Now, thanks to you, I'm dating a priest!
223
00:10:07,001 --> 00:10:08,000
Maybe.
224
00:10:08,001 --> 00:10:10,000
Hey, if you're going to blame
somebody, blame the Pawdering.
225
00:10:10,001 --> 00:10:12,000
Don't I blame on a man of the cloth?
226
00:10:12,001 --> 00:10:16,000
Even if he is a two-faced
apple buying no good grief!
227
00:10:16,001 --> 00:10:17,000
Are you going to break up with him?
228
00:10:17,001 --> 00:10:18,000
You betcha.
229
00:10:18,001 --> 00:10:20,000
Nobody lies to a petal bee.
230
00:10:20,001 --> 00:10:22,000
No!
231
00:10:22,001 --> 00:10:23,000
No!
232
00:10:23,001 --> 00:10:25,000
No!
233
00:10:25,001 --> 00:10:27,000
I'll meet you back at the office.
234
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:30,000
Just take the rest of the day off.
235
00:10:30,001 --> 00:10:41,000
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
236
00:10:41,001 --> 00:10:43,000
Toby.
237
00:10:43,001 --> 00:10:46,000
Sorry to bother you at work, Father.
238
00:10:46,001 --> 00:10:47,000
Love, monster.
239
00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:49,000
I'm so sorry.
240
00:10:49,001 --> 00:10:51,000
I really was going to tell you.
241
00:10:51,001 --> 00:10:53,000
When? When they made you poop?
242
00:10:53,001 --> 00:10:55,000
How could you do this to me?
243
00:10:55,001 --> 00:10:57,000
I had dreams of us growing all together.
244
00:10:57,001 --> 00:10:59,518
I thought we could
drive cross-country in a
245
00:10:59,530 --> 00:11:02,000
winterbaker, see that
donut outside Butte.
246
00:11:02,001 --> 00:11:04,000
I never meant for it to get this far.
247
00:11:04,001 --> 00:11:05,000
Well, it did.
248
00:11:05,001 --> 00:11:06,000
You kissed me.
249
00:11:06,001 --> 00:11:08,000
You're a priest and you kissed me!
250
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,000
And I kissed you back.
251
00:11:10,001 --> 00:11:12,000
How many Hail Mary should I say for that?
252
00:11:12,001 --> 00:11:13,000
Infinity!
253
00:11:13,001 --> 00:11:14,000
Toby, please.
254
00:11:14,001 --> 00:11:15,000
I don't want to hear it.
255
00:11:15,001 --> 00:11:17,000
You make me sin.
256
00:11:17,001 --> 00:11:20,000
I can't believe I used to picture you.
257
00:11:20,001 --> 00:11:22,000
Without your underwear.
258
00:11:22,001 --> 00:11:25,000
Without my underwear?
259
00:11:25,001 --> 00:11:26,000
Four times!
260
00:11:26,001 --> 00:11:27,846
And now, thanks to
you, I'm going to be
261
00:11:27,858 --> 00:11:30,000
flipping burgers with
the Prince of Darkness!
262
00:11:30,001 --> 00:11:35,000
I have to confess, I had
impure thoughts of you as well.
263
00:11:35,001 --> 00:11:36,000
Don't tell me!
264
00:11:36,001 --> 00:11:38,000
I don't want to know.
265
00:11:38,001 --> 00:11:42,000
How impure?
266
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:49,000
God forgive me, but we were alone in a
moonlit Meadow, as naked as Adam Eve.
267
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,000
Are there snakes?
268
00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:54,000
Because I-I-I-I am not
crazy about the snakes.
269
00:11:54,001 --> 00:11:56,000
Ah, no snakes.
270
00:11:56,001 --> 00:11:59,000
It's just you and me.
271
00:11:59,001 --> 00:12:05,567
And we lie back in
the cool grass and look
272
00:12:05,579 --> 00:12:12,000
up to Heavens and
slowly, so slowly, I...
273
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:19,000
Shamb, hurry up.
I'm lying naked in a Meadow here.
274
00:12:19,001 --> 00:12:22,000
I sweep you into my arms.
275
00:12:22,001 --> 00:12:25,000
Your pecs are so ripply.
276
00:12:25,001 --> 00:12:29,000
Our bodies entwine like the
grapevine of the mighty oak.
277
00:12:29,001 --> 00:12:30,000
Oh, boy.
278
00:12:30,001 --> 00:12:32,000
I can feel your heart beating.
279
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:34,000
My head is going to explode.
280
00:12:34,001 --> 00:12:36,000
This is wrong.
