All language subtitles for South.Park.S05E11.The.Entity.1080p.HMAX.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-CtrlHD_track3_[eng]

♪ I'm going down
to South Park ♪

♪ Gonna have myself
a time ♪

♪ Friendly faces
everywhere ♪

♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪

♪ I'm going down
to South Park ♪

♪ Gonna leave
my woes behind ♪

♪ Ample parking
day or night ♪

♪ People spouting
"howdy neighbor" ♪

♪ Headin' on up
to South Park ♪

♪ Gonna see
if I can't unwind ♪

♪ [muffled] ♪

♪ Come on down
to South Park ♪

♪ And meet
some friends of mine ♪

Jesus Christ!

These lines
are ridiculous!

I'm gonna miss
my flight.

Excuse me, there's two other
security checkpoints.

Why can't you
open those, too?

Duh, I dunno nothing.

But you work for the--
God damn it!

Snooty Airlines
announces the arrival

of Flight 239
from Connecticut.

That's your
cousin's flight, Kyle.

Hold the sign up
nice and high,

so he can find us.

What's he look like?

He's your age
and about your height.

I'm stoked my cousin
is coming to live with us.

It'll be just like
having a brother.

I thought I were!

Oh, there he is,
over here, Kyle!

Hello, Aunt Sheila.

How was your flight?

Oh, it was terrible.

They recycle
the air on board,

and it really did
a number on my asthma.

I asked them
to turn up the oxygen

and they wouldn't.

You remember Uncle Jerry.

Hello, Uncle Jerry.

And these are your cousins
Ike and Kyle.

Hey, dude.
- Nice to meet you.

Let's get down
to the baggage claim, Kyle.

Okay.
- Okay.

Ooh, that's right!

We've got two Kyles now.

We'll just call you Kyle
and you can be Kyle... Two.

Cool.

Next.

Oh, I feel like
I've run a marathon.

Okay, the 2:30 flight
to Cheyenne has boarded.

Looks like you
didn't make it.

What? Well, of course
I didn't make it!

The line to check in
was two hours long,

and the security line
was two hours more!

Yeah, no problem, though.

We'll get you on the 7:00 a.m.
Flight tomorrow morning.

I can't go tomorrow.
The Jizzfest is tonight!

Would you like a window
or an aisle seat?

This is unbelievable!

You know, I seem to remember
when the airlines said

"we need a $15 billion bailout
from the taxpayers."

Mm, okay, and have any
of your personal items

been out of your possession
since you left?

Well, we gave them
the $15 billion,

and they fired
their employees anyway,

so now we have three people
to clear 400 passengers!

Hey, he's right!

All: Yeah!

Okay, and bags
have been with you at all times?

So where did
that money go?

I'll tell you
where it went!

It went right
into the pockets

of the presidents
and CEOs of the airlines

so they could keep their
multimillion-dollar salaries!

All: Yeah!

And here's your boarding pass
for tomorrow morning.

You think you can treat us
however you want

because we have to fly!

Well, I'll tell you what,
Sally Sass-a-Lot.

I'm gonna come up with
a new mode of transportation,

a brand-new vehicle

that'll put all you bastards
out of business!

All: Yeah!

You think
I can't do it?

I got a master's degree
in mechanical engineering

at Denver Community College.

You watch me!

Come on, everybody!

All: Yeah!

Can I get on
that 7:30 a.m. flight?

Here we go, Kyle Two,
and here's yours, Kyle.

Wh-what is this?

Mom's special stew.

She makes it every Monday,
and I love it.

Oh, is this beef?

Yeah, dude, it's great.

Actually,
I-I can't eat beef.

I have a degenerative problem
with my intestinal lining,

and beef really
gives me gas.

oh, I'm so sorry, Kyle!

What else can I fix you?

Oh, no, I-I don't want
to be a bother.

Nonsense!

Can't I make you
some nice pasta

or a frozen fish fillet?

Well, some fish would be great

if it isn't too much trouble.

I'll put it
in the microwave right away.

[wheezing]

Mom?
- Yes, Kyle Two?

How am I related
to him again?

He's your cousin,
Kyle Two.

I told you already.

Yeah, but like first cousin
or distant cousin?

He's my sister's son.

That makes him
your first cousin.

So we have
the same blood?

Now, Kyle Two,
listen to me.

Kyle is going through
a very tough time in his life.

His mother is very sick,
and he's in a whole new place.

