Original subtitles

Subtitles: stefflbw (2010)

Story and characters are ficticious

Based on a novel by Elfriede Jelinek

Wonderful, Wonderful Times

Oh our just Lord, how delighted I am

The fine gentleman is singing our tune

Listen, what do you mean. This is a traditional Viennese song

I beg your pardon, but that is my tune

I wrote that song in our very own Bad Ischl

Have you heard, in America they invented olfactory film

Yes, at the behest of the Jewish actors

Mr Neighbour, Mr Neighbour

I founded my own theatre company in New York

You don't say

Say, what's your theatre's name?

It's a gigantic dome structure

- and it's called - The Cheese Hub

A fine joke

Recently my friend Roosevelt said

"You see now"

Stop this!

"In America the Jews are numerous, after all"

"Like roaches. The punch line! Th punch line!"

Stop this at once!

We want the Widow's Comedy

Take that cretin off the stage!

But I've some lines left

Don't be a fool

Musical comedy now! That is an order!

And this at my very first appearance

I'm going to talk to the major later

Give us another tune, Jupp

A word, Major

One can never be sure what the audience wants

I understand that our soldiers, so close to the front,

wish for comedy and not for polemics

I'm not a stand-up comedian by training

- I actually wanted to join the forces - What do you want from me?

- Get lost - Please, Major, let me explain

- Grenade! - Take cover!

Vienna 1959

Come

What's that you're wearing?

Can't you be more careful?

- Leave me alone! - You're dusty. Did you lean against something?

There, all gone

Those workers were very friendly, I got to say

The plumber is going to come by himself

He'll clean out that blocked sink

All very friendly men they are

Besides, he gets a commission for the washing machine

Maybe an opportunity for us. Don't you notice anything about me?

Buy Buy Buy, all I hear is BUY!

Night in Autumn

At a night in autumn I spread the wings of my own magic

At a night in autumn I spread the wings of my own

own magic

At table, on rotting stalks

bleeding cats in chains

lick their fur

There, your installment-bought sewing machine

But look, I need it, just look, home-made is much better

For your lovers, you pig

So that they can see your rear more clearly

To highlight your ass

But even with one leg

I'm more man than your photographic romances

I'll show your perverse photos to the children now

Practice, for school.

Now your children will see what their cleanly mother gets up to

Complete strangers taking photos of her...smut!

I'm going to shoot you all!

Practice

Close the windows

Take your seats

Pachofen, please

Stifter's nature depictions also expose the landscape painter in his beloved Bohemian forest

I'm adding a quote by Heidegger

"Home is where nobody has been yet"

Very good, Pachofen. You're the only one who has engaged with it.

What is the meaning of Stifter's gentle law for us today?

I should think a great deal for modern man with his haste and disquiet

Peter, read a few lines and summarise

I quite like shame as a genre

the soul draws back silky red curtains, so to speak,

before the strange spectator

I saw many men, but few of value

Well I think Stifter hid out in the Bohemian forest, because

he hated the society of his time

If he was alive in our age

Nonsense

But we're used to that from you

I'll go to the boy's toilet with whoever puts this needle through their thumb

And now this, if you have to, go to the toilet

But next time do it before class

Anna, would you be so kind to summarise what we've read so far

Yes, Mrs Professor

The suicide Stifter: victim of poor life planning or a broken marriage

The human has to give himself to those extreme actions commonly considered crimes

Or choose death

I really do not see the humour in this, not at all

Please tell your parents that I wish to speak to them

Unfortunately that is not possible

My father is a cripple who can only move with great pains

And my mother cannot walk at all

Since my birth she's stayed in bed

and is being fucked by my father

Out!

Scandalous

You, again?!

Wait for me, Headmaster

Come

Annie, I'm in love with you so

I'm in love with you, but you

you won't notice

Quiet. What if someone hears you

But I am

sexually much stronger

than the others

Only he can be happy who loves

and at the same time is loved

And sexual union provides this happiness to a lesser extent than

companionship

Thanks

In total, the sexual act probably provides

less happiness than a simple kiss.

Often a simple word by your beloved

Miss Pachthofen?

No

By the way

You know what I found, Sophie?

An ancient poem of mine

Juvenilia

I made this

at the outset of my poetry

I will read it to you, it is dedicated to you

Love

A face hovers before me night and day

Charissima

The start of my letter

Confessing my love for you

Blushing you heard my assurances of love

Kisses

Red lips ought to

Candles are lit

We gaze into the bright flames

and the polished glasses

Happiness and Glass, may it never break

Very good, are you composing again?

