All language subtitles for South.Park.the.Streaming.Wars.2022.1080p.BluRay.REMUX.AVC.TrueHD.5.1-TRiToN_track4_[eng]-eng

- (CAR HORN HONKS)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

MULLHULLAND: Citizens of Denver,

we are in the middle
of an environmental crisis.

The winters are bringing
less and less snow.

And now, we are facing a drought

due to the effects
of Global ManBearPig.

- A drought?
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

- What? No. ManBearPig?
- What? ManBearPig?

All of Denver's water comes
from streams up in the mountains,

but now, ManBearPig
has decimated these areas

and wreaked havoc
on the upper mountain streams.

And so, effective immediately,

we are declaring a drought

and cutting back
on all the city's water.

- No! You can't do that!
- (OVERLAPPING SHOUTING)

What about our
homeowners' association rules?

Some of us are required
to have nice, green lawns.

You expect us to have

- nice, brown lawns?
- (OVERLAPPING SHOUTING)

I own 12 golf courses
in the Denver Metro area.

You're not cutting down
on my damn water!

Have you all forgotten about
the Pi Pi?

I have Denver's largest water park.

All water parks are 50% pee

and 50% water.

You... you can't forget about
the Pi Pi.

Nobody wants to lose the water,
but we're in a drought.

- (SHOUTING STOPS)
- MULLHULLAND: There simply isn't

enough water coming to Denver
from up in the mountains.

And the water up there is being used
for farms and agriculture.

What kind of agriculture?

(VOCALIZING) Da, da, da, da

Da, da, da, da

How's it looking?

They still look dry.

Okay, then I'm gonna open
the reserves.

(SINGING)
If you ain't taking care of business

This you must expect...

Yeah!

(SINGING)
When it's wet

Oh, come on...

(LAUGHING)

(SINGING)
Oh!

Come on

Oh! Yeah

Slippery when it's wet

Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo

Slippery when it's wet

Slippery, slippery

Slippery when it's wet

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER, LAUGHTER)

CARTMAN: Yeah, and so,
and so then, so then

Clyde said that if a chick
uses hairspray,

you can actually
light her head on fire.

Nuh-uh.

Yeah-huh, Tolkien.
You guys want to see?

Kenny, do you have matches?

Yeah, of course I have matches.

Check this out, you guys.

- BUS DRIVER: Eric Cartman.
- (BUS BRAKES)

Eric Cartman.

What? You're ruining it.

This is your stop.

Oh. Right.

Scuse... scuse me.

Hey. Hey, guys.

You want to come hang out
at my house for a bit?

Uh, no, that's cool.

It's not my fault
that my mom lost her job

and we had to move, you guys.
It's really not so bad.

Uh, yeah, maybe some other time.

CARTMAN: My house is cool, you guys.

- Kenny, you want to come chill?
- I'm cool, dude.

It's still way better
than your house, Kenny!

‘Cause your family's poor!

Your family's poor, Kenny.

Hi, honey. How was school?

Fuck you, Mom.

You doing anything, Tolkien?

You want to come over
to my house, play a board game?

Oh, um, I should probably go home.

Well, okay, you want to play
a game over at your house?

Yeah, uh, I... I don't know.

Sorry, I'm just...
not in the best mood, I guess.

Hey, are you still worried
about Karen?

Yeah.

Yeah, me, too.

But we all have to try
to just be happy, you know?

No matter what happens with Karen.

You're right. Okay, come on.

RANDY: Hey.

Stan, where do you think you're going?

I'm gonna go hang out
at Tolkien's house for a bit, Karen.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am, Karen.

You better knock that off.

I don't want you playing with Tolkien.

Karen, just come back inside.

I've told you I don't want our son
hanging out with those people.

And exactly what do you mean
by "those people"?

I mean traitors

who I hired to give my weed
more street cred,

and then go out and open
their own weed business.

You're not the only weed grower
in this valley.

But I was supposed to be
the only Black one.

WATER COMMISSIONER: Excuse me.

You the owners of these farms?

I own Tegridy Weed,

the original marijuana farm
on this street.

Okay, and your name is...

His name is Karen Marsh.

You better get that fucking name
out your fucking mouth.

Well, gentlemen,
I'm the water commissioner.

Colorado Division of Water Resources.

I'm here to find out
exactly what's going on

with the city's water. Weed?

The city's water?

