All language subtitles for hank1

["Valse de l'Empereur"
by Johann Strauss playing]

"The President could sense
the arrival of his Chief of Staff

from the slight breeze
the door makes when opened,

and the President
wished he would knock,

and the Chief of Staff thought,

"I'm not the kind of guy
who knocks and waits,"

and the President thinks,
"I wish he would wait,"

but the Chief of Staff ignores this...

[Hank thinking] Cheese...

American and feta.

Tuna.

Vodka for my office.

Olives. Dried...

Berries...

Uh, let's stop you there.

Any comments?

I loved it.

[Hank] That's one "I loved it."

How about
any constructive criticisms?

Going once, twice...

Moving on.

I mean, you could...
You could say something.

I've given you my thoughts before.

Just have a glance at your last story

or the one before that, okay?

Jen, do you want to read?

It might spark some discussion

if you offered something out loud.

I don't think so.

[Bartow] It could.

Mmm-mmm.

Could you, please, just for once,
say something?

Workshops like this are based
on the idea of peer review.

Guided review.

I'm trying to guide.

Jen?

[Jennifer] Professor,
I don't mean to gang up on you,

but you should know,

besides calling our names to read,

you've barely said anything
in an hour and a half.

[Hank] Well, I couldn't help but notice

a wandering point of view within,
basically, structureless sentences.

No, my point of view doesn't wander.

Well, it switches mid-sentence
from the President to the Chief of Staff,

then back, then back--

Yeah, on purpose.

Well, you risk distancing the reader.

I happen to think that risk
is worth the reward.

What's the reward?

[Bartow] Okay, um, the reward is I'm...

I'm exposing the flow

of different collected consciousness.

You know?

I'm calling it ultra-omniscience.

That's a cool word.

Did anyone else care
that the President and Chief of Staff

seem to be responding
to each other's thoughts without speaking,

in a way that isn't

possible?

I mean, I'm just gonna
say it again, I loved it,

and you made my shortlist
for the Pulitzer.

You don't get to make a short list
for someone else's award.

[Bartow] Yeah, look,
okay, responding to each other's thoughts,

- it's not a mistake.
- [Hank] It certainly was.

Let's put aside the multiple
points of view and the wandering tense

and the conversations
that seem to happen via telepathy.

Even put aside
the Chief of Staff's necrophilia.

Okay, well, then there's no story.

Do you know what
I mean when I say "distance the reader"?

Of course I do,
but that's my choice to make,

as it is every writer's,

as it was, um, Chaucer's choice, you know,

whose writing
I actually find really distancing.

Yeah, well, less so
because he was writing in Middle English,

and it's a tricky thing,
comparing yourself to Chaucer.

Yeah, but we don't know
that I'm not the next Chaucer.

We do know.

All due respect, you would not know.

All due respect, a cat would know.

Your only novel isn't even available
at your own campus bookstore.

You... You're here.

You're here.

The main piece of evidence
is that you are here.

The fact that you're here means
you didn't try very hard in high school,

or, for whatever reason,
you showed very little promise.

Did that sound harsh?

I'll tell you what.
I'll smile through the rest of this.

You are here,

and even if your presence
at this middling college

in this sad, forgotten town

was some bizarre anomaly,

and you do have the promise of genius,

which I'll bet a kidney that you don't,

it will never surface.

I am not a good enough writer
or writing teacher

to bring it out of you.

And how do I know that? How?

Because I, too, am here,

at Railton College,

mediocrity's capital.

Well, you wanted me to talk more.

[theme music playing]

[phone buzzing]

[Lily] Who is it?

Work.

[phone buzzes]

[Lily] Turn it off.

[phone buzzing]

Hmm.

I put that in the recycling
three days ago.

I didn't realize you want to save it.

Save it?

Oh, no, there's other articles
I want to read in here.

Um,

you were working late last night?

I mean, it isn't really working late

just because it's after
you've gone to sleep.

Yeah, well, I'm a college professor,

so working after 4:00 p.m. is late.

Who are you saving now?

There's this boy named Calvin
who's been acting out.