Shut your face

You don't understand these matters

This is Hans, he's got the records

Give them to me

Neither bought nor lent

Shit

Poetry seems the only thing by which you wish to distinguish yourself from the masses

Since you have no proper means at your disposal

Don't be mean, money isn't everything.

Man's mind is independent of concerns over his daily bread, understand?

I've to tell them about this at the firm, they'll be delighted

I'm doing the First Aid Course there

I'm sorry Sophie, how embarrassing, but your car

- is fully insured with us - Not to worry

I'll run over and tell him

- Daddy, I've had a little mishap - Looks bad

You're beautiful when you're disgusted

But Sophie

There is beauty in blood...poetry

Ms Pachthofen

Excuse me, I'm looking

- for the telephone - I'll show you

Your suit is all bloody

I can give you one of my brother's

It's too noise here anyway

But Sophie, how inspiring this is, the breaking of bones, the tearing of teeth

- Don't go, observe it - You wait here and compose a poem

I want i finished by the time we return

Come

Yes, in the garden

Goodbye

Come here, Hans

Try this on

It's a gift

So, try it on

Where?

Here

What whims you have, Ms Pachthofen

Go on

or do you not want them?

I do

Everything

Pardon?

Everything

Look what I found

a quote by Camus

So that we may feel less lonely we only need to wish for one thing

On the day of our execution many spectators

Who welcome us with hateful roaring

- I will explain it - Please don't or I will scream

But I have to explain

A crime wants to be explained

A true act of violence demands for an explanation

I've to study for tomorrow

Salut

Help yourself to the bar, if you want

Tickets please

New passengers?

Anyone without a ticket?

His bag

The conductor

Tickets please

We have to eliminate contigency

Crime is pure will

I think about this

We have to act together

With a philsophy

and a conception

Somehow we're fascistic

Only more intelligent

ID control, remain seated

Shut up

Got one

Let's see your papers

But I've been watching the film all this time

If you sass me I'll box you on the ear

More than an hour

This can happen at any cinema

What's going on up the front?

What's going on, we just want to watch the film

You're coming with us

Get lost

ID Card

The boy is only 17

You're the son of Otto Petrovsky

This is going to delight your father

Alright, get lost

Take your time

Take the other one

Were you afraid?

Ah, brought along a friend from school?

Good day, Madam

Go study, children

You don't know how well you have it. School is the prime of your life.

- Madam - A wiser man once said "not for school

"We learn for life"

I will presently remember how that's said in Latin

- Come - Madam

I wanted to tell you that I don't attend that school.

"But I'm graduating via evening school"

But I'm going to graduate at evening school

My professional goal is: physical education teacher

Yes

Everyone has their duty

wherever they're placed in life

I'll fetch you some

That's beautiful

Who's playing?

I wish I could play like that

Study piano

It just takes too long

Saxophone or clarinette is quicker

Saxophone is great

You know, music for saxophone interests me little just now

Listen to this

An interesting passage we translated yesterday

He fell silently to the ground

Simone, cowering, like a bitch licked up the dust on the ground

The she gave salt to the preacher and forced it into his mouth

I pulled my tongue out at Simone

Oh my

He says that about a preacher?

The priest panting on the ground and the Englishman singing loudly

broke the limits of morality

We'll break those limits now as well

What if someone enters

Your mother

Yes that's my name

Mom

What is it? What's the matter?

Did something happen?

Is it Dad?

May one watch?

Who have we here?

Snatched another briefcase?

Bought new shoes?

Stop

Stop

- What is it? - Please, be quiet

What's the matter?

Want me to get you a glass of milk?

Has your sister gone nuts?

Kindly don't interfere in our family affairs.

I just remembered

I've to go

Later

Now look at that

Shit

Do you like it, Annie?

I chose one in extra large

I ran into the headmaster

What do you say?

And after, we're off

You with the scholarship

And I will just have to steal more stuff, and then I'll accompany you

We'll send money for mom

And poison for Dad

But one that acts very slowly

America

New York

Oaf

Will see you later at Cafe Sport

To the Academic High School

And can you pay for that, Miss?

We've been driving around for an hour

Money isn't an issue

Fantastic music yesterday

Hi

- Have you new jazz records?

- Not today, maybe next time

Look what I got, fresh of the press, for only a tenner

- Hi - Hey

These soft hands belong to....

Sophie

Oh it's you. Hi.

Sophie is at a reception today

At a what?

Wait

For seven days I've been thinking of you, and always I'm asking myself, when will you think of me?

