Original subtitles

All the names of these /

The four quite oddly

Sorry, bravery And pride

I feel didnt 30 minutes

[music playing]

I swear to God, if you

pick up one more ball,

any ball, for as long as you

live, you're a dead boy walking.

[groaning]

[moaning]

- Oh, my God. - Honey, are you OK?

- What happened? - What happened to Adam?

I was smacked into the baseball at me,

through a window, through the glass.

That's a lie, you little weasel.

Sam, that nose ring wouldn't really

fly up military school, do you think?

Mom, Adam's smirking.

Look at him.

Hey, get up.

Who taught you that girls were stupid?

Huh? I know it wasn't me.

So let me give you a

word of warning, pal.

You can only push us

so far before we snap.

You know, the hormone thing?

So you get up, you get that ball,

and you bring it to me right now.

[clicking]

Save the drama. We're all on to you.

Thank you.

And you're paying for the window.

But I--

[sighing]

[clicking]

Thanks for waiting.

He didn't call. We were hungry.

I figured you'd be really late, as usual.

Mm-hmm.

He did miss all the excitement, though.

Adam broke another window.

What does that make this year, honey, 10?

It's a good thing your dad worked so hard

to pay for all that.

You said I had to pay for it.

May I?

Mm-hmm.

Since you're only 12 and

you don't really have a job,

your money isn't really yours at all.

Yes, it is. It's my allowance.

Where do you think that money comes from?

Dad, you idiot.

All right, everybody, calm down, please.

Excitement's over.

May I?

[sighing]

Jessica.

Jack, we need to talk.

About what?

About this relationship.

Oh, God.

Please, just not again.

All we do is fight.

I don't want to live that way anymore.

Everybody fights.

Some people say they're married their

whole lives with a lot

less love than we have.

I don't want to be one of those people.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life

regretting that we all had a chance to be

happy and didn't take it.

We're not good together anymore.

Come on, Katie.

We can try one more time.

Don't we have other

kids at least that much?

We can go see that therapist guy.

We tried that. It hasn't worked.

Don't you remember when

we were first married?

And you thought I was

funny and sexy and attractive?

You don't even laugh at my jokes anymore.

You haven't wanted to touch me in ages.

And in the past few

years, nothing I do is right.

I think it's destroying all of us.

I don't understand how this happened.

[sighs]

Okay, okay. I'll go find a place.

You stay here with the kids.

Kids need their moms a lot

more than they need their dads.

Well, that's not true.

Well, maybe it is and maybe it isn't.

You guys should stay here.

I don't think we

should tell them right away.

At least not until you find a place.

Right.

It wasn't all bad, was it?

No, Jack, it wasn't.

We have two great kids, don't we?

Yeah, we do.

[sighs]

What am I gonna do?

♪ Living alone ♪

♪ I think about the friends I love ♪

♪ But when I die, how

do you tell a phone ♪

♪ Nobody's home ♪

♪ All by myself ♪

♪ Don't wanna be all by myself ♪

♪ Even though it's hard to be sure ♪

♪ Sometimes I feel so insecure ♪

Funny, I'm whole.

♪ And I love so distant and obscure ♪

♪ And I love so distant and obscure ♪

♪ Living alone ♪

I get it. I get it.

[gunshot]

Take the nose ring out, dear.

We don't do that sort of thing here.

♪ You're there ♪

Thanks for dressing.

You want a little sherry, dear?

Yes, please.

I don't believe I was speaking to you.

Nothing for me, thanks, Mother.

Mary?

- Hi, guys. - Hi, Mary.

- Hi, Mary. - Mary, can

I have a small sherry?

Yes, you can, if you get it yourself.

And I can't cook your whole damn dinner

and serve cocktails, too.

Nor should you, Mary. I'll do it.

Dorothy, what can I get for you?

What I've had every

single night of my life

for the last 50 years, Jack?

- Sherry. - Right.

Kate.

- Kids? - Coke.

It'll rot your teeth.

What do you know?

Children, why don't

you go help your father?

Well, I suppose we can sit down.

Oh, can we?

Keep it up and I'll

leave everything to Mary.

So, what cause have

you taken up this week?

And do bleeding-heart

liberals ever bleed to death?

Could we please not do this, Mother?

Fine. I'll change the subject.

Did you and Jack have

another fight today?

No, we're not fighting anymore, Mother.

We're separating.

So you've had no experience in sales?

No, sure I have.

I sell things to my family all the time.

Like eating

vegetables, doing their homework,

you know, things they don't want to do.

That's the ultimate hard sell.

Well, that's not exactly

what we're selling here.

What I really need is someone with sales

and fashion

experience, and you're not it.

I wouldn't exactly call

what you sell here fashion.

I don't know.

I don't know what I would do with you.

Nice drapes, Martha.

You look fabulous.

You won't be single for long, honey.

No, what, you're not hair stylish,

you're not a manicurist, right?

You're nothing to--

What are you?

Guess I'm someone who knew that streaks

are pretty much finished in the '90s.

Thank you.

Oh, hey, streaks are not--

[phone ringing]

I think we should show

it the week of the 10th,

and let's book the inspection.

When can we get, what, the 15th?

Yes, I'd like to have all that done.

OK.

Terrific.

Thanks.

Can I help you?

Or do you just want

to stand there all day?

I was thinking about

standing here all day.

Sit yourself.

Want to know why?

Sure.

Not the hell.

It's a little slow.

I got time.

