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1
00:00:11,556 --> 00:00:14,893
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
2
00:00:15,018 --> 00:00:16,603
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:16,728 --> 00:00:18,271
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:18,396 --> 00:00:21,483
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
00:00:21,608 --> 00:00:23,193
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
6
00:00:23,318 --> 00:00:24,629
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
7
00:00:24,653 --> 00:00:28,073
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:28,198 --> 00:00:31,034
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
9
00:00:31,159 --> 00:00:35,914
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:38,457 --> 00:00:39,875
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
11
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,627
You guys! You guys!
12
00:00:41,752 --> 00:00:43,420
Chef is going away.
13
00:00:44,255 --> 00:00:46,090
Going away?
For how long?
14
00:00:47,049 --> 00:00:48,384
Forever.
15
00:00:48,509 --> 00:00:50,761
I'm sorry, boys.
16
00:00:51,595 --> 00:00:53,180
STAN:
Chef said he's been bored,
17
00:00:53,305 --> 00:00:55,724
so he's joining a group
called the Super Adventure Club.
18
00:00:55,850 --> 00:00:57,309
Wow!
19
00:00:57,434 --> 00:00:59,895
Chef, what kind of questions
do you think
20
00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:02,773
adventuring around the world
is gonna answer?!
21
00:01:02,898 --> 00:01:05,985
What's the meaning of life?
Why are we here?
22
00:01:06,110 --> 00:01:08,153
I hope you're making
the right choice.
23
00:01:08,279 --> 00:01:09,738
I'm gonna miss him.
24
00:01:09,864 --> 00:01:12,032
I'm gonna miss Chef, and I --
25
00:01:12,157 --> 00:01:14,243
and I don't know
how to tell him!
26
00:01:14,869 --> 00:01:16,495
Dude, how are we gonna go on?
27
00:01:16,620 --> 00:01:19,331
Chef was our f-friend.
28
00:01:19,915 --> 00:01:21,500
And we will all miss you, Chef.
29
00:01:21,625 --> 00:01:24,378
But we know you must do
what your heart tells you.
30
00:01:24,503 --> 00:01:26,922
[ Music continues ]
31
00:01:27,047 --> 00:01:27,882
- Bye-bye!
- Goodbye!
32
00:01:28,007 --> 00:01:29,967
- So long, Chef!
- So long! Bye, Chef!
33
00:01:30,092 --> 00:01:31,218
Goodbye, Chef!
34
00:01:31,343 --> 00:01:33,679
Have a great time
with the Super Adventure Club!
35
00:01:33,804 --> 00:01:35,097
Goodbye.
36
00:01:36,765 --> 00:01:38,934
- See you later!
- Bye, Chef!
37
00:01:39,059 --> 00:01:41,103
[ Sobbing ]
38
00:01:42,730 --> 00:01:45,816
[ Music continues ]
39
00:01:45,941 --> 00:01:50,613
And now part two
of "Life Without Chef."
40
00:01:51,405 --> 00:01:53,490
Draw two cards, fat-ass.
41
00:01:54,575 --> 00:01:55,868
Reverse to you, Jew.
42
00:01:55,993 --> 00:01:58,245
- [ Doorbell rings ]
- I'll get it.
43
00:01:59,121 --> 00:02:00,289
[ Dramatic music plays ]
44
00:02:00,414 --> 00:02:02,166
Hello, there, children!
45
00:02:02,291 --> 00:02:03,542
He's back!
46
00:02:03,667 --> 00:02:05,502
- Yeah!
- Yeah! All right!
47
00:02:05,628 --> 00:02:08,130
[ Cheers and applause ]
48
00:02:08,255 --> 00:02:10,049
Chef, I can't believe
you're back!
49
00:02:10,174 --> 00:02:11,592
Well, it's true.
50
00:02:11,717 --> 00:02:12,885
But are you back for good?!
51
00:02:13,010 --> 00:02:14,219
That's right.
52
00:02:14,345 --> 00:02:17,139
Hey, everybody, Chef's back!
53
00:02:17,264 --> 00:02:19,475
- All right! Yeah!
- Huh? Oh!
54
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:21,018
Oh, finally!
55
00:02:21,143 --> 00:02:23,270
[All cheering ]
56
00:02:23,395 --> 00:02:25,314
[ Laughter ]
57
00:02:25,439 --> 00:02:26,815
That's great!
That's great!
58
00:02:26,941 --> 00:02:28,651
Wow. It seems like
you had a great time
59
00:02:28,776 --> 00:02:30,361
with the Super Adventure Club,
Chef.
60
00:02:30,486 --> 00:02:32,321
They sound like
really interesting people.
61
00:02:32,446 --> 00:02:33,530
Yeah.
62
00:02:33,656 --> 00:02:34,856
But now that you're back here,
63
00:02:34,907 --> 00:02:37,785
does that mean you're not in the
Super Adventure Club anymore?
64
00:02:38,410 --> 00:02:39,703
No, no!
65
00:02:39,828 --> 00:02:41,830
Oh, so have you decided
you can still belong
66
00:02:41,956 --> 00:02:43,123
to the Super Adventure Club
67
00:02:43,248 --> 00:02:45,209
but live here
in South Park again?
68
00:02:45,334 --> 00:02:46,585
That's right!
69
00:02:46,710 --> 00:02:48,462
Well, it seems like
the Super Adventure Club
70
00:02:48,587 --> 00:02:49,827
was just what you needed, Chef.
