All language subtitles for American.Dad!.S21E05.Under.and.Over.and.Beside.the.Boardwalk.480p.x264-mSD[EZTVx.to].srt - eng(2)

Damn, it feels good
to have the old
boardwalk back.

This place is awesome.

I used to
dominate this place
as a teenager.

"Queen of the Boardwalk,"
I used to call me.

You know, these places
are terrible for the
coastal environment.

Plus, the last two boardwalks

literally washed away.

Just seems like
a big waste of money.

And besides, all these boards
are a major splinter hazard

for people, like me,

who exclusively wear
open-toed shoes,

a historically
marginalized group.

Whoa, check out
that guy's package
jiggling like crazy.

Oh, yeah!

Um, welcome to the boardwalk.

♪ Good morning, USA ♪

The Langley boardwalk's back,
featuring many old favorites,

like the Octocoaster

and Fudge-mania.

But also many new favorites.

Like a second
Fudge-mania location

and Skimboardo's,

the exclusive new
restaurant on the pier.

Let's go now to
the new boardwalk's
confident architect.

Thank you for coming
to what I can say,
without a doubt,

is Langley Falls'

sturdiest boardwalk ever!

And to make certain,

we drove the support beams

two miles down into
the Earth's core.

This baby ain't going nowhere.

Seems a little excessive.
Not to mention

- the mole people that
must've been displaced.
- Shh!

And now, to hit

the ceremonial final spike,

opening us for business,

wrestling superstar,

and my personal friend,

Bret "the Hitman" Hart.

- What was that rumble?
- Oh, I don't know, Hayley.

Maybe just
Pro Wrestling Illustrated's

most hated wrestler of 1997

kicking off the best
goddamned summer ever.

I'll catch up with
you guys later.

I'm gonna hit up
some Skee-Ball.

Back in the day, I was nasty.

Anyway, I want to
see if the old man's
still got his touch.

Give me that, bitch.

We've got to get
to Skimboardo's ASAP

- if we want to
get a table.
- Rude.

- So, what are you--
- I'm gonna go apply
for my dream job.

Working at
the salt water
taffy store.

Huh. I had no idea
that was your dream job.

Did you know taffy
was my favorite food?

No.

And did you know stores

are my favorite places
that sell things?

I... I never... No, I guess.

Then I understand
your confusion.

Bye.

Actually, maybe I did know

stores are
his favorite places
that sell things.

Anyway, I'm gonna get
some Dippin' Dots.

I'll find you when I'm done.

Ugh...

Of course I pick today
to forget my Bow Biters.

I'm gonna be tying
these puppies all day.

Hey, pal. Are you gonna
be here for a second?

Do you mind keeping
an eye on my kid?

- I was actually just
tying my shoes.
- Great. Thanks.

Yo.

Made a sick itinerary
of my old faves.

Only playing the hits today.

A full henna sleeve,

loitering outside
the boogie board shop.

And I think I'll start
with some boardwalk pizza.

Okay. See ya.

Oh, maybe I'll hang with you.

Ooh, I don't know.

I kind of wanted
today to be fun.

Wha... What? I'm fun.

Girl, have you
heard yourself
this morning?

You're always
looking for problems.

And I've been waiting
20 years for this.

Today, I'm Team
Good Vibes only.

Come on, Mom.
Give me a chance.

I'll be positive. I promise.

Oh, yeah? I've been thinking
about getting into fracking.

Oh... tight.

And, oh, boy,
was my dad screaming.

But my jaw had
locked by that point,

so I couldn't have let go
even if I wanted to.

Enough. That story was fine
for walking, but we're here.

This place is buzzing.
But I've got a plan.

We're gonna tell them
we're dining here on business.

Oh-ho-ho. Genius.

Business is so important.

They'll have to respect that.

Hi. Hello.

My colleague and I
would like to dine
here on business.

Well, we're all
booked up for months,

but you're welcome to
sit at the bar and see
if anything opens up.

Oh.

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

I hear what you're saying.

And what's the status
on that table a-now?

The status is we're
completely booked.

But you're welcome
to wait at the bar.

What the hell? The bar?

What? Is the piss-soaked
bathroom floor already full?

Well, we can't leave now.

We're already a hundo in.

Fine. But I won't be showing
any bartenders my balls.

This restaurant has
lost that privilege.

Still unstoppable.

This must be
how Tom Brady felt

when he read the script
for 80 for Brady.

Whoa, that ties
my all-time best.

What the--

Someone really got 850?

You're fine, Stan.
You're the best.

Just slowly extract
that little worm soul

with these nine
balls made of--

What even is this?

It's brown like wood,

but it's, like,
heavy and light
at the same time.

Hey, what are
these balls made of?

- Masonite.
- Masonite.

That's great news.

What the hell is Masonite?

Your dad's been gone a while.

I'm Steve. What's your name?

- Noah.
- Cool.

Like Noah's Ark. Classic tale.

Very cool.

- So, what are you
into these days?
- Purple.

Hmm. Yep.

Can I tell you a secret?

Of course.
But full disclosure.

I do tell my friend
Snot everything.

Poop.

Snot will actually love that.

