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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,427 --> 00:00:14,806 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪ 2 00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:16,474 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪ 3 00:00:16,599 --> 00:00:18,142 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪ 4 00:00:18,267 --> 00:00:21,354 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 5 00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:23,064 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪ 6 00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:24,500 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪ 7 00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:27,902 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 8 00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:31,155 Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! 9 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:35,785 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪ 10 00:00:35,955 --> 00:00:38,499 MAN: The year is 2006, 11 00:00:38,624 --> 00:00:40,626 and young Eric Cartman cannot wait 12 00:00:40,751 --> 00:00:42,670 for the new Nintendo Wii to come out. 13 00:00:42,795 --> 00:00:45,589 Unable to cope with the wait any longer, 14 00:00:45,714 --> 00:00:48,300 Eric decides to freeze himself for three weeks. 15 00:00:48,425 --> 00:00:51,470 But a freak avalanche makes Eric impossible to find, 16 00:00:51,595 --> 00:00:56,433 and so he remains frozen for 500 years. 17 00:00:57,351 --> 00:01:00,479 [ "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century" theme plays ] 18 00:01:20,583 --> 00:01:23,460 [ Music continues ] 19 00:01:42,813 --> 00:01:44,857 [ Down-tempo music plays ] 20 00:01:44,982 --> 00:01:47,902 [ Birds, insects chirping ] 21 00:01:52,239 --> 00:01:54,033 [ Squawks ] 22 00:01:54,158 --> 00:01:55,826 Whoa! Steady! 23 00:01:55,951 --> 00:01:58,203 This way, otters! 24 00:02:00,831 --> 00:02:03,834 This is it -- New New Hampshire. 25 00:02:03,959 --> 00:02:07,004 We have risked much bringing you here, time child. 26 00:02:08,505 --> 00:02:09,505 Can it. 27 00:02:09,548 --> 00:02:11,668 You otters may have evolved to the point you can talk, 28 00:02:11,759 --> 00:02:13,469 but I don't need lectures. 29 00:02:14,178 --> 00:02:16,263 Don't let the time child out of your sight. 30 00:02:16,388 --> 00:02:17,640 He could try to run. 31 00:02:17,765 --> 00:02:19,391 We have a deal, Blavius. 32 00:02:19,516 --> 00:02:22,895 As long as I get what I want, you have nothing to worry about. 33 00:02:23,020 --> 00:02:25,022 [ Squawking ] 34 00:02:25,147 --> 00:02:26,857 Something is spooking the ostriches. 35 00:02:26,982 --> 00:02:29,193 Sure. This is monarch land now. 36 00:02:29,318 --> 00:02:31,362 Probably jarvis probes everywhere. 37 00:02:31,487 --> 00:02:33,280 Here it is! We have arrived! 38 00:02:33,405 --> 00:02:34,281 Hold! 39 00:02:34,406 --> 00:02:37,910 This is it, time child -- the old Museum of Technology, 40 00:02:38,035 --> 00:02:39,203 abandoned long ago. 41 00:02:39,787 --> 00:02:43,332 Let's get what you want, time child, and get out of here. 42 00:02:45,751 --> 00:02:48,087 [ Music continues ] 43 00:02:48,212 --> 00:02:49,713 Over here! 44 00:02:50,839 --> 00:02:52,466 Yes! Here! I-It's here! 45 00:02:53,258 --> 00:02:55,094 The Nintendo Wii. 46 00:02:56,679 --> 00:02:58,931 I've waited so long for this. 47 00:03:00,683 --> 00:03:01,683 All right, time child. 48 00:03:01,725 --> 00:03:03,227 We've filled our side of the bargain. 49 00:03:03,352 --> 00:03:04,937 Now return with us to Otter Bay. 50 00:03:05,062 --> 00:03:06,939 Sorry, Blavius. I've got other plans. 51 00:03:07,064 --> 00:03:08,399 [ Beeping ] 52 00:03:08,983 --> 00:03:10,150 No! 53 00:03:10,275 --> 00:03:11,318 It was a trick! 54 00:03:11,443 --> 00:03:14,321 Science damn you, time child! 55 00:03:16,865 --> 00:03:19,159 I got it! I got the Wii! 56 00:03:19,284 --> 00:03:21,412 MAN: Time child, you've returned! 57 00:03:21,537 --> 00:03:23,998 We thought for sure you had died in the thobart plant! 58 00:03:24,123 --> 00:03:27,084 Yeah. Lucky for me the otters believed I was on their side. 59 00:03:27,751 --> 00:03:28,751 Do me a favor. 60 00:03:28,836 --> 00:03:30,295 Next time I'm in a recessed biocave, 61 00:03:30,421 --> 00:03:32,464 don't send me a level-two homing call. 62 00:03:33,424 --> 00:03:35,551 T.C., wait! 63 00:03:36,135 --> 00:03:38,721 Oh, I can't wait! This is gonna be so awesome! 