All language subtitles for A.Spanking.In.Paradise.2010.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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[CLATTERING, INDISTINCT VOICES]

American man: DO YOU HAVE ANY

COMMUNICABLE DISEASES, PHYSICAL

OR MENTAL DISORDERS, OR ARE YOU

A DRUG ABUSER OR ADDICT?

NO.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN EXCLUDED,

DEPORTED, OR PREVIOUSLY REMOVED

FROM THE UNITED STATES, OR

ATTEMPTED TO PROCURE A VISA BY

FRAUD OR MISREPRESENTATION?

NO.

ARE YOU SEEKING ENTRY TO

ENGAGE IN CRIMINAL OR IMMORAL

ACTIVITIES?

NO.

ARE YOU NOW, OR HAVE YOU EVER

BEEN INVOLVED IN TERRORIST

ACTIVITIES, SABOTAGE, ESPIONAGE,

GENOCIDE OR, BETWEEN 1933 AND

1945, WERE YOU INVOLVED WITH THE

PERSECUTIONS ASSOCIATED WITH

NAZI GERMANY OR ITS ALLIES?

NO.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED

OF A CRIME OR OFFENSE INVOLVING

MORAL TURPITUDE, EXTORTION,

ASSAULT, KIDNAPPING?

NO, NEVER.

[SIGHS]

MY VISA...

HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE?

HUMAN RIGHTS LAWYER, HUH?

WHY HUMAN RIGHTS?

WELL, WHY WASHINGTON?

BECAUSE IT'S THE COCKPIT

OF THE WORLD.

SURE IS.

STAY OUT OF TROUBLE FOR A FEW

WEEKS AND IT COULD COME EARLY.

YOU'VE LEFT YOUR JOB HERE?

YEAH.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO

FOR THE MONTH?

I'VE GOT SOME FAMILY

IN SCOTLAND I'VE NOT SEEN

FOR A WHILE.

THAT'S NICE.

FAMILY'S IMPORTANT.

NOT SINCE I WAS A CHILD,

IN FACT.

WHAT TYPE OF BUSINESS

ARE THEY IN?

THE... LEISURE INDUSTRY?

[With heavy Scottish burr]

AYE... SO IT WAS BILLY THAT

SAYS, "RIGHT...

LET'S MAKE IT INTERESTIN'.

THE NEXT CUNT TO LOSE HAS TO ASK

A TRANNY, 'HOW MUCH FOR ANAL?'"

YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE WHEN

YOU'RE FUCKED, EH?

[WOMAN MOANING, SPLAT]

SO TWO MINUTES LATER, WE'RE

PASSING BY ALL THESE LOVELY WEE

DUTCH DOLLY BIRDS, YOU KNOW?

AND WE'RE THERE...

FUCKING COCK STREET.

[BUZZER SOUNDS]

AND WHEN I SAY COCK, DON'T BE

THINKING BANGKOK LADY BOYS.

OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.

I'M TALKING BIG, HAIRY, TURKISH

MEN WITH LIPSTICK ON.

Woman: MORNIN'.

Both men: MORNIN', DARLIN'.

Woman: SOME MORNIN', EH?

SO WE WALKS THE LINE,

INSPECTIN' THE TROOPS.

AND AT THE END, THERE'S THIS

FUCKIN' APE...

[SECOND MAN LAUGHS]

STANDIN' THERE, LIKE AN OIL RIG

WORKER IN DRAG, MAN.

HANDS LIKE SHOVELS ON HIS HIPS.

SIZE 14 HEELS ON, LOOKIN' AT ME.

AND THE TWO OF THEM BEHIND ME,

PISSIN' THEMSELVES.

"FUCKIN' HIM. "

[BUZZER SOUNDS]

SO HE'S LOOKING AT ME ALL THE

WAY... LICKING HIS LIPS THROUGH

HIS BEARD... MMM...

MOUTHIN'...

[WHISPERS] "I'M GONNA

FUCK YOU..."

[LAUGHTER]

AND HERE'S ME, GETTING SMALLER

AND SMALLER, SHITTIN' MYSELF

WITH EVERY STEP I'M TAKIN'...

UNTIL HE GETS THERE, AND HIS

HAND REACHES DOWN TO THE HANDLE,

AND THE FUCKING DOOR

SWINGS OPEN.

[BUZZER SOUNDS]

SO I'M LIKE THAT.

Woman: ALL RIGHT, DARLIN'S?

ALL RIGHT, DARLIN'...

Man: HOW ARE YOU, AGNES?

WAIT A MINUTE.

NEXT, HE'S REACHED IN BEHIND ME

AND CLOSED THE FUCKIN' DOOR.

I'M LIKE, "WHOA, WHOA, WHOA--

WAIT A FUCKIN' MINUTE HERE, MAN.

LOOK... I JUST WANNA FIND OUT

HOW MUCH, EH?"

BUT HE STOPS ME, AND SHUSHES ME

WITH A FINGER TO MY LIPS.

"LITTLE MAN..."

[LAUGHTER]

"YOU WANT TO JOUST, MMM?

OR YOU WANT TO FENCE?"

I'M LIKE, FUCKIN' WHAT?

SO HE'S LOOKIN' AT ME, LOOKIN'

AT MY PALS STILL PISSIN'

THEMSELVES IN THE STREET AND HE

GOES, "O.K., WE CUT TO THE

CHASE, HUH?

YOU FUCK ME, 50.

I FUCK YOU, 60.

WE FUCK EACH OTHER, 75.

I SAYS, "LOOK, EH...

THANKS, MATE, YOU KNOW,

WHY DON'T WE THINK ABOUT IT?

I TELL YOU WHAT, I'M GONNA

'GET TO FUCK' FOR FREE."

[LAUGHTER]

SO HALFWAY OUT THE DOOR, AND

HE'S STILL SHOUTIN' AFTER ME,

"HEY, BABY, BABY, COME BACK.

DON'T BE SHY.

I'LL POLISH YOUR SHERIFF'S BADGE

FOR 20."

[LAUGHTER, PHONE RINGS]

TWO SECS, TONTO...

[CLEARS THROAT]

PARADISE SAUNA.

YES, WE ARE.

WE'VE GOT SIX ON TODAY.

WE'VE GOT CHARLIE, SHE'S AN

ATHLETIC BRUNETTE, AND YER SUI,

SHE'S... EH?

YES, WE DO.

[CHUCKLES] AYE, AYE,

WE DO THAT TOO.

SENGA, SHE'S ONE OF OUR MORE

MATURE MEMBERS OF STAFF.

SHE'S YOUR LADY IF THAT'S

YOUR CAPER.

AYE, SURE.

JUST COME IN, NO APPOINTMENT

NECESSARY.

RIGHT, NO BOTHER, RIGHT...

O.K.

RIGHT, TA.

EAGER.

KEN WHAT THEY SAY, YEAH?

THE EARLY BIRD...

GETS HIS KNOB SUCKED, EH?

Man: GETS HIS ARSE SPANKED.

Charlie: STILL UP WITH

THE DRUGS? >> AYE.

I HOPE IT'S NOT ME HE'S

SWEATIN' OVER.

> IT'S ALL RIGHT, IT'S SENGA'S

SERVICES HE'S AFTER.

SORRY, PAL, WE'RE NOT

OPEN YET.

GIVE US 10 MINUTES?

IT'S NOT MY NEPHEW, IS IT?

NO, IT'S JUST SOME STEAMER

WITH A HARD-ON.

THE WEE BASTARD'S LATE.

HE'S GOT TWO DEGREES AND HE

CAN'T E'EN GET HERE FOR 10.

I'VE NOT SEEN HIM SINCE HIS

DAD DIED.

[MAN BEING SPANKED IN NEXT ROOM]

CHRIST... HE WAS ONLY KNEE-HIGH

TO A GRASSHOPPER.

I HEAR HE'S A LAWYER.

A BIT OVER QUALIFIED FOR

THIS JOB.

WELL, IT'S JUST FOR JUST NOW.

HE A GREAT WEE GUY, THOUGH.

JUST MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T GET

DAMAGED; HIS NANA'LL KILL ME.

IS HE STAYIN' WITH YOU?

AYE, HE GOT IN LAST NIGHT.

I'VE NOT SEEN HIM YET, BUT...

Man being spanked in next

room]: STRAWBERRY!

SO ANYWAY...

AN HOUR LATER WE'RE PLAYIN'

CARDS AGAIN, RIGHT, STILL

LAUGHIN' ABOUT ME AND THE

CRYIN' GAME, WHEN THIS TIME,

POLIO EDDIE LOSES.

Man: [LAUGHS] POLIO EDDIE.

AND I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE I'M

TAKIN' HIM.

RIGHT-- TWO STREETS OVER IS

WHERE THE BLACK BIRDS ARE,

RIGHT?

SEEN THE ONE BEHIND THAT... ?

THE FAT FUCKS, AYE,

I'VE BEEN THERE.

MICHELIN STREET.

[LAUGHTER]

AYE, THE FAT FUCKS.

SO WE'RE MARCHIN' ON DOWN THE

STREET, YOU KNOW, FUCKIN'

EDDIE'S GIMPIN' BEHIND US,

[SLURRING] "AW, FUCKIN' HELL!"

[LAUGHTER]

"AW, THERE'S NO FUCKIN' WAY

I'LL FUCK ANY OF THESE MONSTERS,

YOU KNOW?"

[LAUGHTER]

[NORMAL VOICE] I'M LIKE, WHOA

I'VE SEEN THE FUCKIN' MONSTERS

HERE, EDDIE, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

[MAN IN NEXT ROOM NOW BEING

WHIPPED, CONTINUES MOANING...]

BUT THESE... THESE ARE LIKE

BEACH BALLS WITH ARMS

HANGIN' OUT.

[LAUGHTER, BUZZER SOUNDS]

SORRY I'M LATE, LEO,

I WAS JUST...

Man: SHEENA!

COME HERE.

LOOK UP FOR ME, DARLIN'.

[ANGRILY] WHAT HAVE I FUCKIN'

TOLD YOU?

[MAN BEING WHIPPED CONTINUES

MOANING IN NEXT ROOM]

LAST WARNIN'.

NOW FUCK OFF AND GET CHANGED.

[MAN BEING WHIPPED CONTINUES

MOANING IN NEXT ROOM...]

Man being whipped:

STRAWBERRY!

ANYWAY...

I SEES HER.

FUCKIN' ORCA THE KILLER WHALE,

LAYING IN ITS WINDOW.

[LAUGHTER]

"SHE'LL DO FOR US."

SO THE THREE OF US FIRE ON IN...

[DEEP VOICE] "SIT DOWN,"

IT SAYS.

WE FUCKIN' SIT.

BUT SHE GETS UP AND PUTS HER

JACKET ON, STARTS TO FUCKIN'

LEAVE, I'M LIKE, "HEY, HEY,

MISSUS, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE

DOING, EH?

WEE EDDIE HERE'S WANTIN' A RIDE.

[DEEP VOICE] "OH, NO, I'M DONE

FOR THE DAY."

[LAUGHTER]

"ROTANA WILL BE UP

IN A MINUTE."

AND THEN SHE FUCKS OFF.

SO WE'RE SITTIN' THERE, THE

THREE OF US, LIKE THREE CHUMPS

AT THE GUM CLINIC, WAITIN'

THE ALL-CLEAR, YOU KNOW?

WHEN I HEAR IT...

QUIET AT FIRST, DISTANT.

[GROWLS DEEPLY]

[LAUGHTER]

[GROWLING...]

[IMITATING FOOTSTEPS...]

[COUGHING, WHEEZING]

WE'RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER,

LIKE, WHAT THE FUCK IS COMIN'

UP

THESE STAIRS, HUH?

WELL... [SOFTLY] FUCK ME.

ROTANA.

FUCKING ROTUNDA.

[LAUGHTER]

THE ROOM DARKENED AS SHE

APPEARED AT THE TOP OF THE

STAIRS, SPLINTERIN' THE

DOOR FRAME, BLUE-LIPPED FROM THE

CLIMB... [GROWLS]

IT MANEUVERS ITSELF PAST US...

[SLOWLY, GROWLING] FUCKIN'

LIKE THAT... WOBBLES OVER

TO THE BED...

REACHES OVER AND...

[LAUGHTER]

WEE EDDIE'S JAW HAS HIT

THE GROUND.

WHAT'S SHE GONNA DO?

FART AND GIVE YOU A CLUE?

SO BY THE TIME I'VE LOOKED BACK

UP, ANDY'S UP THERE, TROUSERS

OVER THE ANKLES, AND HE'S

FUCKIN' STUFFIN' THAT TRUFFLE

PIG LIKE HE'S PUTTIN' OUT FIRE

WITH HIS FUCKIN' COCK!