I'm here to apply
for my dream job.

Well, you're in luck.
We're short-staffed,

and you seem like a great guy.

Can you start right now?

You bet I can.

Mm, beautiful,
isn't she?
But listen.

You're gonna want
to touch it.
Don't do it.

♪ Even though
it's so beautiful ♪

Come on!

Here we go.

A great apron for a great man.

Damn. Couldn't have
happened to a better guy.

You've got to learn
to fold it with one hand

so you can hold
your 40 in the other.

Mm.

That was lucky.
Your pizza was
on the ground

and no seagulls
tried to grab it.

There actually
aren't any seagulls.

That's... that's
kind of weird, right?

Jesus, Hayley.

You really can't help
but look for problems,
can you?

No seagulls is a good thing.

Look. I can toss my pizza
on the ground, walk away,

walk back,

and it's still there, untouched.

A birdless boardwalk
is the dream.

Just accept something
good is happening.

Mm. Come on.

Toss your pizza.

See how good it feels.

Or can you not handle
Team Good Vibes?

'Course I can.

Does this answer
your question?

- Oh.
- Wow.

Bad.

Nuh-uh! I can still eat it.

I like it sandy-style.

Did you see all those
rats running inland?

Well, yeah. And the seabirds
have clearly figured it out.

- They're all gone.
- Animals are smart.

They knew before we did.

A tsunami is coming.

I wonder where
all them birds
went, anyway.

It'd be foolish
not to carbo-load
before my big hike.

You got this, Al.

Don't panic. Don't panic.

Panic!

Sorry. Excuse me.

Hi.

Did you just say
a tsunami is coming?

No. I haven't said
a word in three hours.

There we go.
I'm back in the game.

Apparently, when we put
those extra deep,

extra safe pilings
two miles into the ground,

we accidentally
hit a fault line.

That line runs out
under the ocean,

where it triggered
an earthquake,

creating a tidal wave
that's heading right at us.

Great, great.

And, um, I shouldn't
be losing my shit
because...

This would only be a big deal

if it wasn't totally
under control.

I've assembled the beach's
hottest lifeguards,

and we're finalizing a plan
to defuse the wave right now.

So don't go telling everybody.

It'll just create a panic.

A needless panic,

because everything's
gonna be totally fine.

Totally fine, you say?

Totally fine.

Oh, hey, Mom.

I'm loving this vibe.

But, um, can I talk
to you about something
I just saw real quick?

This sounds like
boardwalk gossip.
Great vibes.

Hayley, thanks for
making such an effort
to be cool today.

I appreciate it.

Anyway, what's the board goss?

Everything's gonna
be totally fine.

Totally fine, you say?

Totally fine.

All right. I'm taking
your word for it.

I don't want to ruin
this moment with my mom.

Wait. You didn't say
that last part before.

Yeah. We're working
through some recent stuff.

Gotcha.

Come on!

I actually gotta go. Bye.

Give me the goss.

The gossip?

Um, I, uh, just saw...

a bunch of hot lifeguards.

Oh, my God.

That is good gossip.

Lifeguards are so hot.

Welcome to Team
Good Vibes, Hayley.

I gave her 100 bucks.

How are we stuck at the bar?

I want my four Jagerbombs

sitting in a
regular-sized chair

directly across from you.

Like a gentleman.

That's messed up, man.

Memphis, you're famous.

Go demand a table
and bring us with you.

I'm sorry. I don't eat.

- Use your celebrity.
- No.

You're
boning us, dude.

Whoa. These drinks
are not cheap.

Oh, forgot my credit card.

- How much cash
you got on you?
- Nada, dog.

I figured you'd cover this

since I paid for
the Sonicare head
we both share.

Hi there. Loving the bar.

Beautiful space.

Hey, can we
get a partial refund
on that bribe?

But we definitely do
still want the next table.

Roger, grab the tablecloth
and put it over the podium.

We can eat here.

I wouldn't call any of them
my girlfriend, per se,

but... but all high potential
situations, you know.

Um, does that
answer your question?

Are you hungry?
We can't go far,

but there's a nacho
stand right there.

No way.

My friend Tommy
said nachos are
too spicy for me.

And now I'm scared
to try them.

Aw, buddy, you'll be fine.

Don't listen to Tommy.

Everyone knows he's
a [bleep] sucking

mother [bleep] dip
stinky pants.

I'll even
take the first bite
just to make sure.

Hmm... Okay.

Attaboy.

I may also grab a pretzel.

Or has Tommy been running
his mouth about those too?

Noah? Noah?

Noah?

Noah!

Oh, thank God.

There you are.

Never do that to me again!

I'm sorry. You just scared me.

Oh, thank God.

How am I getting worse?

I'm never gonna catch him.

I got to do something.

Of course.

Well, looks like you win.

Just wanted to say congra--

What's this?

Oh, my God.

Look what just fell out
of this kid's pocket.

Schematics for 9/11.

This kid helped plan 9/11.

Uh, I wasn't alive for 9/11.

You don't need to call
the cops or anything.

I believe in second chances.

But you do need
to disqualify
all his scores.