Because if you're a

woman rapidly approaching 40,

and you've made the

unbelievably stupid mistake

of thinking that trying to

raise a family was a good thing,

all you ever wanted to do

was be a wife and a mother,

and your children grow up, and they can't

wait to get away from you, and your

marriage is falling apart,

so you try to start over

with no skills whatsoever.

And all you hear is that

damn song all by myself,

then you would just stand here, too.

You're right.

That song's irritating.

You want to come in for a cup of coffee?

OK.

Brad, Mack, this is--

what's your name?

I'm Kate, Kate Mayer.

Hey, Kate, I'm Maggie.

Hi, Maggie.

Which one's Brad and which one's Mack?

Hi, I'm Brad.

I'm just kidding.

I'm McNally, Mack for short.

And this is Brad, just Brad.

Kate's having a really bad day.

She doesn't know

whether to go left or right,

so I invited her in for a cup of Choke.

Great.

Let me get that.

Cream, sugar, black, please.

OK.

Hey, why don't you come take a load off?

Brad?

She won't buy.

Take a break.

Here you go.

Thank you.

I'm sorry about all this.

I was just having a moment out there,

and Maggie here took pity on me.

No, it's fine, really.

No explanation needed.

Look at who I have working for me.

If I didn't hate you

already, I'd take offense to that.

See what I mean?

You don't really need a receptionist.

You're not just offering me this job

because you feel sorry for me.

Assume to be separated, mother of two.

No, I really need a receptionist.

Maggie and I are out all the time,

and Brad doesn't like

to answer the phone, so--

Does he ever talk?

You know, it's not

really a people person.

He's brilliant, just not a people person.

Kind of a bad job for him

to happen, don't you think?

Yeah, he's working on it.

OK, so when do you want me to start?

Well, when's good for you?

How's tomorrow? - Great.

OK.

That's terrific.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

You're welcome.

We'll see you tomorrow.

Yeah, terrific.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

So you hired him?

Yeah.

She's cute.

Oh, shut up.

Hi.

Hi.

How was your day?

Good.

Good.

I got a job.

Good.

Repeat back to me what I just said.

You-- you said you had a

good day and you did the usual.

You don't do that in court, do you?

Do what?

Makeup stuff.

No, I don't make up stuff.

I just said I got a job.

How you got the usual out of that?

I'm not sure.

Wait a second.

You got a job?

What kind of job?

I'm going to be a

receptionist at a real estate office.

A receptionist?

That'll barely cover sitter costs.

What is the point of that?

I mean, come on, Kate.

Isn't that kind of

silly and counterproductive?

Maybe it is, but you got

to start somewhere, Jack.

Bye.

Good morning.

Va-Va-Voom.

Keep your hands off of her, Mac.

I'm gay.

Maggie thinks it's

hysterically funny to make

little homophobic jokes about it.

You're gay?

Yeah, but don't

worry, it's not contagious.

I bet she's never met a gay person

ever less than personal.

How is that possible in 2002?

No, no, no.

I've met a few.

It's just they don't

usually look like you, do they?

I've got a plaid shirt I could slip into.

I tried it once.

Wasn't my cup of tea.

I don't know who really asked you.

I'm sorry.

But if this bothers you--

No, no.

Actually, I think it

probably makes you more interesting

than I thought you were.

Really?

I didn't mean that.

What I meant to say was, I think people

should be able to be whoever they are.

This is your desk.

We set it up for you.

So there you go.

Thank you.

You just answer the phones, haze realty,

you know, transfer calls, take messages.

That's it?

And that's it.

It's kind of like

stealing money, isn't it?

It is kind of.

You know, I think the point to this job

is to have some fun.

Because most of us here haven't had much.

We are the walking wounded.

I am not the walking wounded.

Yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

I don't know why I

put up with this abuse.

How'd you love us?

No, I don't.

Yes, you did.

No, I don't.

See, it's not really like stealing money.

Thanks, you guys.

You're making my reentry painless.

Our pleasure.

If you want to see your

kids, then we'll lock up.

OK.

Good night.

Night.

Have a good one.

You too.

You like her.

I can tell.

Will you stop trying to set

me up with every woman that

walks through that damn door?

You know what?

You're an idiot.

Because you believe if a person is gay,

that they like all

people of the same sex.

That we are

indiscriminate, shark-like creatures who

never sleep or are just

looking for our next victim.

Well, guess what?

Some of us actually do discriminate

and don't want to sleep with

every woman who ever lived.

Which, by the way, if that were true,

would include our mothers.

And yes, I like her.

News flash, I like you too.

Doesn't mean I want to

sleep with you either.

Got it?

Got it.

Good.

Let's go, guys.

Should I forward calls to yourself?

No, you won't be able to.

Are you going to be out of rage?

No, you will be.

You're going to put us on the caravan.

It's a caravan.

Jeez, have you read any

magazines, a book, anything?

A caravan's where all the

brokers go on to see all the new

houses that are on the market.

Hey, isn't Brad coming?

You know, he doesn't like the caravans.

Well, why does he come on you?

For sure.

Ready?

I know it's one of my

business, but it seems like Brad's

not very good at his job.

That is correct.

Why does it Mac fire him?

You didn't hear this from me, but Brad

used to be a computer

geek at a dot com.

It went under, and Mac brought him here.

Besides, Mac could never fire anyone.

It's loyalty to the

point of absurdity, isn't it?

Yeah.

This is the part you

really didn't hear from me.

He's her ex-lover's brother.

Well, why doesn't she help him?

That'd be hard.

She's dead.

Yuck.

Maggie.

Sorry.

I think it has potential.

