Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:11,487 --> 00:00:14,824
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
2
00:00:14,949 --> 00:00:16,534
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:16,659 --> 00:00:18,202
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:18,327 --> 00:00:21,413
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
00:00:21,539 --> 00:00:23,123
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
6
00:00:23,249 --> 00:00:24,559
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
7
00:00:24,583 --> 00:00:27,962
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:28,087 --> 00:00:31,006
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
9
00:00:31,131 --> 00:00:35,761
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:37,930
[ Bell rings ]
11
00:00:38,055 --> 00:00:41,684
Mrs. Cartman, we have had it
with your son's behavior, m'kay.
12
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:45,104
Little Billy Turner is now
being treated at the hospital.
13
00:00:45,229 --> 00:00:47,898
Eric, why would you
do such a thing?
14
00:00:48,023 --> 00:00:50,526
I'm sorry I handcuffed
Billy Turner's ankle
15
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:51,819
to the school flagpole.
16
00:00:51,944 --> 00:00:53,404
You know that's not the point!
17
00:00:53,529 --> 00:00:55,781
Okay, I'm sorry I handcuffed
Billy Turner's ankle
18
00:00:55,906 --> 00:00:57,908
to a flagpole
and then gave him a hacksaw...
19
00:00:58,033 --> 00:00:59,552
and then told him I had
poisoned his lunch milk
20
00:00:59,576 --> 00:01:01,137
and the only way he could get
to the antidote in time
21
00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:02,263
would be to saw through his leg.
22
00:01:02,287 --> 00:01:03,997
That's very naughty, Eric.
23
00:01:04,123 --> 00:01:05,374
Well, he called me chubby!
24
00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:07,793
We have tried at this school
to make Eric understand
25
00:01:07,918 --> 00:01:09,461
that there are boundaries,
m'kay.
26
00:01:09,586 --> 00:01:11,880
But frankly, we believe
his behavioral problems
27
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,005
start at home.
28
00:01:13,048 --> 00:01:16,343
I know.
I know he's out of control.
29
00:01:16,468 --> 00:01:19,054
But you don't know
what it's like.
30
00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:21,849
[ Sobbing ]
31
00:01:21,974 --> 00:01:23,058
I'm sorry.
32
00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:27,062
It's just that he seems
to get worse every day.
33
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:30,023
He just never listens!
34
00:01:30,149 --> 00:01:32,151
[ Sobbing ]
35
00:01:32,276 --> 00:01:35,487
Well, nice going, asshole.
You made my mom cry!
36
00:01:35,612 --> 00:01:38,866
It's not him.
It's you, Eric!
37
00:01:38,991 --> 00:01:41,368
I don't know what to do
with you.
38
00:01:41,493 --> 00:01:43,704
Sure you do.
You're a great mom!
39
00:01:43,829 --> 00:01:45,956
♪ Who's got the greatest mom
in the world? ♪
40
00:01:46,081 --> 00:01:47,207
♪ I do ♪
41
00:01:47,332 --> 00:01:49,209
♪ My mom is number one
in my heart ♪
42
00:01:49,334 --> 00:01:50,711
♪ It's true ♪
43
00:01:50,836 --> 00:01:53,172
♪ My mom's the best mom,
better than your mom ♪
44
00:01:53,297 --> 00:01:56,133
♪ Let's sing it together
in harmony ♪
45
00:01:56,258 --> 00:01:58,677
Mrs. Cartman, I know
this is extremely difficult,
46
00:01:58,802 --> 00:02:02,306
but there is help out there
for people like you.
47
00:02:02,431 --> 00:02:06,602
Have you ever heard of a show
called "Nanny 911"?
48
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:12,357
MAN: They're every parent's
worst nightmare.
49
00:02:12,483 --> 00:02:14,193
Shut up!
I hate you! I hate you!
50
00:02:14,318 --> 00:02:17,112
Kids completely out of control.
51
00:02:17,237 --> 00:02:19,114
Look! I'm skating!
I'm skating!
52
00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:22,826
It's time to call "Nanny 911."
53
00:02:24,203 --> 00:02:26,997
We've gathered a team
of world-class nannies
54
00:02:27,122 --> 00:02:30,042
to help families in crisis.
55
00:02:30,167 --> 00:02:33,587
Parents of America,
help is on the way!
56
00:02:33,712 --> 00:02:35,088
Tonight...
57
00:02:35,214 --> 00:02:37,466
Mom, I need
another energy drink!
58
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:41,011
This 8-year-old son of a single
parent just won't behave.
59
00:02:41,136 --> 00:02:43,347
[ Speaking German ]
60
00:02:43,472 --> 00:02:47,434
And Nanny Stella is selected
to set him straight!
61
00:02:47,559 --> 00:02:49,245
[ British accent ]
It's time for Nanny Stella
62
00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:50,269
to show Eric Cartman
63
00:02:50,354 --> 00:02:53,357
his ways are not going to be
tolerated anymore!
64
00:02:56,527 --> 00:02:58,529
[ Knock on door ]
65
00:02:58,654 --> 00:03:01,782
Mom, are you deaf?!
Somebody's at the door!
66
00:03:01,907 --> 00:03:04,326
Yes, I think it's the nanny,
poopsiekins.
67
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:07,037
Killer. I'm gonna be on TV now.
[ Burps ]
68
00:03:07,162 --> 00:03:09,248
Hello!
I'm Nanny Stella!
69
00:03:09,373 --> 00:03:10,958
Oh, thank you so much
for coming.
70
00:03:11,083 --> 00:03:12,584
Please come in.
71
00:03:13,168 --> 00:03:15,128
And you must be Eric!
