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1
00:00:11,501 --> 00:00:14,838
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
2
00:00:14,963 --> 00:00:16,548
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:16,673 --> 00:00:18,216
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:18,341 --> 00:00:21,427
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
00:00:21,553 --> 00:00:23,137
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
6
00:00:23,263 --> 00:00:24,573
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
7
00:00:24,597 --> 00:00:27,976
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:28,101 --> 00:00:31,271
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
9
00:00:31,396 --> 00:00:35,775
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:35,981 --> 00:00:37,941
[ Bell rings ]
11
00:00:38,067 --> 00:00:42,029
And so, class, that is when
Jolie countered back to Aniston
12
00:00:42,154 --> 00:00:44,531
and said things like --
13
00:00:44,656 --> 00:00:46,075
Oh, hello, Mr. Mackey.
14
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:48,285
All the girls go out
in the hall, please.
15
00:00:48,410 --> 00:00:51,080
I need to speak with the boys
of this class, m'kay.
16
00:00:54,374 --> 00:00:56,543
Boys, we have
a very serious problem.
17
00:00:56,668 --> 00:00:58,879
I've just come from
the men's restroom,
18
00:00:59,004 --> 00:01:03,133
and somebody went number two
in the urinal.
19
00:01:04,843 --> 00:01:05,928
What's a urinal?
20
00:01:06,053 --> 00:01:07,805
The wall toilet for peeing in.
21
00:01:07,930 --> 00:01:11,642
And some jokester
took a poop in it, m'kay.
22
00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:14,478
Now, I want whoever did it
to come forward right now,
23
00:01:14,603 --> 00:01:18,107
and it will be less painful
for everybody, m'kay?
24
00:01:18,232 --> 00:01:20,192
Who would take a dump
in the urinal?
25
00:01:20,317 --> 00:01:21,944
It's such a s-senseless crime.
26
00:01:22,069 --> 00:01:23,909
Mr. Mackey, I think
you might want to entertain
27
00:01:23,946 --> 00:01:25,823
that this is some kind
of conspiracy.
28
00:01:25,948 --> 00:01:27,116
Just like 9/11.
29
00:01:27,241 --> 00:01:28,534
Oh, God!
Here we go again.
30
00:01:28,659 --> 00:01:30,619
9/11 was not a conspiracy,
fat-ass!
31
00:01:30,744 --> 00:01:31,578
Oh, really?
32
00:01:31,703 --> 00:01:33,473
Do you just believe everything
you're told, Kyle?
33
00:01:33,497 --> 00:01:34,498
Excuse me!
34
00:01:34,623 --> 00:01:36,625
Can we get back to the issue,
please?
35
00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:40,003
You all don't seem to understand
how serious this is!
36
00:01:40,129 --> 00:01:42,172
Now, who made dookie
in the urinal?
37
00:01:42,297 --> 00:01:45,551
- [ Laughter ]
- Oh, you think it's funny, huh?
38
00:01:45,676 --> 00:01:47,052
M'kay!
M'kay!
39
00:01:47,177 --> 00:01:50,389
You're gonna think it's real
funny when the police get here!
40
00:01:50,514 --> 00:01:52,057
MAN:
I'm sorry, Mr. Mackey,
41
00:01:52,182 --> 00:01:54,434
but there just isn't really
any evidence to go on.
42
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:56,436
But there must have been
some motive.
43
00:01:56,562 --> 00:01:59,356
Nobody would just dook
in the urinal for no reason.
44
00:01:59,481 --> 00:02:02,317
But who would benefit
from crapping in the urinal?
45
00:02:02,442 --> 00:02:04,486
This is too big a mystery
for me.
46
00:02:04,611 --> 00:02:07,197
I think we better call in
the Hardly Boys.
47
00:02:07,322 --> 00:02:10,075
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
48
00:02:13,162 --> 00:02:15,414
MAN: The Hardly Boys --
two young whippersnappers
49
00:02:15,539 --> 00:02:17,457
with a knack
for solving mysteries!
50
00:02:17,583 --> 00:02:19,001
The Hardly Boys in...
51
00:02:22,504 --> 00:02:24,047
So that's it, Hardly Boys.
52
00:02:24,173 --> 00:02:26,466
We've got no leads and nobody
admitting to the crime.
53
00:02:26,592 --> 00:02:28,177
That sure is a mystery.
54
00:02:28,302 --> 00:02:30,470
Yeah.
It sounds super hard.
55
00:02:30,596 --> 00:02:33,724
Whoever did it must have been
angry with the school.
56
00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:37,227
Oh.
Oh, I think I'm getting a clue.
57
00:02:37,352 --> 00:02:38,520
Really?
58
00:02:38,645 --> 00:02:41,398
Yeah, this is totally
giving me a clue right now.
59
00:02:41,523 --> 00:02:44,735
Oh, I'm starting
to get a clue, too!
60
00:02:44,860 --> 00:02:46,820
My clue's kind of pointing
this way.
61
00:02:46,945 --> 00:02:50,115
Oh. Yeah.
Now I've got a total clue.
62
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:52,701
I've still got a raging clue.
63
00:02:52,826 --> 00:02:55,120
My clue's pointing
over there now!
64
00:02:55,245 --> 00:02:58,540
Oh, let's follow that clue.
65
00:03:00,083 --> 00:03:02,336
[ Bell rings ]
66
00:03:02,461 --> 00:03:04,630
Did they find out who crapped
in the urinal yet?
67
00:03:04,755 --> 00:03:05,755
Not yet.
68
00:03:05,839 --> 00:03:07,633
They aren't going to find out
who did it.
69
00:03:07,758 --> 00:03:09,736
But they'll make up a scapegoat,
send him to detention,
70
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:11,011
and make us all believe it.
71
00:03:11,136 --> 00:03:12,763
It'll be 9/11 all over again.
72
00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:14,431
Will you shut up about 9/11?
