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Tim Buckley at the Astro,

The Youngbloods, and I'm running out of breath,

Ten Years After at the Rose Palace,

and Spirit and Kaleidoscope at the Santa Monica Civic.

Hey! How ya doing?

Good morning.

See you later.

David, aren't you going to eat any breakfast?

- No. - I can't hear you.

No, I said. I'm not allowed to eat breakfast before a meet.

Mom, you know that.

Look at me, I can't see what you're wearing.

The varsity club blazer, Mother.

- Is it clean? - Can't get it clean.

Used to belong to a football player.

That's not terribly funny, David.

Don't leave yet. Charlie needs a ride to school.

Can't he walk? It's only three blocks.

Four blocks, you know he's been sick.

Mom, he had a cold, and you know he was faking it.

You wait for your brother.

Well, tell the little shit to hurry up.

Don't swear at your mother.

- What is that, a recording? - No, he's here.

Hey, Dad, when did you get in?

Want to see me run today?

I got in late.

Maybe your next meet.

We'll see you later, David.

Yeah.

See ya.

- How come I can't drive? - How come you can't walk?

- Hey, I got a deal for you. - Yeah.

Twenty reds for you, only half an ounce of your good weed.

You know I don't like Dad's.

Come on, Dave, give me a break.

I don't like 'em either. You want me to flush them?

Flush them or sell them.

- Would I do that? - Yes.

My own brother. Someday, boy, you'll want favor from me.

Then you'll see.

Get out of the car, Charlie.

Hey, did you get laid last night?

Get out of the car, Charlie.

Well, it's about 8:35, 72 degrees in Hollywood,

and the smog is moderate to heavy.

Here's a cute item.

A survey of high school students

in Winnetka, Illinois, shows that 87%

of 12th-grade boys admit to being sexually active

while only 23% of the girls do,

which means, friends, that someone is getting

more than her share.

Hey, how'd it go last night?

Oh, it didn't.

- I've got to find a place. - Yeah?

The car is out, and she won't go anywhere near my room.

I can't touch her if my parents are home.

I can't touch her if Charlie is home.

I can't touch her if no one is home

because she's afraid someone will come home.

I won't even mention what doesn't happen in her house!

I wish I could help you, man.

Hey, why don't you ask your brother?

- Charlie? - Sure.

He goes with that little chick, Monica, on my block.

I bet they got a place.

Maybe.

God, just think about it.

How would it look if I graduated

without getting laid even once?

There is a way you can make this

- much easier on yourself. - And what's that?

Tracy Vogel has still got the hots for ya.

Me and how many other people?

She's pretty selective, actually.

She's a nice girl.

What's your objection?

She's not Margaret.

Well, hardly anybody is these days.

You think Margaret is a virgin for Christ's sake?

Shut up!

And, now, the news in depth.

The Washington D.C. U.S. Court of Appeals

has barred a move by Draft Director.

Lieutenant General Lewis B. Hershey

to reclassify draft protesters 1-A.

Russian rockets fired by Viet Cong forces

have again bombarded Saigon.

Casualties are said to be light.

Three newsmen and two Roman Catholic priests

have been arrested during the destruction

of Chicago's largest Selective Service board.

Meanwhile, famous baby doctor Benjamin Spock...

I got to split.

I got an appointment with the son of Paramount Pictures.

We're playing poker for the profits of Rosemary's Baby

which he takes out of his mom's purse at night.

- Hey, Mark, you know something? - What?

You smoked that whole joint yourself.

So I did.

- What's this? - My column.

For the senior edition, chief.

Kessler...

What in God's name are you trying to do to me?

"Springtime in Saigon"?

- You expect me to print this? - Yeah.

You see, that's the usual arrangement.

I write 'em, you run 'em, huh?

Oh, come on, Mr. Phinney.

Can you at least read past the title

before you start squawking?

I don't have to read it to know what's in it.

More anti-war propaganda.

People in this community read this newspaper, you know?

- Taxpayers. - Oh, I always suspected

that somebody somewhere read this newspaper.

Dave, this being your last column before graduation,

why not pick an easy subject, hm?

A gentle parting shot.

Be mellow, Dave.

- Understand? - I understand,

but it's bullshit.

Have a replacement on my desk before the deadline.

Meantime, take a walk.

You've disrupted this class long enough.

I'm here, Cap!

Clean the chicken.

- Hi, Dave. - Hello.

You up for a little one-on-one?

Am I up for a little one-on-one?

All right.

Come on, come on, come on!

- Ooh! - (inaudible) for two!

Knicks take the lead!

Yeah.

- Ooh! - (inaudible) for two more!

- And they score. - And it's Chicken on the Run.

Can I help you, please?

Yes, right.

Let's see if I got that straight.

Three regular dinners, $1.98 apiece,

that comes to, uh, the address first, please?

Thank you very much.

I got that. That comes to 5.94.

Thank you, dear.

What are you maniacs doing back there?

We're beating our meat, Mr.!

All right, you're both late.

I want a full night's work for my money.

Kamahele, that ain't no white shirt.

- Ah, Cap. - Don't "Oh, Cap" me.

And no pot smoking back here tonight.

The health department might pull a raid.

Jawohl, Herr Ober.

Funny, funny.

Get your hats on and get to work.

And I don't want any hair in my chicken!

Kessler, set up three regulars for Madeline.

I'm in love with a beautiful voice. Wow.

That girl had fantastic tits, I can tell.

- From a voice on the phone? - Yes!

Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba!

Here, Mad, here, get this!

Weinstein, you take it out.

Oh, hold it a minute, honey, give me that back.

Got to put that in my little private address book.

Hey, Mr. Ober, how come you have to write

those addresses down?

Honey, what I got here is a book

of the prettiest voices in Beverly Hills and Hollywood.

This is a collection of women!

All women!

Because I love women.

Short, fat, old. I want 'em all.

Some I want more than others, like Dolores Hart.

- Who? - Dolores Hart.

You know who Dolores Hart is, don't you?

This beautiful starlet.

She's a nun now.

She was beautiful, young.

Look at her.

She gave it all up to live with a bunch of women

in, what do you call it, a sorority?

- A convent, Mr.. - Dolores Hart.

Ooh, she was in Where the Boys Are.

Right!

That was with George Hamilton.

It was her first movie, that was in 1957.

Her last one was Come Fly with Me

where she was mixed up with some krauthead crook.

And in the end, she didn't wind up with anybody.

This must have turned her against the world.

She chucked it all and became a nun.

That was in 1963.

Six years without her.

Honey, I can't tell you how I miss her.

- Really? - I just can't understand

why she would... She would think...

Chicken on the Run, keep smiling.

Hey, Herb, is that you, pal?

You got something for old Max here, huh?

Same one, good.

All the way, great.

Same price? Good boy.

Uh, I believe it's time I stepped next door

to Adolf's for a quick drink.

Kessler, mind the phone.