71
00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:51,382
You must be feeling very happy
72
00:02:51,507 --> 00:02:53,485
that you found a club
to belong to with new friends
73
00:02:53,509 --> 00:02:55,269
but that you can also
live here in South Park
74
00:02:55,302 --> 00:02:58,764
with all your old friends
whom you care for deeply, right?
75
00:02:58,889 --> 00:03:00,724
That's right!
Randy!
76
00:03:00,849 --> 00:03:03,686
Yeah. Yeah!
[ Laughter ]
77
00:03:03,811 --> 00:03:05,896
Well, Chef, you're welcome
to stay here with me
78
00:03:06,021 --> 00:03:07,439
until you buy another house.
79
00:03:07,564 --> 00:03:10,442
Thank you.
Jimbo.
80
00:03:10,567 --> 00:03:11,567
Well, come on, everybody.
81
00:03:11,610 --> 00:03:13,862
I'm sure Chef would like
a little time to get moved in.
82
00:03:13,988 --> 00:03:15,656
That's right!
Thank you!
83
00:03:15,781 --> 00:03:17,449
Goodbye!
Everybody!
84
00:03:17,574 --> 00:03:18,894
- Later!
- Great to have you back!
85
00:03:18,993 --> 00:03:20,244
- Bye-bye!
- See you, Chef!
86
00:03:20,369 --> 00:03:22,162
See you later, Chef!
Bye!
87
00:03:22,287 --> 00:03:25,124
Well, I guess we'll see you
in school tomorrow, Chef.
88
00:03:25,249 --> 00:03:27,418
You bet.
Goodbye!
89
00:03:27,543 --> 00:03:29,712
Children!
90
00:03:31,130 --> 00:03:31,922
Right.
91
00:03:32,047 --> 00:03:34,133
Uh, see ya.
92
00:03:35,217 --> 00:03:36,719
Uh, guys...
93
00:03:36,844 --> 00:03:40,180
did Chef seem a little,
uh, trippy to you?
94
00:03:43,142 --> 00:03:45,102
Well, look.
He said he's happier now.
95
00:03:45,227 --> 00:03:46,854
Maybe he just needs to rest up
a little.
96
00:03:46,979 --> 00:03:49,106
Yeah, I'm sure whatever
that Super Adventure Club does
97
00:03:49,231 --> 00:03:50,911
- is pretty tiring.
- Yeah. Look, whatever.
98
00:03:50,983 --> 00:03:52,263
I'm just glad he's back
for good.
99
00:03:52,317 --> 00:03:53,652
Mrph rm rph.
100
00:03:53,777 --> 00:03:55,696
[ Bell rings ]
101
00:03:55,821 --> 00:03:56,965
It's really weird what he said.
102
00:03:56,989 --> 00:03:58,383
I don't know.
It kind of confused me.
103
00:03:58,407 --> 00:03:59,283
Oh, boy!
Oh, boy!
104
00:03:59,408 --> 00:04:01,577
I can't wait to have
Chef's lunch food again!
105
00:04:01,702 --> 00:04:03,746
Yeah. I hope he makes
his Salisbury steak
106
00:04:03,871 --> 00:04:04,663
with buttered noodles!
107
00:04:04,788 --> 00:04:06,707
- You guys, you guys!
- What?
108
00:04:06,832 --> 00:04:08,333
Something's wrong with Chef.
109
00:04:08,459 --> 00:04:10,544
He's saying
some really weird stuff.
110
00:04:10,669 --> 00:04:12,212
Like what?
111
00:04:12,337 --> 00:04:15,758
I think -- I think
he wants to have sex with me.
112
00:04:15,883 --> 00:04:17,259
What?
113
00:04:17,384 --> 00:04:18,844
I got to -- I got to go.
114
00:04:19,970 --> 00:04:22,306
Weirdo.
115
00:04:22,431 --> 00:04:24,141
Hello, there, children!
116
00:04:24,266 --> 00:04:25,267
- Hey, Chef!
- Mrph rm!
117
00:04:25,392 --> 00:04:27,019
- How's it going?
- Good.
118
00:04:27,144 --> 00:04:29,224
Well, how about I meet you boys
after work, and we...
119
00:04:29,313 --> 00:04:31,356
♪ Make love ♪
120
00:04:32,816 --> 00:04:34,526
Excuse me?
121
00:04:34,651 --> 00:04:35,652
Come on, children.
122
00:04:35,778 --> 00:04:37,863
You're my sexual fantasy.
123
00:04:37,988 --> 00:04:41,200
Let's all make sweet love.
124
00:04:42,701 --> 00:04:45,079
Chef, a-are you okay?
125
00:04:45,204 --> 00:04:47,206
♪ I want to stick my balls ♪
126
00:04:47,331 --> 00:04:49,750
Inside your rectum.
Kyle.
127
00:04:51,335 --> 00:04:52,961
Dude, what are you saying?
128
00:04:53,087 --> 00:04:54,630
♪ I'm gonna make love to ♪
129
00:04:54,755 --> 00:04:57,007
Your asshole, children.
130
00:04:59,510 --> 00:05:00,552
What?!
131
00:05:01,512 --> 00:05:03,889
Hi, kids.
I'm Detective Jarvis.
132
00:05:04,014 --> 00:05:06,683
Uh, I need to ask you all
some difficult questions
133
00:05:06,809 --> 00:05:09,269
about your school
cafeteria chef.
134
00:05:09,394 --> 00:05:10,896
This doesn't make any sense!
135
00:05:11,021 --> 00:05:13,482
We have some information
that all this time,
136
00:05:13,607 --> 00:05:16,860
Chef has been, and still is,
a pedophile.