73
00:03:14,556 --> 00:03:16,433
Kyle, why are you so afraid
of the truth?
74
00:03:16,558 --> 00:03:19,853
Because anybody who thinks 9/11
was a conspiracy is a retard!
75
00:03:19,978 --> 00:03:20,854
Oh, really?
76
00:03:20,979 --> 00:03:22,999
Well, did you know over
one-fourth of people in America
77
00:03:23,023 --> 00:03:24,733
think that 9/11
was a conspiracy?
78
00:03:24,858 --> 00:03:27,110
Are you saying that one-fourth
of Americans are retards?
79
00:03:27,236 --> 00:03:29,863
Yes, I'm saying one-fourth
of Americans are retards.
80
00:03:29,988 --> 00:03:31,240
Yeah, at least one-fourth.
81
00:03:31,365 --> 00:03:33,125
Let's take a test sample.
There's four of us.
82
00:03:33,158 --> 00:03:35,452
You're a retard.
That's one-fourth.
83
00:03:35,577 --> 00:03:37,621
There are so many people
who know the truth, Kyle.
84
00:03:37,746 --> 00:03:38,538
Butters!
85
00:03:38,664 --> 00:03:39,998
Hey, fellas!
86
00:03:40,123 --> 00:03:41,833
Butters, do you think
9/11 was just a plot
87
00:03:41,959 --> 00:03:42,960
by some angry terrorists,
88
00:03:43,085 --> 00:03:44,854
or do you think there was
some kind of cover-up?
89
00:03:44,878 --> 00:03:48,173
Well, I heard that 9/11
was caused by President Bush.
90
00:03:48,298 --> 00:03:49,466
Aha!
You see?
91
00:03:49,591 --> 00:03:50,592
Where did you hear that?
92
00:03:50,717 --> 00:03:53,220
- From Eric.
- I rest my case.
93
00:03:53,345 --> 00:03:55,472
Butters, you don't really
believe that, do you?
94
00:03:55,597 --> 00:03:57,766
Well, I mean, you never know.
95
00:03:57,891 --> 00:03:59,935
The government does
some pretty spooky things.
96
00:04:00,060 --> 00:04:02,080
The government and the
corporations headed by the Jews
97
00:04:02,104 --> 00:04:03,605
that carried out 9/11.
98
00:04:03,730 --> 00:04:05,524
- That's right, Butters.
- God damn it!
99
00:04:05,649 --> 00:04:08,193
You see what happens when you
spread this crap, fat-ass?!
100
00:04:08,318 --> 00:04:10,362
- What? People see the truth?
- Can I go now?
101
00:04:10,487 --> 00:04:11,487
You guys are blind!
102
00:04:11,530 --> 00:04:12,690
I can't believe everyone here
103
00:04:12,739 --> 00:04:14,717
is just buying into what
they're told by the media.
104
00:04:14,741 --> 00:04:16,201
I'm gonna go find out the truth.
105
00:04:16,326 --> 00:04:18,346
I'm gonna blow the lid off
this whole 9/11 conspiracy
106
00:04:18,370 --> 00:04:19,246
once and for all!
107
00:04:19,371 --> 00:04:20,914
Oh, no.
108
00:04:21,039 --> 00:04:23,667
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
109
00:04:23,792 --> 00:04:26,878
♪ Is it wrong for me
to ask questions? ♪
110
00:04:27,004 --> 00:04:30,465
♪ Is it wrong to seek
the truth? ♪
111
00:04:30,590 --> 00:04:33,593
♪ I can't just blindly accept
their version ♪
112
00:04:33,719 --> 00:04:36,722
♪ I can't base my logic
on proof ♪
113
00:04:36,847 --> 00:04:39,975
♪ Almost all the evidence
points one way ♪
114
00:04:40,100 --> 00:04:43,645
♪ But I'm like Charlie Sheen
and Gloria Estefan ♪
115
00:04:43,770 --> 00:04:46,690
♪ I need to know
what really happened ♪
116
00:04:46,815 --> 00:04:47,607
♪ On 9/11 ♪
117
00:04:47,733 --> 00:04:49,943
♪ 'Leven, 'leven,
'leven, 'leven ♪
118
00:04:50,068 --> 00:04:54,656
♪ What really happened on 9/11 ♪
119
00:04:55,741 --> 00:04:59,036
Of course.
It's so obvious.
120
00:04:59,161 --> 00:05:02,080
How did we not see it before?
121
00:05:02,664 --> 00:05:04,458
This is my frog.
He doesn't have a name.
122
00:05:04,583 --> 00:05:06,918
He's a frog, not a toad,
because toads don't ribbit.
123
00:05:07,044 --> 00:05:09,046
I think frogs are good pets.
124
00:05:09,171 --> 00:05:10,881
[ Scattered applause ]
125
00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:12,591
Okay.
Thank you, Leroy.
126
00:05:12,716 --> 00:05:15,469
Thanks for sharing your
dumb little frog with the class.
127
00:05:15,594 --> 00:05:18,430
Okay. Anybody else have anything
for show-and-tell?
128
00:05:18,555 --> 00:05:21,683
Uh! Uh! Uh!
Uhhh!
129
00:05:21,808 --> 00:05:23,643
All right, Eric.
You can go next.
130
00:05:26,730 --> 00:05:28,523
For show-and-tell today,
I have brought
131
00:05:28,648 --> 00:05:31,943
my shocking PowerPoint report
on the truth...
132
00:05:32,069 --> 00:05:34,488
behind the 9/11 attacks.
133
00:05:34,613 --> 00:05:35,739
Oh, Christ.
134
00:05:35,864 --> 00:05:38,825
We are told to believe
that the fire from the jet fuel
135
00:05:38,950 --> 00:05:40,786
melted the steel framing
of the towers,
136
00:05:40,911 --> 00:05:42,245
which led to their collapse.
