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1
00:00:11,539 --> 00:00:14,917
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
2
00:00:15,042 --> 00:00:16,586
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:16,711 --> 00:00:18,254
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:18,379 --> 00:00:21,465
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
00:00:21,591 --> 00:00:23,175
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
6
00:00:23,301 --> 00:00:24,611
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
7
00:00:24,635 --> 00:00:28,014
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:28,139 --> 00:00:31,267
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
9
00:00:31,392 --> 00:00:35,855
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:39,108 --> 00:00:40,567
Come on.
11
00:00:40,692 --> 00:00:42,528
Come on!
12
00:00:42,653 --> 00:00:45,239
Oh, for the love of God.
How much longer?!
13
00:00:45,364 --> 00:00:47,574
There you are, Eric.
What are you doing here?
14
00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:50,285
I'm waiting for the new
Nintendo Wii to come out!
15
00:00:50,410 --> 00:00:51,912
When does it come out?
16
00:00:52,037 --> 00:00:53,080
Three weeks.
17
00:00:53,205 --> 00:00:54,540
Come on.
18
00:00:54,665 --> 00:00:55,666
Come on!
19
00:00:55,791 --> 00:00:56,959
It's time for school.
20
00:00:57,084 --> 00:00:58,919
No, Mom!
You don't understand!
21
00:00:59,044 --> 00:01:01,064
I've been waiting for this thing
to come out for months.
22
00:01:01,088 --> 00:01:04,424
And now...
every day, time is slowing down.
23
00:01:04,550 --> 00:01:09,638
It's like waiting for
Christmas... times a thousand.
24
00:01:09,763 --> 00:01:12,558
Eric, you're just going to
have to be patient.
25
00:01:12,683 --> 00:01:13,475
No!
26
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:15,102
No!
27
00:01:15,227 --> 00:01:16,603
[ Bell rings ]
28
00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:18,689
Principal Victoria, it is wrong!
29
00:01:18,814 --> 00:01:21,150
It is wrong,
and I simply will not do it!
30
00:01:21,275 --> 00:01:22,943
I care about my students.
31
00:01:23,068 --> 00:01:25,612
And I will not fill their heads
with lies!
32
00:01:25,737 --> 00:01:28,991
I am not teaching evolution
in my class!
33
00:01:29,116 --> 00:01:32,452
Mrs. Garrison, evolution
is in the school curriculum.
34
00:01:32,578 --> 00:01:33,829
We have to teach it.
35
00:01:33,954 --> 00:01:35,747
Evolution is a theory --
36
00:01:35,873 --> 00:01:38,625
a harebrained theory
that says I'm a monkey.
37
00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:41,503
I'm not a monkey!
I'm a woman!
38
00:01:42,087 --> 00:01:43,964
M-M'kay.
39
00:01:44,089 --> 00:01:48,427
Y-You realize evolution has been
pretty much, uh, proven.
40
00:01:48,552 --> 00:01:50,679
I warn you, Principal Victoria,
41
00:01:50,804 --> 00:01:53,765
those students are not prepared
to hear this stuff.
42
00:01:53,891 --> 00:01:56,268
Our students want to learn,
Mrs. Garrison,
43
00:01:56,393 --> 00:01:59,521
and they're mature enough
to handle anything.
44
00:01:59,646 --> 00:02:02,232
- [ Indistinct conversations ]
- [ Grunting ]
45
00:02:02,357 --> 00:02:04,401
How long until Nintendo Wii
comes out now?
46
00:02:04,526 --> 00:02:05,652
It's still three weeks.
47
00:02:05,777 --> 00:02:07,237
Oh, God!
48
00:02:07,362 --> 00:02:08,989
Okay.
How long now?
49
00:02:09,114 --> 00:02:10,741
Will you shut up already?
50
00:02:12,326 --> 00:02:13,202
All right, kids.
51
00:02:13,327 --> 00:02:16,872
It is now my job to teach you
the theory of evolution.
52
00:02:16,997 --> 00:02:18,123
Oh, boy!
53
00:02:18,248 --> 00:02:19,416
Now, I for one think
54
00:02:19,541 --> 00:02:22,753
that evolution is a bunch
of bullcrap.
55
00:02:22,878 --> 00:02:25,589
But I've been told
I have to teach it anyway.
56
00:02:25,714 --> 00:02:27,299
It was thought up
by Charles Darwin,
57
00:02:27,424 --> 00:02:29,051
and it goes something
like this --
58
00:02:29,176 --> 00:02:32,179
In the beginning,
we were all fish, okay,
59
00:02:32,304 --> 00:02:33,889
swimming around in the water.
60
00:02:34,014 --> 00:02:37,226
And then one day, a couple
of fish had a retard baby.
61
00:02:37,351 --> 00:02:40,562
And the retard baby was
different, so it got to live.
62
00:02:40,687 --> 00:02:44,107
So retard fish goes on
to make more retard babies,
63
00:02:44,233 --> 00:02:46,610
and then one day
a retard baby fish
64
00:02:46,735 --> 00:02:50,781
crawled out of the ocean
with its mutant fish hands,
65
00:02:50,906 --> 00:02:53,367
and it had butt sex
with a squirrel or something
66
00:02:53,492 --> 00:02:56,828
and made
this retard frog-squirrel.