137
00:05:16,985 --> 00:05:18,695
No, he's not.
138
00:05:18,821 --> 00:05:20,447
Uh-huh.
139
00:05:20,572 --> 00:05:22,366
No, he's not.
140
00:05:22,491 --> 00:05:24,451
Yeah.
Yeah, he is so.
141
00:05:24,576 --> 00:05:26,036
What's a pedal file?
142
00:05:26,161 --> 00:05:29,248
Now, we need some testimony
in order to arrest Chef,
143
00:05:29,373 --> 00:05:32,835
so I'm gonna use this doll
to ask you kids a few questions.
144
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,672
Did Chef ever touch any of you
here?
145
00:05:36,797 --> 00:05:37,631
No!
146
00:05:37,756 --> 00:05:39,967
Okay.
Did he touch you here?
147
00:05:40,092 --> 00:05:41,092
ALL:
No!
148
00:05:41,510 --> 00:05:43,428
Did he ever do this?
149
00:05:43,554 --> 00:05:44,638
How about this?
150
00:05:44,763 --> 00:05:46,014
BI-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!
151
00:05:46,140 --> 00:05:48,267
My Uncle Bud
did that to me once!
152
00:05:49,226 --> 00:05:52,146
Did Chef ever try
one of these on for size?
153
00:05:52,813 --> 00:05:54,648
God damn it!
Chef isn't like that!
154
00:05:54,773 --> 00:05:56,191
Something funny is going on
here!
155
00:05:56,316 --> 00:05:58,318
Young man,
will you please pay attention?
156
00:05:58,443 --> 00:06:00,070
This is very important stuff!
157
00:06:00,195 --> 00:06:03,240
Oh!
Ooh.
158
00:06:03,365 --> 00:06:05,450
[ Bell rings ]
159
00:06:12,207 --> 00:06:13,709
Hello, there, children!
160
00:06:15,002 --> 00:06:18,130
Chef, the police are asking
questions about you.
161
00:06:18,255 --> 00:06:19,131
Oh, really?
162
00:06:19,256 --> 00:06:20,966
Well, let's all go home and...
163
00:06:21,091 --> 00:06:22,217
♪ Make love ♪
164
00:06:22,342 --> 00:06:24,678
No, Chef, we don't
want to make love to you.
165
00:06:24,803 --> 00:06:28,223
Kenny, how would you like
to sodomize my black ass?!
166
00:06:28,348 --> 00:06:29,391
Chef! Chef!
167
00:06:29,516 --> 00:06:30,596
You need to get out of here
168
00:06:30,684 --> 00:06:32,269
before you get arrested,
all right?!
169
00:06:32,394 --> 00:06:35,439
I specializes in your asshole,
Kyle.
170
00:06:38,108 --> 00:06:39,484
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
171
00:06:39,610 --> 00:06:41,695
Man, I can't believe
all this time
172
00:06:41,820 --> 00:06:43,697
Chef just wanted us for sex.
173
00:06:43,822 --> 00:06:45,741
He didn't want us for sex,
fat-ass!
174
00:06:45,866 --> 00:06:47,576
Something is making him
say those things.
175
00:06:47,701 --> 00:06:48,702
Mrph rm?
176
00:06:48,827 --> 00:06:50,987
Something must have happened
to Chef while he was gone.
177
00:06:51,079 --> 00:06:52,079
Maybe he hit his head
178
00:06:52,122 --> 00:06:54,333
or got stuck in some
quantum time vortex.
179
00:06:54,458 --> 00:06:56,043
Look, he spent
the last three months
180
00:06:56,168 --> 00:06:57,228
with that adventurers' club.
181
00:06:57,252 --> 00:06:58,692
Maybe they know
what happened to him.
182
00:06:58,795 --> 00:07:02,758
Mrph! Rmhmhm rm mrph
rphmrmhmhm rm rmphmhm rm!
183
00:07:02,883 --> 00:07:03,592
Yeah!
184
00:07:03,717 --> 00:07:05,302
All right!
Come on, guys!
185
00:07:05,427 --> 00:07:08,222
[ Dramatic music plays ]
186
00:07:08,347 --> 00:07:11,725
[ Bird calling ]
187
00:07:13,685 --> 00:07:16,980
Hey, guys. You know what they
call a Jewish woman's boobs?
188
00:07:17,105 --> 00:07:18,106
Joobs.
189
00:07:18,232 --> 00:07:20,484
[ Rope creaking ]
190
00:07:22,986 --> 00:07:24,821
[ Doorbell rings ]
191
00:07:25,447 --> 00:07:26,990
May I help you?
192
00:07:27,115 --> 00:07:30,327
Uh, hi. Can we speak
to the head guy or something?
193
00:07:30,452 --> 00:07:31,870
Right this way.
194
00:07:33,956 --> 00:07:36,667
Now, the upper rim
of Kilimanjaro
195
00:07:36,792 --> 00:07:39,169
should be quite a trek,
and so we'll need to have a --
196
00:07:39,294 --> 00:07:40,379
Excuse me, sir.
197
00:07:40,504 --> 00:07:42,506
These boys wanted to speak
with you.
198
00:07:42,631 --> 00:07:45,092
Ah, yes! Splendid!
Good afternoon, lads!
199
00:07:45,217 --> 00:07:48,095
I'm head adventurer
William P. Connelly, Esquire.
200
00:07:48,220 --> 00:07:50,138
Welcome to
the Super Adventure Club!