72
00:03:15,254 --> 00:03:16,505
Mom, I want a Twinkie.
73
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:17,965
A-All right, dear.
74
00:03:18,090 --> 00:03:19,591
Hold on, Mrs. Cartman.
75
00:03:19,716 --> 00:03:22,469
There are going to be some
rule changes around here, Eric.
76
00:03:22,594 --> 00:03:26,515
First of all, no video games
until chores are done.
77
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,517
[ Laughs ]
78
00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:29,893
I'm serious.
79
00:03:30,018 --> 00:03:32,058
Let's put down the video game
and go to the kitchen.
80
00:03:32,104 --> 00:03:33,748
[ British accent ]
No, thanks. I'd rather not.
81
00:03:33,772 --> 00:03:36,692
Right. Then I'm going to
have to take it.
82
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,402
What the hell
do you think you're doing?
83
00:03:38,527 --> 00:03:39,570
Come on.
84
00:03:40,529 --> 00:03:42,865
This video game is going
right here on the counter
85
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,324
until we've done some chores.
86
00:03:44,449 --> 00:03:48,328
Now, first thing we're going to
do is make your bed.
87
00:03:48,453 --> 00:03:50,956
Eric, no!
This is not acceptable!
88
00:03:51,081 --> 00:03:53,542
Stop trying to bogart my Xbox,
you fat bitch!
89
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:56,753
All right. That's it.
You're going to time-out!
90
00:03:56,879 --> 00:03:57,879
Time-out?
91
00:03:57,963 --> 00:03:59,107
Whenever you are naughty, Eric,
92
00:03:59,131 --> 00:04:03,260
you are going to sit
on this stool for five minutes.
93
00:04:03,385 --> 00:04:06,013
And what exactly keeps me
on the stool?
94
00:04:06,138 --> 00:04:07,598
It's the time-out stool.
95
00:04:07,723 --> 00:04:10,851
You can't get down
until the time is up.
96
00:04:12,144 --> 00:04:14,521
Whoa!
How did I do that!?
97
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:18,734
Eric, you have to stay
in time-out!
98
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,319
Um, no?
99
00:04:20,444 --> 00:04:22,654
Come on.
You don't have a choice.
100
00:04:22,779 --> 00:04:25,008
All right. Seriously, you're
starting to piss me off now.
101
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:26,992
Eric, you need to listen to me.
102
00:04:27,117 --> 00:04:28,368
This is very important.
103
00:04:28,493 --> 00:04:30,120
I'm getting down to eye level
with Eric
104
00:04:30,245 --> 00:04:32,539
so that I can talk to him
on his level.
105
00:04:32,664 --> 00:04:34,291
Eric, you need to understand
106
00:04:34,416 --> 00:04:36,668
why you are being punished,
all right?
107
00:04:36,793 --> 00:04:38,513
I'm just gonna get down
as soon as you move.
108
00:04:38,629 --> 00:04:41,965
Well, then I'll just
have to stand right here!
109
00:04:42,090 --> 00:04:43,090
[ Snorts, spits ]
110
00:04:43,133 --> 00:04:44,133
Aah!
111
00:04:44,676 --> 00:04:46,845
He spit in my mouth!
112
00:04:46,970 --> 00:04:49,264
Yeah.
It's best to avoid his level.
113
00:04:49,389 --> 00:04:52,017
All right.
I've dealt with this before.
114
00:04:52,142 --> 00:04:54,436
We just need to use psychology
on him.
115
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:56,772
♪ Don't stop believin' ♪
116
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:59,149
♪ Hold on
to that feel-a-ee-ing ♪
117
00:04:59,274 --> 00:05:02,736
Eric, can I just talk to you
for a quick second?
118
00:05:02,861 --> 00:05:04,863
Why are you so angry?
119
00:05:04,988 --> 00:05:06,615
Because you took my Xbox.
120
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:08,700
Is this about more
than your video game?
121
00:05:08,825 --> 00:05:10,077
Are you feeling angry at me
122
00:05:10,202 --> 00:05:12,955
because you think I'm here
to change your life?
123
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,957
Well... yeah.
124
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:16,792
And you're feeling
like I have no right
125
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:19,252
to come in
and tell you how to live.
126
00:05:19,378 --> 00:05:20,921
Yeah, I guess so.
127
00:05:21,046 --> 00:05:22,172
See this?
128
00:05:22,297 --> 00:05:23,297
You have to take the time
129
00:05:23,382 --> 00:05:25,550
to talk to your children
about their feelings.
130
00:05:25,676 --> 00:05:27,511
What else are you feeling, Eric?
131
00:05:27,636 --> 00:05:30,138
Well, I'm feeling confused,
132
00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:32,683
because I don't understand
why you became a nanny.
133
00:05:32,808 --> 00:05:33,808
Me?
134
00:05:33,850 --> 00:05:36,937
Well, because I love children,
like you.
135
00:05:37,062 --> 00:05:39,398
Right, but if you love children
so much,
136
00:05:39,523 --> 00:05:41,108
how come you're not a mommy?
137
00:05:41,233 --> 00:05:43,568
Oh, I just never had kids.
138
00:05:43,694 --> 00:05:45,028
Why not?
139
00:05:45,153 --> 00:05:48,156
It just... didn't happen.
140
00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:49,950
You're sterile.
Is that it?
141
00:05:50,909 --> 00:05:53,036
No. That's too convenient
of an excuse.
142
00:05:53,161 --> 00:05:55,455
The truth is, nobody ever wanted
to have babies with you.
143
00:05:55,580 --> 00:05:56,790
Isn't that it?
