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1
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♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
2
00:00:14,955 --> 00:00:16,498
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:16,623 --> 00:00:18,166
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:18,291 --> 00:00:21,378
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
00:00:21,503 --> 00:00:23,088
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
6
00:00:23,213 --> 00:00:24,524
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
7
00:00:24,548 --> 00:00:27,926
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:28,051 --> 00:00:31,179
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
9
00:00:31,304 --> 00:00:35,809
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:35,974 --> 00:00:38,226
[ Bell rings ]
11
00:00:38,351 --> 00:00:41,104
And so then I put my finger
up my butthole, right?
12
00:00:41,229 --> 00:00:42,647
And I walked up to Kelly Nelson,
13
00:00:42,772 --> 00:00:44,315
and I said,
"Do you smell lemongrass?"
14
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:45,984
And she smelled my finger
and puked!
15
00:00:46,109 --> 00:00:48,319
[ Laughs ] Oh, God.
You should have been there.
16
00:00:48,987 --> 00:00:51,280
Eric, I have to take you
to the principal's office.
17
00:00:51,406 --> 00:00:52,156
What?
18
00:00:52,281 --> 00:00:54,283
I didn't do it.
Kelly Nelson's a liar!
19
00:00:54,409 --> 00:00:56,679
I've been instructed to bring
you to the principal's office.
20
00:00:56,703 --> 00:00:59,414
Oh, suck my balls,
you ginger Jew-rat hall monitor.
21
00:00:59,539 --> 00:01:00,539
Punk-ass stoolie.
22
00:01:00,581 --> 00:01:02,021
Who the [bleep]
do you think you are?
23
00:01:02,083 --> 00:01:02,959
I'm just doing my job.
24
00:01:03,084 --> 00:01:04,395
[ Mockingly ]
"I'm just da-da-da-da!"
25
00:01:04,419 --> 00:01:05,813
You know why you're
a hallway monitor?
26
00:01:05,837 --> 00:01:07,197
Because you don't have
any friends.
27
00:01:07,296 --> 00:01:09,590
You should kill yourself.
You should kill yourself!
28
00:01:09,716 --> 00:01:10,996
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA:
Eric Cartman,
29
00:01:11,050 --> 00:01:12,736
report to the principal's office
immediately.
30
00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:14,637
Aw, God damn it!
31
00:01:14,762 --> 00:01:16,282
- [ Knock on door ]
- Come on in, Eric.
32
00:01:16,389 --> 00:01:18,808
I'm sorry, Principal Victoria.
I didn't mean to do it.
33
00:01:18,933 --> 00:01:20,351
How could I have been
so foolish?
34
00:01:20,476 --> 00:01:22,228
Eric, the reason
we called you in here
35
00:01:22,353 --> 00:01:26,190
is because it is your turn to be
the school hallway monitor.
36
00:01:26,315 --> 00:01:27,692
The hall monit-- Me?
37
00:01:27,817 --> 00:01:29,694
You need to watch
for bad behavior
38
00:01:29,819 --> 00:01:31,863
and make sure anyone
in the halls during class
39
00:01:31,988 --> 00:01:33,990
has a hall pass, m'kay?
40
00:01:34,115 --> 00:01:36,868
If anyone doesn't, you have the
authority to bring them to me.
41
00:01:36,993 --> 00:01:40,329
Auth...
Authoritah?
42
00:01:40,455 --> 00:01:42,373
Now, Eric,
being the school hallway monitor
43
00:01:42,498 --> 00:01:44,959
is a big responsibility, m'kay?
44
00:01:45,084 --> 00:01:47,503
It is important
that you take the job seriously
45
00:01:47,628 --> 00:01:49,630
and that you don't abuse
the power.
46
00:01:49,756 --> 00:01:51,758
Me?
47
00:01:51,883 --> 00:01:53,509
[ Rock music plays ]
48
00:01:53,634 --> 00:01:57,013
CARTMAN: ♪ There's fear
and darkness all around you ♪
49
00:01:57,138 --> 00:02:00,058
♪ The criminals are on the run ♪
50
00:02:00,183 --> 00:02:03,686
♪ No use in not having
your hall pass ♪
51
00:02:03,811 --> 00:02:05,271
♪ I'll take you
to the principal ♪
52
00:02:05,396 --> 00:02:06,939
♪ 'Cause I'm The Dawg ♪
53
00:02:07,065 --> 00:02:08,691
♪ I am The Dawg ♪
54
00:02:08,816 --> 00:02:10,985
♪ The big, bad Dawg ♪
55
00:02:11,110 --> 00:02:13,738
♪ The hallway monitor ♪
56
00:02:13,863 --> 00:02:16,616
- [ Laughs ]
- [ Tapping ]
57
00:02:16,741 --> 00:02:18,367
Hey, kid, get out of there.
58
00:02:18,493 --> 00:02:19,493
That's cool.
59
00:02:19,577 --> 00:02:22,121
I'm done making my video
anyways.
60
00:02:22,246 --> 00:02:25,416
[ Music continues ]
61
00:02:28,461 --> 00:02:30,797
Hall pass!
Show me your hall pass!
62
00:02:30,922 --> 00:02:32,048
What?
63
00:02:32,173 --> 00:02:33,049
[ Grunts ]
64
00:02:33,174 --> 00:02:34,174
You know what this is?!
65
00:02:34,258 --> 00:02:36,594
This is the mace
that they use on bears, faggot!
66
00:02:36,719 --> 00:02:38,054
Now, let me see your hall pass!
67
00:02:38,179 --> 00:02:39,472
It's right here!
68
00:02:39,597 --> 00:02:41,808
All right. Cool, brah.
Go with Christ.
69
00:02:41,933 --> 00:02:44,060
What? You can't just push me
up against the --
70
00:02:44,185 --> 00:02:45,186
- Aah!