64 00:03:38,846 --> 00:03:40,389 Get out of my way! 65 00:03:40,514 --> 00:03:42,266 You gained the otters' trust?! 66 00:03:42,391 --> 00:03:44,685 Were you wearing an information crystal? 67 00:03:44,810 --> 00:03:46,020 Here. 68 00:03:46,145 --> 00:03:49,273 Science be praised. This could end the war! 69 00:03:49,398 --> 00:03:52,443 You've done a great thing, T.C. How can we repay you? 70 00:03:52,568 --> 00:03:54,737 Just send a maintenance guy to my room! 71 00:03:54,862 --> 00:03:58,323 I want this Nintendo hooked up to my float screen now! 72 00:03:59,033 --> 00:04:00,451 Come on. 73 00:04:00,576 --> 00:04:01,744 Come on! 74 00:04:01,869 --> 00:04:04,371 Dude, what is taking so long? I want to play! 75 00:04:04,496 --> 00:04:06,957 Uh, what kind of output does this have? 76 00:04:07,082 --> 00:04:09,877 This is some ancient super-VHS output or something. 77 00:04:10,002 --> 00:04:12,337 I can't connect it to your float screen. 78 00:04:13,338 --> 00:04:14,938 There's got to be some way to hook it up! 79 00:04:14,965 --> 00:04:16,383 It's the freakin' future! 80 00:04:16,508 --> 00:04:17,843 It may be the future for you, 81 00:04:17,968 --> 00:04:20,179 but I can't hook up anything to a float screen 82 00:04:20,304 --> 00:04:22,181 without at least a laser-seven output. 83 00:04:22,306 --> 00:04:23,891 You got to be [bleep] me! 84 00:04:24,016 --> 00:04:25,642 Science damn it! 85 00:04:25,768 --> 00:04:27,853 I am so [bleep] sick of the future! 86 00:04:27,978 --> 00:04:30,105 T.C., what's wrong? 87 00:04:30,230 --> 00:04:31,310 I'll tell you what's wrong. 88 00:04:31,398 --> 00:04:34,443 I've been waiting 500 years to play the Nintendo Wii, 89 00:04:34,568 --> 00:04:37,488 and if I don't get to play real soon, I'm gonna bust a nut! 90 00:04:37,613 --> 00:04:39,156 Well, we're all glad you're back. 91 00:04:39,281 --> 00:04:41,617 I know somebody who's missed you very much. 92 00:04:41,742 --> 00:04:42,951 Come on in, K-10! 93 00:04:43,077 --> 00:04:44,912 - [ Light music plays ] - Bark, bark. 94 00:04:45,037 --> 00:04:47,414 Hello, Eric. I have missed you. 95 00:04:47,539 --> 00:04:50,417 Suck my balls, K-10. I'm not in the mood. 96 00:04:51,627 --> 00:04:54,713 Fellow atheists, the time child has returned 97 00:04:54,838 --> 00:04:56,965 with information on our sworn enemies, 98 00:04:57,091 --> 00:04:59,676 the Allied Atheist Alliance! 99 00:04:59,802 --> 00:05:02,888 They have started digging for clams in sector J-7. 100 00:05:03,013 --> 00:05:05,057 If we mount an all-out attack, 101 00:05:05,182 --> 00:05:07,392 we can wipe out their food supply! 102 00:05:08,060 --> 00:05:10,020 But those are civilian otters. 103 00:05:10,145 --> 00:05:11,814 We cannot tolerate the otters! 104 00:05:11,939 --> 00:05:13,315 Their science is flawed! 105 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,527 Their answer to the great question is different from ours. 106 00:05:16,652 --> 00:05:19,988 Yes, but sending out all our ships at the same time -- 107 00:05:20,114 --> 00:05:21,990 It would leave our city exposed. 108 00:05:22,116 --> 00:05:25,035 That's why we have to be super-duper sure 109 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:27,955 that nobody finds out we're doing it. 110 00:05:30,499 --> 00:05:31,708 The United Atheist Alliance 111 00:05:31,834 --> 00:05:33,794 is about to send out all its defense ships 112 00:05:33,919 --> 00:05:36,421 to take down the Allied Atheist Alliance's clam fields! 113 00:05:36,547 --> 00:05:37,840 Praise science! 114 00:05:37,965 --> 00:05:39,550 This is your chance, young Shpeck, 115 00:05:39,675 --> 00:05:41,301 to avenge your father's death. 116 00:05:41,426 --> 00:05:42,636 Careful, son. 117 00:05:42,761 --> 00:05:45,347 Just because their science leads them to a different answer 118 00:05:45,472 --> 00:05:46,557 to the great question 119 00:05:46,682 --> 00:05:48,684 doesn't mean we have the right to kill them all. 120 00:05:48,809 --> 00:05:49,601 No. 121 00:05:49,726 --> 00:05:52,771 Our answer to the great question is the only logical one. 122 00:05:52,896 --> 00:05:54,523 Our science is great. 123 00:05:55,107 --> 00:05:56,859 Let us not forget the great Richard Dawkins, 124 00:05:56,984 --> 00:05:59,361 who finally freed the world of religion long ago. 125 00:05:59,486 --> 00:06:01,155 Dawkins knew that logic and reason 126 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:02,489 were the way of the future. 