Original subtitles

Brico Killer, the king of home.

Hi, handsome! - I'm Manolo, the home improvements guy.

I was expecting you. You should've been here a long time ago

to do the work! You useless idiot!

What's up, Antonio?

Get inside. The boss is waiting for you to give you your paycheck.

Now? - Go on, go.

Who the heck told you to sit down?

You sit down now.

So you're always late, huh?

You don't look so clean either.

Cleanliness!

Above all, I want to see you at 8 sharp, just have a cocoa for breakfast and no sandwich.

I'm sick of you all.

Here's your check and that's more than you deserve.

62 hours overtime, 15 unsatisfied clients,

a terrible pain in the ass!

And all this for 353 miserable euros and 4 lousy cents.

You fucking fat walrus! You prick!

That's it?

But I've got a flat to furnish,

an empty flat, four walls, a few crappy things.

I sleep on the floor. And you give me this? How am I gonna make ends meet?

Alright, as I'm a nice fellow, here's 5 euros. I'll deduct it from your Christmas pay.

Go have some fun. Have a card of Christ of the Great Power too.

Stop being such a dumbass, you shithead! I've done my bit, now it's your turn to do your work.

Get out of here, you asshole!

Manolooo! - Screw you! I can't take it anymore!

You're all dickheads.

If you're pissed have some chamomile tea listen to classical music. Don't take it out on us!

You bitch!

Hi!

Jason, Rebellion of the Machines.

Maybe some day coming soon.

Welcome, DIY pals! l'm Roberto Alcoceba.

This Monday, Wednesday and Friday we'll be making furniture for your living-room.

A coat stand,

an armchair and a table.

I sympathize with people

who cant afford the little whims for their home.

People who have vices make me sick,

but I feel very sorry for

those who don't and can't afford furniture.

I've been unemployed for a long time

and thanks to my own pride

and determination, became TV presenter.

I, the man behind the screen, I know you,

I know you don't have a dime.

Nowadays we live in a society

in which wages are under average, and as we're working most of the time,

the few precious moments we spend at home we must feel comfortable.

And so, we have to do something that's fulfilling,

saving some money in the process,

to achieve the right atmosphere.

You have to be king of your house!

Together we'll share our passion for DIY!

Holy shit!

...I mean, a lot of money! ...we had a great time.

We went partying, spent the whole night...

Move! I'm in a hurry, damn it! - This is the place l'll take you to.

Lovely. -Isn't it?

There's even flowers and all.

What the fuck are you doing? -all white with red petals, on the table, some candles.

You're so handsome.

You cunt!

What's this? -It's a clock. I couldn't make it on time.

And this? What's this? -It's a level.

You know what its for? -To level up.

You moron!

Come on then! Take this, it should've been done by now!

And work some overtime.

You've not being productive enough, you shithead!

So we said we'd measure 1 .5 m and saw.

Pick up the screws. They should be stainless steel.

I dont like the others, they're bad quality.

Hello there, can you hear me? You! You have to be king of your house!

Can you hear me? l'm Roberto Alcoceba.

A screwdriver, a hammer, anything will do.

Got it?

Anything will do.

Shit!

You've made a mess of the job and you're gross too.

You call this a repair? You lousy plumber. You're a screwup.

Look, there's water everywhere

This isn't right.

And you get paid to do this?

Yeah, yeah, ok.

You're I-N-E-P-T. Do you know what that means?

Inept. -Ok, jeez.

Look how fat you are. What a big ass,

I see you don't work your ass off.

Look how fit I am, look at my muscles.

I'll show you what I can do. I bet you can't do it.

What do you think?

Look, Fofito. Did you see that, baby? See what a gross plumber they sent us?

He even stinks. You smell good and you're cute.

But he's disgusting and inept.

See my puppy? He's so white and cute.

Here, look how handsome he is. See?

See? Did you see him?

He smells better than you. You stink. You give off a terrible stench.

My puppy is so cute.

Do you know his name?

lt's Fofito, a clowns name, only prettier.

Look how cute he is.

How much longer will it take?

Don't you wanna see him? Don't you like dogs? Well, screw you.

Fucking stupid dog! You fucker!

Please, don't! What have you done to my dog?

Fucking stupid dog!

You pig, what have you done to my dog?

You stop drilling me

'cause now I'll drill you!

Heeelp!

Stop drilling me!

Heeelp!

I'm sick of you. Stop drilling me, you're inept!

Inept!

There's something you can do...

be careful not to drive the drill bit too deep because it might break.

Be gentle. Sometimes you're too rough.

I'll give you a piece of advice: it's important to buy quality tools,

they will make your job easier

and you'll be very, very, very surprised with the results.

Quality tools...

Quality tools...

Quality tools...

Hey, man!

What's up, man?

I got you, you asshole. You son of a bitch!

What a bastard. You jerk, you cut his arm off.

Damn prick! Now I'm gonna have to go back!

You bastard!

Son of a bitch! Asshole!

Well, these are the last few details of the magazine rack.

As you can see, with a few tools we've done a piece of furniture

where you can put magazines.

Here it goes.

OK. Alright.

You can put it next to the armchair, it'll look great there.

They're screwing your life up, aren't they? They screwed up your life.

Well they screwed up mine too and here I am

I'll help you decorate your house.

Kill!

Kill them all!

Kill them!

Decorate your house! Kill them!

Let's get started on this. What do you think? Let's do it!

You fucker!

Are you threatening me, you dickhead? Fuck you!

Alright. That's it! Now we've got it all, don't we?

The coat stand, the armchair, the table,

and also some very useful home accessories such as a magazine rack.

Now you can really sit down and enjoy watching TV,

arrange your clothes neatly

and have a table, which is very important.

Kickass!

Hey, what's up?

Well, this is goodbye.

Roberto Alcoceba. Thank you very much.