SO HE FINISHES, HE FUCKIN' BELTS

DOWN THE FUCKIN' MONEY,

OBVIOUSLY IN DISGUST, AND FUCKS

OFF OUT OF THERE.

SO I'M COMIN' OUT BEHIND HIM AND

I JUST LOOK BACK AND THIS IS

WHAT I SEE.

[GROWLING AND COUGHING]

[SOFTLY] HORRIBLE.

[MUSICAL RINGTONE]

[PHONE BEEPS]

AYE, HELLO.

HELLO!

THAT'S STALLONE, HE'S OUTSIDE.

WHERE, THE HOUSE?

WHAT, STILL NO SIGN?

WELL, TELL HIM TO GET DOWN TO

THE OFFICE, THEN.

I WANT THAT RENT PAID BY LUNCH.

YOU'RE TO GO TO THE OFFICE.

WHICH ONE?

HE'S ONLY GOT THE ONE.

THE NEW TOWN!

ABBEY HILL?

ABBEY HILL IS A FUCKIN' GARAGE!

A FILTH-COVERED, DIESEL-SOAKED

GARAGE!

THE NEW TOWN!

[SIGHS DEEPLY] AHH, FUCK IT,

DAVY... HE'S GONNA FUCK THIS UP.

YOU'D BETTER GET DOWN THERE.

FUCKIN' STUPID BODYBUILDER.

YOU KNOW, I WENT INTO THE GYM

CHANGIN' ROOM LAST MONDAY,

AND HE'S SHAVING HIS BALLS

IN THE SINK-- HUH?

I MEAN, SINCE WHEN DID HAVIN'

SHAVED BALLS WIN YOU ANY POINTS

IN A CONTEST, HUH?

Davy: I CAN'T GET DOWN THERE

NOW, RAB, I PROMISED THE WIFE

I'D TAKE HER TO ASDA.

SHE'LL DO MY NUT IN IF I'M LATE.

AND I'VE GOT TO DROP INTO

BRUNSWICK STREET, I'VE GOT

GUINNESS BILL FITTIN' THE

BATHROOM THERE.

GUINNESS BILL?

HE'S A FUCKIN' ALKY.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

MUM, HELLO.

OH, GOOD, YES, GOOD.

UH-HUH.

AYE... HE'S HERE WITH ME NOW,

IN THE CLUB.

I WILL.

ALL RIGHT, LOVE YOU.

BYE.

I APPRECIATE YOU OPENING

EARLY.

I'M IN COURT ALL DAY AND THIS

BEATS A COOKED BREAKFAST.

LOOK...

DON'T CRAB UP,

I SAID I'M SORRY.

IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE WITH

THE PAPERWORK.

IT WAS ALL PAID OFF WHEN I SAID.

COME ON, HOW LONG HAVE WE KNOWN

EACH OTHER?

Davy: ALL RIGHT, RAB,

I'M GONNA GET MOVIN'.

YOU WANT A LIFT ANYWHERE BEFORE

I GO?

NO, I'M GOOD.

I'VE GOT TOM OUTSIDE WITH

THE VAN.

AH, FUCKING WEIRDO.

THE SOONER YOU GET YOUR LICENSE

BACK, THE BETTER.

LISTEN, DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT

STALLONE.

IT'S ONLY 500 WE'RE DUE

THIS MONTH.

HMM, ALL RIGHT.

NOW YOU BETTER NOT BE FUCKIN'

WITH ME. >> R--

THIS IS MY MOTHER WE'RE

TALKING ABOUT.

RAB, THE PAPERS ARE BEING

FILED AS WE SPEAK.

PLEASE...

WOULD I KEEP COMING BACK

IF I HAD SOMETHING TO HIDE?

[BUZZER SOUNDS]

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

STRAWBERRIES?

MMM, STRAWBERRIES.

STRAWBERRIES?

IT'S HIS CODE WORD.

YOU KNOW, IF THE PAIN GETS TOO

MUCH AND HE WANTS ME TO STOP.

SO WHAT'S WRONG WITH "STOP"?

Leo: AYE, BUT THAT'S PART OF

THE KICK, THE PLEADING.

[DRAMATICALLY] "STOP, STOP,

OH, PLEASE FUCKIN' STOP."

GOT A FASCINATION WITH PAIN,

THESE PEOPLE, HUH?

[BUZZER SOUNDS]

AHH, THERE HE IS!

FUCKIN' COME HERE, HUH!

[LAUGHS]

SORRY I'M LATE.

NANA COULDN'T FIND HER TEETH.

BRILLIANT, MATE.

LISTEN UP EVERYONE.

THIS IS MY NEPHEW JUSTIN...

HE'S GONNA BE HELPING ME FOR THE

NEXT FEW WEEKS.

NOW, HE'S EDUCATED, SO BE

CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY.

RIGHT, THIS HERE...

THIS IS LEO.

HE'LL INTRODUCE YOU TO THE REST

OF THE TEAM AND HE'LL SHOW YOU

THE ROPES, RIGHT?

YOU STILL O.K. WITH THIS?

YEAH, YEAH.

GOOD, GOOD.

IT'S NOTHIN' HEAVY.

YOU JUST SIT THERE AND TAKE

THE MONEY.

SO HOW DID YOU FIND YOUR NANA?

OH, SHE'S A BIT DOWN, LIKE.

YEAH?

HANDSOME AND SMART.

YOU'VE GOT IT ALL, WEE MAN.

NO, I'M JUST LUCKY.

Rab: AHH, LUCKY YOUR ARSE.

YOU'VE HAD IT TOUGH, AND YOU'VE

DONE WELL, AND YOU'VE DONE IT

ALL BY YOURSELF, HUH?

SO HOW'S YOUR MUM? >> GOOD.

IS SHE STILL WITH THAT

FUCKIN' ITALIAN?

SPAGHETTI JOE?

NO, NO.

THEY, UH, THEY SPLIT UP

TWO YEARS AGO.

AHH, GOOD.

THAT MAN WAS A COCK.

THAT'S ANOTHER REASON WHY YOU'VE

DONE WELL, SUFFERIN' AT THE

HANDS OF THAT BASTARD, EH?

>>> WELL, SORRY TO BREAK UP THIS

SPIT AND POLISH, BUT I'VE GOT TO

GET ON.

YOU, PERRY MASON.

IT'S ALL YOURS.

IT'S AN EASY GIG.

CHARGE THE PUNTERS 15 FOR A

HALF-HOUR, OR 20 FOR 45.

JUST REMEMBER, NO GIVIN' EXTRA

TIME UNLESS HE'S PAID FOR IT.

A HALF HOUR'S A HALF HOUR.

ANY LONGER AND YOU CHARGE THEM

AGAIN WHEN THEY SURFACE FOR AIR.

THE ROOM TIME'S ON THE COMPUTER,

AND THERE'S A HIDDEN CAMERA

ABOVE YOUR HEAD, SO DON'T BE

SCARED AND DON'T BE SOFT.

THIS AIN'T OXFAM FOR HARD-ONS.

I'LL HAVE A QUICK WORD

WITH SHEENA.

LISTEN, I'LL TAKE THE LAD OUT

WITH ME THIS MORNIN', EH?

LET HIM MEET THE BOYS.

[SHEENA SCRAPING]

WHAT DID I FUCKIN' TELL YOU?

THE NEXT TIME YOU PASS THE BOSS

ALL WIRED WILL BE THE LAST TIME

YOU GET FROM ME.

YOU GOT THAT?

YOU ALREADY OWE ME, SO THAT'S

TWO TON BY FRIDAY.

NOW CUT ME A LINE OF CHALK

FROM YOURS AND MAKE IT A

POODLE'S LEG.

[SCRAPING]

[KISS]

YOU KNOW IF YOU WANT ME TO,

I CAN...

[SNIFFING DEEPLY]

NAH...

I FANCY SOMETHING A BIT FRESHER.

KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

[SCOFFS]

[DOOR SHUTS]

WHERE'S YOUR UNCLE?

HE'S JUST NIPPED OUT.

WE'VE GOT A NEW GIRL COMIN'

IN FOR A JOB.

YEAH, SHE'S HERE.

CAROLINE, IS IT?

I'M LEO.

COME ON DOWN AND WE'LL HAVE

A CHAT.

HOLD THE FORT WHILE I CONDUCT

THIS INTERVIEW.

[SIGHS DEEPLY,

RUNNING HANDS ON WALL]

...WE'VE GOT TWO TYPES OF

ROOM HERE: THE V.I.P. SUITE,

AND THE NOT-SO V.I.P. SUITE.

THERE IS A THIRD, THE GIMP ROOM,

BUT I'LL NOT SCARE YOU

WITH THE LEATHER CARE BEARS...

FOR NOW.

YOU WORKED IN A SAUNA BEFORE?

WELL, IT IS WHAT IT IS.

IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.

GET HERE ON TIME, SMILE WHEN YOU

TAKE IT.

HERE WE TAKE CARE OF OUR GIRLS,

SO LONG AS THEY TAKE CARE OF US.

NO MOONLIGHTIN', DEALIN',

OR DATIN' THE PUNTERS.

AND... WELL...

DO YOU WANT THE JOB?

[UNDOES HIS PANTS]

Rab: LEO!

AYE, WHAT?

WE'RE AWAY!

YOU'VE GOT THE JOB IF YOU

WANT IT.

RULES ARE SIMPLE.

35 FOR A HAND-JOB, 45 FOR A

SUCK, AND 55 FOR A RIDE.

FOR EVERY PUNTER YOU DO,

YOU GIVE US A TENNER,

THE REST IS YOURS.

OH, AND I GET TO SHAG YOU

ONCE A WEEK, IF I WANT,

WHEN I WANT.

ANY MORE AND I PAY, JUST LIKE

THE REST.

THE GIRLS'LL SEE YOU RIGHT.

[ZIPPER CLOSING]

WHERE IS THAT CURRY-MUNCHIN'

BASTARD?

TOM!

IS THAT HIM?

[TRAFFIC PASSING IN DISTANCE]

DID YOU SEE THAT?

NO... NO, TOM.

WHAT?

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

UNBELIEVABLE.

HELLO, MATE.

NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'M IN EDINBURGH, THOUGH, MATE.

Tom: WATCH THE VINEGAR.

IT'S GOT 15 DIFFERENT USES IN A

CAR ALONE.

Rab: HERE, HOP IN.

Justin: HIYA.

Tom: OH, HEY.

WHAT WAY?

THE NORMAL WAY, TOM.

NONE OF YOUR FUCKIN' SHORTCUTS.

HERE, YOU MET MY NEPHEW JUSTIN?

HEY, MAN. >> HIYA.

YOUR UNCLE'S BEEN TELLIN' ME

ABOUT YE... MOVIN' TO AMERICA?

YEAH.

WHERE TO?

D.C., WASHINGTON, D.C.

GREAT, MAN, JUST GREAT.

I USED TO KEEP GOATS.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF

THE CLUB? >> MMM...

TAKES A BIT OF GETTIN'

USED TO, I CAN SEE THAT.

YOU'VE GOT TO ADMIRE EDINBURGH

FOR ITS ATTITUDE.

THE WOMEN ARE SAFE, WARM AND FOR

THE MOST PART, DRUG-FREE,

AS ARE THE PUNTERS.

BESIDES, IT SAVES THE

NEIGHBORHOODS FROM CURB

CRAWLERS, PIMPS, DEALERS,

BACKSEAT SHAGGERS...

[SUCKS TEETH]

AND THAT'S GOT TO BE A GOOD

THING, RIGHT?

I KNOW, I KNOW.

I JUST... WHILE I'M HERE,

I'VE GOT TO BE CAREFUL.

SO HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE

YOU WERE ACTUALLY LAST UP?

TOO LONG.

YEAH, I HADN'T EVEN STARTED

SECONDARY SCHOOL AND NOW I'VE

GRADUATED UNI.

[CHUCKLES] IS THAT RIGHT?

YEAH.

CHRIST.

[*...]

Rab: I'M HOPING JIMMY'S AT

THE GYM.

HE'S AN OLD PAL OF YOUR DAD'S.

HE'S HELPING SORT THIS SHIT OUT

WITH YOUR NANA'S HOUSE.

THE LAWYER WE BOUGHT OFF HAS

EITHER FUCKED THE PAPERWORK OR

HE THINKS HE CAN SCAM US.

EITHER WAY, HE'S A-- TOM!

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING?

[*...]

[MUSIC PLAYS INSIDE GYM...]

Rab: ALL RIGHT, ROD.

Rod: HI, BOYS.

Rab: THIS IS MY NEPHEW

JUSTIN, HE'S COME TO STAY WITH

ME FOR A FEW WEEKS.

