Original subtitles

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD www.addic7ed.com/

(mice squeaking)

Ooh, whatcha doing?

Making a... sexy piggy bank?

No, it's the collection box

for the Donations 4 Carnations fund-raiser.

Oh, romantic.

How does it work? What do you do?

Students can buy carnations to be delivered

to their special someone on Valentine's Day.

They write the lucky person's name on an envelope,

put it in the box,

and then wait for the fireworks on Friday.

There's not going to be actual fireworks, though.

We couldn't get the permit.

Aw. Still... still romantic.

What are you raising the money for?

That's TBD. Either to help end hunger

or re-pave the faculty parking lot.

Those are the big two.

Yeah, Sophie's choice.

Sophie Martinson is the treasurer

of the student council.

And we treasure her.

So, Dad, hopefully we'll sell all 250 carnations.

Okay. Why are you saying that to me?

Because you said two weeks ago

that you'd pre-order them for me.

I... I did?

Yeah, I remember that.

I offered but you said, "No, Linda, I got it.

I'm on this." And then you seemed a little huffy.

And then you walked away.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

You did pre-order them, right, Dad?

Yes. I did. Pre-order carnations.

Way... way before now...

Since Valentine's Day is on Friday.

I-I, uh, I-I need to go.

LOUISE: Where are you going?

Just to... ah, move around.

(grunts)

Sitting is, uh, is bad for you.

I mean, it's bad for me, it's fine for you.

Good!

(Labonz clearing throat over PA)

Good morning, Wagstaff.

Lunch today will be chili.

(paper rustles)

The Donations 4 Carnations fund-raiser is this week.

(paper rustles)

The weather forecast is meh.

(paper rustles)

The water fountain next to the boy's bathroom is out of order.

If you must drink water, do so at these fountains:

the one next to the girl's bathroom.

The one next to the 5th grade classroom.

The one in the cafeteria...

Oh, my God, I can't take it anymore!

Gene!

This is torture!

That is for-sure.

Yes! Ms. Labonz should have stopped

after "lunch will be chili!"

Stop talking and talking about fountains, you silly!

Yeah. This is boring, I want to escape on a boat.

And it's totally gross when Labonz clears her throat.

(throat clearing over PA)

Here's an announcement and I am not joking...

Ms. Labonz, you need to stop smoking!

(laughter) High five!

(groans) Almost.

Want to try that again?

Up here. High five!

Oh, um, hey, uh, uh...

Hi, Jimmy Jr. Hey.

So are you gonna fill a card out now?

Or fill one out later? What?

Nothing. Um, it's just, um...

Valentine's Day is coming up.

'Kay. Don't forget when you're filling it out

to cross your T's and dot your I's.

And write the "N-A" clearly.

Oh, my God.

Tina, you look way cute today.

Oh, thanks. I opened a new pack

of barrettes, so maybe that's...

Yeah, yeah. So how many carnations

am I getting, do you know?

I have the most cards in there, right? Right?

More than Jocelyn, obvis. Hey!

I have a lot, I have a lot, right? Right?

Guys, cool it.

I have no idea if anyone's bought carnations for you.

This box is locked and very dark inside.

You'll have to wait until Valentine's Day to find out.

It's like they say... waiting is fun.

Ugh, Tina, you're being a smellentine!

Yeah!

♪ I have an announcement you'll want to hear... ♪

♪ Mr. Branca's mop bucket is full of beer. ♪

(laughing): You guys kill me.

Do me! Do me!

My middle name's Anthony, that's easy to rhyme with.

Hmm...

Your first name's Zeke... (continues)

Those two are dynamite.

God, I haven't seen chemistry like that

since we got rid of chemistry.

They were doing this in homeroom this morning.

Yeah? It was the Gene and Courtney show.

They got me going.

But I canceled my cable, so I'm desperate for entertainment.

I have cable. Great.

Just putting it out there. (chuckles)

Oh, you're looking at your phone, that's fine.

Maybe morning announcements

could use a little Mr. Grant makeover.

And that's why I like pork and beans.

(fart noise) Thank you, thank you.

You two really have it going on.

Thanks, Mr. Grant.

We used to date.

But now we just collaborate.

Heard about how you stole the show

during morning announcements.

Yeah, I guess we got tired of Ms. Labonz

going "onz" and "onz."

She really is awful, isn't she. Mm-hmm.

I'm the A/V guy.

She lays an egg on the PA everyday

and it makes us all look bad.

Here's what I'm thinking instead...

"Morning Announcements with Gene and Courtney."

Go on.