137
00:05:42,371 --> 00:05:43,848
But did you know
jet fuel doesn't burn
138
00:05:43,872 --> 00:05:46,083
at a high enough temperature
to melt steel?
139
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,711
We were told the Pentagon was
hit by a hijacked plane as well.
140
00:05:49,836 --> 00:05:51,588
But now look at this photo
of the Pentagon.
141
00:05:51,713 --> 00:05:53,024
The hole is not
nearly big enough.
142
00:05:53,048 --> 00:05:55,509
And if a plane hit it,
where's the rest of the plane?
143
00:05:55,634 --> 00:05:57,094
Whoa.
144
00:05:57,219 --> 00:05:58,512
So now
the inevitable question --
145
00:05:58,637 --> 00:06:00,680
If terrorists didn't cause 9/11,
who did?
146
00:06:00,806 --> 00:06:02,933
Remember that there are,
in fact, two towers.
147
00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:05,602
Two minus one is one --
one, one -- 11.
148
00:06:05,727 --> 00:06:08,105
Two minus one is one.
One, one.
149
00:06:08,230 --> 00:06:09,270
And there are nine members
150
00:06:09,314 --> 00:06:10,458
on Silverstein's board
of directors.
151
00:06:10,482 --> 00:06:12,818
That's 9-1-1 -- 9/11.
152
00:06:12,943 --> 00:06:16,655
And take two minus one
plus 9-11, and you get 12.
153
00:06:16,780 --> 00:06:20,742
Which leads us all to the
mastermind of the 9/11 attacks.
154
00:06:21,785 --> 00:06:23,078
Kyle.
155
00:06:23,203 --> 00:06:24,496
Me?
156
00:06:24,621 --> 00:06:26,289
Twelve contains the numbers 1
and 2,
157
00:06:26,415 --> 00:06:27,642
just like the toilet yesterday,
158
00:06:27,666 --> 00:06:29,560
where somebody went number two
instead of number one.
159
00:06:29,584 --> 00:06:32,421
Add one and two with 911,
and you get 914.
160
00:06:32,546 --> 00:06:34,089
Drop the 4, and it's 91 --
161
00:06:34,214 --> 00:06:36,174
exactly the score Kyle got
on his spelling test
162
00:06:36,299 --> 00:06:37,843
12 days after 9/11!
163
00:06:37,968 --> 00:06:40,053
Who had the most to gain
from 9/11? Kyle!
164
00:06:40,178 --> 00:06:42,240
Who was nowhere to be found
the morning the towers fell?
165
00:06:42,264 --> 00:06:42,848
Kyle!
166
00:06:42,973 --> 00:06:45,016
Who dropped the deuce
in the urinal? Kyle!
167
00:06:45,142 --> 00:06:46,685
But probably the most damning
of all
168
00:06:46,810 --> 00:06:49,354
is the evidence seen
in this photo of tower 2.
169
00:06:49,479 --> 00:06:51,719
When I zoomed in, I saw what
first appeared to be a blur.
170
00:06:51,815 --> 00:06:53,859
But when I computer-enhanced
it...
171
00:06:56,027 --> 00:06:58,738
You almost got away with it,
you sneaky butthole.
172
00:07:00,532 --> 00:07:02,576
[ Bell rings ]
173
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:06,788
Hey, Token.
174
00:07:06,913 --> 00:07:09,082
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
175
00:07:09,207 --> 00:07:11,710
Y-You gonna watch the game
tonight, Butters?
176
00:07:11,835 --> 00:07:13,253
Aah!
177
00:07:14,337 --> 00:07:15,839
All right.
All right!
178
00:07:15,964 --> 00:07:18,592
I was not responsible for 9/11!
179
00:07:20,010 --> 00:07:22,304
God damn it!
180
00:07:24,598 --> 00:07:26,475
Hello, boubbie.
How was school today?
181
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:27,642
Terrible.
182
00:07:27,767 --> 00:07:30,103
Oh, come on.
School isn't all that bad.
183
00:07:30,228 --> 00:07:32,856
But everyone thinks
I was responsible for 9/11.
184
00:07:32,981 --> 00:07:34,941
Wha-Wha-What?!
185
00:07:35,066 --> 00:07:36,466
KYLE'S MOM:
We have to do something.
186
00:07:36,526 --> 00:07:38,153
It is obvious our children
187
00:07:38,278 --> 00:07:40,655
are still completely confused
about 9/11!
188
00:07:40,780 --> 00:07:42,991
Yes, we need to go over it
again in the classrooms
189
00:07:43,116 --> 00:07:45,285
so they understand
what really happened.
190
00:07:45,410 --> 00:07:47,454
Well, what really happened?
191
00:07:47,579 --> 00:07:48,830
There's strong evidence
192
00:07:48,955 --> 00:07:51,374
that what we were told
isn't the truth.
193
00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:53,126
- Oh, no.
- Oh, brother.
194
00:07:53,251 --> 00:07:54,085
That's right.
195
00:07:54,211 --> 00:07:56,338
Did you know
there were explosions seen
196
00:07:56,463 --> 00:07:58,173
at the base of the towers?
197
00:07:58,298 --> 00:08:00,050
- No, no.
- Are you retarded?
198
00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:01,676
Look, whatever you believe,
199
00:08:01,801 --> 00:08:04,471
the fact of the matter
is somebody...
200
00:08:04,596 --> 00:08:06,598
dropped a dook
in the school urinal,
201
00:08:06,723 --> 00:08:08,683
and there's still no explanation
for that!
202
00:08:08,808 --> 00:08:11,436
Mr. Mackey, there are more
important things going on here.
203
00:08:11,561 --> 00:08:12,561
More important?
204
00:08:12,604 --> 00:08:13,688
You aren't the one
205
00:08:13,813 --> 00:08:16,441
who had to walk into
the boys' bathroom, m'kay,
206
00:08:16,566 --> 00:08:19,027
after having to wake up early,
you know.
