Original subtitles

♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪

♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

♪ [muffled] ♪

♪ Come on down to South Park ♪

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

[school bell rings]

And so just like in nature,

I can add the mixture into the volcano and--

Oh, Pele, god of fire, show us your--

[volcano burps]

Oh, it's all g-gooey.

Okay, good job, Butters. You get a check.

Thank you, Miss Choksondik.

I got a check. That's like a "C".

Okay, whose project should we look at next?

How about... Eric?

Eric Cartman.

Stand by, please.

Now, Eric!

Oh, God damn it! - Ha, ha!

Shut, you!

Yes, well...

For my project, I made a pencil taped to a pen.

In this way we see the duality of writing devices

that occurs in nature.

You just put that thing together just now.

I'm giving you a check minus.

Ah! God damn it, I hate check minus!

Sit down.

I'll make you eat your parents.

What did you say? - Nothing.

Alright, Token, you're next.

Using my laptop, I hooked into the internet

and found a meteorology website.

I downloaded the data,

and with my dad's video projector,

I can show you the graph I made of predictable weather patterns

over the next three months.

Ohh...

I also printed out the results on my color printer.

Here you are, Miss Choksondik.

Very, very good, Token. You get a check plus.

Alright!

Oh, that is such bullcrap!

Oh, Eric, for the love of God.

No, no, see, this is the fundamental flaw

with the check, check plus, check minus system.

The only reason Token was able to do all that

is because his family is rich.

My family isn't rich.

Oh, come on, token, your new house is

four times the size of anyone else's in town.

And who else gets crab cakes and lobster tail

in their lunch boxes?

Your family is rich, dude. - But I...

Let's just see where token's clothes come from, shall we?

Ooh, Armani Exchange.

Armani Exchange?

All the rest of us have to buy our clothes at J-mart.

Have you ever even been inside a J-mart, Token?

I didn't think so.

Yeah, dude, your family's so rich,

they have their own pool table.

Yeah, and their own sprinkler system.

You don't think you're rich?

Hello, Token, how was school today?

Mom, Dad, why do we have a bigger house

than everybody else in South Park?

Well, because we have more money, son.

I know, but why?

Well, because we went to graduate school

and therefore have more lucrative jobs

than most people in town.

For instance, your mother is a chemist

for a pharmaceutical company,

whereas your friend Eric Cartman's mother

is a crack whore.

One pays more than the other.

Why, sweetie? What's the matter?

All the kids at school today

made fun of me because I'm rich.

Oh.

I don't want to be rich anymore.

I want to eat macaroni and cheese for dinner

and wear clothes from J-mart. - J-mart?

Son, you don't know what you're saying.

I just want to be like all the other kids in South Park.

Please, Mom and Dad, please!

You... Sure you want to do this, son?

I'm sure.

Hmm...

Where's the valet?

He must be parking someone else's car.

Ah, here we go.

Take good care of it, please.

Here's $20.

Ho!

They've activated some kind of alien blinding device.

That's not a blinding device, Dad,

It's fluorescent lighting.

Oh.

Excuse me, where would we find

young men's fashion apparel?

Aisle 6, next to the pretzels.

Next to the...

Come on!

Hey, look, these pants are only 5 bucks apiece.

They must really suck. What do you think?

What--what brand are they?

it doesn't matter, Mom.

They're poor people pants.

Hey, uh, Sharon,

Isn't that the Williamses?

Huh? Oh, yeah, it is.

What are they doing here?

They can afford to shop at Cherry Creek.

You see that, Sheila?

The Williamses are shopping here.

I don't get it.

He must pull in at least 200,000 a year.

Son, can you just hurry it up?

I don't think we quite fit in here.

Ooh, looks like you landed on Park Avenue, Stan.

You owe me $10 million.

Hey, guys.

Oh, hey, dude, did you bring the movie?

I sure did.

Hey, you changed your clothes, Token.

Yeah well, y'know, I did a little shopping at J-mart.

Alright, well, let's just watch The Lion King.

Cartman's cheating anyways.

Here you go.

What's that?

It's a DVD of the Lion King.

DVD? We don't own a DVD player.

Yeah, dude, nobody does. They're too expensive.

Not too expensive for Token's rich-ass family, apparently.

[laughter]

Don't you have a VHS of it?

I only have this.

Oh, well, let me take this disk up to the Enterprise

and see if Captain Kirk can decrypt it.

What's a VHS?

Oh, Jesus, dude.

Come on, guys,

We'll just have to find other stuff to do.

Heh, "what's a VHS?"