- Aah!
71
00:02:46,312 --> 00:02:47,855
♪ I am The Dawg ♪
72
00:02:47,980 --> 00:02:49,982
♪ The big, b-- ♪
73
00:02:50,108 --> 00:02:52,235
Oh, my God.
74
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:54,112
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
75
00:02:54,237 --> 00:02:56,405
What the [bleep] is this?!
76
00:02:57,073 --> 00:03:00,660
And so this shape
with four sides is what, class?
77
00:03:00,785 --> 00:03:02,286
Kwhyah!
78
00:03:02,870 --> 00:03:05,748
Ike Broflovski?!
You littering my hallway, brah?!
79
00:03:05,873 --> 00:03:07,208
What are you doing?
80
00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:09,043
I found this in the hallway.
81
00:03:09,168 --> 00:03:11,420
Apparently, your student Ike
has a crush on you.
82
00:03:11,546 --> 00:03:13,381
You got a crush
on your teacher, brah?
83
00:03:13,506 --> 00:03:14,715
Keep it out of my hallway.
84
00:03:14,841 --> 00:03:15,716
Go with Christ.
85
00:03:15,842 --> 00:03:16,717
Here you go.
86
00:03:16,843 --> 00:03:18,719
I don't think
that's really necessary.
87
00:03:18,845 --> 00:03:20,888
Hey, I don't tell you
how to run your class.
88
00:03:21,013 --> 00:03:23,015
Don't tell me how to run
my hallway.
89
00:03:23,141 --> 00:03:25,393
♪ Ike has a crush on Teacher ♪
90
00:03:25,518 --> 00:03:27,395
ALL:
♪ Ike has a crush on Tea-cher ♪
91
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:28,771
[ Laughter ]
92
00:03:28,896 --> 00:03:30,982
That's enough, class.
93
00:03:31,107 --> 00:03:32,107
[ Bell rings ]
94
00:03:32,150 --> 00:03:34,735
Okay. We'll see you tomorrow,
everybody.
95
00:03:34,861 --> 00:03:38,072
Ike, could you stay
just a few minutes, please?
96
00:03:41,367 --> 00:03:44,453
Ike, I'm very flattered
by all of your love notes,
97
00:03:44,579 --> 00:03:46,038
but I need to be clear.
98
00:03:46,164 --> 00:03:48,958
There have been a lot of female
teachers on the news lately
99
00:03:49,083 --> 00:03:50,418
who have been having
relationships
100
00:03:50,543 --> 00:03:54,839
with young male students, and...
people might get the wrong idea.
101
00:03:54,964 --> 00:03:57,633
Even though I do admire you.
102
00:03:57,758 --> 00:04:02,180
You are so smart and gifted,
so mature for your age.
103
00:04:02,305 --> 00:04:04,891
I don't like medicine.
104
00:04:05,016 --> 00:04:09,020
You listen and you really care
about what I have to say.
105
00:04:09,145 --> 00:04:13,149
You make me feel things
I've never felt before.
106
00:04:16,861 --> 00:04:19,030
Ike, this is crazy.
107
00:04:19,155 --> 00:04:20,531
I'm your teacher.
108
00:04:20,656 --> 00:04:24,076
How can we be having
these feelings for each other?
109
00:04:24,202 --> 00:04:25,995
You're so mysterious.
110
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:27,413
And I can't...
111
00:04:27,538 --> 00:04:29,707
And I can't...
112
00:04:29,832 --> 00:04:36,047
♪ And I can't fight this feeling
anymore ♪
113
00:04:36,172 --> 00:04:42,386
♪ I've forgotten
what I started fighting for ♪
114
00:04:42,511 --> 00:04:46,849
♪ And if I have to crawl
upon the floor ♪
115
00:04:46,974 --> 00:04:50,061
♪ Come crashing
through your door ♪
116
00:04:50,186 --> 00:04:59,528
♪ Baby, I can't fight
this feeling anymore ♪
117
00:05:05,743 --> 00:05:07,912
That was unbelievable.
118
00:05:08,037 --> 00:05:11,040
I've never felt
like such a woman before.
119
00:05:11,165 --> 00:05:12,917
They'll say our love is wrong.
120
00:05:13,042 --> 00:05:16,295
But we can't let anybody know.
They'll never understand.
121
00:05:16,963 --> 00:05:18,839
We were meant to be.
I know it.
122
00:05:18,965 --> 00:05:22,218
How else could sex be
that incredible?
123
00:05:23,844 --> 00:05:26,764
Ike made a no-no.
124
00:05:30,518 --> 00:05:32,561
[ Zipper opens ]
125
00:05:32,687 --> 00:05:35,356
♪ Hey, there, Mr. Wiener,
what do you know? ♪
126
00:05:35,481 --> 00:05:36,857
♪ Do you need to
tinkle-tinkle? ♪
127
00:05:36,983 --> 00:05:38,651
♪ "Yes, I do think so!" ♪
128
00:05:38,776 --> 00:05:39,652
Hands!
129
00:05:39,777 --> 00:05:41,404
- Let me see those hands!
- Aah!
130
00:05:41,529 --> 00:05:43,423
Where's your pass?!
Show me your hall pass, brah!
131
00:05:43,447 --> 00:05:44,991
It's -- It's -- I just had it!
132
00:05:45,116 --> 00:05:46,117
I knew it!
133
00:05:46,242 --> 00:05:49,036
[ Grunting ]
134
00:05:49,161 --> 00:05:50,705
[ Handcuffs click ]
135
00:05:52,957 --> 00:05:54,268
Look, brah,
I had to bring you in,
136
00:05:54,292 --> 00:05:56,311
but I don't have any hard
feelings against you, all right?
137
00:05:56,335 --> 00:05:57,878
- Huh?