HE'S HERE FOR THE FUNERAL?

WHAT FUNERAL?

Rab: UH...

YOU TRAIN, EH?

DO YOU WANT TO COME HERE FOR

THE MONTH?

[BODYBUILDERS GRUNTING]

YES, SOUNDS GOOD, YEAH.

Rab: ROD'LL LET YOU WORK OUT,

EH? >> NAE BOTHER.

WHAT SORT OF THINGS IS IT

YOU'RE INTO?

UH, FITNESS.

"FITNESS".

YOU'LL NOT GET MUCH FITNESS

IN HERE.

[RAB AND ROD BOTH LAUGH]

Rab: LISTEN, UH, DID STALLONE

LEAVE ANYTHING FOR ME?

Rod: NO, THE BOY DROPPED IT

OFF HIMSELF.

SAYS HE WAITED BY THE OFFICE ALL

MORNING AND NOBODY TURNED UP.

Rab: SORRY ABOUT THAT, ROD.

THAT STUPID POLISH ARSE-BENDER.

AND, UH, HERE. [CASH CRINKLES]

HAVE LUNCH ON ME.

Rod: JIM'S IN.

JUST GOT A CALL OFF STALLONE.

GOIN' MENTAL.

BEEN AT GARAGE ALL MORNIN'.

EH?

WILL I TELL HIM TO START

BREAKIN' THINGS UP?

Rab: THAT'S MY NEPHEW,

BY THE WAY.

HE'S EDUCATED.

THAT'S BIG TAM'S LADDIE.

BIG TAM?

EH?

BIG TAM'S LADDIE.

YOU'RE THE WEE BASTARD THAT

PISSED UP MY TROUSER LEG.

[CHUCKLES]

EH, I REMEMBER YOUR DAD, SON.

WHAT A GUY HE WAS.

AND WHAT A LAUGH.

FUCK, I REMEMBER HIM BEFORE HE

EVEN MET YOUR MUM.

AND BEFORE YOUR UNCLE RAB

HAD THE CLUB, WAY BACK IN

THE OLD DAYS.

DID HE EVER TELL YOU THE TIME

ABOUT THE SECURITY VAN?

NO.

THE ARMY WERE GONNA KICK HIM OUT

BECAUSE OF THAT.

YOU REMEMBER THAT, WHEN HE WAS

FIRST IN, EH?

[CHUCKLES] HE COMES DOWN TO

THE SHOP TO SEE ME, RIGHT?

SO, WE'RE STANDIN' OUTSIDE

HAVIN' A SMOKE, NATTERIN' AWAY,

YOU KNOW?

I THINK HE WAS JUST BACK FROM

BELFAST OR SOMETHING, WATCHIN'

THE WORLD GO BY, AND THERE WAS

THIS SECURITY VAN PARKED UP

ACROSS THE STREET, DELIVERIN'

MONEY.

SO, IT'S A TWO-MAN TEAM, ONE IN

THE BACK AND ONE DELIVERIN'.

AND ALL HE'S DOIN' IS BANGIN'

TWICE ON THE SIDE OF THE VAN

WHEN HE'S READY TO PICK UP, AND

THE MONEY WOULD APPEAR IN ONE OF

THESE BIG SWIVEL THINGS, RIGHT?

SO, YOUR DAD'S PARKED IN BEHIND

THE VAN, AND AS HE HEADS TO

LEAVE, HE LOOKS OVER AT ME,

LOOKS BACK, AND IS THEN GOING

"BANG" SIDE OF THE VAN, AND BY

CHRIST, BOY, YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN

THIS, THIS BIG BAG OF MONEY

APPEARS.

WELL, HIS FACE, I'LL NEVER

FORGET IT.

SHOCKED, HE WAS STUNNED, HE WAS

STUCK IN FUCKIN' TIME BY THE

WAY, BOY.

TELL YOU, SO HE SQUINTS OVER

AT ME, SQUINTS BACK, HE GRABS

HOLD OF THE MONEY AND TAKES

FUCKIN' OFF, HEAD-CASE, MAN!

RUNNIN' DOWN THE STREET LIKE A

CAMBODIAN WITH A DINNER TICKET.

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS, BOY,

HONEST.

SO, NOW HE'S BEIN' CHASED BY

THESE TWO SECURITY GUARDS WHO

ARE THERE JUST WATCHIN' THEIR

BONUS SPRINT DOWN THE WALK

IN YOUR DAD'S HANDS, SO I TAKES

OFF AFTER HIM, I'M DODGIN' IN

AND OUT OF CARS, TRAMS, BUSES,

FUCKIN' DOGS, YOU NAME IT,

I'M DODGIN' IN AND OUT IT.

AND JUST AS THEY GRAB HIM,

JUST BEFORE HE GOES TO HIS

KNEES, HE FLIPS IT RIGHT OVER

HIS HEAD LIKE A RUGBY BALL,

AND IT WENT RIGHT INTO MY

FUCKIN' HANDS HERE, BOY,

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS.

SO NOW I'M SPRINTIN' OFF DOWN

THE WALK WITH THIS BIG BAG OF

MONEY-- CHRIST, BOY!

SO, WHAT HAPPENED?

I RAN STRAIGHT RIGHT INTO

A FUCKIN' POLICE HORSE, EH?

[RAB LAUGHS]

WHAT WERE THE CHANCES OF THAT,

EH?

CELTIC PLAYING HIBS AT EASTER

ROAD THAT DAY, THE BASTARDS.

I GOT A 21-DAY LIE-DOWN FOR

BEING A FUCKIN' IDIOT, EH?

LUCKILY, THE JUDGE, HE'D SEEN

THE FUNNY SIDE OF IT, EH?

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DAD?

WELL, LIKE I SAID, THE ARMY,

THEY WERE GONNA KICK HIM OUT

BECAUSE OF THAT, AND THEY WOULD

HAVE... IF HE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN

SUCH A BLOODY GOOD SOLDIER.

SOME GUY, BIG TAM.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHIN'

ELSE... >> LISTEN, JIMMY.

I'VE BEEN MEANIN' TO HAVE A WEE

WORD WITH YOU ABOUT, UH...

YOUR MUM?

AYE.

YOU WANT ME TO GET MY GUY AT

THE LAND REGISTRY?

JUST IN CASE WHAT HE GIVES ME

ARE FAKES.

BUYIN' HIMSELF TIME TO FUCK OFF.

FUCK OFF?

TO WHERE THOUGH?

HE'S GOT PROPERTY IN FLORIDA.

CHRIST KNOWS WHAT ELSE HE'S GOT

SQUIRRELED AWAY.

RAB, THE U.S.

THE ONE PLACE WE CAN'T CHASE

HIM. >> I'LL SEE YOU ALL RIGHT.

EXPENSES AND THAT.

DON'T BE DAFT.

CAN'T STOMACH WHAT THAT

BASTARD'S DONE TO BIG TAM'S MUM.

YOU SEE, THEY GET BLINDED BY

THEIR OWN GREED, EH?

DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT A THING.

THEY'VE GOT IT ON COMPUTER,

ANYWAY, AND HE CAN'T FAKE THAT.

SEE YOU LATER, KID.

NICE MEETIN' YE.

MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME OUT A

COUPLE OF WEEKS DOWN THE LINE,

EH?

LAWYER SHIT AND THAT.

"PROPERTY DEVELOPER"?

DRUG DEALER, MORE LIKE.

[ALL CHUCKLING]

MY DAD USED TO LOVE TELLING THAT

STORY.

OOH...

THAT'S A GREAT FACE FOR RADIO,

EH?

BY THE WAY, HE IS ONE

SUCCESSFUL DRUG DEALER.

HE JUST GOT HIMSELF ONE OF THOSE

360 SPIDERS... KNOW, ONE OF THEM

FANCY FERRARIS?

AH.

I SEEN HIM DRIVIN' DOWN

PRINCES STREET WITH IT

YESTERDAY WITH A BIG FUCKIN'

FOUR-BY-TWO STICKING OUT

THE WINDOW... [CHUCKLES]

OBVIOUSLY ON HIS WAY BACK TO

THE SITE, YOU SEE.

CAN YOU IMAGINE THEIR FACES WHEN

HE PULLS UP IN THAT?

[LAUGHS]

MAN OF THE PEOPLE, EH?

AH, WELL.

WHY IS IT EVERY TIME POND

SCUM LIKE US GROWS LEGS AND

MAKES A FEW QUID, WE'RE STILL

HELLBENT ON BEIN' ONE OF THE

BOYS, EH?

[CHUCKLES]

NEXT YOU'LL BE TELLIN' ME

HE'S STUCK A FUCKIN' ROOF RACK

ON TOP OF IT.

AND A TOW BAR ON THE BACK.

[LAUGHS]

SEE YOU LATER.

SEE YOU LATER, PAL.

CHEERS, BUDDY.

[*...]

SEE YOU GOT YOUR HAND BRAKE

FIXED.

WHEN DID YOU TAKE IT IN?

I DONE IT MYSELF.

COAT HANGERS.

[ENGINE REVS, *...]

Rab: A WHILE BACK YOUR NANA

WANTED A RETIREMENT FLAT, ONE OF

THOSE SERVICED APARTMENTS WITH

SOMEONE ON CALL IN CASE THEY

TAKE ILL OR FALL IN THE BATH.

JUST SO HAPPENED THAT A PAL OF

MINE, THIS LAWYER WHO'S BEEN

GETTING HIS ARSE SCALPED AT THE

CLUB FOR YEARS, OWNED A WHOLE

BLOCK OF THEM, 20 OF THEM.

WE DIDN'T NEED A MORTGAGE SO WE

BOUGHT ONE OFF HIM OUTRIGHT.

AND, HIM BEING A LAWYER, HE DID

ALL THE PAPERWORK FOR FREE.

Justin: SO, WHAT'S HAPPENED?

Rab: BUSINESS HAS BEEN

DIFFICULT THIS PAST YEAR.

THE COUNCIL'S BEEN HIJACKED BY

SOME FUCKIN' JESUS GUY WHO'S

PUTTING THE SQUEEZE ON OUR

LICENSE CONDITIONS-- EXTRA TAX,

RATES, LOOP FEES, THE LOT.

THROWIN' EVERYTHING AT US

'CAUSE HE CAN'T SHUT ME DOWN.

SO YOUR NANA APPLIED FOR A

MORTGAGE, A LOAN TO KEEP US

AFLOAT UNTIL THINGS SETTLED

DOWN, BUT IT WAS DENIED.

DENIED BECAUSE THERE'S ALREADY A

300 GRAND MORTGAGE ON IT.

HE TOOK YOUR CASH, BUT THEN

NEVER PAID OFF HIS OWN LOAN.

I WENT TO SEE HIM LAST WEEK.

HE ASSURED ME IT'S A MISTAKE.

EVEN TOOK ME TO THE LAND

REGISTRY WHERE HE ORDERED THE

CERTIFICATES, WHICH HAVE YET

TO ARRIVE.

NANA...

THAT'S WHY SHE'S SO DOWN.

SHE MUST BE GUTTED.

PFT.

NEAR BROKEN.

IMAGINE... YOU WORK YOUR WHOLE

LIFE TO FIND EVERYTHING YOU'VE

EARNED HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY FROM

YOU... PFFFFT.

HE'S BITTEN OFF MORE THAN HE CAN

CHEW, PROPERTY-WISE.

TAKEN OUT LOAN AFTER LOAN ON

THE EQUITIES.

NOW HE'S SPUNKED THE LOT.

HE'S CAUGHT OVER A BARREL.

ALL RIGHT, SON, BEEN IN

THE SAUNA?

NO.

STRUNG OVER A BARREL.

Leo: NO, JUST...

[PHONE RINGING]

OH, OH.

JIMMY.

O.K.

STILL NO WORD?

WHO, JUSTIN?

AYE, I DON'T SEE WHY NOT, AYE.

HE'D BE GOOD AT THAT.

[LAUGHS] ALL RIGHT.

RIGHT, ME AND YOU JUMP OUT HERE.

YOU AND TOM GONNA GO TO

THE CASH AND CARRY?

I CAN'T, I'VE GOT SOMETHING

ON... WE'RE FINE TILL TOMORROW.

Rab: SURE?

WHAT ABOUT WANK MAGIC?

[CAR HORN HONKS]

RIGHT, THAT'S MY PAL NOW.

I'LL SEE YOU IN A BIT.

HEY, WAIT-- YOU HAVE A WORD

WITH SHEENA?

AYE, I TOLD HER.

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS.

NO GEAR IN THE CLUB.

ANY TIME, ANYONE.

MAKE SURE THEY ALL FUCKIN' KNOW.

AYE.

[KNOCKS ON SIDE OF VAN]

[RAB SIGHS]

WHAT'S HAPPENING TOMORROW?

