Original subtitles

Here she comes

Lies in her hair

With poison lips and deadly tongue

She's a highway to hell

And she knows it well

She's a high..

Sometimes when I'm immersed in my thoughts I wonder

Highway to hell

About how you..

Have been made

To hell

For me

Baby, she's a

Your place is with the stars, and I ponder

You've been brought down to earth for us to be

Mrs. Makwana used to say that the world is a pond..

...and our actions are stones thrown into it.

If the actions are good, you get a happy wave..

...but if they're bad you get a storm.

I always had to listen to her, because she wasn't just Mrs. Makwana..

...she was my mother! And when she said these things..

...only one word rang in my head.

Bullshit!

Double bullshit with cherry on top!!

So guys the next time mummy says something, listen to her..

...I mean it could save your life.

If I had understood this six months ago, I would not be here.

But six months ago, I was a different guy.

Six months back I was someone else, I was somewhere else.

Six months back this was my world..

...where even Hindi is spoken with a British accent.

Where an ordinary Jitendra Kumar Makwana becomes Jimmy Cliff.

How may I help you?

The smartest executive at Smartnet Call Centre

THAT'S ME! Six months ago I was only interested in two things.

Hi Jimmy!

Women.. and work! And I was pretty good at both.

Not only did I speak English, I also taught it. Two jobs!

Life was pretty good. India was rocking and so was I.

Good morning class.

Good morning sir.

How may I help you?

How may I help you?

Superb! Okay.

DAY

DAY

EIGHT

EIGHT

PLANE

PLANE

RAIN

RAIN

DAY

DAY

These were the call centre executives of the future.

Tomorrow's Jimmy Cliffs and Janet Jacksons.

But today I wasn't assessing their accents.

I was looking at their faces.

My last three girlfriends were all from here.

Jimmy I love you.

Yummy yummy Jimmy!

Jimmy you're so hot!!

Normally, I get the bimbettes and I'm okay with that.

But not any more.. I want a change.

I mean pizzas and burgers everyday give you a bad stomach.

Now I wanted a new girlfriend. Someone like I've never known.

Someone.. with a flavor so unique. Separate from all others.

Just someone very special.

That was the first time I saw lightning..

...tear the sky in broad daylight..

That was the first time I saw her..

She was beautiful..

If I were smart.. I should have run away from her.

I ran but I ran towards her.

Hey come in. Come in, please.

Umbrella got blown away or did u forget to bring it?

It was sunny when I left my house.

Are you new to Bombay?

It suddenly starts raining here, without even a warning.

You also arrived without a warning.

The rain had no idea you were stepping out.

My name is Jimmy.. Jimmy Cliff.

I teach here.

I know. I'm here to meet with you. Pooja Singh

Nice to meet you Pooja. So tell me.. what can I do for you?

Have you come for coaching?

Do you take private tuitions?

Private?

Yes, if someone is unable to come here.. would you go over?

Any time you say. Whatever payment you ask. Please Sir..

This was my last chance to say no.

But I'd never said no to a beautiful girl.

You live here?

No, this is my office.

Office?

You have to teach my boss English, not me.

I thought if you meet him, everything can be discussed.

You know.. this is the biggest problem with us men.

The moment we see a woman, we think of..

So much sex, that we forget the basics.

Of course, she never said SHE needed a teacher.

And here I was, braking again, and again.. shit!

And Sir.. whatever terms you have, please tell them to me.

Okay. I'll come in on one condition.

What?

Stop this 'sir' thing. You're making me feel like an old man.

Oh, is this the new professor? Guruji.. I'm Misir.

Bhaiyyaji has been waiting for you for such a long time.

Please do come in.. come in maharaj. Bhaiyyaji...!

Bhaiyyaji

This is Mr. Jimmy, Jimmy Cliff.

Hundred percent English! Good morning.

Greetings! Please come.. Welcome.. Welcome!

No, please don't say Namaste.

From where I come, a teacher is equal to God. Right Misir...?

Correct! It seems as though the Lord Krishna himself..

...has come to Sudama's home.

Guruji, what will you have.. cold drinks, hot drinks? - Hot drinks?

No, thank you.

This is your first visit. You must have something. Hey, Pintu..

Yes Bhaiyyaji.

Pintu.. Please get some snacks organized for Guruji.

Yes Bhaiyyaji..

No I.. I.. I just ate something some time back.

I'm really not hungry. Thank you, thank you for offering though.

See Misir, when he speaks, he sounds just like George Bush.

George Bush?

George.. - Busss..

Pooja, you have done wonderfully

Guruji, just teach me English the way you speak it. That's all I want!

L.. er.. whoaa.. er..

Guruji takes coaching classes for English..

...and also works in a call centre.

Well time might be a problem.

Problem.. Problem is no problem.

See misir, his arrival has already improved my English!

Guruji, from now on, you are Dronacharya and I am Arjun.

Wherever you say, whenever you say I will be present..

Unless I hunt the bird of the English language I will not rest..

...and I will not leave your feet. - Whoaa.. er..

Bhaiyyaji is requesting so nicely.. please agree Sir.

No.. no.. no. - Bhaiyyaji.. snacks!

Forget the bloody snacks and fall at Guruji's feet. Quick.

No.. no.. that's really not necessary.

Hold his feet - Here..

So you are agree Sir?

I am agree? I had to watch it.

I hope while I taught them English I wouldn't forget what I know..

I am agree.

Man I was loving this whole Indian traditional thing.

All these grown up men calling me..

Guruji

Thanks guys! And then there was Pooja..

...now that was a dish I was dying to taste!

So Guruji, decision's made.

After your morning classes finish, will begin my tutoring.

Don't worry about the money. Education costs nothing.

I mean, it's priceless.

In three months..

...I have a crucial meeting with a foreign delegation.

Just make my English good enough for it.

I'll try my best Bhaiyyaji.

But you will have to promise me one thing.

From today onwards whatever you say just try saying it in English

But that's the.. problem.

You just need to make an effort.. read the English newspaper,

...listen to the English news bulletin..

I will be here tomorrow onwards and hopefully..

...In three months, you will be speaking English fluently.

Just like George Busss ..

A hundred cents..

Pooja was a naive.

And I was a player.

But I had decided that whether Bhaiyyaji learns English or not,

Pooja will definitely learn the language of my love!

Jack and Jill ..

Jack .. and Jill ..

Went up the hill ..

Went up the hill ..

To fetch a pale of water.

Pooja was an entirely new experience for me. - Listen..

She was a nice girl and very traditional..

Really sweet

Thanks.

She gave me a card!

No one had given me a card since the tenth grade.

But, it was also sweet.

I mean I thought it was really silly

Jack and Jill, went up the hill..

Stamp , Sweet , Sun. - .. to fetch a pale of water

T.. for top

Twinkle twinkle..

...little star

How I wonder.. - what you are

Up above there in the sky.. - Huh...?

Huh...?

...and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after

Jimmy Cliff..

Bhaiyyaji has a friend called Mr. Snehal Desai..

...whose number he's misplaced.

Is it possible for you to get it from your database?

Sure. Take it down.. 982172749,

Thanks

Don't hang up.. please

I'm at VT station

I'm coming..

Oh sorry.. what's this?

Money. It's come for the new office..

...that Bhaiyyaji is going to open.

Cash...?

Ya, it comes every month.

Bhaiyyaji has twenty restaurants in UP.

All the revenue is collected and sent here.

There is something called the bank...?

The bank is where it goes guruji!

Tomorrow morning, it will go to the bank!

Er.. there's something I want to tell you..

What?

Guruji, I am waiting.

Humty Dumty sat on a wall, Humty Dumpty had a great fall,

Humty Dumty sat on a wall,

Bhaiyyaji was murdering the English language everyday. - Humty Dumty..