Herb thinks he should be expelled,

so, anyway,

we're meeting with his mother
and a teacher--

[phone buzzing]

You are very popular this morning.

[Hank] I am.

Why did you buy so many bananas?

They're going to go bad, you know.

Just to piss you off.

[phone buzzing]

I think you should just keep up
with the solitary misery,

and, like, don't change a thing.

Who isn't miserable, huh?

Being an adult is 80% misery.

No, I think you're at 80.

The rest of us hover around 30 to 40.

Thirty? Nobody is at 30.

I'm at 30.

[Hank] Really? Thirty?

Well, then, you're unusually happy.

I don't think that's true.

[Hank thinking] I think we've become

a bit obsessed with happiness.

It's a little much.

What happened to just
getting through the day?

I wonder what percentage of misery

this dude was at.

It better have been at least 90.

I need a cushion.

If people wanted to be happy so much,

why does all the evidence
point to the opposite?

I mean, newspapers, the courts,

social media...

The misery industry, that's huge.

Billions.

The happy industry? [chuckles]

That's, like, one guy,
who probably lives in Canada,

breeding unicorns

and filming them for porn on the side.

- [students whispering]
- [snickers]

Mediocrity's capital? Really?

I decided to face you as a man.

Man to man.

We're one short.

I always wanted to be a writer.

When I was six, I wrote my first story,

about Wall Street.

That tracks.

[Bartow] When I was 12,

I wrote my first novel.

Whenever I get down on myself,
I read it.

It helps me remember what I'm meant to do.

And that I can't do anything else.

Bartow?

I don't think you understand
how hurtful what you said was.

I was uncareful with my words.

I'm sorry, Bartow.

We cool?

Yeah, we cool.

I'm just gonna need that in writing.

[clears throat] What?

[Bartow] Um, your apology,
I'm just gonna need that

to be posted to
the school newspaper's website.

With a signature.

Uh, an e-signature is fine, too.

Would you accept an e-middle finger?

Dean Rose called for you?

- Okay.
- Six times.

Uh-huh.

Should I try him for you?

Uh, no.

Did you get me yogurt?

It's not your yogurt day.

Yeah.

["Jumping Strings"
by Paolo Andriotti playing]

[Gracie] Damnit, Rourke,
don't hide behind humor,

as if you could...

[Hank thinking] Why do grown-ups
bother arguing?

[Paul] Well, I'm smiling.

I have been working...

[Hank] Haven't we learned what
the advertising world

figured out long ago, that, after age 49,

we're not changing our minds
about anything?

So, what's in it for people?

A sexual charge?

Actually, that sounds nice.

...that it only finds oxygen
when it's hurting a woman.

It should be
painfully clear to you by now,

your time, sir, it's up.

[Emma] Oh, boy, we're doing this.

All right, let's all be careful here.

I'll say anything I want.

I can't be canceled, I have tenure.

[Gracie] You're an ass.

This is because of you

and your childish outburst in class.

[Paul] No, no, no, no, no.

It was inspired by him.

It was my idea.

I want recognition.

[speaking French]

Camus. It means--

Did you not get my email?

I got a lot of email this morning.

I'll bet you did, peckerhead.

- [Gracie] Read your email.
- [Hank] Why?

Rourke submitted a new course request

to the school website
for public evaluation,

"The Accidental Wisdom
of Mediocre Regional Writers".

He put me on the syllabus!

Are you not regional?

Your choice to insult us all,

especially in an open forum,

it's simply incorrect.

We have no shortage of worthy scholars

- and published authors.
- [Hank] Name one.

I'll name two,

myself,

and perhaps Billie.

My book of sonnets on Jonathan Swift

has become the benchmark

in early-feminist,
18th-century response poetry.

You are deliberately trying

to invalidate
the last decade of my career.

[Paul] Decade?

That book came out 25 years ago,

and I remember it distinctly,

because the first email I ever got

was a bill mistakenly sent
from your self-publisher.

Nobody was brave enough
to publish that book.

- It was ahead of its time.
- Maybe you should have waited.

- You--
- Ow!

Oh, shit! Shit.

Let go of the notebook.

But it has original work in it.

Not if it's yours.

