Original subtitles

(GUNSHOT)

What do you think your dreams mean, Jackson?

They're about relationships, commitments.

Do you think a commitment with a woman is death?

Yeah. Yeah, right. See, you meet somebody, right?

You guys are having a good time,

you're vibing with each other,

then love drags its ass up into it, you know?

(LOVE DON'T LOVE ME PLAYING)

* Time

* I still don't know the reason after all this time.

What do you think women want from you?

Well, that's easy. They want money, multiple orgasms

and beautiful shoes that don't hurt like hell.

(CHUCKLES) That's really sexist,

except for the part about the shoes.

* Something happens every time I get a chance

* I feel the rhythm but I just don't know the dance

* I want to move with you but something holds me back

* I'm holding back, yeah

* All I ever needed I could never find

I'll be 29 on my next birthday.

Why does that bother you?

'Cause it's one step from the big 3-0.

You see, I... I can't keep blaming

my lack of a serious relationship on being a kid anymore, you know?

I broke up with three women in the last two months,

and that... That's not too cool.

* Someone teach my heart to fall In love again

* That all I have to fear is fear itself.

Maybe you should become celibate.

Put the physical behind your greater spiritual self.

Uh, yeah, sorry, Doc, but my greater spiritual self needs the booty.

(MAN VOCALIZING)

* Oh, why?

* Yeah

I have an assignment for you.

I want you to get back out there and date some more.

In fact, try to meet a woman tonight.

Oh, no, I'm shooting hoops with the fellas tonight.

Then we hang. It's kinda like a weekly tradition.

Then, do it whenever.

But next time, open up your heart to her.

Try being a friend before you become a lover.

Okay. I think I can handle that.

* It must be

* Love don't love me

* Love don't love me

* Love don't love me

* No, it don't love me.

JUDGE: Motion to suppress, denied.

Motion for evidentiary hearing, denied.

Motion for continuance, denied.

All of my motions denied, Your Honor. May I ask why?

Your affidavit wasn't based on credible facts.

This court will not tolerate that.

Motions denied.

(GAVEL STRIKES BENCH)

Thank you, Your Honor.

(WHISPERS) Bitch.

What did you say?

(METAL DOORS CLOSING)

(BUZZER BUZZES)

WOMAN: Come on, Shawshank. Let's go.

The judge is springing you.

(CHUCKLES) It's about goddamn time.

That woman is crazy.

Come on.

You're lucky you ain't working for her cranky ass.

Yes, Sheila, I am meeting the brothers after work for our game.

Yes, (STAMMERS) we are going to the club afterwards.

Now, how's my baby gonna miss me when she's gonna be asleep?

SHEILA: (YELLING) What if I ran the streets like some little hood rat?

I have a job, too, you know.

You shouldn't talk like that. You need Jesus.

Uh, these are your European earnings reports that just came in.

Mmm, lovely. I'll look at them tonight.

Um, is there anything else I can do for you?

No, Sandra, thank you. I'm straight.

Nothing?

No, (STAMMERS) I'm straight. Nothing at all?

I'm cool. I'm cool. Take care of yourself, okay?

(PHONE RINGING) Yes. Terry White.

Hey, baby.

Yeah, I'm packing up right now to get outta here.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's all set for tonight.

Hey, baby, you got nothing to worry about.

I got... Oh, shit! Baby, I gotta go.

Sandra, Sandra, please. We are in an... No!

Okay, she's gonna need to take her medicine and, uh, keep her throat warm.

Oh, thanks.

So, Doctor, would you like to meet my sister?

She's really great.

Um... Uh...

I'm kind off the market right now.

Hey! You ain't got time for me now, huh?

What? You had time to have sex with me.

Now, all of a sudden you're busy.

(INDISTINCT YELLING)

(SIGHS)

* Yeah, I got my bag

* That Big Brother B got my bag

* Yeah, you know we got it like that

* Yeah, come on, get my bag.

See ya.

* Yeah, I got my bag

(MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(WHOOPING)

Oh! Yeah!

Yo, Derrick, I'm telling you,

I did not think you saw me on that angle.

I do what I can, baby. I do what I can.

That was luck. It won't happen again.

(CHUCKLING)

Y'all wanna hear some crazy shit that happened to me today?

What's up?

I'm packing up my stuff, getting ready to come out here with y'all, right?

I turn around and there's this temp standing in front of me.

I'm not gonna lie. She was banging.

This girl rushes me and jumps on my shit, man.

What? Can a brother get an application?

Oh, this nigga lying. He's lying. Hey, D,

how long you know me, baby? (ALL LAUGHING)

I don't lie about my shit.

All right. That shit happens to me all the time.

So how was it, Terry? (LAUGHS)

I didn't do it. (SCOFFS)

Hey, what, are you AC Green now?

TERRY: Hey, that ain't funny, but I'm serious, man.

I lectured her ass about compromising a brother at work,

and then I just walked away.

I'm sorry, I would have waxed that ass all over the office.

There would have been Xeroxes of my nuts on everybody's desk.

Yeah, but see, the problem is you need help, bro.

(LAUGHS) You nasty.

No, see, me and my girl, BeBe, we got something solid.

I mean, it feels real good.

So I'm gonna make a declaration right here, right now.

From this moment forward, I'm a one-woman man.

(SCOFFS) Come on, Terry, after just two months of dating?

I mean, that's gotta be some kind of record for being whipped.

Oh, wait a minute. I know you're not talking about being whipped.

Come on, Terry, we know you, man. You can't change.

I mean, what about when you was talking to the girl and her mom,

and then they both found out? I remember that.

Okay, you know what, you can laugh if you want to.

I'll admit it, I did it. But that was a long time ago.

I'm not like that anymore. You know what?

If you're changing, Terry, I'm changing, too.

It's about time. As of right now, I'm through with sisters.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, here we go again.

Come on, that's a broken record. I'm serious this time, man.

I mean, you know Carla, right? The judge?

She locked me up because she's an evil, bitter, black woman.

Okay, Brian, Brian, did you forget that you had sex with her,

you dumped her and then you called her a bitch in the courtroom?

Did you forget that? So what's your damn point, man?

That maybe she had a few other reasons to do what she did.

The boy's ignorant. No.

All the sisters I deal with bring me drama.

No matter what you do, it ain't good enough for 'em.

I'm tired of the fake hair.

Oh, and excuse me, that's my baby's father. The excess weight.

It's like they're giving out government cheese sandwiches

with fake hair and babies. (GROANS)

Now, what does that tell you?

Man, that tells me that you're a dumb-ass, man. Wake up.

You give up on sisters, you're giving up on yourself.

Word! Hold up. Hold up.

I think Brian may have a point.

Thank you. Whoa, whoa, hey!

Come on, Jack. A woman's color doesn't matter.

It's what's inside that counts. Ah, see?

Now, did your wife tell you that before or after

she unscrewed your dick and put it in her purse?

TERRY: Don't listen to him, D. Don't listen to him.

We here, Jack. No, no, no, we're not there.

I'm not going out on the sisters like you, Brian, okay?

My thing is, see, I just haven't found the right one.

Just gotta look harder, you know.

See, now I can dig that. What I'm saying, though, fellas,

let's keep it real.

We're single, black, professional men.

We're the cream of the crop, right?

And I got to keep it real for you, Brian.

We are the cream of the crop.

You the black sticky shit on the bottom of the barrel.

(ALL LAUGHING) My point is, fellas,

that we deserve the best.

And right now, the sisters ain't up to the job.

Oh, no, no, see you're wrong. That's why when I met Sheila, I just snapped her right up.

BRIAN: That and she got pregnant on your ass.

That's true, D. That's true. DERRICK: No, no, no, no, no.

It didn't have nothing to do with that.

We were gonna get married anyway 'cause we were in love.

Love. Now there is a word you should look up in the dictionary.

It's after "ignorant" and just before "stupid," stupid.

(LAUGHS) (ALL HOOTING)

* I'm trying to get it fun tonight

* Whoa

* Was it any fun tonight?

* Whoa

* I wanna tear it up tonight

* Whoa.

We'll be at the bar.

Where's Terry? He's missing.

Probably went back to work to work on that little temp if he's smart.

No, no, he will be here. Trust me. He will be here.

Oh, damn.

Come on, B, why'd you do that?

I told you I'm done with them.

Hey, man, she looks kinda cool.

Just go and work your Brian magic, man.

(SIGHS) You want me to work it? Work it.

All right. All right. Check it out. Check it out.

Um, excuse me. I'm sorry about that little thing over there.

Mmm-hmm. I had the worst day in court. Oh.

Oh, so you're a lawyer. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I used to work for a lawyer. Really?

Yep. Cool. Hey, I'm Brian.

I'm LaMuzindah.

La Moo what? LaMuzindah.

Ah. It means, "Goddess of light."

Oh, okay. Cool. You know, do your thing.

You know what? You just look so... So nurturing to me.

Hmm. Do you have any kids, you know?

Oh, um, well, actually, I do.

You wanna see some pictures of Tanesha and Tenaka?

I got 'em right here. Just one second. I'm gonna get them.

No, no. Slow down with the kids.

Have a nice evening.

Tanesha and Tenaka.

The defense rests, fellas.

Forget you, then.

(CLEARS THROAT) Fellas, fellas, fellas. Sorry I'm late.

Excuse me, bartender. I need some of your best champagne

and five glasses to go around.

Champagne? Yes, yes.

It's always so crowded in here.

Yo, Terry, it's nice of you to bring a date.

Right, right. Well, listen up.

Tonight is a little different.

Ready to do this? Mmm-hmm.

BeBe and I...

We're getting married. Pow!

(TERRY AND BEBE LAUGH)

Okay. Whoa.

Hey, hey, hey, Terry, look, congratulations, baby.

Hey, good luck. Oh, thank you.

Congratulations, T. Thank you, my man.

Damn, there goes my buzz.

Brian, what is your problem?

Now hold on, baby. It's okay. Let me get this.

Oh, I'm gonna slide on out y'all way. None of my business.

Look, Brian,

you and I, we have never liked each other.

Okay, that's cool, but understand this.

I will not take any shit off of you.

I'm at the gun range twice a week

and I'm licensed to correct a nigga.

TERRY: All right, come on now, baby.

I'm going to the ladies' room.

Did she just take my drink?

Yo, man, how you gonna diss my girl right in front of me like that?

Yo, Terry, I'm sorry, man. I was shocked.

Me, too. Shocked you didn't get your ass whipped.

Terry, you always were the one who said that you were gonna get married,

what, two minutes before you dropped dead. That's what you said.

Yeah, man, I do remember that, but that was a long time ago, man.

I have changed.

Look, fellas, I'm about to be 29 years old in a minute.

I think it's about time I settled down.

Wait, wait, now, 29, that's not old, though, right?

No, it's not old. But how long are you supposed to wait, man?

Wait a minute, I thought this is what we wanted.

Didn't we talk about this? You know, love, happiness and all that other shit.

Look, Al Green, love and happiness is one thing, my brother,

but we're talking about marriage here, man.

Take it from me. Marriage is not something you just jump into, Terry.

Eighty, I mean, you know, you're wearing a diaper, slobbering on yourself.

Jack, come on, man, you are not old.

Now will you shut your old ass up?

And two months is barely enough time

to know if the booty is right.

Whoa, whoa, stop all this nonsense.

What is this? Piss on Terry Night?

Now, come on, Terry, look, we're your friends.

We just want what's best for you.

No, no, no, wait, D, check this stuff.

BeBe is a good woman. I love this girl.

I'm sure you do, but, man... All right.

She does her own thing. She makes good money at the phone company.

She got a job, yeah. She got a job.

She's fine as hell. Hey, hey!

Nobody said nothing about that.

Thank you. Shit.

T, you're my boy. I love you. I'm happy for you.

Congratulations. That's what I'm talking about.

Thank you, J. Hey, me, too. Best of luck, baby boy.

TERRY: Appreciate that, D.

Yo, Terry, you know this is fucked up, right?

(LAUGHS) But you my man. Congratulations.

Congratulations, man.

(SCOFFS) I don't know why (LAUGHS)

but I'm gonna accept that stupid shit from you.

Now I see the champagne has arrived.

Now we do need to be drinking it.

Yeah, a toast. I got the toast.

To our boy, Terry, here

and his beautiful girl, wearing the hell out that red dress.

(LAUGHS) Okay! May they have love, happiness...

ALL: And all that other shit.

JACKSON: All right. ALL: All right.

Whee! Dr. Smith?

Dr. Smith? Dr. Smith! JACKSON: Hey! How you doing?

I went down the slide by myself.

JACKSON: Do you want a lollipop?

How is she doing? Is she feeling better?

(LAUGHS) She's doing much better. How you been?

I've been all right.

I was just wondering if maybe she...

Don't just stand there.

Do something.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING) Oh, that's good.

(CHUCKLING) That's perfect.

I like that.

Jackson Smith. How you doing?

I'm Denise.

Um, so what, do I have potential, or what?

So, you know that little girl, Jack?

Yeah, she's one of my patients.

I'm a doctor.

(LAUGHS) Why do you say it like that?

Like what? Like, (IMITATING) "I'm a doctor."

Like "I'm Zeus, king of the gods."

Oh, no, no, I didn't mean it that way.

I know you didn't. Um, I'm a freelance photographer.

But I guess you could see that.

An artist. I like that.

What does your boyfriend think about you being an artist?

That's smooth. But I, uh, don't have a boyfriend,

and I'm not looking for one.

Good, 'cause I don't have a girlfriend,

and I'm not looking for one.

Good.

(BOTH GRUNT)

(SIGHS) Oh, my God, girl. You are going to wear me out.

(GRUNTING) Don't you ever get tired?

Nope. (CHUCKLES) (EXHALING FORCEFULLY)

You know, I shouldn't even be doing this until after we get married.

I'm a good girl. (LAUGHS) (CHUCKLES)

Okay, good girl. That was real cute and everything,

but trust me, if you weren't giving me some loving,

we might not be getting married. Shut up, Terry!

I'm just keeping it real, but I got needs.

Yeah, you got needs.

Yeah, you know daddy's just playing with you.

(BOTH MOANING)

Mmm, you know what? What?

We need to get those invitations out in the next couple days.

Oh, and my parents are going to be flying in a few weeks before.

Oh, and the wedding planner needs to know how many... Hey, hey, hey!

Will you hush? Can we stay in the moment?

I know all of that. Who do you think got this party started?

(CHUCKLES)

Girl, I cannot wait to make you Mrs. Terry White.

(SIGHS)

Hey, whoa, okay, now wait a minute.

You promised me that gun would never make it up in this house.

I know. I'm sorry, baby. I forgot to take it back after the range.

You know I hate that damn thing.

I know. Don't be mad.

I got something to make it up to you.

Oh, yeah? What you got? (CHUCKLES)

Oh, baby girl, come on. Hey, look, as much as I like it,

unless you got some Viagra, Mr. Chubby needs a couple of minutes.

No, he doesn't. Why not?

I got skills. Well, hey. (CHUCKLES)

Come on, hey. Okay.

(EXCLAIMS)

Hey, girl, we got to get Janel some new books to read her to sleep.

I got Dr. Seuss coming out of my ass.

I know. She did the same thing to me.

So, I suppose Terry's having a bachelor party

with lots of naked ho's running around there.

Yes, he is.

You know, I never thought Terry would fall.

He got me feeling like an old married man.

All this excitement over Terry is a bunch of trouble for nothing.

First of all, he is not the husband type.

He and that Brian have been bed-hopping ever since we've known them.

Terry ain't shit.

And he's gonna give that up? Please!

A crack-head would have a better chance

at a weight-lifting contest, okay?

(LAUGHING) You are funny!

Boy, that was a good one. Crack-head, weights.

You crack me up.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Well, it sounds like the coast is clear.

Yeah.

(BOTH MOANING)

You go and express yourself.

Let me get that for you. Oh, no! No, no.

No? No?

Come on, baby, what is wrong now?

I'm just not ready.

What do you mean you're not ready? Sheila, you promised!

But I've been thinking, and I just...

I can't do it right now.

Oh, Sheila, come on now. We've been married for three long years.

I know, but... But what?

It's nasty.

What the... (INAUDIBLE)

You know, I'm gonna... I'm gonna calm down.

Come on now. Come here. Oh, yes.

Yes, I know. (MOANING)

You're all tense and everything.

Look it... Relax. Relax.

Relax your jaws, too. Relax.

Yes. Yes. (MUMBLING)

See? Speak into the mike.

That's... See? See?

No, no, no, no. No? Oh, damn it!

You got me as hard as Chinese arithmetic in here,

and you're bullshitting. Derrick, wait!

Derrick, wait! That's some bullshit.

Derrick, why did you come in here?

What are you doing? Why are you drinking at this hour?

Because I am a grown man and I cannot get head from my own wife!

Why don't you just go into our daughter's room and yell it to her?

Look, Sheila. We have talked about this.

We went to the counselor. We bought the books. You said you were ready.

I know. I know. But I was eating a banana earlier today,

and I gagged on it.

Just don't gag on my banana,

we can get this show on the road.

Derrick, honey, I can't.

See, I do it to you.

But I don't ask you to.

You do not stop me either.

Okay, well, fine. You don't have to do it anymore.

See, that's the difference between you and me, Sheila.

See, I don't mind doing it. I even like it.

So, if I had a dick, would you suck it?

What kind of question is that?

You ain't no man, and I ain't no woman.

Just answer the question. If I had a dick, would you suck it?

Yes. Yes, I would suck your dick,

wearing a Viking hat and a Little League chest protector.

Derrick, baby, come here!

No, no. Baby. Derrick. Derrick, honey, please.

Just... All my life, I was taught that good girls just don't do that.

My mother used to tell me if I did that, I would get cancer.

I am dealing with some serious psychological barriers here.

Your mama? Girl, your mama sucked so much dick,

she walk around on her knees.

My mother is a saint!

She must be Saint Suck-a-Dick.

Your mama is senile.

See, my mama got an excuse.

Your mama fucked up for no reason.

You hit me with that pillow again, I'll... What? What? What?

What, you gonna hit me? Go ahead. Beat me, Ike. Beat me.

I'm gonna go watch television.

I don't wanna talk about this anymore.

All right, have a banana. Hell, get freaky with a peach for all I care.

Derrick, we have a daughter.

Are you going to advise her to go down on her boyfriends?

Yes, I am. Right after I tell her that sucking dick don't cause cancer.

Nasty old thing!

Oh! "Suck my dick. Suck my dick. Suck my dick. Suck my dick."

It's good for your skin.

So, you've known me for a while,

and all of a sudden you ask me out.

(CHUCKLES) What took you so long?

(SIGHS) Well, you could say I went looking for love

in all the wrong damn places.

(CHUCKLES)

Listen, um...

Jesse. Jesse.

Right. Right. Right. (LAUGHS) (CHUCKLES)

I got some work to do, baby, so I...

Oh, sure, I can go. I have an early class tomorrow, so.

Right. Right. What is that you teach?

Self-defense classes.

Karate. (LAUGHS) Karate.

Karate. Yeah, I remember. I remember.

Look, Brian, I know this is sort of spur of the moment and all,

but if you ever wanna hook up again, just call me.

Hey, hey, hold up. Hold up. Just sit. Relax.

You know, just relax. Okay.

Um, I have this amazing bottle of wine. Would you like some?

Sure. Where is it? In the kitchen.

Let me get... Oh, no, I got it.

(EXHALES FORCEFULLY) Oh.

Can you make me a sandwich while you're in there?

JESSE: Okay.

(MOCKINGLY) Okay.

Oh, loving this. That's what I'm talking about.

You know, um,

Denise, I hope you don't feel nervous about us, you know,

doing it like this on the first date.

Why would I be nervous?

Well, 'cause I picked you up, and I got you into bed like this.

I don't want you to feel self-conscious about that.

Really? Oh, okay. Well, how about this? Yeah.

How about I picked you up and got you in bed on the first date?

So, that would kinda make you a little slut puppy now, wouldn't it?

(LAUGHS) I like that, but you can't call a man a slut puppy.

And why's that? It's redundant. (CHUCKLES)

No, actually, the only reason why I brought that up is

'cause I kind of have this issue.

What's that?

Well, it's like, you know, it's...

(LAUGHS) Forget it. Forget I even brought that up.

DENISE: Jackson, you okay?

What? Huh?

I can't talk about this.

Do you know why I became a photographer?

Because you get to capture all of life's moments.

All of the turning points and freeze them.

Well, think of us as a picture.

And if you tell me your problem,

we'd be kind of making a turning point together.

(CHUCKLES)

You crazy, you know that, right?

Yeah, everybody says that.

But I like that. I like that. Yeah?

Okay, it's like this.

Once I meet a woman, right?

And I get to know her a little bit, and we become intimate.

When we get into the relationship part of it,

and we start talking about commitment,

I just freeze up.

Yeah, see, and the only way I know how to save myself is to

cut the woman out my life.

Damn. Well, I see how that's a problem.

But you know, we all have problems, Jackson.

You know, if life were simple, we'd...

We'd all be doing something else, don't you think?

(CHUCKLES) So wait. So wait. You telling me that

you're not just gonna get up, get your clothes on

and run like hell up out of here?

No, no, no.

No, there's a lot of interesting things

I could do with a man like you.

See, I thought you were crazy before,

but I know you're crazy now.

Well, I'm just a sucker for a naked man.

Come on, man. You got it. Come on, man.

Yeah!

So, when do you start school, Cherie? In June.

I'm gonna go early so I can find a place to live.

Oh, I envy you. There are so many fine men in college.

Excuse me?

Not that I care at all. (LAUGHS)

(JACKSON MOANS) Public intimacy?

I have never seen my brother like this.

Girl, you must have kryptonite in your pu...

Possession.

Oh. (LAUGHS) Hey!

Hey, there are my beautiful children.

How you doing, sweetie? Hey!

Where's the rest of your outfit?

And you would be talking to?

You. I'm talking to you. You shouldn't be dressing like that.

How very Freudian of you, Son.

Now I know I look good.

You look fine, Miss Smith. (SIGHS)

Thank you, baby. Yes, you do, Mother.

Mmm, you know I was only 18 when I had Jackson.

Okay, not this story.

Mmm-mmm. I was nothing but a baby myself.

Took me 10 months and 20 hours of labor just to get him here.

And he ain't been nothing but trouble...

nothing but trouble ever since.

Yes, for the 100th time, we know, all right? (LAUGHS)

Now, it's not about me. It's about Cherie. She's starting school.

Hey, did you guys have your, you know, female conversation about men yet?

Oops, I'll do it right now. Sorry.

Come here, baby.

Cherie, a man only needs three things.

Well, two of them is money.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

That's cute. That's... That's cute.

You know, Denise, you're much nicer than the other women Jackson usually dates.

Oh. Mama, please.

Mmm-mmm, don't fight the truth, Son.

It'll make you grow old fast.

Not that I would know with my fine self.

Okay, you know what? I know better than to argue with women,

so I'm gonna go over here.

You guys can talk about me behind my back.

I'll be cool. I'll be all right.

Hey, nobody talking about you.

We're talking about me.

Damn. Come on, y'all.

Can you believe Jack, Mama?

Asking you to tell me about men as if there's some sort of secret.

Well, there is. Really?

Mmm-hmm, and I know what it is.

Wait. Not that I need to know or anything, but, uh, what is it?

Well, it's really very simple.

There's one sure way to tell if a man really loves you.

Come here.

When it's late and you're all hugged up on the sofa and eating food

and watching TV, and you're just all over each other.

(LAUGHS)

Well, if he will give you his last piece of food,

the very last bite, baby, that's love.

I like that. I like that.

Me, too. It's got sacrifice, protection,

the sensuality of eating.

I learned all that in my psych class.

Well, I learned it the hard way.

Hey, look what the wind blew in.

FRED: Congratulations, baby.

Thank you, Daddy. (CHUCKLES)

And this is my girl, Denise.

Hi, Denise. Fred Smith. Glad to meet you.

Yes.

CHERIE: So where have you been? We've been waiting.

FRED: I'm sorry, baby. I was busy.

I had to make a few stops before I got here.

LOUISE: You look good, Fred.

Almost as good as me. (CHUCKLING)

Maybe I'll clear a dance floor and teach you a thing or two.

Well, I'll be around.

Fred!

Hey! (SPEAKING FRENCH)

FRED: Uh, everybody, this is my date, Ursula.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Uh, Ursula don't speak no English.

Well, we got to do something about our weak-ass immigration laws.

I need another drink. Excuse me.

Ursula, champagne?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(GIGGLES)

So, you don't speak no English.

(SPEAKING FRENCH) Hmm.

So the words "stank ho" wouldn't mean nothing to you. (GASPS)

C'est quoi? "Stank ho"?

No, not "stanque hou," "stank ho."

Ho? Dead ho. Ignorant ho.

No, Mama. Have a good time. French ho.

Enjoy yourself. Whatever.

(URSULA INQUIRES IN FRENCH)

Bringing that bitch up in here.

(MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

MAN 1: This ain't my car, man.

MAN 2: Look at it. Look at it.

This ain't no game show. This is my man's car. I'm watching it.

Tyrel said you kicked his boys out the house, Ma.

What's up with that? I did what I had to do.

He had them fools in my house drinking and smoking.

And you know that ain't right.

See what I mean? Issues.

MAN: Yo, Brian.

Some of my boys wanna steal your car for ya.

I can hook it up. No, man, no insurance scams, T-Boy.

Get outta here.

Don't shoot the messenger, nigga.

Tyrel, I want you to tell your friends that this house is off-limits.

Mama, let's just talk about this, okay?

Ain't nothing to talk about.

That boy is 17 years old.

He had some women up in this house acting a fool and having sex.

Ma, I told you, me and Leshana was not having sex.

We was just watching TV. Oh, yeah, right.

I guess, it was just raining condoms outside your bedroom window.

What condoms? Or maybe two squirrels was freaking with it.

Mama! Yo, Brian.

What, motherfucker?

They're gonna give you 40% of this shit, man, let's do this thing.

Get outta here, man. Don't you see...

I'm sensing some hesitation on your part. I'll go for 50-50.

I don't like him outside my house, Brian.

He's just... He's just watching my car, Mama.

It doesn't matter. She don't like nobody up in here,

except for them old-ass ladies from church

who be coming here smelling like old cheese and hot garbage.

Uh-uh. Oh, no, you did not say that!

He did not say that!

I am two minutes away from whipping your butt! Tyrel, just go outside.

Just go outside, all right? Just watch my car.

Watch my car.

It's really good to see you, Denise.

(SCOFFS) I don't know how good it is, Fred.

So what do you think we should do about it?

Nothing. We're not gonna do anything.

You know, he doesn't have one damn picture of you in his house.

It's too late for regrets, Denise.

You and I can't change what happened between us.

So I think we should just tell him.

No. No, I'll do it.

I'll do it in my own time, though. Fine.

Hey. Hey!

You trying to steal my girl?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Uh, you know what? I'm gonna go before your mom kills that girl.

I'll take Ursula her drink.

Nice meeting you, Fred. Nice to meet you. All right.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Yeah.

So, why'd you bring another woman over to the house?

Hey, Son, (LAUGHS) I have my own life now.

You know what I'm saying?

What do you think about Denise?

Oh, she seems nice.

Are you guys serious?

Yeah, it's going pretty good.

That's good. I'm happy for you.

Now, you know Mama's gonna be upset about this for at least a week.

Come on, Son.

Your mother and I are divorced.

And she understands that.

Yeah, but I still don't get it, you know.

How can two people live together and share together for 25 years

and then just leave?

You know why your mother and I split, Son.

You know, Terry's getting married.

Little Terry? Well, he's big Terry now.

(LAUGHS) That's good news. I'm happy for him.

Uh-oh. Now, come on, tell me.

You're not thinking about taking that fall, too, are you?

Oh, hell, no.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

You know, marriage, that's not for me.

Oh, come on now. You can't judge by looking at me and your mother.

Your mother and I had some great years together, Son.

And who knows, your luck might be better than mine.

You know they say talent skips a generation.

I'll remember that.

Hey, why don't you come down and visit your old man sometimes?

You know I'm always at one of the dealerships.

Yeah, I'll do that.

I'm looking forward.

Hey, baby. Dad, where is it?

In the driveway. Come on, let's go!

Come on, Jack. Check this out.

Oh, Daddy!

(GIRLS SQUEALING)

You guys, get in! Get in!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up. Back it up.

I don't want to see you around here.

GIRL: I get to ride in front.

I don't want any boys in here, you understand?

CHERIE: Mmm-hmm, whatever. And stay on the main streets.

Don't drive down through the 'hood, huh?

CHERIE: (LAUGHS) Okay.

I worry about you. CHERIE: Daddy.

Mama, I want you to let Tyrel come live with me.

No.

I told you before I'm not letting him go.

Why not? He's my brother.

Half-brother.

All I'm saying, Mama, is that the boy is not happy here.

Okay? It's not like his daddy's around...

Don't even bring up that fool to me.

He left me for some white woman.

She's Hawaiian. If she ain't black, she white.

See, that's what I'm talking about, Mama. That's just ridiculous.

A fact of life.

That's crazy. Latino women?

A white woman with a taco.

Oh, so I just guess Asian women...

Are white women who no speak the goddamn English.

You know what? The both of you is just like your daddies.

Full of it.

I done heard that my whole life.

How long you gonna look at us and see them?

I know what they did is wrong, Mama, but me and Tyrel, we didn't do it.

Can't we get a little love?

I raised you. That's love.

Oh, really? Then prove it, Mama.

Can you give your son a kiss and a hug?

You're too old for that now.

You can't do it, can you?

You acting crazy. Just stop it.

Mama, when was the last time you gave me a hug?

What was it, 10 years ago?

What, right after Tyrel's father left?

Mama, 10 years is a long time.

Come on, Mama, I'm waiting.

Give me love, mama.

(CRYING) Get outta my house with this nonsense.

When Tyrel gets old enough, Mama,

he's gonna come live with his big brother.

He can get his love from me.

You can believe that.

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

(FAINT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHATTERING ON TV)

Mama? Hey, now, how you doing?

Oh, hey, Son. (LAUGHS)

Look how pretty you look today.

Well, I don't look dead. That's all I care about.

Now, come on, Mama. Don't say stuff like that.

You're gonna live forever.

What the hell are you talking about, Derrick?

Everybody dies.

I swear I drank too much when I carried you.

Mama, you were drinking when you were pregnant with me?

Well, yeah.

It's not like I was operating heavy machinery or nothing.

Look, uh, Mama,

I want you to come live with me and my family.

When did you get married?

Three years ago, Mama. You were right there, remember?

(LAUGHS) Yeah, that's right. We ate chicken.

Yes, we did. (LAUGHS)

How's my grandbaby?

Janel? Oh, Janel is wonderful.

Hey, James and Amber and I...

James and Amber, those are your other children.

I know who they are.

Boy, are you high or something?

No. No, ma'am. No.

Look, we just don't think you belong here anymore.

I like it here.

I know, Mama, but I miss you.

And you know what, Janel,

she would love having her grandmother around the house.

(SCOFFS) And your wife?

Well, I'm working on that.

I bet you are. We don't like each other.

Now, Mama.

Evil witch. Oh.

No, I think I'm gonna stay right here.

Now, look, Mama, that was fine when you and daddy were here together,

but now daddy's gone and, well, you...

Oh, Mama, (STAMMERS) I'm sorry.

Yeah, things were a lot different when your father was alive.

Hey, look, I am supposed to be taking you to lunch.

You come over here... (CHUCKLING)

with your fine brown frame.

You a mess.

You think I don't really know you running numbers out here?

This ain't fooling nobody, come on.

Who's collecting my money?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

So, you have no idea who flattened the tires on your car?

No. And you know what, it could be anybody.

Lawyers make a lot of enemies.

I bet it was a woman.

No. That's how we get back at men.

You know, a car is just a big old dick with wheels.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Counselor.

Hi, Judge. Um, I'm having my lunch here.

You filed a motion with the Chief Judge

to have me permanently barred from all your cases.

Yes, I did, and I think you'd agree that I'm right after what happened.

Hmm.

Hi. I'm Judge Carla Williams.

Hi. I'm Jesse.

Hmm, are you a lawyer, too?

No, I'm sort of a teacher.

Teacher. What's the pay these days for teachers?

BRIAN: Carla, there is no reason for this.

Right. Sorry.

Have a nice lunch. Thank you.

(LAUGHS) What's her problem?

I have no idea.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Excuse me. What did you say?

BRIAN: Carla, why are you making a scene?

(SHUSHING)

I'm not making a scene.

I'm merely having girl talk. Right?

Now what did you say?

I said... Oh, shit!

What's your problem?

My problem is tired-ass men like this (STUTTERING)

and women like you who get the whole world given to them.

But no, no, no, you have to have our men, too.

Get that finger out of my face.

Or else what, hmm?

What are you going to do, huh?

What are you going to do?

(JESSE EXCLAIMS)

(CARLA SCREAMS)

Damn! MAN: What is going on?

Carla!

Yo, bro, take Buffy the Negro-Slayer

and get the hell out of my spot.

I was just trying... Uh-uh-uh.

Come on, Jesse. Let's just go.

I cannot believe you. Just get in the car.

Why are you mad at me?

You just assaulted a judge, Jesse.

What, she curses us both out,

jabs her finger into my face and you're yelling at me!

You had no right to hit that woman.

That was childish, all right.

I've got a reputation. You made me look stupid in there.

You know what? You ain't no different.

What do you mean "different"?

(SIGHS) Nothing. Let's just go.

You thought I'd be different from her just because I'm white?

I didn't say that. You know what you are?

You are a self-centered, arrogant fool.

And let me tell you something.

Black and white women have one thing in common.

We don't like bullshit men.

And that's you, the bullshit man.

You better get out my face. Hey, hey, hey, you want some, too?

Come on, I got one ass-kicking left,

and it's got your name all over it.

I don't have time for this. Come on.

I do not need the drama, Miss Jackie Chan.

I'll kick your ass all up and down this parking lot.

This white girl's got something for you,

and you'd better come get it, chicken shit.

See ya. (CLUCKING)

(GUNSHOT)

(TOUCH-TONES BEEPING)

(LINE RINGING)

DENISE: Hello? Hey.

Hey, baby, you still working?

No. No, I'm not at work.

Listen, um, why don't you come over?

(SEDUCTIVELY) Derrick.

Derrick.

We have been mad at each other for too long.

It is time for some serious making up.

Yeah.

Hey.

(WHEEL OF FORTUNE PLAYING)

* ...genuine and unbelievable

* Which word best describes

* If I had to spend a wheel of fortune to

* Describe what you are I'd spin

* Yes, I'd spin * I'd pick an L

* Then I'd buy an O Then I'd pick a V

* Then I'd buy another vowel which is E

* 'Cause to me these L-E-T-T-E-R-S

* Best describe what you are yes to me

* If I had to spin once again

* I'd pick a Y

* Then I'd say I'd like to solve

* Lovely

* If I had to spend a wheel of fortune to

* Describe what you are I'd spin

* I'd spin * I'd pick an L

Derrick!

Come on, baby.

I'm really going to give it to you this time.

(MOANS) Give me what, Sheila?

Oh, well, first, let's do it the regular way.

Oh, no, no, no. Not interested. We can talk about...

No, no, no.

What the hell is this, Derrick?

You haven't touched me for weeks.

Because I'm tired.

I don't believe this shit.

Is that all that's important to you,

somebody going down on you?

You... You just don't get it, do you?

(SIGHS) We are married.

This is not just about sex.

It is about the way we feel about each other.

You mean everything to me, Sheila. What do I mean to you?

No, no, this is about sex.

See, that's all you men care about.

No, this is about the way

I've let you control this relationship and this family.

Well, that's over now.

My mama's coming to live with us.

Oh, no, she's not.

I've told the home I'm terminating her lease.

She is coming just as soon as I can get her here.

You did not consult with me, and I didn't agree to this. No, I didn't have to.

I looked in the mirror and I consulted my damn self.

You are just doing this to spite me

because I won't give you the type of sex you want.

You are nothing but a nasty, freaky freak...

You know, I married you because you were pregnant

and never once did I question your motives.

We agreed that it was the best thing to do.

Oh, did we? Or did you come to me crying, saying,

(CRYING MOCKINGLY) "My life is over. What are we gonna do?"

Are you trying to say that I got pregnant intentionally just to hook you?

What I am saying is that my mama is coming to live with us.

Get used to it.

You hit me with that pillow, it's gonna take some of them NATO peacekeepers

to pull my foot out of your ass. Now, go on.

Fine, Derrick.

Do we have any more triple-A batteries?

I think I used them all the last time this happened.

I don't play, woman. I quit school 'cause of recess.

So, my cousin says his place in Florida is gonna be empty next month.

You trying to, uh, shack up with me?

Oh, hell, yes.

See, then we could do it all over South Beach.

We can christen every single pier.

(LAUGHS)

Jack, there's something that's been on my mind.

Something I need to tell you.

What?

(FALTERS)

I don't even know how to start.

Let me help you this time

because there's something I wanna tell you.

Now, remember how you were telling me about those pictures?

I remember.

Well, at first I didn't understand what you were talking about.

But I understand now what you meant,

about how a person can make a turning point in their lives

where it changes everything about them.

And I've changed like that, Denise.

I've changed like that because of you.

I want you to know, Denise, that I am not afraid of a good woman

and all that she can bring to a man.

And I'm not afraid to tell you I love you, Denise.

Now, did that make it just a little bit easier

for you to say what you wanted to say?

Yeah. Um, it did.

Actually, it's not even important anymore.

I love you too, Jackson.

Good.

Really good.

You gonna eat that?

Hmm? Oh.

Yeah.

(SIGHS) This it right here. It's blazing.

The spices and shit was just right.

Mmm, mmm.

LOUISE: Here, baby.

Oh, Louise, thank you so much for letting me have my shower here.

Terry's mother loved it.

No problem, sweetie.

Fred's throwing Terry's bachelor party,

and I'm not about to be outdone.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Hey, Denise, you okay?

Hmm?

Oh, God, I'm sorry, um...

I was just thinking that lately Jackson

has been saying all of the right things,

but I don't know if he means any of it.

Well, why do you say that?

Jackson told me that he loved me.

Hey! How sweet!

And then he ate the last piece of chicken while we watched a movie.

(ALL GROANING) Not good. Not good.

Hey, hey, hey, maybe I can get Terry to talk to him,

find out what he's thinking.

He's got his head on straight these days.

Mmm, yes, Terry's gonna make a fine husband.

Now, y'all know that the brothers are not going for that.

Yeah, I was probably just overreacting. I mean, It happens.

Maybe Jackson was just hungry, right?

Not likely, baby. It's a subconscious thing.

I don't know why women always pay for men's emotional failures.

We do do that. We do.

Mmm-hmm, don't we.

Well, I know one reason.

ALL: What?

Well, damn. If we're gonna get deep, let's go sit down.

Right, bring the strawberries. I got the strawberries.

Getting married, I need to learn something. Grab that champagne.

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

All right, Denise, I love my brother,

but if he's giving you mixed messages,

just tell him to get his shit together.

Ooh, that was my baby that said that.

SHEILA: And you know she's right.

That's what I do to Derrick. That's why we're so happy.

You gotta stand up to him.

DENISE: No, I know. I know.

Jackson is a good man, I give him that.

But I have worked too damn hard to shape him

into the man I've grown to know and love,

and I'm not doing that shit again.

Well, I'm not limiting myself to brothers.

I mean, I'll consider all men, even those who are not black.

Like hell you will!

But, Mama... Uh-uh, who taught you that?

Life.

Brothers date all kinds of women all the time.

Why should we sit around like idiots

waiting for them to bestow their favors upon us?

Screw that.

A white man has all the equipment and twice the cash.

Okay, I heard you.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

I wouldn't know anything about that. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

And while we're on the subject of other men, Mama,

you need to get yourself a man and stop pining away for Daddy.

Uh-oh! Okay, that's enough.

I need some champagne. No, you've been drinking too much, come here.

This is a new century.

You know, women are saying goodbye to dependency.

I don't need a man. I have myself.

Oh. (LAUGHS)

You know, I wasn't sure till this very second,

but my baby's still a virgin.

(ALL LAUGHING)

You know what you have to do, Mama.

You need to reject your pussy.

(GASPS) Oh, my God!

No, she didn't. Okay, now, uh-uh.

That's a little bit too much me in you.

Now just sit down somewhere.

That word was created by men

in order to objectify a woman's sexuality

and turn us into property.

If you accept that you have one, then they own you.

I don't. I reject my pussy.

ALL: Oh! I can't believe she said the P-word.

All right. Well, if that's the case,

why don't you give me yours? 'Cause I could use an extra one.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Okay, okay, fine, but you know what?

Don't say I didn't try to educate y'all.

Oh, we hear you, Cherie.

BEBE: Look, Denise,

I think you just need to sit down and really tell him how you feel.

The direct approach is always the best one.

I'm not trying to scare this man,

and y'all know I have a tendency

to kind of come across a little strong sometimes.

Denise, a woman is strength.

Not just the giver of life and all that, but more.

You see, men don't even know who they are

until they know what kind of woman they want.

Or for that matter, if they even want a woman.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

But whatever he chooses, it starts with us.

Hmm?

So be fearless with my son.

Don't be timid with love,

'cause we invented the shit.

All right. Thank you.

Ladies, to the sisters.

ALL: To the sisters.

Yes!

Miracles and blessings, ladies.

Miracles and blessings.

(LAUGHING)

(SIGHS)

Okay, don't wait up, Mama.

Oh! Bye-bye.

Uh, Louise, can I ask you something?

More about Jackson?

No, this is... This is about me.

Okay. Come on.

(LAY IT DOWN PLAYING)

* You need somebody to lay it down

* Grab you by the your hair and show you exactly where to go

* Lay it down

* Don't stop, move it fast Tap that ass

* I say, nigga, take it slow

* Lay it down.

Oh, yeah, bring it to daddy. Oh, yeah.

Spank me.

* Lay it down

* I mean, all the way down

* Leave a player like you wide open

* No, I never had that before

* So if you out here that's what I'm looking for

* 'Cause I keep getting these girls with no energy

* I try to tell 'em what to do but they don't listen to me

* I'm good on top That's what they say

* I wanna do it in your drop That's what they say

* I bet I'll make you say stop That's what they say *

Turn around. (EXCLAIMING)

Well, well, well, the husband to be.

Yes, yes, yes.

B, what are you doing sitting here by yourself?

Mmm, drinking.

I can see, but you need to come out by the pool

'cause as you can see, it is a stone-cold groove.

I need to talk to you, Terry.

Cool. What's up?

Uh, without her. You know, excuse me.

All right, baby, don't go too far now with my two little friends.

Mmm, mmm, mmm!

Ooh, did you see her? She can breathe.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

So what's up, kid? Speak.

Why are you doing this, Terry?

Oh, come on, B. How many times we gotta talk about this?

I told you.

Because I think it's about time I grew up.

Don't do it. Don't do it, Terry.

The brothers, we got a friendship,

a bond.

And you, under the guise of growing up, as you put it,

you about to throw it all away.

And I'm looking out for us, Terry.

I'm protecting the brothers.

(LAUGHS) Uh-uh.

You know what your problem is?

You never could hold your liquor and you talk too damn much.

Come on, man. You wanna look out for me?

Mmm-hmm.

Put the drink down and bring your drunk ass

and let's go look at some titties. Come on, man.

All right, man, when it all blows up in your face,

don't come calling me.

I don't wanna hear about it.

Hey, baby. Hi.

All right, B, that's enough.

You my boy and I love you, but this is real.

You jealous, man.

Yeah, yeah, you jealous.

See, I know you. You wish you could have somebody to care about.

Don't try to tell me different.

I'm gonna tell you what I discovered,

and it's why I'm doing what I'm doing, man.

This world is full of amazing women

waiting for brothers like us who got it together.

But it takes courage to step up like that, B.

Courage.

(SCOFFS) See, look at you.

You don't know nothing about that

'cause you can't seem to see past your raggedy-ass dick.

I don't know, man. You know, maybe for you this is all there is.

(SCOFFS) Goddamn, man, and if that's the truth,

man, I feel even worse for you.

Look, you're drunk.

There's a party going on here for me.

Half booty, butt-naked women running all over the place.

I'm gonna try to enjoy myself. I'm out.

My dick is not raggedy!

It's big.

Don't be shy. I'm very flattered that you picked me.

Some nice-looking women out there.

Yeah, yeah, well... (CHUCKLES)

I just wanted to, uh, you know.

Yeah, I know. What kind do you want?

I do everything.

"Everything." What a wonderful word.

(LAUGHS)

I can even get a friend if you really wanna have some fun.

No, no, that, uh...

Ooh, that ain't gonna be necessary.

Hey, you know what? How about some head?

Well, I guess you do know what you want.

Yeah, yeah.

It ain't for me. It's for him.

He's only got one eye.

(LAUGHS) Oh, lord, he gives me such trouble sometimes.

Be careful now. He kinda swell up when you make him mad.

Poke you in the forehead.

Hard to go to work with a big dick scuff mark on your head.

So you just be cool. (BOTH LAUGHING)

You know, wait, wait.

(SIGHS)

You change your mind? You want something different?

Oh, no, no.

Look, I can't do this.

You're a beautiful girl, but I'm here with you,

and all I'm thinking is that.

I wish you were my wife.

A man can't make his dick do what his heart can't handle.

That is very profound.

That'll be $50.

$50 for almost doing something?

You must be a Republican.

(MONEY RUSTLING)

But I like your style.

Thanks.

Oh, shut up.

Oh!

Whoa! Wait here! Wait, wait, don't go.

What's up, D? Did you do it?

Nah, nah, I couldn't do it.

Couldn't do what? Nothing.

Uh, look, I'm gonna go hang out in front.

Please, tell me he couldn't do her.

He's not talking about that thing that walked outta here.

Good lord. Mmm-mmm-mmm.

This is what I'm talking about right here. This is it, man.

This is nice of your dad to let us use his place, too.

What a party! A man after my own heart.

Yo, damn. He's still freaky, though, huh?

He got all the women for the party, too.

Mmm. Dirty old bastard. (LAUGHS)

Did your girl get on your case about coming here with all these women?

Brian, come on, man. This is me. You know I handle mine, okay?

Don't lie to me, boy.

I ain't talking about it. (BOTH LAUGHING)

(BOTH EXCLAIMING) Oh, baby!

I will beat your drunk ass, man. This shit's Italian.

Man, I've just had a little bit to drink, man.

Yeah, but you're drunk. You're drunk.

Hey, I'm nice.

I'm nice. I've been thinking about some stuff, Jack.

What do you think about this one? Oh, that's good.

You know, if we didn't need sex (GROANS)

we really wouldn't want women.

(LAUGHS) Man, you got issues. You know that, right?

You just gotta think about it, man.

Just think about what I'm saying to you, baby.

You know, Brian, you're gonna have to stop this cynical attitude.

You know what I'm saying? I mean, look at me. I was a lost cause, man.

You know, I was having nightmares and shit about commitment.

Uh-huh.

Then I met Denise, and she turned my life around.

No, she turned your ass out, Jack.

Hey, hey, call it what you like, but I'm happy.

(CHUCKLES)

What about you, Brian?

(SCOFFS) I'm drinking, man. I'm cool.

I just wanna have some fun at this party.

We've only been here a couple of hours. You know what I mean?

Hey, I'll meet you downstairs.

I'll see you in a sec.

Yeah. (SIGHS)

(PHONE RINGING)

(OVER ANSWERING MACHINE) Hey, this is Fred. State your case.

(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)

Hi, Fred. It's Denise.

Thanks for being so understanding.

I've decided to tell Jackson about us.

Call me when you get this message. Bye.

(RECEIVER CLICKS)

(DIAL TONE)

Hey, baby. You know, I was hungry.

I thought we could go get something to...

I heard the message you left at my father's place tonight.

Jackson, I was gonna tell you.

Oh, you were gonna tell me. Oh, okay, so, uh, so when were you gonna tell me?

On our honeymoon?

What about Father's Day? Does that sound about right, Father's Day?

Give me a chance to explain.

There's no need to explain, okay, 'cause I know what happened.

It happened because you're a woman

with no discretion about herself,

uh, personally, emotionally and sexually.

Did you just call me a ho?

Hey, hey, now, I did not say that word.

But it does seem to be floating around somewhere up in here, don't it?

Okay. Okay, look. You have every right to be angry, Jackson.

But listen to me. Your father and I got together

long before you and I ever even met.

He is my father. It doesn't matter when you slept together.

Oh, is that what you think?

Oh, come on now, okay. We slept together on the first date, remember that?

Now, my father, he's an old-school player. I know he hit it.

You don't know what the hell you're talking about.

Oh, I don't know what I'm talking about?

So what're you saying? He didn't hit it?

Okay, Jackson, let's not do this.

Let's not let this come between us.

Come on now, Denise, all right? It's real simple.

All you gotta say is, "No, Jackson, he didn't hit it,"

or, "Yes, Jackson, he hit it."

(SCOFFS) You are so blinded by your dislike for Fred

that you wouldn't believe a damn thing I said to you anyway.

Fred?

Okay, well, I think I just got my answer about you and Fred.

Okay, you want an answer?

Yeah, I want an answer. All right, here you go.

Fred and I met a long time ago,

went out on a few dates, but we did not have sex, okay?

You didn't have sex? No.

Did you kiss him?

Yes. Oh, okay,

so now we're getting somewhere. Okay, okay.

So did, uh... Oh, no, no. I'm not about to be interrogated about this.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

You made a commitment to me for the first time in your life.

What are you just gonna walk away from all of that?

No. I'm walking away from a woman who lied to me.

All right? Who deceived and hurt me.

That's what I'm walking away from.

I'm not gonna give you what you want, Jackson.

I'm not gonna let you just dump me.

Oh, you're not gonna just let me dump you.

Okay, what, you wanna dump me? Is that what you wanna do?

No. No. I'm gonna make you do what's really in your heart.

I'm gonna make you love me. (LAUGHS)

(STAMMERS) That's cute. That little reverse psychology trick.

You know, but try that on a brother with a GED.

All right? 'Cause it gets none right here.

There's no trick to it, Jackson. It's the truth.

You need me in your life just as much as I need you in mine.

So, you can take me with all of my flaws,

or we can just both be miserable.

Hey.

Okay, look, I know that you're scared, Jackson.

I know that every time someone has said "I love you" in your life,

it's turned out bad.

Okay, now you don't know what you're talking about.

Your mother, all your old girlfriends.

Your father.

I know I should have told you about all of this a long time ago.

But don't use that as an excuse to go back to the way you were.

Come on. Please.

Let yourself out.

(LOVE DON'T LOVE ME PLAYING)

* Mmm-hmm, yeah

* All I ever needed I could never find

* All I ever wanted was to get it right

* Somebody tell me what is wrong with me

* I wasn't sure but I know now I believe

* That it must be

* Must be

* Love don't love me

* Don't love me

* Love don't love me

* Oh, why?

* I know exactly what is missing in my life

* Something for sure and something pure, maybe a wife

* But then I'm out the door before the morning light.

(ALL SHOUTING) Oh!

* So I pray

(EXCLAIMING)

* I'm so afraid I'm always gonna be this way

* Relationships only to pass the time away (ARGUING)

* Fear of commitment is a habit hard to break

* I must say

* Yeah

* All I ever needed I could never find

* All I ever wanted was to get it right

* Get it right

* Somebody tell me what is wrong with me * Wrong with me

* I wasn't sure but I know now I believe

* I believe

* That it must be What the fuck!

* It must be

* Love don't love me

* Love don't love me

* Don't love me

* All I ever wanted was some happiness

* Happiness

* Take it to a level that's above the rest

* I wanna know how it's supposed to be

* I wanna feel something real but I believe

* I believe

* That it must be

* It must be

* Love don't love me

* Love don't love me

* Love don't love me

* No, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey, Sheila, open the door!

Hey, uh, my key don't work.

Yes. I changed the locks. I don't know you anymore.

When you're the man that I married, then you can come back.

Open the door, woman! I live here, too!

Okay, how about you stay here and I'll go call LAPD?

You know they're real sympathetic to black men in domestic situations.

I'm not scared of the police! Open the...

Boy, you... Woman, you lucky I just got saved.

(HORN HONKING)

Shut the fuck up!

Hey. Hey.

What you doing all dolled up?

Well, you know how I am.

I wine 'em, I dine 'em,

and bam, it's all over.

(LAUGHS)

What you doing here?

I just stopped by for a minute.

Who you got coming over?

Now, instead of being all up in my business,

how come you ain't out somewhere trying to get back together with Denise?

Oh, believe me, you don't wanna know,

'cause she is definitely not the one.

Ooh, you looked just like your daddy when you said that.

And you just found a way to make me leave.

Your father's coming by here tonight.

How long has this been going on?

Since your sister's party.

He came back to apologize for bringing that girl.

And you know I was looking good.

Well, let me tell you something about daddy

and your little golden girl, Denise.

They had a thing together.

I know. You know?

And you don't care?

No.

'Cause nothing happened between them.

It was before she met you.

And your father is charming and handsome and all those things.

And did it ever occur to you that she might have seen

the same qualities in you, Jackson?

I can't believe she sucked you in with that "nothing happened" stuff.

She's not the one who told me.

She tried, but I didn't let her.

Your father had already told me everything.

Oh, nobody cared enough to tell me.

(BOTH SIGH)

Well, what makes you think that you can trust him

anymore than I can trust her?

He didn't have to tell me, Jackson.

And I know him.

Mama, you're gonna have to stop seeing Daddy.

And do what?

Hmm?

You're gone. Your sister's leaving.

I'm throwing parties here every other night just to have people around.

Your father and I are comfortable with each other, Jackson.

And I do have my needs.

Oh, Mama, not the needs.

(LAUGHS)

Now, I know that you still love him,

but you're gonna have to let him go.

No. I won't let him go.

We had a marriage, love and children.

And nothing is stronger than that.

Okay, and then what?

He's gonna come around here and get you all excited about getting back together.

And he's just gonna run and break your heart again.

Maybe.

But I can handle that.

That girl loves you.

What you gonna do about it?

I gotta go.

DR. THELMA: So, do you still think about her?

Yep, every day.

Do you still think that she and your father were sexually intimate?

I don't know.

Probably not.

Well, if that's the case, then why don't you go back to her?

Talk it out?

I just don't have it in me. You know, I get too mad, too scared.

Let's explore that.

You know what, Doc? No offense, but this is gonna be my last session.

You're giving up? I mean, I...

I know love's supposed to be this beautiful thing,

but I just can't get with it.

I go up, love goes down. I go left, love goes right.

I say I'm ready, love says, "Not yet. She dated your father."

Maybe there is love out there, but it's running from me.

I can't keep chasing it.

Jackson.

Is that the kind of existence you want?

Life without love in it?

MAN: Come on, baby! Take it! Get up!

(ALL SHOUTING)

MAN: Damn!

You just got beat by a girl for game.

My bad, man.

Yo man, you need a dress, man, the way you've been playing.

Yo, D. Yo, kid, I'm sorry to hear about you and Sheila, man.

Yeah, well, I was, too, but that's life.

No, man, that's just women.

Oh, come on. Oh, come on. Shut up.

Come on, man, they always trying to jam up a brother like that,

and they always complain like we're the bad guys,

writing all those man-hating books like Waiting to Exhale.

But check this out. I'm gonna write a book.

It's called Breathe, bitch. (EXHALES) Uh-uh, man.

Boy, you are retarded.

You always gotta use that word like it's synonymous with women?

I use the word 'cause it applies, man.

You need to check yourself.

How many times I gotta tell ya?

You better start showing the ladies some love, man.

I mean, come on, all the shit you be doing, (LAUGHS)

you ain't got no business calling women names, man.

Oh, really? Really.

Bitches, by Terry White.

Oh, no, no, no. Not the poem.

That was like when I was 10 years old, B.

(CLEARS THROAT)

"I would trade my life.

"And all its riches.

"To rid my life of all the bitches.

"To watch a game Just eating and drinking.

"To say, 'Yo get out of my face'

"When she asks 'Baby, what you thinking?'"

(CHUCKLING)

"To hang with my boys.

"And not worry a bit.

"To get me a little ass and get on with my shit.

(IN SPANISH ACCENT) "To have a good life, baby. Free from affliction.

"Barefoot, pregnant and in the motherfucking kitchen."

Okay, you are stupid.

"But, hey They got the booty.

"Now, that's the hitch."

"And us without them Now ain't that a bitch?"

There are issues. Thank you very much.

(HOOTING) I know you're feeling me right now.

I know y'all feeling me right now.

You know, you will never work for Hallmark that way.

(LAUGHS)

Where have you been? I mean, I'm going crazy.

Okay, just calm down and tell me what's going on.

I don't know. I think she's having some kind of a fit. I think it's about Daddy.

See, I knew it. I'm gonna put an end to this shit.

ALL: Surprise!

(MAN HOOTING)

Oh, I'm sorry, big brother.

(ALL CHEERING)

It was so easy to fool you.

(LAUGHING) That's because you getting old, baby boy.

Your mind is the first thing to go.

And you know what goes after that.

Happy birthday, baby. Aw!

Happy birthday, Son.

All right.

J, J, J, J, where's your walker, man? Where's your walker, man?

Oh, man, what's up? Happy birthday, man.

Oh, wait. Something done fell out. Don't hurt him.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Get you some of them blue slacks that's tight in the front.

* You like what I like

* I like what you like

* You hurt if I hurt

* If I were like you were.

Hey, you okay, Son?

You been moping around all night.

If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were having an early mid-life crisis.

Something like that.

(CHUCKLES)

Hell, I'd trade places with you in a heartbeat.

Shoot. Wait till you get to be my age.

That's when your body really starts to go crazy.

(LAUGHS) You start losing the hair on your head

and growing it in your nose.

Why didn't you tell me you dated Denise?

She asked me not to.

I mean, you seemed to like Denise,

and I didn't see any reason for me to stand in the way.

I believe you young guys call that, uh, "player-hating."

Look, why don't we talk about this later,

after everybody's gone, okay?

Why don't we talk about why you're sleeping with my mother?

Louise and I have an arrangement. That's all.

Damn it, Son. I'm sorry, okay?

That's the first thing you've said all night that I agree with.

'Cause you know what I realized? I'm just like you.

'Cause I can't do right by a woman either.

Okay.

Okay.

I deserved that.

I mean, I haven't been much of a friend or a father lately.

I know that.

See, I hate it when you do that.

When I do what? Rationalize your faults like that.

Can't you just have one moment of shame about your shit?

What has gotten into you? You. That's what's gotten into me.

I inherited your eyes, your nose and your ugly contempt for women.

You don't mean that, Son. Oh, oh, yes, I do.

You broke up this family with your arrogance and your selfishness.

Somehow it's just gotten into me.

It's been a long night, Jack.

I think you've had a little too much to drink...

You know what, get out of my face.

I don't wanna talk to your ass anymore.

No, no, Son. I'm talking to you.

Because you've been drinking,

I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.

Really? Really.

Stay the fuck out my life.

Did you hear that?

Let me tell you something, boy.

I am still your father. And you do not talk...

LOUISE: Fred. Hey, Fred.

Come on. Dance with me, baby.

(LAUGHS) Hey! Come on, now.

* You say you love me, lady

* Girl, I hope you do

* Only you can save me

* My life equals you

* Kiss me, drive me crazy.

All right, baby.

* Would you do that for me, lady?

* Lady

* You say you want my babies *

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

So Terry's not coming?

Nah. He, uh... He hooked up with BeBe.

They're meeting with the wedding planner tonight.

See, it's starting already.

See, you put your boys on the back burner.

Then more and more, you just don't care.

The next thing you know, you're wearing an apron, washing dishes

and you got a feather duster up your ass.

Why do all your stories end with a feather duster up somebody's ass?

What is... Ah, this guy.

Don't listen to him.

Ah, damn. Hey, look, Jack,

turn around slowly and look who just walked in.

Hi, guys.

Denise. Hey, um,

you wanna go somewhere and talk?

No, and I don't really think that's gonna be a good idea.

Ooh.

This is Ceyno.

Ceyno, that's Jackson, uh,

Derrick, and that would be Brian.

Denise, I see our people, honey. Let's go.

Oh, that's right.

You know what? Nice to see you guys again.

He's not her type. Is he white?

Look, she's just trying to get me mad,

(SCOFFS) but I'm not even stressing out.

No, no, I think he's Asian.

You know what, it's the oldest trick in the book, right?

She brings some other cat up in here. She don't care about you.

I pretend like she don't care about me. I'm not buying it.

Maybe he's Latino or one of them Indians.

What difference does it make what race he is?

So Jack could know how pissed off he should be.

But Jackson is not mad, all right?

I just wanna go talk to him for a minute.

Whoa, whoa, scooter. Come on, now. Hey, hey.

Don't do that, man. That's what she wants you to do, Jack.

Yeah. Besides, the boy might know karate. Right, Brian?

Very funny, Derrick. You know what we should do, fellas?

There's a lot of ladies up in here.

Let's get our little party on. You're right about that.

I'm feeling you with that right there.

DERRICK: Hey, uh, you know,

it is an epidemic in here.

Check this out. What?

Oh, I know she didn't just diss me like that.

Coming up in here with Amistad.

(IN AFRICAN ACCENT) Give us free.

This joint is hot tonight, let me tell you.

Hey, that's it. I'm out. Can we get this check?

Okay, it's coming.

No, man, I ain't leaving.

Jesse ain't running me out of here.

You know what I just realized? I am separated from my wife

and yet I'm doing better than both of you two.

(LAUGHING) BOTH: Shut the fuck up, all right?

Don't me mad at me. I didn't tell y'all to do this.

Well, all right. The separation agreement is complete.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Hey, what's up, man? You all right?

No. No, I'm not all right.

What's going on, man? Talk to me.

Hey, have a drink.

(GROANS)

Terry, no, man, no.

J, man, look, I can't do it.

(SIGHS) I can't do it, J.

Look, I was cool until a few days ago.

But, man, I was at work. I looked at the calendar.

I realized this wedding is two weeks away, man.

Two weeks.

Nah, man, I can't. I'm making a big mistake marrying BeBe.

It's just cold feet, man. You'll get over that.

Mmm-mmm, it's not cold feet.

I'm telling you. I'm not ready, J.

Terry, why? You're supposed to have your shit together, man.

I know.

J, I did, man. I did.

You know, I thought it was time. You know what I'm saying?

I don't know, man. I think I was doing this

'cause I was trying to make myself believe

I could move on with my life.

But, man, every time I looked in the mirror,

I realized that shit wasn't true.

So how did BeBe take it when you told her?

You didn't tell her? Yeah, I told her, J. Of course I told her,

when I left her a message on her machine, man.

On her answering machine?

Terry, you left a message on her answering machine?

Yeah, yeah, I left her a message, man.

Why don't you back off me just a little bit?

Hey, don't scream at me, okay? This is your fucked-up shit.

(SIGHS) All right, I... My bad. My bad.

Look, she already heard the message.

She called me 10 times today.

Man, you got anything stronger than this shit here?

You know what? I'm calling the fellas.

No, no, don't call nobody, man.

Hey, at a time like this, you need to be with your boys.

J, don't call Brian 'cause I already know

what his sorry ass is gonna say.

(LAUGHS) I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.

Whoo!

Brian, fuck you.

I'm sorry, Terry, but I did, man. I know you.

You don't wanna get married. Come on.

And the way you dropped her on the answering machine, that was brilliant.

Move on, Brian. Have some sympathy for the man.

Hey, hey, hey, Terry? I know how you feel.

Look, um, I never told you fellas this,

but the only reason I married Sheila was 'cause she was pregnant.

Oh, we knew that. Come on, man.

All right, look, the point is,

we fell in love later and the shit was good.

Yeah, I had second thoughts, thirds and fourths, too.

Terry, you've got to search your soul and find a reason to go back to that girl.

BRIAN: Derrick, please. How can you even say that after what Sheila did to you?

All right, all right, so I made a mistake.

But I made that mistake like a man.

I stood up for what was right at the time,

and Terry here should do the same.

No, no, see, then he'd be cheating BeBe and himself.

You need to think about this, Terry.

Come on, Jack. What kind of friends are you two?

Terry's gotta do the right thing here.

Terry needs to run like hell.

You need to shut your woman-hating ass up. Yo, yo, yo.

(ALL ARGUING)

I'm just telling the truth, man. Brian.

My bad, my bad, my bad. I'm gonna do this for Jack, all right? Cool.

You know what? I apologize. I'm sorry.

Yeah, me, too.

Denise dated my father before we hooked up.

Goddamn! Ooh, shit!

Get outta here, J. For real?

Denise boned your father?

No. She said it was just a date, but, uh, she kept that shit from me.

When I found out, I couldn't take it.

I just had to cut her loose.

Yo, man. I don't blame you for that.

Yeah, but I thought I had something special with Denise, you know?

I lost it.

Ain't no loss, Jack. If she boned your father, she's a ho.

Man, what the fuck is wrong with you?

(ALL ARGUING) What are you talking about?

Yo, B, this is your boy. Show some respect.

I'm just keeping it real, man.

Why I can't speak my mind?

I got shit to say out here tonight.

You ignorant, man. Forget it, man. Whatever, man.

Whatever. I mean, you know what, Jack? I apologize, all right?

Anybody else got some revelations?

My wife wouldn't go down on me.

What? Shut up.

You might wanna keep that to yourself.

TERRY: Get the hell out of here.

Look, either the relationship wasn't strong enough

or she didn't care, but either way, I got dry dick.

I'm telling you, I'm scared to zip up my pants,

I'll fuck around and go off like a firecracker.

Yo, that's irreconcilable differences for your ass.

BRIAN: They gotta start putting that straight in the wedding vows.

I mean, love, honor, obey and slob the damn knob.

For sure.

Hey, yo, fellas, you know what? I've been doing some thinking.

We come out here, we talk a whole lot of shit,

complaining about the honeys,

what they want, what they don't want.

I mean, you know, maybe the ladies ain't the problem.

You know what I'm saying? Maybe we're the problem.

(SCOFFS) Get out of here, man.

What the hell type of shit are you talking about?

Just feel me on this, D.

All I'm saying is maybe we need

to check our own shit just a little bit.

If you don't come your shabbado-for-electric- boogaloo ass on.

Hey, whatever. You go home and spank your monkey. That's some lonely shit.

That's why you got desert dick.

JACKSON: So, how's BeBe doing, man?

She's terrible.

I think she came by the apartment this morning, crying and screaming.

I mean, carrying on.

Man, I had to run out the back door just to avoid her ass.

She was acting all kind of crazy, J.

Well, I can't blame her, Mr. Telephone Man.

You probably called her ass collect, too, didn't you?

You ain't funny, man. Shut up. (LAUGHS)

Then she followed my black ass to work.

Had me hiding out in the janitor's closet.

You're gonna have to stop doing that shit, man. I'm serious.

You owe that woman the respect of telling her face-to-face what the deal is.

Man, I know this and I will, but you not hearing me.

BeBe was on some different shit, J.

Look, I'm gonna talk to her, but she needs to chill out.

I just need a little more time, that's all.

Yeah, a little time. All right.

Yo, man, we're gonna get carjacked in a minute. Where are you taking me?

Man, we got to get Brian's issued ass. For what?

Man, his car is all jacked up.

Shit, you know how many times I told his punk ass

to move up out this neighborhood?

Nah, it's not the neighborhood, man.

Some woman is stalking him.

Get the fuck out of here. No. Yes, I'm serious.

And the messed-up part about it, man,

he's messed over so many women,

he don't even know which one it is.

SHEILA: Ooh, ugly! Ugly! Ugly!

These are not photos I put in my magazine.

I don't know where you got these from.

Hire a good photographer. You're in charge of hiring that.

Could you guys excuse me for a minute? Thank you.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I just, uh, thought I'd come by and say hi.

No reason we can't be civil to each other.

Hey, for what it's worth, I'm sorry about all those nasty things I said.

I mean, we gotta be around each other for the baby,

so, uh, I was hoping we could be adults about it when we do.

All right.

I went out last weekend with my girlfriends to a club.

Kind of a freedom celebration-type thing.

Freedom?

I don't think I should hear this.

(STAMMERS) And this guy asked me to dance.

What guy? Just some guy and he asked me to dance

and I just started crying. It freaked him out.

Then, you know, my girlfriends told me it was natural to feel that way.

And then they started telling me stories about their exes.

And, baby, these women have been disrespected in ways you couldn't even imagine.

And I'm sitting there, I'm thinking to myself,

"All my husband wanted was to make love to me"

"and to take care of his mother,"

and I just felt so stupid.

What are you saying, Sheila?

I'm saying I was wrong, Derrick.

And I love you so much.

You mean the world to me, and I didn't realize how much that was worth.

You know, I...

I tried to hurt you by bringing Mama to live with us

without talking it over with you.

Yes, you did.

Hey, I apologize.

Okay.

And if it's okay with you,

can I be your husband again?

Oh, baby, I forgot how cute you are when you get mushy.

(MOANING)

Okay, wait, wait. Go lock the door. Lock the door.

Lock the door.

Don't you threaten me with a good time.

(BOTH MOANING)

(PANT UNZIPS)

Oh, shit.

(EXCLAIMS) Hell, no.

Jack.

(LAUGHING) Oh, wow!

(KNOCK ON DOOR) TERRY: B!

Goddamn.

What's up, fellas?

Hey, I like the paint job, man.

Yeah, it's kind of sweet, kid.

Come on, man. You always in your drawers. Get dressed.

All right, man. Let me get out this suit.

You gotta get a maid.

For real.

Hey, I had one. It didn't work out.

You had sex with her, didn't you?

Uh, she was fine.

(GUNSHOT)

Get down, get down, get down!

B, I told you to move out the damn projects.

Why you yelling at me, man?

I ain't the nut out there shooting up the neighborhood.

Hey, you guys need to stop arguing and call the cops.

BEBE: Terry!

I wanna talk to you, honey.

That's your bitch.

(GUNSHOT)

Oh, my God. That is BeBe, man.

Your woman's trying to kill us?

Terry, go out there and talk to her.

What am I going to tell her?

How many bullets to put in my ass? I ain't going nowhere.

Man, I ain't going out like no punk.

I'm gonna go out there and let that girl know how I feel.

(GUNSHOT)

It feels better right here.

Man, how many times I told you

she won first place in a marksman contest?

Great. You have to go piss off the bitch from The Matrix.

BEBE: Terry, come on, baby. I...

(GUNSHOTS)

Love...

You.

What the hell's going on?

We gonna be here all day.

Nah, somebody had to hear them damn shots. They'll call the police.

In this neighborhood? Are you crazy?

A gunshot's like a doorbell.

Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm gonna go talk to her.

What?

Look, if she wanted to shoot us,

she would have shot us by now.

I'm gonna go out there and talk her down.

BRIAN: Are you sure? Yeah, I'm sure.

J, wait a minute. Wait.

Damn, look, I got us in this mess, I'm gonna get us out.

No. No, no, Terry. She is mad at you. I'll do it.

Cool.

What?

(SIGHS)

TERRY: Be careful, Jack.

BEBE: Terry, baby!

BRIAN: What the hell is she doing here, Terry?

TERRY: She's been following me around all week. She's bugging out.

BeBe.

BeBe.

Hey... Oh!

Damn.

It's me, Jackson.

I don't want you, Jackson. I want Terry!

All right, BeBe, just listen to me for a minute, okay?

Terry, get your weak ass out here before I shoot your friend's dick off!

Hey, hold... Hey, wait.

Listen, now, you don't wanna do something you're gonna regret.

Now, listen, BeBe, I know how you feel.

Men don't know shit.

No, I do know.

See, right now, (STAMMERS) you're feeling like you're nothing.

(COCKS GUN)

Oh, okay.

Look, see, you look out into the world

and all you can see is just the person that you want,

the love that you thought was yours.

See, I know because I've made women feel that way, BeBe.

And for the first time, it's come back on me.

It made Denise leave me.

See, I let all my problems and all my bullshit

blind me for something I've been looking for my entire life.

Now I feel like somebody dropped a mountain on my heart.

What the fuck you talking about, Jack?

I'm talking about love, BeBe.

Now, if you really love Terry, and I know you do,

then losing you will hurt him more than anything that you could ever do.

But he's got to find that out for himself.

Okay?

So just...

It's... It's okay.

It's okay.

All right?

Just give me the gun.

It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. All right?

(SOBBING)

It's gonna be okay.

It'll be okay.

(SIGHS)

BeBe, I'm sorry.

BeBe, I'm sorry.

Y'all know who gonna fix this shit?

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

* Baby, all I wanna know

* Is how you came to love me so

* 'Cause every time I look at you

* I can see it in your eyes

(GUESTS CHEERING)

* What did I do

* To be worthy of you

* I guess it was meant to be

* You and me

* Please hold out your hand

* I hope you do understand

* There's nothing in this world that I really need

* Except your company.

Thank you.

* You're my dream come true

* And I'll spend my life with you *

Man, I thought I'd never see this day.

Me neither.

But I'm loving it.

Yeah, me, too.

Well, I'm gonna go meet some men.

No use wasting the dress. You know what I'm saying?

No, wait a minute. Hey, wait. Hold...

(SIGHS)

Something else.

Hey, Son.

I just wanted to, uh, say thank you before it got all crazy around here.

Thank you for what?

Let's just say you, uh,

woke me up,

helped me to turn my eyes back to what's important in life.

You know, they say, uh, a father should be wiser than his son.

I'm just glad this time it turned out not to be true.

LOUISE: Oh, look at this. Look at this.

(LAUGHS)

I love when my men are affectionate.

Aw! Oh!

Gotta do this again, man.

Yeah.

Oh!

I love you, Ma. I love you, too.

Yo, what's up? Hey, man. Your brother's getting big.

Yeah, yeah. You know what?

I finally talked my mom into letting him stay with me, too, man.

Cool. Yeah.

Hey, well, J, you the man of the hour.

Moms and pops are doing their thing. You got to be feeling pretty good.

JACKSON: Yeah, man.

Congratulations, Big Jack. That's how you do it.

Man, I'm looking at your dad and your mom.

I'm just like, "Man, I can't believe he's doing it again."

I mean, look at him. He looks happy, don't he?

B... I'm just saying.

(BOTH LAUGH)

DERRICK: Just like me and mine.

I don't wanna brag, but let's just say

a young brother's getting all he can stand these days.

ALL: Whoa!

Back up off me now.

TERRY: That's my man. Let's have a brother's toast on that.

You know, I gotta hold out, man.

I gotta go find BeBe, make sure she's not having any flashbacks.

You know what I mean? I'm gonna go give her some love.

Wait a minute. Hey, Sheila, get away from BeBe.

We don't need them kind of problems.

I see a little something special right there that I need to talk to.

Oh, okay, right. So, can you handle this?

I got it, man. Do your thing.

I'll talk to you later. All right.

(CHUCKLES)

(INDISTINCT)

Excuse me.

Uh, may I fill your glass? You sure can.

DENISE: On that note, I'm gonna go get something to drink.

SHEILA: Get me another champagne.

Honey, if I had a gun the time I married Derrick...

MAN: Ooh!

Denise.

Hey.

I need to talk to you.

You know, I don't wanna do this, Jackson, right now.

And the only reason I'm here is 'cause your mom asked me to come.

Okay, wait, wait, wait. I have to tell you what's been happening to me.

Okay, now, it took me a while to get it,

but I found out where we both went wrong.

So now it's your turn to give me a chance.

I'm sorry. I can't.

Okay, wait.

You said you were gonna make me love you. Remember?

You were right.

No. No, Jackson, I was wrong.

You know, I was wrong about the whole thing. And it's too late anyway.

Look, I gotta go, and there's no more cake left anyway.

Wait. Just...

You can have mine.

It's good?

That's maybe the best thing I've ever eaten in my life.

I don't know. Maybe we can talk...

(BRIAN CLEARING THROAT)

Like we ain't right here. Hello.

Hello.

Do you need a minute?

Uh-huh. Yes.

Yeah. But don't go too far, okay?

Never.

Oh, there they go.

Here we go.

Sprung!

Hello, hello.

Hey, Jackson, what the hell was that, bro?

You know what, Brian? You wouldn't understand. Let's do this.

All right, come on, now. What y'all wanna drink to?

To love. No question.

Oh, hell, no. Do something else.

Here it is. I got it. To us, fellas.

Yeah. To the brothers.

ALL: To the brothers!

* Your love is so magnificent

* A true love

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

* I thank God every day You're heaven-sent

* It's you

* Stop chasing them skirts till I'm back to work

* Stopped hanging at the club Even went to church

* It's you

* And I just wanna describe your love

* Oh, yeah, girl

* Like a hot summer day with the windows down

* Got the top dropped with my friends around

* That's how good

* That's how good your love feels to me

* Yeah

* Yeah

* Eatin' Mama's home cooking Now I'm a whole man

* A 70s jam and a slow dance.

So, if I had a dick, would you suck it?

Yes, I would suck your dick with a midget and a throw pillow attached to my ass.

You know, I'm gonna go. I gotta go give shit. Okay.

You gotta go shit. (LAUGHING)

See, it's all that messing with them gold-digging booger bass.

That's what it is. (LAUGHS)

Try for big daddy. Come on now.

Just bob and weave on the ball head, champion.

Girl, I would suck your dick till your head caved in.

I reject my pussy. Say it again.

I reject my pussy. The pussy?

Say, "Hi, Barnabas." No.

(INDISTINCT)

Sheila, you got me hard as three Jaguar payments. This is bullshit.

Yeah, early for a fuck, late for everything else.

Girl, it's good for your complexion.

You didn't think your mama's skin looks so good 'cause she got Indian in her, do you?

Look, honey, I'll show you my technique.

Okay, do it, do it, do it.

Give me that bottle.

(LAUGHING) I can't!

That ain't no firewood you messing with.

Stop when you smell the smoke.

(WHOOPS) Misery is a motherfucker, ain't it?

Girl, your mama sucks so much dick,

she's got kneepads sewn on all her dresses.

You could do it. Come on.

Don't be scared of the one-eyed serpent.

(YELLS)

Yes, I would suck your dick wearing a seventh-grade jockstrap,

doing the ham bone to the theme from Green Acres.

You wouldn't have to use that Noxzema if you do it right!

What? Oh!

You getting some muscles, ain't ya?

If I had a picture of Queen Latifah taped to my head and a sparkler in my ass.

Baby!

Oh! I'll be right back.

Your mama's a freak.

Hell, I'd have been your daddy, but the line was too long.

Dead ho, question-mark ho.

Have a good time.

French? LOUISE: No, not French. English!

You don't understand none of that?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

I oughta kick that bitch's ass.

Eating a half bag of Pop Rocks

and watching the director's cut of Dusty's Treehouse.

Hey, don't be scared. That ain't no eclipse. It's just me.

(BOTH MOANING)

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

(MOANING)

Oh! Suki, suki now.

Anybody else got some refelat...

Anybody got some revelations?

I'm scared to zip up my pants. I will fuck around and start to spark...

(MUMBLING) What I'm saying is, my dick...

(LAUGHING)

Oh, thanks for coming. Oh, that was lovely.

* G-L-O-V-E

* You need somebody to lay it down

* Grab you by the your hair and show you exactly where to go

* Lay it down

* Don't stop, move it fast Tap that ass

* I say, nigga, take it slow

* Lay it down

* Talk to ya, walk with ya Through every single motion

* Lay it down

* I mean, all the way down

* Leave a player like you wide open

* No, I never had that before

* So if you out here that's what I'm looking for

* 'Cause I keep getting these girls with no energy

* I try to tell 'em what to do but they don't listen to me

* I'm good on top That's what they say

* I wanna do it in your drop That's what they say

* I bet I'll make you say stop That's what they say

* Once you get 'em in the sack there won't be none of that

* It'll be a whole lot of backing away

* A whole lot of acting and not enough play for this Boy J

* What I need in my life is a wife that have the house jumping

* Like the gentlemen's club on Monday night

* When I come home, honey doing tricks

* She doing back flips with no lights on

* Meet me at the door with the double G

* Saying, "If you're free!"

* You need somebody to lay it down

* Grab you by the your hair and show you exactly where to go

* Lay it down

* Don't stop, move it fast Tap that ass

* I say, nigga, take it slow

* Lay it down

* Talk to ya, walk with ya Through every single motion

* Lay it down

* I mean, all the way down

* Leave a player like you wide open

* You need somebody to lay it down

* Grab you by the your hair and show you exactly where to go

* Lay it down

* Don't stop, move it fast Tap that ass

* I say, nigga, take it slow

* Lay it down

* Talk to ya, walk with ya Through every single motion

* Lay it down

* I mean, all the way down

* Leave a player like you wide open *