You two! You know, doing your catchy jingle-jangles

over the PA system.

Oh, my God. Gene, I think we're being discovered.

So, should we put the Announcements With Gene

and Courtney show on the air or what?

For a one-week trial, pending final approval by the principal,

the vice principal, and the assistant vice principal.

I'm in if you're in.

That's what I was gonna say.

Should we try our high five again? Yeah.

Oh, good. Oh... Oh, sorry.

That was a lot of spit in my hand.

(chuckling): Wet and wild.

Let's try it again.

What's up? Sign-ups, that's what.

Art club sign-ups today at recess.

Hey-hey, that sounds amazing! Maybe you could add a little

"Art Club, not Art's Club. Like what? Who's Art?"

Dad! Knock it off! This is Gene's and my thing.

Sorry. Oh, and remember

not to suck on your necklace during the show.

She knows, Doug.

Sorry, I'm just so excited.

I've always wanted this life for ya, sweetie!

Nothing's better for a child than being in showbiz.

GENE: Thanks for the ride, Doug!

Whoa, whoa, hey.

Doesn't your half a muffin want to go with you to school?

Nah. I left that there for tomorrow.

And I know exactly how much there is,

so don't try anything!

All right, so here's how it's gonna work.

Ms. Labonz will do the first half of the announcements.

Then you'll come on the air

and blow everyone away with the better half.

You kids think you can do the morning announcements?

I am the morning announcements!

GRANT (chuckling): Okay, okay.

Let's calm down everyone.

It's just a one-week trial.

Unless they absolutely crush it

and then your time is up, Labonz.

(groans)

LABONZ (over PA): And lastly, Cameron McPherson

won some prize for reading a book.

Congratulations, Cameron.

And now the rest of the morning announcements

will be read by two rising stars here at Wagstaff.

(groans)

I'm gonna be right here listening.

As soon as you Stu-stu-stutter,

I'm gonna come in and take that Mic back.

Oh, look, here's a very important

last minute announcement that must've got misplaced.

You hid that from them so they couldn't prep.

Damn it, Labonz, you're not playing fair!

Screw fair.

Okay, okay, the Spanish Club field trip

to the Mexican restaurant got canceled.

We can do this! What rhymes with canceled?

Um... romance-led?

Gretel and Hanseled?

Guys, come on! Come on!

(yells) It's now or never!

Good morning, Wagstaffians.

Wagstafarians.

(quietly): Oh, thanks.

And this is The Rest Of The Morning Announcements

With Gene And Courtney.

♪ Sorry, Spanish Club ♪

♪ Your trip to the restaurant was canceled ♪

♪ So your plans to eat... flan were flan-celed. ♪

(quietly) Good one.

(grunts) Oh, damn it.

COURTNEY: ♪ When it comes to the boys room ♪

♪ Some of you are confused ♪

GENE: ♪ The urinal's for number one, not for number two. ♪

(fart noise, flushing noise) (laughing)

Damn, Gene and Courtney are like

the Siegfried and Roy of this school.

And their songs are their white tigers.

Oh, yeah, they are like that.

Yes! Yes! We did it!

We did it! Whoo-hoo!

Take that, Labonz! (cheering)

All right you two, keep it up

and The Rest Of Morning Announcements

With Gene and Courtney is here to stay.

Excuse me. Hi. Hi.

Busy time for you guys, huh? Very. Yeah.

Um, you don't have 250 carnations, do you?

(laughing)

(chuckles): I'll just... call around. Ooh.

♪ ♪

Okay, maybe just a peek.

Is that a "T"?

I think that's a "T".

LOUISE: Need a flashlight? Yes... Wait. No.

I wasn't peeking.

And I wasn't spying on you.

Mr. Frond and the entire student body have put their trust in me.

These are private Valentine's cards.

I can pick that lock in, like, two seconds.

Then pick that son of a bitch!

Voila.

Wonder how many have my name on them.

I'm pretty sure at least two, but...

who knows, right?

None! Yikes.

I didn't get a single carnation?!

Well, Valentine's Day isn't till Friday.

There's still time for some dope to buy you a flower.

Jocelyn got four?!

Who the hell is sending Jocelyn so many flowers?!

Well, I can steam them open and we could find out.

No one would know we peeked.

We shouldn't... but we should.

LOUISE: They were tricky,

but I went real slow and I think...

Tina, what the hell?

(panting): I couldn't help it!

I opened one and then another!

And then another!

Oh, my God, this is...

(laughing): I'm so proud of you!

Now they're separated and I have no way to know

who sent a card to who!