The Jimi Hendrix Experience will be appearing

at the Forum next Friday

with the Chicago Transit Authority

and Cat Mother and the All Night Newsboys.

We got another set of tickets to give away this hour.

One, two, three, four!

Uh! Uh-huh! Uh-huh-huh-huh!

Hey, when was it last that you had to ask

about the bird that really turned you on?

If you're a star, I know it's really hard

to get on down with some chicken bones.

- Just lickin' chicken. - It's so much fun.

- Just lickin' chicken. - On the run.

Hey, hey! Not a steak, a lamb,

or even a ham.

Get on down to the oh, oh.

- Lickin' chicken. - It's so much fun.

- Just lickin' chicken. - On the run.

Hey!

Hey, Godzilla is coming back.

Oh God, the chicken!

- Nothing? - No, Mr..

But the world out there is starving for my good eating.

Now what... what's that smell?

Maddy, come on, you burned the chicken.

I can't sell these!

Where's your mind? It's not on your work,

that's for sure.

- Thinking of boys, right? - Yeah, right, Mr..

You know what you need, honey? You need some nooky.

- Huh? - Nooky! A man!

Who? You, Mr.?

Me?

I'd be too much for you.

Ha!

- What's so funny? - Nothing.

Mad, it's lucky for you I know how to stay on top

of these emergencies.

Come on, come on, get out!

I know what to do about it.

Weinstein! Where's Weinstein?

This never works.

You do as I tell you, huh?

Go over there.

Order Chicken Delight, right?

You get a sallow look on your face, mad,

legitimately mad, wait for five minutes

till they change shifts,

then you say you got this crap home

and you found out it was burned.

Demand your money back.

Get indignant.

They give you your money back and we split 50/50.

I treat my boys good, don't I, Kessler?

- Do you admit that? - Can I check out?

- What? - I got a date.

Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

Weinstein?

Come on, L.A.! Call me, I'm ready!

Last time he sent me, they threatened

to call the police.

Well, this time, remember to take off your tie.

Just take it off.

Who'd you call?

It's burning my lip.

Mm.

Who'd I call? No one.

Ho-ho-ho!

- A girl. - Someone I know?

You want another hit?

Yeah, sure, stick it in.

Mm. No, you don't know her.

Hey, aren't you gonna be late?

Yeah, I'm on my way.

Mm.

Hey, I hope you get laid, kid.

Pissant!

Hey, Mark, is that chicken ready yet?

Not quite, Mr..

Coming right up.

Oh, stop it, David, come on.

I'm not doing anything.

David, stop it, you know how I feel.

All right.

Oh! It's nobody, just the people next door.

Oh, we better stop.

Aw, no, it's nothing.

They just came home.

Look, we'll try it over there, okay?

Okay. Now, where were we?

You were lying back like this, and my hand was over here.

Over here? And we were kissing.

- Oh, Dave? - Yeah?

Why do you work in that place for that man?

Ugh, Margaret, I told you a thousand times.

I work for Ober the same reason

everyone has always worked for him.

He's a classic figure of California crime.

Anyway, I need the money for gas.

Oh my God, your parents are home.

No, it's only Charlie, he won't come in.

Oh, take me home, this is useless.

- I only wish that you'd stop. - I tell you...

You... ugh.

You might as well forget it, Dave.

You know how I feel.

Well, you know how I feel?

By the time I get you home, I can't walk I hurt so much.

Oh, Dave, you have to find a place.

- A safe place. - A safe place?

Yeah.

And one more thing.

Next time, try to do something about the chicken smell.

Ha!

- Kessler! - What?

- Do you have a pass? - I had to go to the can!

You can't shit me.

There isn't a teacher in this school

who'd let you out without a pass.

- You got me. - Come to my office.

Sit down.

Suit yourself, Kessler.

Now, in the last year or so, I've had you in here

- at least ten times. - Fifteen.

You could still be suspended, you know, easily.

- No thanks. - I just don't understand you.

You're disruptive, you cut classes, you talk back.

Who talks back?

- And that column of yours. - What's wrong with it?

It's snide, it's full of innuendo and double entendre.

I didn't think you noticed.

Believe me, we notice.

Okay, Kessler, out without a pass.

I see you're running today, is that right?

You know I am.

Of course, I just thought I'd remind you

that we do have a grooming code for athletes.

It's a quarter of an inch too long.

David, you're a good student.

You write for the school paper, you could be a student leader.

- Instead, you choose to... - Why would I want to be

a student leader?

- Pardon? - Lead them where?

Your hair is still a bit too long.

I guess we can let that go for now.

Don't you feel the difference?

I guess it's a matter of pride.

School pride, isn't it?

That's it. Pride.

Pride is what makes our teams great teams.

Report to Detention 312 on Monday.

You know where it is.

Hey, Dave, can I talk to you for a second?

I really need your advice about something.

Not right now, Stu.

Well, how about lunch then?

Right, lunch.

- Hi! - Hi.

- What's the hurry? - I'm late.

I've been looking for you all morning.

- Oh, I cut this morning. - Listen, Margaret,

we've got to do some talking about, you know, the problem.

- Problem? - Margaret.

- Oh, the problem. - We've got to find a place.

- Hi, Margaret, Dave. - Hi, Stuart. Running today?

Yeah. Hey, Dave, can I ask you a question?

- One. - Look, I want to ask out

Tracy Vogel and since you know her better,

I wanted to ask you what approach to use.

Oh, Stuart, you don't want to go out with her.

Oh, I don't believe all those stories they tell about her.

They're not true, are they, Dave?

No, of course not.

Just ask her, Stuart. She likes Bergman films.

Bergman films, really? Thanks!

- Bye-Bye, Margaret. - Bye. Hope you win!

Thank you!

Hey, you know, I'm running, too.

That's some advice.

How long have you known Tracy?

About 15 years.

And how long have you known me?

Since you were 14 and came to school

with your lunch money pinned under your right breast.

Hey, no foreplay on the front lawn!

Bad for public relations.

- I got to go. - But, Margaret...

- I'll see you later. - Let's go.

Hey, I got caught today without a pass again.

Yeah, me too.

Hey, how would you like to have passes for every day

between now and graduation?

Love it, how much are they?

- We steal 'em. - We steal a bunch of passes?

They got to be timestamped and all.

We also steal the clock.

- Uh-uh. - Yes, come on.

Now just stop worrying.

Okay.

You see? Everybody is out to lunch.

Just stand there and get me if someone comes.

Okay.

- Mark! - What?

Throw me your knife.

Here!

Hey, you better hurry up, Nast is coming down the hall.

Well, stall him, will ya?

- Hi, Mr. Nastase. - Mark.

It's, uh, my last meet, Mr. Nastase,

and I guess you could understand

how much I... all of us are really looking forward to it.

- I can imagine. - I've come to think

shot putting as an art form, almost.

You know, Mr. Nastase,

I'm really gonna miss this place.

Dave!

Hey, Trace, can't talk now.

Where are you going with the clock?

Clock? Who said anything about a clock?

