Original subtitles

♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!

♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪

Being a delivery boy for the South Park Gazette

is a noble privilege.

I'm sorry, Mr. Jarvis.

It's just that I have to get up at 4 a.m. to deliver your paper,

and then I go to school all day.

Oh, wah, wah, wah.

We've all got problems, pussy. Get used to it.

You aren't delivering the papers on time!

My bike had a busted pedal,

but I got it fixed, so there won't be a problem anymore.

Is that your bike out there?

Yeah. Why?

'Cause it's being towed.

What?!

Hey! Hey! What are you doing?

- This your bike? - Yes!

It's on the impound list.

You owe the county for tickets.

[ Whirring, clicking ]

No, dude! I need my bike to do my job!

Yeah. Well, my job is to tow this bike.

You want it back, you talk to the county.

No, no! Do not tow my bike!

Stop, asshole!

Ugh!

[ Grunting ]

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

- [ Knock on door ] - Yes. Come in.

Hi. My name is Stan Marsh.

I was told to come down here and try to --

Yes. Come in, Mr. Marsh.

I've been told all about your case.

Impounded bicycle -- $83 owed to the county.

Maybe you should get a job.

I got a job, but without my bike to do my paper route,

I can't make the money, see?

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

Stan Marsh is a bright young man.

He's got a great family, a promising paper route.

- Only problem is... - [ Needle scratches ]

...his bike's been impounded!

[ Rock music plays ]

But now he's about to find out

that getting his bike back isn't so easy.

[ Music stops ]

Look. I really need my bike.

Well, I'm afraid I can't give it to you

because then you wouldn't learn anything.

What do I have to learn? This isn't fair!

Whoa, whoa. Hold on.

I've looked your case over,

and I think maybe we can cut a little deal here.

According to your background check,

when you were in kindergarten,

you played on the Park County pee wee hockey team.

Yeah?

Well, it just so happens

that the pee wee hockey team this year needs a coach!

- Me? - [ Up-tempo music plays ]

Stan Marsh is a washed-up fourth grader.

He's got no job, no bicycle,

and his only way out is to coach...

- [ Needle scratches ] - ...a pee wee hockey team!

And now he's about to find out that to coach,

you've got to grow.

[ Rock music playing ]

Ow!

Oh, boy.

Uh, all right, guys. Over here. Come over here.

Oh!

We've got a lot of work to do and not much time to do it in.

Who are you?

My name is Stan, and I'm your new coach.

We just need to kind of organize a little bit and practice our --

Coach, I have to go potty.

All right. Fine. Go ahead.

By myself?

Just hold it awhile, okay?

What does passing mean?

When you shoot the puck to another player.

My mommy says I'm as big as the sky!

Coach, Morgan spit on my foot!

I did not!

All right, all right! Shut up! We're going to practice.

You two guys play defense, and you play goalie.

I can't play goalie.

Why not?

My doctor says I'm not supposed to.

- You got asthma or something? - No. He has cancer.

What?

Nelson has leukemia.

It's already spread to his bone marrow.

I don't want to have cancer!

[ Sobbing ]

Uh, it's okay. Don't cry.

But why me, Coach? Why?

Coach, why do people get cancer?

Oh, Jesus. Can we just practice?

Are we gonna get cancer if we play with Nelson, Coach?

No!

- [ Dramatic music plays ] - Well, well, well.

If it isn't the Park County losers!

[ Laughter ]

Oh, no! Adams County!

We just thought we'd check out the ice for the game tomorrow.

Gavin Throttle, coach of the Adams County team.

Hey.

Look, why don't you just give up?

You can't beat us.

You really want to embarrass your players?

Our coach isn't gonna let us lose!

- Yeah! - Yeah!

Fine. If that's the way you want it.

See you tomorrow, Coach.

Adams team!

ALL: Right follow!

Coach, please don't let us lose to Adams County.

My daddy will beat me again.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

Jesus Christ.

Stanley, where have you been? It's almost bedtime.

Your mother's been worried sick, and I've been watching TV!

I got a new job.

I'm finally gonna be able to pay off all the money I owe.

- Oh. Well, that's good. - What kind of job?

I'm working with the pee wee hockey league.