Why don't you know who sent the cards?

Because the envelopes only say who they're to on them

and the cards only say who they're from!

Well, that's a terrible system.

It's only a terrible system in this exact scenario.

What do I do? What do I do?!

What's wrong sweetie? What's the matter?

Whoa... Why does it look like

Valentine's Day threw up in here?

I ripped open all the cards!

Okay, okay, easy sweetheart, Mommy's here, Mommy's here.

Jocelyn got four cards?

(hyperventilating)

Come on, people, we can fix this.

We just need to match the handwriting from the envelopes

to the handwriting on the cards and just shove them back in.

Are these teeth marks? Tina you went crazy.

I may have been a little forceful.

All right, how much time do we have?

Till Friday morning.

Do you really think we can fix it?

Sure. Sure, yeah we could do it.

Mom, you can't tell Dad I screwed this up.

He was so on top of it with pre-ordering the flowers

and I... I pre-opened the envelopes.

Right, I'm sure Dad totally nailed his end of this.

Right. I know.

(whispering): Yes, hello.

I'm dying and I'm trying to order

my favorite flowers for my funeral

which will be on Valentine's Day.

They need to be carnations.

Wait, wait, wait. Don't hang up, I'm dying.

COURTNEY: How 'bout... How 'bout this...

♪ Throw your sack lunches away ♪

♪ 'Cause it's Hot-Hot, Ham-Ham ♪

♪ N-Cheese-N-Cheese Day! ♪

Wow, you... That is good.

(chuckles)

What are we doing?

What do you mean? We're working on tomorrow's show?

No, I mean, what are we doing?

Uh, what's going on with our hands?

We're holding them.

How long have we been doing that?

I don't know.

Who held whose hand first?

I don't know. Should we stop?

It's like, I like it, but ew. (chuckles)

Now what are we doing?

I think we're... leaning our faces toward each other.

Why? To kiss.

That doesn't sound right.

Ah, no, we were kissing.

I think we're gonna kiss again.

Morning, Courtney.

Morning, Mrs. Belcher.

You smell like eggs. Did you have eggs?

No. Oh.

Uh, Gene, your ride's here!

Right here, put one right here.

Yeah, yeah, like that.

Ah. Ah.

(groans) Nice.

You know, your line about the chess club announcement

is better than mine... Knight to Rook Four,

get your butt on the chess board.

No, your line is better.

I think you did a much better job with that line.

I think I did a pretty good job,

but in this instance your line is the best.

DOUG (sternly): We're here.

Oh, uh...

(locks click) you closed my door.

And now you locked it?

What do you think you're doing

with my daughter, mister?

You broke her heart once, literally.

Isn't that enough?

Don't worry.

I'm not using Courtney

to get to your high-end synthesizers this time, okay?

So you really like-like Courtney?

Doug, all I know is we have fun together

and holding hands with her

feels like holding a hand for the very first time.

And it's, like, the fourth time.

Damn. I haven't felt that for quite a while.

Good for you two. Thanks, bro!

You're late. Is everything okay?

Everything's peachy.

We just shared a pudding cup at our lockers.

A pudding cup?!

Yes. It was chocolate-vanilla swirl.

Like Gene's eyes. Yeah!

What is that... Are you holding hands?

(coyly): Oh, are we?

Well, stop!

Keep it professional.

You're on after this announcement.

♪ Come out on the field and wear a coat ♪

♪ An animal guy's gonna stop by with a baby goat. ♪

At 3:30. Today.

Goats are fun, Gene, aren't they?

When they come to the school?

The funnest. I know kids like it.

I love a goat visit.

And we're... we are kids.

Oh, crap.

(chuckles): They're slipping.

Huh, their energy kinda dipped.

You know what I'm talking about?

I'm tuning out.

Look at that spot on the floor.

Oh, yeah!

(groaning)

I'm a fraud.

I'm a failure.

And nobody got me a carnation!

Okay, some things you can just think and not say.

Tina, listen, man your station.

Keep your face from looking weird like it is right now

and everything's gonna be fine. Mm-hmm.

Mom's at home, matching up handwriting.

Just sit tight. And stop talking.

Well...

how is the big fund-raiser going?

Are we gonna end world hunger and/or fix the parking lot?

Fine. Everything's fine.

Look at my perfectly normal face.

Okay...

it's not... perfectly normal.

And that's perfectly normal. Carry on.

LINDA: "To My Brother

"From The Same Mother,

Love You Know Who."

(gasps) Andy Pesto! Gotcha!

Hey. (humming)

♪ Choppin' the tomatoes... ♪

So you're chopping tomatoes?