And I.. I was slowly losing myself in the magic of Pooja's eyes.

I was thinking of just one girl for the entire day..

And suddenly I felt fear. Does she even think about me?

Does she love me as much as I love her?

I'm downstairs. I wanted to tell you something..

I wanted to tell you that when you laugh, your eyes twinkle..

I wanted to tell you that I miss you in the evenings..

I don't know how to tell you without saying it..

Saying that I'm falling in love with you..l love you.

Bohemian heart

Wandering, lost bohemian heart

Hastening with all its zest

TI

Oh I'll conquer every star in the sky

Into one knot the sun and moon tie

And celebrate this everlasting high

I am but a rootless pilgrim

Oh I'll conquer every star in the sky

Into one knot the sun and moon tie

And celebrate this everlasting high

I am but a rootless pilgrim

Homeless and a vagabond

Roaming from one land to another

Somebody stop me please..

Enchanted by a spell so fond

I can't explain it any further

I'm desperate for release..

I'm lost in love

I'm lost in love

I'm sacrificed, I'm destroyed

I'm nothing but a moving void

I'm lost

I'm lost in love

Alone I stand, leaving all else behind

Word of honor now futile I find

I look at every star straight in the eye

I've reached far beyond every moonlit sky

To whom my story of woe do I tell

Rescue me from this heavenly hell

Somebody.. Anybody..

I'm lost in love

I'm lost in love

I'm sacrificed, I'm destroyed

I'm nothing but a moving void

I'm lost

I'm lost in love

The path told me that I'll get weary

Return halfway, you'll find it scary

Don't go any further for a tempest slashes

Thunder cracks and lightning flashes

But I am the fanatic that moved his lip

Keep me company on this lonesome trip

Say yes before my eye begins to drip

I'm lost in love

I'm lost in love

I'm sacrificed, I'm destroyed

I'm nothing but a moving void

I'm lost

I'm lost in love

Hastening with all my zest..

I'm lost in love

I'm lost in love

I'm lost in love

I'm lost in love

I'm lost in love

I'm lost in love

I'm sacrificed, I'm destroyed

I'm nothing but a moving void

TASHAN! Tashan the style..

...the good luck, the bloody formula.

Here, here, delegation come..

...talk, shake hands, smile, ok tata bye bye..

...but Bhaiyyaji feels first impression is the last impression.

Bhaiyyaji's Tashan was an 'English' speech.

A speech like none other..

...with language that no one had ever heard or even seen.

Happy to lots you being today..

...lots happy, because the person,

who till today your temple's steps not climbing,

who till today in front of you his head not bowing..

Deewar.

It's Bhaiyyaji's most favorite film!

Who till today in front of you hands not outstretched..

...that person in front of you standing is.

I knowing you lots happy today, lots happy.

Because today I am losing, but you knowing..

...while I standing here, that lady..

That lady whose forehead rubbing your fourkhat stone,

So much so that the stone idiot becoming thin person..

There's no English word for 'Chaukhat' guruji..

In Hindi 'Chau' means 4, so he made it 'Fourkhat'

I of you nothing ask, but asking today

...asking today.

My crime's punishment my mother doesn't give.

My crime's punishment my mother doesn't give.

I myself surrender. I myself surrender.

You do what you do, you do.

God, just give me my mother back.

My mother.. return.

My mother, return me please ..

My mother return me please. Please God.. please.

Bhaiyyaji's speech was like a double edged sword.

The foreign delegation will think that it is some Indian tradition..

...and definitely finalize his deal.

Ahaiyyaii!

In the middle of all this, the love story of mine..

...that was blossoming was completely bilingual.

Whether you say it in English or in Hindi, it was great.

I was on top of the world!

How and why? how and why? How?

I said how come?? HOW???

How did you get the courage? I can throw you on the streets if I like.

Who are you.. huh?

I gave you a job, gave you respect..

...and you.. you worthless maidservant.

Remain within your limits. Remain within your limits.

If I throw you out, you will end up at a dance bar..

...or brothel, like Umrao Jaan.

You don't mean that Bhaiyyaji.

Guruji please..this is an internal matter that you know nothing of.

Kindly do not poke your nose in matters that are private.

Thank you.

What he's thinking? Bhaiyyaji villain, shouting ladies?

But not knowing truth.

Should I telling truth Pooja?

I made a mistake Bhaiyyaji, please forgive me.

I would have shot Bhaiyyaji if I had my way.

Listen, tomorrow we'll go there together..

...and throw his useless job in his face.

You needn't work there any more.

I cannot leave this job.

Why?

My life is very complicated.

Your life and my life are not separate any more..

Listen, before I met you, I only loved myself.

After I met you, I have learnt true love.

Please forget me. You're not my destiny.

My destiny is this job, this debt.. my father's debt to Bhaiyyaji.

I haven't even scattered my father's ashes yet.

I thought that when I clear the debt..

...I'll go to Haridwar and scatter them.

I've been working for him since I was 16..

...and deducting a part of my salary every month.

Bhaiyyaji says he himself doesn't like it..

...but the interest alone has become one and a half crores.

I asked him for the accounts this morning.

And you saw how he shouted at me like I was a beggar.

And then later he came to me and said sorry.

He said he was feeling bad about what happened.

He said he wants to help me but was hesitating.

He said he'd forego the entire debt and interest.

Marry me Pooja, he said.

There's never any debt between husband and wife silly!

He said that there is an auspicious time after Diwali.

Oh shut up Pooja.. Marriage?

We will return Bhaiyyaji's money.

How? Where will one and a half crores come from?

By train..

Every month Bhaiyyaji's money came into..

...one of Victoria Terminal's lockers.

The key to that locker was only with Pooja but now Pooja, was with me.

After repaying Bhaiyyaji's loan (with his own money)..

...we would run far away into our little world.

That was the plan. I should've been scared.. but I wasn't.

In our country, people don't even get caught for murder.

We were only running away with the money of a small baker.

It's more than the usual.

How much do you think it is?

I don't know. I've never seen so much money before.

Okay. Remove Bhaiyyaji's amount and keep it separate.

I'll be right back.

Where are you going?

Office. I need to submit my leave application..

...and there's some stuff in my locker.

You be careful and do not open the door.

I'm taking my keys with me. Jesus!

When I reached the call centre my supervisor pushed me into a briefing.

I was getting late but how could I tell him that there's stolen money..

...lying in my house that I need to run with.

I had to stay and there I met..

My name is A.C.P. K.S. Hooda, Kuldeep Singh.

Village: Khadkhodha Jilla Hissar, Haryana.

Anyway, jokes apart..it's not really a joke. I'm just laughing!

Now, my name and address is of no importance to you.

However, the names..

...and addresses that I'm going to tell you are very important.

Yes, run the slide show. And the names are Mr. Jagan Shah..

...Mr. Satish Jindal and Mr. Snehal Desai.

Their extremely private and..

...sensitive information has been leaked..

...from this call centre.

Where they stay, their mobile numbers..

...land line numbers, office addresses, etc, etc.

So many things are there.

I'm not saying that you all are culprits but someone is there.

In the last two months these three..

...gentlemen have received extortion threats..

...for large amounts that vary from 10 lakhs to 5 crore rupees.

And all these threats have gone from one man..

...whose name is Lakhan Singh, aka, Bhaiyyaji.

Bhaiyyaji is an upcoming underworld king from UP.

Contract killing, murder, kidnapping..

...and land dealings are things he can do with his eyes closed.

And he does them, every other day.

This Gabbar Singh has two henchmen.

One is Mr. Balakram Misir..

...and the other is Mr. Anand Mohan Tiwari, aka Pintu.