Well, you see, the water here
is supposed to make its way

to all the thirsty people
down in Denver.

And, uh...

Well, there's a lot
of thirsty people down there.

I just want to see how much
you farmers are actually using.

Okay, well, we can show you...

Well, you should check out
his fucking farm.

If you're... if you're gonna
check out anyone's water,

it should be his.

All right, maybe I'll do that.

(CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

(ENGINE STARTS)

CARTMAN: (SINGING)
I live in a hot dog

On a lonely old hill

People make fun of me

And that's not cool

I'm isolated from my friends

Against my will

My possessions are now condiments

And that is not cool

And I don't want to live like this

You don't know how I feel

I've got no room to grow

And it is just so not cool

Just once in my life
I'd like cool stuff to happen

Everything keeps changing
and I'm not adapting

I'm crying like a girl
and it's super not cool

And I just want
something cool to happen

To me

I've lived through such pain

The word's been so cruel

Something's got to happen
Something that's cool

I just want something cool
to happen...

This is it, right here.

(SINGING)
To me

REALTOR: Okay,
right this way, Mr. Cussler.

You are going to love this property.

It's over 30 acres, and it's
in a real up-and-coming area.

I think you could build
an amazing home here.

Yes. Yes, I believe I could.

REALTOR: Now, it's about an hour
commute from where you are in Denver,

but I think the potential here
is fabulous.

CUSSLER: Oh, yes.

It looks absolutely ideal.

Do you like to entertain?

Because you could easily build
a ten-bedroom house on this property.

You could have a dedicated gym,
even a full-size movie theater.

Full-size movie theater?

If you want, we can
walk around the property.

- It's a bit muddy, but we can...
- That won't be necessary.

I'll take it. Full asking price. Cash.

Oh-oh-oh.

Dada.

- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
- Yes. Come in.

Mom said you wanted to see me.

Yes, Shelley, have a seat.

Close the door, please.

(RANDY CLEARS THROAT)

I've been, uh, wanting
to talk to you, Shelley.

Um...

Can you tell me why everyone
is calling me "Karen"?

Don't worry about it.

Well, everybody
keeps calling me Karen,

and I don't get it.

Is it... is it, like,
a joke or something?

"Karen" is a pejorative term
for a white person

who acts overly entitled
and demanding.

Okay, well, that's fucked up.

Don't you think that's
a little, like, sexist?

I didn't start it.

- Well, who did?
- The Internet.

So... so now somebody is a Karen

just ‘cause they want
to be treated with some respect?

I deserve to not have people
walk all over me, okay?

I have the right to call the cops
when things happen.

That's fine, Karen.

Shelley, I deserve to not have...

What the fuck is he doing here?

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

Excuse me, this is my property.

Your soil seems very hydrated.

Must be getting lots of water.

What are you saying,
that I use too much?

I use the water that my crops need
and nothing more.

Is that a Slip 'N Slide over there?

That is an agricultural
Slip 'N Slide, yes.

Apparently, you know nothing
about farming.

Look, if you have any excess of water,

you might actually make
some money, that's all I'm saying.

Make money? Wait, what?

You heard of water transfers?

See, you have a lease to use some of
the water from your stream here,

but what you don't use,
you could actually sell the rights to.

I already talked
to your neighbor about it.

Yeah, well, see, the thing is,

this farm is about Tegridy,
not stupid water rights.

And if you want to keep
coming here and bugging me,

then I would like to speak
to your manager

because you are harassing me,
and I am important.

Well, have a nice day, Karen.

It's Randy!

I know what Karen means.
I'm not stupid.

(VIDEO GAME GUNS BLASTING)

What the water commissioner said
is true.

We have water rights to use
10,000 gallons a month off our stream.

If we could cut back
our agricultural water use by 50%

and show that our excess water
is making it down

to the Denver Reservoir,

then we'd have the right to sell it.

You really think so?

I was a financial consultant
before I was a weed farmer.

There's potential here.

But how do we even prove
the water from our farms

makes it all the way to Denver?

- Raingutter regatta.
- What?

We made those little boats
in online COVID camp, remember?

Oh, yeah. I bet we could
float that down our stream.

We demonstrate where the water goes,

and meanwhile,

we start selling off
pieces of our water rights

to subscribers that want it.

Boys, can you build me a test boat?

Sure.

We're about to start our very own...

streaming service.