201
00:07:50,264 --> 00:07:51,056
- Jolly-o!
- Cheers!
202
00:07:51,181 --> 00:07:52,181
- Hello!
- Indeed!
203
00:07:52,224 --> 00:07:53,725
Uh, hi.
204
00:07:53,850 --> 00:07:55,560
Our friend joined your club
a while back,
205
00:07:55,686 --> 00:07:57,980
and now he wants to molest kids.
206
00:07:59,439 --> 00:08:00,732
What?
207
00:08:00,857 --> 00:08:02,818
Well -- Well, yes, of course!
208
00:08:02,943 --> 00:08:05,153
That's what
the Super Adventure Club does!
209
00:08:05,737 --> 00:08:06,488
Huh?
210
00:08:06,613 --> 00:08:09,032
We travel the world
and have sex with children.
211
00:08:09,157 --> 00:08:11,201
Yes.
What else would we do?
212
00:08:11,994 --> 00:08:13,704
Well, we thought
you went exploring
213
00:08:13,829 --> 00:08:15,289
and, like, hunting and stuff.
214
00:08:15,414 --> 00:08:17,291
No, no.
That's the Adventure Club.
215
00:08:17,416 --> 00:08:18,875
We're the Super Adventure Club.
216
00:08:19,001 --> 00:08:22,796
Next week, we will be heading to
the outer banks of the Amazon,
217
00:08:22,921 --> 00:08:24,089
where we will make camp
218
00:08:24,214 --> 00:08:26,591
and have sex with children
of the Ugani tribe.
219
00:08:26,717 --> 00:08:28,635
Then it's off
to the mighty Himalayas,
220
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,012
where we will climb K2
221
00:08:30,137 --> 00:08:32,639
and molest several Tibetan
children on the east summit.
222
00:08:32,764 --> 00:08:34,057
Dude!
223
00:08:34,182 --> 00:08:35,726
I know!
But it gets even better!
224
00:08:35,851 --> 00:08:38,228
From there, we will kayak
to the fruitful banks
225
00:08:38,353 --> 00:08:39,604
of the Mili River in Africa,
226
00:08:39,730 --> 00:08:42,607
where the secret and mysterious
Hanini people have children
227
00:08:42,733 --> 00:08:45,319
who have never seen
a white man's erect penis.
228
00:08:45,444 --> 00:08:47,630
Of course, we're always looking
for kids to have sex with
229
00:08:47,654 --> 00:08:49,214
on the plane rides
over to these places.
230
00:08:49,281 --> 00:08:52,534
So how would you all like to
join the Super Adventure Club?!
231
00:08:53,493 --> 00:08:54,244
No!
232
00:08:54,369 --> 00:08:55,871
No?
233
00:08:55,996 --> 00:08:57,289
Oh, really?
234
00:08:57,414 --> 00:09:00,417
Perhaps I should ask you again.
235
00:09:00,542 --> 00:09:02,294
[ Whistles ]
236
00:09:02,419 --> 00:09:05,130
How would you like to join
the Super Adventure Club?
237
00:09:05,255 --> 00:09:06,882
[ Whistles ]
238
00:09:07,632 --> 00:09:08,675
No.
239
00:09:10,093 --> 00:09:12,220
[ Whistles ]
240
00:09:12,346 --> 00:09:13,597
Dude, what are you doing?
241
00:09:14,431 --> 00:09:16,016
Oh, well.
It doesn't work on everybody.
242
00:09:16,141 --> 00:09:17,434
Well, so long, then.
243
00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:18,879
Just what the hell
is that thing?!
244
00:09:18,935 --> 00:09:20,979
What? What thing?
I don't see anything.
245
00:09:21,104 --> 00:09:23,607
- Ha! I knew it!
- Knew what?
246
00:09:23,732 --> 00:09:26,360
The reason Chef has been saying
those terrible things about us
247
00:09:26,485 --> 00:09:30,447
is because he's been brainwashed
by this fruity little club!
248
00:09:30,572 --> 00:09:33,575
[ Dramatic music plays ]
249
00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:36,620
Oh, son of a bitch!
250
00:09:39,706 --> 00:09:40,706
Come on, children.
251
00:09:40,749 --> 00:09:41,500
Let's all go home and...
252
00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:42,876
♪ Make love ♪
253
00:09:43,001 --> 00:09:44,503
You need to see a psychiatrist,
Chef.
254
00:09:44,628 --> 00:09:45,504
It's for your own good.
255
00:09:45,629 --> 00:09:46,629
I'd just like to...
256
00:09:46,671 --> 00:09:47,380
♪ Make love ♪
257
00:09:47,506 --> 00:09:48,548
Up your butt.
258
00:09:48,673 --> 00:09:49,925
Oh, my God!
259
00:09:50,050 --> 00:09:51,551
Mr. Chef, is it?
260
00:09:51,676 --> 00:09:53,261
All right.
Come on.
261
00:09:56,306 --> 00:09:58,767
Hello. I'm Dr. Neeland.
What can I do for you today?
262
00:09:58,892 --> 00:10:00,769
Hi. Our friend
has been brainwashed
263
00:10:00,894 --> 00:10:03,188
by some fruity little club.
264
00:10:03,313 --> 00:10:04,689
Brainwashed?
265
00:10:04,815 --> 00:10:06,608
Yeah, he joined
the Super Adventure Club,
266
00:10:06,733 --> 00:10:08,985
and they convinced him
having sex with kids was okay
267
00:10:09,111 --> 00:10:10,963
with a little thing
that goes: [makes whistling noise].
