Original subtitles

Laura?

Yeah?

This is gonna be the best junior prom ever.

Why, because of the romantic theme?

No, because I'm going with you.

Oh, Jimmy.

Hey, Laura. How come there's no Leaning Tower Of Pizza?

That's Pisa, Waldo.

And it's in Italy.

Yeah, and our theme is "Paris in Springtime."

So change the theme. Make it "Paris in Italy."

Work with me, people!

Hi-de-ho, promsters!

Hey, look who's here. Steve Jerkel.

Oh, that's clever.

Steve, what the heck is this thing?

This is the Steven Q. Urkel turbo confetti cannon.

Patent pending.

Now, picture this.

The lights dim...

as the band begins to play a slow, romantic song.

And, yes, it's the last dance.

Now, do we break this magic moment to grab a wad of confetti?

No, sir.

Why, we merely flip this switch for a gentle poof of confetti.

Did I do that?

Okay. Laura and I were shopping all afternoon.

We hit every store in the mall.

I think we finally found the perfect prom dress.

May I present Miss Laura Winslow.

- Wow. - Oh, look at my beautiful granddaughter.

You really like it?

Oh, sweetheart, I love it.

You look like a million bucks.

Actually, you're close.

What?

What did she mean by that, Harriette?

Well, Carl, this is a quality dress. You can't put a price on quality.

Well, the store did.

And they wouldn't let you out the front door unless you paid that price.

Now, how much quality, Harriette?

- Three hundred eighty-seven dollars. - Oh!

Okay, Laura, go upstairs and put on the other dress.

Okay, Mom.

There's another dress?

- Mama, there's another dress. - I heard, Carl.

How much is the other dress, Harriette?

A hundred and fifty dollars.

Oh, 150. That's a nice number.

Nice round number.

Don't be such a cheapskate.

I just don't believe in wasting money.

Oh, they couldn't pry your wallet open with the Jaws of Life.

What do you think, Daddy?

Now, that's a prom dress.

- You don't think it's too revealing? - No.

Harriette, this is what the kids are wearing these days.

Get with it. Loosen up.

I don't know, Carl, $150 is a lot of money.

Well, it's a lot less than $387.

And besides, there's nothing too good for my baby girl.

Thanks, Dad.

Love you.

- Yes! Mom, your plan worked! - Yep.

Now, take that other dress back and put it in your Aunt Rachel's closet.

Hey, Eddie. Who you taking to the prom?

Gloria Hylton.

- Whoa. She's fly. - Uh-huh.

Are you taking Maxine to the prom?

Hey, is the bear Catholic?

How are things with Maxine?

Not so good. Her dog's got worms.

No, I meant how are things going between you two?

Fine. I mean, I'm not gonna stop petting him just because he got worms.

Man, my head hurts.

Look, let's get back to the prom.

- Does Weasel have a date yet? - Yep.

I set him up with my sister, Quesadilla.

You know, Waldo, I've been meaning to ask you this for a long time.

How did your sister get a name like Quesadilla?

She was born in Taco Bell.

It was either Quesadilla or Burrito Grande.

Well, look.

You're making a mistake by setting your sister up with Weasel.

- How come? - Well, you know how Weasel is.

Yo, baby.

You looking fine, sweet thing.

I can make you real happy.

You think Weasel would try something with my sister?

Well, in the famous words of Ray Charles: Uh-huh.

Well, what should I do?

I'd keep a close eye on Weasel at the prom.

Right. I'm gonna be on him like ketchup on spaghetti.

My mom's a lousy cook.

Hello, my bodacious bookworm.

- Steve, I already have a date to the prom. - Okay.

You're not gonna whine and complain that I should go with you?

Been there, done that, moved on.

Oh.

Laura, I need your advice on a very delicate situation.

Steve, if this involves your colon again, just see a doctor.

No.

It concerns Myra.

Oh, how are you two lovebirds getting along?

Well, very well. In fact, too well.

She's been dropping subtle hints that she'd like for me to take her to the prom.

Steve, Myra's a beautiful, intelligent girl.

And not only that, and this is the part that proves there's a God...

she actually likes you.

Go ahead and take her to the prom.

Well, I can't.

Myra goes to a different school...

and the lovely lass has no idea that I have a reputation as...

a nerd.

Why, she thinks I'm A-number-1, peachy keen.

She calls me her little Adonis in suspenders.

That's cute.

Frightening, but cute.

Look, Steve, don't worry.

When you walk into that prom with a pretty girl like Myra on your arm...

those kids are gonna see you in a different light.

Hmm. I hadn't thought of that.

Well, think about it.

Laura, you're terrific.

You turned this little sad sack into a glad bag.

Anytime, Steve.

Thanks, Laura. I'll invite the little vixen forthwith.

- Steve? - Yes, my pet?

This may sound a little strange...

but in some kind of warped way, I actually miss you asking me out.

And you know, in some bizarre way, I actually miss hearing you say no.

Laura...

- will you go to the prom with me? - No.

Ahh.

Hi.

Jerkel? What are you doing here?

I'll ask the questions, noodle-noggin. What are you doing here?

I came to see Laura.

Well, there she is. You've seen her. Now, beat it.

No. You beat it.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Lucky for you I'm leaving.

Man, he gets under my skin.

Oh, come on. He's harmless.