- Here. You need a smoke, brah?
138
00:05:58,004 --> 00:05:59,046
Uh, okay.
139
00:06:01,882 --> 00:06:03,682
You got to give yourself over
to Christ, brah.
140
00:06:03,718 --> 00:06:05,011
I do?
[ Coughs ]
141
00:06:05,136 --> 00:06:06,136
Jesus is Lord.
142
00:06:06,220 --> 00:06:07,500
You can go one direction
in life,
143
00:06:07,555 --> 00:06:09,658
where you just walk around
hallways without a hall pass,
144
00:06:09,682 --> 00:06:11,100
or you can see the light, brah.
145
00:06:11,225 --> 00:06:12,226
[ Coughs ]
146
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,522
Kyle, I need you to go get
your brother
147
00:06:16,647 --> 00:06:18,274
- over at his teacher's house.
- Huh?
148
00:06:18,399 --> 00:06:19,608
Tell his teacher I'm sorry,
149
00:06:19,734 --> 00:06:22,111
but I forgot that he has
a doctor's appointment today.
150
00:06:22,236 --> 00:06:23,904
What's he doing
at his teacher's house?
151
00:06:24,030 --> 00:06:27,199
He's been going there in the
afternoons for private tutoring.
152
00:06:27,325 --> 00:06:29,994
♪ Sky rockets in flight ♪
153
00:06:30,119 --> 00:06:32,538
♪ Afternoon delight ♪
154
00:06:35,166 --> 00:06:37,793
- ♪ A-A-A-Afternoon delight ♪
- Hello?
155
00:06:37,918 --> 00:06:39,628
Excuse me?
156
00:06:39,754 --> 00:06:41,172
I'm here to pick up Ike.
157
00:06:41,297 --> 00:06:43,632
♪ A-A-A-Afternoon delight ♪
158
00:06:43,758 --> 00:06:45,718
Uh, hello?
Is Ike here?
159
00:06:45,843 --> 00:06:47,678
[ Woman laughing ]
160
00:06:47,803 --> 00:06:49,472
- ♪ Afternoon delight ♪
- Hello?
161
00:06:49,597 --> 00:06:51,432
- [ Screams ]
- Oh, God! I'm sorry!
162
00:06:51,557 --> 00:06:53,557
I didn't mean to --
I-I was looking for my brother!
163
00:06:57,021 --> 00:06:58,021
Ike?
164
00:06:59,732 --> 00:07:01,609
What the hell is going on?
165
00:07:01,734 --> 00:07:05,112
Oh, what's the use, Ike?
We're caught.
166
00:07:05,237 --> 00:07:08,366
Hold on. Please!
You don't understand!
167
00:07:08,491 --> 00:07:10,409
Really?
What's there not to understand?
168
00:07:10,534 --> 00:07:13,746
Your brother and I...
are in love.
169
00:07:15,122 --> 00:07:16,582
He's a little young,
don't you think?
170
00:07:16,707 --> 00:07:18,125
Oh!
171
00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:20,753
Ike is very mature for his age,
and you know it.
172
00:07:20,878 --> 00:07:22,797
Ring around the rosie!
173
00:07:22,922 --> 00:07:25,132
He makes me feel
like nobody else does.
174
00:07:25,257 --> 00:07:26,967
He loves me and only me.
175
00:07:27,093 --> 00:07:28,803
And I know I am a goddess
to him.
176
00:07:28,928 --> 00:07:30,648
When we make love,
he can give it to me hard
177
00:07:30,763 --> 00:07:32,390
- or soft and gentle --
- All right!
178
00:07:32,515 --> 00:07:33,867
We're getting
the hell out of here.
179
00:07:33,891 --> 00:07:35,518
[ Whining ]
Lo-la-Io-la-nah.
180
00:07:35,643 --> 00:07:37,853
Ike, you can't possibly
want this.
181
00:07:37,978 --> 00:07:39,021
We have to tell Mom.
182
00:07:39,146 --> 00:07:41,273
[ Sobs ]
183
00:07:41,399 --> 00:07:42,399
Ike!
184
00:07:42,441 --> 00:07:45,945
Is it so hard to believe
that true love exists?
185
00:07:47,238 --> 00:07:49,615
This is nuts.
186
00:07:53,911 --> 00:07:57,289
Mom, Dad, have you ever met
Ike's kindergarten teacher?
187
00:07:58,749 --> 00:08:00,960
Miss Stevenson?
Yes. She's very nice.
188
00:08:01,085 --> 00:08:03,170
Yeah.
Well, she likes Ike a whole lot.
189
00:08:03,295 --> 00:08:04,295
That's great.
190
00:08:04,338 --> 00:08:06,590
Yeah, except it's maybe
not perfectly great,
191
00:08:06,715 --> 00:08:09,075
because to some degree, Ike
and Miss Stevenson are having --
192
00:08:09,135 --> 00:08:10,010
Spider-man!
193
00:08:10,136 --> 00:08:12,054
I'm spaceman!
194
00:08:12,179 --> 00:08:14,723
Yes, Ike.
You like Spider-man, don't you?
195
00:08:16,559 --> 00:08:19,186
Mom, there might be something
that you should look into
196
00:08:19,311 --> 00:08:20,872
about Ike staying after school
all the time --
197
00:08:20,896 --> 00:08:22,773
Waah!
Punkin.
198
00:08:22,898 --> 00:08:25,818
Mommy, I love you.
I love you.
199
00:08:25,943 --> 00:08:27,987
Mommy loves you, too, sweetie.
200
00:08:29,488 --> 00:08:30,948
Would you excuse us
for a second?
201
00:08:32,283 --> 00:08:34,403
You can't just expect me
to sit there and say nothing.
202
00:08:34,493 --> 00:08:37,037
No, Ike. I'm supposed to be
looking out for you -- What?