268
00:10:10,987 --> 00:10:13,365
I thought that club
was for hiking and kayaking.
269
00:10:13,490 --> 00:10:14,690
No, that's the Adventure Club.
270
00:10:14,741 --> 00:10:16,581
The Super Adventure Club
has sex with children.
271
00:10:16,701 --> 00:10:17,828
Oh.
272
00:10:17,953 --> 00:10:19,412
Oh!
That's right. Yeah.
273
00:10:19,538 --> 00:10:22,958
Doctor, do you have... children?
274
00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:25,293
Why, yes.
I have two young boys.
275
00:10:25,418 --> 00:10:28,630
Have y'all been sodomizing
your childrens, too?!
276
00:10:28,755 --> 00:10:31,091
You say he's never
been like this before?
277
00:10:31,216 --> 00:10:32,801
No.
Chef has always been super cool.
278
00:10:32,926 --> 00:10:34,636
♪ I'm gonna make love to ♪
279
00:10:34,761 --> 00:10:36,763
The children.
280
00:10:36,888 --> 00:10:38,515
He's pretty brainwashed,
all right.
281
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:39,850
Worst case I've ever seen.
282
00:10:39,975 --> 00:10:40,975
So what can we do?
283
00:10:41,017 --> 00:10:42,727
I'm afraid
there's no simple answer.
284
00:10:42,853 --> 00:10:45,605
When somebody is brainwashed,
it can take months, even years,
285
00:10:45,730 --> 00:10:46,773
to reverse the process.
286
00:10:46,898 --> 00:10:48,441
But we don't have years!
287
00:10:48,567 --> 00:10:50,777
If Chef keeps this up,
he's gonna go to jail forever!
288
00:10:50,902 --> 00:10:53,363
Tell me -- What was Chef's
favorite thing to do
289
00:10:53,488 --> 00:10:55,740
before it was having sex
with children?
290
00:10:55,866 --> 00:10:57,117
Having sex with women.
291
00:10:57,242 --> 00:10:58,242
Then that's it!
292
00:10:58,285 --> 00:11:01,204
We'd better get your friend to
the Peppermint Hippo right away.
293
00:11:02,455 --> 00:11:05,375
[ Rock music playing,
crowd cheering ]
294
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:07,103
All right, guys.
Be sure to tip your waitresses.
295
00:11:07,127 --> 00:11:08,003
This is a two-for-one.
296
00:11:08,128 --> 00:11:10,839
Put your hands together.
This is Monica.
297
00:11:12,966 --> 00:11:15,677
Aw, come on, children.
Let's go home.
298
00:11:15,802 --> 00:11:16,887
This isn't working.
299
00:11:17,012 --> 00:11:19,306
Well, let's give it
some more time, kids.
300
00:11:20,515 --> 00:11:22,350
[ Hoarsely ]
Would you like a dance?
301
00:11:22,475 --> 00:11:24,936
No, thanks. We're trying
to un-brainwash our friend.
302
00:11:25,061 --> 00:11:26,730
Dance?
303
00:11:26,855 --> 00:11:29,274
Anybody want a dance?
304
00:11:32,027 --> 00:11:33,445
Come on, bitch.
Dance.
305
00:11:33,570 --> 00:11:34,821
Up yours, fatty.
306
00:11:34,946 --> 00:11:36,215
Bitch, I'll twist your nuts off.
307
00:11:36,239 --> 00:11:37,717
All right, guys.
How we feeling out there?
308
00:11:37,741 --> 00:11:39,260
We got a featured dancer
coming up next.
309
00:11:39,284 --> 00:11:43,413
Put your hands together
for Spantaneous Bootay.
310
00:11:43,538 --> 00:11:46,082
[ Cheers and applause ]
311
00:11:49,002 --> 00:11:51,046
Come on, guys.
We might as well go.
312
00:11:55,008 --> 00:11:56,301
God damn!
313
00:11:56,426 --> 00:11:57,427
Chef, we're leaving.
314
00:11:57,552 --> 00:11:59,679
No, no. Wait.
Let him go.
315
00:11:59,804 --> 00:12:03,433
[ Music continues ]
316
00:12:04,309 --> 00:12:06,186
Come here, sugar.
317
00:12:07,854 --> 00:12:10,815
BI-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!
318
00:12:11,858 --> 00:12:14,861
BI-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!
319
00:12:17,906 --> 00:12:20,242
Wait a minute.
320
00:12:20,367 --> 00:12:21,743
He's remembering!
321
00:12:21,868 --> 00:12:24,371
Children, what have I done?
322
00:12:24,496 --> 00:12:26,206
It's okay, Chef.
Go on. Remember!
323
00:12:26,331 --> 00:12:28,083
♪ I'm gonna -- I'm gonna -- ♪
324
00:12:28,208 --> 00:12:30,502
Come on, Chef.
You can do it!
325
00:12:31,086 --> 00:12:34,714
♪ I'm gonna make love to you,
woman ♪
326
00:12:34,839 --> 00:12:37,926
♪ Gonna lay you down
by the fire ♪
327
00:12:38,051 --> 00:12:40,095
- Yay!
- Mrph rm!
328
00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:43,306
Hey, children, everybody!
I'm back!
329
00:12:43,431 --> 00:12:45,392
Ow!
330
00:12:45,517 --> 00:12:48,645
Great shot, William.
Hit him with another.
331
00:12:48,770 --> 00:12:50,188
Oh!
332
00:12:50,981 --> 00:12:52,899
- Chef!