- You--
- Ow!

Oh!

- Ew!
- [Gracie] Oh, God, I'm sorry.

I...

- [groans]
- I-I...

I-I didn't... I didn't mean to.

I... Are you...

Going to sue?

Yes! I want every penny
from the sale of those poems.

You can put all of them
in this tiny pocket.

["Yulele" by Eduardo Mateo playing]

Jill from Jacob Rose's office
called again.

Dean Rose would like
to see you right away.

Tell them I have a class.

I said that.

She said right after class.

Oh. Then I have another class.

Then I said that.

- Then she said
- [groans]

...that it better not be
racquetball with Tony.

And then I said,

"Have you ever been asked
to cover for your boss

when he was doing something

he didn't want people to know about?"

Then she got real quiet.

Hey, Daniel.

I hope you brought
enough vape pens for everyone.

[rapid footsteps approaching]

- Did you just run?
- [chuckles]

[exhales] Are you
ready to handle this Calvin situation?

You shouldn't be so excited
about expelling a kid.

[Michelle] He disrupts my class,
he throws things--

Don't talk about how disruptive my son is

when it's your job to control your class.

No. It's my job to teach,

and I can't do my job
if I'm spending 80% of my energy

trying to control her kid--

Do you know that most chocolate
has vegetable oil in it?

Or even animal fat?

Lily, please.

Look, we're here
to talk about Calvin and what to do

at this important juncture in his life,

but first, just hear me out.

France regulates chocolate.

They don't allow anything
but pure cocoa liquor,

which is what gives chocolate
its rich, delicious flavor.

France, by law,

says that there must be at least 40%,

but that's not nearly good enough

for La Maison du Chocolat.

This was flown in from France last week,

and I'd like to share some of it with you.

But before you eat it,

I want you to, um, feel it in your hand.

Just, like, feel the weight of it.

And then, place it on your tongue,

and keep it there.

Let it melt in your mouth.

It's amazing, right?

Michelle, you're an excellent teacher.

And you are clearly
a loving and caring mother.

Look, you want Calvin
expelled from school,

that's not feasible,

but he doesn't have to take
biology this year.

He could make it up in summer school.

I feel a little manipulated
by this delicious chocolate.

Yeah, I feel the same.

There's common ground.

[students chattering indistinctly]

I liked what you said.

This place sucks.

It should be shut down.

Hey, Jill.

He said he'd like you to read this,

and then go right in.

[Hank] Mmm. Polite note.

May I keep this
for my collection of memorabilia

of times when people
were being polite to me,

only to be setting a trap of some sort?

[Jill] I don't think it matters.

Well, nothing matters.

That can't be our standard.

It tells me a lot
that you drove all this way.

I appreciate that.
You take it seriously.

Because, guess what?

I take it seriously,
and we should take it seriously.

Are we upset? You betcha.

But what you have to understand
is that Hank is going through

a rough patch with his diverticulitis.

Infected and inflamed pouches
bulging from his colon.

Complete bowel Armageddon.

Is it an excuse? No, of course not.

Of course it isn't.

He may not take that out on your son,

and everyone agrees with that,

especially Hank.

So we're on the same page.

Bowel Armageddon? Really?

Hank, this article, this is bad.

I'm sure they twisted my words.

Oh.

No, that's pretty much verbatim.

Well, they were ganging up on me.
They don't mention that.

Every phone call I've had today?

Board members demanding that
I kick your butt off campus.

Maybe you explain to them

just how powerless
your position really is?

- I think they'll understand.
- I wish I could.

It would make my life a whole lot easier.

Well, I think it's a good thing.

I put it out there.

Maybe Railton can become a beacon,

a refuge now for really,
really lazy students.

Just apologize to the kid and his parents,

make this go away.
I don't need this today.

No, I am not apologizing.

I mean, unless you name
a building after me...

- And not a dorm.
- [phone rings]

I don't want any of these idiots
sleeping in my building.

[Jill] Jacob?

The President's on.

- You tell him I'm not sorry.
- Hank!

This is not about you
and your little situation.

I'll take it in the conference room.