203
00:08:37,163 --> 00:08:38,497
I wasn't gonna just
blurt it out.
204
00:08:38,622 --> 00:08:40,892
I was gonna use some tact, but
you won't even let me -- what?
205
00:08:40,916 --> 00:08:43,544
Nuh-unh!
That's not fair, Ike.
206
00:08:46,714 --> 00:08:48,757
Mom, I think maybe
you should talk to Ike
207
00:08:48,883 --> 00:08:49,883
about love and sex.
208
00:08:49,967 --> 00:08:52,970
Sex? Oh, boubbie,
Ike is much too young.
209
00:08:56,891 --> 00:08:59,143
- You're so full of crap, Foley.
- What?
210
00:08:59,268 --> 00:09:02,104
I did shoot him in the face --
twice!
211
00:09:02,229 --> 00:09:04,231
Ex-- Excuse me?
212
00:09:04,356 --> 00:09:06,442
My name is... Brad.
213
00:09:06,567 --> 00:09:09,445
And I-I need to report
a crime -- anonymously.
214
00:09:09,570 --> 00:09:11,030
Oh?
What's the crime?
215
00:09:11,155 --> 00:09:12,990
Well, I attend
South Park Elementary,
216
00:09:13,115 --> 00:09:16,452
a-and one of the teachers
is having sex with a student.
217
00:09:17,495 --> 00:09:18,704
- Oh, my God!
- Get a name!
218
00:09:18,829 --> 00:09:20,682
- Did you hear what he said?!
- This is terrible.
219
00:09:20,706 --> 00:09:23,042
Y-You did the right thing
telling the police, Brad.
220
00:09:23,167 --> 00:09:24,960
Now, who is the teacher?
What's his name?
221
00:09:25,085 --> 00:09:26,837
Well, it isn't a guy teacher.
It's a woman.
222
00:09:26,962 --> 00:09:28,214
- A woman?
- Yeah.
223
00:09:28,339 --> 00:09:30,257
She's having sex with a boy.
224
00:09:30,382 --> 00:09:32,176
Oh, but --
but she's ugly, right?
225
00:09:32,301 --> 00:09:33,093
Well, no, not really.
226
00:09:33,219 --> 00:09:34,863
It's the kindergarten teacher,
Miss Stevenson.
227
00:09:34,887 --> 00:09:36,514
- The blonde?
- Yeah.
228
00:09:36,639 --> 00:09:38,974
Some young boy is having sex
with Miss Stevenson?
229
00:09:39,099 --> 00:09:40,099
Yes.
230
00:09:41,018 --> 00:09:42,186
Nice.
231
00:09:42,311 --> 00:09:43,395
Nice.
232
00:09:43,521 --> 00:09:45,272
What?
No. You don't understand --
233
00:09:45,397 --> 00:09:46,732
You sure they've had sex?
234
00:09:46,857 --> 00:09:47,733
Yeah.
235
00:09:47,858 --> 00:09:49,443
Has she performed oral sex
on him?
236
00:09:49,568 --> 00:09:51,278
I think so.
237
00:09:51,403 --> 00:09:52,196
Nice.
238
00:09:52,321 --> 00:09:53,322
Nice.
239
00:09:53,447 --> 00:09:54,573
Nice.
240
00:09:54,698 --> 00:09:56,534
So wait.
W-What's the crime?
241
00:09:56,659 --> 00:09:58,327
The crime is she isn't doing it
with me.
242
00:09:58,452 --> 00:10:00,246
[ Laughter ]
243
00:10:00,371 --> 00:10:02,122
Hey!
He's totally underage!
244
00:10:02,248 --> 00:10:03,749
She's taking advantage of him!
245
00:10:03,874 --> 00:10:06,544
You're right. We're sorry.
This is serious.
246
00:10:06,669 --> 00:10:08,295
We need to track
this student down
247
00:10:08,420 --> 00:10:11,298
and give him his Luckiest Boy
in America medal right away.
248
00:10:11,423 --> 00:10:13,759
[ Laughter ]
249
00:10:13,884 --> 00:10:15,636
Aah!
250
00:10:15,653 --> 00:10:18,031
[ Bell rings ]
251
00:10:20,492 --> 00:10:21,701
Guys, can I talk to you?
252
00:10:21,826 --> 00:10:22,702
Sure, dude.
253
00:10:22,827 --> 00:10:24,667
I need you to keep quiet
about this, all right?
254
00:10:24,746 --> 00:10:25,806
My little brother and his te--
255
00:10:25,830 --> 00:10:27,207
Brahs, it's almost class time,
256
00:10:27,332 --> 00:10:29,393
I need you to start clearing
the hallways, all right?
257
00:10:29,417 --> 00:10:32,128
Not now, Cartman.
I have really serious problems.
258
00:10:32,253 --> 00:10:33,379
Dude, what's the matter?
259
00:10:33,505 --> 00:10:34,985
The kindergarten teacher
is having sex
260
00:10:35,089 --> 00:10:36,758
with my little brother.
261
00:10:38,051 --> 00:10:39,844
- Wow.
- Mrph?
262
00:10:39,969 --> 00:10:41,809
Damn, brah. Your little brother
is pretty cool.
263
00:10:41,888 --> 00:10:42,931
It's not cool.
264
00:10:43,056 --> 00:10:44,474
Ike isn't old enough
to understand!
265
00:10:44,599 --> 00:10:45,475
What's to understand?
266
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,328
You get a boner,
slap her titties around some,
267
00:10:47,352 --> 00:10:49,646
and then stick it inside her
and pee.
268
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:53,358
"Stick it inside her and pee."
269
00:10:53,483 --> 00:10:55,860
Well, okay. Fine. Unless you
don't want to get her pregnant.
270
00:10:55,985 --> 00:10:57,695
Then you pull it out
and pee on her leg.