- Mrph!
333
00:12:53,024 --> 00:12:55,443
[ Thunder crashes ]
334
00:12:55,568 --> 00:12:57,195
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
335
00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,197
Tally-ho, lads!
336
00:12:59,322 --> 00:13:00,991
I must say
you're starting to become
337
00:13:01,116 --> 00:13:03,243
quite a thorn in my balls.
338
00:13:03,368 --> 00:13:04,720
Where's Chef?
What have you done with him?
339
00:13:04,744 --> 00:13:06,579
He's safe.
340
00:13:06,705 --> 00:13:08,873
He's fasting
in the deprivation room
341
00:13:08,999 --> 00:13:11,293
and being read
the Super Adventure Club manual.
342
00:13:11,418 --> 00:13:13,670
We've got to undo the damage
you've done.
343
00:13:13,795 --> 00:13:16,381
Look, if you want to go around
the world molesting kids,
344
00:13:16,506 --> 00:13:18,800
that's totally fine,
but why do you need Chef?
345
00:13:18,925 --> 00:13:21,469
We don't need him.
He needs us!
346
00:13:21,594 --> 00:13:23,722
Our club offers hope.
347
00:13:23,847 --> 00:13:26,266
You think we go around the world
molesting children
348
00:13:26,391 --> 00:13:29,227
just because it feels really,
really, really, really good?
349
00:13:29,352 --> 00:13:30,228
No!
350
00:13:30,353 --> 00:13:31,855
Our club has a message
351
00:13:31,980 --> 00:13:34,816
and a secret that explains
the mysteries of life.
352
00:13:34,941 --> 00:13:36,651
Oh, Jesus.
Here we go.
353
00:13:36,776 --> 00:13:37,902
Very well.
354
00:13:38,028 --> 00:13:39,863
I'm now going to tell you
the secret
355
00:13:39,988 --> 00:13:41,281
of the Super Adventure Club.
356
00:13:41,406 --> 00:13:42,532
We don't want to hear it.
357
00:13:42,657 --> 00:13:44,993
You see, the Super
Adventure Club was founded
358
00:13:45,118 --> 00:13:48,788
by the greatest explorer of
all time, William P. Phineas!
359
00:13:48,913 --> 00:13:51,166
Phineas climbed
the highest peaks,
360
00:13:51,291 --> 00:13:53,001
tamed the mightiest rivers!
361
00:13:53,126 --> 00:13:54,669
But every time he got somewhere,
362
00:13:54,794 --> 00:13:57,881
he realized that other explorers
had beat him to it.
363
00:13:58,006 --> 00:13:59,924
Phineas was depressed
until he realized
364
00:14:00,050 --> 00:14:02,635
that if he couldn't be
the first to discover places,
365
00:14:02,761 --> 00:14:05,638
he could be the first to have
sex with the native children
366
00:14:05,764 --> 00:14:07,307
that inhabited those areas!
367
00:14:07,891 --> 00:14:10,518
Phineas quickly went down in
history books as the first man
368
00:14:10,643 --> 00:14:13,438
to have sex with
the aborigine children at Uluru
369
00:14:13,563 --> 00:14:15,273
and the first explorer to bugger
370
00:14:15,398 --> 00:14:17,734
all the underage mountain folk
of Nepal!
371
00:14:18,318 --> 00:14:20,362
But now
the most wonderful part.
372
00:14:20,487 --> 00:14:22,697
You see, after having sex
with all those children,
373
00:14:22,822 --> 00:14:25,784
Phineas realized that molesting
all those kids
374
00:14:25,909 --> 00:14:28,119
had made him immortal.
375
00:14:28,244 --> 00:14:29,245
Immortal?
376
00:14:29,371 --> 00:14:30,914
CONNELLY:
He discovered that children
377
00:14:31,039 --> 00:14:33,124
have things called marlocs
in their bodies.
378
00:14:33,249 --> 00:14:35,335
And when an adult has sex
with a child,
379
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:37,921
the marlocs implode, feeding
the adult's receptor cavity
380
00:14:38,046 --> 00:14:40,090
with energy that causes
immortality.
381
00:14:40,215 --> 00:14:42,133
So sayeth the ruler of Bethos.
382
00:14:42,258 --> 00:14:46,262
Phineas traveled the world,
loving many, many children.
383
00:14:46,388 --> 00:14:48,765
And he lived for eternity,
384
00:14:48,890 --> 00:14:52,352
until he was hit by a train
in 1892.
385
00:14:53,561 --> 00:14:55,897
Do you realize how retarded
that sounds?
386
00:14:56,022 --> 00:14:57,022
Is it any more retarded
387
00:14:57,107 --> 00:15:00,026
than the idea of God sending
His son to die for our sins?
388
00:15:00,151 --> 00:15:01,736
Is it any more retarded
than Buddha
389
00:15:01,861 --> 00:15:03,780
sitting beneath a tree
for 20 years?!
390
00:15:03,905 --> 00:15:06,449
Yeah.
It's way, way more retarded.
391
00:15:06,574 --> 00:15:09,661
Well, now that you know
our club's secrets...
392
00:15:09,786 --> 00:15:12,205
it appears you leave us
no choice.
393
00:15:12,330 --> 00:15:15,834
I'm afraid we're going to
have to...
394
00:15:15,959 --> 00:15:17,585
ask you to leave.
395
00:15:17,710 --> 00:15:20,338
[ Dramatic music plays ]
396
00:15:22,841 --> 00:15:24,843
We're not leaving without Chef.