What? With the -- Whoa, whoa. Wait, Stan.

You gave up playing hockey a long time ago.

I'm not playing. I'm coaching.

Have you forgotten what happened all those years ago?

Or are you just trying to make up for it?

What are you talking about?

Your pee wee hockey game! The Pepsi Center?

In between periods of the Colorado Avalanche?

I remember going to Shakey's afterwards.

Stan, you can't put your family through this again,

whatever your reasons are.

I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

[ Door closes ]

What are we going to do, Sharon?

- What? - Don't you get it?

He's getting back into hockey to prove something to himself,

so he can forget what happened in that pee wee skirmish.

Maybe he doesn't remember. He was only 4.

Oh, he remembers.

I'm sure it eats at him every single day.

[ Harp plays ]

ANNOUNCER: And we're about out of time

here in yet another scoreless pee wee hockey game.

That's number 7, Stan Marsh,

skating towards the goal, sort of.

But he doesn't have the puck.

Ow!

[ Farts ]

I crapped 'em!

Mommy, I crapped 'em!

ANNOUNCER: Oh, and it appears the goalie has pooped his pants.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Oh, and look at this!

Little Stan Marsh actually has a shot at the goal!

[Audience gasps ]

Stan, shoot it!

ANNOUNCER: Time is running out!

Stan Marsh with a chance to win!

You got it, Stan!

Take the shot!

Take the shot!

[ Buzzer sounds ]

No-o-o-o!

Oh, that's the end of the game!

How disappointing.

[ Screams ]

- [ Gasps ] - [ Screaming ]

Randy, what's wrong?

Oh!

Oh. Oh, Sharon, it was horrible.

It was like I was living it all over again.

- [ Whistle blows ] - All right, guys.

Tonight is our big game against Adams County.

We still have all day to practice.

MAN: Coach! Hey, Coach!

Could we talk to you, please?

We're the Browns, Nelson's parents.

Oh.

Our little Nelson, he's...

taken a turn for the worse, I'm afraid.

His cancer is... real bad.

[ Sobbing ]

Oh.

Yeah. Oh.

Doctors say this could be it.

How am I supposed to do it, Coach?

How do I look a 5-year-old child in the eye

and tell him he's not gonna live?

You tell me, Coach! You tell me how!

Stop it, Jack!

He doesn't mean to take it out on you, Coach.

No, I don't mean to take it out on you, Coach.

It's just... I don't know what to say to him, Coach.

Neither of us do.

What do you say to somebody who's dying, huh?

I don't know.

Will you talk to him, Coach?

He looks up to you.

No, I think you ought to.

No, I'm just his father.

But you're his coach!

You're like a father to him!

Please, Coach. He's -- He's counting on you.

Please, Coach. He's counting on you.

[ Monitor beeping, air hissing ]

Oh, uh, hey, Nelson.

Oh. [ Coughs ]

Hi, Coach.

Dude, I can come back later. Is this a bad time for you?

Yeah, it's a pretty bad time for me, Coach.

I'm only 5 and I'm dying.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

Coach, what's it like when you die?

Well, I'm not sure.

I would think that it's a lot like it was

before you were born?

How come I have to die now?

Ugh.

I mean, how come I don't get to grow up?

God damn it. Dude, I don't know.

I'm sorry.

No, what I mean is nobody really knows, see?

But everyone does it.

It's not like everyone else gets to live

and only you have to die.

Everyone's gonna die.

You feel better now?

I think so.

Okay. Great. I-I got to get to the stadium.

But, uh, hang in there, all right?

Thanks, Coach.

Will you do me just one favor, Coach?

The game tonight -- I'm gonna be watching, so...

could you... make it so I don't have cancer?

N -- Dude, I told you -- I can't do that.

Well, then will you just... win for me?

Okay.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

Stan Marsh has always lived a carefree life.

But in the blink of an eye,

what seemed important before can all be put in perspective.

Stan Marsh is... bummin' on cancer.

[ Music stops ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

ANNOUNCER: Welcome, parents, to this pee wee hockey match

between Park County and Adams County.

ALL: Win! Win! Win! Win!

Win! Win! Win! Win!

Win! Win! Win! Win! Win...