Yup. Yup. I'm chopping 'em, here they go.

Okay, I'm just out here, manning the counter.

The counter needs manning.

Oh, this one is spicy.

Peter Pescadero, who knew?

(whispering): Hello, is this the botanical gardens?

My name is Jim Carnation,

and I am one of five quintuplets.

We are the last Carnations in America,

and we are turning 50.

We need 50 carnations each.

That's a total of 250... Hello?

MRS. LABONZ: The seventh grade field trip (bongos playing)

to the Lobster Workers Museum is next Wednesday.

So if you want to go

on the big field trip,

you gotta get your parents to fill out the permission slip.

Yeah, I bought a rhyming dictionary.

And Ms. Merkin's got my back. So watch your crack.

Ow!

Where have you been?

(giggles) Smelling each other's hair.

What?! You're on right now!

Dead air! Dead air!

And you'd better shine today

'cause Ms. Labonz brought in Ms. Merkin

and she's rhyming and bumping into me.

We got nothing.

Wing it? Wing it.

♪ Uh... so tomorrow is Valentine's Day ♪

♪ If you haven't ordered a carnation ♪

♪ To be delivered to your Valentine... ♪

♪ Uh, you should. ♪

Yeah. You really should.

What?!

GENE: I sent you one.

COURTNEY: And I sent you one.

You'll be getting it soon.

GENE (chuckles): Can't wait.

Should we, uh...

do more of these morning announcements?

COURTNEY: Gotta do 'em before we move on with the day.

Oh, man, did they lose it!

Good God I'm bored!

Bring back Labonz, man.

At least she gave a crap!

What the hell was that donkey dung?!

Not our best show, sure, but hey, we'll get 'em next time.

Hey, you two crush-bunnies

think you can mix work with a relationship?

Ha! If it didn't work for Donnie and Marie Osmond

why do you think it'll work for you?

Listen, tomorrow's the last day of your trial week.

If you don't do your best The Rest Of The Announcements

With Gene And Courtney show, say good-bye to the rest

of The Rest Of The Announcements With Gene And Courtney Show.

Am I making myself clear?

BOTH: Uh...

(groans): Think about it!

But Mr. Grant's right.

Our show has stunk

ever since we started

like-liking each other again.

Ah, quit worrying.

We're Gene and Courtney. We got this.

Gene, our show means a lot to me.

I don't want to mess it up.

Same for me. I feel the same way.

I used to hate mornings,

like those cats on the coffee cups.

But now I love them.

Because of this show, because of you.

I don't think we can do the show and be in a relationship.

Okay, well, if we gotta choose, I think it's a pretty easy call.

Do the show. Rela... do the show!

Okay, good. That wasn't so bad.

Now let's get back to work, okay?

Mm-hmm.

(groans)

TEDDY: Have you asked Mort for flowers?

Maybe he's got some leftovers

lying around the funeral home.

Yes, I called.

He only had six stupid tulips.

Ugh, Mort. It's ridiculous.

You know what you could do? You go to flower market.

The flower market?

Yeah, it's where florists go

to get their supply.

My cousin used to drive a forklift there.

He used to drive it around and pick up chicks, literally.

Thanks, Teddy, I'll head over there right now.

No, no, no, it's only open like from 3:00 a.m. to 5:00 a.m.

Oh, wow, that's, like, the middle of the night.

Yup. I'll pick you up at 2:00.

Wait, you're coming?

Eh, I wasn't gonna sleep tonight anyway.

I can never sleep on Valentine's Eve.

LINDA And...

that's the last one!

We friggin' did it.

Huh. I just thought we'd come across

at least one card for me.

No one came across a card for me?

Nope. Yeah, no.

Hey, St. Patrick's Day is coming up.

I bet you get a lot of St. Patrick's cards.

Oh, yeah, bet you get a ton of President's Day cards, too.

Yeah.

♪ La-la-la-la-la ♪

(groans) ♪ La-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la ♪ (groans)

♪ La-la-la ♪

(groans)

Careful in there.

It's a rough scene.

It's a flower market, Teddy.

How rough could it be?

(clamoring) Whoa.

It's intense in here. But it smells nice.

It's the flowers, Bob.

Yeah, thank you, Teddy.

Excuse me, do you know where we can find carnations?

Come, I'll take you to the best carnations.

Just have your, uh, florist license ready.

We aren't florists.

What the hell is this?!

You come into a legitimate flower wholesale market

without a re-seller license and just expect to buy...

(quietly): How many carnations do you need?