397
00:15:24,968 --> 00:15:26,594
If you choose not to leave,
398
00:15:26,719 --> 00:15:29,305
then I'm afraid we're
just going to have to...
399
00:15:29,431 --> 00:15:32,100
call security
and make you leave.
400
00:15:32,225 --> 00:15:35,061
[ Dramatic music plays ]
401
00:15:36,688 --> 00:15:37,790
You'll be led out by security,
402
00:15:37,814 --> 00:15:39,134
and it will be
super embarrassing,
403
00:15:39,232 --> 00:15:40,692
and everyone here will see.
404
00:15:40,817 --> 00:15:42,902
[ Laughs evilly ]
405
00:15:46,322 --> 00:15:48,449
[ Thunder crashes ]
406
00:15:48,575 --> 00:15:51,202
[ Bird calling ]
407
00:15:51,327 --> 00:15:53,496
You know how, like,
when you want people to leave,
408
00:15:53,621 --> 00:15:55,999
but they won't leave,
it's really frustrating?
409
00:15:56,124 --> 00:15:58,084
We're not going anywhere
without Chef!
410
00:15:58,209 --> 00:16:00,795
Cool people leave before they've
overstayed their welcome.
411
00:16:02,922 --> 00:16:05,300
You petulant fools!
412
00:16:05,425 --> 00:16:07,635
You just had to push it,
didn't you?
413
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:11,055
You don't realize
who you're dealing with here.
414
00:16:11,181 --> 00:16:12,599
Security!
415
00:16:14,184 --> 00:16:17,395
Take these boys to the door.
416
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,938
All right.
Come on, kids.
417
00:16:19,063 --> 00:16:20,273
No! Hey!
418
00:16:20,398 --> 00:16:23,776
Ha ha! Look, they're being
led out by security! Ha ha!
419
00:16:23,902 --> 00:16:25,069
No.
You don't understand.
420
00:16:25,195 --> 00:16:27,363
They've got our friend
in a deprivation room!
421
00:16:27,488 --> 00:16:29,991
This is their house,
and they don't want you here.
422
00:16:30,116 --> 00:16:32,660
- [ Grunts ]
- Aah!
423
00:16:32,785 --> 00:16:34,495
Sorry, dude,
but this fruity little club
424
00:16:34,621 --> 00:16:36,581
isn't taking our friend!
425
00:16:36,706 --> 00:16:40,543
And sex with Eskimo children
requires some special skill.
426
00:16:41,211 --> 00:16:42,211
Chef, come on!
427
00:16:42,295 --> 00:16:44,172
Children!
- Get out of here!
428
00:16:44,297 --> 00:16:46,466
Kenny, spin blossom nut squash!
429
00:16:46,591 --> 00:16:48,092
Mrph!
- Ow!
430
00:16:48,218 --> 00:16:49,218
Come on, Chef!
431
00:16:49,260 --> 00:16:51,429
I can't break these locks.
432
00:16:51,554 --> 00:16:52,764
Here!
433
00:16:54,432 --> 00:16:56,059
Come on, Chef!
434
00:16:56,184 --> 00:16:57,644
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
435
00:16:57,769 --> 00:17:00,104
What the -- Impossible!
436
00:17:00,230 --> 00:17:01,981
I made them leave!
437
00:17:02,106 --> 00:17:03,483
Get outside!
438
00:17:03,608 --> 00:17:05,109
Stop them!
439
00:17:05,235 --> 00:17:08,196
- [ Screaming ]
- Children, run!
440
00:17:11,032 --> 00:17:12,659
Stop!
441
00:17:13,785 --> 00:17:14,994
We made it!
442
00:17:15,119 --> 00:17:19,415
Don't you remember why you left
South Park in the first place?
443
00:17:19,540 --> 00:17:21,793
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
444
00:17:21,918 --> 00:17:24,128
- Chef, come on!
- You sought adventure!
445
00:17:24,254 --> 00:17:26,756
And why do people seek
adventure?
446
00:17:26,881 --> 00:17:30,385
Because their lives
have become dull and empty!
447
00:17:30,510 --> 00:17:32,053
Yeah, he wanted adventure,
448
00:17:32,178 --> 00:17:35,306
not a bunch of ridiculous
bullcrap, right, Chef?!
449
00:17:37,267 --> 00:17:38,601
Chef?
450
00:17:38,726 --> 00:17:41,646
Don't forget
all your training, Chef.
451
00:17:41,771 --> 00:17:46,192
Stay with us, and your life
will be grand and eternal!
452
00:17:46,317 --> 00:17:49,237
Chef... we love you.
453
00:17:53,074 --> 00:17:54,617
I'm sorry, children.
454
00:17:54,742 --> 00:17:57,870
No! Chef! They've filled
your head with lies.
455
00:17:57,996 --> 00:17:59,038
Can't you see that?
456
00:17:59,163 --> 00:18:01,291
Get the hell out of here,
children!
457
00:18:01,416 --> 00:18:02,500
Yes.
458
00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:05,837
Looks like our fruity
little club is safe after all.
459
00:18:05,962 --> 00:18:07,880
[ Thunder crashes ]
460
00:18:08,006 --> 00:18:09,340
Aah!
461
00:18:09,465 --> 00:18:10,465
No!
462
00:18:11,968 --> 00:18:12,844
- Chef!
- Chef!
463
00:18:12,969 --> 00:18:15,555
Aah!
464
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:16,806
[ Grunts ]
465
00:18:16,931 --> 00:18:18,933
Ow! Oh!