What else is there in the attendance office

worth stealing?

I've got to put it in the car.

Oh, I thought I'd had it.

Should I stamp some passes for ya?

I even got Naste's signature stamp!

Why not? But I'd rather have you take me out.

Trace!

I know, you're going out with Miss America.

I got to hurry, Trace!

- Bye now. - Yeah, bye.

Oh, damn!

- You know what your problem is? - What?

That's not your car.

Ooh, all right.

Do it!

Aww.

Now who the hell gave you permission

- to drive down here? - You did!

We got to be at work early, remember?

Oh. Okay, come on, let's go!

Hey, what's with Stu and Margaret?

We got the T-E-A-M

that's on the B-E-A-M!

We got the team that's on the beam

that's really hep to the jive.

Come on, Saxons, skin 'em alive!

Woo!

- Hey, that was great. - Hi, Stu.

Am I on?

Lead pole vaulters, report to the pits.

Final call for varsity hundred-yard dash.

- Too long. - What is it?

- Too long. - No, I already cut

my sideburns today.

Mr. Marvelli is from the Interscholastic Federation.

He's pointed out your hair.

It doesn't meet the state athletic code.

You mean I can't run because of my hair?

- This hair? - You're gonna scratch him?

- Say, man, that sucks. - Is this rule really enforced?

- We try. - Are you disputing his decision?

Yes! Mr. Marvelli,

isn't excess facial hair also illegal?

And the rest of them,

why haven't they been disqualified?

Is it because they're Blacks and Chicanos,

and you're afraid they're gonna tell you to shove it?

- Kessler. - Hey, right on, man.

It's purely a local option.

A local option.

Let your coach decide.

- I'll get Coach Zwick. - Hey, why bother?

Hey, Saul, if it's too long, it's too long.

Who am I to make an issue, right?

- We'll just split! - We'll boycott the hundred!

Go, go, go, baby, go!

Everybody, come on!

Kessler, where do you think you're going?

On your marks.

Dave!

All right!

- All right. - What was my time?

9.8 would be a school record, would it, Coach?

It sure would. Saul has the official clock.

Saul, come over here.

Uh, Coach, something happened to the watch.

You broke the stem off.

- How did you do that? - I wound it.

You wound it?

What was my time?

It's still running.

Saul, how many times have I told you

not to be careless with school property, hm?

One time in the school...

I'm sorry.

I know how much you wanted that record.

It's not that important.

Not going into mourning over it.

- I'm really surprised. - About what?

I know what this meant to you, I know your temper.

I expected you to blow up and kill that kid

that broke the watch.

But, instead, you showed a lot of maturity,

more than I thought you could.

Thank you.

You deserved it.

I'll kill that rat's ass!

- Hey, Dave! - That cow head blew my record!

And that dick, Zwick, gave him the watch.

Look out!

Slow down, please.

Be cool for Margaret.

I caught that kiss.

- Just slow down. - No!

Whoa!

Whoa! Look out!

Whoa, come on.

Have a beer, have a beer.

Just relax, have a beer.

If you're dead, you'll never get laid.

Sorry to bother you. Would you mind

holding something for a second?

Ah, shit.

Hey, Lee, are your parents going to the graduation?

No, they're in Africa on a safari.

- A safari? - Oh, man, that's too bad.

They said they wouldn't miss it for the world,

so they're hiring a camera crew to shoot it,

sound and everything.

A camera crew.

Lee. Tom, babes.

Hey, all right.

- Who are the rest for? - Me and Tracy.

Tracy, not Margaret?

Nah. You see, Tracy saw me with the clock.

But Margaret never needs a pass.

- She just smiles. - Woo!

Hold this.

Dammit, Kamahele, watch your hose.

I'm sorry!

Listen, Charlie, I need your help.

Do you know of any place I can take Margaret?

Turn this thing off.

You come to me, your brother, to find a place

- to take your girlfriend? - Ooh!

Oh, I am really disappointed to learn that you intend

to have sex before marriage.

What would Mom say?

Mom would say to tell me before you got your neck wrung.

Yeah, I know a place, but it's gonna cost.

Go on!

Okay, you know the Worths that live near Mark?

They have a garage with a guest room on top.

Used to keep a grandmother up there until she snuffed it.

There's been nobody or nothing up there since

except a bed.

- A bed? - A bed.

That sounds great!

- But it's got to be safe. - Like Fort Knox.

Their kid, Monica, and I, we use it sometimes.

Monica is about ten, isn't she?

Ha-ha, you're so funny.

She's 13.

When, Charlie? When, when, when?

Monica will tell me the next time they go out

and won't be back till late.

I'll tell you. You'll pay me, right?

I said, "You'll pay me, right?"

Well, what do you want, Charlie?

I've still got my heart set on some

of your excellent marijuana.

- An ounce? - No.

- Half an ounce? - I'll tell you what.

If this place works out all right,

I won't tell Mom we stole her reds.

You wouldn't!

Oh, that's an incredibly dirty way to do business.

All right, all right.

We'll work something out.

Afterwards, huh?

Are you sure this is harmless?

Of course.

Tom's uncle did special effects

on hundreds of war movies.

He did Back to Bataan and nobody even got killed.

Back to Bataan?

Come on!

- Got a place. - You did? It's not...

It's not my house, it's not your house,

it's not the car, it's not the beach.

- Have I forgotten anyplace? - Not that I know.

Oh, hey, you two got passes?

This isn't a pass.

This excused you from fifth period Friday

to see a podiatrist.

It does?

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Tankel.

Okay.

Oh, Dave, have you heard any news from Stanford?

All I have to do is graduate and I'm in.

Good.

Your podiatrist?

Okay, where is this place?

Oh...

It's a surprise.

Oh, son of a bitch.

Well, when?

Well, the timing is tricky.

Listen, I forgot something, but I promise,

you'll be the first to know.

Ugh, coleslaw is the worst.

Last month I puked making this garbage.

Are you gonna help?

Are you in a hurry for something?

Get me another couple bags, will ya?

Yeah, I'm in a hurry.

Because tonight, old buddy,

is the night.

- Not the night. - The night.

- What night is that? - I got the place for tonight.

You mean you're finally gonna jump on Margaret?

Shh!

Man, not so loud!

Yes. Exactly. Absolutely.

- It's about time too. - I know.

Charlie got me the garage.

You know something? The little runt tried to tell me

that he was getting laid up there.

- Well, maybe he is. - No.

You don't think so, do you?

No. Nah, he wouldn't dare.

Get the dressing for me.

What about you?

Going out with the mystery girlfriend tonight?

Who?

The girl you call whenever Ober leaves.

The girl you won't tell me about.

No, not tonight. She works.

And when do I meet her?

I don't know.

Maybe the senior prom.

I'm not sure.

Ooh, check this.

Jesus!

Hey, Mr., this bag of coleslaw is rotten as shit!

What, what? What's going on, what is it?

What, what? Crybabies!