Please tell the William-Stevenses

that I'll be back momentarily.

Did Gracie really deserve
all that teasing?

[Hank] "Deserve".

You don't still believe in "deserve",
do you?

It's an unfair world,

I'm not going to even things up
with a few kind acts.

You know,

tenure doesn't mean
you can't get smacked in the face.

No, it just means
I can never, ever be fired.

It doesn't mean that, either.

It kinda feels like it.

So you're trying to get fired
with no hope of success?

You think I'm trying to get fired?

- Did you apologize to the kid?
- For what?

[chuckles]

You don't think
this has anything to do with that article

you're pretending not to carry around?

I'm not carrying anything around.

- No? So if I just--
- No, no!

It might be there.

I don't know.

My father retires.

It's a major thing.

Big enough for the
biggest newspaper in the country

to put it on the cover
of the arts section.

Good for him.

Also, I find out about it

from the cover of the arts section.

Good for me.

- And this makes you feel...
- Nothing.

And that outburst in class?

Was unrelated.

In fact, it felt good.

I told the truth.

I think I inspired myself.

To tell the truth more?

That's not good.

To work on my novel.

Oh, great!

Well, I love it when you start
your second novel.

It's usually a wonderful time
in our marriage.

How was your day?

[Lily] Julie's coming over.

I don't know why.

["Jumping Strings"
by Paolo Andriotti playing]

[Hank thinking] I know why.

It's these damn kids.

They don't hate their parents,

at least not enough

- to never ask them for anything again.
- [Lily] ...there's a shirt hanging--

Yeah, I got it.

The trouble is,

my generation of parents,

we can't let our kids feel
any pain in any way.

It's a sick cycle,

but to stop,

that would take courage and conviction.

No. No way. It's your turn.

I can't ask my mother for money
twice in six months. I can't do that.

Why not?
She just became a general manager.

Yeah, of a Circle K!

- It's not fair!
- Fine!

I know my dad.
He's gonna hold this against me.

Well, your mom's the one
who handles all the finances, right?

He's probably not even going to notice
that she lent us the money.

That's true.

He doesn't notice anything.

When she gave me our Cancun money,

she said if I borrowed money again,

she'd make me sit down and learn Quicken.

Which isn't me, you know?

I know...

I know.

It's gotta be my dad.

It's about respect.

Gracie, why does this stuff
still bother you?

You know who he is.

Why something is wrong
isn't relevant to making it right.

I can't do anything about it.

[Gracie] Of course not.

Hank's chair of the department.

Course review falls under his purview.

As long as he's chair,

there can't be any serious action

taken against him or anyone else.

"As long as he's chair"?

Seriously?

Hank's your problem, too.

I mean, there is a person there.

- There was a time you couldn't resist me.
- [phone rings in distance]

No one could.

Excuse the interruption.

The president's office
said to let you know

that he explained the urgency
of the situation

to the board chair,

and the trustees will convene next week.

When you find out when it is,
please clear that day.

[Jill] Will do.

This isn't about
hitting Hank with the notebook?

Because he...
He walked into it a bit.

One day, I'm going to meet
an English professor

who understands that the world

is full of lots of people and ideas...

You could just say yes or no.

There's no need to be insulting.

Is it about Rourke's new course?

[Dean Rose] Oh, my God.

[Gracie] I'm telling you guys,

this is the best thing for our department.

Gracie, this is very serious,

and I have to say,

we don't feel comfortable
plotting behind Hank's back.

This is a good idea.

Okay. Let's see what we can get.

[Gracie] This isn't something
we should take lightly,

and it is the best thing
for the students, too.

Gosh, Gracie,

it seems like a lot of risk
for not a lot of reward.

Okay, if you support Hank's de-chairing,

I'll switch places with you
on the sabbatical waitlist.

[train whistle blowing]

[phone buzzing]

Hank, your phone.

[clears throat] Yeah?

[Billie] Hello, Spanky.

Billie.

How drunk are you?

Plenty, but it's none of
your damn business, you son of a bitch.

Hey, did you write
that recommendation for my daughter?

- I will.
- You will not.

I don't want Meg living this damn life

in this damn town.