[laughter]

♪ Why can't I be like all the other kids? ♪

♪ They all have three-bedroom homes ♪

♪ Broken trucks on their lawns ♪

♪ And cut-up hot dogs for lunch ♪

♪ It's not my fault my parents succeed so much ♪

♪ There's no one in town I can relate to ♪

♪ I play with autographed baseball bats ♪

♪ While everyone else just plays with sticks and pine cones ♪

♪ Has a boy ever felt so alone? ♪

♪ Well who needs them anyway? ♪

♪ I won't pretend I'm something I'm not ♪

♪ If I can't be poor ♪

♪ I've got to deal with what I've got ♪

♪ If I can't be like them ♪

♪ What I need is more rich kids around ♪

♪ So I'm not the only one ♪

♪ And then I won't be so down ♪

♪ Please God send more rich kids ♪

♪ To my town ♪

Ooh, look at this, honey.

A beautiful unspoiled town in the rockies.

This is just what we've been looking for.

like Aspen was 30 years ago.

Sounds nice.

We could buy hundreds of acres of land for next to nothing.

And then I could finally live like a cowboy.

Oh, Will, the country would be such a nicer place

to raise our kids.

Oh, kids! - Yes, daddy.

How would you like to move to the Colorado Rockies?

The mountains, daddy?

Can we have horses?

Oh, can we, can we, daddy?

You bet! - Hooray!

Well, here it is, our home to be.

Oh, Will, it's beautiful.

Hi, welcome to the neighborhood.

Well, thank you, young man.

We're the Smiths.

Ah, a local boy.

You shall be our new playmate.

I'm Frederick.

This is my sister Lisa and my brother Daniel.

I'm Token.

Our daddy is a very famous actor.

What does your daddy do?

Ah, he's a lawyer, I think.

How quaint.

Kids, why don't you go play with little Token

while your mother and I check out the town?

Very well. Come, local boy.

Show us how to play your mountain games.

Alright!

Thanks, God.

And this is the room where my mom and dad

keep their original Van Gogh painting.

Yes, yes, we have one of those too.

In fact, we have seven of them, I believe.

You do? God, that's great!

Why?

I'm just so happy you guys moved into town.

You see, I used to be the only rich kid.

All the other families here are kind of low-to-middle income.

Why? What happened to all their money?

Well, they never really had any money.

Then why don't their daddies just act in a movie?

Well, I think that they--

Sometimes children must be very firm with their daddies. - Indeed.

like when Daddy doesn't want to act in a movie

because he thinks the script is bad.

So we must plead with him:

"please, Daddy, please. It's $20 million, Daddy."

"Please, Daddy, please."

"20 million is still 12 million after taxes, Daddy."

"I want a llama, Daddy. Please, Daddy!"

"Daddy, please!" - "Daddy!"

And so Daddy does the picture.

That's... great.

$20 million great.

♪

♪ I found a girl who had an innie ♪

♪ And I felt it with my jimmy ♪

♪ Playa haters try to dis me ♪

♪ 'Cause my rhymes are just too... ♪

Sorry, Snoop Dogg,

but Will Smith is on line 3 for you.

Oh.

William, how are you, buddy?

Great, Snoop Dogg, and you?

Couldn't be better.

I'm just laying down some vocals for my new album.

Great, Snoo-Snoo.

Listen, remember how we always talked about

wanting to buy property up in the mountains

so our kids could ski and ride horses?

Oh, yes, the kids bug me about it all the time.

Well, I found the place, Snooty Roo.

It's in the Rockies but totally undiscovered,

laid-back and beautiful.

Oh, it sounds lovely!

You really should come give it a look.

Jada and I would love for some friends to move here with us.

I certainly will, William.

And perhaps I'll give ol' Magic and Kobe Bryant a call.

They've been looking for vacation properties, as well.

Great! Well, listen,

let me let you get back to your recording.

I'll see you soon, bye.

Bye.

Alright, let's take it from the top, gang.

♪ Shout "hell yeah" from my vehicle ♪

♪ Livin' is a miracle ♪

Look, there's more of them moving into our town.

Y'know, Oprah Winfrey is building a house up on Cannon,

and some Snoop Doggy Doodoo built a gigantic place on Main.

Yep, there goes the neighborhood.

That's the fifth family of them that's moved here.

Seems like all of a sudden,

South Park is being overrun by those types.

Hey, what are you saying?

What types?

You know, those types--

rich people.

Oh.

I don't take kindly to rich folk!

Neither does Ned.

Nope.

I remember back in the day,

rich folk weren't allowed in South Park.

Now they're moving here in droves!

They're gonna be sending their kids to our schools

and mixing them with our pure, non-rich kids.

Oh, yeah, and it won't be long

before they drive all of us poor, underachieving people

out of town with inflated real estate costs.

Damn, I hate them stupid richers.

Yeah, hey, rich guy! Hey, richie rich!

Yeah, I'm talking to you, richer.

What's in the huge box, richer,

your checkbook?

[laughter]

Yeah, how many rich people does it take

to screw in a lightbulb?