Every night at 3 my longing wakes me

All this waiting is making me all weak

Where's Sophie?

Listen

I've decided we will be systematic about this

We're going to educate the slaves of social conventions

Us two?

I'm thinking of major armed robberies

- Maybe even some banks - Banks?

Banks, that's great

The anarchist act per se

would be an explosives attack, of course

Political assassination

And I'll have to do it, while you plot. Always the same.

Always the same.

You are the fist

I am the brain

Don't forget that

You're out of tune, better practice some more at home

In my opinion this lady plays very well

Annie, don't act out, alright?

You listened to a Prelude from the Well-tempered Klavier by Johann Sebastian Bach

Stop it

That is existentialism

This is all a misunderstanding

You want a box on the ear?

I am sorry. Let go of my arm at once.

Hey, no beating up women, understand?

You're just a dumb pleb in my eyes

I am what?

A pleb?!

A slave to social conventions

What? Say that again

You're Joe Average

I'm Joe Average he tells me, our pleb

There it is...Sputnik!

- What is going on?

I've lost my Oskar

Auntie, the Russians have shot a satellite

into space

Oh what beasts!

Can't you see we have guests?

You're not dressed for this

Just conventions, Sophie

You have to liberate yourself from them

What do you want?

You know what is due today

After the third course a Chablis '47

Your dare

- But not today - Sophie, please

Don't treat me like this

Go get your things

Then I'll take you in my arms, and we will leave this place

Please wait

No need to become speechless like your sister

A dare is that easy

What is the meaning of this?

Mother, this is a fellow student

But you wanted to read something, our guests are waiting

I am ready

- And what are we going to do with you? - He will come, too

And that person also

Take this

Here Sophie, from father

You all know my daughter Sophie

Ah, here's our little Bolshewist

Dear guests

it is the general wish, and mine also,

to read a piece from my latest work

Simone, however,

was amused. She placed the eye

into the fold of her hands

She lay down and lifted her legs and rear

She tried to keep the orb still by

pressing together her palms

But it slipped out, like a pip betweeen one's lips, and dropped on the corpse's stomach

The Englishman had refused

I leapt onto the young girl

and her lips nearly swallowed me whole

I began to beat her

The Englishman let the eye roll across our bodies

"Place it on a spoon for me",

Simone cried

Sir Edmund placed the orb on the spoon and slid it into the mouth

I thank you all

Your eminence, ladies and gentlemen,

my daughter Sophie has attended grammar school this last year

and her education has advanced in leaps and bounds, as you will have noticed

Wait for me

L'age de raison

Age of maturity

This is your real dare

Do it

Oh the beautiful dress

You criminals, are you crazy?!

My moped! They stole my moped!

Goddamn surrealists!

Stand still!

- 2000 - See you later

Anything else for the gents?

Not to be disturbed.

- Yeah just draw attention to us, that's smart - Shut up, alright?

- I know what I'm doing - Oh yeah?

But I'm the instrument

You've nothing to fear, since I'm the one

- Although I've never beat a cripple - Oh yeah?

About time then.

- Have you gone crazy? - I just can't wait any longer

Do with me what you want

You're just jealous of Sophie

Come, dear Hans

I really can't now

It's meant to be perverse

You're hurting me

Take me here, right now

You twins read too much, I think

I really can't right now

Very good.

That was hard

Imagine the Red had broken your will by this use of force

or violated your sense of, as you like

In order to escape further whipping

you show him with your smile that he can have you without use of force

Wait, wait, I've a better idea

The Red who fears and hates the

uber-man in you wants to force you to something especially humiliating

But we can't stage that now, we'll do that another time

- But I've the laundry on the stove - Quiet

...so he reaches for a

weapon, like this one

- No, a weapon is no toy - Quiet. He threatens you

with this weapon, and you, Grete

You become so afraid that

you piss yourself

What? I do what...

I wee on myself

- Stop the laughter - But I can't even wee right now

Fine, we can improvise that

Stop the laughing, that is an order!

You won't feel like laughing

I guarantee it

Why not get the flower vase...

What a prop!

If I still had both my legs

I'd jump around on her like the SS on those Jewish whores in Lemberg

Stop it, not now!

The laundry!

Let me help you

Oh dear Lord

But they didn't find the money

From early practice grows mastery

Playing at war, eh

Come, sit

Sometimes a man needs encouragement

You can't imagine the things I've seen

When I think of all the broads

One hundred buck-naked Jewish broads

But I tell you one thing, don't get serious with anyone

You'd be stupid, wouldn't you?