67
00:02:56,954 --> 00:03:01,166
And then that had a retard baby
which was a monkey-fish-frog.
68
00:03:01,291 --> 00:03:05,045
And then this monkey-fish-frog
had butt sex with that monkey,
69
00:03:05,170 --> 00:03:07,339
and that monkey
had a mutant retard baby
70
00:03:07,464 --> 00:03:11,176
that screwed another monkey,
and that made you.
71
00:03:12,344 --> 00:03:13,720
So there you go.
72
00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:16,098
You're the retarded offspring
of five monkeys
73
00:03:16,223 --> 00:03:17,683
having butt sex
with a fish-squirrel.
74
00:03:17,808 --> 00:03:19,810
Congratulations.
75
00:03:19,935 --> 00:03:22,938
Aah!
I can't take it anymore!
76
00:03:23,063 --> 00:03:24,481
[ Screams ]
77
00:03:24,606 --> 00:03:26,166
- [ Door opens, closes ]
- Yep. You see?
78
00:03:26,275 --> 00:03:28,568
I knew that would happen.
79
00:03:32,364 --> 00:03:33,364
Come on.
80
00:03:33,448 --> 00:03:35,450
Come on!
81
00:03:35,575 --> 00:03:36,575
Look, kid.
82
00:03:36,660 --> 00:03:38,829
For the 40th time,
pacing in front of the store
83
00:03:38,954 --> 00:03:41,290
isn't gonna make the Wii
come any faster.
84
00:03:42,541 --> 00:03:44,584
Eric, you're coming home
right now!
85
00:03:44,710 --> 00:03:47,087
Can't I just stay and look
at the sign a little longer?
86
00:03:47,212 --> 00:03:48,505
It's almost bedtime.
87
00:03:48,630 --> 00:03:50,841
If you sleep,
then time will go by faster.
88
00:03:50,966 --> 00:03:53,260
[ Insects chirping ]
89
00:03:58,807 --> 00:04:01,268
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
90
00:04:01,393 --> 00:04:03,270
Oh, God.
91
00:04:05,731 --> 00:04:08,442
[ Music continues ]
92
00:04:22,831 --> 00:04:24,624
[ Mouse clicks ]
93
00:04:26,668 --> 00:04:29,254
[ Indistinct talking
on television ]
94
00:04:29,379 --> 00:04:31,465
[ Music continues ]
95
00:04:38,055 --> 00:04:40,640
Aah!
That does it!
96
00:04:40,766 --> 00:04:42,684
I am not waiting three weeks!
97
00:04:42,809 --> 00:04:44,144
[ Birds chirping ]
98
00:04:44,269 --> 00:04:46,355
You guys! You guys!
You guys, you got to help me!
99
00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:47,832
Dude, you don't look so good,
Cartman.
100
00:04:47,856 --> 00:04:49,524
I can't take it anymore,
you guys.
101
00:04:49,649 --> 00:04:51,985
The wait for Nintendo Wii
is literally killing me.
102
00:04:52,110 --> 00:04:54,613
There's nothing you can do,
so you just have to be patient.
103
00:04:54,738 --> 00:04:57,366
No.
There is something I can do.
104
00:04:57,491 --> 00:04:59,451
- Mrph?
- All right. Listen.
105
00:04:59,576 --> 00:05:00,696
You know how in space movies
106
00:05:00,786 --> 00:05:02,388
they put astronauts
in suspender animation
107
00:05:02,412 --> 00:05:04,164
so their trip seems
really short, right?
108
00:05:04,289 --> 00:05:05,916
I think I've figured out
how to do it.
109
00:05:06,041 --> 00:05:07,751
- Do what?
- Freeze myself.
110
00:05:07,876 --> 00:05:09,836
If I freeze myself,
then in three weeks
111
00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:12,964
when Nintendo Wii comes out,
you guys can unfreeze me.
112
00:05:13,090 --> 00:05:15,384
The wait will seem instantaneous
to me.
113
00:05:15,967 --> 00:05:16,843
No.
114
00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:18,178
It's simple science, Kyle.
115
00:05:18,303 --> 00:05:19,471
You'll die, retard!
116
00:05:19,596 --> 00:05:21,196
I'll die waiting for the Wii
to come out!
117
00:05:21,306 --> 00:05:22,826
Don't you see?!
This is my only chance!
118
00:05:22,891 --> 00:05:23,725
Dude, no way.
119
00:05:23,850 --> 00:05:25,745
Yeah, I hate you, but I'm not
going to help kill you.
120
00:05:25,769 --> 00:05:27,830
I thought you were my friends!
But I guess I was wrong!
121
00:05:27,854 --> 00:05:29,374
After everything
we've been through together,
122
00:05:29,398 --> 00:05:32,025
you guys won't even help me
freeze myself!
123
00:05:32,150 --> 00:05:34,069
[ Bell rings ]
124
00:05:34,194 --> 00:05:38,115
Principal Victoria,
we are a devout Catholic family.