MAN: (SINGING) Whores in this house
There's some whores in this house

There's some whores in this house

There's some whores in this house

WOMAN: (SINGING)
I said certified freak

Seven days a week

Wet-ass pussy
make that pullout game weak

- Woo, yeah
- Ah

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, you fucking with
some wet-ass pussy

Bring a bucket and a mop
for this wet-ass pussy...

STEVE: The Credigree Weed
Streaming service.

We are currently in beta testing

to see if our stream
makes it to Denver,

but if it does, we are seeing if
there are any interested subscribers.

(OVERLAPPING SHOUTING)

(SINGING) Give me everything you got
for this wet-ass pussy

Beat it up baby, catch a charge

Extra-large and extra hard
put this pussy...

Come on.

(SINGING)
Swipe your nose like a credit card

Hop on top, I want to ride
I do a Kegel while it's inside,

Spit in my mouth, look in my eyes

This pussy is wet, come take a dive

Tie me up like I'm surprised

Let's roleplay, I'll wear a disguise

I want you to park that big Mack truck

Right in this little garage

Make it cream, make me scream
Out in public, make a scene

I don't cook, I don't clean
But let me tell you

- How I got this ring
- Ayy, ayy

Gobble me, swallow me
Drip down the side of me

Quick, jump out
fore you let it get inside of me

I tell him where to put it
Never tell him where I'm ‘bout to be

I'll run down on him ‘fore
I have a... ayy... runnin' me

Talk your shit, bite your lip

Ask for a car while you ride that dick

You really ain't never got
to fuck him for a thang

He already made his mind up
‘fore he came

Now get your boots and your coat

For this wet-ass pussy

He bought a phone just for pictures

Of this wet-ass pussy

Paid my tuition just to kiss me
on this wet-ass pussy

Now make it rain if you want to see
some wet-ass pussy

Now from the top, make it drop

That's some wet-ass pussy

Now get a bucket and a mop
That's some wet-ass pussy

I'm talkin' WAP, WAP, WAP
That's some wet-ass pussy

Macaroni in a pot
That's some wet-ass pussy, huh

MAN: (SINGING)
Whores in this house

There's some whores in this house
There's some whores in this house

There's some whores in this house

There's some whores in this house
There's some...

- Yeah! We did it! Yeah!
- We totally did it, dude.

As you can see, the water
from Credigree Farms flows

directly into Denver's water supply.

Well, in that case,
I suppose all your subscribers

get to have more water
from the reservoir.

Ah. Oh.

You all make-a Pi Pi so happy.

Now, my water park
can have a-plenty a-water

to mix with all-a the pee.

Of course,

you will have to prove
that the flow of water is constant.

We'll need a little boat

to come through the reservoir
every day.

Every day?

Boys, I'm gonna need you to make
a lot more boats for my stream.

How do you feel about...
20 bucks a boat?

Twenty bucks a boat? Hell yeah.

We're gonna be rich, dude.

Mom. Mom, I need to talk to you.

Come on, sit down.

Eric, if you're going to
yell at me again about our home,

I really don't have the strength.

No, Mom.

I'm never gonna need
to yell at you ever again.

We're gonna get out of here, Mom.

What are you talking about?

I've figured our way
out of this hot dog.

I don't know if you've seen,
but there's a rich guy

building a big house
across the street.

We can live in that house, Mom.
We can have him take care of us.

Eric, how would we do that?

Because we are gonna get you...

fake tits.

- What?
- Breast implants, Mom.

That's what rich guys like.

You remember what Matt Damon said?
Fortune favors the brave, Mom.

When rich guys come up here
and get one look at you

with your big, sweet tits,
they're gonna give us everything...

Eric, that's enough, okay?

What do you mean it's enough?
I've... I've figured it all out.

Rich guys want a woman
with nice titties, Mom.

- It's very...
- Okay.

Eric, I'm not comfortable
talking about this.

Well, I'm not comfortable
living in a fucking hot dog.

We live here because I gave in
to you and quit my job.

What do you want from me, Eric?

I want you

to get breast implants, Mom.
(SNIFFLES)

So... so that rich guys like you,

and we can go live in a sweet house.

Please, Mom,

I just want you to get fake tits.

Eric, even if I wanted to,
the fact is, we can't afford it.

A surgery like that is very expensive.

Like, how expensive?

At least $10,000.

$10,000?

Yes, Eric.