Show some initiative why don't ya?

You got a rotten bag,

what do you think you do with it?

You throw it out.

I suppose you'd mix it in with the fresh stuff,

wouldn't you, Mr.?

As long as it hasn't turned black.

Pineapple, pay some attention.

This man here is going places.

I'll show you how simple it is.

You're making a federal case.

You take it, right?

You pour it in, right?

And, then, what do you do?

You mash it up!

Wahine.

It's your turn.

Hands of a surgeon.

Psst!

Hey, you got to see this.

You got to see what the old fart

sent me out for this time.

- What smells? - Big deal, Weinstein!

Let me see.

Holy shit.

Kessler, is Weinstein here yet?

I'm back!

What, what, what? What?

Give me that. You pineapple, you!

You got gunk all over it!

Pupule!

Leo give you a good tip?

Your buddy, Leo, is a jerk.

- He gave me zip. - Hey, watch your mouth.

Here, take this out. It's not far.

They'll stiff me too.

Hey, Maddy, come here!

Papa has got something to show you!

I already know what one looks like, Mr..

No, dear, this is something else.

Ooh, it's horrible.

I do believe you're jealous.

You know I am.

Hey, Mr., I got to go.

I'm gonna check out too.

I don't pay you for this hour then, okay?

- Okay. - Oh, wait.

Chicken on the Run, may I help you?

Yes, right, uh-huh.

Right. Got it. Thank you very much.

Here.

Take...

What are you do...

You messed it up again. Here!

Surfer, fill that order.

- Okay, I'm going, too. - Hold it!

Weinstein is out on a run, pupule is going.

What if a call comes in?

I got nobody to take it out.

Wait till one of them comes back, all right?

All right.

Nice picture.

I want to tell you something.

Ever tell you about my wife, Kessler?

- All of them. - No, no, no, my wife now.

Um, I really don't remember, Mr..

I'm trying to tell you, Billie, my wife now.

- She is fantastic. - Oh, sure, Cap.

And just because Billie is off in Texas on a vacation

doesn't mean that, you know...

You understand there isn't anything stopping me

from getting laid whenever I want

except the demands of my business.

'Cause you know, I know hundreds of chicks

who would damn well murder

just to get one look at my body.

Oh, sure, we all know.

Maybe I'll take a vacation and do nothing

but take apartments and service

all these hot-ass ladies that have been calling up.

But Billie will be back soon.

She just got lonesome for the place she grew up in.

But she's coming back any day now.

Yeah, well, okay, so I'm gonna be taking off now.

No, not yet!

You young people, you've got no patience.

Got to have everything now, now, now, now!

Bunch of college kids living in the apartment

across the street from mine.

I tell you, they're like animals.

I've been watching the place.

Every time I go and I see a light go out,

I know someone is getting their socks off.

These kids are doing everything.

They turn every way but loose at night.

- Right, Weinstein? - Right, Mr..

Make a wiggly.

Good boy.

Lickin' chicken.

Lickin' chicken.

Oh, lickin' chicken.

Ow! Lickin' chicken.

Charlie?

Hey, Charlie, are you here?

- Dave? - Yeah! Where are you?

In here.

- Don't come in. - Why not?

Monica and I started already.

Started what?

Listen, did the parents leave yet?

I don't know, what time is it?

- Quarter to eight. - They haven't left yet.

It's an 8:30 show.

Okay. Will they be home right after?

I don't know.

Wait a second, I'll ask her.

She says they'll be home about 11.

- Great. - You know, Monica and I

think your girlfriend is out of her mind.

- If it was us... - Your concern is touching.

You're wasting my time.

Oh, when do I get my marijuana?

Later!

- I don't know. - It seems okay to me.

Come on.

Nobody will be in or out?

Nobody. I promise, it's foolproof.

When did you say they were getting home?

About 11.

Come on, don't worry.

- What time is it now? - Only 8:20.

Bulb must be burned out.

We don't need it anyway, do we?

Dave, there's no curtains.

See? The windows on that house look right down on us.

Oh, I'm not so sure about this.

It's cold in here too.

Margaret, there's a huge quilt on the bed.

It would be very warm.

I promise.

I don't know if I could relax.

Margaret, what do you want me to do?

I have been beating my brains out for six weeks

trying to find some place to suit you.

This fits all the requirements.

Okay, yes, it's cold.

Yes, there are no curtains, but there's nobody to see us.

And, Margaret, we're alone.

Margaret, don't you know what this is doing to me?

God dammit!

Do you want to go to bed with me or not?

Huh?

Yes.

Okay.

Ah, buttons.

- I love buttons. - Do you smell something?

Disinfectant?

- It's this old garage. - I guess.

Move over a little.

- More. - I'm jammed up

against the wall, Marg.

Okay, come back a little bit.

I just don't want to fall out.

- What are these? - What do you think they are?

They're my socks.

Well, take 'em off.

- But my feet are cold. - David, so are mine. See?

Oh, hey, get those off me.

I'll move them as soon as you take off your socks.

If you wear your socks, you're not naked,

and that's not fair.

Ugh.

- Much better. - Okay.

- Dave. - Mm?

You have to use something.

Pardon?

You have to wear something.

I'll put my socks back on.

That's not what I meant.

I know what you meant.

- Are you sure? - Positive.

'Cause I don't have one.

Oh, I got to tell you, Marg,

this is a fine time to tell me this.

Oh, and you had it all figured out?

We can get away with it once.

I'll control myself.

No! Oh, we better go.

The Worths will be home any minute.

No, they won't!

It's early. Listen, if I go out and get one,

will you wait here?

Go out and get one? Where?

Mark lives right down the block.

If anyone has one, he will.

- Will you wait? - What time is it?

It's 8:35.

I'll wait, but not long, and don't tell him anything.

Hey, get that, will ya? I can't move.

Hey, Kamahele, you know Japanese?

Yeah, "hai" means "yes," "ichiban" means "number one."

- That's it. - That's it?

You mean you've been accepted to MIT

and that's all you know?

Hey, Dave, how's your face?

Great, great, I got to ask you something.

I think we can help ya.

Any of you gentlemen got a balloon for the man here?

Rubbers? Have we got rubbers?

Galoshes for the masses.

- Tom? - Right here.

Oh, now you're sure you know how to use 'em?

They can be very dangerous in the wrong hands.

- Here, drop your pants. - Listen, guys,

I am in kind of a hurry, so can I please have it?

She'll wait, she'll wait.

Hey, wait a minute, I just got to finish

drawing you this diagram here.

Thanks a lot guys, huh?

Say hello to Margaret for us!

Oh, Jesus!

Margaret?

Margaret?

Who's there?

You want to see?

Joe, come quick, there is somebody in the garage,

I can see him, some kid.

A peeping Tom.

Jesus Christ, call the police.

I'll kill you, you pervert!

What's the problem?

A peeping Tom is bothering my wife.

I think he went this way.

Come on.

Nice dog.

Shh, shh, what a good dog, huh?