But he's always hanging around you, and I don't like that.

Relax, Jimmy. It's no big deal.

Now, you came to study, let's just study.

Forget it. I can't concentrate.

I really like you, Laura.

But when you hang out with him, it makes me look bad.

So if you want me, you have to dump the nerd.

So don't just walk up phony There's a time and there's a place

Where we can talk about it 'Cause I don't want to be disgraced

With all your screams and shouting

Here we go Here we go again

Going through the same thing

Here we go Don't wanna play the same game

Here we go again Here we go Come on, y'all.

Going through the same thing Here we go

Don't wanna play the same game

Not again I don't wanna go through it

- Hey, Waldo. - What's up?

I don't believe this. Portrait is playing at our junior prom!

- Yep. - How did we ever get them?

Simple. One of them is my cousin.

Really? Which one?

I can't tell you.

The deal is, he'll do anything I want, as

long as I promise not to reveal we're related.

Yo, yo, yo! The Weasel's on the loose!

Now the party is a "par-tay," know what I'm saying?

What's up, player?

A word with you, Weasel.

Excuse me, Quesadilla.

Don't be long, baby. I wanna shake my booty.

I wanna shake it too.

Look, man. I love my sister.

If you do anything to besmirch her reputation,

I'll be forced to defend her honor.

Oh, yeah? How you gonna do that?

I'll get back to you.

Hey, listen, everybody!

Steve Urkel's coming.

He's got a date!

Huh?

Steve?

We seem to be the center of attention.

Oh, really?

I hadn't noticed.

Steven, everyone is staring at me.

Why, of course. They've never seen such stunning beauty.

Oh, Steven, you're so sweet.

Yeah, yeah, baby Oh, no

Help me out Girl, I'm coming back for love

As I look in the mirror I see the pain inside

It's so funny how eyes never lie

The memories Yoo-hoo! Laura!

Oh, my God.

What are you guys doing here?

- Hi, honey. - Ha-ha-ha.

Well, I missed my prom...

so I decided to bring your mom to this one.

Just kidding. We both had to work late...

and we realized we didn't get a photo of our beautiful daughter in her prom dress.

- Honey, too much blush. - Ma! Ma.

Hey, a little space, Ace.

Waldo, why are you bugging us?

Because you're my sister, and the way I figure it, that makes me your brother.

And I don't want him to take advantage of you.

Hey, I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself.

Besides, Weasel's a gentleman.

He respects me.

Really?

Well, smack me hard and call me stupid.

- Hi, Steve. - Laura.

That dress.

Why, you found the only gown that could complement your beauty.

Thanks, Steve.

And it minimizes your butt too.

You're too kind.

So. Having fun?

I guess. How about you?

Laura, you were right.

Everyone's real impressed that I'm out with Myra.

I'm glad.

- Laura. - Yeah?

I thought we settled this.

Settled what?

I told you to stop hanging out with the nerd.

Now, come on, I wanna dance.

I'm sorry, Jimmy, but we can't dance.

- Why not? - Because I'm about to break your legs.

What?

Nobody tells me who I can and cannot see.

I'm my own woman, and I can make my own decisions.

- But, baby... - I'm not your baby.

Look, Steve Urkel may be annoying...

but he's always treated me with respect.

That's why he has a date tonight.

And as of right now, you don't.

My goodness, I can't believe how fast the evening's gone.

Yes, and in a moment they'll be calling for the last dance.

That's when I'll have a small task to perform.

Oh? Task?

Well, they put me in charge of releasing the confetti.

But I got to thinking, confetti is so passé.

Very.

- So, what did you come up with? - Ah.

A remote-controlled balloon drop.

Oh, Steve. Show me.

Wow.

Hey, you know, you fellas have real potential.

If you keep practicing, why, you might amount to something someday.

- Hey, guys. - Hey.

- Hey. - What's up?

Aha.

So you must be Waldo's cousin.

And now, you magnificent Muskrats...

it's the moment you'll all remember for the rest of your lives.

The last dance.

Yeah!

Don't be afraid of what you feel, lady

Tonight is the night That's my cue.

Are you ready for some magic?

Do it.

And do the things to fulfill your needs

I'll make it worth your while

Did I do that?

Yes!

Well, you don't have to yell.

Hi, Laura.

Still wet, my pet?

No, just a little damp.

I just wanted to make sure you didn't drown.

No, I climbed onto the Eiffel Tower as it floated by.

Boy, I really outdid myself this time, Laura.

I wiped out the entire junior prom.

It could've happened to anybody.

No, it only could've happened to you.

Laura, put what happened tonight in a bottle and cork it.

It was vintage Urkel.

I guess I gave you some bad advice.

Myra must've been pretty upset with you.

No, actually, she wasn't.

She just gave me a peck on the cheek and said:

"Don't you worry, Stevie-poo. Even Einstein had setbacks."

So everything's okay?

Peachy keen.

Listen, the reason why I stopped by is...

well, I'm sorry about Jimmy.

But I wanna thank you for standing up for me.

I stood up for myself.

- Ah. So it was just a matter of principle. - That's right.

It had nothing to do whatsoever with the

possibility that you care about me in any way?

That's right.

Not even the slightest little teensy-weensy, itsy-bitsy bit?

- Well... - Stop there. I'll take it.

How about a hug?

Two seconds?