125
00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:39,991
Do you mind telling me
why my daughter
126
00:05:40,117 --> 00:05:42,702
now thinks she's
a retarded fish-frog?!
127
00:05:42,828 --> 00:05:45,038
I told you this would happen,
didn't I?
128
00:05:45,163 --> 00:05:46,915
Mr. Triscotti, I wasn't aware --
129
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:50,252
We have worked years to instill
the teachings of Jesus Christ
130
00:05:50,377 --> 00:05:51,253
into our daughter,
131
00:05:51,378 --> 00:05:54,548
and with one fell swoop, you try
to destroy everything we did!
132
00:05:54,673 --> 00:05:55,673
I hear you.
133
00:05:55,757 --> 00:05:56,758
Sir, if you don't wish
134
00:05:56,883 --> 00:05:58,593
your daughter to learn
about evolution,
135
00:05:58,718 --> 00:06:00,220
then we can pull her out
of class.
136
00:06:00,345 --> 00:06:01,638
You most certainly will!
137
00:06:01,763 --> 00:06:03,682
But, Dad,
I want to learn everything.
138
00:06:03,807 --> 00:06:05,851
No, you don't!
Shut up!
139
00:06:06,518 --> 00:06:07,602
Well, I told you.
140
00:06:07,727 --> 00:06:10,564
We should leave evolution
out of the classrooms.
141
00:06:10,689 --> 00:06:11,815
It has become obvious to me
142
00:06:11,940 --> 00:06:14,192
that you don't know enough
about evolution to teach it.
143
00:06:14,317 --> 00:06:15,652
I'm having you replaced.
144
00:06:15,777 --> 00:06:16,945
Mr. Dawkins!
145
00:06:17,070 --> 00:06:18,530
Re-Replaced?
146
00:06:18,655 --> 00:06:22,117
Richard Dawkins is a world-
renowned evolutionary scientist.
147
00:06:22,242 --> 00:06:25,162
Charmed to meet you, Ms.
--
148
00:06:25,287 --> 00:06:26,455
Shut up, faggot.
149
00:06:26,580 --> 00:06:28,748
Principal Victoria,
I can teach my own class!
150
00:06:28,874 --> 00:06:31,251
You are to sit in class
and help Mr. Dawkins
151
00:06:31,376 --> 00:06:33,086
with whatever he needs.
152
00:06:33,211 --> 00:06:35,630
[ Bell rings ]
153
00:06:36,214 --> 00:06:39,092
Over billions of years,
life has evolved
154
00:06:39,217 --> 00:06:41,511
from simple,
one-celled organisms
155
00:06:41,636 --> 00:06:45,265
into all the complex life
we see around us.
156
00:06:45,390 --> 00:06:47,017
Whatever.
157
00:06:47,142 --> 00:06:49,227
It was changes
in hereditary traits
158
00:06:49,352 --> 00:06:52,314
that allowed the first mammals
to breathe in the air.
159
00:06:52,439 --> 00:06:54,274
Retarded fish-frogs.
160
00:06:54,399 --> 00:06:57,569
Ms. Garrison, I believe that's
a gross oversimplification.
161
00:06:57,694 --> 00:06:59,446
Well, you're a faggot.
162
00:06:59,571 --> 00:07:00,906
Continue.
163
00:07:01,031 --> 00:07:02,115
You see, children,
164
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,494
life has the amazing ability
to change, to adapt,
165
00:07:05,619 --> 00:07:08,538
like changing us to the point
that we walk upright.
166
00:07:08,663 --> 00:07:11,208
So you are saying that
we're all related to monkeys.
167
00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:13,543
Well, yes, basically we are.
168
00:07:13,668 --> 00:07:15,295
You've seen monkeys at the zoo!
169
00:07:15,420 --> 00:07:17,714
They crap in their hands
and throw it at people!
170
00:07:17,839 --> 00:07:19,758
Ms. Garrison, this isn't theory.
171
00:07:19,883 --> 00:07:21,843
It is scientific fact.
172
00:07:21,968 --> 00:07:23,887
What about the fact
that by believing this crap,
173
00:07:24,012 --> 00:07:25,305
you're gonna go to hell?!
174
00:07:25,430 --> 00:07:27,057
Doesn't that bother you
a little?!
175
00:07:27,182 --> 00:07:30,060
Actually, no,
because I'm an atheist.
176
00:07:30,644 --> 00:07:31,644
Aha!
177
00:07:31,728 --> 00:07:33,730
I got you,
you snake in the grass!
178
00:07:33,855 --> 00:07:35,023
I found you out!
179
00:07:35,148 --> 00:07:36,983
DAWKINS:
I never covered it up.
180
00:07:37,108 --> 00:07:40,695
And if I'm a monkey, I might
as well act like a monkey, huh?!
181
00:07:40,820 --> 00:07:41,988
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whaa-whaa!
182
00:07:42,113 --> 00:07:43,406
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whaa-whaa!
183
00:07:43,532 --> 00:07:45,283
What on earth are you doing?!
184
00:07:45,408 --> 00:07:48,537
Don't ask me!