You think everything has potential.

Sorry, she scraped off those crud.

She's too.

She got the new light.

She should get the premade ready to hang

cabinets, get a whole

new line of the cheap

old steel appliances.

He did white white, and

it's a gay man's dream.

What?

Am I right?

[phone ringing]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. [phone ringing]

Hey, it's realty.

May I ask who's calling, please?

Just one moment.

It's a Mr. Brubaker.

Hello, Mr. Brubaker.

Mm-hmm.

Great.

When can I bring over the paperwork?

Uh-huh.

No, tomorrow morning's fine.

OK.

Bye-bye.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You have a tradition here.

Any time a house is sold, we

go out and celebrate my treat.

Girl, I'll be light and drunk.

OK.

You want to come?

Sure.

I'll ask Jack to stay with the kids.

You know, I have a suggestion.

Let's just tell him you

have a business meeting.

I think about the

drinking and drunk part.

OK.

Call him from the car.

Come on.

Come on.

OK.

[music playing]

[phone ringing]

Hey, JJ.

Hey, hey, guys.

How you doing?

All right.

Now, was he a purchase

price, a selling price?

You bet.

All right.

My round.

OK.

OK.

[laughter]

And so this guy says, does the carpet

come with the house?

And I say, it's wall to wall.

What do you think?

And then he says, I don't know.

And then I said, you're

going to make this more on it

than I've ever met.

And then I said--

It's like a damn

miniseries with no end to it.

Not unlike South Pacific, nice scenery,

no real point to it.

What?

Now you speak.

By the way, it wasn't a miniseries.

It was a play, then a movie,

then a badly miscast TV movie.

By the way, I hate you.

[laughter]

I think it's time for another round.

Yeah, Brad, you're buying.

What?

Mac always pays.

Yeah, well, her money is your money.

So what difference does it make?

Hey, what's it like being gay?

Well, you don't beat

around the bush, do you?

No.

I don't know.

What's it like having blue eyes?

You know, I think I

must be a little bit drunk,

because maybe that was an

incredibly stupid question

to ask you.

Oh, that's OK.

I think gay is kind of like

being part of a freak show.

You know, people like to

stop by the cage and stare.

I think what I meant

was, when did you first

know that you were attracted to women?

Like, when did you

decide, that's it, I'm gay?

It's not really a decision.

And I think I've always known.

Must be hard.

Is it hard?

Well, you get to

disappoint a lot of people,

starting with your parents.

Oh my god, my mother, who

is the most judgmental person

alive, would have a field day with that.

Mom, not only have I disappointed you

as a daughter, a wife, a

mother, and a homemaker,

but I've decided to sleep with women.

I ought to say it just to piss her off.

Yeah, that'd probably do it.

Honey, I'm home.

Hey, Bob.

Hey, you've got a good one.

Hey, you've got a good one.

Come on.

Let's go. Come on.

Let's go.

So this is just to show you

what we deal with, you know?

But don't be daunted by this couple.

They've interviewed

every real little tale, OK?

Well, we haven't been happy

about what any of you people

have said in terms of your commissions.

We're too high.

It's as simple as that.

Well, the normal commission is 6%,

so what were the other agents asking for?

3%. Uh-huh. 3%.

Well, I'm new, but it seems

to me that at either of those

numbers, you're going to get an agent

who's not going to work

very hard at selling your house, and you

want to move to Florida

sooner rather than later, am I right?

Also, I noticed some

problems with your foundation,

not to mention the fact

that Mac here is the best agent

in town, which means you'll get a higher

price for your house,

making lower commission

a moot point, am I right?

[music playing]

Problems with your foundation.

Where'd you come up with that?

I'm Vila.

Oh, you are something.

What?

You'd make a great agent.

You should think about

getting your license.

What?

Your real estate license.

We don't help you.

So I don't know what to say.

Say yes.

I don't know.

All right.

Say you'll think about it.

OK.

Don't think about it.

Good.

This is good.

This is really good.

[inaudible]

It's interesting.

Did you hear the question?

I think you're right.

[inaudible]

[inaudible]

OK.

A red light shows the couple

apartments only on the first

floor, so which of the following is true.

The rental agent is

protecting the other adults

from the disruption of the child's

running rate or her.

Now, when an inspection

goes wrong, what do you do?

Well, the contract all inspectors use

holds them harmless reliability.

Therefore, you don't have to do anything.

Excellent.

Yeah.

[cheering]

[laughing]

[inaudible]

You haven't been looking for a place to

move to at all, have you?

I've been too busy.

Jack, I'm going to get

some listings tomorrow.

If you can't go see them, I will.

Fine.

Come on.

We're late.

You know how Bernie and Sandy hate that.

Please.

You look fantastic.

Why?

What are you doing differently?

You had Botox or a peel?

No.

She's having an affair.

I'm not having an affair.

I'm having a life, plenty to ask.

That's not it.

There's something else going on.

What is it?

Jack and I are separating.

Oh my god.

You can't be serious.

We're not happy, and we

haven't been for a long time.

Well, nobody's happy.

What has that got to do with anything?

Kind of everything.

What about you and the cuttings?

There's hours away.

Guys, I got to tell you something.

Yeah?

Kate and I are splitting up.

You are the perfect couple.

Now looks are deceiving.

This is going to change our whole lives.

Sandy's not about you.

It's about us.

I love you guys.

I hope you don't take sides,

and we can all stay friends.

I don't get it.

What happened?

Just out of the blue of

the two, you just set it

at the same time to separate?

Poof.