We can't afford it?

We can't afford it.

Chief.

- Chief, there's a big problem.
- What is it?

We've got a code red
emergency call on 911.

It's Karen.

Oh, not Karen again. Jesus Christ.

(PHONE BEEPS)

Yes, Karen,
how can we help you this time?

Okay, first of all,
I know what it means

when you call me Karen,
SO you can just knock it off.

Secondly, secondly, my neighbor's kid
is over here at my house.

There's a kid trespassing
at your house?

No, my son invited him over for lunch,

and my wife is making him
hot dogs and tater tots,

even though I said
I don't want him here.

Well, then what harm
is he doing, Karen?

His family farm is shady.

Did you know that they're
doing a streaming service?

I demand that you investigate.

How did they manage
to even show that their water

goes through to Denver?

Hello? Are you listening to me?

I want to talk to your manager.

I've already told you, Karen,
I don't have a manager.

Thanks, Mrs. Marsh.

Can you believe that?

The cops aren't even
gonna do anything.

Oh, well, at least you tried, Karen.

- (CHAIR SCRAPES FLOOR)
- It just doesn't make sense.

How is that traitor able
to prove his water

makes it down to Denver?

Well, um...

maybe he got some creative people
to put something on his stream.

Yeah, I'll bet you he did.

He's got to be paying
some expert or something.

On, if I could find that guy,
I'd pay him double.

Well, you know, at camp,
they had us build these...

little boats, that, uh...

They're kind of tough to make, but...

I think that we could
make you something.

And then we could float
the boats downstream from the farm

with little Tegridy sails on them

to show people
where the water's coming from.

Could you guys build me
a test boat right away?

Oh, uh, yeah, we could probably
build you something, yeah.

I can't wait to see the look
on that traitor's face

when he sees that we're
in the streaming business, too.

Last night, I had a dream
that Ariana Grande

was trying to fuck
her own ass with a gun,

but then she farted,
and blood shot out her dick.

(LAUGHS) Ariana Grande?
That's hilarious.

STAN: Kyle.

Kenny. You guys, get over here.

Sit down, you guys. We need to talk.

What's going on, dude?

Check this out.

Where'd you get that?

Making stuff for streaming services.

Holy shit. Really?

We made these for my family's farm.

Then we took another deal
to make them for Stan's.

So then we went out and offered boats
to, like, three other farms,

and now they want stuff
for their streams, too.

- S0, you guys want to help us?
- l don't get it.

You don't have to. We don't, either.
You just have to make boats.

But we want to keep it on the low

because we don't want
other kids copying us.

Are you guys gonna have Cartman help?

No. He'll fuck it all up somehow.

Okay, I'm in.

(SIGHS) Fuck.

Faster. Work faster.

We need to be up and running.

WATER COMMISSIONER: Excuse me.

Mr. Cussler, is it?

Who are you?

I'm the water commissioner.

I just, uh, wanted to see
what you're up to up here.

I'm not up to anything. Why?

Well, you know,
there's a lot of streaming services

starting up in this town, and, uh...

word on the street is you might be
trying to outdo them all.

They're all just small-time creeks.

When it comes to the Streaming Wars,

I intend to be the Amazon... River.

Yeah, well, you see,
there's regulations,

Mr. Cussler.

There's state rules
when it comes to streaming.

And, uh, well,

if you don't follow them,
bad things can happen.

Is that right? Boys?

I'm not some pissant
little farmer, Commissioner.

You want to threaten me,
I'll threaten you right back.

I didn't mean to threaten you, sir.

In fact,

I think I can help you.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

We've only got 20 minutes left,
you guys. We've got to work faster.

I'm waiting on more popsicle sticks.

Come on, Butters, you have to
speed up your station.

I'm sucking down popsicles
as fast as I can, fellas.

There you guys are.

How come you're in
the home ec room during recess?

Are those popsicle stick boats?

Oh, yeah. We're just making
some popsicle boats.

We're gonna, you know, like,
race them, you know.

You're gonna race
all those popsicle boats?

Yeah, just, you know,
race them, see which one wins.

Right... right, fellas?

Oh. That sounds
like a fun activity. Um...

I was just gonna ask you guys,

do you know any way
to, like, raise money?

What do you mean?

We have no idea
what you're talking about.

Okay, I just...

I need to try and raise
some money because...

my mom needs to have a surgery,

and we can't afford it.