WHAT?

[RAB CHUCKLES]

[*...]

[RAB GRUNTS AND SIGHS]

COME ON, THEN.

HEY, HEY!

AYE, SEE, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE

PERFECT.

THE MINUTE I WEAR A SUIT,

IT LOOKS LIKE I'VE BEEN IN COURT

FOR THE DAY, BUT YOU...

WELL... YOU LOOK THE PART.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, IT'S NOTHIN'

ILLEGAL.

ILLEGAL?

AND ETHICAL?

"ETHICAL"?

OH, WHAT THE FUCK?

THE PRICK'S FROM DUNDEE.

LOOK, WE OWN THE LAND.

JUST SAY YOU'RE MOVIN' HERE WITH

YOUR NEW BIRD FROM AMERICA,

YOU WANT A NEW BUILD AND YOU

WANNA BE INVOLVED WITH THE

FURNISHIN'S AT THE PLANNIN'

STAGE.

YOU KNOW WHAT THESE AMERICAN

BIRDS ARE LIKE, EH?

WHAT, THEY LIKE SOFT

FURNISHINGS?

Tom: THEY LOVE IT IN THE ASS!

Jimmy: LOOK, HE'S GONNA

PAY US FOR IT, ANYWAY.

HE'LL JUST PAY A WEE BIT EARLIER

IF HE THINKS HE'S GOT A BUYER.

YOU MEAN, HE'LL ONLY BUY IT

FROM YOU IF HE THINKS HE'S GOT

A BUYER.

Jimmy: AYE.

Rab: EXACTLY. IT'S A

"SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH IT"

DEAL.

WHAT CAN YOU DO WITH IT?

Jimmy: FUCK ALL.

IT'S THE WORST PLOT OF LAND IN

WESTERN EUROPE.

THAT'S WHY WE'VE GIVEN IT TO

HIM.

COME ON, BE A FUCKIN'

SALESMAN HERE.

YOUR FATHER COULD SELL SHITE TO

FLIES, AND NANA NEEDS TO MAKE A

FEW QUID AFTER WHAT'S HAPPENED,

SO COME ON, DO IT FOR HER.

AS SOON AS HE'S PAID, YOU CAN

WITHDRAW YOUR OFFER.

GOOD LADDIE.

YOUR FATHER'D BE PROUD OF YOU.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION...]

AYE, SO, THE KITCHEN WINDOW

WOULD BE HERE, AND...

[LOUD FART]

YOUR FRONT DOOR HERE.

AND WE PLAN TO PUT TWO

PROPERTIES ONTO THIS PLOT, UM,

BUT I CAN MAKE YOURS A YARD

OR SO WIDER.

UH, NOW OVER HERE...

THIS WILL BE YOUR BACK GARDEN.

YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S AMERICAN?

YEAH.

LOVE THAT COUNTRY.

NEVER BEEN, MIND, BUT I LOVE IT.

[FARTS]

AND WHAT DO YOU DO?

UH, I'M A L-- I'M JUST OUT

OF UNI.

OH, EDUCATED, RIGHT.

O.K., IN WHAT?

UH, HUMAN RIGHTS.

OH, YEAH, YEAH?

WHAT'S THAT, THEN?

[ANOTHER LOUD FART]

UM, WELL, IT CAN BE ANYTHING,

REALLY, UM, YOU KNOW, EVEN

SECURITY STUDIES, YOU KNOW,

POST-9/11.

YEAH, SECURITY, YEAH,

MY COUSIN'S INTO THAT.

OH, HE IS?

YEAH, HE DOES THE DOORS UP

AT THE VOLCANO.

HE DIDN'T NEED TO GO TO

UNIVERSITY FOR THAT, THOUGH, AH.

YOU MUST WANT TO WORK IN

MANAGEMENT.

YEAH.

UM, NOW, I SHOULD SAY WE'VE HAD

OTHER INTERESTS, SO YOU'RE GONNA

TO HAVE TO THINK FAST.

OH, HAVE YOU NOW?

[FARTS LOUDLY] YEAH.

Man, nearby: YOU FUCKER!

UH, YOUR GIRLFRIEND, SHE

LIKES TO COOK, DOES SHE?

[CURRY BOILING ON VAN HEATER]

YOU DID GOOD, KID.

JIMMY SAYS TO GIVE YOU A RIDE

ON HIM.

A RIDE?

WHERE TO?

LEO CALLS IT MY POUND OF

MINCE.

COME ON, SON, PICK SOMEBODY.

IT'S ON JIMMY.

[BUZZER SOUNDS]

Leo: BEEN HERE BEFORE?

Man: AYE.

V.I.P. ROOM, HALF AN HOUR.

BIG AGNES.

Leo: YES, SIR.

AND YOUR NAME?

Man: UH... JOHN.

Leo: O.K., JOHN.

HAVE YOU HAD YOUR TREAT YET?

UH, NO, NOT YET.

COME ON, COME WITH ME.

IT'S NOT A CREDIT SERVICE.

USE IT OR LOSE IT.

NO TWO SHAGS CARRY IN THIS GAME,

PAL.

HI, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

UH, GLECKEE.

GLECKEE?

GLECKEE.

GLECKEE-- NO, WHERE ARE YOU

FROM?

"55 POUNDS"?

NO, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

GLASGOW.

AH, GLASGOW.

"SCOUNDREL"? ME?

Leo: JOHN.

JOHN.

JOHN!

I'LL RUN THROUGH WHO'S

AVAILABLE, SHALL I?

RIGHT, WE'VE GOT CHARLIE,

SHEENA, OH, AND SENGA.

SHE'S JUST BECOME AVAILABLE

AFTER A CANCELLATION.

YER SUI, WHO YOU'VE MET...

THERE'S CAZ, WHO'S UP IN A

MINUTE, AND THAT'S ABOUT IT.

LOOK, YOU'RE VERY PRETTY,

BUT...

BUT WHAT?

BUT LET'S JUST HANG FOR

HALF AN HOUR, AND YOU CAN CLAIM

JIMMY'S CASH.

[MAN GRUNTING IN BACKGROUND]

HERE YOU ARE, DOLL.

THAT'S FOR YOU.

I'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK, AND, UH,

I'LL BRING THE PERFUMES

I PROMISED YOU.

HANG AND DO WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

HAVE A CUP OF TEA?

DON'T DO ME ANY FAVORS.

[MAN MOANS IN BACKGROUND]

THAT WAS QUICK.

LISTEN, PAL, IF YOU DROP ANCHOR

IN POO BAY, THEN WE CAN

ACCOMMODATE.

RAFAEL COMES IN ONCE A WEEK FOR

SPIT ROAST SUNDAY.

HE'S ASKIN' IF YOU SUCK COCK.

DO YOU?

Justin: NO.

BACK TO WORK THEN, BENSON.

YOU'RE ON TOWELS.

Agnes: OH, YES.

YOU'RE GONNA GET IT.

YOU'RE GONNA GET SOME OF THIS

JUICY PUSSY.

YOU BRING YOUR COCK UP HERE,

DARLIN'...

[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

Woman: OH, COCK.

ARE YOU READY FOR FUCK, JOHN,

EH?

READY FOR FUCK?

OH, YES, JOHN.

YOU LIKE?

YOU LIKE ME TO DO THIS, JOHN?

I WANT SO MUCH INSIDE, JOHN.

[MOANING...]

I'M SORRY ABOUT UP THERE.

I'M SO USED TO BEIN'...

I'M CHARLOTTE, BY THE WAY.

I'M NOT DISTURBIN' YOU, AM I?

NO, UH... NO, I'M JUST...

DOING LAUNDRY.

CHARLOTTE?

THAT'S YOUR REAL NAME?

IN MY HEAD I KNOW WHERE

CHARLIE STOPS AND CHARLOTTE

STARTS, BUT IT'S HARD NOT TO SEE

EVERY MAN AS A JOHN. [CHUCKLES]

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF

THE PLACE?

WELL, MORE PURGATORY THAN

PARADISE.

WELL, I'M JUST PASSIN' THROUGH.

THERE'S WORSE THAN HERE.

THERE IS?

SHIT, YEAH.

WE CLOSE AT 10 SHARP.

THERE'S A COUPLE UP IN TOWN THAT

STAY OPEN TILL FOUR.

COME 'ROUND ON A FRIDAY NIGHT,

THERE'S A LINE RIGHT 'ROUND

THE BLOCK.

LIKE THE FIRST DAY OF A HARRODS

SALE IT IS.

THAT'S A LOT OF...

HARD-ONS?

DRUNK HARD-ONS AT THAT.

YEAH.

JESUS.

THAT'S ONLY HALF OF IT.

THE OWNERS ARE SHITS.

SHITS, WHY?

THEY JUST ARE.

SO, UH, WHAT ABOUT YOU?

YOU'VE NOT BEEN UP FOR A WHILE,

I WAS HEARIN'.

NO, IT'S A SHAME.

HOW?

DO YOU MIND TALKIN' ABOUT IT?

NO, UM, NO.

IT'S JUST... I DIDN'T EXPECT TO

BE SITTING HERE DISCUSSING IT,

THAT'S ALL.

IT'S JUST THAT AFTER MY DAD

DIED, MY MUM MET THIS LAWYER

AND WE MOVED DOWN SOUTH.

SO, BETWEEN HER GRIEF AND HIS

DISLIKE OF ALL THINGS

EDINBURGH-- THAT IS, THE FAMILY

BUSINESS-- I WAS NEVER

ENCOURAGED TO COME BACK NORTH.

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN HE

DIED?

UH, YOUNG.

I WAS ONLY EIGHT.

OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW, THOUGH.

KNOW WHAT?

STUFF.

YOU KNOW, IT WAS SUDDEN.

ONE MINUTE HE WAS THERE,

THE NEXT HE WASN'T.

I'M SORRY.

MINE DIED, TOO.

THOUGH I WAS STILL A BABE.

[CHUCKLES]

I'M SORRY.

YOU CAN'T MISS SOMEONE

YOU'VE NEVER KNOWN.

I'VE ALWAYS LIKED THE IDEA OF

HAVING A DAD.

YOU FEEL SAFE.

YEAH.

YOU FEEL SAFE.

I NEVER HAD A STEPDAD.

WELL, I HAD A LOT OF STEPDADS,

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

[CHUCKLES]

AYE, MY MUM WAS NO STRANGER

TO COCK.

I'M A STUDENT, YOU KNOW.

YOU ARE?

YEAH, I'M AT COLLEGE.

STUDYIN' TO BE A MIDWIFE.

THAT'S FANTASTIC.

YEAH, IT'S GOOD, EH?

I'D LOVE TO HAVE BEEN A DOCTOR,

BUT I NEVER HAD THE GRADES.

[CHUCKLES] OR THE BRAINS.

SO, HOW LONG YOU GOT LEFT?

WELL, A WEE BIT.

I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE MUCH THIS

YEAR-- YOU KNOW, SOME THINGS

GET IN THE WAY, BUT I'M GONNA

GO BACK NEXT YEAR FOR DEFINITE.

[CHUCKLES]

Leo: CHARLIE!

I'LL LET YOU GET BACK TO

YOUR LAUNDRY.

CHARLIE'S GOT TO WORK.

[CHUCKLES]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[ALARM CLOCK BEEPING...]

[IT STOPS]

[SIGHS]

[WOMAN CRYING...]

Rab: BUT, MUM, I TOLD YOU,

WE'LL GET IT SORTED OUT,

ALL RIGHT? I PROMISE.

Nana: [CRYING...]

LOOK, YOU'RE GONNA BE

ALL RIGHT, O.K.?

MORNIN'.

TEA? COFFEE? CURRY?

JESUS.

[BAGPIPE MUSIC PLAYS FAINTLY

ON THE KITCHEN RADIO...]

IN THREE MONTHS I'VE NEVER

BEATEN HIM.

NOT ONCE.

I'VE EVEN STUCK FUCKIN' DOG FOOD

IN IT, BUT BY CHRIST, HE JUST

LAPS THIS SHIT DOWN.

DON'T TELL ME, YOU GIVE

THAT TO...

[DOORBELL RINGS]

MUM, CAN YOU GET THAT FOR US?

MUM, DOORBELL!

[BAGPIPE MUSIC PLAYING...]

[FRONT DOOR OPENS]

SHE'S A SWEET OLD DEAR, EH?

OF COURSE SHE IS.

AH, TOOK HER A LONG TIME TO

GET OVER THE DEATH OF YOUR DAD.

YOU DON'T EXPECT TO BURY YOUR

KIDS.

AS LONG AS IT TOOK FOR HER TO

LIKE MY MUM?

[SHARPLY] HEY.