I think Jack would

have been fine with things

staying the way they were.

I asked for the separation.

You OK?

Yeah, I'm fine.

If this one's not good, I'm

going to blow my own brains out.

Yeah, well, I'll put

my head next to yours,

make it two for one.

Are you sure you're the one that should

be finding Jack an apartment?

Well, if I don't, nobody will.

Kate?

Kate?

What's wrong?

Are the kids all right?

They're fine.

Well, then what am I doing

home in the middle of the day?

So I can take you to

see your new apartment.

And then we're going to tell the kids.

[music playing]

Andrew!

Yo!

Turn it down.

Yo, it's off.

Speak.

Time is precious.

Sometimes you're smarter than you know.

Sam, we need to have a talk.

I know all about the

birdies and the bees.

Remember, we have this

talk each and every year.

Oh my god, you're exhausting.

I know that too.

Mom, Dad, what?

Well, this is going to be

hard, so just get us a name, OK?

One minute, OK?

You know that your dad and I both love

you very much, right?

Yeah.

And how in life sometimes things change.

Yeah?

Well, the problem is that we

don't love each other enough.

We're going to separate.

Did you hear what I just said?

Yeah.

I've known for a long

time that things were bad.

I was just hoping for a miracle.

I know, sweetie, we were too.

I don't want to upset

your life or Adam's.

You both mean the world to us.

This is the last thing we wanted to do.

All I know is I want my

parents to stay together forever,

just like every other kid.

But Adam and I are also tired of hearing

you guys fight all the time.

I don't understand.

Why did you start fighting?

What happened?

I don't know.

Why do people forget why they loved

each other in the first place?

Because even though we try to do the best

we can, we're human.

And sometimes we get stuck.

I just can't move.

I'm so sorry, sweetie.

Yeah?

Hey, sport.

Hey.

Listen, your mom and I have something

pretty important to

talk to you about, so...

Can you put the Game Boy down?

Thanks.

OK.

You have all my numbers

that you need me, right?

Yeah.

Come here.

Come here a little bit.

I want you to listen to me.

Everything's going to be all right, OK?

I'm only five blocks away.

I see you all the time.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Why are you all standing there?

Why are you staring at me?

I'm fired, aren't I?

Yeah.

I'm afraid I'm going to have

to fire you as our receptionist

because I'm hiring you

as a real estate agent.

You passed.

Maggie opened it.

I couldn't stand the system.

Oh, my god.

Well, congratulations, right?

That's just great.

Yes.

You.

Well, I'm a little excited

when I first opened the house.

Yeah, I don't get too excited.

I haven't seen it yet.

I'll find a pony in there somewhere.

I know you will.

I know you will.

Ta-da.

Oh, wow.

Nice, huh?

Yeah.

OK, let's sell this house.

- OK. - Got your specs?

Yeah.

Cate.

They looked fine when you did them last

time, five minutes ago.

I know.

It's ridiculous.

I feel like I'm 15 years

old waiting for my first date.

Well, you'll get over that

as soon as the 100th loopy

locks through that door.

Go ahead.

You got to answer it. - Right.

OK.

Of course.

Hello. - Hey.

Hi, Bethan.

Come on in.

Thanks.

Oh.

Oh, my.

This place hasn't been

touched in like 50 years.

That's right.

But I think that's a good thing.

No bad addition to contend with.

A clean pallet.

One owner.

Has anybody died here?

Well, yes.

But we all have to

die somewhere, don't we?

Thank you.

Yeah, thanks.

Thank you.

Thanks for coming.

OK.

OK.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Do we have to tell them the bad things

when we show a house?

Yes, Kate.

Remember?

Disclosure?

Yeah.

Unless we're doing something wrong.

Little advice?

You want to hook them into the potential

before you tell them that

it's only had one owner.

That way, they're

slightly invested in the house

before they find out someone died there.

Great.

Thanks.

Hang on.

Thank you.

Thanks.

There you go.

That's fine.

What was your girlfriend's name?

Lauren?

When did she die?

Five years ago, May 30th.

Or didn't Big Mouth

Maggie tell you that part?

I'm sorry.

It's none of my business.

No, it's OK.

But I'm sure it's still incredibly painful.

You know, you always think

that it will get less painful.

But the fact of the matter is it doesn't.

How long were you together?

Almost 10 years.

I mean, we'd known each other

for a long time before that.

But I wasn't ready to acknowledge it.

And she waited and waited.

I just wish she had been with me for a long time.

I just wish that I

hadn't wasted so much time

we didn't end up having.

But I think you were lucky to have the

time you did with her.

She was lucky to have it with you.

OK, shall we?

Yeah.

Hi, Sandy.

Rita.

How are you?

Fine.

Good.

How are you?

I'm OK.

This is McNally Hayes, Sandy, Rita.

Hi.

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

We're late.

Have a nice lunch.

Oh, hi.

I didn't know whether or

not I should use my key.

No, you can use the key.

Oh, OK.

So, got the TV all hooked

up, plenty of junk food.

It'll be just like home.

Hey, give me a kiss.

You too.

[kiss]

See ya.

[crying]

[crying]

[crying]

Kate, what are you doing here?

Well, I was alone in my

house for the first time

in my entire life.

I had no kids.

I had no husband.

I have no friends.

So I came here.

Come on in.

This is Bob.

Hi, Bob.

What's the matter with you, huh?

You ever seen anybody fall apart before?

Bob, what are the rules, huh? Bob, think you know 'em. [crying] My kids left to spend the

night with Jack for the first time.

And I just came undone.