271
00:10:57,820 --> 00:10:59,131
Dude, I really don't see
a problem.
272
00:10:59,155 --> 00:11:00,591
Yeah, I've got bigger things
to deal with.
273
00:11:00,615 --> 00:11:01,491
You guys don't understand!
274
00:11:01,616 --> 00:11:03,326
His wacko teacher
is like a schoolgirl.
275
00:11:03,451 --> 00:11:05,137
They pass notes to each other
in the classroom.
276
00:11:05,161 --> 00:11:06,764
They have sex at her house
over lunch break,
277
00:11:06,788 --> 00:11:09,749
and during class they sneak out
and kiss in the hallways!
278
00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:11,626
They what?
279
00:11:11,751 --> 00:11:14,212
They sneak out during class
and make out in the hallways.
280
00:11:14,337 --> 00:11:15,380
Hang on a second.
281
00:11:15,505 --> 00:11:17,924
Making out in the hallways is
strictly against school policy.
282
00:11:18,049 --> 00:11:20,277
- Well, they're doing it.
- Yeah. Well, now it's personal.
283
00:11:20,301 --> 00:11:21,844
The hallways
are my jurisdiction.
284
00:11:21,970 --> 00:11:23,680
If there's a hallway infraction
going on,
285
00:11:23,805 --> 00:11:26,224
they're gonna have to deal with
The Dawg.
286
00:11:27,267 --> 00:11:29,936
Okay. Just continue
with your macaroni pictures.
287
00:11:30,061 --> 00:11:32,188
Teacher has to step out
for a second.
288
00:11:32,313 --> 00:11:34,607
Uh, Ike,
could you help me out, please?
289
00:11:37,151 --> 00:11:38,151
Oh, Ike.
290
00:11:38,194 --> 00:11:40,280
I just had to have
a second alone with you.
291
00:11:40,405 --> 00:11:42,240
I like baba better.
292
00:11:42,365 --> 00:11:44,826
I got your love letter,
and I wrote you one back.
293
00:11:44,951 --> 00:11:47,787
Oh, just one kiss to hold me
over for the rest of class.
294
00:11:49,581 --> 00:11:50,790
Hall infraction!
295
00:11:50,915 --> 00:11:53,501
Oh, uh, we were just
heading back in.
296
00:11:53,626 --> 00:11:54,706
You got a hall pass, brah?!
297
00:11:54,794 --> 00:11:57,171
I don't need a hall pass.
I'm a teacher.
298
00:11:57,297 --> 00:11:58,631
Yeah?
Well, where's his hall pass?
299
00:11:58,756 --> 00:11:59,996
Look.
Just let us get back in --
300
00:12:00,049 --> 00:12:01,134
Get down on the floor!
301
00:12:01,259 --> 00:12:02,719
We're going back inside!
302
00:12:02,844 --> 00:12:04,345
You like bear mace, ice head?!
303
00:12:04,470 --> 00:12:05,555
Bear mace?!
304
00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:07,181
You're going with Christ!
305
00:12:07,307 --> 00:12:08,975
Aah!
306
00:12:09,684 --> 00:12:11,394
And that's what I got,
principal brah.
307
00:12:11,519 --> 00:12:13,688
These two were in the hallways,
making out.
308
00:12:13,813 --> 00:12:15,523
She had those love letters
on her person.
309
00:12:15,648 --> 00:12:18,401
"Ike, I long to feel
your arms around me"?
310
00:12:18,526 --> 00:12:19,611
Miss Stevenson,
311
00:12:19,736 --> 00:12:22,196
y-you're having a relationship
with this student?
312
00:12:22,322 --> 00:12:25,366
Yes. During class time,
without a hall pass.
313
00:12:25,491 --> 00:12:26,868
This is unbelievable.
314
00:12:26,993 --> 00:12:29,871
I know. It's like a hall pass
doesn't even matter to her.
315
00:12:29,996 --> 00:12:33,041
Miss Stevenson, I will need to
inform the police.
316
00:12:33,166 --> 00:12:34,167
Oh, God.
317
00:12:34,292 --> 00:12:36,878
You just dealt with The Dawg,
bitch.
318
00:12:37,003 --> 00:12:38,713
[ Sirens wailing ]
319
00:12:38,838 --> 00:12:40,131
[ Shutters clicking ]
320
00:12:40,256 --> 00:12:44,344
Sorry we have to do this,
but the lady principal insisted.
321
00:12:44,969 --> 00:12:46,220
What's going on?
322
00:12:46,346 --> 00:12:48,890
The kindergarten teacher
is suspected of having sex
323
00:12:49,015 --> 00:12:49,891
with a student.
324
00:12:50,016 --> 00:12:51,434
With a student?
325
00:12:51,559 --> 00:12:53,436
But... she's a woman.
326
00:12:53,561 --> 00:12:55,313
Yeah.
I know.
327
00:12:55,438 --> 00:12:58,191
But... she's hot.
328
00:12:58,316 --> 00:13:00,860
Wow.
I think I owe you one, Cartman.
329
00:13:00,985 --> 00:13:03,988
You don't owe me anything.
My hallways are clean.
330
00:13:11,371 --> 00:13:12,705
Ike, I didn't tell on you.
331
00:13:12,830 --> 00:13:14,540
You got busted
by the hallway monitor.
332
00:13:16,209 --> 00:13:17,752
Okay. Okay.
333
00:13:17,877 --> 00:13:19,420
I did have something
to do with it.
334
00:13:19,545 --> 00:13:21,798
But someday you're gonna realize
it was for the best.
335
00:13:22,757 --> 00:13:24,967
You are dead to me.
336
00:13:25,551 --> 00:13:26,551
What?
337
00:13:26,636 --> 00:13:30,306
I said you're dead to me.