281
00:12:36,001 --> 00:12:37,000
I don't.
282
00:12:37,001 --> 00:12:38,000
You're in the church.
283
00:12:38,001 --> 00:12:39,000
No, a Meadow.
284
00:12:39,001 --> 00:12:41,000
Oh, God.
285
00:12:41,001 --> 00:12:43,000
Oh, God.
286
00:12:43,001 --> 00:12:44,000
Oh, God.
287
00:12:44,001 --> 00:12:46,000
Oh, God.
288
00:12:46,001 --> 00:12:47,000
Oh, God.
289
00:12:47,001 --> 00:12:49,000
Oh, God.
290
00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:50,000
Oh, God.
291
00:12:50,001 --> 00:12:52,000
Oh, God.
292
00:12:52,001 --> 00:12:54,000
Oh, God.
293
00:12:54,001 --> 00:12:55,000
Okay.
294
00:12:55,001 --> 00:12:57,000
So, you're taking your
mother to dinner, right?
295
00:12:57,001 --> 00:12:59,000
But you have to stop at Dad's because?
296
00:12:59,001 --> 00:13:01,000
Because I need my suit.
297
00:13:01,001 --> 00:13:02,000
Because?
298
00:13:02,001 --> 00:13:03,000
Because I spilled mustard on the other one.
299
00:13:03,001 --> 00:13:04,000
Right.
300
00:13:04,001 --> 00:13:05,000
Then you'll buzz to let
me know when you're here.
301
00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:08,000
Now, buzzing is key, and if she asks
you why you're buzzing, you'll say...
302
00:13:08,001 --> 00:13:10,000
Oh, no. I forgot.
303
00:13:10,001 --> 00:13:12,000
Dad's at the Connecticut Book Convention.
304
00:13:12,001 --> 00:13:14,000
Perfect. Okay. One more time.
305
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,000
No, that's it.
306
00:13:15,001 --> 00:13:16,000
Get out of here.
307
00:13:16,001 --> 00:13:20,000
Remember, now, buzzing is key.
308
00:13:20,001 --> 00:13:21,000
Buzzing.
309
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:24,000
Hi, Toby.
310
00:13:24,001 --> 00:13:25,000
Are you okay?
311
00:13:25,001 --> 00:13:26,000
Never better.
312
00:13:26,001 --> 00:13:29,000
I did the right thing, and I feel terrific.
313
00:13:29,001 --> 00:13:33,000
You know, priests are a lot easier
to get over than normal people.
314
00:13:33,001 --> 00:13:34,000
Really?
315
00:13:34,001 --> 00:13:36,000
Well, good. Good. I'm going for you.
316
00:13:36,001 --> 00:13:38,000
Are you up to taking a few notes?
317
00:13:38,001 --> 00:13:40,000
I got a million things
to do for Judah's party.
318
00:13:40,001 --> 00:13:43,000
It would be my great pleasure
to help you in any way I can.
319
00:13:43,001 --> 00:13:45,000
A doll. A living doll.
320
00:13:45,001 --> 00:13:47,000
I need 40 paper hats.
321
00:13:47,001 --> 00:13:49,000
Teenage of pirates, pilgrims,
leprechauns, and fire chiefs.
322
00:13:49,001 --> 00:13:50,000
Nice!
323
00:13:50,001 --> 00:13:53,000
I need streamers, balloons,
a cake in the shape of a brain.
324
00:13:53,001 --> 00:13:55,000
She's a psychologist.
325
00:13:55,001 --> 00:14:00,000
You know... Would you
stop? Would you just stop?
326
00:14:00,001 --> 00:14:02,000
I can't take it anymore.
327
00:14:02,001 --> 00:14:03,000
Uh, Toby.
328
00:14:03,001 --> 00:14:06,000
God's punishing me. I feel so guilty.
329
00:14:06,001 --> 00:14:07,000
12 years of Catholic school.
330
00:14:07,001 --> 00:14:09,000
I should have known better.
331
00:14:09,001 --> 00:14:10,000
What are you talking about?
332
00:14:10,001 --> 00:14:11,000
I lied, okay?
333
00:14:11,001 --> 00:14:13,000
I didn't break it off with Sherman.
334
00:14:13,001 --> 00:14:15,000
And now God's showing me who's boss.
335
00:14:15,001 --> 00:14:18,000
Twice! I slammed my finger in the drawer.
336
00:14:18,001 --> 00:14:20,000
My side hurts. I don't know why.
337
00:14:20,001 --> 00:14:22,000
The photocopier just ran out of tuna.
