Original subtitles

(dramatic music)

- Okay, Venus?

- Okay, Steve.

- Right, let's go.

(dramatic music)

(jets roaring)

(upbeat music)

Are you enjoying that book, Jonathan?

- Well, it's a bit old-timey.

- Jonathan Zero Jr. That's no way to talk about

a gift you've been given.

- Well it is old-timey.

- All right, that's enough.

Thanks for babysitting tonight, Venus.

| wouldn't have asked you,

but this meeting's kind of important.

- | understand, commander.

We all know you wouldn't miss BINGO night for anything.

- Well it's important to keep up the morale

of Space City, you know.

- [Woman] Darling, are you coming, we'll be late.

- Right away, my love.

(clears throat)

Well, duty calls.

See you later, Venus, Jonathan.

- Good night, Pop.

- Good night, commander.

So, Jonathan, you think the book is old-timey, huh?

| thought you'd like it.

Adventures and pirates.

- Yeah, but it all takes place on earth.

| like space adventures.

Wish there were pirates in space.

- How do you know there aren't?

- Okay, tell me a story about them.

- That's what | was afraid of.

Well, all right, I'll do my best.

Way out in space in sector 25--

- Say, that's Steve's zodiac sector.

- That's right.

Well there is a planet called Minera.

It is a planet rich in radioactive rock,

the richest source of radioactive minerals known to man.

Without it's vital ores, earth would be finished.

(soft music)

(spacecraft landing)

- It's kind of weird.

- Well, it's not use daydreaming about it, lad,

we've got work to do.

The sooner we get started, the sooner we shall be away.

- What's that planet up there called, Jock?

- Oh that?

That's the planet Eridan, otherwise known as

the Desert planet.

It has air to breath, but the water it once had

is dried up.

Now no one can live there

so it is a perfect place for a pirate hideout.

From here, they're able to plunder earth's space freighters

as they leave the planet of Minera.

- Is that the lot then, Captain Cat?

Oh, | hope so.

- That's the lot for this trip, Patch.

A good haul, too.

- Itis a hard way making a living roaming the space sky

under the skull and crossbones.

- But don't forget we're no ordinary pirates!

Our prize is the jewel of the universe, earth.

- Can't come quick enough for me, Captain.

This desert planet is a fear wilderness.

Anyone but a hardy spaceman would die of thirst

or hunger or both.

- Bickles and grog, that's all you can think of!

When soon, as the result of our raids,

earth will be so short of atomic ore that we'll be able

to take her almost single-handed.

- Unless Colonel Zodiac--

- Zodiac!

We're more than a match for him.

(dramatic music)

- You have to admit, Steve, things are getting serious.

No less than 20 of our freighters from Minera

have been attacked in the past month.

It's not just a question of valuable cargo--

- But the radioactive ores we get from the planet Minera

are vital to the survival of the earth,

I'm well aware of that, Commander.

But things are not desperate.

- Not yet, no.

- As soon as a Q spaceship is ready

I'll take it on the freighter route from Minera.

The pirates won't be able to tell it from a freighter

until it's too late.

Meanwhile Venus and Maddock are working on

a substitute for the ore.

- The professor and | think we should come up with

an answer very soon.

He's working on one of the calculations now.

It may do the trick.

- Just try this one trick of mine, it's a new one.

Just while the next stage of the experiment is cooking,

as it were.

- Okay, professor, but make it snappy.

- Take any card.

Don't show it to me.

| can see a lower card.

Yep, definitely.

| think it's a four.

- Go on.

- Eh, four of hearts!

- Hey, correct.

How did you do it?

- A conjurer never divulges a trick.

Oh suffering space cats, the experiment!

(sad trombone)

- You cheating old toot, professor.

- Oh no!

- Matthew, what have you been up to?

| can't turn my back for a minute.

- Venus, I--

- Really, professor, you ought to know better.

- | shouldn't laugh so much if | were you, lieutenant.

| should get up to the control room as quick as you can.

Commander Zero is screaming like a martian hippo for you.

- You were where?

- In the Professor's laboratory, sir.

- And may | ask what were you doing there,

conjuring tricks?

- I've got a trick | just invented, a drinking trick.

- Not now, professor, we've got urgent work to do.

- Just this one.

- All right, but please make it snappy.

(clears throat)

- Ladies and gentlemen, here | have a glass

and here a jug of coloured water.

Pour the water into the glass, like so.

We now have a glass full of water, right?

- Go on.

- With my magic wand | tap the glass once,

twice, three times.

And the coloured water is gone.

- Well done, professor.

- And to prove the veracity of this whole piece

of wizardry, I'll turn the glass upside down.

(whimpering)

- Professor.

- Well I'll be darned.

What could've gone wrong?

- Oh professor, you really are a tootie.

(dramatic music)

- There you are, commander.

A few final adjustments in the morning and she's ready.

- She looks like an ordinary freighter.

- Exactly, and if she can fool you, commander,

she can fool any space pirate.

And believe me, she packs a mighty punch.

- The perfect space Q ship.

Congratulations, Steve.

- Thank you, commander.

| must say, I'm kind of pleased with her myself.

- Maybe Jock should stay on Minera until you're

able to act as escort.

Call him up on the Newtrony transmitter, lieutenant.

- Yes, commander, at once, commander.

Space control calling chief engineer.

- Chief engineer to space patrol.

I'm just about to leave this infernal plant of robots.

- Wouldn't you prefer to wait until we can send an escort?

Steve's Q spaceship will be ready for takeoff

in the morning.

- Is that an order, commander?

- No, Jock, just a suggestion.

- Then if you don't mind I'll be on my way.

There's no danger.

What would any pirate want with me?

- [Commander] All right, Jock, but be careful.

- Have you ever known a Scotchman

to be otherwise, commander?

- Shall | call him back, commander?

- No, it's no necessary.

- He's a great guy, that Jock, as tough as they come.

(sad trombone)

- Dump him overboard with the pilot.

They won't last long on this planet without food or water.

- A slow malingering death, captain.

- Things are working out very well.

- Oh, indeed they are captain,

indeed they are.

- Don't you think you should take the professor

and Venus on this mission?

- I'd like to, commander, but they'll be doing

more good in the laboratory.

We may need that substitute for the radioactive ore yet.

Robert and | can manage okay.

- Anything else you need?

- Guess everything's ready, commander,

and I'm rearing to go.

(dramatic music)

- The pilots are leaving their spaceship in free float.

| guess they're going to take ours.

Aye, | can hear them running up the motors.

(jets roaring)

Why if only | could lay my hands on 'em.

- Left 'em lying there, | did, captain,

like a couple of babes.

So you told me, Patch, 20 times.

- Oh, it was as neat a job of tying up as ever

| have done, sir.

But this whole craft we're in now,

she's as cumbersome as an old space cow.

With respect, captain, | think we should've stuck

to our own craft.

- Zodiac would've spotted us in a moment.

You heard the radio conversation, Patch.

He'll be out looking for our spaceship.

- But we shan't be there, captain.

- Exactly, you old space dog.

Zodiac isn't the only one who has a Q spaceship.

- Oh, it is a wonderful trap, captain.

Even | can see that with half an eye.

- All we have to do is to wait for Zodiac to fall in it.

- And then?

(cackling)

(dramatic music)

- No sign of space engineer yet.

- How much is he overdue now?

- Over four hours.

- Any news from Steve, commander?

- No, we're maintaining Newtrony radio silence.

Just in case the pirates should be listening in.

- Not a sign of the pirate ship anywhere.

If only we knew where the hideout was.

- Jock's overdue!

- What's happened?

- | wish | knew!

He's just disappeared.

- Takes more than a tin pot pirate to keep me down.

Now then, let's get the lad here untied.

Hold on, hold on lad.

We'll have you out of this little lot in no time.

Then you and | have got work to do

- That's Jock's freighter.

Should've been back at Space City by now.

Something must be wrong.

Zodiac calling freighter, Zodiac calling freighter.

Can you hear me, Jock?

Jock are you receiving me?

Zodiac to freighter.

- And when he gets no answer,

he just won't be able to resist the temptation

to come over and find out for himself.

- No reply from the freighter.

I'm going over to have a look-see,

you sit tight Robert.

- Patch!

- Oh just having another drink of this lovely

health-giving water, captain.

- Go easy, Patch.

That may have to last us a long time.

Prepare to receive our special visitor,

the redoubtable Colonel Zodiac.

- Here's to him, (indistinct).

- My guess is Steve Zodiac will be over to investigate

any minute now.

Just keep watching.

(dramatic music)

(whooshing)

There he is now, just leaving the freighter.

Here he comes.

Ready, Patch?

- Ready, captain.

- He's in the airlock now.

- I'm ready for him.

(dramatic music)

- Jock!

Jock, are you there?

- Welcome aboard, Steve Zodiac.

- Say, what's going on here?

(grunts)

- The water, the precious water!

It's been hit by the ray gun.

- Well it looks all right.

- You fool!

It'll be poisoned by radioactive rays!

The whole supply will be contaminated!

- Cont-con-con, poisoned?

We'll die of thirst!

We can't live without water!

- Don't panic, you fool.

There's bound to be some in the Q ship.

Come on, let's get over there.

(dramatic music)

Hurry, Patch.

We've got to fill all these containers.

It's gonna take hours.

- Hey captain, it stopped.

That's all the water there is.

- Why, you blithering idiot!

You've opened all the valves!

One of them dumps the whole of the water supply into space.

- Well how was | to know that?

Anyway, we filled one container.