Pooja, don't leave the house at any cost.

Do you know that Bhaiyyaji is one of UP's biggest dons?

Ms. Pooja's phone is with us Guruji.

It was Guruji. He's calling Bhaiyyaji a don.

But isn't Bhaiyyaji a killer?

Moron! He's a smuggler.

Don't you remember? He started with killing..

...and then moved on to smuggling.

Pooja.. Pooja.. Pooja where are you? Pooja come on!

We've got to go. You don't know.. Bhaiyyaji is.. Pooja..

I flirt, I trick I cheat!

Hello Guruji! You've stolen my money?

Tsk.. tsk.. My God that's funny!! Very funny!

I'm here to meet you. Pooja Singh.. Do you take private classes?

So are you agreeable sir? I'm at VT station.

The information has been leaked from this call centre.

My father's debt.. I vowed to repay every penny..

I've never seen so much money before..

You've stolen my money?

I've destroyed you, haven't I?

Why did they steal the money?

How should I punish that ungrateful Pooja?

And Guruji turned out to be a snake?

So many questions..my brain is getting fried.

But Bhaiyyaji's feels that no matter what kind of question it is..

The answer is available only in one place - by the banks of the Ganges.

O Lord! In this unknown land of Ashok Vatika I, Sita, am in solitude.

Surrounded by demons on every side, I need thee and call upon thy name.

Hey.. At least call Ravan!

Where is Ravan?

Ravan...!!

Oh.. Ravan..

Bachchan, Bachchan Pande

He'll show you the night in broad daylight

Bachchan, Bachchan Pande. BACHCHAN!

Ready!

Ha.. Ha.. Ha! Lankans! Look outside of your houses.

These are the morons who came to burn me down.

All the air is out eh? Flat tires! Haa.. thu! (spits).

Now if anyone raises their head in front of me, I will..

Parvatiya, what are you doing here?

She's Sita, you idiot! Parvati is the heroine of the Shiv-Puran.

Shut up Jackass! If you know so much about the story..

Why don't you become Ravan?

Come on?? Enact Ravan's part.. come on???

Dhanpau - Yup..

Note down this dimwit's name and address.

Later tonight, we'll teach him a lesson or two in private.

Don't you have any shame, acting in front of these losers?

My mother told me to.

That mother of yours will rest in peace..

...only after she makes you a heroine.

Please take your lines.

Oh yes, lines. Am saying them. Just get up. Oh..er.. Rajdhoot..

Its Meghdhoot, MEGHdhoot.

Ya, whatever 'dhoot'.. stand there, quickly.

O Sita, stop being stubborn. Don't waste your tender youth..

...on that worthless Ram. Marry me! You'll live like a queen.

Which lamebrain has written these lines?

You wrote these lines?

Er.. no. Not me. - Who wrote these lines?

You wrote these lines?

No, the original was written by Tulsidas.

I've just written the screenplay.

Tulsidas wrote these lines - Marry me and you'll live like a queen..

Otherwise you'll never be able to..

...show your trashy face to anyone again.

Am I Ravan or Mogambo??

But that line is Gabbar's.

You.. You writers are sons of.. your mother should've been barren.

Who made you a writer?

Mr. Tiwari told me that these are..

...the kind of lines that work these days.

Where is Tiwari? Tiwari.. Tiwari!

You gave the main role to the biggest ruffian in town?

Please go, he's calling you.

Quickly, otherwise he'll come here and beat the shit out of you.

Tiwari! Come here and let me strangle you nicely.

Hello sir.

Yes, Mr. Tiwari, who am I?

Ravan, sir.

Hey Dhanpat, who am I in real life?

Bachchan Pande.

BACHCHAN PANDE!!

Sir, I am Bachchan Pande.

I have a little bit of respect around here. Somebody bring a chair.

I am enacting Ravan's part.

So, if Ravan is not held in high esteem by the people..

...how will they have respect for me!

Sir, you should play Ram's part.

Oh just give Bachchan Ram's part...!

The audience is waiting for you sir.

I request you to become Ram and continue this Ramlila.

And let the show go on!

Sir, if you become Ram, I will feel very humbled.

There is no greater honor for me than to meet my end at your hands.

My my, I'm no Shah Rukh Khan. I'm better off with Ravan's part.

I can't do all this. What say, writer?

I'm warning you right now, Sita will go only with Ram.

Don't ask me to change it at the nth hour.

Give you an inch, you take a yard.. huh?

No, no. Of course it can be changed sir.

Thank your stars that the phone rang.

Hello.. yes Chachi. Yes, I'm leaving immediately.

Bachchan, Bachchan Pande

Power is the force that runs the world

The sword of power am I

Provoking me will be your mistake

Be destroyed in the blink of an eye

Bachchan, Bachchan Pande

He'll show you the night In broad daylight

Bachchan, Bachchan Pande. BACHCHAN!

Good evening Chachi! The recovery is done.

Bachchan, I told you to make him understand gently.

He's the son of the freaking Home Minister.

Chachi, that schmuck starting shouting in English.

That's why Bachchan sir lost it and taught him a lesson.

Bachchan Pandey, the people you've messed with..

...this time are beyond my reach.

If they decide to return your lesson with an encounter..

...I won't be able to do anything Sushila.

You're going to organize an encounter.. of my Bachchan?

Chachi had brought me up like her own son.

She was having an affair with Inspector Bajpai..

...thanks to which I had gotten out of trouble a lot of the time.

Yes.. But today it seemed as though fate was not on my side.

Yes Bhaiyyaji. You don't need to worry at all.

This boy of mine is more efficient than Thakur.

Yes.. Yes.. he is a recovery king.

He'll bring them back from hell Bhaiyyaji! Yes, I'll send him.

Yes.. Yes.. okay. Just let me hear his voice?

I'm going to send you to Bhaiyyaji.

Whoo.. hoo! Going to work for Bhaiyyaji is like..

...like telling a boy who plays cricket on..

...the streets to join the world cup team.

What Amitab Bachchan is to the people of Allahabad..

Bhaiyyaji is to us, natives of Kanpur.

They call him the pride of Kanpur.

They say Bhaiyyaji made his..

...beginnings right here in Chaman Ganj.

Bhaiyyaji used to be a rickshaw puller.

Not for anyone though. He was the favorite of Vickram Tiger..

...who was a hi-fi goon of Kanpur.

Such people have more enemies than friends.

The end is coming. The end is here.

The magic of your craft makes judgment draw near

The magic of your craft makes judgment draw near

Go closer..

If towards the foe you will just lift your gaze

Move.

If towards the foe you will just lift your gaze

Into his eye look, leaving him burnt ablaze

The magic of your craft fills all with fear

The magic of your craft fills all with fear

Move out of the way.

When those thugs killed Vickram Tiger and escaped - nobody knows.

Bhaiyyaji was very upset that in spite of his desperate efforts..

...he was not able to save Vickram Tiger.

Although, it did turn out pretty well for him..

...as he got to keep the gold that Vickram Tiger was carrying.

After that, Bhaiyyaji began to rise in a way that was unstoppable.

He is where he is only because of his own strength and acumen.

I've also heard that Bhaiyyaji has an enormous hideout in Bombay.

A city of gold.

Light is chic and night is trend

We are made of a unique blend

Every state is ecstasy, not just a fantasy

Grey is the life that we have led, our fury can burn the sun dead

Shameful and shameless have we been

Innocence untouched and still keen

Alexander's fatal arrow have we evaded

The oceans have we consumed and mutated

Alexander's fatal arrow have we evaded

The oceans have we consumed and mutated

We don't await the fortunes of destiny's sanction

We are of the extraordinary fashion

Oh yes, our zest brings life to LIFE

Pintu.. Bhaiyyaji's here

Bhaiyyaji, he has a very large business empire.