Coach, can I talk to you for a second?

Come to surrender, Coach?

Look, there's a kid on my team who's got cancer,

and he wants us to win this game really bad,

so could you just give us kind of a break?

Ha! I don't think so, Coach.

We're gonna beat you into the ground, cancer or no.

Win, win, win, win!

ALL: Win! Win! Win! Win! Win! Win...

All right, guys. Listen.

I saw Nelson in the hospital, and he asked me one thing.

He said he wanted us to win this game for him.

So... if we lose, we're gonna kill Nelson?

Oh, Jesus! No!

I don't want to be a murderer!

Relax! If we lose, we're not gonna be murderers.

If we lose, are we gonna get cancer?

- Oh, no! - Oh, no!

I don't want cancer!

[ Buzzer sounds ]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[ Sticks clicking ]

They look pretty strong, Coach.

I think Nelson's gonna die for sure.

[ Blur's "Song 2" plays ]

Good luck, Coach. You're gonna need it.

♪ Whoo-hoo ♪

Yeah! Let's go, Adams!

♪ Whoo-hoo ♪

♪ Whoo-hoo ♪

♪ Whoo-hoo ♪

♪ Whoo-hoo ♪

♪ Well, I lie and I'm easy ♪

- Let's go, Park! Come on! - ♪ All of the time ♪

♪ But I'm never sure why I need you ♪

♪ Pleased to meet you ♪

- ♪ I got my head checked ♪ - That's it, Brian! Kill him!

♪ By a jumbo jet ♪

- ♪ It wasn't easy ♪ - Get near the puck!

♪ But nothing is ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ Whoo-hoo ♪

♪ When I feel heavy metal ♪

♪ Whoo-hoo ♪

♪ And I'm pins and I'm needles ♪

♪ Whoo-hoo ♪

♪ Well, I lie and I'm easy ♪

♪ All the time, but I'm never sure ♪

- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ - [ Buzzer sounds ]

ANNOUNCER: And that's the end of the game.

The result is a tie.

A tie? Well, what does that mean?

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Stan Marsh was supposed to win it all --

the big game, a dying boy's hope.

- Only problem is... - [ Needle scratches ]

- ...he tied! - [ Rock music plays ]

And now he's about to find out

that tying isn't the same as winning.

[ Music stops ]

So did we kill Nelson or not?

[ Monitor beeping ]

Hello?

Coach!

How are you feeling?

I feel pretty good, except for the cancer.

[ Coughing ]

Coach... does God hate me?

Oh, hello, Coach.

Hi, Doc. How is he doing?

Well, he isn't worse, but he isn't getting better.

It's almost as if... his cancer were tied.

Oh, boy.

[ Coughs ]

Oh, my cancer hurts.

He seems to have put all his hope into you winning that game.

And with a tie, he's in a kind of... cancer limbo.

But what can I do?

Stan Marsh! Stan Marsh!

Great news!

Our hockey team has just been invited

to play against Denver County

during a Colorado Avalanche game!

Wow! At the Pepsi Center?

Look. He's coming around again.

That's our biggest game ever!

Do you think we can win, Coach?

Well, uh, I mean...

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Imagine if there was one game,

one chance to make everything right.

Stan Marsh is being given that chance.

But to win, he's gonna have to pull out all the stops in...

"Stanley's Cup," rated R.

[ Music stops ]

[ Monitor beeping, air hissing ]

Yeah. Yeah, we'll beat 'em.

All right! Maybe there is hope for me!

Just be aware of this, Coach.

If you lose the big game,

that little boy is gonna die faster

than Steve Irwin in a tank full of stingrays.

Coach, what the hell were you thinking?!

We can't beat Denver County!

Well, sure we can!

Last time we played Denver, they scored seven times.

Look, guys, I believe in you. Nelson believes in you.

Doesn't that count for anything?

No, 'cause they're gonna kill us!

They're not gonna kill us.

That's what Steve Irwin said about those stingrays.

Haven't you guys ever seen these movies?

We're just supposed to rally together,

believe in ourselves, and we win in the end.

No, in the movies, they always go out

and find a kid who's really good to join the team.

Hey, that's right.

We need a ringer.

We need a Canadian.