SHE WAS VERY FOND OF YOUR MUM

IN THE END.

THEY JUST... RUBBED EACH OTHER

THE WRONG WAY TO BEGIN WITH.

STRONG PERSONALITIES, EH?

HERE, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF,

UH...

NICE GUY, BUT OFF HIS FUCKIN'

HEAD-- BUT NICE.

HEART OF GOLD.

HE'D DO ANYTHIN' FOR YOU.

SO, HOW COME HE'S, YOU KNOW,

MENTAL?

ACID.

HE WENT WINDOW TRIPPIN'.

HE'S NOT BEEN RIGHT SINCE.

WINDOW TRIPPING?

HE STUCK TWO ABBEY ROADS

UNDER EACH EYELID.

SHIT.

AND HE'S NOT COME DOWN SINCE?

NOPE, AND THAT WAS 1972.

[DOOR OPENS]

[KITCHENWARE CLATTERING]

I'VE BEEN THINKIN' ABOUT IT.

IF WE GO THE BACK WAY, WE CAN

SHAVE AT LEAST, WELL, FIVE TO

SEVEN MINUTES OF GETTIN'

INTO TOWN.

YEAH, REALLY.

I'VE BEEN THINKIN'.

MAYBE EVEN 10 MINUTES.

RELAX, STIRLING.

CHRIST, FOR A MAN WITH NOWHERE

TO GO, YOU'RE SURE IN A HURRY

TO GET THERE.

LISTEN, YOU HAVE A GOOD FEED.

IT'S A RUGBY WEEKEND AND WE'RE

GONNA BE BUSY.

THE FRENCH ARE IN TOWN.

SO, DO YOU KEN WHY YOUR

UNCLE HAS A DRIVER?

BECAUSE HE LOST HIS LICENSE?

AYE, BUT DO YOU KEN HOW

HE LOST HIS LICENSE?

BECAUSE OF SOME RUBBISH.

HEY.

IT WASN'T BECAUSE OF SOME

RUBBISH.

IT WAS GIMPY FUCKIN' ROSS.

Senga: I REMEMBER.

THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME.

I KNOW I'M GONNA REGRET

THIS, BUT WHO'S GIMPY ROSS?

IT'S ABOUT A YEAR AGO.

ME AND CONNIE, THIS WEE DOLLY

BIRD I WAS SEEIN' AT THE TIME,

YOU KNOW?

WE WERE IN THE HOUSE, HAVIN' A

WEE RELAXIN' DRINK AND A SMOKE,

YOU KNOW?

SO, A COUPLE OF BOTTLES OF WINE

AND TWO JENGIES LATER...

[CLICKS TONGUE]

WE'RE UP THE STAIRS GRECO-ROMAN

STYLE, RIGHT?

[LISTENERS CHUCKLING]

I HEAR THIS FUCKIN' BANGIN'

COMING FROM THE WEE LANE WHERE

I PARKED THE VAN.

SO, I'VE JUMPED UP TO SEE SOME

BASTARD FINGERIN' THE VAN DOORS.

SO, HERE-- I'M FUCKIN' TEARIN'

DOWN THE STAIRS IN THESE FUCKIN'

PAJAMA BOTTOMS WITH THEIR FUCKED

ELASTIC, I'VE GRABBED THIS IRISH

SHILLELAGH OFF THE WALL, RIGHT?

AND I FUCKIN' HEAD DOWN AFTER

HIM...

[LISTENERS CHUCKLING]

BY THE TIME I GET THERE,

THE BASTARD'S LOOKED UP,

HEARD CONNIE SCREAMIN',

AND BOLTED.

SO I'M FUCKIN' TEARIN' AFTER HIM

DOWN THE STREET, RIGHT?

JAMMIES LICKIN' MY KNEES,

FUCKIN' TACKLE OUT, WILLY

SLAPPIN' AT MY FUCKIN' LEGS,

I'M HEADIN' AFTER HIM, RIGHT?

AND I'M SWIPIN' AT HIS LEGS

WITH MY GRANDDAD'S SHILLELAGH,

FUCKIN' FUCK, FUCK!

AND BY CHRIST, I HIT ONE.

AND HIS FUCKING LEG COMES OFF.

[LISTENERS LAUGH]

HE HITS THE FUCKIN' GROUND.

I'M RETCHIN', WRESTLIN' WITH

HIM IN THE DARK, YOU KNOW?

AND THESE HEADLIGHTS HIT US,

AND IT'S THE POLICE.

WELL, LUCKILY FOR ME IT WAS

A COPPER WHO COMES IN HERE.

HE'S BEEN DOWN LOADS OF TIMES,

YOU KNOW?

[LISTENERS CHUCKLE]

SO, HE GRABS THIS BASTARD,

THROWS HIM IN THE BACK OF THE

PANDA, AND THEN I REALIZE, HEY,

THAT'S GIMPY FUCKIN' ROSS.

[LISTENERS LAUGH]

THE LOCAL THIEF WITH

THE WOODEN LEG.

SO, ANYWAY, HE'S IN THE BACK,

ME AND DIRTY HARRY ARE PISSIN'

OURSELVES LAUGHIN', RIGHT?

SO, HE'S SAYIN' TO ME,

"YOU KNOW, RAB, WHEN I COME

'ROUND THAT CORNER AND I SEEN

YOUSE TWO, I DIDN'T KNOW WHETHER

YOU WERE TRYIN' TO FIGHT HIM OR

FUCK HIM."

[LAUGHTER]

SO, ABOUT AN HOUR LATER, I'M

BACK IN THE HOUSE RELAXIN',

HAVIN' A WEE CALM-DOWN DRINK

AND A SMOKE WITH CONNIE, AND

I SUDDENLY REMEMBER...

[SNAPS FINGERS]

HIS FUCKIN' LEG.

[LISTENERS CHUCKLE]

I MEAN, YOU CAN'T HAVE THE

POOR SOUL IN FUCKIN' CELLS ALL

NIGHT WITH ONLY ONE LEG.

I USED TO KNOW HIS FATHER,

WAY BACK.

SO, I'VE GONE BACK OUT,

FOUND THE LEG, SHOVED IT IN

MY MOTOR AND I'VE DRIVEN UP TO

POLICE STATION-- IT'S ONLY ABOUT

A MILE AWAY UP THE ROAD.

AYE.

THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO BE A GOOD

SAMARITAN.

SO, YOU GOT DONE ON THE WAY

UP?

DRINK-DRIVING?

AYE, WEARIN' NOTHIN' BUT

A PAIR OF CORDLESS FUCKIN'

PAJAMA BOTTOMS WITH A WOODEN LEG

IN THE FRONT SEAT.

[LISTENERS LAUGH]

AYE, BUT TELL 'EM WHAT YOU

DID WITH IT.

I'D PUT ITS SEATBELT.

[LISTENERS LAUGHING]

SO, YOU GOT ARRESTED?

Davy: HE GOT A SIX-MONTH BAN.

I SPENT THE NIGHT IN THE SAME

FUCKIN' CELL AS GIMPY ROSS.

[LISTENERS LAUGHING]

BUT THAT WAS LAST YEAR?

HUH, WHAT'D I TELL YOU?

EDUCATED.

RIGHT, ABOUT FIVE MONTHS LATER,

ME AND JIMMY WERE OUT ON

A BENDER, YOU KNOW?

HE'D JUST GOT RELEASED FROM

THE JAIL, SO YOU CAN IMAGINE

THE FUCKIN' STATE WE'RE IN

COME EIGHT IN THE MORNING.

YOU PROBABLY GET THE SAME IN

LONDON, RIGHT?

UP HERE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PUT

YOUR RUBBISH IN THESE FUCKIN'

WHEELIE BINS, YOU KNOW?

BUT BECAUSE THEY'RE A BUNCH OF

LAZY BASTARDS, UNLESS YOUR BIN

IS ACTUALLY ON THE PAVEMENT,

THEY WON'T PICK IT UP.

SO, IF YOUR BIN IS, SAY,

TWO FEET UP YOUR DRIVEWAY

OR IN YOUR FRONT GARDEN, YOU GET

STINKIN' RUBBISH FESTERIN' FOR

A WEEK, AND IN THE SUMMER,

THAT'S BRUTAL.

TWICE THIS HAS HAPPENED ALREADY.

SO, WHEN I LOOK OUT THE WINDOW

THAT MORNING TO SEE THE VAN

DISAPPEARIN' UP THE ROAD, AND MY

RUBBISH STILL SITTING THERE,

I'D HAD E-FUCKIN'-NOUGH.

[LISTENERS CHUCKLE]

BUT I'M STILL BANNED,

AREN'T I?

SO, I'VE WRAPPED THIS ARABIAN

SHEMAGH AROUND MY HEAD...

[LISTENERS LAUGH]

...SHOVED ON A PAIR OF

SUNGLASSES AND A COMBAT JACKET

AS A DISGUISE.

I'VE GOT ALL THE RUBBISH PILED

INTO THE BACK OF JIMMY'S RANGE

ROVER, AND FUCKIN' TORE OFF

AFTER THEM.

[LISTENERS LAUGH]

HOW FAR DID YOU GET?

NOT THAT FAR.

[LISTENERS CHUCKLE]

AS FAR AS TWO POLICE CARS,

A FUCKIN' FARMER'S DITCH IN A

CORNFIELD.

[LISTENERS LAUGH]

AND I JUST REMEMBER...

AS I LOOKED UP FROM MY CRUMPLED

BONNET, WITH STEAM RISING AND

A FACE FULL OF DIRT, AND SEEING

THE POLICE STREAMIN' DOWN FROM

THE GOLAN HEIGHTS...

[LISTENERS CHUCKLING]

I HEARD THIS VOICE...

"ALL RIGHT, YAR, SIR.

THE STRUGGLE'S OVER.

OUT THE FUCKIN' MOTOR."

[LISTENERS LAUGHING]

OH AYE, YOUSE CAN ALL FUCKIN'

LAUGH, EH?

BUT NOW I'M BANNED AND I'VE GOT

SINBAD AS A DRIVER.

AH...

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I DON'T BLAME YOUR MOTHER FOR

KEEPIN' YOU AWAY.

THIS IS NO LIFE FOR YOU.

I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T WANT IT FOR

ANY SON OF MINE.

ANY ARSE CAN DO THIS.

ANY FUCKIN' ARSE.

[SIGHS]

COME ON, DAVY, LET'S GET GOIN'.

IT'S D-DAY TODAY.

GOT TO SEE JIMMY'S MAN AT THE

LAND PLACE.

ALL RIGHT, THEN.

JACKANORY'S OVER.

[CLAPS HANDS] CHOP, CHOP.

FUCKIN' WORK TIME.

[REFEREE'S WHISTLE BLOWING]

[HUGE CROWD CHEERS]

CHEERS.

RIGHT, I'LL DO YOU,

I'LL DO YOU, I'LL DO YOU,

I'M NOT DOIN' YOU.

I'LL BE SAT ON A BUCKET OF ICE

AND I'M ON A DOUBLE SHIFT.

OH, HELL WITH IT, COME ON,

YOU BIG FROG-EATING SOLDIER.

HELP KEEP ME AIRTIGHT.

COME ON!

TIME IS MONEY AND MONEY IS TIME!

[PHONE RINGS]

HEY, UNCLE RAB.

WHO?

[PADDLE SWOOSHES, MAN SHRIEKS]

YEAH, HE'S, HE'S IN WITH SENGA.

[PADDLE SWOOSHES, MAN GRUNTS]

NO, I NEVER SAW HIM.

HE WENT IN BEFORE I CAME ON

THE DESK.

[PADDLE SMACKS, MAN GRUNTS]

YEAH, YEAH, IT SOUNDS LIKE HIM.

YEAH, I WILL.

[PADDLE SMACKS, MAN GRUNTS]

LEO IS OUT.

SURE, O.K.

[MAN GRUNTS]

[PADDLE SMACKS, MAN GRUNTS]

Man: STRAWBERRY!

[MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND]

[JUSTIN CLICKS TEETH]

DO YOU, UH...

[PHONE RINGS]

OH.

[PHONE STOPS, JUSTIN CHUCKLES]

[SUCKS TEETH]

SO, UH...

BEEN BUSY?

OH, GOD, I DIDN'T MEAN-- SORRY.

UH... LOOK, UH, ARE YOU O.K.?

MY BABY'S ILL.

YOUR BABY?

IT'S JUST A COLD.

IT'S NOTHIN' TO WORRY ABOUT,

BUT...

YOU'VE GOT A KID?

I JUST GET SO WORRIED...

AFTER MY FIRST ONE DIED

LAST YEAR.

OH, JESUS.

[PHONE RINGS]

UH, HELLO, THE PARADISE.