127 00:06:02,614 --> 00:06:05,409 But it wasn't until he met his beautiful wife 128 00:06:05,534 --> 00:06:09,121 that he learned using logic and reason isn't enough. 129 00:06:09,705 --> 00:06:10,706 You have to be a dick 130 00:06:10,831 --> 00:06:13,709 to everyone who doesn't think like you. 131 00:06:13,834 --> 00:06:15,711 Prepare all the troops. 132 00:06:15,836 --> 00:06:20,424 We will level the United Atheist Alliance to the ground! 133 00:06:20,549 --> 00:06:23,010 MAN: With new Glade monvert cleaner, 134 00:06:23,135 --> 00:06:26,221 you can make your monvert sparkle like never before. 135 00:06:26,346 --> 00:06:28,891 My monvert's never looked so clean! 136 00:06:29,016 --> 00:06:32,936 God, I hate future TV. There's too many commercials! 137 00:06:33,854 --> 00:06:35,272 Ugh. I'm so bored! 138 00:06:35,397 --> 00:06:36,815 There's nothing to do! 139 00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:37,983 Tell me about it. 140 00:06:38,108 --> 00:06:38,984 Hey, I know! 141 00:06:39,109 --> 00:06:41,111 Let's crank-call people in the past! 142 00:06:41,236 --> 00:06:41,778 Huh? 143 00:06:41,904 --> 00:06:44,531 I just got the Crank Prank Timephone! 144 00:06:44,656 --> 00:06:46,241 ♪ Crank Prank ♪ 145 00:06:46,366 --> 00:06:47,993 ♪ Crank Prank Timephone ♪ 146 00:06:48,118 --> 00:06:51,121 MAN: New from Zasbro, it's Crank Prank Timephone! 147 00:06:51,246 --> 00:06:53,290 I just dial a random number on the keypad, 148 00:06:53,415 --> 00:06:56,418 enter a date and year on the divilibrator, and... 149 00:06:56,543 --> 00:06:59,379 Wow! Someone from the past is on the line! 150 00:06:59,504 --> 00:07:02,257 Hello. Is your refrigerator running? 151 00:07:02,382 --> 00:07:04,092 Well, then you better go catch it! 152 00:07:04,218 --> 00:07:05,344 [ Laughter ] 153 00:07:05,469 --> 00:07:06,803 ♪ Crank Prank ♪ 154 00:07:06,929 --> 00:07:08,388 ♪ Crank Prank Timephone ♪ 155 00:07:08,513 --> 00:07:09,223 What? 156 00:07:09,348 --> 00:07:12,184 Uh, hi. It's the year 1973, right? 157 00:07:12,309 --> 00:07:14,603 Could I speak with Al Coholic, please? 158 00:07:14,728 --> 00:07:15,728 [ Laughter ] 159 00:07:15,812 --> 00:07:18,440 MAN: Crank Prank Timephone comes with divilibrator, 160 00:07:18,565 --> 00:07:19,942 antimatter fusion cone, 161 00:07:20,067 --> 00:07:22,402 and 30 Blaine H.F. Watt triggers. 162 00:07:31,411 --> 00:07:33,538 Why didn't anyone tell me there was a timephone? 163 00:07:33,664 --> 00:07:35,624 Why does it matter? Bark, bark. 164 00:07:35,749 --> 00:07:36,583 Don't you see? 165 00:07:36,708 --> 00:07:39,211 If I get one of those phones, I can call myself in the past 166 00:07:39,336 --> 00:07:41,630 and tell me not to freeze myself! 167 00:07:41,755 --> 00:07:46,134 Then I can go back to my time... and play Nintendo Wii. 168 00:07:46,260 --> 00:07:48,804 Bark, bark! That phone is for crank-calling only. 169 00:07:48,929 --> 00:07:51,265 Using it in the way you described is illegal. 170 00:07:51,390 --> 00:07:53,642 I care! Where's the closest toy store? 171 00:07:53,767 --> 00:07:57,396 Working. Bark, bark. The Jarvanian Shopping Complex. 172 00:07:57,521 --> 00:07:59,273 But it is not open yet. 173 00:08:03,277 --> 00:08:04,611 Come on. 174 00:08:04,736 --> 00:08:06,822 Come on! 175 00:08:06,947 --> 00:08:09,533 Store is now open. Welcome! 176 00:08:09,658 --> 00:08:10,659 Ugh, finally! 177 00:08:10,784 --> 00:08:12,202 Welcome to Zeebod's Toys. 178 00:08:12,327 --> 00:08:13,996 I want one of those timephone things. 179 00:08:14,121 --> 00:08:16,415 Ah. The Crank Prank Timephone. Sure. 180 00:08:16,540 --> 00:08:19,042 Now, I am required by the state to make sure you know 181 00:08:19,167 --> 00:08:21,712 this is for prank-calling the past only, right? 182 00:08:21,837 --> 00:08:23,481 Yeah, yeah. I'm only gonna crank-call people. 183 00:08:23,505 --> 00:08:26,216 All right. That'll be 6,000 credits. 184 00:08:26,341 --> 00:08:27,759 6,000 credits? 185 00:08:27,884 --> 00:08:30,512 What do I look like to you, a therilium miner? 186 00:08:30,637 --> 00:08:32,514 This is a pretty advanced piece of equipment. 187 00:08:32,639 --> 00:08:33,640 It's expensive. 188 00:08:33,765 --> 00:08:36,351 Look, I have to have one of those phones. 189 00:08:36,476 --> 00:08:37,811 Oh, all right. 190 00:08:37,936 --> 00:08:40,772 Then I have to have 6,000 credits. 