Wow! He's good!

- Yeah! - Yeah!

Stan, I told you.

My mom doesn't want Ike playing hockey.

She thinks it's dangerous.

It's just for one game.

He won't get hurt, I promise.

ALL: Yeah!

All right, but it's gonna take more than one good player

to beat the champions, Stan.

You'd better have a really good game plan.

Can you believe it, Stan?

The Pepsi Center.

You're going back to the place where it all happened.

The same place where you missed that shot all those years ago.

Dad, I'm working on my game plan right now.

You have to understand why I can't go.

I can't... sit there in that same crowd

and watch you destroy yourself again.

Oh, Stan.

Of all the places, why did it have to be the Pepsi Center?

All right. All right. I'll go.

No, no. I want to go.

I'm gonna be there for you,

and I'll be rooting louder than anybody,

saying, "That's my son!"

And just remember, Stan, win or lose...

Those are your two options -- win... or lose.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Yeah! Get him! Get him!

ANNOUNCER: The shot is blocked! What a great save!

[ Buzzer sounds ]

And that's the end of the second period,

with the score tied, 2 all.

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

And now please put your hands together

for three minutes of exhibition play

from some of our state's finest pee wee hockey players.

All right, you guys. This is it. The moment is here.

We've been through a lot together,

and according to every movie ever made,

we're going to win this game.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

Just don't forget, there's a little boy in the hospital

who's really counting on us, so let's not let him down.

Are you with me?

- All right! - Yeah!

- Let's do it! - Let's win it for Nelson!

All right! Let's go win!

Sorry, boys. You aren't playing tonight.

- [ Down-tempo music plays ] - Huh?

The other pee wee hockey team didn't show up.

There's nobody for you to play.

Thanks for making the trip, though.

- We don't get to play? - We don't get to play?

So then we win?

No. Nobody wins.

Hey. Hey, you can't do this!

We -- We've been through all the stupid emotional crap!

Well, you've got nobody to play. There's nothing we can do.

But it isn't supposed to end like this!

Hey, hold on a second.

If these kids have been through a lot of emotional changes,

- then they have to play. - Yeah.

Well, who are they gonna play?

They can take our place.

Yeah. Let 'em play the Red Wings.

- Play the Red Wings? - [ Up-tempo music plays ]

Stan Marsh coaches a pee wee hockey team,

- but now they're going... - [ Needle scratches ]

- ...to play in the big leagues! - [ Rock music plays ]

They've got small bodies but big hearts.

Stan Marsh is... goin' professional!

[ Music stops ]

- All right! - Give 'em hell, boys!

Yeah! Yeah!

ANNOUNCER: It's a tie game here in Colorado

as we get set to start the final period.

Your attention, please.

For this third and final period,

the Detroit Red Wings will be playing

the Park County pee wee hockey team.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Oh!

Ow!

- Ow! - [Audience gasps ]

Jesus Christ!

[ Grunts ]

Stop! Stop this!

Let them play!

CROWD: Let them play!

Let them play!

[ Crowd cheering ]

- [ Screams ] - [ Cheers and applause ]

- [ Grunts ] - Hey, can they do that?

Ow! No!

Oh!

Aah!

- [Audience groans ] - [ Grunts ]

Aah!

[ Buzzer sounds, audience cheers ]

- ♪ We are the champions ♪ - We did it! We did it!

♪ My friends ♪

♪ And we'll keep on fighting ♪

♪ Till the end ♪

♪ We are the champions ♪

♪ We are the champions ♪

♪ No time for losers ♪

No!

Not again! No!

♪ ...the champions ♪

♪ Of the world ♪

I hate you, Coach.

I hate you.

♪ ...my friends ♪

♪ And we'll keep on fighting ♪

♪ Till the end ♪

Thank you, Dad.

- I'm proud of you, boy. - ♪ We are the champions ♪

♪ We are the champions ♪

♪ No time for losers ♪

♪ 'Cause we are the champions ♪

♪ Of the world ♪

[ Crowd chanting "Red Wings" ]

[ Monitor beeping ]

No hope.

No hope.

[ Flatline ]

CROWD: Red Wings! Red Wings!

Red Wings! Red Wings!

Yeah!