144
00:05:56,915 --> 00:05:58,834
Always the moms-maid,
never the mom.
145
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:01,878
Must be hard on you, knowing
that the years are ticking away,
146
00:06:02,004 --> 00:06:03,296
your friends
all getting married,
147
00:06:03,422 --> 00:06:05,799
and all the while your uterus
slowly shriveling away,
148
00:06:05,924 --> 00:06:08,593
drying up,
becoming totally worthless.
149
00:06:08,719 --> 00:06:12,472
Why, you -- you --
you little bastard!
150
00:06:12,597 --> 00:06:14,016
How dare you?!
151
00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:15,308
Eric, naughty.
152
00:06:15,434 --> 00:06:16,977
What kind of monster would --
153
00:06:17,102 --> 00:06:18,311
Yes!
Let the anger come!
154
00:06:18,437 --> 00:06:19,855
Strike me down while you can!
155
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:22,208
But it won't make your dried-up
ovaries any more fertile!
156
00:06:22,232 --> 00:06:24,234
That's it!
I'm not doing this!
157
00:06:24,359 --> 00:06:25,986
Oh, but we really need
some help!
158
00:06:26,111 --> 00:06:29,656
Find yourself another nanny...
television show!
159
00:06:29,781 --> 00:06:30,782
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
160
00:06:30,907 --> 00:06:33,326
MAN: Coming up next,
it's "Supernanny"!
161
00:06:33,452 --> 00:06:36,413
Where other nannies fail,
Nanny Jo comes through!
162
00:06:36,538 --> 00:06:38,915
[ Man vocalizing ]
163
00:06:39,041 --> 00:06:41,043
[ Music continues ]
164
00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:47,924
[ British accent ]
This child's behavior
165
00:06:48,050 --> 00:06:50,135
is totally unacceptable!
166
00:06:52,304 --> 00:06:54,890
But there's no child too tough
for Supernanny!
167
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:56,308
In just three days' time,
168
00:06:56,433 --> 00:06:59,644
you're going to see
a new Eric Cartman!
169
00:07:01,938 --> 00:07:03,857
[ Dramatic music plays ]
170
00:07:03,982 --> 00:07:07,652
I'm afraid Supernanny is in a
deep state of mental psychosis.
171
00:07:07,778 --> 00:07:08,779
What do you mean?
172
00:07:08,904 --> 00:07:10,989
I mean she spends
most of her time sobbing
173
00:07:11,114 --> 00:07:12,741
and eating her own excrement.
174
00:07:16,578 --> 00:07:18,747
From hell.
175
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:21,958
It's from hell!
176
00:07:22,084 --> 00:07:22,876
Oh, dear.
177
00:07:23,001 --> 00:07:24,336
I don't know what else to do
178
00:07:24,461 --> 00:07:26,338
about my son's
behavioral problems.
179
00:07:26,463 --> 00:07:29,800
We've been through every nanny
reality show on television.
180
00:07:29,925 --> 00:07:33,929
Well, there is one more show
you could still try.
181
00:07:34,805 --> 00:07:36,765
- [ Dogs barking ]
- MAN: When good dogs go bad,
182
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:40,060
there's one man
who's their best friend.
183
00:07:40,185 --> 00:07:41,895
Cesar Millan.
184
00:07:42,020 --> 00:07:44,457
CESAR: [ Spanish accent ] No dog
is too much for me to handle.
185
00:07:44,481 --> 00:07:47,192
I rehabilitate dogs.
I train people.
186
00:07:47,317 --> 00:07:49,694
I am the dog whisperer.
187
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,239
[ Knock on door ]
188
00:07:52,364 --> 00:07:54,324
Please come in.
189
00:07:55,117 --> 00:07:56,576
So, tell me what are
the problems
190
00:07:56,701 --> 00:07:57,845
you're having with the child.
191
00:07:57,869 --> 00:07:59,955
Well, he's just out of control.
192
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,958
I mean, he never listens to me,
and he pretty much runs my life.
193
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:04,292
So the child needs to learn
194
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:06,586
that he's not the most important
person in the house.
195
00:08:06,711 --> 00:08:08,022
You can stop talking
behind my back.
196
00:08:08,046 --> 00:08:09,131
I'm right here, fruitcake.
197
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:10,566
See, I'm not looking
at the child,
198
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:11,734
I'm not acknowledging the child.
199
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:14,052
I'm just letting the child know
I'm not interested in him.
200
00:08:14,177 --> 00:08:15,177
Not interested in me?
201
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,556
See, the child thinks your world
revolves around him
202
00:08:17,681 --> 00:08:18,557
because it does,
203
00:08:18,682 --> 00:08:20,892
because everything he does
gets a response from you.
204
00:08:21,017 --> 00:08:22,453
- Yeah. Well, I don't see why --
- Tsst!
205
00:08:22,477 --> 00:08:23,145
Hey!
206
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:24,914
Don't look at the child.
Just keep looking at me.
207
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,578
Let him know we are
having a conversation.
208
00:08:26,648 --> 00:08:27,792
- Mom, this guy doesn't --
- Tsst!
209
00:08:27,816 --> 00:08:29,901
- Aah! Quit it!
- What is that you're doing?
210
00:08:30,026 --> 00:08:32,445
Dogs show their dominance by
nipping each other on the neck.
211
00:08:32,571 --> 00:08:34,197
But it works equally well
on the child.
212
00:08:34,322 --> 00:08:36,217
I just use two fingers
and nip at the child's neck.
213
00:08:36,241 --> 00:08:38,219
Doesn't hurt the child.
Just let him know I am dominant.