I'm a [bleep] monkey!
185
00:07:48,662 --> 00:07:49,829
Agh!
186
00:07:51,498 --> 00:07:52,498
Principal Victoria,
187
00:07:52,582 --> 00:07:55,210
I was simply trying to make
a point to Mr. Dawkins
188
00:07:55,335 --> 00:07:57,796
about the incongruity
of some scientific statements.
189
00:07:57,921 --> 00:08:00,674
Mrs. Garrison, I am pulling you
out of the classroom.
190
00:08:00,799 --> 00:08:01,799
What?
191
00:08:01,841 --> 00:08:04,844
Principal Victoria, I really
don't think that's necessary.
192
00:08:04,970 --> 00:08:07,430
This woman is very opinionated,
193
00:08:07,556 --> 00:08:10,850
but she does care
about her students.
194
00:08:10,976 --> 00:08:12,727
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
195
00:08:12,852 --> 00:08:13,937
Very well.
196
00:08:14,062 --> 00:08:18,400
But there is to be no more
throwing of feces, understood?
197
00:08:20,277 --> 00:08:21,277
Ms. Garrison.
198
00:08:21,319 --> 00:08:23,319
Ms. Garrison, could I have
a word with you, please?
199
00:08:23,405 --> 00:08:24,239
What?
200
00:08:24,364 --> 00:08:26,950
Look, I know you think
we are at war,
201
00:08:27,075 --> 00:08:30,579
but I want you to know
I admire your passion.
202
00:08:31,788 --> 00:08:32,914
You -- You do?
203
00:08:33,039 --> 00:08:37,210
I've never met a woman
with so much... fire.
204
00:08:37,335 --> 00:08:41,631
Well, I-I do bring down
the woman's wrath now and again.
205
00:08:41,756 --> 00:08:43,800
So much boldness in a woman.
206
00:08:43,925 --> 00:08:45,802
So beautiful.
207
00:08:45,927 --> 00:08:48,054
I'm sorry. I'm sure you have
a husband, but I --
208
00:08:48,179 --> 00:08:51,683
No! No, m-my husband is gone --
dead!
209
00:08:51,808 --> 00:08:55,061
Would you, then, consider
having dinner with me tonight?
210
00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:56,521
Well...
211
00:08:56,646 --> 00:08:59,566
Well, I suppose we could have
a little steak or something.
212
00:09:00,942 --> 00:09:02,944
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
213
00:09:03,069 --> 00:09:04,362
I've got a date!
214
00:09:04,487 --> 00:09:05,947
I've got a date!
215
00:09:06,072 --> 00:09:08,283
My first real date
with a real man
216
00:09:08,408 --> 00:09:10,577
since my sex-change operation!
217
00:09:10,702 --> 00:09:12,662
Oh, boy!
What will I wear?
218
00:09:12,787 --> 00:09:14,706
Hey, everybody!
219
00:09:16,793 --> 00:09:18,878
[ Humming ]
220
00:09:21,965 --> 00:09:23,300
- Hey!
- [ Gasps ]
221
00:09:23,425 --> 00:09:24,926
Close the door!
I'm trying to freeze!
222
00:09:25,051 --> 00:09:26,720
Eric, get out of there!
223
00:09:26,845 --> 00:09:28,513
No! No!
It's too soon!
224
00:09:28,638 --> 00:09:30,348
Now, Eric,
this has gone far enough.
225
00:09:30,473 --> 00:09:33,393
You need to learn to be patient.
226
00:09:33,518 --> 00:09:35,103
[ Birds chirping ]
227
00:09:35,687 --> 00:09:37,606
Butters, get your coat.
We got to go.
228
00:09:37,731 --> 00:09:38,982
Go where?
229
00:09:39,107 --> 00:09:41,484
You're gonna help me
freeze myself.
230
00:09:43,028 --> 00:09:44,613
Okay!
231
00:09:45,488 --> 00:09:47,657
[ Dramatic music plays ]
232
00:09:55,290 --> 00:09:57,792
Well, how come we got to come
all the way out here?
233
00:09:57,917 --> 00:09:59,669
If anybody else comes across
my frozen body,
234
00:09:59,794 --> 00:10:01,274
they'll try to unfreeze me
right away.
235
00:10:01,338 --> 00:10:02,797
I have to be hidden.
236
00:10:04,174 --> 00:10:05,675
That's good.
237
00:10:07,886 --> 00:10:10,263
No matter what happens, Butters,
you are not to unfreeze me
238
00:10:10,388 --> 00:10:11,824
until the day
Nintendo Wii comes out.
239
00:10:11,848 --> 00:10:12,557
You got it?
240
00:10:12,682 --> 00:10:14,851
Eric, are you sure
this is a good idea?
241
00:10:14,976 --> 00:10:17,520
No, it's not a good idea.
It's an awesome idea.
242
00:10:17,646 --> 00:10:20,273
Yeah, I guess it is.
243
00:10:20,398 --> 00:10:21,691
You got the spot figured out?
244
00:10:21,816 --> 00:10:23,376
You're not gonna lose
where I am, right?