Oh. Dude...

How much does your mom need
for her surgery?

About $10,000. I'm sorry, you guys.

Just go back to your boat races.
I'll talk to you later.

Cartman, wait.

You actually can help us.

- Yeanh.
- What do you mean?

Look, dude,
we're actually making money

for a streaming service.

- Really?
- TOLKIEN: Yeah, come on.

You can help us, and we'll
cut you in on the profits.

Oh, my God, what...
what streaming service is it?

It's a bunch of different ones.

Here, help me cut out these masts.

Okay, yeah, sure.

And, Cartman, I'm sorry.

Thanks, Kyle.

It's a green boat.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Anyone on the green boat
streaming service

can have their allotment of water
for the day.

Oh, here comes the white boat.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Subscribers to Kush Country Farms
streaming service

have their allotments.

Escusi. Escusi.

Pi Pi's been a-waiting
all day for his water ticket.

My water park need water.

You'll just have to be patient.

There's a lot of different
streaming services now.

Yes, there's a-too many
streaming services.

There's a streaming service
for this-a,

and a streaming service for that-a.

Pi Pi can't find his stuff-a.

Why can't-a Pi Pi just have

a one streaming service
have-a everything?

Pi Pi got a streaming service
he like-a,

and then-a Pi Pi's stuff not on it.

Pi Pi so confuse-a.

(SCANNER BEEPING)

Yeah, yeah, we're getting
more supplies now.

You guys just keep building boats.
We'll be there as fast as we can.

Dude, I'm starting to think
we took on too much.

- It's okay.
- It's not okay.

We haven't even finished
Karen's boats yet.

I do not want to piss Karen off.

Tolkien, I've told you,
don't worry about Karen.

Everything's gonna be fine.

Hello, boys. That's quite a haul
you have there.

My name is Mr. Cussler.

I bought some property up here.

I've been asking around, and, uh...

I believe you're
the ones responsible...

for these?

- Maybe.
- Fantastic little boats.

I'm a big fan of your work.

I have a nice stream
going through my property,

and I'd like you
to make something for me.

- Oh, we're... we're pretty, uh...
- We're pretty loaded up, man.

Oh, I'm sure you are.

That's why I'd like to make you
an exclusive deal.

I want 10,000 of your little boats,

and I'll pay you $15,000.

BOTH: $15,000?

But I'm gonna need them
right away. Say, three days?

I have... big plans.

Dude, we can't make 10,000 boats
in three days.

We'll do it.

Cartman, come on,
that looks like shit.

Come on what, Kyle?

Look, I... I know we're making
a lot of these,

but we still have to make them
look nice.

- Does it really matter?
- Yes, it matters.

The streaming services
are paying for nice boats.

BUTTERS: (LAUGHS)
They don't give a fuck, Kyle.

They're gonna take everything
they can get.

Everyone knows, at the end of the day,

there's only gonna be, like,
three streaming services,

so they, like, everyone just wants
to have their shit on their stream

and get bought out, you know?

And they don't give a fuck
how good anything is.

And the people who made
all the deals, they don't give a fuck

‘cause they're all gonna get
fired anyway, you know?

And everyone working
at this streaming service

is now working over
at that streaming service.

No one gives a shit about
what fucking goes on in it.

Butters, I... I think you've had
too many popsicles.

Yeah, I think maybe I've had
one too many popsicles.

You guys, you guys, we did it.

KENNY: What'd we do?

We just got an offer for 10,000 boats.

It's $15,000, you guys.

That's almost $3,000 each.

We're millionaires!

Hey, hey, aren't you guys
forgetting something?

Cartman's mom's surgery?

Oh, right.

Well, what do you say, guys?

With this money,
before we do anything,

we pay for Cartman's mom's surgery.

You definitely have my share, Eric.

Mine, too.

I really...

really... don't fucking
deserve you guys.

Come on, let's get to work.

(WATER PIPES CREAKING)

NEWS REPORTER: (OVER TV) Just
how bad could the water situation get

for Park County farmers this summer?

A new study says this year's snowpack

has almost completely melted,
and, once again,

ManBearPig is to blame.

That's right, Tom.
It appears ManBearPig

has done a lot more damage this year
than originally predicted.

As the spring thaws continue,

we simply aren't seeing
that much water

from way up on the mountain peaks.