338
00:13:31,099 --> 00:13:32,350
I'm dead to you?
339
00:13:32,475 --> 00:13:35,436
You're dead to me, Kyle.
340
00:13:36,688 --> 00:13:38,189
I'm at the police station.
341
00:13:38,314 --> 00:13:39,899
They say they found
some evidence.
342
00:13:40,024 --> 00:13:41,401
I'm so scared!
343
00:13:42,235 --> 00:13:45,321
Listen.
I want you to know it's okay.
344
00:13:45,446 --> 00:13:48,783
If anybody tries to talk to you,
you don't need to say anything.
345
00:13:48,908 --> 00:13:53,037
Just leave it to me.
I know a way out of this.
346
00:13:53,621 --> 00:13:56,582
Tom, an elementary school
teacher is under arrest
347
00:13:56,708 --> 00:14:00,253
for allegedly having an affair
with one of her young students.
348
00:14:00,378 --> 00:14:03,256
The case is shocking
due mostly to the fact
349
00:14:03,381 --> 00:14:05,967
that the teacher is pretty hot,
Tom.
350
00:14:06,092 --> 00:14:08,511
If the accusations are true,
then...
351
00:14:08,636 --> 00:14:09,637
Damn.
352
00:14:09,762 --> 00:14:11,490
Uh, it looks like the defendant
and her lawyer
353
00:14:11,514 --> 00:14:12,890
are about to give a statement,
Tom.
354
00:14:14,016 --> 00:14:16,102
I am deeply sorry to announce
355
00:14:16,227 --> 00:14:18,646
that the allegations against me
are true.
356
00:14:18,771 --> 00:14:20,273
Over the past several weeks,
357
00:14:20,398 --> 00:14:22,692
I have been having
physical relations
358
00:14:22,817 --> 00:14:24,736
with one of my students.
359
00:14:26,237 --> 00:14:27,447
Nice.
360
00:14:27,572 --> 00:14:28,906
Nice.
361
00:14:29,031 --> 00:14:32,785
I know my actions were wrong,
but I can not be fully to blame.
362
00:14:32,910 --> 00:14:36,414
You see... I am an alcoholic.
363
00:14:36,539 --> 00:14:38,458
Ohh.
364
00:14:38,583 --> 00:14:40,460
Yes, I'm afraid it's true.
365
00:14:40,585 --> 00:14:42,378
- Oh, no!
- What?
366
00:14:42,503 --> 00:14:43,379
I don't believe it.
367
00:14:43,504 --> 00:14:45,840
She's using
the Mel Gibson defense.
368
00:14:45,965 --> 00:14:49,635
I am a perfectly good person,
but when I drink
369
00:14:49,761 --> 00:14:53,931
the alcohol makes me say and do
things I wouldn't normally do.
370
00:14:54,056 --> 00:14:55,391
Well, that explains it.
371
00:14:55,516 --> 00:14:56,934
Do we still press charges?
372
00:14:57,059 --> 00:14:58,739
Who are we gonna convict --
Johnnie Walker?
373
00:14:58,811 --> 00:15:00,396
Poor woman.
She's a victim.
374
00:15:00,521 --> 00:15:02,648
Yeah.
She's a hot victim.
375
00:15:03,733 --> 00:15:07,236
My client has agreed to check
herself into rehab immediately.
376
00:15:07,361 --> 00:15:08,571
[ Cheers and applause ]
377
00:15:08,696 --> 00:15:10,281
- Yeah!
- Good luck, ma'am!
378
00:15:10,406 --> 00:15:11,949
You can beat your alcoholism!
379
00:15:12,074 --> 00:15:13,576
[ Cheers and applause ]
380
00:15:13,701 --> 00:15:16,579
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
381
00:15:19,749 --> 00:15:23,795
Alcohol is a crutch, which we
use to medicate ourselves,
382
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:26,923
to -- to cover up
emotional baggage from our past.
383
00:15:27,048 --> 00:15:30,426
Was there ever a history
of sexual abuse in your family?
384
00:15:30,551 --> 00:15:33,846
No, but my Uncle used to ask me
and my twin sister to kiss
385
00:15:33,971 --> 00:15:35,681
and he'd take pictures.
386
00:15:37,016 --> 00:15:38,976
Nice.
387
00:15:39,101 --> 00:15:41,562
Congratulations, Miss Stevenson.
388
00:15:41,687 --> 00:15:44,065
All better now!
389
00:15:45,441 --> 00:15:47,777
[ Engine starts ]
390
00:15:47,902 --> 00:15:49,904
[ Music continues ]
391
00:15:55,243 --> 00:15:56,285
Ike!
392
00:15:56,410 --> 00:15:58,579
Miss Stevenson!
393
00:15:59,664 --> 00:16:01,415
Ike, we have to get out of here.
394
00:16:01,541 --> 00:16:03,167
They'll never
let us be together.
395
00:16:03,292 --> 00:16:05,837
I think...
I think we should go to Milan,
396
00:16:05,962 --> 00:16:07,588
like we always talked about.
397
00:16:07,713 --> 00:16:10,591
Yay!
Milan!
398
00:16:10,716 --> 00:16:14,178
Get your things together.
We don't have much time.
399
00:16:15,263 --> 00:16:18,391
[ Banging ]
400
00:16:19,517 --> 00:16:20,518
Ike, you okay?
401
00:16:20,643 --> 00:16:22,979
- [ Dramatic music plays ]
- Ike?
402
00:16:23,771 --> 00:16:25,439
Ike!
403
00:16:29,443 --> 00:16:31,945
Are you sure you're not lying,
Foley?
404
00:16:32,070 --> 00:16:33,070
No!
Really!
405
00:16:33,155 --> 00:16:36,241
I shot both of them!
They weren't even doin' nothing!