I've never not been with my kids.

You know, it's funny.

I gave up on my kids.

I was like, what? I was like, what? I was like, what? I was like, what? I was like, what? I was like, what? I was like, what? I gave up on myself so

long ago to be Jack's wife,

or be Sam's mother, Adam's

mother, to be a homemaker.

I was like a stepford wife.

But I wanted this.

I wanted things to change.

And now, I don't know.

I don't know anything.

Do you want them back?

No.

I don't.

But this has torn my kids' lives apart.

And that's the hardest part of it.

It's overwhelming.

Yeah, of course it is.

I wanted more.

I wanted more from my life.

I wanted more from myself.

And I wanted more from Jack.

But she couldn't or

didn't want to give me.

Maybe he didn't know how to.

I think maybe it was me.

OK.

Something in me provoked him.

No.

I don't know.

I don't know anything anymore.

You know what?

This is not all your fault.

Really, it's not.

OK.

You made the right decision.

And you're going to be fine.

OK?

You're going to be fine.

OK, don't--

Why?

Because you don't know what you're doing.

You don't know what this means.

Yes, I do.

It's what I feel.

It's a little more complicated than that.

You're straight, and this is wrong.

And you're just

responding to a little kindness,

to a little attention.

That's all.

You just don't have a clue.

It's not what I'm responding to.

I'm not some stupid teenager man.

Kate, I'm gay, and I know what it means.

This is my life, not some

abstract thought or feeling.

It isn't a switch I

get to turn on and off,

and it's not to be taken lightly.

I don't take this lightly.

In most of my life, I lived a lie,

trying to be my mother's daughter,

not acknowledging the fact that I was gay

because I was so scared

of the hate and the shame

until I met Lauren.

And she taught me how not to be afraid.

But this, it scares the hell out of me.

And I don't want to be scared anymore.

And I'm not the one to take another

person on that journey

because the first trip almost killed me.

I didn't mean to put

you in that position.

OK.

It wasn't my intention.

OK.

I know.

I don't know what this means.

I've never done this before.

But you should know I was

not looking for a quick fix

to my problems or the

touch of another human being,

whoever it was.

Believe it or not,

everything changed for me

the minute I met you.

It scares the hell out of me, too.

I should leave. [phone ringing]

[phone ringing]

Hey, Israel T.

This is Mrs. Wilson.

Let me try herself.

The person you are trying

to reach is out of range.

I'm sorry she's out of range.

Can I take a message?

If you ever hear me call back.

I'll tell you a call of Mrs. Wilson.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Where is she?

She hasn't been in

the office in two days.

I'm going out for a smoke.

Brad, you think you could answer the

phones just this once?

I don't think so.

It gets really scary.

You let it go to voicemail.

[phone ringing]

Maggie, what's going on?

Where's Mac?

Honey, I've known Mac.

It seems longer than I've known myself.

And where she is is in the dumper.

Screwed.

What are you talking about?

I've only seen her

come unglued three times.

When she met Lauren,

when she lost Lauren,

and when she met you.

[knocking]

Are you avoiding me?

No.

We haven't been in

the office in two days.

I've been working.

I get that, except you

haven't not come into the office

ever before, if I'm not mistaken, which I'm not.

I don't think there's

a real sense, is it?

Who cares?

Aren't you going to ask me in?

OK.

Do you want to come in?

Well, if this is what it's like being

attracted to someone

of the same sex, it

doesn't feel too good.

You're right about that.

What are you talking about?

Being shunned?

You're shunning me.

No, I'm not.

And you know, this isn't just about you.

That's about me, too.

Well, the least you could do is be an

adult and speak to me.

I'm sick of more dialogue from a woman.

What happened the other night shouldn't

impact our friendship.

We can still be friends, can't we?

I don't know how to be

your friend now, after that.

Why?

Because I feel more for you

than a friend should feel.

So why don't we just

stop speaking to each other,

and I should quit working

for you and just disappear

because it's easier?

No.

I don't know.

Why is this so simple for me?

Why is this so simple for you?

It's not.

That's the part you're not getting.

Look, I have a big life

with lots of people in it,

and I was prepared to see what my

feelings were about,

knowing the risks involved,

not knowing if it was real.

I understand if you can't.

But I don't understand that you don't

want to talk to me or see me.

Don't you know that's all I want to do?

It's to see you, it's to talk to you.

Final translation

Never could I love like this before

'Cause it feels so much more

Than my heart ever knew

Never will I have to search again

For a shelter from the rain

You gave me a brand new start

And I found the missing part in you

Jack. Hi.

Come in. Kids aren't here, remember?

Yeah, I know. I want to

talk to you for a minute.

Sure. I'll have to leave

in a second, but come in.

Thanks.

You look very nice. Thank you.

Where are you going?

Dinner with Matt and some clients. What

do you want to talk about?

Well, I got the divorce papers.

I'm absolutely positive about this.

Yeah, I am. I'm sorry, Jack.

Hi. Hi.

Hey, Jack. How are you?

Nice to see you again.

Yes, nice to see you.

Well, I hope you have a

successful dinner with your clients.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Thanks.

That's a great

outfit. Where'd you get it?

You know, I never thought I'd say that to

someone I was dating.

Dinner with clients, huh?

What was I going to say that

I was going to date with you?

You know by the look on his face at the

wheel, it's starting

to turn already, right?

So if he hasn't

figured it out, he will soon.

I'm going to tell him.

Just not now.

When?

When your shirt isn't just a face?

It's not fair.