YEP, YEAH, WE'VE GOT SIX ON

TODAY.

YEAH, WE ARE.

DO WE DO WHAT?

WHAT?

"HARD SPORTS"?

WHAT ARE HARD SPORTS?

[WOMEN CHUCKLE]

I'M SORRY, I DON'T EVEN KNOW

WHAT THAT IS.

[WOMEN SNICKERING]

AND THAT'S A SEX THING?

NO, NO, WE...

OH, YEP, UH, IT APPEARS WE DO

DO THAT.

[WOMAN LAUGH]

Sheena, laughs: "DO DO"!

ALL RIGHT.

[HANGS UP PHONE]

WHAT? I DON'T GET IT.

Charlie: YOU'VE NEVER HEARD

OF HARD SPORTS BEFORE?

WELL, IF WATER SPORTS ARE,

YOU KNOW, THEN HARD SPORTS

HAVE TO BE...

LOOK, YOU'RE EDUCATED.

THINK ABOUT IT.

IT'S WHEN SHEENA TAKES A BIG

STEAMING SHITE ON YOUR FACE.

[CHUCKLES]

[NO ONE LAUGHS]

YOU REALLY ARE FUNNY, JUSTIN.

CAN YOU NOT STAY?

COME ON AND BE A LAWYER HERE

INSTEAD.

YOU KNOW I'D LOVE TO, BUT,

UM...

[LEO SMASHING UP THE NEXT ROOM]

[DOOR OPENS]

RIGHT, CAZ, TIME FOR OUR

FIRST ROLL-ABOUT.

MY COCK IN YOUR ARSE.

DOWN THE STAIRS, NOW!

NO, YOU CAN'T.

WHAT?

YOU CAN'T, RAB'S BEEN ON

THE PHONE.

THE LAWYER'S IN WITH SENGA.

Leo: FUCK THAT.

MOVE!

[ANGRILY] WHERE IS HE?

Lawyer: [GRUNTING LOUDLY...]

[SHRIEKING]

[SCREAMING] STOP! STOP!

STOP!

STRAWBERRY!

AH, PLEASE!

STRAWBERRY! STRAWBERRY!

STRAWBERRY!

OH, MY GOD!

AUGH!

UGH, FUCK!

[CRACKING NOISE, LAWYER GRUNTS]

[WHIP SWOOSHES MENACINGLY]

[LAWYER GROANS...]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Rab, shouting: THEY'RE

FUCKIN' FAKE FORGERIES,

YOU FUCKIN' BASTARD!

[WHIP CRACKS ACCOMPANY WORDS]

YOU HEAR?

FAKE!

YOU'LL GET THREE FUCKIN' DAYS

TO PAY WHAT'S FUCKIN' OWED

OR I'LL CHOP YOUR FUCKIN' HANDS

OFF!

[DOOR THUDS]

[WHIP CLATTERS ON FLOOR]

Rab: [BREATHING HEAVILY]

LET'S GO.

BRING YOUR FUCKIN' TRAININ'

GEAR.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

OH, FUCK.

WHERE IS HE NOW?

TOM!

[MUTTERS] AW, FUCK.

LISTEN, I'M, UH...

I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO SEE THAT.

JUST GOT A LOT ON MY MIND

JUST NOW, EH?

WHY DOES HE DO IT?

PLAYING WITH FIRE LIKE THAT?

MESSIN' YOU ABOUT, BUT STILL

COMIN' IN?

IT'S LIKE HE'S BAITIN' YOU.

SADOMASOCHISM, KID.

SADO-FUCKING-MASOCHISM.

ONLY MY DUNGEON'S THE REAL

WORLD.

LOOK.

OH, FUCK'S SAKE.

HE'S NOT HIDIN' IN DOORWAYS

AGAIN, IS HE?

[SIGHS]

SEE, SOMETIMES MEN IN SUITS CAN

BECOME... DETACHED, DELUSIONAL.

PROLONGING A PROCESS SO THEY CAN

PLAY THEIR FUCKIN' GAMES.

[SHOUTS] OI!

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

CRAZY, JUST CRAZY.

YOUSE GUYS READY TO GO, ARE YE?

GET IN THE VAN,

YA FUCKIN' FREAK.

Tom: ALL RIGHT.

SEE, IT'S NOT A GAME TO YOUR

PLAYERS IF THEY KNOW THEY'RE

GETTIN' SHOT AT THE FINAL

WHISTLE, EH?

[VAN DOOR SHUTS]

JIMMY, HI.

AYE, I GOT HIM, THANKS FOR THAT.

LISTEN, I WAS THINKIN', EH...

CAN YOU GET ONE OF YOUR LADDIES

TO TAIL HIM?

THREE DAYS, THAT'S ALL I'VE

GIVEN HIM.

WHO?

AYE, AYE, HE'LL DO.

CHEERS.

[SIGHS] STALLONE.

MOVE UP.

LET'S GO.

[*...]

Man: JOHN. >> YEAH.

FUCK.

COME ON, DAVY.

[GRUNTING...]

[ROARS]

COME ON, DAVY, COME ON.

[ROARS]

[GRUNTS HEAVILY]

[ROARING...]

YOU LOT! MAKE ME ANGRY!

[GENERAL CONVERSATION]

COME ON, DAVY, LET'S GO.

WELL, LET'S GET SOME POWER.

MAKE ME ANGRY!

POWER'S WHAT WE NEED!

POWER'S WHAT WE'LL GET!

[OVERLAPPING SHOUTS]

[ROARING]

Man: COME ON, YOU...

[ROARING]

MAKE ME ANGRY!

[ROARS]

[SHOUTS] YOUR BIRD'S

A FUCKING MUNTER!

[SUDDEN SILENCE]

[FIST THUDDING]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[MOANING...]

Radio announcer: Hungry?

Then why not visit Meat World?

Literally millions of burgers,

sausages...

[SCOFFS]

MORNIN', KID, HOW YOU FEELIN'?

OH, MAN.

HERE, THERE'S NO WAY HE'S

EATIN' THAT.

"RING STING"

GOT IT ON THE NET.

HERE...

"BIRD'S A MUNTER."

FUCKING BELTER.

HOW'S YOUR MOUTH?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

MUM.

MUM, GONNA GET THAT FOR US?

MUM!

[MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO]

LOOK, UNCLE RAB.

IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T APPRECIATE

YOU GIVING ME THE CHANCE TO GET

MY JUMP WINGS BEFORE GOIN' BACK

TO CIVILIZATION, BUT IT'S...

WHOA, CROCKETT.

WHERE'S TUBBS?

HERE.

LISTEN, SON, I KNOW.

I'M SORRY.

FROM NOW ON, NOTHIN' HEAVIER

THAN THE TOWEL JOB.

ALL RIGHT?

HEY, I'M GOING TO A BUSINESS

SEMINAR THIS AFTERNOON.

TOM, TOM.

YOU DON'T HAVE A BUSINESS.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

STALLONE.

HOW'S IT GOING?

KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

A GARAGE AND AN OFFICE YET, EH?

AYE.

AYE, I'M JUST PULLING YOUR...

WHEN?

AND YOU'RE SURE, AYE?

RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, MAKE SURE YOU TELL

JIMMY, YEAH?

HE'S DOIN' A LORD LUCAN.

COME ON.

RAB, WHAT ABOUT MY BREAKFAST?

PUT IT IN A FUCKIN' BOX!

COME ON!

[TIRES SQUEAL, CURRY BUBBLING]

Rab: YOUR BEST SHORTCUT, TOM,

BUT DON'T BE FUCKIN' KILLIN' US.

WE'LL DROP YOU OFF AT THE CLUB

TO OPEN UP WITH LEO.

THEN TOM, ON TO LORD LUCAN'S

OFFICE, JIMMY'S MEETING US

THERE. [CURRY BOILING FASTER]

Justin: HOW YOU GONNA GET

THE MONEY BACK?

Rab: I'LL FUCKIN' GET IT!

Justin: ARE YOU GONNA

HURT HIM?

LOOK, THAT BASTARD STOLE YOUR

NANA'S LIFE SAVINGS.

AN OLD LADY!

REMEMBER THAT WHEN YOU'RE

FEELING CHRISTIAN.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

JESUS, COME ON!

[TIRES SKID, CURRY EXPLODES]

MY EYES, DO SOMETHING!

DO SOMETHING!

FUCKIN' DO SOMETHIN'!

CLEAR HIS FUCKIN' EYES!

CLEAR 'EM, FUCK!

FUCKIN' DO IT NOW!

DO IT, FUCKIN' HELL!

Tom: [SCREAMS EVEN LOUDER]

Justin: THAT'S FUCKIN'--

THAT'S FUCKIN' VINEGAR!

WHAT THE FUCK'S HE GOT VINEGAR

FOR?

YOU'VE GOT TO FUCKIN' DRIVE!

YOU'VE GOT TO FUCKIN'--

I CAN'T DRIVE!

YOU'VE GOT TO FUCKIN' DRIVE!

LISTEN! FUCK! GO, GO, GO!

IF I GET FUCKIN' PINCHED 'FORE

WE GET THERE, HE'S GONE FOREVER!

NOW FUCKIN' DRIVE!

[ENGINE STARTS, TIRES SCREECH]

GO ON!

[TAPPING ON GLASS]

HE'S IN THERE.

STALLONE SEEN HIM GO IN HALF AN

HOUR AGO.

HE'S NOT BEEN OUT SINCE.

WE NEED IN.

WE NEED PAST THAT DOOR.

JUST LET US BOOT THE FUCKING

THING.

AYE, STEADY ON,

DETECTIVE COBRA.

HE'D JUST CALL THE POLICE AND

HAVE US LIFTED.

WELL, HE'S NOT GONNA OPEN

IT TO US, IS HE?

NO.

NO FUCKING WAY.

NOT AGAIN.

JUSTIN, YOU CAN DO THIS.

LOOK, YOU CAN FUCK OFF.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME THIS

MORNING?

I KNOW.

I'M SORRY.

[DEEP SIGH]

[GRUNTS]

YOUR DAD WOULD HAVE DONE IT.

TOM WAS RIGHT.

VINEGAR IS A WONDER JUICE.

THAT'LL DO.

HERE.

LET ME SEE.

COME ON, GET IT ON.

THE FUCKING STATE OF ME.

IT'S FINE.

IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE.

HERE, LET ME LOOK AT YOU.

LOOK, LOOK UP.

JUST, UH, RIGHT.

LOOK.

JUST KNOCK, SAY SOMETHING

LAWYER-LIKE.

WHEN HE OPENS THE DOOR, ME AND

JIMMY WILL DO THE REST.

GO ON.

[GRIMLY] OH, FUCK.

[CLEARS THROAT]

YES?

UH, HELLO.

UM, SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

UH, I WAS JUST WONDERING IF,

UM, UH, DO YOU DO MORTGAGES?

DO I DO WHAT?

DO YOU DO MORTGAGES?

[RAB AND LAWYER SCREAMING]

[OVERLAPPING SHOUTS]

Rab: GET ON THERE, YOU FUCK.

TIE HIM, FUCKIN' TIE HIM!

[LAWYER GRUNTS]

Rab: FUCKIN' "DO YOU DO

MORTGAGES?"

HOW LONG WERE YOU AT LAW SCHOOL,

HUH?

SICK, EH?

HELLO, CUNT!

Lawyer: [GROANS LOUDLY]

REMEMBER ME?

DON'T SPEAK, DON'T EVEN FUCKIN'

SAY A WORD!

I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT!

Jimmy: I'LL SLASH HIS PUSS,

BIG MAN, EH?

Justin: LOOK, MAYBE I SHOULD

BE GETTING BACK TO THE CLUB...

ALL RIGHT, IN A MINUTE.

IN A MINUTE.

LISTEN, WE'RE GOIN' ON A WEE

TRIP TODAY, BUT FIRST...

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

FUCK!

HELLO!

WHAT?

I DON'T FUCKIN' KNOW!

WELL, WHERE'S LEO?

WHERE?

OH, FUCK.

THERE'S A GUY WANKING IN THE

STEAM BATH.

WELL, SO FUCKING LET HIM HAVE

HIS WANK.

OH, HE CAN'T COME?

WHAT, DRUGS?

SO... OH, I SEE.

HE'S NOT PAID FOR HIS EXTRA HOUR

WITH SHEENA.

Jimmy: GO ON, LET ME PHONE

STALLONE.

STALLONE'S BEEN UP AND DOWN

LIKE A WHORE'S DRAWERS THIS

YEAR.

BUT AYE, AYE, PHONE STALLONE.

LISTEN, WE'LL STICK IT ON HIS

TAB.

TELL HIM ANY BOTHER, HE'S TO

SHAG HIS ARSE, ALL RIGHT?