191 00:08:41,398 --> 00:08:45,152 Bark, bark. I'm sorry, Eric. Bark, bark. 192 00:08:45,277 --> 00:08:47,029 How about a robot? How much for the robot? 193 00:08:47,154 --> 00:08:49,323 - Aww. - Sorry, kid. 194 00:08:49,448 --> 00:08:52,034 You're gonna have to crank-call people in the present. 195 00:08:52,159 --> 00:08:53,744 Science damn it! 196 00:08:53,869 --> 00:08:55,829 Wait. K-10. 197 00:08:55,954 --> 00:08:57,914 Can you access this store's sales records? 198 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:00,417 Working. Bark, bark. Accessed. 199 00:09:00,542 --> 00:09:02,377 I want the name and address of anybody 200 00:09:02,502 --> 00:09:04,480 who's bought a timephone from this guy in the past week. 201 00:09:04,504 --> 00:09:06,423 Working. Bark, bark. 202 00:09:08,633 --> 00:09:11,720 The United Atheist Alliance has taken the bait! 203 00:09:11,845 --> 00:09:13,930 Soon they will send their ships out 204 00:09:14,056 --> 00:09:16,016 to destroy our decoy clam fields. 205 00:09:16,141 --> 00:09:17,601 And while their ships are away, 206 00:09:17,726 --> 00:09:20,103 the United Atheist League intends to attack them. 207 00:09:20,228 --> 00:09:21,688 Our plan has worked perfectly, 208 00:09:21,813 --> 00:09:23,648 for when the United Atheist League 209 00:09:23,774 --> 00:09:25,692 attacks the United Atheist Alliance, 210 00:09:25,817 --> 00:09:28,153 we will charge in and kill them all! 211 00:09:28,278 --> 00:09:31,531 Our science, our answer to the great question shall prevail! 212 00:09:31,656 --> 00:09:32,783 ALL: Hail science! 213 00:09:32,908 --> 00:09:33,909 Hail science! 214 00:09:34,034 --> 00:09:35,452 Hail science! 215 00:09:35,577 --> 00:09:38,747 And I will personally kill the time child 216 00:09:38,872 --> 00:09:42,417 and eat his entrails on my tummy! 217 00:09:43,293 --> 00:09:45,545 [ Horn blows ] 218 00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:50,592 [ Telephone ringing ] 219 00:09:50,717 --> 00:09:52,177 I'll get it, darling. 220 00:09:52,302 --> 00:09:53,928 Hello? 221 00:09:54,053 --> 00:09:54,846 Hello? 222 00:09:54,971 --> 00:09:58,433 Uh, yes. Hello. I'm calling for Mr. Wall. 223 00:09:58,558 --> 00:10:01,019 I'm sorry. There's no Mr. Wall here. 224 00:10:01,144 --> 00:10:02,854 Oh, is Mrs. Wall there? 225 00:10:02,979 --> 00:10:04,731 No, there are no Walls here. 226 00:10:04,856 --> 00:10:06,274 Then how does your roof stay up? 227 00:10:06,399 --> 00:10:07,609 [ Laughter ] 228 00:10:07,734 --> 00:10:08,860 Oh, I see. 229 00:10:08,985 --> 00:10:10,987 Is this the Johnson boys from down the street? 230 00:10:11,112 --> 00:10:12,947 No. We're from the future! 231 00:10:13,072 --> 00:10:14,072 Very funny! 232 00:10:14,157 --> 00:10:15,617 Hi, I'm a pepper, and I'm wondering 233 00:10:15,742 --> 00:10:17,243 if you'd like to be a pepper, too. 234 00:10:17,368 --> 00:10:19,204 God darn you! 235 00:10:19,329 --> 00:10:20,455 [ Laughter ] 236 00:10:20,580 --> 00:10:22,123 - Yeah! - That was a great one! 237 00:10:22,248 --> 00:10:24,584 [ Doorbell rings ] 238 00:10:26,127 --> 00:10:28,296 Hello. I'm with the cubic waste department. 239 00:10:28,421 --> 00:10:30,465 I need to check your lortran for inhubitors. 240 00:10:31,216 --> 00:10:33,176 Oh. Okay, I guess. 241 00:10:33,301 --> 00:10:35,345 Come on in, Bob. 242 00:10:36,930 --> 00:10:39,182 All right. Just let me use my tools. 243 00:10:41,476 --> 00:10:42,268 Hey! 244 00:10:42,393 --> 00:10:44,145 [ Laughs ] Stupid assholes! 245 00:10:44,270 --> 00:10:45,772 ♪ I got your timephone ♪ 246 00:10:45,897 --> 00:10:46,940 Bark, bark! 247 00:10:47,065 --> 00:10:49,901 Science H. Logic! What a jerk! 248 00:10:52,070 --> 00:10:54,364 [ Indistinct conversations ] 249 00:10:58,952 --> 00:11:01,537 WISE ONE: Silence, otters! 250 00:11:01,663 --> 00:11:03,665 It's the wise one! 251 00:11:03,790 --> 00:11:06,334 The wise one speaks! 252 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:10,421 This is not the path we should be taking. 253 00:11:10,546 --> 00:11:13,174 Will more bloodshed end anything? 254 00:11:13,925 --> 00:11:16,177 Wise one, our answer to the great question 255 00:11:16,302 --> 00:11:18,054 is the only one based on good science! 256 00:11:18,179 --> 00:11:20,723 Science. Reason. 