Mr. Snehal Rasik Bhai Desai - Owns a factory.

We tried to make him understand that for..

...the smooth functioning of the factory..

...he must give us a generous donation.

Otherwise, the factory might get burnt down.. and turn to ashes.

Pintu.

You'll die the death of a dog..Do you know who I am?

I know who you are.

The question is do you know who I am?

I am the Sachin Tendulkar and the Brian Lara - Combined!

Aaaaaaaaaa.. ( shouting with pain )

My pleasure.

Hey.. Hey Ali! Get rid of him and clean this place up.

Ali won't be able to do much.. Everyone come in.

This is your job for today.

Bhaiyyaji was my hero

- international, multinational, every national!

It didn't get bigger than him.

Greetings Bhaiyyaji

You are Bajpai's son?

I am Bajpai's son. This is Bachchan.

Misir..

Bajpai says you are can find anything? - Yes.

Finding from hell also?

Yes.. yes..

If that's the case, I welcome you!

Er.. Bhaiyyaji, my English is not very strong but..

But it is a privilege to meet you.

I don't want to say too much, except that..

...now you don't need to worry about anything.

I will throw that English professor at your feet in the next two days.

If I can't, my name will no longer be Bachchan Pande.

You don't need to find Guruji. Guruji has come by himself!

This is Guruji. Surrendered himself yesterday.

He says that he does not have anything with him..

...Pooja took all the money and ran away.

Oww.. Jesus...!

Just saying hello in Kanpuriya tradition.

Look, I don't have the money.

Beating me up is not going to produce it.

I haven't hit you for the money.

I hit you for your cheap character.

How did you even think of cheating Bhaiyyaji?

If you have revere for Bhaiyyaji so much, ..

...why don't you go and catch Pooja?

Which brings me to my next question. Where is the girl?

How in heaven's name will I know..

...If I knew where she is, wouldn't I be with her?

Why_would I be sitting here getting beaten up by you?

So the girl has all the money?

Yes, Einstein.

If I don't understand something, I consider it an insult. Understood?

Bhaiyyaji, I can tell from his eyes that he's not lying.

I can spot a liar anywhere.

Hmmm.. so you tell me, what should we do now?

Bhaiyyaji, when a person runs away, he goes to two kinds of places.

He either goes to a place where he has a support system or..

...he goes to a place where he's always wanted to go.

For example..Haridwar

Haridwar?

Yes! She's gone to immerse her father's ashes in Haridwar.

Oww.. Jesus man! Now why'd you hit me?

You should have told us this earlier, bonehead.

Do you think this is some kind of joke?

Bachchan, have you used this before? It's an 8mm German pistol.

Keep it. Take Guruji and find Pooja.

Bring Pooja, Guruji and, most important - the money back to me.

But if anybody is naughty, kill them and throw their..

...bodies into the nearest river or pond. Guruji, do you understand?

Yes Bhaiyyaji, I do.

Huh?.. What? What? What?

Yes, Bhaiyyaji. I understand that if I make any mistake..

English, please..

Okay, I understand that if anything goes wrong..

Er.. I understand that, and I..

And I won't do anything naughty. I promise.

How he speaks Bachchan..like music to my ears.

The man is a snake but when he speaks English..

Fully George Bush! Complete ..

Tsk.. tsk.. Prince Charlie! Prince Charlie..Charlie

Charlie!!Charlie.. ha ha!

Ha.. ha.. ha...!

And then there's this 'Indian foreigner'.

Does the bastard even think in English?

So this was my destiny.

Roam around with a wild gorilla and look for Pooja. Pooja..

Here I was with my head on the block and wherever she is..

...she must be having a ball. Bloody bitch!

Intoxicating eyes

Deceiving with sublime lies

Tints grey on clear blue skies

I'm drugged by these eyes

My heart is but a cluster of ties

Be mine in vain it cries

TI

I flirt, I trick, I cheat

Stealing your soul is no great feat

I tease, I play, I defeat

You'll never find me, I vanish in a beat

I flirt, I trick, I cheat

Stealing your soul is no great feat

I tease, I play, I defeat

You'll never find me, I vanish in a beat

I am the morning dew

I combine day with night's hue

I am your purest view

How will you escape my mesmeric charm

Don't! Don't you dare.. try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that lover!

Don't! Don't you dare.. try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that, boy!

Don't! Don't you dare.. try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that lover!

Don't! Don't you dare.. try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that, boy!

I flirt, I trick, I cheat

Stealing your soul is no great feat

I am the night sinking all the stars in sight

Every turn I bloom, at each sigh of gloom

I am that spell which your willpower dispel

I will coax you without you smelling a hoax

I am the emotion of a broken heart

The thought that provokes a poet's art

I am the light, I am delight

How will you escape my mesmeric charm

Don't! Don't you dare.. try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that lover!

Don't! Don't you dare.. try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that boy!

Don't! Don't you dare.. try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that lover!

Don't! Don't you dare.. try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that boy!

Oh.. I flirt, I trick and I cheat

intoxicating eyes

Deceiving with sublime lies

Tints grey on clear blue skies

I'm drugged by these eyes

My heart is but a cluster of ties

Be mine in vain it cries

I am the secret that seals your lips

The sand that from your hand slips

I am the drop that thunders on you

The unquenchable thirst you will never adieu

I am the strategy behind all cons

The unsolved web of numerous pawns

I am the light, I am delight

How will you escape my mesmeric charm

Don't! Don't you dare.. try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that lover!

Don't! Don't you dare.. try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that, boy!

I flirt, I trick, I cheat

Stealing your soul is no great feat

I tease, I play, I defeat

You'll never find me, I vanish in a beat

I am the morning dew

I combine day with night's hue

I am your purest view

How will you escape my mesmeric charm

Don't! Don't you dare.. try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that lover!

Don't! Don't you dare.. try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that, boy!

Don't! Don't you dare.. try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that lover!

Don't! Don't you dare.. try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that, boy!

This is the fastest way to catch missing people.

Here.. this.. this. In this country..

...people will even sell their mother for ten lakhs.

That's bullshit.

Especially people like you..

By the way, what did you think of Pooja?

Would you steal 25 crores for her?

Okay.. Will you kill her if Bhaiyyaji tells you to?

He didn't say anything like that.

But if he asked me to kill you I wouldn't hesitate for a second.

I'll park two bullets straight inside your brain

What? You'll kill me? Just like that??

This is what I came to Mumbai for.. to be a shooter.

Bang bang!! I'll bury you right here if you don't shut up now.

Psycho!

Now what happened?

It's none of your business.. I'm feeling hot.

Just sit here quietly.

Have you seen her?

Have you seen her - No I'm not.

Hey?!.. why?

You're in India, listen to Indian music.

Man! .. dude, music has no language.

If Bachchan Pande says there is a language, then there is a language.

Is that understood? Now, shut your gob..

...and sit there before I change the shape of your face.

Watch it!

The story thus far has been told by this 'English' dimwit..

But what is going to happen now? .. that he doesn't know.

Neither does his mother, nor does anyone's mother.

Got a light ? Huh?.. Match box?

What?

At least give me a cigarette..

Bitch!

Oh no.. you're not happy to see me? Why.. naughty boy!

I would've been a happy man if you had died.

Besides, what the hell were you doing in our car?

Thanks to your advertisements..

...there was no place safer than your car for me.

So..

Who's the hunk?

Hunk?

He's quite a stud! You're not jealous, are you?

Hi hunk! The cold doesn't bother you?

Here.. happy? Now tell me where is Bhaiyyaji's money?

You think I have 25 crores hidden in here?

Don't even try to be over-smart with me. Just answer my question.