Sure it is. I mean, I don't know. Maybe

you're just trying it out like a car.

That's insulting and ridiculous.

Okay, I've seen it

happen a million times before.

Really? A million?

Don't be stupid. You know what I meant.

Actually, I don't know what you mean

because, you know, I'm new to the secret

club of yours with your

secret little handshakes.

We have to stop this. We

have to be careful now.

Why?

Isn't that one of the

perks of being with a woman?

You talk and talk and talk about

everything until you go insane.

If you're trying to pick a fight with me

because you're scared about what's

happening, instead of just saying how

terrified you are,

consider yourself successful.

It's just everyone

expected coming from you.

Let's go out, Pat.

No.

Get up.

Okay, I'm out back. Now what?

You're in there moping around like a sad

sack. What did you think would happen?

You plunge into your first post-Lauren

relationship with a straight, confused

mother of two. You

should give her some time.

What I should have done was to have stuck

to my life plan, which was to never, ever

get involved with anyone again.

There's a problem with that.

I think I'm in love with her.

I just want to say, I'm sorry. I

pressured you and I just forgot for a

moment what you were going through

because it hasn't been so

long since I've been through it.

And I did it without kids, so if you

can't do this, I understand.

I just want you to know that no matter

what happens, you'll always have a job.

You'll always have me as a friend.

Hi, we didn't have to

ring our own doorbell.

See you on Saturday.

How's it going?

Not great. They hate my place. They'd

rather be in their own

rooms. I can't blame them.

Why don't I come over some time and try

and help you make it more of a home?

Sure.

Thanks.

Bye-bye. I have to tell you something.

Sure.

Go ahead, sweetie.

As grown up as I

pretend to be, I'm really not.

One minute I understand it, and then the

next minute I don't.

I'm really not okay that

we're not a family anymore.

But we are still a family. Fractured,

yes, but a family nonetheless.

It's not the same.

And the thing is, I guess I thought life

would always be the same.

Things would never change, which is

stupid, because everything changes.

But I never thought the first person to

move out of the house would be Dad.

Sandy, this is a surprise.

Can I come in so I don't have to stand on

here groveling in front of the neighbors?

Sure. Come on in.

I just came over to apologize.

I guess I didn't want you to shake things

up, because then that just means I'd have

to take a look at my life

and see how crappy it is.

I get it. But I'm

really glad you came over.

Me too.

Do you love your job?

I do.

Are you going to start dating again soon?

Oh, God, what a terrible fog.

Well, you know, it's

funny you should mention that.

I'm going to tell you something, because

even though you're a snob, I think you're

an open-minded snob.

And I think I am attracted to someone.

Who?

The woman I work for.

You're joking.

No.

I don't believe you.

Oh, why would you be so

shocked? Your sister's gay.

Because I don't approve of her lifestyle.

Since when did you become a bigot?

I'm not a bigot.

Must be tiring to sit in

judgment of everyone, Sandy.

Jack?

Dad?

Hey, hey, I'm in the kitchen.

Hey.

Oh, my God.

I'm impressed.

Yeah, I made enough if you want to stay.

Sure, sure. That'd be nice.

Great.

You know, Dad, if it isn't any good, we

could always hire a

cook or a maid who cooks.

Yes, I realize that, but I am trying to

spend more quality time with

my children, if you don't mind.

If you don't mind, it's just you think

poisoning your kids is the

best way to bond with them?

Same.

So?

Not bad.

Yeah?

I was very impressed, Jack.

Thank you.

Can I go over to Betsy's?

Yes. After you do the dishes.

That's okay, honey. I'll do them.

You see how shallow

their love for me really is?

Can I go to Peter's?

What is wrong with you guys?

You have your mother and father in the

same place, together

again, and you want to leave.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Go. Get out of here.

I, I, I, I, kiss, kiss.

My home. I'm good, Tom.

See ya.

See ya. Bye, Dad.

Bye-bye.

Well, it's good to know

something's never changed.

Yeah.

You know, I, I could do some stuff in the

living room, if you like,

to help make things better.

Yeah, that'd, uh, be great.

See ya. It looks a little better, huh?

Maybe, maybe there's some curtains, you

know, and, uh, little

black and white photos.

Stuff.

Yeah. Definitely looks better.

Jack, we need to talk.

Yeah. The rule is you can only say that

once in a lifetime to the same person.

That's it.

I need to tell you something so you don't

find out another way.

Uh, what are you talking about?

I'm attracted to

someone and I'm pursuing it.

Who is he?

It's not a he, it's Mac.

Mac? Who's...

Maybe Mac, your boss?

What, if Mac's a woman, what is...

You can't be attracted to a woman.

She's a person, Jack.

What are you talking

about? She's a woman.

I don't understand this.

What are you telling me here?

That our whole life

together was this big lie?

No, that's not true.

Well, then explain something to me. How

can you suddenly be attracted to a woman?

I don't know.

I wasn't even looking for any kind of

relationship and

certainly not one with a woman.

Wait a second, wait a second, wait a

second, wait a second.

Is this the problem? Is this the problem?

All along, deep down inside, you had

these feelings, you felt this way, and

that's why our marriage failed?

No, the failure of our

marriage is both our faults.

It's nothing to do with Mac or any other

woman. I've never had feelings for

another woman in my life,

Jack, and I met Mac after we split.

I can't believe this.

You don't have to. It's not about you.

No, really, really, it's

not about me. That's great.

Okay, let me put it another way.

It's my life and I can live it any way I

want. It doesn't concern you.

Okay. But it does concern my children,

and I will not have them around this.