207
00:08:19,152 --> 00:08:21,279
There's no -- no coffee
in the teachers' lounge,
208
00:08:21,404 --> 00:08:22,924
and then you --
you walk into the bathroom
209
00:08:22,948 --> 00:08:25,575
just to find a big dook
laying there in the urinal,
210
00:08:25,700 --> 00:08:26,993
like it's laughing at you!
211
00:08:27,118 --> 00:08:28,161
He's right!
212
00:08:28,286 --> 00:08:30,956
The turd could have been
put in there to cover up 9/11!
213
00:08:31,081 --> 00:08:33,333
No, I'm not saying
they're related!
214
00:08:33,458 --> 00:08:35,085
How do we know they're not?
215
00:08:35,210 --> 00:08:38,713
We need to be brave enough
to ask questions.
216
00:08:38,838 --> 00:08:41,132
It's obvious that before we go
any further,
217
00:08:41,258 --> 00:08:44,678
we need to find out who was
behind 9/11 once and for all!
218
00:08:44,803 --> 00:08:46,137
Who else could it have been?
219
00:08:46,263 --> 00:08:48,139
This is too big a mystery
for me.
220
00:08:48,265 --> 00:08:50,433
I think we'd better call in
the Hardly Boys.
221
00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:52,310
Oh, no.
Not the goddamn --
222
00:08:53,228 --> 00:08:55,689
MAN: The Hardly Boys --
two young whippersnappers
223
00:08:55,814 --> 00:08:57,440
with a taste
for solving mysteries.
224
00:08:57,566 --> 00:08:58,817
The Hardly Boys in...
225
00:09:02,195 --> 00:09:04,698
So that's about the long
and short of it, Hardly Boys.
226
00:09:04,823 --> 00:09:08,159
There were two towers that stood
right here, and they're gone.
227
00:09:08,285 --> 00:09:10,453
And nobody knows
who's responsible?
228
00:09:10,579 --> 00:09:12,789
There are theories,
but nobody's certain.
229
00:09:12,914 --> 00:09:16,835
Hmm. Who would benefit most
from two buildings disappearing?
230
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,546
Ooh. Oh, I just started
getting a clue.
231
00:09:19,671 --> 00:09:20,463
Really?
232
00:09:20,589 --> 00:09:22,841
Yeah.
I'm totally getting a clue.
233
00:09:22,966 --> 00:09:25,343
Oh.
Oh, that's giving me a clue.
234
00:09:25,468 --> 00:09:28,138
Yeah. Y-Yeah. I've got
a raging clue right now.
235
00:09:28,263 --> 00:09:29,681
Mine's pointing to the left.
236
00:09:29,806 --> 00:09:33,643
Oh. Oh, Frank, seriously, I have
such a raging clue right now.
237
00:09:33,768 --> 00:09:35,520
I think we'd better follow it.
238
00:09:35,645 --> 00:09:37,314
Okay.
Let's follow your raging clue.
239
00:09:37,439 --> 00:09:39,941
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
240
00:09:40,066 --> 00:09:41,985
Godspeed.
241
00:09:43,946 --> 00:09:47,074
[ Insects chirping ]
242
00:09:47,199 --> 00:09:50,494
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
243
00:09:52,288 --> 00:09:55,874
[ Indistinct talking on radio ]
244
00:09:57,501 --> 00:09:58,711
- Kyle!
- Aah!
245
00:09:58,836 --> 00:10:00,754
Dude, do you mind telling me
why CIA guys
246
00:10:00,879 --> 00:10:03,007
are coming to my house
and questioning me about you?
247
00:10:03,132 --> 00:10:04,132
I don't know, dude!
248
00:10:04,216 --> 00:10:05,777
It's like everyone's
putting pieces together
249
00:10:05,801 --> 00:10:06,677
that aren't there!
250
00:10:06,802 --> 00:10:08,178
But why did you
have to involve me?
251
00:10:08,304 --> 00:10:10,055
- It's not my fault!
- All right. Look.
252
00:10:10,180 --> 00:10:11,580
I've been doing research
on the Web,
253
00:10:11,682 --> 00:10:13,535
and I found an organization
who says they can prove
254
00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:14,727
you weren't involved in 9/11.
255
00:10:14,852 --> 00:10:16,145
- Really?
- Come on.
256
00:10:16,270 --> 00:10:17,990
We'll go out the back
so they don't see you.
257
00:10:18,022 --> 00:10:20,316
There's just one thing
I need to know before we go.
258
00:10:20,441 --> 00:10:23,319
You weren't responsible
for 9/11, right?
259
00:10:26,030 --> 00:10:27,156
Dude.
260
00:10:27,281 --> 00:10:28,657
That's all I needed.
261
00:10:30,743 --> 00:10:31,952
[ Bell rings ]
262
00:10:32,077 --> 00:10:34,079
Now, you might all think
I've given up
263
00:10:34,204 --> 00:10:36,749
finding who crapped
in the urinal, m'kay.
264
00:10:36,874 --> 00:10:40,210
And maybe -- maybe you think
it's a victimless crime.
265
00:10:40,336 --> 00:10:44,173
This is Mr. Venezuela,
the school janitor, m'kay.
266
00:10:44,298 --> 00:10:46,884
He's the person
who has to clean up
267
00:10:47,009 --> 00:10:50,471
when some trickster drops a dook
in the wrong toilet.
268
00:10:50,596 --> 00:10:54,933
Mr. Venezuela makes six bucks
an hour at best, m'kay.
269
00:10:55,059 --> 00:10:56,935
He's got three kids at home.
270
00:10:57,061 --> 00:10:58,646
He's got a car
that barely works.
271
00:10:58,771 --> 00:11:01,732
He's got to clean up puke
with sawdust, m'kay.