214
00:08:38,243 --> 00:08:39,883
Look, Mexican,
if you really think that --
215
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,580
- Tsst!
- Knock it off!
216
00:08:41,705 --> 00:08:42,205
Tsst!
217
00:08:42,330 --> 00:08:44,374
See, I'm not validating
his bad behavior
218
00:08:44,499 --> 00:08:46,334
with either a negative
or positive response.
219
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:48,044
Oh!
That's very interesting!
220
00:08:48,170 --> 00:08:49,810
I think the first thing
we need to work on
221
00:08:49,838 --> 00:08:51,023
is getting the child
some exercise.
222
00:08:51,047 --> 00:08:52,692
He's fat and he has
all this pent-up energy that...
223
00:08:52,716 --> 00:08:54,718
- I'm not fat!
- ...we need to let him burn off.
224
00:08:54,843 --> 00:08:55,987
Do you take walks with your son?
225
00:08:56,011 --> 00:08:57,304
Well, no, I don't.
226
00:08:57,429 --> 00:08:59,681
Go on.
Take your son for a walk.
227
00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:01,850
- [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- Hey!
228
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:03,695
You think this is funny,
you son of a bitch?
229
00:09:03,768 --> 00:09:05,496
See, once again,
I am the one going for a walk.
230
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,856
This is about me. The child is
lucky enough to come along.
231
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,983
- Mom, this is degrading!
- Tsst!
232
00:09:10,108 --> 00:09:11,401
Aah!
God damn it!
233
00:09:11,526 --> 00:09:12,986
[ Screaming ]
234
00:09:13,111 --> 00:09:15,447
Don't look at him.
Just look straight ahead.
235
00:09:15,572 --> 00:09:17,199
He'll run out of energy soon.
236
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:19,409
[ Screaming ]
237
00:09:27,876 --> 00:09:29,544
[ Weakly ]
Mom.
238
00:09:29,669 --> 00:09:31,463
Mo-o-o-o-m!
239
00:09:31,588 --> 00:09:33,632
Here. Why don't you try it now?
Take your son.
240
00:09:33,757 --> 00:09:35,634
Mom, seriously,
people are seeing me!
241
00:09:35,759 --> 00:09:36,999
Good.
Just keep your confidence.
242
00:09:37,093 --> 00:09:38,595
Shoulders back,
eyes straight ahead.
243
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:40,305
The child can pick up
on that confidence
244
00:09:40,430 --> 00:09:42,470
and learn he's supposed to
follow you, not lead you.
245
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:43,767
Mom, don't you love me?
246
00:09:43,892 --> 00:09:45,602
Can't you see I'm unhappy
right now?
247
00:09:45,727 --> 00:09:46,978
- Tsst!
- Mom!
248
00:09:47,103 --> 00:09:49,606
Good, Mrs. Cartman.
Very good!
249
00:09:49,773 --> 00:09:53,068
MAN: And now back to
"The Dog Whisperer."
250
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:57,155
It is important to understand
that dogs run in packs.
251
00:09:57,281 --> 00:10:01,326
And one dog is always
dominant -- the pack leader.
252
00:10:01,451 --> 00:10:02,995
God damn it!
Stop ignoring me!
253
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:07,207
You must assert yourself as pack
leader with dominant energy.
254
00:10:07,332 --> 00:10:09,084
- All right!
- This is abuse!
255
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,586
I'm a child,
and I'm entitled to attention!
256
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,171
- Tsst!
- Quit it, Mom!
257
00:10:13,297 --> 00:10:15,507
It doesn't seem to work as well
when I do it.
258
00:10:15,632 --> 00:10:18,927
Okay. Let me show you how
to express the dominant energy.
259
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,637
What I have done
is I have brought over
260
00:10:20,762 --> 00:10:22,973
some Kentucky Fried Chicken.
261
00:10:23,098 --> 00:10:24,141
Ooh.
Colonel?
262
00:10:24,266 --> 00:10:25,642
I am going to eat first,
263
00:10:25,767 --> 00:10:27,407
because that is what
the pack leader does.
264
00:10:27,436 --> 00:10:29,563
Gim-- Gimme the chicken.
Gimme some chicken!
265
00:10:29,688 --> 00:10:31,231
- Tsst!
- What are you doing?
266
00:10:31,356 --> 00:10:33,275
I want chicken!
Gimme some goddamn chicken!
267
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,819
I am not going to acknowledge
the child's attempt
268
00:10:35,944 --> 00:10:37,487
at aggressive,
dominant behavior.
269
00:10:37,612 --> 00:10:38,780
Now you eat the chicken.
270
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:40,365
Mom, gimme --
gimme some chicken.
271
00:10:40,490 --> 00:10:41,533
I want some chicken, Mom!
272
00:10:41,658 --> 00:10:44,578
We won't reward him until he's
in a calm, submissive behavior.
273
00:10:44,703 --> 00:10:46,580
God damn it!
I am not a dog!
274
00:10:46,705 --> 00:10:48,290
Gimme the chicken.
G-Gimme the chicken.
275
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:49,291
I want the chicken.
Chicken!
276
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:51,352
Gimme chicken! Gimme chicken!
Gimme chicken! Gimme chicken!
277
00:10:51,376 --> 00:10:54,379
We need him to become relaxed
and submissive.
278
00:10:54,504 --> 00:10:57,049
Okay. I'm fine.
I'm cool now.
279
00:10:57,174 --> 00:10:58,717
May I have some chicken, please?
280
00:10:58,842 --> 00:11:00,510
Oh, very good, sweetie.
281
00:11:00,635 --> 00:11:01,887
No. No.
Now he's lying.