338
00:14:22,001 --> 00:14:24,000
I just refilled it eight months ago.
339
00:14:24,001 --> 00:14:25,000
And now this!
340
00:14:25,001 --> 00:14:26,000
Toby. Toby.
341
00:14:26,001 --> 00:14:28,000
Take a deep breath, will you?
342
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:30,000
I really don't think God's punishing you.
343
00:14:30,001 --> 00:14:31,000
What was I thinking?
344
00:14:31,001 --> 00:14:32,000
He sees me when I'm sleeping.
345
00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:33,000
He knows when I'm awake.
346
00:14:33,001 --> 00:14:35,000
He knows when I've been bad or good.
347
00:14:35,001 --> 00:14:36,000
Toby. Toby.
348
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:38,000
Aren't you thinking of Santa Claus?
349
00:14:38,001 --> 00:14:39,000
Whoever.
350
00:14:39,001 --> 00:14:41,000
Martin, you gotta help me.
351
00:14:41,001 --> 00:14:43,000
I wanna break it off
with Sherman, but I can't.
352
00:14:43,001 --> 00:14:45,000
I love him too much.
353
00:14:45,001 --> 00:14:48,000
He asked me to meet him at a hotel.
354
00:14:48,001 --> 00:14:49,000
God forbid.
355
00:14:49,001 --> 00:14:50,000
I said yes.
356
00:14:50,001 --> 00:14:52,000
Pray with me, Martin! Pray with me!
357
00:14:52,001 --> 00:14:54,000
Pray with me, Martin!
358
00:14:54,001 --> 00:14:56,000
(screams)
359
00:14:56,001 --> 00:14:57,000
Ow!
360
00:14:57,001 --> 00:14:58,000
(gasps)
361
00:14:58,001 --> 00:15:03,000
I'm going to take up a
collection to fight the devil.
362
00:15:03,001 --> 00:15:07,000
And I want you all to show
me how much you hate him.
363
00:15:07,001 --> 00:15:08,000
(screams)
364
00:15:08,001 --> 00:15:11,000
(dramatic music)
365
00:15:11,001 --> 00:15:23,000
(laughs)
366
00:15:23,001 --> 00:15:27,000
I thought you boys would
practice and, uh... Martin.
367
00:15:27,001 --> 00:15:29,000
Father.
368
00:15:29,001 --> 00:15:34,000
Why don't you boys go light some candles?
369
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,000
From the tone of your voice, I'm
guessing you're not here for communion.
370
00:15:38,001 --> 00:15:41,000
Oh, no.
I just had a little question to ask you.
371
00:15:41,001 --> 00:15:45,000
As a matter of curiosity, what
made you become a priest?
372
00:15:45,001 --> 00:15:48,000
Are you out of your mind?
373
00:15:48,001 --> 00:15:52,000
I must be.
374
00:15:52,001 --> 00:15:55,000
I'm not even sure what I'm doing anymore.
375
00:15:55,001 --> 00:16:01,000
I wake up, I look in the mirror,
and all I see are the hollow eyes.
376
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:04,000
The lost soul.
377
00:16:04,001 --> 00:16:06,000
Oh, really? Let me tell you something.
378
00:16:06,001 --> 00:16:09,000
If you look a little lower, you might
notice a collar with a white thing in
379
00:16:09,001 --> 00:32:18,100
the middle of it.
380
00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:11,000
And where I come from, that means "prest."
381
00:16:11,001 --> 00:16:14,000
You're absolutely right, and I'm not proud.
382
00:16:14,001 --> 00:16:16,000
Good, good. Okay, lesson number two.
383
00:16:16,001 --> 00:16:18,000
Priests do not date.
384
00:16:18,001 --> 00:16:21,000
I've seen about a thousand episodes
of the dating game, and not one
385
00:16:21,001 --> 00:16:22,000
contestant was a priest.
386
00:16:22,001 --> 00:16:25,000
Believe me, I know what I'm doing is wrong.
387
00:16:25,001 --> 00:16:28,000
Every day I pray to God
for guidance, but nothing.
388
00:16:28,001 --> 00:16:31,000
He's abandoned me.
389
00:16:31,001 --> 00:16:34,000
Of course he's abandoned you.
You're being a dick.
390
00:16:34,001 --> 00:16:39,000
Morning, sister.
391
00:16:39,001 --> 00:16:45,000
Now, look, Toby is in love with you,
and she deserves better than this.
392
00:16:45,001 --> 00:16:47,000
So if you really care
about her, you'll break it off.
393
00:16:47,001 --> 00:16:51,000
And if you don't, I'll... I
command you in the name of God!