272
00:11:01,857 --> 00:11:03,567
Then he walks
into the boys' room
273
00:11:03,692 --> 00:11:06,487
and sees a big, meaty chud
starin' him in the face.
274
00:11:06,612 --> 00:11:10,157
So when you crapped
in that urinal, m'kay,
275
00:11:10,282 --> 00:11:12,159
you might as well have
just dropped your pants
276
00:11:12,284 --> 00:11:14,912
and laid a turd right
on Mr. Venezuela's head.
277
00:11:15,037 --> 00:11:16,830
[ Laughter ]
278
00:11:16,955 --> 00:11:18,332
Oh, you think it's funny, huh?
279
00:11:18,457 --> 00:11:21,001
Mr. Mackey, we got him!
280
00:11:21,126 --> 00:11:21,835
Huh?
281
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,713
We caught the person
that did it.
282
00:11:30,386 --> 00:11:31,887
Hi.
We were hoping you can help us.
283
00:11:32,012 --> 00:11:33,681
My friend is being blamed
for 9/11.
284
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,517
Oh, geez.
Come on in, kids.
285
00:11:36,642 --> 00:11:38,644
It doesn't surprise me.
286
00:11:38,769 --> 00:11:41,271
More and more people are being
blamed for 9/11 every day.
287
00:11:41,397 --> 00:11:42,397
- They are?
- Yeah.
288
00:11:42,481 --> 00:11:45,275
It's a way of keeping people
from seeing the real evidence.
289
00:11:45,401 --> 00:11:46,610
I know it seems crazy,
290
00:11:46,735 --> 00:11:49,029
but 9/11 was pulled off
by our own government
291
00:11:49,154 --> 00:11:51,782
so they could gain support
for attacking the Middle East.
292
00:11:51,907 --> 00:11:53,283
What?
No, no, no.
293
00:11:53,409 --> 00:11:54,785
I know it's hard to believe.
294
00:11:54,910 --> 00:11:57,097
Dude, why would the government
attack its own buildings?
295
00:11:57,121 --> 00:11:59,081
It's called
the false-flag policy.
296
00:11:59,206 --> 00:12:01,125
Make it look like the enemy
has attacked you.
297
00:12:01,250 --> 00:12:04,086
Get all your citizens riled up
and waving American flags.
298
00:12:04,211 --> 00:12:07,214
Then you're free to invade
any country you want.
299
00:12:08,048 --> 00:12:09,591
That's retarded.
300
00:12:09,717 --> 00:12:11,218
Look into the evidence of 9/11,
301
00:12:11,343 --> 00:12:13,503
and you'll see there are a lot
of holes in their story.
302
00:12:13,595 --> 00:12:15,407
There's a lot of holes
in the theory of evolution, too.
303
00:12:15,431 --> 00:12:16,491
It doesn't mean it's wrong.
304
00:12:16,515 --> 00:12:17,891
You don't understand!
305
00:12:18,016 --> 00:12:19,727
The government controls
everything.
306
00:12:19,852 --> 00:12:21,311
The media, the corporations.
307
00:12:21,437 --> 00:12:23,480
They have the power
to do anything they want!
308
00:12:23,605 --> 00:12:26,191
Here. Look.
Read the labels on these!
309
00:12:26,316 --> 00:12:27,316
Go on!
Read them!
310
00:12:27,359 --> 00:12:29,528
"Code 2-3-4."
311
00:12:29,653 --> 00:12:31,822
We think they came
from a government office.
312
00:12:31,947 --> 00:12:33,741
- What is it?
- It's anthrax.
313
00:12:33,866 --> 00:12:35,159
Anthrax?
314
00:12:35,284 --> 00:12:37,494
Someday we'll use it
as evidence against them.
315
00:12:37,619 --> 00:12:39,705
Stan, we can't be seen
with this nut job!
316
00:12:39,830 --> 00:12:41,623
[ Men shouting, guns cocking ]
317
00:12:41,749 --> 00:12:43,292
[ Sirens wailing ]
318
00:12:43,417 --> 00:12:47,087
Aw! Aw!
Awwwww!
319
00:12:48,505 --> 00:12:51,049
Why, Clyde?
Why did you do it?
320
00:12:51,967 --> 00:12:53,093
I don't know.
321
00:12:53,218 --> 00:12:56,305
You've got a whole school here,
Clyde, m'kay?
322
00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:59,349
You've got over 300 people
that need to use the boys' room.
323
00:12:59,475 --> 00:13:02,019
And you decide you're gonna
be a comedian, m'kay,
324
00:13:02,144 --> 00:13:03,854
and pinch one off in the urinal
325
00:13:03,979 --> 00:13:06,207
and leave it laying there for
everyone to have to look at.
326
00:13:06,231 --> 00:13:07,983
- [ Snorts ]
- Okay, okay.
327
00:13:08,108 --> 00:13:10,569
You think it's funny,
but nobody else does.
328
00:13:10,694 --> 00:13:12,174
They've got to walk
into that bathroom
329
00:13:12,279 --> 00:13:13,822
and see your rancid dook
propped up
330
00:13:13,947 --> 00:13:16,533
against the back of the urinal
like a brown rag doll.
331
00:13:16,658 --> 00:13:17,951
[ Laughs ]
332
00:13:18,076 --> 00:13:19,953
Mr. Mackey,
Clyde's parents are here.
333
00:13:20,078 --> 00:13:21,455
M'kay.
That's good.
334
00:13:21,580 --> 00:13:23,016
Let's see what your mom and dad
have to say
335
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:24,583
about your little poopscapade.
336
00:13:24,708 --> 00:13:25,584
Come on in, please.
337
00:13:25,709 --> 00:13:27,270
I'm just trying to get your son
to explain
338
00:13:27,294 --> 00:13:29,588
why he would drop a dook
in the urinal.
339
00:13:30,255 --> 00:13:34,259
Mr. Mackey... there's something
you should know.