Are you also from Kanpur?

Yes.. is there a problem? Look, I'm not like this moron.

I don't talk much but when I do..

...Ram & Laxman here talk with me..

Whether you're a man or a woman..

...there's only one treatment for traitors.

So tell me straight..

...or I'll whack you so hard you'll forget your mother and father

Rajasthanwhat?

Speak loudly.

Money. Rajasthan. - Lets go..

We can't go like this? - Why?

We'll reach heaven before we get to Rajasthan.

Have you heard of pneumonia?

Nothing will happen to you.

Nothing will happen to you Bheem Singh!

But we don't bathe in the Ganges everyday.

Lets go after our clothes dry.

Alright. I'll be back in 5 minutes.

We are those that sleep in peace.. lala..

Excuse me.. can you dry this, please..

I'm not your grandfather's slave - Please ..

You've destroyed this entire country with your 'please, please'. Give..

And this.. - Yuck! ..what is this? - Bra..

I know that. I'm not going to touch it.

You don't dry your vest?

Yes I do but I'm not going to.. this.. good Lord!

This is like a vest for us.

There's hardly anything to be coy about.

When there are posters with women in tiny bikinis displayed all over..

...I'm sure you have a good look.

I'm not that type, understand?

Ah.. so what type are you? The other type?

No, not the other type either. Put it here.

These people wear all kinds of weird things. Hey! ..dry this.

Haha! Why? ls there an electric current going through?

Ayee.. quiet. Shut up!

I won't tolerate all this chatter, you understand?

I'll give you one tight whack and then everything will be understood.

Now dry your clothes quickly and come.

I'm waiting there.. Move it.

Haha! Foool...!!!

Jimmy..

What?

Can we start again please?

Huh?

Take me.. with you.

There's enough for the two of us.

Remember what you said..in this country..

...If you have the money and a little smartness, you'll never get caught.

I've got the money and you've got the brain.

Just you, me and 25 crores!

How many times do you think..

...you can make a fool out of me with the same bloody lollypop?

You'll have to be alive to become a fool..

Huh?

What do you think?

After Bhaiyyaji gets his money back..

...he's going to give us character certificates and bid us farewell?

Do you even know his name?

Lakhan Singh Ballebaaz, aka Bhaiyyaji.

He would get his picture printed on the currency..

...notes instead of Gandhi-ji, if he could.

He's a terror.

Cricket bats, hockey sticks, football shoes and

even tennis rackets are his murder weapons. Do you know why?

'Coz killing people is his favorite sport!

The entire river's dried up but your clothes haven't?

As if its Draupadi's saree that just won't dry.

Useless freaks..their English clothes don't seem to dry only.

And now I've got to piss.. Where can I go?

If anyone can save us from Bhaiyyaji, its him. Captain wallop.

Him?.. Mr. By-the-banks-of-the-Ganges?

If he's on our side, we might just escape.

But why would he be on our side?

He knows about us. Same lollypop.. and the same trick.

But the fool's different.

Wow! You've actually become smart after being made a fool!

I was good for you. But now what?

Now I am going to rape you

Nice

One sec let me .. umm ..er ..

Help! How dare you try to de-flower me? Bachchan!

Help!! Please leave me for God's sake..

Why would I leave such a good thing for God. Haha!!

You're overacting

You are over critical

Please.. help!!

Shameless woman, I'll teach such a lesson that..

No matter how shameless a woman is, a lady's honor is still honor.

This is none of your business Bachchan.

And she does not have any honor whatsoever, she's a bloody bitch.

You know the mess I'm in because of her...? You know...!

You're not an angel either..

You can have her too. She's quite hot. Hey.. I don't mind.

What happened? Broke a tooth?

Didn't even shake, loser. I hate you Pooja.. bitch!

Are your clothes dry?

Why don't you check?

You see this woman. She's a not nice girl..

Very bad girl, I'm telling you

Down, down..

What happened? - Police.

How do you know? That man had come to the call centre.

He knows Bhaiyyaji's entire history

Where's my phone gone?

Shhhhh.. Shhhh..

Speaking

Good evening Bhaiyyaji

Have you found that unfaithful bitch?

(Aside) Now if I knew this much English,

I would've been in the IPS or IAS.

(Into phone) Umm.. Bhaiyyaji, can you please speak louder?

Have you found the bastard lady, Pooja Singh?

Have you found Pooja? That traitor woman?

I have found her.

Yes, yes Bhaiyyaji.

Going to collect the money which she's hidden in Rajasthan.

But there's a small problem.

The master-ji seems to have recognized a police officer here.

His name is ACP Hooda.

He's dangerous..has been on my back for some time now.

Bhaiyyaji if you like, I could get rid of him..

Tsk.. tsk.. Stay away from him Bachchan. It's risky.

Don't get seen by him, okay?

Okay. I want_ed t9 ask you _one__ question Bhalyyajl.. er..Bhalyyajl

Haha! Bachchan, are you thinking I am one..

...of the contestants of Who wants to be a millionaire???

What are you meant for? Huh?

Eating cherry pie? Don't ask questions, answer first.

Baby, you carry on

Haha! He's saying that you are very..

Shut up schmuck.

I don't need to understand the language to know what he just said.

Don't teach me, useless fool.

He has a habit of interrupting people.

You keep quiet, slut. Hey Bachchan, keep her away from me or..

Or what Jeetuuuuu???

Bachchan will break your arm and..

...throw it into the gutter Jeetenderrrrrr!

Hey.. hey.. stop. Stop it ..

...stop this cat & dog fight or I give you both one each..

Aaah.. I hate you - Piss off.

Hey lady..why are you cutting your jeans?

Hey..why are you cutting your jeans??

Tashan

Now don't think I was staring

Why? Am I that bad?

Any clues? - No Sir.

Hooda.. here? How??

Who Buddha?

Not Buddha, ACP Hooda. Come on, run.

I want those three. These are useless, let them go.

Okay, move it..Come on hurry up!

Move it.. move it.. - Run.. run..

Namastey. Namastey..Hi Namastey.

Whoa.. - Oooo .. Jesus

Check every bed, bag and box.

Tapad, check those black boxes.

Can't trust these rascals for a second.

All the equipment should be here. Why it hasn't reached man?

Come on just send the extras.

What program are you making?

Sir, shooting sir.. of an English film. Hollywood sir, Hollywood.

Hey.. prodigy of Spielberg.

Have you joined Hollywood?

Speak in a language that you know. Speak in Hindi.

Sir, I have all permissions with me.

You can check. They're very famous people.

Please don't kill me , please.

I am a friend of India. I'm making a movie.

Its.. its called Holy Widows.

It's a good movie, it's not like the other crap.

It's definitely going to be nominated for the Oscars.

He says that he's making a film called Holy Widows..

...and is a friend of India.

Tell him we're going to be in his film.

We are going to be in your movie.

Doing what?

What will we do?

Sing a song, what else?

Singing a song

There is no song in my film

He says there's no song in his film.

Now there is!

Dude this is India. There is song for everything.

TI

When I see a white white face

My heart begins to race

I'm hitting on you in any case!

When I see a white white face

My heart begins to race

I'm hitting on you in any case!

When I see a white white face

When I see a white white face

My heart begins to race

I'm hitting on you in any case!

Oh very, Oh very

Oh very happy in my heart

It dances away

Very happy in my heart

It dances away

It dances

It dances

It dances in a sway

Oh happy in my heart

It dances away

Oh can't stop my feet..