What does that mean?

It means that you have put them through

enough, and you are not

going to do this to them too.

Monday morning, I am

filing papers for sole custody.

Hey, what's wrong?

I told Jack about us. Mainly because

Sammy came by to apologize, and like an

idiot, I thought I could share something

with my best friend who has a gay sister.

Instead, she's the moral

majority. I'm an idiot.

Yeah, bigotry is stunning, isn't it?

Afraid that's not the end of it. Jack

wants to take the kids away from me.

He's just scared. He

doesn't really mean it.

Tell that to the court he's

filing papers with Monday.

Oh, God. I don't know what to do. I don't

want to tell the kids. I feel like

they've been through enough already, but

I'm afraid if I don't, he will.

And I don't want him to

drag you into court either.

Don't worry about me.

I think I have to tell him

before he does. Are you sure?

I don't think I have a

choice. He's forced my hand.

Maybe you should wait.

Well, I have to tell Sam

at least before he does.

Listen, I'm sorry for the saying yes,

saying no, saying yes thing.

Please have faith in me.

I know I sound like a broken record, but

are you sure about this? About us?

I don't know if this is going to last

forever, but the night that we fought and

you left, it was as if

someone pulled my heart out.

And when you came back, you brought my

heart with you. So right

here, right now, yeah, I'm sure.

There are some real consequences, which

you've just encountered. Are

you prepared for more of that?

No. Kate, I don't want you to

lose your kids because of me.

I don't want to lose my kids either.

The truth is, maybe I'm not prepared for

any of this, but I made an adult

conscious choice to be with you. Not a

man, not a woman, but you.

I am prepared to stand by my

heart, which I've given to you.

As complex as it might

be. This much, I know.

Hey, Bob.

Hey, Joe.

Why'd you pull me out of a play date?

I was kidding. What's

happened? Is it Dad? Adam?

No, honey. Everyone's fine.

Then what?

I need to tell you something that's going

to be very difficult.

On a scale of one to ten, with ten being

a divorce, what would it be?

Two, Sam.

Six?

I don't know.

Okay, just tell me.

It's hard to put into words.

I'm not going to guess.

Well, you know how your teacher, Mr.

Jackson, lives with a man, and I've

always told you you could

love or be with anybody.

Yeah?

Well, you know Mac,

the woman I work with.

Yeah, she's a lesbian. So?

How did you know that?

I'm not dumb.

But how could you know? She

doesn't even look like one.

No, she doesn't look like one. Look, Mom,

could you please tell me why you dragged

me out of Betsy's house?

I... I really... I

don't know how to start.

Mom, just start somewhere.

Well, Mac and I have become very good

friends, as you know.

And I know this is going to sound

strange, but I'm attracted to her.

Okay. I don't

understand. What do you mean?

I'm attracted to Mac like I used to be

attracted to your father.

You mean in a sexual way?

Yeah.

That would make you

gay and you're not gay.

No, I'm not. I mean, I wasn't. But if I

want to be with Mac, I guess I am.

You've only known her for a few months. I

mean, I don't understand.

Did you like girls before?

No.

Well, you said people were born that way.

Well, I don't look at Mac as a woman. I

look at her as a person.

I... I don't understand. And you weren't

born gay. But now you are. And...

You're with a woman? I don't get it.

I know. I... I don't know what happened.

I don't know what it means. Does this

mean I'm gay forever now?

I... I don't know, Sam. I know this is a

shock to you. It's a

shock to me too, but...

I told your father and he's really upset.

Gee, I wonder why.

Don't let the nose ring and

the purple streak fool you.

I'm upset too.

Honey, I care immensely for Mac. And the

only reason I'm telling you all this is

because your father was

to take you away from me.

Now, maybe he's just angry. Maybe not.

But I'm telling you because I love you.

And I don't want to lose you.

You know what? I don't really want to

talk about it anymore.

I raised you to have an open mind.

Please, honey, can't

we just talk about this?

No. No. We're done talking.

I know that's a very good idea.

Jack is angry enough to try to get

everyone on his side to get custody,

including my dear old mother, who, by the

way, is rich enough to buy the court.

Even Bob doesn't think it's a good idea.

I'm just hoping that blood is thicker

than I've been lit to believe.

Don't count on it.

Hey, Katie. Is your mother expecting you?

No.

You know how she hates surprises.

Yeah, well, she's going to love tonight.

She's in the bath now, but

she'll be down soon. What is it?

I'm going to try this out on you first.

Ten seconds left. Brad,

sorry. I... Come on in.

No.

Okay. Stand there.

I just came by to tell you that I think

Lauren would've really liked Kate.

Okay, Katie, what's going on?

Well, I've met someone, romantically.

Well, if you're happy, I'm happy. You

know I'm not speaking for your mother.

But I don't know why you're

making such a big fuss over it.

Well, the thing is, the person that I met

and I'm involved with,

romantically, is a woman.

What? You don't have anything to say?

I'm thinking about it.

I haven't seen you this happy since you

got that swing out back when you were 12.

So it's okay with me.

May I make a suggestion?

Sure.

I'd get out of this house

before your mother comes down.

Who wouldn't take Walt Geddy's name when

you're talking to, Mary?

I know it's too late for your soap opera.

No, it's not.

Well, Bellwell, an unannounced visitor.

You know how I love that.

I know you do, Mother.

That's too much, Mary.

No. Trust me, it's not.

Well, what is it?

I hope you haven't come over here to ask

me to babysit for your children now that

you're a single mother with a job.

God, that was hard to say.