[CALMLY] HELLO, DOLL.

HI, I'M SENDIN' SOMEBODY, O.K.?

ALL RIGHT, CHEERS THEN, BYE-BYE.

[HANGS UP]

WHERE WERE WE?

OH, YEAH... YOU WERE ABOUT TO

APOLOGIZE TO MY FUCKIN' MUM!

HERE, PUT THEM ON THIS BASTARD.

Jimmy: FUCKER.

[DIALING PHONE]

[CALL RINGING THROUGH]

HELLO, MUM, HOW YOU DOIN'?

YEAH, IT'S ME.

LISTEN, I'M HERE WITH JIMMY.

JIMMY?

Jimmy: HI, MRS. THOMPSON.

AND JUSTIN.

JUSTIN, SAY HELLO TO YOUR NANA.

HELLO, NANA!

AND GUESS WHO ELSE I'M HERE

WITH.

I'M HERE WITH LITTLE CLAW-LIKE

RODENT CREATURE.

SAY HELLO, LITTLE CLAW-LIKE

RODENT CREATURE.

Lawyer: HELLO, MRS. THOMPSON.

NOW, MUM, WE'RE GONNA GET

THAT WEE MATTER SORTED OUT

TODAY. O.K.?

BUT FIRST, LITTLE CLAW-LIKE

RODENT CREATURE WANTS TO SAY

A FEW WORDS TO YOU, O.K.?

HERE HE IS.

Lawyer: MRS. THOMPSON,

I'M REALLY, REALLY SORR--

[CHOKING...]

[COUGHING]

DID YOU GET THAT, MUM?

NO?

O.K., WE'LL TRY IT AGAIN.

HERE HE IS.

Lawyer: MRS. THOMPSON,

I'M VERY, VERY SORR--

[CHOKING, GURGLING...]

[COUGHING]

HOW 'BOUT THAT TIME?

TSK, STILL NO GOOD?

AWW...

MUST BE THE LINE, EH?

TELL YOU WHAT...

SHALL WE TRY IT AGAIN?

Lawyer: MRS. THOMPSON,

I'M EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY SORR--

[CHOKING, GAGGING, COUGHING]

SORRY ABOUT THAT, MUM.

YEAH.

NO, I THINK WHAT HE'S TRYIN' TO

SAY IS HE'S VERY SORRY FOR ALL

THE EVIL HE DID TO YOU FROM HIS

IVORY TOWER.

WHAT'S THAT?

OH...

THAT'D BE LOVELY.

A WEE STEW AT THE WEEKEND.

JUSTIN, WEE STEW AT THE WEEKEND?

YEAH, THAT'D BE LOVELY.

O.K., MUM, LOVE YOU, BYE-BYE.

[HANGS UP]

NOW.

TODAY, YOU'RE GONNA MAKE

THINGS RIGHT.

[PACKAGE THUNKS ON DESK]

YOU'VE GOT EVERYTHING YOU NEED,

AND MY NEPHEW IS A QUALIFIED

LAWYER.

SO NO FAKES, NO FORGERIES...

AND NO FICTITIOUS TRANSFERS.

YOU OWE ME 300 FUCKIN' GRAND!

PLUS 50 FOR INTEREST.

AND 10 FOR JIMMY AND JUSTIN.

OH!

AND I'LL HAVE YOUR CAR.

YOU SEE THIS?

THIS IS THE FUCKIN' MORTGAGE

YOU NEVER PAID OFF!

AND THAT'S MY ACCOUNT.

SEE, WHEN BOTH OF THEM ARE PAID,

WE MIGHT LET YOU GO.

BUT YOU FUCK ME AROUND, AND

JIMMY IS GONNA FUCKIN' KILL--

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

FUCK!

HELLO!

WHAT?

TOXIC FUCKING...

WELL, WHO TOLD HIM TO EAT FUR?

OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

WELL, IS STALLONE NOT THERE YET?

WHAT ABOUT LEO?

WELL, HOW IS THAT OUR FUCKIN'

FAULT?

I DON'T CARE.

I DON'T!

WELL, SO WHAT IF HE'S GOT LIPS

LIKE PETE BURNS?

HE SHOULDN'T BE FUCKIN'

LICKIN' A WHORE!

I MEAN... WHO MUNCHES A WHORE'S

MUFF, EH?

Jimmy: [SNICKERS]

BET YOU DO, YOU PRICK.

O.K., DOLL, LISTEN, UH...

TELL HIM THE COMPLAINTS

DEPARTMENT WILL BE BACK

TOMORROW, ALL RIGHT?

CHEERS, O.K.--

UH-HUH.

I WON'T FORGET, NO.

NO, DON'T WORRY.

AGNES, I'M KIND OF IN THE MIDDLE

OF SOMETHIN' HERE, O.K.?

WHAT?

O.K.

CASH AND CARRY.

ALL RIGHT.

O.K., SEE YOU SOON.

I'LL STOP BY.

BYE-BYE.

[HANGS UP]

WELL, WEE MAN.

YOU GOT TO TAKE THE VAN BACK TO

THE CLUB, EH?

Jimmy: WAIT.

MY NIECE IS AWAY TO LESBOS FOR A

RUG-MUNCHING HOLIDAY.

I'VE GOT HER DOG FOR A

FORTNIGHT.

GO TAKE THE DOG WITH YE.

WE COULD BE HERE A WHILE.

BACK P.M., TOOT FROM THE VAN.

WELL, COME ON!

IT'S ONLY A FUCKIN' DOG!

Justin: WHAT'S, WHAT'S IT

CALLED?

SAFFRON MADONNA.

Justin: SAFFRON MADONNA?

Jimmy: SAFFRON MADONNA!

HOLD.

GET THE VAN CLEANED.

AND KEEP YOUR FUCKIN' PHONE ON.

I MIGHT NEED TO ASK YOU SOME

LAWYERLY SHIT.

AND DON'T FORGET THE CASH AND

CARRY, YEAH?

[CLENCHED TEETH] FUCKIN' PRICK.

[SAFFRON MADONNA WHINING]

AYE, ALL RIGHT.

I'LL BE BACK, I'LL BE BACK.

ALL RIGHT, GOOD GIRL.

STAY THERE, STAY THERE.

[SAFFRON MADONNA WHINES]

I'LL BE BACK.

[UNLOCKS DOOR]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Leo: WHERE DID YOU GET IT?

DON'T FUCK WITH ME, TIGER LIL'.

WHERE DID YOU GET IT, EH?

[SCREAMS] WHERE?

"SCOUNDREL"?

WHAT THE FUCK?

"WHO DID YOU GET..."

THE FUCKING GEAR FROM?

OFF ME? PISH!

IT'S WRAPPED IN A COPY OF

SCOTTISH CONTACT.

I DEAL MY GRAMS IN LOTTERY

TICKETS.

FUCKING "SCOUNDREL"?

[SHE WHIMPERS]

[DOOR SLAMS]

FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME!

[HARD PUNCH LANDS, SHE GRUNTS]

[QUIETLY] HEY, PAL.

DIDN'T HEAR YOU COME IN.

YEAH, BEEN HERE LONG?

LONG ENOUGH.

FUCKIN' TRY IT.

YOUR FANCY BOOKS WON'T HELP YOU

WHEN I...

WHAT THE FUCK'S THAT SMELL?

VINEGAR.

NO, I MEANT THE SHITE OFF

YOU, YOU WET BAG OF PISS.

JUST LIKE YOUR DAD, EH?

TRYIN' TO SAVE THE WHORES.

AYE, I HEARD.

SHE COULDN'T HACK WHAT SHE WAS

UP HERE, SO SHE RAN AWAY.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

I'M SORRY, JUSTIN.

I'VE GOT TO GO TO THE CASH

AND CARRY.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS.

CAZ, CHARLOTTE, IF YOU FANCY

HALF AN HOUR, IT'S ON ME.

I'LL BE IN THE VAN.

YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT MY MUM.

SHE DID RUN AWAY FOR HERSELF.

BUT SHE STAYED AWAY FOR ME.

AND BY THE LOOKS OF IT...

[SCOFFS] THANK CHRIST SHE DID.

REMEMBER, I NEED SOMEONE TO

HELP ME.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[SCOFFS]

[MUZAK PLAYS...]

[INTERCOM SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

[CHIRPY] I JUST HAD LUNCH

AT THAT GREAT WALL OF CHINA.

AMAZING.

EVER BEEN THERE?

AMAZING.

WHERE YOU GOIN' ON YOUR HOLIDAYS

THIS YEAR?

I'M GOING TO "SHAGALUF".

WELL, MAGALUF, BUT I'M GETTING

WELL SHAGGED.

OH, BY THE WAY, SEE, IF YOU EVER

SEE ME IN THE STREET,

JUST IGNORE ME.

WELL, DON'T IGNORE ME, YOU CAN

SAY HELLO, BUT JUST DON'T MAKE

OUT YOU KNOW ME.

'CAUSE I'VE GOT A BOYFRIEND.

HE'S IN THE ARMY OR NAVY

OR SOMETHIN'.

HE THINKS I'M IN THE CIVIL

SERVICE.

CIVIL SERVICE?

AYE, YOU KNOW, CHOPPIN'

CARROTS AND WAITRESSIN'

AND THAT.

SILVER SERVICE.

LISTEN, I'M CHOKING IN

A LINE.

I'M GOING TO SEE IF THERE'S

A TOILET.

[TRAFFIC PASSING]

SAFF... FUCK.

THE TOILET WAS BUSY.

[SAFFRON MADONNA PANTING]

SAFF!

SAFFRON!

[MUMBLES] OH, CHRIST.

SAFF!

MADS!

MADDIE...

FUCK THIS.

SAFFRON MADONNA!

[SAFFRON MADONNA BARKS]

YEAH...

COME ON.

IN YOU GET.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME OFF THAT

SHIT AND GET A NORMAL JOB?

I THINK THE ANSWER'S IN YOUR

QUESTION.

BUT YOU CAN'T BE HIGH

ALL THE TIME.

NO... BUT I AM DOWN.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

NO... NO.

WHO?

HIYA.

RAB?

YEAH, I'M WITH HIM NOW.

THE CASH AND CARRY.

UH-HUH, YEAH, YEAH, I WILL.

YOU'VE GOT JIMMY'S KEYS.

[SOFTLY] OH, FUCK.

YOU KNOW, I WISH YOU

COULD STAY.

IT REALLY TAKES THE EDGE

OFF LEO.

DOES LEO DEAL?

IN THE CLUB?

WHY DOES MY UNCLE KEEP HIM

AROUND?

THE GIRLS ALL HATE HIM, HE'S

NEVER THERE AND I KNOW HE DEALS.

I'VE SEEN HIM.

I THINK IT'S BECAUSE OF

HIS DAD.

HIS DAD?

YES... JIMMY.

JIMMY'S LEO'S DAD.

[SAFFRON MADONNA BARKS SOFTLY

AND WHIMPERS]

JIMMY USED TO OWN THE CLUB.

WHAT?

AFTER YOUR DAD DIED,

YOUR UNCLE TOOK HIM ON AS A

PARTNER UNTIL JIMMY WENT TO JAIL

DEALING, THAT IS.

AND THEN DAVY STEPPED IN.

IT WAS REALLY NICE OF YOUR UNCLE

TO KEEP LEO ON.

JIMMY REALLY APPRECIATED IT.

[SAFFRON MADONNA PANTING]

JIMMY, STAY WITH US JUST NOW,

EH, JUST IN CASE.

WHERE TO?

THE GYM, THEN, I'M CHOKING ON

A PROTEIN SHAKE.

Rab: FUCK'S SAKE,

IT'S DAILY TOMSON.

NO, NO... IT'S WEEKLY FUCKIN'

TOMSON.

[VAN DOOR SLIDES OPEN]

OH, HOP IN, LASSIE.

[SAFFRON MADONNA BARKING]

OH, ISN'T THAT NICE, HUH?

ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY.

YEAH, THE ADDAMS.

Jimmy: FUCK!

I NEED A PROTEIN.

UGH, I NEED A GAS MASK!

Lawyer, muffled: I NEED A

DOCTOR.

I NEED A LINE.

[SAFFRON MADONNA WHIMPERS]

Tom: I NEED A CURRY!

YEAH, I NEED TO GET

OUT OF HERE.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

HELLO?

YEAH, THIS IS HIM.

OH, MR. FIRESTONE, HOW ARE YOU?

[LAWYER MOANING SOFTLY]

AHH... YEAH, YOU KNOW,

KEEPING OUT OF TROUBLE.

Jimmy: I'M CHOKING ON A

PROTEIN SHAKE.

AHH, LISTEN, SORRY ABOUT THE

RADIO, LET ME TURN THAT OFF.