257 00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:23,059 Is that really all there is? 258 00:11:23,184 --> 00:11:25,228 They are not a logical race, wise one! 259 00:11:25,353 --> 00:11:27,730 They go around chopping down trees for tables 260 00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:30,358 when they have perfectly good tummies to eat on! 261 00:11:30,483 --> 00:11:31,693 How logical is that? 262 00:11:31,818 --> 00:11:32,527 Yes! 263 00:11:32,652 --> 00:11:34,492 The great Dawkins said we cannot tolerate those 264 00:11:34,570 --> 00:11:35,822 who don't use reason! 265 00:11:35,947 --> 00:11:39,075 How reasonable is it to eat off wood instead of your tummy? 266 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,787 Well, perhaps the great Dawkins wasn't so wise. 267 00:11:42,912 --> 00:11:44,122 Oh, he was intelligent. 268 00:11:44,247 --> 00:11:47,667 But some of the most intelligent otters I've ever known 269 00:11:47,792 --> 00:11:50,044 were completely lacking in common sense. 270 00:11:50,169 --> 00:11:54,757 Maybe some otters do need to believe in something. 271 00:11:55,341 --> 00:11:56,342 Who knows? 272 00:11:56,467 --> 00:12:00,513 Maybe just believing in God makes God exist. 273 00:12:03,558 --> 00:12:05,059 Kill the wise one! 274 00:12:05,184 --> 00:12:06,227 Kill the wise one! 275 00:12:06,352 --> 00:12:08,479 - [ Indistinct shouting ] - What? No! Wait! Wait! 276 00:12:08,604 --> 00:12:11,190 [ Screaming ] 277 00:12:11,316 --> 00:12:12,984 [ Insects chirping ] 278 00:12:18,990 --> 00:12:20,992 Oh, God. 279 00:12:22,368 --> 00:12:24,454 [ Telephone ringing ] 280 00:12:26,372 --> 00:12:27,081 Hello? 281 00:12:27,206 --> 00:12:29,709 [ Static ] 282 00:12:29,834 --> 00:12:31,169 CARTMAN: Hello? 283 00:12:31,294 --> 00:12:32,837 [ Static ] 284 00:12:32,962 --> 00:12:34,797 - Am I there? - Who is this? 285 00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:37,258 There! There! I have me! All right. All right. Listen. 286 00:12:37,383 --> 00:12:40,553 Listen to me carefully. You need to be patient. 287 00:12:40,678 --> 00:12:42,638 What? Who the hell is this?! 288 00:12:42,764 --> 00:12:43,514 It's me! 289 00:12:43,639 --> 00:12:44,766 Me who? 290 00:12:44,891 --> 00:12:46,100 Me you! 291 00:12:46,225 --> 00:12:47,393 What? 292 00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:48,561 I'm you in the future! 293 00:12:48,686 --> 00:12:49,788 You have to be patient and wait 294 00:12:49,812 --> 00:12:51,272 for the Nintendo Wii to come out, 295 00:12:51,397 --> 00:12:52,624 or else you'll wake up in the future 296 00:12:52,648 --> 00:12:54,209 and have to deal with a bunch of sea otters! 297 00:12:54,233 --> 00:12:55,526 Oh, very funny, Kyle! 298 00:12:55,651 --> 00:12:57,028 It's not Kyle! It's you! 299 00:12:57,153 --> 00:12:59,030 Yeah? Well, you can go [bleep] yourself. 300 00:12:59,155 --> 00:13:01,157 I'm trying to do you a favor, dumb-ass! 301 00:13:01,282 --> 00:13:02,283 Just listen to me! 302 00:13:02,408 --> 00:13:03,409 Listen to this! 303 00:13:03,534 --> 00:13:05,244 [ Farts ] 304 00:13:05,370 --> 00:13:07,246 Dickhead. 305 00:13:07,372 --> 00:13:09,457 [ Telephone rings ] 306 00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:13,419 What an asshole! 307 00:13:13,544 --> 00:13:15,630 [ Telephone rings ] 308 00:13:17,131 --> 00:13:18,591 - Hello? - [ Static ] 309 00:13:18,716 --> 00:13:20,593 CARTMAN: Butters! Butters! 310 00:13:20,718 --> 00:13:22,637 Eric? Is that you? 311 00:13:22,762 --> 00:13:24,013 Butters! Butters, listen to me! 312 00:13:24,138 --> 00:13:25,138 J-Just listen. 313 00:13:25,181 --> 00:13:26,808 I'm about to come over to your house 314 00:13:26,933 --> 00:13:28,643 and ask you to help me freeze myself. 315 00:13:28,768 --> 00:13:30,019 Do not do it! 316 00:13:31,521 --> 00:13:33,731 Eric, are you playing a joke on me again? 317 00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:35,191 No! This is not a joke! 318 00:13:35,316 --> 00:13:37,985 Whatever I say to you, Butters, no matter how hard I try, 319 00:13:38,111 --> 00:13:40,238 do not do what I tell you. 320 00:13:40,363 --> 00:13:44,158 But -- But you're here right now! 321 00:13:44,742 --> 00:13:46,744 Butters! Come on! We got to go! 322 00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:49,497 No! Don't listen to me! Tell me to go screw myself! 323 00:13:49,622 --> 00:13:50,373 Huh? 324 00:13:50,498 --> 00:13:52,125 Come on, Butters! It's gonna get dark! 325 00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:55,128 But you're telling me not to go with you. 326 00:13:55,253 --> 00:13:56,629 What? 327 00:13:57,296 --> 00:13:58,840 Who the [bleep] is this?! 328 00:13:58,965 --> 00:14:00,550 Aw, damn it. Just listen to me! 329 00:14:00,675 --> 00:14:02,844 If you freeze yourself, you are going to die! 330 00:14:02,969 --> 00:14:03,969 Suck my balls! 