Uh, uh, 250?

250 carnations?!

(quietly): Put 20 bucks in my hand and follow me.

Uh, uh, yeah. Okay.

Here, follow me. Follow me.

250 white? 250 pink? What are we doing?

I-I-I don't know.

You don't know? What's it for?

My kid's school Valentine's Day thing.

You want red.

Now, there's an added fee

for day-of sales.

Plus the holiday fee.

This is a small order, so there's a fee for that.

He'll pay, he'll pay anything. He's desperate.

Teddy, please.

It's for his daughter.

You could charge him whatever you want.

Wow, that was, uh, more than I expected.

Kinda raked you over the coals, huh, Bob?

Yeah, they did. Thanks, Teddy.

Thanks for coming with me.

Anytime, Bobby, that's what friends are for. Mm-hmm.

Gene, Gene, Gene. Yeah?

Heard about the break-up. Sorry, buddy.

Thanks, Doug.

Yeah. I'm gonna need you

to take that half a muffin off the seat.

Hi, Lin! Tina! Louise! We got the flowers!

I... know.

Right, I mean, I m...

I was always gonna get the flowers, so yeah.

Yeah, and we got the cards.

All sealed up in their little box

just like they've been the whole time, the little cards.

Great. Look at us.

So, uh, Teddy helped you get some last-minute flowers?

Yeah.

Trouble with the cards? Yeah.

Happy Valentine's Day. I didn't get you anything.

I didn't get you anything either.

You want to go make out? Yeah.

Okay, is Cupid ready to make the deliveries?

Yup, sure, Cupid. That's me.

It looks like Cupid's arrow is here for the following students:

Rupa, two for Julie,

Sam, six for Lenny.

(sighs)

LABONZ (over PA): Happy Valentine's Day, Wagstaff.

Today is the day for romance,

but it's also the day to take home

P.E. sweatpants and wash them.

I have an announcement for you kids.

These are your last announcements.

(gasping) Don't listen to her.

Unless you suck in there, and then she's right.

(grunts) What?

Oh, thanks.

Happy Valentine's Day, Wagstaff-anopolises.

♪ If you think fish are just the grooviest... ♪

♪ Join the club for marine life enthusiasts! ♪

Wednesdays at lunch!

GENE: ♪ If peanuts make you itch and wheeze... ♪

COURTNEY: ♪ Come and listen to the speaker on food allergies! ♪

Wait, what's this?

An announcement just came in.

(whispering): What announcement?

It's hard to explain it...

I just gotta sing it.

♪ If you have good times ♪

♪ And if you have good rhymes ♪

♪ You may have found your one and only ♪

♪ But then the one you like-like ♪

♪ Says take a hike-hike ♪

♪ And suddenly you're lonely ♪

♪ But still be glad ♪

♪ Even if you're sad ♪

♪ Take comfort just in knowing ♪

♪ You'll be okay ♪

♪ It's Valentine's Day... ♪

Your heart's not broken

it's only growing.

That boy's got a crush on me.

He got me!

Ah! I'm doing it!

Good God, I'm crying!

Oh, boy, I'm weepin'!

These are tears, boys!

Yes! Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!

Gene, that was...

Was that about us?

What? No.

That was just some announcement someone put in.

Two words...

Brav-o.

That was a little mushy, but I think it played.

Congratulations, you two.

I have a feeling The Rest Of The Announcements

With Gene and Courtney will be sticking around!

Yes!

Put 'Er there.

I mean, it is Valentine's Day.

Well, those were all the carnations.

Hey, Tina.

Hey, Jimmy Jr.

I-I got this for you.

(gasps) A rose?

I wanted to get you a carnation,

but you were always at the table,

and I didn't know how to order for the...

Shh-shh-shh. Shh.

Shh-shh-shh, shh-shh-shh.

That's the best reason to not give

to a charitable cause that I've ever heard.

♪ Hot ♪

♪ Here we go ♪

♪ Hot ♪

♪ That's it ♪

♪ You know it ♪

♪ Hot ham and cheese day ♪

♪ Hot ham and cheese day ♪

♪ Throw your sack lunches away ♪

♪ Because it's hot ♪

♪ Ham and cheese day ♪

♪ Hot and steamy ham and cheese ♪

♪ Hot ham and cheese day ♪

♪ Hot! Oh, baby ♪

♪ Ham and cheese day ♪

♪ Hot ham and cheese day ♪

♪ It's hot ham and cheese day ♪

♪ Throw your sack lunches away ♪

♪ Hot ham and cheese day. ♪

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD www.addic7ed.com/