Ugh. What do you know about raising a kid?

You didn't even have a dad.

I did.

You were in diapers
when that shithead left.

I was 14.

You didn't even send
your daughter to college.

What the hell is her name?

I'd prefer you didn't
bring up my daughter.

Billie?

You there?

How come you always
let me talk to you like this?

Look, just don't write the recommendation,

even though who knows
what it's gonna be worth after tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

What happens tomorrow?

So you're gonna be de-chaired?

And then what does that mean?

[Hank] De-chaired.

I think it's an outpatient procedure
these days.

Well, if I'm no longer chair,

it's easier to fire me,

and if I get fired,

that's the end of my academic career.

[chuckles softly]

You're smiling.

Am I?

Is that, um, opportunity

for you to be assistant head of school
at Arlyle still possible?

Seriously?

Um...

I mean, that was months ago, so I don't...

I don't know.

I mean...

Yeah, I could ask.

New York.

[chuckles] God.

Could it finally be time?

MoMA, instead of Roger's Art.

Peter Luger's instead of Outback.

Mmm...

I mean,
we'd be a little close to your father.

[Hank] It's a city
of eight million people.

I think I can avoid him.

I don't know.

We saw Catherine Keener twice.

Do you know you make a move

every time I say "Catherine Keener"?

Keep saying it, see what it gets you.

[Lily chuckles]

- [phone buzzing]
- Yes?

[woman] Hi. Am I speaking
with Professor Devereaux Jr.?

Just Professor Devereaux.

I've never had any confusion.

Yes. Hello, Professor Devereaux.

This is Marnie Cole
from your father's office.

Um, I hate to bother you like this, but...

Uh, yeah?

Stephanie asked me to call

and let you know
that she has left your father.

Stephanie? Is that the maid?

She's his wife.

Uh, okay, well, I guess
he'll have to get a third wife.

Well, that was his third wife.

Well, I wish her well then.

So, it's not an ideal time
for him to be alone.

I think maybe he could use some help.

Marnie, um, I'm sorry.

In the future,

could you leave messages like this

with my assistant in my office, okay?

'Cause this is my personal cell.

This is only for friends
and work and family

and marketing calls.

Okay? You have that other number?

I do, but he is your family.

Well, then he can call me.

That would be the first time in 15 years.

I'm submitting an alternate budget.

Good. The first one was so boring.

Could you run the freshman requirements

and service a major
with five professors, or...

Or four professors
and add a few more adjuncts?

I need an answer or I'm just gonna guess.

Oh,

this is fun.

I like that we do this every year.

You know, we could skip the stage
where you threaten cuts

and jump right to the part
where you give me my full budget.

I've got a fantasy pickleball league
that's heating up.

I don't have time for this.

What?

Jacob, what is it?

You may have noticed

that half the schools
in the country are broke.

I noticed they're going out
to dinner less often.

Well, think about

what you can pull off
with three fewer professors.

If I'm still chair in an hour,
I'll do that.

Uh, first of all,

I'd like to, um...

I'd like to point out that,

although I am completely agnostic

as to the outcome of the vote
that's about to take place...

Paul, can you join us?

- Yeah.
- Thank you. Thank you.

Um, I was asked by Dean Rose--

[scoffs] Yeah, right.

...to call this meeting
and motion for a vote.

I heard that there was a vote
to remove me as chair.

I just... I didn't want to miss it.

Jesus, Billie.

Oh, what's the goddamned difference?

[clears throat]

So, um, Professor Wheemer has agreed

to run the proceedings.

I didn't really.

[Billie] Weiner?

She's not a professor.

She shows movies.

How is that teaching?

She's a projectionist.

[Emma] Okay, it's "Wheemer" with an "M",

and I don't want to be running
these proceedings.

I shouldn't.

It's not fair.

People around the world

don't have access to free speech,

and I should just feel free

to go on about calls
and recounts and whatnot?

It's obscene.

Okay, thanks, we got it.
Go, now.

Okay, we're here for a no-confidence vote

for the chair of the department,

for certain events

that have transpired
over the past few days,

and how he's conducted himself
in regards to those events.