If ManBearPig is truly out there,

then farmers might want
to start looking

at the state of that snowpack, Tom.

Over here.

Here!

What is all this? What happened?

The housing market up here...

it went crazy.

We've just been selling properties
without sleeping or eating.

This property here
was the last to get an offer.

The seller countered,
but we haven't heard back,

and it's really a buyer's market.

Who's buying it all?

Some rich guy from the city.

(COUGHS)

But we are currently
taking backup offers, if you'd like.

Do you have a broker?

We are really the best in town.

My coworker Janice
sold over 100 listings in 72 hours.

Look at this.

They were right about ManBearPig.

There's not nearly
as much snow as last year.

Yeah. There's a lot
you can do with this property.

It has explosive views

and a southern exposure
for those chilly winter nights.

You can't sell all the land up here.

Can't you see
they just want the water?

That's probably why they asked
for the inspection contingency.

We countered with an extra 20 days
until close of escrow.

(CHUCKLES) We got them.

There's no snow up here.

There won't be enough water
for South Park.

You...

You could have a walkout basement here
with room for an outdoor kitchen.

Think of the entertaining potential.

Do you like to entertain?

(YAWNS)

(CHICKENS CLUCKING)

(WATER RUSHING)

"Cussler Industries"?

Huh? Huh?

Oh!

My streaming service!

(SINGING)
Happy surprise time to you

Something's happened that's cool...

What is this, Eric?

(SINGING)
Just sit down right here

Your son has done something cool

Are you ready, Mom?

(GIGGLES) Yes. What is it, sweetie?

- Wait a minute, Eric, what is this?
- (DOOR OPENS)

Okay, hello, Mrs. Cartman.
I'm Dr. Stevens.

I understand you're interested
in breast augmentation?

That's right, she is.

Well, there are a few options.

We prefer the saline implants now.

They... they can be put either
under the chest muscle or on top.

Did you have any idea
what size breasts

you wanted to achieve?

The largest size.

Eric, I've told you a hundred times,
I'm not getting a boob job.

Uh, I'm a bit confused here,
Mrs. Cartman.

Your procedure has already been
completely paid for.

- What?
- Surprise!

I raised all the money, Mom.
It's done.

No, Eric. I said
I don't want breast implants.

You said we couldn't afford it.

I went out, and I worked every day,

and I got you the money
for new tits, Mom.

I'm fine with my body the way it is.

You are, but rich guys aren't.
Am I right, Doctor?

Okay, uh, Mrs. Cartman,

if you'd like to just go back
up to the front office,

they can refund all the money.

No! No, Doctor, please,
I live in a hot dog!

Because he made me quit my job,

and I promised myself
I wouldn't give in to him ever again.

Get fake tits or else
I'll call the police, Mom.

Do what you want, Eric.
I am done with this.

Fine, then I'll run away.

You'll just have to run away, then.

I'll go live with Grandma.

I'm sure Grandma would love that.

I've given in to you
too many times, Eric.

It stops now.

You're not gonna give in, huh?
We'll just see about that.

Doctor, keep those tits on ice.

(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

What is that?

It's... it's a little boat.

Stan, are you making stuff
for other streaming services?

Stanley? We had a deal.

Are you making stuff for other
streaming services, yes or no?

Yes. This guy paid us
a shitload of money.

I paid you a shitload of money.

Yeah, we make them
for whoever pays us.

We make stuff for Credigree, too.

For Credigree?

They're the enemy, Stan.

You live here.

You're exclusive to Tegridy Weed.

(SCOFFS) Everyone is fighting
and trying to get rich,

and we're just in the middle
doing our thing.

Doing your thing. Wow.

You're a fucking dick.

How much money's enough, Stan?

Cock-sucking cunt.

- What is going on?
- Oh, nothing.

Your son and his friends
just made exclusive deals

for multiple streaming services.

Ugh.

Oh, but I guess that's just Karen
being Karen again, huh?

Yeah, screw whatever Karen thinks.

Maybe it's bad for business,
but fuck Karen.

Okay, I'm sorry.

We're going to march right over
to where this guy lives,

and tell him that you can't possibly
take on another streaming service

without sacrificing
the quality of your product.

Rats.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Well, Mom, I guess
I'll be leaving now.

Oh, really? Where are you going?

I can't do this anymore, Mom.

If you won't listen to me,
then I really don't have a choice.

Well, I'm very sorry
to hear that, Eric.