Sir, before I do anything,

you're gonna have to
explain to me what 9/11 is.

We're crushing
this day, Hayles.

After this, we'll head
down to the beach,

blast some Eminem real loud,

and smoke salvia

right next to a family
with a bunch of little kids.

Yeah. Sounds, um, perfect.

I, um, just remembered
I left my can of dip

on the back
of the crapper.
Be right back.

Oh, good.

You actually do have a plan.

We have the tightest plan.

These backpacks have dynamite

left over from the
boardwalk construction.

We're gonna cruise out,
drop it, and trigger
a retaliatory wave,

resulting in zero net waves.

Tsunami neutralized.

And I'll be
smoking these dudes
at mini golf by sunset.

I'm, uh, not sure
that's how water works.

Well, this is the plan,

and we only got time for one.

So how about some
good vibes, lady?

It'll work.

Watch for yourself.

Hot lifeguards, mount up!

Everyone got your red things?

All right. Let's go.

Help. Throw me your red thing.

- Good catch.
- Wrong red thing!

We're all screwed.

Hey. Do I have
kettle corn
in my teeth?

Sweet. Thanks.

Just to be clear,

you're gonna airbrush this

so I have a big old
fat ass, right?

Mom.

What's with the face?

I thought you were
being positive today.

Oh, I'm positive.
Real positive.

That we're all [bleep].

The entire boardwalk's about
to get wiped out by a tsunami.

You see
that huge-ass wave,
Team Good Vibes?

Dear God.

Run!

Hey. You need to
pay for these.

This is why we should
get the money up front.

I can't believe you got
assistant manager over me.

Boss.
I didn't see you there.

Run for your lives!

Tsunami!

Ladies,
you can relax.

We can relax
because we were wrong
about the tsunami?

No, no, no, no.

One's definitely coming.

The super low tide
is a dead giveaway.

You can relax because
when the warning signs
are this obvious,

it's too late to get away.

There's no outrunning
it at this point.

My advice?

Use what little
time you have left

saying goodbye to
the ones you love.

Am I one of those people?

Honey, we have horrible news.

Ha! The day I've had,
you don't even know
what horrible news is.

A tsunami is about
to take out the boardwalk,

and it's too late to get away.

We're goners.

That'll short out
these machines, right?
Wipe out all the scores?

Yeah. I mean, it'll wipe out

everything and everyone
on this boardwalk.

Including that kid.

And we'd all die tied at zero.

If it's God's will,
it's God's will.

Who am I to question it?

See you in purgatory,
bitch ass.

And we're all doomed.

This isn't fair.

We should have
so much more
time together.

I know, sweetie.

It's not supposed
to happen this way.

You're supposed to outlive me,

and sing
Candle in the Wind
at my funeral.

You're not
going out like this.

This is my will.

Give it to whoever finds you.

You get it all, son.

Raising you today has been
the greatest honor of my life.

I'm sorry.

I never should
have attacked you
for being negative

or asked you
not to be yourself.

Turns out
you have pretty good
survival instincts.

Thanks, Mom.

It's just, my time
on the boardwalk
20 years ago

was the best
weekend of my life.

Wait. This was all
based on one weekend?

Geez. Sorry I didn't
live at the beach.
I'm not a starfish.

Anyway, maybe I need
to be more selective
in calling out problems,

but they do come along,

and if you don't see them,
you can't find solutions.

And we've got a big problem.

And zero solutions.

Babe? What happened?

Actually, we don't have time.

Tell me later when
we're drowning to death.

Wow. This taffy won't budge.

This stuff's strong.

Problem. Solution.

Keep pulling.
We're gonna
stretch this

all the way down the boardwalk
and make a delicious barrier.

This will take forever.

Need a hand from
Pro Wrestling Illustrated's

most inspirational
wrestler of 1994?

Check out all
those empty tables.

Finally, we catch
a break. Shall we?

Ah. The promised land.

- I feel so important.
- I'm sorry.

We're actually gonna
be needing that table.

What? Everyone left.

And this place is
about to be driftwood.

Yeah, but we're
expecting a big group
between now and then.

So you're welcome
to keep waiting at the bar
or run for your lives.

Oh, you'd just love that,
wouldn't you?

You've been trying
to shake us all day,

but you must have us
confused for some suckers.

So we'll be waiting
out the incoming
tsunami at the bar.

Thank you very much.

And we will be
checking back in with you
if either of us survive.

I know you don't

want to hear this right now,

but I did bring my wallet.

How sure are you
this thing will
actually work, Hayley?

Not at all.
But how about some
good vibes, Mom?

- It worked!
- Hallelujah!

Oh, no. My Skee-Ball problem.

Saving hundreds of lives?

Great vibes, Hayles.

Thanks, Mom.

Noah, my baby. There you are.

Thanks for keeping
an eye on him.

His dad forgot
he had softball
this afternoon.

High school softball.
He watches it.

What a day we had, Noah.

But it's time to go
back to your family.

I'll always cherish
our time together.

Hey, creep.
Stay away
from my kid.

You'll always be
in my heart, Noah.

Let's get the hell
out of here.

What about Jeff?

Eh,
seagulls are back.
They're on it.