None!

They can hire people to do it for them!

Yeah, hey, hey--

You guys know why richers have such big garages?

'Cause they need a place for all their Porsches

and boats and aircraft carriers.

[laughter]

Yeah, that's right, cash-chucker.

Go have fun with your $2 million house.

[laughing alone]

I guess we showed them.

a little to the left.

That's great.

And let's put another pool over there.

Uh-huh, good.

Token, these are Oprah's newly adopted children,

Dominique and Zizi.

Hello! - Hi.

Cheerio.

Ah, and these are Puff Daddy's kids:

P. Diddy-Mini, P. Poofy Bite-Size

and Puffa Diddy Diddy Puff Fun-Size.

Wow, my plan to get rich people here sure did work.

Hey, I got a great idea!

Let's all pack some lunches and go sledding.

Oh no, we're going shopping.

All: shopping! - Yes, come, Token.

We're all going to head down to the mall

and buy some of the stores.

Oh. Alright then.

Excuse me, can we get a couple of beers over here?

[record scratches]

They've got nice, expensive beers for you across the street

at the new Wolfgang Puck's.

That's all right. We just want some nice, cheap beer tonight.

Maybe you didn't see the sign out front.

This bar is for people living below their means only.

All: Yeah!

This is a free country.

I can have a drink wherever I want.

Come on, Kobe, let's just go.

This ain't over, this ain't over by a long shot.

Oh, those richers are getting snooty.

We've got to show these richers

that they aren't welcome here.

What do you mean?

How about tonight we sneak up to one of their houses,

and right on their lawn,

we'll set fire to a big lowercase "t".

Lower case "t"?

Yeah, for "time to leave".

All: Yeah!

Jimbo, you take some folk

and build a big wooden lowercase "t".

I'll take the rest and get some gas and torches ready.

All: alright!

"t"?

T-time to leave?

"t" is for time to leave, cash-chucker!

I'm calling the police.

I think we scared him.

Yeah, next house we'll do a capital "T",

to show them we really mean business!

All: yeah!

Now, Token, polo is very simple.

You simply must hit the williets into somesilion

with your fragamenth.

Well, yeah, but can't we just play

without wearing these uncomfortable uniforms?

[laughter]

Can't we play without the uniforms?

Yes, and let's eat caviar without blinis as well.

[laughter]

Now come, Token, and remember,

it doesn't matter who wins.

It matters who wins three times in a row.

Tallyho!

All: Tallyho!

Hooray!

Frederick, it's wonderful!

What in the hell are they doing?

- Is that fun? - I don't know.

We don't have horses, so we can't play.

Well, let's just play our game then.

Alright. - Alright, I'll start.

I'll kick you in the nuts, Kenny!

[laughter]

I'll kick you in the nuts, Stan!

I'll kick you in the nuts, Cartman.

Ow!

[laughter]

You see, you must pay attention, Token.

I was able to jollyrow your davishmere

with a forecastle.

This game is too confusing.

How about we have a snowball fight?

A snowball fight?

How barbaric.

Yes, Token, if you want to play such savage games,

I suggest you go live with lions.

[laughter]

I don't fit in anywhere.

Oh boy, we're going to the zoo.

We can eat Jell-o pudding.

All right, this is gonna be fun, kids.

We're going to the zoo.

We can eat the Jell-o pudding and chocolate cake.

Hey, what are you doing?

If you're gonna ride the bus in South Park,

you're gonna have to sit in the front!

All: Yeah!

Yeah, that's where the first-class seating is.

Yeah, how do you like that, richer?

It's very nice, actually.

Yeah, I'll bet it is.

Very, very comfy.

Uh-huh, looks like it.

Hello, my name is Token.

I don't fit in with all the kids at South Park Elementary,

so I invited a bunch of rich kids to move to town.

The problem is, I don't fit in with them either.

That's why I've come to live with you.

So if you'll have me and raise me as one of your own,

I promise to be the best lion I can be!

[growls]

Ahh, yeah.

♪ Shovel that snow, baby ♪

♪ It's all nice heavy and wet ♪

♪ Just... ♪

♪ We shall persevere ♪

♪ We shall persevere ♪

You there, come march with us.

For what?

All the poor people in town

think they can persecute

and harass us decent rich folk.

So we're uniting and marching on the town square.

The Million Millionaire March!

All: Yeah! - Come on, brother.

But... I'm not rich.

What?

I'm just a school cafeteria chef.

I don't make much money.

We'll give you $100.

Ooh, fudge the snow now.

♪ I shall persevere ♪

All: ♪ We shall persevere ♪

Arrr!

Look at the little black lion, Mommy.

He's cute, isn't he?

Roar!

What are you doing here, boy?

You, you talk. I understood you.

I must be becoming a lion.

You're not becoming a lion.