Aah!
466
00:18:19,058 --> 00:18:20,143
Oh!
Damn it!
467
00:18:20,268 --> 00:18:21,853
[ Grunts ]
Oh!
468
00:18:21,978 --> 00:18:22,770
No!
469
00:18:22,895 --> 00:18:24,188
[ Coughs ]
470
00:18:24,314 --> 00:18:26,232
[ Mountain lion roars ]
471
00:18:26,357 --> 00:18:27,357
A mountain lion!
472
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,277
[ Screaming ]
473
00:18:29,402 --> 00:18:32,113
We can't lose another member!
Shoot it!
474
00:18:32,238 --> 00:18:33,448
Aah!
475
00:18:33,573 --> 00:18:35,575
I right missed!
476
00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:37,160
Aah!
477
00:18:37,285 --> 00:18:39,245
- Chef!
- [ Bear growling ]
478
00:18:39,370 --> 00:18:40,496
A grizzly bear!
479
00:18:53,051 --> 00:18:56,471
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.
480
00:19:01,517 --> 00:19:02,727
Oh, my God.
481
00:19:02,852 --> 00:19:04,479
They killed Chef.
482
00:19:04,604 --> 00:19:06,147
You bastards!
483
00:19:06,272 --> 00:19:08,524
You bastards!
484
00:19:08,649 --> 00:19:09,901
Pity.
485
00:19:10,026 --> 00:19:12,737
He would have made
an excellent child molester.
486
00:19:13,988 --> 00:19:15,990
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
487
00:19:18,576 --> 00:19:20,787
Maybe -- Maybe he's still okay.
488
00:19:20,912 --> 00:19:21,954
No.
Really!
489
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:24,308
They say the last thing you do
before you die is crap your --
490
00:19:24,332 --> 00:19:26,667
[ Farts ]
491
00:19:27,460 --> 00:19:29,253
Oh, never mind.
492
00:19:29,379 --> 00:19:31,547
Come on.
Let's go.
493
00:19:34,509 --> 00:19:36,761
[ Music continues ]
494
00:19:52,777 --> 00:19:53,945
We're all here today
495
00:19:54,070 --> 00:19:57,115
because Chef has been such
an important part of our lives.
496
00:19:57,949 --> 00:20:00,952
A lot of us don't agree
with the choices Chef has made
497
00:20:01,077 --> 00:20:02,495
in the past few days.
498
00:20:02,620 --> 00:20:05,498
Some of us feel hurt
and confused
499
00:20:05,623 --> 00:20:07,500
that he seemed to turn his back
on us.
500
00:20:07,625 --> 00:20:10,253
But we can't let the events
of the last week
501
00:20:10,378 --> 00:20:13,548
take away the memories
of how much Chef made us smile.
502
00:20:13,673 --> 00:20:15,842
I'm gonna remember Chef
as the jolly old guy
503
00:20:15,967 --> 00:20:17,260
who always broke into song.
504
00:20:17,385 --> 00:20:19,429
I'm gonna remember Chef
505
00:20:19,554 --> 00:20:21,681
as the guy who gave us advice
to live by.
506
00:20:22,682 --> 00:20:26,727
So, you see, we shouldn't be
mad at Chef for leaving us.
507
00:20:26,853 --> 00:20:28,813
We should be mad
at that fruity little club
508
00:20:28,938 --> 00:20:31,899
for scrambling his brains.
509
00:20:32,024 --> 00:20:33,901
- [ Music continues ]
- Yeah.
510
00:20:34,026 --> 00:20:35,278
He's right.
511
00:20:38,448 --> 00:20:41,284
And in the end,
I know that somewhere out there,
512
00:20:41,409 --> 00:20:44,912
there's the good part of Chef
that's still alive in us all.
513
00:20:46,581 --> 00:20:49,667
[ Dramatic music plays ]
514
00:20:49,792 --> 00:20:51,627
Is it working?
Is it working?!
515
00:20:51,752 --> 00:20:53,004
[ Electricity crackles ]
516
00:20:53,129 --> 00:20:54,505
Yes.
We've got a pulse!
517
00:20:54,630 --> 00:20:56,466
Get him in the ICU suit!
Hurry!
518
00:20:56,591 --> 00:20:57,800
[ Whirring ]
519
00:20:57,925 --> 00:21:00,720
That's done it! Good!
Raise him up!
520
00:21:00,845 --> 00:21:03,389
[ Dramatic music plays ]
521
00:21:09,604 --> 00:21:11,647
[ Mechanical breathing ]
522
00:21:11,772 --> 00:21:14,609
Chef, can you hear me?
523
00:21:14,734 --> 00:21:16,152
Say something.
524
00:21:16,277 --> 00:21:19,363
[ Mechanically ]
Hello, there, children.
525
00:21:19,489 --> 00:21:24,368
How would you like
some Salisbury steak?
526
00:21:24,494 --> 00:21:25,953
Yes. Go on.
527
00:21:26,078 --> 00:21:27,997
And for dessert,
528
00:21:28,122 --> 00:21:29,874
how would you children like
to suck
529
00:21:29,999 --> 00:21:33,294
on my chocolate salty balls?
530
00:21:33,419 --> 00:21:36,422
Oh.
You mean like a chocolate candy?
531
00:21:36,547 --> 00:21:39,592
No.
I mean my balls.
532
00:21:39,717 --> 00:21:40,801
Yes!
533
00:21:40,927 --> 00:21:43,221
Yes!
[ Laughs evilly ]
37212
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