394
00:16:51,001 --> 00:16:55,000
I'll tell the Pope on you,
and don't you think I can't.
395
00:16:55,001 --> 00:16:58,000
My ex-wife's husband is his bridge partner.
396
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,000
[screaming].
397
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:04,000
[door opens].
398
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,000
[footsteps]
399
00:17:07,001 --> 00:17:09,000
[music]
400
00:17:09,001 --> 00:17:11,000
[music]
401
00:17:11,001 --> 00:17:13,000
[music].
402
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,000
[music]
403
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:18,000
[music]
404
00:17:18,001 --> 00:17:44,000
Toby.
405
00:17:44,001 --> 00:17:45,000
Yes?
406
00:17:45,001 --> 00:17:46,000
Yes, me.
407
00:17:46,001 --> 00:17:47,000
Sherman.
408
00:17:47,001 --> 00:18:01,000
You look nice.
409
00:18:01,001 --> 00:18:02,000
We match.
410
00:18:02,001 --> 00:18:06,000
We, uh... we need to talk.
411
00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:09,000
Talk? Then why'd you tell me to
get a hotel room if we wanted to talk?
412
00:18:09,001 --> 00:18:10,000
We could have gone to the movies.
413
00:18:10,001 --> 00:18:13,000
No, I mean... we can't do this.
414
00:18:13,001 --> 00:18:18,000
We can't... see each other anymore.
415
00:18:18,001 --> 00:18:24,000
You're right. You're right.
416
00:18:24,001 --> 00:18:28,000
Pardon me, was hoping
that you would say that.
417
00:18:28,001 --> 00:18:30,000
But not all of me.
418
00:18:30,001 --> 00:18:32,000
I'm sorry, Toby.
419
00:18:32,001 --> 00:18:34,000
Me too.
420
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:45,000
No, I can't share you with him.
421
00:18:45,001 --> 00:18:47,000
Don't say that.
422
00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:53,000
When you leave me, you go back to
him, to his house, and all his children.
423
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:55,000
You spend your holidays with him.
424
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:58,000
I can't go on like this, Sherman.
You gotta choose.
425
00:18:58,001 --> 00:19:01,000
It's either me or him. Him or me.
426
00:19:01,001 --> 00:19:04,000
I know. I know.
427
00:19:04,001 --> 00:19:16,000
[music]
428
00:19:16,001 --> 00:19:18,000
It's you.
429
00:19:18,001 --> 00:19:19,000
Okay.
430
00:19:19,001 --> 00:19:29,000
Joanne, get away from the window.
Get away. I don't want Jews to see you.
431
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:33,000
Get... Eddie, stop
crowding the cake, will you?
432
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,000
Shit!
433
00:19:36,001 --> 00:19:39,000
He didn't buzz.
Ten times I told him to buzz.
434
00:19:39,001 --> 00:19:42,000
Hats! Hats! Hats! Hats! Hats! Hats! Hats!
Come on. Come on, everybody. Come
435
00:19:42,001 --> 00:19:44,000
on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
436
00:19:44,001 --> 00:19:46,000
Dad, let me in!
437
00:19:46,001 --> 00:19:49,000
What the hell is he doing?
I'm supposed to be in Connecticut.
438
00:19:49,001 --> 00:19:50,000
I hate this damn hat.
439
00:19:50,001 --> 00:19:52,000
Shh!
440
00:19:52,001 --> 00:19:57,000
Surprise!
441
00:19:57,001 --> 00:20:01,000
Thank you.
Dad, can I talk with you for a minute?
442
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:07,000
Okay, everybody. Stay where you are.
And keep those hats on.
443
00:20:07,001 --> 00:20:11,000
Where's your mother?
444
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:15,000
She's downstairs in the limo.
We're on our way to the airport.
445
00:20:15,001 --> 00:20:18,000
The airport? That's not part of the plan.
446
00:20:18,001 --> 00:20:19,964
Bad news. Richard
solved the geese thing,
447
00:20:19,976 --> 00:20:22,000
so he's flying us up
to the Arctic Circle.
448
00:20:22,001 --> 00:20:26,000
He said something about a
houseboat in Northern Lights.
449
00:20:26,001 --> 00:20:31,000
[thunder]
450
00:20:31,001 --> 00:20:34,000
But tonight?
I mean, why does it have to be tonight?
451
00:20:34,001 --> 00:20:36,000
Because it's her birthday.
452
00:20:36,001 --> 00:20:37,937
Well, can't we just
bring her up for a
453
00:20:37,949 --> 00:20:40,000
minute, you know, so
she can see my hat?