245
00:10:23,401 --> 00:10:25,862
I got it -- big tree, oval rock.
246
00:10:25,987 --> 00:10:26,863
Now get out of here.
247
00:10:26,988 --> 00:10:29,532
You can't freeze, too,
or else we're both screwed.
248
00:10:29,658 --> 00:10:31,660
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
249
00:10:31,785 --> 00:10:34,788
Get out of here, you asshole!
You're gonna ruin everything!
250
00:10:34,913 --> 00:10:36,790
Oh, geez.
251
00:10:39,793 --> 00:10:41,878
Yes.
Come on.
252
00:10:42,003 --> 00:10:43,129
Freeze.
253
00:10:43,254 --> 00:10:45,131
Freeze.
254
00:10:45,256 --> 00:10:46,966
[ Insects chirping ]
255
00:10:47,092 --> 00:10:48,718
So I told my gynecologist,
256
00:10:48,843 --> 00:10:50,970
"You put so many things
in my vagina,
257
00:10:51,096 --> 00:10:52,847
maybe I should charge you!"
258
00:10:52,972 --> 00:10:54,307
[ Both laugh ]
259
00:10:54,432 --> 00:10:56,768
Oh, Ms. Garrison,
you are the most outspoken woman
260
00:10:56,893 --> 00:10:58,311
I have ever met.
261
00:10:58,436 --> 00:11:00,814
It's almost like
you're one of the guys.
262
00:11:00,939 --> 00:11:02,774
Yeah, almost.
263
00:11:02,899 --> 00:11:05,694
You have so much spunk,
so much life!
264
00:11:05,819 --> 00:11:08,738
If only you were an atheist.
265
00:11:10,115 --> 00:11:14,577
W-- Well, you know, I'm --
I'm open to stuff.
266
00:11:14,703 --> 00:11:16,246
Why has someone
as outspoken as you
267
00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:18,540
given themselves over
to the whole God thing?
268
00:11:18,665 --> 00:11:20,208
Oh, I'm not --
269
00:11:20,333 --> 00:11:22,502
I'm not totally into
the whole God thing.
270
00:11:22,627 --> 00:11:26,589
I just -- I just think, you
know, you can't disprove God.
271
00:11:26,715 --> 00:11:29,676
Well, what if I told you there
was a flying spaghetti monster?
272
00:11:29,801 --> 00:11:32,637
Would you believe it simply
because it can't be disproven?
273
00:11:34,222 --> 00:11:35,598
You're right!
274
00:11:35,724 --> 00:11:37,225
It's so simple!
275
00:11:37,350 --> 00:11:39,185
God is a spaghetti monster!
276
00:11:39,310 --> 00:11:41,980
Oh, thank you!
Geez! My eyes are open!
277
00:11:42,105 --> 00:11:44,816
Hey, everyone, I'm an atheist!
278
00:11:44,941 --> 00:11:47,694
Really?
Oh, that's wonderful!
279
00:11:47,819 --> 00:11:49,821
No!
I totally get it now!
280
00:11:49,946 --> 00:11:52,574
Evolution explains everything!
281
00:11:52,699 --> 00:11:54,993
There's no great mystery
to life, just evolution!
282
00:11:55,118 --> 00:11:56,745
And God's a spaghetti monster!
283
00:11:56,870 --> 00:11:58,496
Thank you, Richard!
284
00:11:58,621 --> 00:12:00,457
You're so welcome!
285
00:12:00,582 --> 00:12:02,167
Would you like to...
286
00:12:02,292 --> 00:12:04,919
head over to my place
for dessert?
287
00:12:06,045 --> 00:12:07,213
[ Grunting ]
288
00:12:07,338 --> 00:12:08,715
Oh, yeah!
289
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,633
Yeah, I'm a monkey!
290
00:12:10,759 --> 00:12:12,594
Give this monkey what she wants!
291
00:12:12,719 --> 00:12:14,304
- Oh, Ms. Garrison!
- Yeah!
292
00:12:14,429 --> 00:12:16,431
Pound my monkey hole, Richard!
293
00:12:16,556 --> 00:12:18,099
Yeah!
I'm a monkey, all right!
294
00:12:18,224 --> 00:12:20,727
[ Wind whistling ]
295
00:12:20,852 --> 00:12:22,896
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
296
00:12:25,315 --> 00:12:26,357
[ Heartbeat ]
297
00:12:26,483 --> 00:12:29,068
[ Weakly ]
N-Nintendo.
298
00:12:29,194 --> 00:12:30,987
I'm coming.
299
00:12:31,488 --> 00:12:34,407
I'm coming... Nintendo.
300
00:12:34,532 --> 00:12:35,617
[ Heartbeat stops ]
301
00:12:35,742 --> 00:12:38,328
[ Exhales deeply ]
302
00:12:45,168 --> 00:12:48,171
[ Coyote howling in distance ]
303
00:12:48,296 --> 00:12:50,507
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
304
00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:59,724
[ Rumbling ]
305
00:13:13,363 --> 00:13:16,741
[ "Buck Rogers in the
25th Century" theme plays ]
306
00:13:50,358 --> 00:13:52,360
[ Music continues ]
307
00:14:03,746 --> 00:14:07,750
[ Whirring ]
308
00:14:07,876 --> 00:14:09,252
We have a pulse.