Friendly, kind.

No, you're not vicious,

no, you're not a guard dog.

Shh! No teeth, eh?

Shh! Good! Nice, nice, nice.

Get off me please, stop it!

Shh! Dog, be quiet for a second, shh!

Mutt, get away!

I can't believe it.

Fuck. No, wait, stop... Dog, no!

I can't believe this, I don't believe...

Dog, would you get away from me

and just be quiet? Shh!

Shh, shh, shh, nice dog.

Get away from me, dog.

Shh, shh!

I can't believe... why me, why me?

Shh, shh!

Dog, please?

Dog, please, I'm in a lot of trouble.

Shh! Dog, just get away.

Quiet... quiet down.

He's down here!

Joe, get the police! Get the gun!

I'll check this driveway.

Come on, it's back one house.

We'd better check.

I thought Margaret might be offended by that rubber

but I didn't think she would take it that personal.

Hide me, huh?

Wait in the den.

Good evening, sir.

Have you seen a prowler in the neighborhood?

Oh no, officer.

But if I see one, I'll be on the phone in a flash.

It's probably nothing to worry about,

but we appreciate the help.

Oh, no problem.

See you later.

Now, that's cool.

Lemme ask you:

What happened to Margaret?

Margaret?

Oh, Christ, I don't know!

She must have gotten away.

She got away?

Then what's to worry about?

What's to worry about? I promised her that would be

the safest place in the world.

Oh, I'm a dead man, that's what's to worry.

- Maybe you better call her. - Call her, right.

Call her where?

You see, if she went home, her parents...

oh, I don't even wanna think about it.

Want me to do it?

Would you?

Sure. What the hell?

Hello, hi, Mr. Schaefer?

It's Mark Kamahele.

Mark Kamahele?

Aloha?

Is Margaret home?

She is? Can I speak to her?

Pardon, I couldn't hear.

She can't come to the phone.

Uh, no, there's no messages.

- Bye. - Well?

You're right.

You're a dead man.

What'd he say?

Nothin', but I could hear Margaret's mother

screaming like a banshee in the background.

Oh, God!

More beer, huh?

Yeah.

Hey, you know somethin'?

What?

Dragged out as I am, I'm still horny.

Can't understand it.

- Call Tracy. - Tracy?

How'd Tracy get into this?

You said something about her, didn't you?

No I didn't.

Whoa. You sneaky Hawaiian!

Eh, it's Friday night.

She's probably out with someone.

No she's not.

She's sittin' by the phone, waitin' for you to call.

God.

Here, it's for you.

Right.

Uh... hi, Trace?

Uh, yeah. I'm at Mark's.

Nothin', we're just watchin' TV, um...

How would you like to come on over?

- Wait, hold on. - Not here, you idiot!

Get her to come on over to your house.

Ah.

Uh, Trace?

You wanna come over to my house?

Would that be okay?

- Right! - All ri...

Uh, I'll see you in a bit, then.

Okay. Bye.

All right!

Ah, she's coming over.

All right!

Hey, good work, turkey.

Maybe you better get there early enough to, uh...

change your pants.

"Buon appetito."

- Hi. - Hi.

Really nice of you to come over.

- You look great. - Thank you, sir.

You're limping. Any particular reason?

Oh. I was being chased by the police and Mr. Worth.

Oh, I get the picture... The garage.

I know about that place, it's famous.

- Yeah. - Be a gentleman and break,

will you?

So that's what happened to you and Margaret tonight, huh?

Get caught with your pants down?

Oh, no, not me, but Margaret did.

It won't be the first time.

Shoot.

Are you saying this wasn't the first time she was caught?

Uh, what other time was there?

I'm surprised Mark hasn't told you already.

Oh, Mark. Mark's very big on not telling me

things he knows I wouldn't wanna hear.

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything then.

No, I have to know.

- You remember Carl Katz? - Defensive lineman...

who blocked punts with his teeth?

Margaret used to go with him.

I knew that.

Margaret's father was out of town

and her mother was out somewhere

and they were fooling around.

Then they decided... Or the way I heard it,

Margaret decided that she wanted to play tag.

- Tag? - Tag... you know, you run a...

- I know how to play it. - Okay. So they were

running around the house playing tag

with no clothes on

when Molly Schaefer walks in the door.

They were on the living room floor at the time.

That may be the funniest story I've ever heard.

You didn't know about Margaret.

I don't know.

I guess I assumed that she didn't.

- Or hadn't. - So you called me.

- Oh, Tracy... - Let's see, you called me

because you couldn't get Margaret

and you thought I'd do as a quick substitute.

Like ordering chicken.

Right so far?

Right?

- Well, um... - Dave, you know me.

I would have thought that you of all people

wouldn't have bought that reputation bullshit.

- Hey, I think... - Look. You may not have to be

careful about swearing around me

or take me on expensive dates,

but you have to...

If we...

Do you understand why I felt like you wanted me

to come to the back door?

I feel like shit.

My hands are shaking.

You look terrible.

Are you all right?

Look, I wouldn't have told you all that

if I didn't wanna be closer to you.

Do you love Margaret?

- Do I love her? - You know,

romantic love, puppy love, sex?

I never thought about it.

No, wait, that's not true.

Margaret to me is...

- she's perfect, she's... - We know she excites you

- on a physical level. - Oh boy, does she.

- Every time I'm within six... - But so do I.

I can tell.

You look?

You go around staring?

Of course I do, all women do.

Tracy, you are doing amazing things to me tonight.

And all without taking my clothes off.

See?

Tracy, why are you asking me all these questions?

Because if you even claim to be in love with her,

then I check out.

I'm not a runner, I don't compete.

So you work things out with your Margaret

and then we'll see.

Hey, face it, man, everybody I've talked to says.

Margaret's telling them that you've done something

extremely shitty.

Your ass is in the wringer for sure.

- But I didn't do anything! - I know you didn't do anything.

- You didn't even get laid. - Yeah, but what choice

- did I have? - Choice?

I never did understand what you wanted

with that balloon.

- I had to get it! - That's bullshit.

Don't you know Margaret's on the pill?

No! She's not.

All right, what makes you think that?

You know Ronnie Kyle, the bigmouth?

She was very careful to tell me that Margaret was on it.

- Well, she never told me. - I could be wrong,

- but Ronnie told me. - Well, is she or isn't she?

I didn't see her take it!

But I know she was taking it when she was fooling around

- with Carl Katz. - Oh, dammit, Mark!

That's another thing.

Why didn't you tell me about Margaret and Katz?

I'll write you a letter, Dave.

Have you seen Margaret?

- We are in trouble. - Who is?

Naste must've gotten wise about the passes.

He changed the ink from blue to red.

Hey, did you hear me?

The passes are no good, man!

Ready, set.

We got the T-E-A-M,

it's on the B-E-A-M.

We got the team, it's on the beam

that's really hep to the jive.

Come on, Saxons, skin 'em alive!

That stank.