He's going to rely on you

to make sure he fits in
at your school.

What? How the hell
am I supposed to do that?

I'm sure your friends
will love him.

What about Cartman, huh?

He rips on me
for being Jewish.

He's gonna tear
this kid apart.

Kyle two,
he's your responsibility.

Oh my god!

I'm sure you two
will become great friends

with lots of late-night
pillow talk.

What do you mean?

What room
is he sleeping in?

What's this comforter
filled with?

Oh, it isn't filled
with down, is it?

I don't know, dude.

it sure is quiet up here
in the mountains and dry too.

Do you have
a humidifier?

I don't think so.

Can you take
my stupid glasses

and put them
on the nightstand?

Make sure
they're close by

because that fish upset
my stomach,

and I might need them
if I have to go

to the bathroom later on.

Okay.

[breathing heavily]

it's got to be simple.

Like a moped
but with the ability to travel

at much faster speeds.

If the design
of our electrical moped

were altered with--

No, no, no, no.
This won't work either.

What was wrong
with that plan?

It has to be more stable,
Mr. Hat.

A moped would be too dangerous
at those speeds.

Damn it!

Now, what if the jet power
of an aircraft

Could be scaled down
into a personal vehicle?

Boy, that Enrique "In-gleses"

Can sure gyrate
his hot ass around.

[singing on TV]

Oh, Mr. Hat,
will you stop drooling

over Enrique "In-gleses" and--

Wait a minute.
What did you say?

I said Enrique "In-gleses"
can sure gyrate his hot ass.

That's it!
Gyration!

A gyroscope!

It would allow
for maximum balance and yet--

Mr. Hat,
you're a genius!

It's so simple
and yet genius!

Check out his hot bulge too.

Hey, dude.

What's that thing?

Cartman,
I need to talk to you.

Hello, I'm Kyle's cousin,
Kyle.

Cartman, I'm gonna
make you a deal.

What?

That kid over there

is my cousin
from the East Coast.

He's having a really
hard time right now,

so I'm gonna offer you $40
to not to rip on him.

40 bucks?

But you can't make fun
of him at all.

No smartass comments, nothing.
- Alright, alright.

And you especially
can't say anything about Jews.

Oh, Jesus, why don't you
just cut off my balls?

Cartman, no Jew jokes!

All you have to do
is keep your mouth shut

and you've got 40 bucks.

Can you do it?

I can't believe how cold
it is out here.

It could be tough,
but I'll give it a shot.

Alright.

It's a real dry cold.
That's the problem.

The cold air
makes me wheeze.

Kyle, this is Cartman.

He's my sort of
friend--ish.

Nice to meet you,
Cartman.

You know, I saw that same jacket
you're wearing

at Bosco's for $29.95.

How much was yours?

I'm just wondering
if Bosco's is a rip-off.

Oh, man.
- Cartman.

Uh, it's nice
to meet you, Kyle.

I can certainly tell
you're a relative

of my good friend
Kyle here.

[whooshing]

What the hell
was that?

[whooshing]

Well, what the hell
was that?

[whooshing]

What the hell
was that?

I don't know;
it was going so fast,

I couldn't see it.

But I want one.

Yeah, me too!

We've done it, Mr. Hat.

Airline companies
be damned.

We've invented a whole new mode
of transportation.

Get some investors
on the phone.

Well, what are
you waiting for?

And I know you'll all be
very nice to our new student.

Kyle, why don't you tell us
a little about yourself?

Oh, well I grew up
in the city.

I really don't care
for it.

I come from
a Jewish family

Which, of course,
you already know

because Kyle's from
the same family.

I like to read,

and I have these polyps
on the backs of my hands.

I don't know
what they are.

Oh, my God,
I'm not gonna make it.

I'm not gonna make it.

Oh, and I hope one day
to be an investment banker.

Uh... must fight it...
need 40 dollars.

Okay, why don't you go ahead
and take a seat, Kyle?

Where should I sit?

There's no place
to sit down here.

Yes, unfortunately,
the school seems to be

completely out of
extra desks,

so you'll just have to share
with your cousin.

What?
- Oh, alright, then.

[breathing heavily]

Now let's get on
with our lesson about the--

Are wooden desks
all that are available?

I usually prefer
the plastic ones

because these
give me splinters.

Ugnh-ughn!

I'm sorry, Kyle.
You'll just have to make do.

Now let's get
back to the les--

Is it cold in here?