406
00:16:36,366 --> 00:16:38,285
Help! Please!
I need your help!
407
00:16:38,410 --> 00:16:39,554
That teacher, Miss Stevenson,
408
00:16:39,578 --> 00:16:41,246
she --
she's left town with my son!
409
00:16:41,371 --> 00:16:43,373
I got a note saying
they're going to Milan!
410
00:16:43,498 --> 00:16:44,708
You're kidding.
411
00:16:44,833 --> 00:16:46,293
- No! It's true!
- Damn it!
412
00:16:46,418 --> 00:16:49,212
Where were all these sexed-up
teachers when I was a kid?!
413
00:16:49,337 --> 00:16:50,756
This is serious!
414
00:16:50,881 --> 00:16:53,717
Yeah. A boy is going to Milan
with a beautiful older woman.
415
00:16:53,842 --> 00:16:55,343
Quick.
Call the FBI.
416
00:16:55,469 --> 00:16:57,012
[ Laughter ]
417
00:16:57,137 --> 00:16:58,513
Are you going to do nothing?!
418
00:16:58,638 --> 00:17:00,599
All right. All right.
We'll make a report.
419
00:17:00,724 --> 00:17:02,184
Jesus.
420
00:17:04,478 --> 00:17:05,937
There you are.
What are doing?
421
00:17:06,062 --> 00:17:07,355
You giving up, brah?
422
00:17:07,481 --> 00:17:09,775
Dude, my brother's in Milan.
There's nothing I can do.
423
00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:10,901
No.
They haven't left yet.
424
00:17:11,026 --> 00:17:12,736
Their flight
is tomorrow morning.
425
00:17:12,861 --> 00:17:13,904
How do you know that?
426
00:17:14,029 --> 00:17:16,406
I had Beth check out
their Travelocity account.
427
00:17:16,531 --> 00:17:18,492
- Who's Beth?
- Beth is my bitch.
428
00:17:18,617 --> 00:17:20,160
I've put a whole crew together,
brah.
429
00:17:20,285 --> 00:17:21,845
I'm gonna get that
hallway-defiling slut
430
00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:22,829
no matter what it takes.
431
00:17:22,954 --> 00:17:24,748
Are you in?
432
00:17:24,873 --> 00:17:27,042
[ Rock music plays ]
433
00:17:27,167 --> 00:17:29,544
CARTMAN: ♪ I got
some bad-ass guys to help me ♪
434
00:17:29,669 --> 00:17:32,756
♪ I only had to pay them
15 bucks ♪
435
00:17:32,881 --> 00:17:36,343
♪ You think you got away
with not having a hall pass ♪
436
00:17:36,468 --> 00:17:40,388
♪ You won't get away from me,
'cause I'm The Dawg ♪
437
00:17:40,514 --> 00:17:41,848
♪ I am The Dawg ♪
438
00:17:41,973 --> 00:17:43,975
♪ The big, bad Dawg ♪
439
00:17:44,100 --> 00:17:46,037
Think you can get away
with not having a hall pass?
440
00:17:46,061 --> 00:17:47,270
Think again.
441
00:17:48,355 --> 00:17:49,898
How was that, Butters?
442
00:17:50,023 --> 00:17:52,150
That was pretty good!
443
00:17:52,275 --> 00:17:53,777
Can we get going now, please?
444
00:17:53,902 --> 00:17:55,278
Yep.
We're all done with the video.
445
00:17:55,403 --> 00:17:56,446
Let's move out!
446
00:18:00,075 --> 00:18:02,953
Ike, is that all you're gonna do
is watch TV?
447
00:18:03,078 --> 00:18:05,705
I love TV.
Yay!
448
00:18:05,831 --> 00:18:07,415
But what about me?
449
00:18:07,541 --> 00:18:09,751
I want to talk.
450
00:18:09,876 --> 00:18:11,962
[ Laughter on television ]
451
00:18:12,087 --> 00:18:13,713
Everyone get a good look
at our fugitive.
452
00:18:13,839 --> 00:18:15,423
I want her taken down fast
and clean.
453
00:18:15,549 --> 00:18:16,424
She ran away.
454
00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:19,845
Now she got to deal with
The Dawg, huh?
455
00:18:20,679 --> 00:18:22,973
Beth found out they have a room
at the Airport Hilton.
456
00:18:23,098 --> 00:18:24,599
We need to search it.
457
00:18:24,724 --> 00:18:25,600
Here's the hotel!
458
00:18:25,725 --> 00:18:27,853
Beth, tell Leeroy
to pull up here.
459
00:18:27,978 --> 00:18:30,063
[ Dramatic music plays ]
460
00:18:30,188 --> 00:18:31,815
All right! Let's go!
Move out!
461
00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:33,650
Hey. You can't leave
your car there.
462
00:18:33,775 --> 00:18:35,777
It's okay.
I'm a hallway monitor.
463
00:18:35,902 --> 00:18:38,280
Keep separation.
Leeroy, check out our 20.
464
00:18:38,405 --> 00:18:39,406
Can I help you?
465
00:18:39,531 --> 00:18:41,575
You seen this woman, brah?
She's staying here.
466
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:42,951
Who are you?
467
00:18:43,076 --> 00:18:44,452
♪ I am The Dawg ♪
468
00:18:44,578 --> 00:18:46,413
♪ The big, bad Dawg ♪
469
00:18:46,538 --> 00:18:49,165
I think you should leave
before I call the police.
470
00:18:49,291 --> 00:18:50,625
Beth, bear-mace that guy!
471
00:18:50,750 --> 00:18:52,085
Aah!
472
00:18:52,210 --> 00:18:53,253
Let's check out the rooms!
473
00:18:53,378 --> 00:18:55,630
Leeroy and Kyle, go that way!
Beth, you come with me!
474
00:18:56,256 --> 00:18:58,508
We need police here right away!