I wanna talk to you.

Go away. I've got nothing to say to you.

But I've got some things to say to you.

- Don't apologize to me. - Oh, I wasn't planning to.

In fact, I might ask you for an apology.

I don't have anything to apologize to you for!

Will you answer me one question?

- That depends. - Are you on the pill?

- Watch it! - Are you?

I'm not gonna answer that.

Well, I think maybe you already have.

If you say so.

- Margaret. - What is it?

If you're on the pill,

why did you send me out?

If I'd been there when the Worths had gotten home,

it wouldn't have been so bad.

It woulda been like an adventure, sneaking out.

You mother would never have found...

If you hadn't taken me to that stinking garage

in the first place, this whole thing

- would never have happened. - Now, wait a minute.

I did my best to meet the requirements you set.

It's not my fault the Worths couldn't be in that movie.

David, I'd like to terminate this conversation.

- You're much too emotional. - Well, you're darned right I am!

What's going on?

I want an answer.

All right, David.

I never really wanted you that much in the first place.

What do I do with the prom tickets?

I don't know.

Maybe you can get your money back.

I know the last few weeks of senior year

are boring for all of you.

Today, I'd like to try something completely different.

Those of you who wanna continue the discussion

of the implications of future technology,

sit on this side of the class.

Those of you who wanna read comic books and play poker,

sit over here.

- You're late. - I'm sorry.

You got a summons. Mr. Nastase wants to see you.

Look, Mr. Putnam,

I haven't been here, you didn't see me.

And I didn't get this message, okay?

All right. But don't get caught.

It's my ass too.

Don't worry.

Okay, deal me in.

It's still 78.

- That's three times. - Count 'em again.

Hey, Kessler, did you hear?

Yeah. Nastase wants me, so I'm gettin' out of here.

No, didn't you see the police?

- They got Mark. - What police?

Two plainclothes juvvies are down in Naste's office

right now with Mark.

Cops? They called the cops about passes?

I don't know, man.

I better see Mark.

Remember: You stole the clock, not us.

This time, I got 79.

Count 'em again.

Thank you very much, gentlemen, appreciate it.

Ah, Mr. Kessler.

Have a seat by your friend here.

We'll be right with you.

What the hell's going on?

Oh, we're on speaking terms again?

What happened?

You wouldn't believe it.

You got any kleenex?

No. Use your sleeve.

- Hey, Dave... - Later.

Did they catch you with a bad pass?

Not just a bad pass... Smokin' a J.

You were walking around here smoking a joint?

I forgot!

Hey, I took your advice.

Stuart, would you shut up?

And what are they gonna do to you?

Nothin'.

They're letting' me off because I promised I'd be good

and I don't have a record.

You got off?

Hey, what are you crying for?

Crying?

I'm so pissed off, I could scream.

I was afraid they'd find the rest of our stash in my locker.

So I flushed two and a half ounces of our good dope.

And then those dumb cops didn't even search my locker.

Dave, Margaret scratched her name off your bid.

I knew you wouldn't be mad if I asked her to the prom,

and you're not mad, are you?

No, I'm not mad!

Why do they want me?

You didn't tell them I stole that clock, did you?

Why would I do that?

You're taking Margaret where?

I don't know, I don't know how this happened.

Wait over there.

Mark, you can go now.

David, come in.

Look familiar?

Oh, I've seen the clock... out there.

You know you're in very hot water,

- do you know that? - I am? Why?

Come off it, Kessler.

I saw you run away.

Oh.

- Who else was in on it? - No one.

You had to have help.

Nobody. I did it myself.

You admit it.

If you like.

So give me my detention.

I don't care anymore.

Well, I'm afraid the situation has gone a bit past that point.

After full consultation with the principal,

members of the school board, and your parents...

Actually, your mother; We couldn't reach your father.

He's out of town.

In any event, as of now, you are suspended.

Oh.

With the option of further action

to be taken in your case next week.

Further action?

You can't expel me for that!

Now, wait a minute, my college won't take me.

You can't do that.

You're an itch, Dave. We scratch.

It's your uncooperative attitude.

Not liking school is uncooperative?

Not getting the approval of your faculty advisor

for editorial material is uncooperative.

Is that what this is all about?

I never approved this column, I told you to change it.

You never read it.

You told me you objected to the title, so I changed it.

From "Springtime in Saigon" to "Springtime in Beverly Hills,"

- but the rest stayed the same. - That's right.

That column is a scurrilous personal attack

on the President

and I don't want any complaints.

From the President?

From parents, doctors, lawyers, rabbis.

It would be bad for the school, very bad.

Okay.

You kick me out, and I'll have

the ACLU on you so fast, it'll make your head spin.

I'll call the papers, the networks.

You'll have Walter Cronkite breathin' down your neck.

Jack Anderson!

Let me make a suggestion:

Change it.

Or is this going to be another case of the big, bad

Beverly Hills revolutionary off to face the world?

Dave?

That was a dumb thing to pull, wasn't it?

Mom, let me explain.

Keep this up and you'll wind up in Vietnam.

You'd like that.

Smooth move, Dave.

If you're lucky, you'Il get a job in a gas station.

Mom, do I have to hear this?

I only hope we can keep you out of the Marines.

I'm sure your father will have some choice words for you.

I'm joining your father...

Dave.

When did you have this fixed?

You can't keep disconnecting your intercom, Dave.

Mom, all I want is a little privacy, huh?

I was going to say, I'm joining your father in Tucson

and we'll be back for graduation.

So?

So you better graduate.

Mom? Mom.

Mom. Mom!

Mom, I gotta talk to you.

Mom?

Mom.

Mom, can't I talk to you?

What happened?

Maddy's mother just called.

Her brother got killed in Vietnam.

Oh my God.

Now the headlines from the 95.5 newswire.

President Nixon's meeting with President Thieu at Midway

proposed the withdrawal of some 25...

Chicken on the Run.

Maddy, honey, why don't you go home?

Come on.

You know what I want you to do?

Take a taxi.

No. No thanks, Mr. Ober, I'll take the bus.

- Sure you're gonna be all right? - Yeah.

All right, hon, it's gonna be all right.

Just stay with it, you hear?

It's bad. You know Maddy?

- Yeah, Maddy... - Take care, baby.

- Please? Come on. - What's this?

Tying up my phone?

- Babe, I've gotta go. - That an order you're taking?

- Bye. - Come on, lay off him, Mr.!

Now you're telling me what to do?

I don't think you understand after all this time

that I'm the boss!

You walk in that door, your ass is mine.

You think I don't know what you're trying to get away with

around here?

But it's like I got eyes in every room of this store

and you ain't fooling me.

But I'm a good man, I'm willing to let it pass this time,

as long as you know who owns you.

You don't own anyone, Mr..

What are you gonna do about it?

Nothing, right? Chickenshit.

- Hey, come on, Dave, cool it. - I'm cool!

- I just gotta hit somebody. - He's gotta hit somebody!