331 00:14:04,053 --> 00:14:05,388 No, you suck my balls! 332 00:14:05,513 --> 00:14:07,223 Just listen to me for one minute! 333 00:14:07,348 --> 00:14:09,142 Okay. You have one minute. 334 00:14:09,267 --> 00:14:10,867 Right before you left for Butters' house, 335 00:14:10,935 --> 00:14:13,288 you drank a bunch of Ovaltine and put Clyde Frog in the closet 336 00:14:13,312 --> 00:14:14,939 so nothing would happen to him, right? 337 00:14:15,857 --> 00:14:17,108 Are you spying on me? 338 00:14:17,233 --> 00:14:19,235 No, I am you, you stupid asshole! 339 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,529 [Bleep] you, asshole. You can go [bleep] yourself. 340 00:14:21,654 --> 00:14:23,531 Come on, Butters. We're going. 341 00:14:23,656 --> 00:14:25,283 Oh, all right, then. 342 00:14:26,117 --> 00:14:28,202 God, I hate that guy! 343 00:14:28,327 --> 00:14:30,788 - [ Dramatic music plays ] - My friends, the time has come. 344 00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:34,125 May science give us the courage to do what we must. 345 00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:36,919 Launch all defensive ships to sector J-7. 346 00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:39,422 Take out the otters' clam fields! 347 00:14:39,547 --> 00:14:42,091 [ Whirring ] 348 00:14:43,509 --> 00:14:46,804 Sir, the United Atheist Alliance has sent out all their ships. 349 00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:49,265 Their capital is now unprotected. 350 00:14:50,224 --> 00:14:54,729 Then begin the attack. Science be praised. 351 00:15:02,737 --> 00:15:06,908 Kill the table-eaters in the name of almighty science! 352 00:15:07,033 --> 00:15:09,911 [ Horn blows ] 353 00:15:10,036 --> 00:15:13,080 [ Telephone ringing ] 354 00:15:15,416 --> 00:15:16,459 Hello? 355 00:15:16,584 --> 00:15:18,586 - [ Static ] - CARTMAN: Hello? Kyle? 356 00:15:18,711 --> 00:15:19,420 Hello? 357 00:15:19,545 --> 00:15:20,963 Yes. Hello, Kyle. 358 00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,924 It's Eric. Uh, how's it going? 359 00:15:23,049 --> 00:15:24,425 What do you want? 360 00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:26,677 Kyle, you are the smartest guy I know, 361 00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:28,596 so I think maybe you're the only person 362 00:15:28,721 --> 00:15:29,722 who can understand this. 363 00:15:29,847 --> 00:15:30,927 You know how earlier today, 364 00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:32,475 I asked you to help me freeze myself? 365 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,453 I'm not going to help you freeze yourself, Cartman. 366 00:15:34,477 --> 00:15:35,478 It's a stupid idea. 367 00:15:35,603 --> 00:15:37,730 No, see, I know it's a stupid idea, 368 00:15:37,855 --> 00:15:40,149 because I actually did freeze myself. 369 00:15:40,274 --> 00:15:41,776 And you were right, Kyle. 370 00:15:41,901 --> 00:15:44,529 It -- It backfired, and I was frozen for 500 years, 371 00:15:44,654 --> 00:15:46,989 and now I'm calling you from the future. 372 00:15:48,449 --> 00:15:50,034 Uh-huh. 373 00:15:50,159 --> 00:15:51,827 No, really, Kyle, I'm -- I'm seriously. 374 00:15:51,953 --> 00:15:53,496 Here. Talk to my robot dog. 375 00:15:53,621 --> 00:15:57,041 Bark, bark. Hello, Kyle. Bark, bark. 376 00:15:58,793 --> 00:16:00,294 I'm hanging up now. 377 00:16:00,419 --> 00:16:01,629 No! Kyle, listen, please! 378 00:16:01,754 --> 00:16:04,006 I think right about now, I'm in my mom's freezer. 379 00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:05,841 Suck my balls, fat-ass. 380 00:16:05,967 --> 00:16:08,844 I will. I will suck your balls, Kyle. 381 00:16:08,970 --> 00:16:10,846 Just stop me from freezing myself, 382 00:16:10,972 --> 00:16:14,267 and I will get down on my knees, and I will suck your balls. 383 00:16:14,392 --> 00:16:16,394 I'll suck 'em dry, Kyle. 384 00:16:16,519 --> 00:16:18,604 - [ Horn honks, tires screech ] - Aw, God damn it! 385 00:16:18,729 --> 00:16:20,009 Now you've made me miss my ride! 386 00:16:20,064 --> 00:16:22,775 My whole day is screwed up because of you! 387 00:16:23,818 --> 00:16:24,818 Kyle! 388 00:16:24,902 --> 00:16:25,945 Kyle! 389 00:16:26,070 --> 00:16:28,781 Eric, I really think you should stop calling the past. 390 00:16:28,906 --> 00:16:30,241 You could change the present. 