309
00:14:09,377 --> 00:14:11,921
[ Coughs, gasps ]
310
00:14:13,548 --> 00:14:15,800
Can you... understand me?
311
00:14:15,925 --> 00:14:17,302
Where am I?
312
00:14:17,427 --> 00:14:20,305
My name is Shpeck.
You are safe.
313
00:14:20,972 --> 00:14:22,473
Safe where, butthole?
314
00:14:22,599 --> 00:14:25,685
My friend, this is going to be
a bit of a shock,
315
00:14:25,810 --> 00:14:29,480
but it is the year 2546.
316
00:14:30,607 --> 00:14:32,025
What?
317
00:14:32,150 --> 00:14:35,612
You have been frozen in ice
for over 500 years.
318
00:14:35,737 --> 00:14:37,947
[ Dramatic music plays ]
319
00:14:41,743 --> 00:14:42,785
Butters.
320
00:14:42,911 --> 00:14:45,246
Butters, you black asshole!
[ Grunts ]
321
00:14:45,371 --> 00:14:46,998
Please, be careful.
You are frail.
322
00:14:47,123 --> 00:14:49,083
Is the Wii out?
Where is the Wii?
323
00:14:49,709 --> 00:14:51,002
[ Beeping ]
324
00:14:51,127 --> 00:14:52,587
Ah.
Nintendo Wii --
325
00:14:52,712 --> 00:14:55,340
a primitive gaming device
used in his time.
326
00:14:55,465 --> 00:14:56,174
Primitive?
327
00:14:56,299 --> 00:14:58,343
It has motion-control
controllers, asswipe.
328
00:14:58,468 --> 00:15:00,470
Young man,
you don't seem to understand.
329
00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:04,182
Your family, your friends,
everyone you knew
330
00:15:04,307 --> 00:15:08,311
has been dead
for over 500 years.
331
00:15:08,436 --> 00:15:10,772
I don't care!
Is there a Nintendo Wii?!
332
00:15:10,897 --> 00:15:13,483
We don't play video games
in our time.
333
00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:16,819
There's no such thing
as a Nintendo Wii.
334
00:15:16,945 --> 00:15:18,863
- [ Dramatic music plays ]
- No.
335
00:15:19,447 --> 00:15:21,658
No!
336
00:15:21,741 --> 00:15:23,869
[ Bell rings ]
337
00:15:23,994 --> 00:15:25,745
DAWKINS:
You must understand, children,
338
00:15:25,871 --> 00:15:28,206
that we are dealing with
very large numbers here.
339
00:15:28,331 --> 00:15:29,749
[ Thinking ]
That's my man.
340
00:15:29,875 --> 00:15:33,169
So evolution doesn't even happen
by chance.
341
00:15:33,295 --> 00:15:35,422
It is, in fact, bound to happen.
342
00:15:35,547 --> 00:15:36,798
That's right, kids.
343
00:15:36,923 --> 00:15:40,093
And so, you see,
there is no God.
344
00:15:40,218 --> 00:15:41,094
Careful, darling.
345
00:15:41,219 --> 00:15:42,864
The school board doesn't like it
when we --
346
00:15:42,888 --> 00:15:44,514
Well, there could still
be a god.
347
00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:45,640
What?
348
00:15:45,765 --> 00:15:47,326
Couldn't evolution be the answer
to "how?"
349
00:15:47,350 --> 00:15:48,643
And not the answer to "why?"
350
00:15:48,768 --> 00:15:51,438
- Uh-oh! Retard alert!
- [ Bell clanging ]
351
00:15:51,563 --> 00:15:53,231
Retard alert, class!
352
00:15:53,356 --> 00:15:55,734
Do you believe in a flying
spaghetti monster, too,
353
00:15:55,859 --> 00:15:56,859
bubble head?
354
00:15:56,902 --> 00:15:58,182
I wasn't talking about
spaghetti.
355
00:15:58,278 --> 00:15:59,279
Come on, you.
356
00:15:59,404 --> 00:16:01,323
You're gonna have to sit
in the dunce chair!
357
00:16:07,454 --> 00:16:10,582
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
358
00:16:10,707 --> 00:16:13,084
Ms. Garrison...
359
00:16:13,209 --> 00:16:16,421
I'm not so sure what you did
in class today was right.
360
00:16:16,546 --> 00:16:17,839
What?
361
00:16:17,964 --> 00:16:21,092
But, Dick, you told me that the
world would be a better place
362
00:16:21,217 --> 00:16:22,385
without religion.
363
00:16:22,510 --> 00:16:25,847
Yes, but to be so bold about it.
364
00:16:25,972 --> 00:16:30,560
I've just never seen a woman
with such... balls.
365
00:16:31,478 --> 00:16:35,190
You've just been too soft
on religious people in the past.
366
00:16:35,315 --> 00:16:36,691
Think about it, Richard.