I realize we're
in the mountains,

but do we have to freeze
to death?

Now, Kyle, I need you
to be quiet.

In my class, you need
to be able to concentrate.

Concentration is the key
to succeeding in my class.

Maybe we'll have to send him
to concentration camp.

Ah! Damn it,
damn it, damn it!

Cartman!

Kindergarten teacher
Herbert Garrison

has apparently invented
a new vehicle

which will give the airlines
a run for their money.

Mr. Garrison is putting
the final touches

on his top secret device,
which he simply calls "It."

So what exactly
is "It"?

Here with a report
is a Hispanic man

with some gravy stains
on his lapel.

Thanks, Tom--
oh--thanks, Tom.

So far, Herbert Garrison
hasn't let anyone

get a look
at his invention.

He claims that the vehicle
is so genius and revolutionary

that it could cause
one's eyes to bleed

if not properly prepared
to see it.

But earlier today,
HBC news got footage

of some of the country's top
investors and richest people

who have been invited
for a first look, including:

Steve Forbes,

Steve Jobs,

Ted Turner,

Donald Trump,

Bill Gates,

and Yasmine Bleeth.

Their curiosity is piqued, Tom,
and so is ours.

What is "It"?

What does "It" do?

And when will "It" be somewhere
where I can buy one?

Reporting live,
Jeff Arrrrrrando, HBC news.

You need to learn to play
some sports, Kyle,

so we're gonna start with
a tough one called

"catch the ball."

I throw the football to you.
You throw it back to me.

Oh, but isn't the cold air
making the ball really hard?

It's gonna hurt
my hands.

It's fine.

Alright, then.

H-how do I catch it?

it's a football dude.

You just put your arms
out and catch it.

Alright,
here we go!

Now what?
- Now throw it back to me.

But it's down
in the snow!

So dig it out.

But I'll get snow
on my gloves,

and then it will melt,
and I'll have wet hands.

Well, then we'll dry them off.

Alright, then.

Oh my God.

Kyle, Kyle!

I just found out
that in World War II,

Some Jewish people were sent
to concentration camps.

Yeah, they were, Cartman.

Oh, and see,
I didn't realize that,

but I understand now
how you might've thought

what I said in the classroom
was a racial slur,

but see, I had no idea!

You did, too!
You are so full of crap.

No, I'm seriously.

Because I was talking to Craig,
and Craig was all like,

"Hey, did you know
that in World War II,

they really had
concentration camps?"

And I was all like,
"no way!"

And then this little light
went on in my head, like,

"aw, man, no wonder Kyle
thought what I said in class,

see, was directed
at his cousin."

But-but I was literally talking
about a concentration camp,

you know, where you go
for a week to learn and focus.

Oh, man, what
a misunderstanding, huh?

You blew the deal,
Cartman.

God damn it, give me
another chance!

Nuh-uh. I knew you were gonna
make fun of my lame cousin

so I offered you
the 40 bucks not to rip on him.

You ripped on him.
Deal's off.

You did what?
- Oh, no.

Ha-ha, serves you right,
asshole.

You-you paid your friends
to not make fun of me?

Look, it's not because
anything's wrong with you.

Wow, you think it takes $40
to get people to like me.

Kyle, I'm sorry.

Because I mean, I really think
you could've done it

for about $12.50.

What?

I mean, you didn't just
start at $40 did you?

You gotta low-ball these things,
so you have a place to go.

Oh, dude!

Boy, it sure is dry
out here.

Gentlemen, imagine being able
to travel safely

at incredibly fast speeds

and not having to go to
the stupid fart-face airports.

That sounds incredible,
Mr. Garrison!

It is incredible,
Mr. Hat.

And what makes it possible is

"It's" patented
gyroscope design.

Gentlemen, I give you...
"It."

All: Ooh!

Nice!
Sleek!

"It" gets over 300 miles
to the gallon

and is safely capable of speeds
of over 200 miles per hour.

Wow!

This will change
everything.

We're going to have
to re-think cities.

Now, "It" is easily operated
using four flexi-grip handles.

Two of them are
on each side:

left side for throttle,
right side for steering.

The third flexigrip is
gently inserted into the anus

to keep the driver
in place.

Oh.

Oh?

There we go.

Now the final flexigrip is
directly in front of the driver

so that small switches
can be operated with the mouth

as such...

Put the four together
and we're ready to go.

Oh my God!

Look at it go!

But the way it works,

do you really think people
will go through that to travel?