Can't stop my feet, oh this tormenting beat

I just can't stop my feet, it is like torture sweet

Standing steadfast in the scorching heat

Locked is our gaze as we meet

Don't hide your feelings

Tell me of these sweet tidings

Oh very, Oh very

Oh very happy in my heart

It dances away

Very happy in my heart

It dances away

It dances

It dances

It dances in a sway

Oh happy in my heart

It dances away

Oh as pink as a rose, your cheek glows

As blue as the sky, your eyes make me fly

A face as pure as the untouched moon

And hair as black as a cloud in June

I can't hide it any further, my heart beats for you with fervor

Oh my heart beats for you

Louder every time you're in view

For the premier of your heart, one chance

I'll buy out the theatre by booking advance

Yes, for the premier of my heart

Of the booking, many want part!

Oh very, Oh very

Oh very happy in my heart, it dances away

Very happy in my heart, it dances away

Oh it dances

It dances

It dances in a sway

Oh happy in my heart, it dances away

When I see a white white face

My heart begins to race

I'm hitting on you in any case!

When I see a white white face..

Ya.. when I see a white white face

My heart begins to race

I'm hitting on you in any case!

Oh very, Oh very

Oh very happy in my heart

It dances away

Oh very happy in my heart

It dances away

It dances

It dances

It dances in a sway

Oh happy in my heart, it dances away

Oh very happy in my heart, it dances in a sway

Oh very, very happy in my heart, it dances away

Oh very happy in my heart, it dances in a sway

Oh very, very happy in my heart, it dances away

Hey Olga.. if you are ever in Bombay .. What is your problem?

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy!

Listen.. thanks so much. I really appreciate it.

Ya sure, no problem

Mr. Bachchan, Mr. Bachchan .. thank you very much..

...I .. I .. I hear you are a huge star

I told him you're Amitabh Bachchan.

Listen, if you're ever in L.A, please give me a call.

We'll do lunch okay. Thanks, thanks really.

Hey, hey Harvey! Ya .. Guess what man?

We got a song. For Holy Widows. Stars this huge Indian star.

You are going to love it.

I had never seen a girl so close.. felt strange.

People look so innocent when they're asleep.. just like children.

She looked like she couldn't hurt a fly..

I don't know why I wished that she'd..

...keep sleeping on my shoulder.. forever

And I'd keep sitting here forever.

Good .. good.

You didn't sleep?

If I had slept, you would've run away again!

No, if I run now, I'll run with you.

I get a really good sleep on your shoulder!

Pooja, I think you've messed up your life after falling into bad company.

Sometimes, what's right for you can be wrong for someone else.

Now Bhaiyyaji may be a big don..

...but when he takes Pooja Singh's name..

...he'll take it with a little respect.

Are you married?

Will you marry me? I'm serious.. this is not a joke.

Will you elope with me?

Pooja has a rare quality and it's a quality in very successful people.

She never wastes any time.

Bachchan I'm not scared of Bhaiyyaji.. if you are with me.

But are you with me??

Twenty-five crores is a lot of money.

And I'm the bonus!

The further you go away from me, the closer I'll come.

Night eyes.. your black night eyes.

Pooja, can you hear that groaning sound?

Night eyes, night eyes, your black night eyes.

Your eyes, your eyes, biting, biting black eyes.

Night eyes, night eyes, your black night eyes.

Guruji, sing with me!

Your eyes, your eyes, biting, biting black eyes!

Hello my dear Pooja! Welcome, welcome!

First you did Guruji, and now you're doing Bachchan also?

Good afternoon Bhaiyyaji.

God bless you son. About Pooja one thing is fantastic.

Money stealing by fraud..

...and then hiding it in beautiful places. Pooja money where is?

Hey Misir, I'll bet you 500?

For what?

After getting the money..

...Bhaiyyaji will first blow Ms. Pooja's brain out, and then Gurujis.

You idiot, you've spent so much time with Bhaiyyaji.. He's going first.

So make it a 1000 then?

You enjoy losing, don't you?!

We'll see..

It looks too small

It's one crore

You stole twenty-five, and are returning one?

I have learnt a couple things while working with you.

The money is in different places.

Very good! How many places?

Seven

Why only seven?

Tashan

Very slick Pooja! I am a fan of Tashan.

Now listen to my Tashan.

I want every dime of mine back to me in seven days.

Seven days is not enough.

Pooja, you bring me my money, or you won't live to see another day.

The foreign delegation is coming in seven days.

The money should be with me by then.

You go with them, and after you've got all the money..

...finish both of them.

You will become a part of Bhaiyyaji Eleven!

I'll get a suit made for you.

But, if anything goes wrong, I'll be playing cricket with your balls.

What happened? Not happy?

Bhaiyyaji, there couldn't be a happier moment for me.

Please smile then.

Officers.. surround them. Seal the area.

Cover them completely.

Get down.

The bloody bullets always finish just when you need them.

Don't worry Bachchan.

STOP!

Bhaiyyaji, I know you're out of bullets.

Surrender now if you know what's good for you.

Bastard

Go Bachchan.

Bachchan Bachchan Pande

He'll show you the night in broad daylight

Bachchan, Bachchan Pande

Bachchan, Bachchan Pande

Pooja, here.

I am the spectrum that leaves you dumb

Pay heed to the words of Bachchan Pande

I am the victor whose words are numb

A, B,C,D.. I am an atom bomb

From the banks of the Ganges extends my fame

Bachchan Pande is my name

I row my boat that can any current tame

And for all my credits I solely take blame

Should I kill you

It'd be nicer if you don't.

Alright, something you can remember me for!

Sucker..taking the easy way out again.

You're the one who said you're safest next to the enemy.

That day I ran straight to Hooda.

The police were looking for me because..

...I had leaked the information from the call centre.

But I wasn't as worried about the police as I was about Bhaiyyaji.

Hooda told me that the only way out of..

...the mess was to help the police to catch Bhaiyyaji,

by surrendering myself to him.

He said it was my only hope and I knew he was right.

By the way, why were your men shooting at me?

That's 'coz nobody else knows you're working for the police.

Oh, like top secret stuff eh? Really cool!

So nobody else knows?

Tell me, does Bhaiyyaji have any idea that you work for us?

After I saw you in Ladakh, I created such a big noise..

...that it seemed as though you were chasing me, and not Bhaiyyaji!

The world to me is a blind and dark place

I'm like the wind throwing smoke in your face

No deed do I do that makes me fall from grace

If you blabber too much, you'll be struck by my mace

The soil by the Ganges is full of my fame's grain

I am Bachchan Pande, the sane and insane

Ah.. it seems like we've almost cornered Bhaiyyaji! Cool.

Where are you going?

I'm coming with you.

No.. you wait here. Why?

You see, you are a delicate darling from the call centre.

Now if someone were to shove a gun on you like this..

...you'll be peeing in your pants.

All this bloodshed..

Hello Prince Charlie! Saving your life..

...yours affectionately, the Bhaiyyaji!!

Hooda was dead. There were only two people in this story..

...that were not criminals, ACP K S Hooda and me.

But now, to stay alive, I had to be like them

Dangerous..

Cunning..

And a Kanpuriya.

Prayers

Smelling nice

Not for you

Listen whatever you want to do, do it tonight.

Why?

Because if you make friends with the hangman, hanging might be smoother.

Bachchan is our hangman?

Yes, I heard Bhaiyyaji speaking to him.

So.. whatever you plan on doing, do it now, babes!

It's so dark, I could hardly make out the east from the west.

You pray everyday?

Normally, early in the morning, not in the evening.

So what do you do in the evenings?

I drink.. okay?

Now don't presume that just because I've had two drinks with you..

...It means that I'm on your side.

The nonsense you've done with Bhaiyyaji

doesn't deserve forgiveness.

And you need not imagine that just because I'm sitting with you..

...It means that I'll listen to anything you say.

Given one chance and I'll be out of here, money and all!

I know.