282
00:11:02,012 --> 00:11:04,514
You can tell from his stance
he's still aggressive-dominant.
283
00:11:04,639 --> 00:11:06,767
Suck my asshole, taco bender!
284
00:11:06,892 --> 00:11:07,893
- See?
- God damn it!
285
00:11:08,018 --> 00:11:10,187
You can't stand here
and eat KFC in front of me!
286
00:11:10,312 --> 00:11:11,352
- Now hand it over!
- Tsst!
287
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:13,358
You can't do that to me!
I-- God damn it! This --
288
00:11:13,482 --> 00:11:14,649
Tsst!
289
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,651
Eh. Eh.
290
00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:21,573
I am not being aggressive.
I am being dominant.
291
00:11:21,698 --> 00:11:24,201
Wow.
I have a lot to learn.
292
00:11:24,326 --> 00:11:26,828
Mom, I'm serious.
This has gone on long enough.
293
00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:30,165
Get that guy out of here
and give me a piece of chicken.
294
00:11:30,707 --> 00:11:32,709
That's how you want it, bitch?
Fine!
295
00:11:33,877 --> 00:11:36,588
I hate you!
I'm running away!
296
00:11:36,713 --> 00:11:37,774
- Oh, dear.
- [ Door slams ]
297
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:40,092
That's okay. This is all part
of the dominant struggle.
298
00:11:40,217 --> 00:11:41,635
But what if he does run away?
299
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:42,969
Let him go.
He'll be back.
300
00:11:43,095 --> 00:11:44,888
This is a good opportunity
for you to relax
301
00:11:45,013 --> 00:11:46,723
and enjoy your favorite hobby.
302
00:11:48,558 --> 00:11:50,310
Oh, boy! Park Avenue!
I'm rich!
303
00:11:50,435 --> 00:11:52,437
[ Door opens, closes ]
304
00:11:52,562 --> 00:11:55,107
Hey, guys.
I've got some pretty big news.
305
00:11:55,232 --> 00:11:57,025
[ Sighs ]
I ran away from home.
306
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:59,027
- [ Down-tempo music plays ]
- Yeah.
307
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,988
My mom just doesn't care about
me anymore, so I moved out.
308
00:12:02,114 --> 00:12:03,949
She didn't even try to stop me.
309
00:12:04,074 --> 00:12:07,160
It's gonna be tough living on
my own, but I'll get by somehow.
310
00:12:07,285 --> 00:12:08,829
You can't stay here.
311
00:12:08,954 --> 00:12:10,997
Maybe you didn't hear me.
I ran away.
312
00:12:11,123 --> 00:12:13,267
I don't have anywhere to sleep.
I'm out on the streets.
313
00:12:13,291 --> 00:12:15,168
You're not staying at my house
either.
314
00:12:15,293 --> 00:12:16,503
All right.
That's fine.
315
00:12:16,628 --> 00:12:17,980
- Butters, I'll crash with you.
- No.
316
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:20,715
My parents won't let me bring
homeless people home anymore.
317
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,717
Well, what do you guys
expect me to do?
318
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,928
Stay at Kenny's house?
His family is totally poor!
319
00:12:25,053 --> 00:12:27,097
I'm not staying
with poor people!
320
00:12:28,140 --> 00:12:30,642
All right. I'll stay with Kenny.
Let's go, man.
321
00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:32,436
- Mrph rmh.
- Ugh!
322
00:12:32,561 --> 00:12:36,314
Well, I guess now we see just
how supportive friends can be.
323
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,483
When the chips are down,
you won't even lend a hand!
324
00:12:38,608 --> 00:12:41,236
I'll just go sleep on the street
somewhere, out in the cold.
325
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:44,197
Probably get mugged and
gang-raped by some minorities.
326
00:12:44,322 --> 00:12:47,701
You guys will be sorry
when I turn up dead!
327
00:12:47,826 --> 00:12:50,871
Whoopie!
J&R Railroad!
328
00:12:50,996 --> 00:12:52,622
[ Doorbell rings ]
329
00:12:52,747 --> 00:12:54,583
Hey, Jimmy, you're not
gonna believe this,
330
00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:56,835
but I ran away from home.
331
00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:58,795
I just --
I really need the support
332
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:00,714
of my best friend right now.
333
00:13:01,590 --> 00:13:03,008
Who's your best friend?
334
00:13:03,133 --> 00:13:05,510
You are, Jimmy!
We've always been best friends!
335
00:13:05,635 --> 00:13:07,721
We know everything
about each other!
336
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:10,599
What's my last name?
337
00:13:12,809 --> 00:13:14,686
God damn it.
338
00:13:15,937 --> 00:13:18,857
Craig. Dude.
I ran away from home.
339
00:13:18,982 --> 00:13:20,484
You're the first person
I came to.
340
00:13:20,609 --> 00:13:22,360
I knew you'd take me in
off the streets.
341
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:25,155
But I hate you.
342
00:13:26,156 --> 00:13:28,658
Should that really matter
at a time like this?
343
00:13:28,783 --> 00:13:31,620
[ Thunder rumbling ]
344
00:13:31,745 --> 00:13:33,705
This is bullcrap!
345
00:13:33,830 --> 00:13:36,750
Mom will break soon.
I can outlast her.
346
00:13:36,875 --> 00:13:39,085
[ Door closes ]
347
00:13:40,754 --> 00:13:42,589
All right.
I'm back.
348
00:13:42,714 --> 00:13:45,050
Oh, Eric!
I'm so happy you're home!
349
00:13:45,175 --> 00:13:46,903
Yes. Well, hopefully
you've learned your lesson.