A chickenshit who needs an Oriental to protect him.

Go on in the back room, we'll forget this incident.

You too, Mark.

Just see that it doesn't happen again.

Don't worry, it won't.

You just gimme my check and I quit.

You can't quit!

What do you mean, I can't?

What, do we have a contract or something?

You just gimme my check for this week and I leave.

Oh no, listen.

I don't want you to quit, you can't!

And why not?

What happens when I retire?

When you retire?

Well... I sort of thought you understood

I was gonna take off maybe not for good,

just long enough to go to Texas and get Billie,

convince her to come back.

Bought a new house for her already.

You were the only one who ever worked for me

I thought was smart enough to run this place

without me to blow his nose.

Mr. Ober... Max...

Look. You wouldn't even have to run it the way I do.

There's lots of room for personal approach,

creativity, showmanship.

I'm not gonna be around.

I'm goin' to college.

I'm sorry.

Good riddance!

Eh, here... here, here, go on.

Quit.

You still here?

Come on, it's time to tip. Out!

Bye, Mr..

Go on!

Chicken on the Run, up yours!

Maddy.

I'm sorry.

Can I do anything?

- No. - Oh, come on, Mad, just...

let me drive you home.

Nobody can do anything.

Don't say that.

Mad...

Mr. Sourlan.

Mr. Phinney said I could bring this in late.

I always work late.

This is my column for the senior edition

- for this week, okay? - Okay.

Wow. You've really done it this time.

And all on the same day.

You wanna know what the most off-the-wall part is?

I don't care.

Well, one thing.

- You wanna know? - Sure.

It's a hard confession to make.

You can tell me.

I really wanted to go to that dumb-ass prom.

- No! - Yes, yes!

- I know it's very uncool. - Very unfashionable.

I even rented a really gross tuxedo.

Crushed velvet.

When am I ever gonna get another chance

to wear red crushed velvet, huh?

Yeah, that's too bad.

And Mark'll be there with that girl

he won't tell anybody about,

and that geek Stuart'll be there with Margaret.

I wanna take you out.

I wonder why I didn't ask you first.

I already had a date.

Oh. Just out of curiosity, who you going with?

- You. - Me?

I can't go, I've been suspended, remember?

Who needs the prom?

We're going to Lee's party.

Plan ahead, I always say.

- Invitation, sir? - Uh, I lost my invitation.

I'm sorry, sir, I can't let you in.

Look. My name is Dave Kessler, I lost my invitation but,

I mean, look at my face, who else could I be, right?

My name. My name, my name, my name... my name,

- Dave Kessler. - Stuart Bayer.

I'm sorry, sir, but without an invitation,

I can't let you in.

Yes, sir.

Oh, they're okay, they're with us.

Okay.

Fascist.

I don't need this.

I'll bet her mother spent hours sewing barbed wire

- across that cleavage. - Oh, Dave, cut it out.

Dave.

- Oh, hi, Tom. - Tracy.

Hey, Lee's lookin' for you.

Oh. Have you seen Mark yet?

There they are.

Hey, Dave, Tracy, Tom.

This is Vanessa.

- Hi, Vanessa. - Hi.

Uh, why don't you two go stake out a place to sit?

We'll get the drinks.

I'm sure we can find something to talk about.

No glasses?

She doesn't like guys who wear glasses.

Hey, wait'll you see what Lee's got.

How you doing, Lee?

Look what I've got here.

- Ta-da! - All right, whoa!

- Outrageous! - Oh, I thought it'd impress you.

Whoo!

Hey, thanks, Lee, great party.

Yeah, have a good time, guys.

You know that girl you brought can't be more than 15.

- Fourteen. - Fourteen?

No wonder you wouldn't talk about her.

You could get arrested.

Hey, step into my office.

- You got a match? - Yeah.

- Hey, Dave? - Yeah.

We've got a problem.

We've got a problem?

She's a hooker.

A 14-year-old hooker?

You took a 14-year-old, ravishing hooker

- to the senior prom? - I didn't hire her.

I been going out with her for three months.

- What's that mean? - Well...

she spare-changed me on the strip,

sort of indirectly propositioned me.

Real professional approach.

And?

Well, she took me home with her.

- What's it cost? - Dave!

- Sorry. - That's the funny part.

You know, she never really charged me for anything.

I mean, I give her some bread every once in a while.

It's a kinda freaky relationship.

Kinda freaky?

She still works?

Eh, nights. Hey, we better get back.

I don't like to leave her alone around, you know, customers.

Oh.

You all right? Is it bleeding?

No, no. Come on, we'll snort some champagne.

- Lead me to it. - Lead me to it? All right.

Ahem.

Dixie cups?

You've gotta cut costs somewhere if you wanna stay rich.

Let's have a toast.

I already drank mine.

L'chaim!

What was that toast, Mark?

That's Hawaiian, my dear.

More champagne, everybody?

Try and get a bottle.

Over there.

You know, for a while there, I didn't think you talked.

I don't.

Hold it.

- Name? - Frank Dracman.

Drac... Drac... Your name's not on the list.

Hey!

Greetings.

Nice jacket, fella.

Can I fill your cup?

- I'm Charlie, Dave's brother. - How'd you get in?

I had an invitation.

That's funny.

I couldn't find mine tonight.

Look, man, you owed me... For the garage.

Let's not argue. Introduce me.

Charlie, Vanessa.

That's a beautiful name.

You know, this party's real beat.

Our parties are hotter than this

and I'm only in the eighth grade.

You're only in the eighth grade?

How old are you?

Fifteen.

Imagine that.

Let's dance, Charlie.

Hey, where'd he come from?

He crashed.

You know something?

- They're the same age. - Yeah.

Let's get something to eat.

- I'm getting worried. - About what?

- Charlie and Vanessa. - In the first place,

her name's not Vanessa, it's Pam.

- What? - And she's not 14, she's 19.

- When did she tell you this? - While you were gone.

Also, she's married,

to a helicopter pilot in Vietnam.

- But she told Mark... - She didn't get her allotment

and went on the strip to panhandle, met Mark,

and then told him that hooker nonsense

to keep him from getting serious.

Well, it didn't work.

She knows that, that's why she told me.

Hm.

Oh God, Charlie.

This is where it's at.

I pronounce champagne the drug.

How come nobody ever put me on this stuff before?

It's great, better than Valium, even.

Another glass, Vanessa?

Mark?

Well, I will. Woo-ee!

Let's go.

Hey, Vanessa, you wanna dance again?

Jesus, what's with him?

Charlie, you are leaning on something

that's very, very shaky.

And getting shakier all the time.

What am I doing?

I'm just talking, I just wanna look.

What's the big deal?

Well, she wants to listen.

Why don't you butt out?

Charlie...

Mar... Margaret.

I just came to see if you'd like to dance.

If it's all right.

Go ahead.

Go on.

All right, Charlie, let's dance.

Gonna getcha.

I gotcha!