Anyway, this place is quite beautiful

And me?

And I'm not beautiful?

Of course you're beautiful, very beautiful.

Liar!

I swear.

Swear on whom?

I swear on my aunt, on Omprakash, on electricity.

Swearing on aunts and uncles doesn't mean anything.

Really?

You only swear on someone that you can't live without.

Someone on whom you can't bear to see the slightest scratch

ls there anyone like this?

I can only swear on one person Pooja, but I won't.

What are you looking at?

A cycle.

She rode her cycle in such fury..

...It moved with the speed of a jet plane!

Hey.. why hasn't the electricity come back yet?

That's what I'm trying to figure out.

How much longer?

How do I know what this wire has in mind?

When the electricity returns..

...It will get to your house automatically, okay.

Hey.. why'd you remove the air?

When the electricity returns and comes to my house..

...the air will automatically fill up, okay??

I had been stealing electricity for seven years..

...but that was the first time I got a shock.

It felt good.

I felt as though I could handle shocks like this..

...for the rest of my life for this girl.

She used to live right opposite..

...the vegetable market, and I didn't know her.

But I wanted to know her.

Electricity.. er.. is electricity coming?

Silly goose, the sun is bright and shining. There's light everywhere!

You want some? Won't cry now, will you?

Here.. eat.

That day I could've eaten a zillion chillies.

Gudiyaaa.. Coming..

...because that was the day I learnt her name. Gudiya!

Hey" Si")! 900se!!

Silly goose, your brain's loose! You're just a bag of juice!

She didn't know my name but I didn't mind being a silly goose..

...or an idiot or even a donkey for her.

Silly goose, your brain's loose! You're just a bag of juice!

Silly goose, your brain's loose! - Silly goose, brain's loose..

You're just a bag of juice!

Hey silly goose, this is an all-girls school.

I know that. - Did you follow me here?

Yes.. I mean no.. ummm.. What's your name?

Gudiya!

I mean what is your school name?

Kumari Udiyan School. I'll meet after school and tell you!

Where?

At the old ghats.

It was not yet time for school to be out, but I went there early.

I had decided that come what may..

...I was going to find out Gudiya's real name today.

And as soon as she'd tell me her name,

I'll give her bangles.. pink bangles.

Hey

It's him, he's the one.

Been stealing electricity have you, smarty pants?

Hey"

Yes.. the electricity department is ours.

If anyone steals from it, we will.

Get up scoundrel..

I think he bled a couple liters of blood.

I'm not sure but thanks to that..

...I spent the next two years in the remand home.

When I came back, there was no sign of Gudiya or her house

I heard later that it was actually her aunt's house.

I looked for her everywhere desperately..

...but I didn't even know her name..

...or where she was from. She just disappeared.

Since that day I sometimes call myself a silly goose. Makes me smile.

On a bad day after a couple drinks..

...I thrash the living daylights out of some idiot..

...from the electricity department.

And then I go home and sleep peacefully.

It's not such a depressing story.

I just told you because you asked.

Now you go.. who would you swear on?

Silly goose..

I am Gudiya.

I've always been like this but at least you could've recognized me..

You're such a donkey. My official name is Pooja Singh.

I went to the ghats that day after..

...school was over and waited for two hours.

My aunt came to pick me up but I was refusing to go..

That was the day my father passed away.

I lost a lot on that day Bachchan.

I never went back to Kanpur after..

...that but I remember every single thing.

The school, the chillies, the pan shop at the corner..

...the market on Ram Devi four-cross on Mondays, ..

...Imperial Talkies and Nigaar Talkies right opposite each other..

...the tea stall near my school..

...and boys who ran behind the girls' rickshaws..

Who went behind your rickshaw?

I used to cycle to school, silly goose

You.. you.. mean..

Yes..

Gudiya..

Yes. I've never sworn on anyone till today.

You don't believe I'm Gudiya?

Will you believe it if I jump?

I would do anything for you silly goose.

I don't even know what I'm supposed to say now..

I love you.

What happened?

Gudiya, I feel shy.. I can't say it..

I can't say it Gudiya

What an actress?!

What comes after I love you?

After I love you?

What do you say after I love you?

Oh.. okay, listen. After I love you.. open the topmost button..

Opened.

Not yours, hers. Then, baby I love you so much!

...And open her next button..

You're such a one track mind.. always a dirty mind

Fine don't ask me then man

Jimmy.. Jimmy.. Okay, if my feelings

towards her are bigger than love..

...as in a lot more than just love..

For something like that.. in your English.. to a girl..

What do I say? What do I say?

Dude, people take forever to just get to love.

No one's ever gone beyond that!

And you've got such a complicated language for what? Nonsense.

Besides, who are you so madly in love with?

Gudiya.. Gudiya..

Gudiya.. whose Gudiya?

Pooja! But I'll only call her Gudiya once we're married.

Married...?

Yes.. you know like in the English movies..

There is a way in which they propose to a girl..

Stylish, suave and so romantic!!

But.. but here I am, an illiterate.

If someone's arm needs to be ripped off, I know what needs to be done.

But if I need to ask a girl to marry me..

...my tongue becomes a knot. I get shy.

So I thought.. there's no one better than Jimmy Sir to help me.

If you can give me some tips on how to propose..

...maybe I can bring up marriage with her.

See ..

Bachchan..

Shall we go?

Let's go!

TI

Into the skies, and beyond

Come with me, my fond

Past all horizons we see

Forever, together we'll be

Lying on a blanket of clouds

Wrapped underneath the stars

We'll steal a moment that's just ours

Into the skies, and beyond

Come with me, my fond

Past all horizons we see

Forever, together we'll be

Look at this land we've found along our way

Where the shadows of night drown into the arms of day

Let us celebrate these lanes

Soaked in love so insane

Making all dreams come true

I could keep my eyes shut tight

Follow you into an infinite night

This instant at one signal from you

Oh may spring come when time stands still

And be filled with scrolls of prayer and goodwill

Of love so true, it moves a poet's will

Into the skies, and beyond

Come with me, my fond

Past all horizons we see

Forever, together we'll be

I may not be good looking , I may not be too quick.

I know I laugh funnily, in fact I'm a bit of a dick.

And nothing ever will change it if you be mine forever more..

Like Beckham I will bend it forever and ever forever!

I love you..

Never before have I seen such a beautiful sight

I'm in a universe so different, it feels so right

The sun stirs towards you

Teases the night with its hue

Sitting immovable by your windowsill

At this the moon's temperature did rise

Melting away into an empty guise

And bringing my eyes to a fill

Then I'll steal the sun's light

Adorn it on you so bright

That dawn will break at your sight

Into the skies, and beyond

Come with me, my fond

Past all horizons we see

Forever, together we'll be

Lying on a blanket of clouds

Wrapped underneath the stars

We'll steal a moment that's just ours

Into the skies, and beyond

Come with me, my fond

Past all horizons we see

Forever, together we'll be

Into the skies, and beyond

Come with me, my fond

My phone's ringing.

Bachchan, where have you reached?

Sir, I've got the last bag in my hand. All bags with the full amount.

Good. Pooja's not misbehaving is she?

No Bhaiyyaji, Pooja is on her best behavior.

And guruii?

Behaving like good boy

Rascal! You're speaking English as smoothly as melting butter

I've picked up a little Bhaiyyaji!

And now, do you know what you have to do?

What Bhaiyyaji?

Load the gun with two bullets.

Blow Mr. Guru]I's brains out and smile.

Tie a weight and throw the body into the sea.

However, I think that..

...Pooja is a very smart girl.

I like her Tashan. I want her alive.

You bring her to me tomorrow.

It is an auspicious day. I will marry her.

By the power invested in me, etc etc...

Are they next to you?