367
00:16:36,816 --> 00:16:39,611
With your intellect
and my balls,
368
00:16:39,736 --> 00:16:42,822
we can change the future
of the world.
369
00:16:42,948 --> 00:16:45,241
Can you imagine a world
with no religion?
370
00:16:45,367 --> 00:16:46,701
No Muslims killing Jews,
371
00:16:46,826 --> 00:16:49,371
no Christians bombing
abortion clinics.
372
00:16:49,496 --> 00:16:54,167
The world would be a wonderful
place... without God.
373
00:16:54,292 --> 00:16:56,753
You're the smartest man
on earth, Dick.
374
00:16:56,878 --> 00:17:00,548
With me by your side,
there's no stopping you.
375
00:17:00,674 --> 00:17:03,802
Oh, just let me see
those beautiful breasts again.
376
00:17:03,927 --> 00:17:06,680
Oh... all right.
377
00:17:08,890 --> 00:17:10,392
Oh, yeah, baby.
378
00:17:10,517 --> 00:17:11,768
Pbbbbht!
379
00:17:11,893 --> 00:17:13,353
Oh, yeah! Oh!
380
00:17:13,478 --> 00:17:14,688
Pbbbbbht!
381
00:17:15,522 --> 00:17:18,566
Quick, General Disarray!
Kill those superheroes!
382
00:17:18,692 --> 00:17:19,901
Pew-pew! Pew-pew!
383
00:17:20,026 --> 00:17:23,405
Yes! Now the world shall feel
the wrath of Professor Chaos!
384
00:17:23,530 --> 00:17:25,115
- [ Laughs evilly ]
- Butters?
385
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:26,783
Butters, you haven't seen
Eric Cartman
386
00:17:26,908 --> 00:17:28,827
in the past few days, have you?
387
00:17:28,952 --> 00:17:31,037
- [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- Who, me?
388
00:17:31,162 --> 00:17:33,456
It's very important, Butters.
He's missing.
389
00:17:33,581 --> 00:17:34,941
You haven't seen
or heard from him?
390
00:17:36,376 --> 00:17:38,086
No, ma'am.
391
00:17:38,211 --> 00:17:39,921
Okay.
392
00:17:40,046 --> 00:17:42,424
Come on, Professor Chaos!
Let's destroy this ant hill!
393
00:17:42,549 --> 00:17:45,260
G-General Disarray, can I
ask you a scientific question?
394
00:17:45,385 --> 00:17:46,469
Okay.
395
00:17:46,594 --> 00:17:48,680
Well, um,
c-can anything bad happen
396
00:17:48,805 --> 00:17:50,223
if you completely freeze
yourself
397
00:17:50,348 --> 00:17:52,809
and then unfreeze yourself
three weeks later?
398
00:17:53,518 --> 00:17:54,227
Yeah.
399
00:17:54,352 --> 00:17:55,770
Well, like what?
400
00:17:55,895 --> 00:17:57,981
Like... you die.
401
00:17:58,106 --> 00:17:59,190
Die?!
402
00:17:59,315 --> 00:18:01,435
Well, yeah. If you freeze
your body, it means you die.
403
00:18:01,484 --> 00:18:03,254
When you wake up three weeks
later, you can be unfrozen,
404
00:18:03,278 --> 00:18:05,113
but you're still dead.
405
00:18:05,238 --> 00:18:07,282
Oh, hamburgers!
406
00:18:08,450 --> 00:18:09,868
Eric!
407
00:18:09,993 --> 00:18:11,077
Eric!
408
00:18:11,202 --> 00:18:14,122
You just left him here
without a jacket or anything?
409
00:18:14,247 --> 00:18:15,540
He told me to!
410
00:18:15,665 --> 00:18:16,916
He's dead for sure.
411
00:18:17,042 --> 00:18:17,917
Wait.
412
00:18:18,043 --> 00:18:19,753
It's all different!
413
00:18:19,878 --> 00:18:21,379
Nothing's in the same place!
414
00:18:21,504 --> 00:18:22,589
Oh, my God.
415
00:18:22,714 --> 00:18:23,965
Eric!
416
00:18:24,090 --> 00:18:25,300
Eric!
417
00:18:25,425 --> 00:18:26,801
Butters.
B-Butters! Butters!
418
00:18:26,926 --> 00:18:28,636
- We have to get out of here.
- What?
419
00:18:28,762 --> 00:18:30,305
Nobody is ever going to find
his body.
420
00:18:30,430 --> 00:18:32,807
You've got to never say anything
about this, you understand?
421
00:18:32,932 --> 00:18:33,808
He's dead!
422
00:18:33,933 --> 00:18:35,911
If they know you had a hand
in it, you'll go to jail!
423
00:18:35,935 --> 00:18:37,729
But I just did what he told me!
424
00:18:37,854 --> 00:18:38,980
Come on!
We have to leave!
425
00:18:39,105 --> 00:18:40,648
Oh, jumpin' Jesus.
426
00:18:40,774 --> 00:18:42,567
[ Dramatic music plays ]
427
00:18:42,692 --> 00:18:44,569
[ Wind whistling ]
428
00:18:47,113 --> 00:18:48,782
This is terrible.