The only way you can do that is to see Aslan.

Who's Aslan?

Very well, walk this way.

Is this the boy who's been living in our realm?

Yes.

Are you Aslan?

I am.

Well, I'm Token.

So you want to live with the lions, do you?

Yes, umm, great Aslan.

I don't fit in anywhere else.

And what makes you think you'd fit in with us?

Well, I don't know.

Do you like jokes?

What?

Jokes--you know, funny, ha-ha!

Us lions love jokes.

I like jokes a lot.

Hmm, then there may be hope in you yet,

Young apprentice lion.

Very well, we will let you stay

if you can pull this thorn from my paw.

Go on, try it. Pull my thorn.

Come on, pull my thorn!

[farts]

[snickering]

[laughing]

So can I stay?

You may.

But being a lion may be harder than you think.

A million millionaires are gathering their ranks

and will be marching on the town square tonight

in South Park to petition the end

of separate bars, bus seating, and restaurants.

It looks like it will be a great turnout,

as some of the millionaires also paid

several thousand Mexicans to march for them.

if they get that petition passed, it's all over.

I guess we learned our lesson.

You can't fight rich folk. They're just too powerful.

Now, come on, is that any way to talk?

They won, Garrison,

they can't be scared out of town.

No, we just haven't scared them the right way.

Think about it.

What scares rich people more than anything?

Ghosts?

Bingo.

Rich people won't want to live in South Park

if they think it's haunted.

All: Yeah!

Everyone get some sheets from home.

If we can't chase the richers out,

We'll spook 'em out!

Yeah! - Let's go!

[burps]

[laughter]

[burps]

[laughter]

[sighs]

Aslan.

Yes, what is it, young lion apprentice?

I think I'm gonna go home now.

Home?

But I thought your friends made fun of you at home.

They do, but I guess I learned something today.

You see, even though kids at South Park make fun of me,

I still like hanging around them

more than snobby rich kids or lions.

Even though I may be different from them,

I still like my old friends best.

It sounds like you've learned much,

young lion apprentice.

Very well.

But before you go,

perhaps you would like a stick of gum?

No, thanks.

Go on; it's spearmint.

No, because there's a spring in there,

and if I pull the gum out, it's gonna hurt my finger.

Ohh, so you don't want any gum then?

Are you sure?

Go on, try it!

Ow.

[laughter]

Oh, that is good stuff!

Jesus, lions suck.

And so it is with great determination

that us decent rich Americans have gathered to say

we will be separated no more.

All: Hooray!

This certainly has been an enlightening evening.

And as mayor, I accept your petition

and will abolish all separation laws.

All: Yeah!

And I want to assure the nation that is watching

that South Park is not a town of prejudice or bigotry.

Woo...

Boo!

Boo!

All: Woo...

What the...

Oh God, no.

Boo!

Haa!

Karl, do you see what I see?

Yes, Martin.

I do believe this town is "hainted."

Boo!

Kids, go find the limo and get in!

You didn't tell me this town was hainted.

I didn't know!

I! Didn't! Know!

It's working.

They're scared to death.

Pack up your things quickly.

We got to get out of here.

Boo!

Oh, hey, there's Token.

Hey, guys.

Dude, we're gonna play football; you wanna play?

You mean... You want me around?

Sure, dude, you're our friend.

Yeah, I know.

But you guys always rip on me for being rich.

Dude, just because we rip on you for being rich

doesn't mean we don't like you.

Yeah, we're guys, dude.

We find something about all our friends to rip on.

We make fun of you for being rich

Just like we make fun of Butters for being wimpy.

They sure do.

Yeah, like we rip on Kyle for being a Jew.

Right. - That's right, huh?

And Stan for being in love with Wendy.

Yeah, I get it for that.

And Cartman for being fat.

And Cartman for being stupid.

And Cartman for having a whore for a mom.

Hey.

And Cartman for being a sadistic asshole.

Hey, you did me already!

You're right, guys.

From now on, I'm fine with being made fun of for being rich.

Oh, but we're not gonna rip on you for being rich anymore.

You're not?

No, dude, because since you got your feelings so hurt

for being ripped on, now we think you're a pussy.

Yeah, so now you're a pussy--pussaholic.

Come on, Token, we're gonna play football, you puss.

Pussy! - Yeah, what a puss.

Yeah, that guy's a pussy.

Wait, I like being ripped on for being rich better!

That was it.

We just saw the last of 'em speeding away in a van.

All: Alright!

They were so scared, I'm sure they'll never be back.

That's great!

Now we can sell all their homes and become millionaires!

What?

But then you had us do all that for nothing.

Don't you see?

If you get rich selling these homes,

Then there will still be rich people in South Park.

Yeah, you'd become what you hate.

Well yeah, but at least I got rid of all those damn ni--