340
00:13:34,802 --> 00:13:37,012
[ Dramatic music plays ]
341
00:13:39,848 --> 00:13:42,351
Excuse me.
There's been a misunderstanding.
342
00:13:42,476 --> 00:13:44,311
Come on in, Mr. President.
343
00:13:46,313 --> 00:13:48,482
Uh, Mr. President, my name is --
344
00:13:48,607 --> 00:13:49,650
Shut up!
345
00:13:49,775 --> 00:13:51,360
You think we don't know
your name?
346
00:13:51,485 --> 00:13:52,528
We know everything.
347
00:13:52,653 --> 00:13:54,571
We control everything.
348
00:13:54,696 --> 00:13:56,615
We've all worked very hard
349
00:13:56,740 --> 00:13:59,535
to keep our involvement in 9/11
a secret.
350
00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:02,287
But you just had to
keep digging.
351
00:14:02,412 --> 00:14:03,664
Really?
352
00:14:03,789 --> 00:14:06,208
You won't get away with it.
People know.
353
00:14:06,333 --> 00:14:09,086
People?
You mean sheeple.
354
00:14:09,211 --> 00:14:12,589
We have the majority of them
kept in blissful ignorance.
355
00:14:12,714 --> 00:14:15,801
Just one more leak to fix.
356
00:14:15,926 --> 00:14:17,886
Wait.
What are you doing?
357
00:14:18,011 --> 00:14:20,681
You've been a thorn in our side
for too long, I'm afraid.
358
00:14:20,806 --> 00:14:22,891
No.
You can't do this!
359
00:14:23,016 --> 00:14:24,476
Please!
I'll stop.
360
00:14:24,601 --> 00:14:26,687
I'll take down the website.
361
00:14:26,812 --> 00:14:29,606
[ Muffled shouting ]
362
00:14:29,731 --> 00:14:30,774
Too late.
363
00:14:30,899 --> 00:14:31,899
[ Gunshot ]
364
00:14:32,526 --> 00:14:34,194
Jesus Christ!
365
00:14:35,529 --> 00:14:38,407
[ Laughs ]
He died like a pig.
366
00:14:38,532 --> 00:14:40,325
Some pigs never learn.
367
00:14:41,201 --> 00:14:42,995
No way.
368
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,122
He was right.
You did cause 9/11!
369
00:14:45,247 --> 00:14:46,331
Yes.
370
00:14:46,456 --> 00:14:49,209
Quite simple to pull off,
really.
371
00:14:49,334 --> 00:14:51,670
All I had to do was have
explosives planted
372
00:14:51,795 --> 00:14:53,422
in the base of the towers.
373
00:14:53,547 --> 00:14:56,466
Then on 9/11, we pretended like
four planes were being hijacked
374
00:14:56,592 --> 00:14:58,594
when really we just rerouted
them to Pennsylvania,
375
00:14:58,719 --> 00:15:01,054
then flew two military jets
into the World Trade Center
376
00:15:01,179 --> 00:15:03,283
filled with more explosives
and shot down all the witnesses
377
00:15:03,307 --> 00:15:04,808
in Flight 93 with an F-15
378
00:15:04,933 --> 00:15:07,060
after blowing up the Pentagon
with a cruise missile.
379
00:15:07,185 --> 00:15:09,313
It was only
the world's most intricate
380
00:15:09,438 --> 00:15:12,941
and flawlessly executed
plan ever, ever.
381
00:15:14,902 --> 00:15:16,403
Really?
382
00:15:16,528 --> 00:15:17,321
Why?
383
00:15:17,446 --> 00:15:20,073
The oldest reason
in the world -- money.
384
00:15:20,198 --> 00:15:21,198
The towers fell,
385
00:15:21,283 --> 00:15:24,077
and the American sheeple
all waved their flags.
386
00:15:24,202 --> 00:15:26,079
Finally we could invade Iraq
387
00:15:26,204 --> 00:15:29,625
and get the oil which made us
all even richer than before.
388
00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:32,169
Beautiful money.
[ Laughs ]
389
00:15:32,836 --> 00:15:34,296
Really?
390
00:15:34,421 --> 00:15:35,797
Is the whole government
in on this?
391
00:15:35,923 --> 00:15:39,217
We are all-knowing
and all-powerful.
392
00:15:39,343 --> 00:15:41,428
Goodbye, boys.
393
00:15:43,305 --> 00:15:45,807
[Alarm blaring ]
394
00:15:45,933 --> 00:15:47,517
Dang it!
I missed again!
395
00:15:47,643 --> 00:15:49,102
For Christ's sake, Cheney!
396
00:15:49,227 --> 00:15:51,396
Kyle, run!
397
00:15:52,564 --> 00:15:55,233
Kill them!
398
00:15:56,276 --> 00:15:57,778
[ Sighs ]
399
00:15:57,903 --> 00:15:59,655
Attention, students.
400
00:15:59,780 --> 00:16:02,115
Apparently Clyde could not
have been the one
401
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:03,617
who crapped in the urinal,
402
00:16:03,742 --> 00:16:07,746
because Clyde had a colostomy
at age 5, m'kay.
403
00:16:07,871 --> 00:16:10,457
Now, whoever did
this unspeakable act
404
00:16:10,582 --> 00:16:11,708
is still at large.
405
00:16:11,833 --> 00:16:14,962
The boys' bathroom is closed
until further notice
406
00:16:15,087 --> 00:16:17,756
because one of you thought
it would be a good idea
407
00:16:17,881 --> 00:16:20,509
to pull down your pants, m'kay,
408
00:16:20,634 --> 00:16:23,345
hover your butt cheeks
over the urinal,
409
00:16:23,470 --> 00:16:27,057
and squeeze out
a chocolate hot dog, m'kay.