350
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:47,802
I've come back,
351
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:49,739
but there's going to be
some changes around here.
352
00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:50,805
Look what I did, Eric.
353
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:52,682
I learned how to make
sumi-e paintings!
354
00:13:52,807 --> 00:13:54,768
I'd almost forgotten
how artistic I was.
355
00:13:54,893 --> 00:13:56,186
That's super interesting,
356
00:13:56,311 --> 00:13:58,939
but I've been out living on the
streets for almost four hours.
357
00:13:59,064 --> 00:14:00,106
Make me something to eat.
358
00:14:00,232 --> 00:14:01,232
Cesar!
359
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:02,442
How's the painting going?
360
00:14:02,567 --> 00:14:03,652
Oh, God damn it!
361
00:14:03,777 --> 00:14:04,861
Oh, look.
It came back.
362
00:14:04,986 --> 00:14:06,363
Yep.
Just like you said he would.
363
00:14:06,488 --> 00:14:07,739
What is he still doing here?
364
00:14:07,864 --> 00:14:09,449
He said he's hungry.
What should I do?
365
00:14:09,574 --> 00:14:11,076
Let's feed it.
366
00:14:11,868 --> 00:14:13,078
CARTMAN:
What the hell is this?
367
00:14:13,203 --> 00:14:16,081
Skinless chicken,
boiled vegetables, and salad?!
368
00:14:16,206 --> 00:14:17,582
This is just like Auschwitz!
369
00:14:17,707 --> 00:14:20,168
This is more aggressive,
dominant behavior.
370
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:21,293
Don't nurture it.
371
00:14:21,336 --> 00:14:23,713
Oh, my God.
Bite-size Snickers?
372
00:14:23,838 --> 00:14:24,548
That's it.
373
00:14:24,673 --> 00:14:27,759
I'm calling
child protective services!
374
00:14:27,884 --> 00:14:30,303
Come on, Mrs. Cartman.
You must become pack leader.
375
00:14:30,428 --> 00:14:31,304
What do you do?
376
00:14:31,429 --> 00:14:32,847
Eric, if you don't want to eat,
377
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:35,267
then why don't you just go
brush your teeth and go to bed?
378
00:14:35,392 --> 00:14:36,810
No.
You're asking him a favor.
379
00:14:36,935 --> 00:14:38,687
Don't ask a favor.
Dominate.
380
00:14:39,271 --> 00:14:41,189
Mom, I want this guy
out of here! You got it?!
381
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:42,691
If he's not gone in two minutes,
382
00:14:42,816 --> 00:14:44,943
I will call social services
on you!
383
00:14:45,068 --> 00:14:46,820
You project the dominant energy,
384
00:14:46,945 --> 00:14:49,239
and he will pick up on it,
I promise.
385
00:14:49,364 --> 00:14:51,366
Shoulders back, head high.
386
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:54,119
Don't reason with it.
Don't argue with it.
387
00:14:54,244 --> 00:14:55,870
Just dominate it.
388
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:58,206
I am your son,
and you will listen to me!
389
00:14:58,331 --> 00:14:59,611
- You have no right to --
- Tsst!
390
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:00,666
Mom, knock it off!
391
00:15:00,709 --> 00:15:01,978
- I'm not gonna stand for --
- Tsst!
392
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,295
- Seriously, Mom --
- Tsst!
393
00:15:03,420 --> 00:15:05,088
This is --
Why are you doing this?
394
00:15:05,213 --> 00:15:06,298
- Tsst! Tsst!
- Mom!
395
00:15:06,423 --> 00:15:09,259
Ma... Ma...
396
00:15:09,384 --> 00:15:11,678
I did it!
397
00:15:13,430 --> 00:15:17,017
You see? You were calm,
assertive, and in control.
398
00:15:20,812 --> 00:15:22,939
Oh!
Oh, my gosh!
399
00:15:23,064 --> 00:15:25,567
See? This is the behavior
we've been looking for.
400
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,611
This is a relaxed,
submissive state.
401
00:15:27,736 --> 00:15:29,988
- He's never done this before.
- Good.
402
00:15:30,113 --> 00:15:32,824
Now you can reward the behavior
with praise and attention.
403
00:15:32,949 --> 00:15:34,701
I love you very much,
poopsiekins.
404
00:15:34,826 --> 00:15:37,787
You're Mommy's sunshine.
405
00:15:37,912 --> 00:15:39,289
Now you can give him a snack.
406
00:15:42,459 --> 00:15:43,627
Good.
This is really good.
407
00:15:43,752 --> 00:15:45,045
Now try a command.
408
00:15:45,170 --> 00:15:47,881
Eric, I want you to go upstairs
and brush your teeth.
409
00:15:48,006 --> 00:15:51,217
Then I'll be up
to read you a story before bed.
410
00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:55,263
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
411
00:15:57,599 --> 00:15:59,893
Oh, my goodness.
I can't believe it.
412
00:16:00,018 --> 00:16:01,353
This is a great first step.
413
00:16:01,478 --> 00:16:04,314
But you're going to have to stay
firm and confident.
414
00:16:04,439 --> 00:16:06,024
You are the pack leader now.
415
00:16:06,149 --> 00:16:07,567
I am the pack leader!
416
00:16:07,692 --> 00:16:09,319
Now, before you go
read your son a story,
417
00:16:09,444 --> 00:16:11,071
let's go enjoy a nice,
quiet cup of tea.
418
00:16:11,196 --> 00:16:12,656
Sounds divine.
419
00:16:13,365 --> 00:16:16,326
Who does she think she is
telling me to go brush my teeth?
420
00:16:22,457 --> 00:16:25,919
Jesus.