Now let's take a snapshot of us two

Ok, still working

We haven't got a photo of us two yet anyway

Here we go

Come get your soup, the dumplings are hot

We having something nice?

I'm getting my driving licence in the USA, during the summer

Then I get a car

That's really cheap there, you know

And I'm going to drive through the entire country

Over there it's no disgrace if the factory owner's son works at a gas station

All the young folks have a casual job over there

Even those from the richest families

I don't know, you can't know beforehand which foster family you will get

It'll be better than here

Bascially I only live to get there

Were you afraid?

Want to go to my place?

No I can't, or father will beat me again

Come, you can't leave me alone with Mister...

Knopf. Travelling neck-tie salesman.

Ok, let's go to the Marine Museum

A man's neck-tie resembles his willie

There you are

Are you very interested in the rare species of feather-tail crabs?

Very much.

I thought so. They're on the sixth floor.

Makes one never get in the water again.

Imagine that swimming between your legs...

Let me show you

Your girlfriend doesn't have to know

Now we're pulling down the girl's slip

so we can feel her white tushy

Don't be afraid

I've paid for everything all afternoon, you should be a little nice to me now

I won't hurt you

I'm from Sankt P�lten

...or it just won't be fun

You want to watch?

Can do, bang-bang, what?

A little bang-bang huh?

Now!

That's not what I meant! Are you crazy? What are you doing to me?

Please, this must be a mistake

I'm a travelling necktie salesman from Sankt P�lten

Help!

- No lies now, alright? - Yes sir

- Where is it? - I don't have anything. Help! - Shut up!

I'm a necktie salesman

His wallet

Get lost, and take your brother with you

Help, robbery, help!

I'm a necktie salesman

- Anything else for our guests? - No thank you, please add the bill to room number 15

- Mr Knopf from Sankt P�lten - Is your father dining also?

No, father is dining elsewhere tonight

Very well, madam

Sit down, you're making me anxious

Very well, Mrs

Will you explain the 'Philosophy of Robbery' now or was that just a yarn?

It's nothing special

I just want you to do what you usually do in your couchbed

What?

- Do I need to explain what you do beneath your bedcovers?

But Sophie

One doesn't do that in front of a young lady

You will get undressed and masturbate for me.

You think I won't dare?

So are you going to do it?

You can always beg not to have to do it

You must undress nonetheless

Do it

I really can't like this

being watched

I'm embarassed

But that's what's important

To be embarassed

To beg me

I understand you now

You understand nothing. You must wank, where's your erection already?

I really only do it because I love you

Tell me when you come

I want to see when it comes out

Aren't you happy at all?

There

something to top up your America scholarship

Or do you think Sophie will notice?

What is it about Sophie with you all?

I love her madly

And she me, too

I can see it when I'm alone with her

She's completely changed in those moments

Then she's

soft and loving

I think that Hans

Hans! He's nothing but a brute!

A creature we breathe life into

What's this?

- Did you steal this? - Annie, take it

- Stay! - Dad, please don't

Give that to me!

Very interesting

Otto, children, what is it?

Otto!

You bastard

So shoot

- My car, my car - The school just blew up!

Look, what madness, how they run around like ants

Even better if it was a bomb

That would be real intensity

Annie, for god's sake, let's get to safety

What would you say, Sophie

If I told you I know who's responsible for this attack

I'd marvel at the surprise

But no

She's just a woman

If I can't get to the USA because of her...

We'll be suspended from school

She wouldn't even know what a bomb is

Anyway, she'd tell me first, she wouldn't do this by herself

- Is this it? - Yes, I live up there

What is it?

The police

here...with Dad

They've come to get us

because of the robberies

What do we do now?

Get the pistol

Give it to me

The police is here

Open up!

There will be no locked doors in my house!

Open up!

Got a fright eh?

I told you not to take a bath with Peter

Have you no sense of shame?

Like her mother

Getting a round ass

Oh geez, she's spewing up again

It was just a joke

And on her birthday, too

She'll get over it

Look at this

Dad has won the lottery

Dad forgives you all your foolishnesses

What a fine car!

I got it through police connections

Knopf's wallet. The pigs.

All done. You forgot your bill.

- Ah yes, thanks - That will get you our prosthesis

- That was a nice day - "Was"? We're just getting started

How about my two men do something just by themselves?

Don't call him boy, he's 18 years old

If I think about what I'd seen at his age

So, my dear Peter, you may tell us your wish now

We could go up St Stephen's Tower?

You're right. Too bad he can't anymore.

Says who?

How about if you

give him the car?

The car?