I hope you take good care of yourself.

Okay, well, I guess I'll just
ask you one more time

if you would please
get fake tits. I know...

I'm not getting breast implants, Eric.

Okay, that's fine.

So, you're running away?

Oh, I'm not running away, Mom.

No, that would be the easy way out.

You remember when I told you how easy
breast enhancement would be,

and you said, "If it's so easy,
why don't you do it?"

Well, I'm taking your advice, Mom.

If you won't get fake breasts,
then I will.

- What?
- I've already paid the clinic,

and I'll just tell them that
the implants were for me.

You know it's 2022, right?

You know they do surgeries
like this to kids now?

Guess I'll just go
and get fake tits, Mom.

Well, Eric, I guess
that's just your choice.

Mom, I'm serious. It's 2022.

They do these kinds
of surgeries to kids now.

Yes, I know.

Okay, well, then
I'm gonna go to the doctor,

and I'm gonna go get
breast implants.

Okay.

Okay, Mom, I'm going out the door.

Okay, sweetie, be safe.

Gonna go get fake tits now.

If that's what you want, Eric.

It's not what I want, it's what
you're making me do, Mom.

Okay, honey, well, I love you.

- Okay, well, I'll see you.
- Bye, honey.

Gonna go get breast implants.

I'll come pick you up
when you're done.

Cool.

Come on.

Yes?

Hello, we'd like to speak
with Mr. Cussler, please.

For what?

Well, I want to let him know
that my son here

made a streaming deal
that he had no business making.

Didn't you, Stan?

No, technically, no.

Technically what?

I'm afraid Mr. Cussler can't see you.

Oh, really? Okay,
well, you go and tell him

that it's Karen Marsh, okay?

And that I will talk to him right now.

He can't talk to you
because he's dead.

What?

Mr. Cussler's body was found
several hours ago.

He was... attacked

by ManBearPig.

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

Everyone keep this area clear.
I need casts of the footprints.

Keep your radios down.
We don't want the press showing up.

What's going on here?

Aw, shit, it's Karen.

(OFFICERS GRUMBLING)

Hey, look, my son
was in business with this guy.

You really think
he was killed by ManBearPig?

Take a look for yourself.

Something tore him apart
and shit in his face.

Workers found him late this morning.

The footprints are those of a pig,

but the claw marks
are those of a bear,

and the excrement,
clearly that of a man.

Why would ManBearPig single him out?

Apparently, this Cussler guy

was taking advantage
of the water supply.

ManBearPig must've gotten
some kind of vengeance

for the rich guy's greed.

Oh, no.

Karen? What is it?

Karen?

It's just that...

if ManBearPig was getting vengeance
on Cussler,

would he also want
to come after my son?

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Ah, yes. Come on-a in.

It's a-open.

Hello, Pi Pi. Do you have a minute?

Oh, my good friend
from-a Credigree Farm-a.

So nice a-you to visit. Mwah. Mwah.

Look. Everything going good
for-a Pi Pi water park.

Everyone having fun.

Yes, that's what I came
to talk to you about.

Pi Pi, I'm sorry, but...

I'm going to have to cancel
my streaming service.

What? Cancel-a Pi Pi?

The drought is worse
than everyone thought.

ManBearPig did a lot
of damage this year and...

I don't have enough water
for my crops.

Oh, that's too bad.

It's too bad 'cause
now you fucked, a-huh?

I need my water rights back,
or else my farm won't survive.

Oh, you make-a Pi Pi cry.

What-a you expect-a, huh?

It's a drought everywhere.

Why you think I buy your water?

You can-a suck Pi Pi dick, huh?

Hey, you son of a bitch.

You knew what you were doing
the whole time.

You think I'm just gonna
sit here and take it?

I'll call the water commissioner.

Oh, no. No, you...
you don't have to call him.

He's right here.

Afternoon, pal.
How's the drought treating you?

So, the water commissioner
was working for you the whole time.

Well, I don't have a problem
kicking both of your asses.

Oh, I'd be a little more worried
about the other guy.

(ROARING)

(SCREECHING)

ManBearPig. He's working for you, too?

Everybody wants to get
in the streaming business.

You're the one who bought
all the properties on the mountaintop.

You just have it all
figured out, don't you?

Yeah, looks like-a Pi Pi
has it all pretty figured out.