What's happening to me?
421
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:31,425
So, how is your son doing,
Mrs. Cartman?
422
00:16:31,550 --> 00:16:33,176
Oh, he's been amazing, Cesar.
423
00:16:33,301 --> 00:16:35,137
He got an "A"
on his last spelling test
424
00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:36,805
and a B-plus in history.
425
00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:38,974
He's losing weight,
and he's doing what I tell him.
426
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:40,099
That's great!
427
00:16:40,142 --> 00:16:42,853
The best part is I'm not letting
him boss me around anymore.
428
00:16:42,978 --> 00:16:45,063
I could have never come out
and had a nice lunch
429
00:16:45,188 --> 00:16:47,441
on a Saturday afternoon
with a friend before!
430
00:16:47,566 --> 00:16:48,358
Good, Mrs. Cartman.
431
00:16:48,483 --> 00:16:50,211
Sounds like you're treating
your son like a son
432
00:16:50,235 --> 00:16:51,445
and not like a friend.
433
00:16:51,570 --> 00:16:53,071
There's just one problem.
434
00:16:53,196 --> 00:16:55,365
He still fights me
every step of the way.
435
00:16:55,490 --> 00:16:57,743
I feel like he's doing
what I tell him
436
00:16:57,868 --> 00:17:01,413
but that inside he's still
the same angry, spoiled child.
437
00:17:01,538 --> 00:17:02,330
Don't worry.
438
00:17:02,456 --> 00:17:03,665
When you correct the behavior,
439
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:06,793
eventually you will see a change
in the personality.
440
00:17:06,918 --> 00:17:10,046
Oh, Cesar, I'm so happy
to have you in my life.
441
00:17:10,964 --> 00:17:13,216
[ Door opens, closes ]
442
00:17:14,509 --> 00:17:15,552
Guys, listen up.
443
00:17:15,677 --> 00:17:17,137
I really need your help
this time.
444
00:17:17,262 --> 00:17:18,638
I've thought about it a lot,
445
00:17:18,764 --> 00:17:21,266
and I've decided
I have to kill my mom.
446
00:17:21,391 --> 00:17:22,559
Kill your mom?
447
00:17:22,684 --> 00:17:24,564
She doesn't let me wear
whatever I want anymore.
448
00:17:24,686 --> 00:17:26,188
Things have really gotten
out of hand.
449
00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:28,148
My mom must die
so I can have a place to live,
450
00:17:28,273 --> 00:17:29,816
but without her trying to run
my life.
451
00:17:29,941 --> 00:17:32,235
She's like Hitler
with all the demands she makes.
452
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:33,421
Dude, have you lost more weight?
453
00:17:33,445 --> 00:17:35,405
Yes!
I've lost almost 10 pounds now!
454
00:17:35,530 --> 00:17:36,406
You see what I mean?
455
00:17:36,531 --> 00:17:38,909
I totally know how it felt to be
a Jew in the Holocaust now.
456
00:17:39,034 --> 00:17:41,077
I have to kill my mom.
It's my only way out.
457
00:17:41,203 --> 00:17:42,954
Dude, don't kill your mom.
That's not cool.
458
00:17:43,079 --> 00:17:44,122
She's Hitler.
459
00:17:44,247 --> 00:17:46,100
Would you have killed Hitler
if you had the chance?
460
00:17:46,124 --> 00:17:47,268
All right.
Now, here's the plan.
461
00:17:47,292 --> 00:17:49,211
At 9:45 tonight,
I will sneak out of my room
462
00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:51,272
and leave the house,
leaving the back door unlocked.
463
00:17:51,296 --> 00:17:53,799
You guys come into the house
at 10:30 p.m. sharp,
464
00:17:53,924 --> 00:17:55,526
having given me enough time
to get down to Perkins
465
00:17:55,550 --> 00:17:56,760
and be seen by everyone there.
466
00:17:56,885 --> 00:17:58,925
And then all four of you
go upstairs to kill my mom.
467
00:17:58,970 --> 00:18:00,680
Dude, we're not killing
your mom.
468
00:18:00,806 --> 00:18:02,891
Well, I can't kill her.
I'm too obvious a suspect.
469
00:18:03,016 --> 00:18:04,911
When you reach her room,
Butters will keep a lookout
470
00:18:04,935 --> 00:18:06,245
while Kenny opens
the bedroom door,
471
00:18:06,269 --> 00:18:07,622
Kyle puts a pillow
over my mom's head,
472
00:18:07,646 --> 00:18:08,980
and Stan shoots her in the face.
473
00:18:09,105 --> 00:18:10,374
Where am I supposed to get
a gun?
474
00:18:10,398 --> 00:18:12,038
Well, I don't know.
That's your job, Stan!
475
00:18:12,067 --> 00:18:13,377
Do I have to think of everything
here?
476
00:18:13,401 --> 00:18:14,569
I'm not shooting anybody.
477
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,881
Okay. Fine. Butters, you cover
my mom's head with a pillow.
478
00:18:16,905 --> 00:18:19,115
- Kyle can shoot her in the face.
- No, Cartman!
479
00:18:19,241 --> 00:18:20,841
Oh. Well, how about
I just do everything?
480
00:18:20,909 --> 00:18:22,595
How does that sound?
I'll just do everything
481
00:18:22,619 --> 00:18:24,379
while you guys sit here
and play video games!
482
00:18:25,288 --> 00:18:27,958
Fine!
I'll do it by myself!