Well alright, his maiden voyage

You know what, Peter

Why don't you pick up a girl? Just be careful of the upholstery

- See you later then - Drive carefully

- You don't need records - Always

- Oh dear, it's Anna. I've to go, I'll get the money some other time

This will be the biggest Prom blast since 1884

They always say you're not at home

But you are home...

What's this, what're you doing?

An attack

- Are you mad? - Put it down, it can go off at any time

You are the head and I am the fist

There, compose some poems

Make him stop

He's ruining everything

We had such a good time before

We even translated Camus together

"Camus with Sophu"

Dear guests

Hello

- How is your mother? - Very well, thank you

And how do we deserve the pleasure of your company at this hour?

For the graduation ceremony, I forgot something

I will accompany you

Allow me to carry the bag

Oh dear, what can you have in this?

Not a bomb, I hope

A surprise for tomorrow

There you are, you are to go home at once, your mother called

I think something happened...

with your brother in England

I think he had an accident

For god's sake, my condolences

I'll go ahead

And just now this unpleasantness

But one has no choice in such matters

And especially now that, I'm not allowed to tell you

- I will call your mother

- Not necessary, she exaggerates these things

Run along now

I understand you're furious, but I had to do it

A man is supposed to protect the woman

I saved you from yourself

Pig, you only want to save yourself, you shit yourself with fear

You and your poetry

You and your America shit

- Let me explain - Shut up, get lost

But I love you

Dear guest, your presence is proof

of your loyalty to us and our nation

You wouldn't allow the inclement weather to

congregate here for our graduation festivities

- And that is your headmaster

First up

our school ensemble will play a serenade by Vivaldi

One of our pupils will present his festive poem to the music

We have also prepared a buffet so that... - Mother, one of my acquaintances

So you are the young man who delivers the records

But I won't hold a lengthy speech, brevity is precious

Poetry herself

shall speak

Through one of our pupils

A spiritual refreshment, headmaster

Le m�pris

- Contempt - Louder!

Le m�pris

Contempt

My marionette strings

are sweetly rotting lamps as I flutter around them

I am gigantic

like a black child

with a whirligig

Suddenly comes creeping

sewn into hollow shirtcuffs

like hot cats

drunken day-tripper's fat

softly burst open

In tailcoats!

I will bring you all to your knees

Your

filthy mouths

will gaggle out of your faces

I am still ascending

That's our boy, look

Bravo, our boy, bravo!

- Sit down - Where's Annie?

Look who's here

Good day

It's clear he's a PhysEd student, hasn't got much to say

Today the scholarships are awarded

I am here!

So that I may scratch all white stomachs

squatting down there

Your

stupid silence

Goes up in thin air

I am so elevated

Like gazes piled up

Somewhere

One of my smiles lies on the ground

Was that necessary?

And now, revered guests

dear latecomers

We want to announce our America scholarship recipients

Who will cross the great pond, as the American says

Do not forget your Alma Mater

which you will leave soon now

It's better this way

- She can go into the civil service - Don't say that

She will feel insulted

Where did the children go?

And now, dance, punch and buffet

Please

Hi Annie

I've to speak with you

I was at the school dance but you

I've got an appointment

I've got your money

Your share from the robberies

Ok, then let's go

Did Hans give you the appetite?

Can I have another serve, please?

No, that's for Dad

But he's not even here

It's delicious, Mrs Petrowski

At home we used to have to say "Thank you for meat and drink"

Ah it's jolly tonight, could be like this more often

Hello everyone

Good evening

Fattening up strange folk

But that is Mr Hans, a friend of the children

- Just eat while it's free - Don't confuse Mr Hans

- I have to go now - Nonsense, stay

Have a drink

And a surprise for my wife

The washing machine

Saves electricity. Since you've wanted one for so long...

- Well that's very kind of you - Indeed

Peter, fetch a drink

And a glass, but for us grown-ups

And how are you employed?

I've two jobs

I sell records

- Do you sell that negro music? - Yes, exactly

- It's called "Jazz" - Uh huh, jazz

And in the evening I attend school

Very well

Madam

- Goodbye - Goodbye

I will see him out

Has that been going on for a while?

You'll always be our Peter

our little boy

Why did you marry dad?

Why...I...married dad, you're asking?

Since he's always

so curt with you

You don't understand

He wasn't always like this

When I think of his fine uniforms

and his shining boots

I had to shine them up for hours

But you didn't marry him for his boots

You don't understand

A child doesn't understand

Enough of this

A child has nothing to ask but favours

Almost done, Otto

Now you know everything

And may dispose of me at your convenience.

The End