God damn it, I'm not gonna
let you... (SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(CHOKING)

I'm sorry, Pi Pi can't hear you.

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

How is he?

I believe he's coming to, Doctor.

(GROANING)

Hello, Eric. Just want to let you know
everything went fine.

We're gonna let
the anesthesia wear off a little more,

and then we can let you go home.

(STAMMERS)

Okay. Um, cool.

MRS CARTMAN: Well, you did it, Eric.

I hope you're happier now.

They all said you were very insistent.

That you said you'd cancel them

if they didn't put breast implants
in one of us.

I... I have fake tits?

MRS CARTMAN: They said that tube
is for draining blood

while the swelling goes down.

Your breasts are swollen now
as a reaction to the implants.

Okay, well, now that you see
how serious I was,

what're you gonna do now?

I'm gonna go down and get
some grocery shopping done.

Mom?

I will go to school like this.

You're gonna have to give in
at some point.

Mom?

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Well, have you guys seen
Butters or Cartman?

- What the hell is going on?
- I don't know,

but we have a lot of boats to make,
and recess is almost over.

You guys. You guys.

There you are. What's wrong, dude?

Um, we need to stop making stuff
for streaming services.

What're you talking about?

It's all getting really weird.

The guy we made the deal with?
He was killed.

He was killed?

I think we got greedy. I got greedy.

We should've never gotten
involved in the streaming wars.

They've upset the balance of nature.

Hey, whoa, whoa, Stan.

We weren't greedy, okay?
We made the money for a good reason.

Yeah, dude. Don't forget,

everything we did
was for a good cause.

CARTMAN: You guys.

You guys, something
is seriously wrong with my mom.

She's acting crazy.

Are any of your parents
acting weird at all?

Hey, fellas, are we making
more boats for the... Whoa, hello!

Jesus, what happened to you, Eric?

Okay, okay, fine. I was hoping
everyone would just be cool,

but I guess we need to talk
about the elephants in the room.

This was not a choice.

You guys, I...

I live in a hot dog, okay?

And all I want is to have a real home,

and a room that is mine
to sleep in at night.

To... Is something funny, Clyde?

(STIFLED LAUGHTER)

Yeah, it's real funny.

If I were you guys,
I'd be super pissed at my mom

because you worked hard
for this money.

All right, Cartman,
stop fucking around.

Obviously, those aren't real.

I didn't say they're real.
They're not real.

They're silicone implants
surgically inserted

under the chest muscle.

Nobody believes
you actually got fake tits.

These are real fake tits.

Kenny, feel them. Go on, feel them.

Those are fucking real, dude.

- What?
- Thank you, Kenny.

Now, if we can all get our minds
off fucking boobs for a second,

something's happened to my mom.

TOLKIEN: Mom? Mom, what's wrong?

Mom, slow down,
I can't understand you.

What do you mean Dad is missing?

See?

I want to congratulate you, Pi Pi.

It appears you've won
the streaming wars.

And I want to thank-a you
for your service.

It's been-a nice working with you.

(CHUCKLES) You think it's over?

You're gonna need me more than ever.

Oh, but, uh, but I have-a
everything I need now.

Water?

You silly little guy.

You really think you own
all the water now?

You know who actually owns the water?

The State of Colorado.

Every drop that rains from the sky.

Your little water rights
won't mean anything

when Arizona comes knocking,
when Kansas wants all their water.

Oh, no. You make-a Pi Pi worry.

You're gonna need me
for a long time, buddy.

You know who really own the water?

Nobody.

Now, the people of Denver,

they think they have-a
plenty of water,

so they gonna go and use it all.

And when all the water is-a gone,

there's only one thing left
for people to use.

The one thing that-a Pi Pi have
more than everybody, huh?

No, no, no. It's good.
It's completely safe.

Just a little salty, eh?

(COUGHS)
You're planning on selling piss?

It's-a... it's-a destiny.

All the fresh water go bye-bye.

Everybody gonna have to wash
their clothes in pee.

Brush their teeth in pee, no?

And who has the most pee
in all the land-a?

Only a psychopath
would speed up climate change

for his own profit.

Yeah, well, you see, ManBearPig,

eventually, he gonna kill everybody.

He just gonna kill you first.

- (ROARING)
(SCREAMING)

(USE ME BY BILL WITHERS PLAYING)

(WATER COMMISSIONER
CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(LAUGHTER)

English - SDH