You know, Mother, I think they'd sooner

have their eyes gouged out.

You know what your problem

is, what it's always been?

No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me.

You're a smartass. Always have been.

I know.

What?

Just spit it out.

Well, I've met someone, and

I'm seeing them romantically.

Well, that was a little

fast, don't you think?

Yeah.

And it's a woman.

Mary, you don't need to hear this.

I won't have it.

Do you hear me?

It's really not up to you, Mother.

It's against God.

You'll burn in hell for it.

Well, then I'll burn in hell for it.

It's not natural,

don't you understand that?

To care about another human being who is

spectacular is natural.

I've finally come back to life.

Mother, I've waited years for someone

like Mack to come along.

What kind of a name is that for a woman?

Is that a lesbian nickname of some sort?

No, it's not.

I did not raise my

daughter to be a lesbian.

This is not about you.

I won't have it. You'll

stop seeing her right now.

I'm an adult now, much

to your astonishment.

You can't boss me around anymore.

But you can stop seeing

me, which I hope you won't.

Because in spite of all of

our problems, you're my mother.

And I love you.

And I'm your only child.

So I hope once the shock wears off,

you'll try to open your

mind to this and accept it.

There's one thing you can count on.

That day will never come.

What?

Sorry. It didn't go well

with your mother, did it?

No, it did not.

What happened?

She pretty much did the

biblical thing and disowned me.

I didn't have to give her time. My mother

did the same thing and

now we couldn't be closer.

First of all, your mother

and my mother are not the same.

We've never been close. And she doesn't need time because she's

going to feel this way forever.

So in addition to not having a mother, I

have a daughter who's processing it.

A son who doesn't know.

An ex-best friend who's all of a sudden

is related to Jerry Falwell.

Husband who wants to take my kids away.

So all in all, I'd say this coming out

thing's been a big hit.

I did try to warn you that

it could get really messy.

I did not get this messy if I did.

What?

You wouldn't have done it or you wouldn't

have had feelings for me?

Or you wouldn't have

gone through with it?

I don't know.

Then I should leave.

No, no, no.

Then what do you want me to do?

I don't know.

Because I can't sit here and let you lose

everything because of me.

One minute I think I can handle it and

the next I'm sure I can't.

Then I think of you and I know I'm

completely out of my mind.

[Music]

Jack.

Kate.

I'll go.

No, no, it's fine.

It concerns both of you.

Mary called me and she

told me how Dorothy reacted.

Which was pretty much how I reacted.

And I don't want to be like your mother.

You know, I don't want

to be small and petty.

But I do want to be small and petty, but

Sam says that's a really bad thing to be.

She's a kid and somehow, I

don't know how she knows that.

She also forced me to come down here,

which I really did not want to do.

My instinct was to hurt you.

The way you hurt me.

But see, I don't want to do that either.

I don't want to take

the kids away from you.

I don't understand what you're doing.

Maybe I never will.

Maybe I would have known how to compete

with another guy, but I have no idea how

to compete with a woman.

Very confused.

But what I loved about you when we met,

I still love about you.

I want you to be happy.

And I want to be happy too, so...

I'm going to try and do better.

That's all I wanted to say.

(Music)

Hey, beautiful.

Hi, Mary.

Would you consider us living together

someday in the faraway future?

Not the reaction I was hoping for.

Oh, you need to slow down.

I just jumped through some huge hoops.

I'm too tired right now to even think

about jumping through another one.

And as you're saying

goes, "Love me, love my dog."

Mine is, "Love me, love my two kids."

And they're not nearly

as well trained as Bob is.

Hey, are you prepared for that?

An instant family?

One of whom doesn't even know about us?

Yes.

Well, I'm going to have to catch my

breath. That's a big leap.

Okay.

Just a breath.

Since when do you care if

your grandma comes to anything?

I don't. I'm doing this for Mom.

Don't get up.

(Music)

If you've come here to lecture me, you

know where the door is.

We didn't come here to lecture you.

I came here to invite

you to my graduation.

Isn't that sweet?

And I'm sure your mother and

that woman will be there too.

I'm sorry, Samantha, but

I won't be where they are.

First of all, that woman

has a name. It's McNally.

And second of all, this

isn't about you. It's about me.

This is my graduation.

And if you don't come, you don't have a

daughter or a granddaughter.

It's so much easier, Dorothy, to remember

why you love someone

and to move past things,

even if you don't understand them.

You can just pretend to, like I'm doing.

Kate's a remarkable person.

She gave me that kid.

Even you have to admit.

That's some kid.

We present to you the

graduating class of 2002.

[Music]

I'm very proud of you, Sam, and I love

you very, very much.

Don't you dare make me cry. It took me

three hours to get my eyeliner on.

I'm really sorry it took

me so long to come around.

I know you didn't raise me that way.

Honey, what made you change your mind?

I realize that you're really happy now. I

mean, you haven't been for a long time.

That's it. Simple, huh?

You are a spectacular person.

You should stop pushing me. I'll get

there when I get there.

Yes, and we'll all be dead by then.

What do I call her? What do I call them?

They have names, Grandma. Start there.

See you about that. I'm glad you took

that thing out anyway.

You're a graduate. Why did you do this?

Isn't this a foreshadow?

-Is it? -No, it's permanent.

Now that the ceremony makes you a maid,

this is Mac. This is my mother Dorothy.

Hello, Dorothy. Nice to meet you.

-Hi. -Brad?

-How are you? -I'm good.

-First thing. -Yes.

-I'll work together. -Yes.