391 00:16:30,366 --> 00:16:32,868 Well, I don't notice anything different, Kit-9, do you? 392 00:16:32,994 --> 00:16:35,913 I guess not. Meow, meow. 393 00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,583 Hmm. I see. 394 00:16:38,708 --> 00:16:39,709 [ Explosion ] 395 00:16:39,834 --> 00:16:42,295 - Ugh! - Meow, meow! 396 00:16:45,965 --> 00:16:47,425 - Aah! - Meow, meow! 397 00:16:51,805 --> 00:16:52,805 - Aah! - Meow, meow! 398 00:16:52,848 --> 00:16:55,434 - T.C., we're under attack! - By who? 399 00:16:55,559 --> 00:16:57,853 We have to get to the war room! It's the only safe place! 400 00:16:57,978 --> 00:16:59,563 [Alarm blaring ] 401 00:17:01,606 --> 00:17:03,859 The United Atheist League is bombing the city! 402 00:17:03,984 --> 00:17:05,360 We're defenseless! 403 00:17:05,485 --> 00:17:06,528 This is terrible! 404 00:17:06,653 --> 00:17:07,737 I'm gonna die in the future 405 00:17:07,863 --> 00:17:09,489 without ever playing Nintendo Wii?! 406 00:17:09,614 --> 00:17:12,325 Sir, the sea otters are advancing. 407 00:17:12,451 --> 00:17:14,161 They've broken through the east portal! 408 00:17:14,286 --> 00:17:16,329 [ Dramatic music plays ] 409 00:17:20,167 --> 00:17:22,627 What?! Three-way fun-chat on screen! 410 00:17:23,587 --> 00:17:26,131 What are you otters doing? This is our attack! 411 00:17:26,256 --> 00:17:28,425 Yes, and we are attacking both of you! 412 00:17:28,550 --> 00:17:30,719 You fools! This will be the end of us all! 413 00:17:30,844 --> 00:17:33,180 Then accept our answer to the great question, 414 00:17:33,305 --> 00:17:34,681 and we will withdraw! 415 00:17:34,806 --> 00:17:37,309 Your answer to the great question is illogical! 416 00:17:37,434 --> 00:17:39,102 What is the great question? 417 00:17:39,227 --> 00:17:41,855 What atheists should call themselves. 418 00:17:41,980 --> 00:17:45,984 Unified Atheist League is the most logical name! 419 00:17:46,109 --> 00:17:48,987 United Atheist Alliance makes more sense! 420 00:17:49,112 --> 00:17:51,448 No! Allied Atheist Alliance! 421 00:17:51,573 --> 00:17:52,949 That way it has three A's! 422 00:17:53,074 --> 00:17:54,743 That is the logical choice! 423 00:17:54,868 --> 00:17:57,329 So be it. We cannot agree. 424 00:17:57,454 --> 00:17:58,454 Prepare to die. 425 00:17:58,497 --> 00:18:00,999 - [Alarm blares ] - Virad missiles launched, sir! 426 00:18:01,124 --> 00:18:02,542 I have to get out of here! 427 00:18:02,667 --> 00:18:04,067 Why is everyone in my past so stupid 428 00:18:04,127 --> 00:18:05,795 that they think I'm crank-calling them?! 429 00:18:05,921 --> 00:18:07,005 But, Eric, meow, meow, 430 00:18:07,130 --> 00:18:09,799 you knew the wife of the smartest man in all of history. 431 00:18:09,925 --> 00:18:10,925 Who? 432 00:18:11,009 --> 00:18:13,470 Your teacher, the one called Garrison. 433 00:18:13,595 --> 00:18:15,764 Garrison? But he's an asshole! 434 00:18:15,889 --> 00:18:18,266 [ Telephone ringing ] 435 00:18:18,391 --> 00:18:19,476 [ Moaning ] 436 00:18:19,601 --> 00:18:22,729 Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm a monkey! 437 00:18:22,854 --> 00:18:24,814 Give this monkey what she wants! 438 00:18:24,940 --> 00:18:26,566 Oh, Ms. Garrison! 439 00:18:26,691 --> 00:18:27,960 - [ Ringing continues ] - Damn it! 440 00:18:27,984 --> 00:18:29,152 Who the hell is calling? 441 00:18:29,277 --> 00:18:31,196 I'll tell them to call you back. 442 00:18:31,321 --> 00:18:32,739 [ Breathing heavily ] 443 00:18:32,864 --> 00:18:36,535 Garrison residence. Can you call back later, please? 444 00:18:36,660 --> 00:18:39,204 CARTMAN: It's an emergency! It's an emergency! 445 00:18:39,329 --> 00:18:40,539 An emergency? 446 00:18:40,664 --> 00:18:43,124 I need to speak with Mr. Garrison right now! 447 00:18:43,250 --> 00:18:45,877 I'm sorry, but Mr. Garrison has passed away. 448 00:18:46,002 --> 00:18:48,088 Mrs. Garrison is the only person here, 449 00:18:48,213 --> 00:18:50,340 and she's rather tied up at the moment. 450 00:18:50,465 --> 00:18:52,259 Look, asshole! This is a real emergency! 451 00:18:52,384 --> 00:18:54,177 Just pass the phone to whatever Garrison 452 00:18:54,302 --> 00:18:56,680 wants to call himself since the sex-change operation! 453 00:18:57,722 --> 00:19:00,016 Sex-change operation?! 