410
00:16:27,182 --> 00:16:28,433
[ Laughter ]
411
00:16:28,558 --> 00:16:30,435
Oh, you think that's funny, huh?
412
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,771
Let me assure you
there is nothing funny
413
00:16:32,896 --> 00:16:36,984
about going up to a nice, clean,
unsuspecting urinal, m'kay,
414
00:16:37,109 --> 00:16:40,570
dropping your pants
and then turning around,
415
00:16:40,696 --> 00:16:42,823
squatting over that urinal,
m'kay,
416
00:16:42,948 --> 00:16:46,576
maybe pulling your butt cheeks
apart with your hands, m'kay,
417
00:16:46,702 --> 00:16:48,787
and then laying out
a big fudge dragon
418
00:16:48,912 --> 00:16:50,288
for all the world to see.
419
00:16:50,414 --> 00:16:51,415
[ Laughter ]
420
00:16:51,540 --> 00:16:53,500
Oh, yeah.
That's real funny.
421
00:16:53,625 --> 00:16:55,711
I'm gonna catch
this son of a bitch
422
00:16:55,836 --> 00:16:59,423
if it's the last thing I do,
m'kay!
423
00:17:03,927 --> 00:17:07,472
All right. Now we have to
switch over to inner bus 65.
424
00:17:07,597 --> 00:17:08,682
We made it, dude.
425
00:17:08,807 --> 00:17:10,367
We should be home
in less than 18 hours.
426
00:17:10,475 --> 00:17:12,436
Then we'll tell everyone
what we saw!
427
00:17:12,561 --> 00:17:14,938
It just doesn't seem right.
428
00:17:15,063 --> 00:17:16,565
Yeah.
Our eyes are finally open, dude.
429
00:17:16,690 --> 00:17:18,442
It's like waking up
for the first time.
430
00:17:18,567 --> 00:17:20,819
Yeah, but doesn't it seem like
431
00:17:20,944 --> 00:17:22,904
we got out of the White House
pretty easily?
432
00:17:23,030 --> 00:17:24,865
I mean, it seems like
it would be pretty hard
433
00:17:24,990 --> 00:17:26,509
to escape from the White House
with everyone chasing you,
434
00:17:26,533 --> 00:17:28,201
and we just kind of... ran out.
435
00:17:28,326 --> 00:17:30,037
Well, dude,
maybe we're just super badass.
436
00:17:30,162 --> 00:17:31,455
Have you thought of that?
437
00:17:32,622 --> 00:17:33,915
Hey!
438
00:17:34,041 --> 00:17:35,876
[ Dramatic music plays ]
439
00:17:36,001 --> 00:17:38,587
Dude.
You're alive?
440
00:17:40,589 --> 00:17:41,923
[ Gasps ]
441
00:17:42,049 --> 00:17:43,133
Come back here!
442
00:17:43,258 --> 00:17:46,553
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
443
00:17:48,096 --> 00:17:49,096
Hey!
444
00:17:49,181 --> 00:17:50,557
[ Grunts ]
445
00:17:51,641 --> 00:17:53,685
[ Music continues ]
446
00:17:58,065 --> 00:17:59,065
Aah!
447
00:17:59,691 --> 00:18:00,692
Aah!
448
00:18:00,817 --> 00:18:02,694
Aah!
Aah!
449
00:18:02,819 --> 00:18:04,738
No! Please!
Please!
450
00:18:04,863 --> 00:18:06,740
Dude, what the hell is going on?
451
00:18:06,865 --> 00:18:07,949
Don't kill me!
452
00:18:08,075 --> 00:18:09,409
I-I just do what they say!
453
00:18:09,534 --> 00:18:11,745
- What who says?
- I have a family!
454
00:18:11,870 --> 00:18:14,039
Please don't kill me!
[ Sobs ]
455
00:18:14,164 --> 00:18:15,957
Dude, we aren't going to
kill you!
456
00:18:16,083 --> 00:18:17,751
[ Gunshot ]
457
00:18:17,876 --> 00:18:19,377
Oh, God!
458
00:18:19,503 --> 00:18:21,171
It isn't safe here, boys!
Follow me!
459
00:18:21,296 --> 00:18:22,464
Who the [bleep] are you?
460
00:18:22,589 --> 00:18:24,883
There's no time!
Come on!
461
00:18:31,181 --> 00:18:33,433
Do you mind telling us
what the hell is going on?
462
00:18:33,558 --> 00:18:35,727
- Who are you?
- I'm a detective.
463
00:18:35,852 --> 00:18:38,146
And I'm afraid you kids
have been double-crossed.
464
00:18:38,271 --> 00:18:40,440
You've figured
this thing all out?
465
00:18:40,565 --> 00:18:42,859
Not me.
My mystery-solving sons.
466
00:18:42,984 --> 00:18:44,027
Come on in, boys.
467
00:18:44,152 --> 00:18:45,779
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
468
00:18:45,904 --> 00:18:47,906
My boys were researching
who went number two
469
00:18:48,031 --> 00:18:49,133
in the urinal at your school
470
00:18:49,157 --> 00:18:51,618
when they discovered something
odd, which gave them a clue.
471
00:18:51,743 --> 00:18:53,537
It gave us both a clue.
472
00:18:53,662 --> 00:18:57,124
That clue lead them to
a 9/11 conspiracy group party,
473
00:18:57,249 --> 00:18:58,917
where they got a lot more clues.
474
00:18:59,042 --> 00:19:01,753
I was getting a clue
like every two minutes.
475
00:19:01,878 --> 00:19:03,713
I got such a raging clue
476
00:19:03,839 --> 00:19:06,299
that I almost shot clue goo
all over Joe.
477
00:19:06,424 --> 00:19:09,136
Those clues pointed out that all
the 9/11 conspiracy theories
478
00:19:09,261 --> 00:19:11,638
could be disproven
scientifically.