- What is it, Margaret? - I was trying to tell you

that I wish I'd come with you instead of Stuart.

Really?

And about that night, I can't blame you

for what happened.

Oh yeah?

We'd better get back.

Dave, I can't stand seeing you with Tracy.

Listen.

Yes?

Did I say something?

- I'm going back. - Now kiss me.

Thank you, Stuart.

- Nice work, champ. - What's that for?

I just wanted to see if the sawdust was leaking.

It's too bad we have to leave.

The party's just getting started.

Leave? We can't.

I thought we'd go over to your house,

play a little pool.

- Maybe a little tag. - Yeah.

Let's get outta here.

Hey, Dave, wait a sec.

You can't go, you gotta take care of that

- little creep brother of yours. - Mark, I have got

terrific news for you!

Vanessa is not a hooker.

She's 19 and only married!

How 'bout that?

Oh yeah?

Nineteen, huh!

Watch out, punk!

Vanessa?

Oh, Vanessa?

Vanessa?

- Vanessa? - Hey, who's that?

You! You and your brother, your whole family, get out!

Nice seeing you!

Vanessa?

Dave, when you go to college...

- If I get to college. - You'll make it.

But when you go, will you still want me?

On vacations, at least?

Of course.

I always will.

'Cause I know how those college girls are.

You'll be making it all the time.

It's not a requirement.

What is it?

Stuart.

Yeah, you're disturbing me.

What?

Uh... I'll be right there.

Charlie's in the hospital.

He walked through a glass door.

Uh... I'll take you home, or...

No, I'm going with you.

All right.

- Where is he? - He's in Receiving.

- Was he hurt bad? - He's okay, but there was

- lots of blood. - Is he all right?

Yeah, but we didn't exactly take him in.

- You didn't? Why not? - Well, Margaret...

I mean, we didn't feel that it was...

I'll tell you why we didn't take him inside.

Because he was so stoned, they'd have to bust him,

and I wasn't going to jail for being

your freak brother's accomplice.

Margaret.

Go to hell.

Hey, Dave, I'm sorry about hitting you, man.

I don't think it was worth it.

Forget it.

Excuse me, did you admit anyone

named Charles Kessler within the hour?

With cuts?

I'm sorry, I can't give out any information.

But I'm his brother!

Just tell me if you have him.

- Sorry. - Are you sure?

Not unless he came through the window.

Right. Thanks a lot.

Have a nice night!

- He's in there all right. - But she said...

She said there was nobody named Charles Kessler,

but there is a Frank Dracman.

Who's Frank Dracman?

Charlie has this name in case the police ever

pick him up and torture him.

It's a combination of Frankenstein,

Dracula, and the Wolfman.

Frank, Drac, Man, huh?

He must have known he was gonna be in trouble

or he wouldn't have used that name.

That's right.

What'll happen to him?

My folks?

Mom won't do anything.

Dad'll beat the hell out of him.

What now?

Now I gotta bail the little freak out,

as usual.

Dr. Dorothy Finn.

Dr. Nelson Simon, call Emergency.

You better get back into that bed.

You're not well.

They told me to keep an eye on you.

Aw, drop dead.

Frank! You're up, good.

- How ya feeling? - Fine. When can I leave?

Well, just as soon as your father gets here to pick you up.

- He's flown in from Tucson. - Oh...

Now, Frank have you always had this problem with drinking?

- Not always. - Of course.

You know, I had to tell your father about the clinic.

What clinic?

Well, kids with similar problems.

You get together once a week or so,

just conversations to see how you're coming along.

- We can rap, huh? - Exactly!

His father's waiting in the lobby, Dr. Sanfield.

Uh, Sankbeil.

Well, let's get dressed, shall we?

Mm.

Dr. Christopher Gofford.

Look, when we get up there,

leave the meter running on this thing, will ya?

I'll probably need it.

Yes, it's just about the biggest ranch in Arizona.

Lots of beef.

But what I'm proudest of,

and I'm not ashamed to admit it,

what I'm proudest of is the fowl.

Chicken, that is.

When you start to...

Frank, son, are you all right?

You had us all so worried!

I'm okay... Dad.

Frank was raised properly,

out with the animals in the country,

and I don't see how he could have run away

and gone so wrong.

But he's a good boy

and we'll have him flying right in no time.

You just wait and see, Doctor.

Oh, I'm sure of it, I'm sure of it.

Well, thank you, Dr. Sinkhole.

- Uh, Sankbeil. - Ah!

Well, goodbye and good luck to you, Frank.

- You ready, son? - Anytime... Dad?

Ah-ha! Then it's off to Phoenix.

Tucson, Dad.

Don't contradict your father.

Let's go, let's move it, huh? Move it!

Dr. Nelson Simon.

Wonder what the hell's keeping them?

I think the hat was too much.

Nah, he wouldn't do it if I didn't buy him the hat.

Anyways...

There they are!

You all right?

- Here, lemme see. - Hey, back off, I'm fine.

- You dumb son of a... - No lectures.

Well, if it had really been Dad,

you'd give your left nut for just a lecture.

Hey, who is this crazy man?

Well, my name is... I'm still doing a Western.

Max Ober. Your brother used to work for me.

I heard about you.

You're supposed to be one rude bastard.

- Charlie! - No, it's all right.

Aw, your brother and I had a few misunderstandings

but he's a good man.

- I really appreciate it, Mr.. - It's okay, kid.

If you ever drop outta school, come and see me.

I'll hold your seniority.

- Hey, I'll take his job. - You will?

He's not even 15, Mr..

So?

Listen. Next week, I got a cute little cook coming

to help out Maddy.

She's only 13.

Kessler, wait'll you get a look at this little fox!

Ooh, I'd like to see her, Mr..

All right, come on, kid.

You can't drive but I'll see what I can do for you, come on.

Right, Cap.

Thanks.

Hey!

Thanks for the hat. Yee-haw!

You've seen it.

Of course I have, you fool!

It's all your fault, he's your student.

Me?

You gave him the ultimatum.

And now I'm giving you one:

Find him.

I want his ass.

Get me Kessler!

Yes.

It's the principal's office.

Mr. Skeane's on the line.

Yes.

Yes, Bob.

Whatever you say, Bob.

Of course, it...

Public relations.

Will do.

Well, how do you like that?

Kessler's not going to be able to graduate with his class.

I have to mail him his diploma.

Uh-huh.

You know, this is pretty good stuff.

Ahh...

Hey.

Isn't somebody supposed to smoke a cigarette now?

It's not a requirement.

Oh.

Dave? We're home.

Are you there?

Dave.

I know you're in there.

- I'll never have... - Dave, what are you doing?

You can't go on avoiding us like this.

What are you trying to do?

I don't understand you at all.

Never let them fix that again... Oh.

Ow!

Well, I'm gonna destroy every piece of electronic shit

in this house, and if we have to talk to each other

face to face, that's just too damn bad.

Cut it out, Tracy.

Get back in bed, I'll stop.

David!

Hi, Mom!