Hey, it still beats what you
go through at the airports.

True.
- Yep.

Yeah, that's true.
- Yeah.

I can't take it anymore,
Stan.

My cousin's been here
for two weeks,

and he's driving me insane.

I know, dude,
every kid in school

wants to kick his ass.

I spent five years
in this town

making a good name
for Jews and this...

This stereotype shows up
and wrecks it all!

You know
what my biggest fear is?

That I'll become him.

That somehow his mannerisms

will start rubbing off on me,

and I'll become a stereotype.

I mean, I'm a Jew,
and he's making me hate Jews.

dude, a self-hating Jew--
you a re becoming a stereotype!

See?
- I'm back.

Ah!
- Later, dude.

[breathing heavily]

[munching]

Tom, the day
is finally here.

"It" has arrived
for retail sale

and people are getting
their first look at it.

Okay, good,
just step through here...

And then this
is your steering,

and here's
your throttle.

Okay...

Okay, now you're just
gonna feel a little pinch...

Arrgh!

It's alright.
It's just locking you in.

Just take it.
- Ahh!

Doing great, Kathy.
How's that ride?

Mmph-mm-mhmph!

Okay, now use your mouth
to operate the turn signals,

and you're off.

Great, who else wants
to give "It" a spin?

Oh, man,
is that the "It"?

Yeah.
- How is "It"?

Well, it beats dealing with
the airline companies.

That's for sure.

I don't know
about this, guys.

I think sleds
are dangerous.

Look, Kyle, sledding is
something all kids out here do.

You've gotta learn.

It seems like I might
get splinters, though.

Remember, just hold on.

No matter how long
the sledding run lasts, hold on.

Hold on.
I see.

Oh, Jesus,
the sled is going fast!

Hang on!

I have to watch out
for my glasses.

Ow, ow, it's so cold.
Oh, Jesus!

How far do you think
it is to Connecticut?

It's at least
a couple hours.

Think he'll be alright?
- He's fine.

Are you tired of
corporate airline companies

treating you like
a worthless sardine?

Tired of ridiculous lines and
horrible security at airports?

Well, now there's an alternative
to airline travel, "It"!

"It" has taken
the country by storm.

And already 2 million
have been sold.

Never have another
important business trip

ruined by airline
incompetence.

Hey, ladies!

How did you get
to the Grand Canyon?

[mumbling echoes]

"It" comes in sizes available
for the entire family.

Here you go, Robbie.

Hello, I'm John Travolta.

I used to rely on airlines
to get me to set,

but once I got used to "It,"

I found "It" to be
a little less painful

than dealing with
the airline companies.

I just power up
the flexigrips...

[groaning]

and I'm ready to go.
Thank you, "It".

So, join the millions
of Americans

who have found a little bit more
comfortable way of traveling.

Order yours today.

And remember our slogan:
"'It's' better than flying."

Hmm, that looks pretty gay.

[humming]

Kyle Two,
where is Kyle?

I don't know, Mom.

Last time I saw him,
he was sledding.

Where on earth
could he be?

You know, it's possible he just
went back to Connecticut.

What?

I mean, maybe he got
so worried about his mom

that he found a way
to get back and see her.

Don't be ridiculous,
Kyle Two!

He's out playing
with his new friends.

I'm just throwing it
out there as a possibility.

[doorbell ringing]

I'm back!
- Ah!

I'm sorry, you must've
been worried sick.

I got your sled
tangled up with a bus.

A bus, really?

Kyle, what happened to you?

I was just sledding,
and then the next thing I knew,

My sled rope got
tangled with a bus.

I got dragged
for over 100 miles

before the bus
finally stopped for gas.

I'm sorry about your sled, Kyle.

Oh, no, don't worry
about it, dude.

Oh, you poor thing!

Come upstairs and we'll get you
out of those wet clothes.

Are you alright?

My ears feel like
they're frozen off.

And I think I have
a hemorrhoid

from sitting
on the sled for so long...

♪ We're in the money,
Mr. Hat ♪

♪ We're in the money,
Mr. Hat ♪

Oh, hi, Jimbo,
can I help you?

Yeah, I wanted to order
that theft alarm for my "It".

Oh, right, right,
take a seat.

That's okay, I'll stand.

What do you think, Mr. Marsh?

All set to put
a down payment on that baby?

Well, yeah, but I just
had one question

about the way
it works.

Sure!