Would the accused

like to say anything
in his defense before the vote?

The accused?

It was a good flick.

Jodie Foster.
She won an Oscar for that film.

We watch it in
my gender-analysis film class.

New Bedford Chamber of Commerce
hated that movie.

It killed the Moby Dick tours.

Okay, can we please--

Yes, the accused
would like to make a statement.

The kid that I yelled at...

Okay,

he killed my governess.

This is many years ago,

and I vowed revenge, and now I have it,

and it feels empty
in the way that novels predict.

The question at hand
is a simple aye or nay.

Should Hank be removed from the chair?

"Aye" means "yes".

Can you just say yes?

[Emma] Short answer, yes with caveats.

It requires a vote.

You can make that motion,

but not until a call for new business.

And I assume you can get it seconded.

I second the motion
that "aye" means "yes".

Well, there hasn't been
a call for new business.

I literally just explained that.

Jesus Christ, guys.

"Aye" it is!

So an aye for an aye then?

[laughs]

[Hank thinking] The firing squad.

They never sent one person, it's a squad.

The group effort makes it
more of a bonding event,

like lions ripping apart a scared gazelle.

A pride.

Good times.

Okay, that's one aye,

a nay,

another aye,

another aye,

and that's it.

That's three ayes, a nay,
and the rest abstain.

Well, the ayes have it.

Hank is officially removed as the chair.

[June] Wait.

Who is the next chair?

[Gracie] Why...

So why don't we take some time to discuss,

and meet again tomorrow, same time?

["Love Is Like The Sea"
by Peter Neri playing]

[students chattering indistinctly]

♪ Love is like the sea ♪

♪ It carries you back
Where you came from ♪

♪ Love is like the cloud ♪

♪ Fading away
But it comes again ♪

[Hank] I guess I finally sunk
my own battleship.

That's the first time I made
the whole department happy.

[Lily] Well, I wouldn't
beat yourself up too hard.

[Hank] Done.

Because...

I called Tom Leska,

and they have not filled
the position at Arlyle.

He didn't exactly offer me the job,

but he sure seemed to imply
that I have a shot.

Whoa.

Yeah, I know.

It's just logistics...

I mean, our...

Our daughter's here,

and my mom.

There's a few things that we need...

We need to talk through,
we need to work out.

Don't. Don't. Don't do that.

Don't do that.

Actually, it's my fault.

[Hank] Where are you going?

I'm going for a run.

What? It's 11:00 p.m.

You already ran today.

There's raccoons out there!

Did you just make a joke?

Uh-uh.

I forgot

that you aren't capable
of leaving this town

for reasons that will only
be fully understood

by your future therapist.

I learned it years ago, I just forgot it.

So shame on me.

[Julie] Good morning.

Hey.

- Um, I made coffee.
- Uh...

Thanks.

You came over here
early in the morning to make me coffee?

I just wanted to have breakfast
with you guys.

I was also going to tell you,

um, I saw Stacey Rose
at the supermarket yesterday.

I don't know if Dean Rose
mentioned that to you?

[Hank] He didn't.

[Julie] Well, she says hi.

She wants everyone to come over
for dinner some time.

The whole gang.

Do you want to play Bananagrams?

Do you remember when we used
to do this before school?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, um...

I was also going to tell you,

Russell actually has
a pretty interesting opportunity.

Oh?

Yeah, yeah, it's pretty exciting stuff,

and it's really next level,

and he can get in on the ground floor.

Ground floor, that sounds...

That sounds a little low for next level.

Are you sure he's got the right entrance?

That is hilarious.

Um...

Yeah, no, it would just require him

not getting a paycheck for a while,
is the thing.

- Darn it.
- Yeah.

So we're just figuring out

how to get from here to there
in the meantime.

You know what?
I think I could help.

Really?

Yeah. I mean, my thought is

what if Russell were to take
a less interesting job,

but one that paid right away?

Dad!

See, I'm doing the math,

- and I think that actually works great.
- You're not doing the math,

- you're being an asshole.
- Now is not a good time,

- because I have to save for retirement.
- It's never a good time!