475
00:19:01,094 --> 00:19:02,095
Yes?
476
00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:04,073
I'm looking for this teacher.
She in your room, brah?
477
00:19:04,097 --> 00:19:05,849
Do you mind keeping it down?
478
00:19:05,974 --> 00:19:07,142
Keep your mouth shut, brah!
479
00:19:07,267 --> 00:19:09,561
[ Sirens wailing ]
480
00:19:11,688 --> 00:19:14,316
Oh, no.
Ike, they're onto us!
481
00:19:14,441 --> 00:19:15,942
Oh, no!
482
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:18,445
Hurry, darling.
We have to get out of here.
483
00:19:18,570 --> 00:19:19,589
What have we got?!
What have we got?!
484
00:19:19,613 --> 00:19:22,324
- Who called 911?
- They went that way!
485
00:19:22,449 --> 00:19:24,576
Look out!
They have bear mace!
486
00:19:25,744 --> 00:19:27,996
Open up!
I'm with The Dawg!
487
00:19:28,121 --> 00:19:29,122
Oh, crap!
488
00:19:29,247 --> 00:19:31,541
- You freeze right there!
- [ Gun cocks ]
489
00:19:33,418 --> 00:19:35,629
Come on, darling.
490
00:19:35,754 --> 00:19:37,047
Hey!
491
00:19:37,172 --> 00:19:40,216
I got 'em, Dawg.
Fifth floor.
492
00:19:40,342 --> 00:19:41,801
Praise Christ!
Let's go!
493
00:19:41,927 --> 00:19:43,511
Ike, run!
494
00:19:43,637 --> 00:19:45,305
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
495
00:19:45,430 --> 00:19:47,515
Beth, bear-mace that guy!
And that guy!
496
00:19:47,641 --> 00:19:49,851
- Aah!
- Aah! Aah!
497
00:19:54,981 --> 00:19:55,981
Freeze, bitch!
498
00:19:56,066 --> 00:19:57,266
- Freeze!
- Hands up! Hands up!
499
00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:58,652
Don't move!
Don't move!
500
00:19:58,777 --> 00:20:01,071
It's all right.
There's been a misunderstanding.
501
00:20:01,196 --> 00:20:02,906
I'm a hall monitor.
502
00:20:03,531 --> 00:20:05,909
This fugitive is trying to avoid
a hallway infraction
503
00:20:06,034 --> 00:20:07,535
by skipping off to Milan.
504
00:20:07,661 --> 00:20:11,414
Hey, that is the teacher
we just got the report about.
505
00:20:11,539 --> 00:20:13,667
All right, Miss Stevenson.
You've got nowhere to go.
506
00:20:13,792 --> 00:20:15,877
Why couldn't you
just leave us alone?
507
00:20:16,002 --> 00:20:18,296
- All we wanted was to love.
- Get down!
508
00:20:18,421 --> 00:20:20,840
We can do this the easy way
or we can do it Dawg style.
509
00:20:20,966 --> 00:20:25,136
She got a scarf on her head,
huh?
510
00:20:25,261 --> 00:20:29,182
It's all over, Ike --
Milan, the house in Tuscany.
511
00:20:29,307 --> 00:20:31,101
They'll never let us
be together.
512
00:20:31,226 --> 00:20:34,104
We have to go
with the backup plan.
513
00:20:37,732 --> 00:20:39,401
Now, hold on.
Don't do anything foolish.
514
00:20:39,526 --> 00:20:41,194
We can talk about this.
515
00:20:42,112 --> 00:20:43,822
You can't accept our love,
516
00:20:43,947 --> 00:20:46,783
so then we can only be together
in eternity.
517
00:20:47,367 --> 00:20:49,119
No!
Ike, don't do it.
518
00:20:49,244 --> 00:20:51,871
Dinosaur funny bad bad.
519
00:20:51,997 --> 00:20:53,331
Ike, please.
520
00:20:53,456 --> 00:20:55,750
I know your first love
seems like the only love.
521
00:20:55,875 --> 00:20:57,252
But trust me, it's not.
522
00:20:57,377 --> 00:20:58,920
You have so much life
ahead of you.
523
00:21:01,172 --> 00:21:04,426
You, who don't believe
in true love, don't understand.
524
00:21:04,551 --> 00:21:06,302
Ike, you need to have a life.
525
00:21:06,428 --> 00:21:07,470
Have fun.
526
00:21:07,595 --> 00:21:09,764
Then ruin it by having
a serious relationship.
527
00:21:09,889 --> 00:21:11,808
[ Dramatic music plays ]
528
00:21:11,933 --> 00:21:14,019
I'm afraid you're too late.
529
00:21:14,144 --> 00:21:16,646
Are you ready, my love?
Here we go.
530
00:21:16,771 --> 00:21:18,523
One! Two! Three!
531
00:21:18,648 --> 00:21:20,775
Aah!
532
00:21:20,900 --> 00:21:22,152
Ike?
533
00:21:24,612 --> 00:21:26,531
Yay!
534
00:21:26,656 --> 00:21:28,116
Ike!
535
00:21:29,242 --> 00:21:32,037
Well, looks like once again
The Dawg has prevailed.
536
00:21:32,162 --> 00:21:33,371
I hope you've learned, kids,
537
00:21:33,496 --> 00:21:34,873
that if you don't go
with Christ,
538
00:21:34,998 --> 00:21:36,726
you could end up
just like that splattered bitch
539
00:21:36,750 --> 00:21:37,792
down on the pavement.
540
00:21:37,917 --> 00:21:40,086
Hey, kid, you need to
get off the roof now.
541
00:21:40,211 --> 00:21:43,006
That's cool. I'm done making
my video anyways.
542
00:21:43,131 --> 00:21:44,674
[ Static ]
39073
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