Well, it seems
all the buttons

on these front
and rear flexigrips

are also found on the side
of the vehicle.

Yep.

Well, so, they don't
really do anything.

Right.

So then couldn't I just
order one that works

without going in and out
of my ass and mouth?

Well, I guess you could.

All: Huh? What's that?
What did he say?

I don't know
about this guys.

I think playing
hide-and-seek in the airport

might be dangerous.

Kyle, we told you,
kids in Colorado

all play hide-and-seek
at the airport.

Yeah, as soon as we
get to the concourse

You'll see how
fun it is.

This is taking
too long.

The flight to Connecticut
is gonna leave.

Hey, can we speed
things up here?

Duh, sorry but ever since
that "It" thing came out,

the airlines have had
to cut back on employees.

Dude,
we're the only ones here!

How long does it take to get
five people through security?

Duh, let's see...

Four people
plus, times, divided...

Two hours domestic,
three hours international.

Can't we just play
hide-and-seek at home?

No.
- Aha!

What's this?
A toenail clipper!

Die, terrorist!

Oh, Jesus!

See, we do these checks
for a reason.

This is ridiculous.
Come on!

Okay, Cartman,
You're it, start counting.

1, 2, 3...

Here, Kyle,
you hide in here.

In there?
But it's very confined.

I'll get cramps
in my legs.

Just get in the box!

Alright, then.

Oh, would you
look at that!

I've got a corn
on my ankle.

Now, where did that one
come from?

That's the fourth one
I've had.

These corns
are killing me.

I hope he doesn't
suffocate.

He's fine.

Yeah, he'll be way better off
back home.

Oh, Jesus, this box
is going fast!

Oh, I did it again!

Excuse me!
What the hell are you doing?

It's alright.
We're with the government.

We're just
shutting you down.

Shutting me down.
Why?

The airlines are
in desperate trouble.

Your vehicle is causing them
to lose money.

Yeah, well, that was
the point, dingleberry.

Put that down!

Right, so the government

is bailing out the airlines
out again

by shutting you down
and making "It's illegal"

Oh, God damn it!
You better be kidding!

Sir, many people
work for the airlines.

We can't let them
all be fired.

The airline companies
are losing money

because of
their own incompetence

and their own inefficiency!

That may be true,
but if you build, sell,

or ride another "It",
it will be the last time.

Have a nice night!

Arrrrgh!
Airline motherfuckers!

You pieces of shit!

Cocksucking
sons of bitch airlines!

Oh, it's been days.
Where can he be?

I don't know, ma.

It's like he vanished
into thin air.

I'm going to call
the police again.

Kyle Two, go down to
the playground and look there.

I already checked
the playground, ma.

I told you
he isn't really--

I'm back.
- Ahhh!

Kyle, you're back!

Yeah, it was
the craziest thing.

I hid myself on a plane
to Antarctica.

Oh, it was so dry
down there.

So, dude,
did Cartman's idea work?

No, I tried getting my cousin
lost in the woods,

but a stupid bear
brought him home.

Damn!

Just have to face facts
that I'm gonna live with

my crappy cousin forever.

Well, Kyle,
I-I gotta go.

What?

Yeah, I've gotta get
back to Connecticut.

Now that things
have changed for Kyle,

his mother needs him back.

Do you promise?

I mean, oh,
that's too bad, dude.

What changed for you?

Well, I-I invested
in that "It" thing,

and there was a bailout,

so I received a $5 million
bailout clause check,

which I can use
to help my family.

So I-I guess good-bye, Cousin.

Okay, see ya, Cousin,
hope to see you soon.

Not too soon, I hope.

Yeah.

All: [shouting] $5 million?

Dude, dude, dude,
you have $5 million?

Yeah, I don't know
what to do with it, though.

Well, see ya.

Wait, Kyle,
this may sound crazy...

But I think
you should stay.

Yeah!
- Yeah!

Really?
- Yeah.

You see, I've learned
something today.

Sometimes people have trouble
fitting in at school and, um...

Let's see,
what did I learn about?

What did I learn
about that?

I learned that you
shouldn't judge somebody

because that--no, wait...

No, that was good.
What were you gonna say?

Listen, guys, I appreciate you
wanting me around,

but the fact of
the matter is... well,

you guys are just
kind of douche bags.

Wha?

I mean, you people are all
just such hick, jock rednecks.

It's like you're right out
of a stereotype catalog.

I-I can't take it.
See ya!

Dude... weak.

Good job, Jew!