454 00:19:00,141 --> 00:19:01,518 Uh-oh. 455 00:19:01,643 --> 00:19:04,729 Ohh! You're a man?! 456 00:19:04,854 --> 00:19:06,856 Not anymore! I've been fixed! 457 00:19:06,982 --> 00:19:08,984 Richard, hold on! I can explain! 458 00:19:09,109 --> 00:19:12,654 Explain?! How could I be so stupid?! 459 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,949 Richard, come back, please! 460 00:19:17,158 --> 00:19:19,869 Well, go ahead and leave, you atheist faggot! 461 00:19:19,995 --> 00:19:23,707 Have fun mocking God in hell, you queer! 462 00:19:23,832 --> 00:19:26,293 Mr. Garrison? Mr. Garrison? 463 00:19:31,881 --> 00:19:34,384 All right, Eric. Are you all set to go? 464 00:19:35,594 --> 00:19:36,720 Go? 465 00:19:36,845 --> 00:19:38,805 Right. Where am I going? 466 00:19:38,930 --> 00:19:39,930 We told you. 467 00:19:40,015 --> 00:19:41,182 We're sending you home 468 00:19:41,308 --> 00:19:43,059 with the Crank-'n'-Wank Time Machine. 469 00:19:43,184 --> 00:19:44,686 Don't worry, my son. 470 00:19:44,811 --> 00:19:45,913 When you return to your time, 471 00:19:45,937 --> 00:19:47,606 you will merge with your other self. 472 00:19:47,731 --> 00:19:49,149 It's all very Zen. 473 00:19:49,733 --> 00:19:50,483 Wait. 474 00:19:50,609 --> 00:19:52,777 Isn't everybody at war over atheism? 475 00:19:53,403 --> 00:19:54,821 Atheism? No. 476 00:19:54,946 --> 00:19:57,699 We've learned to get rid of all the isms in our time. 477 00:19:57,824 --> 00:19:59,784 Yes, long ago we realized 478 00:19:59,909 --> 00:20:02,287 isms are great for those who are rational. 479 00:20:02,412 --> 00:20:04,706 But in the hands of irrational people, 480 00:20:04,831 --> 00:20:06,958 isms always lead to violence. 481 00:20:07,083 --> 00:20:09,461 So there is no war now in the future? 482 00:20:09,586 --> 00:20:10,795 Of course there's war! 483 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:13,715 The stupid French-Chinese think they have a right to Hawaii! 484 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:14,841 ALL: Yeah! 485 00:20:14,966 --> 00:20:18,428 But now the moment has come to send you back to your time. 486 00:20:19,763 --> 00:20:21,681 We unfroze you for a purpose, 487 00:20:21,806 --> 00:20:24,100 and now that purpose is fulfilled. 488 00:20:24,225 --> 00:20:25,518 And what was that purpose again? 489 00:20:25,644 --> 00:20:27,729 We explained that to you already. 490 00:20:27,854 --> 00:20:28,938 Right. 491 00:20:29,064 --> 00:20:31,900 Goodbye, Eric. I will miss you. Squawk, squawk. 492 00:20:32,025 --> 00:20:34,069 I'll miss you, too, Cocka-3. 493 00:20:34,194 --> 00:20:37,113 So long, Eric, and tell everyone in the past for us 494 00:20:37,238 --> 00:20:40,575 that no one single answer is ever the answer. 495 00:20:44,788 --> 00:20:46,498 Hey! 496 00:20:47,457 --> 00:20:48,625 I'm back. 497 00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:50,585 Wow! I'm back! 498 00:20:50,710 --> 00:20:52,212 There you are, Eric! 499 00:20:52,337 --> 00:20:54,381 Mom! Mom, they did it! 500 00:20:54,506 --> 00:20:55,965 Eric, you have to come home. 501 00:20:56,091 --> 00:20:58,218 You can't just wait here for that game to come out. 502 00:20:58,343 --> 00:21:00,220 No, I know. You're right, Mom. 503 00:21:00,345 --> 00:21:02,472 I need to learn to be patient. 504 00:21:02,597 --> 00:21:06,101 I think I can wait three weeks for Nintendo Wii to come out. 505 00:21:06,226 --> 00:21:07,894 But, honey, it's only September. 506 00:21:08,019 --> 00:21:11,439 The Nintendo Wii doesn't come out for two months. 507 00:21:11,564 --> 00:21:13,024 What? 508 00:21:13,149 --> 00:21:14,359 No! 509 00:21:15,110 --> 00:21:16,152 No! 510 00:21:16,277 --> 00:21:18,071 You sent me back too far! 511 00:21:18,196 --> 00:21:19,447 Hey! Do it over! 512 00:21:19,572 --> 00:21:21,116 Who are you talking to, muffin? 513 00:21:21,241 --> 00:21:23,326 I can't wait two months! I can't! 514 00:21:23,451 --> 00:21:24,786 There has to be a way around this! 515 00:21:24,911 --> 00:21:28,498 Hey, kid, somebody's on the phone for you. 516 00:21:29,082 --> 00:21:30,166 Hello? 517 00:21:30,291 --> 00:21:32,752 - [ Static ] - CARTMAN: Hello? Hello?! 518 00:21:33,336 --> 00:21:36,214 I know what you're thinking. Do not do it! 519 00:21:36,339 --> 00:21:38,883 You just need to be patient and wait the two months! 520 00:21:39,008 --> 00:21:40,009 Do you hear me?! 521 00:21:41,553 --> 00:21:44,055 - Oh, suck my balls, Kyle. - [ Telephone beeps ] 37277

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