454
00:20:40,001 --> 00:20:43,000
Her friends?
And I got a guy coming to draw caricatures.
455
00:20:43,001 --> 00:20:46,000
You know, Mom, if she comes up
here and she's had much trouble you run
456
00:20:46,001 --> 00:20:49,000
through, she'll just
wind up feeling guilty.
457
00:20:49,001 --> 00:20:52,000
Now, you don't want her feeling
guilty on her birthday, do you?
458
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:55,000
And what about me?
What about the way I feel?
459
00:20:55,001 --> 00:20:57,000
I guess not.
460
00:20:57,001 --> 00:21:01,000
Look, if it makes you feel any
better, she never suspected a thing.
461
00:21:01,001 --> 00:21:06,000
Bye, Dad.
462
00:21:06,001 --> 00:21:09,000
Bye.
463
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:20,000
Surprise!
464
00:21:20,001 --> 00:21:23,000
[thunder]
465
00:21:23,001 --> 00:21:33,000
Toby.
466
00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:37,000
The most miraculous thing just happened.
467
00:21:37,001 --> 00:21:41,000
Something I've only heard about.
468
00:21:41,001 --> 00:21:44,000
Never experienced until now.
469
00:21:44,001 --> 00:21:46,000
You're telling me.
470
00:21:46,001 --> 00:21:49,000
If loving you is wrong,
I don't want to be right.
471
00:21:49,001 --> 00:21:50,000
I had an epiphany.
472
00:21:50,001 --> 00:21:52,000
I think I had three of them.
473
00:21:52,001 --> 00:21:53,000
I saw God.
474
00:21:53,001 --> 00:21:55,000
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
475
00:21:55,001 --> 00:21:56,000
No.
476
00:21:56,001 --> 00:21:58,000
I saw God.
477
00:21:58,001 --> 00:22:02,000
He was here.
478
00:22:02,001 --> 00:22:05,000
God was here? In the room? With us?
479
00:22:05,001 --> 00:22:08,000
In a sense.
480
00:22:08,001 --> 00:22:12,000
He's calling me.
481
00:22:12,001 --> 00:22:14,000
Well, don't answer. He'll go away.
482
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,000
I thought we had a deal. You picked me.
483
00:22:19,001 --> 00:22:21,000
I can't, Toby.
484
00:22:21,001 --> 00:22:26,000
I've given twenty-five
years of my life to him.
485
00:22:26,001 --> 00:22:33,000
And as tempting as this
is, I can't just walk away.
486
00:22:33,001 --> 00:22:37,000
This isn't fair. He has so much already.
487
00:22:37,001 --> 00:22:40,000
I mean, he has the ocean and the skies.
488
00:22:40,001 --> 00:22:41,000
I know that land.
489
00:22:41,001 --> 00:22:43,000
Why does he have to have you two?
490
00:22:43,001 --> 00:22:46,000
Toby, I know this is hard for you.
491
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:50,000
But in a way, you've been
part of a small miracle.
492
00:22:50,001 --> 00:22:54,000
You brought me closer to God.
493
00:22:54,001 --> 00:22:57,000
I'll never forget you, Toby.
494
00:22:57,001 --> 00:23:01,000
You know, I suppose I should be flattered.
495
00:23:01,001 --> 00:23:04,000
But instead, I just want to smack you.
496
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,000
[music]
497
00:23:06,001 --> 00:23:30,000
Don't worry, Toby.
There'll be lots of other... guys.
498
00:23:30,001 --> 00:23:31,000
I don't get it.
499
00:23:31,001 --> 00:23:35,000
You finally meet a person who
makes everything seem right.
500
00:23:35,001 --> 00:23:41,000
And then some supreme being comes
along and takes that person away from you.
501
00:23:41,001 --> 00:23:44,000
Believe me. I know exactly how you feel.
502
00:23:44,001 --> 00:23:49,000
Well, as Sister Mary Herman used to
say, "The good Lord giveth, and the good
503
00:23:49,001 --> 00:23:51,000
Lord taketh away."
504
00:23:51,001 --> 00:23:52,000
Amen to that.
505
00:23:52,001 --> 00:23:54,000
Religion doesn't have to be this.
506
00:23:54,001 --> 00:24:00,000
Taking all the fun out of
everything can be bright.
507
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,000
Bring you closer to happiness.
508
00:24:03,001 --> 00:24:07,000
So nobody touched the brain cake, huh?
509
00:24:07,001 --> 00:24:17,000
Any time you take religion
for a joke, the laugh is on you.
33231
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