429
00:18:48,907 --> 00:18:51,284
Five hundred years
in the future.
430
00:18:51,409 --> 00:18:53,453
[ Sobbing ]
431
00:18:55,955 --> 00:18:57,457
Eric, I have good news for you.
432
00:18:57,582 --> 00:18:59,959
We may have found you
a Nintendo Wii.
433
00:19:00,085 --> 00:19:01,669
What?!
Really?!
434
00:19:01,795 --> 00:19:03,463
Yes! Yes!
435
00:19:03,588 --> 00:19:05,882
It's rumored that there's one
at the Museum of Technology
436
00:19:06,007 --> 00:19:07,007
in New New Hampshire.
437
00:19:07,092 --> 00:19:09,010
So I'm not too late.
Come on! Let's go!
438
00:19:09,135 --> 00:19:10,970
Well, there's just...
439
00:19:11,096 --> 00:19:14,265
T-There's something
we need from you first.
440
00:19:15,350 --> 00:19:19,229
You see, my young friend,
you were unfrozen for a reason.
441
00:19:19,354 --> 00:19:21,689
Lots of people froze themselves
in cryogenic labs,
442
00:19:21,815 --> 00:19:23,191
and we don't unfreeze them.
443
00:19:23,316 --> 00:19:25,693
But you... are special.
444
00:19:25,819 --> 00:19:28,154
I know I'm special.
This isn't news to me.
445
00:19:28,279 --> 00:19:30,907
You lived in the time
when a great event happened,
446
00:19:31,032 --> 00:19:34,619
a glorious event that finally
made all religion obsolete.
447
00:19:34,744 --> 00:19:39,249
Now the entire world is atheist.
448
00:19:39,916 --> 00:19:42,794
And this gets me a Nintendo Wii
how?
449
00:19:42,919 --> 00:19:45,797
We believe that somebody
you knew in your time
450
00:19:45,922 --> 00:19:49,509
was the person who first started
our wonderful group --
451
00:19:49,634 --> 00:19:52,262
the Unified Atheist League!
452
00:19:52,387 --> 00:19:53,513
Who?
453
00:19:53,638 --> 00:19:55,014
[ Rumbling, alarm blaring ]
454
00:19:55,140 --> 00:19:57,809
What in science's name was that?
455
00:19:57,934 --> 00:20:00,645
[ Dramatic music plays ]
456
00:20:00,770 --> 00:20:02,897
[ Thud echoing ]
457
00:20:04,566 --> 00:20:05,775
Oh, no!
458
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:08,111
It's the United Atheist
Alliance!
459
00:20:08,236 --> 00:20:10,446
Oh, science help us!
460
00:20:11,698 --> 00:20:14,951
Science damn you,
Unified Atheist League!
461
00:20:15,076 --> 00:20:15,952
Who are they?
462
00:20:16,077 --> 00:20:19,122
The alliance atheists.
We're at war with them!
463
00:20:22,792 --> 00:20:24,252
[ Beeping ]
464
00:20:28,173 --> 00:20:30,508
- [ Beeping ]
- No!
465
00:20:30,633 --> 00:20:31,843
Jesus Christ!
466
00:20:31,968 --> 00:20:35,180
[ Chuckles ] You believe
in a supernatural being.
467
00:20:36,264 --> 00:20:38,766
- [ Beeping ]
- Oh, my science.
468
00:20:40,768 --> 00:20:43,188
[ Dramatic music plays ]
469
00:20:44,063 --> 00:20:45,732
I'm just a little boy
from the past
470
00:20:45,857 --> 00:20:48,651
who wants to play Nintendo Wii.
471
00:20:52,488 --> 00:20:55,116
Put me through to the
Allied Atheist Allegiance!
472
00:20:55,241 --> 00:20:56,618
On-screen!
473
00:20:56,743 --> 00:20:59,579
Look, Allied Atheist Allegiance!
474
00:20:59,704 --> 00:21:02,123
We have the time child!
475
00:21:02,248 --> 00:21:05,793
Science damn you,
United Atheist Alliance!
476
00:21:05,919 --> 00:21:09,005
Now you see, foolish sea otters,
477
00:21:09,130 --> 00:21:11,799
that we are the atheists
in control!
478
00:21:11,925 --> 00:21:13,760
It won't make a difference.
479
00:21:13,885 --> 00:21:16,554
This is the dawning
of the sea otter.
480
00:21:16,679 --> 00:21:18,973
Know this, time child!
481
00:21:19,098 --> 00:21:24,020
I shall smash your skull
like a clam on my tummy!
482
00:21:24,729 --> 00:21:25,939
What?!
483
00:21:27,232 --> 00:21:29,943
Otters, the time has come!
484
00:21:30,068 --> 00:21:31,903
Sound the nafurtee!
485
00:21:32,028 --> 00:21:33,738
ALL:
The nafurtee!
486
00:21:35,198 --> 00:21:38,493
[ Low-pitched tone plays ]
487
00:21:38,618 --> 00:21:39,661
[ Beeping ]
488
00:21:39,786 --> 00:21:43,331
So... it begins.
34666
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