UM... HI.

UHH, YEAH.

TAKING IT EASY, YOU KNOW,

SEEING THE FAMILY.

O.K.

WELL, GREAT. [CHUCKLES]

THANK YOU, YEAH, I WILL.

O.K.... AND YOU, YEAH.

BYE, THEN. [HANGS UP]

GOOD NEWS, KID?

MY VISA'S BEEN PROCESSED.

I'M GOOD TO GO.

HEY, THAT'S GREAT, EH?

THIS LAW STUFF, MEANS A LOT TO

YOU, EH?

THIS IS MY LIFE.

WELL, I'M PROUD OF YOU.

YOUR DAD WOULD HAVE BEEN

CHUFFED TO BITS.

Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT, SON,

YOUR FATHER WOULD HAVE BEEN WELL

CHUFFED, TO SEE HIS LADDIE MAKE

SOMETHING OF HIMSELF.

ANY ARSE CAN BE A THUG.

[LAWYER MOANS]

Jimmy: SHUT IT, YOU! [SLAP]

SO WHEN ARE YOU THINKIN' OF

HEADIN'?

AS SOON AS.

I THINK I'VE RIDDEN MY LUCK LONG

ENOUGH UP HERE.

[CHUCKLES] RIGHT.

WE'LL MAKE THE END-OF-MONTH'S

DRINKS TONIGHT YOUR LEAVING DO.

ALL RIGHT?

[SAFFRON MADONNA BARKS]

[IGNITION STARTS, *...]

Man: * I'M BAILING OUT

THE SHIPWRECK OF YOUR LIFE

WITH JUST ONE SHOE ♪

♪ MY HULL IS SPRINGIN' LEAKS,

SHE GOT RAMMED IN 1982 ♪

♪ LIVIN' LIKE A LEPER

TOOK ITS TOLL ON MY CREW ♪

♪ NOW TELL ME WHAT'S A LONELY

NAVIGATOR GOT TO DO

TO GET FREE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU GOT ONE OVER

ON ME ♪

[VAN DOOR SLIDES OPEN]

♪ YOU EVADED HISTORY ♪

♪ BUT YOU PLANTED ONE TREE ♪

Jimmy, softly: SAFF...

[*...]

SAFFRON.

[*...]

SAFF...

SAFFRON.

FUCKING DYKE DOG.

SAFFRON MADONNA!

Rab: DO YOU WANT US TO WAIT

FOR YOU?

NO, I'M PICKING UP A BAG

ANYWAY.

WHAT ABOUT HIM?

WE CAN'T LET HIM GO NOW.

EH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT HIM.

THE BOYS WILL TAKE CARE OF HIM.

LISTEN, JIMMY...

THANKS, EH?

I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT

WITHOUT YOU.

HEY, WHO LOOKED AFTER

MY LADDIE WHEN I WAS EATIN'

PORRIDGE, EH?

[*...]

LEO... ALL RIGHT, PAL.

AYE, ALL'S GOOD.

LISTEN, MAKE SURE EVERYONE KNOWS

WE'VE DRINKS TONIGHT, YEAH?

AYE, EVEN THE GIRLS

ON THE DAY SHIFT.

IT'S JUSTIN'S LEAVIN' DO.

EH?

AYE... AYE, NOT YET, BUT IT'S

BEING PROCESSED.

HE'S AWAY TOMORROW.

ALL RIGHT.

[*...]

YOU'VE GOT A WEE FAN CLUB ON THE

GO THERE, DID YOU KNOW THAT?

LISTEN...

I WANTED TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU

ABOUT LEO.

LEO? WHAT?

YEAH, DO YOU KNOW THAT--

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

LISTEN, SORRY.

AYE, DAVY, HOW ARE YOU DOIN'?

WHAT'S UP?

I TOLD YOU, DIDN'T I?

I TOLD YOU.

WELL, I TOLD YOU.

EMPLOY A PLUMBER WITH THE D.T.s

AND OF COURSE THE FITTIN'S ARE

GONNA LEAK.

WELL, HE'S A PISSED CUNT,

ISN'T HE?

IF HE FELL IN THE BATH I'D THROW

IN MY WASHING.

WELL... WELL, WHAT'S THAT GOT TO

DO WITH ME?

LOOK, IT'S THE LADDIE'S LAST DAY

AND I'M...

[SIGHS] UH-HUH.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, O.K.

ALL RIGHT, FIVE MINUTES.

LISTEN, PAL, I'M GONNA HAVE

TO DUCK OUT HERE.

ONE OF OUR FLATS HAS SPRUNG A

LEAK ABOVE A SUNBED SHOP, HUH.

HERE...

YOU... GRAB A CAB BACK TO THE

HOUSE, GET A SHOWER, AND WE'LL

SEE YOU AT THE CLUB FOR CLOSIN',

EH?

WE'LL HAVE A GOOD DRINK TONIGHT

TO CELEBRATE.

Man: * NOW TELL ME WHAT'S

A LONELY NAVIGATOR GOT TO DO

TO GET ME... ♪

♪ YOU'VE GOT ONE OVER,

GET FREE ♪

♪ YOU EVADED HISTORY ♪

♪ COME PLANT ME ONE TREE

IN THE INNER HEBRIDES ♪

♪ TO FLAME A BONES

OF ALL THAT'S GONE ♪

♪ TO FLAME A BONES

OF OLD SONGS ♪

With chorus: * BIRD IN

THE SKY... ♪

[ENGINE IDLING]

♪ BIRD IN THE SKY... ♪

[BUZZER SOUNDS]

[SONG ENDS]

I THOUGHT ME AND YOU MIGHT

HAVE A CHAT.

WHERE IS EVERYBODY?

YOUR UNCLE WON'T BE HERE

TILL 11.

SO I LET THE GIRLS GO TO THE

PUB, YOU KNOW, BEIN' A GOOD

MANAGER AND THAT.

[SCOFFS]

NO...

YOU'RE NOT A MANAGER.

YOU'RE A FUCKING BULLY,

NOTHING MORE.

I DON'T CARE WHO YOUR DAD IS,

MATE, YOU'VE FUCKED IT.

AS SOON AS MY UNCLE HEARS ABOUT

YOUR DEALING, YOU'RE OUT OF

HERE.

[DOOR OPENS]

I WAS AFRAID YOU WERE GONNA

SAY THAT.

I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU.

NO?

WHAT ABOUT YOUR VISA?

SCARED OF LOSING THAT?

FUCK OFF.

AYE...

WE GET ALL SORTS IN HERE,

YOU KNOW THAT?

LAWYERS, DOCTORS, BRICKLAYERS...

EVEN FUCKIN' AMERICANS.

"'MORAL TURPITUDE' IS A LEGAL

CONCEPT IN THE UNITED STATES.

IT REFERS TO CONDUCT CONSIDERED

CONTRARY TO COMMUNITY STANDARDS

OF JUSTICE, HONESTY,

OR GOOD MORALS.

IT IS OF GREAT IMPORTANCE FOR

IMMIGRATION PURPOSES, AS ONLY

THOSE OFFENSES WHICH ARE DEFINED

AS INVOLVING MORAL TURPITUDE ARE

CONSIDERED BARS TO IMMIGRATION.

OFFENSES LIKE BLACKMAIL..."

UH-HUH.

"EXTORTION..."

UH-HUH.

"ROBBERY..." >> YEP.

"ASSAULT..." >> MM-HMM.

"KIDNAPPIN', MAYHEM,

PROSTITUTION, PANDERIN'..."

THAT'S BEIN' A PIMP, TO STUPID

PEOPLE LIKE ME...

"AND CONSPIRACY."

FUCK... I'M NO FANCY LAWYER LIKE

YOU, BUT I RECKON YOU'VE TICKED

MOST OF THESE BOXES JUST TODAY.

IF YOU RUIN MY LIFE, I WILL RUIN

YOURS.

[SCOFFS]

[CLAPS LIGHTLY]

CLEVER BOY, BUT YOU'VE GOT

NO FUCKING PROOF.

OH, FUCK.

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

ON FUCKIN' CAMERA.

YOU FUCKIN' BASTARD.

SURE AM, I KNOW THAT.

NOW... [SNIFFS HARD]

YOU GONNA GIVE A DEALER A DEAL?

AND BY THE WAY, THE CAMERA'S

NOW TURNED OFF, JUST IN CASE

YOU WON'T.

[BREATHING HEAVILY] FUCK!

[CONTINUES BREATHING HEAVILY]

YOU'VE GOT A FUCKIN' DEAL.

I'M OUT OF HERE BY TOMORROW

ANYWAY.

BUT IF YOU FUCK WITH ME WHILE

I'M GONE...

[BUZZER SOUNDS]

ARE YOU O.K.?

I THOUGHT YOU SAID WE WERE

ALONE.

[DOOR CLOSES]

ARE YOU O.K.?

YOU'VE BEEN SNIFFIN'.

Charlie: I'M O.K.

PLEASE JUST GO.

[BUZZER SOUNDS]

[BLOW LANDS, LEO MOANS]

Justin: COME HERE!

Leo: OH, YOU FUCKIN' ARSE!

[BOTH GRUNTING, STRUGGLING]

[*...]

[BLOWS LANDING, JUSTIN MOANING]

[JUSTIN CHOKING, GAGGING...]

[BOTTLE SHATTERS]

Leo: OH, YA FUCKIN' BITCH!

[GRUNTS]

[*...]

[LEO BREATHING HEAVILY]

[DOOR OPENS]

[*...]

[BOX THUDS AND CLATTERS]

Leo, pleading, indistinct:

NO... PLEASE, NO, NO!

[SCREAMS]

[MUSIC FADES]

[SCRAPING]

[WATER DRIPPING]

[DISTANT CLATTER]

Stallone speaking foreign

language:

[METAL CHAIN RATTLING]

[WATER DRIPPING]

[SPOONS CLATTERING IN RHYTHM...]

[THUD, THUD, SPLAT]

[THUD... THUD, SPLAT]

[THUD, SPLAT]

[THUD... SPLAT]

[THUD, SPLAT]

[THUD, WHOOSH]

[*...]

Man: * I KNOW WHAT

WE CALL THE HOMES

MODELED ON THE EMPIRE OF ROME ♪

♪ CRAM US INTO A RABBIT BOX,

KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN FAST

AND ALL OF YOUR LOCKSES ♪

♪ WHERE DID YOU GO ♪

♪ MY BLOOD MY OWN ♪

♪ AND TO THE GREAT

NOT COMING BACK ♪

♪ HEREAFTER FLOWN,

THE WILD UNKNOWN ♪

♪ IN TIMES OF CHANGE,

THE WAX AND WANE ♪

♪ SUN RETURN TO BRING

NEW LIFE AGAIN ♪

♪ I'M CHANGING ♪

♪ I'M A BEGGAR,

I AM HOLLOW ♪

♪ SPARE NO THOUGHT

FOR THE 'MORROW ♪

[*...]

♪ WE ARRIVED ON A LITTLE LEDGE,

TRYING TO CARVE

A TIMELESS WEDGE ♪

♪ GET UP IN THE MORNING,

SOMETIMES CLEAN ♪

♪ MOST TIMES LEAVE IT,

LEST I GET TOO KEEN ♪

♪ I SHOULD SURELY KNOW

DEATH DOESN'T GROW ♪

♪ AND CERTAIN THINGS

DON'T MAGICALLY ARISE ♪

♪ SOMETIMES THEY DO,

MOST IN MY DREAMS ♪

♪ THEY WHO WON'T CHANGE

THEIR TAX ON SHAME ♪

♪ LIVE IN THE DARKNESS,

FEEDING OFF OF THE LAME ♪

♪ MIGHT CHANGE IT ♪

♪ I KNOW YOU KNOW

THAT I CAN'T FOLLOW ♪

♪ SPARE NO THOUGHT

FOR THE 'MORROW ♪

[*...]

♪ I MET A MAN

STRAIGHT OFF THE FARM ♪

♪ HIS BODY WAS BIGGER

THAN HIS ARMS ♪

♪ I WAS CALM IN HIS PRESENCE,

HE WAS WORLDLY,

I WAS PRESENT TENSE ♪

♪ HE WAS MY PAST,

IN FRONT OF ME ♪

♪ BUTTONED INTO A FRAME,

SO FULL OF LIFE ♪

♪ WE WERE THE SAME ♪

♪ UP TURNED THE GAMES,

STOP TRYING TO TAME ME ♪

♪ PIN IT ALL ON A BOOK

FROM FAR AWAY ♪

♪ I WILL SAY ♪

♪ I AM HUNGRY,

BUT I CAN'T SWALLOW ♪

♪ SPARE NO THOUGHT

FOR THE 'MORROW. ♪

[*...]

[SONG ENDS]