- Yes sir.

This was not a phone call from Bhaiyyaji..

...It was the alarm clock of my destiny ringing.

I was back on earth in two seconds.

But in those two seconds, I realized that no matter how many times..

...I find Gudiya again, she would never be mine.

Hey!

You can't do this Bachchan..you are not a killer

Gudiya

Do you have to go?

Bhaiyyaji is only concerned about..

...his money, which I'm going to give him.

He'll never agree.

He will, don't worry. I'll tell him that you both ran away.

Worst comes to worst, he'll hit me.. torture me.. I'll be fine.

I can handle this.

But after all this, you meet at the ghats, okay?

I'll be waiting.

I'm not very good with goodbyes..

Just keep this.. as.. everything.

And take care of yourself, okay.

Ove English!

You know, you're quite a bastard but I like you.

Hey by-the-banks-of-the-Ganges, you are a dude man. Thanks.

Same to all of us

Make sure Gudiya reaches Kanpur safely. And if she doesn't.

...I'll hunt you down from the very bottom of the pit of hell..

...and make a big fat hole in your pretty little face, okay!! Bye.

Good luck.

Let's go!!

All the best dude.

Oh please, stop it Pooja, he's not even looking at you any more.

Actually you know what, I love this. You're such a brilliant actress!

So moved by the departure of her love..

...after making a complete idiot out of him. Brilliant!!

Please deny us the pleasure of such fine acting..

I am Gudiya silly goose.

If you could, you'd try to make a fool out of God and satan together

You're not a Gudiya, you're an evil doll. Now what happened?

Are you feeling bad or is your acting prowess still on display?

I haven't spoken truer words in my life. I really am Gudiya.

Deenanath!

Yes mam.

Deenanath, what connection have you gotten us?

That boy takes money to provide electricity..

...but there never is any power.

No TV, no fans.. you're completely useless.

Gudiya, will you please go and have a look.

We had an illegal electricity connection in our house.

Teach him a lesson that he won't forget.

And when stolen electricity goes,

you experience a higher level of anger.

When I get pissed off, I don't spare anyone.

It was the first time I saw the boy that stole electricity for us ..

...looked like complete donkey.

After that day, even if there was no electricity in the ..

...entire neighborhood, our house always had electricity.

He seemed like a bit of crook to me..

...and also a birdbrain. But I liked dumbos a lot!

I was very excited when I went to meet him at the ghats.

But I met someone else there.

Vickram Tiger was my father's name..

...but all of Kanpur trembled at the mention of him.

They said he resembled the fierceness of a tiger. But that day..

Grant me this request dear cloud

Go and burst and speak out loud

Tell my father that you are a disguise

Tell him you are his daughter's eyes

I knew what had actually happened to my father..

...but I couldn't say anything then.

I lived from that day on only to destroy Bhaiyyaji.

First I crucified Gudiya..

And a cold Pooja took her place.

A girl who could not be trusted.

Who used anything that came her way.

Including you.

...and landed in the middle of all this.

He gave life to Gudiya again. You don't believe me...?

This is probably the first time I do..

But Bhaiyyaji's going to kill Bachchan.

What?

There's no money in the bags he took.

Bachchan, kindly tell me where the money is?

Bhaiyyaji I swear, I would never betray you.

Just give me two days and I'll bring your money back..

...from that English speaking traitor.

And Pooja?

She has nothing to do with this.

You love her, you dirty fellow! Look at the irony Misir.

I wanted a murderer and I ended up with a bloody Romeo.

Bad.. - Luck

Listen dear Romeo.

You can love Pooja all you want..

...but she will marry only me.

I think this punishment should suffice for the both of you.

I will never let that happen as long as I live.

Bhaiyyaji ..

Now I have Romeo, Juliet and Prince Charlie!

We brought your money

Please take it and let Bachchan go

No.. no.. no.. My dear Pooja..

...I'm sorry but that's not what I had in mind.

Bhaiyyaji, money and Pooja..

...both are yours.

Just let me go.

What's the hurry Mr. Guruji?

Besides, why didn't you run with the money..

...and the girl, when you could?

I ran with your money once and I've been running ever since.

My life turned upside down.

If I ran again, you wouldn't even leave me with a life.

Why are you doing this? This is not what we discussed.

How else would I have brought you here my dear?

What did you think?

That I'm going to risk my life to save you and your hairy gorilla?

No way sweetheart! Does it hurt? Good..

...because when you left me in my own house,

I also felt something like this.

This is my house. Any slapping, I do.

Now I'll show you the real Bhaiyyaji.

This is the real Bhaiyyaji from Kanpur.

The Bhaiyyaji who killed your father..

...stabbed him to death.

Raise that hand again and its broken, you son of a..

Now I'm going to smash your bloody brains..

Bhaiyyaji, please.

Smash them, come on.

I also have one Tashan..

I like Tashan.

Just saying hello in my own style. Enjoyed beating me up did you?

Right that's it. That's it you bastard..

...I am going to kill you right here right now.

Bhaiyyaji please, please give me that gun.

I want to kill him right here right now.

I want to blow his head off. Give me your gun.

When you speak English, even Bramha cannot deny you.

Give me the gun Bhaiyyaji, I want to kill him.

Bhaiyyaji, TASHAN lS.. You are the fifty-third card on the deck.

The joker!

And I'm the third king, Don't you see, I'm the sovereign ruler.

Do you remember this film? Black stone?

Bhaiyyaji, I am a bit a of a bastard but you didn't know that.

I may be English in my ways, but deep down, I'm purely Indian.

Pooja, would you please free Mr. Bachchan Pande?

And Bachchan, if my clan fails to continue..

...I will hunt you down and kill you.

Mr. Misir, Mr. Pintu, kindly drop your guns ..

...otherwise I'll have to blow Bhaiyyaji's beautiful brain ..

...on this piece of shit you call a carpet.

Bhaiyyaji, I've respected you since I was a little boy.

But you're not what I thought you to be.

From this day forward..

...If you ever dare to look at my Gudiya with your dirty eyes..

...I swear I'll pull out your blooming..

...eyeballs and play marbles with them.

And yes, this wonderful little rotten..

...kingdom you've made for yourself here

I will burn it down to nothing..

...and put the ashes into your beady eyes.

O English brother! Thank you.. really.

It's okay Bachchan.

Common, we've got a long way to take these creeps. After you..

BASTARD!

They've got the style, they've got the good luck..

...and they have the formula.

But I, Bhaiyyaji, am the original bastard.

I've got the TASHAN.

I had never imagined that to save my own life..

...I would have to take another's.

I never thought that I could fire a gun.

But when the situation is such,

you learn to pull the trigger automatically.

I knew that now, either I won't survive this..

...or I'll slay Bhaiyyaji and walk out of here.

Jimmy..

Bachchannnn!

You can go to your father now.

Romeo Pande huh?

You're very happy today, very happy..

I wasn't naive or even straight forward,

but I do have a little innocence in me.

In our country, no matter how much of a loser or dumbo..

...or Jackasses people are, when the time comes they are the ones..

...who come to each other's rescue.

My life didn't change much. I still work in a call centre.

India's first call centre with only female employees! And I own it!!

We even got an award from some feminist NGO. Right?

I mean, that's like eating your cake and getting a medal for it!

My life changed as much as it should have.

Nowadays, I get up every morning with a fresh zest.

I don't go near anything wrong or..

...Illegal because I've reached my shore.

After all, I'm not some wild bull on the loose..

...my wife keeps me on a very tight leash.

And I love it!!

Our life is normal.. As normal as everyone else's.

But who knows what normal is?

It's quite a subjective word. All we know is that what is life..

Without TASHAN!

I mean what's life without a little

TASHAN