I owe that to you,

otherwise I become your dependent

- and live in your home.
- I wouldn't even ask you what it was for.

"Michael experienced 4:00 a.m.
differently as an adult.

The alarm clock used to mean
hockey practice and friends,

and now it means cows

and the start of another
shift on the ranch--"

Okay, let's talk.

You mean us, or--

Yeah, what do we all think
of this letter from Bartow?

Are you asking us?

'Cause I think he made
some pretty good points.

Okay, name one.

That we deserve a teacher
who believes in us.

That does sound nice.

I mean, it's all in the letter, Professor.

"I, Bartow Williams-Stevens,

am compelled to write this open letter

because you have humiliated me
and I feel terrible."

Okay, you don't have to say
you feel terrible.

That's a natural result
of being humiliated,

so, repetitive.

"I believe we deserve teachers
who believe in us."

That's a lot of believing.

Overuse of a word diminishes its power.

Well, it's terribly written,

which is too bad because
he makes some good points.

[knocking on door]

Calvin just broke a window
in the east hallway.

What?

I told you. I said it.

I said the kid needed to be expelled,

and then you charmed us.

The situation didn't need pacifying,

it needed a hard action.

You solved nothing.

[Hank] Can we make this quick

because I lose my court in 15 minutes?

"Hell is empty
and all the devils are here."

[Emma] Okay.

Rules are a simple plurality wins.

You may vote for anyone,
including yourself.

Once the votes are filled out
and collected,

there is no adjustment of the vote.

It's final.

Write along the line with words,

no doodles, Paul,

and fold it one time.

No quarter folds.

Okay, does everyone understand?

Goddamnit, I need to hear
a plurality of voices.

[all] Aye.

Hey! Look, you did it!
All right, go ahead.

All right.

And here we go.

One vote for June.

One vote for Teddy.

You voted for yourself?

We agreed last night that--

Yes, we agreed to vote for me.

Why would we agree to vote for you?

- That makes no sense.
- There are complications.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Can you do your evil scheming
in your underground lair

and not at work?

One vote for me?

One vote for "Hank.
Ha ha, damn you all to hell."

Damn you all to hell.

One vote for a new iPad.

These go to Santa eventually, right?

One vote for Rourke.

Ooh! Don't mind if I do.

[Emma] Yikes.

And another vote for Hank.

[Paul] Hank?

Wait, what the hell just happened?

I...

I thought that
I was throwing away my vote,

um, as a form of abstaining,

which, as you know

from my essay, "The Art of Abstention"--

And that's it.

[Teddy] Wait, what?

Yeah, the only person
with more than one vote is...

Hank.

Hank's our new chair.

A fresh term of three years begins... now.

Sorry.

["Free Love Sequence"
by Danielle Luppi playing]

- My point.
- What?

- Meniscus Rules.
- But you could've got that!

Not without taking a step.

You could have tilted like a teapot.

You're stepping now.

To serve! It's different.

Just once, I'd like to play fair.

My point.

I'm wondering

if it's the forbidden nature
of all the sexual politics

that's making the sex better.

There's more at risk.

Maybe the sex is

exactly the same

and you're losing touch with your partner

as a human being

due to your advanced age
and growing callousness.

Yeah, I thought of that,

but multiple women have told me

I'm becoming a better fornicator.

Multiple women.

And there's nothing in it for them.

They didn't have to say that.

Why can't racquetball be most of the day,

and then everything else is just one hour?

Picture your perfect life.

Put it on a tableau for me.

Paint it on that wall.

What do you see?

I can't improve on that white wall.

It's...

It's... It's soothing.

I'm scared that

my father's retirement

is going to upset this very delicate
balance that we've achieved.

He left and we don't speak.

I think I'm feeling regret.

All these years, I haven't
fully appreciated all that I didn't have.

Multiple women.

- Hey, guess what?
- I'm running.

They made me chair again.

Three more years.

["I Started A Joke"
by the Bee Gees playing]

- [Lily chuckles]
-♪ I started a joke ♪

♪ Which started
The whole world crying... ♪

I'll see you at home.

♪ But I didn't see ♪

♪ That the joke was on me ♪