483
00:18:28,083 --> 00:18:30,335
[ Insects chirping ]
484
00:18:30,460 --> 00:18:31,503
[ Clock ticking ]
485
00:18:31,628 --> 00:18:33,839
[ Door opens, hinges squeak ]
486
00:18:33,964 --> 00:18:36,591
[ Dramatic music plays ]
487
00:18:42,347 --> 00:18:44,099
You forced me to do this.
488
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:46,101
You couldn't just love me
as a son.
489
00:18:46,977 --> 00:18:49,938
You just had to humiliate
and degrade me with your rules.
490
00:18:50,063 --> 00:18:53,191
I won't let you dominate
my life anymore.
491
00:18:53,316 --> 00:18:55,360
Goodbye, Mother.
492
00:18:58,321 --> 00:18:59,698
[ Thinking ]
Wait.
493
00:18:59,823 --> 00:19:01,449
Maybe...
494
00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:04,286
Maybe I don't have the right
to kill my mom.
495
00:19:04,411 --> 00:19:05,787
No!
She's my mom.
496
00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:07,232
I can do whatever I want
with her!
497
00:19:07,330 --> 00:19:09,749
It's more important
I live the way I want!
498
00:19:09,875 --> 00:19:12,043
She isn't an object you can own.
She's a human being.
499
00:19:12,168 --> 00:19:14,379
She isn't an object I can own.
S-She's a human being.
500
00:19:14,504 --> 00:19:16,840
No! Kill her!
No! She's making you suffer!
501
00:19:16,965 --> 00:19:18,008
[ Grunts ]
502
00:19:18,133 --> 00:19:20,135
Maybe all these changes are good
for me.
503
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,386
Maybe...
504
00:19:21,511 --> 00:19:24,097
The world doesn't revolve
around me?
505
00:19:25,140 --> 00:19:28,810
Maybe the world doesn't revolve
around me.
506
00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:31,021
[ Gagging ]
507
00:19:33,690 --> 00:19:37,235
The... world doesn't revolve
around me!
508
00:19:38,236 --> 00:19:39,863
Aah!
509
00:19:41,698 --> 00:19:44,451
Aaaaah!
510
00:19:44,576 --> 00:19:46,077
Aaaaah!
511
00:19:57,631 --> 00:19:59,299
[ Gasps ]
512
00:20:02,928 --> 00:20:05,764
Why, Eric!
You made your own breakfast!
513
00:20:05,889 --> 00:20:08,224
Yeah, Mom. It's okay.
It's grapefruit and lean ham.
514
00:20:08,350 --> 00:20:10,226
And you're studying
before school?
515
00:20:10,352 --> 00:20:12,354
Well, you told me
I had to review my homework
516
00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:13,563
before class started.
517
00:20:14,689 --> 00:20:17,359
Oh, Eric.
I'm very proud of you.
518
00:20:17,484 --> 00:20:19,653
T-Thank you?
519
00:20:19,778 --> 00:20:20,946
I love you, sweetie.
520
00:20:21,071 --> 00:20:22,781
Okay, Mom.
You're embarrassing me. Geez!
521
00:20:22,906 --> 00:20:25,116
[ Doorbell rings ]
522
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:29,037
Cesar, I'm so happy you're back!
523
00:20:29,162 --> 00:20:30,330
How is the child doing?
524
00:20:30,455 --> 00:20:31,748
Oh, he's amazing.
525
00:20:31,873 --> 00:20:34,209
I think the change
in personality happened.
526
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:35,877
He's doing things
for himself now,
527
00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:37,545
and he seems to be accepting it.
528
00:20:37,671 --> 00:20:40,632
I've lost a best friend,
but I've gained a son.
529
00:20:40,757 --> 00:20:42,133
That's much healthier for him.
530
00:20:42,258 --> 00:20:44,761
And when he gets older, he'll
be able to be your friend, too.
531
00:20:44,886 --> 00:20:46,096
You're the best, Cesar.
532
00:20:46,221 --> 00:20:49,057
And to show my gratitude, I've
got two tickets for you and me
533
00:20:49,182 --> 00:20:51,309
to see "Madam Butterfly"
this Friday night.
534
00:20:51,434 --> 00:20:52,686
Well, no.
My work is done.
535
00:20:52,811 --> 00:20:54,270
I've got to get back
to Los Angeles.
536
00:20:55,146 --> 00:20:58,149
Oh. But I thought
we were becoming friends.
537
00:20:58,274 --> 00:21:00,026
No, not really.
You're just a client.
538
00:21:00,151 --> 00:21:03,071
Well, good luck to you.
Got to go!
539
00:21:05,907 --> 00:21:07,325
I cleared up the table, Mom.
540
00:21:07,450 --> 00:21:10,370
I'm gonna go upstairs
and make my bed now.
541
00:21:11,788 --> 00:21:14,207
Eric, how would you like
to go with me
542
00:21:14,332 --> 00:21:16,501
to see "Madam Butterfly"
Friday night?
543
00:21:16,626 --> 00:21:17,627
No, that's okay.
544
00:21:17,752 --> 00:21:18,912
Besides, I told Stan and Kyle
545
00:21:19,004 --> 00:21:20,564
we could work
on our science project then.
546
00:21:20,588 --> 00:21:21,965
Well, what if I took you
547
00:21:22,090 --> 00:21:24,342
to Kentucky Fried Chicken
afterward?
548
00:21:26,094 --> 00:21:28,972
And then we'll go to Target,
and I'll buy you a Megaranger.
549
00:21:30,098 --> 00:21:34,227
Could I perhaps have...
two Megarangers?
550
00:21:34,352 --> 00:21:38,023
Yes, darling.
You can have whatever you want.
551
00:21:38,148 --> 00:21:41,693
[ Ominous operatic music plays ]
41371
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof