All language subtitles for The.Brothers.2001.WEBRip.x264-RARBG-sync

(GUNSHOT)

What do you think your
dreams mean, Jackson?

They're about relationships,
commitments.

Do you think a commitment
with a woman is death?

Yeah. Yeah, right. See,
you meet somebody, right?

You guys are having a good time,

you're vibing with each other,

then love drags its ass
up into it, you know?

(LOVE DON'T LOVE ME PLAYING)

* Time

* I still don't know the
reason after all this time.

What do you think
women want from you?

Well, that's easy. They want
money, multiple orgasms

and beautiful shoes
that don't hurt like hell.

(CHUCKLES) That's really sexist,

except for the part
about the shoes.

* Something happens
every time I get a chance

* I feel the rhythm but
I just don't know the dance

* I want to move with you
but something holds me back

* I'm holding back, yeah

* All I ever needed
I could never find

I'll be 29 on my next birthday.

Why does that bother you?

'Cause it's one step
from the big 3-0.

You see, I...
I can't keep blaming

my lack of a serious relationship
on being a kid anymore, you know?

I broke up with three women
in the last two months,

and that... That's not too cool.

* Someone teach my heart
to fall In love again

* That all I have to fear
is fear itself.

Maybe you should
become celibate.

Put the physical behind your
greater spiritual self.

Uh, yeah, sorry, Doc, but my greater
spiritual self needs the booty.

(MAN VOCALIZING)

* Oh, why?

* Yeah

I have an assignment for you.

I want you to get back out
there and date some more.

In fact, try to meet
a woman tonight.

Oh, no, I'm shooting hoops
with the fellas tonight.

Then we hang. It's kinda
like a weekly tradition.

Then, do it whenever.

But next time,
open up your heart to her.

Try being a friend before
you become a lover.

Okay. I think I can handle that.

* It must be

* Love don't love me

* Love don't love me

* Love don't love me

* No, it don't love me.

JUDGE: Motion to
suppress, denied.

Motion for evidentiary
hearing, denied.

Motion for continuance, denied.

All of my motions denied, Your Honor.
May I ask why?

Your affidavit wasn't
based on credible facts.

This court will
not tolerate that.

Motions denied.

(GAVEL STRIKES BENCH)

Thank you, Your Honor.

(WHISPERS) Bitch.

What did you say?

(METAL DOORS CLOSING)

(BUZZER BUZZES)

WOMAN: Come on,
Shawshank. Let's go.

The judge is springing you.

(CHUCKLES)
It's about goddamn time.

That woman is crazy.

Come on.

You're lucky you ain't
working for her cranky ass.

Yes, Sheila, I am meeting the
brothers after work for our game.

Yes, (STAMMERS) we are going
to the club afterwards.

Now, how's my baby gonna miss
me when she's gonna be asleep?

SHEILA: (YELLING) What if I ran the
streets like some little hood rat?

I have a job, too, you know.

You shouldn't talk like that.
You need Jesus.

Uh, these are your European
earnings reports that just came in.

Mmm, lovely. I'll
look at them tonight.

Um, is there anything
else I can do for you?

No, Sandra, thank you.
I'm straight.

Nothing?

No, (STAMMERS) I'm straight.
Nothing at all?

I'm cool. I'm cool. Take
care of yourself, okay?

(PHONE RINGING)
Yes. Terry White.

Hey, baby.

Yeah, I'm packing up right
now to get outta here.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's
all set for tonight.

Hey, baby, you got
nothing to worry about.

I got... Oh, shit!
Baby, I gotta go.

Sandra, Sandra, please.
We are in an... No!

Okay, she's gonna need to take her
medicine and, uh, keep her throat warm.

Oh, thanks.

So, Doctor, would you
like to meet my sister?

She's really great.

Um... Uh...

I'm kind off the
market right now.

Hey! You ain't got
time for me now, huh?

What? You had time
to have sex with me.

Now, all of a sudden
you're busy.

(INDISTINCT YELLING)

(SIGHS)

* Yeah, I got my bag

* That Big Brother B got my bag

* Yeah, you know
we got it like that

* Yeah, come on, get my bag.

See ya.

* Yeah, I got my bag

(MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(WHOOPING)

Oh! Yeah!

Yo, Derrick, I'm telling you,

I did not think you
saw me on that angle.

I do what I can, baby.
I do what I can.

That was luck.
It won't happen again.

(CHUCKLING)

Y'all wanna hear some crazy
shit that happened to me today?

What's up?

I'm packing up my stuff, getting ready
to come out here with y'all, right?

I turn around and there's this
temp standing in front of me.

I'm not gonna lie.
She was banging.

This girl rushes me and
jumps on my shit, man.

What? Can a brother
get an application?

Oh, this nigga lying.
He's lying. Hey, D,

how long you know me, baby?
(ALL LAUGHING)

I don't lie about my shit.

All right. That shit happens
to me all the time.

So how was it, Terry? (LAUGHS)

I didn't do it. (SCOFFS)

Hey, what, are you AC Green now?

TERRY: Hey, that ain't funny,
but I'm serious, man.

I lectured her ass about
compromising a brother at work,

and then I just walked away.

I'm sorry, I would have waxed
that ass all over the office.

There would have been Xeroxes
of my nuts on everybody's desk.

Yeah, but see, the problem
is you need help, bro.

(LAUGHS) You nasty.

No, see, me and my girl, BeBe,
we got something solid.

I mean, it feels real good.

So I'm gonna make a declaration
right here, right now.

From this moment forward,
I'm a one-woman man.

(SCOFFS) Come on, Terry, after
just two months of dating?

I mean, that's gotta be some kind
of record for being whipped.

Oh, wait a minute. I know you're
not talking about being whipped.

Come on, Terry, we know you, man.
You can't change.

I mean, what about when you was
talking to the girl and her mom,

and then they both found out?
I remember that.

Okay, you know what, you
can laugh if you want to.

I'll admit it, I did it. But
that was a long time ago.

I'm not like that anymore.
You know what?

If you're changing,
Terry, I'm changing, too.

It's about time. As of right
now, I'm through with sisters.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, here we go again.

Come on, that's a broken record.
I'm serious this time, man.

I mean, you know Carla,
right? The judge?

She locked me up because she's
an evil, bitter, black woman.

Okay, Brian, Brian, did you
forget that you had sex with her,

you dumped her and then you called
her a bitch in the courtroom?

Did you forget that? So
what's your damn point, man?

That maybe she had a few other
reasons to do what she did.

The boy's ignorant. No.

All the sisters I deal
with bring me drama.

No matter what you do,
it ain't good enough for 'em.

I'm tired of the fake hair.

Oh, and excuse me, that's my baby's father.
The excess weight.

It's like they're giving out
government cheese sandwiches

with fake hair and babies.
(GROANS)

Now, what does that tell you?

Man, that tells me that you're
a dumb-ass, man. Wake up.

You give up on sisters,
you're giving up on yourself.

Word! Hold up. Hold up.

I think Brian may have a point.

Thank you. Whoa, whoa, hey!

Come on, Jack. A woman's
color doesn't matter.

It's what's inside that counts.
Ah, see?

Now, did your wife tell
you that before or after

she unscrewed your dick
and put it in her purse?

TERRY: Don't listen to him, D.
Don't listen to him.

We here, Jack. No, no,
no, we're not there.

I'm not going out on the
sisters like you, Brian, okay?

My thing is, see, I just
haven't found the right one.

Just gotta look
harder, you know.

See, now I can dig that. What
I'm saying, though, fellas,

let's keep it real.

We're single, black,
professional men.

We're the cream
of the crop, right?

And I got to keep
it real for you, Brian.

We are the cream of the crop.

You the black sticky shit
on the bottom of the barrel.

(ALL LAUGHING)
My point is, fellas,

that we deserve the best.

And right now, the sisters
ain't up to the job.

Oh, no, no, see you're wrong. That's why when
I met Sheila, I just snapped her right up.

BRIAN: That and she got
pregnant on your ass.

That's true, D. That's true.
DERRICK: No, no, no, no, no.

It didn't have nothing
to do with that.

We were gonna get married
anyway 'cause we were in love.

Love. Now there is a word you
should look up in the dictionary.

It's after "ignorant" and
just before "stupid," stupid.

(LAUGHS) (ALL HOOTING)

* I'm trying to
get it fun tonight

* Whoa

* Was it any fun tonight?

* Whoa

* I wanna tear it up tonight

* Whoa.

We'll be at the bar.

Where's Terry? He's missing.

Probably went back to work to work
on that little temp if he's smart.

No, no, he will be here.
Trust me. He will be here.

Oh, damn.

Come on, B, why'd you do that?

I told you I'm done with them.

Hey, man, she looks kinda cool.

Just go and work your
Brian magic, man.

(SIGHS) You want me to work it?
Work it.

All right. All right. Check it out.
Check it out.

Um, excuse me. I'm sorry about
that little thing over there.

Mmm-hmm. I had the worst
day in court. Oh.

Oh, so you're a lawyer.
Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I used to work for a lawyer.
Really?

Yep. Cool. Hey, I'm Brian.

I'm LaMuzindah.

La Moo what? LaMuzindah.

Ah. It means,
"Goddess of light."

Oh, okay. Cool.
You know, do your thing.

You know what? You just look so...
So nurturing to me.

Hmm. Do you have any
kids, you know?

Oh, um, well, actually, I do.

You wanna see some pictures
of Tanesha and Tenaka?

I got 'em right here. Just one second.
I'm gonna get them.

No, no. Slow down with the kids.

Have a nice evening.

Tanesha and Tenaka.

The defense rests, fellas.

Forget you, then.

(CLEARS THROAT) Fellas, fellas, fellas.
Sorry I'm late.

Excuse me, bartender. I need
some of your best champagne

and five glasses to go around.

Champagne? Yes, yes.

It's always so crowded in here.

Yo, Terry, it's nice
of you to bring a date.

Right, right. Well, listen up.

Tonight is a little different.

Ready to do this? Mmm-hmm.

BeBe and I...

We're getting married. Pow!

(TERRY AND BEBE LAUGH)

Okay. Whoa.

Hey, hey, hey, Terry, look,
congratulations, baby.

Hey, good luck. Oh, thank you.

Congratulations, T.
Thank you, my man.

Damn, there goes my buzz.

Brian, what is your problem?

Now hold on, baby. It's okay.
Let me get this.

Oh, I'm gonna slide on out y'all way.
None of my business.

Look, Brian,

you and I, we have never
liked each other.

Okay, that's cool,
but understand this.

I will not take any
shit off of you.

I'm at the gun range
twice a week

and I'm licensed
to correct a nigga.

TERRY: All right,
come on now, baby.

I'm going to the ladies' room.

Did she just take my drink?

Yo, man, how you gonna diss my girl
right in front of me like that?

Yo, Terry, I'm sorry,
man. I was shocked.

Me, too. Shocked you didn't
get your ass whipped.

Terry, you always were the one who
said that you were gonna get married,

what, two minutes before you dropped dead.
That's what you said.

Yeah, man, I do remember that, but
that was a long time ago, man.

I have changed.

Look, fellas, I'm about to
be 29 years old in a minute.

I think it's about
time I settled down.

Wait, wait, now, 29, that's
not old, though, right?

No, it's not old. But how long
are you supposed to wait, man?

Wait a minute, I thought
this is what we wanted.

Didn't we talk about this? You know,
love, happiness and all that other shit.

Look, Al Green, love and happiness
is one thing, my brother,

but we're talking about
marriage here, man.

Take it from me. Marriage is not
something you just jump into, Terry.

Eighty, I mean, you know, you're wearing
a diaper, slobbering on yourself.

Jack, come on, man,
you are not old.

Now will you shut
your old ass up?

And two months
is barely enough time

to know if the booty is right.

Whoa, whoa, stop
all this nonsense.

What is this?
Piss on Terry Night?

Now, come on, Terry,
look, we're your friends.

We just want
what's best for you.

No, no, no, wait,
D, check this stuff.

BeBe is a good woman.
I love this girl.

I'm sure you do, but, man...
All right.

She does her own thing. She makes
good money at the phone company.

She got a job, yeah.
She got a job.

She's fine as hell. Hey, hey!

Nobody said nothing about that.

Thank you. Shit.

T, you're my boy. I love you.
I'm happy for you.

Congratulations. That's
what I'm talking about.

Thank you, J. Hey, me, too.
Best of luck, baby boy.

TERRY: Appreciate that, D.

Yo, Terry, you know
this is fucked up, right?

(LAUGHS) But you my man.
Congratulations.

Congratulations, man.

(SCOFFS) I don't
know why (LAUGHS)

but I'm gonna accept
that stupid shit from you.

Now I see the
champagne has arrived.

Now we do need
to be drinking it.

Yeah, a toast. I got the toast.

To our boy, Terry, here

and his beautiful girl, wearing
the hell out that red dress.

(LAUGHS) Okay! May they
have love, happiness...

ALL: And all that other shit.

JACKSON: All right.
ALL: All right.

Whee! Dr. Smith?

Dr. Smith? Dr. Smith! JACKSON: Hey!
How you doing?

I went down the slide by myself.

JACKSON: Do you want a lollipop?

How is she doing?
Is she feeling better?

(LAUGHS) She's doing much better.
How you been?

I've been all right.

I was just wondering
if maybe she...

Don't just stand there.

Do something.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
Oh, that's good.

(CHUCKLING) That's perfect.

I like that.

Jackson Smith. How you doing?

I'm Denise.

Um, so what, do I have
potential, or what?

So, you know that
little girl, Jack?

Yeah, she's one of my patients.

I'm a doctor.

(LAUGHS) Why do you
say it like that?

Like what? Like, (IMITATING)
"I'm a doctor."

Like "I'm Zeus,
king of the gods."

Oh, no, no, I didn't
mean it that way.

I know you didn't. Um, I'm
a freelance photographer.

But I guess you could see that.

An artist. I like that.

What does your boyfriend think
about you being an artist?

That's smooth. But I, uh,
don't have a boyfriend,

and I'm not looking for one.

Good, 'cause I don't
have a girlfriend,

and I'm not looking for one.

Good.

(BOTH GRUNT)

(SIGHS) Oh, my God, girl.
You are going to wear me out.

(GRUNTING) Don't you
ever get tired?

Nope. (CHUCKLES)
(EXHALING FORCEFULLY)

You know, I shouldn't even be doing
this until after we get married.

I'm a good girl.
(LAUGHS) (CHUCKLES)

Okay, good girl. That was
real cute and everything,

but trust me, if you weren't
giving me some loving,

we might not be getting married.
Shut up, Terry!

I'm just keeping it
real, but I got needs.

Yeah, you got needs.

Yeah, you know daddy's
just playing with you.

(BOTH MOANING)

Mmm, you know what? What?

We need to get those invitations
out in the next couple days.

Oh, and my parents are going to
be flying in a few weeks before.

Oh, and the wedding planner needs
to know how many... Hey, hey, hey!

Will you hush? Can we
stay in the moment?

I know all of that. Who do you
think got this party started?

(CHUCKLES)

Girl, I cannot wait to make you Mrs.
Terry White.

(SIGHS)

Hey, whoa, okay,
now wait a minute.

You promised me that gun would
never make it up in this house.

I know. I'm sorry, baby. I forgot
to take it back after the range.

You know I hate that damn thing.

I know. Don't be mad.

I got something
to make it up to you.

Oh, yeah? What you got?
(CHUCKLES)

Oh, baby girl, come on. Hey,
look, as much as I like it,

unless you got some Viagra, Mr.
Chubby needs a couple of minutes.

No, he doesn't. Why not?

I got skills.
Well, hey. (CHUCKLES)

Come on, hey. Okay.

(EXCLAIMS)

Hey, girl, we got to get Janel some
new books to read her to sleep.

I got Dr. Seuss
coming out of my ass.

I know. She did
the same thing to me.

So, I suppose Terry's
having a bachelor party

with lots of naked ho's
running around there.

Yes, he is.

You know, I never
thought Terry would fall.

He got me feeling like
an old married man.

All this excitement over Terry is
a bunch of trouble for nothing.

First of all, he is
not the husband type.

He and that Brian have been bed-hopping
ever since we've known them.

Terry ain't shit.

And he's gonna
give that up? Please!

A crack-head would
have a better chance

at a weight-lifting
contest, okay?

(LAUGHING) You are funny!

Boy, that was a good one.
Crack-head, weights.

You crack me up.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Well, it sounds like
the coast is clear.

Yeah.

(BOTH MOANING)

You go and express yourself.

Let me get that for you.
Oh, no! No, no.

No? No?

Come on, baby,
what is wrong now?

I'm just not ready.

What do you mean you're not ready?
Sheila, you promised!

But I've been thinking,
and I just...

I can't do it right now.

Oh, Sheila, come on now. We've
been married for three long years.

I know, but... But what?

It's nasty.

What the... (INAUDIBLE)

You know, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna calm down.

Come on now. Come here. Oh, yes.

Yes, I know. (MOANING)

You're all tense and everything.

Look it... Relax. Relax.

Relax your jaws, too. Relax.

Yes. Yes. (MUMBLING)

See? Speak into the mike.

That's... See? See?

No, no, no, no. No? Oh, damn it!

You got me as hard as
Chinese arithmetic in here,

and you're bullshitting.
Derrick, wait!

Derrick, wait!
That's some bullshit.

Derrick, why did
you come in here?

What are you doing? Why are
you drinking at this hour?

Because I am a grown man and I
cannot get head from my own wife!

Why don't you just go into our
daughter's room and yell it to her?

Look, Sheila. We have
talked about this.

We went to the counselor. We bought
the books. You said you were ready.

I know. I know. But I was
eating a banana earlier today,

and I gagged on it.

Just don't gag on my banana,

we can get this
show on the road.

Derrick, honey, I can't.

See, I do it to you.

But I don't ask you to.

You do not stop me either.

Okay, well, fine. You don't
have to do it anymore.

See, that's the difference
between you and me, Sheila.

See, I don't mind doing it.
I even like it.

So, if I had a dick,
would you suck it?

What kind of question is that?

You ain't no man,
and I ain't no woman.

Just answer the question. If I
had a dick, would you suck it?

Yes. Yes, I would
suck your dick,

wearing a Viking hat and a
Little League chest protector.

Derrick, baby, come here!

No, no. Baby. Derrick.
Derrick, honey, please.

Just... All my life, I was taught
that good girls just don't do that.

My mother used to tell me if I
did that, I would get cancer.

I am dealing with some serious
psychological barriers here.

Your mama? Girl, your
mama sucked so much dick,

she walk around on her knees.

My mother is a saint!

She must be Saint Suck-a-Dick.

Your mama is senile.

See, my mama got an excuse.

Your mama fucked
up for no reason.

You hit me with that pillow again, I'll...
What? What? What?

What, you gonna hit me? Go ahead.
Beat me, Ike. Beat me.

I'm gonna go watch television.

I don't wanna talk
about this anymore.

All right, have a banana. Hell, get
freaky with a peach for all I care.

Derrick, we have a daughter.

Are you going to advise her
to go down on her boyfriends?

Yes, I am. Right after I tell her
that sucking dick don't cause cancer.

Nasty old thing!

Oh! "Suck my dick. Suck my dick.
Suck my dick. Suck my dick."

It's good for your skin.

So, you've known me for a while,

and all of a sudden
you ask me out.

(CHUCKLES) What
took you so long?

(SIGHS) Well, you could say
I went looking for love

in all the wrong damn places.

(CHUCKLES)

Listen, um...

Jesse. Jesse.

Right. Right. Right.
(LAUGHS) (CHUCKLES)

I got some work to
do, baby, so I...

Oh, sure, I can go. I have
an early class tomorrow, so.

Right. Right.
What is that you teach?

Self-defense classes.

Karate. (LAUGHS) Karate.

Karate. Yeah, I remember.
I remember.

Look, Brian, I know this is sort
of spur of the moment and all,

but if you ever wanna hook
up again, just call me.

Hey, hey, hold up. Hold up.
Just sit. Relax.

You know, just relax. Okay.

Um, I have this amazing bottle of wine.
Would you like some?

Sure. Where is it?
In the kitchen.

Let me get... Oh, no, I got it.

(EXHALES FORCEFULLY) Oh.

Can you make me a sandwich
while you're in there?

JESSE: Okay.

(MOCKINGLY) Okay.

Oh, loving this. That's
what I'm talking about.

You know, um,

Denise, I hope you don't feel
nervous about us, you know,

doing it like this
on the first date.

Why would I be nervous?

Well, 'cause I picked you up, and
I got you into bed like this.

I don't want you to feel
self-conscious about that.

Really? Oh, okay. Well,
how about this? Yeah.

How about I picked you up and got
you in bed on the first date?

So, that would kinda make you a
little slut puppy now, wouldn't it?

(LAUGHS) I like that, but you
can't call a man a slut puppy.

And why's that?
It's redundant. (CHUCKLES)

No, actually, the only reason
why I brought that up is

'cause I kind of
have this issue.

What's that?

Well, it's like,
you know, it's...

(LAUGHS) Forget it. Forget
I even brought that up.

DENISE: Jackson, you okay?

What? Huh?

I can't talk about this.

Do you know why I
became a photographer?

Because you get to capture
all of life's moments.

All of the turning points
and freeze them.

Well, think of us as a picture.

And if you tell me your problem,

we'd be kind of making
a turning point together.

(CHUCKLES)

You crazy, you know that, right?

Yeah, everybody says that.

But I like that. I like that.
Yeah?

Okay, it's like this.

Once I meet a woman, right?

And I get to know her a little
bit, and we become intimate.

When we get into the
relationship part of it,

and we start talking
about commitment,

I just freeze up.

Yeah, see, and the only way I
know how to save myself is to

cut the woman out my life.

Damn. Well, I see how
that's a problem.

But you know, we all
have problems, Jackson.

You know, if life
were simple, we'd...

We'd all be doing something
else, don't you think?

(CHUCKLES) So wait.
So wait. You telling me that

you're not just gonna get
up, get your clothes on

and run like hell
up out of here?

No, no, no.

No, there's a lot
of interesting things

I could do with a man like you.

See, I thought you
were crazy before,

but I know you're crazy now.

Well, I'm just a sucker
for a naked man.

Come on, man. You got it.
Come on, man.

Yeah!

So, when do you start school, Cherie?
In June.

I'm gonna go early so I
can find a place to live.

Oh, I envy you. There are so
many fine men in college.

Excuse me?

Not that I care at all. (LAUGHS)

(JACKSON MOANS) Public intimacy?

I have never seen
my brother like this.

Girl, you must have
kryptonite in your pu...

Possession.

Oh. (LAUGHS) Hey!

Hey, there are my
beautiful children.

How you doing, sweetie? Hey!

Where's the rest of your outfit?

And you would be talking to?

You. I'm talking to you. You
shouldn't be dressing like that.

How very Freudian of you, Son.

Now I know I look good.

You look fine, Miss Smith.
(SIGHS)

Thank you, baby.
Yes, you do, Mother.

Mmm, you know I was only
18 when I had Jackson.

Okay, not this story.

Mmm-mmm. I was nothing
but a baby myself.

Took me 10 months and 20 hours
of labor just to get him here.

And he ain't been
nothing but trouble...

nothing but trouble
ever since.

Yes, for the 100th time, we
know, all right? (LAUGHS)

Now, it's not about me. It's about Cherie.
She's starting school.

Hey, did you guys have your, you know,
female conversation about men yet?

Oops, I'll do it
right now. Sorry.

Come here, baby.

Cherie, a man only
needs three things.

Well, two of them is money.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

That's cute.
That's... That's cute.

You know, Denise, you're much nicer than
the other women Jackson usually dates.

Oh. Mama, please.

Mmm-mmm, don't fight
the truth, Son.

It'll make you grow old fast.

Not that I would know
with my fine self.

Okay, you know what? I know
better than to argue with women,

so I'm gonna go over here.

You guys can talk about
me behind my back.

I'll be cool. I'll be all right.

Hey, nobody talking about you.

We're talking about me.

Damn. Come on, y'all.

Can you believe Jack, Mama?

Asking you to tell me about men as
if there's some sort of secret.

Well, there is. Really?

Mmm-hmm, and I know what it is.

Wait. Not that I need to know or
anything, but, uh, what is it?

Well, it's really very simple.

There's one sure way to tell
if a man really loves you.

Come here.

When it's late and you're all hugged
up on the sofa and eating food

and watching TV, and you're
just all over each other.

(LAUGHS)

Well, if he will give you
his last piece of food,

the very last bite,
baby, that's love.

I like that. I like that.

Me, too. It's got
sacrifice, protection,

the sensuality of eating.

I learned all that
in my psych class.

Well, I learned it the hard way.

Hey, look what the wind blew in.

FRED: Congratulations, baby.

Thank you, Daddy. (CHUCKLES)

And this is my girl, Denise.

Hi, Denise. Fred Smith.
Glad to meet you.

Yes.

CHERIE: So where have you been?
We've been waiting.

FRED: I'm sorry, baby.
I was busy.

I had to make a few
stops before I got here.

LOUISE: You look good, Fred.

Almost as good as me.
(CHUCKLING)

Maybe I'll clear a dance floor
and teach you a thing or two.

Well, I'll be around.

Fred!

Hey! (SPEAKING FRENCH)

FRED: Uh, everybody,
this is my date, Ursula.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Uh, Ursula don't
speak no English.

Well, we got to do something about
our weak-ass immigration laws.

I need another drink. Excuse me.

Ursula, champagne?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(GIGGLES)

So, you don't speak no English.

(SPEAKING FRENCH) Hmm.

So the words "stank ho" wouldn't
mean nothing to you. (GASPS)

C'est quoi? "Stank ho"?

No, not "stanque hou,"
"stank ho."

Ho? Dead ho. Ignorant ho.

No, Mama. Have a good time.
French ho.

Enjoy yourself. Whatever.

(URSULA INQUIRES IN FRENCH)

Bringing that bitch up in here.

(MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

MAN 1: This ain't my car, man.

MAN 2: Look at it. Look at it.

This ain't no game show. This is
my man's car. I'm watching it.

Tyrel said you kicked his
boys out the house, Ma.

What's up with that?
I did what I had to do.

He had them fools in my
house drinking and smoking.

And you know that ain't right.

See what I mean? Issues.

MAN: Yo, Brian.

Some of my boys wanna
steal your car for ya.

I can hook it up. No, man,
no insurance scams, T-Boy.

Get outta here.

Don't shoot the
messenger, nigga.

Tyrel, I want you to tell your friends
that this house is off-limits.

Mama, let's just talk
about this, okay?

Ain't nothing to talk about.

That boy is 17 years old.

He had some women up in this house
acting a fool and having sex.

Ma, I told you, me and
Leshana was not having sex.

We was just watching TV.
Oh, yeah, right.

I guess, it was just raining condoms
outside your bedroom window.

What condoms? Or maybe two
squirrels was freaking with it.

Mama! Yo, Brian.

What, motherfucker?

They're gonna give you 40% of this
shit, man, let's do this thing.

Get outta here, man.
Don't you see...

I'm sensing some hesitation on your part.
I'll go for 50-50.

I don't like him
outside my house, Brian.

He's just... He's just
watching my car, Mama.

It doesn't matter. She don't
like nobody up in here,

except for them old-ass
ladies from church

who be coming here smelling like
old cheese and hot garbage.

Uh-uh. Oh, no,
you did not say that!

He did not say that!

I am two minutes away from whipping
your butt! Tyrel, just go outside.

Just go outside, all right?
Just watch my car.

Watch my car.

It's really good
to see you, Denise.

(SCOFFS) I don't know
how good it is, Fred.

So what do you think
we should do about it?

Nothing. We're not
gonna do anything.

You know, he doesn't have one
damn picture of you in his house.

It's too late for
regrets, Denise.

You and I can't change
what happened between us.

So I think we
should just tell him.

No. No, I'll do it.

I'll do it in my own time, though.
Fine.

Hey. Hey!

You trying to steal my girl?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Uh, you know what? I'm gonna go
before your mom kills that girl.

I'll take Ursula her drink.

Nice meeting you, Fred. Nice to meet you.
All right.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Yeah.

So, why'd you bring another
woman over to the house?

Hey, Son, (LAUGHS)
I have my own life now.

You know what I'm saying?

What do you think about Denise?

Oh, she seems nice.

Are you guys serious?

Yeah, it's going pretty good.

That's good. I'm happy for you.

Now, you know Mama's gonna be upset
about this for at least a week.

Come on, Son.

Your mother and I are divorced.

And she understands that.

Yeah, but I still don't
get it, you know.

How can two people live together
and share together for 25 years

and then just leave?

You know why your mother
and I split, Son.

You know,
Terry's getting married.

Little Terry? Well,
he's big Terry now.

(LAUGHS) That's good news.
I'm happy for him.

Uh-oh. Now, come on, tell me.

You're not thinking about
taking that fall, too, are you?

Oh, hell, no.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

You know, marriage,
that's not for me.

Oh, come on now. You can't judge
by looking at me and your mother.

Your mother and I had some
great years together, Son.

And who knows, your luck
might be better than mine.

You know they say
talent skips a generation.

I'll remember that.

Hey, why don't you come down and
visit your old man sometimes?

You know I'm always
at one of the dealerships.

Yeah, I'll do that.

I'm looking forward.

Hey, baby. Dad, where is it?

In the driveway.
Come on, let's go!

Come on, Jack. Check this out.

Oh, Daddy!

(GIRLS SQUEALING)

You guys, get in! Get in!

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
back up. Back it up.

I don't want to
see you around here.

GIRL: I get to ride in front.

I don't want any boys
in here, you understand?

CHERIE: Mmm-hmm, whatever. And
stay on the main streets.

Don't drive down
through the 'hood, huh?

CHERIE: (LAUGHS) Okay.

I worry about you.
CHERIE: Daddy.

Mama, I want you to let
Tyrel come live with me.

No.

I told you before
I'm not letting him go.

Why not? He's my brother.

Half-brother.

All I'm saying, Mama, is that
the boy is not happy here.

Okay? It's not like
his daddy's around...

Don't even bring up
that fool to me.

He left me for some white woman.

She's Hawaiian. If she
ain't black, she white.

See, that's what I'm talking about, Mama.
That's just ridiculous.

A fact of life.

That's crazy. Latino women?

A white woman with a taco.

Oh, so I just guess
Asian women...

Are white women who no
speak the goddamn English.

You know what? The both of you
is just like your daddies.

Full of it.

I done heard that my whole life.

How long you gonna
look at us and see them?

I know what they did is wrong, Mama,
but me and Tyrel, we didn't do it.

Can't we get a little love?

I raised you. That's love.

Oh, really? Then prove it, Mama.

Can you give your son
a kiss and a hug?

You're too old for that now.

You can't do it, can you?

You acting crazy. Just stop it.

Mama, when was the last
time you gave me a hug?

What was it, 10 years ago?

What, right after
Tyrel's father left?

Mama, 10 years is a long time.

Come on, Mama, I'm waiting.

Give me love, mama.

(CRYING) Get outta my
house with this nonsense.

When Tyrel gets
old enough, Mama,

he's gonna come live
with his big brother.

He can get his love from me.

You can believe that.

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

(FAINT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHATTERING ON TV)

Mama? Hey, now, how you doing?

Oh, hey, Son. (LAUGHS)

Look how pretty you look today.

Well, I don't look dead.
That's all I care about.

Now, come on, Mama.
Don't say stuff like that.

You're gonna live forever.

What the hell are you
talking about, Derrick?

Everybody dies.

I swear I drank too
much when I carried you.

Mama, you were drinking when
you were pregnant with me?

Well, yeah.

It's not like I was operating
heavy machinery or nothing.

Look, uh, Mama,

I want you to come live
with me and my family.

When did you get married?

Three years ago, Mama. You
were right there, remember?

(LAUGHS) Yeah, that's right.
We ate chicken.

Yes, we did. (LAUGHS)

How's my grandbaby?

Janel? Oh, Janel is wonderful.

Hey, James and Amber and I...

James and Amber, those
are your other children.

I know who they are.

Boy, are you high or something?

No. No, ma'am. No.

Look, we just don't think
you belong here anymore.

I like it here.

I know, Mama, but I miss you.

And you know what, Janel,

she would love having her
grandmother around the house.

(SCOFFS) And your wife?

Well, I'm working on that.

I bet you are.
We don't like each other.

Now, Mama.

Evil witch. Oh.

No, I think I'm gonna
stay right here.

Now, look, Mama, that was fine when
you and daddy were here together,

but now daddy's gone
and, well, you...

Oh, Mama, (STAMMERS) I'm sorry.

Yeah, things were a lot different
when your father was alive.

Hey, look, I am supposed
to be taking you to lunch.

You come over here...
(CHUCKLING)

with your fine brown frame.

You a mess.

You think I don't really know
you running numbers out here?

This ain't fooling
nobody, come on.

Who's collecting my money?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

So, you have no idea who
flattened the tires on your car?

No. And you know what,
it could be anybody.

Lawyers make a lot of enemies.

I bet it was a woman.

No. That's how we
get back at men.

You know, a car is just
a big old dick with wheels.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Counselor.

Hi, Judge. Um, I'm
having my lunch here.

You filed a motion
with the Chief Judge

to have me permanently
barred from all your cases.

Yes, I did, and I think you'd agree
that I'm right after what happened.

Hmm.

Hi. I'm Judge Carla Williams.

Hi. I'm Jesse.

Hmm, are you a lawyer, too?

No, I'm sort of a teacher.

Teacher. What's the pay
these days for teachers?

BRIAN: Carla, there is
no reason for this.

Right. Sorry.

Have a nice lunch. Thank you.

(LAUGHS) What's her problem?

I have no idea.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Excuse me. What did you say?

BRIAN: Carla, why are
you making a scene?

(SHUSHING)

I'm not making a scene.

I'm merely having
girl talk. Right?

Now what did you say?

I said... Oh, shit!

What's your problem?

My problem is tired-ass men
like this (STUTTERING)

and women like you who get the
whole world given to them.

But no, no, no, you have
to have our men, too.

Get that finger out of my face.

Or else what, hmm?

What are you going to do, huh?

What are you going to do?

(JESSE EXCLAIMS)

(CARLA SCREAMS)

Damn! MAN: What is going on?

Carla!

Yo, bro, take Buffy
the Negro-Slayer

and get the hell out of my spot.

I was just trying... Uh-uh-uh.

Come on, Jesse. Let's just go.

I cannot believe you.
Just get in the car.

Why are you mad at me?

You just assaulted
a judge, Jesse.

What, she curses us both out,

jabs her finger into my face
and you're yelling at me!

You had no right
to hit that woman.

That was childish, all right.

I've got a reputation. You
made me look stupid in there.

You know what?
You ain't no different.

What do you mean "different"?

(SIGHS) Nothing. Let's just go.

You thought I'd be different
from her just because I'm white?

I didn't say that.
You know what you are?

You are a self-centered,
arrogant fool.

And let me tell you something.

Black and white women
have one thing in common.

We don't like bullshit men.

And that's you,
the bullshit man.

You better get out my face. Hey,
hey, hey, you want some, too?

Come on, I got one
ass-kicking left,

and it's got your
name all over it.

I don't have time for this.
Come on.

I do not need the drama,
Miss Jackie Chan.

I'll kick your ass all up
and down this parking lot.

This white girl's got
something for you,

and you'd better come
get it, chicken shit.

See ya. (CLUCKING)

(GUNSHOT)

(TOUCH-TONES BEEPING)

(LINE RINGING)

DENISE: Hello? Hey.

Hey, baby, you still working?

No. No, I'm not at work.

Listen, um,
why don't you come over?

(SEDUCTIVELY) Derrick.

Derrick.

We have been mad at each
other for too long.

It is time for some
serious making up.

Yeah.

Hey.

(WHEEL OF FORTUNE PLAYING)

* ...genuine and unbelievable

* Which word best describes

* If I had to spend
a wheel of fortune to

* Describe what you are I'd spin

* Yes, I'd spin * I'd pick an L

* Then I'd buy an O
Then I'd pick a V

* Then I'd buy another
vowel which is E

* 'Cause to me these
L-E-T-T-E-R-S

* Best describe
what you are yes to me

* If I had to spin once again

* I'd pick a Y

* Then I'd say I'd like to solve

* Lovely

* If I had to spend
a wheel of fortune to

* Describe what you are I'd spin

* I'd spin * I'd pick an L

Derrick!

Come on, baby.

I'm really going to give
it to you this time.

(MOANS) Give me what, Sheila?

Oh, well, first, let's
do it the regular way.

Oh, no, no, no. Not interested.
We can talk about...

No, no, no.

What the hell is this, Derrick?

You haven't touched
me for weeks.

Because I'm tired.

I don't believe this shit.

Is that all that's
important to you,

somebody going down on you?

You... You just don't
get it, do you?

(SIGHS) We are married.

This is not just about sex.

It is about the way we
feel about each other.

You mean everything to me, Sheila.
What do I mean to you?

No, no, this is about sex.

See, that's all you
men care about.

No, this is about the way

I've let you control this
relationship and this family.

Well, that's over now.

My mama's coming
to live with us.

Oh, no, she's not.

I've told the home I'm
terminating her lease.

She is coming just as
soon as I can get her here.

You did not consult with me, and I didn't
agree to this. No, I didn't have to.

I looked in the mirror and
I consulted my damn self.

You are just doing
this to spite me

because I won't give you
the type of sex you want.

You are nothing but
a nasty, freaky freak...

You know, I married you
because you were pregnant

and never once did I
question your motives.

We agreed that it was
the best thing to do.

Oh, did we? Or did you
come to me crying, saying,

(CRYING MOCKINGLY) "My life is over.
What are we gonna do?"

Are you trying to say that I got
pregnant intentionally just to hook you?

What I am saying is that my
mama is coming to live with us.

Get used to it.

You hit me with that pillow, it's gonna
take some of them NATO peacekeepers

to pull my foot out of your ass.
Now, go on.

Fine, Derrick.

Do we have any more
triple-A batteries?

I think I used them all the
last time this happened.

I don't play, woman. I quit
school 'cause of recess.

So, my cousin says his place in
Florida is gonna be empty next month.

You trying to, uh,
shack up with me?

Oh, hell, yes.

See, then we could do it
all over South Beach.

We can christen
every single pier.

(LAUGHS)

Jack, there's something
that's been on my mind.

Something I need to tell you.

What?

(FALTERS)

I don't even know how to start.

Let me help you this time

because there's something
I wanna tell you.

Now, remember how you were
telling me about those pictures?

I remember.

Well, at first I didn't understand
what you were talking about.

But I understand now
what you meant,

about how a person can make a
turning point in their lives

where it changes
everything about them.

And I've changed
like that, Denise.

I've changed like
that because of you.

I want you to know, Denise, that
I am not afraid of a good woman

and all that she
can bring to a man.

And I'm not afraid to tell
you I love you, Denise.

Now, did that make it
just a little bit easier

for you to say what
you wanted to say?

Yeah. Um, it did.

Actually, it's not even
important anymore.

I love you too, Jackson.

Good.

Really good.

You gonna eat that?

Hmm? Oh.

Yeah.

(SIGHS) This it right
here. It's blazing.

The spices and shit
was just right.

Mmm, mmm.

LOUISE: Here, baby.

Oh, Louise, thank you so much for
letting me have my shower here.

Terry's mother loved it.

No problem, sweetie.

Fred's throwing
Terry's bachelor party,

and I'm not about to be outdone.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Hey, Denise, you okay?

Hmm?

Oh, God, I'm sorry, um...

I was just thinking
that lately Jackson

has been saying all
of the right things,

but I don't know
if he means any of it.

Well, why do you say that?

Jackson told me
that he loved me.

Hey! How sweet!

And then he ate the last piece of
chicken while we watched a movie.

(ALL GROANING) Not good.
Not good.

Hey, hey, hey, maybe I can
get Terry to talk to him,

find out what he's thinking.

He's got his head on
straight these days.

Mmm, yes, Terry's gonna
make a fine husband.

Now, y'all know that the
brothers are not going for that.

Yeah, I was probably just overreacting.
I mean, It happens.

Maybe Jackson was
just hungry, right?

Not likely, baby.
It's a subconscious thing.

I don't know why women always pay
for men's emotional failures.

We do do that. We do.

Mmm-hmm, don't we.

Well, I know one reason.

ALL: What?

Well, damn. If we're gonna
get deep, let's go sit down.

Right, bring the strawberries.
I got the strawberries.

Getting married, I need to learn something.
Grab that champagne.

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

All right, Denise,
I love my brother,

but if he's giving you
mixed messages,

just tell him to get
his shit together.

Ooh, that was my
baby that said that.

SHEILA: And you
know she's right.

That's what I do to Derrick.
That's why we're so happy.

You gotta stand up to him.

DENISE: No, I know. I know.

Jackson is a good
man, I give him that.

But I have worked too
damn hard to shape him

into the man I've grown
to know and love,

and I'm not doing
that shit again.

Well, I'm not limiting
myself to brothers.

I mean, I'll consider all men,
even those who are not black.

Like hell you will!

But, Mama... Uh-uh,
who taught you that?

Life.

Brothers date all kinds
of women all the time.

Why should we sit
around like idiots

waiting for them to bestow
their favors upon us?

Screw that.

A white man has all the
equipment and twice the cash.

Okay, I heard you.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

I wouldn't know anything about that.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

And while we're on the
subject of other men, Mama,

you need to get yourself a man
and stop pining away for Daddy.

Uh-oh! Okay, that's enough.

I need some champagne. No, you've
been drinking too much, come here.

This is a new century.

You know, women are saying
goodbye to dependency.

I don't need a man.
I have myself.

Oh. (LAUGHS)

You know, I wasn't sure
till this very second,

but my baby's still a virgin.

(ALL LAUGHING)

You know what
you have to do, Mama.

You need to reject your pussy.

(GASPS) Oh, my God!

No, she didn't.
Okay, now, uh-uh.

That's a little bit
too much me in you.

Now just sit down somewhere.

That word was created by men

in order to objectify
a woman's sexuality

and turn us into property.

If you accept that you have
one, then they own you.

I don't. I reject my pussy.

ALL: Oh! I can't believe
she said the P-word.

All right. Well,
if that's the case,

why don't you give me yours?
'Cause I could use an extra one.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Okay, okay, fine,
but you know what?

Don't say I didn't try
to educate y'all.

Oh, we hear you, Cherie.

BEBE: Look, Denise,

I think you just need to sit down
and really tell him how you feel.

The direct approach
is always the best one.

I'm not trying to
scare this man,

and y'all know I have a tendency

to kind of come across
a little strong sometimes.

Denise, a woman is strength.

Not just the giver of life
and all that, but more.

You see, men don't
even know who they are

until they know what
kind of woman they want.

Or for that matter, if
they even want a woman.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

But whatever he chooses,
it starts with us.

Hmm?

So be fearless with my son.

Don't be timid with love,

'cause we invented the shit.

All right. Thank you.

Ladies, to the sisters.

ALL: To the sisters.

Yes!

Miracles and blessings, ladies.

Miracles and blessings.

(LAUGHING)

(SIGHS)

Okay, don't wait up, Mama.

Oh! Bye-bye.

Uh, Louise, can
I ask you something?

More about Jackson?

No, this is... This is about me.

Okay. Come on.

(LAY IT DOWN PLAYING)

* You need somebody
to lay it down

* Grab you by the your hair and
show you exactly where to go

* Lay it down

* Don't stop, move it fast
Tap that ass

* I say, nigga, take it slow

* Lay it down.

Oh, yeah, bring it
to daddy. Oh, yeah.

Spank me.

* Lay it down

* I mean, all the way down

* Leave a player
like you wide open

* No, I never had that before

* So if you out here
that's what I'm looking for

* 'Cause I keep getting
these girls with no energy

* I try to tell 'em what to do
but they don't listen to me

* I'm good on top
That's what they say

* I wanna do it in your drop
That's what they say

* I bet I'll make you say stop
That's what they say *

Turn around. (EXCLAIMING)

Well, well, well,
the husband to be.

Yes, yes, yes.

B, what are you doing
sitting here by yourself?

Mmm, drinking.

I can see, but you need
to come out by the pool

'cause as you can see,
it is a stone-cold groove.

I need to talk to you, Terry.

Cool. What's up?

Uh, without her.
You know, excuse me.

All right, baby, don't go too far
now with my two little friends.

Mmm, mmm, mmm!

Ooh, did you see her?
She can breathe.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

So what's up, kid? Speak.

Why are you doing this, Terry?

Oh, come on, B. How many times
we gotta talk about this?

I told you.

Because I think it's
about time I grew up.

Don't do it. Don't do it, Terry.

The brothers,
we got a friendship,

a bond.

And you, under the guise of
growing up, as you put it,

you about to throw it all away.

And I'm looking
out for us, Terry.

I'm protecting the brothers.

(LAUGHS) Uh-uh.

You know what your problem is?

You never could hold your liquor
and you talk too damn much.

Come on, man.
You wanna look out for me?

Mmm-hmm.

Put the drink down
and bring your drunk ass

and let's go look at some titties.
Come on, man.

All right, man, when it all
blows up in your face,

don't come calling me.

I don't wanna hear about it.

Hey, baby. Hi.

All right, B, that's enough.

You my boy and I love
you, but this is real.

You jealous, man.

Yeah, yeah, you jealous.

See, I know you. You wish you could
have somebody to care about.

Don't try to tell me different.

I'm gonna tell you
what I discovered,

and it's why I'm doing
what I'm doing, man.

This world is full
of amazing women

waiting for brothers like
us who got it together.

But it takes courage
to step up like that, B.

Courage.

(SCOFFS) See, look at you.

You don't know
nothing about that

'cause you can't seem to see
past your raggedy-ass dick.

I don't know, man. You know, maybe
for you this is all there is.

(SCOFFS) Goddamn, man,
and if that's the truth,

man, I feel even worse for you.

Look, you're drunk.

There's a party going
on here for me.

Half booty, butt-naked women
running all over the place.

I'm gonna try to
enjoy myself. I'm out.

My dick is not raggedy!

It's big.

Don't be shy. I'm very
flattered that you picked me.

Some nice-looking
women out there.

Yeah, yeah, well... (CHUCKLES)

I just wanted to, uh, you know.

Yeah, I know.
What kind do you want?

I do everything.

"Everything."
What a wonderful word.

(LAUGHS)

I can even get a friend if you
really wanna have some fun.

No, no, that, uh...

Ooh, that ain't
gonna be necessary.

Hey, you know what?
How about some head?

Well, I guess you do
know what you want.

Yeah, yeah.

It ain't for me. It's for him.

He's only got one eye.

(LAUGHS) Oh, lord, he gives
me such trouble sometimes.

Be careful now. He kinda swell
up when you make him mad.

Poke you in the forehead.

Hard to go to work with a big
dick scuff mark on your head.

So you just be cool.
(BOTH LAUGHING)

You know, wait, wait.

(SIGHS)

You change your mind?
You want something different?

Oh, no, no.

Look, I can't do this.

You're a beautiful girl,
but I'm here with you,

and all I'm thinking is that.

I wish you were my wife.

A man can't make his dick do
what his heart can't handle.

That is very profound.

That'll be $50.

$50 for almost doing something?

You must be a Republican.

(MONEY RUSTLING)

But I like your style.

Thanks.

Oh, shut up.

Oh!

Whoa! Wait here!
Wait, wait, don't go.

What's up, D? Did you do it?

Nah, nah, I couldn't do it.

Couldn't do what? Nothing.

Uh, look, I'm gonna
go hang out in front.

Please, tell me
he couldn't do her.

He's not talking about that
thing that walked outta here.

Good lord. Mmm-mmm-mmm.

This is what I'm talking about right here.
This is it, man.

This is nice of your dad
to let us use his place, too.

What a party! A man
after my own heart.

Yo, damn. He's still
freaky, though, huh?

He got all the women
for the party, too.

Mmm. Dirty old bastard. (LAUGHS)

Did your girl get on your case about
coming here with all these women?

Brian, come on, man. This is me.
You know I handle mine, okay?

Don't lie to me, boy.

I ain't talking about it.
(BOTH LAUGHING)

(BOTH EXCLAIMING) Oh, baby!

I will beat your drunk ass, man.
This shit's Italian.

Man, I've just had a
little bit to drink, man.

Yeah, but you're drunk.
You're drunk.

Hey, I'm nice.

I'm nice. I've been thinking
about some stuff, Jack.

What do you think about this one?
Oh, that's good.

You know, if we didn't
need sex (GROANS)

we really wouldn't want women.

(LAUGHS) Man, you got issues.
You know that, right?

You just gotta
think about it, man.

Just think about what
I'm saying to you, baby.

You know, Brian, you're gonna have
to stop this cynical attitude.

You know what I'm saying? I mean,
look at me. I was a lost cause, man.

You know, I was having nightmares
and shit about commitment.

Uh-huh.

Then I met Denise, and she
turned my life around.

No, she turned
your ass out, Jack.

Hey, hey, call it what
you like, but I'm happy.

(CHUCKLES)

What about you, Brian?

(SCOFFS) I'm drinking,
man. I'm cool.

I just wanna have some
fun at this party.

We've only been here a couple of hours.
You know what I mean?

Hey, I'll meet you downstairs.

I'll see you in a sec.

Yeah. (SIGHS)

(PHONE RINGING)

(OVER ANSWERING MACHINE) Hey, this is Fred.
State your case.

(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)

Hi, Fred. It's Denise.

Thanks for being
so understanding.

I've decided to tell
Jackson about us.

Call me when you get
this message. Bye.

(RECEIVER CLICKS)

(DIAL TONE)

Hey, baby. You know,
I was hungry.

I thought we could
go get something to...

I heard the message you left
at my father's place tonight.

Jackson, I was gonna tell you.

Oh, you were gonna tell me. Oh, okay,
so, uh, so when were you gonna tell me?

On our honeymoon?

What about Father's Day? Does that
sound about right, Father's Day?

Give me a chance to explain.

There's no need to explain, okay,
'cause I know what happened.

It happened because
you're a woman

with no discretion
about herself,

uh, personally,
emotionally and sexually.

Did you just call me a ho?

Hey, hey, now,
I did not say that word.

But it does seem to be floating around
somewhere up in here, don't it?

Okay. Okay, look. You have every
right to be angry, Jackson.

But listen to me. Your
father and I got together

long before you
and I ever even met.

He is my father. It doesn't
matter when you slept together.

Oh, is that what you think?

Oh, come on now, okay. We slept together
on the first date, remember that?

Now, my father, he's an old-school player.
I know he hit it.

You don't know what the
hell you're talking about.

Oh, I don't know what
I'm talking about?

So what're you saying?
He didn't hit it?

Okay, Jackson,
let's not do this.

Let's not let this
come between us.

Come on now, Denise, all right?
It's real simple.

All you gotta say is, "No,
Jackson, he didn't hit it,"

or, "Yes, Jackson, he hit it."

(SCOFFS) You are so blinded
by your dislike for Fred

that you wouldn't believe a damn
thing I said to you anyway.

Fred?

Okay, well, I think I just got
my answer about you and Fred.

Okay, you want an answer?

Yeah, I want an answer.
All right, here you go.

Fred and I met a long time ago,

went out on a few dates, but
we did not have sex, okay?

You didn't have sex? No.

Did you kiss him?

Yes. Oh, okay,

so now we're getting
somewhere. Okay, okay.

So did, uh... Oh, no, no. I'm not
about to be interrogated about this.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

You made a commitment to me for
the first time in your life.

What are you just gonna
walk away from all of that?

No. I'm walking away from
a woman who lied to me.

All right? Who
deceived and hurt me.

That's what I'm
walking away from.

I'm not gonna give you
what you want, Jackson.

I'm not gonna let
you just dump me.

Oh, you're not gonna
just let me dump you.

Okay, what, you wanna dump me?
Is that what you wanna do?

No. No. I'm gonna make you do
what's really in your heart.

I'm gonna make you love me.
(LAUGHS)

(STAMMERS) That's cute. That
little reverse psychology trick.

You know, but try that
on a brother with a GED.

All right? 'Cause it
gets none right here.

There's no trick to it,
Jackson. It's the truth.

You need me in your life just
as much as I need you in mine.

So, you can take me
with all of my flaws,

or we can just both
be miserable.

Hey.

Okay, look, I know that
you're scared, Jackson.

I know that every time someone has
said "I love you" in your life,

it's turned out bad.

Okay, now you don't know
what you're talking about.

Your mother,
all your old girlfriends.

Your father.

I know I should have told you about
all of this a long time ago.

But don't use that as an excuse
to go back to the way you were.

Come on. Please.

Let yourself out.

(LOVE DON'T LOVE ME PLAYING)

* Mmm-hmm, yeah

* All I ever needed
I could never find

* All I ever wanted
was to get it right

* Somebody tell me
what is wrong with me

* I wasn't sure
but I know now I believe

* That it must be

* Must be

* Love don't love me

* Don't love me

* Love don't love me

* Oh, why?

* I know exactly what
is missing in my life

* Something for sure and
something pure, maybe a wife

* But then I'm out the door
before the morning light.

(ALL SHOUTING) Oh!

* So I pray

(EXCLAIMING)

* I'm so afraid I'm
always gonna be this way

* Relationships only to pass
the time away (ARGUING)

* Fear of commitment
is a habit hard to break

* I must say

* Yeah

* All I ever needed
I could never find

* All I ever wanted
was to get it right

* Get it right

* Somebody tell me what is
wrong with me * Wrong with me

* I wasn't sure
but I know now I believe

* I believe

* That it must be What the fuck!

* It must be

* Love don't love me

* Love don't love me

* Don't love me

* All I ever wanted
was some happiness

* Happiness

* Take it to a level
that's above the rest

* I wanna know how
it's supposed to be

* I wanna feel something
real but I believe

* I believe

* That it must be

* It must be

* Love don't love me

* Love don't love me

* Love don't love me

* No, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey, Sheila,
open the door!

Hey, uh, my key don't work.

Yes. I changed the locks.
I don't know you anymore.

When you're the man that I
married, then you can come back.

Open the door, woman!
I live here, too!

Okay, how about you stay
here and I'll go call LAPD?

You know they're real sympathetic to
black men in domestic situations.

I'm not scared of
the police! Open the...

Boy, you... Woman, you
lucky I just got saved.

(HORN HONKING)

Shut the fuck up!

Hey. Hey.

What you doing all dolled up?

Well, you know how I am.

I wine 'em, I dine 'em,

and bam, it's all over.

(LAUGHS)

What you doing here?

I just stopped by for a minute.

Who you got coming over?

Now, instead of being
all up in my business,

how come you ain't out somewhere trying
to get back together with Denise?

Oh, believe me,
you don't wanna know,

'cause she is
definitely not the one.

Ooh, you looked just like your
daddy when you said that.

And you just found
a way to make me leave.

Your father's coming
by here tonight.

How long has this been going on?

Since your sister's party.

He came back to apologize
for bringing that girl.

And you know I was looking good.

Well, let me tell you
something about daddy

and your little
golden girl, Denise.

They had a thing together.

I know. You know?

And you don't care?

No.

'Cause nothing happened
between them.

It was before she met you.

And your father is charming and
handsome and all those things.

And did it ever occur to you
that she might have seen

the same qualities
in you, Jackson?

I can't believe she sucked you in
with that "nothing happened" stuff.

She's not the one who told me.

She tried, but I didn't let her.

Your father had already
told me everything.

Oh, nobody cared
enough to tell me.

(BOTH SIGH)

Well, what makes you think
that you can trust him

anymore than I can trust her?

He didn't have
to tell me, Jackson.

And I know him.

Mama, you're gonna have
to stop seeing Daddy.

And do what?

Hmm?

You're gone.
Your sister's leaving.

I'm throwing parties here every other
night just to have people around.

Your father and I are comfortable
with each other, Jackson.

And I do have my needs.

Oh, Mama, not the needs.

(LAUGHS)

Now, I know that
you still love him,

but you're gonna
have to let him go.

No. I won't let him go.

We had a marriage,
love and children.

And nothing is
stronger than that.

Okay, and then what?

He's gonna come around here and get you
all excited about getting back together.

And he's just gonna run and
break your heart again.

Maybe.

But I can handle that.

That girl loves you.

What you gonna do about it?

I gotta go.

DR. THELMA: So, do you
still think about her?

Yep, every day.

Do you still think that she and
your father were sexually intimate?

I don't know.

Probably not.

Well, if that's the case, then
why don't you go back to her?

Talk it out?

I just don't have it in me. You
know, I get too mad, too scared.

Let's explore that.

You know what, Doc? No offense, but
this is gonna be my last session.

You're giving up? I mean, I...

I know love's supposed
to be this beautiful thing,

but I just can't get with it.

I go up, love goes down.
I go left, love goes right.

I say I'm ready, love says, "Not yet.
She dated your father."

Maybe there is love out there,
but it's running from me.

I can't keep chasing it.

Jackson.

Is that the kind
of existence you want?

Life without love in it?

MAN: Come on, baby!
Take it! Get up!

(ALL SHOUTING)

MAN: Damn!

You just got beat
by a girl for game.

My bad, man.

Yo man, you need a dress, man,
the way you've been playing.

Yo, D. Yo, kid, I'm sorry to
hear about you and Sheila, man.

Yeah, well, I was, too,
but that's life.

No, man, that's just women.

Oh, come on. Oh, come on.
Shut up.

Come on, man, they always trying
to jam up a brother like that,

and they always complain
like we're the bad guys,

writing all those man-hating
books like Waiting to Exhale.

But check this out.
I'm gonna write a book.

It's called Breathe, bitch.
(EXHALES) Uh-uh, man.

Boy, you are retarded.

You always gotta use that word
like it's synonymous with women?

I use the word 'cause
it applies, man.

You need to check yourself.

How many times I gotta tell ya?

You better start showing
the ladies some love, man.

I mean, come on, all the
shit you be doing, (LAUGHS)

you ain't got no business
calling women names, man.

Oh, really? Really.

Bitches, by Terry White.

Oh, no, no, no. Not the poem.

That was like when
I was 10 years old, B.

(CLEARS THROAT)

"I would trade my life.

"And all its riches.

"To rid my life
of all the bitches.

"To watch a game
Just eating and drinking.

"To say, 'Yo get out of my face'

"When she asks
'Baby, what you thinking?'"

(CHUCKLING)

"To hang with my boys.

"And not worry a bit.

"To get me a little ass
and get on with my shit.

(IN SPANISH ACCENT) "To have a good
life, baby. Free from affliction.

"Barefoot, pregnant and in
the motherfucking kitchen."

Okay, you are stupid.

"But, hey They got the booty.

"Now, that's the hitch."

"And us without them
Now ain't that a bitch?"

There are issues.
Thank you very much.

(HOOTING) I know you're
feeling me right now.

I know y'all feeling
me right now.

You know, you will never
work for Hallmark that way.

(LAUGHS)

Where have you been?
I mean, I'm going crazy.

Okay, just calm down and
tell me what's going on.

I don't know. I think she's having some
kind of a fit. I think it's about Daddy.

See, I knew it. I'm gonna
put an end to this shit.

ALL: Surprise!

(MAN HOOTING)

Oh, I'm sorry, big brother.

(ALL CHEERING)

It was so easy to fool you.

(LAUGHING) That's because
you getting old, baby boy.

Your mind is the
first thing to go.

And you know what
goes after that.

Happy birthday, baby. Aw!

Happy birthday, Son.

All right.

J, J, J, J, where's your walker, man?
Where's your walker, man?

Oh, man, what's up?
Happy birthday, man.

Oh, wait. Something done fell out.
Don't hurt him.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Get you some of them blue slacks
that's tight in the front.

* You like what I like

* I like what you like

* You hurt if I hurt

* If I were like you were.

Hey, you okay, Son?

You been moping
around all night.

If I didn't know any better, I'd think you
were having an early mid-life crisis.

Something like that.

(CHUCKLES)

Hell, I'd trade places
with you in a heartbeat.

Shoot. Wait till you
get to be my age.

That's when your body
really starts to go crazy.

(LAUGHS) You start losing
the hair on your head

and growing it in your nose.

Why didn't you tell
me you dated Denise?

She asked me not to.

I mean, you seemed
to like Denise,

and I didn't see any reason
for me to stand in the way.

I believe you young guys call
that, uh, "player-hating."

Look, why don't we
talk about this later,

after everybody's gone, okay?

Why don't we talk about why
you're sleeping with my mother?

Louise and I have an arrangement.
That's all.

Damn it, Son. I'm sorry, okay?

That's the first thing you've
said all night that I agree with.

'Cause you know what I realized?
I'm just like you.

'Cause I can't do right
by a woman either.

Okay.

Okay.

I deserved that.

I mean, I haven't been much of
a friend or a father lately.

I know that.

See, I hate it when you do that.

When I do what? Rationalize
your faults like that.

Can't you just have one moment
of shame about your shit?

What has gotten into you? You.
That's what's gotten into me.

I inherited your eyes, your nose
and your ugly contempt for women.

You don't mean that, Son.
Oh, oh, yes, I do.

You broke up this family with your
arrogance and your selfishness.

Somehow it's just
gotten into me.

It's been a long night, Jack.

I think you've had a little
too much to drink...

You know what,
get out of my face.

I don't wanna talk
to your ass anymore.

No, no, Son. I'm talking to you.

Because you've been drinking,

I'm gonna pretend
I didn't hear that.

Really? Really.

Stay the fuck out my life.

Did you hear that?

Let me tell you something, boy.

I am still your father.
And you do not talk...

LOUISE: Fred. Hey, Fred.

Come on. Dance with me, baby.

(LAUGHS) Hey! Come on, now.

* You say you love me, lady

* Girl, I hope you do

* Only you can save me

* My life equals you

* Kiss me, drive me crazy.

All right, baby.

* Would you do
that for me, lady?

* Lady

* You say you want my babies *

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

So Terry's not coming?

Nah. He, uh... He
hooked up with BeBe.

They're meeting with the
wedding planner tonight.

See, it's starting already.

See, you put your boys
on the back burner.

Then more and more,
you just don't care.

The next thing you know, you're
wearing an apron, washing dishes

and you got a feather
duster up your ass.

Why do all your stories end with a
feather duster up somebody's ass?

What is... Ah, this guy.

Don't listen to him.

Ah, damn. Hey, look, Jack,

turn around slowly and
look who just walked in.

Hi, guys.

Denise. Hey, um,

you wanna go somewhere and talk?

No, and I don't really think
that's gonna be a good idea.

Ooh.

This is Ceyno.

Ceyno, that's Jackson, uh,

Derrick, and that
would be Brian.

Denise, I see our
people, honey. Let's go.

Oh, that's right.

You know what? Nice to
see you guys again.

He's not her type. Is he white?

Look, she's just
trying to get me mad,

(SCOFFS) but I'm
not even stressing out.

No, no, I think he's Asian.

You know what, it's the oldest
trick in the book, right?

She brings some other cat up in here.
She don't care about you.

I pretend like she don't care about me.
I'm not buying it.

Maybe he's Latino
or one of them Indians.

What difference does it
make what race he is?

So Jack could know how
pissed off he should be.

But Jackson is
not mad, all right?

I just wanna go talk
to him for a minute.

Whoa, whoa, scooter.
Come on, now. Hey, hey.

Don't do that, man. That's what
she wants you to do, Jack.

Yeah. Besides, the boy might know karate.
Right, Brian?

Very funny, Derrick. You know
what we should do, fellas?

There's a lot of
ladies up in here.

Let's get our little party on.
You're right about that.

I'm feeling you with
that right there.

DERRICK: Hey, uh, you know,

it is an epidemic in here.

Check this out. What?

Oh, I know she didn't
just diss me like that.

Coming up in here with Amistad.

(IN AFRICAN ACCENT)
Give us free.

This joint is hot
tonight, let me tell you.

Hey, that's it. I'm out.
Can we get this check?

Okay, it's coming.

No, man, I ain't leaving.

Jesse ain't running
me out of here.

You know what I just realized?
I am separated from my wife

and yet I'm doing better
than both of you two.

(LAUGHING) BOTH: Shut
the fuck up, all right?

Don't me mad at me. I didn't
tell y'all to do this.

Well, all right. The separation
agreement is complete.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Hey, what's up, man?
You all right?

No. No, I'm not all right.

What's going on, man?
Talk to me.

Hey, have a drink.

(GROANS)

Terry, no, man, no.

J, man, look, I can't do it.

(SIGHS) I can't do it, J.

Look, I was cool
until a few days ago.

But, man, I was at work.
I looked at the calendar.

I realized this wedding
is two weeks away, man.

Two weeks.

Nah, man, I can't. I'm making
a big mistake marrying BeBe.

It's just cold feet, man.
You'll get over that.

Mmm-mmm, it's not cold feet.

I'm telling you.
I'm not ready, J.

Terry, why? You're supposed to
have your shit together, man.

I know.

J, I did, man. I did.

You know, I thought it was time.
You know what I'm saying?

I don't know, man.
I think I was doing this

'cause I was trying
to make myself believe

I could move on with my life.

But, man, every time
I looked in the mirror,

I realized that
shit wasn't true.

So how did BeBe take
it when you told her?

You didn't tell her? Yeah, I told her, J.
Of course I told her,

when I left her a message
on her machine, man.

On her answering machine?

Terry, you left a message
on her answering machine?

Yeah, yeah, I left
her a message, man.

Why don't you back off
me just a little bit?

Hey, don't scream at me, okay?
This is your fucked-up shit.

(SIGHS) All right, I...
My bad. My bad.

Look, she already
heard the message.

She called me 10 times today.

Man, you got anything
stronger than this shit here?

You know what?
I'm calling the fellas.

No, no, don't call nobody, man.

Hey, at a time like this, you
need to be with your boys.

J, don't call Brian
'cause I already know

what his sorry ass is gonna say.

(LAUGHS) I knew it.
I knew it. I knew it.

Whoo!

Brian, fuck you.

I'm sorry, Terry, but I did, man.
I know you.

You don't wanna
get married. Come on.

And the way you dropped her on the
answering machine, that was brilliant.

Move on, Brian. Have some
sympathy for the man.

Hey, hey, hey, Terry?
I know how you feel.

Look, um, I never
told you fellas this,

but the only reason I married
Sheila was 'cause she was pregnant.

Oh, we knew that. Come on, man.

All right, look, the point is,

we fell in love later
and the shit was good.

Yeah, I had second thoughts,
thirds and fourths, too.

Terry, you've got to search your soul and
find a reason to go back to that girl.

BRIAN: Derrick, please. How can you even
say that after what Sheila did to you?

All right, all right,
so I made a mistake.

But I made that
mistake like a man.

I stood up for what
was right at the time,

and Terry here
should do the same.

No, no, see, then he'd be
cheating BeBe and himself.

You need to think
about this, Terry.

Come on, Jack. What kind
of friends are you two?

Terry's gotta do
the right thing here.

Terry needs to run like hell.

You need to shut your woman-hating ass up.
Yo, yo, yo.

(ALL ARGUING)

I'm just telling the truth, man.
Brian.

My bad, my bad, my bad. I'm gonna
do this for Jack, all right? Cool.

You know what? I apologize.
I'm sorry.

Yeah, me, too.

Denise dated my father
before we hooked up.

Goddamn! Ooh, shit!

Get outta here, J. For real?

Denise boned your father?

No. She said it was just a date,
but, uh, she kept that shit from me.

When I found out,
I couldn't take it.

I just had to cut her loose.

Yo, man. I don't
blame you for that.

Yeah, but I thought I had something
special with Denise, you know?

I lost it.

Ain't no loss, Jack. If she
boned your father, she's a ho.

Man, what the fuck
is wrong with you?

(ALL ARGUING) What are
you talking about?

Yo, B, this is your boy.
Show some respect.

I'm just keeping it real, man.

Why I can't speak my mind?

I got shit to say
out here tonight.

You ignorant, man. Forget it, man.
Whatever, man.

Whatever. I mean, you know what, Jack?
I apologize, all right?

Anybody else got
some revelations?

My wife wouldn't go down on me.

What? Shut up.

You might wanna
keep that to yourself.

TERRY: Get the hell out of here.

Look, either the relationship
wasn't strong enough

or she didn't care, but
either way, I got dry dick.

I'm telling you, I'm
scared to zip up my pants,

I'll fuck around and go
off like a firecracker.

Yo, that's irreconcilable
differences for your ass.

BRIAN: They gotta start putting
that straight in the wedding vows.

I mean, love, honor, obey
and slob the damn knob.

For sure.

Hey, yo, fellas, you know what?
I've been doing some thinking.

We come out here,
we talk a whole lot of shit,

complaining about the honeys,

what they want,
what they don't want.

I mean, you know, maybe the
ladies ain't the problem.

You know what I'm saying?
Maybe we're the problem.

(SCOFFS) Get out of here, man.

What the hell type of shit
are you talking about?

Just feel me on this, D.

All I'm saying is maybe we need

to check our own shit
just a little bit.

If you don't come your
shabbado-for-electric- boogaloo ass on.

Hey, whatever. You go home and spank
your monkey. That's some lonely shit.

That's why you got desert dick.

JACKSON: So, how's
BeBe doing, man?

She's terrible.

I think she came by the apartment
this morning, crying and screaming.

I mean, carrying on.

Man, I had to run out the back
door just to avoid her ass.

She was acting
all kind of crazy, J.

Well, I can't blame her,
Mr. Telephone Man.

You probably called her ass
collect, too, didn't you?

You ain't funny, man.
Shut up. (LAUGHS)

Then she followed
my black ass to work.

Had me hiding out
in the janitor's closet.

You're gonna have to stop doing
that shit, man. I'm serious.

You owe that woman the respect of telling
her face-to-face what the deal is.

Man, I know this and I will,
but you not hearing me.

BeBe was on some
different shit, J.

Look, I'm gonna talk to her,
but she needs to chill out.

I just need a little
more time, that's all.

Yeah, a little time. All right.

Yo, man, we're gonna get carjacked in
a minute. Where are you taking me?

Man, we got to get Brian's issued ass.
For what?

Man, his car is all jacked up.

Shit, you know how many
times I told his punk ass

to move up out
this neighborhood?

Nah, it's not the
neighborhood, man.

Some woman is stalking him.

Get the fuck out of here.
No. Yes, I'm serious.

And the messed-up
part about it, man,

he's messed over so many women,

he don't even know
which one it is.

SHEILA: Ooh, ugly! Ugly! Ugly!

These are not photos
I put in my magazine.

I don't know where
you got these from.

Hire a good photographer. You're
in charge of hiring that.

Could you guys excuse me
for a minute? Thank you.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I just, uh, thought
I'd come by and say hi.

No reason we can't
be civil to each other.

Hey, for what it's worth, I'm sorry
about all those nasty things I said.

I mean, we gotta be around
each other for the baby,

so, uh, I was hoping we could
be adults about it when we do.

All right.

I went out last weekend with
my girlfriends to a club.

Kind of a freedom
celebration-type thing.

Freedom?

I don't think
I should hear this.

(STAMMERS) And this
guy asked me to dance.

What guy? Just some guy
and he asked me to dance

and I just started crying.
It freaked him out.

Then, you know, my girlfriends told
me it was natural to feel that way.

And then they started telling
me stories about their exes.

And, baby, these women have been disrespected
in ways you couldn't even imagine.

And I'm sitting there,
I'm thinking to myself,

"All my husband wanted
was to make love to me"

"and to take care
of his mother,"

and I just felt so stupid.

What are you saying, Sheila?

I'm saying I was wrong, Derrick.

And I love you so much.

You mean the world to me, and I didn't
realize how much that was worth.

You know, I...

I tried to hurt you by
bringing Mama to live with us

without talking it
over with you.

Yes, you did.

Hey, I apologize.

Okay.

And if it's okay with you,

can I be your husband again?

Oh, baby, I forgot how cute
you are when you get mushy.

(MOANING)

Okay, wait, wait. Go lock the door.
Lock the door.

Lock the door.

Don't you threaten me
with a good time.

(BOTH MOANING)

(PANT UNZIPS)

Oh, shit.

(EXCLAIMS) Hell, no.

Jack.

(LAUGHING) Oh, wow!

(KNOCK ON DOOR) TERRY: B!

Goddamn.

What's up, fellas?

Hey, I like the paint job, man.

Yeah, it's kind of sweet, kid.

Come on, man. You always in your drawers.
Get dressed.

All right, man. Let
me get out this suit.

You gotta get a maid.

For real.

Hey, I had one.
It didn't work out.

You had sex with her,
didn't you?

Uh, she was fine.

(GUNSHOT)

Get down, get down, get down!

B, I told you to move
out the damn projects.

Why you yelling at me, man?

I ain't the nut out there
shooting up the neighborhood.

Hey, you guys need to stop
arguing and call the cops.

BEBE: Terry!

I wanna talk to you, honey.

That's your bitch.

(GUNSHOT)

Oh, my God. That is BeBe, man.

Your woman's trying to kill us?

Terry, go out there
and talk to her.

What am I going to tell her?

How many bullets to put in my ass?
I ain't going nowhere.

Man, I ain't going
out like no punk.

I'm gonna go out there and let
that girl know how I feel.

(GUNSHOT)

It feels better right here.

Man, how many times I told you

she won first place
in a marksman contest?

Great. You have to go piss off
the bitch from The Matrix.

BEBE: Terry, come on, baby. I...

(GUNSHOTS)

Love...

You.

What the hell's going on?

We gonna be here all day.

Nah, somebody had to hear them damn shots.
They'll call the police.

In this neighborhood?
Are you crazy?

A gunshot's like a doorbell.

Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I'm gonna go talk to her.

What?

Look, if she wanted to shoot us,

she would have shot us by now.

I'm gonna go out there
and talk her down.

BRIAN: Are you sure?
Yeah, I'm sure.

J, wait a minute. Wait.

Damn, look, I got us in this
mess, I'm gonna get us out.

No. No, no, Terry. She is mad at you.
I'll do it.

Cool.

What?

(SIGHS)

TERRY: Be careful, Jack.

BEBE: Terry, baby!

BRIAN: What the hell is
she doing here, Terry?

TERRY: She's been following me
around all week. She's bugging out.

BeBe.

BeBe.

Hey... Oh!

Damn.

It's me, Jackson.

I don't want you, Jackson.
I want Terry!

All right, BeBe, just listen
to me for a minute, okay?

Terry, get your weak ass out here
before I shoot your friend's dick off!

Hey, hold... Hey, wait.

Listen, now, you don't wanna do
something you're gonna regret.

Now, listen, BeBe,
I know how you feel.

Men don't know shit.

No, I do know.

See, right now, (STAMMERS) you're
feeling like you're nothing.

(COCKS GUN)

Oh, okay.

Look, see, you look
out into the world

and all you can see is just
the person that you want,

the love that you
thought was yours.

See, I know because I've made
women feel that way, BeBe.

And for the first time,
it's come back on me.

It made Denise leave me.

See, I let all my problems
and all my bullshit

blind me for something I've been
looking for my entire life.

Now I feel like somebody dropped
a mountain on my heart.

What the fuck
you talking about, Jack?

I'm talking about love, BeBe.

Now, if you really love
Terry, and I know you do,

then losing you will hurt him more
than anything that you could ever do.

But he's got to find
that out for himself.

Okay?

So just...

It's... It's okay.

It's okay.

All right?

Just give me the gun.

It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay.
All right?

(SOBBING)

It's gonna be okay.

It'll be okay.

(SIGHS)

BeBe, I'm sorry.

BeBe, I'm sorry.

Y'all know who
gonna fix this shit?

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

* Baby, all I wanna know

* Is how you came to love me so

* 'Cause every time
I look at you

* I can see it in your eyes

(GUESTS CHEERING)

* What did I do

* To be worthy of you

* I guess it was meant to be

* You and me

* Please hold out your hand

* I hope you do understand

* There's nothing in this
world that I really need

* Except your company.

Thank you.

* You're my dream come true

* And I'll spend
my life with you *

Man, I thought
I'd never see this day.

Me neither.

But I'm loving it.

Yeah, me, too.

Well, I'm gonna
go meet some men.

No use wasting the dress.
You know what I'm saying?

No, wait a minute.
Hey, wait. Hold...

(SIGHS)

Something else.

Hey, Son.

I just wanted to, uh, say thank you
before it got all crazy around here.

Thank you for what?

Let's just say you, uh,

woke me up,

helped me to turn my eyes back
to what's important in life.

You know, they say, uh, a father
should be wiser than his son.

I'm just glad this time
it turned out not to be true.

LOUISE: Oh, look at this.
Look at this.

(LAUGHS)

I love when my men
are affectionate.

Aw! Oh!

Gotta do this again, man.

Yeah.

Oh!

I love you, Ma. I love you, too.

Yo, what's up? Hey, man.
Your brother's getting big.

Yeah, yeah. You know what?

I finally talked my mom into letting
him stay with me, too, man.

Cool. Yeah.

Hey, well, J, you the
man of the hour.

Moms and pops are doing their thing.
You got to be feeling pretty good.

JACKSON: Yeah, man.

Congratulations, Big Jack.
That's how you do it.

Man, I'm looking at
your dad and your mom.

I'm just like, "Man, I can't
believe he's doing it again."

I mean, look at him.
He looks happy, don't he?

B... I'm just saying.

(BOTH LAUGH)

DERRICK: Just like me and mine.

I don't wanna brag,
but let's just say

a young brother's getting
all he can stand these days.

ALL: Whoa!

Back up off me now.

TERRY: That's my man. Let's
have a brother's toast on that.

You know, I gotta hold out, man.

I gotta go find BeBe, make sure
she's not having any flashbacks.

You know what I mean? I'm
gonna go give her some love.

Wait a minute. Hey, Sheila,
get away from BeBe.

We don't need them
kind of problems.

I see a little something special
right there that I need to talk to.

Oh, okay, right.
So, can you handle this?

I got it, man. Do your thing.

I'll talk to you later.
All right.

(CHUCKLES)

(INDISTINCT)

Excuse me.

Uh, may I fill your glass?
You sure can.

DENISE: On that note, I'm gonna
go get something to drink.

SHEILA: Get me
another champagne.

Honey, if I had a gun the
time I married Derrick...

MAN: Ooh!

Denise.

Hey.

I need to talk to you.

You know, I don't wanna
do this, Jackson, right now.

And the only reason I'm here is
'cause your mom asked me to come.

Okay, wait, wait, wait. I have to
tell you what's been happening to me.

Okay, now, it took me
a while to get it,

but I found out where
we both went wrong.

So now it's your turn
to give me a chance.

I'm sorry. I can't.

Okay, wait.

You said you were gonna
make me love you. Remember?

You were right.

No. No, Jackson, I was wrong.

You know, I was wrong about the whole
thing. And it's too late anyway.

Look, I gotta go, and there's
no more cake left anyway.

Wait. Just...

You can have mine.

It's good?

That's maybe the best thing
I've ever eaten in my life.

I don't know.
Maybe we can talk...

(BRIAN CLEARING THROAT)

Like we ain't right here. Hello.

Hello.

Do you need a minute?

Uh-huh. Yes.

Yeah. But don't
go too far, okay?

Never.

Oh, there they go.

Here we go.

Sprung!

Hello, hello.

Hey, Jackson, what the
hell was that, bro?

You know what, Brian? You wouldn't
understand. Let's do this.

All right, come on, now.
What y'all wanna drink to?

To love. No question.

Oh, hell, no. Do something else.

Here it is. I got it.
To us, fellas.

Yeah. To the brothers.

ALL: To the brothers!

* Your love is so magnificent

* A true love

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

* I thank God every day
You're heaven-sent

* It's you

* Stop chasing them skirts
till I'm back to work

* Stopped hanging at the club
Even went to church

* It's you

* And I just wanna
describe your love

* Oh, yeah, girl

* Like a hot summer day
with the windows down

* Got the top dropped
with my friends around

* That's how good

* That's how good
your love feels to me

* Yeah

* Yeah

* Eatin' Mama's home cooking
Now I'm a whole man

* A 70s jam and a slow dance.

So, if I had a dick,
would you suck it?

Yes, I would suck your dick with a midget
and a throw pillow attached to my ass.

You know, I'm gonna go.
I gotta go give shit. Okay.

You gotta go shit. (LAUGHING)

See, it's all that messing with
them gold-digging booger bass.

That's what it is. (LAUGHS)

Try for big daddy. Come on now.

Just bob and weave on the
ball head, champion.

Girl, I would suck your dick
till your head caved in.

I reject my pussy. Say it again.

I reject my pussy. The pussy?

Say, "Hi, Barnabas." No.

(INDISTINCT)

Sheila, you got me hard as three
Jaguar payments. This is bullshit.

Yeah, early for a fuck,
late for everything else.

Girl, it's good
for your complexion.

You didn't think your mama's skin looks so
good 'cause she got Indian in her, do you?

Look, honey, I'll show
you my technique.

Okay, do it, do it, do it.

Give me that bottle.

(LAUGHING) I can't!

That ain't no firewood
you messing with.

Stop when you smell the smoke.

(WHOOPS) Misery is
a motherfucker, ain't it?

Girl, your mama
sucks so much dick,

she's got kneepads
sewn on all her dresses.

You could do it. Come on.

Don't be scared
of the one-eyed serpent.

(YELLS)

Yes, I would suck your dick wearing
a seventh-grade jockstrap,

doing the ham bone to the
theme from Green Acres.

You wouldn't have to use that
Noxzema if you do it right!

What? Oh!

You getting
some muscles, ain't ya?

If I had a picture of Queen Latifah taped
to my head and a sparkler in my ass.

Baby!

Oh! I'll be right back.

Your mama's a freak.

Hell, I'd have been your daddy,
but the line was too long.

Dead ho, question-mark ho.

Have a good time.

French? LOUISE: No, not French.
English!

You don't understand
none of that?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

I oughta kick that bitch's ass.

Eating a half bag of Pop Rocks

and watching the director's
cut of Dusty's Treehouse.

Hey, don't be scared. That ain't
no eclipse. It's just me.

(BOTH MOANING)

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

(MOANING)

Oh! Suki, suki now.

Anybody else got some refelat...

Anybody got some revelations?

I'm scared to zip up my pants. I will
fuck around and start to spark...

(MUMBLING) What I'm
saying is, my dick...

(LAUGHING)

Oh, thanks for coming.
Oh, that was lovely.

* G-L-O-V-E

* You need somebody
to lay it down

* Grab you by the your hair and
show you exactly where to go

* Lay it down

* Don't stop, move it fast
Tap that ass

* I say, nigga, take it slow

* Lay it down

* Talk to ya, walk with ya
Through every single motion

* Lay it down

* I mean, all the way down

* Leave a player
like you wide open

* No, I never had that before

* So if you out here
that's what I'm looking for

* 'Cause I keep getting
these girls with no energy

* I try to tell 'em what to do
but they don't listen to me

* I'm good on top
That's what they say

* I wanna do it in your drop
That's what they say

* I bet I'll make you say stop
That's what they say

* Once you get 'em in the sack
there won't be none of that

* It'll be a whole lot
of backing away

* A whole lot of acting and not
enough play for this Boy J

* What I need in my life is a
wife that have the house jumping

* Like the gentlemen's club
on Monday night

* When I come home,
honey doing tricks

* She doing back flips
with no lights on

* Meet me at the door
with the double G

* Saying, "If you're free!"

* You need somebody
to lay it down

* Grab you by the your hair and
show you exactly where to go

* Lay it down

* Don't stop, move it fast
Tap that ass

* I say, nigga, take it slow

* Lay it down

* Talk to ya, walk with ya
Through every single motion

* Lay it down

* I mean, all the way down

* Leave a player
like you wide open

* You need somebody
to lay it down

* Grab you by the your hair and
show you exactly where to go

* Lay it down

* Don't stop, move it fast
Tap that ass

* I say, nigga, take it slow

* Lay it down

* Talk to ya, walk with ya
Through every single motion

* Lay it down

* I mean, all the way down

* Leave a player
like you wide open *