- | suppose it'll last us until we can get a fresh supply.

- And where be you going to get more water, captain?

- We'll send back to earth for some.

Yeah, that's it.

Send this robot back to earth as positive proof

that we hold their precious Colonel Zodiac hostage.

- Shivering space timbers.

- Now, what we've got to do my lad is to use a bit of

engineering ingenuity.

My idea is to adapt these ultra high compression

gas cylinders into a thruster pack.

(jets roaring)

- Return to Earth. Return to Earth.

- You'll never get away with it.

- Another word out of you, Zodiac,

and we'll have you walking the plank into outer space.

(Jets roaring)

- (indistinct)

Prepare to land.

- Aye aye, captain.

- Spaceship approaching 1680 Black, commander.

- That must be Steve.

(loud humming)

- It is, look, he's coming in to land.

(loud humming)

- Why no radio message?

- Sounds like trouble.

Let's get over to the launching pad and meeting him.

- Landing complete.

- Robert, but where is Steve?

What's this?

- It looks like a letter.

Open it, Venus.

- It's a random note, they've got Steve.

- This is terrible!

- What's the price?

- Water and an assurance from us that

they will be left alone.

- If we give them water how do we know they'll release

Steve unharmed?

Of course, | could send out a patrol.

- No, no, commander, we mustn't do that.

They would have their revenge on Steve.

- Water.

Not exactly a valuable commodity.

- Unless you are a space pirate hiding out

on the planet Eridan.

- Eridan?

The desert planet?

Not even a conjurer could produce water there.

- That's it, a conjuring trick.

Commander, Venus and | will take the water in fire bowl.

- And then?

- Suitably doped, it should do more than

quench their thirst.

(curious music)

- Oh, it is nectar to a thirsty space fellar.

- Easy with the water, Patch.

- Yes, go easy Patch it may be your last drink.

- The water!

I'll slit your throat from ear to ear.

- Hold on, Patch.

Killing the hostage won't do any good.

- Now we'll see who's the toughest, huh?

(jets roaring)

- You know, professor, I'm still doubtful about

this plan of yours.

- Well, | admit I'm a little scared myself Venus.

But we've got to try.

- Well | hope you have better luck this time

with the trick.

- We'll soon know.

(curious music)

- How far are we from the desert planet now?

- I'll get to the navigation bay Venus,

and give you the exact distance.

We're not far off.

(curious music)

- What's that?

Oh, a lovely bottle of grog.

(harp music)

(screams)

It's gone!

It's gone.

- Only a mirage, Patch.

- Only a mirage, aye.

(curious music)

Not another mirage, | couldn't stand it.

- No, this is for real Patch.

Hiya, Venus.

- It's good to see you, Steve.

- Boy, this is just like Death Valley.

- No tricks or your Colonel Zodiac will get it.

Got the water?

- Here's one can.

- There's plenty more in the spaceship.

You unload it and we'll be off with Colonel Zodiac.

What you do then is your own lookout.

- How do | know the water isn't doped?

Drink some yourself.

- All right.

Give me a glass professor, please.

- Oh, "give me a glass professor, please,”

fussy ain't she?

- Cut out the wise cracks.

- There you are.

I'm still standing.

- Give us the water and keep your distance.

You pour it out Patch, while | keep them covered.

- It'll be a pleasure, captain.

Two lovely noggins of cool water coming up.

(dramatic music)

(sighs)

- That's better.

- Oh, nectar.

(both groaning)

- Venus, how did you do it?

- You see, Steve, | drank out of a trick glass.

- And it worked!

- Well I'm glad it did.

- Well they don't look as though they'll go anymore roving.

- The last of the space pirates.

- Don't be so sure.

Look on the starboard bough.

(dramatic music)

- Hello, Steve!

- Hold your fire, it's only me, Jock.

- Shiver me space timbers, it's jolly captain Jock.

Ahoy, there!

- "Ahoy, there!" Called Steve for he was very happy

to see Jock again.

- Gee, that was a swell story.

Is it true?

Did it really happen?

- Well, Jonathan, I'll leave you to decide that.

But one thing's for sure, you are going to sleep.

- Okay Venus, it's a deal.

Thanks for the story, good night.

- Good night, Jonathan.

Good night.

(soft music)

(dramatic music)

~ 1 wish | was a space man J

~ The fastest guy alive

£ I'd fly you ‘round the universe J

? In 50X05 I

~ Way out in space together J

~ Conquerors of the sky

My heart would be a fireball

A fireball

f Every time | gazed into your starry eyes f

S We'd take the path to Jupiter

~ And maybe very soon J

¢ We'd cruise along the Milky Way ¢

¢ And land upon the moon J

£ To a wonderland of star dust f

~ We'll zoom our way to Mars I

My heart would be a fireball

A fireball

£ And you would be my (indistinct) of the stars f