479
00:19:11,763 --> 00:19:13,849
And that's when Frank got
his biggest clue.
480
00:19:13,974 --> 00:19:16,309
It was huge.
481
00:19:16,434 --> 00:19:19,396
That all the 9/11
conspiracy websites
482
00:19:19,521 --> 00:19:21,565
are run by the government.
483
00:19:21,690 --> 00:19:26,653
The 9/11 conspiracy
is a government conspiracy.
484
00:19:26,778 --> 00:19:27,988
Oh, Jesus.
485
00:19:28,113 --> 00:19:29,114
Why would the government
486
00:19:29,239 --> 00:19:30,949
want people to think
they caused 9/11?
487
00:19:31,074 --> 00:19:32,314
For a government to have power,
488
00:19:32,409 --> 00:19:34,578
they must appear to have
complete control.
489
00:19:34,703 --> 00:19:36,139
What better way
to make people fear them
490
00:19:36,163 --> 00:19:37,643
than to convince them
they are capable
491
00:19:37,706 --> 00:19:39,207
of the most elaborate plan
on earth?
492
00:19:39,332 --> 00:19:41,001
BUSH:
That's quite enough, Hardly!
493
00:19:42,460 --> 00:19:44,087
Don't believe what he says,
boys.
494
00:19:44,212 --> 00:19:45,380
We caused 9/11.
495
00:19:45,505 --> 00:19:47,549
It's all right here
in these secret documents.
496
00:19:47,674 --> 00:19:50,051
But you'll never get them.
497
00:19:50,177 --> 00:19:52,012
[ Yawns ]
498
00:19:53,930 --> 00:19:55,056
I knew it!
499
00:19:55,182 --> 00:19:58,018
You didn't plan 9/11 and you
didn't really shoot that guy!
500
00:19:58,143 --> 00:20:00,228
Boys, you don't understand.
501
00:20:00,353 --> 00:20:02,355
People need to think
we're all-powerful,
502
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:03,648
that we control the world.
503
00:20:03,773 --> 00:20:05,413
If they know we weren't
in charge of 9/11,
504
00:20:05,525 --> 00:20:07,360
then we appear to control
nothing.
505
00:20:07,485 --> 00:20:09,905
Why don't you just tell people
the truth?
506
00:20:10,030 --> 00:20:11,698
We do that, too.
507
00:20:11,823 --> 00:20:13,575
And most people believe
the truth.
508
00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:16,411
But one-fourth of the population
is retarded.
509
00:20:16,536 --> 00:20:18,496
If they want to believe
that we control everything
510
00:20:18,580 --> 00:20:20,582
with intricate plans,
why not let them?
511
00:20:20,707 --> 00:20:22,918
Just one thing, Mr. President.
512
00:20:23,043 --> 00:20:25,837
How the devil did you know
we were all here?
513
00:20:25,962 --> 00:20:28,673
[ Gun cocks ]
514
00:20:28,798 --> 00:20:30,717
How come you couldn't
just go home, dude?
515
00:20:30,842 --> 00:20:32,427
That's all we had to do.
516
00:20:32,552 --> 00:20:34,512
Stan!
What the [bleep]
517
00:20:34,638 --> 00:20:36,306
It was all planned out.
518
00:20:36,431 --> 00:20:38,433
You knew this whole time?
519
00:20:38,558 --> 00:20:39,726
Why?
520
00:20:39,851 --> 00:20:41,603
Because it was me.
521
00:20:41,728 --> 00:20:44,105
I'm the one who took a dump
in the urinal.
522
00:20:44,231 --> 00:20:45,106
What?
523
00:20:45,232 --> 00:20:47,335
The stalls were full, and I
didn't want to miss recess!
524
00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:49,295
I didn't think it would
turn into such a big deal!
525
00:20:49,319 --> 00:20:50,654
So you blamed the government?
526
00:20:50,779 --> 00:20:53,490
And the government was more
than willing to take the blame,
527
00:20:53,615 --> 00:20:56,534
so long as it made them
look responsible for 9/11.
528
00:20:56,660 --> 00:20:59,204
Aw, man,
now everyone's gonna know.
529
00:20:59,329 --> 00:21:00,664
Why did the stupid Hardly Boys
530
00:21:00,789 --> 00:21:02,582
have to be so good
at solving mysteries?
531
00:21:02,707 --> 00:21:03,750
So wait.
Wait.
532
00:21:03,875 --> 00:21:05,155
Stan took the dump
in the urinal,
533
00:21:05,252 --> 00:21:07,212
and he contacted
the conspiracy website,
534
00:21:07,337 --> 00:21:09,297
but the conspiracy site
was run by the government?
535
00:21:09,422 --> 00:21:10,048
Yeah.
536
00:21:10,173 --> 00:21:12,342
So then who was responsible
for 9/11?
537
00:21:12,467 --> 00:21:14,347
What do you mean?
A bunch of pissed-off Muslims.
538
00:21:14,386 --> 00:21:15,887
Yeah.
What are you, retarded?
539
00:21:16,012 --> 00:21:18,306
[ Laughter ]
540
00:21:18,431 --> 00:21:21,101
Well, it looks like
this mystery is solved.
541
00:21:21,226 --> 00:21:24,437
It's time for the culprit
to finally pay.
542
00:21:26,856 --> 00:21:30,527
When you dook in the urinal,
it's bad, m'kay?
543
00:21:30,652 --> 00:21:35,031
How would you feel if somebody
came into your home, m'kay,
544
00:21:35,156 --> 00:21:36,533
pulled down their pants,
545
00:21:36,658 --> 00:21:39,744
and laid a big mud monkey
right on your mom's face?
546
00:21:39,869 --> 00:21:41,162
[ Laughs ]
547
00:21:41,288 --> 00:21:42,872
Oh, you think that's funny, huh?
548
00:21:42,998 --> 00:21:44,833
Yeah, that's real funny.
40702
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